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1
00:00:00,055 --> 00:00:02,555
?
2
00:00:03,891 --> 00:00:04,990
What are you making?
3
00:00:05,059 --> 00:00:06,258
Mashed cauliflower for my mom.
4
00:00:06,327 --> 00:00:07,426
She has dietary restrictions.
5
00:00:07,495 --> 00:00:09,705
Yes, I know. She has an angry bowel.
6
00:00:09,784 --> 00:00:10,949
It's irritable.
7
00:00:11,018 --> 00:00:13,135
Like your parents coming
for Thanksgiving makes me.
8
00:00:13,190 --> 00:00:14,789
For the next six hours, I need you to be
9
00:00:14,858 --> 00:00:16,024
courteous, kind, and respectful.
10
00:00:16,093 --> 00:00:17,192
That's not fair.
11
00:00:17,261 --> 00:00:20,262
That's like me asking you
to catch a football.
12
00:00:20,330 --> 00:00:23,007
SPORTSCASTER: ...Jackson...
a perfectly thrown ball...
13
00:00:23,333 --> 00:00:25,534
Hey! I was just about
to look up at that.
14
00:00:25,602 --> 00:00:26,902
[BLOWS]
15
00:00:26,970 --> 00:00:28,036
What are you doing?
16
00:00:28,105 --> 00:00:29,638
Making it look dusty and unused.
17
00:00:29,713 --> 00:00:30,946
My parents are coming,
and I was raised...
18
00:00:31,008 --> 00:00:32,856
- Without a TV.
- Without a TV.
19
00:00:32,927 --> 00:00:35,094
Just because you grew up with
the worst life imaginable...
20
00:00:35,163 --> 00:00:36,162
I had books.
21
00:00:36,230 --> 00:00:37,663
We're saying the same thing...
22
00:00:37,732 --> 00:00:40,032
doesn't mean we should suffer
every time they visit.
23
00:00:40,101 --> 00:00:42,119
I don't want my dad to think
we're slaves to technology.
24
00:00:42,189 --> 00:00:43,169
[CELLPHONE CHIMES]
25
00:00:43,237 --> 00:00:44,721
Oh, my God.
26
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:47,873
- Hey, give it back!
- Not happening.
27
00:00:47,942 --> 00:00:50,009
Dad, we all just watched that show
28
00:00:50,078 --> 00:00:51,343
about the Menendez Brothers.
29
00:00:51,412 --> 00:00:52,912
Let's think about this.
30
00:00:52,980 --> 00:00:55,208
You'll get them back
when my parents have left.
31
00:00:55,278 --> 00:00:57,116
Until then, why not communicate
the old-fashioned way...
32
00:00:57,185 --> 00:00:58,918
using words and eye contact.
33
00:00:58,986 --> 00:01:01,720
Red-faced angry emoji.
34
00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:06,625
Guess who's ready for the holidays.
35
00:01:06,694 --> 00:01:08,027
[SNORTING]
36
00:01:08,096 --> 00:01:09,829
Hans Gruber can't be here right now.
37
00:01:09,897 --> 00:01:11,465
- [SNORTS]
- Why?
38
00:01:11,551 --> 00:01:13,402
Because my dad can't find
out we have a pet pig.
39
00:01:13,457 --> 00:01:15,534
- Why? Why?
- Because he wouldn't approve.
40
00:01:15,603 --> 00:01:17,336
Because Grandpa doesn't
like cute things.
41
00:01:17,405 --> 00:01:18,737
- Why?
- Because I'm cute,
42
00:01:18,806 --> 00:01:20,702
and he didn't approve
when Daddy married me.
43
00:01:20,765 --> 00:01:22,108
- That's not true.
- Why?
44
00:01:22,176 --> 00:01:23,476
Because I was beneath Daddy.
45
00:01:23,544 --> 00:01:24,610
You mean like the time
46
00:01:24,679 --> 00:01:25,937
I opened your door without knocking?
47
00:01:27,315 --> 00:01:30,049
You, take Hans Gruber upstairs
and hide him in your room.
48
00:01:30,118 --> 00:01:32,284
And you, take your hair
out of that ponytail
49
00:01:32,353 --> 00:01:33,352
and make it look more festive.
50
00:01:33,421 --> 00:01:34,820
Want to give me styling tips?
51
00:01:34,889 --> 00:01:36,455
Yes, use a curling iron
to give it a light bounce.
52
00:01:38,126 --> 00:01:40,126
And you... Actually,
you're dressed appropriately
53
00:01:40,194 --> 00:01:41,494
and you're involved in ballet,
something cultural.
54
00:01:41,562 --> 00:01:42,495
I have no notes for you.
55
00:01:42,563 --> 00:01:43,762
I'm the man.
56
00:01:43,831 --> 00:01:45,030
Actually, I do have a note for you.
57
00:01:45,099 --> 00:01:46,799
Be 30% less Oliver.
58
00:01:48,870 --> 00:01:51,303
You get so uptight
when your parents visit.
59
00:01:51,432 --> 00:01:53,465
And you get uptight when it's your
mom's year to come for Thanksgiving.
60
00:01:53,534 --> 00:01:56,268
That's because she's crazy,
and that makes me crazy.
61
00:01:56,337 --> 00:01:58,370
But you don't see me
turning myself inside out
62
00:01:58,439 --> 00:01:59,605
trying to please her.
63
00:01:59,674 --> 00:02:01,373
No, you just yell at her
in front of company
64
00:02:01,442 --> 00:02:02,541
and make everyone uncomfortable.
65
00:02:02,610 --> 00:02:05,144
I do that. Yeah.
66
00:02:05,213 --> 00:02:06,178
It's different for me.
67
00:02:06,247 --> 00:02:07,213
You have brothers and sisters.
68
00:02:07,281 --> 00:02:08,347
I'm an only child.
69
00:02:08,416 --> 00:02:10,549
All the attention falls on me.
70
00:02:10,618 --> 00:02:12,051
I have to make him proud.
71
00:02:12,119 --> 00:02:13,285
When are you going to stop trying
72
00:02:13,354 --> 00:02:14,587
to get your dad's approval?
73
00:02:14,655 --> 00:02:17,122
Right after this visit,
when I finally get it.
74
00:02:17,191 --> 00:02:18,557
I sent him an early copy of my book...
75
00:02:18,626 --> 00:02:19,959
"John Stuart Mill and the Consequences
76
00:02:20,027 --> 00:02:21,660
of a Thoroughgoing Empiricist Outlook."
77
00:02:21,729 --> 00:02:24,063
JSM is his favorite
utilitarian philosopher.
78
00:02:24,131 --> 00:02:27,533
Did you trade JSM's rookie card for a...
79
00:02:29,403 --> 00:02:32,104
If I knew another philosopher,
I would've totally landed that.
80
00:02:32,173 --> 00:02:34,139
I just need you to get on board.
81
00:02:34,208 --> 00:02:35,574
Fine.
82
00:02:35,643 --> 00:02:37,076
But afterwards, you're gonna owe me.
83
00:02:37,144 --> 00:02:39,445
I want you do that special thing
you know I like.
84
00:02:39,513 --> 00:02:40,746
Tell the kids you're out for the night
85
00:02:40,815 --> 00:02:42,147
when, really,
you're just locked in our room
86
00:02:42,216 --> 00:02:43,515
with a coffee cup full
of chocolate chips,
87
00:02:43,584 --> 00:02:44,883
watching "Beachfront Bargain Hunt?"
88
00:02:44,952 --> 00:02:46,819
Sounds so hot when you say it.
89
00:02:46,887 --> 00:02:48,387
?
90
00:02:48,456 --> 00:02:51,323
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
91
00:02:53,494 --> 00:02:58,364
?
92
00:02:58,432 --> 00:02:59,999
Busted.
93
00:03:00,067 --> 00:03:01,033
[SIGHS]
94
00:03:01,102 --> 00:03:02,568
I need to get my phone back,
95
00:03:02,637 --> 00:03:04,803
but I can't figure out
the combination on the lock.
96
00:03:04,872 --> 00:03:06,639
Why do you need your phone so bad?
97
00:03:06,707 --> 00:03:08,874
Eyo texted, "I love you."
98
00:03:08,943 --> 00:03:09,742
And...?
99
00:03:09,810 --> 00:03:11,243
He said, "I love you,"
100
00:03:11,312 --> 00:03:12,878
and that's the first time
he's ever said that.
101
00:03:12,947 --> 00:03:13,912
And before I could text him back,
102
00:03:13,981 --> 00:03:15,080
Dad took my phone away.
103
00:03:15,149 --> 00:03:16,548
Wow.
104
00:03:16,617 --> 00:03:18,684
He's got to be thinking
you're totally icing him out.
105
00:03:18,753 --> 00:03:20,686
- I know!
- Okay, listen.
106
00:03:20,755 --> 00:03:22,121
The sooner Grandma and Grandpa leave,
107
00:03:22,189 --> 00:03:23,822
the sooner you'll get your phone back.
108
00:03:23,891 --> 00:03:25,124
Right.
109
00:03:25,192 --> 00:03:27,660
This Thanksgiving has to move fast.
110
00:03:27,728 --> 00:03:30,329
Wait.
111
00:03:30,398 --> 00:03:31,730
[GROANS]
112
00:03:31,799 --> 00:03:34,333
I thought it might be Mom's
two favorite "Bachelor" seasons.
113
00:03:34,402 --> 00:03:36,135
- 13, 21.
- 13, 21.
114
00:03:36,203 --> 00:03:39,405
?
115
00:03:39,473 --> 00:03:41,173
Oh, I love that outfit.
116
00:03:41,242 --> 00:03:42,274
This one?
117
00:03:42,343 --> 00:03:43,475
The one you laid out on the bed for me
118
00:03:43,544 --> 00:03:44,910
with a note that says, "Please wear it.
119
00:03:44,979 --> 00:03:46,145
My mommy and daddy are coming?"
120
00:03:46,213 --> 00:03:47,646
You added that last part.
121
00:03:47,715 --> 00:03:49,214
You promised me you'd be on board.
122
00:03:49,283 --> 00:03:51,216
Fine! I'm on board.
123
00:03:51,285 --> 00:03:52,351
But parents or no parents,
124
00:03:52,420 --> 00:03:54,053
this button is getting unbuttoned
125
00:03:54,121 --> 00:03:55,721
20 minutes after pumpkin pie.
126
00:03:55,790 --> 00:03:57,256
Unh-unh. Unh-unh.
127
00:03:57,325 --> 00:03:59,058
My parents are almost here,
and I said no electronics.
128
00:03:59,126 --> 00:04:00,859
This is an assignment for school.
129
00:04:00,928 --> 00:04:03,495
I have to do a short film about
my family's Thanksgiving.
130
00:04:03,564 --> 00:04:05,497
Okay, but when you use your camera
131
00:04:05,566 --> 00:04:06,632
around Grandma and Grandpa,
132
00:04:06,701 --> 00:04:08,467
make sure you call it a "documentary."
133
00:04:08,536 --> 00:04:09,401
[DOORBELL RINGS]
134
00:04:09,470 --> 00:04:10,502
They're here.
135
00:04:10,571 --> 00:04:12,204
They're here! They're here!
136
00:04:12,273 --> 00:04:15,607
Everyone, look good. Have a mint.
137
00:04:15,676 --> 00:04:17,076
- [GASPS]
- Oh!
138
00:04:17,144 --> 00:04:19,078
There's no time to pick them up.
Just kick them in the vent!
139
00:04:23,484 --> 00:04:24,116
Spencer?
140
00:04:24,185 --> 00:04:25,217
Spencer?
141
00:04:25,286 --> 00:04:27,019
Happy Thanksgiving.
142
00:04:27,088 --> 00:04:28,354
You invited an ex-con
to our Thanksgiving?
143
00:04:28,422 --> 00:04:29,455
Yeah, he's all alone,
144
00:04:29,523 --> 00:04:31,223
and I wanted him to feel like family...
145
00:04:31,292 --> 00:04:33,459
family you leave money to.
146
00:04:33,527 --> 00:04:34,827
What kind of person befriends someone
147
00:04:34,895 --> 00:04:35,994
just to get in their will?
148
00:04:36,063 --> 00:04:37,429
The kind who might not
take care of his father
149
00:04:37,498 --> 00:04:38,630
if he keeps up the judgment.
150
00:04:39,567 --> 00:04:41,266
This is for you...
151
00:04:41,335 --> 00:04:43,535
a rare Bordeaux I bought at auction.
152
00:04:43,604 --> 00:04:44,970
Do you have a decanter?
153
00:04:45,039 --> 00:04:47,206
I have a sun-tea jar.
154
00:04:47,274 --> 00:04:50,309
That's what they call decanters
in Florida.
155
00:04:50,378 --> 00:04:51,677
- [BEEPING]
- I hear beeping. Who's holding?
156
00:04:51,746 --> 00:04:53,245
- Taylor.
- It's not me.
157
00:04:53,314 --> 00:04:54,380
Oops. Sorry.
158
00:04:54,448 --> 00:04:56,348
I... I guess if I go past there,
159
00:04:56,417 --> 00:04:58,684
my ankle monitor's out of range
of my house.
160
00:04:59,820 --> 00:05:01,120
[BEEPING STOPS]
161
00:05:01,188 --> 00:05:02,521
I don't want my parole officer
162
00:05:02,590 --> 00:05:04,656
busting up your Thanksgiving party.
163
00:05:04,725 --> 00:05:07,760
Pearl's fun at first,
but she wears on you.
164
00:05:07,828 --> 00:05:09,695
- So sorry you can't stay.
- Nonsense.
165
00:05:09,764 --> 00:05:11,597
I'll go get the card table
and set it up right here.
166
00:05:11,665 --> 00:05:13,031
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- It's them.
167
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:14,466
Anna-Kat, stop eating mints
off the floor!
168
00:05:14,535 --> 00:05:15,834
- I'll get it.
- No, that's okay.
169
00:05:17,304 --> 00:05:19,104
Ah, happy Thanksgiving.
170
00:05:19,173 --> 00:05:20,773
[CHUCKLES] Spencer Blitz.
171
00:05:20,841 --> 00:05:23,509
You're that investment banker
that they locked up.
172
00:05:23,577 --> 00:05:24,676
That's me.
173
00:05:24,745 --> 00:05:25,978
And now I'm your son's doorman
174
00:05:26,046 --> 00:05:28,147
who's never allowed to play
the market again.
175
00:05:28,215 --> 00:05:30,416
[HUSHED] Empire Energy's
about to make a run.
176
00:05:30,484 --> 00:05:32,684
[NORMAL VOICE] May I take your coat?
177
00:05:32,753 --> 00:05:34,353
Oh! Hi, honey!
178
00:05:34,422 --> 00:05:36,021
Hi, Mom.
179
00:05:36,090 --> 00:05:37,423
Hi, Dad.
180
00:05:37,491 --> 00:05:39,558
Any other criminal friends
coming for dinner?
181
00:05:39,627 --> 00:05:40,959
Oh, no. [CHUCKLES]
182
00:05:41,028 --> 00:05:42,961
Spencer's not my friend.
He's Oliver's friend.
183
00:05:43,030 --> 00:05:45,030
Oh, a boy and his felon.
184
00:05:45,099 --> 00:05:46,331
Warms the heart.
185
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,367
Happy Thanksgiving!
186
00:05:48,436 --> 00:05:49,701
Katie!
187
00:05:49,770 --> 00:05:52,571
There is the woman that my son
insisted on marrying.
188
00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:55,274
[CHUCKLES] You.
189
00:05:55,342 --> 00:05:56,842
ANNA-KAT: Grandma, grandpa!
190
00:05:56,911 --> 00:05:58,177
Oh!
191
00:06:00,381 --> 00:06:02,047
[QUIETLY] Thank you.
That was perfectly handled.
192
00:06:02,116 --> 00:06:03,282
My secret is, I make a fist
193
00:06:03,350 --> 00:06:04,583
and dig my fingernails into my hand.
194
00:06:04,652 --> 00:06:05,884
See?
195
00:06:05,953 --> 00:06:07,152
[NORMAL VOICE] Is that blood?
196
00:06:07,221 --> 00:06:09,321
Yeah.
197
00:06:09,390 --> 00:06:10,856
All right, everyone's here!
198
00:06:10,925 --> 00:06:12,090
Let's all go to the dinner table.
199
00:06:12,159 --> 00:06:14,560
The turkey still has
two more hours to cook.
200
00:06:14,628 --> 00:06:17,196
I say screw the turkey
and let's get on with it!
201
00:06:17,264 --> 00:06:18,530
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
202
00:06:19,667 --> 00:06:21,433
Nice try speeding up Thanksgiving.
203
00:06:21,502 --> 00:06:24,269
Wait, what's that sound?
204
00:06:24,338 --> 00:06:26,004
It's Eyo weeping as he checks his phone
205
00:06:26,073 --> 00:06:27,840
for a text that never comes.
206
00:06:27,908 --> 00:06:30,609
?
207
00:06:30,678 --> 00:06:31,977
Sorry about the card table,
208
00:06:32,046 --> 00:06:33,912
but it must be better
than your last Thanksgiving
209
00:06:33,981 --> 00:06:35,013
in federal prison.
210
00:06:35,082 --> 00:06:37,382
Oh, Guy Fieri was our guest chef.
211
00:06:37,451 --> 00:06:39,418
Too spicy. Terrible!
212
00:06:39,487 --> 00:06:41,186
I've got sweatshirts for everyone
213
00:06:41,255 --> 00:06:42,588
from Oxford University!
214
00:06:42,656 --> 00:06:44,490
He teaches there in the summers.
215
00:06:44,558 --> 00:06:46,325
It's very prestigious.
216
00:06:46,393 --> 00:06:49,428
Yes, my job is prestigious, but, um...
217
00:06:49,497 --> 00:06:52,297
it's not the only thing that
I'm proud of in my life.
218
00:06:52,366 --> 00:06:53,465
Greg?
219
00:06:53,534 --> 00:06:55,467
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS]
220
00:06:55,536 --> 00:06:58,504
Tell 'em about the time that
I smoked Tony Blair at Scrabble.
221
00:06:58,572 --> 00:06:59,805
You just did, Dad.
222
00:06:59,874 --> 00:07:02,007
KATIE: Greg is impressive, too.
223
00:07:02,076 --> 00:07:03,675
You should see
the velvet-y professor thing
224
00:07:03,744 --> 00:07:06,678
he gets to wear around his neck
at every graduation ceremony.
225
00:07:06,747 --> 00:07:08,413
It's like he teaches at Hogwarts!
226
00:07:08,482 --> 00:07:09,915
I'm good, honey. Thank you.
227
00:07:09,984 --> 00:07:11,350
[DOORBELL RINGS]
228
00:07:11,418 --> 00:07:12,718
I'll get it.
229
00:07:12,786 --> 00:07:15,287
Who is that?
We're not expecting anyone else.
230
00:07:15,356 --> 00:07:17,356
Well, hello!
231
00:07:17,424 --> 00:07:19,224
Hello, everyone.
232
00:07:19,293 --> 00:07:20,526
Mom?!
233
00:07:20,594 --> 00:07:22,828
[HUSHED] You didn't tell me
the stiffs were coming.
234
00:07:22,897 --> 00:07:24,129
[HUSHED] I didn't tell you
235
00:07:24,198 --> 00:07:25,297
because you're not supposed to be here.
236
00:07:25,366 --> 00:07:26,698
You're supposed to be at Steph's.
237
00:07:26,767 --> 00:07:28,500
Well, your sister got caught up
in that travel ban,
238
00:07:28,569 --> 00:07:30,002
and now she's stuck in Turkey.
239
00:07:30,070 --> 00:07:32,704
And it didn't occur to you
to call or give me a heads-up?
240
00:07:32,773 --> 00:07:34,540
What, so that you could come up
with some dumb excuse
241
00:07:34,608 --> 00:07:35,507
for why I couldn't come?
242
00:07:35,576 --> 00:07:36,642
Absolutely not.
243
00:07:36,710 --> 00:07:38,210
I can still make an excuse.
244
00:07:38,279 --> 00:07:40,579
Oven's broken. House is being fumigated.
245
00:07:40,648 --> 00:07:43,415
Uh... stay away from me.
You drive me [Bleep]] crazy.
246
00:07:43,484 --> 00:07:45,284
You know, I haven't been here
for 20 seconds,
247
00:07:45,352 --> 00:07:47,119
and you are already on my ass.
248
00:07:47,187 --> 00:07:49,588
Lucky for you I'm in a good mood.
249
00:07:49,657 --> 00:07:51,123
I had two road pinots.
250
00:07:52,326 --> 00:07:53,792
Katie, can I talk to you for a minute?
251
00:07:55,162 --> 00:07:56,261
In private?
252
00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:01,233
Do you know how to make a whiskey sour?
253
00:08:01,302 --> 00:08:03,435
?
254
00:08:03,504 --> 00:08:05,337
I can't believe your mom
crashed Thanksgiving.
255
00:08:05,406 --> 00:08:06,538
She doesn't even think to call!
256
00:08:06,607 --> 00:08:08,206
It's bad enough we have
an ex-con in the house.
257
00:08:08,275 --> 00:08:09,808
Now we'll have your soon-to-be-tipsy mom
258
00:08:09,877 --> 00:08:11,577
telling my parents
dumb stewardess stories
259
00:08:11,645 --> 00:08:13,879
about how she had a layover
with James Caan.
260
00:08:13,948 --> 00:08:15,080
She always stresses the "lay."
261
00:08:15,149 --> 00:08:17,482
You're saying that as though
old Snooty and Tooty
262
00:08:17,551 --> 00:08:19,618
- are too good for my mother.
- Oh, come on, Katie.
263
00:08:19,687 --> 00:08:21,753
My dad is a three-time
National Dickens Scholar.
264
00:08:21,822 --> 00:08:25,223
James Caan was
in "The Godfather I" and "II."
265
00:08:25,292 --> 00:08:26,258
What's your point?
266
00:08:26,327 --> 00:08:27,626
My point is that I would listen
267
00:08:27,695 --> 00:08:29,194
to my mom's stories till the end of time
268
00:08:29,263 --> 00:08:31,330
if it meant never having to hear
your father go on
269
00:08:31,398 --> 00:08:32,431
about his favorite author.
270
00:08:32,499 --> 00:08:34,199
What's his name again? Scrotum?
271
00:08:34,268 --> 00:08:36,001
- Balzac.
- I knew I was close.
272
00:08:36,070 --> 00:08:38,236
My parent is a world-famous scholar.
273
00:08:38,305 --> 00:08:40,105
Yours is a world-traveling tramp.
274
00:08:40,174 --> 00:08:42,207
That's it! I'm off board!
275
00:08:42,276 --> 00:08:45,377
I am going upstairs to change
into my buffet pants!
276
00:08:45,446 --> 00:08:47,646
?
277
00:08:50,413 --> 00:08:53,154
I'm going to be getting some
slice-of-life footage.
278
00:08:53,225 --> 00:08:54,691
Pretend I'm not here...
279
00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,915
unless you're giving out doughnut holes.
280
00:08:56,977 --> 00:08:58,695
Then I would like to be recognized.
281
00:08:58,764 --> 00:08:59,730
[BEEP]
282
00:09:00,146 --> 00:09:01,379
Read anything interesting lately?
283
00:09:01,449 --> 00:09:03,048
Oh, funny you should ask. Yes.
284
00:09:03,117 --> 00:09:06,285
I just re-read my old dissertation,
285
00:09:06,354 --> 00:09:08,053
and you can tell, from even a young age,
286
00:09:08,122 --> 00:09:09,822
I was something special.
287
00:09:09,890 --> 00:09:13,025
[CHUCKLES]
288
00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:15,227
This is what you're wearing? Jeans?
289
00:09:15,296 --> 00:09:16,528
Yeah.
290
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:17,930
And if you say anything more about it,
291
00:09:17,999 --> 00:09:19,865
I'm losing the bra,
and then all hell breaks loose.
292
00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:21,834
- We had an agreement.
- [SIGHS]
293
00:09:21,902 --> 00:09:25,270
Greg, can I speak to you
one second in private?
294
00:09:25,339 --> 00:09:28,007
Okay, the appetizers are done.
295
00:09:28,075 --> 00:09:30,809
If I turn the oven to 600,
will the turkey cook faster?
296
00:09:30,878 --> 00:09:32,778
It doesn't work that way.
Grease would catch fire.
297
00:09:32,847 --> 00:09:33,812
The whole house would burn down.
298
00:09:33,881 --> 00:09:35,714
I'll be right back.
299
00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:37,650
Anna-Kat, give us a moment.
300
00:09:37,718 --> 00:09:40,352
Your, uh... sister's
worried about a boy.
301
00:09:40,421 --> 00:09:41,620
How do you know that?
302
00:09:41,689 --> 00:09:43,822
Well, I spent my life
learning how to read people.
303
00:09:43,891 --> 00:09:45,691
It's how I became successful in business
304
00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,260
and how I knew where the warden
hid the flag
305
00:09:48,329 --> 00:09:49,762
when it was prisoners versus guards
306
00:09:49,830 --> 00:09:51,296
on Spirit Day.
307
00:09:51,365 --> 00:09:52,865
That sounds great.
308
00:09:52,933 --> 00:09:55,668
If I ever go to federal prison,
I'm using you as a reference.
309
00:09:55,736 --> 00:09:57,603
I also see tension between
your grandparents.
310
00:09:57,672 --> 00:09:59,405
Notice they're only holding hands
311
00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:01,774
by the fingertips.
312
00:10:01,842 --> 00:10:03,509
You're wrong about that one.
313
00:10:03,577 --> 00:10:05,944
My grandparents have always been
the perfect couple.
314
00:10:06,013 --> 00:10:07,413
Trust me.
315
00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:09,214
People often put on an act
316
00:10:09,283 --> 00:10:12,184
when they're hiding
their true intentions.
317
00:10:14,855 --> 00:10:16,321
I hear you have good wine.
318
00:10:16,390 --> 00:10:18,257
Oh, the best!
319
00:10:18,325 --> 00:10:20,325
It's from Thomas Jefferson's
personal collection.
320
00:10:20,394 --> 00:10:21,927
One of only three bottles left.
321
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,696
[CHUCKLES]
322
00:10:23,764 --> 00:10:27,299
With age comes perfection.
323
00:10:27,368 --> 00:10:28,801
And wisdom.
324
00:10:28,869 --> 00:10:30,536
Goodbye.
325
00:10:30,604 --> 00:10:33,272
She is so into me!
326
00:10:33,340 --> 00:10:35,574
Whether it's arrogance or senility,
327
00:10:35,643 --> 00:10:37,409
you wear it well, my friend.
328
00:10:40,648 --> 00:10:42,681
KATIE: I don't like how he treats you.
329
00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:45,084
Just admit that he is a cold,
withholding jerk,
330
00:10:45,152 --> 00:10:46,385
and I'll get back on board.
331
00:10:46,454 --> 00:10:48,821
- My father is a great man.
- If he is so great,
332
00:10:48,889 --> 00:10:51,590
then why hasn't he said anything
about your book?
333
00:10:51,659 --> 00:10:53,492
- I'm sure there's a simple explanation.
- Okay.
334
00:10:53,561 --> 00:10:55,543
He doesn't have e-mail,
so I sent him a copy.
335
00:10:55,605 --> 00:10:56,929
- Mm-hmm.
- The package was too big for the slot,
336
00:10:56,997 --> 00:10:58,030
so they hid it behind the ficus.
337
00:10:58,099 --> 00:10:59,331
That's not a great hiding place.
338
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,433
Someone could have taken it...
an animal, perhaps.
339
00:11:01,502 --> 00:11:02,634
Did you know that squirrels
340
00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:04,369
can carry up to ten times
their own body weight?
341
00:11:04,438 --> 00:11:06,105
No, I didn't know that.
342
00:11:06,173 --> 00:11:08,040
But what I do know is
I'm gonna go out there
343
00:11:08,109 --> 00:11:09,575
and get plastered with my tramp mom,
344
00:11:09,643 --> 00:11:12,111
provided she is not abducted
by squirrels.
345
00:11:13,614 --> 00:11:15,547
And then Jimmy Caan said,
346
00:11:15,616 --> 00:11:18,350
"That was one hell of a lay over!"
347
00:11:18,419 --> 00:11:20,285
Tell the part where your leg
slipped in the toilet,
348
00:11:20,354 --> 00:11:22,654
and you had to do dinner service
with a blue foot.
349
00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:24,656
No, that's okay.
Let's go talk to Oliver.
350
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:25,524
He's involved in ballet.
351
00:11:25,593 --> 00:11:27,526
Yes. Let's.
352
00:11:30,331 --> 00:11:32,364
It's so fun shocking them.
353
00:11:32,433 --> 00:11:34,199
You know, I haven't even
broken the seal yet
354
00:11:34,268 --> 00:11:36,568
- about the bi-curious stories yet.
- [LAUGHS]
355
00:11:36,637 --> 00:11:38,070
Look at us.
356
00:11:38,139 --> 00:11:39,938
We're finally getting along!
357
00:11:40,007 --> 00:11:41,573
Yeah, well... our tightest bond
358
00:11:41,642 --> 00:11:43,442
has always been
in the criticism of others.
359
00:11:43,511 --> 00:11:45,911
Oh, they are, without a doubt...
360
00:11:45,980 --> 00:11:49,114
Anna-Kat, Mama is
gonna say words she uses
361
00:11:49,183 --> 00:11:50,315
when she's behind
362
00:11:50,384 --> 00:11:51,850
someone writing a check
at the grocery store.
363
00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:54,186
Could you film
your grandparents instead?
364
00:11:55,990 --> 00:11:58,090
And Harvard's always looking
for male ballerinos.
365
00:11:58,159 --> 00:11:59,725
That's my ticket in.
366
00:11:59,794 --> 00:12:02,294
What complex machinations.
367
00:12:02,363 --> 00:12:05,564
Oh, wait, wait. Something's brewing.
368
00:12:05,633 --> 00:12:08,734
"Complexinations!"
Well, hello, new word.
369
00:12:08,803 --> 00:12:11,403
Welcome to the world. [LAUGHS]
370
00:12:11,472 --> 00:12:13,739
There's actually quite
a few cultural things happening
371
00:12:13,808 --> 00:12:15,741
in this house... dancing...
372
00:12:15,810 --> 00:12:16,875
writing.
373
00:12:16,944 --> 00:12:18,043
Right.
374
00:12:21,081 --> 00:12:22,881
Oh, enough already.
375
00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:25,350
Thomas, have you read Greg's damn book?
376
00:12:25,419 --> 00:12:26,985
Uh...
377
00:12:27,054 --> 00:12:28,020
yes.
378
00:12:28,088 --> 00:12:29,188
Thank you.
379
00:12:33,227 --> 00:12:36,461
Anything to add?
380
00:12:36,530 --> 00:12:39,431
[CAMERA BEEPING]
381
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:41,967
You're welcome.
382
00:12:42,036 --> 00:12:43,702
Well, great.
383
00:12:43,771 --> 00:12:45,737
I was worried you had
a squirrel problem.
384
00:12:49,417 --> 00:12:51,417
And Greg's father, that pompous jerk,
385
00:12:51,472 --> 00:12:53,171
just sat there and didn't say anything.
386
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,774
That's when I snuck out
and gave you guys the 911 text.
387
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:57,309
Oh, well, I'm glad you did.
388
00:12:57,378 --> 00:12:58,777
I'm happy to get away from my family.
389
00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:01,013
I told them I was spotting
and had to lie down.
390
00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:04,149
No one questions you after
you drop the word "spotting."
391
00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:05,283
Hm.
392
00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:06,585
Here's a twist.
393
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:09,087
I'm getting along with my mom,
but I'm mad at Greg
394
00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:11,456
and super-mad at the way
his father treats him.
395
00:13:11,525 --> 00:13:13,458
So I'm both pissed at
and protective of Greg.
396
00:13:13,527 --> 00:13:15,494
I'm very conflicted.
397
00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:16,995
Do you want to come back with me
for moral support?
398
00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:19,765
- [INHALES SHARPLY] Can't. I'm spotting.
- Me too.
399
00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:21,466
?
400
00:13:21,535 --> 00:13:22,601
Back from the soup kitchen.
401
00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:23,769
What soup kitchen?
402
00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:25,337
The one in here, honey.
403
00:13:25,406 --> 00:13:27,839
Okay. So just nonsense. Right.
404
00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:29,541
Okay! Mom is home!
405
00:13:29,610 --> 00:13:32,210
I would like to invite everybody
to the dinner table.
406
00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:34,613
You're serving starches?
They make me bloat.
407
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:36,014
I can take a Zantac,
but we'll have to wait for...
408
00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:38,116
Let's just move
to the damn table already!
409
00:13:38,185 --> 00:13:40,352
Come on. Ha!
410
00:13:40,421 --> 00:13:41,620
[CHUCKLING] All right.
411
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,491
- [SIGHS]
- I'm really starting to like you.
412
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:47,692
- Thanks, Grandma.
- Yeah.
413
00:13:47,761 --> 00:13:50,228
Taylor, what in the world
is going on with you?
414
00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:51,263
Dad took my phone.
415
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:52,264
So...?
416
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,199
Eyo texted "Happy Thanksgiving."
417
00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:56,034
And then he wrote, "I love you."
418
00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:57,369
L-U-V?
419
00:13:57,438 --> 00:13:58,603
L-O-V-E.
420
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,038
Damn!
421
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:04,543
I think Spencer's on to me about
befriending him for his money.
422
00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:05,944
Can you tell when I'm lying?
423
00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:07,345
I'm not sure.
424
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:08,747
I really like your sweater.
425
00:14:08,816 --> 00:14:09,815
Thank you.
426
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:10,682
Okay, good. You can't tell.
427
00:14:10,751 --> 00:14:11,750
Very nice.
428
00:14:11,819 --> 00:14:12,884
Now, go get your sister for dinner.
429
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,953
She's in her room editing her movie.
430
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:16,488
Were you going to write back,
"I love you too?"
431
00:14:16,557 --> 00:14:17,189
I guess so.
432
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:18,356
Well, do you love him?
433
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:19,591
I don't know.
434
00:14:19,660 --> 00:14:21,093
Then why would you tell him you do?
435
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:22,561
It's just texting.
436
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,096
No one expects you to be fully honest.
437
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:26,832
Oh, I think I'm gonna like texting!
438
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,934
Taylor, back when I was a stewardess,
439
00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:30,769
guys used to throw the word "love" at me
440
00:14:30,838 --> 00:14:33,271
as freely as they would throw Quaaludes.
441
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:36,341
But you have to make sure
the love is real.
442
00:14:36,410 --> 00:14:38,977
Or else you can wake up
in a motel room in Akron
443
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:41,079
without a ride to the airport.
444
00:14:41,148 --> 00:14:42,380
I probably still have 'ludes
445
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:44,483
caught between my couch cushions.
446
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:47,052
You're starting to grow on me.
447
00:14:47,121 --> 00:14:48,186
Don't worry about your phone.
448
00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:49,988
Go over to Eyo's now and talk to him.
449
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:51,857
You need to do this face-to-face,
450
00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:53,358
see if it's real.
451
00:14:53,427 --> 00:14:54,426
Thanks, Mom.
452
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:59,564
I finished my film.
We have to watch it now.
453
00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:01,032
Why can't we watch it after dinner?
454
00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:02,234
Because after dinner,
455
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:03,735
you start flashing the lights
on and off,
456
00:15:03,804 --> 00:15:05,437
singing the song "Closing Time."
457
00:15:05,506 --> 00:15:08,874
?
458
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:11,676
I can't believe it still works.
We haven't used it in so long.
459
00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:19,050
And, yes, there will be a brief
Q&A after the screening.
460
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:21,486
[BEEP]
461
00:15:21,555 --> 00:15:23,889
Thanksgiving means doing
a lot of extra work
462
00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:25,957
for a woman who refuses to eat my food
463
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:28,093
and a man who insults my husband.
464
00:15:29,830 --> 00:15:31,296
Okay, very funny.
465
00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:33,765
Anna-Kat, make sure you erase that.
466
00:15:33,834 --> 00:15:36,434
Truth is, I've had
all the money in the world,
467
00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:38,570
but Thanksgiving's always been
468
00:15:38,639 --> 00:15:41,239
a bit of a lonely holiday for me,
469
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:42,707
because I've...
470
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:45,410
Well, I never made time for family.
471
00:15:45,479 --> 00:15:47,279
But I'm thankful to my new friend
472
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:49,714
who has...
473
00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:52,050
become my family.
474
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,052
?
475
00:16:00,894 --> 00:16:02,827
Looks like your plan is working.
476
00:16:02,896 --> 00:16:05,630
Yeah.
477
00:16:05,699 --> 00:16:08,567
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]
478
00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:15,340
Thanksgiving!
479
00:16:15,409 --> 00:16:17,742
- How's tenure coming?
- Oh, I think I'm on-track
480
00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:19,177
to make it in the next couple of years.
481
00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:22,547
Oh, I made tenure at 28.
Hon, was it 28 or 29?
482
00:16:22,616 --> 00:16:24,449
I jest. We both know it was 28.
483
00:16:24,518 --> 00:16:25,684
[CHUCKLES]
484
00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:27,052
[CHUCKLES]
485
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,054
AMANDA: Honey!
Walk me to the powder room.
486
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:33,925
[LAUGHING]
487
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,327
[SNORTS]
488
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:36,895
[CLEARS THROAT]
489
00:16:41,535 --> 00:16:43,435
[SNORTS]
490
00:16:43,637 --> 00:16:46,771
Why are you always such an ass to Greg?
491
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,541
I'm just giving him something
to live up to.
492
00:16:49,610 --> 00:16:52,244
[SCOFFS] Oh! Like you're so great.
493
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:54,679
We have to turn this off. Now. Here.
494
00:16:54,748 --> 00:16:55,647
Off!
495
00:16:55,716 --> 00:16:56,881
Um, Grandpa,
496
00:16:56,950 --> 00:17:00,485
that's a toy cellphone filled
with jellybeans.
497
00:17:00,554 --> 00:17:02,254
- Say what you will about Greg.
- Mm-hmm.
498
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:05,724
He hasn't been hiding a second family
499
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:08,426
in England for the last 20 years.
500
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:09,461
?
501
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,862
[CHUCKLES]
502
00:17:10,931 --> 00:17:12,731
He doesn't even go to England.
503
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:14,432
That's not a fair comparison.
504
00:17:15,669 --> 00:17:17,068
[BEEP]
505
00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:27,312
? Closing time ?
506
00:17:27,381 --> 00:17:30,115
Wait, you have a second family?
507
00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:32,117
How long have you known about this?
508
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:34,386
Three months ago, his son called.
509
00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:35,820
Your genius father
510
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:38,523
left his secret cellphone
in his nightstand.
511
00:17:38,592 --> 00:17:41,126
- You have a son?
- I have a brother?
512
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:43,161
- Greg.
- I'm not talking to you.
513
00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:45,430
No, my other son is also named Greg.
514
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:47,565
Greg?!
515
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:48,900
Why would you name him Greg?!
516
00:17:48,969 --> 00:17:50,702
You already have a son named Greg!
517
00:17:50,771 --> 00:17:54,406
So I wouldn't make a mistake
and call you by the wrong name!
518
00:17:55,976 --> 00:17:57,208
Makes perfect sense!
519
00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:59,711
Shut up, just...
520
00:17:59,780 --> 00:18:02,213
shut up.
521
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:03,815
You know, every time you visit,
522
00:18:03,884 --> 00:18:06,518
I put Katie and the kids through
hell just to impress you.
523
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,219
We put on this charade.
524
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:09,321
The funny thing is, you're the one
525
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:10,955
who's been putting on the charade.
526
00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:13,091
But now I see the real you.
527
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,793
Well, Dad...
528
00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:16,394
this is the real me.
529
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:18,096
We watch TV.
530
00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:19,764
Like, a lot of TV!
531
00:18:19,833 --> 00:18:21,366
We watch all of "The Bachelors"...
532
00:18:21,435 --> 00:18:24,402
"Bachelorette," "Bachelor Pad,"
and even "Bachelor in Paradise."
533
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,871
My kids love their cellphones.
534
00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:29,140
Taylor already has arthritis
in her right thumb.
535
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,576
Oh, and you're going to be
so disappointed in this!
536
00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:40,652
- Do you know how to make a whiskey sour?
- [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
537
00:18:42,089 --> 00:18:42,954
[SIGHS]
538
00:18:43,023 --> 00:18:44,189
Eyo and I broke up.
539
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:45,290
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACH]
540
00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:46,391
What?
541
00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:49,661
[SNORTING]
542
00:18:49,730 --> 00:18:50,962
This is our family pet...
543
00:18:51,031 --> 00:18:53,631
a filthy, garbage-eating pig.
544
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:56,167
My whole life, I've looked up to you.
545
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:58,937
In my eyes,
you couldn't do anything wrong.
546
00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:02,273
In your eyes,
I couldn't do anything right.
547
00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:05,677
Well, it turns out,
I did everything right!
548
00:19:05,746 --> 00:19:07,645
I've got sometimes-great kids
549
00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:10,281
and an intermittently-great wife!
550
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:13,184
I had planned on telling you
about Greg, Greg.
551
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:14,552
I'm not done.
552
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:16,821
I could give a rat's ass
if you like my book or not.
553
00:19:16,890 --> 00:19:18,123
I like it!
554
00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:19,257
And it's damn good!
555
00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:20,358
Okay.
556
00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:21,926
Okay, you've had your little say.
557
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,295
All right. We are getting out of here.
558
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,498
Nobody speaks to me like this.
559
00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:28,666
Hey, Thomas.
560
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:30,135
Here's a new word for you...
561
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:31,903
"ska-douche!"
562
00:19:31,972 --> 00:19:33,371
That's the sound the door makes
563
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,140
when you kick a douche out of the house!
564
00:19:37,110 --> 00:19:38,543
[SCOFFS]
565
00:19:38,612 --> 00:19:40,578
You will always be my favorite, Greg!
566
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:42,380
Because the other one isn't my son,
567
00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:44,449
and he has a whore for a mother.
568
00:19:47,087 --> 00:19:49,554
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
569
00:19:49,623 --> 00:19:53,091
I feel... like I missed something.
570
00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:55,393
- [SIGHS]
- Little bit.
571
00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:57,762
?
572
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,199
You okay?
573
00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:03,034
I'm not gonna lie.
I'm pretty confused right now.
574
00:20:03,103 --> 00:20:05,937
Oh, honey.
575
00:20:06,006 --> 00:20:08,206
The bright side to this toilet fire is
576
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:10,241
you're not an only child anymore.
577
00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:13,077
- Yeah, that's true!
- Mm-hmm.
578
00:20:13,146 --> 00:20:16,414
How does that make you feel?
579
00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:18,249
Anna-Kat, you're not handing that in.
580
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:20,018
We're just gonna take an "F"
on this one.
581
00:20:23,285 --> 00:20:25,050
Olly, boy, I want to give you something.
582
00:20:25,113 --> 00:20:27,696
No! I don't want anything from you.
583
00:20:27,766 --> 00:20:29,404
Having you here is all I need.
584
00:20:29,491 --> 00:20:32,959
I wasn't giving you
a $50,000 watch, you dummy.
585
00:20:33,027 --> 00:20:35,060
I just want you to take it
and have it cleaned.
586
00:20:35,129 --> 00:20:37,463
Oh.
587
00:20:37,531 --> 00:20:40,232
Appreciate the gesture.
588
00:20:40,301 --> 00:20:41,634
I had my doubts about you, kid,
589
00:20:41,702 --> 00:20:44,176
but it turned out
I was reading you all wrong.
590
00:20:52,195 --> 00:20:54,628
Sweetheart, let's head on out.
591
00:20:54,731 --> 00:20:56,944
Yeah, let's go and dig through
those couch cushions.
592
00:20:57,025 --> 00:20:58,491
Ooh, yeah.
593
00:20:58,702 --> 00:21:03,702
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594
00:21:03,752 --> 00:21:08,302
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