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1
00:00:08,900 --> 00:00:11,698
# You must remember this
2
00:00:11,740 --> 00:00:14,334
# A kiss is still a kiss
3
00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:17,178
# A sigh is just a sigh
4
00:00:19,860 --> 00:00:23,535
# The fundamental things apply
5
00:00:23,580 --> 00:00:27,209
# As time goes by #
6
00:00:32,140 --> 00:00:35,052
- So what do you think?
- It's very nice.
7
00:00:35,100 --> 00:00:38,410
- No, what do you think of the logo?
- Very nice.
8
00:00:38,460 --> 00:00:40,849
I want an honest opinion.
9
00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:45,371
- It's a bit like Superman 2, isn't it?
- The 2 is because it's a second branch.
10
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,809
Yes, I'd worked that out.
11
00:00:47,860 --> 00:00:50,055
You don't like it, do you?
12
00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:53,172
To tell you the truth,
it's a bit pretentious for my taste.
13
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:56,690
- You think I'm pretentious?
- I wasn't talking about you. That.
14
00:00:56,740 --> 00:01:00,528
Well, as I thought it up,
the implication's obvious.
15
00:01:00,580 --> 00:01:03,140
- Iron drawers.
- What?
16
00:01:03,180 --> 00:01:07,378
Sandy said that's what the girls in the office
used to call you. I can see why.
17
00:01:07,420 --> 00:01:10,810
I want you to be pleased.
I've worked so hard for the second branch.
18
00:01:10,860 --> 00:01:13,499
I am pleased. I just don't like the name.
19
00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:16,259
- Would you like to see inside?
- Mm, rather.
20
00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:18,734
Are you being sarcastic? Sorry.
21
00:01:18,780 --> 00:01:20,975
Shouldn't you wear a hat and cut a tape?
22
00:01:21,020 --> 00:01:23,773
Ha. I'll do that when it opens.
23
00:01:26,580 --> 00:01:28,855
Oh, thank you very much.
24
00:01:32,340 --> 00:01:34,570
They're rather fun, these.
25
00:01:35,780 --> 00:01:39,295
Oh, yes. The girls and I
play on them all the time.
26
00:01:39,940 --> 00:01:42,932
Do you really think this logo's pretentious?
27
00:01:42,980 --> 00:01:46,575
- Look, what weight does my opinion carry?
- We are living together.
28
00:01:46,620 --> 00:01:49,930
(Sighs) My opinion carries no weight
in a business sense.
29
00:01:49,980 --> 00:01:52,938
What do I know? I'm hardly a tycoon, am I?
30
00:01:54,140 --> 00:01:58,258
- What, still nothing on the lecture front?
- No, they seem to have dried up.
31
00:01:58,300 --> 00:02:02,418
I suppose me chuntering on about my life in
Kenya always did have a boredom threshold.
32
00:02:02,460 --> 00:02:06,294
Well, there's always the book.
They can suddenly take off, books.
33
00:02:06,340 --> 00:02:10,652
The only way this one will take off
is if someone reads it on a plane.
34
00:02:10,700 --> 00:02:14,852
You're not talking like a man who once played
rugby against a parachute regiment.
35
00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:17,175
I was young. All I had to do
was get bashed about.
36
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:20,610
How did we get talking about me?
You're the man of the moment.
37
00:02:20,660 --> 00:02:23,572
Oh, I bet Richard Branson
is shaking in his shoes.
38
00:02:23,620 --> 00:02:25,611
Actually, I do have a problem.
39
00:02:25,660 --> 00:02:28,015
I need somebody
to run this new branch.
40
00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:30,574
- If that's an offer...
- No, it isn't.
41
00:02:30,620 --> 00:02:33,737
You're a dear man, Lionel...
Well, you can be a dear man.
42
00:02:33,780 --> 00:02:38,092
But the thought of you running
a secretarial agency... Get off! Get off!
43
00:02:38,140 --> 00:02:40,415
- (Laughs)
- Get off!
44
00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:43,816
- I don't have to go on, do I?
- Absolutely not.
45
00:02:43,860 --> 00:02:47,296
- Talk of a bull in a china shop.
- We agreed you didn't have to go on.
46
00:02:47,340 --> 00:02:48,898
Sorry.
47
00:02:49,780 --> 00:02:52,453
I'd have thought Judith was the obvious choice.
48
00:02:54,020 --> 00:02:55,738
Yes.
49
00:02:56,420 --> 00:02:59,218
- (Sighs)
- Not what I'd call unbridled enthusiasm.
50
00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:01,535
Well, I'd better get back to the office.
51
00:03:02,020 --> 00:03:04,090
Have you any plans?
52
00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:06,256
Of the vague variety.
53
00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:08,097
- Something will turn up.
- Course it will.
54
00:03:08,140 --> 00:03:11,212
If it doesn't, I can always go back
to male modelling.
55
00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:14,011
(Phone)
56
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:17,416
- Good morning, Type For You.
- Hello, Sandy. It's Alistair.
57
00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:20,133
- Oh, hello, Alistair.
- Listen, erm...
58
00:03:20,180 --> 00:03:22,740
- Can you talk?
- I just did.
59
00:03:23,740 --> 00:03:26,095
Funny, but you know where I'm coming from.
60
00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:28,700
- I'm alone, if that's what you mean.
- Brilliant.
61
00:03:28,740 --> 00:03:32,699
- No, it's a simple enough deduction.
- OK, OK. Look, erm...
62
00:03:32,740 --> 00:03:37,018
- Are you free for lunch?
- Alistair, Judith is a friend of mine.
63
00:03:37,060 --> 00:03:39,494
I didn't mean that kind of lunch!
64
00:03:39,540 --> 00:03:42,373
I think it's time that you and I
talked business, Sandy.
65
00:03:42,420 --> 00:03:45,298
I'll have a few morsels sent round to the office.
One o'clock?
66
00:03:45,340 --> 00:03:46,898
Alistair, I do have a job.
67
00:03:46,940 --> 00:03:49,977
People have bad backs, Sandy,
but they can get better.
68
00:03:50,020 --> 00:03:51,692
- See you at one.
- I won't be there.
69
00:03:51,740 --> 00:03:54,334
Then it'll just be me and my morsels.
70
00:03:54,380 --> 00:03:55,574
Ciao.
71
00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:01,333
I've been shopping. Everything under control?
72
00:04:01,380 --> 00:04:03,940
What if I said
that everything was in chaos?
73
00:04:03,980 --> 00:04:06,096
It wouldn't be, not with you here.
74
00:04:06,140 --> 00:04:08,779
No, good old Sandy.
75
00:04:08,820 --> 00:04:10,856
Come and see what I've bought.
76
00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:18,412
- What do you think?
- Well, it's quieter.
77
00:04:18,460 --> 00:04:21,611
- Yes.
- That's a very sensible skirt.
78
00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:24,333
Well, there is a time for flashing your knees.
79
00:04:24,380 --> 00:04:26,098
Oh, yes, definitely.
80
00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:29,450
And a time not.
I mean, if I'm going to run this new branch...
81
00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:32,537
I thought that I'd try for a more sober image.
82
00:04:32,580 --> 00:04:33,979
More mature.
83
00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:38,015
- Congratulations.
- Well, Mum hasn't actually said anything yet.
84
00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:40,779
But... sort of stands to reason, doesn't it?
85
00:04:40,820 --> 00:04:42,811
Yes, it sort of does, really.
86
00:04:42,860 --> 00:04:46,011
It must be nearly lunch time.
Shall we pop across the road,
87
00:04:46,060 --> 00:04:48,699
be incredibly disciplined and have a salad?
88
00:04:48,740 --> 00:04:52,176
Erm, actually I'm already having lunch
with someone.
89
00:04:52,220 --> 00:04:54,688
- Oh?
- It's just a friend.
90
00:04:54,740 --> 00:04:57,015
Oh, right. Well, I'll see you later, then.
91
00:04:57,060 --> 00:04:58,459
Yeah.
92
00:05:03,660 --> 00:05:05,969
- More champagne.
- No, thanks.
93
00:05:06,020 --> 00:05:08,773
- I've got to work this afternoon.
- So have I.
94
00:05:08,820 --> 00:05:12,779
- Do you always lunch like this?
- Only when I have a morsel sent in.
95
00:05:12,820 --> 00:05:15,095
I do just as well on a fry-up.
96
00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:17,096
Do what just as well?
97
00:05:18,140 --> 00:05:20,051
What I do.
98
00:05:21,260 --> 00:05:23,376
- Let's talk.
- OK.
99
00:05:23,420 --> 00:05:26,059
- Would you feel more relaxed naked?
- No.
100
00:05:26,980 --> 00:05:28,493
Worth a try.
101
00:05:28,540 --> 00:05:31,577
Sandy, I want you to come and work for me.
102
00:05:31,620 --> 00:05:33,929
- I see.
- I need a Girl Friday.
103
00:05:33,980 --> 00:05:39,338
Oh, I hate that expression. It makes me think
of coming to work in a goatskin dress.
104
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:42,133
Lose Girl Friday, substitute personal assistant.
105
00:05:42,180 --> 00:05:44,410
Who takes her clothes off.
106
00:05:44,460 --> 00:05:47,896
Sandy, I have dreams... and I have work.
107
00:05:47,940 --> 00:05:51,933
I am talking work.
You are bright. I need a bright person.
108
00:05:51,980 --> 00:05:56,019
- And you'll notice I didn't use the word girl.
- You've got a nerve, you know.
109
00:05:56,060 --> 00:05:59,496
- I've worked for Jean for ages.
- As a secretary, yes.
110
00:05:59,540 --> 00:06:02,134
But where do you go from there?
Let's be real.
111
00:06:02,180 --> 00:06:04,740
It's obvious that Judy gets the new branch.
112
00:06:04,780 --> 00:06:08,932
- Blood is thicker than ability, and so on.
- I like Jean.
113
00:06:08,980 --> 00:06:13,098
Hey, I'm crazy about the lady,
but I'm talking work. I'm talking future.
114
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:16,769
- You're serious.
- As in... serious.
115
00:06:17,380 --> 00:06:20,178
- You haven't talked about money.
- (Laughs) No.
116
00:06:20,220 --> 00:06:23,257
I never talk about money.
117
00:06:28,740 --> 00:06:30,970
You are serious!
118
00:06:51,660 --> 00:06:53,810
(Door opens)
119
00:07:00,980 --> 00:07:02,857
Oh!
120
00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:04,379
- Hello.
- Hello.
121
00:07:04,420 --> 00:07:07,571
- Good day at the office?
- Not particularly, no.
122
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:11,810
- Have you been doing the ironing?
- Well, idle hands and so on.
123
00:07:11,860 --> 00:07:15,216
I did a fair bit of square stuff,
well, rectangular to be precise,
124
00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:19,970
and I was going to plough on, but
I don't know where to start with things like this.
125
00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:22,409
You don't. You don't iron bras.
126
00:07:22,460 --> 00:07:24,610
Really? I didn't know that.
127
00:07:28,660 --> 00:07:32,539
I can't iron this like an ordinary shirt, can I?
128
00:07:32,580 --> 00:07:35,652
Oh. No, not really, no.
Look, I'd pack up and have a rest.
129
00:07:36,180 --> 00:07:38,978
Perhaps you're right.
It's getting too technical.
130
00:07:39,020 --> 00:07:41,375
- I'll make us a cup of tea.
- No, I'll make tea.
131
00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:43,729
- I can make tea.
- I know you can.
132
00:07:43,780 --> 00:07:47,659
- I don't want you to. You've done the ironing.
- Not all day.
133
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:51,010
I just don't want you to feel
you've got to do things in the house.
134
00:07:51,060 --> 00:07:53,415
You frightened I'll turn into a drudge?
135
00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:57,412
Alistair says he's trying to
sell the book in Holland.
136
00:07:57,460 --> 00:08:00,816
Yes, it's a shame about that.
I've always liked the Dutch.
137
00:08:01,860 --> 00:08:03,930
And Scandinavia.
138
00:08:03,980 --> 00:08:08,053
I can't honestly see My Life In Kenya
setting Stockholm alight.
139
00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:11,979
They may be fascinated.
They're very inquisitive people, the Swedes.
140
00:08:12,020 --> 00:08:14,659
- How do you know?
- Common knowledge.
141
00:08:14,700 --> 00:08:16,372
- Is it?
- Yes.
142
00:08:16,420 --> 00:08:19,856
Oh, well, I'll sit back and wait
for the kroner to roll in.
143
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,856
And the guilders.
144
00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:25,209
Look here, should I be paying you rent?
145
00:08:25,260 --> 00:08:27,899
- Of course you shouldn't.
- Well...
146
00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:29,612
I should chip in.
147
00:08:29,660 --> 00:08:32,254
You are chipping in. Look at all that ironing.
148
00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:35,292
- And you got the breakfast.
- I boiled three eggs.
149
00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:37,058
Don't let's talk about money.
150
00:08:37,980 --> 00:08:41,131
- Shall I do the dinner tonight?
- No, I'll do the dinner.
151
00:08:41,180 --> 00:08:44,217
- All right.
- Being here, Lionel.
152
00:08:44,260 --> 00:08:46,330
That's chipping in.
153
00:08:46,380 --> 00:08:50,214
Having someone to talk to.
Actually, I want to talk to you now.
154
00:08:50,260 --> 00:08:52,376
It's about Judy.
155
00:08:52,420 --> 00:08:55,571
I've been going over and over it
in my mind, but...
156
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:59,090
I don't think she's the right person
to run that new branch.
157
00:08:59,140 --> 00:09:00,778
- Does she expect to?
- Yes.
158
00:09:00,820 --> 00:09:02,253
Oh.
159
00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:04,052
And I've got to tell her.
160
00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:06,295
- Oh.
- I can't let her go on thinking it.
161
00:09:06,340 --> 00:09:07,455
No.
162
00:09:08,540 --> 00:09:12,931
- I'm not being very constructive, am I?
- There's nothing to be constructive about.
163
00:09:12,980 --> 00:09:16,734
- It's nice to have someone to talk to.
- Who do you think can run the branch?
164
00:09:16,780 --> 00:09:19,897
Well, someone who I know can. Sandy.
165
00:09:19,940 --> 00:09:22,932
- (Door opens)
- (Judith) Hello, young lovers!
166
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:26,609
- That's her.
- (Footsteps up stairs)
167
00:09:26,660 --> 00:09:29,891
- She's going upstairs.
- Is that significant?
168
00:09:29,940 --> 00:09:32,773
No. But I'd just better get it over with.
169
00:09:32,820 --> 00:09:35,857
Right. Look, I'll start the dinner.
170
00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:38,812
- No, you will not.
- You don't expect me to come with you?
171
00:09:38,860 --> 00:09:40,179
No, no.
172
00:09:40,220 --> 00:09:43,496
Judy! Could I talk to you for a moment?
173
00:09:46,060 --> 00:09:48,858
Custard tarts! Hee-hee!
174
00:09:53,940 --> 00:09:57,410
- May I come in?
- Course you can come in. You live here.
175
00:09:57,460 --> 00:10:00,133
It's been an hour.
I was sure you'd had your chat.
176
00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:02,296
Chat?
177
00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:05,059
So, I, uh... put some jacket potatoes
in the oven.
178
00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:08,729
- I said I'd do dinner.
- I thought jacket potatoes would be a start.
179
00:10:08,780 --> 00:10:13,774
Oh. Yes. Well, good. I'd better find something
which goes with jacket potatoes.
180
00:10:13,820 --> 00:10:15,651
- I'll help you look.
- No, I'm fine.
181
00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:18,373
- I promise I won't cook what we find.
- (Mouths)
182
00:10:24,220 --> 00:10:26,415
- Drink?
- No, thanks.
183
00:10:27,780 --> 00:10:29,577
I think I will.
184
00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:33,130
You knew about the "chat", then?
185
00:10:33,180 --> 00:10:35,978
Erm... your mother did mention it, yes.
186
00:10:36,020 --> 00:10:39,012
You did remember to prick the potatoes
with a fork?
187
00:10:39,060 --> 00:10:40,937
Oh, yes. (Laughs)
188
00:10:47,660 --> 00:10:49,457
Well...
189
00:10:51,660 --> 00:10:53,378
Yes?
190
00:10:54,260 --> 00:10:56,615
I expect you're a bit disappointed.
191
00:10:56,660 --> 00:10:59,174
Oh, that was a stupid remark.
Of course you are.
192
00:10:59,220 --> 00:11:02,656
- Your mother was very worried.
- Oh, do tell.
193
00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:05,373
Actually, it was rather
a brave decision to take.
194
00:11:05,420 --> 00:11:07,411
Oh. So now she's a heroine.
195
00:11:07,460 --> 00:11:10,133
I'm not putting her in the Edith Cavell class.
196
00:11:10,180 --> 00:11:12,614
- Who's Edith Cavell?
- Never mind.
197
00:11:14,180 --> 00:11:17,729
- Knees and dimples.
- Not Edith Cavell! (Laughs)
198
00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:21,136
Me. Knees and dimples.
Soothing dissatisfied customers.
199
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:23,774
Knees for the men and dimples for the women.
200
00:11:23,820 --> 00:11:28,575
"She's so sweet. She's got such an honest face.
You can't stay angry with her for long.
201
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:32,693
"She hasn't got a brain in her head
but let's give the agency another chance."
202
00:11:32,740 --> 00:11:35,413
Anyway, that's the really professional me.
203
00:11:35,460 --> 00:11:36,654
The sum total.
204
00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:38,577
I'm sure Jean didn't say any of that.
205
00:11:38,620 --> 00:11:42,329
That's what she meant.
"No organisational skills." She did say that.
206
00:11:42,380 --> 00:11:46,658
"A bit slapdash. Not the best timekeeper
in the world," she said that.
207
00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:50,454
"You sometimes treat this job
as though it's some sort of a hobby."
208
00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:52,730
- She did say that.
- She was right.
209
00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:55,378
What?
210
00:11:55,420 --> 00:12:00,653
You're a sweet girl, but if you'd worked for me
in Kenya, you wouldn't have lasted two weeks.
211
00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:03,373
- I never wanted to plant cocoa.
- Coffee.
212
00:12:03,420 --> 00:12:04,853
Coffee, then.
213
00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:06,777
So... I'm useless.
214
00:12:06,820 --> 00:12:09,334
No. And don't say that was the inference.
215
00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:11,336
Of course you're not useless.
216
00:12:11,380 --> 00:12:14,338
But... you could be more useful.
217
00:12:14,380 --> 00:12:17,133
Nose to the grindstone, all that sort of thing.
218
00:12:17,180 --> 00:12:19,216
Yeah. All that sort of thing.
219
00:12:19,260 --> 00:12:21,933
- I thought you liked me.
- (Chuckles)
220
00:12:21,980 --> 00:12:25,370
You don't really expect me
to fall for that one, do you?
221
00:12:25,420 --> 00:12:28,139
No. You're getting to know me too well.
222
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:36,856
Don't... just be the boss's daughter, Judith.
223
00:12:41,140 --> 00:12:44,530
I should never have assumed
that I qualified, I suppose.
224
00:12:45,780 --> 00:12:47,498
No.
225
00:12:47,540 --> 00:12:49,531
Whereas Sandy does qualify.
226
00:12:49,580 --> 00:12:50,854
Sandy?
227
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,652
Yeah.
228
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:55,009
Didn't your mother tell you?
229
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:02,011
(Front door slams)
230
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:08,895
You shouldn't have left me in there.
231
00:13:08,940 --> 00:13:11,408
But she likes you. I thought you'd cheer her up.
232
00:13:11,460 --> 00:13:12,973
I almost did.
233
00:13:13,020 --> 00:13:15,454
- What happened?
- I mentioned Sandy.
234
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,650
- Oh...
- I assumed you'd told her.
235
00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:19,736
I was keeping that for tomorrow.
236
00:13:21,820 --> 00:13:25,779
- I bet you wish you hadn't moved in.
- I'll tell you when we've had dinner.
237
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:30,696
- Do you want a tissue?
- No, I'm all right, thank you.
238
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:36,335
I hoped I'd never hear myself saying this
but I don't understand the younger generation.
239
00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:40,578
I offer you a real chance of promotion
and you act as if I've given you the sack.
240
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,690
I thought you'd offer the job to Judith.
241
00:13:42,740 --> 00:13:44,856
- I didn't.
- But she's your daughter.
242
00:13:44,900 --> 00:13:46,891
Which didn't make it very easy.
243
00:13:46,940 --> 00:13:51,650
Look, the job is yours by rights, Sandy.
You're better at it than Judith is.
244
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:54,453
Oh, do you think I could have
that tissue now, please?
245
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,775
- Is it the excitement?
- No.
246
00:13:56,820 --> 00:13:58,412
- Pollen?
- What?
247
00:13:58,460 --> 00:14:00,451
I've run out of ideas.
248
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:03,572
No, it's... guilt.
249
00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:08,170
Alistair made me an offer
and I said I'd think about it.
250
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:11,449
Oh, I see.
251
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:14,697
Was it a mafia kind of offer,
the sort you can't refuse?
252
00:14:14,740 --> 00:14:16,617
It is very tempting.
253
00:14:16,660 --> 00:14:19,413
From Alistair
I wouldn't have expected less.
254
00:14:19,460 --> 00:14:23,294
Do you want to stop me thinking about it
by just kicking me out now?
255
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:25,410
No, I've got my best shoes on.
256
00:14:25,460 --> 00:14:29,009
Look, it's business, Sandy.
There's no need to feel guilty about it.
257
00:14:29,060 --> 00:14:31,574
But I went behind your back.
258
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:35,374
I wanted to tell you about it
but I thought you'd hit the roof.
259
00:14:36,860 --> 00:14:39,249
Look. Your career is yours.
260
00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:40,938
Your life is yours.
261
00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:45,019
If you told me that you were talking to Alistair,
I'd have said...
262
00:14:45,060 --> 00:14:47,494
You're quite right,
I'd probably have hit the roof.
263
00:14:48,380 --> 00:14:50,416
(Lionel) Makes me glad I'm unemployed.
264
00:14:50,460 --> 00:14:52,530
- You're self-employed.
- Well...
265
00:14:52,580 --> 00:14:55,094
Self-employed unemployed then.
266
00:14:55,140 --> 00:14:57,131
You'll give Judith the job now?
267
00:14:57,180 --> 00:15:00,889
No. How would you like to be as good as told
you're second best?
268
00:15:01,340 --> 00:15:05,299
Depends what at, really. If I was second best
at knitting, I wouldn't mind.
269
00:15:05,340 --> 00:15:07,217
- You can knit?
- No.
270
00:15:07,260 --> 00:15:08,852
You're just being flippant.
271
00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:11,175
Well, I was just trying to cheer you up.
272
00:15:13,060 --> 00:15:14,937
Do you like chilli?
273
00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:16,971
The food or the country?
274
00:15:17,020 --> 00:15:18,738
The food.
275
00:15:18,780 --> 00:15:21,772
I don't know. I haven't tasted it for a long time.
276
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:24,209
Yes, I think I do. Why?
277
00:15:24,260 --> 00:15:28,048
I make a very fair chilli. I thought I might make
us some for dinner tonight.
278
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:30,933
Why have you got this fetish
about cooking dinner?
279
00:15:30,980 --> 00:15:33,448
It isn't a fetish - I'm not doing much else.
280
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:36,333
Stop being a male chauvinist
and let me do chilli.
281
00:15:36,380 --> 00:15:38,257
All right. I'd like that.
282
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:44,057
Fetish. If I had a fetish it'd be a damn sight
more interesting than chilli con carne.
283
00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:46,216
What would it be? (Laughs)
284
00:15:46,260 --> 00:15:50,014
- Women with ice cream round their mouths.
- Oh, you might have told me!
285
00:15:50,060 --> 00:15:51,937
I just did.
286
00:15:51,980 --> 00:15:54,414
(Children shout)
287
00:16:03,940 --> 00:16:06,329
(Flatly) Thanks...
288
00:16:06,380 --> 00:16:08,052
Sorry.
289
00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:17,053
I should have just muttered and kicked it away
with my Zimmer frame.
290
00:16:18,980 --> 00:16:20,857
- Lionel?
- Mm?
291
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:24,813
You know we agreed that the idea of you
running the new branch was a silly one.
292
00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:26,737
Is it so silly?
293
00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:28,896
No, it's totally absurd.
294
00:16:28,940 --> 00:16:33,138
- I admire the way you thought it through.
- There's nothing to think through.
295
00:16:33,180 --> 00:16:36,889
Me, handling a lot of women?
- We're not wild beasts.
296
00:16:36,940 --> 00:16:39,374
Just takes a bit of organising, that's all.
297
00:16:39,420 --> 00:16:42,730
- Get yourself a good secretary.
- My stepmother, old Madge.
298
00:16:42,780 --> 00:16:44,816
She's 78, according to you, off her chump.
299
00:16:44,860 --> 00:16:48,739
And she'd fit the set-up you're proposing
perfectly, wouldn't she?
300
00:16:48,780 --> 00:16:50,816
I know why you're doing this.
301
00:16:50,860 --> 00:16:54,057
- It's a "make Lionel a few bob" idea, isn't it?
- No.
302
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:57,012
- Prove it.
- Well, all right, all right.
303
00:16:57,060 --> 00:16:59,733
- It would help me because...
- You can't.
304
00:16:59,780 --> 00:17:01,975
Just a minute. Now, just a minute.
305
00:17:02,740 --> 00:17:08,372
It would help me because it would be nice for
me to have somebody I know working with me.
306
00:17:08,420 --> 00:17:10,775
Know? We sleep together.
307
00:17:10,820 --> 00:17:12,970
- Know very well, then.
- Hmph!
308
00:17:13,540 --> 00:17:15,974
Can you honestly see me working for you?
309
00:17:16,020 --> 00:17:17,692
Yes!
310
00:17:17,740 --> 00:17:20,777
- Honestly and truly?
- You're stubborn.
311
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:25,177
What was that for?
312
00:17:25,220 --> 00:17:28,292
If I were a frontiersman,
you're the woman I'd like by my side.
313
00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:30,649
You're not becoming a frontiersman?
314
00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:32,930
- Not immediately, no.
- Oh!
315
00:17:35,140 --> 00:17:37,176
- What was that for?
- You didn't explain, so...
316
00:17:37,220 --> 00:17:39,450
- (Child yells)
- Oh!
317
00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:41,331
Sorry.
318
00:17:41,380 --> 00:17:43,575
What am I apologising for?
319
00:17:43,620 --> 00:17:45,929
Stupid young fools!
320
00:17:49,020 --> 00:17:52,092
Make yourself at home.
Alistair will be with you in a minute.
321
00:17:52,140 --> 00:17:54,131
Thank you.
322
00:18:07,940 --> 00:18:10,613
My God, you look fantastic!
323
00:18:10,660 --> 00:18:13,891
- What are you doing?
- Telling you you look fantastic.
324
00:18:13,940 --> 00:18:17,216
- Why are you dressed like that?
- I've just had a sauna.
325
00:18:17,260 --> 00:18:19,455
- In the office?
- Yes.
326
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:22,014
Hey, if you ever fancy one, just drop by.
327
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:25,291
Would you like some carrot juice?
Chinese gooseberry?
328
00:18:25,340 --> 00:18:28,810
I didn't come for carrot juice
or Chinese gooseberries
329
00:18:28,860 --> 00:18:31,135
and I didn't come here for a sauna.
330
00:18:31,180 --> 00:18:33,614
I came here to tell you that you are a toad.
331
00:18:35,540 --> 00:18:37,098
- Here.
- (Chiming)
332
00:18:37,140 --> 00:18:39,017
- What are they?
- You're stressed.
333
00:18:39,060 --> 00:18:40,379
I am not stressed.
334
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:43,139
- Then why call me a toad?
- Poaching my secretary.
335
00:18:43,180 --> 00:18:45,091
Ah, this is true.
336
00:18:45,140 --> 00:18:48,177
- I thought we were meant to be friends.
- We still are.
337
00:18:48,220 --> 00:18:52,213
When I think we could have been
something more... Woof! You still excite me.
338
00:18:52,260 --> 00:18:55,093
Oh, please, Alistair, please. Stop all that.
339
00:18:55,860 --> 00:18:57,851
I think you owe me an explanation.
340
00:18:57,900 --> 00:19:00,892
- Sandy is a diamond.
- That's it?
341
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:03,329
What would you do if she worked for me?
342
00:19:03,380 --> 00:19:05,291
I'd think you were very lucky.
343
00:19:05,340 --> 00:19:07,900
- And?
- That's it. That's all.
344
00:19:09,860 --> 00:19:13,136
- We are talking business.
- I know we're talking business.
345
00:19:13,180 --> 00:19:15,648
- You do look fantastic though.
- That isn't business.
346
00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:18,055
OK, listen.
347
00:19:20,140 --> 00:19:23,530
If she worked for me and you got
the impression she wasn't happy,
348
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:28,290
are you telling me you wouldn't make
the slightest noises towards her?
349
00:19:28,340 --> 00:19:29,819
I might.
350
00:19:29,860 --> 00:19:32,613
That's all I did.
She thought Judy would get the new job.
351
00:19:32,660 --> 00:19:34,969
I know, but I want Sandy to have it.
352
00:19:35,020 --> 00:19:39,411
But I have to be honest. I mean,
I can't compete with a sauna in the office.
353
00:19:39,460 --> 00:19:41,496
OK.
354
00:19:41,540 --> 00:19:43,496
We leave it to Sandy.
355
00:19:43,540 --> 00:19:47,658
We'll just sit back... and I'll increase my offer.
356
00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:50,737
- If you do, I'll turn on the tears.
- Fair enough.
357
00:19:50,780 --> 00:19:53,010
- You do look fantastic.
- Alistair...
358
00:19:53,060 --> 00:19:55,574
Life with Lionel obviously suits you.
359
00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:58,774
Ah.
360
00:19:58,820 --> 00:20:02,176
- Probs?
- Well, the book's not selling, is it?
361
00:20:02,220 --> 00:20:06,452
- The truth.
- On a scale of one to ten... no.
362
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:10,890
And the lecture tours are conspicuous
by their absence.
363
00:20:10,940 --> 00:20:13,374
He keeps wanting to cook dinner.
364
00:20:13,420 --> 00:20:15,809
I don't want him to feel...
365
00:20:15,860 --> 00:20:18,055
I don't want him to feel less.
366
00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:21,137
- He's a weird guy, Lionel.
- No, he's not.
367
00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:23,296
He can be a bit odd, but he's not weird.
368
00:20:23,340 --> 00:20:26,013
Why else would he turn down
a bunch of dollars?
369
00:20:26,060 --> 00:20:28,096
- He wouldn't.
- He has.
370
00:20:28,140 --> 00:20:30,654
- When?
- A couple of weeks ago.
371
00:20:30,700 --> 00:20:35,012
It's there to be written. Your story.
Your young story.
372
00:20:35,060 --> 00:20:38,769
It grabs me by the throat
and yells "miniseries".
373
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:41,653
- You're off your trolley.
- I have a sauna in the office.
374
00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:44,089
Who'd be interested in a soppy story like that?
375
00:20:44,140 --> 00:20:46,131
Only the world. I'm serious.
376
00:20:46,180 --> 00:20:48,853
I offered to talk to America.
Do you know what Lionel said?
377
00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:52,176
I don't know. Something like,
"How nice for America."
378
00:20:52,620 --> 00:20:55,259
- Oh!
- Exactly like.
379
00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:58,815
You know there are private people
and there are private people
380
00:20:58,860 --> 00:21:00,737
and then there's Lionel.
381
00:21:00,780 --> 00:21:04,329
- It's not just his story.
- You could be Julia Roberts.
382
00:21:04,380 --> 00:21:07,577
Oh, no! She's very nice but 18 she's not.
383
00:21:07,620 --> 00:21:10,259
- Did you look 18 when you were 18?
- I must have done.
384
00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:13,736
- Perhaps a young Jodie Foster.
- Perhaps we're getting ahead of ourselves.
385
00:21:13,780 --> 00:21:15,532
- Only way to go.
- Not for me.
386
00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:18,291
And certainly not for Lionel.
387
00:21:18,340 --> 00:21:20,490
Let's get back to square one.
388
00:21:20,540 --> 00:21:22,815
How much of a reality is all this?
389
00:21:22,860 --> 00:21:26,250
- I am here to tell you...
- On a scale of one to ten.
390
00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:28,052
Maybe three.
391
00:21:28,100 --> 00:21:30,409
But it's better than cooking dinner.
392
00:21:31,260 --> 00:21:32,898
- Let's talk.
- In the sauna?
393
00:21:32,940 --> 00:21:35,408
No, let's talk.
394
00:21:35,740 --> 00:21:37,856
Alistair, you're not a toad.
395
00:21:41,020 --> 00:21:43,693
My chilli's coming along very nicely.
396
00:21:43,740 --> 00:21:46,208
- You did soak the kidney beans?
- Of course.
397
00:21:46,260 --> 00:21:48,296
I'm only asking!
398
00:21:48,340 --> 00:21:50,456
You get a bit touchy when you cook.
399
00:21:50,500 --> 00:21:52,775
Only when it's faintly ambitious.
400
00:21:52,820 --> 00:21:56,130
When I boil an egg, I'm positively cavalier.
401
00:21:56,180 --> 00:21:58,171
I saw Alistair today.
402
00:21:58,220 --> 00:22:00,654
I tore him off a strip for trying to poach Sandy.
403
00:22:00,700 --> 00:22:03,897
- I assume he was very contrite.
- Almost grovellingly.
404
00:22:03,940 --> 00:22:06,818
You never told me he was asking you
to write something else.
405
00:22:06,860 --> 00:22:08,498
- Us.
- Yes.
406
00:22:08,540 --> 00:22:10,531
I'd sooner walk naked down Oxford Street.
407
00:22:10,580 --> 00:22:12,298
- Oh!
- (Door slams)
408
00:22:12,340 --> 00:22:15,696
- That'll be Judy. If there's a row...
- I'll be in the kitchen.
409
00:22:15,740 --> 00:22:18,379
- Hello.
- (Jean and Lionel) Hello.
410
00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:19,978
Hello.
411
00:22:20,020 --> 00:22:22,659
- We've had a chat.
- Yes?
412
00:22:23,620 --> 00:22:25,895
- I'm sorry, Mum.
- Oh.
413
00:22:27,740 --> 00:22:29,696
As for you...
414
00:22:30,620 --> 00:22:32,338
Oh, thank you.
415
00:22:32,380 --> 00:22:35,850
I should never have thought
I was up for the job in the first place.
416
00:22:35,900 --> 00:22:39,210
Maybe the next branch.
That's it. That's me, really.
417
00:22:39,820 --> 00:22:42,380
And, erm... I've said no to Alistair.
418
00:22:42,420 --> 00:22:46,379
And I don't want to run the new branch either.
But it was nice to be appreciated.
419
00:22:46,420 --> 00:22:48,058
Thank you.
420
00:22:48,100 --> 00:22:49,852
Well, that's me, really.
421
00:22:49,900 --> 00:22:53,370
- Whatever happened to ambition?
- Well, that can wait a bit.
422
00:22:53,420 --> 00:22:56,810
- I don't know why I bother with you two.
- Because we're so lovable.
423
00:22:56,860 --> 00:22:59,328
- Cheerio, we're off to eat.
- Have a nice time.
424
00:22:59,380 --> 00:23:02,213
- Thanks for being so loyal, Sandy.
- That's all right.
425
00:23:02,260 --> 00:23:05,093
I, er... thought we might talk
about a raise tomorrow.
426
00:23:06,420 --> 00:23:08,490
For both of us.
427
00:23:09,820 --> 00:23:12,493
Women! (Laughs)
428
00:23:13,940 --> 00:23:15,737
Ready to eat?
429
00:23:17,500 --> 00:23:19,092
Oh...
430
00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:23,409
- You're quite pink.
- Oh...
431
00:23:23,460 --> 00:23:25,371
It's very nice, it's just...
432
00:23:26,180 --> 00:23:28,535
- It's just a bit on the hot side.
- (Laughs)
433
00:23:28,580 --> 00:23:31,094
I'm used to making it the way I like it.
434
00:23:31,140 --> 00:23:34,291
- I'll tone it down a bit next time.
- Just a bit, yes.
435
00:23:34,340 --> 00:23:37,730
No, no, sit for a bit. Have some more wine.
436
00:23:39,460 --> 00:23:43,009
- You?
- Oh, no. No. I'll stick to the water.
437
00:23:45,500 --> 00:23:47,491
About Alistair.
438
00:23:47,540 --> 00:23:49,974
I make quite a fair spotted dick, you know.
439
00:23:50,020 --> 00:23:51,658
Oh, good.
440
00:23:51,700 --> 00:23:55,375
- About Alistair.
- My stew's not to be sneezed at either.
441
00:23:55,420 --> 00:23:57,615
- About Alistair.
- Pie in the sky.
442
00:23:57,660 --> 00:24:01,096
Are we still on the cooking
or have we finally got to Alistair?
443
00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:03,449
Alistair. It's all pie in the sky.
444
00:24:03,500 --> 00:24:07,129
Be honest. You read the book.
I should have sold it as a sleeping pill.
445
00:24:07,180 --> 00:24:10,570
He's not talking about a book.
He's talking about a miniseries.
446
00:24:10,620 --> 00:24:13,054
What, written for tiny little people?
447
00:24:13,340 --> 00:24:15,729
I'm gonna empty the rest of this chilli over you.
448
00:24:15,780 --> 00:24:18,852
- I can't write a miniseries.
- You don't know that yet.
449
00:24:18,900 --> 00:24:22,097
Just a few hours about you and I
when we were young.
450
00:24:22,140 --> 00:24:25,177
Scene one. Lionel the Viking
leaps from his longship.
451
00:24:26,700 --> 00:24:29,294
It's all history. We're not relevant.
452
00:24:29,340 --> 00:24:31,729
Of course we're relevant. We're here.
453
00:24:31,780 --> 00:24:35,819
Of course we're relevant. History as you call it
can make very good television.
454
00:24:35,860 --> 00:24:41,332
Look at that thing we watched the other night
about the '50s with that actor... that... actor in it.
455
00:24:41,380 --> 00:24:44,178
- Well, it was very good.
- You fell asleep.
456
00:24:44,220 --> 00:24:46,859
Yes, well, the bits I saw were very good.
I mean...
457
00:24:46,900 --> 00:24:49,175
- Period pieces.
- Us?
458
00:24:49,220 --> 00:24:51,609
That's what they're called. They're popular.
459
00:24:51,660 --> 00:24:55,448
If Alistair thinks they can work then why not?
460
00:24:55,500 --> 00:24:59,015
Would you allow cameras
in the bedroom when we were in bed?
461
00:24:59,060 --> 00:25:01,654
- No. Don't be so silly.
- That's the equivalent.
462
00:25:01,700 --> 00:25:04,851
- But Lionel, nobody wants us in it.
- Well...
463
00:25:04,900 --> 00:25:08,575
It's still pie in the sky and Alistair knows it.
I can't write fiction.
464
00:25:08,620 --> 00:25:11,817
But you don't know that yet.
It's not fiction. It all happened.
465
00:25:11,860 --> 00:25:14,932
It's our business and nobody else's.
466
00:25:15,780 --> 00:25:17,850
I'm going to clear away.
467
00:25:17,900 --> 00:25:20,698
I know why that mule kicked you in Korea.
468
00:25:20,740 --> 00:25:24,779
- It thought you were another mule.
- Shall I save this for tomorrow?
469
00:25:24,820 --> 00:25:28,369
I don't think my temperature will have returned
to normal by then.
470
00:25:28,420 --> 00:25:31,332
- I'll have it for lunch.
- Look, it's just a story.
471
00:25:31,380 --> 00:25:35,612
It hardly comes under the heading of a startling
revelation in a Sunday newspaper.
472
00:25:35,660 --> 00:25:39,448
- We'd give away something of ourselves.
- Nobody'll know it's us.
473
00:25:39,500 --> 00:25:42,094
With Alistair involved, don't you bet on it.
474
00:25:42,140 --> 00:25:45,371
He'd probably run guided tours past the house.
475
00:25:45,420 --> 00:25:49,857
"If you look out the left-hand side of the bus,
you may just catch the original relics."
476
00:25:49,900 --> 00:25:52,698
Your argument's getting wilder by the minute.
477
00:25:52,740 --> 00:25:55,732
I can't see why you're so keen on this.
478
00:25:55,780 --> 00:25:57,975
For you.
479
00:25:58,020 --> 00:26:03,538
You ought to be doing something, not loading
dishwashers and wondering how to iron bras.
480
00:26:03,580 --> 00:26:08,256
It's not the money. I don't care if you never
earn another penny for the rest of your life.
481
00:26:08,300 --> 00:26:09,972
But you do.
482
00:26:10,020 --> 00:26:11,658
It's pride.
483
00:26:11,700 --> 00:26:13,895
I want you to be proud.
484
00:26:13,940 --> 00:26:16,170
And I want to be proud because you're proud.
485
00:26:17,460 --> 00:26:19,371
Now, scene one.
486
00:26:20,020 --> 00:26:24,616
A handsome young 2nd lieutenant in the
Middlesex regiment strides through Hyde Park.
487
00:26:24,660 --> 00:26:27,094
I was strolling, and I draw the line at handsome.
488
00:26:27,140 --> 00:26:29,893
Well, strolling, then. He sees a young nurse.
489
00:26:29,940 --> 00:26:31,658
Now, what then?
490
00:26:31,700 --> 00:26:34,692
The most original chat-up line
he can think of is...
491
00:26:34,740 --> 00:26:38,574
- "Could you tell me the way to Curzon Street?"
- Yes. Well, ignore that.
492
00:26:38,620 --> 00:26:40,815
What did this young officer feel?
493
00:26:41,860 --> 00:26:43,691
A total fool in retrospect.
494
00:26:43,740 --> 00:26:46,300
I'm not talking about "in retrospect".
495
00:26:46,340 --> 00:26:48,535
What did he feel then?
496
00:26:49,580 --> 00:26:51,411
I saw you...
497
00:26:52,180 --> 00:26:54,057
and I stopped breathing.
498
00:26:54,100 --> 00:26:56,136
I really did.
499
00:26:56,180 --> 00:26:57,738
Did you?
500
00:26:57,780 --> 00:27:00,931
I started again, obviously, or I'd have died, but...
501
00:27:00,980 --> 00:27:03,653
for that moment, there was nobody in that park.
502
00:27:03,700 --> 00:27:06,089
Nothing else in the park, just you.
503
00:27:07,140 --> 00:27:09,335
Shall we have an early night tonight?
504
00:27:10,180 --> 00:27:12,648
- Good idea.
- It's a beautiful thing to say.
505
00:27:14,060 --> 00:27:16,654
- I couldn't write it.
- You just did.
506
00:27:17,260 --> 00:27:20,457
- What about sex scenes?
- We had plenty of those, didn't we?
507
00:27:20,500 --> 00:27:24,732
- Us, on a television screen.
- Lionel! You will not get into your head...
508
00:27:24,780 --> 00:27:28,216
It wouldn't be us, it would be two other people.
It could be lovely.
509
00:27:28,260 --> 00:27:30,979
You're getting carried away.
You know Alistair.
510
00:27:31,020 --> 00:27:34,092
Today's hot idea is tomorrow's cold potato.
511
00:27:34,140 --> 00:27:37,291
- Pie in the sky, that's all it is.
- (Phone)
512
00:27:40,220 --> 00:27:41,778
- Hello.
- Hi, lovely lady.
513
00:27:41,820 --> 00:27:46,336
- Oh, hello... Where?
- (Alistair talking indistinctly)
514
00:27:46,380 --> 00:27:48,655
Oh, of course you must.
515
00:27:48,700 --> 00:27:50,292
Yes, I'll tell him.
516
00:27:50,340 --> 00:27:53,457
- Ciao, lovely lady.
- Bon voyage.
517
00:27:54,860 --> 00:27:58,057
That was Alistair, phoning from Heathrow.
518
00:27:58,660 --> 00:28:00,935
He's flying out.
519
00:28:00,980 --> 00:28:03,175
He's going to talk to America.
520
00:28:03,220 --> 00:28:05,336
(# Hums merrily but softly)
521
00:28:11,940 --> 00:28:14,738
# You must remember this
522
00:28:14,780 --> 00:28:17,340
# A kiss is still a kiss
523
00:28:17,380 --> 00:28:20,770
# A sigh is just a sigh
524
00:28:22,740 --> 00:28:26,494
# The fundamental things apply
525
00:28:26,540 --> 00:28:30,294
# As time goes by
526
00:28:33,540 --> 00:28:36,293
# And when two lovers woo
527
00:28:36,340 --> 00:28:39,093
# They still say I love you
528
00:28:39,140 --> 00:28:42,052
# On that you can rely
529
00:28:44,660 --> 00:28:49,017
# The world will always welcome lovers
530
00:28:50,300 --> 00:28:58,093
# As time goes by #
531
00:28:58,143 --> 00:29:02,693
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