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1
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:40,665
Well, looky who's still here.
2
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,469
My loyal Hank.
3
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,034
By God, you look handsome today!
4
00:00:45,145 --> 00:00:47,170
-Well, thank you, sir.
-You're welcome.
5
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:50,044
Now, I need you to do me a favor tonight.
6
00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:52,110
I can't tonight, sir.
7
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:56,211
Peggy and I have plans.
Romantic in nature.
8
00:00:56,322 --> 00:00:57,311
Cancel them!
9
00:00:57,424 --> 00:01:00,393
You gotta run to my farm,
feed my emus for me!
10
00:01:02,095 --> 00:01:03,528
Here, feed them with this.
11
00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:06,963
-You want me to shoot your emus?
-I got no choice.
12
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:11,226
Bottom fell out of the emu market
and I'm stuck on the ass of the pyramid.
13
00:01:11,337 --> 00:01:14,773
-But, sir--
-I want them emus dead, Hank!
14
00:01:14,974 --> 00:01:17,340
Make it look like a heart attack.
15
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,110
[Peggy singing]
16
00:01:31,124 --> 00:01:33,786
-Hi, Luanne.
-[giggling] It's game night!
17
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:37,929
I brought the mat from Twister,
the spinner from Life...
18
00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:41,262
most of Operation,
and a few Monopoly pieces.
19
00:01:41,568 --> 00:01:43,399
Can we play that? Please, please, please?
20
00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:46,870
Oh, I'm so sorry, Luanne,
but I made plans with your uncle tonight.
21
00:01:46,973 --> 00:01:48,702
I'm finally gonna cash in that...
22
00:01:48,808 --> 00:01:52,039
I-owe-you-one-dinner coupon
he gave me for our anniversary.
23
00:01:52,145 --> 00:01:55,114
But we play games together
every Friday night.
24
00:01:55,215 --> 00:01:56,807
Luanne, you're in college.
25
00:01:56,916 --> 00:01:59,180
You should meet some people
your own age.
26
00:01:59,285 --> 00:02:02,345
I fear I am becoming
your incredibly fun crutch.
27
00:02:02,555 --> 00:02:06,753
Well, I have seen a lot of signs on campus
for sorority rush week.
28
00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:10,262
Oh, good. Sororities are a great place
to make friends.
29
00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:13,890
Now, I have never had the need to join
a formal society to make friends.
30
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,766
But then again, I've never used
a dating service or a cookbook.
31
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:20,203
[giggling] I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna rush!
32
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:21,364
[phone ringing]
33
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,339
-You want me to get that?
-No.
34
00:02:23,776 --> 00:02:24,868
You got Peggy.
35
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:28,937
(Haik) Peggy, I kiow it's bad customer
service to caicel oi such short iotice,,,
36
00:02:29,048 --> 00:02:31,983
but I have to do ai erraid
for Mr, Stricklaid toiight,
37
00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:33,985
If you could see my face right now...
38
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:36,647
you would kiow that
I have iever beei more disappoiited,,,
39
00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:38,485
or more beautifully made-up,
40
00:02:38,591 --> 00:02:40,752
Jeez, Peggy, I'm really sorry.
41
00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:43,124
-Why don't you call Nancy?
-No.
42
00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:47,188
Ever since she stopped cheating on Dale,
everything is ""Dale, Dale, Dale.""
43
00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:50,326
[sighing] I guess I could call
one of my other friends, like....
44
00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:52,165
Like, I'll just....
45
00:02:52,772 --> 00:02:54,433
Luanne! Luanne!
46
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:55,508
[car horn honking]
47
00:02:55,608 --> 00:02:56,700
Oh, damn it!
48
00:02:56,809 --> 00:02:58,037
I'll make it up to you,
49
00:02:58,144 --> 00:03:00,977
You cai alter that oie-diiier coupoi
to two diiiers,,,
50
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,605
aid I'll iiitial it whei I get home,
51
00:03:03,716 --> 00:03:04,705
[phone beeps]
52
00:03:04,817 --> 00:03:08,082
It's you and me tonight, Bobby.
You want to hit the air hockey table?
53
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,918
-You got what it takes?
-I can't tonight.
54
00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:14,156
Joseph and I are having a guys' night out.
55
00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:17,195
The last time you came,
it was kind of weird.
56
00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:23,399
(girls)
Loig have I cherished Zeta Sigma Tau
57
00:03:23,636 --> 00:03:27,037
I'll pledge my love both thei aid iow
58
00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:30,832
So ifyou asked, I'd tell you how
59
00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:32,878
I love my Zeta--
60
00:03:32,979 --> 00:03:33,946
[Luanne exclaiming]
61
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:37,645
Oh, let's sing Lady Marmalade next.
I know the words.
62
00:03:46,859 --> 00:03:48,724
And this is where we sleep.
63
00:03:48,828 --> 00:03:49,795
[laughing]
64
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,727
Although we don't get a lot of that done.
65
00:03:51,831 --> 00:03:55,767
We mostly stay up late talking about
what we'd eat if we weren't dieting.
66
00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:57,301
Zeta Sigma Tau!
67
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:58,734
Questions?
68
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:03,035
A guy on the football team said that
all Zeta Sigma Tau girls were sluts.
69
00:04:03,142 --> 00:04:04,166
[girls gasping]
70
00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:07,735
Is that true?
Because I can't join if that's true.
71
00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:11,876
-Zeta Sigma Tau?
-Oh, my God!
72
00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:14,211
Kathryn, I have a question.
73
00:04:20,226 --> 00:04:21,887
You're a legacy?
74
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:24,793
My mother and grandmother were sisters
at Texas Tech.
75
00:04:24,897 --> 00:04:27,627
Your mother and grandmother
were sisters?
76
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:31,396
Shoot!
Your family's more messed up than mine!
77
00:04:31,704 --> 00:04:33,672
So, was your mother in a house?
78
00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:37,800
Well, she's been in a halfway house,
and in the big house.
79
00:04:40,546 --> 00:04:43,481
She stabbed my daddy in the back
with a fork.
80
00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:44,982
[all laughing]
81
00:04:47,153 --> 00:04:48,484
I wanna thank you guys...
82
00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:51,284
for giving up time
with your family and loved ones...
83
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:54,224
-to help me kill these emu.
-No problem.
84
00:04:54,327 --> 00:04:57,728
As a professional exterminator,
I'm a killer for hire.
85
00:04:57,830 --> 00:05:00,890
And even though I'm a killer for hire,
I'm doing this pro boio,
86
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,467
That means I get the bones.
87
00:05:02,568 --> 00:05:05,867
I know a Chinese guy
who uses them to get erections.
88
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,269
[contents sloshing]
89
00:05:09,008 --> 00:05:10,168
[emus cooing]
90
00:05:13,546 --> 00:05:15,377
(Bill) Oh, they're beautiful!
91
00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:27,053
How do you like that?
It's eating out of my hand.
92
00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:28,927
Hello, fella.
93
00:05:33,566 --> 00:05:34,931
It tickles.
94
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:38,003
Hank,
I can't kill something that tickles me.
95
00:05:38,104 --> 00:05:39,765
Cowards! Move away from the emu.
96
00:05:39,872 --> 00:05:40,839
[gun cocking]
97
00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:42,374
[exclaims]
98
00:05:51,984 --> 00:05:53,451
I can't do it!
99
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:55,051
Yes, I can.
100
00:05:55,221 --> 00:05:57,712
No, I can't! It's too damn majestic!
101
00:05:57,824 --> 00:05:59,883
Wait, I found the strength.
102
00:05:59,992 --> 00:06:01,960
Oh, who am I kidding?
103
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,227
Hey, is that one laughing at me?
104
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:05,888
No, he's still being majestic.
105
00:06:05,998 --> 00:06:07,522
Or is he?
106
00:06:13,906 --> 00:06:16,932
Hey, did you just break up
with your boyfriend?
107
00:06:18,010 --> 00:06:19,238
Girlfriend?
108
00:06:19,345 --> 00:06:21,711
I just got thrown out of a stupid sorority...
109
00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:24,977
by a bunch of rich, stuck-up, cool girls
with great clothes...
110
00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:29,248
who think they're just so hot
because they don't have mamas in jail!
111
00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:32,021
Your mother is in jail?
112
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:35,225
Wow! It's amazing that you're in college...
113
00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:38,388
and not trying to mug me
or sell me drugs right now.
114
00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:39,931
I think so, too!
115
00:06:40,032 --> 00:06:42,023
-I'm Jane.
-Luanne.
116
00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:45,668
You know who'd really get you?
The girls at the Omega House.
117
00:06:45,772 --> 00:06:47,933
That's where I live. Maybe it's just me...
118
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:51,100
but I like being somewhere
where people aren't snooty and mean...
119
00:06:51,210 --> 00:06:53,644
-but they like you for who you are.
-Yes.
120
00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:56,476
People should be liked for who they are.
121
00:06:56,749 --> 00:06:58,239
You know, you'd look so much better...
122
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:01,445
with your hair just thrown off
to the side a little bit.
123
00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:05,514
Funny bone for $400.
124
00:07:08,795 --> 00:07:10,228
[buzzing]
125
00:07:15,301 --> 00:07:17,201
I am sorry. I have done all I can.
126
00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:18,395
[giggling hysterically]
127
00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:20,301
Aunt Peggy, guess what?
128
00:07:20,406 --> 00:07:21,930
I'm in a sorority.
129
00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:25,272
This girl Jane said that
I was a natural-born Omega...
130
00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:27,676
and wanted me to move right in!
131
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:30,648
I'll never have to waste
another Friday night...
132
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:32,809
playing games with you ever again!
133
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,446
[sensual music playing]
134
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:40,048
It's done, sir.
135
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:44,590
Good job, Old Top. I'll see you at work.
136
00:07:44,697 --> 00:07:46,289
Hey, I could use that.
137
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:50,996
-Did he buy it?
-I can't believe I lied to my boss.
138
00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:54,635
I should have done the honest thing
and murdered the emus.
139
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:58,369
Oh, look at Fuzzy.
He looks like he's driving.
140
00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:00,704
[rock music playing]
141
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:01,871
[people chattering]
142
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,848
-Hi, Jane.
-Luanne!
143
00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:08,951
This is the sad girl who drinks alone
on campus, that I told you about.
144
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:10,411
(all) Wicked!
145
00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:12,320
I'm so glad you came.
146
00:08:13,759 --> 00:08:16,250
Stand back while I disarm the gate.
147
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:20,227
Go on in. I'll grab your bags.
148
00:08:25,271 --> 00:08:27,466
Lisa, we are here to help you.
149
00:08:27,573 --> 00:08:30,974
I'm not Lisa. My name is Jane. Let me go!
150
00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:33,978
Oh, my baby, we finally found you.
151
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,138
We gotta move.
152
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:39,082
This cult has lawyers out the ying-yang,
and they know how to use them.
153
00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:40,647
[Luanne whooping]
154
00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:42,846
Omega House forever!
155
00:08:52,498 --> 00:08:56,195
Welcome to Omega House. I am Jane.
156
00:08:56,402 --> 00:09:01,032
This is Jane. This is Jane, Jane, and Jane.
157
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,105
-What's your name?
-Bonnie.
158
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:06,804
No, it's Jane.
Bonnie is the name your parents gave you.
159
00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:09,040
Why should they get to tell you
who you are?
160
00:09:09,148 --> 00:09:10,376
They don't own you.
161
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:13,816
-What's your name?
-Jane.
162
00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:17,015
(all) We love you, Jane.
163
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:19,114
We love you, Jane.
164
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,216
We love you, Jane.
165
00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:24,319
Come on, guys! How about a pillow fight?
166
00:09:25,798 --> 00:09:27,231
Omegas rule!
167
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:30,632
-You! What's your name?
-Luanne.
168
00:09:31,170 --> 00:09:33,331
No, it's Jane.
169
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:35,204
No.
170
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:38,944
She's Jane. I'm Luanne.
171
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:42,146
You're making this very difficult, Jane.
172
00:09:42,381 --> 00:09:45,282
Here's a little trick I use
to remember my name.
173
00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:49,980
Okay, I think of a man named Lou,
and then a woman named Anne.
174
00:09:50,156 --> 00:09:52,886
They meet in a kingdom in the forest.
175
00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:58,052
[Dale exclaiming]
176
00:09:58,164 --> 00:10:01,395
God, that is the worst-smelling feces
I've ever smelled.
177
00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:03,426
[sighing]
We've got to get rid of these emu...
178
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:06,505
before Mr. Strickland finds out
I lied to him.
179
00:10:07,139 --> 00:10:09,505
No. They're so cute.
180
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:12,109
How could anybody hurt something
so huggable?
181
00:10:12,211 --> 00:10:13,178
[emu cooing]
182
00:10:13,312 --> 00:10:17,112
Who's a good emu? Who's a good--
Oh, God!
183
00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:19,711
Don't let them get away!
184
00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:21,013
[all clamoring]
185
00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:25,623
(Dale) There's one! I got him!
186
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:27,259
[exclaiming]
187
00:10:28,327 --> 00:10:29,294
[groans]
188
00:10:37,603 --> 00:10:40,003
Why does everything I love
run away from me?
189
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:43,041
Because you have to pet everything
like an idiot!
190
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:48,105
Hank, guess what?
191
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:50,546
I'm thinking about
rekindling some old friendships.
192
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,949
I'm gonna call everyone who wrote
""Have a nice summer"" in my yearbook...
193
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:56,715
and tell them how it went.
You want to join me?
194
00:10:57,189 --> 00:11:00,056
Sorry, Peggy. I've already got plans. I....
195
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,753
I'm making Bobby a hammock. Yeah.
196
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,860
This rope should work.
197
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:08,455
Who was that girl I used to make fun of
in high school?
198
00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:11,031
Beth Berkovski, yes!
199
00:11:16,575 --> 00:11:18,941
Hey, Bersnotski! Guess who this is.
200
00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:22,643
Good morning, Omegas.
201
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,413
Rice for breakfast?
202
00:11:27,219 --> 00:11:28,914
We had rice for dinner.
203
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:31,888
I'm losing weight
'cause I haven't had any meat!
204
00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:34,619
And I lose weight in my chest first.
205
00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:37,558
You think you are hungry, but you're not.
206
00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:41,463
Your body lies to you,
just like your parents!
207
00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:45,469
But you can trust us.
We will tell you when you're hungry.
208
00:11:45,604 --> 00:11:48,004
We will tell you when you're tired.
209
00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:50,769
Will you tell me
if I have to go to the bathroom right now?
210
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:54,778
Because I feel like I do. But a lot of times,
when I get there, I don't.
211
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:58,043
-And I just sit there and hum--
-No! No bathroom!
212
00:11:58,150 --> 00:12:00,209
Number one and number two
is something you did...
213
00:12:00,319 --> 00:12:02,583
before you became an Omega.
214
00:12:02,755 --> 00:12:07,522
We are going to take you someplace
where you only go number three.
215
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,695
It's called the Omega Ranch.
216
00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:12,355
This must be
where we're going for spring break!
217
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:14,194
The ranch is quiet and secluded...
218
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:18,031
so you can concentrate on making
our famous jams and jellies.
219
00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:19,604
They're so delicious...
220
00:12:19,705 --> 00:12:24,005
especially when smeared
on a piping hot English muffin.
221
00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:27,635
[all exclaiming]
222
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:31,274
The ranch is also
where you'll get to meet Jane.
223
00:12:32,618 --> 00:12:33,778
[knocking at door]
224
00:12:33,886 --> 00:12:35,114
How's it going, ladies?
225
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:38,384
I have a large meat-lover's pizza
for Luanne.
226
00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:39,982
Me!
227
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,254
You have an independent streak...
228
00:12:42,361 --> 00:12:45,455
that makes it very difficult
for us to love you!
229
00:12:45,664 --> 00:12:47,495
(Jane) Do you like it here?
230
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,625
Well, it's cold.
231
00:12:49,835 --> 00:12:53,293
And you won't let me sleep.
And you locked me in a closet.
232
00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:56,067
But I've made a lot of new friends, so, yes!
233
00:12:56,175 --> 00:13:00,339
I can assign you 10 friends for life, or zero.
It's up to you.
234
00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:02,544
Do you understand?
235
00:13:03,816 --> 00:13:06,876
I said, do you understand?
236
00:13:08,487 --> 00:13:10,853
Boy,
if that guy on the bicycle hadn't hit it...
237
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:13,891
I don't know
if we ever would have caught this fella.
238
00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:15,824
Jams and jellies!
239
00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:18,494
Get your spreadable fruitsies!
240
00:13:18,597 --> 00:13:20,622
-Luanne?
-Uncle Hank!
241
00:13:22,201 --> 00:13:26,433
If they catch me talking to you,
they'll throw me in the closet again!
242
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,138
Yes, sir. We have blueberry.
243
00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:31,368
I'm so tired and hungry.
244
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:35,011
Tastes delicious
on muffins, bagels, or crackers.
245
00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:37,775
And they haven't let me pee-pee
in two days.
246
00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:40,647
I think they're trying to drive me crazy!
247
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:41,913
Are you drunk?
248
00:13:42,021 --> 00:13:46,617
If your sorority has to sell jelly
to buy beer, you're drinking too much.
249
00:13:46,725 --> 00:13:48,852
Now get in the back. I'm taking you home.
250
00:13:48,961 --> 00:13:50,155
[giggling nervously]
251
00:13:51,063 --> 00:13:54,726
And, no, you are not tripping.
That is an emu.
252
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:56,156
[grunts]
253
00:13:56,268 --> 00:13:58,998
-Go, go, go!
-Hey! Kidnap! Kidnap!
254
00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:05,068
They'd wake me up in the middle
of the night just to yell at me.
255
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:06,610
They must really hate me.
256
00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:09,738
Oh, Luanne, all sororities do hazing.
257
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,079
The harder it is,
the stronger the friendships.
258
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:14,709
Why do you think
POWs are always having reunions?
259
00:14:14,820 --> 00:14:18,722
I just opened the garage door
and something big and feathery ran out.
260
00:14:18,824 --> 00:14:20,052
Oh, God!
261
00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:23,090
I said I wanted a pony!
262
00:14:23,329 --> 00:14:27,356
Luanne, have you ever wondered
why I spend every Friday night with you?
263
00:14:27,466 --> 00:14:30,594
Because I challenge you
with my intellectual.
264
00:14:30,769 --> 00:14:33,237
It is because I never joined a sorority.
265
00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:35,603
I never got the chance
to make lifelong friends...
266
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,302
who might drop by
to drink flavored coffees...
267
00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:41,140
dish about boyfriends
and my beauty secrets.
268
00:14:41,247 --> 00:14:44,739
Now, it's not like I am without people
I recognize at the supermarket...
269
00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:47,045
but that's just not the same.
270
00:14:47,586 --> 00:14:50,578
Now, come on, get in the car.
I'm gonna take you back.
271
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:54,617
I don't know who she is.
We've never seen her before.
272
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:57,161
Please! Just give Luanne another chance!
273
00:14:57,263 --> 00:15:01,029
I didn't like your jam at first,
but I gave it a second chance.
274
00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:03,601
So, you brought her back?
275
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,805
How would you like
to come in for some rice?
276
00:15:08,707 --> 00:15:12,006
As an organization
that promotes love and unity...
277
00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:15,911
Omega House appreciates a mother
as caring as you are.
278
00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:20,474
I am too young to be Luanne's mother.
I am her aunt.
279
00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:23,179
I wish I could jump in your head
and crawl around.
280
00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:25,951
-Well.
-You seem like a fascinating individual.
281
00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:30,461
-You are probably very popular.
-Actually, no.
282
00:15:30,562 --> 00:15:33,554
It's like I was trying to tell this guy
in the soup aisle yesterday.
283
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:34,894
I call him ""Soupy.""
284
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,992
It's difficult to find people
you can really connect with.
285
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:42,062
Well, people of high intellect
often intimidate people.
286
00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:45,243
And you are of high intellect, Peggy...
287
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:48,040
no matter what you've been told
by your husband.
288
00:15:48,314 --> 00:15:49,338
No.
289
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:52,178
-Your father.
-Not really.
290
00:15:53,085 --> 00:15:54,074
Mother.
291
00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:56,245
[gasps] How did you know?
292
00:15:56,355 --> 00:15:58,118
Because we love you!
293
00:15:58,223 --> 00:16:00,350
(all) We love you, Jane.
294
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:02,188
We love you, Jane.
295
00:16:05,597 --> 00:16:08,327
Okay, so we'll have your tanks filled
by tomorrow.
296
00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:12,336
Now, would you mind answering
our customer-service survey?
297
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:16,937
Have you seen any emu in your yard
or adjoining property?
298
00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:20,337
Hank! I need you to dig up them emu...
299
00:16:20,446 --> 00:16:22,505
and drop them off
at my insurance company.
300
00:16:22,614 --> 00:16:26,243
Dang pencil-pushers won't pay my claim
without the corpus delicti,
301
00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:29,082
Apparently my grief ain't proof enough.
302
00:16:29,621 --> 00:16:30,952
[phone ringing]
303
00:16:31,957 --> 00:16:32,946
Hello?
304
00:16:33,058 --> 00:16:34,457
Hank, great news.
305
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:38,758
My new best friend Jane took Luanne back
and invited me to sleep over.
306
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,228
-I didi 't have a iightgowi,,,
-Hank!
307
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:43,130
,,,but the Omegas gave me a jumpsuit
just like all the other girls,
308
00:16:43,235 --> 00:16:44,202
[Dale yelling]
309
00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:48,437
Oh! God dang it, I gotta run!
Have fun, Peggy.
310
00:16:49,908 --> 00:16:51,500
You know what I love about this place?
311
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:53,805
Nobody ever gets tired
of hearing about me.
312
00:16:53,912 --> 00:16:56,107
My hobbies, favorite movies...
313
00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:59,446
my deep-seated resentment
towards my soul-crushing mother.
314
00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:03,112
-I never want it to end.
-lt never has to end, Aunt Jane.
315
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:08,149
See, once we get to the ranch,
it's gonna be so beautiful and peaceful.
316
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:10,188
Just like a tanning bed.
317
00:17:10,295 --> 00:17:12,456
You know, at first I thought I was dizzy
from hunger.
318
00:17:12,564 --> 00:17:15,032
Now I realize it is from bliss.
319
00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:19,096
Okay. We'll take two of the strip steaks...
320
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:23,140
three pounds of the ground chuck,
and four emus.
321
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:27,972
-Oh, and could we get them shot, please?
-Sorry. We don't carry emu.
322
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,413
Okay. Give me 75 pounds of beef.
323
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:35,050
And you got any extra beaks
you could throw in there?
324
00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:37,349
Don't worry, Hank. I got some beaks.
325
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:40,649
(Hank) How about this?
326
00:17:40,759 --> 00:17:44,160
We didn't want to cruise around town
with a truckload of dead emus...
327
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:46,493
so we had them butchered and packaged.
328
00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:48,395
Mr. Strickland will buy that, right?
329
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:51,469
-Bill believed you, and he was there.
-Yeah.
330
00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:55,801
But how am I gonna explain
a $400 meat bill to Peggy?
331
00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:57,973
It's not even a three-day weekend.
332
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:01,945
It's a good thing she's on her
ladies' sleepover at the Omega House.
333
00:18:02,047 --> 00:18:03,674
Omega House, huh?
334
00:18:03,782 --> 00:18:06,751
I exterminated
over at the Omega House once.
335
00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:10,212
It's a cult, you know.
They paid me in jams and jellies.
336
00:18:10,322 --> 00:18:14,224
What are you babbling about?
Omega House is Luanne's sorority.
337
00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:16,817
What I'm babbling about is
how the Omega cult...
338
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,955
recruits unsuspecting young women
from campus...
339
00:18:20,065 --> 00:18:22,590
deprives them of protein, bathrooms...
340
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:25,226
and all contact
with their families and friends...
341
00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:28,795
then ships them off to a ranch
for general enslavement.
342
00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:30,631
Oh, God! Peggy!
343
00:18:34,012 --> 00:18:36,276
Excuse me. Are y'all with the cult?
344
00:18:36,381 --> 00:18:37,871
We're not a cult.
345
00:18:37,983 --> 00:18:40,451
We're an organization
that promotes love and--
346
00:18:40,552 --> 00:18:42,144
Yeah, this is it.
347
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:49,655
Peggy! Luanne!
It's me, your husband and your uncle!
348
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:52,987
We don't have any Peggys or Luannes.
349
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,862
You're thinking
of Blonde Jane and Old Jane.
350
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,833
And they don't wanna see you.
351
00:18:58,537 --> 00:18:59,526
[grunts]
352
00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,265
Peggy! Luanne!
353
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:06,636
-Old Jane! Blonde Jane!
-It's too late.
354
00:19:06,745 --> 00:19:08,940
They've been deprived of protein so long...
355
00:19:09,047 --> 00:19:11,845
that their bodies are feeding off
their own brains!
356
00:19:11,950 --> 00:19:14,976
They're nothing
but soulless autonomatonamatons.
357
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:16,054
[beer cans opening]
358
00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:17,789
[boys exclaiming]
359
00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:19,982
Booya! You drink.
360
00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:22,151
This is a job for meat.
361
00:19:34,706 --> 00:19:35,673
[all chanting]
362
00:19:35,774 --> 00:19:36,763
Janes, the bus is here.
363
00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:39,537
Leave everything
from your old lives behind.
364
00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:41,909
Except work gloves. You'll need those.
365
00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:44,137
[exclaims]
366
00:19:44,249 --> 00:19:47,650
My arm! It's cramping! I'm down!
367
00:19:48,153 --> 00:19:51,316
Dang it, Dale! My wife is in there.
Keep fanning.
368
00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:53,324
[groaning]
369
00:19:55,060 --> 00:19:56,550
[chanting continues]
370
00:19:56,662 --> 00:20:00,928
Peggy! You can't get on the bus!
Trust me, you joined a cult!
371
00:20:01,066 --> 00:20:03,899
(all) Jam, jelly. Jam, jelly.
372
00:20:04,002 --> 00:20:06,493
Jam, jelly. Jam, jelly.
373
00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:09,200
(Hank) Come on. Come on!
374
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:12,141
(girl) I love it.
375
00:20:12,744 --> 00:20:16,145
No! Do not listen to that he-person!
376
00:20:16,248 --> 00:20:19,411
He is on the wrong side of the love fence!
377
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:25,081
This man looks like
he could use some jam and jelly.
378
00:20:28,026 --> 00:20:29,459
I'm sorry, Hank.
379
00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:34,396
My new friends have invited me
to spend eternity, I think, with them.
380
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,365
Well, all right. Have fun, then.
381
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,797
But maybe you'd like a bite for the road.
382
00:20:45,611 --> 00:20:47,841
Old Jane, get back here!
383
00:20:47,946 --> 00:20:51,313
My name is not Jane. My name is Peggy!
384
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:53,684
And I love meat!
385
00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:55,542
[sniffing]
386
00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:58,020
Can you smell that? Can you?
387
00:20:58,123 --> 00:21:00,489
Look! That guy's giving out food!
388
00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:03,254
I'm sorry! I'm just so freaking hungry!
389
00:21:08,734 --> 00:21:10,599
This one tickles, too.
390
00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:16,802
That's funny. I can't remember my name.
391
00:21:16,908 --> 00:21:19,308
I think it starts with an ""R.""
392
00:21:22,547 --> 00:21:25,812
Wait. It's Luanne.
393
00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:31,512
Janes, come back!
394
00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:32,590
[all exclaiming]
395
00:21:32,691 --> 00:21:34,989
Jam, jelly. Jam, jelly.
396
00:21:35,093 --> 00:21:38,256
Jam, jelly. Jam, jelly!
397
00:21:38,363 --> 00:21:39,330
[Peggy exclaiming]
398
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:41,759
Janes, come back!
399
00:21:47,005 --> 00:21:48,097
What....
400
00:21:48,206 --> 00:21:49,173
[Strickland screeching]
401
00:21:58,817 --> 00:22:01,650
[emus cooing]
402
00:22:28,413 --> 00:22:31,143
(Dale) Autoiomatoiomaiapotois,
403
00:22:32,143 --> 00:22:42,143
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