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1
00:00:02,070 --> 00:00:04,771
Good morning, Barbie, Barb!
2
00:00:04,806 --> 00:00:05,968
No!
3
00:00:08,677 --> 00:00:09,776
No, what?
4
00:00:09,811 --> 00:00:11,578
No, whatever it is
you want from me.
5
00:00:11,613 --> 00:00:12,623
Barbara, don't you think
it's possible
6
00:00:12,647 --> 00:00:14,058
that I could
come down in the morning
7
00:00:14,082 --> 00:00:16,749
and be pleasant, just because
I'm happy to see you
8
00:00:16,751 --> 00:00:19,819
and have no ulterior motive
whatsoever?
9
00:00:19,855 --> 00:00:21,114
Nope!
10
00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:23,423
You're right.
11
00:00:23,458 --> 00:00:24,591
Let me try another approach.
12
00:00:24,626 --> 00:00:26,793
Please say yes, Barbara!
Please, please, please!
13
00:00:26,828 --> 00:00:27,872
I'll never ask
another thing from you
14
00:00:27,896 --> 00:00:29,996
for the rest of my life, please!
15
00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:31,231
That's better.
16
00:00:31,266 --> 00:00:32,398
What do you want?
17
00:00:32,434 --> 00:00:35,021
I want your old boyfriend,
Jerry duval.
18
00:00:36,805 --> 00:00:38,271
Jerry duval.
19
00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:39,772
Oh yeah, the surfer.
20
00:00:39,808 --> 00:00:41,407
Oh, Barbara,
I ran into him downtown,
21
00:00:41,443 --> 00:00:42,609
and he's changed.
22
00:00:42,644 --> 00:00:44,327
He wears shirts now...
23
00:00:44,946 --> 00:00:46,212
With buttons, and collars,
24
00:00:46,248 --> 00:00:48,414
and everything,
and he's just perfect for me.
25
00:00:48,450 --> 00:00:50,717
But you dated him first,
so I couldn't go out with him,
26
00:00:50,752 --> 00:00:52,385
unless you say it's okay.
27
00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:53,584
Okay.
28
00:00:54,890 --> 00:00:56,856
That's it? You'd give him away
just like that?
29
00:00:56,892 --> 00:00:57,903
Sure.
30
00:00:57,934 --> 00:00:59,659
I used to be crazy about him,
but it's over.
31
00:00:59,694 --> 00:01:01,305
I hope you two will be
real happy together.
32
00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:02,440
All right,
what's wrong with him?
33
00:01:02,464 --> 00:01:03,997
Nothing.
34
00:01:04,032 --> 00:01:05,298
Carol, he's a great guy.
35
00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:06,611
If you want to date him,
date him. I don't care.
36
00:01:06,635 --> 00:01:07,967
Oh, thank you, Barbara,
37
00:01:08,003 --> 00:01:10,684
my wonderful,
inscrutable sister.
38
00:01:10,731 --> 00:01:12,038
Carol, it is no big deal.
39
00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:13,039
If I decide I want a boyfriend,
40
00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:15,169
I can go out
and get another one.
41
00:01:16,684 --> 00:01:18,484
Thanks for reminding me.
42
00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:21,020
I'm going to go call Jerry
and tell him yes about tonight.
43
00:01:21,055 --> 00:01:22,088
Have a good time.
44
00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:23,422
What's that supposed to mean?
45
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:25,216
He's gay, isn't he?
46
00:01:31,366 --> 00:01:35,134
Life goes on and so do we
47
00:01:35,170 --> 00:01:39,038
Just how we do it
is no mystery
48
00:01:39,073 --> 00:01:42,208
Sometimes the answer
can be hard to find
49
00:01:42,243 --> 00:01:43,543
Hard to find
50
00:01:43,578 --> 00:01:46,078
that's something
I will never be
51
00:01:46,114 --> 00:01:51,951
I'm always here
for anything you need
52
00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:54,720
Anything you need
53
00:01:54,756 --> 00:01:56,522
rain or shine
54
00:01:56,558 --> 00:02:00,126
I'll be the one
to share it all
55
00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:05,431
As life goes on
we share it all
56
00:02:05,466 --> 00:02:09,068
As life goes on
57
00:02:27,437 --> 00:02:29,437
ha, ha, ha, ha.
Stop it, lurlene!
58
00:02:29,472 --> 00:02:30,771
You're killin' me!
59
00:02:30,807 --> 00:02:32,506
Ha, ha!
60
00:02:32,542 --> 00:02:35,843
Uh-huh, back at you! Ha, ha, ha!
61
00:02:35,878 --> 00:02:37,645
Oh, lordy!
62
00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:39,146
Well, pretty good joke, huh?
63
00:02:39,182 --> 00:02:41,649
That was just one of them
crazy stories from back home.
64
00:02:41,684 --> 00:02:43,551
You've heard me
talk about tater Norton.
65
00:02:43,586 --> 00:02:46,120
Ah, yes, the illustrious
tater Norton.
66
00:02:46,155 --> 00:02:47,121
How is he?
67
00:02:47,156 --> 00:02:49,323
A big nut, just like always.
68
00:02:49,359 --> 00:02:51,926
But now, last week,
tater's daughter got married.
69
00:02:51,961 --> 00:02:53,594
Oh, yeah? What's her name?
70
00:02:53,630 --> 00:02:55,270
Succotash?
71
00:02:57,266 --> 00:03:01,239
Jane, but folks just call her
June bug for short.
72
00:03:02,005 --> 00:03:04,303
Tater's daughter, June bug, huh?
73
00:03:04,907 --> 00:03:09,910
Anyway, she had this weddin',
and it was just pure "d" hickory.
74
00:03:09,946 --> 00:03:12,380
Yeah, a real
hickory wedding, huh?
75
00:03:12,415 --> 00:03:16,083
When she come down the aisle,
the organist played Dixie.
76
00:03:16,119 --> 00:03:17,353
Dixie.
77
00:03:17,854 --> 00:03:20,054
Dixie. How many possums
in the bride's dowry?
78
00:03:20,089 --> 00:03:21,355
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
79
00:03:21,391 --> 00:03:23,824
Was it a single
or a double-barrel ceremony?
80
00:03:23,860 --> 00:03:25,370
Ha, ha, ha.
81
00:03:31,601 --> 00:03:34,568
Well, twist the dag-gum knife.
82
00:03:35,929 --> 00:03:37,210
I'm sorry. Is something wrong?
83
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:40,041
Oh, no, nothin's wrong,
84
00:03:40,796 --> 00:03:42,410
except that in one breath,
85
00:03:42,445 --> 00:03:45,880
you have managed to insult
me, hickory,
86
00:03:45,915 --> 00:03:48,847
the tater Norton family,
and the entire south.
87
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:52,119
Laverne, I never said...
88
00:03:52,155 --> 00:03:54,488
no need to explain, doctor.
89
00:03:54,524 --> 00:03:57,058
I understand the situation
perfectly.
90
00:03:57,093 --> 00:04:00,061
I was under the impression
that we was equals here,
91
00:04:00,096 --> 00:04:02,063
each allowed our small
regional differences
92
00:04:02,098 --> 00:04:04,644
with no judgment being passed.
93
00:04:04,867 --> 00:04:06,211
But I can see now
that I's as wrong
94
00:04:06,235 --> 00:04:07,640
as a hog in a...
95
00:04:11,774 --> 00:04:13,630
I was mistaken.
96
00:04:14,711 --> 00:04:16,043
Now, if you'll excuse me,
97
00:04:16,079 --> 00:04:18,748
I have tongue depressors
to stack.
98
00:04:21,317 --> 00:04:23,560
Come on, wait, wait, Laverne.
99
00:04:24,787 --> 00:04:26,287
I did not insult
the entire south.
100
00:04:26,322 --> 00:04:27,288
I live in the south.
101
00:04:27,323 --> 00:04:29,608
Where do you think Florida is?
102
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,370
Carpetbagger.
103
00:04:38,735 --> 00:04:41,973
S-t-y-l-u-s.
104
00:04:42,371 --> 00:04:43,880
Stylus.
105
00:04:45,108 --> 00:04:47,385
Heh! Your turn, Carol.
106
00:04:52,882 --> 00:04:54,089
Carol?
107
00:04:54,283 --> 00:04:55,824
Honey, are you okay?
108
00:04:55,952 --> 00:05:00,254
Well, actually,
I'm feeling a slight malaise!
109
00:05:02,458 --> 00:05:03,557
We're home!
110
00:05:03,593 --> 00:05:05,659
Oh, how was that thing
at the civic center?
111
00:05:05,695 --> 00:05:06,761
It was great.
112
00:05:06,796 --> 00:05:08,429
Yes, pretty much
what they promised.
113
00:05:08,464 --> 00:05:11,127
A lot of trucks
with really big tires.
114
00:05:12,235 --> 00:05:15,002
Hi, Barbara.
It's been a long time.
115
00:05:15,037 --> 00:05:17,037
Sure has. How have you been?
116
00:05:17,073 --> 00:05:18,706
Not bad. How about yourself?
117
00:05:18,741 --> 00:05:19,874
Good.
118
00:05:19,909 --> 00:05:22,209
Daddy, you remember Jerry duval.
119
00:05:22,245 --> 00:05:25,246
Oh, yes, Jerry duval!
Yeah, the surfer!
120
00:05:25,281 --> 00:05:28,111
You used to date, uh, Barbara.
121
00:05:30,153 --> 00:05:31,652
But that's all in the past.
122
00:05:31,687 --> 00:05:34,054
He's traded in his wetsuit
for a business suit.
123
00:05:34,090 --> 00:05:36,323
He's Jerry
the financial planner now,
124
00:05:36,359 --> 00:05:38,105
and he's dating me.
125
00:05:39,128 --> 00:05:41,166
He has a car phone.
126
00:05:42,498 --> 00:05:44,901
Oh, boy,
that's real nice for you.
127
00:05:46,636 --> 00:05:48,480
I've got a great dessert
I've been experimenting with,
128
00:05:48,504 --> 00:05:50,348
just give me five minutes.
129
00:05:52,942 --> 00:05:55,709
I was always crazy
about this dog.
130
00:05:55,745 --> 00:05:59,005
Boy, Dr. Weston, I haven't
seen sarge in a long time.
131
00:06:01,851 --> 00:06:03,627
Neither have I.
132
00:06:06,856 --> 00:06:08,795
Jerry, please have a seat.
133
00:06:08,819 --> 00:06:10,324
Can I get you
something to drink?
134
00:06:10,359 --> 00:06:11,592
- Oh, nothing, thanks.
- Okay.
135
00:06:11,627 --> 00:06:14,623
- Or maybe some coffee.
- Coffee it is.
136
00:06:15,031 --> 00:06:17,255
No, make that tea.
137
00:06:18,414 --> 00:06:20,756
I'm sorry, coffee.
138
00:06:22,405 --> 00:06:23,876
Coffee's good.
139
00:06:24,771 --> 00:06:26,394
I'll put some on.
140
00:06:28,641 --> 00:06:30,741
Carol tells me you ran into
each other downtown.
141
00:06:30,777 --> 00:06:33,544
Yeah, we go to the same
skin counselor.
142
00:06:35,157 --> 00:06:36,726
So, what do you think
of Jerry, daddy?
143
00:06:36,773 --> 00:06:37,782
Do you like him?
144
00:06:37,817 --> 00:06:39,441
Oh, he seems to have
shaped up pretty nicely.
145
00:06:39,465 --> 00:06:42,419
But the important question is,
do you like him?
146
00:06:42,455 --> 00:06:44,488
Oh, yes, daddy. I really do.
147
00:06:44,524 --> 00:06:47,400
And he's so bright,
and cultured, and aware.
148
00:06:47,627 --> 00:06:50,106
It's hard to believe
he ever went out with Barbara.
149
00:06:51,831 --> 00:06:54,707
Maybe he just has a thing
for the Weston women.
150
00:06:56,586 --> 00:06:58,781
- Jerry, we can't do this!
- You're right.
151
00:07:02,041 --> 00:07:04,008
No! I mean,
we really can't do this.
152
00:07:04,043 --> 00:07:05,609
I told Carol
it was over between us.
153
00:07:05,645 --> 00:07:07,745
I thought it was!
I thought it was, too.
154
00:07:07,780 --> 00:07:08,913
I guess we were wrong.
155
00:07:08,948 --> 00:07:10,425
No, Jerry.
I can't do this to Carol.
156
00:07:10,449 --> 00:07:12,027
We've never dated
each other's boyfriends.
157
00:07:12,051 --> 00:07:13,729
It's kind of a rule. I mean,
usually it's not a problem,
158
00:07:13,753 --> 00:07:15,927
because I don't
go out with geeks. But...
159
00:07:16,622 --> 00:07:18,066
but what if I was
attracted to Carol,
160
00:07:18,090 --> 00:07:20,591
because subconsciously
she reminded me of you?
161
00:07:20,626 --> 00:07:22,426
What if it was really you
I loved all along,
162
00:07:22,461 --> 00:07:24,608
but I was living
in a state of denial?
163
00:07:25,414 --> 00:07:27,381
I don't know.
When you say things like that,
164
00:07:27,416 --> 00:07:29,565
it makes me think
you should be dating Carol.
165
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,119
Two more minutes!
166
00:07:32,155 --> 00:07:34,021
Oh, Jerry. Jerry, no!
167
00:07:34,056 --> 00:07:36,090
We can't do this.
Barbara, Barbara.
168
00:07:36,125 --> 00:07:37,125
What?
169
00:07:37,148 --> 00:07:38,704
Look, do you still
have feelings for me?
170
00:07:38,728 --> 00:07:39,868
Well, I didn't think I did,
but...
171
00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:41,595
- Do you?
- Yes, but Jerry...
172
00:07:41,631 --> 00:07:43,430
I'm having lunch with Carol,
tomorrow.
173
00:07:43,466 --> 00:07:46,534
I'll break it off then.
Then, can we see each other?
174
00:07:46,569 --> 00:07:48,335
After you break it off
with Carol.
175
00:07:48,371 --> 00:07:49,436
Done.
176
00:07:49,466 --> 00:07:51,695
- Okay...
- "I love you."
177
00:07:51,731 --> 00:07:54,108
I hope decaf coffee is okay.
178
00:07:54,143 --> 00:07:57,296
Carol won't let me have
high octane after 5:00.
179
00:07:58,047 --> 00:07:59,947
Now, daddy,
be nice to Mr. prostate,
180
00:07:59,982 --> 00:08:01,909
and he'll be nice to you.
181
00:08:05,629 --> 00:08:06,965
Uh, coffee, Barbara?
182
00:08:06,997 --> 00:08:08,550
No. I'm gonna go to bed.
183
00:08:08,582 --> 00:08:10,925
- So early?
- Yeah, tough day.
184
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:12,851
Goodnight.
Barbara, wait a minute.
185
00:08:14,940 --> 00:08:17,620
Barbara, thank you
for giving me Jerry.
186
00:08:21,137 --> 00:08:22,870
Ah, what's the matter with me,
dreyf?
187
00:08:22,905 --> 00:08:25,306
I never wake up
in the middle of the night.
188
00:08:25,341 --> 00:08:27,864
Of course, I never go to bed
at 8:00, either.
189
00:08:28,344 --> 00:08:31,846
I usually haven't been kissing
Carol's boyfriend.
190
00:08:35,618 --> 00:08:37,351
What are you doing up so late?
191
00:08:37,386 --> 00:08:39,534
- Can't sleep.
- Yeah?
192
00:08:39,565 --> 00:08:42,018
Weird, usually it's Carol
that has those nightmares
193
00:08:42,058 --> 00:08:44,323
about being chased
by knackwurst.
194
00:08:51,058 --> 00:08:52,357
Charley, I have a problem.
195
00:08:52,392 --> 00:08:53,595
Oh, boy.
196
00:08:53,631 --> 00:08:55,180
Normally, you'd be
the last person in the world
197
00:08:55,204 --> 00:08:56,595
I'd go to for advice.
198
00:08:56,630 --> 00:08:59,101
And don't think
I don't appreciate it.
199
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:02,267
But this is something
I can't talk to daddy about.
200
00:09:02,302 --> 00:09:04,202
It's too weird.
I feel too sleazy.
201
00:09:04,238 --> 00:09:05,570
Weird? Sleazy?
202
00:09:05,606 --> 00:09:07,297
Talk to me, babe.
203
00:09:09,743 --> 00:09:11,543
You see,
Carol's dating this guy.
204
00:09:11,578 --> 00:09:12,878
Okay, there's the weird part.
205
00:09:12,913 --> 00:09:15,021
Now, let's cut to the sleazy.
206
00:09:16,183 --> 00:09:18,203
Charley, will you shut up
a minute and listen?
207
00:09:18,620 --> 00:09:19,711
That's better.
208
00:09:19,785 --> 00:09:21,425
You see, Carol's
going out with this guy
209
00:09:21,455 --> 00:09:23,822
that I used to go out with,
and I told her it was okay,
210
00:09:23,824 --> 00:09:25,134
but now I think
that maybe he and I
211
00:09:25,158 --> 00:09:27,203
still have feelings
for each other.
212
00:09:27,799 --> 00:09:29,033
Is that terrible?
213
00:09:29,062 --> 00:09:30,402
You're going to is sneak around
214
00:09:30,429 --> 00:09:32,474
and see your sister's boyfriend
behind her back?
215
00:09:32,513 --> 00:09:34,048
Ah, I love it.
216
00:09:36,303 --> 00:09:38,036
No, Charley,
that's not the way it is.
217
00:09:38,071 --> 00:09:39,704
You see, he wants to
break up with her,
218
00:09:39,740 --> 00:09:40,917
and then he and I
will just happen
219
00:09:40,941 --> 00:09:43,375
to start seeing
each other again.
220
00:09:43,410 --> 00:09:45,977
That's not so bad, is it?
Not at all.
221
00:09:46,013 --> 00:09:49,448
If I was in your place,
I'd do exactly the same thing.
222
00:09:49,475 --> 00:09:51,080
Oh, my god!
223
00:10:00,773 --> 00:10:02,363
Good morning, Laverne.
224
00:10:02,386 --> 00:10:04,274
Doctor.
225
00:10:05,477 --> 00:10:06,758
Sorry I'm late.
226
00:10:07,212 --> 00:10:08,765
It's your office.
227
00:10:11,116 --> 00:10:13,242
I see you're still not
speaking to me.
228
00:10:13,708 --> 00:10:15,051
Don't be ridiculous, doctor.
229
00:10:15,087 --> 00:10:16,653
That might interfere
with my ability
230
00:10:16,688 --> 00:10:19,682
to perform the duties
for which I was hired.
231
00:10:20,726 --> 00:10:22,034
All right.
232
00:10:23,028 --> 00:10:24,284
Wait a minute.
233
00:10:25,063 --> 00:10:26,612
What happened to your accent?
234
00:10:27,399 --> 00:10:29,386
What accent?
235
00:10:30,969 --> 00:10:32,269
Your accent.
236
00:10:32,304 --> 00:10:34,137
I don't know what
you're talking about.
237
00:10:34,173 --> 00:10:35,650
You do, too.
You have a Southern accent.
238
00:10:35,674 --> 00:10:37,765
Now, what did you do with it?
239
00:10:39,044 --> 00:10:41,945
As you can hear, doctor,
I have no accent.
240
00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:44,809
Well, you used to.
I remember distinctly.
241
00:10:46,107 --> 00:10:47,851
Perhaps that was
simply another figment
242
00:10:47,886 --> 00:10:50,737
of your bigoted imagination.
243
00:10:52,057 --> 00:10:53,657
Now, if you'll excuse me.
244
00:10:53,692 --> 00:10:57,027
I know you have, you have
tongue depressors to stack.
245
00:10:57,062 --> 00:10:59,960
No, I have to
ring up the apothecary
246
00:10:59,991 --> 00:11:02,374
and fill this prescription.
247
00:11:09,975 --> 00:11:11,219
Is Carol back
from getting dumped yet?
248
00:11:11,243 --> 00:11:12,465
Not yet.
249
00:11:13,479 --> 00:11:14,945
Good, then I didn't miss
anything.
250
00:11:14,980 --> 00:11:16,784
Charley, don't touch those.
They're for Carol.
251
00:11:16,808 --> 00:11:18,234
She's going to come home
all depressed,
252
00:11:18,258 --> 00:11:19,320
and then
she's going to stuff her face
253
00:11:19,344 --> 00:11:20,584
with all this junk food,
254
00:11:20,619 --> 00:11:23,753
and then she going to lapse
into a sort of starch coma.
255
00:11:24,773 --> 00:11:26,760
- Hi, everyone.
- Hi.
256
00:11:26,792 --> 00:11:28,959
Oh, junk food. Thank god.
257
00:11:28,994 --> 00:11:30,627
Oh, what a day I've had.
258
00:11:30,662 --> 00:11:32,449
That rat!
259
00:11:33,398 --> 00:11:34,437
What?
260
00:11:34,967 --> 00:11:36,399
What a cad.
261
00:11:36,435 --> 00:11:37,667
Oh, come on, Carol.
262
00:11:37,703 --> 00:11:39,047
You don't have to put up
a brave front for us.
263
00:11:39,071 --> 00:11:41,238
We're family.
Yeah, we're on your side.
264
00:11:41,273 --> 00:11:44,094
You can tell us if Jerry gave
you the old ditch-a-roony.
265
00:11:45,043 --> 00:11:46,387
I don't know
what you're talking about.
266
00:11:46,411 --> 00:11:48,111
I had lunch with Jerry
just today,
267
00:11:48,146 --> 00:11:50,046
and I can assure you,
he most certainly
268
00:11:50,082 --> 00:11:52,382
did not give me
the old ditch-a-roony.
269
00:11:52,417 --> 00:11:53,842
Are you sure?
270
00:11:57,523 --> 00:11:58,800
Barbara, at this point
in my life,
271
00:11:58,824 --> 00:12:01,186
I can sense
when I'm being dumped.
272
00:12:01,894 --> 00:12:04,570
Sometimes I can sense it
even when I'm not.
273
00:12:05,297 --> 00:12:06,744
Wait a minute, I...
274
00:12:07,065 --> 00:12:08,899
Are you sure he didn't dump you?
275
00:12:08,934 --> 00:12:10,821
Yes. Anyway, what makes...
276
00:12:11,046 --> 00:12:12,669
Why you little Indian giver.
277
00:12:12,704 --> 00:12:13,882
Forgive me. That was insensitive
278
00:12:13,906 --> 00:12:16,533
to our native American
brethren and sistren.
279
00:12:17,743 --> 00:12:18,708
- Carol!
- I get it.
280
00:12:18,744 --> 00:12:19,954
You were hoping
Jerry would dump me,
281
00:12:19,978 --> 00:12:21,177
because you want him back.
282
00:12:21,213 --> 00:12:22,779
I knew I couldn't trust you!
283
00:12:22,814 --> 00:12:24,373
Cat fight, cat fight.
284
00:12:26,985 --> 00:12:28,985
What happened to,
"if I want another boyfriend,
285
00:12:29,021 --> 00:12:30,654
I can always
go out and get one"?
286
00:12:30,689 --> 00:12:31,866
But now that Jerry's
in love with me,
287
00:12:31,890 --> 00:12:33,256
you can't stand it.
288
00:12:33,292 --> 00:12:35,825
Well, tough luck, Barbara,
because Jerry is not dumping me!
289
00:12:35,861 --> 00:12:37,294
Oh yeah,
what makes you think so?
290
00:12:37,329 --> 00:12:39,262
I know so! You see this?
291
00:12:39,298 --> 00:12:40,730
Jerry gave me this
at lunch today,
292
00:12:40,766 --> 00:12:41,976
and he told me that he loves me.
293
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,198
So, there!
294
00:12:45,335 --> 00:12:48,837
To Carol,
all my love forever, Jerry.
295
00:12:48,872 --> 00:12:52,020
That sleaze bag!
Nah nahnah nah-nah!
296
00:12:52,476 --> 00:12:53,775
How does it feel, Barbara?
297
00:12:53,810 --> 00:12:56,077
How does it feel
to be the rejected sister?
298
00:12:56,112 --> 00:12:58,913
Ooh, I love the way
that sounds on you.
299
00:12:58,949 --> 00:13:02,213
Re-jected! Re-jected!
300
00:13:02,486 --> 00:13:04,619
He's a stinky, slimy,
scum-sucking, little rat!
301
00:13:04,654 --> 00:13:07,639
Why? Because he rejected you?
302
00:13:08,325 --> 00:13:09,991
He didn't reject me!
303
00:13:10,026 --> 00:13:11,159
He told me he loved me,
304
00:13:11,194 --> 00:13:13,094
and he was going to dump you
at lunch today.
305
00:13:13,129 --> 00:13:14,462
Oh, really, Barbara.
You're going to have to
306
00:13:14,483 --> 00:13:15,808
come up with something
a little better...
307
00:13:15,832 --> 00:13:18,733
I'm sorry, Carol,
but he was supposed to tell you.
308
00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:21,529
Oh, my god.
309
00:13:22,095 --> 00:13:23,583
This does have
a certain ring of truth.
310
00:13:23,607 --> 00:13:25,662
My colon just spasmed.
311
00:13:31,381 --> 00:13:33,681
Barbara, how could you
steal my boyfriend?
312
00:13:33,717 --> 00:13:35,495
Don't yell at me!
He was my boyfriend first!
313
00:13:35,519 --> 00:13:37,740
Hey, come on, you two.
Let it go.
314
00:13:38,054 --> 00:13:40,409
The guy's no good.
Now you both know it.
315
00:13:40,433 --> 00:13:42,014
The idiot makes a point.
316
00:13:44,895 --> 00:13:46,012
Thanks.
317
00:13:46,663 --> 00:13:47,740
Anyway,
it's not like Jerry and I
318
00:13:47,764 --> 00:13:49,230
were married or anything.
319
00:13:49,266 --> 00:13:50,543
I haven't thought
about him for years
320
00:13:50,567 --> 00:13:52,083
until last night.
321
00:13:52,402 --> 00:13:54,496
I guess I can't
really blame you, Barbara.
322
00:13:54,595 --> 00:13:56,237
Who wants a rat like that,
anyway?
323
00:13:56,271 --> 00:13:57,321
Not me!
324
00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:00,174
And yet here we are, sisters
at each other's throats.
325
00:14:00,210 --> 00:14:02,210
Do you know who
we should be mad at?
326
00:14:02,579 --> 00:14:04,459
- The guy!
- The guy!
327
00:14:06,049 --> 00:14:07,649
Ooh, oh, I've got a better one.
328
00:14:07,684 --> 00:14:10,952
The perfect revenge.
We go to Jerry's house,
329
00:14:10,987 --> 00:14:14,341
and we burn
every one of his left shoes.
330
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:17,458
Why don't we just beat him up?
331
00:14:17,494 --> 00:14:18,459
Too obvious.
332
00:14:18,495 --> 00:14:19,727
No, I've got it, I've got it.
333
00:14:19,763 --> 00:14:22,330
We tie him to a chair,
and we force him to watch
334
00:14:22,365 --> 00:14:25,461
the dubbed version
of cinema paradiso.
335
00:14:26,478 --> 00:14:27,822
Why don't we just beat him up?
336
00:14:27,837 --> 00:14:29,404
No, no, no, I've got it,
I've got it.
337
00:14:29,439 --> 00:14:30,772
We sneak into his house,
338
00:14:30,774 --> 00:14:32,807
and we force-feed him egg yolk
339
00:14:32,842 --> 00:14:36,675
until his cholesterol is way
beyond the high normal range!
340
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,586
Why don't we just beat him up?
341
00:14:40,476 --> 00:14:42,242
Our revenge has to be perfect.
342
00:14:42,278 --> 00:14:44,111
It needs to be something
that preys upon
343
00:14:44,146 --> 00:14:46,313
his most deep-seated fear.
344
00:14:46,348 --> 00:14:47,464
Carol, we've been through this.
345
00:14:47,488 --> 00:14:49,020
We can't castrate him.
346
00:14:49,485 --> 00:14:50,784
No, Barbara.
347
00:14:50,820 --> 00:14:53,253
I'm talking about something
far more heinous
348
00:14:53,289 --> 00:14:56,323
and frightening to him:
Commitment.
349
00:14:56,358 --> 00:14:57,324
What?
350
00:14:57,359 --> 00:14:58,325
We going to hold him at gunpoint
351
00:14:58,360 --> 00:14:59,993
and make him go steady?
352
00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:01,929
Even better,
we get him over here
353
00:15:01,964 --> 00:15:04,431
under false pretenses,
confront him,
354
00:15:04,467 --> 00:15:06,633
and then we force him
to choose between us.
355
00:15:06,669 --> 00:15:07,979
Well, what good
is that going to do?
356
00:15:08,003 --> 00:15:10,337
Then after he chooses,
the chosen sister dumps him!
357
00:15:10,372 --> 00:15:12,250
- Ha!
- Okay.
358
00:15:12,595 --> 00:15:14,007
But what if he doesn't choose?
359
00:15:14,043 --> 00:15:15,703
Then we just beat him up!
360
00:15:22,852 --> 00:15:25,002
You wanted to see me, doctor?
361
00:15:26,622 --> 00:15:28,222
Uh, yes.
362
00:15:28,257 --> 00:15:30,591
Laverne, I, uh,
I wanted to clear up
363
00:15:30,626 --> 00:15:32,597
this problem we've been having.
364
00:15:34,597 --> 00:15:35,796
You're right, doctor.
365
00:15:35,831 --> 00:15:38,355
I don't think I can
go on like this anymore.
366
00:15:38,701 --> 00:15:41,336
Oh, well, what are you
talking about?
367
00:15:41,827 --> 00:15:43,073
I'm talking...
368
00:15:43,312 --> 00:15:44,649
I'm talkin' about how
369
00:15:44,673 --> 00:15:46,451
I can't keep talkin'
without my accent anymore.
370
00:15:46,475 --> 00:15:47,745
It's killin' me!
371
00:15:48,937 --> 00:15:51,270
Woo, that felt good!
372
00:15:52,982 --> 00:15:55,415
Laverne, nobody wanted you
to talk without your accent.
373
00:15:55,417 --> 00:15:57,407
- That was your idea.
- Maybe.
374
00:15:58,837 --> 00:16:00,098
But you're the one
that wanted me
375
00:16:00,122 --> 00:16:01,788
to deny my ancestral heritage,
376
00:16:01,824 --> 00:16:03,766
and the accent
just goes along with it.
377
00:16:03,790 --> 00:16:07,461
I never said I wanted you
to deny your ancestral heritage.
378
00:16:07,596 --> 00:16:08,615
Well...
379
00:16:09,221 --> 00:16:10,502
You're the one what thinks
380
00:16:10,533 --> 00:16:13,400
all southerners are stupid
and go around barefoot,
381
00:16:13,435 --> 00:16:14,801
and huntin' possums,
and having sex
382
00:16:14,837 --> 00:16:17,070
with their underage relatives.
383
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,653
I beg your pardon. I do not!
384
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:22,654
Well, you do, too.
385
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:23,800
You just think all them things.
386
00:16:23,824 --> 00:16:24,790
You never thought them all
387
00:16:24,825 --> 00:16:26,401
at the same time
like that before.
388
00:16:28,062 --> 00:16:29,895
Laverne,
I can't believe you think I,
389
00:16:29,930 --> 00:16:31,997
I have those prejudices.
390
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:34,177
Come on, we kid around here
all the time,
391
00:16:34,201 --> 00:16:35,545
and sometimes,
when you're kidding around,
392
00:16:35,569 --> 00:16:36,635
you cross a line.
393
00:16:36,670 --> 00:16:38,237
If you were offended, I,
I promise you
394
00:16:38,272 --> 00:16:41,255
it was totally, totally,
unintentional.
395
00:16:41,609 --> 00:16:43,133
Well...
396
00:16:46,228 --> 00:16:49,378
I guess I am
a little over-sensitive.
397
00:16:50,752 --> 00:16:52,518
But when people
hear this accent,
398
00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:56,030
they start treatin' me like
I'm some kind of inbred moron.
399
00:16:57,491 --> 00:17:00,379
Well, doctor, we southerners
may talk a little different...
400
00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:03,417
Okay, in my case,
real different.
401
00:17:03,631 --> 00:17:05,664
We may have funny nicknames,
402
00:17:05,699 --> 00:17:08,567
and some of us may enjoy
the design statement of a car
403
00:17:08,602 --> 00:17:10,860
up on cement blocks.
404
00:17:11,672 --> 00:17:14,206
But that don't mean we ain't
civilized human beings,
405
00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:17,298
with the same hopes and fears
as anybody else!
406
00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:20,032
If you prick us,
do we not bleed?
407
00:17:20,762 --> 00:17:22,842
If you tickle us,
do we not laugh?
408
00:17:23,097 --> 00:17:25,537
If you poison us,
will we not die?
409
00:17:26,768 --> 00:17:28,807
William Shakespeare,
the merchant of venice.
410
00:17:28,831 --> 00:17:32,341
No, tater Norton,
the turnip farmer of hickory.
411
00:17:34,175 --> 00:17:35,475
Just kiddin'.
412
00:17:35,510 --> 00:17:37,977
But anyway, just 'cause
tater grows turnips
413
00:17:38,012 --> 00:17:39,946
don't mean we all do.
414
00:17:39,981 --> 00:17:42,215
Hickory's got a lawyer,
and a banker,
415
00:17:42,250 --> 00:17:45,151
and a doctor, five cable guys.
416
00:17:45,186 --> 00:17:47,320
- I never said it didn't.
- Well, okay then.
417
00:17:47,355 --> 00:17:49,000
See that you don't.
418
00:17:50,558 --> 00:17:52,758
Woo, I feel a lot better.
419
00:17:52,794 --> 00:17:55,027
I guess I been totin'
that emotional baggage around
420
00:17:55,063 --> 00:17:56,689
for a month of Sundays.
421
00:17:57,091 --> 00:17:58,898
Well, I'm glad
we talked this through.
422
00:17:58,933 --> 00:18:00,875
I was afraid you were
going to come in here and,
423
00:18:01,574 --> 00:18:03,064
you know, resign.
424
00:18:03,204 --> 00:18:05,878
Now, doctor, you know
I'd never do that.
425
00:18:06,674 --> 00:18:10,127
After all, somebody's got
to educate you uppity Yankees.
426
00:18:12,614 --> 00:18:15,637
Oh, Jerry, I'm so glad
you could make it tonight.
427
00:18:15,794 --> 00:18:18,551
- Mm, where's Carol?
- Who cares?
428
00:18:18,586 --> 00:18:19,952
You broke up with her.
429
00:18:19,988 --> 00:18:23,789
Now you're all mine,
mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!
430
00:18:23,825 --> 00:18:25,024
We didn't plan that.
431
00:18:25,059 --> 00:18:27,303
She's improvising,
the little sneak.
432
00:18:28,196 --> 00:18:29,762
Hello, it's me, Carol!
433
00:18:29,797 --> 00:18:33,366
Anybody home? Jerry, Barbara.
434
00:18:33,401 --> 00:18:35,601
Oh, my god!
Carol, I can explain.
435
00:18:35,637 --> 00:18:36,769
Yes, Carol.
436
00:18:36,804 --> 00:18:38,571
You see, once Jerry
broke up with you,
437
00:18:38,606 --> 00:18:40,731
he discovered it was me
he loved all along.
438
00:18:40,764 --> 00:18:41,933
Listen, Barbara, about that...
439
00:18:41,957 --> 00:18:43,104
but Jerry didn't
break up with me.
440
00:18:43,128 --> 00:18:44,238
He told me that he loves me.
441
00:18:44,262 --> 00:18:46,412
- Oh!
- Jerry, say it isn't so.
442
00:18:46,447 --> 00:18:48,347
- Well...
- You lied to us.
443
00:18:48,383 --> 00:18:50,416
No, I never lied to you, Carol.
444
00:18:50,451 --> 00:18:52,285
When I told you
I loved you, I meant it.
445
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,731
And, Barbara,
when I told you I loved you,
446
00:18:53,755 --> 00:18:55,655
and I was breaking up
with Carol,
447
00:18:55,690 --> 00:18:58,584
well, I meant that too,
at the time.
448
00:18:59,437 --> 00:19:00,726
What are you saying?
449
00:19:00,762 --> 00:19:02,660
Hey, I'm crazy about you two.
450
00:19:03,798 --> 00:19:06,465
Barbara, when I'm with you,
there's nobody else.
451
00:19:06,501 --> 00:19:10,738
I love your energy,
your sense of fun, your body.
452
00:19:10,905 --> 00:19:12,705
And I feel the same way
about you, Carol.
453
00:19:12,740 --> 00:19:15,474
I loved your intelligence,
your insight.
454
00:19:15,510 --> 00:19:18,010
And my body,
do you like my body?
455
00:19:20,487 --> 00:19:22,083
Let it go, Carol.
456
00:19:22,423 --> 00:19:24,890
You see, Jerry, the point is,
you can't have us both.
457
00:19:24,925 --> 00:19:27,259
So you're ing to have to
choose, Carol or me?
458
00:19:27,294 --> 00:19:28,538
I never meant to cause problems
459
00:19:28,562 --> 00:19:31,263
between the two of you.
Don't worry, Jerry.
460
00:19:31,298 --> 00:19:33,265
The love between two sisters
461
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:35,633
is stronger than that
of any man.
462
00:19:35,936 --> 00:19:38,158
- Now choose.
- Okay, then.
463
00:19:38,570 --> 00:19:39,831
I choose...
464
00:19:41,007 --> 00:19:42,997
Carol, no, Barbara, no, Carol.
465
00:19:43,544 --> 00:19:45,177
Carol? Carol.
466
00:19:46,380 --> 00:19:47,879
He picked me! He picked me!
467
00:19:52,196 --> 00:19:53,469
Carol?
468
00:19:54,143 --> 00:19:55,534
What?
469
00:19:58,292 --> 00:20:01,024
- You know.
- Do I have to?
470
00:20:02,162 --> 00:20:04,663
You're right. Look, buddy.
471
00:20:04,698 --> 00:20:07,032
Barbara and I are sisters
with a capital "s",
472
00:20:07,067 --> 00:20:08,400
and I would never date someone
473
00:20:08,435 --> 00:20:11,770
who treated my sister Barbara
the way you treated me,
474
00:20:11,805 --> 00:20:16,105
Barbara's sister, Carol,
and vice versa.
475
00:20:16,610 --> 00:20:19,277
Now, I'm sorry to have
to hurt you like this,
476
00:20:19,313 --> 00:20:20,512
but it's over.
477
00:20:20,547 --> 00:20:22,580
I can't see you anymore.
478
00:20:24,184 --> 00:20:25,585
Darn.
479
00:20:28,055 --> 00:20:29,388
Barbara?
480
00:20:31,725 --> 00:20:33,191
Get real.
481
00:20:33,227 --> 00:20:34,526
Goodbye, Jerry.
482
00:20:34,561 --> 00:20:36,127
Okay, but I still think
483
00:20:36,163 --> 00:20:37,562
we could've worked
something out.
484
00:20:37,598 --> 00:20:39,002
Hey, who's this?
485
00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:42,366
It's our grandmother
Nana Weston.
486
00:20:44,905 --> 00:20:46,643
- Cute.
- Out!
487
00:20:49,009 --> 00:20:51,209
Well, guess we showed him.
488
00:20:51,245 --> 00:20:53,678
- Sure did.
- He sure was devastated.
489
00:20:53,714 --> 00:20:55,013
Sure was.
490
00:20:55,214 --> 00:20:57,482
Well, actually, he didn't
seem so much devastated.
491
00:20:57,518 --> 00:20:58,750
It was more like he...
492
00:20:58,785 --> 00:21:02,206
- Wasn't fazed at all!
- Exactly.
493
00:21:02,245 --> 00:21:03,321
Let's go beat him up!
494
00:21:03,357 --> 00:21:04,378
Wait a second, Barbara.
495
00:21:04,425 --> 00:21:06,191
Who cares? Who cares?
496
00:21:06,226 --> 00:21:08,693
Something wonderful
has happened here.
497
00:21:08,729 --> 00:21:10,672
After years of bickering,
498
00:21:10,799 --> 00:21:13,956
we finally stuck together,
like sisters.
499
00:21:14,535 --> 00:21:17,842
- Yeah, weird.
- Oh, Barbara.
500
00:21:17,881 --> 00:21:19,070
Remember when we were little,
501
00:21:19,106 --> 00:21:20,405
we used to watch white Christmas
502
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:21,940
every year on TV,
and then for days,
503
00:21:21,975 --> 00:21:23,508
we'd act out that one song?
504
00:21:23,544 --> 00:21:28,480
Sisters sisters there were
never such devoted sisters
505
00:21:28,515 --> 00:21:30,015
Oh, Barbara, let's do it again,
506
00:21:30,050 --> 00:21:31,917
with all of the steps,
just like we used to!
507
00:21:31,952 --> 00:21:33,752
It'll be a bonding thing!
508
00:21:33,787 --> 00:21:36,588
I'll be Vera Ellen,
and you can be Rosemary Clooney.
509
00:21:36,623 --> 00:21:38,456
Why do I have to be
Rosemary Clooney?
510
00:21:38,492 --> 00:21:39,457
Well, I don't know, Barbara.
511
00:21:39,493 --> 00:21:40,703
Maybe you just seem more
the type
512
00:21:40,727 --> 00:21:42,968
to wind up doing
toilet paper commercials.
513
00:21:43,643 --> 00:21:44,930
I ought to slug you.
514
00:21:44,965 --> 00:21:46,921
Okay, okay,
you can be Vera Ellen.
515
00:21:48,735 --> 00:21:51,770
A five a six a five
six seven eight
516
00:21:51,805 --> 00:21:54,973
Sisters -
sisters
517
00:21:55,008 --> 00:21:57,709
both:
there were never
such devoted sisters
518
00:21:57,744 --> 00:21:59,678
Many men have tried
to split us up
519
00:21:59,713 --> 00:22:01,913
But no one can
520
00:22:01,949 --> 00:22:04,649
lord help the mister
521
00:22:04,685 --> 00:22:07,786
Who comes between
me and my sister
522
00:22:07,821 --> 00:22:10,422
Both:
and lord
help the sister
523
00:22:10,457 --> 00:22:14,092
Who comes between me
and my man
524
00:22:20,938 --> 00:22:22,523
A five a six
525
00:22:22,562 --> 00:22:24,390
a five six seven eight
526
00:22:24,425 --> 00:22:27,359
Sisters -
sisters
527
00:22:27,395 --> 00:22:30,529
both:
there were never
such devoted sisters
528
00:22:30,564 --> 00:22:32,831
Many men have tried
to split us up
529
00:22:32,867 --> 00:22:35,300
But no one can
530
00:22:35,336 --> 00:22:37,836
lord help the sister
531
00:22:37,872 --> 00:22:40,939
who comes between
me and my mister
532
00:22:40,975 --> 00:22:43,709
Both:
and lord
help the sister
533
00:22:43,744 --> 00:22:46,723
Who comes between
me and my man
534
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:49,561
- I'm sorry!
- Aah, Carol!
535
00:22:49,611 --> 00:22:54,161
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