All language subtitles for King of the Hill s04e17 Bill of Sales.eng

[THEME SONG]

[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[HANK GRUNTING]

[ELECTRONIC WHIRRING]

I'm getting a lot of interference
on the bedroom TV.

HANK: What do you say
you unplug your "Peggy's,"

put down the classifieds,
and come on to bed?

As a former restaurant manager, I am
accustomed to setting my own hours.

And unfortunately,
these are the hours I have set.

I know you miss
running that restaurant.

PEGGY: It's not the restaurant I miss.
It's the people, Hank.

Managing people.

Telling them what to do
and then watching as they do it.

Maybe you could ask the school
to let you substitute-teach

the first grade again.

Those kids usually
do what you tell them.

It's just not enough anymore. I am:

"A natural-born leader who can
build business from zero to infinity.

Must be highly motivated self-starter
with own car."

My God, Hank, that's me!

Peggy, it's almost midnight.
You're gonna wake them up.

No. I am gonna shake them up.

- LANEY: Who is it?
- PEGGY: It is Peggy Hill.

[EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE]

LANEY: Well, that's the whole pitch
right there. Any questions?

Yes. Metalife. What is that?

Products for living.

Okay, those are useful.
And you sell them?

Yes. And I have a number of people
who sell for me.

So you would consider what you do
sales or management?

A little bit of management,
mostly sales.

Yes! Management! Thank you.

Laney, I hope you don't mind me asking,
but that pin, it is spectacular.

Thank you.
So were my February sales figures.

I hit $10,000, which got me
in the Metalife Double Diamond Club.

Peggy, if you want to be your own boss,
come and work for me.

[SLOW COUNTRY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Hey, mail guy! I'll take it.

DELIVERY MAN:
Sign here, please.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

You got a package, Peggy.
I signed for it.

But I was home, Bill.

I know. I didn't want
you to be bothered.

- So, what are you doing?
- Put the package down.

You wanna go for a walk?

Go back to your house.

[DOOR LOCK CLICKING]

Okay, let's see.
These are the Metalife shakes,

and here are the vitamins,

and these are
Forty-Forty-Twenty MetaBars.

That is, oh, percents.

So you're gonna sell these, are you?

Well, these things sell themselves.
$18, Bobby.

Which will make it very easy for the team
of salespeople working beneath me.

It sounds to me
like one of those pyramid schemes.

No, not at all.

As the brochure describes it,
it is not a pyramid.

It is a triangle.

And it is not a scheme, Hank.
It is an opportunity.

Good question, though.

This doesn't taste
like raspberry truffle at all.

Then, honey, you're eating it wrong.
Put it down.

All right, come on, let's get to it.

Hank, you will sell at work.
You're assistant manager.

They would have to buy from you.

And, Luanne, you will sell at college.

You must have made a whole bunch
of new friends that you can pressure.

[DALE CLEARS THROAT]

[DALE SNIFFS]

Well, it's probably
about time I apologize

for my misguided Y2K hysteria.

Who would have guessed the whole thing
would go off without a hitch?

Really brought the country together.

Yep, best thing
that ever could have happened, Y2K.

Hey, Dale! Energy bar?

I'm going the other way, thanks.

Boomhauer, how are you?
Protein shake?

No way. All I need is dang old chopped
beef in a blender and some eggs.

I'm talking about
botta botta Boomhauer.

[GASPS]

PEGGY:
Dale, protein shake?

My tummy wouldn't mind
a little something.

BILL:
Let me take a peek at your wares.

- What's that?
- Those are vitamins.

- What's that?
- Protein shake.

- What's that?
- That's also a protein shake.

What can I get for a quarter?

A soda, 20 years ago.

[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Oh, great. What you want?

Hello, neighbor. How are you today?

Those that Meta vitamins?
You in that racket?

Okay, I buy from you.

- You will?
- Yeah.

You wait here. I'll get my wallet.

[HUMMING]

[KAHN AND MINH LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

[BILL EXCLAIMS]

[THUD]

Okay, my people,
I call to order the very first meeting

of my international sales force.

So, before we start,
any fun sales stories?

Anything at all?

Well, it's been a week,
and at this time,

I would like to please see
your order sheets.

Here you go, Peggy.

PEGGY:
One sale.

I can't sell at the office.
It's a propane place.

I need to keep that pure.

Luanne, I did not get your sheet.

I didn't do one.

But I did give away all my samples.

What samples?
Those weren't samples.

My God, what am I running? You think
one sale between the three of us

is gonna keep this company going?

PEGGY: I am going to have
to let one of you go.

Luanne, I'm sorry.

Peggy, Luanne's young.
She's got a great future ahead of her.

Fire me. Send her a message.

I will fire you
if your sales figures don't improve.

Now put on your button,
go to the airport, and move some product.

PEGGY:
What?

You got another package.
I signed for it.

PEGGY:
Where is it?

Like I said, I signed
and was carrying it up your path.

- I got to thinking--
- You ate my bars?

No, I sold them. On the base.

All of them,
even the raspberry truffles.

I'm sorry.

Bill, I'm gonna use you.

[GIGGLES]

Okay.

[CHOMPING SATISFACTORILY]

[EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST]

Peggy, may I say
what an honor it is--

Have you heard of a quota system?

I give you a certain number of sales

that you have to make
by the end of the month.

So, we'll say this
first month's quota is...

I don't know, $10,000.

What? No, that's a lot of sales, Peggy.

- Well, I thought as much.
- I'll do it. I can do it.

Then this conversation is over.

[MILITARY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Sergeant, where's that ta-ta issue
of Sports Illustrated?

I don't know, sir. But if I were you,
I wouldn't be worried about a magazine.

I'd worry about...

[BILL MUMBLING]

- Nothing.
- What?

General, the following statement
has not been evaluated by the FDA,

but the Metalife protein bar
can re-grow hair.

BILL: Energy bar!
Get your protein shakes!

[SOLDIERS CHATTERING]

Here you go, sir.
Yeah, that's right.

There's chocolate, I think.

$10,000 in his first month?

That William Dauterive is quite a find!

Well, thank you. I molded him,
motivated him. You know how it is.

Is he excited
about the San Antonio conference?

Are you kidding? Am I excited?
I cannot wait to go.

It's just for the salesman himself,
Peggy.

Just the Double Diamond sellers,
and a guest.

Your own numbers were quite small.

Well, Laney, my sales are low because
of my management responsibilities.

You know, meeting with my supplier--

I am your supplier,
and meeting with me is 10 minutes.

But it is a 15 minute drive,
and I was 20 minutes late.

Peggy! If I knew you were coming,
I would have put on pants.

Can you give me a minute?

Bill, it's okay. I have
something important to tell you.

Now, because you met your quota...

[EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST]

You have won a trip to the Metalife
State Sales Conference in San Antonio.

Did I mention
that you get to bring a guest?

And business etiquette dictates
that you invite me.

In my wildest dreams,
I never thought you'd want to go with me.

Of course I will take you, yes.
I'll even drive!

I guess it doesn't make much sense
to take separate cars.

San Antonio, huh?

Well, when you get there safely,
call me collect with the name Antonio,

and I won't accept the charges.

And if you're not safe,
then you'd use your own name.

Hank, my very first business trip.

I am finally getting the recognition
that I have always given myself.

Isn't this Bill's trip? Didn't he win it?
Aren't you just his guest?

Hank, you're fired.

[LIGHT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Okay, you'll be in 2111.

And where am I?

2111.

The same room?

I'll have you know, young lady,
you are talking to the sort of woman

who would never ever share
a room with the sort of man

who is talking to you now.

Look, this is San Antonio.

You can't just waltz in here
and expect there to be rooms.

Wait. Wait a second.

"Rio Grande Suite.
Sam Houston Suite."

Bill, these are all suites!

PEGGY:
Don't look. Do not look.

That is Marty VanHoldt,
regional sales coordinator for Metalife.

Oh, my God. We are right across the hall
from freaking Marty!

[GASPS EXCITEDLY]

[DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[GASPING]

Look at this.

"To our Double Diamond sales staff.
Congratulations.

"Mike Desmond,
CEO, Metalife International."

Oh, my God!

San Antonio, Bill.
She is all ours.

I think I'll just grab a newspaper
and find a chair by the pool to sleep in.

Nonsense, Bill. You will stay here
and sleep on the couch.

I think I will have
some of that champagne then.

Although, technically,
it's just sparkling wine

unless it comes
from the Champagne region of France.

Luanne, you still going
to community college?

Aha.

Of course,
I'm still in the propane business.

That's where I was today.

- HANK: Bobby?
- BOBBY: Yeah?

- HANK: What?
- BOBBY: You said, "Bobby."

Oh. Yep.

BOBBY:
Can I watch TV while I eat?

You know your mother forbids television
during dinner.

It's family conversation time.

Who are we kidding?

[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Hey, Dean,
congratulations on your numbers.

Looks like someone's
going to Nationals.

What are the Nationals?

It's how they reward the top performers.
Your manager's manager.

And where are the Nationals held?

- Right here.
- San Antonio?

This room.
And they fold back that wall.

- No.
- Yes.

Now, that Peggy Hill needs to see.
Excuse me.

Bill, we are going to Nationals,
and here's how.

Now, I am going to employ a pie chart.
You tell me if I lose you.

PEGGY: Right now, you account
for 100% of sales, okay?

Now, what I need from you
is more sales.

Do you think
that you could sell 100% more?

If that's my new quota,
that's my new quota.

Nationals! Let's go out
and celebrate tonight.

Someplace fancy
where they'll lend you a jacket.

I won't even have
to worry about stains.

Honey, put me down
for another 1,000 bars.

I am going to Nationals.

A thousand bars! You know,
you have to sell them to get to Nationals.

Or buy them yourself.
We really don't care.

Then go ahead and put me down
for 2,000 of those bad boys.

[EXCLAIMS IN DELIGHT]

Marty, put me down
for another 2,000 bars.

I'm going to Nationals!

MARTY:
Mike, another 2,000 bars!

Bobby, when's this movie over?
I want to watch the news.

The news?
You watched the news yesterday.

Come on now, people.

If you don't like the show,
there are other TVs.

PEGGY:
Bill, will you look at it?

BILL:
Men have walked on that moon.

I guess sometimes
the impossible is possible.

[ROMANTIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Just like some would say
it's impossible to move 2,000 units.

But I know you could do it.

- I already sold half.
- No.

I talked the hotel into
stocking all the mini-bars with them.

You did not.

Oh, my God!
We're going to Nationals. Yes!

- Come here.
- All right.

This is the Double Diamond pin
that you won.

I think you deserve it
even more than I do.

No, I don't.
Why would you say that?

Because, Bill, you are a kind,
hardworking, superhuman people person,

who's taking us to Nationals!

Bill Dauterive, I love you.

[EXCLAIMS IN SHOCK]

What are you doing?
Stop it! Leave me alone!

Keep the jacket, keep the pin,
keep the moon. I quit!

The room key's in the jacket.

[SOMBER INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Laney! Laney!

Cancel the order.

What? I can't cancel--

I said cancel the order.
My star salesman just quit on me.

So? You can't return product.
That's just not how the system works.

Come on. I think the
triangle can handle it.

It's not a triangle.
It's a damn pyramid!

You do whatever it takes
to get Dauterive back in the fold,

or Marty VanHoldt is gonna come down
on us like the hair of the gods!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hi, Bill. I brought your mail.

PEGGY:
Look, a postcard from Peggy Hill.

"Having a great time in San Antonio.
Glad you're here."

BILL: Just put it in my waste corner
on your way out.

Somebody lost weight.

Probably from all that hustling
you were doing.

Yes, I'm a very attractive man.
I get it. Now go.

Hold on, Bill. Do you like beer?

Can those big feet of yours do a 180?

This has been nice.

See you at the sales meeting tomorrow?

BILL: That sounds exciting,
but Tuesday's my ass-scratching day!

Everything was going great,
but then when I tried to motivate him,

that's a management term,
with a little praise, my term,

he goes plumb loco. Spanish term.

You must have confused him.

Being dumped on is all Bill knows.

First there was that childhood of his.

Then he joined the Army

and then married
that backbreaker, Lenore.

HANK: I'm gonna go oil the bearings
in your suitcase wheels.

San Antonio dust
contains a lot of silica.

Your father's right.

Bill has had a hard life,
and he likes it that way.

He likes to be treated badly.

It's called psychology, Aunt Peggy.

The disease of psychology.

I'm taking it pass-fail.

Well, of course. He's crazy.

If insulting him is the only way
to get Bill back to work selling...

it is that nut job's lucky day.

Okay, let's see.
I certainly can't attack his sales ability.

Come on, there's plenty to work with.

It's Bill Dauterive.

He's bald, but he still has dandruff.

I mean, what's that all about?

- And don't forget his odor.
- He's afraid of thunder.

Okay, good. But slow down.

PEGGY: Hey, Baldy. If you're looking
for the hair on your head,

why don't you check your shoulders
and your back?

Get off my lawn.

I don't fertilize with poo.

Yeah? Well, I wouldn't waste
all that water on your lawn.

You're gonna need it
to hose yourself down later...

because you stink.

You heard me.

Even in France, they would
take notice of your bad odor.

You were rude.
But in the morning, I'll be sober.

"Shut up, lonely divorc�,

or you will be alone
for the rest of your life!"

[STAMMERING]

Never mind. You couldn't have gotten me
to Nationals anyway,

lazy, good-for-nothing quitter.

Just wait. Hold on.

Just give me one
more chance, please?

I'll sell all your bars.
I know I can.

One chance.
Tomorrow morning, my garage, 7:00.

- It's a little early.
- You just bought yourself 6:45, mister.

- I guess I could skip my shower.
- 7:00 it is.

[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Bye.

[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES]

[GRUNTS]

[BILL BREATHING HEAVILY]

Don't you worry, Peggy.

As soon as I load the last box
of chromium biscuits into my car,

I'll start pounding the pavement.

What are you doing? I did not
say you could take a break, did I?

It's my toe. I think I have a blister.

If you do, it's not from carrying boxes
for one day.

"It's from carrying that huge gut of yours
around for 40 years."

Yeah, you're probably right.

[GROANING]

[EXCLAIMS WITH CONCERN]

[BILL GROANING]

And don't worry about your driveway.

[GROANS IN PAIN]

My tube sock is soaking up
most of the blood.

[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

- Bill.
- Yeah?

Bill, you're fired.

[STAMMERING]
Yeah, but I know I can do...

I can sell all these.

BILL:
We can go to Nationals.

Isn't that what you want?

Not if it means
taking advantage of a friend.

No, not you. My friend? No.

Yes, Bill, I am your friend.

Although I haven't always been
a good one,

taking advantage of
your low self-esteem

to boost my own
already healthy esteem.

And for that, I apologize.

No, Peggy, you don't have to apologize
to me. I'm not--

The next words out of your mouth
better be "apology accepted."

Apology accepted.

[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

So, friend, between you and me,

I think this Metalife thing is a scam.

Yeah, but what a ride.

[THEME SONG]

HANK: Of course,
I'm still in the propane business.

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