Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,288 --> 00:00:04,823
2
00:00:04,892 --> 00:00:06,992
I just did the impossible.
3
00:00:07,084 --> 00:00:08,884
You actually changed
the toilet-paper roll?
4
00:00:08,929 --> 00:00:11,597
No. I taught Anna-Kat
to put herself to bed.
5
00:00:11,665 --> 00:00:13,465
But I like her bedtime ritual.
6
00:00:13,534 --> 00:00:14,733
We tuck her in, untuck her,
7
00:00:14,802 --> 00:00:17,169
tuck her in again, untuck, tuck, untuck.
8
00:00:17,238 --> 00:00:19,505
You know what? I've come around
on this. Great job, Greg.
9
00:00:19,573 --> 00:00:21,974
Think about it... If Anna-Kat
puts herself to bed every night,
10
00:00:22,042 --> 00:00:24,009
that frees up 10 extra hours a week.
11
00:00:24,078 --> 00:00:26,345
I could re-read Proust, but in French.
12
00:00:26,414 --> 00:00:28,945
[Sighs] Why am I
so attracted to bad boys?
13
00:00:28,970 --> 00:00:29,902
[Chuckles]
14
00:00:29,927 --> 00:00:30,849
Ow!
15
00:00:30,918 --> 00:00:32,818
I hit the pointy part!
[Exhaling sharply]
16
00:00:32,887 --> 00:00:35,587
I told the kids a hundred times
to close the cabinet doors.
17
00:00:35,656 --> 00:00:38,056
Forget the Lamaze breathing.
Just swear, Greg.
18
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:40,859
Any swear word plus the word
"face" works really well.
19
00:00:40,928 --> 00:00:42,094
You know I don't like to swear.
20
00:00:42,163 --> 00:00:43,762
And that's why the kids
don't listen to you.
21
00:00:43,831 --> 00:00:45,697
Until they bring back hitting,
swearing at them
22
00:00:45,766 --> 00:00:47,466
is the only way we get them
to do what we want.
23
00:00:47,535 --> 00:00:48,467
[Door opens]
24
00:00:48,536 --> 00:00:50,369
- Hey, Ottos!
- Hey, Viv!
25
00:00:50,438 --> 00:00:52,004
Just barge right in.
26
00:00:52,072 --> 00:00:54,440
Remind me... what are the
specifics on Stand Your Ground?
27
00:00:54,508 --> 00:00:56,308
Did you bring us gifts?
28
00:00:56,377 --> 00:00:58,277
No, these are my clothes.
But don't worry.
29
00:00:58,345 --> 00:01:00,712
It's all high-end stuff, so it
wouldn't be your style anyway.
30
00:01:00,781 --> 00:01:02,014
Could've stopped at
"These are my clothes."
31
00:01:02,082 --> 00:01:05,083
Can I leave these here
for a bit? [Chuckles]
32
00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:06,952
Alan gets annoyed when I buy things,
33
00:01:07,021 --> 00:01:08,921
so I hide the clothes until he leaves.
34
00:01:08,989 --> 00:01:11,523
Hmm. Do you always hide
purchases from your husband?
35
00:01:11,592 --> 00:01:12,958
Of course. Doesn't everyone?
36
00:01:13,027 --> 00:01:15,093
No, Viv. Everyone does not.
37
00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:16,941
And why does Alan care
what you buy, anyway?
38
00:01:17,034 --> 00:01:18,081
Aren't you guys rich?
39
00:01:18,152 --> 00:01:19,865
No. Alan and I are wealthy.
40
00:01:19,934 --> 00:01:22,134
Rich people are just
regular people with boats.
41
00:01:22,273 --> 00:01:23,305
I had a dinghy.
42
00:01:23,404 --> 00:01:24,937
Ohh, Greg, don't make this conversation
43
00:01:25,005 --> 00:01:26,271
any stupider than it already is.
44
00:01:26,340 --> 00:01:28,006
But it's not about the money.
45
00:01:28,075 --> 00:01:30,709
Alan just gets cranky when I do
things without his permission.
46
00:01:30,778 --> 00:01:31,710
Permission?
47
00:01:31,779 --> 00:01:33,745
Well, not permission exactly.
48
00:01:33,814 --> 00:01:35,647
It's just, if I want to do something
49
00:01:35,716 --> 00:01:37,749
and he doesn't like it,
he doesn't let me do it.
50
00:01:37,818 --> 00:01:38,884
That's permission!
51
00:01:38,953 --> 00:01:41,019
Viv, that is not how a marriage works.
52
00:01:41,088 --> 00:01:42,854
A marriage is supposed to be 50/50.
53
00:01:42,923 --> 00:01:44,222
I'd kill for 50/50.
54
00:01:44,291 --> 00:01:45,624
70/30 sounds nice.
55
00:01:45,693 --> 00:01:46,959
I hear you,
56
00:01:47,027 --> 00:01:48,994
but things would be easier
if Alan didn't see these,
57
00:01:49,063 --> 00:01:50,329
so can you hide them for me?
58
00:01:50,397 --> 00:01:50,963
[Groans]
59
00:01:51,031 --> 00:01:52,364
Okay. Fine.
60
00:01:52,433 --> 00:01:53,532
Thank you!
61
00:01:53,601 --> 00:01:55,367
But I get to keep
what's ever in this bag.
62
00:01:55,436 --> 00:01:57,402
[Laughs]
63
00:01:57,471 --> 00:01:58,637
[Snorts]
64
00:01:58,706 --> 00:02:01,239
I'm just picturing you
putting on my leather pants.
65
00:02:01,308 --> 00:02:02,441
[Laughs]
66
00:02:02,509 --> 00:02:03,742
Bye!
67
00:02:03,811 --> 00:02:04,776
[Laughs]
68
00:02:04,845 --> 00:02:07,079
[Door opens, closes]
69
00:02:07,147 --> 00:02:08,380
Please don't.
70
00:02:08,449 --> 00:02:09,314
Don't what?
71
00:02:09,383 --> 00:02:10,382
Get involved.
72
00:02:10,451 --> 00:02:12,284
Just stay out of Viv's marriage.
73
00:02:12,353 --> 00:02:13,986
But Viv's husband is awful.
74
00:02:14,054 --> 00:02:15,387
We've never even met the guy!
75
00:02:15,456 --> 00:02:17,689
Remember when you both were
pulling out of the driveway?
76
00:02:17,758 --> 00:02:19,992
You waved at him,
and he didn't wave back.
77
00:02:20,060 --> 00:02:22,160
He never waves at me,
but I'm not a waver.
78
00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:23,362
You're a waver, Greg.
79
00:02:23,430 --> 00:02:25,230
Look, Alan may not be great,
but getting involved
80
00:02:25,299 --> 00:02:27,766
in other people's marriages
is never a good idea.
81
00:02:27,835 --> 00:02:29,868
Wrong. It's always a good idea.
82
00:02:29,937 --> 00:02:31,136
See how I disregarded what you said?
83
00:02:31,205 --> 00:02:32,537
Viv should do that.
84
00:02:32,606 --> 00:02:35,340
I don't just give advice.
I practice what I preach.
85
00:02:35,409 --> 00:02:36,708
Screw her.
86
00:02:36,777 --> 00:02:38,343
I'm gonna get these pants on.
87
00:02:38,412 --> 00:02:41,279
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
88
00:02:45,486 --> 00:02:46,985
Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh!
89
00:02:47,054 --> 00:02:49,287
Aren't you two forgetting something?
90
00:02:49,356 --> 00:02:50,522
Happy birthday?
91
00:02:51,825 --> 00:02:53,225
I don't know. I took a shot.
92
00:02:53,293 --> 00:02:57,996
Here's a little thing I call
"closing the kitchen cabinets."
93
00:02:58,065 --> 00:02:59,031
Sorry, Dad.
94
00:02:59,099 --> 00:03:01,266
We'll do it next time.
95
00:03:01,335 --> 00:03:02,868
Did you see that?
96
00:03:02,936 --> 00:03:04,369
Ring, ring! Hello?
97
00:03:04,438 --> 00:03:05,604
Parenting magazine?
98
00:03:05,673 --> 00:03:08,874
Why, yes, I'd love to write
an advice column.
99
00:03:08,942 --> 00:03:10,909
You closed the cabinets for them.
100
00:03:10,978 --> 00:03:13,278
If you want them to listen,
you got to swear at them.
101
00:03:13,347 --> 00:03:14,880
And if you want to slap them
around a little bit,
102
00:03:14,948 --> 00:03:17,349
I think that's a... wink...
bad... wink, wink... idea.
103
00:03:17,418 --> 00:03:18,984
Hola, Ottos!
104
00:03:19,053 --> 00:03:21,386
Thanks so much for
stashing those clothes for me.
105
00:03:21,455 --> 00:03:22,988
Viv, I was thinking about it,
106
00:03:23,057 --> 00:03:24,356
- I'll get your bags.
- and...
107
00:03:24,425 --> 00:03:26,658
Why don't you just go outside?
108
00:03:26,727 --> 00:03:27,893
Katie, you stay here,
109
00:03:27,961 --> 00:03:30,195
and we'll all stay involved
in our own lives.
110
00:03:34,301 --> 00:03:35,333
Viv, come sit down.
111
00:03:37,204 --> 00:03:39,438
You shouldn't have to hide
your new clothes
112
00:03:39,506 --> 00:03:40,939
from your husband
at your neighbor's house.
113
00:03:41,008 --> 00:03:42,541
Why not? This way, everyone's happy.
114
00:03:42,609 --> 00:03:43,608
You're not happy.
115
00:03:43,677 --> 00:03:45,143
- I'm not?
- No.
116
00:03:45,212 --> 00:03:47,546
You need to tell your husband
to stop being so controlling.
117
00:03:47,614 --> 00:03:49,448
I'm just not great
at that sort of a thing.
118
00:03:49,516 --> 00:03:51,683
Well, then, let's practice.
Let's do a little role-play.
119
00:03:51,752 --> 00:03:53,518
- Oh.
- Okay, you be Alan, and I'll be you.
120
00:03:53,587 --> 00:03:54,853
Okay.
121
00:03:54,922 --> 00:03:56,421
[High-pitched]
This is gonna be so much fun!
122
00:03:56,490 --> 00:03:57,489
You ready?
123
00:03:57,558 --> 00:04:00,559
That is so how I talk!
How are you so good at impressions?
124
00:04:00,627 --> 00:04:02,894
Well, it's very easy, because
you only have two voices...
125
00:04:02,963 --> 00:04:04,763
higher and higher!
126
00:04:04,832 --> 00:04:07,065
You're just as fun and cheerful as I am!
127
00:04:07,134 --> 00:04:09,034
Hey, Viv, what do you think
of my new outfit?
128
00:04:09,103 --> 00:04:10,569
I love it!
129
00:04:10,637 --> 00:04:13,505
Hey, Viv, what do you like most
about yourself...
130
00:04:13,574 --> 00:04:15,574
your hair or your smile?
131
00:04:15,642 --> 00:04:17,676
I've really put you
in an impossible position.
132
00:04:17,745 --> 00:04:19,111
[Normal voice] Okay, stop it.
You're supposed to be Alan.
133
00:04:19,179 --> 00:04:20,312
This is clearly not working.
134
00:04:20,380 --> 00:04:21,913
Ugh. You're you again.
135
00:04:21,982 --> 00:04:24,583
How about this time,
you be you and I'll be Alan?
136
00:04:24,651 --> 00:04:25,717
Okay.
137
00:04:26,854 --> 00:04:29,054
- [Deep voice] Vivian.
- Ooh!
138
00:04:29,123 --> 00:04:30,989
The flannel shirt and that deep voice...
139
00:04:31,058 --> 00:04:32,424
You're like a lumberjack.
140
00:04:32,493 --> 00:04:35,026
Why did you purchase
a sweater with no sleeves?
141
00:04:35,095 --> 00:04:36,461
Because my arms look amazing.
142
00:04:36,530 --> 00:04:38,530
- And it cost...?
- $2,000.
143
00:04:38,599 --> 00:04:40,031
[Normal voice] $2,000?!
144
00:04:40,100 --> 00:04:43,535
Do you know how many people I could
take to Buca di Beppo with $2,000?
145
00:04:43,604 --> 00:04:45,470
Wait. Are you saying that
as Alan or as you?
146
00:04:45,539 --> 00:04:46,972
'Cause he's never been to Buca di Beppo.
147
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,007
Both. But that's not the point.
148
00:04:49,076 --> 00:04:51,676
The point is,
you do not need to be nervous
149
00:04:51,745 --> 00:04:53,078
around your own husband.
150
00:04:53,147 --> 00:04:54,813
$2,000!
151
00:04:54,882 --> 00:04:56,448
[Groans] I'm getting off track.
152
00:04:56,517 --> 00:04:58,917
Don't hide things from Alan
because you think he'll get mad.
153
00:04:58,986 --> 00:05:01,486
Get mad at him
for making you hide things!
154
00:05:01,555 --> 00:05:04,084
You're absolutely right.
Alan is not the boss of me.
155
00:05:04,146 --> 00:05:05,657
- Mnh-mnh.
- And I'm gonna tell him that
156
00:05:05,726 --> 00:05:08,059
the second he gets back from the city!
157
00:05:10,497 --> 00:05:12,697
- Aw, man.
- [Door opens, closes]
158
00:05:12,766 --> 00:05:15,367
FYI... I did not fit into those pants.
159
00:05:15,435 --> 00:05:18,436
I thought they might be
stretchy, but they were not.
160
00:05:18,505 --> 00:05:22,841
161
00:05:22,910 --> 00:05:24,176
Here you go.
162
00:05:26,814 --> 00:05:27,746
Ugh!
163
00:05:27,815 --> 00:05:29,414
[Exhaling sharply]
164
00:05:29,483 --> 00:05:30,682
What's Daddy doing?
165
00:05:30,751 --> 00:05:32,150
Passive-aggressively reminding me
166
00:05:32,219 --> 00:05:33,718
that he went to childbirth classes
167
00:05:33,787 --> 00:05:34,920
while I stayed home
168
00:05:34,988 --> 00:05:36,788
and watched the finale
of "Joe Millionaire."
169
00:05:36,857 --> 00:05:39,925
That's it. Taylor, Oliver,
I am taking away your allowance.
170
00:05:39,993 --> 00:05:41,359
Eh, it's only 10 bucks a week.
171
00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:43,528
Plus, you always forget
to give it to us anyway,
172
00:05:43,597 --> 00:05:44,729
so, yeah... eh.
173
00:05:46,533 --> 00:05:48,767
[Groaning]
174
00:05:48,836 --> 00:05:51,236
Way to discipline, Greg.
175
00:05:51,305 --> 00:05:54,052
What are you gonna take away
next... the chores, homework?
176
00:05:54,123 --> 00:05:55,443
- [Door opens]
- Viv: Knock, knock, Ottos!
177
00:05:55,505 --> 00:05:57,375
Saying "Knock, knock" when you're
in the house defeats the purpose.
178
00:05:57,444 --> 00:06:00,078
It's like saying "Heads up"
after you've thrown something.
179
00:06:00,147 --> 00:06:01,079
Oh!
180
00:06:01,148 --> 00:06:02,113
Heads up!
181
00:06:02,182 --> 00:06:03,215
So fun!
182
00:06:03,283 --> 00:06:05,884
Hey, Katie, I wanted
to tell you something.
183
00:06:05,953 --> 00:06:07,052
I confronted Alan.
184
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,154
I followed your advice
and told him everything!
185
00:06:09,223 --> 00:06:10,388
Good for you.
186
00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:11,990
After I'm done with this mom thing,
187
00:06:12,059 --> 00:06:13,592
I'm gonna be a marriage counselor.
188
00:06:13,660 --> 00:06:15,126
He didn't like it, so I left him.
189
00:06:15,195 --> 00:06:16,261
- You what?
- Right?
190
00:06:16,330 --> 00:06:17,896
So I'm gonna need
to stay here for a while.
191
00:06:17,965 --> 00:06:19,364
Greg, bring in my bags.
192
00:06:21,435 --> 00:06:22,932
You love me.
193
00:06:23,307 --> 00:06:24,473
194
00:06:26,592 --> 00:06:28,792
[Grunting]
195
00:06:28,861 --> 00:06:31,395
Ooh! Greg, you're sweating
all over my stuff.
196
00:06:32,531 --> 00:06:35,665
Sorry... I'll try to curb my body's
natural response to lifting things.
197
00:06:35,734 --> 00:06:36,867
Love it.
198
00:06:36,935 --> 00:06:38,769
[Whispering]
You just had to get involved.
199
00:06:38,837 --> 00:06:40,971
[Whispering] Don't get mad at me!
It's not my fault!
200
00:06:41,039 --> 00:06:42,506
Katie, thank you so much
201
00:06:42,574 --> 00:06:44,408
for telling me to leave my husband.
202
00:06:45,844 --> 00:06:47,511
I never said "leave."
203
00:06:47,579 --> 00:06:49,112
You never said "don't leave."
204
00:06:49,225 --> 00:06:51,081
Okay. Guys, no kombucha.
205
00:06:51,149 --> 00:06:52,883
Is this where you keep the food
for your workmen?
206
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,887
- I can't see you glaring at me.
- [Refrigerator door closes]
207
00:06:56,955 --> 00:06:58,388
Just out of curiosity,
208
00:06:58,457 --> 00:07:00,657
is there anyone else
you could stay with?
209
00:07:00,726 --> 00:07:03,126
Let's see... I'm an only child.
210
00:07:03,195 --> 00:07:05,228
My mother is dead, my father is dead.
211
00:07:05,297 --> 00:07:07,397
My best friend was in
a parasailing accident.
212
00:07:07,466 --> 00:07:08,632
I pulled the plug.
213
00:07:08,700 --> 00:07:10,367
Now I'm in a legal battle
with her family.
214
00:07:10,435 --> 00:07:13,136
So, what I'm hearing is that
there's an empty bed somewhere.
215
00:07:13,205 --> 00:07:14,304
How about a hotel?
216
00:07:14,373 --> 00:07:16,239
After I left,
Alan froze my credit cards.
217
00:07:16,308 --> 00:07:17,474
Now the only money I have
218
00:07:17,534 --> 00:07:19,349
are these gift cards
I swiped from my stepsons.
219
00:07:19,478 --> 00:07:21,878
And none of them are for Hilton
or La Quinta Inn?
220
00:07:21,947 --> 00:07:23,213
Nope.
221
00:07:23,282 --> 00:07:25,048
You guys are my only option.
222
00:07:25,117 --> 00:07:28,051
But don't worry...
I know what you're thinking.
223
00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:30,520
Living here is not beneath me.
224
00:07:30,589 --> 00:07:32,556
Okay, it is, but I'm a trouper.
225
00:07:32,624 --> 00:07:34,324
You can stay in Anna-Kat's room.
226
00:07:35,928 --> 00:07:38,361
Hey, Greg, careful when you carry it up.
227
00:07:38,430 --> 00:07:41,107
I can't have your walls
damaging my luggage.
228
00:07:46,171 --> 00:07:47,671
Where's Anna-Kat supposed to sleep?
229
00:07:47,739 --> 00:07:48,972
With us.
230
00:07:49,041 --> 00:07:51,741
It took six years to get
Anna-Kat to sleep on her own.
231
00:07:51,810 --> 00:07:53,977
I'm sorry, but we cannot
send Viv back to Alan.
232
00:07:54,046 --> 00:07:55,312
He's a monster.
233
00:07:55,380 --> 00:07:56,780
All she did was stand up for herself.
234
00:07:56,849 --> 00:08:00,517
It's a marriage, and that means
that they're equal partners.
235
00:08:00,586 --> 00:08:02,536
What is this "equal partners"
you keep mentioning?
236
00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:03,787
And when does that kick in?
237
00:08:03,856 --> 00:08:07,157
Was there a form that I missed?
A box I was supposed to check?
238
00:08:07,226 --> 00:08:09,759
I promise you, he is gonna
miss her, march over here,
239
00:08:09,828 --> 00:08:12,496
knock on our door,
and beg for her to come back.
240
00:08:12,564 --> 00:08:14,731
But this time,
it's gonna be on her terms.
241
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:17,000
But if you want to kick her out,
then... fine.
242
00:08:17,069 --> 00:08:19,069
I don't want to kick her out.
She killed her best friend.
243
00:08:19,137 --> 00:08:24,741
244
00:08:24,810 --> 00:08:26,409
Anna-Kat, how was your day?
245
00:08:26,478 --> 00:08:28,211
Something really bad happened to me.
246
00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:29,579
I was on the playground...
247
00:08:29,648 --> 00:08:30,914
Ugh. I can beat that.
248
00:08:30,983 --> 00:08:32,315
You know what's really bad?
249
00:08:32,384 --> 00:08:36,086
Since my marriage unraveled,
I don't have any possessions...
250
00:08:36,154 --> 00:08:38,555
which is almost as bad
as having these possessions.
251
00:08:38,624 --> 00:08:41,124
Greg, can you go fetch me
my magazine over there?
252
00:08:41,193 --> 00:08:42,425
Sure.
253
00:08:42,494 --> 00:08:45,328
I think I'm gonna let you guys
talk amongst yourselves
254
00:08:45,397 --> 00:08:46,630
for the rest of dinner.
255
00:08:46,698 --> 00:08:47,597
- [Thud]
- Aah!
256
00:08:47,666 --> 00:08:48,932
[Exhaling sharply]
257
00:08:49,001 --> 00:08:50,600
Make it a girl, Daddy!
258
00:08:50,669 --> 00:08:52,102
I want a little sister.
259
00:08:52,170 --> 00:08:55,372
Guys, you have seriously got to
start closing these doors.
260
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:58,141
Dad, that's true, but at the same time,
261
00:08:58,210 --> 00:09:00,277
you could also watch
where you're walking.
262
00:09:00,345 --> 00:09:01,778
That's just good advice.
263
00:09:01,847 --> 00:09:04,247
Taylor, Oliver, I hate to do
this, but no dessert tonight.
264
00:09:04,316 --> 00:09:06,216
Eh, I'm off sugar anyway.
265
00:09:06,285 --> 00:09:07,717
And since dessert's rice pudding,
266
00:09:07,786 --> 00:09:10,387
seems like I just
dodged a bullet, so... eh.
267
00:09:10,455 --> 00:09:13,924
Um, Greg, I think
I have something to offer
268
00:09:13,992 --> 00:09:16,326
that could really help the situation.
269
00:09:16,395 --> 00:09:17,761
Who wants an Xbox?!
270
00:09:17,829 --> 00:09:18,695
- I do!
- Me!
271
00:09:18,764 --> 00:09:21,064
- Viv's the best!
- Viv, you can't do that.
272
00:09:21,133 --> 00:09:22,399
You're a man!
273
00:09:22,467 --> 00:09:25,101
And because of your wife,
I don't listen to men anymore!
274
00:09:26,772 --> 00:09:29,973
I think what Greg is trying to say is,
275
00:09:30,042 --> 00:09:31,841
you can't spoil the kids
276
00:09:31,910 --> 00:09:33,977
at the exact moment
that he's trying to punish them.
277
00:09:34,046 --> 00:09:36,446
Please! Let me be fun Aunt Viv!
278
00:09:36,515 --> 00:09:38,148
Don't take the kids away from me.
279
00:09:38,216 --> 00:09:39,849
They're all I have left.
280
00:09:39,918 --> 00:09:41,384
You know what? It's all right.
281
00:09:41,453 --> 00:09:42,586
Let them keep it.
282
00:09:42,654 --> 00:09:44,087
Greg, can you try to be mean?
283
00:09:44,156 --> 00:09:46,523
Act like you're at the Dockers store
and they're out of braided belts.
284
00:09:50,228 --> 00:09:52,395
Her part's not straight.
Is that a choice?
285
00:09:52,464 --> 00:09:59,536
286
00:09:59,605 --> 00:10:00,737
[Yawns]
287
00:10:00,806 --> 00:10:02,172
Good morning.
288
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:03,440
I beg to differ.
289
00:10:03,508 --> 00:10:05,875
Anna-Kat has the wingspan of a condor.
290
00:10:05,944 --> 00:10:07,577
I haven't slept for five days.
291
00:10:07,646 --> 00:10:09,646
And Viv's Starbucks order
is out of control...
292
00:10:09,715 --> 00:10:12,949
venti iced skinny hazelnut
macchiato, sugar-free syrup,
293
00:10:13,018 --> 00:10:15,285
extra shot, light ice, no whip.
294
00:10:15,354 --> 00:10:16,353
I know that.
295
00:10:17,456 --> 00:10:18,588
Just hang in there.
296
00:10:18,657 --> 00:10:20,090
"Hang in there"
is what you say to people
297
00:10:20,158 --> 00:10:22,325
when you know
there's an end to something.
298
00:10:22,394 --> 00:10:24,594
Alan isn't coming to take her back.
299
00:10:24,663 --> 00:10:25,962
I know.
300
00:10:26,031 --> 00:10:27,664
There's no begging, no marching...
301
00:10:27,733 --> 00:10:28,832
no nothing.
302
00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:29,866
Only Viv.
303
00:10:29,935 --> 00:10:32,068
Is it possible that this is just it...
304
00:10:32,137 --> 00:10:33,937
that this is the end of Viv's marriage?
305
00:10:35,140 --> 00:10:37,273
I wonder where I would go
if you drove me away.
306
00:10:37,342 --> 00:10:38,808
I have no idea.
307
00:10:38,877 --> 00:10:41,444
I'd hit the Red Roof Inn first.
I know they give a AAA discount.
308
00:10:41,513 --> 00:10:42,879
Then I'd stay in university housing
309
00:10:42,948 --> 00:10:44,280
and see the kids at night.
310
00:10:44,349 --> 00:10:46,616
We'd trade custody
on the weekends, of course.
311
00:10:46,685 --> 00:10:50,253
I'd wait six-ish months before
I went on eHarmony or Bumble,
312
00:10:50,322 --> 00:10:51,454
but I wouldn't introduce her to the kids
313
00:10:51,523 --> 00:10:52,689
until I knew things were serious.
314
00:10:52,758 --> 00:10:54,658
That is not an
off-the-top-of-your-head answer.
315
00:10:54,726 --> 00:10:56,192
Viv: Greg!
316
00:10:56,261 --> 00:10:58,161
Did you find that distilled water?
317
00:10:58,230 --> 00:11:00,230
You know that my humidifier's empty!
318
00:11:00,298 --> 00:11:02,065
Why doesn't she ever call you?
319
00:11:04,703 --> 00:11:06,202
Just so you know...
if you ever leave me,
320
00:11:06,271 --> 00:11:07,437
you're the one who's taking the kids
321
00:11:07,506 --> 00:11:09,472
and I'm the one who's
seeing them on the weekends.
322
00:11:09,541 --> 00:11:17,080
323
00:11:17,149 --> 00:11:19,449
I cannot believe Viv is
still living at your house.
324
00:11:19,518 --> 00:11:22,052
Her credit cards are frozen.
She's got nowhere else to go.
325
00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:23,586
Ohh. That's got to be awful.
326
00:11:23,655 --> 00:11:26,690
- Or do you... [As Viv] love it?!
- [Laughter]
327
00:11:26,758 --> 00:11:29,059
I don't love it, but Greg is
taking the brunt of it.
328
00:11:29,127 --> 00:11:30,160
He's a saint.
329
00:11:30,228 --> 00:11:31,261
[Normal voice] Oh, he's the best.
330
00:11:31,329 --> 00:11:33,396
Hey, is the hair on his chest patchy?
331
00:11:33,465 --> 00:11:35,131
When I picture it, it's patchy.
332
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:37,033
Could you please stop
picturing Greg topless?
333
00:11:37,102 --> 00:11:39,717
Fine. I'll put a shirt on him,
but his pants are coming off.
334
00:11:39,802 --> 00:11:40,646
[Laughs]
335
00:11:40,693 --> 00:11:42,672
So, Viv and Alan are really
getting divorced, huh?
336
00:11:42,741 --> 00:11:43,973
Isn't that crazy?
337
00:11:44,042 --> 00:11:46,042
It is weird that she's the one who left.
338
00:11:46,111 --> 00:11:47,343
Viv should be at home,
339
00:11:47,412 --> 00:11:49,279
and Alan should be holed up
at the Four Seasons.
340
00:11:49,347 --> 00:11:52,048
Or the Red Roof Inn.
That's where Greg would go.
341
00:11:52,117 --> 00:11:53,283
That is so sad.
342
00:11:53,351 --> 00:11:54,551
Remind me when Greg leaves you
343
00:11:54,619 --> 00:11:56,019
to give him some of my hotel points.
344
00:11:56,088 --> 00:11:57,754
Yeah, but Greg would
never leave. He's too nice.
345
00:11:57,823 --> 00:11:59,155
- Mm-hmm.
- Eh, I'm not so sure.
346
00:11:59,224 --> 00:12:00,724
Remember Mark and Susan Thompson?
347
00:12:00,792 --> 00:12:02,659
[Groans] Those idiots
who are always talking about
348
00:12:02,728 --> 00:12:04,461
how much they love each other
on Facebook?
349
00:12:04,529 --> 00:12:06,196
Yeah. He left her.
350
00:12:06,264 --> 00:12:07,564
- No!
- No!
351
00:12:07,632 --> 00:12:09,099
Just like that? Out of the blue?
352
00:12:09,167 --> 00:12:12,302
For her, it was out of the blue,
but he had been planning it.
353
00:12:12,370 --> 00:12:13,503
Coldhearted.
354
00:12:13,572 --> 00:12:14,804
But he was so nice.
355
00:12:14,873 --> 00:12:15,939
What went wrong?
356
00:12:16,007 --> 00:12:17,907
Who knows? Maybe he got tired of her.
357
00:12:17,976 --> 00:12:19,242
She's kind of a pain in the ass.
358
00:12:20,579 --> 00:12:21,811
I'm a pain in the ass.
359
00:12:23,248 --> 00:12:24,408
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
360
00:12:24,433 --> 00:12:26,950
If I were you, I'd figure out a way
to get Viv out of your house.
361
00:12:27,018 --> 00:12:29,085
Greg isn't Mark Thompson.
He would never pull the trigger.
362
00:12:29,154 --> 00:12:30,887
He can't even stand up to his own kids.
363
00:12:30,956 --> 00:12:32,455
I'm sure you're right...
364
00:12:32,524 --> 00:12:33,890
Susan.
365
00:12:33,959 --> 00:12:42,532
366
00:12:42,601 --> 00:12:44,167
Oh! Look!
367
00:12:44,236 --> 00:12:46,169
Now your horses came to visit.
368
00:12:46,238 --> 00:12:47,437
No.
369
00:12:47,506 --> 00:12:49,305
Anna-Kat, why don't you
tell Mommy what you told me?
370
00:12:49,374 --> 00:12:50,507
I moved them in here
371
00:12:50,575 --> 00:12:52,776
because I'll be sleeping
in your bed forever.
372
00:12:52,844 --> 00:12:53,763
Oh.
373
00:12:53,788 --> 00:12:55,912
Tell her why. Don't leave that part out.
374
00:12:55,981 --> 00:12:58,848
Viv said there's nothing sadder
than sleeping alone.
375
00:13:00,352 --> 00:13:01,918
I'm gonna go get my stuffed lion.
376
00:13:01,987 --> 00:13:03,086
He roars again.
377
00:13:03,155 --> 00:13:04,287
You were wrong.
378
00:13:04,356 --> 00:13:07,223
They didn't stop making AA batteries.
379
00:13:07,292 --> 00:13:08,691
Yay!
380
00:13:11,863 --> 00:13:14,130
Before you say anything,
I'm gonna get Viv out.
381
00:13:14,199 --> 00:13:16,132
Where? Where is she gonna go?
382
00:13:16,201 --> 00:13:17,200
Home?
383
00:13:17,269 --> 00:13:19,202
Send her back to Alan, that monster?
384
00:13:19,271 --> 00:13:21,932
- Well, maybe.
- Yes...?
385
00:13:22,020 --> 00:13:23,840
Maybe we have it all wrong with Alan.
386
00:13:23,909 --> 00:13:25,284
Okay.
387
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:29,279
Maybe Viv is the monster
and Alan is the victim.
388
00:13:29,347 --> 00:13:31,681
I don't know, Katie.
That's kind of a stretch.
389
00:13:31,750 --> 00:13:33,950
Viv: Greg!
Where's my turn-down service?!
390
00:13:34,019 --> 00:13:36,419
Never mind. Sold. Alan's the best!
391
00:13:36,488 --> 00:13:37,821
392
00:13:40,022 --> 00:13:44,024
393
00:13:47,418 --> 00:13:49,839
Ooh! They sent two masseuses.
394
00:13:49,925 --> 00:13:51,054
This is great!
395
00:13:51,123 --> 00:13:53,590
You take my legs,
you take from the ass up.
396
00:13:53,659 --> 00:13:56,059
- She seems stronger.
- Uh, no.
397
00:13:56,128 --> 00:13:58,883
We're Katie and Greg Otto.
We live across the street.
398
00:13:58,969 --> 00:14:00,335
Sometimes I wave to you,
399
00:14:00,403 --> 00:14:02,303
but you don't wave back
because of your tennis elbow?
400
00:14:02,372 --> 00:14:03,471
I don't play tennis.
401
00:14:03,540 --> 00:14:05,206
I make money
and I travel around the world.
402
00:14:05,275 --> 00:14:07,976
You see this table right here?
Guess where that table's from.
403
00:14:09,212 --> 00:14:10,578
Ethan Allen?
404
00:14:10,647 --> 00:14:12,680
Tibet. It's from Tibet.
405
00:14:12,749 --> 00:14:14,682
It was in a monastery in a shrine room,
406
00:14:14,751 --> 00:14:16,251
untouched for 1,000 years.
407
00:14:16,319 --> 00:14:19,220
I had a helicopter take it out of
the country in the dead of night.
408
00:14:19,289 --> 00:14:21,589
- That sounds like... a crime.
- Mm-hmm.
409
00:14:21,658 --> 00:14:23,124
Oh, it's a crime. Yeah.
410
00:14:23,193 --> 00:14:26,060
But the great thing about monks
is, they keep their mouths shut.
411
00:14:26,229 --> 00:14:29,464
We've got something that we want
to talk to you about.
412
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:33,468
Okay. 45 seconds, you can just... sure.
413
00:14:33,536 --> 00:14:34,235
Great.
414
00:14:35,305 --> 00:14:36,237
[Scoffs]
415
00:14:36,306 --> 00:14:38,072
- Alan's the best.
- The best.
416
00:14:40,810 --> 00:14:42,910
What's your deal?
Are you a dragon slayer?
417
00:14:42,979 --> 00:14:43,811
Uh, a what?
418
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:44,979
Dragon slayer!
419
00:14:45,048 --> 00:14:46,681
Are you the kind of guy,
you see what you want,
420
00:14:46,750 --> 00:14:47,782
you just go out and you get it?
421
00:14:48,952 --> 00:14:50,718
I bought this sweater off a mannequin.
422
00:14:50,787 --> 00:14:52,687
Oh, okay. It's a start.
423
00:14:52,756 --> 00:14:54,222
You see this ancient horn?
424
00:14:54,290 --> 00:14:56,691
It's from an African tribe in Borneo.
425
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,426
They worshipped that horn.
It was their god.
426
00:14:58,495 --> 00:14:59,560
I took it.
427
00:14:59,629 --> 00:15:01,329
Borneo is actually in Southeast Asia.
428
00:15:01,398 --> 00:15:03,231
- I don't think so.
- It is.
429
00:15:03,299 --> 00:15:04,499
- Whatever.
- Okay.
430
00:15:04,567 --> 00:15:07,402
I took their horn.
I took their god. I own it.
431
00:15:07,470 --> 00:15:09,737
You know what I do with it now?
I keep grapes in it.
432
00:15:09,806 --> 00:15:11,606
[Chuckling]
I don't even really like grapes.
433
00:15:11,674 --> 00:15:13,474
This was somebody's god!
434
00:15:13,543 --> 00:15:14,809
Whew!
435
00:15:14,878 --> 00:15:16,577
Slaying the dragon.
436
00:15:16,646 --> 00:15:18,312
- He's the best.
- The best.
437
00:15:18,381 --> 00:15:21,751
So, Alan, we've come
to talk to you about Viv.
438
00:15:21,816 --> 00:15:25,518
She's been living with us
during this... difficult time.
439
00:15:25,688 --> 00:15:27,188
- Oh. Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
440
00:15:27,257 --> 00:15:28,956
That's where she's been this whole time?
441
00:15:29,025 --> 00:15:29,924
Yeah.
442
00:15:29,993 --> 00:15:31,946
- Huh.
- I'm sure a little communication
443
00:15:32,048 --> 00:15:33,995
can fix whatever problems
you two are going through.
444
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:35,496
I don't really think there's a problem.
445
00:15:35,565 --> 00:15:38,232
See, ancient horn... one of a kind.
446
00:15:38,301 --> 00:15:40,134
Skinny blonde, likes to shop a lot...
447
00:15:40,203 --> 00:15:41,269
not extinct.
448
00:15:41,337 --> 00:15:43,604
Hey, she's a person, not an object.
449
00:15:43,673 --> 00:15:44,906
Ehh...
450
00:15:44,974 --> 00:15:47,542
Oh, you're the friend
that told her to stand up to me.
451
00:15:47,610 --> 00:15:48,676
Yeah. I did.
452
00:15:48,745 --> 00:15:50,778
And your fragile ego couldn't take it,
453
00:15:50,847 --> 00:15:53,514
so you punished her
by freezing her credit cards.
454
00:15:53,583 --> 00:15:55,049
I didn't freeze her credit cards.
455
00:15:55,118 --> 00:15:56,284
- You didn't?
- No.
456
00:15:56,352 --> 00:15:58,319
Why... I'm bored.
457
00:15:58,388 --> 00:16:00,655
Look, your 45 seconds are up.
458
00:16:00,723 --> 00:16:02,390
The two of you... get out.
459
00:16:02,459 --> 00:16:05,092
All right, fine. We're gonna go.
But you need to know something...
460
00:16:05,161 --> 00:16:06,894
You don't deserve Viv.
461
00:16:06,963 --> 00:16:08,529
Sure, she's awful,
462
00:16:08,598 --> 00:16:14,569
but you are the biggest
piece of [bleeeeeeeeep]
463
00:16:14,637 --> 00:16:16,604
thing I've ever met in my life!
464
00:16:16,673 --> 00:16:18,072
You sound like those monks.
465
00:16:18,141 --> 00:16:19,173
[Groans]
466
00:16:19,242 --> 00:16:22,844
467
00:16:22,912 --> 00:16:24,479
I told you not to get involved.
468
00:16:24,547 --> 00:16:26,147
Sorry, Greg.
469
00:16:26,216 --> 00:16:28,916
I can't believe Viv lied to us
about the credit cards.
470
00:16:28,985 --> 00:16:32,153
And I can't believe
the cabinets are open.
471
00:16:32,222 --> 00:16:34,255
Hey, you guys having fun over here
472
00:16:34,324 --> 00:16:36,090
with the super-awesome thing you love
473
00:16:36,159 --> 00:16:38,125
that you'd really hate to lose?
474
00:16:38,194 --> 00:16:39,026
Dad!
475
00:16:39,095 --> 00:16:40,461
What's going on?!
476
00:16:40,530 --> 00:16:42,396
Now I'll never know
what that prostitute was saying!
477
00:16:42,465 --> 00:16:45,466
You should've listened to me
about the cabinets.
478
00:16:45,535 --> 00:16:46,934
That's why you let us keep it...
479
00:16:47,003 --> 00:16:49,604
so we'd finally have something
good that he could take away.
480
00:16:49,672 --> 00:16:51,906
Wow, Dad, you are coldhearted.
481
00:16:51,975 --> 00:16:54,175
Didn't know you had it in you.
482
00:16:54,244 --> 00:16:57,845
Close the cabinets, go upstairs,
and do your homework.
483
00:16:57,914 --> 00:16:59,247
Oh, and now you two
484
00:16:59,315 --> 00:17:01,382
are in charge
of putting Anna-Kat to bed.
485
00:17:01,451 --> 00:17:02,483
[Groans]
486
00:17:04,153 --> 00:17:05,753
So, you had a plan all along?
487
00:17:05,822 --> 00:17:07,021
Don't let the nice fool you.
488
00:17:08,958 --> 00:17:10,024
Mark Thompson.
489
00:17:10,093 --> 00:17:14,262
490
00:17:14,330 --> 00:17:15,496
Please don't leave me.
491
00:17:15,565 --> 00:17:17,198
What?! Why would I leave you?
492
00:17:17,267 --> 00:17:19,200
Because I'm a pain in the ass.
493
00:17:19,269 --> 00:17:20,434
Why wouldn't you leave me?
494
00:17:20,503 --> 00:17:22,236
I would never leave you.
You're my best friend.
495
00:17:22,305 --> 00:17:23,738
That gives me very little comfort.
496
00:17:23,806 --> 00:17:25,006
You have no friends.
497
00:17:25,074 --> 00:17:28,109
See? I stay stuff like that
all the time.
498
00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:29,443
Why are you thinking about this now?
499
00:17:29,512 --> 00:17:31,412
'Cause everybody's
getting divorced, Greg.
500
00:17:31,481 --> 00:17:33,848
Viv's getting divorced.
The Thompsons are getting divorced.
501
00:17:33,917 --> 00:17:36,417
And you had a secret plan
to take away the kids' Xbox
502
00:17:36,486 --> 00:17:37,485
and destroy their spirits.
503
00:17:37,554 --> 00:17:38,853
They never saw it coming.
504
00:17:38,922 --> 00:17:41,088
Promise me you're not gonna
take your AAA card
505
00:17:41,157 --> 00:17:42,623
and move on with your life.
506
00:17:42,692 --> 00:17:44,058
Because you can Bumble away,
507
00:17:44,127 --> 00:17:47,261
but there is nobody else
out there for me.
508
00:17:47,330 --> 00:17:48,529
Just you.
509
00:17:51,834 --> 00:17:54,302
- I will never leave you.
- Good.
510
00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:59,685
- Unless...
- Unless what?
511
00:17:59,747 --> 00:18:02,209
Unless you can't get
that skinny macchiato
512
00:18:02,278 --> 00:18:03,277
out of our daughter's bedroom.
513
00:18:03,346 --> 00:18:04,645
She's gone.
514
00:18:05,982 --> 00:18:07,648
I'm really glad
you're never divorcing me.
515
00:18:07,717 --> 00:18:09,183
I can't be single again.
516
00:18:09,252 --> 00:18:11,185
I really don't want
to have to lose 30 pounds.
517
00:18:11,354 --> 00:18:18,192
518
00:18:18,261 --> 00:18:19,093
Hi.
519
00:18:19,162 --> 00:18:20,995
Namaste, Katie.
520
00:18:21,064 --> 00:18:22,964
Viv, Greg and I talked to Alan.
521
00:18:23,032 --> 00:18:23,965
Oh!
522
00:18:24,033 --> 00:18:25,600
You lied to us about the credit cards
523
00:18:25,668 --> 00:18:26,901
and used it as an excuse
524
00:18:26,970 --> 00:18:29,136
to crash in our daughter's bedroom...
525
00:18:29,205 --> 00:18:31,339
which you completely redecorated.
526
00:18:31,407 --> 00:18:32,440
But it is better.
527
00:18:33,643 --> 00:18:35,109
Is this the chair from our room?
528
00:18:35,178 --> 00:18:36,611
Yes... with new fabric.
529
00:18:40,149 --> 00:18:41,816
So, what's going on, Viv?
530
00:18:41,884 --> 00:18:43,050
[Sighs]
531
00:18:44,988 --> 00:18:48,689
I lied because I didn't want
to stay in a hotel.
532
00:18:48,758 --> 00:18:51,092
They're so lonely and cold.
533
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,627
I wanted to stay in this house
534
00:18:52,695 --> 00:18:55,997
because you and your family
are so warm and...
535
00:18:56,065 --> 00:18:57,965
kind and real.
536
00:18:58,034 --> 00:19:00,201
That is so sweet.
537
00:19:00,269 --> 00:19:03,738
I mean, you do not care what
anyone else thinks about you,
538
00:19:03,806 --> 00:19:05,573
even though there's a lot to critique.
539
00:19:05,642 --> 00:19:09,110
And I guess,
with my own marriage ending,
540
00:19:09,178 --> 00:19:11,312
I just wanted to be near a good one,
541
00:19:11,381 --> 00:19:13,314
even if it was just for a few days.
542
00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:17,918
You got to divorce Alan
543
00:19:17,987 --> 00:19:20,755
and find somebody who's right for you...
544
00:19:20,823 --> 00:19:23,891
somebody who doesn't mind
that you're a pain in the ass.
545
00:19:25,928 --> 00:19:27,261
Like Greg is with me.
546
00:19:27,330 --> 00:19:28,262
[Squeals]
547
00:19:28,331 --> 00:19:30,164
[Laughs]
548
00:19:30,233 --> 00:19:34,068
- Oh, my gosh! You're... You're so soft!
- Okay.
549
00:19:34,137 --> 00:19:35,269
You know what it's like?
550
00:19:35,338 --> 00:19:37,371
It's like hugging
a little beanbag chair.
551
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:38,839
Oh, poor, sweet Alan.
552
00:19:38,908 --> 00:19:40,408
Oh, it's so good.
553
00:19:40,476 --> 00:19:42,410
554
00:19:44,669 --> 00:19:46,706
555
00:19:46,775 --> 00:19:48,375
Taylor and Oliver put Anna-Kat to bed,
556
00:19:48,443 --> 00:19:50,443
so we are officially off the clock.
557
00:19:50,512 --> 00:19:51,611
What movie do you want to watch?
558
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:53,079
I don't know. Let's see.
559
00:19:53,148 --> 00:19:54,281
A documentary could be good.
560
00:19:54,349 --> 00:19:55,782
Ugh. I don't want to learn things, Greg.
561
00:19:55,851 --> 00:19:57,217
How about a superhero movie?
562
00:19:57,286 --> 00:19:59,152
You have the cinematic tastes
of an 11-year-old boy.
563
00:19:59,221 --> 00:20:01,688
- But I think that...
- No, no.
564
00:20:01,757 --> 00:20:03,790
We're 60/40 now,
and this is part of my 40.
565
00:20:03,859 --> 00:20:05,325
Fine.
566
00:20:05,394 --> 00:20:07,827
I am not loving this
almost-equal-partnership thing.
567
00:20:07,896 --> 00:20:09,763
Oh, wait, look.
"Arrival" is on New Releases.
568
00:20:09,831 --> 00:20:10,997
I've heard good things.
569
00:20:11,066 --> 00:20:12,065
Really?
570
00:20:12,134 --> 00:20:14,267
I've heard bad things.
571
00:20:14,336 --> 00:20:15,535
You already watched it, didn't you?
572
00:20:15,604 --> 00:20:17,270
I did, and it was great.
573
00:20:19,141 --> 00:20:20,507
[Sighs] There are no good movies on.
574
00:20:20,575 --> 00:20:21,541
Mnh-mnh.
575
00:20:21,610 --> 00:20:22,876
You want to watch TV instead?
576
00:20:22,945 --> 00:20:25,512
That's a good idea. TV is
just better entertainment.
577
00:20:25,580 --> 00:20:26,813
It really is.
578
00:20:26,882 --> 00:20:29,549
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
579
00:20:29,599 --> 00:20:34,149
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
42015
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.