All language subtitles for Shining Vale s02e05 The Miracle.eng

Previously
on Shining Vale...

Whatever's
plaguing your mother

will eventually come after you.

Wear this medal. It'll
offer protection.

My mom always wore hers,

but she wasn't wearing
it when she died.

Are you still in
touch with your friend Ryan?

He lives with
his cool uncle in L.A.

I might be pregnant.

I'm just focusing on work.

- Fuck off.
- I'm Ennio, from Italy.

I'm writing a book
about how asylums abuse women.

Who are you?

I'm Nellie.

I'm Daisy. I used to live here.

What the hell?

- Jake...
- Oh, boy.

My Leo is an angel.
He was stillborn.

I'm the worst mom.

Maybe, but you're
a genius writer.

You'll have to come
speak at our book club.

Sounds great.

- Your dad and I are separating.
- Thank fucking Jesus.

I want two Christmases.

I think you're still
hooked on your wife.

This isn't
a fucking dream!

Oh, no. They got you, too?

You're fucking kidding me.

Okay, Roxy, one shit for Mommy.

Let's go.

Okay, not for Mommy.

One shit for Roxy.

Hello?

Oh...

a deer.

Pat, is that you?

I'm just walking the dog.

Wait. Are you pregnant?

God damn it!

Isn't this nice?

I wish my mother had gone
with me to my abortion.

Yeah. This makes up for
all the missed recitals,

games, birthdays,
and graduation.

I'm not getting an abortion.

I just had two
really weird dreams.

I want to make sure.

Well, whatever you decide
to do about the baby,

I support you 100%.

But I will say,

having you was the second-best
decision I ever made.

Hmm. I'm not gonna ask
what the first was.

- Getting my abortion.
- Oh, yeah.

Do you how hard it is to
find you a Mother's Day card?

Phelps.

Hi. Um, I'm here for
a pregnancy test.

Is it for your daughter?

Oh, I'm not her daughter.

No, it's for me.

When was your last period?

- When was the Challenger?
- Oh, my God.

Can I just take
the test, please?

Okay, just have a seat, Gaynor.

Uh, I'm Pat.

Gaynor's my daughter.

Oh, God.

I'm sorry. Excuse me.

She probably shouldn't
have said that.

Yeah, probably not.

I texted you three hours ago.

Well, I don't have to answer
to you anymore, sweetheart.

Remember? I'm a free agent.

Plus, I was playing
pickleball with Laird.

Can you believe that? I
do shit like that now.

I'm playing pickleball
out there, Pat.

Best shape of my life.
I've scheduled a physical.

Oh, and I, uh, tried
spicy Thai food.

And I tried cocaine, and I quit.

My job, not the coke.

I love that little devil's dust.

I think what I'm discovering

is that I love the
freedom of having a life

without the burden of family
responsibility, you know?

- What's this?
- It's a pregnancy test.

- You peed on this?
- That's how you use it.

Listen, I know this
must be a shock to you,

'cause it certainly
is to me, but...

You're still focused on
the pee stick, aren't you?

I'm just thinking
of a circumstance

where I would hand you
something covered in urine.

I'm fucking pregnant, Terry.

Hey, all right.

How do we know it's yours?

- What?
- I don't know.

With all due respect,
you're a little old

to be getting pregnant.

Yeah, and you're a little old

to wear bike shorts,
but here we are.

All right, don't worry.

It'll probably take
care of itself.

That's a lot to ask of a baby.

I mean, my body will absorb it.

No, no, no, you know,
let's think about this.

Maybe, uh... maybe we don't
want to absorb it, you know?

- Maybe we should do this thing.
- Really?

Because about ten seconds ago,

all you could talk
about was doing blow

and playing
"pickleboard" with Laird.

It's called pickleball.

It's America's
fastest-growing sport.

I mean, think about it.

I'm out there trying
to find out who I am.

Maybe I'm supposed
to be a parent.

You are a parent.

Well, I mean of
a... of a new one, you know?

Wouldn't you like the idea of,
you know, having a little baby

that looks like me and you.

Don't have to
imagine. We have two.

- Mm.
- And they were so adorable.

But now they're teenagers.

Yeah, well, we'll be dead
by then for that one.

And, look, we get
all the good parts,

and then we leave.

All right, well, don't get
too attached to the idea,

because it probably won't get
too attached to my uterus.

Well, if you don't mind,

I'd like to stick
around and find out.

You know, if we're
gonna be a family,

I think it's important for
both of us to be around.

Come on, let's tell the kids.

No fucking way. You promised
us you were getting a divorce.

Does this mean that we're
not getting two Christmases?

Sweetie, that was
never gonna happen.

I don't think we
were gonna do that.

Why would you go back
on the one good thing

you've done for this family?

Why would you promise
a second Christmas?

You know how much I
love first Christmas!

Because your father and I
want to try to make it work.

- And your mom's pregnant.
- Ugh!

- Oh, Terry.
- How did that even happen?

We had unprotected intercourse.

- Oh, my God.
- Well, it's true.

Okay, how is it even
possible? You're old.

- People my age can have babies.
- In the Bible.

You're gonna be dead by
the time the baby is four.

- That's the plan.
- From your lips to God's ears.

It's not even gonna be a baby.

I mean, it's gonna be
a sponge with teeth,

and I'm not gonna clean
out its tubes and water it.

Honey, we're a family.

We're all gonna water it.

You're just trying to
save your failed marriage

by having a baby you're
gonna have to carry around

in a ladle.

You're so selfish.

Who wouldn't want more of those?

- I don't know.
- Yeah.

I'll go talk to her.

Hey.

I haven't talked
to you in a while.

I know. Thank you.

I was thinking about
your friend Ryan.

If you ever want to talk

about anything that
happened with him,

I'm always here.

I'm good.

Oh, you literally
meant always here.

Gaynor...

Hey.

I want you know that I
would never judge you

for anything that you had to do

to get through these
last few months.

I'm incredibly proud
of how strong you are.

All jokes aside...

if I really had this
baby, I promise you,

I will not love it any
more than I love you.

Mom?

Yeah, sweetie?

I bet you will
love the baby more

because it will help
with the dishes.

Because it'll be a sponge or
because it'll have eight arms?

Both.

Cool.

Book sales are up nationally.
And, oh, this is funny.

A woman in West Virginia
who was reading your book

killed her husband with an ax.

What? How is that funny?

Well, it's more
ironic than funny.

I... You know what? I
actually think it's funny.

I think you're too close to it.

Anyway, women all over

are seeing themselves
in Rosemary.

It's like you're
saying it's okay

for a... an average,
middle-aged woman

to go a little crazy, and
they're fucking loving it.

A little crazy? She
murdered her family.

Well, I think it's a metaphor.

I- I don't know.
You're the writer.

Look, it is all perfect timing

for your appearance at the
Shining Vale Ladies Book Club.

Yeah, it's also perfect timing
for "fat fucking chance."

A woman named Robyn who sounds
like if croquet was a person

said you already agreed.

You're gonna listen to
Robyn? She's fucking crazy.

Well, book clubs are
big business, baby.

I think it's great press

to get a picture of you
doing one in your hometown.

So think about it.

And then do it,
'cause it's tomorrow.

Oh, fine. All right,
hold on one second.

I got to talk to
this little girl.

Hi, sweetie. Oh, my goodness.

Look how cute you
are.

Um, can I get, uh, a shortbread,

a peanut butter, um,
another peanut butter.

- Say thank you, Chrissie.
- Thank you!

Okay. Not so fast, Chrissie.

I also want, uh,
four mint chocolates.

Okay, I'm done.

Are we shopping
for the apocalypse?

I'm pregnant.

Holy fuck!

Sorry, Chrissie.

Are you sure?

'Cause two years ago,
my grandmother thought

that she was pregnant, and it
was really an impacted shit.

I thought it was, too,
but I am pregnant,

and the only people who know
are you, Terry, and the kids.

- Well, how'd they take it?
- Thanks.

Well, Terry was
excited, Gaynor's mean,

and Jake is Jake, you know.

He's easy. I never have
to worry about him.

Ahh.

I'm telling you...
that thing was ringing.

And that wall just
opened up out of nowhere.

It hasn't done that
before or since.

Sorry, girl.

I just don't think
it's happening.

I told you!

Roxy!

Roxy!

Roxy.

Oh, no way, perv.

Okay, if you're
here to stalk me,

you should know I come from
a long line of insane women

who chop up men and
get away with it.

Gaynor.

It's nice to see you again.

Hey, did you know
the Valerie "Hee"?

Okay, it's pronounced
Valerie He,

and, uh, no, I've
never heard of her.

You wear medals just like hers.

All right. Are you a cop?

No.

I am exorcist.

Okay, come in.

Grazie.

You've had a remarkable
recovery, Terry.

I'll see you in six months.

Actually, there is one thing
I'm a little concerned about.

That's not cocaine. I had a
sesame bagel this morning.

It's
this right here.

The O?

I think it's a blood
type, Doctor.

That's your testosterone.
It's a zero.

What? What does that mean?

It means...

on paper, you're a woman.

Well, just run it again.

I think all the cocaine's
messing with my numbers.

The good news is, it's
extremely treatable.

There's a testosterone
cream that's popular,

but in your case, I'd recommend

a rigorous regimen
of injections.

- And I'd start yesterday.
- Yeah.

Well, this is bullshit,
okay? 'Cause I'm fine.

I'm fine, motherfucker!

I got a baby coming,
and I got a beard.

And Mrs. Phelps is knocked
up. She's fucking pregnant.

It's up to you, but
if left untreated,

you can expect bone loss,
decreased muscle mass,

hot flashes, depression,

even breast growth.

You can always get
a second opinion.

You want a second opinion?

How about you talk
to my wife's vagina?

What are you fucking looking at?

Roxy!

Ugh!

Sorry, rat.

Ooh.

Roxy, where are you?

I met Ryan at chastity club,

and me being me, I stupidly
had unprotected sex with him.

So, while he goes to move in

with his really
cool uncle in L.A.,

I'm stuck here dealing
with this shitshow.

Wait. Uh, sorry,
what did you ask me?

Um...

I ask if you like steamed milk.

Ah.

This is a special cappuccino.

If you no like, you
get your money back.

Look, I-I work in a
coffee shop, so...

- Christ, that's really good.
- I have a magic touch.

And we have the same
coffee machine in Italy.

- It's a very good one.
- Oh, yeah.

My dad stole that from
the guy my mom boned.

You
are funny, Gaynor.

Listen, um...

I came here because
the Valerie He

sent a lot of letters to the
Vatican about this house.

She believed there is, um...

a demon living here.

Oh, yeah. She's
not home right now.

Then I'll come back another day.

Or night.

Uh, day, um, is probably better.

Whatever...

You have, uh...

Eh, I will go now.

Ciao, Gaynor.

Yeah, I have a type.

What the H is this place?

Whoa.

Daisy.

Whoa.

Boobs.

We are so lucky

to have the author
of this month's book,

Rosemary's Revenge.

Hi, Pat.

Hi, Robyn.

- And ladies.
- Mm-hmm.

Okay, so who's gonna be first?

Mrs. Stephen Edwards.

Well, I loved page four.

Page four was great,

but page 13 really hit the spot.

Did anyone actually
read the book?

I read it.

And then I read it again.

Oh, good.

And again.

And I fucking loved it.

Oh, thank you,
Principal Woodcock,

for your passionate endorsement.

No, thank you.

Yeah, put this
directly in my veins.

So visceral.

It's like you were inside me.

Okay, why don't you
settle down, Sandy?

Why don't you fuck off, Robyn?

I didn't jump up your asshole
when you lost your dick

to that book about the
singing crawfish last year!

- Oh.
- Okay, wine break.

- Oh, yay.
- Yeah.

I really am a big...
huge fan of yours.

- I can tell.
- Okay.

I'm so sorry.

I mean, she
actually reads the book.

Okay, I just... I need a
quick picture for my editor,

and I've got to get
out... I don't feel good.

I mean, you have to have a
glass of Chardonnay at least.

- It's a book club.
- Yeah, I'm not drinking.

- Sushi?
- No.

- Soft cheese?
- I can't.

- Oysters?
- Pass.

- Cigarette?
- I wish.

- Chardonnay?
- You're on a loop.

The truth is, I am pregnant,

and please, please
don't say anything.

Oh, Pat!

Congratulations!
Congratulations!

You have
to see Dr. Skapoli.

We all use him.

Oh, Dr. Skapoli?

Oh, yum. I love that man.

You know, I actually trim up
my hoo-ha before I go see him.

Okay, Mrs. Stephen
Edwards. Ugh!

Is someone pregnant?

Pat's pregnant!

- We are so excited for you!
- Congratulations!

- That's amazing!
- Oh, my God.

- You're really glowing!
- We love you!

- We'll be there for you.
- You're so beautiful.

Can everyone just
shut the fuck up?

I'm sorry.

I just want a picture.

- Ooh, that's a great idea.
- Oh, that's a great idea.

I need
to be in the front.

You suck as a parent, but
you are my fucking hero.

I wish I
was that baby inside you.

Okay.

What the fuck?

So, uh, what
exactly are you looking for?

This, that, vapors...

demon-y stuffs.

Wait.

Don't move.

Bella.

Jerk, you scared me.

- Give me that.
- No, no.

Stop. Ow.

Wait. No fair.

Hey.

- What happens here?
- That's up to you.

No, I mean this bar.

It feels cold.

Ah, it's probably the
ice and shit, hmm.

Okay.

All done.

Don't you have to, like,
bless it or something?

No, I will send
this to the Vatican,

except for this one.

This I keep for good luck.

Shut the fuck up.

Wait. Okay.

I'm gonna take one of you.

I go now.

Listen, if you feel or
you see anything weird,

you call me, yes?

Yes.

Okay.

Ciao, bella.

Oh, God damn,

that's a hot exorcist.

Huh?

Ugh!

A little stork told
me you're expecting.

Wow, that got around quick.

I brought you some
of Leo's things...

Diapers, onesies...

and shoes... never worn.

You kept everything?

Well, you can only bury
'em in one outfit, right?

- Yep.
- So...

you got a good OB-GYN?

I hear Dr. Skapoli is amazing.

Yep, he seems like the
go-to guy in Shining Vale,

but I see Dr. Bellamy
in Manhattan.

Bellamy? I never heard of him.

You sure you don't
mean Schwartz?

No, it's Dr. Bellamy. He
delivered both my kids.

Well, that's ancient history.

When was the last time you
had your hoo-ha checked?

I don't know, but it
wasn't that long ago.

Your biscuit is not my business,

but that being said,

I will not leave until
you make an appointment.

Okay, fine.

Hi. Uh, I'd like to
make an appointment

with Dr. Bellamy uh, for early
next week, if that's possible.

This is Pat Phelps.

What? When?

Okay. Um, yeah, you too.

Thank you.

He died seven years ago.

Well, that's great.
It's settled, then.

We'll set you up
with Dr. Skapoli.

You know, I got a great
feeling about this baby,

and I've never been wrong.

Except once.

I'm so sorry you're not a mom.

You know, it doesn't seem
fair that someone like me

could possibly have a third
and you've never had a shot.

One thing I know...
anyone who is as critical

of her maternal skills as
you are is a damn great mom.

Then I must be the best
'cause I am the fucking worst.

Uh-uh.

I love you.

Other people, they see me
maybe as some kind of kook.

You let me in, and that
means the world to me.

So I'll just give... Uh...

So...

make sure you call Skapoli.

I love you.

That is one kooky bitch.

Come here, baby.
Come here. Ooh.

Why are you so dirty?

- Mom?
- Yeah.

I'll... I'll be right there.

Mom!

Pat, I think
I got man tits.

Well, I'm disgusted by it, too.

I got an ass. I...

My features are so soft.

I think this makes
you a lesbian.

Really?

That's supposed to be kind
of in these days, you know?

Ahh.

Oh, God.

Uh, I'm sorry.

What were you saying?
I-I couldn't hear you.

Can you open this for me?

I literally lost the gap
between my thigh and my ass.

It's like a big flap.

Oh, my God, Terry. Just
take the testosterone.

Yeah, it was one thing
to do a bunch of coke,

but do I really want
to put a bunch of...

weird chemicals in my body?

God damn it.

Well, you're talking
to the wrong person.

Maybe I'm
too old to be a dad.

Well, you got the
tits to be a mom.

What the hell, Pat?

God, why don't you just
finish me off with the ax now?

I'm sorry, sweetie.

I've just been hearing
all week how old I am.

You can take it.

You're beautiful.

Thank
you.

It's just been a lot.

Well, guess the good news is at
least we're doing it together.

Hmm.

I'm glad you came
back to die with me.

Yeah, me too.

Abe Bellamy, hmm?

Well, there's a
name from the past.

He delivered both of our kids.

Oh, you know, he
delivered my wife.

All right, so your uterus

has a nice, beautiful
thick lining,

so I think you've got
a pretty good chance

- at seeing this through.
- Through what? A jar?

Um, I've seen older pregnancies.

In humans?

No, but, you know, getting
pregnant at your age,

that's the hard part, right?

You have got a good
shot at a healthy baby.

Aw.

So you're saying I'm... I'm just
gonna have a normal pregnancy?

Well, it would be a
geriatric pregnancy.

- Forgive the term.
- I wasn't offended

when I had my first geriatric
pregnancy 18 years ago.

Oh, okay, so then you
know that we just need

to take a little bit of
extra care... that's all.

Okay, so do you
guys want a picture?

Yeah, sure.

- Oh.
- No, no, no, honey.

He means of the baby.

Yeah.

Huh.

That's weird.

Must be a loose cable.
Let me just, uh, check it.

Oh, and there is one more thing.

Given your
mental-health history,

there is a teeny, tiny risk
of pregnancy psychosis.

Now, we think it has to do
with increased hormone levels,

but, really, it's amazing
how much we don't even know.

Anyway, the symptoms
include hallucinations,

delusions, mood
swings, and depression.

Again, it affects such an
itsy-bitsy percentage of women.

I am just ethically
obligated to mention it.

Amazing.

Here, meet your new baby.

Aw, look at that.

- A little... a little ba... oh, no.
- No.

Yeah.

Hey...

baby.

Oh, God.

- God!
- Ah, you're such a baby!

- God!
- It's just a testosterone shot.

I think
I already feel it.

Look at this.

You'd tell me if I
get too jacked, right?

I promise.

Or if my balls
shrink? That's a real thing.

Honey, I honestly don't
have the bandwidth

to talk about your balls today.

What's wrong with you?

I don't know. I'm
just thinking, um...

What if I pass my
crazy on to the baby?

You're gonna pass so
many amazing things on

to this little baby,

and if one of them's
crazy, then...

they'll fix it...

just like they fixed you.

I'm gonna take a shower.

You think I should take a
before picture of my testicles?

Yeah, I do.

Okay, I will.

Oh, God.

You're gonna be okay.

You're gonna be fine.

Oh, come on.

Mom?

Jake?

- Where are you?
- In the wall!

Which wall?

I think I'm downstairs.

Jake?

Jake?

I'm here!

Jake.

Don't stop banging!

Don't stop banging!

Why did you stop banging?

Jake?

Oh, hey, Mom.

Oh, my baby.

Oh, my God, you are a mess.

How long have you been in there?

Uh, only, like, four
hours and, uh, three days.

Oh, my God.

I am so sorry.

Oh, God.

I promise you...

I'm gonna be a better mom.

I am. I'm gonna be better.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Go shower.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh.

Can I tell you about
what I found in there?

Spoiler alert... it's
old-timey boobs and candy.

Okay, let's go.

Oh, babe.

Uh...

Stay away!

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