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?
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00:00:04,094 --> 00:00:05,927
KATIE: Flavor of Westport,
3
00:00:05,996 --> 00:00:07,629
where the hippest restaurants in town
4
00:00:07,698 --> 00:00:09,631
offer samples of their signature dishes.
5
00:00:09,700 --> 00:00:12,067
Wow. Quinoa pie, kale on a stick.
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00:00:12,135 --> 00:00:13,935
Things I would eat if I was
on the show "Survivor"
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00:00:14,004 --> 00:00:16,638
and I already ate
every rat on the island.
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- Greg, Katie, hi!
- GREG: Hi.
9
00:00:18,542 --> 00:00:20,742
This is also a great place
to bump into the people
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00:00:20,811 --> 00:00:22,377
I spend all week trying to avoid.
11
00:00:22,446 --> 00:00:24,646
Have you guys heard about
the big shake-up at school?
12
00:00:24,715 --> 00:00:25,714
Did one of those lonely moms
13
00:00:25,782 --> 00:00:26,948
finally do 10 minutes in the shed
14
00:00:27,017 --> 00:00:28,116
with that sexy groundskeeper?
15
00:00:28,171 --> 00:00:29,117
No.
16
00:00:29,186 --> 00:00:30,318
The new chairs I've been fighting for
17
00:00:30,387 --> 00:00:31,519
were approved.
18
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We now have lumbar support
for our children!
19
00:00:33,724 --> 00:00:35,790
Three things happen
when you become parents.
20
00:00:35,859 --> 00:00:37,025
You buy a minivan,
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you use the word "potty" around adults,
22
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and every conversation
becomes about the kids.
23
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We have so much children's
medicine in the house,
24
00:00:44,101 --> 00:00:46,501
but I can never find those little
plastic measuring thingies.
25
00:00:46,570 --> 00:00:48,136
Where do they go?
26
00:00:48,205 --> 00:00:50,071
Probably hanging out
with all the missing socks.
27
00:00:50,140 --> 00:00:51,940
[LAUGHTER]
28
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Missing socks!
29
00:00:53,777 --> 00:00:56,111
[LAUGHS] This is so boring.
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[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
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Beets, fish oil, pollen, and...
32
00:01:02,119 --> 00:01:04,285
oh, I'm forgetting one... peanuts!
33
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Those are all of Holden's allergies.
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Okay. Now I'll go.
35
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Hay weed, gluten,
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- hypoallergenic foam...
- Super boring.
37
00:01:13,430 --> 00:01:15,096
I can't believe you left me
with that couple.
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They took me through
the entire evolution
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00:01:16,900 --> 00:01:18,633
of their son's pronunciation
of "blueberry."
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Don't recap that conversation for me.
41
00:01:20,504 --> 00:01:22,137
I actually sat in a hot Port-a-Potty
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for 20 minutes to avoid it.
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00:01:23,940 --> 00:01:25,106
We should go.
44
00:01:25,175 --> 00:01:26,341
I have to help Anna-Kat
write a five-minute story
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00:01:26,410 --> 00:01:27,876
for the Kid Lit assembly this weekend.
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I think she focuses better
after a string cheese.
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But not the yellow kind
or the white kind.
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The yellow-swirled-with-white kind.
49
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Cheddarella.
50
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Remember that time
we gave her the store brand?
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Yikes-arella.
52
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Oh, my God.
53
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Now we're boring ourselves.
54
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We have no life outside of our kids.
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That's not true.
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Okay, the other day,
I was carpool lane...
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Uhp, that's the kids.
Never mind. We have no life.
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Hold that thought.
59
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My trans-fat sense is tingling.
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00:01:50,419 --> 00:01:53,053
I smell something... fried.
61
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...they must be hanging out
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with the missing socks, right?
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[LAUGHTER]
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00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,193
Hey, that's my line.
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00:01:59,262 --> 00:02:02,863
?
66
00:02:02,932 --> 00:02:05,633
Greg, at my funeral,
along with bagpipes,
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I want funnel cakes.
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00:02:06,936 --> 00:02:08,702
I haven't tasted a funnel cake this good
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00:02:08,771 --> 00:02:10,170
- since the Florida State Fair.
- Mm.
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00:02:10,239 --> 00:02:11,438
Are you from Florida?
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00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:13,274
Yeah, born and raised.
72
00:02:13,342 --> 00:02:14,608
We just moved here from Myrtle Grove.
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00:02:14,677 --> 00:02:16,277
We used to play you guys in football!
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00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:17,211
What?!
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00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:18,812
?
76
00:02:18,881 --> 00:02:20,881
We must've partied at the same tailgate
77
00:02:20,950 --> 00:02:22,049
at the Speedway.
78
00:02:22,118 --> 00:02:23,384
Do you know the secret
about the beer stand
79
00:02:23,452 --> 00:02:24,151
by the Quaker State sign?
80
00:02:24,220 --> 00:02:25,486
Flash 'em for a six pack?
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00:02:25,555 --> 00:02:28,556
I never paid for a beer in four years.
82
00:02:28,624 --> 00:02:29,723
- [BOTH LAUGH]
- Hold on.
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00:02:29,792 --> 00:02:30,891
You're familiar with John Stuart Mill?
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00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:32,259
- Of course!
- GREG: You don't understand,
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00:02:32,328 --> 00:02:34,261
you're the first person
to ever say that to me.
86
00:02:34,330 --> 00:02:35,763
No, no, I understand.
87
00:02:35,831 --> 00:02:37,197
We're two Mill-heads. Okay.
88
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Your favorite essay collection on three.
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00:02:38,901 --> 00:02:40,834
One, two, three.
90
00:02:40,903 --> 00:02:43,370
- "Two Letters on the Measure of Value"!
- "Two Letters on the Measure of Value"!
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00:02:43,439 --> 00:02:44,672
[BOTH LAUGH]
92
00:02:44,740 --> 00:02:46,240
So, have you gotten a feel for the town?
93
00:02:46,309 --> 00:02:47,308
Oh, yeah.
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00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:48,576
They should change their motto to
95
00:02:48,644 --> 00:02:51,812
"Westport... our foreheads
haven't moved since 1862."
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00:02:51,881 --> 00:02:52,980
- [BOTH LAUGH]
- Yeah, yeah.
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00:02:53,049 --> 00:02:54,648
"Westport... our women own
98
00:02:54,717 --> 00:02:56,517
80% of the world's tennis skirts."
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[BOTH LAUGH]
100
00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:58,886
Hey, babe, we better get going.
101
00:02:58,955 --> 00:03:00,187
Where you off to?
102
00:03:00,256 --> 00:03:02,222
Oh, we have tickets
for a cruise around Sagatuck.
103
00:03:02,291 --> 00:03:04,024
But, hey,
we should get together sometime.
104
00:03:04,093 --> 00:03:05,926
- Here is my card.
- Thanks.
105
00:03:05,995 --> 00:03:07,328
- See you, guys.
- See you later.
106
00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:08,295
- KATIE: Bye!
- Bye!
107
00:03:09,098 --> 00:03:11,365
- I loved her!
- I loved him!
108
00:03:11,434 --> 00:03:12,600
I can't believe
we finally found a couple
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00:03:12,668 --> 00:03:13,867
that we both like!
110
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Don't get your hopes up
about Courtney and Zach.
111
00:03:15,705 --> 00:03:17,037
I saw them move in.
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They don't have kids.
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00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:19,740
Damn.
114
00:03:19,809 --> 00:03:21,241
Why? What's the big deal?
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00:03:21,310 --> 00:03:24,078
Couples without kids
hate couples with kids.
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Then she said "boo-bewwy."
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Wait. No.
118
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First, three months,
he said "bwoo-bewwy."
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[LAUGHTER]
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'Cause couples with kids
are so b-o-o-oring.
121
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?
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Mmm! Looks good.
123
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?
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00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:43,130
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
125
00:03:45,167 --> 00:03:48,602
?
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00:03:48,671 --> 00:03:49,303
I was thinking.
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00:03:49,372 --> 00:03:50,504
Is it so inconceivable
128
00:03:50,573 --> 00:03:51,939
we could be friends
with Courtney and Zach?
129
00:03:52,008 --> 00:03:53,440
These people have exciting lives.
130
00:03:53,509 --> 00:03:55,275
They don't want to hang out
with parents.
131
00:03:55,344 --> 00:03:56,110
We've got baggage.
132
00:03:57,580 --> 00:04:00,014
Here comes the middle bag now.
133
00:04:00,082 --> 00:04:02,583
Mom, a word about
the quality of our lunches.
134
00:04:02,652 --> 00:04:04,718
- Are they not up to your standards?
- No.
135
00:04:04,787 --> 00:04:06,186
Would it kill you to dry the lettuce
136
00:04:06,255 --> 00:04:07,321
before you make the sandwich?
137
00:04:07,390 --> 00:04:08,555
I don't know.
138
00:04:08,624 --> 00:04:10,090
Would it kill you
if I put you in burlap sack
139
00:04:10,159 --> 00:04:11,759
with a couple of bricks
and threw you off a bridge?
140
00:04:13,229 --> 00:04:14,461
I think you should go.
141
00:04:16,365 --> 00:04:17,798
What if we just don't mention the kids?
142
00:04:17,867 --> 00:04:19,033
Interesting.
143
00:04:19,101 --> 00:04:20,901
- So you want to lie?
- Not lie.
144
00:04:20,970 --> 00:04:23,103
Just hide the truth until they're
deeper in the relationship.
145
00:04:23,172 --> 00:04:24,738
You know, like you did
when we were dating.
146
00:04:24,807 --> 00:04:26,640
You thought I liked foreign films.
147
00:04:26,709 --> 00:04:27,975
Ooh, "Chocolat"!
148
00:04:28,044 --> 00:04:29,076
That was in English.
149
00:04:29,145 --> 00:04:30,010
It felt foreign.
150
00:04:30,079 --> 00:04:31,245
But you're right.
151
00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:32,479
We just won't mention the kids.
152
00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:34,982
- Let me do the talking.
- Why?
153
00:04:35,051 --> 00:04:36,750
Because your voice gets all high
when you're nervous.
154
00:04:36,819 --> 00:04:37,985
It does?
155
00:04:38,054 --> 00:04:39,353
Is that why they're
always calling me "ma'am"
156
00:04:39,422 --> 00:04:40,654
when I order at drive-throughs?
157
00:04:40,723 --> 00:04:42,056
Who the hell gets nervous
at a drive-through?
158
00:04:42,124 --> 00:04:43,290
It's a lot of pressure.
159
00:04:43,359 --> 00:04:44,358
People are waiting.
160
00:04:44,427 --> 00:04:45,826
They can't always hear you.
161
00:04:45,895 --> 00:04:47,528
Okay, fine.
162
00:04:47,596 --> 00:04:49,763
- But put it on speaker so I can hear.
- Okay.
163
00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:51,465
[RINGING]
164
00:04:51,534 --> 00:04:53,300
- ZACH: Hello?
- Hey, Zach, it's Katie.
165
00:04:53,369 --> 00:04:54,635
Oh, hey, Katie.
166
00:04:54,704 --> 00:04:55,769
Courtney and I were just
talking about you guys.
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00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:57,104
Us, too.
168
00:04:57,173 --> 00:04:59,707
We figured why not call
and make a plan to hang out.
169
00:04:59,775 --> 00:05:00,974
COURTNEY: How about dinner
tomorrow night?
170
00:05:01,043 --> 00:05:02,843
Oh, hey, Courtney! Works for us.
171
00:05:02,912 --> 00:05:04,178
ZACH: We found this great
172
00:05:04,246 --> 00:05:05,579
off-the-beaten-path Vietnamese place.
173
00:05:05,648 --> 00:05:06,613
You guys like pho?
174
00:05:06,682 --> 00:05:08,449
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Fo sho!
175
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:09,483
Perfect. See you guys tomorrow night.
176
00:05:09,552 --> 00:05:10,584
[CELLPHONE BEEPS]
177
00:05:10,653 --> 00:05:12,086
- Who's the man?!
- [NORMAL VOICE] I am!
178
00:05:12,154 --> 00:05:13,854
- Who's the woman?!
- That's not a saying!
179
00:05:13,923 --> 00:05:15,155
Feels sexist leaving you out!
180
00:05:15,224 --> 00:05:16,724
We can't do this kind of crap
tomorrow night!
181
00:05:16,792 --> 00:05:20,260
?
182
00:05:20,329 --> 00:05:21,895
Okay, ground rules for tonight.
183
00:05:21,964 --> 00:05:23,097
Taylor's in charge,
184
00:05:23,165 --> 00:05:24,598
and there can be no more disasters.
185
00:05:24,667 --> 00:05:26,200
What do you mean by disasters?
186
00:05:26,268 --> 00:05:27,334
Last time we let you babysit,
187
00:05:27,403 --> 00:05:28,502
you guys played hide-and-seek
with Anna-Kat
188
00:05:28,571 --> 00:05:29,503
and gave up without telling her.
189
00:05:29,572 --> 00:05:31,004
She was zipped inside an old suitcase
190
00:05:31,073 --> 00:05:32,272
for five hours.
191
00:05:32,341 --> 00:05:33,373
We didn't give up.
192
00:05:33,442 --> 00:05:34,475
We just never looked.
193
00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:36,510
This is your last shot.
194
00:05:36,579 --> 00:05:38,112
If you can't prove
that you're responsible,
195
00:05:38,180 --> 00:05:39,246
then you can't go to the concert
196
00:05:39,315 --> 00:05:40,514
with your friends next week.
197
00:05:40,583 --> 00:05:41,915
- Got it?
- Got it.
198
00:05:41,984 --> 00:05:44,017
This dinner we're going to is important,
199
00:05:44,086 --> 00:05:46,386
so don't call unless
it's really an emergency.
200
00:05:46,455 --> 00:05:47,755
That means only call from the hospital
201
00:05:47,823 --> 00:05:48,989
and not just from the waiting room.
202
00:05:49,058 --> 00:05:50,224
Call once you're admitted
203
00:05:50,292 --> 00:05:51,759
and stretched out
on one of those wheely beds.
204
00:05:54,430 --> 00:05:55,629
Wait. You guys can't leave.
205
00:05:55,698 --> 00:05:57,578
I want to tell you
what happened on my show,
206
00:05:57,641 --> 00:05:59,466
- "Adventure Cats."
- Let's get out of here
207
00:05:59,535 --> 00:06:01,268
before she recounts
every minute in real time.
208
00:06:01,337 --> 00:06:04,671
So, Captain Meowington
was leading an expedition
209
00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:07,174
down the Amazon River
on a bamboo raft...
210
00:06:07,243 --> 00:06:09,042
That's so exciting! Go, go, go, go, go!
211
00:06:09,111 --> 00:06:12,479
And then a snake just
fell down out of the trees,
212
00:06:12,548 --> 00:06:14,848
right onto Captain Meowington's lap.
213
00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:17,718
Oh! The snake episode!
214
00:06:17,787 --> 00:06:20,888
Oliver was just asking how it ends.
215
00:06:20,956 --> 00:06:22,438
Tell him.
216
00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:24,925
Don't waste another minute on us.
217
00:06:27,263 --> 00:06:30,664
All right, let's clear our heads
of all of that.
218
00:06:30,733 --> 00:06:32,399
Shake it off.
219
00:06:32,468 --> 00:06:35,102
Remember, we don't have kids.
220
00:06:35,171 --> 00:06:36,703
Did we leave them
enough money for pizza?
221
00:06:36,772 --> 00:06:38,539
- I think so.
- Wrong!
222
00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:40,440
The correct answer is "Who?"
223
00:06:40,509 --> 00:06:41,742
because we don't have kids.
224
00:06:41,811 --> 00:06:42,709
Be better!
225
00:06:42,778 --> 00:06:44,211
Noted.
226
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:45,512
- All right, let's do this.
- Greg!
227
00:06:45,581 --> 00:06:46,280
Your keychain.
228
00:06:46,348 --> 00:06:47,614
?
229
00:06:47,683 --> 00:06:48,749
Oh, my God!
230
00:06:48,818 --> 00:06:50,384
[KEYS RATTLE]
231
00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:51,251
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
232
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:52,219
I'll get the spare.
233
00:06:52,288 --> 00:06:53,987
Okay.
234
00:06:54,056 --> 00:06:55,522
ANNA-KAT: Then Captain Meowington
235
00:06:55,591 --> 00:06:56,990
gave up his rank and command
236
00:06:57,059 --> 00:06:58,725
to raise his kittens.
237
00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:00,460
GREG: Really?
I knew he had a heart of gold.
238
00:07:00,529 --> 00:07:01,361
Greg!
239
00:07:01,430 --> 00:07:03,497
Sorry about that.
240
00:07:03,566 --> 00:07:04,698
It just sounds like they're
taking a lot of risks
241
00:07:04,767 --> 00:07:06,700
- in season two.
- Okay.
242
00:07:06,769 --> 00:07:11,471
?
243
00:07:11,540 --> 00:07:13,207
Anna-Kat, dinner!
244
00:07:13,275 --> 00:07:14,908
There's a lot riding on tonight.
245
00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:17,044
You and Anna-Kat are my responsibility.
246
00:07:17,112 --> 00:07:19,346
Nothing can go wrong.
No one can get hurt.
247
00:07:19,415 --> 00:07:21,215
- What's in it for me?
- What do you mean?
248
00:07:21,283 --> 00:07:22,807
Well, you're getting
something out of this.
249
00:07:22,877 --> 00:07:24,384
- I want something, too.
- [SIGHS]
250
00:07:24,453 --> 00:07:26,220
- What's your price?
- Okay.
251
00:07:26,288 --> 00:07:29,156
I want you to do
what Mom and Dad refuse to do...
252
00:07:29,225 --> 00:07:32,392
drive me past the biggest
houses in Westport, slowly...
253
00:07:32,461 --> 00:07:34,695
while I look up their value on Zillow.
254
00:07:34,763 --> 00:07:36,230
No way.
255
00:07:36,298 --> 00:07:39,299
I will break my pinkie right now.
256
00:07:39,368 --> 00:07:40,701
Okay, fine.
257
00:07:40,769 --> 00:07:41,935
- It's a deal.
- ANNA-KAT: [CLEARS THROAT]
258
00:07:43,272 --> 00:07:44,872
Who's gonna wet my beak?
259
00:07:44,940 --> 00:07:46,039
What?
260
00:07:46,108 --> 00:07:47,140
Here's the thing.
261
00:07:47,209 --> 00:07:48,542
I need to write a story
262
00:07:48,611 --> 00:07:49,977
to read out loud tomorrow night
263
00:07:50,045 --> 00:07:51,178
at the Kid Lit assembly...
264
00:07:51,247 --> 00:07:53,547
only I don't feel like writing it.
265
00:07:53,616 --> 00:07:54,848
Do you get what I'm saying?
266
00:07:55,451 --> 00:07:56,550
No.
267
00:07:56,619 --> 00:07:58,619
She wants you
to write the story for her.
268
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:00,821
And you're gonna help her
because she's kind of stupid.
269
00:08:00,890 --> 00:08:01,955
[SCOFFS] Okay.
270
00:08:02,024 --> 00:08:03,223
What will happen if we don't?
271
00:08:03,292 --> 00:08:05,626
I saved some baby teeth
just for this situation.
272
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,327
[WHIMPERS] Ow!
273
00:08:07,396 --> 00:08:09,096
[FAKE CRYING] Taylor let me
jump off the counter,
274
00:08:09,164 --> 00:08:11,131
and I knocked out my tooth!
275
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,332
[NORMAL VOICE] Happy writing.
276
00:08:12,401 --> 00:08:15,168
?
277
00:08:15,237 --> 00:08:16,603
[LAUGHTER]
278
00:08:16,672 --> 00:08:17,537
Whoa.
279
00:08:17,606 --> 00:08:18,906
Mmm.
280
00:08:18,974 --> 00:08:20,908
We have been big fans of Vietnamese food
281
00:08:20,976 --> 00:08:22,309
ever since we went backpacking
282
00:08:22,378 --> 00:08:23,710
outside of Hanoi last summer.
283
00:08:23,779 --> 00:08:25,812
Oh, yeah, we rappelled down a waterfall,
284
00:08:25,881 --> 00:08:28,382
explored this tunnel system,
went sand-boarding...
285
00:08:28,450 --> 00:08:29,983
- Wow.
- But what about you?
286
00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:31,652
I bet you guys have taken
some great trips.
287
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,754
KATIE: Oh, boy, have we.
288
00:08:33,822 --> 00:08:35,022
[BOTH LAUGH NERVOUSLY]
289
00:08:35,090 --> 00:08:36,857
Which one do you want
to talk about first?
290
00:08:36,926 --> 00:08:38,158
Let's just pick a favorite.
291
00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:40,661
- Which one is our favorite, Greg?
- Um...
292
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,062
KATIE: When was our last vacation?
293
00:08:42,131 --> 00:08:43,931
Does staying
at the Motel Six for a weekend
294
00:08:43,999 --> 00:08:45,399
after our pipes burst count?
295
00:08:45,467 --> 00:08:50,437
I think our favorite trip
probably was...
296
00:08:50,506 --> 00:08:51,872
when we went rafting down the Amazon.
297
00:08:51,941 --> 00:08:52,906
Right, honey?
298
00:08:52,975 --> 00:08:54,074
- Oh.
- Whoa.
299
00:08:54,143 --> 00:08:56,076
We were some adventurous cats,
300
00:08:56,145 --> 00:08:57,844
weren't we, Katie?
301
00:08:57,913 --> 00:09:00,080
That's right.
302
00:09:00,149 --> 00:09:02,549
We were on bamboo rafts.
303
00:09:02,618 --> 00:09:05,052
Yeah, our captain Me-Ow warned us
304
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,387
that it wasn't a trip.
305
00:09:07,456 --> 00:09:08,956
It was an exercise in survival.
306
00:09:09,024 --> 00:09:10,424
We were admiring the scenery,
307
00:09:10,492 --> 00:09:13,126
when this giant snake
dropped down from the trees.
308
00:09:13,195 --> 00:09:14,361
Whoa. So what'd you guys do?
309
00:09:14,430 --> 00:09:17,331
[LAUGHS] What did we do?
310
00:09:17,399 --> 00:09:19,166
My instincts just kicked in,
311
00:09:19,234 --> 00:09:20,300
and I punched it in the face.
312
00:09:20,369 --> 00:09:21,969
Knocked it out cold.
313
00:09:22,037 --> 00:09:23,036
Our Captain Me-Ow...
314
00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:24,404
Who turned out to be
a real sweetheart...
315
00:09:24,473 --> 00:09:25,572
...skinned it, cooked it up.
316
00:09:25,641 --> 00:09:27,040
Best dinner we ever had.
317
00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:29,476
Whoa. I'm so jealous.
318
00:09:29,545 --> 00:09:31,144
Somebody is allergic to snake.
319
00:09:31,213 --> 00:09:35,882
[LAUGHTER]
320
00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,784
So, we heard about this place in town
321
00:09:37,853 --> 00:09:39,319
that serves bespoke cocktails.
322
00:09:39,388 --> 00:09:40,754
Just pick a night and we're there.
323
00:09:40,823 --> 00:09:41,855
The night is now!
324
00:09:41,924 --> 00:09:42,923
We'll get the coats.
325
00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:46,159
Are they serious? It's almost 9:30.
326
00:09:46,228 --> 00:09:48,228
- We're already pushing our bedtime.
- I know.
327
00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:50,297
We should be in bed with me
putting stuff in my Amazon cart
328
00:09:50,366 --> 00:09:51,865
and you telling me
not to push the buy button.
329
00:09:51,934 --> 00:09:53,333
If we go to this bar,
we still have to wake up early
330
00:09:53,402 --> 00:09:54,534
and deal with the kids,
331
00:09:54,603 --> 00:09:55,704
and I have to help
Anna-Kat with her story.
332
00:09:55,759 --> 00:09:56,782
If we don't go to this bar,
333
00:09:56,827 --> 00:09:58,142
they could meet a real kid-less couple
334
00:09:58,228 --> 00:10:00,140
who knows what the hell
bespoke cocktails actually are.
335
00:10:00,209 --> 00:10:01,408
We could lose them, Greg.
336
00:10:01,477 --> 00:10:02,743
Come on.
337
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,644
We never put ourselves first.
338
00:10:04,713 --> 00:10:06,313
Let's do something for us for a change.
339
00:10:06,382 --> 00:10:08,281
All right, let's do it.
340
00:10:08,350 --> 00:10:10,117
Look out, 11:00, here come the Ottos!
341
00:10:10,185 --> 00:10:11,018
[LAUGHS]
342
00:10:11,086 --> 00:10:12,753
?
343
00:10:16,146 --> 00:10:18,630
Last night was fun.
The Ottos saw midnight.
344
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:21,085
Then I took a brief micro nap
in the ladies room to rally,
345
00:10:21,155 --> 00:10:22,555
and then we saw 12:45.
346
00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:23,622
Do you think that they liked us?
347
00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:24,823
I hope so.
348
00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:26,058
What happens now? Do we call them?
349
00:10:26,127 --> 00:10:27,293
I don't know how this works.
350
00:10:27,361 --> 00:10:28,894
- [CELLPHONE CHIMES]
- [GASPS]
351
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:31,530
It's not me! It's you!
352
00:10:31,599 --> 00:10:32,731
Help me find my phone!
353
00:10:35,236 --> 00:10:36,135
Call it!
354
00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:37,803
Wait. It's in my hand.
355
00:10:37,872 --> 00:10:39,171
- It's a text from Zach!
- [GASPS]
356
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:40,639
- They don't play games!
- They had fun!
357
00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:42,374
- What did they say exactly?
- "We had fun!"
358
00:10:42,443 --> 00:10:43,676
Yes!
359
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,978
ANNA-KAT: Mama,
where's my clean underwear?
360
00:10:46,047 --> 00:10:47,846
Never mind. Going inside-out.
361
00:10:47,915 --> 00:10:48,747
Ugh, back to reality.
362
00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:50,049
I got to go make breakfast,
363
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:51,717
and you need to help Anna-Kat
with her story.
364
00:10:51,786 --> 00:10:53,085
I'm texting him back.
What do you think of this?
365
00:10:53,154 --> 00:10:54,420
"We had fun, too.
366
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:55,588
Love you guys.
367
00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:56,956
Regards, Greg"?
368
00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:59,158
That is terrible, but reassuring.
369
00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:00,526
You have no future in online dating.
370
00:11:00,595 --> 00:11:01,627
You're stuck with me forever.
371
00:11:01,696 --> 00:11:02,995
[CHUCKLES]
372
00:11:03,064 --> 00:11:08,801
?
373
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,836
So, how did it go last night?
374
00:11:10,905 --> 00:11:12,171
Perfect.
375
00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:14,340
You know I'd love to throw
this one under the bus,
376
00:11:14,408 --> 00:11:15,808
but she did great.
377
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,109
ANNA-KAT: It's true, Mama.
378
00:11:17,178 --> 00:11:19,044
They spent the whole time
helping me with my story
379
00:11:19,113 --> 00:11:20,646
for the Kid Lit assembly tonight.
380
00:11:20,715 --> 00:11:22,081
I thought I was gonna
help you with that.
381
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:24,216
Guess you don't need to anymore.
382
00:11:24,285 --> 00:11:25,551
Are you seeing this?
383
00:11:25,620 --> 00:11:28,020
Yeah, we stepped back,
and they're fine without us.
384
00:11:28,089 --> 00:11:29,822
What are we gonna do with
all our newfound free time?
385
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:34,727
But we're already dressed for the day...
386
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:36,128
What am I saying? Who cares?
387
00:11:36,197 --> 00:11:39,465
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS]
388
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:41,567
Story time. Let me hear what you got.
389
00:11:41,636 --> 00:11:43,168
Okay, so we have a couple of options
390
00:11:43,237 --> 00:11:44,370
for you to choose from.
391
00:11:44,438 --> 00:11:46,639
The first is a story about friendship,
392
00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:48,407
and it starts with two brown bears...
393
00:11:48,476 --> 00:11:49,608
Pass. What's next?
394
00:11:49,677 --> 00:11:51,877
Well, we have another one about a mouse
395
00:11:51,946 --> 00:11:53,779
who's trying to track down
a missing skateboard.
396
00:11:53,848 --> 00:11:55,214
No, too cute.
397
00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:56,448
But you watch "Adventure Cats,"
398
00:11:56,517 --> 00:11:57,549
and that's all about kittens.
399
00:11:57,618 --> 00:11:59,318
I just watch that to unwind.
400
00:11:59,387 --> 00:12:01,787
Here are a few things
I want in my story...
401
00:12:01,856 --> 00:12:05,190
The Donner Party,
flesh-eating super-viruses,
402
00:12:05,259 --> 00:12:06,592
and dandelions.
403
00:12:06,661 --> 00:12:08,227
What do those even
have to do with each other?
404
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,129
Seems like a writer problem.
405
00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:11,397
Make it work.
406
00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:18,137
?
407
00:12:18,205 --> 00:12:20,539
And Zach and Courtney took us
to this cool restaurant,
408
00:12:20,608 --> 00:12:22,307
then to a secret bar, and get this...
409
00:12:22,376 --> 00:12:25,778
this morning, Greg and I even had sex.
410
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:26,979
[GASPS] Morning sex?
411
00:12:27,048 --> 00:12:28,947
Okay, quick question.
412
00:12:29,016 --> 00:12:30,182
Was the bed already made,
413
00:12:30,251 --> 00:12:32,117
and if so, did you then remake it?
414
00:12:32,186 --> 00:12:34,253
I'm telling you,
hanging out with this couple
415
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:35,888
reminded us that we once had a life
416
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:36,989
outside of our kids.
417
00:12:37,058 --> 00:12:38,290
Well, enjoy it while you can.
418
00:12:38,359 --> 00:12:39,558
Take it from a single mom...
419
00:12:39,627 --> 00:12:40,859
you can only hide your kids
420
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:42,661
from the people you're dating
for so long.
421
00:12:42,730 --> 00:12:44,697
'Cause when they find out,
they'll dump you.
422
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,298
Because you're not spontaneous.
423
00:12:46,367 --> 00:12:47,633
And you can't go to Nantucket
424
00:12:47,702 --> 00:12:49,535
because you got a kid
that didn't listen to you
425
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,503
and went outside without
a jacket and got sick,
426
00:12:51,572 --> 00:12:53,405
so now you're staying home
while she's at a beachhouse
427
00:12:53,474 --> 00:12:55,474
with some bitch named Ruth.
428
00:12:55,543 --> 00:12:57,710
Don't worry. We have a plan.
429
00:12:57,778 --> 00:12:59,078
We're gonna get them invested
430
00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:00,546
in a fake version of ourselves,
431
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:01,980
then, when they fall in love,
432
00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:03,816
we're gonna reveal
our three little flaws.
433
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,851
Oh! I did the same thing with Richard.
434
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:07,519
I let him believe I was nice.
435
00:13:07,588 --> 00:13:09,421
There's no way some bitch named "Ruth"
436
00:13:09,490 --> 00:13:10,489
is hotter than I am.
437
00:13:10,558 --> 00:13:11,623
Not possible.
438
00:13:11,692 --> 00:13:20,265
?
439
00:13:20,334 --> 00:13:21,876
The kids are really getting along.
440
00:13:21,947 --> 00:13:23,313
Don't talk about it. You'll jinx it.
441
00:13:23,382 --> 00:13:25,015
You said our kids
had great taste in music,
442
00:13:25,083 --> 00:13:26,816
then it was "Call Me Maybe"
for a whole year.
443
00:13:26,885 --> 00:13:27,816
Let's take advantage of this
444
00:13:27,863 --> 00:13:29,830
and have Taylor watch the kids
again tonight.
445
00:13:29,899 --> 00:13:31,598
We can't. We have Anna-Kat's
Lit assembly at 6:00.
446
00:13:31,667 --> 00:13:33,934
Aw, man. I forgot about that.
447
00:13:34,003 --> 00:13:36,503
Anna-Kat, how many kids
are reading tonight?
448
00:13:36,572 --> 00:13:38,605
There are 24 kids in my class,
449
00:13:38,674 --> 00:13:40,741
but there are two classes, so 48.
450
00:13:40,810 --> 00:13:42,843
[SIGHS] So fun!
451
00:13:44,213 --> 00:13:45,412
If I take off running right now,
452
00:13:45,481 --> 00:13:46,613
I can get home, pack,
453
00:13:46,682 --> 00:13:48,015
and be in Canada by tomorrow morning.
454
00:13:48,084 --> 00:13:49,583
You are not going to Canada.
455
00:13:49,652 --> 00:13:51,051
Get out of my head, man.
456
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,454
I'm really excited
for you to hear my story.
457
00:13:53,522 --> 00:13:54,621
It's pretty amazing.
458
00:13:54,690 --> 00:13:56,156
It better be amazing,
459
00:13:56,225 --> 00:13:58,659
or I'll lock myself in my toy chest
460
00:13:58,728 --> 00:14:00,594
and say that you
kept me there all night.
461
00:14:00,663 --> 00:14:02,229
You wouldn't.
462
00:14:02,298 --> 00:14:03,497
Oh, yeah?
463
00:14:03,566 --> 00:14:05,733
"It's so dark in here.
464
00:14:05,801 --> 00:14:07,334
I can't... breathe!"
465
00:14:07,403 --> 00:14:09,737
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
466
00:14:09,805 --> 00:14:11,872
Now give me a taste of your ice cream.
467
00:14:12,374 --> 00:14:13,741
Aww, they're sharing.
468
00:14:13,809 --> 00:14:15,109
We're Parents of the Year.
469
00:14:15,177 --> 00:14:16,977
- [CHUCKLES]
- Oh, crap, Greg! Look!
470
00:14:17,780 --> 00:14:19,246
We can't be seen with these jokers.
471
00:14:19,315 --> 00:14:20,481
Guys, who wants candy?
472
00:14:20,549 --> 00:14:21,749
You always say
473
00:14:21,817 --> 00:14:23,784
we're not allowed to have
two sweets in one day.
474
00:14:23,853 --> 00:14:25,719
Young lady, when your father
tells you to eat candy,
475
00:14:25,788 --> 00:14:26,687
you eat candy.
476
00:14:27,757 --> 00:14:28,489
Come on, come on!
477
00:14:32,294 --> 00:14:33,393
Anna-Kat's sweater!
478
00:14:34,296 --> 00:14:36,230
Oh, I think you dropped this.
479
00:14:36,298 --> 00:14:37,998
You dropped it.
480
00:14:38,067 --> 00:14:40,100
- [GASPS] Hey, look!
- Hey!
481
00:14:40,169 --> 00:14:41,401
- It's our new best friends!
- GREG: [LAUGHS]
482
00:14:41,470 --> 00:14:42,970
Hey, guys!
483
00:14:43,038 --> 00:14:44,471
Just taking a leisurely stroll.
484
00:14:44,540 --> 00:14:46,340
Just the two of us,
which we do every day.
485
00:14:46,408 --> 00:14:48,375
'Cause we have the time.
486
00:14:48,444 --> 00:14:49,576
[LAUGHS]
487
00:14:49,645 --> 00:14:50,944
We were just about to call you guys.
488
00:14:51,013 --> 00:14:52,012
ZACH: Oh, yeah!
489
00:14:52,081 --> 00:14:53,113
Yeah, we decided to head up
490
00:14:53,182 --> 00:14:54,348
to our ski house in New Hampshire.
491
00:14:54,416 --> 00:14:55,749
Hit the hot tub,
snowmobile in the morning,
492
00:14:55,818 --> 00:14:56,750
and then head back tomorrow.
493
00:14:56,819 --> 00:14:58,118
Classic H-T-Sno-mo.
494
00:14:58,187 --> 00:14:59,153
Sounds amazing!
495
00:14:59,221 --> 00:15:00,554
We'd love for you guys to come
496
00:15:00,623 --> 00:15:01,889
if you don't already have plans tonight.
497
00:15:01,957 --> 00:15:03,390
Did we have something
we were supposed to do?
498
00:15:03,459 --> 00:15:04,958
Something about an up-and-coming
authors symposium?
499
00:15:05,027 --> 00:15:06,293
Oh, yeah.
500
00:15:06,362 --> 00:15:07,961
Oh, shoot. Well, I guess we could ask...
501
00:15:08,030 --> 00:15:09,429
No, no, no! We're in!
502
00:15:09,498 --> 00:15:10,798
Oh. Okay, great. Hey, I'll
text you the address.
503
00:15:10,866 --> 00:15:11,865
- GREG: Great.
- All right.
504
00:15:12,735 --> 00:15:14,168
An overnighter.
505
00:15:14,236 --> 00:15:16,236
This is the way
relationships are cemented.
506
00:15:16,305 --> 00:15:17,971
Would it be lame if I wore
a T-shirt in the hot tub?
507
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:18,972
Yeah.
508
00:15:19,041 --> 00:15:20,040
[DOORBELL JINGLES]
509
00:15:20,109 --> 00:15:22,676
ANNA-KAT: [SCREAMS]
510
00:15:22,745 --> 00:15:24,645
I think she's probably had enough sugar.
511
00:15:29,298 --> 00:15:31,232
I know it's just a kid-free night
512
00:15:31,295 --> 00:15:32,503
with new friends in a new place,
513
00:15:32,550 --> 00:15:33,816
- but I'm super-excited.
- GREG: Me too.
514
00:15:33,885 --> 00:15:36,152
Are these good lounge-around-
the-ski-lodge pants,
515
00:15:36,220 --> 00:15:37,472
or do they look too much like pajamas?
516
00:15:37,535 --> 00:15:38,934
They're good. But wear underwear.
517
00:15:39,003 --> 00:15:39,935
Reduce floppage.
518
00:15:40,004 --> 00:15:40,969
Yes.
519
00:15:41,038 --> 00:15:42,171
I refuse to feel guilty
520
00:15:42,239 --> 00:15:43,472
for missing Anna-Kat's reading tonight.
521
00:15:43,541 --> 00:15:45,908
We have a responsibility to ourselves,
522
00:15:45,976 --> 00:15:47,142
to our relationship,
523
00:15:47,211 --> 00:15:50,045
to the Gods of Spontaneous
Marital Morning Sex.
524
00:15:50,114 --> 00:15:52,481
I love those guys. I love you guys!
525
00:15:52,550 --> 00:15:53,849
Half of the parents in this town
526
00:15:53,918 --> 00:15:55,150
spend zero time with their kids.
527
00:15:55,219 --> 00:15:56,452
Then they put on this big show
528
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:57,853
by going to every last school event,
529
00:15:57,922 --> 00:15:59,221
like that makes them good parents.
530
00:15:59,290 --> 00:16:00,255
That's what they do.
531
00:16:00,324 --> 00:16:01,657
That's totally what they do.
532
00:16:01,726 --> 00:16:03,592
They're like, "Ooh!
I'm such a good mother!
533
00:16:03,661 --> 00:16:05,794
The nanny feeds them,
the maid cleans up after them,
534
00:16:05,863 --> 00:16:07,830
but I'm here at the stupid
Kid Lit Festival."
535
00:16:07,898 --> 00:16:09,298
"Ooh, I'm an awesome dad,
536
00:16:09,367 --> 00:16:10,766
I play 72 holes of golf a week
537
00:16:10,835 --> 00:16:13,102
and read texts when my kids
are trying to talk to me,
538
00:16:13,170 --> 00:16:14,269
but look at me now!
539
00:16:14,338 --> 00:16:15,371
I'm in the front row,
540
00:16:15,439 --> 00:16:16,705
taping the whole thing on my phone
541
00:16:16,774 --> 00:16:18,607
like I'm not a total douche."
542
00:16:18,676 --> 00:16:20,576
And that's not parenting.
543
00:16:20,644 --> 00:16:22,044
It most certainly is not.
544
00:16:22,113 --> 00:16:24,480
Parenting is the daily grind
of caring for kids
545
00:16:24,548 --> 00:16:25,647
while doing the painstaking work
546
00:16:25,716 --> 00:16:26,548
of shaping their character.
547
00:16:26,617 --> 00:16:27,950
That's what we do.
548
00:16:28,018 --> 00:16:29,318
That's all we do, Greg.
549
00:16:29,387 --> 00:16:30,753
That is our entire life.
550
00:16:30,821 --> 00:16:32,621
In fact, one could argue
that by skipping this event,
551
00:16:32,690 --> 00:16:34,323
we're teaching Anna-Kat
a lesson in independence.
552
00:16:34,392 --> 00:16:35,691
Yes.
553
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,793
By going away, we're actually
being there for her more
554
00:16:37,862 --> 00:16:38,527
than if we stayed.
555
00:16:38,596 --> 00:16:39,895
I buy that.
556
00:16:39,964 --> 00:16:41,463
So, for real, what happens
when Anna-Kat's onstage
557
00:16:41,532 --> 00:16:43,031
and looks out in the audience
and we're not there?
558
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:44,166
She'll be fine.
559
00:16:44,235 --> 00:16:45,267
We'll buy her ice cream
with extra toppings,
560
00:16:45,336 --> 00:16:46,201
and she'll get over it.
561
00:16:46,270 --> 00:16:47,536
So you're saying
562
00:16:47,605 --> 00:16:49,271
for the price of a couple
of crumbled-up Oreos,
563
00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:50,472
we can reclaim our lives?
564
00:16:50,541 --> 00:16:51,440
I'm in!
565
00:16:51,509 --> 00:16:52,274
[CHUCKLES]
566
00:16:52,343 --> 00:16:53,776
?
567
00:16:53,844 --> 00:16:55,144
We good to go?
568
00:16:55,212 --> 00:16:56,712
Yeah. Everything's packed.
569
00:16:56,781 --> 00:16:59,459
Angela's gonna take the kids to the
Lit assembly and stay the night.
570
00:16:59,522 --> 00:17:01,450
And I told the kids
that their great aunt passed,
571
00:17:01,519 --> 00:17:02,851
and we had to go to the funeral.
572
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,887
How many great aunts is that now?
573
00:17:04,955 --> 00:17:06,789
I think I'm up to seven,
and they still haven't noticed.
574
00:17:06,857 --> 00:17:07,923
[LAUGHS]
575
00:17:08,926 --> 00:17:09,958
We're on our way,
576
00:17:10,027 --> 00:17:11,293
and we don't feel guilty at all, do we?
577
00:17:11,362 --> 00:17:12,528
Now floor it!
578
00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:15,264
?
579
00:17:15,332 --> 00:17:17,299
We're having such an amazing time!
580
00:17:17,368 --> 00:17:19,101
- Wish you were here!
- Cheers!
581
00:17:19,170 --> 00:17:20,636
Whoo!
582
00:17:20,704 --> 00:17:21,837
- [SIGHS]
- [SIGHS]
583
00:17:21,906 --> 00:17:22,971
Remember driveway us?
584
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:24,606
They had it all figured out.
585
00:17:24,675 --> 00:17:25,941
Highway us,
586
00:17:26,010 --> 00:17:27,643
that's where it all started to crumble.
587
00:17:27,711 --> 00:17:31,013
...And so, the two rabbits
sat down at the table
588
00:17:31,081 --> 00:17:32,214
and shared the carrot.
589
00:17:32,283 --> 00:17:33,549
The end.
590
00:17:33,617 --> 00:17:35,451
[APPLAUSE]
591
00:17:35,519 --> 00:17:36,885
Well, that was awful.
592
00:17:36,954 --> 00:17:38,587
Still, we did the right thing.
593
00:17:38,656 --> 00:17:39,688
?
594
00:17:39,757 --> 00:17:41,323
Although the zebra had stripes
595
00:17:41,392 --> 00:17:43,225
and the leopard had spots,
596
00:17:43,294 --> 00:17:45,127
they decided
they could still be friends.
597
00:17:45,196 --> 00:17:46,328
The end.
598
00:17:46,397 --> 00:17:50,566
[APPLAUSE]
599
00:17:50,634 --> 00:17:52,201
Still think we did the right thing?
600
00:17:52,269 --> 00:17:55,404
Uhhhhh...
601
00:17:55,473 --> 00:17:57,473
The sun told the cloud to stop crying.
602
00:17:57,541 --> 00:17:58,507
It did.
603
00:17:58,576 --> 00:18:00,008
Then all the children of the world
604
00:18:00,077 --> 00:18:01,109
came out to play.
605
00:18:01,178 --> 00:18:02,244
The end.
606
00:18:02,313 --> 00:18:06,748
[APPLAUSE]
607
00:18:06,817 --> 00:18:08,250
PRINCIPAL ABLIN:
Everyone having a good time?
608
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,520
I sure am.
609
00:18:11,589 --> 00:18:13,755
Please welcome Anna-Kat Otto.
610
00:18:13,824 --> 00:18:15,324
Oh.
611
00:18:15,392 --> 00:18:21,763
[APPLAUSE]
612
00:18:21,832 --> 00:18:23,365
Once upon a time,
613
00:18:23,434 --> 00:18:25,133
when America was a young nation,
614
00:18:25,202 --> 00:18:26,735
a family of pioneers
615
00:18:26,804 --> 00:18:29,037
decided to take a risk and head West,
616
00:18:29,106 --> 00:18:31,139
into the new frontier...
617
00:18:31,208 --> 00:18:33,675
You are so going to that
concert with your friends.
618
00:18:33,744 --> 00:18:35,677
?
619
00:18:35,746 --> 00:18:37,779
Once the flesh-eating bacteria
took over the camp,
620
00:18:37,848 --> 00:18:39,114
no one was safe.
621
00:18:39,183 --> 00:18:41,517
Those who died
were actually the lucky ones.
622
00:18:41,585 --> 00:18:42,851
Those who didn't were so hungry
623
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,052
they had no choice
624
00:18:44,121 --> 00:18:45,687
but to eat their family members...
625
00:18:46,657 --> 00:18:47,923
...and not even dandelions
626
00:18:47,992 --> 00:18:49,258
would grow over their graves.
627
00:18:52,863 --> 00:18:54,630
[MAN COUGHS]
628
00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:55,964
The end.
629
00:18:56,033 --> 00:18:59,668
[BOTH CLAPPING]
630
00:18:59,737 --> 00:19:03,906
You're so not going to that
concert with your friends.
631
00:19:03,974 --> 00:19:06,642
?
632
00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:08,277
Are you kidding me with that story?
633
00:19:08,345 --> 00:19:09,645
What were you two thinking?
634
00:19:09,713 --> 00:19:10,979
We tried to pitch her bunnies.
635
00:19:11,048 --> 00:19:12,014
Yeah, but then she got mad
636
00:19:12,082 --> 00:19:13,148
and made us work through dinner.
637
00:19:13,217 --> 00:19:15,384
Am I the only one
who thought it went well?
638
00:19:17,788 --> 00:19:19,021
As much as I want to blame them,
639
00:19:19,089 --> 00:19:20,322
which I really, really want to do,
640
00:19:20,391 --> 00:19:21,823
the truth is,
641
00:19:21,892 --> 00:19:23,458
- this is on us.
- I know.
642
00:19:23,527 --> 00:19:24,826
We were so caught up enjoying
our kid-less life
643
00:19:24,895 --> 00:19:25,928
with our kid-less friends,
644
00:19:25,996 --> 00:19:27,062
we took our eyes off the ball.
645
00:19:27,131 --> 00:19:28,530
I'm glad we came to our senses.
646
00:19:28,599 --> 00:19:30,198
Did you see Anna-Kat's face
647
00:19:30,267 --> 00:19:31,233
when she looked out in the audience
648
00:19:31,302 --> 00:19:32,234
and saw we were there?
649
00:19:32,303 --> 00:19:33,535
Yeah.
650
00:19:33,604 --> 00:19:35,304
Maybe Highway Us knew
what they were doing.
651
00:19:35,372 --> 00:19:37,439
75% of parenting is doing stuff
you don't want to do.
652
00:19:37,508 --> 00:19:38,840
I think it's closer to 90%.
653
00:19:38,909 --> 00:19:40,909
Good news is,
once they're out of the house,
654
00:19:40,978 --> 00:19:42,711
and it's just the two of us again,
655
00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:44,112
we know we've still got it.
656
00:19:44,181 --> 00:19:45,747
Damn right we do.
657
00:19:47,084 --> 00:19:49,685
You guys can still have it,
just hide it.
658
00:19:51,822 --> 00:19:52,854
95%.
659
00:19:52,879 --> 00:19:53,899
Maybe higher.
660
00:19:53,924 --> 00:19:55,757
?
661
00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:05,370
So we're just going to come right out
662
00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:06,838
and tell them the truth...
663
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:08,165
- we have kids.
- Yep.
664
00:20:08,246 --> 00:20:09,298
And if they want to break up with us,
665
00:20:09,345 --> 00:20:10,750
- we're not gonna beg.
- [DOOR OPENS]
666
00:20:11,150 --> 00:20:12,813
- Hey!
- Hi!
667
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:14,740
Listen, we're so sorry
668
00:20:14,842 --> 00:20:16,208
that we had to cancel with you
last-minute.
669
00:20:16,310 --> 00:20:18,107
We have something we wanted to tell you,
670
00:20:18,146 --> 00:20:19,693
but we wanted to do it in person.
671
00:20:19,756 --> 00:20:21,055
Oh. No, no, us first.
672
00:20:23,193 --> 00:20:24,279
- We're pregnant!
- We're pregnant!
673
00:20:24,350 --> 00:20:26,683
- What?
- Oh, my God!
674
00:20:26,785 --> 00:20:29,703
- That's amazing!
- Oh, congratulations!
675
00:20:29,742 --> 00:20:31,031
Thank you.
676
00:20:31,090 --> 00:20:32,055
We have to celebrate!
677
00:20:32,157 --> 00:20:33,624
- Definitely.
- Yes!
678
00:20:33,726 --> 00:20:35,259
[BOTH LAUGH]
679
00:20:35,327 --> 00:20:37,461
No way are we gonna be friends
with a couple with a newborn.
680
00:20:37,529 --> 00:20:39,696
"Look, guys,
the baby discovered its feet!"
681
00:20:39,798 --> 00:20:41,765
- Bo-ring!
- Bo-ring!
682
00:20:41,867 --> 00:20:44,468
?
683
00:20:44,518 --> 00:20:49,068
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