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1
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:26,000
Ripped By mstoll
2
00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:36,003
Dinner is almost ready, Hank.
3
00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:37,462
Turkey chili.
4
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:40,253
It sounded so crazy,
I just had to try it.
5
00:00:40,249 --> 00:00:43,093
Well, I'm just gonna make
a quick call to my mom.
6
00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:45,213
I haven't checked in
since yesterday.
7
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:46,384
(phone ringing)
8
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,597
Hello?
9
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:48,806
Greetings.
10
00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:51,643
My name is Prince Jabari.
11
00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:52,761
I live in Nigeria,
12
00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:55,056
and I need
to use your bank account
13
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,682
for a short while.
14
00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:58,275
Hank? Is that you?
15
00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:00,816
No. It's Prince Jabari.
16
00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:04,566
Hank, if you need money,
I can send you a check.
17
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:07,819
I just got adorable ones--
Covered bridges.
18
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:09,820
Okay, Mom, it is me.
19
00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:12,573
I'm just trying to make sure
you're on your toes.
20
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:13,825
There are people out there
21
00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:15,747
who would take advantage
of someone like you.
22
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:18,003
You're sweet to worry, honey.
23
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:19,838
Oh, I have news.
24
00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:21,173
I'm getting married.
25
00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:23,542
Really? Well, that's great.
26
00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:24,794
I've always liked Gary.
27
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:28,339
Any man who eats that much
brisket can't be all bad.
28
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:29,965
Oh, not to Gary.
29
00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:31,763
Gary and I broke up weeks ago.
30
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,598
What? Why?
31
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,471
He got paranoid, Hank.
32
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:37,598
He was always snooping around.
33
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,817
That's how he found out
about me and Chuck.
34
00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:41,776
What...? Who's Chuck?
35
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,566
We met a couple of months ago.
36
00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:45,314
The wedding is next weekend.
37
00:01:45,314 --> 00:01:46,816
Hope you can make it, honey.
38
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:47,987
Bye.
39
00:01:47,983 --> 00:01:49,951
Who's Chuck?!
40
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:54,199
I don't understand
what the heck is going on here.
41
00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:56,040
How could my mother
be getting married?
42
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:57,535
They just met.
43
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,081
Probably got her in trouble.
44
00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:01,079
When you know, you know, Hank.
45
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:03,127
But sometimes you're wrong.
46
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,375
Well, I tell you what.
47
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:06,593
I'm gonna give this Chuck
the once-over
48
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,383
as soon as I get to Arizona.
49
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:11,803
I wish I had someone
to look after me when I get old.
50
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,596
Maybe I'll just get a cat.
51
00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:16,391
Although I hear
they eat you after you die.
52
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:17,729
Lucky for you,
53
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:19,769
the Japanese are
developing robots--
54
00:02:19,765 --> 00:02:22,564
Sexy robots
to care for the elderly.
55
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,687
Thank God
for that tiny, perverted,
56
00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:26,688
technologically advanced nation.
57
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,319
HANK:
Well, we made it.
58
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:36,199
A road trip west that stops
before you hit California.
59
00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:38,041
Pretty good in my book.
60
00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:40,206
111 degrees?
61
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:42,796
Phoenix can't really be
that hot, can it?
62
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:49,211
Oh, my God, it's like
standing on the sun!
63
00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:51,509
This city should not exist.
64
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,758
It is a monument
to man's arrogance.
65
00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,722
Well, that must be Chuck's car.
66
00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,719
You can learn a lot about a guy
67
00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,721
from what he has lying
on his seat.
68
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,064
No time, Hank.
69
00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:02,353
We are moments away
70
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:03,771
from sunstroke
and certain death.
71
00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:05,936
Go, go, go!
72
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:11,491
I picked up another safety bar
for your bathroom, Mom.
73
00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:12,826
Last time I was here,
74
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:16,163
I noticed a dead spot between
the shower and the toilet.
75
00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:18,407
I hardly think that's necessary.
76
00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:21,035
Well, you're gonna be living
in this condo a long time.
77
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,503
I want to make sure
it's as safe as possible.
78
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:24,712
Sounds like
79
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,378
pretty good advice, Tilly.
80
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,795
I'd listen to your son.
81
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,631
Chuck Garrison.
82
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:33,301
I'm the lucky guy who tricked
your mom into marrying me.
83
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,718
Yeah.
84
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:37,639
Aw, look at you two lovebirds.
85
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:40,262
Ready to start what's left
of your lives together.
86
00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,809
You must be Peggy.
87
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,728
And that would make you Bobby.
88
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:44,816
Yes, sir.
89
00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:46,810
Well, he's smooth, all right.
90
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:49,279
Come check out
my new air ionizer.
91
00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:52,115
It was endorsed
by Norman Schwarzkopf.
92
00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:54,735
So, Chuck, what, if anything,
93
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,533
do you do for a living, Chuck?
94
00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:57,825
Well, I'm retired now,
95
00:03:57,821 --> 00:04:00,415
but I used to own a chain
of hardware stores.
96
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:01,750
Used to, huh?
97
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,751
Sounds like
there's a story there.
98
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:05,162
No story.
99
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,789
My son runs the business now.
100
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:10,755
For a kid with only one thumb,
he's doing okay for himself.
101
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,344
Grandma,
is this you parasailing?
102
00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:13,882
Yes.
103
00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,597
Chuck and I went to Mexico
104
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,717
to celebrate his 70th birthday.
105
00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:18,808
Parasailing?
106
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,052
Is that the kind
107
00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:21,769
of daredevil stuff
you're into, Chuck?
108
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,601
Actually, it was Tilly's idea.
109
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:24,814
(kettle whistling)
110
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:25,728
The kettle's ready.
111
00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:28,360
I thought some tea
would take the chill off.
112
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:29,819
None for me.
113
00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:33,236
I was thinking Chuck and I
could take a little drive.
114
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:36,155
You know what I miss most
about the hardware game?
115
00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:37,744
The nails.
116
00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,830
Galvanized,
hand-cut, roofing.
117
00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:41,038
(laughs)
118
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:43,033
We had a nail for every mood.
119
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:46,663
Well, Chuck, I could spend
all day talking about nails--
120
00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:49,835
I have-- but I got
to ask you something.
121
00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:53,631
Why did you start dating my mom
when she was still with Gary?
122
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:54,970
I feel terrible about that.
123
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,508
I really do.
124
00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:58,507
But Tilly didn't tell me
about Gary
125
00:04:58,507 --> 00:05:00,555
until after they broke up.
126
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:03,804
Feels like it's
cooling down a bit.
127
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,522
Sure does.
128
00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:07,767
Have you ever been
indicted, Chuck?
129
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:11,812
Look, Hank, I know
you just met me,
130
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,735
but you have nothing
to worry about.
131
00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:16,366
I love your mom,
and I promise you,
132
00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:18,611
her happiness
is the most important thing
133
00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:19,827
in the world to me.
134
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,242
(sighs)
135
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:22,831
Well, that's good to hear.
136
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:25,622
You know what
my favorite nail is, Chuck?
137
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:29,042
The three-penny,
fluted stainless steel.
138
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,459
I don't know why.
139
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,423
I don't know.
140
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:37,842
("Wedding March" plays)
141
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,966
If this were a Hugh Grant movie,
142
00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:42,593
this is the moment
when he would run in.
143
00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:45,061
If this were a
Julia Roberts movie,
144
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:48,523
this is the moment
when she would run out.
145
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,731
Welcome.
146
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:56,068
We are here today
to witness and bless
147
00:05:56,064 --> 00:06:00,069
Matilda and Charles'
union of marriage.
148
00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:03,743
Do you give this woman
to be married to this man?
149
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,115
I, uh...
150
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:07,664
Uh, well...
151
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:11,372
Uh...
152
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,998
yes, I do.
153
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,338
MAN:
Congratulations, you two.
154
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,770
Bye.
Bye.
155
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:37,690
Ooh, they're expecting
thunderstorms in Phoenix.
156
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:39,407
Hank, call your mom
157
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,527
and remind her not
to use the phone.
158
00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:44,826
Well, luckily, Chuck is around
to take care of my mom now.
159
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,791
I can stop worrying so much
and just relax.
160
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:49,201
(loud truck horn honks)
161
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,543
What the heck?!
162
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:51,832
(horn toots twice)
163
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:54,877
Mom, Dad,
there's a spaceship outside!
164
00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:01,759
Is that Mom?
165
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,883
We sold our condos, Hank.
166
00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:05,805
We're going
to spend our golden years
167
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,768
zigzagging across the country!
168
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:08,933
(whoops)
169
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:16,520
Yup.
170
00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:18,779
Mm-hmm.
171
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:20,816
(whirring, wood cracking)
172
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:22,988
(sighs)
Yeah.
173
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:25,157
No, no, no, no, no!
174
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,370
What's going on?
175
00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:27,990
You can't live in a trailer park
176
00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:29,832
so you bring trailer park
to you?
177
00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:32,748
I dislike this RV
as much as you do, Kahn,
178
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:34,337
but it is my mom's.
179
00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:36,832
Ah, the portrait
completes itself.
180
00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:39,334
Granny rocking away
in the driveway
181
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:42,838
tapping her toes to the fiddle
and setting a spell.
182
00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:44,464
Why you hate me? Why?
183
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:48,806
Dang it, I never should've
trusted that Chuck.
184
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,396
I take my eye off the ball
one time,
185
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,516
and now my mom's living
in a house
186
00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:55,768
that could get T-boned
on the freeway.
187
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:59,317
I've often fantasized
about the RV lifestyle.
188
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,734
You live in a town
189
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,074
until people grow tired
of your anecdotes.
190
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:05,489
Then you pull out the chocks
and drive off.
191
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:08,739
At least the condo was safe
and stationary.
192
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:11,366
Who knows what kind of
terrible things can happen
193
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:12,993
to her on the open road?
194
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,745
You're right to be scared, Hank.
195
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:17,835
RVs are a one-way ticket
to meth addiction
196
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:21,085
and KOA sites
where the law has no meaning.
197
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:22,757
Tilly is about to enter a world
198
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:26,139
that she cannot change,
but will change her.
199
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,010
Welcome to our home.
200
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,808
Would you like the grand tour?
201
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,225
Not so grand.
202
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:36,225
This place makes my old
one-bedroom condo look
203
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:37,817
like the Hearst Castle.
204
00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:39,436
(whispers):
Not here. Not now.
205
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:43,736
Well, I think
it's surprisingly spacious.
206
00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:45,826
In fact, now that
it's fully expanded,
207
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:48,320
our driveway
is completely unusable.
208
00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:49,662
(imitates engine revving)
209
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,281
This thing's got everything.
210
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:54,000
Look-- a camera so you can see
what's behind you.
211
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,455
(gasps)
Oh! (bell dings)
212
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,457
Dinner's ready, everyone!
213
00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:10,592
Chuck, would you please
say grace?
214
00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:11,809
Sure thing.
215
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,599
Thank you, God, for your bounty,
216
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,142
which we are about to enjoy.
217
00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:17,641
And for protecting me
and the other motorists
218
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,438
from my wife's erratic driving.
219
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:21,778
This RV is clearly
too much car for her.
220
00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:23,609
We were all over the road.
221
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:24,822
Amen.
222
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:26,031
TILLY:
Message received.
223
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:28,118
Potatoes, Mr. Slowpoke?
224
00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:30,111
I'd love some potatoes.
225
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:32,079
(whispering):
We need an excuse to leave.
226
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,415
Blame computers.
227
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,784
Old people do not
understand computers.
228
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:37,668
I'm a defensive driver.
229
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,333
You should try it sometime.
230
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,627
I like getting out
of first gear.
231
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:43,591
You should try that sometime.
232
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,551
Yup. Potatoes.
233
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:48,547
This thing doesn't exactly
stop on a dime, Tilly.
234
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:50,173
Wow, look at that.
235
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:52,050
You're showing some emotion.
236
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:54,178
I thought I'd married
a piece of driftwood.
237
00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:55,394
Emotion?
238
00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:57,809
Is that what led you
to flip off that trucker?
239
00:09:57,806 --> 00:09:59,808
He chased us through two mesas.
240
00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:02,607
So, is this a foot
or a table I'm touching?
241
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,229
I'm kicking it right now.
242
00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:05,822
Foot?
243
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,236
Table?
244
00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:09,234
Must be table.
245
00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:11,578
TILLY: Chuck, it has
been two weeks.
246
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,571
Admit it:
you need a prescription!
247
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:16,290
CHUCK: Not everyone's
libido is the same!
248
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:20,003
I'm thinking about getting
a mesh screen for my gutters.
249
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:21,837
Where do you guys fall on that?
250
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,252
Hank, shh, shh, shh!
251
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:25,797
I can't hear the fight
over your annoying small talk.
252
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,836
TILLY:
Well, now we can drive
253
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,008
to Hearst Castle.
254
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:30,630
Are you kidding?
255
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,804
The Exxon Valdez here only
gets three feet per gallon.
256
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,223
We'll be lucky to make it
to the nearest White Castle.
257
00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:37,562
This is what happens
258
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,727
when you base a relationship
on fiery passion.
259
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,106
I've heard.
260
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,476
Forget it!
261
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:43,818
I'm going for a walk.
262
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:46,563
I was going to suggest
a flying leap!
263
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:47,815
(sighs)
264
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,691
All right,
this has gone too far.
265
00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:51,659
I got to do something.
266
00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:56,781
Sorry you had to see that, Hank.
(sighs)
267
00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:57,828
Look, Chuck,
268
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,826
I've kept my powder dry
up until now,
269
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,828
but I gotta tell you something.
270
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,456
I think this RV was a mistake.
271
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:07,129
The perm I got in the '70s
was a mistake.
272
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:09,173
This was a disaster.
273
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,797
So, this wasn't your idea?
274
00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:13,423
No, it was your mother's.
275
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:14,470
Personally,
276
00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:15,808
I prefer living in something
277
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,474
that doesn't require me
to do a lot of quick math
278
00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:20,221
when I'm approaching
a low bridge.
279
00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:22,815
Mom never mentioned
wanting an RV.
280
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:25,686
Your mom has something
of a wild streak, Hank.
281
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,687
It's part of why I fell for her.
282
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:28,734
The parasailing,
283
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:31,741
midnight swims
at the condo, UGGs.
284
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:35,325
I just wish Tilly and I
could get our old life back.
285
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,288
Huh.
286
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,248
Maybe you can.
287
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,207
I put out some feelers
at Strickland
288
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:46,047
and I think I've lined
up a buyer for the RV.
289
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,416
It always amazes me
290
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,964
what a well-placed flier
can accomplish.
291
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:51,802
And I picked up some information
292
00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:53,546
about local condos for seniors.
293
00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:57,225
Every unit has a spa tub.
294
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,219
Maybe that'll help
convince Tilly.
295
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,098
Convince me of what?
296
00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:03,814
Well, um...
297
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:05,479
we've been talking, Mom.
298
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:06,818
We think it's best
299
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:09,733
if you and Chuck move
into another condo.
300
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:10,776
What?
301
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:13,400
What about the RV?
302
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,777
Well, you'd, uh, sell that.
303
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:17,370
I can take care of everything.
304
00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:19,990
And you decided all of this
behind my back?
305
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:22,833
I'm sure the RV seemed
like a good idea,
306
00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:24,452
but it's too dangerous.
307
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:25,749
Absolutely.
308
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,840
Most accidental deaths
occur either on the road
309
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,333
or in the bathroom.
310
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,801
Now you've combined the two.
311
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,928
It is a recipe for disaster.
312
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,843
And you're a part of this?
313
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,260
I think it's for the best.
314
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,679
Well, I don't.
315
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:39,801
And I'll thank you all
316
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:42,145
to keep your noses
out of my business.
317
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:45,106
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to my RV.
318
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,272
Wait, Tilly.
319
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,270
Honey...
320
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:53,820
Your pajamas and your weird
pillow will be on the lawn.
321
00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:56,785
It's not weird.
It's memory foam!
322
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:03,825
Morning there, Chuck.
323
00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:05,827
Hope you don't mind.
I'm making some eggs.
324
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,579
I haven't known your mom long,
325
00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:10,832
but I know she can't stay mad
when she's eating poached eggs.
326
00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:12,459
Toast points.
327
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:15,052
You are pitching some woo,
Chuck Garrison.
328
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:17,843
I feel bad about last night.
329
00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:20,262
I just want to put this nonsense
behind us.
330
00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:22,260
(Kahn screaming)
331
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:23,557
What the heck?
332
00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:29,775
She's gone.
333
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,314
(grunts)
334
00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:34,397
(truck horn honking)
335
00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:37,276
Jackass.
336
00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:44,791
Uh, no, officer, my mom
isn't technically a runaway,
337
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,786
but I still think the Amber
Alert is the way to go here.
338
00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:51,001
Well, it's a dumb policy.
339
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,795
The woman is crazy.
340
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:54,383
She could be anywhere by now.
341
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:55,797
I demand recompense!
342
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:58,797
Stupid RV run over
my container herb garden.
343
00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:01,265
Where I get mint
for mojitos now?
344
00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:03,259
I don't have time for this,
Kahn.
345
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,806
My mom's gone missing.
346
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:05,803
Ah!
347
00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,020
This is exactly
348
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:09,061
why I had a chip put in Nancy.
349
00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:10,809
I'm worried about her out there.
350
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:13,812
She thinks cruise control
is like autopilot.
351
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:16,064
She tried to make a cup
of coffee, Hank.
352
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:18,317
I'm going to try
calling her again.
353
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:20,284
(ringing)
354
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:23,663
I'll have a tuna melt
355
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,406
and some strawberry rhubarb pie.
356
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:26,453
Ooh!
357
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,543
But bring the pie first.
358
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:29,831
I like you.
359
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,545
You're a hot ticket.
360
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:34,541
If you're heading out to see
the wildflowers off Route 9,
361
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,542
make sure you have
four-wheel drive.
362
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:37,759
The access road is bumpy.
363
00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:38,920
Oh, yes.
364
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,547
I've got four wheels.
365
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:41,672
(laughs)
366
00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:44,471
Hot ticket.
367
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:45,810
Tilly talked about going
368
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:48,806
to the Mark Twain Festival
in Sulphur Springs.
369
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:50,807
Maybe we should head
in that direction.
370
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:51,808
Good idea.
371
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:53,810
I just hope we find her
before we get there.
372
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:56,814
I do not want to get involved
in that traffic.
373
00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:58,815
Hey, dang ol',
let's get going, man.
374
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:00,817
You guys don't have to come.
375
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:02,160
Of course we're coming.
376
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,824
We're the Three Amigos!
377
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:04,821
And Bill.
378
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:07,290
And Chuck, is it?
379
00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:08,828
Dad...
380
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:11,123
can I help look
for Grandma, too?
381
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:13,087
Tomorrow is garbage day, Bobby.
382
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:14,706
I need you here.
383
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:30,021
Hot dog!
384
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,101
Maybe Tilly stopped in here.
385
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:36,819
She said something
about this place
386
00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:38,734
having the best pies
in east Texas.
387
00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:40,739
Mmm, check it out.
388
00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:41,778
A couple of birds
389
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,697
waiting to be plucked
from a tree.
390
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:45,115
Mm-hmm,
yeah, man,
391
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:47,705
talking 'bout dang ol'
low-hangin' fruit, man.
392
00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:49,165
This'll be fun to watch--
393
00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:51,831
Just like an '80s
spring break movie.
394
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:53,749
Which one is going
to fall in love
395
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:56,793
before they find out
she's a prostitute?
396
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,837
Excuse me.
397
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:01,382
We're looking for a woman
around 70.
398
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:02,970
Probably paid with a check.
399
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,805
Had her own teabag.
400
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,174
I remember her.
401
00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:08,176
She was a real live wire.
402
00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:09,974
Mmm, no, wait.
403
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,562
She was a hot ticket.
404
00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:13,056
The live Wire's still here.
405
00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:14,477
She went to check out
406
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,772
the bluebonnets in the ravine
off Route 9.
407
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:17,814
What?!
408
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,528
She can't take an RV down there!
409
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:20,567
Ugh, dang it.
410
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:22,190
We gotta hurry.
411
00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:23,817
You like pie?
412
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,113
I like pie.
413
00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:26,656
HANK:
Let's go, guys.
414
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:29,826
Hey, man, I'm sorry, man,
but dang ol' hit the road.
415
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:30,823
Go on without us, man.
416
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:31,665
What?!
417
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:32,829
Sorry, Hank.
418
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,169
You knew our attention spans
when you invited us.
419
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:36,834
You invited yourselves.
420
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,081
Who remembers?
421
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,708
In fact, I forgot
where we were even going.
422
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:42,210
(sighs)
423
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,508
ANNOUNCER (over radio): ...dumping
inches of rain into the east valley.
424
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,805
Flash flood alerts for...
425
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,768
? ?
426
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:57,809
The map shows this road
as a yellow dotted line.
427
00:16:57,808 --> 00:17:00,687
Dang it, RVs should stay
on the solid lines.
428
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:01,812
That's nothin'.
429
00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:03,109
On the way to your place,
430
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:06,109
she dumped the RV's septic
over a bridge.
431
00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:08,736
The people on the ferry
were not happy.
432
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:11,831
Mom has made some questionable
decisions over the years.
433
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:13,039
I tell you what.
434
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,831
You know, she spent a summer
unwittingly spying
435
00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:17,828
(thunder rumbling)
for the Chinese.
436
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:20,832
Looks like there's a storm
up in the hills.
437
00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,458
Yeah,
438
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:24,836
and all that water is going
to drain through the ravine.
439
00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:27,463
Ah, Mom could get caught
in a flash flood.
440
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:28,965
We gotta take a shortcut.
441
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:38,774
(camera shutter clicking)
442
00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,570
Ugh, got-dang it!
443
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,455
(thunder crashing)
444
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,877
Okay, give her some gas
and hit the winch.
445
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:08,262
Nice and steady.
446
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,301
You got it!
447
00:18:09,297 --> 00:18:10,264
(gasps)
448
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,802
Ugh, we gotta find
something heavier
449
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,645
(horn honking)
to connect the cable to.
450
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,807
You boys need some help?
451
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:21,525
Tilly!
Mom!
452
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:22,564
You're okay.
453
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,813
What are you two doing out here?
454
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:26,029
We came to save you.
455
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:27,069
I'm fine.
456
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,816
But I think a storm is coming.
457
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:30,739
My knee is acting up.
458
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:32,157
We need to get out of here.
459
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:34,781
Chuck, hook the cable
to the back of the RV.
460
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:36,828
Mom, I need you to pull us out.
461
00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:37,791
Okay.
462
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:41,253
Go for it, Mom!
463
00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:52,803
Well, that was something.
464
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,802
This is what I was
talking about, Mom.
465
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,803
The road is a dangerous place.
466
00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:59,646
It's too easy
for someone like you
467
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,107
to get into trouble out here.
468
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:02,725
I wasn't in trouble.
469
00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:05,111
You two boys are the ones
who got yourselves stuck.
470
00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:07,150
I saved you.
471
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,524
Well, uh, sure, this time.
472
00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:11,776
But you're going to get into
trouble out here eventually.
473
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:14,741
I know you think
I'm an old lady, Hank.
474
00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:16,785
But I'm as sharp as I ever was.
475
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:19,541
I don't worry about you
because you're old.
476
00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:21,535
I worry about you because...
477
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:22,832
because you're an idiot.
478
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:23,750
What?
479
00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:25,840
You make stupid decisions, Mom.
480
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,128
You married Cotton.
481
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:29,923
You started dating Chuck
before you broke up with Gary.
482
00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:32,968
You sent your gold
to some guy on TV.
483
00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:34,010
I'm sick of it.
484
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,805
Have you always felt this way?
485
00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:41,227
Well, just maybe for the past
30 years or so.
486
00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:42,815
Huh.
487
00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:44,024
You know what?
488
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,233
Maybe you're right.
489
00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:46,728
Maybe I am an idiot.
490
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:47,819
Who cares?
491
00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:49,109
I do.
492
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:51,699
When you make a mistake,
I have to pick up the pieces.
493
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,238
No, you don't.
494
00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:55,407
I want to live
on my own terms, Hank.
495
00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:57,622
I want to have fun while I can.
496
00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:59,661
Let the pieces fall
where they may.
497
00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:01,250
Some things will work out well.
498
00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:02,289
Some won't.
499
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:05,254
At least it won't be boring.
500
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:06,668
Well, what's boring
501
00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:10,510
about living a sensible life
near emergency services?
502
00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:15,386
Can you try talking
some sense into her?
503
00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:16,974
The only thing I want, Hank,
504
00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:20,641
is to jump back in that RV,
if your mom'll have me.
505
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:25,771
We can be at the Mark Twain
Festival by sunrise.
506
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,813
Don't worry, Hank.
507
00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:32,235
I'll be okay.
508
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,664
I'll do my best to look
after her, Hank.
509
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:41,828
Thanks, Chuck.
510
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:45,078
You know, uh, Mom has made
a lot of mistakes,
511
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,796
but, uh, you're not one of them.
512
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:56,847
Wait, no, no!
513
00:20:56,839 --> 00:20:57,806
My-my truck!
514
00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:00,767
(sighs)
Idiots.
515
00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,723
(sighs)
516
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,892
KAHN: No, no, no, no, no!
Why you hate me?
517
00:21:48,500 --> 00:21:56,500
Ripped By mstoll
518
00:21:56,550 --> 00:22:01,100
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