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1
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# You must remember this
2
00:00:11,620 --> 00:00:14,214
# A kiss is still a kiss
3
00:00:14,260 --> 00:00:17,252
# A sigh is just a sigh
4
00:00:19,940 --> 00:00:23,410
# The fundamental things apply
5
00:00:23,460 --> 00:00:27,453
# As time goes by #
6
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(Lionel mutters) Oh, for...
7
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goodness' sake!
8
00:00:32,820 --> 00:00:34,617
(Lionel) Uhh!
9
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:41,090
- He's not fighting someone in there, is he?
- I'll enquire.
10
00:00:42,660 --> 00:00:46,016
Ahem. Is sir all right in there?
11
00:00:46,060 --> 00:00:48,255
(Lionel) No, sir is not all right in here.
12
00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:52,054
Sir is hot and sick and tired
of getting in and out of suits
13
00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:54,898
and taking his shoes off
and putting them back on again.
14
00:00:54,940 --> 00:00:59,013
Sir is becoming claustrophobic
and completely brassed off.
15
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:01,051
Well, that was an outburst.
16
00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:02,897
- Railing.
- I beg your pardon?
17
00:01:02,940 --> 00:01:05,977
- Railing. He does that sometimes.
- About trying on suits?
18
00:01:06,020 --> 00:01:09,012
Oh, about anything.
You name it, he can rail against it.
19
00:01:09,060 --> 00:01:11,255
I wouldn't like his blood pressure.
20
00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:14,053
Once he's had a good rail,
he's quite himself again.
21
00:01:16,060 --> 00:01:18,893
I don't like being discussed
when I'm behind a curtain.
22
00:01:18,940 --> 00:01:21,374
You make that sound like a regular occurrence.
23
00:01:21,420 --> 00:01:23,376
Would sir like a glass of water?
24
00:01:23,420 --> 00:01:28,892
- No, sir would prefer a pint of best bitter.
- Oh, I'm sorry, I don't think...
25
00:01:30,700 --> 00:01:33,931
- I might be able to find a sherry.
- I was joking.
26
00:01:33,980 --> 00:01:37,495
See? He's had a good rail
and now he's himself again - joking.
27
00:01:37,540 --> 00:01:40,612
- Well, what do you think?
- Very smart.
28
00:01:41,660 --> 00:01:43,457
- Yes.
- Is that an opinion?
29
00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:44,489
Yes.
30
00:01:44,540 --> 00:01:47,532
- What does it mean?
- Ye... es.
31
00:01:47,580 --> 00:01:49,377
- Yes, but?
- No.
32
00:01:50,140 --> 00:01:52,700
Er... yes, it's just the job?
33
00:01:52,740 --> 00:01:54,059
No, no.
34
00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:59,934
I appreciate your giving up a Saturday morning
but I assumed you'd bring an opinion with you.
35
00:01:59,980 --> 00:02:02,175
Yes, well, it's hard to put into words.
36
00:02:02,220 --> 00:02:04,973
- There isn't time for you to write me a letter.
- Very nice.
37
00:02:05,020 --> 00:02:06,533
Very smart.
38
00:02:07,540 --> 00:02:09,735
In its own way.
39
00:02:09,780 --> 00:02:11,816
It's just a bit, um...
40
00:02:11,860 --> 00:02:14,055
- A bit...
- Go on.
41
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:16,694
...banker-ish.
- Oh, I'd take that as high praise.
42
00:02:16,740 --> 00:02:19,812
- Well, I wouldn't. Do you mean boring?
- No.
43
00:02:19,860 --> 00:02:22,249
- What do you mean?
- Banker-ish.
44
00:02:22,300 --> 00:02:27,249
- I'm sure I could find you a glass of sherry.
- No, let's not lose the thrust of this argument.
45
00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:30,019
It isn't an argument.
If the suit was for you, I'd know.
46
00:02:30,060 --> 00:02:33,052
- You mean the suit isn't for sir?
- Of course it is.
47
00:02:33,100 --> 00:02:35,978
- I'm sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.
48
00:02:36,020 --> 00:02:40,013
- If it was for me? It is for me.
- But you as an author, you at a book launch.
49
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:43,496
You signing copies,
you making personal appearances.
50
00:02:43,540 --> 00:02:46,532
Oh, a celebrity. What's the book called, sir?
51
00:02:46,580 --> 00:02:50,095
- My Life In Kenya.
- What's it about?
52
00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:55,252
Curiously enough, it's about my life in Kenya.
53
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,495
Oh, non-fiction.
54
00:02:57,540 --> 00:02:59,212
I'm afraid so.
55
00:03:00,860 --> 00:03:04,853
Well, come on, help me look like a writer,
albeit of non-fiction.
56
00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:07,698
- What does Alistair say?
- (Sighs)
57
00:03:07,740 --> 00:03:12,768
Well, I brought his folder with me
but I was hoping it would only be a last resort.
58
00:03:15,380 --> 00:03:17,098
Right.
59
00:03:17,140 --> 00:03:21,338
Clothes, clothes... No. "Interviews, sex..."
60
00:03:21,380 --> 00:03:24,372
- Sex?
- He believe in covering everything.
61
00:03:24,420 --> 00:03:28,413
- Er... clothes, here we are.
- Is this going to be helpful to us, sir?
62
00:03:28,460 --> 00:03:30,496
It's gibberish.
63
00:03:32,260 --> 00:03:35,457
- I'm afraid I don't understand it.
- Give it to me.
64
00:03:36,580 --> 00:03:39,777
- It's perfectly plain.
- Well, perhaps you could translate.
65
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,617
Well...
66
00:03:41,660 --> 00:03:45,175
Yes, well, what Alistair is saying is, um...
67
00:03:45,220 --> 00:03:47,688
- Yes?
- Just a minute.
68
00:03:47,740 --> 00:03:49,890
Is... smart...
69
00:03:51,540 --> 00:03:54,930
...but not too smart. Oh, stylish...
70
00:03:54,980 --> 00:03:56,777
but not too stylish.
71
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,970
Informal, but not too informal?
72
00:03:59,020 --> 00:04:00,931
- I'm lost.
- So am I.
73
00:04:00,980 --> 00:04:03,972
Perhaps we could find that glass of sherry.
74
00:04:05,900 --> 00:04:09,495
- I don't like being patronised.
- Not you, the assistant.
75
00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:12,930
- I mean, all the trouble he went to.
- At least he gets paid for it.
76
00:04:12,980 --> 00:04:15,972
- I had to put up with it for nothing.
- He didn't sell a suit.
77
00:04:16,020 --> 00:04:18,739
- I bought a tie.
- It's not the same.
78
00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:21,977
- Obviously it's not the same.
- What will you do about the suit?
79
00:04:22,020 --> 00:04:24,580
- Save money, not buy one.
- Oh.
80
00:04:24,620 --> 00:04:28,693
This vast book-buying public Alistair
chunters on about will have to take me as I am.
81
00:04:28,740 --> 00:04:32,210
You make it sound like a threat.
You will be cheerful, won't you?
82
00:04:32,260 --> 00:04:35,058
Unbearably. I shall grin all the time like this...
83
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:36,818
Stop it, Lionel.
84
00:04:40,220 --> 00:04:42,211
Lionel, stop it!
85
00:04:44,060 --> 00:04:46,255
Oh, Lionel, stop!
86
00:04:47,660 --> 00:04:50,220
Stop, Lionel. Lionel!
87
00:04:51,740 --> 00:04:54,459
Stop it! Just stop it!
88
00:04:57,620 --> 00:05:00,418
I'm not sure I like this now.
89
00:05:00,460 --> 00:05:03,258
If you're thinking of taking it back,
you'll go alone.
90
00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:05,097
I probably shan't.
91
00:05:05,140 --> 00:05:09,691
I think the chap in the shop probably deserves
the rest of the day to be a peaceful one.
92
00:05:09,740 --> 00:05:11,731
I think he deserves a medal.
93
00:05:14,620 --> 00:05:16,975
You never make any comment about my coffee.
94
00:05:17,020 --> 00:05:18,419
Should I?
95
00:05:18,460 --> 00:05:22,055
You owned a coffee plantation in Kenya
for the best part of your life.
96
00:05:22,100 --> 00:05:24,898
Oh, I see. Well... it's jolly nice.
97
00:05:24,940 --> 00:05:28,455
Jolly nice? That's the sort of thing
the vicar would say.
98
00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:31,537
Does he often pop round here for coffee, then?
99
00:05:31,580 --> 00:05:33,730
I was speaking figuratively.
100
00:05:33,780 --> 00:05:38,058
You wouldn't want a dissertation on the bean
and the blend every time I have coffee?
101
00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:40,534
Not a dissertation, just an informed opinion.
102
00:05:40,580 --> 00:05:42,775
Oh, all right.
103
00:05:49,420 --> 00:05:51,217
Excuse me!
104
00:05:53,340 --> 00:05:54,329
Well?
105
00:05:55,340 --> 00:05:57,137
It's jolly nice.
106
00:05:57,180 --> 00:06:00,138
And it wasn't the best part of my life in Kenya,
you know.
107
00:06:00,180 --> 00:06:02,171
Major, but not the best.
108
00:06:03,060 --> 00:06:07,053
A tiny time with you 38 years ago,
that was the best part of my life.
109
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,295
Are you chatting me up?
110
00:06:09,340 --> 00:06:11,331
Yes, I suppose I am.
111
00:06:12,340 --> 00:06:16,015
- Now, about this sex thing.
- What sex thing?
112
00:06:17,140 --> 00:06:19,335
- Well, Alistair's folder.
- Oh.
113
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:23,168
How to be an author in ten easy lessons.
You said there was a bit about sex.
114
00:06:23,220 --> 00:06:26,212
- It isn't instructions.
- Oh, dash!
115
00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:28,979
- What does he say?
- See for yourself.
116
00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:33,893
- Do you mind if I pour another cup of your...
- (Both)... jolly nice coffee.
117
00:06:37,740 --> 00:06:39,935
- (Laughs)
- I knew you'd laugh.
118
00:06:39,980 --> 00:06:42,335
Well, it isn't you, is it?
119
00:06:42,380 --> 00:06:44,416
- Is it?!
- Of course it isn't.
120
00:06:44,460 --> 00:06:47,452
He wants you to come over
as a bit of an old ram.
121
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:51,493
Well, I could buy a T-shirt
with "Sex Machine" printed across it.
122
00:06:51,540 --> 00:06:56,216
- That's not very subtle, is it?
- Subtlety isn't a word I associate with Alistair.
123
00:06:56,260 --> 00:06:59,332
- He only wants you to hint at it.
- What, leer a lot?
124
00:06:59,380 --> 00:07:02,850
Just suggest that your personal life is steamed
without saying it.
125
00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:06,495
- Leer reflectively.
- No, smile mischievously.
126
00:07:06,540 --> 00:07:07,859
- What?
- Yes.
127
00:07:07,900 --> 00:07:12,178
If pressed on a ticklish subject,
smile a little mischievously and say, "Hey, hey"
128
00:07:12,220 --> 00:07:15,496
and your potential readers will think "Ho, ho!"
129
00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:20,493
- It isn't me, all this, is it?
- Well, it could be. It's easy enough.
130
00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:23,100
- Go on, then, show me.
- I didn't say I could do it.
131
00:07:23,140 --> 00:07:25,859
- You said it was easy.
- Well, it...
132
00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:28,368
All right, it's sort of... sort of, um...
133
00:07:28,420 --> 00:07:30,980
Oh... (Laughs suggestively)
134
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:38,659
That was rather good. What were you
thinking about to make you smile like that?
135
00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:40,736
Gooseberry fool.
136
00:07:41,860 --> 00:07:44,454
I didn't have to carry on like this to sell coffee.
137
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:46,013
It's not quite the same thing.
138
00:07:46,060 --> 00:07:49,257
- I know, I know.
- Hm, that's nice.
139
00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:53,088
- But it won't work, you know.
- What kind of an attitude is that?
140
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:57,577
Realistic. My Life In Kenya, it's a dull book.
141
00:07:57,620 --> 00:08:00,418
I imagine it might sell marginally more copies
142
00:08:00,460 --> 00:08:03,850
than something called
The Anatomy Of A Wireworm.
143
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,698
You've read it, what's your honest opinion?
144
00:08:06,740 --> 00:08:10,449
- Well...
- Well, that's a hesitant start.
145
00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:14,493
Look, just let me finish. It's, um...
Well, it's interesting, isn't it, Judy?
146
00:08:14,540 --> 00:08:17,008
- Yes. And, um...
- Yes. And authentic.
147
00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:19,449
- Yes. Informative.
- Yes.
148
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,092
- Dull?
- Yes.
149
00:08:21,140 --> 00:08:23,700
- A bit.
- Well, you did ask.
150
00:08:23,740 --> 00:08:26,732
Which brings us to one inevitable point.
151
00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:31,938
Why the hell did Alistair ever choose
to publish it in the first place?
152
00:08:31,980 --> 00:08:35,734
- Alistair's still not in his office.
- Do you have his home number?
153
00:08:35,780 --> 00:08:37,577
Certainly not. Don't you?
154
00:08:37,620 --> 00:08:39,815
- Certainly not.
- Judith might.
155
00:08:39,860 --> 00:08:42,454
I can't ask her.
She stayed the night with friends.
156
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:46,493
- Why this rush to get hold of Alistair, anyway?
- Oh, well, it's Lionel.
157
00:08:47,540 --> 00:08:52,011
Look... you've read his book.
What do you honestly think?
158
00:08:52,060 --> 00:08:56,212
- My job doesn't depend on my answer?
- Well, I said be honest.
159
00:08:56,260 --> 00:09:00,412
Well... if it was between reading the book
and counting sheep...
160
00:09:00,460 --> 00:09:02,178
Yes, quite.
161
00:09:03,220 --> 00:09:05,688
Lionel's no fool. He knows that.
162
00:09:05,740 --> 00:09:09,210
But now he wants to know
why Alistair ever chose to publish it.
163
00:09:09,260 --> 00:09:13,617
We all know that. A bit of non-fiction
is good for a publisher's respectability.
164
00:09:13,660 --> 00:09:16,652
I know, but will Lionel find that flattering?
165
00:09:16,700 --> 00:09:20,409
I mean, I know him
and for all his feigned indifference,
166
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,690
he really cares about the book.
167
00:09:24,460 --> 00:09:28,169
If I didn't know you better,
I'd say you were falling in love again.
168
00:09:28,220 --> 00:09:31,417
You don't know me better.
Try Alistair's office again, please.
169
00:09:31,460 --> 00:09:37,330
Yes. I know one thing. You're much livelier
since Lionel turned up again.
170
00:09:37,380 --> 00:09:39,052
Livelier?
171
00:09:40,140 --> 00:09:46,488
Oh, hello again. It's Miss Pargetter's secretary.
Is Mr Deacon back yet? He is?
172
00:09:46,540 --> 00:09:48,610
May I? Thank you.
173
00:09:48,660 --> 00:09:51,128
- The whizz kid's whizzed in.
- Thank goodness.
174
00:09:51,180 --> 00:09:54,729
Hello, Alistair. Ye... Yes, I'm fine.
175
00:09:54,780 --> 00:09:59,137
- Now, look, Alistair, it's about Lionel...
- Judy's already talked to me.
176
00:09:59,180 --> 00:10:01,489
Oh. Has she?
177
00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:05,090
No, I didn't know.
178
00:10:05,140 --> 00:10:08,337
Mind? No. Why should I mind?
179
00:10:09,420 --> 00:10:12,139
Yes, right. Bye, Alistair.
180
00:10:12,180 --> 00:10:14,375
Yes, ciao to you, too. Bye.
181
00:10:15,940 --> 00:10:19,250
- Judy's spoken to him already.
- She must've been up early.
182
00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:23,771
She didn't need to. He was the "friend"
she stayed with last night.
183
00:10:23,820 --> 00:10:25,412
Ho ho!
184
00:10:25,460 --> 00:10:28,850
Hm. Ho ho, indeed.
185
00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:30,891
You didn't say that very joyfully.
186
00:10:30,940 --> 00:10:33,329
What do you want me to do?
Dance on the desk?
187
00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:34,859
He's only a bloke.
188
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:38,051
That's like saying a wolf
is only a sort of poodle.
189
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:41,251
- Well, if you ask me...
- What was it I used to do here?
190
00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:44,372
Oh, yes, I know,
I used to run a secretarial agency.
191
00:10:44,420 --> 00:10:49,619
- Your hints drop like boulders on butterflies.
- Spread your wings, get on with some work.
192
00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:56,010
Sorry to keep you waiting, mate.
I've been on the phone sorting out Italy.
193
00:10:56,060 --> 00:10:59,814
Italians have been trying to do that for years.
Formed a government yet?
194
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:02,055
Something much bigger than that.
195
00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:04,136
I've got a hot author in Rome.
196
00:11:05,180 --> 00:11:10,129
- So, what do you think of the new office?
- Very impressive.
197
00:11:10,180 --> 00:11:13,775
- It's not as I'd imagined. It's not bookish.
- That was yesterday.
198
00:11:13,820 --> 00:11:16,778
I thought it might be.
There's no paper anywhere.
199
00:11:16,820 --> 00:11:20,608
- I commit very little to paper, Li.
- Odd thing for a publisher to say.
200
00:11:20,660 --> 00:11:22,855
- I'm a laptop man.
- Are you?
201
00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:26,495
- Laptop computer. You should get one.
- No, thanks.
202
00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:29,737
I'm still very happy with my quill pen.
203
00:11:30,660 --> 00:11:32,855
- Iced tea?
- Certainly not.
204
00:11:33,980 --> 00:11:36,335
Oh. No, thank you.
205
00:11:36,380 --> 00:11:38,769
- Lemon tea?
- No, thank you.
206
00:11:40,020 --> 00:11:41,499
FT?
207
00:11:41,540 --> 00:11:43,337
No comment.
208
00:11:44,140 --> 00:11:47,735
- Nice one, Li.
- I'm sure you've got all of Europe to sort out.
209
00:11:47,780 --> 00:11:51,853
- Can I say what I came to say?
- Of course. Sit down and fire both barrels.
210
00:11:52,860 --> 00:11:55,579
Why are you publishing my book?
211
00:11:55,620 --> 00:11:57,815
It's what I do.
212
00:11:57,860 --> 00:12:01,011
You haven't got rich
by publishing books like mine.
213
00:12:01,060 --> 00:12:06,054
I didn't say I had. I publish books like yours, Li,
and I'm being mega frank here,
214
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:09,012
because it makes me feel better.
215
00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:12,655
Are you claiming that my book
has some kind of curative powers?
216
00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:16,613
I'm claiming books like yours
are real books. Hm?
217
00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:20,050
They're not the trash that make the bucks.
218
00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:22,489
Books like yours will last for years.
219
00:12:23,260 --> 00:12:27,856
The sort of book that...
my old man used to publish.
220
00:12:27,900 --> 00:12:29,379
Oh.
221
00:12:30,420 --> 00:12:32,570
All fears laid to rest?
222
00:12:32,620 --> 00:12:36,295
Yes, I suppose so. Thanks for being honest.
223
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:40,650
- The corners of your mouth have gone down.
- Conceit.
224
00:12:40,700 --> 00:12:43,294
I don't suppose anybody's proud
to be a tax loss.
225
00:12:44,340 --> 00:12:49,414
You do pull some funny cherries out of the bag.
Who said anything about you being a tax loss?
226
00:12:49,460 --> 00:12:52,770
It may be a proper book
but it's not going to sell, is it?
227
00:12:52,820 --> 00:12:54,936
- Not mega, no.
- Not even mini.
228
00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:57,778
We won't know that
until we hit the bookshelves.
229
00:12:57,820 --> 00:13:01,096
- Incidentally, have you bought that suit yet?
- No.
230
00:13:01,140 --> 00:13:03,131
You're not gonna fight me on this one?
231
00:13:03,180 --> 00:13:08,015
No, it's just that neither I or nor the salesman
could make any sense of your description.
232
00:13:08,060 --> 00:13:11,769
Strange. No problem, I'll send you to my guy.
233
00:13:11,820 --> 00:13:16,848
- We're talking about a different price range.
- Still no problem. He owes me a favour.
234
00:13:16,900 --> 00:13:20,973
- I set him up in the first place.
- I see.
235
00:13:21,980 --> 00:13:24,175
How's the sex?
236
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,938
I bet your pardon?
237
00:13:25,980 --> 00:13:30,576
The "hey, hey". The "boy, did I steam
but I'm not telling you" bit.
238
00:13:30,620 --> 00:13:33,054
Oh, that bit. I'm working on it.
239
00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:37,059
Great. Well, I'm sorry to be a party-pooper...
240
00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:39,136
Oh... yes, of course.
241
00:13:39,180 --> 00:13:41,489
- Love to Jean.
- Thanks.
242
00:13:41,540 --> 00:13:45,328
- Any movement on that front, by the way?
- Oh... yes.
243
00:13:45,380 --> 00:13:46,529
Oh?
244
00:13:46,580 --> 00:13:50,414
Yes, we've started calling each other
by our first names.
245
00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:56,456
- (Lionel) I didn't drag you out, did I?
- No.
246
00:13:56,500 --> 00:14:01,096
- Nice to have someone to have lunch with.
- What about all those business lunches?
247
00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:04,849
They're not really lunches,
just sit-down sparring matches.
248
00:14:04,900 --> 00:14:07,698
There's a seat. Are you good at sparring?
249
00:14:07,740 --> 00:14:10,300
I am now. I wasn't when I started.
250
00:14:10,340 --> 00:14:12,808
(Lionel) Oh, damn and blast.
251
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:17,017
When we were young,
we had a trick for clearing park benches.
252
00:14:17,060 --> 00:14:18,857
So we did.
253
00:14:19,780 --> 00:14:22,817
- So we did.
- No, I don't mean do it.
254
00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:25,818
Think of it as striking a blow for the aged.
255
00:15:08,780 --> 00:15:10,771
Silliest thing I've done in years.
256
00:15:10,820 --> 00:15:13,539
- We did it rather well, didn't we?
- Yes, we did.
257
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,378
- Glad you haven't forgotten how to be so silly.
- So am I.
258
00:15:16,420 --> 00:15:19,617
- Don't expect it to become a way of life.
- Oh, no.
259
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,331
- Cheese or ham?
- Ham.
260
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,938
Oh.
261
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:30,849
- I went to see Alistair this morning.
- Oh?
262
00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:34,338
I asked him what he would call
the mega question.
263
00:15:34,380 --> 00:15:37,929
Why would he choose to publish
what is a very ordinary book?
264
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:41,689
- Did you get the right answer?
- Quite a convincing one.
265
00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:45,050
- Course, he'd had time to rehearse it.
- I'm not with you.
266
00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:47,091
He'd been nobbled, got at.
267
00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:51,570
- Did Alistair say that?
- He was too ready. You got to him first.
268
00:15:51,620 --> 00:15:53,770
- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did.
269
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,299
- Judy did.
- Ah.
270
00:15:55,340 --> 00:15:57,012
I just tried to.
271
00:15:57,060 --> 00:16:00,973
If you're going to get precious about that,
eat your lunch on another bench.
272
00:16:01,020 --> 00:16:03,215
- I have my pride.
- Off you go.
273
00:16:03,260 --> 00:16:05,854
- Oh, don't be absurd.
- Very well, I'll go.
274
00:16:23,620 --> 00:16:26,418
- You've got my sandwich.
- I've got all the sandwiches.
275
00:16:26,460 --> 00:16:30,533
- Oh, come back here.
- No, I'm very happy here, thank you.
276
00:16:45,660 --> 00:16:47,855
Look, I only said I've got my pride.
277
00:16:47,900 --> 00:16:50,016
You made it sound like the VC.
278
00:16:50,060 --> 00:16:52,255
If you must know...
279
00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:55,292
...I'm rather touched that you tried to help.
280
00:16:55,340 --> 00:16:57,456
Oh... are you?
281
00:16:57,500 --> 00:17:00,060
Yes, I am.
282
00:17:03,220 --> 00:17:06,212
Why not come back over there
and finish your lunch?
283
00:17:06,260 --> 00:17:08,091
All right.
284
00:17:14,780 --> 00:17:16,372
Thanks.
285
00:17:24,340 --> 00:17:26,331
Pardon.
286
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,571
You're very interesting.
287
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:39,810
- Nice lunch?
- Oh, yes, very nice. Nice night?
288
00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:42,334
Oh.
289
00:17:43,380 --> 00:17:47,851
- You said you were staying with friends.
- Well... Alistair is a friend.
290
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:52,131
Mum... it's not anything serious.
291
00:17:52,180 --> 00:17:55,172
Judy, men like Alistair...
292
00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:58,495
Yes? Go on.
293
00:17:58,540 --> 00:18:02,738
I can't finish the sentence.
I don't know any men like Alistair.
294
00:18:02,780 --> 00:18:05,931
- Well, there you are, then.
- You haven't proved anything.
295
00:18:05,980 --> 00:18:07,971
- Neither have you.
- True.
296
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:13,048
Come on, be fair. I mean, you're going out
with a bit of a one-off yourself.
297
00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:15,819
That probably means we're both peculiar.
298
00:18:15,860 --> 00:18:19,250
- He's more sensitive than you think, you know.
- I know he is.
299
00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:21,894
I'm sure he let Lionel down very gently.
300
00:18:21,940 --> 00:18:24,977
Yes, he did.
Well, good, that's got all that sorted out.
301
00:18:27,060 --> 00:18:29,255
I've been thinking about Lionel.
302
00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:32,133
What is this strange power
he has over women?
303
00:18:32,180 --> 00:18:34,296
I wonder. What have you been thinking?
304
00:18:34,340 --> 00:18:37,730
Well, we all know why Alistair's
publishing the book
305
00:18:37,780 --> 00:18:40,931
but why is he personally
taking so much trouble with it?
306
00:18:40,980 --> 00:18:43,574
- He's a pro.
- He's a rich pro.
307
00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:48,011
Exactly. So why does he make the time
to act like Lionel's personal manager?
308
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:52,770
He's always there for him.
A rich pro helping him, pushing him?
309
00:18:52,820 --> 00:18:57,018
A rich pro would delegate that
to some junior nobody... like me.
310
00:18:57,060 --> 00:19:01,451
Why put so much effort into a book that
he expects to make tuppence-ha'penny?
311
00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:05,894
Well, it's just a thought.
312
00:19:05,940 --> 00:19:08,500
Let's hope Lionel doesn't have
the same thought.
313
00:19:08,540 --> 00:19:12,533
- Yes, let's.
- About this secretarial agency you run.
314
00:19:12,580 --> 00:19:16,289
- The one with the risk-taking secretary?
- That's the one.
315
00:19:16,340 --> 00:19:18,296
I wonder if you could sign these.
316
00:19:18,340 --> 00:19:19,932
Hm.
317
00:19:21,780 --> 00:19:23,771
You put "Jean Pargetter"!
318
00:19:30,660 --> 00:19:34,448
- Nice to see you again, mate!
- It's good of you to make the time, Alistair.
319
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:38,698
- I've always got time for you.
- That's what bothers me. You shouldn't have.
320
00:19:38,740 --> 00:19:42,369
- Come again?
- I am a minor author.
321
00:19:42,420 --> 00:19:45,617
- Let's qualify that.
- No, let's not. I'm not a complete fool.
322
00:19:45,660 --> 00:19:49,255
- May I sit down?
- Sure, but to be, like, super-honest, I...
323
00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:53,088
Don't worry, I shall come, like,
super-fast to the point.
324
00:19:57,100 --> 00:19:59,056
Shoot.
325
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:03,890
You told me why you're publishing the book,
which I can just about make myself believe,
326
00:20:03,940 --> 00:20:08,411
but why the hell are you personally putting
so much time and effort into it, into me?
327
00:20:09,460 --> 00:20:12,452
- I like you.
- Alistair, to do what you're doing,
328
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:17,290
it wouldn't be enough to like me, you'd have to
be madly in love with me. You're not, are you?
329
00:20:18,980 --> 00:20:21,016
I'm not bi, Li.
330
00:20:22,020 --> 00:20:27,299
No. Then tell me the truth. And I warn you,
I'm going to sit here until you do.
331
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:31,655
- The truth can sometimes be a bit painful.
- So can clichés.
332
00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:35,659
- Iced tea?
- No, thank you. Just the truth.
333
00:20:37,340 --> 00:20:38,932
Right.
334
00:20:38,980 --> 00:20:40,777
The truth.
335
00:20:51,340 --> 00:20:53,331
I thought you liked that.
336
00:20:53,380 --> 00:20:55,177
Oh, I do.
337
00:20:55,220 --> 00:20:58,257
Not that I expected to send you
into absolute raptures.
338
00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:00,609
I'm sorry. I was just thinking.
339
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:02,969
About last night?
340
00:21:03,020 --> 00:21:05,011
Yes, of course.
341
00:21:08,940 --> 00:21:11,249
Well, it's a lovely evening.
342
00:21:11,300 --> 00:21:14,736
Why don't we drive up the river somewhere
to eat?
343
00:21:16,380 --> 00:21:18,211
OK.
344
00:21:18,260 --> 00:21:20,979
Maybe go on somewhere afterwards.
345
00:21:22,180 --> 00:21:23,772
OK.
346
00:21:23,820 --> 00:21:26,539
Singapore's nice at this time of year.
347
00:21:27,820 --> 00:21:29,936
OK.
348
00:21:29,980 --> 00:21:34,371
- Did you just say Singapore?
- I admit I was trying to gain your attention.
349
00:21:34,420 --> 00:21:37,617
- Alistair, can I ask you something?
- Of course.
350
00:21:37,660 --> 00:21:39,651
It's a bit personal.
351
00:21:40,660 --> 00:21:42,855
Excellent.
352
00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:46,097
- It's about Lionel.
- Oh, look, I...
353
00:21:46,140 --> 00:21:51,737
How can I put this? Just for one day,
I'm up to here with Lionel, hm?
354
00:21:53,660 --> 00:21:55,651
(Door handle rattling)
355
00:22:00,420 --> 00:22:05,448
- (Click of tape recorder, dog barking)
- Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof!
356
00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:08,219
- (Dog barking on tape)
- Quiet, be quiet, get down!
357
00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:10,251
- Who is it?
- (Lionel) It's me.
358
00:22:10,300 --> 00:22:12,894
- Oh, just a minute.
- (Clicks off cassette)
359
00:22:19,180 --> 00:22:21,774
Should I have brought a bone with me?
360
00:22:22,820 --> 00:22:25,971
- Good deterrent, dogs.
- Yes.
361
00:22:26,020 --> 00:22:28,011
Does it attack on command?
362
00:22:28,060 --> 00:22:30,528
How did you know
that wasn't a dog from outside?
363
00:22:30,580 --> 00:22:34,732
Something to do with the click at the beginning
and the click at the end.
364
00:22:34,780 --> 00:22:37,248
Must give that some thought.
365
00:22:37,300 --> 00:22:41,088
- Why are you here all alone?
- I've got some work to catch up on.
366
00:22:41,140 --> 00:22:44,610
- There's more to life than being successful.
- I'm not trying to be.
367
00:22:44,660 --> 00:22:48,653
I'm catching up on work because
I spent the day being preoccupied by you.
368
00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:51,737
- You saw me at lunch time.
- I didn't say missing you.
369
00:22:52,340 --> 00:22:55,537
I know... but there's really no need.
370
00:22:55,580 --> 00:23:01,894
I found Alistair's description of my book being
the dull but respectable one quite satisfactory.
371
00:23:01,940 --> 00:23:03,931
- Did you?
- Yes.
372
00:23:04,980 --> 00:23:06,572
Did you?
373
00:23:06,620 --> 00:23:09,339
Yes. So you're quite happy about it?
374
00:23:09,380 --> 00:23:12,577
- Almost sublimely.
- You're not, I can tell.
375
00:23:12,620 --> 00:23:17,216
Well, perhaps "sublimely" is an overstatement.
376
00:23:20,380 --> 00:23:23,099
I asked Alistair another question this afternoon.
377
00:23:23,140 --> 00:23:25,131
- Oh?
- Yes.
378
00:23:25,180 --> 00:23:28,377
Not the half why, the whole why.
379
00:23:29,500 --> 00:23:32,139
Oh. And?
380
00:23:34,700 --> 00:23:37,851
How shall I put this? I'm a favour.
381
00:23:37,900 --> 00:23:39,731
- A favour?
- Mm.
382
00:23:39,780 --> 00:23:44,171
Alistair's father owed my father a favour
and I'm it.
383
00:23:45,580 --> 00:23:49,368
- Oh, I see.
- That's why Alistair's been looking after me.
384
00:23:49,420 --> 00:23:53,891
Oh. Did your father save
Alistair's father's life or something?
385
00:23:53,940 --> 00:23:58,536
In a way. He lent him L500 in 1947
to start up a publishing firm.
386
00:23:58,580 --> 00:24:01,777
- Oh, what a lovely story!
- (Lionel chuckles)
387
00:24:01,820 --> 00:24:04,812
- Your father must love you.
- Yes, he must.
388
00:24:04,860 --> 00:24:08,296
- I could strangle him.
- There's gratitude.
389
00:24:08,340 --> 00:24:11,776
Patronising old bugger.
I'm not a child. I don't need his help.
390
00:24:11,820 --> 00:24:15,369
It won't do you any harm.
I wish I had someone to help me.
391
00:24:15,420 --> 00:24:17,411
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
392
00:24:17,460 --> 00:24:20,611
- I'm not with you.
- No, well, you know, parents.
393
00:24:20,660 --> 00:24:25,336
Even when you're, well, older,
you never stop missing them.
394
00:24:25,380 --> 00:24:28,577
You can't go to someone and say,
"What shall I do?"
395
00:24:28,620 --> 00:24:33,933
All my father ever did if I said
"What shall I do?" was say "Rock on."
396
00:24:33,980 --> 00:24:37,768
- He couldn't have said that before rock 'n' roll.
- Well, the equivalent.
397
00:24:37,820 --> 00:24:40,857
Now he wants to help you
without wanting you to know.
398
00:24:40,900 --> 00:24:44,256
- Yes, interfering old...
- Oh, stop it.
399
00:24:44,300 --> 00:24:47,212
- Just saying that cos your pride's hurt.
- No, it isn't.
400
00:24:47,260 --> 00:24:50,855
- Dented.
- All right, dented.
401
00:24:52,820 --> 00:24:55,459
- I'm here.
- Yes, I know that.
402
00:24:56,660 --> 00:25:00,175
If ever you wanted to say "What shall I do?"
403
00:25:00,220 --> 00:25:04,099
Oh, Lionel, that's very sweet.
404
00:25:04,140 --> 00:25:06,973
But I don't see you as a substitute father.
405
00:25:07,660 --> 00:25:11,130
- What do you see me as?
- Well, someone, um...
406
00:25:13,300 --> 00:25:15,860
- Someone... er...
- Yes?
407
00:25:16,860 --> 00:25:20,057
- It isn't as if you need the money.
- You're changing the subject.
408
00:25:20,100 --> 00:25:22,295
Yes, I know.
409
00:25:22,340 --> 00:25:25,013
- What money?
- The money from the book.
410
00:25:25,620 --> 00:25:29,090
Ah, well, that's the thing of it, you see.
411
00:25:29,140 --> 00:25:34,772
Kenya's a beautiful country but I reached that
stage in my life when I wanted to come home.
412
00:25:34,820 --> 00:25:38,017
And then I got the third-class lecture tour.
413
00:25:38,060 --> 00:25:40,938
- You know, waffling on about...
...my life in Kenya.
414
00:25:40,980 --> 00:25:46,976
That was all right, then I wrote the book and,
in my innocence, I thought that'll be all right.
415
00:25:47,020 --> 00:25:52,253
I wasn't looking to make a fortune, you see,
just, um, well, enough for me to get by, really.
416
00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:56,896
Unless you've been lying through your teeth,
you owned a coffee plantation in Kenya,
417
00:25:56,940 --> 00:25:58,737
assuming you sold the odd bean.
418
00:25:58,780 --> 00:26:03,376
The only place I can spend the money
from the plantation in Kenya is Kenya.
419
00:26:03,420 --> 00:26:05,615
They moved the goalposts.
420
00:26:08,100 --> 00:26:10,295
Let's go and find something to eat.
421
00:26:12,180 --> 00:26:15,934
- Yes, let's. Nowhere too expensive.
- (Lionel chuckles)
422
00:26:16,740 --> 00:26:21,450
- Just getting by isn't enough any more.
- Are you suggesting that I'm expensive?
423
00:26:21,500 --> 00:26:25,698
I'm suggesting that, for me,
getting by isn't enough any more.
424
00:26:26,340 --> 00:26:29,252
And I don't want to go back to Kenya.
425
00:26:29,300 --> 00:26:32,497
- Why?
- Oh, that's a pretty coy question.
426
00:26:32,540 --> 00:26:34,337
I'd like to know.
427
00:26:34,380 --> 00:26:39,773
Let's face it, we can't wait another 38 years
before we see each other again, can we?
428
00:26:48,060 --> 00:26:50,620
# You must remember this
429
00:26:50,660 --> 00:26:53,254
# A kiss is still a kiss
430
00:26:53,300 --> 00:26:56,497
# A sigh is just a sigh
431
00:26:58,980 --> 00:27:02,529
# The fundamental things apply
432
00:27:02,580 --> 00:27:06,175
# As time goes by
433
00:27:09,700 --> 00:27:12,419
# And when two lovers woo
434
00:27:12,460 --> 00:27:15,054
# They still say I love you
435
00:27:15,100 --> 00:27:18,092
# On that you can rely
436
00:27:20,780 --> 00:27:24,773
# The world will always welcome lovers
437
00:27:26,500 --> 00:27:34,453
# As time goes by #
438
00:27:34,503 --> 00:27:39,053
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