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00:00:03,207 --> 00:00:05,418
We were scared, we were nervous,
2
00:00:05,419 --> 00:00:07,130
we were sweating.
3
00:00:07,131 --> 00:00:09,260
But despite the freshman fear,
4
00:00:09,261 --> 00:00:11,222
we came back the next day.
5
00:00:11,223 --> 00:00:15,063
And the next day, and
718 more after that.
6
00:00:15,064 --> 00:00:19,446
And now we are down to
one last night together,
7
00:00:19,447 --> 00:00:23,831
and it was a pleasure knowing
each and every one of you.
8
00:00:23,832 --> 00:00:25,125
GUY: Who are you?
9
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:26,377
[CHUCKLES]
10
00:00:26,378 --> 00:00:28,464
So before we move that tassel
11
00:00:28,465 --> 00:00:30,176
across our caps
12
00:00:30,177 --> 00:00:33,684
and officially move on
to our next adventure,
13
00:00:33,685 --> 00:00:37,441
I just have one last word
to say about tonight
14
00:00:37,442 --> 00:00:40,615
for the class of 2018.
15
00:00:40,616 --> 00:00:43,119
Party!
16
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,625
[SILENCE]
17
00:00:45,626 --> 00:00:49,382
[WEAK APPLAUSE]
18
00:00:51,386 --> 00:00:52,805
Thank you.
19
00:00:52,806 --> 00:00:54,475
GIRL: Bye...
20
00:00:54,476 --> 00:00:56,646
Bye. Bye!
21
00:00:56,647 --> 00:00:58,066
Have a great summer.
22
00:00:58,067 --> 00:00:59,527
I think that Melinda girl
23
00:00:59,528 --> 00:01:01,113
is totally gonna blossom in college.
24
00:01:01,114 --> 00:01:02,742
Hey, can we take these gowns off?
25
00:01:02,743 --> 00:01:04,537
You can. I can't.
26
00:01:04,538 --> 00:01:07,502
'Cause I'm not wearing
anything underneath.
27
00:01:07,503 --> 00:01:11,593
Wow, Roni. These gowns are rented!
28
00:01:11,594 --> 00:01:14,306
GIRL: Okay, you guys. Get together.
29
00:01:14,307 --> 00:01:15,935
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
30
00:01:15,936 --> 00:01:18,147
[SIGHS] Dude.
31
00:01:18,148 --> 00:01:20,986
This is the last time all of us
will ever be together again.
32
00:01:20,987 --> 00:01:23,701
Why? 'Cause you're already
planning on skipping reunions?
33
00:01:23,702 --> 00:01:26,122
No. 'Cause at least one
of us is gonna die.
34
00:01:26,123 --> 00:01:28,376
Ladies and gentlemen, this has been
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00:01:28,377 --> 00:01:31,257
Cheerful Grad Thoughts
with Fig Figueroa.
36
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:34,096
Reunions. I never thought about that.
37
00:01:34,097 --> 00:01:36,560
Oh! Okay, 20-year reunion,
38
00:01:36,561 --> 00:01:39,566
if we're both still single,
we just call it a life,
39
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:42,404
get married, and open up a
taxidermy shop in Reseda.
40
00:01:42,405 --> 00:01:43,824
Deal.
41
00:01:43,825 --> 00:01:45,160
Totally in.
42
00:01:45,161 --> 00:01:46,663
Fig, Deanna, smile
43
00:01:46,664 --> 00:01:48,750
or I'll do it for you in Facetune.
44
00:01:48,751 --> 00:01:51,005
[SHUTTER LENS CLICKING]
45
00:01:51,006 --> 00:01:53,719
MAN: ? 'Cause I don't love ya anymore ?
46
00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:57,602
? ?
47
00:01:57,603 --> 00:01:59,229
Okay, Mom, I know you're proud of us,
48
00:01:59,230 --> 00:02:01,694
- but my teeth are hurting.
- WOMAN: Okay, okay.
49
00:02:03,615 --> 00:02:10,794
? ?
50
00:02:10,795 --> 00:02:12,339
RONI: I feel bad for that girl.
51
00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:15,053
Always alone. Beautiful, but alone.
52
00:02:15,054 --> 00:02:18,184
- Like a painting.
- Yeah, poor Stefania,
53
00:02:18,185 --> 00:02:20,355
having to go clubbing
downtown every weekend.
54
00:02:20,356 --> 00:02:22,150
It must be such a drag for her.
55
00:02:22,151 --> 00:02:24,279
? ?
56
00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:25,825
SAPERSTEIN: Did that scholarship letter
57
00:02:25,826 --> 00:02:27,160
that I wrote you end up helping you out?
58
00:02:27,161 --> 00:02:28,705
Yes, thank you. I got a partial.
59
00:02:28,706 --> 00:02:30,501
Will that be enough?
60
00:02:30,502 --> 00:02:32,087
Yeah. [LENS SHUTTER CLICKS]
61
00:02:32,088 --> 00:02:33,799
For my meal plan. [CLICK]
62
00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,426
For my first semester. [CLICK]
63
00:02:35,427 --> 00:02:37,097
If I don't eat breakfast. [CLICK]
64
00:02:37,098 --> 00:02:39,769
? ?
65
00:02:39,770 --> 00:02:41,438
A 45 minute ceremony,
66
00:02:41,439 --> 00:02:43,819
and it takes people four hours to leave.
67
00:02:43,820 --> 00:02:45,739
That's how you know we're
depressed it's over.
68
00:02:45,740 --> 00:02:48,871
It's not over. You two are
gonna talk within an hour.
69
00:02:48,872 --> 00:02:50,583
Probably every day for
the rest of your lives.
70
00:02:50,584 --> 00:02:52,294
I'm gonna Facetime you
an obnoxious amount.
71
00:02:52,295 --> 00:02:54,381
Yeah, besides, we have a 12 hour party
72
00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:56,302
to look forward to...
73
00:02:56,303 --> 00:02:59,182
locked up together with no
phones, no distractions.
74
00:02:59,183 --> 00:03:01,228
- It's like Juvie but lamer.
- FIG: No.
75
00:03:01,229 --> 00:03:04,944
No, I think tonight's
gonna be quite the show.
76
00:03:04,945 --> 00:03:07,992
Think about it. For
every person out there,
77
00:03:07,993 --> 00:03:10,204
tonight's their last
chance to do something.
78
00:03:10,205 --> 00:03:12,668
Their last night to run this place,
79
00:03:12,669 --> 00:03:14,756
their last night to find love,
80
00:03:14,757 --> 00:03:16,801
last night to get revenge,
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00:03:16,802 --> 00:03:18,639
cement their friendships,
82
00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:21,018
to connect.
83
00:03:21,019 --> 00:03:24,274
This grad party's gonna be...
84
00:03:24,275 --> 00:03:25,986
everything.
85
00:03:25,987 --> 00:03:29,076
Also, there's Jell-O wrestling.
86
00:03:29,077 --> 00:03:32,040
[JET TRASH'S "VIRGIN"]
87
00:03:32,041 --> 00:03:39,055
? ?
88
00:03:42,436 --> 00:03:44,774
MAN: ? I don't care about
the clothes you wear ?
89
00:03:44,775 --> 00:03:47,362
? No fancy denim, no fancy hair ?
90
00:03:47,363 --> 00:03:50,828
? Give me x-ray vision,
a first-rate car ?
91
00:03:50,829 --> 00:03:52,832
? Don't care about nothin' at all ?
92
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,211
? I don't know ?
93
00:03:55,212 --> 00:03:57,215
? I don't know ?
94
00:03:57,216 --> 00:03:59,344
? Honey, I don't know ?
95
00:03:59,369 --> 00:04:01,603
? ?
96
00:04:01,997 --> 00:04:04,626
Synced & corrected by reggielist
www.addic7ed.com
97
00:04:07,529 --> 00:04:09,532
RONI: Wow, Oz...
98
00:04:09,533 --> 00:04:12,246
I really outdid myself. Ha.
99
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,880
[SEXY MUSIC]
100
00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:18,257
Happy graduation.
101
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,597
Wow, you look...
102
00:04:22,016 --> 00:04:24,645
adorable.
103
00:04:24,646 --> 00:04:26,816
So...
104
00:04:26,817 --> 00:04:28,528
come adore me.
105
00:04:28,529 --> 00:04:30,657
Are these fake candles?
106
00:04:30,658 --> 00:04:32,202
I don't wanna be in
the throes of passion
107
00:04:32,203 --> 00:04:34,247
and have my hair catch fire.
108
00:04:34,248 --> 00:04:37,045
Come on. We just graduated.
109
00:04:37,046 --> 00:04:38,924
We're starting our future together.
110
00:04:38,925 --> 00:04:41,178
My parents are off at my
sister's rap recital.
111
00:04:41,179 --> 00:04:43,892
- Right.
- I say we celebrate.
112
00:04:43,893 --> 00:04:48,694
? ?
113
00:04:52,243 --> 00:04:53,662
I love you.
114
00:04:53,663 --> 00:04:57,418
I love you too. [CHUCKLES]
115
00:04:57,419 --> 00:04:59,841
? ?
116
00:04:59,842 --> 00:05:01,719
Is everything okay?
117
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:03,222
Um,
118
00:05:03,223 --> 00:05:04,767
it's, it's just, um,
119
00:05:04,768 --> 00:05:07,898
it's just kinda weird doing it here.
120
00:05:07,899 --> 00:05:11,238
It's sort of weird to
have sex in my bedroom?
121
00:05:11,239 --> 00:05:12,992
Your childhood bedroom.
122
00:05:12,993 --> 00:05:15,581
There's stuff animals watching us.
123
00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:17,877
I can get rid of them,
I'll throw them away.
124
00:05:17,878 --> 00:05:19,589
Yeah, it's already in my head.
125
00:05:19,590 --> 00:05:22,010
You've been in my room
like a thousand times.
126
00:05:22,011 --> 00:05:24,014
I never thought about it until now.
127
00:05:24,015 --> 00:05:26,226
Then let me distract you.
128
00:05:26,227 --> 00:05:28,607
No more thinking.
129
00:05:28,608 --> 00:05:30,484
[SHRILL ALARM]
130
00:05:30,485 --> 00:05:32,907
Oh!
131
00:05:32,908 --> 00:05:35,036
These stupid Amber alerts all the time!
132
00:05:35,037 --> 00:05:36,748
We're nowhere near Fresno!
133
00:05:36,749 --> 00:05:39,837
Amber alert. See, now
I'm really in my head.
134
00:05:39,838 --> 00:05:41,633
[SMALL LAUGH]
135
00:05:41,634 --> 00:05:43,762
Hey, don't, don't worry
about it, you know?
136
00:05:43,763 --> 00:05:45,682
We're gonna have our
whole life together.
137
00:05:45,683 --> 00:05:48,063
Yeah. Totally.
138
00:05:48,731 --> 00:05:50,191
What the eff? The rummy bears
139
00:05:50,192 --> 00:05:51,945
are supposed to be for the party.
140
00:05:51,946 --> 00:05:54,199
- We decided to opt out.
- Opt out of the last time
141
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,411
we're all going to be together?
142
00:05:56,412 --> 00:05:59,209
No, no, no, no. This could
be the night of our lives.
143
00:05:59,210 --> 00:06:00,461
What could be different about tonight?
144
00:06:00,462 --> 00:06:02,006
Well, for one thing,
145
00:06:02,007 --> 00:06:03,718
they're legally obligated to let us in.
146
00:06:03,719 --> 00:06:05,555
Yeah, and tonight we leave our mark.
147
00:06:05,556 --> 00:06:07,225
Starting tomorrow, everyone
goes their separate ways.
148
00:06:07,226 --> 00:06:08,895
Do you really want
everybody remembering us
149
00:06:08,896 --> 00:06:10,189
as the nerds who spent all their time
150
00:06:10,190 --> 00:06:11,901
in Stymie's finished basement?
151
00:06:11,902 --> 00:06:13,863
I'm not gonna pretend
that doesn't sting.
152
00:06:13,864 --> 00:06:15,534
No one's gonna have their phones.
153
00:06:15,535 --> 00:06:17,370
No photos. We'll just
tell them we were there.
154
00:06:17,371 --> 00:06:19,750
I'll know. And I'll miss you guys.
155
00:06:19,751 --> 00:06:21,169
Tonight I'm building my legacy,
156
00:06:21,170 --> 00:06:22,715
and I want you there with me.
157
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,552
Tonight we're not just gonna be the guys
158
00:06:24,553 --> 00:06:26,848
who sit at the table at the
back of the cafeteria!
159
00:06:26,849 --> 00:06:29,019
I wanna hang out with people
I never even talked to,
160
00:06:29,020 --> 00:06:31,398
because otherwise, I might not get to.
161
00:06:31,399 --> 00:06:33,945
And I'm not gonna be scared
to ask a girl to dance,
162
00:06:33,946 --> 00:06:36,325
because you know what?
She might say yes.
163
00:06:36,326 --> 00:06:39,623
Tonight, we get to really show
people how awesome we are.
164
00:06:39,624 --> 00:06:41,961
Grad night is gonna
be something special.
165
00:06:41,962 --> 00:06:43,882
Bryce knows it, I know it,
166
00:06:43,883 --> 00:06:46,219
and deep down, I know you know it too.
167
00:06:46,220 --> 00:06:47,890
[GASPS] Pass.
168
00:06:47,891 --> 00:06:49,810
- Come on, man!
- All right, fine.
169
00:06:49,811 --> 00:06:53,526
Stay here, and never unmask
the woman of your dreams...
170
00:06:53,527 --> 00:06:58,703
Cosplay_queen_7.
171
00:06:58,704 --> 00:07:01,458
Oh. You're obsessed with her Tumbler.
172
00:07:01,459 --> 00:07:03,087
Tonight is your last night
173
00:07:03,088 --> 00:07:04,965
to find out who she is.
174
00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:07,220
[LIGHT MUSIC]
175
00:07:07,221 --> 00:07:08,431
Jonas...
176
00:07:10,978 --> 00:07:13,190
Our destiny awaits.
177
00:07:13,191 --> 00:07:15,320
[LAUGHTER]
178
00:07:16,322 --> 00:07:18,576
Whoo! [LAUGHING]
179
00:07:18,577 --> 00:07:20,037
CASSIE: Tequila-filled water bras...
180
00:07:20,038 --> 00:07:21,958
definitely one of your better ideas.
181
00:07:21,959 --> 00:07:24,672
Is it OCD that I think I need
matching tequila panties?
182
00:07:24,673 --> 00:07:26,634
Didn't you end up with
those on your birthday?
183
00:07:26,635 --> 00:07:28,053
'Cause you drunk peed yourself?
184
00:07:28,054 --> 00:07:29,974
I got it.
185
00:07:29,975 --> 00:07:32,103
Are you sure you can't come
to my graduation dinner
186
00:07:32,104 --> 00:07:34,775
and talk me up? Christian
won the biology prize
187
00:07:34,776 --> 00:07:37,614
the Spanish prize, and the
Student Leadership prize.
188
00:07:37,615 --> 00:07:39,367
My mom told me my graduation gown
189
00:07:39,368 --> 00:07:41,454
was less unflattering than expected.
190
00:07:41,455 --> 00:07:43,501
I'm sorry, I can't.
191
00:07:43,502 --> 00:07:45,379
Thanks to my parents' lawyers,
192
00:07:45,380 --> 00:07:47,926
I have to have dinner with
each of them separately.
193
00:07:47,927 --> 00:07:49,972
And then I'm meeting Fig at the diner.
194
00:07:49,973 --> 00:07:51,851
Perfect place to hang out with a friend
195
00:07:51,852 --> 00:07:53,813
you're secretly in love with.
196
00:07:53,814 --> 00:07:56,193
Or a friend you're very close with,
197
00:07:56,194 --> 00:07:58,071
and that's a beautiful thing as-is?
198
00:07:58,072 --> 00:07:59,909
Beautiful and painful.
199
00:07:59,910 --> 00:08:01,494
Come on, make a move already!
200
00:08:01,495 --> 00:08:03,833
Time to take a chance. It's too risky.
201
00:08:03,834 --> 00:08:05,545
Remember when you told Amanda Daniels
202
00:08:05,546 --> 00:08:07,173
you wanted to hold her soul?
203
00:08:07,174 --> 00:08:09,511
I still can't walk past
that Sunglass Hut.
204
00:08:09,512 --> 00:08:12,726
Exactly. Fig is way too important to me.
205
00:08:12,727 --> 00:08:15,815
I can't have him be my Sunglass Hut.
206
00:08:15,816 --> 00:08:18,070
You're thinking about
Amanda Daniels, aren't you?
207
00:08:18,071 --> 00:08:20,032
Her eyes were like the sun.
208
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,827
[BOTH GIGGLING]
209
00:08:21,828 --> 00:08:24,207
SAPERSTEIN: 12 hours.
Sounds like nothing,
210
00:08:24,208 --> 00:08:26,086
but when you've got 300 students
211
00:08:26,087 --> 00:08:28,675
hopped up on nothing but
off-brand soda and feelings,
212
00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:30,261
it's an eternity.
213
00:08:30,262 --> 00:08:32,223
Is all of... this [ELECTRONIC SQUEAL]
214
00:08:32,224 --> 00:08:33,893
really necessary? I mean...
215
00:08:33,894 --> 00:08:36,607
I thought we couldn't
afford football helmets.
216
00:08:36,608 --> 00:08:38,151
- Mr. Lewis.
- Yeah.
217
00:08:38,152 --> 00:08:39,738
I've been doing this for 15 years.
218
00:08:39,739 --> 00:08:42,953
The entire point of
the all-night lock-in
219
00:08:42,954 --> 00:08:45,332
is to provide a safe
environment with no drinking.
220
00:08:45,333 --> 00:08:47,461
[SQUEAL] This year,
221
00:08:47,462 --> 00:08:49,299
no one is sneaking in alcohol.
222
00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:51,177
- Hi, Melinda.
- Hi.
223
00:08:51,178 --> 00:08:53,181
- New yearbooks?
- Yes, ma'am.
224
00:08:53,182 --> 00:08:55,896
Practically overflowing with memories.
225
00:08:59,529 --> 00:09:01,197
I just ate two steaks,
226
00:09:01,198 --> 00:09:02,826
two kale salads,
227
00:09:02,827 --> 00:09:05,832
a double chocolate cake,
and a baked Alaska.
228
00:09:05,833 --> 00:09:08,003
I've never been more full in
my entire life right now.
229
00:09:08,004 --> 00:09:09,923
Good. I ordered us mozzarella sticks
230
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:12,303
and nacho fries.
Guess I'm not that full.
231
00:09:12,304 --> 00:09:13,640
- [LAUGHS]
- I'll eat it.
232
00:09:13,641 --> 00:09:15,267
Hey.
233
00:09:15,268 --> 00:09:16,562
Thanks for playing interference earlier.
234
00:09:16,563 --> 00:09:18,398
I saw you swoop in so my dad
235
00:09:18,399 --> 00:09:20,361
- wouldn't see Harry was there.
- It's no problem, okay?
236
00:09:20,362 --> 00:09:22,198
Your mom's boyfriend and I are bros.
237
00:09:22,199 --> 00:09:24,410
We're going waterskiing together.
238
00:09:24,411 --> 00:09:27,083
Careful. That's literally
how he got my mom.
239
00:09:27,084 --> 00:09:28,753
Like, that was the date they went on.
240
00:09:28,754 --> 00:09:30,422
Speaking of aquatics...
241
00:09:30,423 --> 00:09:32,009
check this out.
242
00:09:32,010 --> 00:09:34,138
Yes. How much does that thing hold?
243
00:09:34,139 --> 00:09:36,351
Definitely not enough
for the entire night,
244
00:09:36,352 --> 00:09:40,860
but I think we've got a
few hours per... cup.
245
00:09:40,861 --> 00:09:43,323
Are you gonna put it on?
246
00:09:43,324 --> 00:09:44,827
Right here?
247
00:09:44,828 --> 00:09:46,079
- Right now?
- Yeah.
248
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:47,582
Why not?
249
00:09:47,583 --> 00:09:50,087
I will. Right now.
250
00:09:50,088 --> 00:09:52,007
Why didn't you sign up
to play Grad Night?
251
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,970
I don't think the Vista
View Rec Center's
252
00:09:53,971 --> 00:09:55,515
the place for my music.
253
00:09:55,516 --> 00:09:57,686
The flyer said "frothy."
254
00:09:57,687 --> 00:09:59,732
It's really best to leave the frothiness
255
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:01,902
for people like Roni Sweetzer.
256
00:10:01,903 --> 00:10:03,656
Oh, I'm sorry.
257
00:10:03,657 --> 00:10:05,702
I forgot I was speaking to the president
258
00:10:05,703 --> 00:10:07,246
of the Roni fan club.
259
00:10:07,247 --> 00:10:09,459
I respect her.
260
00:10:09,460 --> 00:10:11,212
- As an artist.
- See, I don't get that.
261
00:10:11,213 --> 00:10:13,760
She's a hot girl who plays
Chainsmokers covers
262
00:10:13,761 --> 00:10:15,220
on a ukulele.
263
00:10:15,221 --> 00:10:16,807
Not exactly Van Gogh.
264
00:10:16,808 --> 00:10:19,772
I dunno. I think they're pretty good.
265
00:10:19,773 --> 00:10:21,776
Ta-da! How do they look?
266
00:10:21,777 --> 00:10:25,282
Wow! [LAUGHING] You are literally
267
00:10:25,283 --> 00:10:27,036
the most talented person alive.
268
00:10:27,037 --> 00:10:28,707
I know.
269
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:35,595
SAPERSTEIN: People,
have your phones out.
270
00:10:35,596 --> 00:10:37,181
You'll get them back in the morning.
271
00:10:37,182 --> 00:10:39,686
Once you are in, you
are in for the night.
272
00:10:39,687 --> 00:10:41,982
[ELECTRONIC WHINE] All alcohol, drug,
273
00:10:41,983 --> 00:10:45,322
and drug-related paraphernalia
must be discarded,
274
00:10:45,323 --> 00:10:48,078
or I will do it for you.
275
00:10:48,079 --> 00:10:49,957
Happy Grad Night!
276
00:10:49,958 --> 00:10:51,125
Next.
277
00:10:51,126 --> 00:10:52,838
Just need to tag
278
00:10:52,839 --> 00:10:54,883
- one more person...
- I need your phone.
279
00:10:54,884 --> 00:10:57,681
- Ha ha. Hold on.
- Enjoy your screen-free
280
00:10:57,682 --> 00:10:59,475
quality time with your classmates.
281
00:10:59,476 --> 00:11:02,106
- Next.
- Okay.
282
00:11:02,107 --> 00:11:03,818
Ready to start a legacy?
283
00:11:03,819 --> 00:11:06,322
My legacy is a sweet...
284
00:11:06,323 --> 00:11:08,493
- Enjoy your night.
- Sinister mistress
285
00:11:08,494 --> 00:11:10,707
called revenge. Ever heard of it?
286
00:11:10,708 --> 00:11:13,003
Is this about Coach Lewis
docking your grade?
287
00:11:13,004 --> 00:11:14,882
You still got in at Dartmouth.
Let it go.
288
00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:16,927
I will. Once I cause him
289
00:11:16,928 --> 00:11:18,806
deep and profound
290
00:11:18,807 --> 00:11:20,602
humiliation.
291
00:11:20,603 --> 00:11:23,189
- How are you gonna do that?
- Next.
292
00:11:23,190 --> 00:11:26,321
Aren't you Mr. Lewis' wife?
293
00:11:26,322 --> 00:11:29,036
I'm Bryce. Lovely night for an evening.
294
00:11:29,704 --> 00:11:31,707
Enjoy your screen free quality time
295
00:11:31,708 --> 00:11:33,084
with your classmates.
296
00:11:33,085 --> 00:11:34,588
Thank you, ma'am.
297
00:11:34,589 --> 00:11:37,176
What am I saying? Thank you... miss.
298
00:11:37,177 --> 00:11:39,765
Ha. Next.
299
00:11:39,766 --> 00:11:42,269
[HOT BLOODED ANIMALS' "WOLFGANG BLACK"]
300
00:11:42,270 --> 00:11:44,775
[ELECTRONIC WHINING]
301
00:11:44,776 --> 00:11:47,488
HA. CHORUS: ? Oh oh oh oh ?
302
00:11:47,489 --> 00:11:49,785
- ? You got me fallin'... ?
- Tooth decay never rests.
303
00:11:49,786 --> 00:11:51,872
CHORUS: ? For you ?
304
00:11:51,873 --> 00:11:54,126
? Shake your body close now ?
305
00:11:54,127 --> 00:11:57,341
? Oh oh oh oh, you got me hypnotized ?
306
00:11:57,342 --> 00:12:00,430
? Oh oh oh oh oh oh ?
307
00:12:00,431 --> 00:12:02,351
? ?
308
00:12:02,352 --> 00:12:04,188
Nine tubes of toothpaste?
309
00:12:04,189 --> 00:12:06,359
Hey! Two of those are real.
310
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:08,321
Gentlemen, you remember the CPR class
311
00:12:08,322 --> 00:12:10,200
I took down here? I snuck
down to the basement
312
00:12:10,201 --> 00:12:13,081
and stashed a few bottles
of the crazy sauce.
313
00:12:13,082 --> 00:12:15,795
- Seriously?
- MELINDA: Bryce!
314
00:12:15,796 --> 00:12:17,717
Wanna buy a yearbook?
315
00:12:18,927 --> 00:12:20,764
[EXHALES]
316
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:26,315
Melinda. Or should I say...
317
00:12:26,316 --> 00:12:28,111
Ma-Life Ruiner?
318
00:12:28,112 --> 00:12:30,198
It's over. I made the
speech and everything.
319
00:12:30,199 --> 00:12:31,994
It's time to move on.
320
00:12:31,995 --> 00:12:35,417
You were valedictorian by
100th of a decimal point,
321
00:12:35,418 --> 00:12:37,421
a fraction that only exists
322
00:12:37,422 --> 00:12:40,135
because Mr. Lewis docked me half a grade
323
00:12:40,136 --> 00:12:42,097
for forgetting my sneakers.
324
00:12:42,098 --> 00:12:43,768
Twice.
325
00:12:43,769 --> 00:12:47,066
I took college chem!
326
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:49,696
Cosplay_queen_7.
327
00:12:49,697 --> 00:12:52,702
Internet goddess, you
have eluded us thus far.
328
00:12:52,703 --> 00:12:54,873
Four years of cosplay perfection
329
00:12:54,874 --> 00:12:56,960
and brilliant fan fiction.
330
00:12:56,961 --> 00:12:58,506
Four years wherein you hid your face
331
00:12:58,507 --> 00:13:00,342
behind your carefully crafted masks
332
00:13:00,343 --> 00:13:01,970
and fantastical wigs.
333
00:13:01,971 --> 00:13:03,306
Four years of longing.
334
00:13:03,307 --> 00:13:06,020
And tonight... we will find you.
335
00:13:06,021 --> 00:13:09,485
Exhibit A, posted November 3, 2016.
336
00:13:09,486 --> 00:13:11,447
In addition to the
outstanding craftsmanship
337
00:13:11,448 --> 00:13:13,159
- on her neck piece...
- The boots
338
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,832
- were exceptional, too.
- Cosplay_queen_7
339
00:13:15,833 --> 00:13:18,128
reveals our school
insignia in the background
340
00:13:18,129 --> 00:13:20,298
of her post. Exhibit B.
341
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:23,471
Cosplay_queen_7 has
mentioned high school
342
00:13:23,472 --> 00:13:25,308
- three times.
- Thrice.
343
00:13:25,309 --> 00:13:27,354
And the dates of these mentions
344
00:13:27,355 --> 00:13:28,858
lead us to believe she's our year.
345
00:13:28,859 --> 00:13:30,570
She'll be here tonight.
346
00:13:30,571 --> 00:13:32,197
So it's on us to find...
347
00:13:32,198 --> 00:13:34,076
the holy grail...
348
00:13:34,077 --> 00:13:37,876
the distinct birthmark on her
upper thigh/lower cheek.
349
00:13:37,877 --> 00:13:39,378
We've gone on a lot of missions,
350
00:13:39,379 --> 00:13:41,717
but this will be our greatest triumph.
351
00:13:41,718 --> 00:13:43,637
Why couldn't the birth
mark be on her shoulder?
352
00:13:43,638 --> 00:13:46,017
Because all great
warriors face obstacles.
353
00:13:46,018 --> 00:13:48,981
And I have devised a plan.
354
00:13:48,982 --> 00:13:51,528
- What?
- Girls will be changing
355
00:13:51,529 --> 00:13:53,949
in the locker room to go in the pool.
356
00:13:53,950 --> 00:13:57,247
I'll crawl and shimmy my
way into my lady's heart.
357
00:13:57,248 --> 00:13:59,084
This is all kinds of creepy.
358
00:13:59,085 --> 00:14:01,548
My future wife is somewhere
in this rec center.
359
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:03,761
Mine too.
360
00:14:03,762 --> 00:14:06,141
Who's suspect number one?
361
00:14:08,437 --> 00:14:11,652
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
362
00:14:11,653 --> 00:14:14,991
Boys, I think these
oranges have gone bad.
363
00:14:14,992 --> 00:14:16,828
I prefer them that way.
364
00:14:16,829 --> 00:14:20,126
It actually adds more nutrition.
365
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:22,381
Go in.
366
00:14:22,382 --> 00:14:26,848
? ?
367
00:14:26,849 --> 00:14:28,267
- How much is the cover?
- This is a school-sponsored
368
00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:30,355
event, there isn't a cover.
369
00:14:30,356 --> 00:14:32,652
- So anyone can get in?
- Yes, provided they turn over
370
00:14:32,653 --> 00:14:34,614
their cell phone,
anyone who wants to get
371
00:14:34,615 --> 00:14:36,492
in the party can drink as much
fruit punch as they want.
372
00:14:36,493 --> 00:14:38,246
May I have your phone, please?
373
00:14:38,247 --> 00:14:39,624
Once you're in, you're in for the night.
374
00:14:39,625 --> 00:14:41,670
You get that, right?
375
00:14:41,671 --> 00:14:43,632
Good luck to you.
376
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:45,678
DEANNA: Fig doesn't even know Roni.
377
00:14:45,679 --> 00:14:48,266
Fine, they carpooled together
when they were, like, ten,
378
00:14:48,267 --> 00:14:50,353
but he only likes her
because she's pretty
379
00:14:50,354 --> 00:14:52,190
and plays a children's instrument.
380
00:14:52,191 --> 00:14:55,740
- [LAUGHS]
- What he and I have is real.
381
00:14:55,741 --> 00:14:59,121
It's a genuine connection built
on trust and friendship.
382
00:14:59,122 --> 00:15:01,125
- What he and I have is...
- Is irrelevant.
383
00:15:01,126 --> 00:15:03,171
'Cause he sees you as his sister.
384
00:15:03,172 --> 00:15:06,762
What you need is for him to
see you as his hot sister.
385
00:15:06,763 --> 00:15:08,557
You know what I mean.
386
00:15:08,558 --> 00:15:10,811
Oh, my God, Cass. There you are.
387
00:15:10,812 --> 00:15:12,648
They have a cartoonist.
We should totally do
388
00:15:12,649 --> 00:15:15,403
like a super funny one
of us as lab partners.
389
00:15:15,404 --> 00:15:17,240
I'm gonna go pee,
390
00:15:17,241 --> 00:15:19,663
and then I'll find ya after.
391
00:15:21,751 --> 00:15:23,670
I do not understand this friendship.
392
00:15:23,671 --> 00:15:26,510
She's fun. Back to you and Fig.
393
00:15:26,511 --> 00:15:28,346
It's the last night of high school.
394
00:15:28,347 --> 00:15:30,893
Your boobs look insane.
Just go for it, already.
395
00:15:30,894 --> 00:15:32,563
First of all, thank you.
396
00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:34,024
Your boobs look great too.
397
00:15:34,025 --> 00:15:35,861
- But...
- You don't wanna lose him
398
00:15:35,862 --> 00:15:37,280
as a friend. Deanna,
399
00:15:37,281 --> 00:15:39,201
you're taking a gap year in Berlin.
400
00:15:39,202 --> 00:15:40,704
Fig's going to college.
401
00:15:40,705 --> 00:15:42,583
Things are gonna change, regardless.
402
00:15:42,584 --> 00:15:44,629
Why not at least see if
you can be something
403
00:15:44,630 --> 00:15:49,012
before you explode with sexual
and emotional frustration?
404
00:15:49,013 --> 00:15:51,893
It's kinda your last shot.
405
00:15:51,894 --> 00:15:54,524
- You're right.
- Wait, seriously?
406
00:15:54,525 --> 00:15:57,989
- Actually.
- Yeah.
407
00:15:57,990 --> 00:16:02,122
Yeah! Me and my boobs are
gonna go tell Fig how I feel.
408
00:16:02,123 --> 00:16:04,085
[SOFTLY] Thank you.
409
00:16:06,089 --> 00:16:08,594
He called you adorable?
410
00:16:08,595 --> 00:16:11,056
What a monster. He was
trying to be sweet.
411
00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:13,854
Of course. Oz is so sweet.
412
00:16:13,855 --> 00:16:15,398
- I just meant...
- She just meant
413
00:16:15,399 --> 00:16:17,360
when was the last time you two smashed?
414
00:16:17,361 --> 00:16:20,033
It's... been a minute.
415
00:16:20,034 --> 00:16:21,828
Five weeks.
416
00:16:21,829 --> 00:16:24,041
We've barely even made out!
417
00:16:24,042 --> 00:16:27,172
I didn't notice at first.
We were both so busy.
418
00:16:27,173 --> 00:16:29,552
Then he started having
all these excuses.
419
00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:32,516
"We should spend our time
after prom with our friends."
420
00:16:32,517 --> 00:16:34,478
"We shouldn't hook up
right after eating."
421
00:16:34,479 --> 00:16:37,067
"We should play one more game of Risk!"
422
00:16:37,068 --> 00:16:39,488
Everything used to be so amazing.
423
00:16:39,489 --> 00:16:41,743
- Did I do something wrong?
- [SIGHS] No!
424
00:16:41,744 --> 00:16:44,832
You're like a Disney princess.
425
00:16:44,833 --> 00:16:46,628
Your hair's fantastic and...
426
00:16:46,629 --> 00:16:48,464
you're braver than Mulan.
427
00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:51,638
Look... you two have been
together for a while now.
428
00:16:51,639 --> 00:16:55,228
Sometimes even with two
very attractive people,
429
00:16:55,229 --> 00:16:57,483
you tend to get into a little dry spell.
430
00:16:58,695 --> 00:17:00,363
I mean, I've heard.
431
00:17:00,364 --> 00:17:02,409
I've never actually
experienced it myself.
432
00:17:02,410 --> 00:17:05,123
This is supposed to be the
beginning of our life together.
433
00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:08,337
But... what if it's the
beginning of us drifting apart?
434
00:17:08,338 --> 00:17:10,466
You and Oz are perfect together.
435
00:17:10,467 --> 00:17:13,472
Just... stop trying to
choreograph everything
436
00:17:13,473 --> 00:17:15,769
with the fake candles and the lingerie.
437
00:17:15,770 --> 00:17:18,107
It's just too much pressure.
438
00:17:18,108 --> 00:17:21,155
Let things happen naturally.
Spontaneously.
439
00:17:21,156 --> 00:17:22,950
And then you'll get
back into your groove.
440
00:17:22,951 --> 00:17:24,954
You're right.
441
00:17:24,955 --> 00:17:27,543
I'm going to end the dry
spell with Oz tonight.
442
00:17:27,544 --> 00:17:30,089
Here. Spontaneously.
443
00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:36,771
? ?
444
00:17:41,947 --> 00:17:44,952
[MAN SINGING]
445
00:17:44,953 --> 00:17:51,966
? ?
446
00:17:51,967 --> 00:17:54,138
Hey, locker buddy.
447
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:58,354
Your locker's next to mine, right?
448
00:17:58,355 --> 00:18:00,567
No, it definitely is. Hey.
449
00:18:00,568 --> 00:18:03,782
? ?
450
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,828
You know that smell that
was there in March?
451
00:18:05,829 --> 00:18:07,623
That wasn't from my locker.
You know the one
452
00:18:07,624 --> 00:18:09,669
that smelled like manure
but almost kinda saltier?
453
00:18:09,670 --> 00:18:12,800
Not me. Just in case you were
thinking it was, it wasn't.
454
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:14,887
FYI.
455
00:18:14,888 --> 00:18:16,683
Good to know.
456
00:18:16,684 --> 00:18:18,896
It's nice to see you.
457
00:18:20,525 --> 00:18:22,277
I wouldn't have thought
this was your scene.
458
00:18:22,278 --> 00:18:24,615
You know what'd make it more my scene?
459
00:18:24,616 --> 00:18:26,703
- A drink.
- Yeah?
460
00:18:26,704 --> 00:18:28,582
Well, I can get you a drink or ten.
461
00:18:28,583 --> 00:18:31,378
I've got a stash in the basement.
462
00:18:31,379 --> 00:18:34,259
Seriously? That would be amazing!
463
00:18:34,260 --> 00:18:36,848
The door to the basement's
behind those speakers.
464
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:39,980
I'll sneak down and get it
as soon as the heat clears.
465
00:18:41,441 --> 00:18:43,612
You're the man, Cory!
466
00:18:43,613 --> 00:18:45,198
It's Cody.
467
00:18:45,199 --> 00:18:48,079
Cody with an O-dy.
468
00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:55,595
Oh.
469
00:18:56,931 --> 00:18:58,934
To the end of an era.
470
00:18:58,935 --> 00:19:00,479
To new beginnings.
471
00:19:03,861 --> 00:19:05,906
Force suspect number one to retreat.
472
00:19:05,907 --> 00:19:09,120
She'll be in the locker room
in T-minus five minutes.
473
00:19:09,121 --> 00:19:10,999
You know what I was
thinking about earlier?
474
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,254
- What?
- That party at Sully's house
475
00:19:13,255 --> 00:19:15,592
- in eighth grade.
- Oh, yeah!
476
00:19:15,593 --> 00:19:17,721
Yeah, the one where you, where you cried
477
00:19:17,722 --> 00:19:20,184
'cause Cassie got her period,
and you hadn't had yours yet?
478
00:19:20,185 --> 00:19:22,105
That was, that was really funny.
479
00:19:22,106 --> 00:19:25,194
No. No, not that party, the other one.
480
00:19:25,195 --> 00:19:27,658
- Where we kissed.
- Oh, yeah.
481
00:19:27,659 --> 00:19:29,871
Man... that was awkward.
482
00:19:29,872 --> 00:19:31,833
Yeah. Maybe a little.
483
00:19:31,834 --> 00:19:35,464
Didn't you... try to lick my eyeball?
484
00:19:35,465 --> 00:19:37,010
I read about it in a magazine.
485
00:19:37,011 --> 00:19:39,724
You were the one who tried to feel me up
486
00:19:39,725 --> 00:19:41,226
before even kissing me.
487
00:19:41,227 --> 00:19:42,813
It was my first time drinking.
488
00:19:42,814 --> 00:19:45,569
Felt like your first time kissing.
489
00:19:45,570 --> 00:19:47,322
You banged your teeth into mine.
490
00:19:47,323 --> 00:19:50,036
You tried to swallow my tonsils.
491
00:19:50,037 --> 00:19:52,625
All right. I am a very skilled kisser.
492
00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:55,923
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
493
00:19:55,924 --> 00:19:58,010
- Prove it.
- [LAUGHS] What?
494
00:19:58,011 --> 00:19:59,429
Wha, seriously?
495
00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:02,268
- Yeah.
- All right.
496
00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:04,189
Okay. I, right.
497
00:20:04,190 --> 00:20:07,780
Just, uh... you asked for it.
498
00:20:07,781 --> 00:20:10,242
Uh...
499
00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:12,288
WOMAN: ? I'm not the type of girl... ?
500
00:20:12,289 --> 00:20:14,877
Wow. This is so hot, I'm all aquiver.
501
00:20:14,878 --> 00:20:16,631
Just close your eyes.
502
00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:18,175
- Okay.
- All right.
503
00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:20,221
WOMAN: ? And give you my love ?
504
00:20:20,222 --> 00:20:21,849
? When you look my way ?
505
00:20:21,850 --> 00:20:24,145
? I sit there and unwind... ?
506
00:20:24,146 --> 00:20:26,651
[GASPS] What the hell?
507
00:20:26,652 --> 00:20:28,445
Oh, no, alas, my beverage!
508
00:20:28,446 --> 00:20:32,037
WOMAN: ? Always in the back of my mind ?
509
00:20:37,590 --> 00:20:39,467
Man... that sucks.
510
00:20:39,468 --> 00:20:42,432
- Yeah. It's totally ruined.
- Yeah.
511
00:20:42,433 --> 00:20:45,146
And you'll continue to live
512
00:20:45,147 --> 00:20:47,108
under the tragic misconception
513
00:20:47,109 --> 00:20:49,780
that I'm a bad kisser.
514
00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:52,578
Anyway, you wanna get some food?
515
00:20:52,579 --> 00:20:54,623
CHORUS: ? I don't wanna
know your name... ?
516
00:20:54,624 --> 00:20:56,878
I have to deal with this.
517
00:20:56,879 --> 00:20:59,675
Oh. Here.
518
00:20:59,676 --> 00:21:01,386
Take my shirt.
519
00:21:01,387 --> 00:21:04,142
And, dude, guard that with your life,
520
00:21:04,143 --> 00:21:05,604
or I swear I'll never talk to you again.
521
00:21:05,605 --> 00:21:07,733
Obviously.
522
00:21:07,734 --> 00:21:10,321
Obviously. I'm gonna go change.
523
00:21:10,322 --> 00:21:11,783
All right.
524
00:21:11,784 --> 00:21:15,331
? ?
525
00:21:15,332 --> 00:21:17,669
Cosplay_queen_7 suspect number one
526
00:21:17,670 --> 00:21:19,130
has been doused.
527
00:21:19,131 --> 00:21:21,384
She's headed for Themyscira.
528
00:21:21,385 --> 00:21:23,472
- What is Themyscira again?
- JONAS: Where Wonder Woman
529
00:21:23,473 --> 00:21:25,434
was born, the land of only women!
530
00:21:25,435 --> 00:21:28,942
Ah ha, got it. We're so clever.
531
00:21:28,943 --> 00:21:32,031
CHORUS: ? I don't wanna know your name ?
532
00:21:32,032 --> 00:21:35,246
? I don't wanna know your name ?
533
00:21:35,247 --> 00:21:38,210
? I don't wanna know your name ?
534
00:21:38,211 --> 00:21:41,383
? I don't wanna know your name ?
535
00:21:41,384 --> 00:21:44,430
? Technicolored eyes ?
536
00:21:44,431 --> 00:21:47,771
? That are not the same... ?
537
00:21:47,772 --> 00:21:50,777
[MUSIC CONTINUES, MUFFLED]
538
00:21:50,778 --> 00:21:54,033
? ?
539
00:21:54,034 --> 00:21:57,123
? I don't wanna know your name ?
540
00:21:57,124 --> 00:21:59,753
? I don't wanna know your name ?
541
00:21:59,754 --> 00:22:00,756
? I don't wanna... ?
542
00:22:02,635 --> 00:22:04,429
[DOOR THUDS CLOSED]
543
00:22:04,430 --> 00:22:06,183
Oh, shit.
544
00:22:06,184 --> 00:22:07,769
Oh, shit!
545
00:22:07,770 --> 00:22:09,231
[BOTTLES CLINK]
546
00:22:10,776 --> 00:22:12,153
Hey.
547
00:22:12,154 --> 00:22:14,240
- What's up?
- You look like
548
00:22:14,241 --> 00:22:16,203
you could use a good, stiff yearbook.
549
00:22:16,204 --> 00:22:18,248
- 'Scuse me?
- I meant it as a play
550
00:22:18,249 --> 00:22:20,503
off of good, stiff drink.
Not like an erection.
551
00:22:20,504 --> 00:22:22,256
I don't think you need help with that.
552
00:22:22,257 --> 00:22:24,469
I mean, I, [STAMMERS] I have a yearbook.
553
00:22:24,470 --> 00:22:27,141
- Thanks, though.
- Um, but maybe you just
554
00:22:27,142 --> 00:22:28,687
want to window shop it?
555
00:22:31,150 --> 00:22:32,778
- How much?
- 100 bucks.
556
00:22:32,779 --> 00:22:34,949
[LIGHT LAUGH] You know, a wise woman
557
00:22:34,950 --> 00:22:36,827
did once tell me
558
00:22:36,828 --> 00:22:39,415
that I should seize all
opportunities coming my way.
559
00:22:39,416 --> 00:22:42,923
You were actually listening
to my graduation speech?
560
00:22:42,924 --> 00:22:45,887
Course I was. It was great.
561
00:22:45,888 --> 00:22:48,893
[SOFT MUSIC]
562
00:22:48,894 --> 00:22:51,356
? ?
563
00:22:51,357 --> 00:22:53,402
[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]
564
00:22:53,403 --> 00:22:54,613
Move it, you need to jiggle it!
565
00:22:54,614 --> 00:22:56,645
I'm jiggling! There aren't
a ton of ways to jiggle.
566
00:22:56,646 --> 00:22:57,867
Let's just try calling someone.
567
00:22:57,868 --> 00:23:01,293
- They have our phones.
- Not what I meant.
568
00:23:01,294 --> 00:23:03,338
Help. Help!
569
00:23:03,339 --> 00:23:05,342
BOTH: [SHOUTING] Help!
570
00:23:05,343 --> 00:23:08,098
MAN: ? I don't wanna know your name ?
571
00:23:08,099 --> 00:23:11,522
? I don't wanna know your name ?
572
00:23:11,523 --> 00:23:13,191
? I don't wanna know your name... ?
573
00:23:13,192 --> 00:23:15,822
[UPBEAT ROCK/POP MUSIC]
574
00:23:15,823 --> 00:23:22,837
? ?
575
00:23:22,887 --> 00:23:27,437
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