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1
00:00:01,522 --> 00:00:03,090
You ready, big boy?
2
00:00:03,124 --> 00:00:05,726
- Here comes the heat.
- [Sighs]
3
00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:07,861
Oh, yeah.
4
00:00:07,896 --> 00:00:09,596
Ah!
5
00:00:09,631 --> 00:00:10,797
Ah.
6
00:00:10,832 --> 00:00:13,760
Eeh-ow. Oh, it's coming at you.
7
00:00:13,776 --> 00:00:14,812
Whatever.
8
00:00:20,073 --> 00:00:21,774
Oh! Your point!
9
00:00:21,808 --> 00:00:23,509
- I scored?
- You totally scored.
10
00:00:23,543 --> 00:00:25,511
That was awesome.
Over-the-fence high five.
11
00:00:25,545 --> 00:00:26,812
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
12
00:00:26,847 --> 00:00:28,047
[Chuckles]
13
00:00:28,081 --> 00:00:29,682
We should get a dog.
14
00:00:29,716 --> 00:00:31,350
- Who should get a dog?
- All of us...
15
00:00:31,385 --> 00:00:35,054
you, me, and my mom.
16
00:00:35,088 --> 00:00:36,656
Life lesson coming at you, dear Marcus...
17
00:00:36,690 --> 00:00:38,524
what we have here is called a fence,
18
00:00:38,558 --> 00:00:40,660
and it's here because we are not an "us."
19
00:00:40,694 --> 00:00:43,329
You and your mom are an "us."
20
00:00:43,363 --> 00:00:44,830
I am just a Will.
21
00:00:44,865 --> 00:00:47,600
You wouldn't be just a Will
if the fence wasn't there.
22
00:00:47,634 --> 00:00:49,101
Well, barring a tornado,
23
00:00:49,136 --> 00:00:50,903
which is uncommon in this region,
24
00:00:50,938 --> 00:00:54,373
this baby isn't ever coming down, ever.
25
00:00:54,408 --> 00:00:56,642
It will when you marry my mom.
26
00:00:56,677 --> 00:01:01,547
I mean, if... If you marry my mom.
27
00:01:01,581 --> 00:01:03,649
Uh, listen, I got...
I... there's somewhere...
28
00:01:03,684 --> 00:01:05,284
I... there's a... I have a thing.
29
00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:06,886
I have a thing that's been very...
30
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:07,920
I have a Will thing.
31
00:01:07,955 --> 00:01:09,956
- Why don't we, uh...
- But wait.
32
00:01:09,990 --> 00:01:11,791
We're not done playing dad-minton.
33
00:01:11,825 --> 00:01:15,027
I-I mean, badminton. Badminton!
34
00:01:15,062 --> 00:01:17,730
Hey, Fiona. We... we got a situation.
35
00:01:17,764 --> 00:01:19,165
- Is Marcus okay?
- Nope.
36
00:01:19,199 --> 00:01:20,666
He thinks that I'm gonna be his father.
37
00:01:20,701 --> 00:01:21,834
Why does he think that?
38
00:01:21,868 --> 00:01:23,169
Because he's convinced that you and I
39
00:01:23,203 --> 00:01:24,804
- are gonna start dating.
- I mean, that's ridiculous.
40
00:01:24,838 --> 00:01:26,472
I would never date you, ever, ever.
41
00:01:26,506 --> 00:01:28,074
Well, Marcus does not know that.
42
00:01:28,108 --> 00:01:29,375
I think I know my son.
43
00:01:29,409 --> 00:01:31,110
Well, I think I know my neighbor, okay?
44
00:01:31,144 --> 00:01:33,045
Okay, and besides that,
45
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:34,680
Marcus knows that I don't date.
46
00:01:34,715 --> 00:01:36,716
- Uh... excuse me?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
47
00:01:36,750 --> 00:01:38,784
Yeah, I can understand why
you wouldn't understand that.
48
00:01:38,819 --> 00:01:41,754
I know your life is a revolving
door of sexual interludes...
49
00:01:41,788 --> 00:01:43,055
That's correct.
50
00:01:43,090 --> 00:01:45,791
But normal people, when they have children,
51
00:01:45,826 --> 00:01:47,226
things change.
52
00:01:47,261 --> 00:01:49,562
You take the sexual part of yourself,
53
00:01:49,596 --> 00:01:51,197
and you put it on pause.
54
00:01:51,231 --> 00:01:54,367
And exactly how long have you been on...
55
00:01:54,401 --> 00:01:55,668
[British accent] Pause?
56
00:01:55,702 --> 00:01:57,403
Well, I'm not gonna tell you that.
57
00:01:57,437 --> 00:01:58,871
[Normal voice] Since Marcus' dad?
58
00:01:58,905 --> 00:02:01,474
Tell me you haven't been on
sexual pause since Marcus' dad.
59
00:02:01,508 --> 00:02:03,109
Fiona, the kid... the kid is 9.
60
00:02:03,143 --> 00:02:05,411
He's not 9. He's 11.
61
00:02:05,445 --> 00:02:07,279
Why can you never remember that?
62
00:02:07,314 --> 00:02:10,383
- It's been 11 years?
- Well, of course not.
63
00:02:10,417 --> 00:02:14,854
Marcus' father and I have a
very complicated sexual past.
64
00:02:14,888 --> 00:02:16,155
- Oh, my...
- And I don't...
65
00:02:16,189 --> 00:02:17,356
it's none of your business.
66
00:02:17,391 --> 00:02:18,624
Well, it became my business
67
00:02:18,659 --> 00:02:20,826
when that little dude out
there called it "dad-minton."
68
00:02:20,861 --> 00:02:23,129
Look, if he's confused
about your role in his life,
69
00:02:23,163 --> 00:02:24,297
- that's on you.
- What?
70
00:02:24,331 --> 00:02:25,398
If he sees you as a father figure,
71
00:02:25,432 --> 00:02:26,399
it's 'cause you act like one.
72
00:02:26,433 --> 00:02:27,633
- No, I don't.
- Well, you do.
73
00:02:27,668 --> 00:02:28,834
You're always out there playing with him,
74
00:02:28,869 --> 00:02:30,102
and you take him to baseball games,
75
00:02:30,137 --> 00:02:32,872
and you build forts with my good pillows.
76
00:02:32,906 --> 00:02:34,840
You do father-son things together.
77
00:02:34,875 --> 00:02:37,076
We do kid-kid things together.
78
00:02:37,110 --> 00:02:39,245
Well, he doesn't see it like that.
79
00:02:39,279 --> 00:02:41,414
Actually, this is a good conversation
80
00:02:41,448 --> 00:02:42,848
that we're having right now
81
00:02:42,883 --> 00:02:46,085
because you need to stop
82
00:02:46,119 --> 00:02:48,187
acting like a father
83
00:02:48,221 --> 00:02:51,090
and start acting more like a neighbor,
84
00:02:51,124 --> 00:02:55,061
because your relationship
with my son is very unhealthy.
85
00:02:55,095 --> 00:02:57,296
Says Norma Bates.
86
00:02:57,331 --> 00:02:58,931
I'm gonna tell you something, okay?
87
00:02:58,966 --> 00:03:02,568
What you guys got going on
here is a Bates Motel situation.
88
00:03:02,602 --> 00:03:05,438
And I've seen Psycho. I
know how this ends, okay?
89
00:03:05,472 --> 00:03:07,573
And it's... [Shudders]
90
00:03:07,608 --> 00:03:09,842
I got to go take a
shower. And you know what?
91
00:03:09,876 --> 00:03:12,712
Now I can't even take a
shower 'cause I'm too scared.
92
00:03:12,746 --> 00:03:14,013
Listen...
93
00:03:14,047 --> 00:03:15,915
For Marcus' emotional
well-being and for my safety,
94
00:03:15,949 --> 00:03:18,451
will you please get laid?
95
00:03:18,485 --> 00:03:20,519
[Sighs] 11 year...
96
00:03:20,554 --> 00:03:23,789
- I can't go 11 days!
- [Door closes]
97
00:03:23,824 --> 00:03:26,892
[Brett Dennen's Comeback
Kid (That's My Dog)]
98
00:03:28,595 --> 00:03:31,097
Well, maybe it's the common curse
99
00:03:31,131 --> 00:03:34,100
Maybe things get bad
before they get worse
100
00:03:34,134 --> 00:03:36,335
I don't want to become someone
101
00:03:36,370 --> 00:03:39,438
Who can't live up to
what I already done, don't
102
00:03:39,473 --> 00:03:42,174
Here comes a comeback
103
00:03:42,209 --> 00:03:44,343
The kid is back, is back on track
104
00:03:44,378 --> 00:03:47,046
And there goes my hero
105
00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:50,608
He's the underdog, he's
coming out on top, and
106
00:03:50,655 --> 00:03:53,731
- Sync and corrections by madhatters -
- www.addic7ed.com -
107
00:03:55,273 --> 00:03:57,540
Legs out in front of you.
108
00:03:57,575 --> 00:04:01,411
And relax down into shavasana.
109
00:04:01,445 --> 00:04:03,680
[Sighs]
110
00:04:04,114 --> 00:04:07,250
This yoga stuff is amazing.
111
00:04:07,284 --> 00:04:09,519
I feel so at peace,
112
00:04:09,553 --> 00:04:11,587
like, centered, you know?
113
00:04:11,622 --> 00:04:13,356
Is it weird that I haven't had sex
114
00:04:13,390 --> 00:04:17,660
with anyone since Marcus' dad?
115
00:04:17,694 --> 00:04:19,929
- Well, honey...
- What?
116
00:04:19,963 --> 00:04:22,432
No. Things grow over.
117
00:04:22,466 --> 00:04:24,500
But no, no, I mean, I
know it's been a long time.
118
00:04:24,535 --> 00:04:26,469
I was... you know, I've been wondering
119
00:04:26,503 --> 00:04:28,938
about getting back out there, but...
120
00:04:28,972 --> 00:04:30,773
You make sacrifices, don't you?
121
00:04:30,808 --> 00:04:34,110
I mean, you put your own satisfaction aside
122
00:04:34,144 --> 00:04:37,180
- when you have children...
- Did you hear me?
123
00:04:37,214 --> 00:04:40,416
Things... Grow... Over.
124
00:04:40,451 --> 00:04:42,852
Okay, nobody panic.
125
00:04:42,886 --> 00:04:44,420
We just have to get you back out there.
126
00:04:44,455 --> 00:04:46,355
I need a list.
127
00:04:48,659 --> 00:04:51,227
Okay, every available man you know...
128
00:04:51,261 --> 00:04:52,395
Go.
129
00:04:52,429 --> 00:04:53,796
Well, I don't know anyone interesting.
130
00:04:53,831 --> 00:04:55,231
Nobody said anything about interesting.
131
00:04:55,265 --> 00:04:56,432
Did I say "interesting"? I said "man."
132
00:04:56,467 --> 00:04:57,667
That's it. Don't overthink it.
133
00:04:57,701 --> 00:04:59,569
No, no, no, I don't...
I don't want to do this.
134
00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:01,371
Fiona, for dinner
135
00:05:01,405 --> 00:05:03,172
and adult conversation?
136
00:05:03,207 --> 00:05:05,441
I'm not even addressing
the sex situation yet,
137
00:05:05,476 --> 00:05:06,642
so simmer down, hot sauce.
138
00:05:06,677 --> 00:05:08,244
We just have to get you back out there,
139
00:05:08,278 --> 00:05:09,445
back in the dating saddle.
140
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:11,414
Then we'll worry about the saddle saddle.
141
00:05:11,448 --> 00:05:13,082
You know what I mean? So come on.
142
00:05:13,117 --> 00:05:14,283
Who you got?
143
00:05:14,318 --> 00:05:16,719
There was a plumber here the other day.
144
00:05:16,754 --> 00:05:19,055
- He called me "hon."
- That's a good sign!
145
00:05:19,089 --> 00:05:20,223
He left his number.
146
00:05:20,257 --> 00:05:22,258
Lou... sexy name.
147
00:05:22,292 --> 00:05:23,893
Sexy Lou, the plumber.
148
00:05:23,927 --> 00:05:25,962
- Okay, w-what are you doing?
- You're asking him out.
149
00:05:25,996 --> 00:05:26,929
- No.
- Yes.
150
00:05:26,964 --> 00:05:28,931
Wha... hello? Lou?
151
00:05:28,966 --> 00:05:32,235
It's Fiona...
152
00:05:32,269 --> 00:05:34,737
From the other day.
153
00:05:34,772 --> 00:05:37,707
Yeah. The hair ball.
154
00:05:37,741 --> 00:05:39,876
Why am I calling? Um...
155
00:05:39,910 --> 00:05:42,979
I think I misdialed, actually.
156
00:05:43,013 --> 00:05:45,448
Yeah, I'm very sorry.
157
00:05:45,482 --> 00:05:48,718
[Gasps] Oh, you... what? Oh!
158
00:05:48,752 --> 00:05:51,020
Aw, there's water everywhere.
159
00:05:51,055 --> 00:05:53,856
I need a plumber. I know you're a plumber.
160
00:05:53,891 --> 00:05:56,759
Yeah, can you come over, then?
161
00:05:56,794 --> 00:05:57,894
Are you insane?
162
00:05:57,928 --> 00:06:00,196
No, but I am a frickin' matchmaker.
163
00:06:00,230 --> 00:06:02,498
Yes!
164
00:06:03,867 --> 00:06:05,268
Mm. No red meat for me.
165
00:06:05,302 --> 00:06:07,570
Laurie told me to knock ten
points off my cholesterol.
166
00:06:07,604 --> 00:06:09,439
I'll just throw some
tofu steaks on the grill.
167
00:06:09,473 --> 00:06:11,040
- Oh, really?
- No, not really.
168
00:06:11,075 --> 00:06:12,308
I'll eat his share. You know,
169
00:06:12,343 --> 00:06:14,811
you should really teach
me how to man the grill.
170
00:06:14,845 --> 00:06:16,279
It's something every boy
171
00:06:16,313 --> 00:06:17,947
should learn from an experienced griller.
172
00:06:17,981 --> 00:06:19,982
I don't think that's a good idea, Marcus.
173
00:06:20,017 --> 00:06:21,684
Come on, man, just teach
him how to man the...
174
00:06:21,719 --> 00:06:23,419
Thank you, Andy. Not a good idea.
175
00:06:23,454 --> 00:06:26,155
Look, Marcus, I'm not gonna be
around to monitor your grilling,
176
00:06:26,190 --> 00:06:27,890
so you're gonna have to
learn to grill from your mom.
177
00:06:27,925 --> 00:06:30,393
My mom doesn't believe in
charring animal carcass,
178
00:06:30,427 --> 00:06:31,594
but I do.
179
00:06:31,628 --> 00:06:33,496
We're just like each other in that way.
180
00:06:33,530 --> 00:06:35,765
See, our relationship needs to shift, then,
181
00:06:35,799 --> 00:06:37,333
because we're not grilling buddies.
182
00:06:37,368 --> 00:06:40,470
We are just neighbors.
183
00:06:40,504 --> 00:06:43,039
All right, fine.
184
00:06:43,073 --> 00:06:45,208
- Badminton?
- Oh, really-
185
00:06:45,242 --> 00:06:48,344
No, I am grilling, guys, alone here.
186
00:06:48,379 --> 00:06:50,913
With me. He means with me.
187
00:06:50,948 --> 00:06:52,148
When you say stuff like that,
188
00:06:52,182 --> 00:06:53,883
it makes me feel invisible
in this relationship.
189
00:06:53,917 --> 00:06:55,985
All right, fine. I'll just...
190
00:06:56,020 --> 00:06:59,289
I'll just play badminton by myself.
191
00:06:59,323 --> 00:07:02,659
Dude, that was really harsh.
It made me feel uncomfortable.
192
00:07:02,693 --> 00:07:06,129
Setting boundaries is
sometimes uncomfortable, okay?
193
00:07:06,163 --> 00:07:09,566
Can you please not be a puss?
194
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:11,801
Now I feel terribly depressed.
195
00:07:11,835 --> 00:07:14,904
Serve me up some charred carcass, please.
196
00:07:14,938 --> 00:07:16,839
Here.
197
00:07:16,874 --> 00:07:19,208
Laurie... Laurie will approve of that.
198
00:07:19,243 --> 00:07:20,476
- Hilarious.
- Yeah.
199
00:07:20,511 --> 00:07:23,146
This'll have no effect on your cholesterol.
200
00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:25,682
[Clears throat]
201
00:07:25,716 --> 00:07:27,417
So, Lou...
202
00:07:27,451 --> 00:07:30,320
Fiona tells me you're an amazing plumber.
203
00:07:30,354 --> 00:07:32,689
I hope that's not sarcasm,
'cause I stand by my work.
204
00:07:32,723 --> 00:07:34,724
And I appreciate you not
giving me a negative yelp review
205
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:36,492
until I have a chance to see
what's going on down here.
206
00:07:36,527 --> 00:07:39,262
Oh, it's not sarcasm at all.
207
00:07:39,296 --> 00:07:41,197
Will you just say something flirty?
208
00:07:41,231 --> 00:07:44,167
I wouldn't give you a negative review.
209
00:07:44,201 --> 00:07:46,269
Well, just as I thought.
210
00:07:46,303 --> 00:07:47,403
Look, I don't want to freak you out,
211
00:07:47,438 --> 00:07:49,172
but this is definitely an act of vandalism.
212
00:07:49,206 --> 00:07:50,673
Whatever happened down there was violent,
213
00:07:50,708 --> 00:07:52,008
and it was intentional.
214
00:07:52,042 --> 00:07:53,443
But I already did some work on the sink,
215
00:07:53,477 --> 00:07:55,545
so it's covered under my service warranty.
216
00:07:55,579 --> 00:07:57,280
- Yeah, and I can't do this.
- Yes, you can.
217
00:07:57,314 --> 00:07:58,748
- No. I can't.
- Please?
218
00:07:58,782 --> 00:08:00,083
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
219
00:08:00,117 --> 00:08:02,251
I can't make you pay for
this, because it was her.
220
00:08:02,286 --> 00:08:06,255
She did it, and she yanked my sprayer.
221
00:08:06,290 --> 00:08:08,691
- [Whistles]
- Oh.
222
00:08:08,726 --> 00:08:11,060
You guys have a little domestic skirmish?
223
00:08:11,095 --> 00:08:12,929
Oh, no, we're not... we're not domestic.
224
00:08:12,963 --> 00:08:15,965
Yeah, we're just... we're
two heterosexual girls
225
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,134
looking to meet a man
in this crazy-ass world.
226
00:08:18,168 --> 00:08:20,003
Well, why would you do
that to your own sink?
227
00:08:20,037 --> 00:08:21,404
I mean, it's a... it's a wonderful sink.
228
00:08:21,438 --> 00:08:24,107
She knew that I just... well,
I wanted to see you again.
229
00:08:24,141 --> 00:08:26,809
See? And here you are. Fate.
230
00:08:26,844 --> 00:08:30,813
I'm sorry. What... why would
you want to see me again?
231
00:08:33,317 --> 00:08:34,751
Oh.
232
00:08:34,785 --> 00:08:36,686
Me? Seriously?
233
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:39,155
Uh, well, I mean, you know,
234
00:08:39,189 --> 00:08:41,424
I'm still gonna have to charge
you for the... for the...
235
00:08:41,458 --> 00:08:43,927
for the sink, but how would
you like to go for dinner...
236
00:08:43,961 --> 00:08:45,061
Yes!
237
00:08:46,697 --> 00:08:48,099
[Knock at door]
238
00:08:48,124 --> 00:08:50,371
Darling? Can I come in?
239
00:08:51,669 --> 00:08:54,704
I just wanted to talk
to you about something.
240
00:08:54,738 --> 00:08:56,906
So...
241
00:08:56,941 --> 00:08:59,509
You and I are like two peas in a pod.
242
00:08:59,543 --> 00:09:02,412
And for the last 11 years,
it's been a very tight pod,
243
00:09:02,446 --> 00:09:04,881
probably tighter than is healthy.
244
00:09:04,915 --> 00:09:07,617
What I've come to realize is that sometimes
245
00:09:07,651 --> 00:09:10,053
it's important for one of the peas
246
00:09:10,087 --> 00:09:12,422
to venture briefly out of the pod
247
00:09:12,456 --> 00:09:15,592
to have dinner with a third-party pea.
248
00:09:15,626 --> 00:09:17,560
Do you understand what
I'm trying to say to you?
249
00:09:17,595 --> 00:09:19,729
I'm afraid you may have over-metaphored.
250
00:09:19,764 --> 00:09:21,931
Can you back up to the part
about the third-party pea?
251
00:09:21,966 --> 00:09:22,932
Oh, yeah.
252
00:09:22,967 --> 00:09:25,668
So the third-party pea is a man,
253
00:09:25,703 --> 00:09:28,238
and that man has asked me out for dinner.
254
00:09:28,272 --> 00:09:29,839
How do you feel about that?
255
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:32,675
How do I feel? I feel great!
256
00:09:32,710 --> 00:09:35,078
Oh, my gosh. Will is the pea!
257
00:09:35,112 --> 00:09:36,813
Will is the third-party pea!
258
00:09:36,847 --> 00:09:40,049
No, Marcus... Oh, bloody hell.
259
00:09:41,352 --> 00:09:43,853
[Doorknob jiggles]
260
00:09:43,888 --> 00:09:46,222
Will?
261
00:09:46,257 --> 00:09:48,091
Will, why is our door locked?
262
00:09:48,125 --> 00:09:50,860
Because I'm setting boundaries.
263
00:09:50,895 --> 00:09:53,830
[Gasps] How dare you cheat on my mother!
264
00:09:53,864 --> 00:09:56,633
Get your own pod! Get your own pod!
265
00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:58,501
- Okay.
- Mother?
266
00:09:58,535 --> 00:10:00,203
Shh.
267
00:10:02,533 --> 00:10:03,600
[Sighs]
268
00:10:03,634 --> 00:10:05,969
I don't like this, Marguerite.
269
00:10:06,003 --> 00:10:08,071
I don't like this at all.
270
00:10:08,105 --> 00:10:09,973
- [Doorbell rings]
- I'll be out in a minute!
271
00:10:10,007 --> 00:10:12,709
Marguerite, can you grab that?
272
00:10:16,781 --> 00:10:18,815
Oh. Hey, there, little fella.
273
00:10:18,850 --> 00:10:21,518
- Is your mom home?
- Mother's in the other room.
274
00:10:21,552 --> 00:10:23,186
She will be out momentarily.
275
00:10:23,221 --> 00:10:24,487
[Laughs] Okay.
276
00:10:25,590 --> 00:10:28,558
What's your name?
277
00:10:28,593 --> 00:10:29,893
Mine's Lou.
278
00:10:29,927 --> 00:10:31,361
Your name is of no interest to me.
279
00:10:31,395 --> 00:10:33,997
It would be a waste of my
time to commit it to memory,
280
00:10:34,031 --> 00:10:36,132
for you are merely a blip,
281
00:10:36,167 --> 00:10:39,736
a momentary pit stop on
the road to Wills-ville.
282
00:10:39,770 --> 00:10:41,104
Marcus!
283
00:10:41,139 --> 00:10:42,572
Hello.
284
00:10:42,607 --> 00:10:45,775
Uh, I'm sorry about that.
285
00:10:45,810 --> 00:10:47,210
Thank you for coming to pick me up.
286
00:10:47,245 --> 00:10:48,345
No problem. No problem.
287
00:10:48,379 --> 00:10:49,446
- You look good.
- Oh.
288
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,348
Like you made an effort.
289
00:10:51,382 --> 00:10:53,016
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
290
00:10:53,050 --> 00:10:55,752
You look like you made an effort too.
291
00:10:55,786 --> 00:10:56,987
[Both chuckle]
292
00:10:57,021 --> 00:10:58,421
Thanks. Thanks.
293
00:10:58,456 --> 00:11:00,223
Oh! Ah.
294
00:11:00,258 --> 00:11:02,492
All right.
295
00:11:02,527 --> 00:11:04,060
Bye, darling.
296
00:11:07,532 --> 00:11:09,599
Oh, thank you.
297
00:11:09,634 --> 00:11:13,737
It's a bit of a climb.
You got to put your foot...
298
00:11:13,771 --> 00:11:15,138
- [laughs]
- Oh... oh, here we are.
299
00:11:15,173 --> 00:11:16,840
Just... Oh, hold on, here's...
300
00:11:16,874 --> 00:11:18,074
- Well, I'll just...
- Oh!
301
00:11:18,109 --> 00:11:19,509
[Laughs] [Truck door closes]
302
00:11:19,544 --> 00:11:21,044
[Both laugh]
303
00:11:21,078 --> 00:11:22,479
- All right.
- Marguerite...
304
00:11:22,513 --> 00:11:24,648
I need to have words with someone.
305
00:11:24,682 --> 00:11:26,983
Don't wait up.
306
00:11:33,825 --> 00:11:35,525
[Music playing]
307
00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:37,127
Hey.
308
00:11:37,161 --> 00:11:38,929
I wants the Shasta
309
00:11:38,963 --> 00:11:41,698
- Where's Shasta?
- We need to talk.
310
00:11:41,732 --> 00:11:43,533
What? What are you doing?
311
00:11:43,568 --> 00:11:45,502
I'm eating my feelings.
312
00:11:45,536 --> 00:11:47,671
No, put down the cheese platter, Marcus.
313
00:11:47,705 --> 00:11:49,272
Honestly, we're not doing this, okay?
314
00:11:49,307 --> 00:11:51,308
All right, we're not getting a dog, okay?
315
00:11:51,342 --> 00:11:52,709
We're not gonna tear down the fence,
316
00:11:52,743 --> 00:11:55,378
and I sure as hell am
not gonna date your mom,
317
00:11:55,413 --> 00:11:57,447
not now, not ever,
318
00:11:57,481 --> 00:12:00,050
so back up off the cheese plate, man!
319
00:12:00,084 --> 00:12:02,085
[Music continues in background]
320
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:03,120
Marcus, I'm sorry.
321
00:12:03,154 --> 00:12:05,322
Why can't you just try to like her?
322
00:12:05,356 --> 00:12:06,390
Marcus, I...
323
00:12:06,424 --> 00:12:07,858
You didn't like me at first,
324
00:12:07,892 --> 00:12:09,726
but eventually I wore you down.
325
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:11,027
She could wear you down too.
326
00:12:11,062 --> 00:12:13,396
Your mother doesn't want
to wear me down, okay?
327
00:12:13,431 --> 00:12:14,998
Our feelings... our lack of feelings
328
00:12:15,032 --> 00:12:17,067
are entirely mutual, all right?
329
00:12:17,101 --> 00:12:20,370
Like, I like your mom, but
I... just not in that way.
330
00:12:20,404 --> 00:12:22,539
What do you mean? What's that way?
331
00:12:22,573 --> 00:12:25,008
You know, that way.
332
00:12:25,042 --> 00:12:27,577
The... the way I like someone like Shasta.
333
00:12:27,612 --> 00:12:28,979
But you told Andy
334
00:12:29,013 --> 00:12:31,515
that Shasta was below
normal human intelligence...
335
00:12:31,549 --> 00:12:32,849
- Well...
- And that sometimes
336
00:12:32,884 --> 00:12:34,184
she forgets her underpants.
337
00:12:34,218 --> 00:12:35,452
I'm paraphrasing, of course.
338
00:12:35,486 --> 00:12:40,023
Well, yes, but I want
to do things to Shasta,
339
00:12:40,057 --> 00:12:42,259
things that I definitely don't
want to do to your mother.
340
00:12:42,293 --> 00:12:43,660
What things?
341
00:12:45,496 --> 00:12:47,097
All right, dude, you know what?
342
00:12:47,131 --> 00:12:48,865
I'm just gonna lay it on the table for you.
343
00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:50,534
Your mother and I aren't attracted
344
00:12:50,568 --> 00:12:52,836
to each other sexually.
345
00:12:52,870 --> 00:12:54,571
That's a confusing area for me.
346
00:12:54,605 --> 00:12:55,906
Yeah, well, get in line, dude.
347
00:12:55,940 --> 00:12:57,641
Like, I know babies aren't really made
348
00:12:57,675 --> 00:12:59,242
when a cloud high-fives a rainbow
349
00:12:59,277 --> 00:13:00,844
during a fairy-dust storm.
350
00:13:00,878 --> 00:13:02,979
That's just something my mom
told me when I was little.
351
00:13:03,014 --> 00:13:04,915
You and your mom have had the talk,
352
00:13:04,949 --> 00:13:05,949
the sex talk, right?
353
00:13:05,983 --> 00:13:08,285
She tried to say something once,
354
00:13:08,319 --> 00:13:10,554
but then I went into a fugue state.
355
00:13:10,588 --> 00:13:12,989
She calls it "my adorable,
little coping mechanism."
356
00:13:13,024 --> 00:13:15,125
Okay, that is... that's... that's weird,
357
00:13:15,159 --> 00:13:17,327
but listen, man, there are things...
358
00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:19,529
There are feelings that
you need to understand.
359
00:13:19,564 --> 00:13:23,233
Cool. A life lesson.
360
00:13:25,369 --> 00:13:26,736
Human hair...
361
00:13:26,771 --> 00:13:29,072
I swear to God, that's
what keeps me in business.
362
00:13:29,106 --> 00:13:30,507
I mean, you wouldn't
believe some of the stuff
363
00:13:30,541 --> 00:13:31,942
that I pull out of these pipes, but hair?
364
00:13:31,976 --> 00:13:33,143
I mean, that's the main reason
365
00:13:33,177 --> 00:13:34,444
why I can take you to
a fancy place like this.
366
00:13:34,479 --> 00:13:36,413
[Chuckles] And also the reason
367
00:13:36,447 --> 00:13:37,848
- that we met.
- Ha!
368
00:13:37,882 --> 00:13:40,484
You're right. You're right... oh.
369
00:13:40,518 --> 00:13:43,053
Isn't that somethin'?
370
00:13:43,087 --> 00:13:45,088
Now...
371
00:13:45,122 --> 00:13:47,390
Aren't those pipes lovely?
372
00:13:47,425 --> 00:13:49,893
They must be interesting
for someone like you.
373
00:13:49,927 --> 00:13:51,762
Is that why you... you picked this place?
374
00:13:51,796 --> 00:13:54,297
No, no, it is not... what a...
375
00:13:54,332 --> 00:13:56,066
what a mockery of my profession.
376
00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:57,968
Look at this. They don't even go anywhere.
377
00:13:58,002 --> 00:14:01,037
- They go in a square.
- Well, that is stupid.
378
00:14:01,072 --> 00:14:03,173
- Right?
- Yeah.
379
00:14:03,207 --> 00:14:05,008
Ugh. [Mutters indistinctly]
380
00:14:05,042 --> 00:14:07,244
Um, you know, I know.
381
00:14:07,278 --> 00:14:09,246
You know what's funny?
382
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:13,984
In England, a loo is a toilet.
383
00:14:14,018 --> 00:14:17,053
- And your name is Lou.
- Yep.
384
00:14:17,088 --> 00:14:19,222
- That's, uh... That's good.
- I just...
385
00:14:19,257 --> 00:14:21,258
- it was a...
- Yeah.
386
00:14:21,292 --> 00:14:23,426
Then nine months later, a baby's born,
387
00:14:23,461 --> 00:14:27,030
but only if the intercourse was successful
388
00:14:27,064 --> 00:14:29,666
or not successful, depending on...
389
00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:31,801
depending on, uh...
390
00:14:31,836 --> 00:14:33,470
You know, we're gonna stop there.
391
00:14:33,504 --> 00:14:35,272
Yeah, that's a little more advanced.
392
00:14:35,306 --> 00:14:37,774
So do you... do you have any questions?
393
00:14:37,809 --> 00:14:39,876
Does it all make sense?
394
00:14:39,911 --> 00:14:41,244
Are you okay...
395
00:14:41,279 --> 00:14:43,380
are you in a... are you in a fugue state?
396
00:14:43,414 --> 00:14:44,681
[Knock at door]
397
00:14:44,715 --> 00:14:46,149
I'm... I'm still here...
398
00:14:46,184 --> 00:14:48,118
- Coming.
- I think.
399
00:14:48,152 --> 00:14:49,886
[Sighs]
400
00:14:49,921 --> 00:14:52,122
- Oh.
- Hi, Will.
401
00:14:52,156 --> 00:14:53,256
- Wow.
- Mm.
402
00:14:53,291 --> 00:14:55,325
My goodness.
403
00:14:56,727 --> 00:14:58,762
So, Shasta, um...
404
00:14:58,796 --> 00:15:01,198
Would you mind, uh,
waiting out on the porch
405
00:15:01,232 --> 00:15:02,165
for, like, two minutes?
406
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,667
- Okay.
- Yeah.
407
00:15:03,701 --> 00:15:05,502
But hurry, because I'm totally horny.
408
00:15:05,536 --> 00:15:07,504
[Chuckles]
409
00:15:09,207 --> 00:15:11,007
I know what that means now.
410
00:15:11,042 --> 00:15:13,376
All those playground jokes...
411
00:15:13,411 --> 00:15:14,978
it makes sense now.
412
00:15:15,012 --> 00:15:18,181
It's like a veil has been lifted.
413
00:15:18,216 --> 00:15:22,119
I need to go process
this in a cool, dry place.
414
00:15:25,223 --> 00:15:27,824
You disgust me.
415
00:15:28,893 --> 00:15:30,260
That kid is weird.
416
00:15:30,294 --> 00:15:32,062
[Sighs]
417
00:15:32,096 --> 00:15:34,064
Marcus.
418
00:15:34,098 --> 00:15:36,733
Marcus, that is not a cool, dry place!
419
00:15:36,768 --> 00:15:38,568
Marcus!
420
00:15:42,473 --> 00:15:44,641
This is not cool, Marcus!
421
00:15:44,675 --> 00:15:47,944
It has actually been a while
422
00:15:47,979 --> 00:15:50,647
since I've been on a date.
423
00:15:50,681 --> 00:15:52,015
- Hmm.
- But, you know,
424
00:15:52,049 --> 00:15:53,216
from what I remember,
425
00:15:53,251 --> 00:15:55,919
they are supposed to be incredibly awkward.
426
00:15:55,953 --> 00:15:57,454
Then I guess we're doing it right.
427
00:15:57,488 --> 00:15:59,356
Hooray! [Both chuckle]
428
00:16:08,032 --> 00:16:10,433
- [Pants]
- Keep it out front.
429
00:16:10,468 --> 00:16:13,069
I won't be long.
430
00:16:13,104 --> 00:16:15,639
Back the heck up off my mother!
431
00:16:15,673 --> 00:16:18,408
I know what this is. This is foreplay.
432
00:16:18,442 --> 00:16:20,944
Don't you dare intercourse her!
433
00:16:22,630 --> 00:16:24,464
Marcus, darling, what are you doing here?
434
00:16:24,498 --> 00:16:26,466
Mom, I need you to end this
435
00:16:26,501 --> 00:16:29,302
because I have some things to tell you
436
00:16:29,337 --> 00:16:32,305
that are gonna rock... Your... World.
437
00:16:32,340 --> 00:16:34,941
- What are you talking about?
- Intercourse, mom.
438
00:16:34,976 --> 00:16:36,943
I'm talking about intercourse!
439
00:16:36,978 --> 00:16:38,278
Whoa, okay. Hey, there, sport.
440
00:16:38,312 --> 00:16:41,381
Look, I would never lay
a hand on your mother...
441
00:16:41,415 --> 00:16:43,717
Unless, you know, you wanted me to, Fiona.
442
00:16:43,751 --> 00:16:47,020
Darling, where on Earth
did you hear that word?
443
00:16:47,054 --> 00:16:48,488
Oh. Hi.
444
00:16:48,523 --> 00:16:51,825
Hold on a second. Hold on.
445
00:16:51,859 --> 00:16:54,728
Oh, hey. You're the plumber.
446
00:16:54,762 --> 00:16:58,331
Yes, I'm so sorry... oh...
about the interrupting.
447
00:16:58,366 --> 00:17:00,800
- I'm gonna take Marcus.
- Hey, hey, hey.
448
00:17:00,835 --> 00:17:03,136
Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?
449
00:17:03,171 --> 00:17:04,337
Uh, hey, you know what?
450
00:17:04,372 --> 00:17:05,338
I'm... I'm gonna give you and Marcus' dad
451
00:17:05,373 --> 00:17:06,706
some... some... some privacy.
452
00:17:06,741 --> 00:17:08,174
- Oh, no, no, no.
- That's not Marcus' dad.
453
00:17:08,209 --> 00:17:09,309
No, no.
454
00:17:09,343 --> 00:17:10,744
After everything that we talked about,
455
00:17:10,778 --> 00:17:12,279
you had the talk... the talk...
456
00:17:12,313 --> 00:17:14,848
with my son? Okay. Oh! I'm so sorry
457
00:17:14,882 --> 00:17:17,517
that a 10-year-old doesn't
know where babies come from.
458
00:17:17,552 --> 00:17:19,019
I'm 11.
459
00:17:19,053 --> 00:17:20,787
Why can't you ever remember that, dude?
460
00:17:20,822 --> 00:17:22,289
All right. I'm just trying to help...
461
00:17:22,323 --> 00:17:25,125
I don't need your help.
I don't need your help.
462
00:17:25,159 --> 00:17:28,461
Darling, we're gonna talk
about this later privately,
463
00:17:28,496 --> 00:17:30,931
in a cool, dry place,
where we both feel safe.
464
00:17:30,965 --> 00:17:33,066
Okay, hey, uh, I don't
know what's going on here,
465
00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:35,469
but I seem to be in the
middle of some sort of...
466
00:17:35,503 --> 00:17:37,871
Very weird family conflict.
467
00:17:37,905 --> 00:17:40,240
So I'm just gonna not be here right now.
468
00:17:40,274 --> 00:17:41,875
No, no, no, you stay. We'll go. We'll go.
469
00:17:41,909 --> 00:17:44,277
- Come on.
- I'm not going anywhere.
470
00:17:44,312 --> 00:17:46,947
Fiona, thank you for a very lovely...
471
00:17:46,981 --> 00:17:48,815
well, evening nonetheless.
And, uh, you know what?
472
00:17:48,850 --> 00:17:50,217
- I'll call you.
- Really?
473
00:17:50,251 --> 00:17:51,551
No, probably not.
474
00:17:51,586 --> 00:17:53,854
Good. He finally got the hint.
475
00:17:53,888 --> 00:17:56,423
[Sighs] So what do you say?
476
00:17:56,457 --> 00:17:59,559
Should we, uh, order some apps?
477
00:18:02,029 --> 00:18:03,797
[Bicycle thuds]
478
00:18:03,831 --> 00:18:06,833
Marcus, I'm just gonna
talk to Will for a minute.
479
00:18:09,837 --> 00:18:11,371
[Door closes] Okay, before you get
480
00:18:11,405 --> 00:18:13,072
all angry, all right,
I just want you to know
481
00:18:13,107 --> 00:18:14,574
that I turned down sex with a woman
482
00:18:14,608 --> 00:18:17,811
named after a soft drink
to help your son tonight.
483
00:18:17,845 --> 00:18:19,479
How very tragic.
484
00:18:19,513 --> 00:18:22,849
I could've got laid tonight, too, you know?
485
00:18:22,883 --> 00:18:25,018
- Really?
- No.
486
00:18:25,052 --> 00:18:26,486
[Sighs] I mean, it was a disaster
487
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,288
even before Marcus yelled "intercourse"
488
00:18:28,322 --> 00:18:29,856
in the middle of a crowded restaurant.
489
00:18:29,890 --> 00:18:33,426
But here's the thing...
I got back out there.
490
00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:35,094
I dipped my toe
491
00:18:35,129 --> 00:18:39,065
in the revolting dating pool.
492
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:42,268
[Sighs] You were supposed
to be setting boundaries.
493
00:18:42,303 --> 00:18:44,504
You completely dropped the ball
494
00:18:44,538 --> 00:18:46,673
on the "birds and the bees" conversation.
495
00:18:46,707 --> 00:18:48,274
Yeah, but I'm the mummy.
496
00:18:48,309 --> 00:18:50,610
I get to decide when to have
497
00:18:50,644 --> 00:18:52,679
the conversation about sex with my kid.
498
00:18:52,713 --> 00:18:54,113
Okay, well, I'm the neighbor,
499
00:18:54,148 --> 00:18:57,450
and when your son comes
over at inconvenient times,
500
00:18:57,485 --> 00:19:00,286
asking inappropriate, awkward questions,
501
00:19:00,321 --> 00:19:03,223
I'm gonna answer, because I...
502
00:19:06,827 --> 00:19:10,463
Because I'm attached to him, Fiona.
503
00:19:10,498 --> 00:19:12,932
He's a good little dude.
504
00:19:12,967 --> 00:19:15,468
I mean, he's weird, but he's a good...
505
00:19:15,503 --> 00:19:16,803
He's a good dude,
506
00:19:16,837 --> 00:19:21,474
and sometimes little dudes
need big dudes' wisdom.
507
00:19:21,509 --> 00:19:23,943
[Sniffs]
508
00:19:23,978 --> 00:19:28,615
Well, just how graphic was it?
509
00:19:31,352 --> 00:19:32,552
Pretty graphic.
510
00:19:32,586 --> 00:19:34,320
[Knock at door]
511
00:19:34,355 --> 00:19:36,656
- Marcus?
- Hey, can we come in?
512
00:19:36,690 --> 00:19:38,291
You all right, darling?
513
00:19:38,325 --> 00:19:41,494
So your... your neighbor and I
514
00:19:41,529 --> 00:19:43,263
wanted to talk to you about something.
515
00:19:43,297 --> 00:19:45,331
Your mother thought it would be a good idea
516
00:19:45,366 --> 00:19:48,101
if we spoke to you about this together.
517
00:19:48,135 --> 00:19:51,371
We both care about you a lot,
518
00:19:51,405 --> 00:19:53,406
and that is never gonna change.
519
00:19:53,441 --> 00:19:57,243
But Will and I are never gonna get married.
520
00:19:57,278 --> 00:19:59,279
- Never, ever...
- Ever.
521
00:19:59,313 --> 00:20:00,780
- Ever, ever.
- 'Cause you don't like
522
00:20:00,815 --> 00:20:02,282
each other in that way?
523
00:20:02,316 --> 00:20:04,751
Yes. Exactly.
524
00:20:04,785 --> 00:20:07,921
- So are we good?
- Yeah, we're good.
525
00:20:07,955 --> 00:20:09,222
- All right.
- Okay. Well, wait.
526
00:20:09,256 --> 00:20:10,623
Do you have any more questions?
527
00:20:10,658 --> 00:20:12,592
Are you serious? You
couldn't just let it go?
528
00:20:12,626 --> 00:20:14,294
You can't just give me the "w"?
529
00:20:14,328 --> 00:20:16,863
- He might be confused.
- I'm not confused.
530
00:20:16,897 --> 00:20:18,932
I get it. I don't like it...
531
00:20:18,966 --> 00:20:21,301
- But I get it.
- Now we're talking.
532
00:20:21,335 --> 00:20:23,536
- Good night, dude.
- Good night, sweet pea.
533
00:20:23,571 --> 00:20:26,840
Good-bye, mom. Good night, dad.
534
00:20:26,874 --> 00:20:29,342
- Kidding.
- That wasn't funny at all.
535
00:20:29,376 --> 00:20:31,845
- Get... get out.
- Turn out the light.
536
00:20:35,249 --> 00:20:37,550
- Then what happened?
- I'm never gonna see him again.
537
00:20:37,585 --> 00:20:39,652
- It was a disaster.
- The good news is,
538
00:20:39,687 --> 00:20:41,654
is you got in the saddle a little bit.
539
00:20:41,689 --> 00:20:44,224
You warmed your thighs up,
you scared away some moss,
540
00:20:44,258 --> 00:20:46,993
and you put your chaps back on.
541
00:20:47,027 --> 00:20:50,130
- Oh!
- [Gasps]
542
00:20:50,164 --> 00:20:51,464
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
543
00:20:51,499 --> 00:20:53,366
[Laughs] Both: Whoo!
544
00:20:53,401 --> 00:20:55,835
We can try the next plumber on the list.
545
00:20:55,870 --> 00:20:57,670
Does he have to be a plumber?
546
00:20:57,705 --> 00:20:59,339
I like plumbers for you.
547
00:20:59,373 --> 00:21:01,841
[Both laughing]
548
00:21:01,876 --> 00:21:04,210
- I got you!
- [Laughs]
549
00:21:04,260 --> 00:21:08,810
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