All language subtitles for King of the Hill s04e13 Hanky Panky 1.eng

[THEME MUSIC]

MAN:
It's right over here. I'll show you.

WOMAN: Honey, I'm gonna go
to the restroom.

Hey, Dad, when you go up
to give your acceptance speech,

do you want me to stand next to you
and pretend I'm doing sign language?

Bobby, the Blue Flame of Valor Award
is the highest honor

the Texas Propane Gas Association
can bestow

upon any current or active member
in peacetime.

Show some respect.

[SIGHING]
Mr. Strickland's wife is beautiful.

HANK: That's not his wife.
That's Debbie from work.

Pretty gal like that
should have been able to get a date.

[TINKLING]

I hope y'all enjoyed your meal.

I haven't seen so much chicken
in one room

since the Democratic
National Convention.

Nothing.

Now, the first Blue Flame of Valor
of this millennium

goes to Mr. Hank Hill
of Strickland Propane.

BOBBY:
Yeah. Way to go, Dad!

[ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

[SWEEPING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Thank you.

As a young boy, I always dreamed
of winning the Super Bowl.

Then, as most of you know, that dream
was crushed along with my ankle

in the Class Two-A
State Football Championship.

Well, I knocked around for a while,
and sowed my oafs,

got a job at Jeans West.

Long story short, one day at JW,

I sold a pair of Jordache
to a man who would change my life.

To quote Dr. Luther King,
I had another dream:

To sell propane and
propane accessories.

Dr. King.

The name of the man
and the distributorship

who made me dream again: Strickland.

The "S" stands for service.

The "T" is for trust.

"R" is for reliability.

- HANK: Now, the "I" stands for--
- MRS. STRICKLAND: Jackass!

[GRAVE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[EXCLAIMS IN SHOCK]

No, it's for integrity.
That's not even the right letter.

MAN: That's Mrs. Strickland.
This ought to be good.

Now, Miz Liz, just calm down, here.
We're in public.

You are in public with this little bimbo

in front of half our Christmas-card list.

Are those my mother's earrings?

"C" is for compassion.

- I want you out of the house!
- Yeah, but, sweetie--

- And out of the lake house!
- Out of the lake house?

I'm sorry I stole your thunder, Hank.
Please, start over.

[MUMBLING]

[ALL MURMURING]

- HANK: Now, where was I?
- MAN: "D" for dumb.

Hank, my office, pronto.

[DEBBIE HUMMING]

Morning, Debbie.

Now, we gotta move fast.
Hank, give me whatever cash you got.

Son, you just bought yourself
a barbecue joint.

HANK:
"I hereby transfer

100% ownership of Sugarfoot's
Barbecue to Hank Hill."

Yeah, that's right.
And after my divorce is final,

you'll therefore transfer 100% ownership
back to me.

Miz Liz can't have
half of what I don't own, you see?

You sabe, don't you?

Sir, I didn't even know
you own Sugarfoot's.

That place is an institution,
I'll tell you what.

You got your sawdust on the floor,

the brisket served up
on butcher paper.

Dang it, Hank, this ain't poetry night.

Don't worry. The place runs itself.

The help makes the barbecue,
I make the money.

Now, go tell Joe Jack to come
get his new Evinrude outboard

and take Roger his scimitar,
would you?

With the power vested in me
by the great state of Texas,

I hereby notarize this beer coaster.

PEGGY: Congratulations, Hank.
You own a barbecue restaurant.

And, because we live in a
community-property state, I own half.

So, in addition, congratulations to me.

Now, listen here, children.
We're a family.

Daddy still calls the shots,
but Debbie's your new mama.

[EXCLAIMS IN SHOCK]

Shoot!

Pleasant morning to all y'all.

My name's Jewel Crawford,
attorney at law.

I know all about you,
you sorry sack of Sakrete.

Sticks and stones, Buck.
That's all you're gonna be left with.

You must be the adulteress
co-respondent in this divorce.

Aren't you pretty.

I see how you could make
a weak man stupid.

[GIGGLING]
Thank you.

Judge Yarborough
sends his best regards, and this.

MR. CRAWFORD: It tells you
when you gotta leave, which is now,

and where you gotta go, which is out.
There. You all caught up.

Dang it, Miz Liz!
Leggo my Eggos.

I'm sorry you had to hear that,
Miz Liz.

Now, you drag yourself out that door

before my ostrich boot
puts your eggos back in the toaster.

Thank you, Jewel.

[MUTTERING]

Debbie, you stay here.
I need you to be my eyes and ears.

I'm his eyes and ears.

Yes, but your butt belongs to me.

Because from now on, I am the Strickland
in Strickland Propane.

[EXCLAIMS]

Look, Mrs. Strickland,
I believe in being direct,

so can you just fire me now?

I figure you probably wanna bring in
your own people, and...

[LAUGHING]
My people shop. Relax, Hank.

I and my lawyer want this business
to be profitable.

I can't do that without you.

I need you on my team.

Well, I do love teamwork.

Hank, what's the
worst job on this team?

Worst-paying or most degrading?

Hell, it's the same for both.
Tank wipe.

Debbie, you're on tank wipe!

[SLOW COUNTRY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

PEGGY [EXCLAIMING]:
Sawdust.

- BOBBY: Hey, Wayne.
- WAYNE: Hey, Bobby.

This place has so many possibilities.

Hello, my name is Peggy Hill.
I am the new owner of Sugarfoot's.

What happened to Mr. Buck?

Mr. Buck is going
through a nasty divorce.

So he sold this restaurant
to me and my husband,

who will be a silent partner.

Okay. Nice meeting you.

I have not met you yet, because
you have not told me your name.

That there is Alvin, our sauce man.

Bubba, he serves the barbecue beans,
okra, coleslaw, what have you.

And that Merrill. She take the money.
I'm Little John. I cut meat.

It is very nice to meet you,
Little John.

As my first order of business,

I want you to know
that you are no longer employees.

You are now teammates
on Team Peggy Hill,

and I am your captain, Peggy Hill.

That'd be fine.

[PEGGY EXCLAIMING]

[MAN GRUNTS]

[LIGHT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

I'm sorry. I'm looking for building 25,
apartment 318-D.

- This is it.
- Yeah, I'm in here, Ol' Top.

You know, Debbie's place
is right next to Sugarfoot's.

- HANK: That's a coincidence.
- MR. STRICKLAND: No.

I like to eat, I like to hump,
and I don't like to drive.

So I built Sugarfoot's
next to the singles complex.

Have a seat.

[SCREAMING AND GUNFIRE ON TV]

That's my Italian scattergun.

That gun, that saddle, them boots,
one measly box of cash.

That's all I can hide from my wife
and that damn Jewel Crawford.

eBay has a Smokey and the Bandit

Screaming Eagle black Trans Am
Hot Wheels, still in the blister pack.

Buck, can I borrow $400?

- This is Debbie's roommate, Laura.
- It's Gale.

Here's where I'm gonna stick
my "Light my Firebird."

You're gonna shut up now,
is what you're gonna do.

God dang it!
Are those my Pecan Sandies?

That was dinner.

Hank, let's do something nice
for our tummies.

[SIGHS WEARILY]

[LIGHT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

What would you recommend
if none of this looks good?

- Crepes Saint Jack.
- And the Florentine for madam.

[CHUCKLES]

I can remember...

barely...

when waiters didn't call me madam.

[CRYING]

Looks like you need a refill.

[SOBBING] I can forgive my
husband's benders, and the profanity,

and his inappropriate comfort
with all aspects of the human body.

But it's the women, Hank.

My purse of forgiveness
is finally empty.

Please, don't make me choose sides.

Mr. Strickland's
been very good to me.

And I've worked for him
as long as he's been cheating on you.

We both deserve better, Hank.

I'd like you to have this.

MRS. STRICKLAND:
Hank Rutherford Hill.

I'm making you manager,
and I'm giving you a raise.

Wow!

Manager?

[STUTTERING]

I hope you won't pass the cost
of my raise on to the customer.

[CHUCKLING]
You.

[PEGGY SIGHING]

Welcome to our very
first team meeting.

Now, this is our new suggestion box.

It is a way for each of us
to anonymously suggest ways

we can whip this place into shape
without fear of losing your job.

[RATTLING]

Someone's already made a suggestion.
This is exciting.

"Sweep out the sawdust
and put down carpet.

Carpet Tex is having another
going-out-of-business sale."

Excellent. Approved.

That box would work better
if you cut a hole in the top.

Possibly.

Now, in addition
to the anonymous suggestion,

I have a few thoughts of my own.

Alvin, when customers
walk into Sugarfoot's,

what's their first thought?

"I'm hungry"?

It's, "Why isn't this place
good enough to be a chain?"

My own experience tells me that people
are willing to sacrifice individuality

for comfort and familiarity.

And in his autobiography,
Wendy's founder Dave Thomas agrees.

I like them square hamburgers.

Exactly. Now, everyone,
please open up your chore envelope.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Hello. Hi, Mrs. Strickland.

[EXCLAIMING AFFIRMATIVELY]

A propane emergency?

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Come in, Hank. There seems to be
a propane leak in the master bathroom.

Is it the whirlpool or the heater?

You're the professional.

I just know it's not
hot enough in there...

yet.

Sounds like the heater.

[SEDUCTIVE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

HANK:
This might be electrical.

I knew you were the
right man for the job.

I gotta be honest with you, Miz Liz.

I was worried
when you took over at Strickland.

MRS. STRICKLAND: Could you pass me
more bath beads?

HANK:
Sure.

And I didn't wanna have
to leave Strickland.

- Is that champagne?
- And these are two glasses.

[SEDUCTIVE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES]

A backup glass,
in case one of them breaks.

Hank, let's get in there
and make some soup.

[EXCLAIMING IN SHOCK]

Honey! Oh, no, wait.

[SERIOUS INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[GROANING]

MRS. STRICKLAND: Hank, I am
so embarrassed about last night.

You're a real gentleman,
and I was a little less than a lady.

I'll try to be patient with you,
and with my desires.

Well, you know,
there's no personal...

[EXCLAIMING IN FEAR]

It was my fault,
and I'm turning over a new leaf.

Now, here's your new
manager's uniform.

Put it on and let's
go into the showroom.

In recognition of his dedication
to this company,

I have promoted Hank Hill

to be the new manager
of Strickland Propane.

[EMPLOYEE CHUCKLING]

[COUGHING]
Boy-toy.

Boy-toy? I don't even know
what that means.

It means you're Miz Liz's Debbie.

Hey.

See you around, Debbie.

Judas H. Priest, Debbie!
Did you shove a cat down this drain?

I haven't had time to do anything
except be your wife's slave.

Buck, you gotta do something.

You're on your own, Debbie.
I can't help you no more.

I'm tired of wiping tanks all day
to support this home

while you sit there like a king,
watching All My Children with Gale. Jeez!

I am not a history buff,
but I tell you, I don't remember

Louis XIV spending his days
pulling hippie hair out of drains!

- You're out of tortilla chips, Buck.
- That's it.

Debbie, get me my flip-flops.
I'm going to shave in the pool.

[CAR ENGINE STARTS]

Poor Peggy,
doesn't suspect a thing about Miz Liz.

There is nothing to suspect.
I haven't done anything except my job.

You can kiss that goodbye,

unless you kiss Miz Liz
in a pleasing manner.

You could call the Equal Employment
Opportunity Commission.

- Or you could just put out.
- Six of one.

I'm not going to put out,
I'm not going to lose my job,

and I'm not going to let Peggy
find out about any of this.

Dale, give me a cigarette.

I thought you quit
because cigarettes cause death.

They do, you know,
so pace yourself.

[MYSTERIOUS INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

WOMAN:
Need a light?

What the...

Debbie?

What are you doing here?
Why are you in your underwear?

I need you to protect me from Miz Liz.
She hates me.

You are having an
affair with her husband.

No, I was having an
affair with my boss.

You're my boss now...

Hank.

[EXCLAIMS NERVOUSLY]

[SEDUCTIVE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

HANK: No, sir. I'm sorry,
but at this point in time,

I'm going to have to
reject your advances.

DEBBIE:
Hank, stop it!

Oh, God!

This ain't over!
Nobody rejects Debbie Grund.

Well, I just did.

[INTENSE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

You'll be sorry, Hank Hill.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

What the... Mr. Strickland?

Well, well! The plaintiff called me

gloating all about your little
rub-a-dub-dub in my tub.

Now, soup is good food, Hank,
but keep your spoon in your own bowl.

Sir, we go back 15 years.

And in all that time
I have only had one mistress,

and her name is propane.

Peggy and I have an
understanding about that.

Heck, Hank, I believe you.

I know you don't have sex.

That is not exactly accurate.

I had it all, Hank.
I had a good wife to mother me,

I had a pretty young girlfriend.
I was living like a Frenchman.

But I blew it.
I lost my wife, and my money.

And now I want my wife
and my money back.

HANK: Mrs. Strickland, you told Buck
that we made soup

when you know darn well
that we most certainly did not make soup.

Yes, Hank, I did. I told him
we made a big bowl of "cream of us."

- And for that, I'm sorry.
- Cream of...

What kind of teamwork was that?

Buck and I have been doing
the same dance for 32 years.

I needed to dip him for a change.

I've never seen a man
so dipped in his life.

Oh, Buck.

So you dragged my good name
through the dirt just to make Buck jealous.

Try and forgive me, Hank.

You know what?
In the name of forgiveness,

why don't you let me buy you dinner
at Sugarfoot's tonight?

6:00. Yeah.

Yeah, forgiveness.

Buck, I thought you might be in the mood
for something besides SpaghettiOs.

How about meeting me
at Sugarfoot's for dinner?

Keep an eye on your hidden assets?

Okay. I'll see you at 6:00.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Hello?

WOMAN:
May I please speak to Peggy?

No, I'm sorry. Peggy's at Sugarfoot's.
Can I take a message?

Tell her that Debbie Grund
slept with her husband.

- Who is this?
- It's Debbie.

[LAUGHING WICKEDLY]
Remember me?

Put that old lady back on.

Maybe she can talk
some sense into you.

Don't bother with that message.

Sugarfoot's is right across the street.
I'll tell your wife myself.

No, you don't wanna do that.

Why not?

[STUTTERING]

Because then it would make it
even harder for us to...

- pursue our relationship.
- So we're gonna do it?

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Yes, we are going to do it.

[EXCLAIMS EXCITEDLY]

I like it when you talk dirty.

Therefore, I'm now going
to drive over there, baby.

[EXCLAIMS IN DISBELIEF]

I just had phone sex.

[EXCLAIMS IN HORROR]

[TENSE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Welcome to Peggy's Sugarfoot's.

And how many in your party?

Bobby, quick!
Where's your mother?

What the hell happened to this place?

[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Peggy, have you seen
Debbie from work?

It is always about your work,
isn't it, Hank?

We're not at Strickland Propane now.
We are at Peggy's Sugarfoot's.

You haven't said one word
about how I've turned this place around.

Yo, Miss Peggy!
The choo-choo's gone off the track.

That's six times a day that thing
gone off the track that I know of.

What the hell happened to this place?
It's prissier than Tony Roma's.

[LAUGHING] Yeah.
Why don't you take a seat?

[MRS. STRICKLAND EXCLAIMS]

- Miz Liz?
- Buck.

Oh, my God!

There used to be
a horseshoe over the door

that we took off a horse
on our honeymoon.

And these walls. They used to be
the same smoky color as your eyes.

What have they done
to Sugarfoot's, Sugarfoot?

Why, you haven't called me
Sugarfoot in years.

Buck, you got to promise me--

Sweetheart, baby, I know it.
Don't you worry about nothing

because you know what?
Debbie is history.

My God! Debbie!
I've got to stop her.

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

I gotta talk to Debbie.

Everybody is gonna love
my new barbecue sauce.

What was that?

Hello? Is anybody there?

PEGGY:
Hank, is that you?

Mr. Strickland? Miz Liz?

All right. Whoever you are,
we do not accept any bills

larger than $20.

[GASPS]

[SINISTER INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

[SCREAMS IN HORROR]

PEGGY:
Debbie? Somebody shot Debbie!

[THEME MUSIC]

JOE JACK:
Boy-toy.

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