All language subtitles for Alpha House s01e09 The Rebuttal.eng

I decided to play a
little hooky today.

I drove down to my hometown
of Ruby Shoals,

which is right on the shore.

Angie, show 'em a bit
of where we're at.

Go on.

OK, so it was
tore up some by Sandy,

but you get the general...
Oh, grab a shot of them gulls there.

Cute little suckers.

Anyway, being back
on this beach...

...reminds me of what
a privilege it was

to grow up in a place where you
could run through tide pools,

hunt for sharks' teeth,
blow up crabs with cherry bombs...

Man, that's just good times.

Anywho, Ruby Shoals has always
been pretty conservative.

Soid Republican.
And as Republicans,

the thing we believed in
most of all was opportunity.

Which meant we believed
in building stuff to create opportunity.

Like roads and schools
and power grids.

It was a Republican, Ike,
who built our highway system.

And another, Nixon,
who created the EPA

to protect what we are
looking at right now.

As conservatives,
we believed in conservin'

and free markets,
which is why most of us

used to favor cap and trade
to fight climate change.

Anyway, that was then.

We don't believe in
climate change now.

Or any research into it.

Same with mandates
or infrastructure

or background checks
or a dozen other things

we used to support before
we got within pissin' range of the Tea Party.

I've about had it
with all that.

Remember the old
Gil John Biggs?

The one who used to bring home
a new clinic or research center

or whatnot without apology?

Sure, I named 'em
after myself, but I don't mind future generations

knowing who invested in 'em.

You remember Coach Biggs?

Who made college loans
a huge priority

because he'd seen how
they changed lives.

And remember the guy
that never voted to shut down the government

or wreck our credit or
suppress voting rights

or compared people to Hitler?
Remember that guy?

He's back.

Wow, powerful stuff.
Howard, why do you think

this Biggs video has
become such a sensation?

My hunch is it
reminds people of when principled politicians

could reach across the aisle
for the common good.

Well, Chris, that
and also the role of...

In fact, it reminds me
of my new book,

Tip and the Gipper:
When Politics Works.

It's almost eerie,
John don't you agree?

- Well, not really.
- I seriousIy disagree.

Howard, you've read the book.
Don't you agree with me?

Well, Chris, I haven't
read the book yet,

but I've read all the blurbs,

Wait a minute, are you getting
hosannas from the liberals now?

Yep, for being
a conservative.

So hard to process.

My numbers are
perking up, too. Tide might've turned.

I'm actually getting credit
for not being crazy.

Wonder if I should try that?

You're the best, Howard.
And this is Hardball.

- You're wrong, John.
- Robert?

Got any laundry?

Louise offered to do a load.

Well, that's very sweet of her,

but I only trust my shirts
to Madame Collette's Laundry.

You know Madame Collette is a
Serbian transsexual, don't you?

- I do now.
- Never mind.

- What are you working on there?
- Uh, talking points.

I've gotta go before the
Ethics Committee tomorrow.

What? Why?
Isn't that voluntary?

I'm dead otherwise.

I just can't shake this
whole mohair suit thing.

I know, it's insane,
right?

I mean, I would never
accept a mohair suit.

I'm allergic to mohair,
for Christ's sake.

Well, why don't you
just tell CarIy that?

I did. And she didn't buy it.

I don't blame her.
I wouldn't buy it, either.

Do you believe somebody
when they tell you

- they're allergic to something?
- Sure.

I, myself, suffer
from an allergy.

- To what?
- Celery.

- I don't believe you. See?
- Well, I believe you.

A scarf?

One hundred
percent mohair.

You're welcome.

That means, ''You look like a
music video dancer,'' in Spanish.

I mean, not you.

That's not really
in there, is it?

Nah, I pieced it
together on my own.

Uh-huh.

Ugh, that'll be Graydon.
Better lose the textbook.

- Hey.
- Katherine, Dilly.

Dilly, Katherine Sims is
Senator Guzman's chief of staff.

- OK.
- Dilly, Senator Guzman.

- Yeah, I recognize him.
- Wow, I thought you'd be at least college age.

- Like a young Nate Silver.
- I received my Master's

in Applied Mathematics
three years ago.

- And Nate Silver's an idiot.
- Of course he is.

- That was a test.
- What type of test? What were you measuring?

It was a joke, Dil.

You said you'd tell me
if there was joking.

Um, Dilly has really
been making big waves in the analytics sphere.

When I ran Mower,
he predicted county results

- to the second decimal.
- Third.

To the third decimal.

Are there even enough
voters for that?

It's just a point
on a probability graph.

Is this an interview?
Because if it is, you're not doing very well.

So Dilly ran some numbers
on immigration reform. Propensity models.

And he matched them
against positions that you've taken on the record.

I think they'll be helpful
in preparing for the rebuttal.

Nice!

Five-thousand-year-old
computation technology.

Awesome! Who do you like better,
Neal Adams or Frank Miller?

- Frank Miller?
- Oh, no question!

I mean,The Dark Knight Returns
is a masterpiece.

So when do we start?

You think anyone
will remember me?

- Welcome home, senator!
- They do remember me.

Of course they do,
sweetheart.

- Lola!
- Hi, Daddy!

What are you
doing here, baby?

School's over, Daddy.
My internship started yesterday.

You got here yesterday?
Why didn't you call us?

Where are you staying?

I think everybody wants
to hear from you, Daddy.

Speech,
speech, speech...

[all] Speech, speech...

I... I'm so surprised
and moved by your welcome.

I thought I would just slip back
behind my desk unnoticed.

But since my daughter's
put me on the spot,

I guess I could
say a few words.

The Webster's Dictionary
definition of ''to lead''

says, ''to set a direction
and guide strongly.''

And as an example,
it uses a ranch hand.

- Dear God.
- So from now on,

I want you all
to think of yourselves

as tall, muscular ranch hands,
leading the sheep,

which are... I don't know,
constituents, or pages, maybe.

I'm the foreman, and I wear
a sort of canvas duster...

Great speech,
senator, really. Very inspiring.

- We're all on a ranch.
- Yeah!

See, they love you, dear.
Now, you get back to work.

Soar,
my little bald eagle, soar.

Let the record show
that Senator Bettencourt

voluntarily appears
before this committee,

whose mission is the
investigation of members

charged with flouting
our ethical standards.

Are we equally
bound to discuss...

...the ethics
of dragging someone through an investigation

simply because he blocked
funding for someone's federal owl habitat?

The only business
before this committee

is whether or not you
received mohair gifts in excess of 250 dollars

in exchange for your vote
on mohair subsidies.

I did not.

The state tried and failed
to prove a bribery case.

And yet there remains the
mystery of the six mohair suits

you received the day
after your vote.

How I received the
suits is no mystery.

They were a gift from
my Hong Kong tailor,

which is embarrassing,
but not illegaI.

Especially since
the suits were not...

...of mohair, they were
of Italian wool,

which is also embarrassing,
but again, not illegal.

I thought they were
made of mohair.

How do we know they're
not made of mohair?

Because, CarIy...

...I am allergic
to fucking mohair.

Carly, he looks like
a chili dog.

- Oh!
- I would like to enter this into evidence...

There being no further business,
this committee is adjourned.

You should send
a nurse in here, OK?

That was very foolish
of you, senator.

You were a couple minutes away
from anaphylactic shock.

Yeah, I know.

It won't happen again,
I assure you, Annie.

Antihistamine.
Once every three hours

until the swelling goes down.

- You take care, senator.
- Thanks again.

I'll cancel the rest
of your day, senator.

What? I just got jammed

with a syringe full
of adrenaline.

Once the swelling goes down,
I'm ready to boogie!

What's on the schedule
for this afternoon?

Well, mostly fundraising calls,

but you have that
dinner tonight.

Should I call in sick for you?

Are you kidding me?

Let down the nation?

Oh!

Hear about that big, wet kiss

I got on Hardball last night?

Right. Oh, hell,
I don't care, John.

I'm the new maverick.
I stole your fucking crown, man.

That's right, it's mine, now.

I gotta go.
I'll taIk to you later.

No, no, no, no, no, it's not
Gil John, it's Maverick.

Say it. Say,
''So long, Maverick.''

Ha! See you 'round the corral.

Honestly, I don't think
I would be crowing about

being the new sweetheart
of MSNBC.

We're getting crucified on Fox.

O'Reilly and Hannity, yeah,
but Megyn Kelly loves me.

- Mmm.
- I got 'em shouting at each other.

You going back today?

I am. I have to explain
the ''new GiI John''

- to all of the old donors.
- Oh, he's not new, honey.

Didn't you listen to what
I was saying on the video?

You got your
old Honeybear back.

I know, I know.

You'd miss being a senator's
wife, wouldn't you?

- Is that shallow of me?
- No, no, no.

You're a perks gal
married to a perks guy.

No shame to it.
We earned it.

Truth is... I don't mind
the idea of losing so much.

So long as I don't.

That is really good, G.J.,
that might work.

What could work?

You're indifference.

If the voters believe that
you're a man who wouldn't mind

losing for his principles, a
thing that they very rarely see.

Well, hell,
maybe you won't.

- Oh!
- You always was the brains of the outfit.

Oh, my God!

What are you doing?

I'm so sorry.
I have to work late again.

Can we meet on...

...a week from
Tuesday at six.

No. Oh, Wednesday, 8:45?

No, I got a
late-night markup.

- This is crazy.
- Hold it.

I have a hole
tomorrow night at 8:00.

Oh, hey, me too.
Wait, why is that?

It's the president's speech
to Congress. Both of our bosses have to go.

Then why don't you
come by my office?

- No one'll be there.
- I don't think that's appropriate.

What, are you kidding?
Robert's the love doctor.

It's his waiting room.

And it's a non-starter without
a real commitment of resources

for enhanced border security.

How much more
do you want, Paul?

We already spend more
on the CBP than the DEA and the FBI combined.

I think we can come up
with the right number,

and I see some more
common ground here.

Now, I am constantly hearing
from tech businesses in my state

because they cannot find
the workers they need.

I'm suggesting that we
cut down or even eliminate

the waiting period
for skilled workers.

I mean, after all,
these folks become taxpayers from the get-go.

And I think we'd get a buy-in
from both sides, Mr. President.

Well, look who's finally up.

You got laid.

- Excuse me?
- Oh, I can always tell when someone's had sex recently.

It's like a sixth sense.

Robert, what color
would you like your eggs?

What co...?

Uh, just the usual
color, please?

There was a special on food
coloring at Sam's Club.

She couldn't resist.

You know what? I'm probably
gonna pass on the eggs.

Gotta watch the ol' waistline.

Well, there aren't any calories
in food dye, Robert.

Honestly, it's
just for fun!

I know why you
were looking so smug.

You snuck off to the
White House again last night, didn't you?

- White House?
- Well, when the president calls you personally

and invites you to join
a little off-the-record advisory group dinner,

it's hard to refuse.

You've been dining
with Obama?

Robert, are you mad?
He's like the third rail for us.

Man, there's gotta be
15 third rails now.

Obama, Medicare,
Social Security,

- wind surfin', France...
- No, I'm serious.

All it takes is a picture
of the two of you smiling and shaking hands

and boom,
you get lynched.

What? I can say that.
My people got lynched, too.

Probably.

Bon appetit, young man!

Look, she added ham.
Get it?

Fun!

I want your lamb in my pasture.

I want your lamb
in my pasture.

"I'm bored.
Send me something fun.

James?

- James!
- Uh, yes! Yes! What is it?

Don't forget to tweet
the pictures of the senator's first day back.

Uh, of course.
Right now, I'm on it.

- Are you OK?
- Totally good.

Putting, uh,
the pics up right now.

OK. Thanks.

Oh, shit!

Break it down for
me again, kid, OK?

I'm just a speech writer.
Treat me like an idiot.

I have been. But to restate,

I'm running these
propensity models.

They're designed to
compare hypothetical immigration positions

against variable
cohort dispositions.

And as you can see, there's a
major statistical aberration

between the primary and
general outcome lines.

If you're pro
immigration reform,

there's no way
you can win primaries.

But if you're anti, there's
no way to win the general.

It's like the Kobayashi Maru.

- I know I'll regret asking.
- Star Trek?

It's the no-win training
exercise that all Federation cadets

have to take
as a test of character.

Kirk is the only person
who's been able to beat it.

I gotta take this.

- Hey.
- How's it going?

I'm not sure. I want to say
something memorable tonight,

but apparently,
memorable is risky.

Please don't punt, Andy,
I just met with Ryans

and committed the full 20
million for the next cycle.

Jesus. You did that for me?

Of course not.
I did it for our country.

That's my story
and I'm sticking to it.

- And you should, too.
- Yeah, I got it.

Bueno, be brilliant.

Besitos. Mwah!

So... how did Kirk
beat the test?

By secretly reprogramming
the simulation.

He cheated.
On a test of character.

Yes, and later he was officially
commended for original thinking.

My kind of moral universe.

Good morning, all.

Sir, we need to taIk.

- Holy crap!
- May I see?

No, it's not for ladies to see!

Except... Julie?

No, OK, you can look,
but just for a second.

That's enough.

How did this happen?

I'm afraid
it's my fault, sir.

I meant to tweet a picture
of you on your first day back,

but I... I must've just uploaded
the wrong photo on my phone.

I'm really,
really sorry, sir.

That picture is... you?

No, of course not,
it's a friend.

A friend... sent you a picture

of his... thick, bulging penis?

No, no, it wasn't for me.

He was thinking of
sending it to his wife,

and he wanted to know if
I thought it was appropriate.

And I said, ''Absolutely not,''
and that was the end of it.

But I forgot to delete it.

And you'd like the senator
to believe that story?

- Pretty much so, ma'am.
- He's not an idiot.

- Clean out your desk.
- No!

Lola, please,
return to your duties.

- You are an intern...
- You can't fire him, Daddy,

- not for a first offense.
- Of course he can.

- Well, I...
- Louis, I think we need to pray on this.

- Yes, I think so, too.
- Sir, we don't.

This is an administrative
decision, for which, I alone...

Why don't we let the
only senator in this room get a word in here?

- James, give us a minute.
- Yes, sir.

- You too, Lola.
- No, Lola stays.

- She obviously knows
something about this.

Now, let's all sit down
here and take turns.

Like we do at
decision time at home.

Julie... your thoughts?

He's a moron.
Fire him.

I'm done.

With the judgment you
pronounce, you will be judged.

I don't think so.

- Louise.
- Oh, sweetheart, James is your godson.

So in a way,
it'd be like firing God.

Sir, we have to
tell the press he's gone.

That is the only way
we move past this.

Daddy,
James made a mistake.

But even God makes mistakes,
like children with an extra arm

or gay people.

And I'm sure that whoever James
was sending that picture to,

he meant it as a beautiful
and respectful expression of his love!

Thank you all
for your counsel.

Now clear the room,
please...

...while I consider
my decision.

- Aaron?
- Yes, sir?

Walk with me,
talk with me.

I have reason to believe,
and it's not official,

but reason to believe
that the president is gonna use an idea of mine

- in his immigration
speech tonight. - You're kidding! Which idea?

Eh, the waiting period.
He took a shine to it.

We talked about it
at length.

Well, that's great.
Great for... immigrants.

I mean, bad for you
if anyone finds out.

Those dinners are off
the record, and besides,

the White House never
shares credit... Hey, Chuck!

Just put up another staff
wedding. Widening my lead.

Wrong, my friend.
You've got a pending divorce

and I'm closing the gap.

Divorce? Who's my divorce?

Has the staffer responsible
for the photo been fired?

- Not fired, per se...
- So he's still working for you?

Barely. And he's been
severely reprimanded.

I would like to remind everyone
of the Christian values

- of forgiveness and redemption.
- Who is it?

- I'm sorry?
- Who is in the photo?

Oh, we're withholding his name
to spare him further disgrace.

Then how can we be sure
if the photo isn't you?

Well, I... I...

It isn't him.
I've studied it.

I assure you, that picture
could not be Louis.

No chance.

At all.

A wife knows.

''The president wants to let
millions of illegals to step out of the shadows.

I say they should step halfway
out of the shadows...''

''...just enough so the
light hits their faces

and we can identify them.''

Hey.
Hey, babe, how are you?

I'll be with you
in a minute.

I'm just going over
my speech.

Oh, take your time,
future POTUS.

I'm early anyway.

I love you.

- How disappointing.
- What? Why?

You're supposed to say that
for the first time when...

...when the sun is
setting in my eyes,

or I laugh a certain way or you
catch me in my own little world.

Not right after I spend 20
million dollars on your career.

I'm sorry... but the sun
is setting in your eyes.

And I did catch you off
in your own little world.

And you do laugh
a certain way.

How'd you do that?

I'm used to
tight spaces.

Excuse me, Paul? I wonder if
I could ask you to slide over.

You still working
that injury, eh, Louis?

That's insulting, Paul,

to me and to all
the young men and women

who have paid a price
for being in the shit.

You're right.
Sorry, Louis.

Thank you
for your service.

You're welcome.

- Really?
- It's the end of the day, Robert.

I'm unwinding.

- No harm to it.
- Members of Congress,

I have the high privilege
and distinct honor

of presenting to you, the
President of the United States.

Thank you.

Thank you!

Thank you all.
Thank you.

Please, everybody, have a seat.

Our economy is strong

when we harness the talents
and ingenuity of striving, hopeful immigrants.

Real reform means establishing
a responsible pathway

to earn citizenship.

And real reform means fixing
the legal immigration system.

To cut waiting periods,

and attract the highly-skilled
entrepreneurs and engineers

that will help create jobs
and grow our economy.

My idea.

Oh. He's applauding Obama?

My boss just lost his mind.

Welcome to my world.

Thank you, God bless you.
And God bless these United States of America.

- Fifteen seconds,
senator. - Thank you.

How hot and powerful
does my senator look?

It's not really within my
purview to answer that question.

Hey, come on.
Woman to woman.

- I'm gay.
- No you're not.

You're just trying
to avoid agreeing.

That, too.

Now, the president talked
about dreams tonight.

Well, I know something
about dreams.

For instance, the dreams
of a young couple,

who fled Havana just days ahead
of Castro's advancing army,

with only the clothes
on their back

and the modest liquid assets
their parents had wisely

transferred to a bank in Miami.

Now, these aren't
actually my parents.

No photos survive, alas.

But they could be.

There's the same set of the jaw,

the same determination...

Oh, my God!

Is everyone OK?

Well, let's keep going, then.
These things happen.

We're still rolling.

Suffice it to say, I don't need
schooling about dreams

- from the president.
- What just happened?

Let me tell you what
we've done in Florida.

- Senator Bettencourt!
- Senator Bettencourt!

Sir, why were you so ecstatic
about the president's plan?

Ecstatic overstates it...

Do you think your support for
Obama will hurt you back home?

- Of course not, what
I'm trying to say is... - That's it, folks!

No exam tonight, we'll have
a statement in the morning.

Hey, Jack, how are you?
Good to see you.

Senator, that arc lamp
exploded only inches away.

You barely reacted.

Now, Sandy, let's not
make too much of my...

...not flinching under pressure,
or... whatever.

That's just a distraction.

From a very serious
message about immigration.

As the son of Cuban-born
refugees,

who could have been in that
grainy photo I showed tonight,

I won't apologize
for my humble roots.

I won't apologize
for walking past the soft bigotry of low expectations...

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