All language subtitles for King of the Hill s04e20 Meet the Propaniacs.eng

[THEME SONG]

So, you say Linda did your toes?
She's a butcher.

[CONNIE CHUCKLES]

Do you wanna do the New York Times
crossword puzzle?

It's what New York couples do
every Sunday.

Like Tony Randall and his wife.

[BOBBY GASPS]

I know what I'm doing this summer!

CONNIE:
"Language Camp at Middlebury"?

It's not as much fun
as that ad makes it look.

No. "The Stagedoor
Pines Theater Camp.

BOBBY: Perform comedy at a real
former Catskills resort

with counselors whose credits include
The Mike Douglas Show

and Make Me Laugh."

I don't know, Bobby.
It's still got the word "camp" in it.

- There might be some sports.
- I'll fake a groin pull.

I've seen this Dateline.
That guy sneezes into the meat.

Bobby?

Did your grandfather send you
more of those gentlemen's magazines?

"The New York Times Magazine

published by
the New York Times newspaper."

Oh, Bobby.

I wasn't reading the articles.
There's this camp I wanna go to. See?

"Summer Comedy Camp"?

I'm sorry, Bobby. I don't fully understand
what that is,

but I'm still gonna have to say no.

And I already put in a good word for you
with Mr. Strickland

about working with me this summer.

- I don't wanna be a tank wipe.
- Sure you do.

Why don't you come by
after school tomorrow

and help us get ready
for the big Grill-Stravaganza Sale?

You'll be paid in experience,
and that is tax-free.

Now, this fixed maximum-liquid-level
gauge, on the other hand,

is for propane tanks that have a dip tube
welded in the vessel

or where mounting is to be done
at the maximum allowable filling level.

Any questions so far, Bobby?

What's a dip tube?
What do you mean by "vessel"?

What's the maximum allowable
filling level,

and isn't it about time for a coffee break?
I'm fading here.

[SIGHS]

[CHEERFUL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[SLURPING]

[GULPS LOUDLY]

[JOE JACK LAUGHING]

Wipe out.

[JOE JACK HUMMING]

[HANK GASPS]

Bobby, stop it!

Those are propane accessories,
and you will treat them with respect.

I may have been on the phone
with our 12th-largest customer

while you were in here horsing around,
but someone was watching.

BOBBY:
"Good wishes...

Texas Propane Dealers Association
President Charlie Fortner."

Yep. He's the single most powerful man
in Texas propane.

He's what Fritz Kubiac is
to the county utility board.

So I heard.

HANK: I wonder if Fortner and Kubiac
are allowed to fly on the same plane.

[BOBBY SIGHS]

HANK:
Buck, code double-red.

We just sold our last
Vogner CharKing Imperiale.

Where's the dang truck
with our re-supply?

It was supposed to be here an hour ago.
I don't know--

Excuse me. I am here to buy
a Vogner CharKing Imperiale

as advertised.

My satisfaction depends on it.

Dale, go home.

Bait and switch.
Bait and switch.

BOTH:
Bait and switch.

No. There was no switch.

It's bait and bait.

ALL [CHANTING]:
Bait and switch.

We have many other excellent grills.
Please...

Tell your daddy to throw in his apron.
His weenie roast is going bye-bye.

Wait a sec. I've got an idea.
Spatulas.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Hot!

[BLOWING FURIOUSLY]

Bobby?

BOBBY:
Follow my lead.

I am The Great Gashead.

He's The Great Gashead.

[SINGING] ? I am The Great Gashead
And I'm here to say ?

? Grills are comin'
And they're on the way ?

Dear Lord.
Do not make fun of propane.

Do not make fun of propane.

[SINGING] ? A whole truckful
And that's not a few ?

? Twenty to 40,000 BTU ?

[ALL LAUGHING]

[HANK LAUGHING HEARTILY]

You're laughing?

I don't know, it's just that,

he's got that tank, and...

Great Gashead. I love it.

God help me, I love it.

BOBBY:
Thank you. I thank you.

Bobby, you're a funny boy.

I used to chase skirt
with your granddaddy.

He's a mean kind of funny.

The point is, you kept them laughing
till the truck came.

I'm thinking maybe we should send
those fellas up to Strickland North.

STRICKLAND: It's like a funeral parlor
whenever I go there.

Yeah, we could do a few sketches,
a little improv, wear some wigs.

And you will be called
"The Propane Maniacs."

No, The Propaniacs.

That's great, Bobby.
Here's to The Propaniacs!

ALL:
The Propaniacs!

The Propane Maniacs!

I called the assistant manager
up at Strickland North.

Things are bad up there, Bobby.
It's in the heart of charcoal country.

I should probably work up
some more gas-related material.

It's weird, but I don't even

totally understand what propane is.

No one will ever totally understand
Sweet Lady Propane,

but here's what we do know.

It's defined chemically as C3H8

and has an energy content of...

...flame waiting, tobacco-curing,
and defoliation.

All propane is produced
from two sources: crude oil--

All right. Now we're talking.
Crude oil's got the "K" sound.

I could work with that.
You see, your "K" is your funniest sound.

Ketchup, kangaroo,
Krug Vapor Compressor.

Krug Compressor.
There's two "K" sounds in that one.

[HANK LAUGHING]

So, that's how comedy works, huh?

It's also crucial to end on a big joke.

In improv, we call it a "blackout."

They actually turn out the lights
after a big laugh to end the scene.

- Boy, you sure know your comedy.
- I study the masters.

Gleason had six different bus uniforms,
depending on his weight.

Six. That's kind of a "K" sound.

[MUSIC PLAYING ON SYNTHESIZER]

Sorry, Dale. You have to work
at Strickland to be in the group,

except for Luanne.
She's in, or Buck won't pay for t-shirts.

I'm way funnier than Luanne.
Watch. Bill, get a beer.

[COMICAL TUNE PLAYING ON SYNTHESIZER]

[BILL HUMMING AND GIGGLING]

See? It just makes
things more comedic.

HANK:
Bobby, you awake?

HANK:
Yeah, me, too.

I must be a little jazzed up
about your first show.

I was just going over
the act in my head.

It takes a while
'cause I hold for laughs.

Now, I hope these people in your head
are laughing with propane and not at it.

Yeah. Not like with butane
and those other bastard gases.

[HANK LAUGHING]

Blackout.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[POPULAR '80S POP TUNE PLAYING]

ALL [SINGING]: ? The Propaniacs,
Propaniacs on the floor ?

? And we'll make you laugh and laugh
And laugh some more ?

? We're the Propaniacs ?

[SINGING]
? Aniacs ?

ALL [SINGING]:
? For sure ?

? If you're sad, we've got
The gas that is the cure ?

? Propaniacs, yeah ?

[ALL CLAPPING AND CHEERING]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING ON SYNTHESIZER]

Don't stick a fork in me.
I'm not done yet.

He'd be done if you'd used propane.

[DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[UPBEAT POP INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Excuse me. Could you assist my son
with his gas?

[DALE MIMICKING FARTING SOUND]

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

I only sell C3H8.

That smells like CH4.

I need a new diaper.
Baby did a bad, bad thing.

[ALL LAUGHING]

It is a fart joke, Hank.

[LAUGHING HEARTILY]

[UPBEAT POP INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

I am Hazmat the Magnificent.
The first envelope, please.

The first envelope.

Butane, charcoal,
and your mother-in-law.

"Name three things you'd hate to have
at your Fourth-of-July barbecue."

[UPBEAT POP INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

All right, guys, listen up.

This came today from the
Texas Propane Dealers Association.

It says in part:

"We hope you'll accept our invitation

to perform at the upcoming
Southwest Propane Gas Trade Show

and Conference in Arlington."

HANK: Signed, "Sincerely,
Charlie Fortner, president.

Dictated, not read."

[ALL CHEERING]

I've never met a president before.

Met Patrick Swayze, but he don't...
I mean, he's not...

I met Fortner twice.

When he shakes your hand,
boy, it stays shook.

BOBBY: Okay, we're gonna
ride the horse that got us here.

We'll open with "Gas Cop,"
then do "Big Baby,"

then right into "Chasing Bratwurst."

You know what I was thinking
might be funny?

We got Charlie Fortner in the audience,
and he's a funny guy.

- Let's put him on stage.
- He could be the Gas Cop.

Better yet, he could be arrested
by the Gas Cop.

[LAUGHING HEARTILY]

Joe Jack arresting Charlie Fortner.

[JOE JACK GASPS]

HANK: Charlie's gonna get a big kick
out of that, I tell you what.

- You want me to frisk Mr. Fortner?
- It'll be great.

Now, listen up, everybody.

Here's what we'll do
when Fortner comes up.

He doesn't want someone like me
touching him.

I'm just a driver.
My mom's his cleaning lady.

BOBBY: ...smiling. You're a hanging judge.
And don't give Fortner...

[AUDIENCE MURMURING]

Wait a minute. Where's Joe Jack?

He was drinking from his mini-canteen
out in the parking lot,

and then he was
smashing car windows.

I wasn't gonna say nothing.

Oh, God. It's probably pre-show jitters.

- HANK: Dale, do not start the show yet.
- DALE: Got you.

[LIVELY BEAT PLAYING]

[STUTTERS]

Too late. I can't stop myself from...

And now, presenting your Propaniacs:

From Arlen, Texas, Bobby.

From Arlen, Texas, Luanne.

From Arlen, Texas,
Donna from Accounting.

And finally, from Arlen, Texas,
Joe Jack!

[AUDIENCE CLAPPING]

DALE:
Joe Jack!

[DALE CLEARS THROAT]

Let me take this opportunity
to introduce the band.

On keyboard, the Big D himself,

Rusty Shackelford.

[REGGAE BEAT PLAYING]

DALE [SINGING]: ? Gas Cop, Gas Cop
What you gonna do? ?

? What you gonna do
When he comes for you? ?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Charlie Fortner...

we had a tip you might be
in possession of an inferior fuel.

Mr. Fortner,
please come up here for questioning

and keep your hands
where I can see them.

No, I'm fine. Thanks.

All right, punk.
We'll do it the hard way, sir.

[AUDIENCE MURMURING AND LAUGHING]

[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING]

Judas Priest, man. Stop it.

[COMICAL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Big Baby did...

a bad thing.

Joe Jack?

Halt!

Halt and put down the lollipop.

[ALL LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS IN SHOCK]

[LAUGHING]

My diaper gone bye-bye.
You got one on you?

What the deuce?

Just roll with it, sir.
You're doing great.

The baby asked you for a diaper,
Mr. Pee-Pee-Poo-Poo-Pants. How about it?

That's it.
Hank, I'm getting out of here.

No. Listen to them, sir.
They're loving it. Come on.

I'm gonna frisk you, Diaper Bandit.

[TENSE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

- HANK: No, you don't.
- FORTNER: Get off of me.

FORTNER:
Stop it.

Oh, my God.

Blackout!

I'm sorry, sir.
I had no idea that you wore...

[STAMMERING AWKWARDLY]

Say it, Hank. I want to hear it
come from your mouth.

Diapers.

You only have to say it.
I have to wear them and buy them.

Honestly, sir, no one knew
you wore those things.

A man in a diaper
comes out on stage

and asks me for a diaper!

- Somebody thought that through.
- Sir, no. I swear to you--

I tell you what.

You keep doing
your little propane comedy show.

You just have a good time with it.

And I will see that you never work
in this business again.

You'll be back hawking dungarees
at Jeans West quicker than you can say:

"Ooh la la Sassoon!"

Sir, if it makes you feel any better,
I also wear diapers.

Which brand is more absorbent?

- Well...
- Get out!

I've been thinking about
how great it went in Arlington,

and I've got a new closer:

[SINGING] ? You must buy, you must buy,
You must buy ?

? Propane ?

- You didn't think it was funny?
- It's not that it's not funny, Bobby.

In fact, it's the funniest thing
I've ever heard.

But we're not doing
the show anymore, Bobby.

Charlie Fortner will sanction
no further Propaniac performances.

I don't get it. First, you don't let me go
to comedy camp.

Then, you make me work
at your propane store.

And when I finally find something
that makes it fun,

you let Charlie Fortner take it away.

[MELANCHOLIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

HANK:
Those were some good times.

HANK: Bobby'd tell me something
about comedy,

and then I'd teach him
a little bit about propane.

You know that bit where he'd say

propane is 270 times more compact
in its liquid form than as a gas?

I gave him that line,
but he sure knew how to deliver it.

Yes, he did.

You know, Hank, there are still places

where Boss Fortner's tentacles
do not reach.

The Propane Maniacs could perform
in high schools, shopping malls, anywhere.

Yes, there's over 60 million people
who use propane in this nation, Peggy.

I find that difficult to believe.
I think you mean six million.

- You want me to get the book?
- Yes, I do.

The Propaniacs,
Sunday night at the Arlen Mall.

"Who's gonna re-unite this Sunday night
at the Arlen Mall?"

You mean it?

But what about Charlie Fortner?

Son, there's only one man in Texas
who wears a diaper that I care about

and that's Joe Jack
in the "Big Baby" sketch.

All right. The kid stays in the picture.

[SINGING]
? Propaniacs, aniacs ?

Come on, Dad.

No, this is your moment.

[SINGING]
? ...on the floor ?

? And we'll make you laugh and laugh
And laugh some more ?

Okay. We're opening with "Gas Cop."

- Joe Jack, you sober?
- I've had my coffee.

[SINGING] ? Gas Cop, Gas Cop
What you gonna do? ?

? What you gonna do
When he comes for you? ?

The story you are
about to see is true.

Only the emergency shut-off valves
have been changed,

to protect the consumer.

[CHUCKLING SOFTLY]

You step out
of that propane-powered vehicle, honey.

Is there a problem, Gas Cop, sir?

Looks like you've got
some explaining to do,

given the cost, filthiness,

and uneven heat of charcoal
versus propane.

BOBBY: That's not my charcoal.
It's a friend's.

Wait a minute.
What else are you packing?

You're not just a charcoal user.
You're a dealer.

I can't help it. I started with butane,
then moved on to the harder stuff.

BOBBY: Stop me before I build
my own hydroelectric dam!

[HANK LAUGHS LOUDLY]

Hydro!

That is funny. That is funny stuff.

[HANK CONTINUES LAUGHING]

[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

JOE JACK: You have the right
to remain efficient.

I know. If I give up the right
to remain efficient,

anything I grill unevenly

can be used against me
in a food court of law.

[HANK LAUGHING HEARTILY]

HANK:
The right to remain...

[THEME SONG]

HANK:
Blackout.

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