Original subtitles

RONI: Previously on "All Night"...

- Screw Fig!

[dramatic music]

- I've got cash. Where's the tequila?

- 60 bucks. Tell your friends

that I'm setting up shop here till I sell out.

Password's "Fidelio."

- You know, I think I'm gonna

wrangle some customers.

- Sounds like a plan.

- Seriously? - What?

- I'm not drinking with a teenager.

- You could drink and I could just be there.

- You the prom queen or something?

- No. I'm much better than that.

- Yeah, you are.

? ?

- Wanna go somewhere? - Very much so.

- Fidelio?

? ?

I know everyone's tired.

But if 20 years' experience has taught me anything,

it's that 3:00 a.m. is sex o'clock.

We have 200 hormonal teens lookin' to go out with a bang.

[dance music playing]

But due to budget cuts, they have no idea about safe sex

or music or fine art or foreign language.

Math is iffy.

But most are disgusting horndogs

with no sense of judgment.

Hornpuppies, if you will.

? ?

[regal classical music playing]

? ?

- Wanna get some air?

- Now, I'm all for tender yet brutal lovemaking

with someone you're certain you'll never see again,

but this is a school-sponsored event,

so we have to at least try to try.

So let's turn up the lights and crack down on the drinking,

because even the well-behaved ones

see tonight as their chance to go wild.

[static crackling]

[upbeat music]

Pretty excited about college, huh?

- Yeah. SAPERSTEIN: Well, forget it.

If you have sex, you will have a baby.

And neither you nor your love child will ever be happy,

not to mention the STDs you will get.

- Oh, my.

- Let's take a closer look at those.

First we have the clap.

But there will be no applause for the burning you'll feel.

[fire crackling]

- [inhales sharply]

[upbeat music]

? ?

- Veronica Sweetzer.

- Yup, that's my name.

Veronica Mildred Sweetzer.

- Mildred?

- Oh, no. Did I just ruin it?

- No.

No, somehow, even better.

? ?

- Oh, hello. - Yeah, sorry.

You're--you're very, very hot.

- No, no, it's--it's great.

Actually, after the night I've had,

it's a bit of a relief.

So do you have a...

- Oh, a condom.

Ah.

Uh, I didn't--

I didn't even realize that was on the table.

- It could be on the table.

Or the floor

or in this janitor's closet.

- [chuckles nervously]

- If we had some protection.

- I didn't bring any.

But I'm sure someone in this place

must have some, right?

- Yeah, okay. - Yeah.

? ?

[dramatic music]

- I don't get it.

Did someone pressure you into this?

Is someone else-- - No, no.

It was just me.

- I guess that strength of character that I wrote about

in your letter of recommendation was a lie.

- It wasn't.

- I trusted you, Melinda.

I did everything I could to help you.

You abused that trust.

- I am so sorry for that, but--

- What do you think your mother's gonna say about this?

- Please.

No, no, no, p-please, don't tell my mom.

- You're not getting it, Melinda.

I have to tell your mother and Cornell.

You will spend the night in grad night detention,

and in the morning, you will face the consequences

of your actions.

You've left me with no other choice.

- So you and Mrs. Lewis

are really gonna...

- Play charades? No.

I'm gonna give her the banging of her life.

[laughs]

- Wow, that's courageous.

- Mr. Lewis doesn't scare me.

I'll bet he's never even hit a student.

Yeah, but still, she's, like, fully a woman.

Are you prepared to satisfy her needs--

physical, emotional, intellectual?

I don't think I could, Bryce,

and I'm four months older than you.

- Yeah, well, uh, good thing

I'm four months braver than you.

- This is so high school.

Arm around my girl,

beanbag chair.

You wanna wear my jacket? - [chuckles]

- People still do that, right?

- People still do that.

- Hmm. - Yeah.

What else is on this high school checklist of yours?

- Pranking a teacher.

Escaping from detention.

Streaking down the football field.

Giving somebody a swirlie.

- Mm, go ahead.

Swirl me.

- What?

- Yeah, what's a little spit in my ear?

- No, no, no, that--

that's a wet willie.

See, a swirlie is where you

dunk somebody's head in a toilet and you flush it.

- Oh, God. - Yeah.

- That's just straight-up bullying.

- My little sister got bullied.

And it was by girls, so I couldn't even kick their ass.

I tried to make it better, you know?

I wrote her little notes in the morning, like,

"You make the best nachos," and, "You're really brave,"

and, "You're super dope at figure skating."

You know, that kind of stuff.

[soft music]

- You know what?

Maybe I will take you up on that jacket.

? ?

- [chuckles] Okay.

? ?

- [sighs]

- There you are!

Been looking for you everywhere.

- Here I am. [both chuckle]

- Is everything okay?

You kind of disappeared after Jell-O wrestling.

- Deanna and I were tearing it up on the dance floor.

- [laughs] - I am a sweat monster.

- [laughs] - Watch out, or I'll hug you.

- I don't mind.

You sure everything's fine?

- Yeah. What about me seems un-fine?

Lyssee, what is up, girl?

- Thank you so much for asking.

I'm just feeling sort of alone because I'm all by myself,

and that's the definition of being alone.

I thought tonight was gonna be about friendship,

but then Roni went and ditched me

because she doesn't care if I live or die and--

- Can we catch up with you in a second?

We were just gonna have a little time to ourselves.

- [sighs] First Roni, now you?

You two have the rest of your lives together,

and I'm so alone.

- It's not like that.

- Alexis, she's right.

Tonight should be about friendship.

Now, I wanna know what's going down in Lyssee Town.

Unpack this rich tapestry of emotions.

- Couldn't find any limes.

- [laughs]

You're hilarious. Get over here.

What are you doing hanging out with me?

You should be with your friends.

- Sometimes a gentleman prefers the company of a beautiful lady.

- But it's your grad night.

Although I guess I spent my grad night out here

and it was...

quite a night.

Quite a night.

- Right on.

- Mm, it hasn't been like that for a while, though,

but when it was,

it was.

You know what I mean?

- Not really.

But it sounds great.

- It's just, you know, being back out here

on the tennis courts

with a guy bringing me limes...

- A juice box.

But some would say that's even better.

- It's nice.

Takes me back.

It makes me feel like

anything is possible.

[soft music]

? ?

- I-I can't do this.

I've only ever been to third base once,

and I asked her if it was good, and she just rolled her eyes

and said I ask too many questions.

I never got a straight answer.

And there's no way I can fulfill your intellectual needs.

- [laughs]

- Oh, God. I'm--I--

- That's not what this was at all.

Bryce, I've just been enjoying chatting with you.

That's it.

- Uh, well...

I'm gonna fade into the night now.

Uh, maybe start over in Canada.

Work on an oil rig.

Change my name. Forget Bryce ever existed.

- Or you could stay here

and I'll make it worth your while.

? ?

- Christian.

I heard you're selling condoms?

- Whoa. For you and Fig?

- If you must know, yes.

But whatever you do, don't tell Oz.

Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.

Tell him as soon as you get your phone back.

I want him crying in that hospital bed.

- Right.

Uh, well, you're in luck.

Pick one.

- Burst Condoms?

Ew. There is no way I can rise

from the ashes of sexual betrayal

with some off-brand maybe condom.

I'll look elsewhere.

You know, other than your lackluster selection of condoms,

this whole speakeasy thing is genius.

- Well, the real genius is doing hard time

in grad night detention.

I'm just helping her out.

- So wait, you're spending your whole grad night

doing this for her while she takes the rap for both of you?

That's some Romeo and Juliet shit.

- Well, I mean, we basically just met.

I'm sure she's fun and hot and, you know...

- Yeah, I have my own stuff.

- Everything I'm looking for.

[rock music]

? ?

- Lord, why must you test me so?

MAN: ? Here I come, on your knees ?

? All the rollers wanna roll with me ?

- Can I stop doing this now?

- Yeah, that's good. Thanks.

All right, walking down the hallway in slow motion, check.

Thanks for doing that with me. I know it was weird.

- I like weird.

- Weird enough to go streaking?

- No, not quite.

- Okay, how about stuffing me into a locker?

- I thought you'd never ask.

? ?

- So, uh, this is prison, huh?

Way worse than it looks on TV. [laughs]

- More like solitary.

Plus, there's no vocational training whatsoever.

- [sighs]

So, uh...

how are you?

- Well, Saperstein took the money,

and she's telling Cornell.

So...really bad.

- Yikes.

It's--it's gonna be okay.

I promise.

- Everything doesn't always work out for me.

I'm not you.

I'm so sorry. That's not what I--

- No, no, no, I'm sorry.

But, uh...

if it helps.

- H-how did you even--

- I kept the business going.

Here.

- Thank you.

[soft music]

- Who has condoms?

- Whoa, Roni, I know you're excited

about your grad night romance,

but I think you're moving a little too fast.

- I have condoms, Roni. I have condoms.

I have strawberry, vanilla, these artisanal lavender ones

that I think might be for high altitudes,

cucumber peach, cucumber mango peach--

- Great, let's go get them.

- I would love nothing more.

Nothing.

- Roni, look, I know Fig's a nice guy,

but you just broke up with Oz.

Maybe take a beat?

- Oh, Fig? Yeah, definitely take a beat.

Maybe even a few beats.

Or just forget about him entirely.

- I can't believe you two.

I have had the night from hell,

and now I found a nice, cute guy who actually gets my music,

and you're trying to tell me to sit around and cry about Oz?

If I wanna have sex with him, I will,

because I am a feminist icon.

Lyssee gets me.

- Oh, of course.

But do you mean condoms for sex-sex,

like, in your body, not mouth sex?

- Yes. - Oh.

You shouldn't use flavored condoms for that.

The glycerin will turn your secret garden

into a yeast infection jungle.

- [groans] Why does everything always happen to me?

- So remember, perv, P-E-R-V:

pressure, energy, rhythm, variety.

- Wow.

Women's bodies are weird.

Like, uh, vulvas?

Who knew?

- A lot of people.

And now you're one of them.

- Thank you so much.

I-I've learned more in the past half hour

than I did in all of high school.

And I learned a lot in high school.

I'm really smart.

- See, that's why you're gonna be fine.

'Cause confidence is the most important thing.

Confidence and connection.

Confidence and connection

and a little vulnerability once in a while.

And listening, listening.

And maybe giving your wife a compliment on her new swimsuit

instead of hounding her because she stepped outside

of the Team Lewis budget for the fiscal quarter.

Sorry.

Just...forget about that.

It's not part of the lesson.

- No, no, go ahead. Vent.

- I shouldn't, not to you.

- Why not?

I'm old enough to join the army.

I'm not going to, but I-I could.

- Nothing's fun anymore, you know?

Everything has to be by the book.

It's all, "Jaywalking hurts society,"

and, "Candlelit dinners are a fire hazard."

- You are the prettiest person I have ever seen in real life.

[soft music]

- Thank you.

And...excellent use of lesson 13.

- When in doubt, talk her up.

- [laughs] - Brilliant.

Even though you're ending a sentence on a preposition,

which is grammatically incorrect.

- Yeah, we're good here.

- This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.

Except my mom.

- I'm not trying to compete with your mom.

- Well, unless you've got homemade snickerdoodles,

you can't.

She's the best.

And now she's gonna be so disappointed.

If Cornell rescinds my admission...

- No, hey, hey, hey, they won't.

And if they do, if they turn you away

for doing something that proves how badly

you want to go there, they're idiots.

- I broke the law.

- Mm, pretty sure they have entire buildings

named after people who did way worse.

Besides, any school with a good business program

won't see it that way.

Any school with a good anything program.

I mean, you're brilliant, resourceful, inventive, and...

so cute, it kind of makes my head explode.

- Wait, what?

- You're so cute, it makes--

- No, no, I--

It's just...

when I tried to kiss you earlier, it...

- I know. It threw me off.

I choked, and, um... I don't know.

That's stupid past Christian.

- Well, screw that guy.

[both chuckle]

- So, uh...about earlier.

Is there any way I can make that up to you?

[soft music]

? ?

- Now, present Christian,

him, I like.

- Me too.

? ?

[quirky music]

- Lyss, babe, can you maybe

chew your food before swallowing it?

- No.

- That's okay, Lyssee. I know you're trying your best.

? ?

- Is she, though?

I feel like there's a lot more she could be doing,

like actually talking to Roni.

- Maybe Roni doesn't feel like talking.

Maybe Roni just wants to move on and have a fun night

because it's not that big a deal.

- Well, if it's not that big of a deal,

why can't Roni just have a conversation about it?

- Stop it!

I'm not an idiot.

I know you're not talking about Roni and me.

So how about, instead of using us as pawns

in your cruel little game of wits,

you actually talk to each other?

Yeah, that's right.

Lyssee sees things!

You're freaking out 'cause you're not

in your own little bubble anymore.

And you dragged her out of it in the first place.

So deal with it.

[sighs] Now, if you need me,

I'll be hanging out with my trophy.

- Okay, let's talk.

[sneaky music]

- [groans]

- Hey, you mind stepping aside for a second?

- Uh, yeah.

Or that works too.

[rock music]

? ?

You were--you were dancing with Deanna earlier, right?

- Yeah. She's awesome.

She's amazing, actually.

Do you know her?

- She's my best friend.

I think.

- She's cool. She's funny.

And when she was walking down the hallway in slow motion,

she looked so beautiful.

She's the total package, man.

- Yeah, I guess she is.

I just...

never really thought about her that way before.

- Hmm.

Anyway, she's probably wondering where I am.

But, um...good luck.

WOMAN: ? Bang, bang, bang ?

? You're a killer aiming straight for my heartbeat ?

? Dropping me to my knees ?

? I should run and I know it ?

- I got the condoms.

- I hope you got a lot of them.

WOMAN: ? Baby, you're my silver bullet ?

[dance music]

? ?

? You're my silver bullet ?

? ?

? They told me to stay away ?

- Oh, yeah, you're right,

this is much better than a swirlie.

- Yeah. - No harm, no foul.

- Unless someone has a latex allergy.

- [laughs]

WOMAN: ? Bang, bang, bang ?

? You're a killer aiming straight for my heartbeat ?

? Dropping me to my knees ?

? I should run and I know it ?

? You're on the trigger ?

? Just pull it, p-p-pull it, pull it ?

? Baby, you're my silver bullet ?

[upbeat music]

? ?

- Look, I'm so sorry.

That--that was unintentional.

I-I was selling them, and then I grabbed one

'cause I just sort of thought, you know, maybe this might be

a nice thing to have someday in the near future, but--

- I'm glad you have a condom.

- Really?

- Really.

- Whew. Well, um...

I'm glad you're glad.

- Good.

? ?

And just so you know, this isn't my first time.

I did Model U. N.

- [chuckles] Wait, that's a thing?

And here I am thinking that being an athlete

was the easiest way to get laid.

- No, Model U. N. is disgusting.

And let's just say China's borders were very open to Japan.

I was China. Japan was a guy.

I didn't have sex with an entire country.

- It's okay. I wouldn't have judged you if you did.

So, uh...

do you want to?

- Yeah.

- Me too.

? ?

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