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1
00:00:02,226 --> 00:00:04,493
Okay. Last chance to cram
before the test tomorrow.
2
00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:06,976
What are the periodic symbols
for table salt?
3
00:00:07,023 --> 00:00:09,390
S-A... L-T.
4
00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:13,361
I'm so glad Taylor and Ellen
are still friends.
5
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:14,796
She is a hot girl's parents' dream.
6
00:00:14,864 --> 00:00:15,997
There is no way
7
00:00:16,066 --> 00:00:18,433
Taylor is getting pregnant
hanging out with her!
8
00:00:18,501 --> 00:00:20,301
Yeah, the only trouble Ellen
might get into is exceeding
9
00:00:20,370 --> 00:00:22,203
the number of books you can
check out from the library.
10
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:23,738
[LAUGHS]
11
00:00:23,807 --> 00:00:26,774
Do you want to come over on
Saturday for a Scrabble party?
12
00:00:26,843 --> 00:00:28,309
Uh...
13
00:00:28,378 --> 00:00:30,111
You could use the dictionary
and proper nouns.
14
00:00:30,180 --> 00:00:32,780
- And...?
- Dirty words.
15
00:00:32,849 --> 00:00:34,216
I'm in.
16
00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:35,917
Um...
17
00:00:35,985 --> 00:00:37,552
Mr. and Mrs. Otto,
18
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:39,554
is this almond milk or regular milk?
19
00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:40,755
Regular milk.
20
00:00:40,824 --> 00:00:42,457
Can I use the restroom?
21
00:00:42,525 --> 00:00:43,791
Use the one upstairs.
22
00:00:45,495 --> 00:00:46,961
[FOOTSTEPS CLIMBING STAIRS]
23
00:00:47,030 --> 00:00:48,663
So...
24
00:00:48,731 --> 00:00:50,231
game night Saturday?
25
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:51,799
Yeah, unless something better comes up.
26
00:00:51,868 --> 00:00:54,735
Taylor, using Ellen as
a backup isn't very nice.
27
00:00:54,804 --> 00:00:56,137
I am trying to raise
28
00:00:56,206 --> 00:00:58,473
high-quality, non-sucky human beings.
29
00:00:58,541 --> 00:01:01,709
Mom, I desperately need these sneakers,
30
00:01:01,778 --> 00:01:04,545
so I'm gonna offer you a unique
opportunity to buy my love.
31
00:01:04,614 --> 00:01:07,014
Golden Goose sneakers. Comfort.
32
00:01:07,083 --> 00:01:08,516
- Style.
- Sex appeal.
33
00:01:08,585 --> 00:01:10,284
We get it. He wants the shoes.
34
00:01:10,353 --> 00:01:12,420
His grades have been solid.
How much are they, Oliver?
35
00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,655
A mere $480.
36
00:01:15,391 --> 00:01:18,159
[BOTH LAUGH]
37
00:01:18,228 --> 00:01:20,928
Hey, Greg! I want a yacht!
What do you want?
38
00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:22,663
- I want a Lamborghini!
- I want...
39
00:01:22,732 --> 00:01:24,365
Okay, okay. I get it. You can stop.
40
00:01:24,434 --> 00:01:27,168
No, it's still fun.
I want a diamond tiara!
41
00:01:27,237 --> 00:01:29,003
- Ooh! I want a scepter.
- We have scepters!
42
00:01:29,072 --> 00:01:30,805
Make sure you get one
with an ivory handle.
43
00:01:30,874 --> 00:01:32,840
- The others are garbage.
- Shut up, Cooper.
44
00:01:32,909 --> 00:01:34,742
The only reason why you want these shoes
45
00:01:34,811 --> 00:01:37,512
is to impress your stupid
friends in this stupid town.
46
00:01:37,580 --> 00:01:39,580
Here's the contact info
for my dad's scepter guy.
47
00:01:39,649 --> 00:01:41,115
I'm AirDropping it to you.
48
00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:42,717
Oliver, the only way
you're getting these shoes
49
00:01:42,785 --> 00:01:43,851
is if you earn the money yourself.
50
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:45,219
And even if you did, it would be insane
51
00:01:45,288 --> 00:01:46,954
to spend... how much again?
52
00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:48,322
You just want to make fun of me.
53
00:01:48,391 --> 00:01:50,458
No, no, no. I really forgot.
54
00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:52,527
$480.
55
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:56,330
[BOTH LAUGH]
56
00:01:56,399 --> 00:01:58,533
- On shoes!
- We could wear them on our private jet.
57
00:01:58,601 --> 00:01:59,834
Or we could take the helicopter.
58
00:01:59,903 --> 00:02:00,968
Helicopter?! We have a helicop...
59
00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:02,136
Say it and die, Cooper.
60
00:02:03,940 --> 00:02:06,774
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
61
00:02:06,843 --> 00:02:11,145
?
62
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:13,948
How did I ever let you
talk me into these sneakers?
63
00:02:14,017 --> 00:02:15,249
They were BOGO...
64
00:02:15,318 --> 00:02:17,051
buy one, get one free at Payless.
65
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:18,686
Twinsies!
66
00:02:18,755 --> 00:02:22,056
I can feel the therapy bills
adding up with every step.
67
00:02:22,125 --> 00:02:24,559
[GROANS]
68
00:02:24,627 --> 00:02:26,294
- Howdy!
- Hi, Ellen!
69
00:02:26,362 --> 00:02:27,595
Hey, Tay!
70
00:02:27,664 --> 00:02:29,397
KATIE: Ah, Taylor's popular friends.
71
00:02:29,465 --> 00:02:31,132
Westport's future housewives,
72
00:02:31,201 --> 00:02:33,935
or, as I call them, The Blondetourage.
73
00:02:34,003 --> 00:02:36,003
They're too young
to just call them bitches.
74
00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:38,773
Tay-Tay, that jacket is gorg.
75
00:02:38,841 --> 00:02:40,508
Those jeans are, like, beyond.
76
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,176
Oh, my God! Thanks so much!
77
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:43,811
Come on, Taylor. Do the right thing.
78
00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,580
Bring Ellen into the circle.
79
00:02:45,648 --> 00:02:49,817
Oh, no! The circle's closing!
Get in there, Ellen!
80
00:02:49,886 --> 00:02:51,953
Is she checking the bottom of her shoe
81
00:02:52,021 --> 00:02:53,454
like she stepped in something?
82
00:02:53,523 --> 00:02:55,556
Oh, God! She stepped in something!
83
00:02:55,625 --> 00:02:58,059
- Do not smell it, Ellen!
- [SNIFFS]
84
00:02:58,127 --> 00:02:59,794
- Ohh... Ellen.
- [SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
85
00:03:01,064 --> 00:03:03,491
We're all hanging Saturday. You in?
86
00:03:03,546 --> 00:03:05,366
Totally!
87
00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:06,968
What?!
88
00:03:07,036 --> 00:03:09,770
Taylor, I thought that you were
gonna hang with Ellen Saturday.
89
00:03:09,839 --> 00:03:11,639
I got a better offer.
90
00:03:11,708 --> 00:03:13,307
I can hang out with Ellen another night.
91
00:03:13,376 --> 00:03:15,009
Her calendar is wide open.
92
00:03:15,078 --> 00:03:17,745
Taylor, not only do you live in
Sucktown, but you're its founder,
93
00:03:17,814 --> 00:03:19,580
and you own the diner
over on Suck Street.
94
00:03:19,649 --> 00:03:22,116
And you know how your
food tastes? It sucks!
95
00:03:22,185 --> 00:03:23,684
Can I dye my hair blond again?
96
00:03:23,753 --> 00:03:25,987
What conversation are you in?
97
00:03:26,055 --> 00:03:28,189
Okay, let me rephrase... Do you think
98
00:03:28,258 --> 00:03:31,058
the founder of Sucktown
would look good as a blonde?
99
00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:34,862
See? Same conversation now.
Think about it.
100
00:03:34,931 --> 00:03:37,398
This town may have
corrupted my other two,
101
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:39,700
but I still have my baby.
102
00:03:39,769 --> 00:03:42,136
Sweetie, I'm sorry I didn't walk you in.
103
00:03:42,205 --> 00:03:44,505
- That's okay.
- No, it's not.
104
00:03:44,574 --> 00:03:46,040
Ever since you read
about electrical storms,
105
00:03:46,109 --> 00:03:47,808
you're scared to walk alone
in open spaces.
106
00:03:47,877 --> 00:03:49,310
I'm your lightning rod.
107
00:03:49,379 --> 00:03:51,479
I'm taller than you, and I've
got a mouthful of fillings.
108
00:03:51,547 --> 00:03:54,081
Yeah, but walking me in
is a lot of work for you.
109
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,283
I don't mind!
110
00:03:55,351 --> 00:03:56,717
Oh, God, you're not making this easy.
111
00:03:56,786 --> 00:03:58,753
[SIGHS] Listen.
112
00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:01,455
I don't want you walking me
into school anymore.
113
00:04:01,524 --> 00:04:03,758
- [GASPS]
- It's not you; it's me.
114
00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:06,694
Of course it's you.
You can't even read a clock.
115
00:04:06,763 --> 00:04:09,130
Okay. Lashing out. I expected that.
116
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,000
See you around.
117
00:04:13,069 --> 00:04:17,938
?
118
00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:20,975
I have seen her through
all the tough times...
119
00:04:21,044 --> 00:04:22,877
the fear of water,
the fear of the basement,
120
00:04:22,945 --> 00:04:24,178
the ham-hiding.
121
00:04:24,247 --> 00:04:25,980
So that's why your couch
smells like that?
122
00:04:26,049 --> 00:04:27,848
No. Wish it were.
123
00:04:27,917 --> 00:04:30,384
And now she's tossed me aside,
like one of those husbands
124
00:04:30,453 --> 00:04:32,253
whose wives got them through law school,
125
00:04:32,322 --> 00:04:33,888
and as soon as they made partner,
126
00:04:33,956 --> 00:04:35,423
left them for someone better.
127
00:04:35,491 --> 00:04:37,158
I totally did that to Celeste.
128
00:04:37,226 --> 00:04:39,794
Man. She did not see it coming.
129
00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:40,795
I like that side of you.
130
00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:41,996
On top of it,
131
00:04:42,065 --> 00:04:44,432
Oliver is becoming more materialistic,
132
00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:46,534
and Taylor cares more
about dying her hair blond
133
00:04:46,602 --> 00:04:48,402
than her friend's feelings.
134
00:04:48,471 --> 00:04:50,171
And I ordered salad like a dumbass!
135
00:04:50,239 --> 00:04:52,039
Angela, we're switching.
136
00:04:52,108 --> 00:04:54,375
No, you just took...
She just took my pancakes.
137
00:04:54,444 --> 00:04:55,643
Ha ha!
138
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:57,278
- [BOTH LAUGH]
- Ugh.
139
00:04:57,347 --> 00:04:59,747
On the bright side, Taylor
does look better blond.
140
00:04:59,816 --> 00:05:01,816
Ugh! I hate how people
always think little blond kids
141
00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:03,617
are so cute when it's just the hair!
142
00:05:03,686 --> 00:05:05,286
I mean, Brittany Thompson's kids...
143
00:05:05,355 --> 00:05:07,822
have you looked at their faces?
144
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:08,956
Have you?
145
00:05:09,025 --> 00:05:10,458
Guys, focus.
146
00:05:10,526 --> 00:05:12,360
This town is messing with my family.
147
00:05:12,428 --> 00:05:15,129
- What do I do?
- Take a page from Angela's book.
148
00:05:15,198 --> 00:05:17,164
Don't worry about
other people's feelings
149
00:05:17,233 --> 00:05:19,333
and just do whatever it takes
to get the results you want.
150
00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:21,602
But learn from my mistakes...
151
00:05:21,671 --> 00:05:24,004
if you send someone a nude photo
and then ruin their life,
152
00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:26,006
whew, that sucker's going viral.
153
00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:29,510
Mm. This one... totally retro.
154
00:05:32,037 --> 00:05:36,740
?
155
00:05:36,817 --> 00:05:39,251
[HARP MUSIC PLAYS, CHOIR VOCALIZES]
156
00:05:39,319 --> 00:05:44,189
?
157
00:05:45,588 --> 00:05:47,054
Why don't I just buy them for you?
158
00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:48,982
You can't be my sugar daddy.
159
00:05:49,037 --> 00:05:50,654
I'm already riding bitch on your Vespa.
160
00:05:50,702 --> 00:05:52,903
True, but you got to
step your game up, es�.
161
00:05:52,971 --> 00:05:54,671
I need my wingman looking on point.
162
00:05:54,740 --> 00:05:57,240
My dad said if I can pay
for them, I can have them.
163
00:05:57,309 --> 00:05:59,209
I just need to find a way
to make some money.
164
00:05:59,278 --> 00:06:02,212
Don't get a job at, like,
a market and embarrass me.
165
00:06:02,281 --> 00:06:03,613
No, man, I would never do that to you.
166
00:06:04,816 --> 00:06:07,584
[RINGTONE PLAYS]
167
00:06:07,653 --> 00:06:09,352
Mom?
168
00:06:09,421 --> 00:06:12,188
KATIE: Stop looking at
those expensive shoes.
169
00:06:12,257 --> 00:06:15,225
How do you know where I am?
Are you in the bushes?
170
00:06:15,294 --> 00:06:19,029
I'm not hiding in the bushes.
I've stopped all that.
171
00:06:19,097 --> 00:06:21,831
I'm tracking you with the GPS
on your phone, dummy.
172
00:06:21,900 --> 00:06:23,033
You spy on me?
173
00:06:23,101 --> 00:06:24,334
Why do you think I got you a cellphone?
174
00:06:24,403 --> 00:06:25,602
To be nice?
175
00:06:25,671 --> 00:06:27,537
R-i-i-ight. That never added up.
176
00:06:27,606 --> 00:06:29,372
Mnh-mnh.
177
00:06:31,043 --> 00:06:33,810
GREG: So, Anna-Kat, how are things?
178
00:06:33,879 --> 00:06:36,346
I'm getting the house
ready for a tornado.
179
00:06:36,415 --> 00:06:38,181
You don't have to worry about tornadoes.
180
00:06:38,250 --> 00:06:40,884
Oh, yeah? Well, Mark Halloran
went out in a tornado
181
00:06:40,953 --> 00:06:43,086
and got decapitated by his own boot.
182
00:06:43,155 --> 00:06:45,455
Katie, I thought we got rid
of all the disaster books.
183
00:06:45,524 --> 00:06:48,725
I thought so, too.
I guess we missed one.
184
00:06:48,794 --> 00:06:51,194
Anna-Kat, where did you find this book?
185
00:06:51,263 --> 00:06:52,595
Under my pillow.
186
00:06:52,664 --> 00:06:53,997
Under your pillow?!
187
00:06:54,066 --> 00:06:56,099
That's why we couldn't find it.
It was hidden.
188
00:06:57,269 --> 00:06:59,302
Honey, you don't need to do that.
189
00:06:59,371 --> 00:07:03,384
Mama is always going to
be here to protect you.
190
00:07:04,376 --> 00:07:06,609
How did this book get under her pillow?
191
00:07:06,678 --> 00:07:09,379
Okay. I planted it so
Anna-Kat would need me again.
192
00:07:09,448 --> 00:07:11,114
Is that bad mothering? Probably.
193
00:07:11,183 --> 00:07:14,718
Mama, maybe we should go back
to holding hands in open areas
194
00:07:14,786 --> 00:07:15,986
so I don't fly away.
195
00:07:16,054 --> 00:07:17,387
You're right.
196
00:07:17,456 --> 00:07:19,923
If Dorothy would've just
held onto Auntie Em's hand,
197
00:07:19,992 --> 00:07:21,825
all of that mess could've been avoided.
198
00:07:21,893 --> 00:07:23,660
And that's a fact.
199
00:07:23,729 --> 00:07:31,001
?
200
00:07:31,069 --> 00:07:34,537
Hey, Mom. Cute outfit.
You're looking hot today!
201
00:07:34,606 --> 00:07:35,972
She's just giving you compliments
202
00:07:36,041 --> 00:07:37,407
because she wants something from you.
203
00:07:37,476 --> 00:07:38,908
No, I'm not!
204
00:07:38,977 --> 00:07:42,245
Totally unrelated...
can I dye my hair blond?
205
00:07:42,314 --> 00:07:44,080
Remember how awesome I looked?
206
00:07:44,149 --> 00:07:46,182
Taylor does look good with blond hair,
207
00:07:46,251 --> 00:07:48,418
just like those rat-faced Thompson kids.
208
00:07:48,487 --> 00:07:51,187
But in parenting, no one
gets something for nothing.
209
00:07:51,256 --> 00:07:53,123
Okay.
210
00:07:53,191 --> 00:07:55,058
You can dye your hair blond.
211
00:07:55,127 --> 00:07:56,726
What? Really?!
212
00:07:56,795 --> 00:07:58,061
- That worked?
- Mm-hmm.
213
00:07:58,130 --> 00:08:00,397
Mom, are you using a new night cream?
214
00:08:00,465 --> 00:08:01,831
Because your skin is aye-yie-yie.
215
00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:03,600
I'm not buying you those shoes.
216
00:08:04,536 --> 00:08:06,102
You can dye your hair blond
217
00:08:06,171 --> 00:08:09,372
only if you start making
more adult decisions,
218
00:08:09,441 --> 00:08:12,375
such as being nicer to old friends.
219
00:08:12,444 --> 00:08:14,044
Got it. When an opportunity comes up,
220
00:08:14,112 --> 00:08:15,678
I'll be nicer to an old friend.
221
00:08:15,747 --> 00:08:17,614
But an opportunity has come up.
222
00:08:20,118 --> 00:08:22,585
Ahh. Love you, old buddy!
223
00:08:22,654 --> 00:08:26,356
No, Taylor. Think. Friends...
224
00:08:26,425 --> 00:08:28,858
Ellen... Saturday.
225
00:08:28,927 --> 00:08:30,693
[SOFTLY] Ellen...
226
00:08:30,762 --> 00:08:32,095
Saturday...
227
00:08:33,198 --> 00:08:34,798
This is something.
228
00:08:36,334 --> 00:08:37,801
Oh! Ellen.
229
00:08:37,869 --> 00:08:40,670
I was wrong to ditch her
after I made plans with her.
230
00:08:40,739 --> 00:08:42,338
So instead of hanging
231
00:08:42,407 --> 00:08:45,075
with Summit, Londyn, and Zola tonight,
232
00:08:45,143 --> 00:08:46,810
you'll hang with...
233
00:08:48,346 --> 00:08:49,813
...ELLLL...
234
00:08:49,881 --> 00:08:51,147
I'll hang out with Ellen.
235
00:08:51,216 --> 00:08:53,683
Because of that un-Westport response,
236
00:08:53,752 --> 00:08:55,585
you can dye your hair blond.
237
00:08:55,654 --> 00:08:57,420
Thank you! [LAUGHS]
238
00:09:01,793 --> 00:09:03,593
There's no way you're
blowing off that party.
239
00:09:03,662 --> 00:09:06,429
Duh. The girls and I
came up with a genius plan,
240
00:09:06,498 --> 00:09:07,630
so Mom will never know.
241
00:09:07,699 --> 00:09:09,966
The last time you came up
with a "genius plan,"
242
00:09:10,035 --> 00:09:12,202
you crushed up Cheetos
and put them in your soup.
243
00:09:12,270 --> 00:09:15,338
I say I'm hanging at Ellen's.
Zola says she's at our house.
244
00:09:15,407 --> 00:09:16,873
Summit says she's at Zola's.
245
00:09:16,942 --> 00:09:18,508
And Londyn will say she's at Summit's.
246
00:09:18,577 --> 00:09:19,843
It's the perfect crime.
247
00:09:19,911 --> 00:09:22,112
[SCOFFS] You're as dumb
as your friends' names.
248
00:09:23,181 --> 00:09:25,348
Mom tracks you by the GPS on your phone,
249
00:09:25,417 --> 00:09:27,851
and there's a good chance that
your friends' moms do, too.
250
00:09:27,919 --> 00:09:29,486
But there's a way around that,
251
00:09:29,554 --> 00:09:32,522
and all it will cost you
is 20 bucks a pop.
252
00:09:32,591 --> 00:09:34,524
[SIGHS] Listen.
253
00:09:34,593 --> 00:09:36,259
Let's not put a price on this.
254
00:09:36,328 --> 00:09:38,428
We don't charge each other for favors.
255
00:09:38,497 --> 00:09:39,896
We've got each other's backs.
256
00:09:39,965 --> 00:09:41,331
You're my brother,
257
00:09:41,399 --> 00:09:43,366
and we're gonna go through
everything together.
258
00:09:45,137 --> 00:09:48,104
Okay. After that nonsense,
I just raised the price to $30.
259
00:09:48,173 --> 00:09:53,176
?
260
00:09:53,245 --> 00:09:56,112
Mama, the birds looked
a little nervous today.
261
00:09:56,181 --> 00:09:58,081
Maybe they know something we don't.
262
00:09:58,150 --> 00:10:00,350
Maybe. Do you want to
sleep with me tonight?
263
00:10:00,418 --> 00:10:02,452
Just to be safe.
264
00:10:03,622 --> 00:10:05,955
Anna-Kat, could I have
a moment with Mommy?
265
00:10:06,024 --> 00:10:07,290
Sure. I'm gonna go put
266
00:10:07,359 --> 00:10:09,859
some emergency rations in the basement.
267
00:10:12,898 --> 00:10:15,532
Anna-Kat's tornado book
is from the library.
268
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:18,668
It says it was checked out
yesterday at 3:15 p.m.
269
00:10:18,737 --> 00:10:20,470
Damn it! Cops are onto me.
270
00:10:20,539 --> 00:10:23,840
So Anna-Kat went to the library.
Mystery solved!
271
00:10:23,909 --> 00:10:26,910
Didn't you go on a grocery run
about that time yesterday?
272
00:10:26,978 --> 00:10:29,245
[SCOFFS] I go on grocery runs
all the time.
273
00:10:29,314 --> 00:10:31,514
Yeah, but you insisted on
going to the far grocery store,
274
00:10:31,583 --> 00:10:33,616
which just happens to be by the library.
275
00:10:33,685 --> 00:10:34,884
Mm-hmm.
276
00:10:34,953 --> 00:10:36,853
I had to pick up a bunch of boxes
277
00:10:36,922 --> 00:10:39,289
of Anna-Kat's special Fruit Roll-Ups.
278
00:10:40,258 --> 00:10:42,192
- A bunch of boxes.
- Yeah.
279
00:10:45,630 --> 00:10:46,763
Where are they?
280
00:10:47,966 --> 00:10:49,999
I ate them and threw away the boxes
281
00:10:50,068 --> 00:10:51,834
because I was ashamed of myself.
282
00:10:53,004 --> 00:10:55,338
Thanks for making me feel worse!
283
00:10:55,407 --> 00:10:58,141
You went to the library,
you checked out this book,
284
00:10:58,210 --> 00:11:00,210
and you put it under
our daughter's pillow.
285
00:11:00,278 --> 00:11:02,312
This is why nobody wants to
play "Clue" with you anymore.
286
00:11:02,380 --> 00:11:04,314
You get all high and mighty
with the accusations.
287
00:11:04,382 --> 00:11:06,482
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- I have to get that.
288
00:11:06,551 --> 00:11:09,319
This conversation isn't over!
289
00:11:09,387 --> 00:11:11,554
Hey, Mrs. Otto!
290
00:11:11,623 --> 00:11:14,257
Sorry to disturb you, but
I brought this over for Taylor.
291
00:11:14,326 --> 00:11:15,792
It's my famous chicken soup.
292
00:11:15,860 --> 00:11:18,595
The secret ingredient... friendship.
293
00:11:18,663 --> 00:11:21,631
Um, thanks, Ellen, but
I thought Taylor was with you.
294
00:11:21,700 --> 00:11:24,901
Oh, she canceled. She said
she was too sick to hang out.
295
00:11:24,970 --> 00:11:27,237
Wait. Is she not here?
296
00:11:27,305 --> 00:11:28,671
No.
297
00:11:30,442 --> 00:11:33,042
Her GPS says she's at your house.
298
00:11:33,111 --> 00:11:34,711
- Greg?
- Text her.
299
00:11:34,779 --> 00:11:37,146
"How are things going?"
300
00:11:38,183 --> 00:11:40,683
"Great. At Ellen's.
301
00:11:40,752 --> 00:11:44,187
Just spelled 'toe' on a
double-letter score. 4 points!"
302
00:11:44,256 --> 00:11:46,022
That's weird. She wasn't at my house.
303
00:11:46,091 --> 00:11:48,057
And she rarely uses words
that exceed two letters.
304
00:11:48,126 --> 00:11:49,492
I'm sure there's an explanation.
305
00:11:49,561 --> 00:11:51,327
Do you mind looking after
Oliver and Anna-Kat
306
00:11:51,396 --> 00:11:52,495
while we figure this out?
307
00:11:52,564 --> 00:11:54,063
Sure, Mr. Otto, but do you mind
308
00:11:54,132 --> 00:11:56,032
if I do some light cleaning
to take my mind off things?
309
00:11:56,101 --> 00:11:58,268
Oh, Ellen, you don't have to do that.
310
00:11:58,336 --> 00:12:01,371
Turn on the TV and relax.
311
00:12:01,439 --> 00:12:08,244
?
312
00:12:08,313 --> 00:12:10,246
[GASPS] Oh, my God.
313
00:12:10,315 --> 00:12:12,915
The GPS says she's right here
in Ellen's backyard!
314
00:12:12,984 --> 00:12:15,084
- In the playhouse?
- I bet she's in there with a boy.
315
00:12:15,153 --> 00:12:17,720
Finger's crossed
it's just heavy petting.
316
00:12:17,789 --> 00:12:18,988
You're crossing your fingers for that?
317
00:12:19,057 --> 00:12:21,457
Oh, let's just get in there.
318
00:12:23,928 --> 00:12:25,962
Buenas noches, Mr. and Mrs. Otto!
319
00:12:26,031 --> 00:12:28,631
What in hell are
you guys doing in here?!
320
00:12:28,700 --> 00:12:30,733
- Where's Taylor?!
- I can explain everything.
321
00:12:30,802 --> 00:12:32,268
- Small businesses...
- [TEXT TONE PLAYS]
322
00:12:32,337 --> 00:12:33,803
...are the backbone of
the American economy.
323
00:12:33,872 --> 00:12:35,071
And like any patriot...
324
00:12:35,140 --> 00:12:36,939
You, the simple one... talk!
325
00:12:37,008 --> 00:12:39,909
Oliver came up with this
really cool business idea.
326
00:12:39,978 --> 00:12:41,044
- Dude.
- No, they're gonna love it.
327
00:12:41,112 --> 00:12:42,779
You don't know them like I do.
328
00:12:42,847 --> 00:12:44,580
You see, kids these days can't sneak out
329
00:12:44,649 --> 00:12:46,649
because their parents
track their cellphones.
330
00:12:46,718 --> 00:12:48,618
But for a small fee,
Oliver and I will hold
331
00:12:48,687 --> 00:12:50,486
your phone in a
parent-friendly location.
332
00:12:50,555 --> 00:12:52,388
- Ellen's house.
- Exactly!
333
00:12:52,457 --> 00:12:55,024
And if a mom or dad calls,
we'll text back for you.
334
00:12:56,328 --> 00:12:58,928
Ta-da.
335
00:12:58,997 --> 00:13:00,163
The only part I don't get
336
00:13:00,231 --> 00:13:02,198
is that your GPS says you're at home.
337
00:13:02,267 --> 00:13:03,933
Who's covering for you?
338
00:13:04,002 --> 00:13:05,401
[BEEP]
339
00:13:07,872 --> 00:13:09,872
Ugh. You're suffocating him.
340
00:13:09,941 --> 00:13:11,908
[CELLPHONE CLICKING]
341
00:13:11,976 --> 00:13:13,376
[BEEP]
342
00:13:14,145 --> 00:13:16,412
Got to give it up.
She really nailed my voice.
343
00:13:17,649 --> 00:13:19,515
You really thought of
everything, didn't you?
344
00:13:19,584 --> 00:13:21,417
- I see that you're angry.
- Mm-hmm.
345
00:13:21,486 --> 00:13:23,119
I feel like you're about to
squander the opportunity
346
00:13:23,188 --> 00:13:24,387
for an "I'm proud of you, son" moment.
347
00:13:24,456 --> 00:13:25,555
You're so right.
348
00:13:25,623 --> 00:13:27,023
In exchange for leniency,
349
00:13:27,092 --> 00:13:29,258
I would like to cut a deal
by ratting out Taylor.
350
00:13:29,327 --> 00:13:31,902
- Where is she?
- At a concert
351
00:13:31,965 --> 00:13:33,663
in an abandoned warehouse
in North Branton.
352
00:13:33,732 --> 00:13:36,265
You... go home,
go straight to your room,
353
00:13:36,334 --> 00:13:38,601
- and wait for me in fear.
- What should I do?
354
00:13:38,670 --> 00:13:40,536
Go home, and no scepters for a month!
355
00:13:40,605 --> 00:13:41,868
Aw, man!
356
00:13:43,095 --> 00:13:45,529
[MUFFLED UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
357
00:13:47,196 --> 00:13:49,035
Taylor's somewhere inside,
but look at this line.
358
00:13:49,103 --> 00:13:50,703
How are we gonna get in?
359
00:13:50,772 --> 00:13:51,906
I have a thought.
360
00:13:51,984 --> 00:13:53,539
You're not flashing the bouncer.
361
00:13:53,608 --> 00:13:54,740
Then, I don't know!
362
00:13:54,809 --> 00:13:56,909
Maybe a tornado will
conveniently show up
363
00:13:56,978 --> 00:13:58,177
and scare everyone off.
364
00:13:58,246 --> 00:14:00,980
I don't like what you're
implying, Officer.
365
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:04,083
Wait! I got an idea!
366
00:14:04,152 --> 00:14:06,152
This is an illegal warehouse concert.
367
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:09,522
All we have to do to get to the
front of the line is this.
368
00:14:11,926 --> 00:14:12,959
Cop!
369
00:14:13,027 --> 00:14:14,095
- Cop?
- Cops where?
370
00:14:14,149 --> 00:14:15,695
- Where?
- I'm not a cop.
371
00:14:15,763 --> 00:14:17,897
You know who always says,
"I'm not a cop"? Cops!
372
00:14:17,966 --> 00:14:19,298
- Cops!
- Cops!
373
00:14:19,367 --> 00:14:21,801
[ALL SCREAMING]
374
00:14:21,869 --> 00:14:29,208
?
375
00:14:29,277 --> 00:14:32,478
Taylor, I let you be blond so
you could fit in, and you have.
376
00:14:32,547 --> 00:14:35,481
You're now the Mayor of Sucktown,
and you won in a landslide!
377
00:14:35,550 --> 00:14:38,117
- Oh, congratulations!
- Here are your phones.
378
00:14:38,186 --> 00:14:39,385
I've already called all your parents.
379
00:14:39,454 --> 00:14:40,753
Mom, I can't believe you did that!
380
00:14:40,822 --> 00:14:42,588
- Mitzy's gonna [Bleep].
- Mitzy should!
381
00:14:42,657 --> 00:14:43,723
And you want to know why?
382
00:14:43,791 --> 00:14:46,225
Because it's extremely dangerous!
383
00:14:46,294 --> 00:14:48,294
You're 16-year-old girls!
384
00:14:48,363 --> 00:14:50,563
You guys can't just go anywhere you
want without telling your parents.
385
00:14:50,631 --> 00:14:52,164
You could've been roofied!
386
00:14:52,233 --> 00:14:54,100
Katie, maybe we shouldn't be
yelling at somebody else's kids.
387
00:14:54,168 --> 00:14:55,301
That's what's wrong with this country.
388
00:14:55,370 --> 00:14:57,536
People don't yell at
other people's kids enough.
389
00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:59,672
You could've been kidnapped,
shipped to Singapore,
390
00:14:59,741 --> 00:15:02,508
forcibly addicted to heroin,
and made to work in a brothel!
391
00:15:03,478 --> 00:15:04,610
That happens!
392
00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:08,147
What my wife is trying to say is
393
00:15:08,216 --> 00:15:09,682
the world is generally a safe place,
394
00:15:09,751 --> 00:15:11,250
but it's good to be aware of dangers.
395
00:15:11,319 --> 00:15:12,985
Have you all seen "Room"?
396
00:15:13,054 --> 00:15:14,720
- No.
- It seems sad.
397
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:17,289
Of course it's sad!
But that's your future, ladies.
398
00:15:17,358 --> 00:15:18,958
If you keep acting up, some old guy
399
00:15:19,027 --> 00:15:20,893
is gonna lock you up
in a shed somewhere,
400
00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:23,396
and your only friends are gonna
be Lamp and Bed and Wall!
401
00:15:25,033 --> 00:15:26,599
What my wife is trying to say is
402
00:15:26,667 --> 00:15:28,467
despite the depressing subject matter,
403
00:15:28,536 --> 00:15:29,735
"Room" is a fantastic film.
404
00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:32,104
Brie Larson is a tour de force.
405
00:15:34,275 --> 00:15:37,276
Taylor, you are grounded
for the next month.
406
00:15:37,345 --> 00:15:39,412
Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
W-What if we cut a deal?
407
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,847
- Oliver already sold you out.
- Damn it!
408
00:15:41,916 --> 00:15:43,916
Ellen was your first friend in Westport,
409
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,551
the only one who would
give you the time of day,
410
00:15:45,620 --> 00:15:47,953
and you ditched her for a better offer.
411
00:15:48,022 --> 00:15:50,022
Lying to us... that's a teenage thing.
412
00:15:50,091 --> 00:15:52,792
Ditching Ellen...
that's a character thing.
413
00:15:52,860 --> 00:15:55,728
When I was in high school,
I was popular...
414
00:15:55,797 --> 00:15:57,897
like, so popular...
415
00:15:57,965 --> 00:16:00,366
but I was still nice to everyone.
416
00:16:00,435 --> 00:16:02,568
Even the band nerds
and the drama losers.
417
00:16:02,637 --> 00:16:05,037
In fact, if I was too cool for dweebs,
418
00:16:05,106 --> 00:16:06,639
you would've never been born.
419
00:16:06,707 --> 00:16:07,873
That's right.
420
00:16:07,942 --> 00:16:11,343
Now, go on. Apologize to your friend.
421
00:16:14,782 --> 00:16:16,549
Hey, Ellen.
422
00:16:16,617 --> 00:16:18,984
Hey. [SIGHS]
423
00:16:19,053 --> 00:16:21,320
Look. I'm sorry I ditched you.
424
00:16:21,389 --> 00:16:23,022
You've been nothing but nice to me,
425
00:16:23,091 --> 00:16:24,957
and lately I haven't been a good friend.
426
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:27,927
But if you're ever willing to
play Scrabble with me again,
427
00:16:27,995 --> 00:16:29,361
I'd like that.
428
00:16:30,398 --> 00:16:31,564
Too bad, Taylor.
429
00:16:31,632 --> 00:16:34,033
I have a little thing
called self-respect.
430
00:16:34,102 --> 00:16:36,735
And I've pretended "cray"
is a word for the last time.
431
00:16:39,674 --> 00:16:42,475
Enjoy your new friends
and your new hair.
432
00:16:45,313 --> 00:16:47,379
I'm sorry, Mrs. Otto.
433
00:16:47,448 --> 00:16:49,248
I took a toothbrush
and some hydrogen peroxide
434
00:16:49,317 --> 00:16:50,649
to the grout on the countertops,
435
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,251
but I didn't have time to do the island.
436
00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:54,053
It's okay, Ellen.
437
00:16:54,122 --> 00:16:56,555
You can come back Thursday.
438
00:16:59,527 --> 00:17:01,894
Upstairs, bedroom.
For the next four weeks,
439
00:17:01,963 --> 00:17:04,663
your only friends are gonna be
Lamp, Bed, and Wall.
440
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:06,565
[DOOR CLOSES]
441
00:17:08,035 --> 00:17:11,971
The disgraced Mayor of Sucktown
has been forced to step down.
442
00:17:12,039 --> 00:17:14,206
Now let's go talk to the
Governor of Suckachusetts.
443
00:17:14,275 --> 00:17:15,741
[LAUGHS] I like that.
444
00:17:15,810 --> 00:17:19,512
?
445
00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:21,447
As punishment for lying to us...
446
00:17:21,516 --> 00:17:23,649
Now, wait a second.
I didn't lie to you guys.
447
00:17:23,718 --> 00:17:25,050
Taylor lied.
448
00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:26,785
As punishment for helping Taylor lie...
449
00:17:26,854 --> 00:17:29,421
Now, Dad, again, I'm sorry to interrupt,
450
00:17:29,490 --> 00:17:31,056
but I didn't "help" Taylor lie.
451
00:17:31,125 --> 00:17:32,291
She paid me.
452
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:35,094
Does a baker "help" someone
who buys his bread?
453
00:17:35,163 --> 00:17:37,329
Does the butcher "help" someone
who buys his meat?
454
00:17:37,398 --> 00:17:39,899
Uh-huh. Does the father
"help" restrain somebody
455
00:17:39,967 --> 00:17:42,268
from strangling you in two seconds?
456
00:17:42,336 --> 00:17:43,903
We don't want you to be
a materialistic jerk.
457
00:17:43,971 --> 00:17:45,604
And as punishment,
we're taking the money
458
00:17:45,673 --> 00:17:47,173
that you made from your phone scheme.
459
00:17:47,241 --> 00:17:49,475
I thought we had a deal
for me ratting out Taylor!
460
00:17:49,544 --> 00:17:51,443
We did. I was going to
take your money and leave you
461
00:17:51,512 --> 00:17:53,512
on the side of the road where
you would end up kidnapped...
462
00:17:53,581 --> 00:17:55,915
And shipped off to Singapore
to work in a brothel.
463
00:17:55,983 --> 00:17:58,117
I think it's time you came up
with a new worst-case scenario.
464
00:17:58,186 --> 00:18:00,186
[SIGHS] It happens!
465
00:18:01,923 --> 00:18:04,523
So, Katie, I think it's time
we had a tornado discussion.
466
00:18:04,592 --> 00:18:06,625
You're looking good.
467
00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:10,296
- No.
- Okay.
468
00:18:10,364 --> 00:18:12,865
I know I messed up with Anna-Kat
469
00:18:12,934 --> 00:18:14,733
by giving her the tornado book.
470
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,235
Yeah. Why would you do that?
471
00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:18,804
Anna-Kat doesn't need me anymore,
472
00:18:18,873 --> 00:18:22,174
and I was trying to figure out
a way to make her need me again.
473
00:18:22,243 --> 00:18:24,910
And what I did was wrong.
474
00:18:26,614 --> 00:18:29,048
Maybe next time you're feeling that way,
475
00:18:29,116 --> 00:18:30,883
you'll come to me, and
we'll figure out something
476
00:18:30,952 --> 00:18:32,985
slightly less completely cuckoo-pants.
477
00:18:34,355 --> 00:18:38,157
Besides, she'll always need you,
just in a different way.
478
00:18:39,227 --> 00:18:43,095
You're right. I'll go talk to her.
479
00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:46,298
And you should probably
return this to the library.
480
00:18:46,367 --> 00:18:50,202
"Death is Around Every Corner:
101 Household Killers."
481
00:18:50,271 --> 00:18:51,503
I know.
482
00:18:51,572 --> 00:18:58,177
?
483
00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:01,814
Does that book talk about
484
00:19:01,882 --> 00:19:04,483
something called "Tornado Alley"?
485
00:19:04,552 --> 00:19:06,185
Nope. What's that?
486
00:19:06,254 --> 00:19:07,453
It's the part of the country
487
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:09,188
where almost all tornadoes happen.
488
00:19:09,257 --> 00:19:12,124
Here. Take a look.
489
00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:15,928
And we're right here,
all the way over to the right.
490
00:19:15,997 --> 00:19:19,198
Huh. So it doesn't make sense
to be afraid of tornadoes?
491
00:19:19,267 --> 00:19:20,599
No, it doesn't.
492
00:19:20,668 --> 00:19:23,435
And I have to say, I am so proud of you.
493
00:19:23,504 --> 00:19:26,705
You are growing up and
showing some independence.
494
00:19:26,774 --> 00:19:28,007
And if you don't want me
495
00:19:28,075 --> 00:19:31,644
to walk you into school anymore,
that's okay, too.
496
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:33,912
Thanks for understanding, Mama.
497
00:19:33,981 --> 00:19:36,582
You're the best.
498
00:19:41,188 --> 00:19:43,122
- Mama?
- Yes, sweetie?
499
00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:45,691
Boundaries.
500
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:47,493
Of course.
501
00:19:50,798 --> 00:19:52,064
It's awkward now.
502
00:19:52,133 --> 00:19:54,733
I know. Just try to push through it.
503
00:19:58,311 --> 00:19:59,644
Wait!
504
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:02,515
Before you dye my hair back,
can I do one last hair flip?
505
00:20:02,607 --> 00:20:03,915
Sure.
506
00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:05,286
Okay.
507
00:20:05,466 --> 00:20:06,865
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
508
00:20:06,967 --> 00:20:09,437
Swish. Swish.
509
00:20:09,953 --> 00:20:11,720
Okay. I'm ready.
510
00:20:15,588 --> 00:20:18,843
You know what?
You can keep your blond hair.
511
00:20:18,963 --> 00:20:20,963
What?! Oh, my God! Thank you so much!
512
00:20:21,065 --> 00:20:23,332
- With the following conditions.
- I'm listening.
513
00:20:23,434 --> 00:20:26,369
- One, no tattoos, ever.
- Okay.
514
00:20:26,471 --> 00:20:28,904
And, two, you will let me have
bagpipes at your wedding.
515
00:20:29,007 --> 00:20:30,406
Done! What's three?
516
00:20:30,508 --> 00:20:32,141
Ohh. I didn't have a three.
517
00:20:32,243 --> 00:20:33,976
Quick, Katie! Think of something else!
518
00:20:34,078 --> 00:20:36,145
I get to dig through that bag
of Halloween candy
519
00:20:36,247 --> 00:20:39,081
in your closet and take whatever I like.
520
00:20:39,183 --> 00:20:40,816
Sure! You do that, anyway!
521
00:20:40,918 --> 00:20:43,555
Ohh! Wasted it!
522
00:20:43,605 --> 00:20:48,155
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