All language subtitles for Empty Nest s04e02 Almost Like Being in Love.com

♪ Life goes on and so do we ♪

♪ Just how we do it
is no mystery ♪

♪ One by one - ♪ one by one

♪ we fill the days

♪ we find a thousand
different ways ♪

♪ Sometimes the answer
can be hard to find ♪

♪ Hard to find

♪ that's something
I will never be ♪

♪ I'm always here
for anything you need ♪

♪ Anything you need

♪ rain or shine,
I'll be the one ♪

♪ To share it all
as life goes on ♪

♪ We share it all
as life goes on ♪

♪ If I didn't care

♪ more than words can say

♪ if I didn't care

♪ would I feel this way

♪ if this isn't love

ooh!

Oh, Harry, I just love
dancing to the ink spots.

Oh, well, me,
I, I just love dancing

with someone who knows
who the ink spots are.

Not to mention John Garfield.

Oh, come on.
Everyone knows who he is.

Not Barbara.

She thinks John Garfield
is Garfield the cat's father.

Ah, mm.

Oh, Jackie, I wish
you didn't have to go.

Are you asking me to stay?

Yes.

I don't know.

No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, it wouldn't be right.

I've never had anyone
stay over before.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Yeah, well,
maybe I shouldn't stay.

Yeah, right, right.
Um, of course, the girls,

if they go to Disney world
for the weekend...

No, I'm just, I would end up
feeling bad about it.

But then, I would also feel
kind of good about it.

Ha, ha, yeah.

Uh, no, no, no,
no, that's enough.

Forget it, forget it, forget it.

Guilt conquers all.
I thought that was love.

Not in this house.

Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait.

Makes no sense.

I do want you to stay.

- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm sure.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Oh, oh, remember that French guy
in an American in Paris?

♪ I'll build
a stairway to paradise ♪

♪ With a new step every day ♪

Is that paradise?

Could be.

- Watch it!
- Watch it, yourself!

We could've
had a freebie weekend

on the police association;
But, no, we had to fly back.

Well, I'm sorry, Barbara,

but I couldn't wait to get away
from your police friends.

- Why, what's wrong with them?
- Well, for starters,

somebody snapped my bra
on Mr. toad's wild ride.

That was me!

I don't know
what they're doing home.

I'm sorry. I hate all this
sneaking around.

I feel like I'm dating
a married man.

You've got to go, all right.

- Okay.
- I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll...

I'll call you tomorrow,
all right?

Mwah, bye.

Hey, but, but, but, but...
Wait a minute.

Who are you talking to, daddy?

Hey, I, I thought you guys
were in Disney world.

Uh, duh, what are
you doing home?

You don't want to know.
What is that?

Oh, that?

Well, uh, Charley
dropped it off.

He picked it up
on one of his trips.

- He gave you a shawl?
- Psh, yeah.

No, got it for you.
What about me?

Well, well, it, well,
it's really for the both of you.

But you have to give it back
because it's a...

It's a, it's a, it's a sample.

And then, uh,
he'll get you the real one,

which is just as nice.

Who was at the door, daddy?

Oh, okay, it was Jackie leaving.

This late?
Where were you when we came in?

Was she going to stay over?
Oh, pfft, whoo, no!

Carol, come on!
I know better than that.

I mean, I, I, I know the rules.

I made the rules.

Coming over's okay.
Staying over's not.

It's one of our strongest rules.

Okay, the shawl was a lie.
It was a definite lie.

I did, I, actually,
I asked her to stay over.

God, it's like
my parents just got home.

She was going to stay over
in mom's bedroom?

Carol, look, I, I,
I know how you feel.

I mean, it was mom's bedroom.
It's been four years.

Daddy, you don't
have to answer to us.

He wants to answer.
Let him answer.

Carol,
it's not easy to talk to you

when you're like this.

I wish you would just have
a more open mind, dear.

I mean, this wasn't
just anybody here.

This was, it was Jackie.
She's special to me.

- She is?
- Yeah.

Oh, boy, I've been seeing
a lot of her...

So to speak.

You know, I thought it'd be nice
if you guys could meet her

and, you know, kind of,
you know, get to know her.

Why?

So you can find
something wrong with her

that maybe I missed.

Carol, come on.

I didn't commit
the crime of the century.

You don't have to explain,
daddy.

This is your house,

and you can do
whatever you want.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I am rather exhausted.

Barbara, does this
bother you, too?

No, not as much as Carol.

Of course, I haven't had
as much therapy as Carol.

All right, kids, knock it off!

Come on, you're next, Timmy.

Hi, Timmy.

Don't you think
you're a little old

to still be seein' Dr. Weston?

Laverne,
I've got to see Dr. Weston.

My ulcer's acting up again.

You just can't
come here anymore.

You already broke
a humpty dumpty scale.

But, Laverne, I feel
comfortable with Dr. Weston.

And now, with my divorce,
I can't handle any more change.

Please let me see him.

All right, I'll get your file.

- Hi, daddy.
- Oh, Carol, honey.

Oh, I'm glad you're here.
You left so early this morning.

I wanted to talk to you
about last night.

I know.
I wasn't being fair to you.

I mean, how could I ask you
to defend something

that didn't even happen.
Oh, oh, why not?

You do it all the time.

Anyway, I thought it would be
a good idea to meet Jackie,

so why don't we have her
over for dinner?

Ah, that's wonderful!

Oh, you're going to like her,
baby.

I know you're going to like her.

I'm really sorry
for the way I acted, daddy.

I mean, I know
that you're a normal man

with normal desires,
but you're still my father,

and I have trouble
picturing you with a woman.

But I've talked to Dr. Grossman,

and I feel confident that
I've resolved those feelings.

Oh, honey, I understand.
You know, years ago,

I walked in
on my mother and father,

and they were being intimate.

Oh, my god, grandpa and Nana!

- Oh!
- Easy, baby.

No, no, come on, easy now.
Here... come on, here.

There we go.
Here we go, here we go.

And so I was faced
with quite a dilemma.

I had reached a crossroads.
You see, chicken marengo

usually calls for
white mushrooms,

but something inside me
kept saying,

"shiitake, shiitake, shiitake."

What was I to do?
You know, I don't know.

Pass the asparagus, please.

Finally, I just went
with my feelings,

and I used
the shiitake mushrooms.

I mean, god knows
if I did the right thing.

What a woman.

You sure did
the right thing, by me.

This chicken is to die for,

but what I really can't get over
is your jell-o mold.

Uh, I didn't make
the jell-o mold.

No, that was me.

The recipe called for
pineapple rings,

but something inside me
kept saying "canned peaches",

canned peaches, canned peaches."

All right.

Barbara, thank you very much.

Listen, both you girls
did a terrific job.

And, Carol, I like the chicken.

The chicken is so, so,
so spicy and good.

It was good, too.

You know, Carol, I read
this dynamite chicken recipe

in the national enquirer.

You read the national enquirer?

Carol, everyone reads
at the checkout stand.

- I buy it.
- And some people buy it.

Used to be I couldn't
eat like this, you know,

when I was a hoofer.
You were a hooker?

Hoofer dear, hoof, hoof, dancer.

Jackie used to be a dancer
in las Vegas.

Yeah, Harvey kaplas mojave
showcase, ten shows a day.

We give you meat on the plate
and on the stage.

I think I'll get dessert now.

I hope you like
strawberry shortcake.

That was my stage name!

I don't believe this.

Day's serious about her?
I like her.

If she makes him happy,
that's all that matters.

Oh, please!

How can daddy say he has magic
with someone like that?

Because magic is spelled s-e-x.

They can't keep their hands
off each other.

I don't want to hear
any more about it.

The sooner this is over,
the better.

You're just jealous,

'cause daddy's getting more
than you are.

Did you hear the way she lives?

She lives with ten cats.
Well, that's sick!

What about us?
We live with our father.

Daddy, you go to bed.
We'll do the dishes.

Oh, excuse me.

What is my chicken marengo
doing in there?

Well, you know, it was,
it was, uh, it was so good,

I wanted to share it
with dreyfuss.

Oh, all right.
Here, dreyfuss, there.

So, uh, what did you guys
think of Jackie?

I think she's terrific, daddy.

Well, she's certainly different

than anyone
you've ever gone out with.

Yeah, I know.

I've never had a relationship
with anyone like her.

And she's very sexy.

Well, that's not what I meant.

And what a figure!

Yes, I suppose.

Legs, and body, and arms, and...

I'm used to that, dear.

I'm a doctor.
Daddy, you're blushing.

She is striking, in her way.

But to be honest...
And am not being judgmental...

She's nowhere near
your intellectual equal.

Carol, she happens to be
very bright.

It's the national enquirer,
isn't it?

No, it is not just that.

She reads Sidney Sheldon.

- I read Sidney Sheldon.
- And Mickey spillane.

He spends half his time
talking to a dog.

I mean, daddy is
no mental giant, Carol.

Barbara, I can handle this.

And, daddy,
she runs a dance hall.

I mean, weird, pockmarked men

coming at all hours
of the night,

paying her a dollar a dance.

Carol, it's a dance studio.

She teaches ballroom dancing.

What's wrong with that?
Wait a minute.

I don't have to defend her
against this kind of snobbery.

All I know is
that there's a spark.

There's magic when I'm with her.

Is that good enough, Carol?

Hey, big party tonight, huh?

Not now, Charley.
This is a bad time.

Uh-oh. Sounds like
problemas en la familia.

I just got back from Costa Rica.

Talk about a bad time...

I was dating this real sicko,
muy malo.

I'm sorry, daddy.

But I still don't get
what you see in Jackie.

You talking about his babe,
the one I saw leaving.

She's not a babe.

I know what he sees in her...

Wang, wang.

Wang, wang?

You think that's
what I see in her?

That's what I see in her.

Charley, she has...
She has more virtue

than anyone you've ever...

hey, Harry,
I've seen her virtues.

Come in, Albuquerque.

Get out.

What?

Charley, get out of my house,

stay out of my house,
and don't come back.

- You're kidding, right?
- Charley, get out,

or I'm going to throw you out.

How dare he say that to me.

Oh, don't pay any attention
to Charley.

I'm not just out for sex.

That's not
the kind of person I am.

I wasn't like that
in high school.

I wasn't like that in college.

I wasn't like that
with your mother.

Boy, daddy's really upset.

Sure is.

What do you think?

I think it's love...

Or wang, wang.

- Here's your coffee.
- About time.

Ugh, it's cold,
and it's too sweet.

All right, that's it!

Now, you come in here
this mornin'

as ornery as a cow
standin' on its own tit.

Really? That ornery, huh?

I'm sorry, Laverne.
It has nothing to do with you.

Last night was not
one of my favorite evenings.

It was the chicken marengo,
wasn't it?

No, that didn't hit me
till this morning.

I got into this big thing
with Carol.

Carol doesn't think that
Jackie's good enough for me.

And then Charley...
Charley comes in

and says the only thing
I'm interested in her is...

Never mind.

Is this the never mind
I think it is?

Never mind.

Dr. Weston, we're both adults.

We are medical professionals,
for god sakes.

So why don't we
just call never mind

by its rightful name...
Pooky-wooky.

Ah, all right, pooky-wooky.

I don't get it...
Everyone is so obsessed with sex

and good looks and great bodies!

Hey, hey, don't you go
a-knockin' great bodies, now.

That's what first
attracted me to Nick.

He's got one of those
washboard stomachs.

You could scrub your socks
on that boy's belly.

Remind me not
to give you my laundry.

From what I've seen
around here of you and Jackie,

you've just got yourself

a healthy case
of trouser trouble.

- What?
- Hot pants.

I don't know what
you're complainin' about.

So far, they ain't hanged
anybody for it,

except maybe in Georgia.

Laverne, sex is not
the most important thing

in my relationship with Jackie.

I'm not that kind of person.
If you say so.

Look, I don't care
what anybody thinks.

I know how I feel about Jackie
and what she means to me.

Oh, you're serious
about her, aren't you?

Yeah, I am...
I'm kind of serious.

How serious?

Well, you know, very serious.

I've been thinking a lot lately
about something, about...

I've been thinking
about asking her to marry me.

Marriage?

There goes the pooky-wooky.

Well, I love the kitchen.
I think I'm going to take it.

Carol, isn't this
a little premature?

I mean, daddy's
just talking about it.

They're not married yet.

You mean it doesn't bother you

that daddy might marry her?

I mean, what are you
going to call her?

Are you going to call her m... m...

Well, I can't call her that.
Then just call her Jackie.

Oh, god, it sounds like
a cocktail waitress.

Happy mother's day, Jackie.

I'll have a scotch
and soda, please.

Oh, Barbara, look,
a walk-in closet.

This is great. Come in here.

Come on, sit.

Now, what does this
remind you of?

Let me take a wild guess...

A closet!

No! Not a closet, mom's closet.

Don't you remember
when we were little,

and we used to sit on the floor

and look
at all her beautiful clothes

and play dress-up?

You remember
that big, floppy hat

with the feathers on it?

Yeah, and I used to put
her shoes on my hands

and pretend they were puppets.

"Hello, Mr. shoe!
How are you today?"

And remember when the puppy
chewed up her blue silk dress,

and he had to spend
a rainy night in the doghouse?

Yeah, and you stayed with him,

because you felt
so sorry for him.

Yeah.

And then you got sick,

and mom put you in bed
and gave you hot cocoa,

and daddy read to you,

and you got
all the attention again.

Yeah.

Those were the days.

Those still are the days.

Carol, don't do
this apartment thing.

I mean, it's not going to be
the same at home without you.

I'll miss you.

Really?

Really.

Don't go, Carol.

Stay with us.

Oh, you and your stupid puppets.

They always did make me cry.

I slide, and I glide.

I'm sorry.
My feet are all over you.

It's not your feet
I'm worried about.

Okay, good.

And slide and glide.
Slide and glide.

Am I gliding?

Not yet.
You're still groping, I think.

Ha ha.

All right, now, and slide and...

Oh, uh, Mr. sobel, do you mind
joining the class for a bit?

Maria will take over.

I thought you were going to wait
for me in the office?

I couldn't wait anymore.
I'm going nuts in there.

Oh, Harry, sit down.

I'm having a hard time
with this.

I mean, I'm still in shock.

Are you sure
you want to marry me?

Yes, yes, yes, I'm sure.

Jackie, dear,
when you meet someone

you just love being with
all the time,

and you have
this kind of chemistry

with that someone so often,

it seems only natural
to take the next step.

Why?

Because that's the way
I was brought up.

It's the right thing to do.

There's nothing wrong
with two adults

enjoying each other's company

and having a wonderful sex life.

I think you're feeling guilty.

Guilty.

What are you talking about?
I mean, I'm a... I'm a grown man.

I-I-I've... I've been around.

Me, guilty?
Why would I feel guilty?

Because I'm me,
that's why I feel guilty.

Only thing you're guilty of
is making me feel terrific.

Our song.

♪

You're not upset, are you?
♪ If I didn't care

well I'm... I'm sorry Jackie.

I need time to think about us.

♪ More than words can say

okay, I've thought about us.

He's not gliding!
That's not gliding!

Harry, I know you're upset,
but you got to listen to me.

Please don't shut me out.
This is driving me crazy.

I bet I didn't get more than
ten hours sleep last night.

I just wanted to tell you
that I'm sorry for being so...

Crude...

And insensitive...

And I hope you can find it
in your...

Heart to forgive me.

Charley,
that's really very nice,

but I overreacted
the other night,

and I'm the one
who owes you an apology.

Don't worry about it.

You're right, Barbara.
This crap really works.

Daddy...

- I got to talk to you.
- No, me first.

Sit down, please.

Now, I realize
that in every family,

there are crossroads,
watershed events,

flash points of danger.

Is this going to be one of
those shiitake-mushroom stories?

Please, let me finish.

I want you to be happy
with Jackie, daddy,

and that's why
I've decided to move out.

Now, I've thought
a lot about this,

and I have had
the most incredible insight.

I can be selfish.

All that therapy for that?

I'm glad you're going
to marry Jackie, daddy.

From the moment I saw
that blank look in your eyes,

I knew that she was
right for you.

Well, maybe she is,

but, uh, she doesn't want
to marry me.

What? Why not?

She turned you down?

What, you're not
good enough for her?

You're a doctor. She's
a tap dancer, for god's sake.

Carol, will you relax, please?

I mean, maybe someday
Jackie and I will get together,

but for right now,

we're just going to enjoy
each other and have fun.

- And you can live with that?
- Yes, he can.

I'm not sure
he knows how he feels.

What, am I speaking
Canadian here?

I know how I feel,
and I don't feel guilty

about having
a good time anymore.

Well, daddy, I suppose
if you can change, so can I.

And I really think
I've found a way

to work through my feelings
and be okay with all of this.

- It's grandpa and Nana!
- Oh, my god!

All right, now.