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1
00:01:03,863 --> 00:01:05,664
Here's a surprise.
2
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:08,934
Guess who's not coming
to Thanksgiving?
3
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:10,169
Your dad?
4
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:13,105
He's such a hypocrite.
I hate hypocrites.
5
00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:14,306
I'm sorry.
6
00:01:18,678 --> 00:01:20,245
Is this for me?
7
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:22,281
I figured you'd have
more use for it than I will.
8
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:25,617
Right.
Thanks.
9
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:27,052
I swear to God.
10
00:01:27,054 --> 00:01:30,255
The man is incapable
of keeping a promise.
11
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:31,690
What was his reason?
12
00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:33,392
You tell me.
He's your friend.
13
00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:36,895
- Carrie--
- He said he has to,
stay in London.
14
00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:39,598
Why would anyone choose
to stay in London?
15
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,033
London's awful.
16
00:01:41,035 --> 00:01:42,634
When's the last time
you were in London?
17
00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:45,137
When I was 12.
18
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:47,306
When your mom was sick?
19
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:48,607
Don't do that.
20
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:49,808
Do what?
21
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:52,277
Make associations
in your head.
22
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:54,179
I don't like London
because it is cold,
23
00:01:54,181 --> 00:01:55,547
it is repressed.
24
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:56,782
And everyone
looks like they've smoked
25
00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:57,950
too many cigarettes.
26
00:01:57,952 --> 00:02:00,719
Did you make any friends
this week?
27
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,020
You and I both know
28
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,288
there's a perfectly
good reason
29
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,389
I don't have any friends.
30
00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:05,724
So, what
did you do this week?
31
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,426
What I normally do.
32
00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:10,462
- Reading?
- Mostly.
33
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:13,232
And how many books
did you read?
34
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:14,199
Seventeen.
35
00:02:16,769 --> 00:02:18,370
And does reading
17 books in one week
36
00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:19,638
seem normal to you?
37
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,274
No, no, of course
it's not normal.
38
00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:24,143
I mean, does skipping
39
00:02:24,145 --> 00:02:26,011
three grades of school
seem normal?
40
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:29,581
Does going to Harvard
at the age of 14 seem normal?
41
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,216
I'm clearly not normal.
42
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:33,685
I thought we'd established
that was the problem.
43
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:36,555
Carrie, I want you to do
something for me.
44
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:38,590
What?
45
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,125
You and I
are going to come up with
46
00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:41,627
a list of goals
you're going to achieve
47
00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:43,295
between now
and the end of the year.
48
00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:46,498
So, for our next session,
I want you to think about
49
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,934
some of the things
you'd like to have
on that list.
50
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:52,004
Things you've done
in your life and enjoyed.
51
00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:54,573
What kind of things
do you expect me
52
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:55,674
to put on this list?
53
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,442
For example,
join a club.
54
00:02:57,444 --> 00:03:00,179
Why should I force myself
to go out and meet people
55
00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:03,882
who have lowered
their moral, ethical,
and intellectual standards
56
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,484
in order to fit in
with other people
57
00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:08,387
who have low moral, ethical,
and intellectual standards?
58
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:10,689
You're such a contrarian.
59
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:11,757
No, I'm not.
60
00:03:15,562 --> 00:03:16,929
A little helpful advice.
61
00:03:16,931 --> 00:03:19,631
One,
try to stop pontificating
62
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,900
and rubbing
your exceptionally high IQ
63
00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:23,802
in people's noses.
64
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:25,771
Two, give humanity
a chance.
65
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:27,406
Someone
might surprise you.
66
00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:30,709
Time's up.
67
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:31,977
Carrie, wait.
68
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:33,212
You were quite late,
so I don't mind
69
00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:34,446
going a couple
of minutes over.
70
00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:35,781
I do.
71
00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:37,216
I'm actually in the middle
of reading
72
00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:38,951
Foucault's
"Archeology of Knowledge."
73
00:03:38,953 --> 00:03:42,821
I highly recommend it,
by the way.
74
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:45,657
And, if you
speak to my dad,
75
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,226
please give him
the message
76
00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:50,095
that I don't accept
his excuses or his apologies
77
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,563
and that hiring me
a therapist
78
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,498
is no more
a satisfactory replacement
79
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,000
for an actual parent,
80
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,568
than sending me
off to college
81
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:59,004
at an inappropriately
young age.
82
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:06,845
Sorry for being--
83
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:08,914
I completely understand.
84
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,515
Happy Thanksgiving.
85
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:12,484
You too.
86
00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:25,530
Hey, Carrie.
What's up?
87
00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:27,432
Hi, Ronald.
88
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:32,437
- Do you need a menu?
- Sure.
89
00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:35,474
Someone still
buys DVDs?
90
00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:36,942
Someone still does, yeah.
91
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:37,943
And you know what?
92
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:39,411
I have never had to wait
93
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:42,014
for the movie to load
halfway through the film.
94
00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:46,852
I'll have the soup.
95
00:04:46,854 --> 00:04:48,954
Yeah, sure.
96
00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:03,435
- Hi, there.
- Hi.
97
00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:07,706
Look, before you launch
into your moves or whatever,
98
00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:09,541
I just want you to know
99
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,143
that I'm not really
in the right frame of mind
100
00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:12,944
to make flirty chitchat
with a total stranger.
101
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:14,479
Even though, admittedly,
you're quite a cute one.
102
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,915
But I've just--
dealing with being let down
103
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,950
by my dad--
not for the first time.
104
00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:21,353
And I've just had
a really tough session
105
00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:22,454
with my therapist.
106
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:23,955
I'm sorry.
107
00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:27,559
I just wanted to know
if I can borrow this chair.
108
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:31,496
Definitely.
109
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,131
Yes.
110
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,500
Take it.
Knock yourself out!
111
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,035
Not with the...
chair.
112
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:47,279
Hey!
113
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,654
Do you want me
to pack this to go?
114
00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:58,357
Yes!
Please, yes.
115
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:24,116
What the hell is that?
116
00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:38,130
Yo! World music guy!
117
00:06:38,132 --> 00:06:39,498
- Hey!
- Can you go
118
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:40,832
and hold your one-man
119
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:43,402
aborigine festival thing
somewhere else?
120
00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:45,470
Like Australia?
121
00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:47,205
Sure.
122
00:06:56,682 --> 00:06:58,116
Hi, Dad.
123
00:06:58,118 --> 00:06:59,551
Hello, darling,
how are you?
124
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:00,986
Got your message.
125
00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:02,888
You're not coming
for Thanksgiving.
126
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,623
Shocker.
127
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:05,991
So sorry, darling.
128
00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:07,692
I really thought
I could swing it,
129
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:10,495
but I just
can't get away.
130
00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:12,497
It's such
an American thing anyways.
131
00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:15,367
I promise I'll be there
for Christmas.
132
00:07:15,369 --> 00:07:18,270
Well,
it would have been nice
133
00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:20,205
to have a bit
more notice.
134
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:22,374
But listen,
I do have good news.
135
00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:25,076
I've found you a job
at the law firm
136
00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:26,445
of a friend of mine.
137
00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:28,980
In what world
is that good news?
138
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:32,117
If anything,
that is very, very bad news.
139
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:33,585
But it'll be good
for you.
140
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:36,755
Well, I'm still four years
ahead of my peers.
141
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:39,758
Do you want me
to be maladjusted?
142
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,393
It'll be easy,
I promise.
143
00:07:41,395 --> 00:07:45,464
It's a night job,
proofreading legal briefs.
144
00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:47,532
You love reading.
145
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:49,301
Not proofreading,
146
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:51,937
and certainly not
legal briefs.
147
00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:54,239
Well, at least
it'll be quiet.
148
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:55,874
You won't have
to talk to a soul
149
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:58,243
if you don't want to.
150
00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:01,847
If you have a better offer,
by all means.
151
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:04,416
What happened
to "Take some time"?
152
00:08:04,418 --> 00:08:07,252
Well, it has
been a year, darling.
153
00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:09,321
And to be
absolutely honest,
154
00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:11,022
it would really help
if you could
155
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:14,759
bring something to the table,
so to speak.
156
00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:18,597
Isn't there
some other way?
157
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:22,934
You could get a roommate
instead if you prefer.
158
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:26,004
Okay, fine.
159
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,573
I'll take the job.
160
00:08:45,925 --> 00:08:47,626
Hello?
161
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:57,796
What you listening to?
162
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:04,536
Wait, isn't that
from Bugs Bunny?
163
00:10:04,538 --> 00:10:09,874
It's "Morning."
"Peer Gynt," Edvard Grieg.
164
00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:12,811
I'm pretty sure that's from
one of the "Looney Tunes."
165
00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,212
Who are you?
166
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:18,149
- Douglas.
- Do you work here?
167
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:20,885
No, I just didn't
have anyone
168
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:22,354
to spend
Thanksgiving with,
169
00:10:22,356 --> 00:10:23,755
so I've been wandering
around the building
170
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:27,225
hoping to find someone
to share my turducken.
171
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,260
Right.
172
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,096
I'm kidding.
173
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:33,031
You're Carrie Pilby,
right?
174
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,866
I might be.
175
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:38,737
Sometimes when the documents
get copied and/or faxed,
176
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:41,406
the periods end up
looking like commas.
177
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:44,142
And the "Hs" end up
looking like "Ks,"
178
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,144
You know,
that sort of thing.
179
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,680
No wonder lawyers
charge 400 bucks an hour,
180
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,749
they pay people
to play "Concentration."
181
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:53,685
No. I'm sorry.
Douglas got to you first.
182
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,286
I always try to get
to the new people
183
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,956
before he does,
but he's quick as lighting.
184
00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,257
Ooh.
185
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,659
I'm Tara.
186
00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:01,860
Carrie.
187
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:02,994
I wish
I could say he's more
188
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,362
the exception
to the rule,
189
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:05,997
but what can I tell you?
190
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,966
This job attracts
a strange breed.
191
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:09,134
Clearly.
192
00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:14,906
You're gonna fit in
just fine.
193
00:11:45,504 --> 00:11:48,840
Holidays are a drag?
194
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:54,045
For some people, yes.
195
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,748
What did you do for yours?
196
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,016
Nothing.
197
00:11:58,018 --> 00:12:00,919
Just--
just went to work.
198
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:02,620
What?
You got a job?
199
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,422
Well, my dad
got it for me.
200
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,057
Kind of
a consolation prize
201
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,525
for not coming
to Thanksgiving.
202
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:09,360
But I didn't have
to eat any dry turkey
203
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:10,795
or talk to anyone.
204
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:12,063
Wonderful.
205
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,199
So, how's it going
with the list?
206
00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:15,500
What list?
207
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,435
The list we talked
about last time.
208
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:20,205
I have no recollection
of this list.
209
00:12:20,207 --> 00:12:22,006
You've got
a photographic memory.
210
00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:24,909
- It's selective.
- Excuse.
211
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,144
I've been very busy.
212
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,145
Excuse.
213
00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:28,613
I haven't had time to--
214
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,081
- Excuse!
- Stop saying--
215
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,382
Excuse.
216
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:32,684
Well, not to worry.
217
00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:35,553
I made one for you.
218
00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:39,557
Go on, read it.
219
00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:43,128
"Go on a date."
220
00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:46,231
"Make a friend.
221
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:49,200
Spend New Year's Eve
with someone.
222
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:50,769
Get a pet."
223
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,871
It'll help to have something
to care for.
224
00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:54,139
Keep going.
225
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:56,307
"Do something
you loved as a child."
226
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:57,442
Like what?
227
00:12:57,444 --> 00:13:01,179
Well,
it could be anything.
228
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:03,081
What did you do
when you were six
229
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,282
that you don't do anymore?
230
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,484
I wrote several
strongly-worded letters
231
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:09,354
to oil companies
when I was six.
232
00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:12,323
Wow, okay.
233
00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:14,159
How about an indulgence
234
00:13:14,161 --> 00:13:17,195
that you no longer
allow yourself?
235
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:20,165
I used to love
drinking cherry soda.
236
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:21,566
Excellent,
there you go.
237
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:24,602
Great, I'll drink
a cherry soda
238
00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:27,272
and all my problems
will just disappear.
239
00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:31,242
What's next?
240
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:33,444
"Read favorite book."
241
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:36,815
Do you have one?
242
00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:41,286
Yeah, "Franny and Zooey,"
Salinger.
243
00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:45,023
But I don't have it.
I lent it to someone.
244
00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:46,925
Can you get it back?
245
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:48,860
I don't know.
246
00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:50,228
Well, look, just try.
247
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:53,331
See how it goes,
do what you can,
248
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,699
one at a time.
249
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:57,335
Why do you want me
to do this so much?
250
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,404
Because staying
at home in bed all day
251
00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:00,805
won't make you happy.
252
00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:02,273
You need to get out
and meet people,
253
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:05,677
begin some
meaningful relationships.
254
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:08,479
Maybe if you
put yourself out there,
255
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:11,249
doing things you enjoy...
256
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:21,492
"Franny and Zooey,"
one of my favorites.
257
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:23,995
You've got good taste.
258
00:14:26,298 --> 00:14:28,266
Well, welcome
259
00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:31,202
to English 303,
the Modernists.
260
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:33,471
I'm Professor Harrison,
and you are a bunch of kids
261
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:34,739
who think you already
know everything
262
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:35,840
but haven't even
got a clue
263
00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:37,175
about what life
is really like
264
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:38,643
beyond the ivy walls.
265
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,745
It's banal,
nauseating carousel
266
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:43,348
of responsibility
and disappointments,
267
00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:44,549
one after another.
268
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:47,318
But, my sweater
is soft and the rain
269
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,721
streaking down
the window is kinda lovely,
270
00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:52,423
so I guess I won't
off myself just yet.
271
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:57,362
The Modernists,
especially Joyce and Wolff
272
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,631
were very big
on stream of consciousness
273
00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:01,266
techniques
in their novels,
274
00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:03,268
and you just got
your first lesson in it.
275
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:06,738
Would anyone
like to give it a try?
276
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:09,040
Say whatever
pops into your mind.
277
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:12,877
"Franny and Zooey,"
how about you?
278
00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:16,481
I wouldn't know
what to say.
279
00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:17,582
It's not difficult.
280
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:18,950
You just start
with your name,
281
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:20,685
where you're from,
kinda go from there.
282
00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:28,593
My name's Carrie Pilby,
I-- well I was born in London
283
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,662
but I moved to New York
when I was 12
284
00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:32,563
just after my mom died.
285
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:34,732
I guess I shouldn't
have said that,
286
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:35,900
'cause now everyone's
feeling weird
287
00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:37,969
about the girl
whose mom died.
288
00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:39,971
Like I'm Antigone
or Harry Potter,
289
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:41,806
or Bambi or something.
290
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:46,177
But I'm not a Greek tragedy
or a wizard.
291
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,948
And if I was a character
in a movie,
292
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:53,451
I'd like to be
Katherine Hepburn,
293
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:54,719
preferably in a movie
where she gives
294
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:56,487
Spencer Tracy
a run for his money.
295
00:15:56,489 --> 00:16:00,458
But I can tell
I'm boring you now.
296
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:05,496
And this is hard,
harder than skipping
fourth and eighth grade.
297
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,732
But not as hard
as skipping second grade,
298
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,634
because going
from pencil to pen
299
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,436
was pretty abrupt.
300
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:12,804
Excellent.
301
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:14,906
If you want to use
pencil in my class,
302
00:16:14,908 --> 00:16:16,741
you're more
than welcome.
303
00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:19,177
Now, anyone else
wanna give it a shot?
304
00:16:25,284 --> 00:16:28,353
Carrie? Carrie?
305
00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:29,821
I really believe
306
00:16:29,823 --> 00:16:31,956
that if you do the things
on this list,
307
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:36,494
you're going to feel
a lot better about life.
308
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,628
I bet I won't.
309
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,497
So, prove it.
310
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,100
Prove to me
that I don't know how
311
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:43,368
to do my job.
312
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:48,806
- You're a very odd man.
- Thank you.
313
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:51,142
That's the nicest compliment
I've had all day.
314
00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:05,623
Hi.
315
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:08,626
Davy, I would like
a goldfish, please.
316
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:10,395
We're having
a two-for-one special.
317
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:11,429
I just want one.
318
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:13,698
But the other one
is free.
319
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,933
They're social creatures.
320
00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,268
You heard me say
I want a fish, right?
321
00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:18,603
Not a chimpanzee.
322
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:21,973
Fish swim in schools.
They like company.
323
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:26,077
Fish swim in schools
because, evolutionarily,
324
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:28,246
it gives them
a better chance of surviving.
325
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:29,280
My fish is going
to be living
326
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:30,415
in a one bedroom
apartment,
327
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:31,816
not the Great Barrier Reef.
328
00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:35,219
Fine, just
give me two fish.
329
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,988
Great!
330
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,861
Taxi!
331
00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:53,471
Katherine...
332
00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:56,841
your job
is to prove Petrov wrong.
333
00:17:56,843 --> 00:18:02,647
Spencer, your job is to keep
Katherine happy.
334
00:18:15,227 --> 00:18:16,661
Hey!
335
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:18,796
Get away from there
before I call the police!
336
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:20,531
Why?
337
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,300
One, because
you're clearly smoking
338
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:23,401
something illegal.
339
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:24,702
And two,
because it looks like
340
00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,104
you're about to burgle
that apartment.
341
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:28,339
Why would I want to burgle
my own apartment?
342
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:30,741
- You don't live there.
- Well, then I definitely
343
00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:32,844
- need to stop paying rent.
- No, some other guy
344
00:18:32,846 --> 00:18:36,147
- lives there.
- Yeah, my roommate, Ted.
345
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,583
Okay, well,
if it's your apartment,
346
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:39,984
why do you play
your didgeridoo
347
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:42,120
in the street
like a crazy hippy?
348
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:44,722
Because Ted doesn't like me
practicing in the apartment.
349
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:47,825
I can't say I blame him.
350
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:50,862
You wanna play it?
351
00:18:50,864 --> 00:18:52,663
It might help you relax.
352
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,298
What makes you think
I'm not relaxed?
353
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,367
When people's shoulders
aren't naturally aligned
354
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:59,070
with their earlobes
like that.
355
00:18:59,072 --> 00:19:01,038
Maybe I'm cold.
356
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:03,407
Maybe you shouldn't make
assumptions
357
00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:04,876
about people
you don't know.
358
00:19:04,878 --> 00:19:09,347
Hey listen, I was just
razzing you-- I didn't--
359
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:11,916
...mean anything by it.
360
00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:29,700
I am going to work.
361
00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:33,137
If anyone calls,
take a message.
362
00:19:47,386 --> 00:19:51,822
Did you just have an orgasm
over a cherry soda?
363
00:19:53,292 --> 00:19:57,862
Can you just leave me
to drink my soda in peace?
364
00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:59,130
Of course, of course,
365
00:19:59,132 --> 00:20:03,701
I'll let you two
have some privacy.
366
00:20:20,185 --> 00:20:22,320
So, what's your deal?
Are you a student?
367
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:24,589
No, I graduated
last year.
368
00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:26,390
From where?
369
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:27,625
Boston.
370
00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:29,493
Boston University?
371
00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:31,796
No, it was in
Cambridge actually.
372
00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:34,332
Emerson, Brandeis,
Northeastern...
373
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:35,666
Harvard.
374
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:38,536
So, why don't you
just say Harvard?
375
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,771
Because when
I say Harvard,
376
00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:42,640
people always reply
with something asinine,
377
00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:45,176
like,
"Say something smart."
378
00:20:45,178 --> 00:20:47,445
Hey, did you know Carrie
went to Harvard?
379
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:49,547
No way.
Say something smart.
380
00:20:51,717 --> 00:20:53,384
No, no.
381
00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:54,352
Seriously.
382
00:20:58,323 --> 00:20:59,624
I think the influence
383
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:02,093
of Kierkegaard on Camus
is underestimated,
384
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:04,528
I believe Hobbes
is just Rousseau
in a dark mirror,
385
00:21:04,530 --> 00:21:05,763
and I truly
believe with Hegel
386
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:08,199
that transcendence
is absorption.
387
00:21:08,201 --> 00:21:09,233
Cool.
388
00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:12,003
I have no idea
what you just said,
389
00:21:12,005 --> 00:21:13,704
but you sure sound
like a friggin' genius.
390
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:16,374
I stole that
from "Infinite Jest"
391
00:21:16,376 --> 00:21:17,708
by David Foster Wallace.
392
00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:20,678
Come on.
Smart and pretty?
393
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,480
You must be killing it
out there.
394
00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:23,714
You have a boyfriend?
395
00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:25,283
Is that really
your next question?
396
00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:27,918
Okay, so what kind of guy
are you looking for?
397
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,488
I'm not looking
for any kind of guy.
398
00:21:30,490 --> 00:21:31,989
So, you go for girls?
399
00:21:31,991 --> 00:21:33,724
No, I'm not a lesbian.
400
00:21:33,726 --> 00:21:35,393
Are you a nun?
401
00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:37,228
Good one.
402
00:21:39,898 --> 00:21:41,799
I can't believe
you've never had Moroccan.
403
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:43,467
I've always wanted
to try it.
404
00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:44,769
And thanks
for inviting me.
405
00:21:44,771 --> 00:21:45,870
Well,
I couldn't have you alone
406
00:21:45,872 --> 00:21:47,405
on Thanksgiving,
now could I?
407
00:21:47,407 --> 00:21:49,907
What, so you don't take
all your students to dinner?
408
00:21:49,909 --> 00:21:51,776
Only my best
and brightest.
409
00:21:53,546 --> 00:21:54,979
Sparkling water
for the lady,
410
00:21:54,981 --> 00:21:57,748
and a glass of Barolo
for me, please.
411
00:21:57,750 --> 00:22:00,551
Thank you.
412
00:22:00,553 --> 00:22:02,720
You know...
413
00:22:02,722 --> 00:22:06,657
I skipped a grade of school
growing up, too.
414
00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:09,093
Yeah,
it was so frustrating
415
00:22:09,095 --> 00:22:10,294
knowing
that I was smarter
416
00:22:10,296 --> 00:22:11,796
than most
of the adults I knew,
417
00:22:11,798 --> 00:22:14,498
and yet they still
treated me like a child.
418
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:18,602
I hated, absolutely hated,
being treated like a child.
419
00:22:18,604 --> 00:22:21,806
Yeah,
I really hate that too.
420
00:22:21,808 --> 00:22:23,808
Although,
I technically was a child
421
00:22:23,810 --> 00:22:25,176
until fairly recently.
422
00:22:25,178 --> 00:22:29,647
Yeah, but you've got
an old soul.
423
00:22:29,649 --> 00:22:31,015
And I'm kind of young
at heart,
424
00:22:31,017 --> 00:22:32,917
so I guess we meet
in the middle.
425
00:22:32,919 --> 00:22:35,486
Yeah. Thanks.
426
00:22:35,488 --> 00:22:37,888
Thank you.
427
00:22:37,890 --> 00:22:39,090
Well, cheers.
428
00:22:39,092 --> 00:22:41,425
Cheers.
429
00:22:44,696 --> 00:22:46,797
that's just masterful.
430
00:22:46,799 --> 00:22:50,835
Really, really delicious.
How's your water?
431
00:22:50,837 --> 00:22:54,772
It's pedestrian,
with a frothy finish.
432
00:22:54,774 --> 00:22:57,174
Would you like
to taste my wine?
433
00:22:57,176 --> 00:22:58,976
Okay.
434
00:22:59,978 --> 00:23:00,978
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
435
00:23:00,980 --> 00:23:02,780
Okay, okay.
436
00:23:02,782 --> 00:23:04,715
First, breathe in
the bouquet.
437
00:23:06,585 --> 00:23:08,352
All right,
now take a sip.
438
00:23:10,655 --> 00:23:14,425
Let the wine
coat your tongue.
439
00:23:15,827 --> 00:23:17,595
Really?
440
00:23:17,597 --> 00:23:19,597
That looks good on you.
441
00:23:19,599 --> 00:23:20,865
What?
442
00:23:20,867 --> 00:23:24,969
The wine.
It stained your lips red.
443
00:23:28,573 --> 00:23:32,843
It's in every single
sexual fantasy I have.
444
00:23:32,845 --> 00:23:35,613
Things are going great,
and then right before
the main event,
445
00:23:35,615 --> 00:23:37,014
the phone rings.
446
00:23:37,016 --> 00:23:38,716
Do you answer it?
447
00:23:38,718 --> 00:23:40,985
No, but it still
totally ruins the moment.
448
00:23:40,987 --> 00:23:44,288
So, things
get hot and heavy,
449
00:23:44,290 --> 00:23:46,757
but just before intercourse,
the phone rings.
450
00:23:46,759 --> 00:23:50,194
And then, my penis
becomes the size of a nub.
451
00:23:50,196 --> 00:23:51,929
It practically
disappears.
452
00:23:51,931 --> 00:23:53,130
I'm like a Ken doll
453
00:23:53,132 --> 00:23:54,165
with no genitalia--
454
00:23:54,167 --> 00:23:55,699
- Good God.
- Sorry.
455
00:23:55,701 --> 00:23:57,435
I thought I was late.
456
00:23:57,437 --> 00:23:59,437
I'm sorry, George.
457
00:23:59,439 --> 00:24:01,105
It is time, in fact.
458
00:24:01,107 --> 00:24:03,274
Let's come back
to this next week, shall we?
459
00:24:03,276 --> 00:24:06,444
We have a couple
more minutes remaining.
460
00:24:06,446 --> 00:24:08,045
But we could tack
that onto next week?
461
00:24:08,047 --> 00:24:09,680
Absolutely.
Thank you, George.
462
00:24:09,682 --> 00:24:13,851
Okay.
Thank you, doc.
463
00:24:13,853 --> 00:24:17,621
- Call me.
- Carrie!
464
00:24:17,623 --> 00:24:18,689
Carrie!
465
00:24:18,691 --> 00:24:20,191
That was awful.
466
00:24:20,193 --> 00:24:22,560
And I'd appreciate
you not listening in
467
00:24:22,562 --> 00:24:23,928
on my sessions.
468
00:24:23,930 --> 00:24:27,531
Sorry, the door was just
flat enough for my...
469
00:24:27,533 --> 00:24:29,033
for my ear.
470
00:24:29,035 --> 00:24:31,168
Anyway, I was very eager
to get here,
471
00:24:31,170 --> 00:24:33,838
because I have
your precious list,
472
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:36,373
and I'll have you
know I've already ticked
473
00:24:36,375 --> 00:24:37,975
two things off.
474
00:24:37,977 --> 00:24:39,910
- Really?
- Don't act so surprised.
475
00:24:39,912 --> 00:24:41,879
I'm a very good student,
you know.
476
00:24:41,881 --> 00:24:43,881
All right.
Well, let's hear it, then.
477
00:24:43,883 --> 00:24:46,150
Okay, firstly...
478
00:24:46,152 --> 00:24:48,953
I'll admit the cherry soda
was excellent.
479
00:24:48,955 --> 00:24:50,254
Very good.
480
00:24:50,256 --> 00:24:52,056
The jury's still out
on the goldfish.
481
00:24:52,058 --> 00:24:53,390
They don't do much.
482
00:24:53,392 --> 00:24:56,327
Well, when it comes
to goldfish,
483
00:24:56,329 --> 00:24:58,462
I'd lower
my expectations.
484
00:24:59,498 --> 00:25:01,065
Good start.
485
00:25:01,067 --> 00:25:06,937
Maybe if we can focus
on some of these other things.
486
00:25:06,939 --> 00:25:08,372
Carrie.
487
00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:13,978
What's so great
about being happy anyway?
488
00:25:13,980 --> 00:25:18,682
There are some
brilliant unhappy people.
489
00:25:18,684 --> 00:25:21,352
Kierkegaard, Beethoven,
490
00:25:21,354 --> 00:25:23,521
Van Gough...
491
00:25:23,523 --> 00:25:25,155
Morrissey!
492
00:25:25,157 --> 00:25:28,759
Anyway,
I'm not unhappy.
493
00:25:28,761 --> 00:25:30,528
You'd be
a lot more convincing
494
00:25:30,530 --> 00:25:32,530
if you could look at me
when you say that.
495
00:25:36,468 --> 00:25:39,503
One of these days,
you should decide
496
00:25:39,505 --> 00:25:42,306
you're going to let someone
get to know you.
497
00:25:42,308 --> 00:25:46,510
You can start
by trusting me.
498
00:25:46,512 --> 00:25:48,012
Don't you think
499
00:25:48,014 --> 00:25:49,380
that real companionship
would help?
500
00:25:49,382 --> 00:25:50,915
What about going
on a date?
501
00:25:50,917 --> 00:25:52,650
Any more thoughts
about that?
502
00:25:52,652 --> 00:25:55,753
Why does everyone act
like sex is this magical,
503
00:25:55,755 --> 00:25:57,021
happiness cure-all?
504
00:25:57,023 --> 00:25:58,289
I didn't say anything
about sex.
505
00:25:58,291 --> 00:25:59,490
Well, then,
you're the only one,
506
00:25:59,492 --> 00:26:00,824
because it seems
to be the only thing
507
00:26:00,826 --> 00:26:02,560
anyone talks about.
508
00:26:02,562 --> 00:26:04,161
Who's anyone?
509
00:26:04,163 --> 00:26:07,765
Well, people at work,
people I overhear in cafes.
510
00:26:07,767 --> 00:26:11,235
That weird little perv
who was in here just now,
511
00:26:11,237 --> 00:26:12,836
talking about
his disappearing penis.
512
00:26:12,838 --> 00:26:14,104
Please, leave him
out of this.
513
00:26:14,106 --> 00:26:16,507
Why can't I go into
a grocery store
514
00:26:16,509 --> 00:26:19,043
without being
accosted by headlines
515
00:26:19,045 --> 00:26:21,579
claiming 101 ways
to have an orgasm.
516
00:26:21,581 --> 00:26:24,748
Wouldn't 50 three-ways
be sufficient?
517
00:26:24,750 --> 00:26:26,317
Wouldn't-- wouldn't one?
518
00:26:26,319 --> 00:26:30,387
Well, it's true that sex
is a big part of adult life.
519
00:26:30,389 --> 00:26:31,855
If it weren't,
the human population
520
00:26:31,857 --> 00:26:32,856
would die out.
521
00:26:32,858 --> 00:26:33,958
But it doesn't mean
522
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:35,326
that everyone
is sex obsessed.
523
00:26:35,328 --> 00:26:37,161
It may seem
like that to you now,
524
00:26:37,163 --> 00:26:38,729
but I would gather
that if you were older
525
00:26:38,731 --> 00:26:42,132
and had more experience,
it wouldn't seem as glaring.
526
00:26:42,134 --> 00:26:43,467
What makes you think
527
00:26:43,469 --> 00:26:45,603
that I'm not
sexually experienced?
528
00:26:45,605 --> 00:26:48,238
Are you?
529
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:49,807
I can have opinions
530
00:26:49,809 --> 00:26:53,344
regardless of whether
I myself have had sex.
531
00:26:53,346 --> 00:26:55,312
True,
but it's hard to comment
532
00:26:55,314 --> 00:26:57,448
on what it's like
to fly in an airplane
533
00:26:57,450 --> 00:26:59,283
if you've never been
off the ground.
534
00:27:01,186 --> 00:27:05,155
However,
if you have had
sexual experiences,
535
00:27:05,157 --> 00:27:06,256
and you want
to discuss them--
536
00:27:06,258 --> 00:27:09,226
No thanks.
Ew.
537
00:27:10,495 --> 00:27:12,363
Anyway, you can't just
go on a date.
538
00:27:12,365 --> 00:27:14,098
You have to be asked.
539
00:27:14,100 --> 00:27:15,666
Not necessarily.
540
00:27:15,668 --> 00:27:19,570
I refuse to troll
the Internet for a date.
541
00:27:19,572 --> 00:27:21,672
I don't know,
You just might end up
542
00:27:21,674 --> 00:27:23,340
having the most fun
you've ever had.
543
00:27:23,342 --> 00:27:25,943
Or I 'll end up
locked in a crate
544
00:27:25,945 --> 00:27:27,244
and shipped overseas
545
00:27:27,246 --> 00:27:28,946
to be
a Saudi prince's sex slave.
546
00:27:28,948 --> 00:27:31,015
My guess is
it'll probably end up
547
00:27:31,017 --> 00:27:32,850
being somewhere
in between the two.
548
00:27:37,155 --> 00:27:41,225
"Single male
seeks adventurous woman
549
00:27:41,227 --> 00:27:43,994
into hiking..."
Blah, blah.
550
00:27:43,996 --> 00:27:48,065
"Single male, 76."
551
00:27:48,067 --> 00:27:49,733
No.
552
00:27:49,735 --> 00:27:55,372
"Single white male,
engaged and confused.
553
00:27:55,374 --> 00:27:57,841
Due to be married,
but want to test
554
00:27:57,843 --> 00:27:59,510
the waters first."
555
00:28:00,980 --> 00:28:05,549
That has to be the most
inappropriate ad ever posted.
556
00:28:05,551 --> 00:28:07,751
All right.
557
00:28:10,156 --> 00:28:12,423
I do not need
to be judged by you
558
00:28:12,425 --> 00:28:13,490
right now, Katherine.
559
00:28:13,492 --> 00:28:16,226
Petrov said,
"Go on a date."
560
00:28:16,228 --> 00:28:19,997
He didn't say it couldn't be
to rat out a cheat.
561
00:28:19,999 --> 00:28:23,734
I could find out
the name of his fiancée
562
00:28:23,736 --> 00:28:25,502
and warn her.
563
00:28:25,504 --> 00:28:27,404
Kill two birds
with one stone.
564
00:28:27,406 --> 00:28:28,706
Cross off the list,
565
00:28:28,708 --> 00:28:31,141
and catch a hypocrite
in the act.
566
00:28:34,380 --> 00:28:36,947
Shh.
It's ringing.
567
00:28:38,484 --> 00:28:39,983
Hello, this is Matt.
568
00:28:39,985 --> 00:28:42,119
Please leave a message.
569
00:28:44,523 --> 00:28:46,356
Hi, Matt.
570
00:28:46,358 --> 00:28:49,493
You sound
really, really cute.
571
00:28:49,495 --> 00:28:52,596
I sympathize
fully with your situation.
572
00:28:52,598 --> 00:28:54,565
I'm dating
this great guy,
573
00:28:54,567 --> 00:28:57,067
but there's
just no chemistry
574
00:28:57,069 --> 00:28:59,002
and I wanna see
if I'm right.
575
00:28:59,004 --> 00:29:01,305
When I saw your ad,
I thought, well,
576
00:29:01,307 --> 00:29:03,774
this could be discreet way
to find out.
577
00:29:03,776 --> 00:29:04,808
Like you said.
578
00:29:04,810 --> 00:29:07,978
My name is...
579
00:29:09,013 --> 00:29:12,182
Gloria Patch.
580
00:29:12,184 --> 00:29:13,851
Gloria Patch.
581
00:29:13,853 --> 00:29:15,052
What?
582
00:29:15,054 --> 00:29:17,221
Are last names
even allowed?
583
00:29:17,223 --> 00:29:18,756
Maybe that wasn't
so discreet.
584
00:29:18,758 --> 00:29:20,324
So yeah,
just Gloria.
585
00:29:20,326 --> 00:29:22,993
Call me
and we'll go on a date.
586
00:29:22,995 --> 00:29:24,495
Bye!
587
00:29:25,930 --> 00:29:28,799
Okay, that went well.
588
00:29:28,801 --> 00:29:30,667
Thanks for the support.
589
00:29:31,870 --> 00:29:34,938
What do you mean
I didn't leave my number?
590
00:29:34,940 --> 00:29:36,740
Damn it!
591
00:29:47,719 --> 00:29:48,685
Hello?
592
00:29:48,687 --> 00:29:50,254
Is-- is that Gloria?
593
00:29:50,256 --> 00:29:51,355
Who?
594
00:29:51,357 --> 00:29:54,224
Yes.
Yes, it is.
595
00:29:54,226 --> 00:29:57,594
This is Matt,
you just called me?
596
00:29:57,596 --> 00:29:58,629
So I did.
597
00:29:58,631 --> 00:30:00,697
But I didn't leave
my number.
598
00:30:00,699 --> 00:30:02,866
It came up
on my phone.
599
00:30:02,868 --> 00:30:06,603
Cool.
600
00:30:06,605 --> 00:30:08,972
You sound really great.
601
00:30:08,974 --> 00:30:10,974
- Thanks.
- So...
602
00:30:10,976 --> 00:30:16,914
would you like to meet
somewhere or something?
603
00:30:16,916 --> 00:30:18,282
Sure.
604
00:30:18,284 --> 00:30:21,985
How about 12:30
605
00:30:21,987 --> 00:30:24,488
at Añejo on 28th?
606
00:30:24,490 --> 00:30:27,224
It's very nice,
very atmospheric
607
00:30:27,226 --> 00:30:29,092
and very public.
608
00:30:29,094 --> 00:30:31,428
Well, I don't want
too public.
609
00:30:31,430 --> 00:30:32,963
No, no.
Of course.
610
00:30:32,965 --> 00:30:35,966
Well, it's not so public
that you would be outed,
611
00:30:35,968 --> 00:30:37,568
but public enough
that you wouldn't be able
612
00:30:37,570 --> 00:30:39,303
to kill me
without witnesses.
613
00:30:39,305 --> 00:30:42,506
Okay. Okay, well,
that sounds good.
614
00:30:42,508 --> 00:30:45,642
Okay, great, bye.
615
00:30:48,746 --> 00:30:53,717
What does one wear
to expose a cheater?
616
00:30:53,719 --> 00:30:55,385
Not that.
617
00:30:55,387 --> 00:30:57,087
Jesus!
618
00:30:57,089 --> 00:30:59,790
You scared
the crap out of me.
619
00:30:59,792 --> 00:31:01,358
How long have you
been standing there?
620
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,694
No time at all.
I was just about to knock.
621
00:31:03,696 --> 00:31:06,496
Look, I just wanted
to apologize
622
00:31:06,498 --> 00:31:07,631
about what I said
the other day
623
00:31:07,633 --> 00:31:09,099
about you not
being relaxed.
624
00:31:09,101 --> 00:31:12,269
You're right,
I don't know you
625
00:31:12,271 --> 00:31:14,605
and I shouldn't have
judged.
626
00:31:14,607 --> 00:31:16,540
I'm Cy.
627
00:31:16,542 --> 00:31:19,810
Okay, well,
apology accepted, I guess.
628
00:31:19,812 --> 00:31:21,245
Carrie.
629
00:31:21,247 --> 00:31:23,881
I thought maybe
I could invite you
630
00:31:23,883 --> 00:31:25,015
to dinner or something.
631
00:31:25,017 --> 00:31:26,283
- What for?
- I don't know,
632
00:31:26,285 --> 00:31:27,284
I thought it might be fun.
633
00:31:27,286 --> 00:31:28,685
- Fun?
- Yeah, fun.
634
00:31:28,687 --> 00:31:30,287
You've heard
of the concept?
635
00:31:30,289 --> 00:31:32,422
I'm familiar
with it, yeah.
636
00:31:32,424 --> 00:31:35,025
One of the things
that people do
637
00:31:35,027 --> 00:31:37,561
and they indulge in it
to divert themselves
638
00:31:37,563 --> 00:31:39,763
from the true realities
of existence.
639
00:31:39,765 --> 00:31:41,398
Well, look--
640
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,066
If you ever feel like
leaving your apartment--
641
00:31:43,068 --> 00:31:45,836
- Just--
- What the hell is that
supposed to mean?
642
00:31:45,838 --> 00:31:47,237
Nothing, just--
643
00:31:47,239 --> 00:31:49,039
You have a reputation
around here
644
00:31:49,041 --> 00:31:51,408
for being a bit
of a hermit.
645
00:31:51,410 --> 00:31:52,910
Is that right?
646
00:31:52,912 --> 00:31:54,311
Well, if you don't mind,
647
00:31:54,313 --> 00:31:56,179
I'm actually just going
now to meet someone.
648
00:31:56,181 --> 00:31:57,648
A male someone.
649
00:31:57,650 --> 00:32:00,284
See how I'm leaving
the apartment?
650
00:32:00,286 --> 00:32:01,518
I see, yeah.
651
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:02,786
You might want
to spread the word.
652
00:32:02,788 --> 00:32:04,087
I'll definitely
do that.
653
00:32:04,089 --> 00:32:05,055
Good.
654
00:32:06,391 --> 00:32:07,691
And Carrie--
655
00:32:09,527 --> 00:32:11,962
got some lipstick
on your teeth.
656
00:32:14,733 --> 00:32:16,633
I hate it
when that happens.
657
00:32:24,008 --> 00:32:25,776
Hey, party of one?
658
00:32:25,778 --> 00:32:29,112
No, actually, two.
I'm meeting someone.
659
00:32:29,114 --> 00:32:33,216
Really?
Like, a man?
660
00:32:33,218 --> 00:32:35,919
Yeah, a man.
661
00:32:35,921 --> 00:32:37,020
Okay, cool.
662
00:32:37,022 --> 00:32:38,622
Just look around
and see if he's here.
663
00:32:38,624 --> 00:32:43,994
Well, I haven't actually
met him before.
664
00:32:43,996 --> 00:32:45,762
I see.
665
00:32:45,764 --> 00:32:48,699
But I know his name.
It's Matt.
666
00:32:48,701 --> 00:32:49,900
Matt.
667
00:32:49,902 --> 00:32:52,602
Yeah, I think
I know who he is.
668
00:32:54,539 --> 00:32:57,774
Gloria--
669
00:32:57,776 --> 00:32:59,042
Sorry.
670
00:32:59,044 --> 00:33:00,010
That's okay.
671
00:33:05,216 --> 00:33:07,017
There.
672
00:33:07,019 --> 00:33:09,286
- Hi.
- Hi.
673
00:33:09,288 --> 00:33:11,054
Hi.
674
00:33:14,727 --> 00:33:17,394
Wow.
675
00:33:17,396 --> 00:33:20,897
You're just...
676
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:26,269
You're much more beautiful
than I had expected.
677
00:33:26,271 --> 00:33:28,171
Am I?
678
00:33:28,173 --> 00:33:29,940
Yeah, I thought
I would only get
679
00:33:29,942 --> 00:33:31,375
desperate ogresses
680
00:33:31,377 --> 00:33:33,577
applying to an ad
in the "Village Rag,"
681
00:33:33,579 --> 00:33:35,712
let alone a woman
who's into literature.
682
00:33:35,714 --> 00:33:37,981
How did you know
I'm into literature?
683
00:33:37,983 --> 00:33:39,383
Gloria Patch...
684
00:33:39,385 --> 00:33:42,886
from Fitzgerald's
underrated masterpiece,
685
00:33:42,888 --> 00:33:45,322
"The Beautiful
and the Damned"?
686
00:33:46,357 --> 00:33:48,091
Okay.
687
00:33:48,093 --> 00:33:50,060
I'm a massive geek, sorry.
688
00:33:50,062 --> 00:33:53,797
Don't be sorry.
You won't beat me for geekdom.
689
00:33:53,799 --> 00:33:56,366
I'll take that challenge.
690
00:33:56,368 --> 00:33:57,801
- You're on.
- Okay.
691
00:33:57,803 --> 00:34:00,971
Should we order
some drinks?
692
00:34:00,973 --> 00:34:05,442
I'll just stick to water.
Not to be a spoilsport.
693
00:34:05,444 --> 00:34:09,379
No, actually,
I don't drink either.
694
00:34:09,381 --> 00:34:11,081
I never saw
the point of it.
695
00:34:11,083 --> 00:34:13,517
Well, in my case,
it would be illegal.
696
00:34:13,519 --> 00:34:18,088
Really?
How-- how old are you?
697
00:34:18,090 --> 00:34:21,224
- Nineteen.
- Wow.
698
00:34:21,226 --> 00:34:22,993
So, you--
you're a student?
699
00:34:22,995 --> 00:34:25,462
Ex. I graduated
Harvard last year.
700
00:34:25,464 --> 00:34:27,297
No way,
I went to M.I.T.
701
00:34:27,299 --> 00:34:30,367
- Did you?
- Mathematics.
702
00:34:30,369 --> 00:34:32,502
Hang on,
so you must have been 18
703
00:34:32,504 --> 00:34:33,703
when you graduated?
704
00:34:33,705 --> 00:34:36,973
That math degree
came in handy?
705
00:34:36,975 --> 00:34:39,576
Well, that was a little thing
called subtraction.
706
00:34:39,578 --> 00:34:42,412
Have you guys decided?
707
00:34:42,414 --> 00:34:46,183
I'll just--
a quesadilla with water.
708
00:34:46,185 --> 00:34:50,520
And I'll have a diet Coke
and a cheese enchilada.
709
00:34:50,522 --> 00:34:52,522
Great.
I'll take your menus.
710
00:34:52,524 --> 00:34:54,658
Coming up.
711
00:34:54,660 --> 00:34:56,393
A diet Coke?
712
00:34:56,395 --> 00:34:58,695
Yeah, I'm just trying
713
00:34:58,697 --> 00:35:01,665
to keep the weight off
before the...
714
00:35:02,834 --> 00:35:06,269
Yeah, so, I'm surprised
715
00:35:06,271 --> 00:35:09,072
that someone from Harvard
reads the personals.
716
00:35:10,007 --> 00:35:12,242
How else
should I find a man?
717
00:35:12,244 --> 00:35:13,643
Wait for our eyes
to meet
718
00:35:13,645 --> 00:35:15,112
while trying to solve
Fermat's theorem?
719
00:35:15,114 --> 00:35:19,116
Well, Fermat's
was already solved in 1994.
720
00:35:19,118 --> 00:35:21,084
Well, one nil to you.
721
00:35:22,020 --> 00:35:23,887
- Asshat.
- Shit for brains.
722
00:35:23,889 --> 00:35:26,656
Dwayne, Joshua...
723
00:35:26,658 --> 00:35:29,126
I just used
to get called dork.
724
00:35:29,128 --> 00:35:31,795
We actually had a kid
whose last name was Dork.
725
00:35:31,797 --> 00:35:33,763
But it didn't
really hurt him, though.
726
00:35:33,765 --> 00:35:35,732
He was way
too good-looking.
727
00:35:35,734 --> 00:35:39,035
Well, luckily, he didn't have
a first name like Dick.
728
00:35:39,037 --> 00:35:41,972
It was Dick,
his first name.
729
00:35:41,974 --> 00:35:44,908
Dick Dork was a person's name
that you knew?
730
00:35:44,910 --> 00:35:46,843
- Dick Dork.
- Well, I'm gonna have to come
to your apartment
731
00:35:46,845 --> 00:35:48,111
and look at your yearbooks
732
00:35:48,113 --> 00:35:50,413
to make sure
you're not lying to me.
733
00:35:50,415 --> 00:35:51,414
Yeah?
734
00:35:51,416 --> 00:35:52,782
Yeah.
735
00:35:54,051 --> 00:35:56,086
Was it just me
or did you find
736
00:35:56,088 --> 00:35:57,954
everyone in high school
stultifying?
737
00:35:57,956 --> 00:36:00,824
Yes, in fact
if you used that word,
738
00:36:00,826 --> 00:36:02,392
"stultifying,"
in front of them,
739
00:36:02,394 --> 00:36:03,760
they would have shouted
SAT word!
740
00:36:03,762 --> 00:36:05,962
- SAT word!
- Yes.
741
00:36:05,964 --> 00:36:08,031
- I remember that.
- Yeah?
742
00:36:08,033 --> 00:36:11,234
And the teachers
were lousy too.
743
00:36:11,236 --> 00:36:12,536
Well, actually,
744
00:36:12,538 --> 00:36:14,304
two of them
are coming to my wedding.
745
00:36:20,745 --> 00:36:22,646
What are you doing?
746
00:36:22,648 --> 00:36:23,847
Nothing,
I was just playing
747
00:36:23,849 --> 00:36:25,382
- with my napkin--
- No, no, no.
748
00:36:25,384 --> 00:36:29,052
What are you doing here?
I mean, what's with the ad?
749
00:36:34,992 --> 00:36:38,528
My fiancée
and I got together
750
00:36:38,530 --> 00:36:40,330
when we were
really young,
751
00:36:40,332 --> 00:36:41,631
and I love her.
752
00:36:41,633 --> 00:36:44,000
I do, but I--
753
00:36:45,703 --> 00:36:47,771
I just sometimes think
something's missing,
754
00:36:47,773 --> 00:36:52,609
and I don't wanna do
the wrong thing,
755
00:36:52,611 --> 00:36:58,615
so I'm just
looking for clarity.
756
00:36:58,617 --> 00:37:00,951
Does that make any sense
757
00:37:00,953 --> 00:37:03,053
or do I just sound like
a total dick?
758
00:37:03,055 --> 00:37:05,855
The two aren't necessarily
mutually exclusive.
759
00:37:05,857 --> 00:37:07,591
When's the big day?
760
00:37:07,593 --> 00:37:09,392
February 4th.
761
00:37:09,394 --> 00:37:11,561
Excuse me!
762
00:37:11,563 --> 00:37:12,662
Hey!
763
00:37:12,664 --> 00:37:14,798
I'm choking!
764
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:18,535
I thought
you didn't drink.
765
00:37:18,537 --> 00:37:20,770
and I thought
you'd be a creep.
766
00:37:20,772 --> 00:37:22,172
Would that have helped?
767
00:37:22,174 --> 00:37:23,773
Frankly, yes.
768
00:37:23,775 --> 00:37:27,577
I came here with the intention
of exposing you.
769
00:37:27,579 --> 00:37:29,613
What do you mean?
770
00:37:29,615 --> 00:37:31,214
I read your ad,
771
00:37:31,216 --> 00:37:34,251
and as a member
of the female gender
772
00:37:34,253 --> 00:37:36,720
and people
with integrity everywhere,
773
00:37:36,722 --> 00:37:38,121
it pissed me off.
774
00:37:38,123 --> 00:37:40,523
So, I thought
I'd make a date with you,
775
00:37:40,525 --> 00:37:42,058
find out about
your girlfriend,
776
00:37:42,060 --> 00:37:44,194
and then tell her
she's about to marry a cheat.
777
00:37:44,196 --> 00:37:45,862
- My God.
- What do you expect?
778
00:37:45,864 --> 00:37:47,364
You're getting married
in two months,
779
00:37:47,366 --> 00:37:49,499
you're trying to meet girls
in classified ads.
780
00:37:49,501 --> 00:37:51,801
- That--
- I thought I'd find
a narcissistic rat bag,
781
00:37:51,803 --> 00:37:56,773
not some handsome,
charming, smart--
782
00:37:56,775 --> 00:37:58,808
you need to be
honest with her.
783
00:37:58,810 --> 00:38:01,845
I know, I know.
You're right and I--
784
00:38:01,847 --> 00:38:04,281
I just want
to be clear about
785
00:38:04,283 --> 00:38:06,983
how I'm feeling
before I do that.
786
00:38:06,985 --> 00:38:08,985
Are you clearer now?
787
00:38:11,555 --> 00:38:13,290
No.
788
00:38:17,161 --> 00:38:19,129
Well, I'm glad
to have helped.
789
00:38:19,131 --> 00:38:24,167
Good luck
with the nuptials...
790
00:38:24,169 --> 00:38:26,503
I guess.
791
00:38:26,505 --> 00:38:28,004
Or not.
792
00:38:31,942 --> 00:38:33,643
Yeah.
793
00:38:33,645 --> 00:38:34,944
You liked him,
didn't you?
794
00:38:34,946 --> 00:38:37,013
Whether I did or not
is irrelevant.
795
00:38:37,015 --> 00:38:39,215
He's engaged.
And that is that.
796
00:38:39,217 --> 00:38:42,052
You should definitely
see him again.
797
00:38:42,054 --> 00:38:44,621
What is it about
the word engaged
798
00:38:44,623 --> 00:38:47,324
- that you don't get?
- He's not even married yet.
799
00:38:47,326 --> 00:38:48,291
What's the problem?
800
00:38:48,293 --> 00:38:50,327
Even if he were married,
who cares?
801
00:38:50,329 --> 00:38:51,328
I care!
802
00:38:51,330 --> 00:38:52,329
I try very hard
803
00:38:52,331 --> 00:38:53,997
not to be engaged
in activities
804
00:38:53,999 --> 00:38:55,899
that are harmful
to myself or others.
805
00:38:55,901 --> 00:38:57,834
Okay, you don't think
it's gonna hurt you
806
00:38:57,836 --> 00:39:00,737
to not get to hang out
with someone you like?
807
00:39:00,739 --> 00:39:02,972
You don't think
it hurts to deny yourself
808
00:39:02,974 --> 00:39:04,607
the possibility of love?
809
00:39:06,010 --> 00:39:08,845
Okay, next time
you see Matt,
810
00:39:08,847 --> 00:39:10,680
ask him
his fiancée's middle name.
811
00:39:10,682 --> 00:39:13,583
There won't be
a next time.
812
00:39:13,585 --> 00:39:14,851
Why?
813
00:39:14,853 --> 00:39:16,920
Because guys
don't usually
814
00:39:16,922 --> 00:39:18,688
pay attention
to details like that.
815
00:39:18,690 --> 00:39:21,891
But if they're in love,
they do.
816
00:39:21,893 --> 00:39:24,060
They've been
together forever,
817
00:39:24,062 --> 00:39:25,662
of course he's gonna know
her middle name.
818
00:39:25,664 --> 00:39:27,297
So, it's a good test
then, isn't it?
819
00:39:27,299 --> 00:39:30,166
And if he doesn't know it,
I'd say he's fair game.
820
00:39:30,168 --> 00:39:33,403
Yo, yo, yo.
What's up?
821
00:39:33,405 --> 00:39:35,238
What are you guys--
what are you talking about?
822
00:39:35,240 --> 00:39:38,641
You know,
clothes, makeup, boys.
823
00:39:38,643 --> 00:39:40,310
Sorry I missed that.
824
00:39:40,312 --> 00:39:45,215
So, are you going to see
the legend tomorrow night?
825
00:39:45,217 --> 00:39:46,549
Who?
826
00:39:46,551 --> 00:39:51,921
My recently ex-boyfriend
is playing a gig at Natto's.
827
00:39:51,923 --> 00:39:53,990
Why is he your ex?
828
00:39:53,992 --> 00:39:56,926
Because he chose
to go off with some whore,
829
00:39:56,928 --> 00:39:58,261
that's why.
830
00:39:58,263 --> 00:40:00,497
And she is so not
his type.
831
00:40:00,499 --> 00:40:03,333
Yeah, he much prefers sluts
to whores.
832
00:40:04,869 --> 00:40:07,036
What's his name?
833
00:40:07,038 --> 00:40:09,639
His name is Dex
and he's a jerk.
834
00:40:09,641 --> 00:40:13,009
But he's amazing.
835
00:40:13,011 --> 00:40:16,112
Like, his tongue
should be registered
836
00:40:16,114 --> 00:40:17,313
as a national treasure.
837
00:40:18,450 --> 00:40:20,016
Hey, you should come.
838
00:40:20,018 --> 00:40:21,851
You-- you should totally go.
839
00:40:21,853 --> 00:40:25,021
Sure, why not?
840
00:40:25,023 --> 00:40:28,091
Hey,
that's my philosophy too.
841
00:40:29,193 --> 00:40:31,227
Thank you so much
for going.
842
00:40:31,229 --> 00:40:34,397
I cannot watch
another Dex show.
843
00:40:46,812 --> 00:40:48,878
Hi.
Vodka, straight up.
844
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:51,047
Actually,
what's the one
845
00:40:51,049 --> 00:40:52,382
all
the sorority girls drink,
846
00:40:52,384 --> 00:40:53,817
the one that makes
you really drunk?
847
00:40:53,819 --> 00:40:56,219
- Rum.
- Rum, double.
848
00:40:56,221 --> 00:40:57,253
I.D.?
849
00:40:57,255 --> 00:41:00,256
Can I-- can I give you
my I.Q. instead?
850
00:41:00,258 --> 00:41:01,391
185?
851
00:41:01,393 --> 00:41:03,126
Surely I can be
better trusted with alcohol
852
00:41:03,128 --> 00:41:05,328
than older,
less intelligent people.
853
00:41:05,330 --> 00:41:06,529
Are you 21?
854
00:41:08,032 --> 00:41:10,099
Alcohol
is an organic compound
855
00:41:10,101 --> 00:41:12,268
in which the hydroxyl group
is bound to a carbon atom
856
00:41:12,270 --> 00:41:14,103
so that the chemical makeup
of the ethanol
857
00:41:14,105 --> 00:41:15,472
in your slightly
toxic wares
858
00:41:15,474 --> 00:41:17,574
is C2H 5OH.
859
00:41:17,576 --> 00:41:18,908
I think I can handle it.
860
00:41:18,910 --> 00:41:22,946
- Hey, just lie.
- I'm not a liar.
861
00:41:22,948 --> 00:41:24,414
Well, he's not going
to give you a drink
862
00:41:24,416 --> 00:41:25,648
unless you do.
863
00:41:25,650 --> 00:41:28,151
Well, you know what?
Morality is inconvenient.
864
00:41:28,153 --> 00:41:31,187
Coke, please.
Regular, not that diet shit.
865
00:41:32,289 --> 00:41:33,490
Okay,
you're feisty tonight.
866
00:41:33,492 --> 00:41:34,624
I like it.
867
00:41:34,626 --> 00:41:35,959
But at least let me,
like...
868
00:41:35,961 --> 00:41:37,427
Wait, can--
869
00:41:37,429 --> 00:41:40,930
Why can't people
just like me for who I am?
870
00:41:40,932 --> 00:41:43,032
Nobody likes anybody
for who they are.
871
00:41:43,034 --> 00:41:44,734
That's why
we have to pretend
872
00:41:44,736 --> 00:41:46,236
to be better
than who we are
873
00:41:46,238 --> 00:41:48,338
and then let people
find out the truth later,
874
00:41:48,340 --> 00:41:50,073
you know,
once they've already invested.
875
00:41:50,075 --> 00:41:51,741
That makes you
sound like a psychopath.
876
00:41:51,743 --> 00:41:54,143
Okay, well--
877
00:41:54,145 --> 00:41:55,745
It's spiked.
878
00:41:55,747 --> 00:41:58,581
Wow, looks like
she is a genius.
879
00:41:58,583 --> 00:42:02,318
Finally,
the recognition
I've been craving.
880
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:05,121
Maybe--
maybe that was a move.
881
00:42:05,123 --> 00:42:08,291
I don't get why people
are so sex obsessed.
882
00:42:08,293 --> 00:42:09,826
It's like
a national epidemic.
883
00:42:09,828 --> 00:42:12,896
Because sex
is freaking fantastic.
884
00:42:12,898 --> 00:42:14,531
It's not that great.
885
00:42:14,533 --> 00:42:17,100
The kissing part maybe,
but the main event
886
00:42:17,102 --> 00:42:18,568
is nothing to be
obsessed about.
887
00:42:18,570 --> 00:42:19,802
Yes, I win!
888
00:42:19,804 --> 00:42:21,204
I knew you
weren't a virgin.
889
00:42:21,206 --> 00:42:22,505
What do you mean
"you win"?
890
00:42:22,507 --> 00:42:25,275
- Win what?
- Just a bet with Dougie.
891
00:42:25,277 --> 00:42:27,143
About my virginity?
892
00:42:27,145 --> 00:42:29,012
It's not about your virginity,
okay?
893
00:42:29,014 --> 00:42:31,314
I made some money.
Be happy for me.
894
00:42:31,316 --> 00:42:34,617
Your problem is
you haven't had sex
with the right person.
895
00:42:34,619 --> 00:42:37,520
There's a lot
of good, clean sex
going on out there.
896
00:42:37,522 --> 00:42:40,390
And by clean,
I mean dirty, okay?
897
00:42:40,392 --> 00:42:42,525
And just because people
like to do it,
898
00:42:42,527 --> 00:42:44,294
doesn't mean
that they're obsessed.
899
00:42:44,296 --> 00:42:46,162
Do you think people
are sleep obsessed
900
00:42:46,164 --> 00:42:48,131
because they like
to sleep every day?
901
00:42:48,133 --> 00:42:50,199
You have to sleep
for survival.
902
00:42:50,201 --> 00:42:52,569
Some people
screw for survival!
903
00:42:52,571 --> 00:42:54,938
Sleep obsession
doesn't hurt anyone!
904
00:42:54,940 --> 00:42:56,239
Neither does sex,
905
00:42:56,241 --> 00:42:59,075
if it's between
two consenting adults.
906
00:42:59,077 --> 00:43:01,844
The Victorians
forced people
907
00:43:01,846 --> 00:43:04,380
to deny
their natural desires--
908
00:43:04,382 --> 00:43:07,350
Shouldn't our natural desires
sometimes be denied?
909
00:43:07,352 --> 00:43:09,352
Like, what if
your natural desire
910
00:43:09,354 --> 00:43:11,588
is to step on a baby?
911
00:43:11,590 --> 00:43:14,624
Okay, yeah,
you-- you have a point.
912
00:43:14,626 --> 00:43:17,427
- Like, stepping on babies...
- Bad!
913
00:43:17,429 --> 00:43:19,162
...should be avoided
at all costs.
914
00:43:19,164 --> 00:43:22,332
I just think
that people make
an awful lot of excuses
915
00:43:22,334 --> 00:43:24,233
to indulge
in bad behavior
916
00:43:24,235 --> 00:43:26,769
on the pretext that
"I wanted to do it,"
917
00:43:26,771 --> 00:43:30,006
or "if we're discreet,
it won't hurt anyone."
918
00:43:30,008 --> 00:43:31,808
Humans are hypocrites.
919
00:43:31,810 --> 00:43:35,578
And that's what makes us
so bloody interesting.
920
00:43:36,781 --> 00:43:38,348
What language was that?
921
00:43:38,350 --> 00:43:41,918
That's how you speak.
That's how you come off.
922
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:43,686
You should know that
about yourself.
923
00:43:47,257 --> 00:43:50,326
My God.
What is this?
924
00:43:50,328 --> 00:43:51,995
Is this a bucket list?
925
00:43:51,997 --> 00:43:54,464
You aren't dying,
are you?
926
00:43:54,466 --> 00:43:56,532
Because I do not have
the emotional maturity
927
00:43:56,534 --> 00:43:58,401
to deal with
a terminal friend right now.
928
00:43:58,403 --> 00:44:00,236
It's not a bucket list.
929
00:44:00,238 --> 00:44:02,305
Then what is it?
930
00:44:02,307 --> 00:44:05,174
I see a therapist.
931
00:44:05,176 --> 00:44:08,711
He made it for me
to help me be happier.
932
00:44:08,713 --> 00:44:11,080
Honey, you don't need
a list for that.
933
00:44:11,082 --> 00:44:12,548
I'll help you.
934
00:44:12,550 --> 00:44:14,250
Okay, I'm having
a New Year's Eve Party,
935
00:44:14,252 --> 00:44:15,251
for one thing.
936
00:44:15,253 --> 00:44:16,719
You should definitely come.
937
00:44:16,721 --> 00:44:20,189
Also, you should call up
that bad boy from the paper
938
00:44:20,191 --> 00:44:22,025
and give him
the bang of his life.
939
00:44:22,027 --> 00:44:23,426
He'll leave that twit
he's with,
940
00:44:23,428 --> 00:44:24,927
and you'll never be
lonely again.
941
00:44:24,929 --> 00:44:26,029
Do you seriously
think that?
942
00:44:26,031 --> 00:44:27,330
It's not your job
943
00:44:27,332 --> 00:44:29,465
to be
everyone's moral guardian.
944
00:44:29,467 --> 00:44:32,669
If you like the guy,
that's between you and him.
945
00:44:32,671 --> 00:44:35,004
He's the one
with the fiancée.
946
00:44:35,006 --> 00:44:36,673
That's for him
to deal with.
947
00:44:36,675 --> 00:44:38,875
Not you.
948
00:44:38,877 --> 00:44:40,877
Ooh, there he is.
Okay, okay.
949
00:44:40,879 --> 00:44:42,078
Do they say, like,
950
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,914
"Get off the stage
and do me?"
951
00:44:44,916 --> 00:44:47,417
Yes, but not
in a good way.
952
00:44:47,419 --> 00:44:49,986
How can it not be
in a good way?
953
00:44:52,924 --> 00:44:55,291
Dex, I love you,
you asshole!
954
00:44:59,664 --> 00:45:01,130
I have to go.
955
00:45:01,132 --> 00:45:03,266
I know!
He's so good, right?
956
00:45:03,268 --> 00:45:04,767
I put my foot down
957
00:45:57,421 --> 00:46:00,123
What are you
thinking about?
958
00:46:00,125 --> 00:46:03,326
How even
if I started now,
959
00:46:03,328 --> 00:46:06,462
and dedicated
my life to reading,
960
00:46:06,464 --> 00:46:08,231
I wouldn't get
through a fraction
961
00:46:08,233 --> 00:46:10,566
of all of the books
ever written.
962
00:46:10,568 --> 00:46:12,802
You fascinate me,
Carrie Pilby,
963
00:46:12,804 --> 00:46:15,705
you know that?
964
00:46:15,707 --> 00:46:19,075
I find you completely
and utterly enchanting.
965
00:46:20,911 --> 00:46:22,678
Why thank you,
966
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:27,583
professor from a 1950s
black and white movie.
967
00:46:29,686 --> 00:46:31,220
And so...
968
00:46:31,222 --> 00:46:33,723
You know when I say things
like that--
969
00:46:33,725 --> 00:46:34,757
you're brilliant,
970
00:46:34,759 --> 00:46:39,395
or that I think
you're beautiful,
971
00:46:39,397 --> 00:46:43,399
it's because
I really mean that.
972
00:46:43,401 --> 00:46:46,502
I'm not trying
to flatter you.
973
00:46:46,504 --> 00:46:48,638
What's your favorite version
of Faust?
974
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:50,373
Don't change the subject.
975
00:46:50,375 --> 00:46:53,810
- No?
- No.
976
00:46:56,780 --> 00:47:00,283
Come with me
977
00:47:00,285 --> 00:47:02,885
Come and see
978
00:47:08,359 --> 00:47:12,061
What is this?
I've never heard it before.
979
00:47:12,063 --> 00:47:13,830
You have
an insatiable appetite
980
00:47:13,832 --> 00:47:14,630
for learning.
981
00:47:18,101 --> 00:47:21,370
Yeah, sorry about that.
982
00:47:21,372 --> 00:47:22,738
Don't be.
983
00:47:31,081 --> 00:47:35,651
The moon so round
984
00:47:39,056 --> 00:47:41,757
Anyway
985
00:47:46,264 --> 00:47:51,033
It's just another day
986
00:47:55,473 --> 00:48:00,710
It's just another day
987
00:48:08,019 --> 00:48:09,886
Wait here, one minute.
988
00:48:37,547 --> 00:48:39,515
Dad, he's cheating.
989
00:48:39,517 --> 00:48:41,617
You know your friend
you hired to try and fix me,
990
00:48:41,619 --> 00:48:44,153
well, he's doing it
with a married woman.
991
00:48:44,155 --> 00:48:45,688
Hello, Carrie.
992
00:48:45,690 --> 00:48:49,091
Your father just stepped away
for a moment.
993
00:48:49,093 --> 00:48:51,093
Sorry, who's this?
994
00:48:51,095 --> 00:48:52,228
I thought
I called my dad.
995
00:48:52,230 --> 00:48:54,096
No, you did,
you did.
996
00:48:54,098 --> 00:48:55,197
Then who are you?
997
00:48:55,199 --> 00:48:56,432
Dear, I probably
998
00:48:56,434 --> 00:48:57,800
should not have
picked up the phone.
999
00:48:57,802 --> 00:48:59,735
This wasn't how
I wanted us to meet.
1000
00:48:59,737 --> 00:49:01,637
But I did want
to let you know
1001
00:49:01,639 --> 00:49:03,205
how excited I am
that you'll be
1002
00:49:03,207 --> 00:49:05,207
joining us here
for Christmas.
1003
00:49:05,209 --> 00:49:06,676
The kids
are practically wild
1004
00:49:06,678 --> 00:49:07,910
with anticipation--
1005
00:49:07,912 --> 00:49:09,178
The kids?
1006
00:49:09,180 --> 00:49:10,780
- What?
- Daniel,
1007
00:49:10,782 --> 00:49:13,349
please tell me
you have told her about us.
1008
00:49:13,351 --> 00:49:14,684
Told me what?
1009
00:49:14,686 --> 00:49:16,052
God.
1010
00:49:18,188 --> 00:49:19,622
Hello, darling.
1011
00:49:19,624 --> 00:49:21,757
- What's the matter?
- Told me what?
1012
00:49:21,759 --> 00:49:23,259
What haven't you told me
that this woman
1013
00:49:23,261 --> 00:49:25,261
and her children know
that I don't...
1014
00:49:25,263 --> 00:49:27,830
apart from that
you're not coming
to New York for Christmas!
1015
00:49:27,832 --> 00:49:31,734
Well, it was meant
to be a surprise, darling.
1016
00:49:31,736 --> 00:49:34,270
I've got the ticket
so that you could come here.
1017
00:49:34,272 --> 00:49:36,038
To London?
1018
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:37,606
But that's
a shit surprise.
1019
00:49:37,608 --> 00:49:38,808
You know
I hate London.
1020
00:49:38,810 --> 00:49:40,443
And anyway,
you promised
1021
00:49:40,445 --> 00:49:41,510
we'd always have
Christmas here
1022
00:49:41,512 --> 00:49:42,878
in New York.
1023
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:44,480
You know, darling,
life doesn't always
1024
00:49:44,482 --> 00:49:46,983
work out as we--
as we plan it.
1025
00:49:46,985 --> 00:49:48,818
We have to adapt.
1026
00:49:48,820 --> 00:49:49,885
But why?
1027
00:49:49,887 --> 00:49:51,487
And when were
you gonna tell me?
1028
00:49:51,489 --> 00:49:53,756
And when are you
ever gonna stop lying?
1029
00:49:53,758 --> 00:49:55,691
I thought it was
too long a conversation
1030
00:49:55,693 --> 00:49:58,694
to have on the phone,
and so I decided
1031
00:49:58,696 --> 00:50:00,529
- I'll wait till you--
- And then what?
1032
00:50:00,531 --> 00:50:02,465
When exactly was
the perfect time to tell me
1033
00:50:02,467 --> 00:50:04,367
that you're abandoning
our Christmas tradition
1034
00:50:04,369 --> 00:50:06,135
because of some woman
you're shagging,
1035
00:50:06,137 --> 00:50:08,637
and her kids are obviously
more important.
1036
00:50:08,639 --> 00:50:12,174
Now, Carrie,
that is not the way it is.
1037
00:50:12,176 --> 00:50:14,977
Matter of fact,
Fliss and I
1038
00:50:14,979 --> 00:50:16,278
are going to be married.
1039
00:50:18,448 --> 00:50:20,649
I'm sorry,
it sounded like
1040
00:50:20,651 --> 00:50:22,084
you just said
you were getting married.
1041
00:50:22,086 --> 00:50:23,119
I did.
1042
00:50:23,121 --> 00:50:24,987
I am.
1043
00:50:24,989 --> 00:50:26,222
We are.
1044
00:50:26,224 --> 00:50:27,890
So,
when you come over,
1045
00:50:27,892 --> 00:50:30,359
we can have a long luncheon,
talk everything through,
1046
00:50:30,361 --> 00:50:32,661
and I'll explain
all to you.
1047
00:50:32,663 --> 00:50:35,765
You get to meet Fliss.
1048
00:50:35,767 --> 00:50:37,867
I don't want
to meet Fliss.
1049
00:50:37,869 --> 00:50:40,436
Darling...
1050
00:50:40,438 --> 00:50:42,705
we can sort this out--
1051
00:50:42,707 --> 00:50:44,106
Go sort yourself!
1052
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:18,207
Hi.
1053
00:51:21,311 --> 00:51:23,412
I can't believe
you called.
1054
00:51:23,414 --> 00:51:24,680
Neither can I.
1055
00:51:24,682 --> 00:51:26,215
Allow me.
1056
00:51:26,217 --> 00:51:28,584
I'm glad you did.
1057
00:51:28,586 --> 00:51:30,619
Thank you.
1058
00:51:30,621 --> 00:51:32,421
Bring me back
1059
00:51:36,227 --> 00:51:37,560
This is a nice place.
1060
00:51:37,562 --> 00:51:39,929
Thanks.
1061
00:51:39,931 --> 00:51:42,231
Can I get you
something to--
1062
00:51:42,233 --> 00:51:44,733
Where is she?
1063
00:51:44,735 --> 00:51:47,436
She's at a meeting
in Westchester
1064
00:51:47,438 --> 00:51:50,573
with some guy at Craft.
1065
00:51:50,575 --> 00:51:52,775
She opened
her own advertising firm
1066
00:51:52,777 --> 00:51:56,445
and he is a friend
of her dad's,
1067
00:51:56,447 --> 00:51:58,814
so she thinks
he might throw her a bone.
1068
00:51:58,816 --> 00:52:00,683
Is that a euphemism?
1069
00:52:00,685 --> 00:52:03,819
What? God, no!
1070
00:52:03,821 --> 00:52:06,722
What if he did
throw her a bone?
1071
00:52:06,724 --> 00:52:09,992
Would you--
would you be upset?
1072
00:52:12,329 --> 00:52:13,863
Maybe.
1073
00:52:13,865 --> 00:52:17,399
I mean, I'm not sure...
1074
00:52:19,536 --> 00:52:21,203
...taking ahold
1075
00:52:21,205 --> 00:52:22,571
Brings me back
1076
00:52:26,911 --> 00:52:31,480
So, are we doing this,
then?
1077
00:52:31,482 --> 00:52:33,149
We do seem to be, yeah.
1078
00:53:00,178 --> 00:53:03,612
It's a great bookcase.
1079
00:53:03,614 --> 00:53:05,714
Yup.
1080
00:53:05,716 --> 00:53:09,385
That's where we keep
all the books.
1081
00:53:09,387 --> 00:53:12,154
...taking ahold
1082
00:53:12,156 --> 00:53:13,722
Brings me back
1083
00:53:20,264 --> 00:53:23,632
Wow, where did you even learn
how to kiss like that?
1084
00:53:23,634 --> 00:53:25,034
Harvard.
1085
00:53:25,036 --> 00:53:29,004
Damn, I don't think
M.I.T. had that course.
1086
00:53:29,006 --> 00:53:31,340
- You're doing okay.
- Okay.
1087
00:53:31,342 --> 00:53:33,842
Wanna be your man
1088
00:53:33,844 --> 00:53:35,711
Love
1089
00:53:38,816 --> 00:53:40,416
Your man
1090
00:53:40,418 --> 00:53:42,585
Your man
1091
00:53:42,587 --> 00:53:44,453
Do you...
1092
00:53:45,489 --> 00:53:47,022
Is this--
1093
00:53:47,024 --> 00:53:49,959
is this your first time
unbuttoning a girl's shirt?
1094
00:53:49,961 --> 00:53:51,594
No, but it's my first time
1095
00:53:51,596 --> 00:53:54,063
unbuttoning a man's shirt
from this angle.
1096
00:53:54,065 --> 00:53:58,267
I'm actually wearing
a guy's shirt?
1097
00:53:58,269 --> 00:54:00,069
I believe so, yeah.
1098
00:54:00,071 --> 00:54:02,171
- How can you tell?
- The buttons.
1099
00:54:02,173 --> 00:54:04,039
Buttons on the left
for a woman,
1100
00:54:04,041 --> 00:54:05,274
buttons on the right
for men.
1101
00:54:05,276 --> 00:54:06,375
Look.
1102
00:54:06,377 --> 00:54:09,345
- ... my God,
- Watch this.
1103
00:54:09,347 --> 00:54:10,346
how did I not
know this?
1104
00:54:11,382 --> 00:54:13,148
See?
You can't see,
1105
00:54:13,150 --> 00:54:14,483
but I had my eyes closed
for second.
1106
00:54:40,744 --> 00:54:42,077
What?
1107
00:54:42,079 --> 00:54:44,947
- What's the matter?
- Is that her?
1108
00:54:46,249 --> 00:54:48,317
Yes, it is.
1109
00:54:48,319 --> 00:54:51,053
She's watching us.
1110
00:54:51,055 --> 00:54:53,355
No, no she isn't.
It's just a photo.
1111
00:54:53,357 --> 00:54:54,356
It's just a photo.
1112
00:54:54,358 --> 00:54:55,824
Stand by me
1113
00:54:55,826 --> 00:54:58,961
And we're perfect
1114
00:54:58,963 --> 00:55:00,663
Just like you...
1115
00:55:00,665 --> 00:55:02,831
Wait, stop.
1116
00:55:03,733 --> 00:55:05,634
She spelled "too" wrong.
1117
00:55:12,208 --> 00:55:14,109
Yeah...
1118
00:55:14,111 --> 00:55:16,912
Yeah,
she's a terrible speller.
1119
00:55:16,914 --> 00:55:18,280
Let's--
why don't we
1120
00:55:18,282 --> 00:55:22,117
just close our eyes
and just try to relax?
1121
00:55:22,119 --> 00:55:23,519
Okay?
1122
00:55:25,021 --> 00:55:27,289
- I--
I feel dizzy.
1123
00:55:27,291 --> 00:55:28,590
Okay.
1124
00:55:31,194 --> 00:55:33,462
I knew we shouldn't have tried
to do this at my place.
1125
00:55:33,464 --> 00:55:38,567
All the photos and stuff
are a real mood killer.
1126
00:55:42,772 --> 00:55:45,507
You know what else
is a mood killer?
1127
00:55:45,509 --> 00:55:48,077
Having a fiancée.
1128
00:55:48,945 --> 00:55:53,015
Get-- my--
1129
00:55:53,017 --> 00:55:54,850
How are you going
to say vows,
1130
00:55:54,852 --> 00:55:56,552
sacred vows
in front of everyone you know,
1131
00:55:56,554 --> 00:55:59,855
that you will honor and love
and cherish this woman,
1132
00:55:59,857 --> 00:56:01,290
forsaking all others,
1133
00:56:01,292 --> 00:56:03,826
when you clearly
don't respect her,
1134
00:56:03,828 --> 00:56:07,329
which is the foundation
of all of those things?
1135
00:56:07,331 --> 00:56:09,998
You're not going
to leave her, are you?
1136
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:12,735
I--
I really like you.
1137
00:56:12,737 --> 00:56:15,971
I really think
we could be good together.
1138
00:56:15,973 --> 00:56:18,941
You deserve
to be stimulated by someone
1139
00:56:18,943 --> 00:56:21,110
who's on equal footing
with you, and so do I.
1140
00:56:21,112 --> 00:56:23,712
Then end this facade
of an engagement.
1141
00:56:23,714 --> 00:56:25,714
I will!
1142
00:56:25,716 --> 00:56:27,583
I mean, you know,
I might.
1143
00:56:27,585 --> 00:56:28,784
I just met you!
1144
00:56:28,786 --> 00:56:31,453
Not for me!
For you, for her!
1145
00:56:33,390 --> 00:56:36,225
Look, I thought
that you wanted this.
1146
00:56:36,227 --> 00:56:38,026
Just because
you want something,
1147
00:56:38,028 --> 00:56:40,362
doesn't make it right.
1148
00:56:40,364 --> 00:56:42,331
Jesus, Pollyanna.
1149
00:56:42,333 --> 00:56:43,532
This is real life.
1150
00:56:43,534 --> 00:56:45,534
Real life
is complicated.
1151
00:56:45,536 --> 00:56:48,170
Don't be such a child.
1152
00:56:52,876 --> 00:56:54,176
I think this has been
1153
00:56:54,178 --> 00:56:55,411
my best semester ever,
Carrie.
1154
00:56:56,579 --> 00:56:58,847
Me too.
1155
00:56:58,849 --> 00:57:01,884
I forgot,
I have something for you.
1156
00:57:01,886 --> 00:57:03,619
Yeah?
1157
00:57:04,889 --> 00:57:06,155
It's -
1158
00:57:06,157 --> 00:57:10,058
it's more of a loan
than a gift.
1159
00:57:14,664 --> 00:57:16,198
I thought
you might like to read
1160
00:57:16,200 --> 00:57:19,101
the first edition version.
1161
00:57:19,103 --> 00:57:20,736
But, I need it back
1162
00:57:20,738 --> 00:57:25,107
because it's really special
to me.
1163
00:57:25,109 --> 00:57:27,976
How sweet, thank you.
1164
00:57:27,978 --> 00:57:32,114
I promise I'll take
good care of it.
1165
00:57:32,116 --> 00:57:35,617
You make me happy,
you know that?
1166
00:57:35,619 --> 00:57:37,820
You make me happy too.
1167
00:57:41,424 --> 00:57:45,894
You know
what would really,
really make me happy?
1168
00:57:45,896 --> 00:57:49,364
What's that?
1169
00:57:49,366 --> 00:57:54,269
If you could say
this one thing for me...
1170
00:57:54,271 --> 00:57:56,438
What thing?
1171
00:58:06,683 --> 00:58:08,450
I can't say that.
1172
00:58:08,452 --> 00:58:10,085
Why not?
1173
00:58:10,087 --> 00:58:13,222
Come on,
you're such a quick learner.
1174
00:58:13,224 --> 00:58:16,058
And it's just
one little thing.
1175
00:58:16,060 --> 00:58:17,359
You only have
to say it once.
1176
00:58:17,361 --> 00:58:20,462
You can--
I mean, you can start slow.
1177
00:58:20,464 --> 00:58:24,066
It won't sound right.
It won't sound like me.
1178
00:58:24,068 --> 00:58:25,801
Sure it will.
1179
00:58:25,803 --> 00:58:27,636
Just say it.
1180
00:58:32,008 --> 00:58:34,343
What do you want?
1181
00:58:34,345 --> 00:58:36,745
I...
1182
00:58:40,717 --> 00:58:44,253
I can't.
It's too embarrassing.
1183
00:58:49,592 --> 00:58:51,226
Are you serious?
1184
00:58:51,228 --> 00:58:53,962
Why can't you
just do what I ask?
1185
00:58:53,964 --> 00:58:55,297
Because I don't want to.
1186
00:58:55,299 --> 00:58:57,366
And frankly,
I find it a bit demeaning.
1187
00:58:57,368 --> 00:58:59,101
It's not demeaning,
it's fun.
1188
00:58:59,103 --> 00:59:01,603
Not for me, it isn't.
1189
00:59:01,605 --> 00:59:05,307
You know what?
I tried.
1190
00:59:05,309 --> 00:59:07,509
But if you can't just do
this one thing for me, then--
1191
00:59:07,511 --> 00:59:08,577
Then what?
1192
00:59:08,579 --> 00:59:10,546
Jesus, David,
why are you acting like
1193
00:59:10,548 --> 00:59:12,014
such psycho about this?
1194
00:59:12,016 --> 00:59:14,950
Don't be such
a child, Carrie.
1195
00:59:14,952 --> 00:59:17,653
I'll call you a cab.
1196
00:59:33,469 --> 00:59:35,337
Shit!
1197
00:59:52,855 --> 00:59:54,156
No!
1198
00:59:54,991 --> 00:59:58,060
No, no, no, no.
1199
01:00:00,130 --> 01:00:01,530
Katherine!
1200
01:00:03,367 --> 01:00:04,933
I'm sorry!
1201
01:00:19,115 --> 01:00:20,515
I don't understand.
1202
01:00:20,517 --> 01:00:22,918
I need you
to take him back.
1203
01:00:22,920 --> 01:00:24,419
We can't accept returns.
1204
01:00:24,421 --> 01:00:27,255
He's all alone.
I can't do that to him.
1205
01:00:27,257 --> 01:00:29,124
And you're the one
that told me
1206
01:00:29,126 --> 01:00:30,292
that fish were social.
1207
01:00:30,294 --> 01:00:31,760
I already
killed his friend,
1208
01:00:31,762 --> 01:00:32,761
I don't wanna kill him
too.
1209
01:00:32,763 --> 01:00:33,929
You killed who?
1210
01:00:33,931 --> 01:00:35,931
Katherine.
It was an accident.
1211
01:00:35,933 --> 01:00:37,232
Did you eat her?
1212
01:00:37,234 --> 01:00:40,602
What? No.
What?
1213
01:00:40,604 --> 01:00:44,272
Lots of people
eat goldfish on dares.
1214
01:00:44,274 --> 01:00:47,409
That is insane.
Please, take him back.
1215
01:00:47,411 --> 01:00:49,211
But don't let anyone
eat him.
1216
01:00:49,213 --> 01:00:51,079
I told you.
No refunds or returns.
1217
01:00:51,081 --> 01:00:52,614
I don't want
my money back.
1218
01:00:52,616 --> 01:00:55,050
Just have a heart,
it's Christmas Eve.
1219
01:00:56,553 --> 01:00:58,253
Store policy.
1220
01:01:00,490 --> 01:01:03,358
Hey, hey,
what are you doing?
1221
01:01:03,360 --> 01:01:06,128
Be free!
Make friends!
1222
01:01:06,130 --> 01:01:07,396
Have a life.
1223
01:01:07,398 --> 01:01:09,998
You can't do that.
Take him back.
1224
01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:12,200
I don't know
which one is which.
1225
01:01:12,202 --> 01:01:14,569
I'm calling my manager.
1226
01:01:19,075 --> 01:01:22,477
Merry Christmas,
Spencer.
1227
01:02:15,965 --> 01:02:17,099
Is everything okay?
1228
01:02:17,101 --> 01:02:18,333
What?
1229
01:02:18,335 --> 01:02:20,168
I heard screaming.
1230
01:02:20,170 --> 01:02:23,839
No!
That was the television.
1231
01:02:23,841 --> 01:02:26,341
Okay.
1232
01:02:28,377 --> 01:02:30,645
Has your roommate
put you outside again?
1233
01:02:30,647 --> 01:02:33,081
Yeah,
but if you don't want me to,
1234
01:02:33,083 --> 01:02:34,783
- I could--
- No, that's fine.
1235
01:02:34,785 --> 01:02:36,084
You go ahead.
1236
01:02:36,086 --> 01:02:38,854
I'll be here...
1237
01:02:38,856 --> 01:02:40,255
obviously.
1238
01:02:40,257 --> 01:02:41,757
Hey, hey, hey.
1239
01:02:48,030 --> 01:02:49,564
Do you want
to go for a walk?
1240
01:02:49,566 --> 01:02:52,234
I mean,
it is Christmas Eve.
1241
01:02:52,236 --> 01:02:54,636
Normal people
don't like to spend it alone.
1242
01:02:54,638 --> 01:02:57,472
How would you know
what normal people do?
1243
01:02:57,474 --> 01:03:00,408
That's just what I'm told.
1244
01:03:00,410 --> 01:03:03,578
Don't you have to practice
blowing indeterminate sounds
1245
01:03:03,580 --> 01:03:04,880
out of a large piece
of wood?
1246
01:03:07,750 --> 01:03:09,684
I could do with a break.
1247
01:03:10,987 --> 01:03:12,821
So, do you live alone?
1248
01:03:12,823 --> 01:03:15,090
- I do.
- Lucky girl.
1249
01:03:15,092 --> 01:03:17,526
My roommate
Ted is insane.
1250
01:03:17,528 --> 01:03:19,394
- Really?
- He barely says a word.
1251
01:03:19,396 --> 01:03:21,963
And when he does speak,
it's invariably to lie.
1252
01:03:21,965 --> 01:03:23,231
It's actually incredible.
1253
01:03:23,233 --> 01:03:25,367
I've never met anyone
like him.
1254
01:03:26,302 --> 01:03:28,036
How long
have you lived there?
1255
01:03:28,038 --> 01:03:29,337
A few months.
1256
01:03:29,339 --> 01:03:31,740
I was roughing it,
living in a basement
1257
01:03:31,742 --> 01:03:33,241
down in South Jersey
for a while,
1258
01:03:33,243 --> 01:03:35,177
just waiting
till I got a job
1259
01:03:35,179 --> 01:03:36,344
so I could move
to the city.
1260
01:03:36,346 --> 01:03:37,712
I didn't want
to come here
1261
01:03:37,714 --> 01:03:39,581
and be owing money
to friends,
1262
01:03:39,583 --> 01:03:41,716
or having to live
with four annoying roommates.
1263
01:03:41,718 --> 01:03:44,486
- You know?
- Now you just have
one annoying roommate?
1264
01:03:44,488 --> 01:03:47,055
That's a victory
from where I'm standing.
1265
01:03:48,457 --> 01:03:50,959
And you actually
have a job
1266
01:03:50,961 --> 01:03:52,394
playing the didgeridoo?
1267
01:03:52,396 --> 01:03:53,595
There can't be
too many of them
1268
01:03:53,597 --> 01:03:55,297
- going around.
- Well, I don't
1269
01:03:55,299 --> 01:03:56,598
just play the didgeridoo.
1270
01:03:56,600 --> 01:03:57,732
What else
do you play?
1271
01:03:57,734 --> 01:04:00,769
Just some
other instruments.
1272
01:04:00,771 --> 01:04:02,470
Like what?
1273
01:04:02,472 --> 01:04:04,139
You really want to know?
1274
01:04:04,141 --> 01:04:06,007
Otherwise
I wouldn't be asking.
1275
01:04:06,009 --> 01:04:09,144
Okay, let's see...
1276
01:04:09,146 --> 01:04:12,948
Flute, clarinet,
trumpet, trombone, tuba,
1277
01:04:12,950 --> 01:04:16,384
saxophone, guitar, piano,
drums, bassoon,
1278
01:04:16,386 --> 01:04:19,221
harmonica,
and the triangle.
1279
01:04:19,223 --> 01:04:21,056
I'm actually pretty killer
on the triangle.
1280
01:04:21,058 --> 01:04:22,557
And the didgeridoo.
1281
01:04:22,559 --> 01:04:24,626
I'm still learning that one,
but yeah.
1282
01:04:24,628 --> 01:04:27,229
Did you study music
in college?
1283
01:04:27,231 --> 01:04:29,431
Yeah, at Berklee.
1284
01:04:33,369 --> 01:04:35,570
Do you like music?
1285
01:04:35,572 --> 01:04:40,108
I'd be a weird person
if I didn't like music.
1286
01:04:40,110 --> 01:04:41,576
I used to listen
to old records
1287
01:04:41,578 --> 01:04:45,013
at my grandmother's
when I was a kid.
1288
01:04:45,015 --> 01:04:46,581
I was actually
quite odd
1289
01:04:46,583 --> 01:04:48,250
when I was younger,
you know.
1290
01:04:48,252 --> 01:04:49,851
Impossible.
1291
01:04:54,224 --> 01:04:58,026
Who's
your favorite musician?
1292
01:04:58,028 --> 01:05:00,095
John Coltrane
at the moment.
1293
01:05:00,097 --> 01:05:01,096
Nice.
1294
01:05:01,098 --> 01:05:02,898
You heard of him?
1295
01:05:02,900 --> 01:05:04,266
He's kind of famous.
1296
01:05:04,268 --> 01:05:05,500
You'd be surprised
by how many people
1297
01:05:05,502 --> 01:05:07,235
have never said that.
1298
01:05:07,237 --> 01:05:09,004
Knowledge
is kind of my thing.
1299
01:05:09,006 --> 01:05:10,505
Yeah?
1300
01:05:10,507 --> 01:05:12,474
So, were you
one of those head-down
1301
01:05:12,476 --> 01:05:14,442
academic types
in high school?
1302
01:05:14,444 --> 01:05:16,177
You could say that, yeah.
1303
01:05:16,179 --> 01:05:19,014
And I'll bet
you were in every
after school society.
1304
01:05:19,016 --> 01:05:20,248
Not every one.
1305
01:05:20,250 --> 01:05:23,852
Just Harvard
Model Congress,
1306
01:05:23,854 --> 01:05:29,190
Excellent Exegists,
Mathletes, College Bowl.
1307
01:05:29,192 --> 01:05:31,426
Wow.
You really were a nerd.
1308
01:05:31,428 --> 01:05:34,362
Well, that's something
coming from a band geek.
1309
01:05:34,364 --> 01:05:35,964
Touché.
1310
01:05:41,170 --> 01:05:43,505
What's your actual job?
1311
01:05:43,507 --> 01:05:47,108
I play...
1312
01:05:47,110 --> 01:05:50,145
I play clarinet
for the New York Philharmonic.
1313
01:05:50,147 --> 01:05:51,346
But I mean,
I just started,
1314
01:05:51,348 --> 01:05:52,514
so it's-- it's nothing.
1315
01:05:52,516 --> 01:05:53,715
That's incredible.
1316
01:05:53,717 --> 01:05:56,484
Your parents
must be so proud of you.
1317
01:05:56,486 --> 01:06:00,088
You know, you'd have thought
they would be,
1318
01:06:00,090 --> 01:06:03,024
but the truth is they really
don't get it at all.
1319
01:06:03,026 --> 01:06:04,826
My...
1320
01:06:04,828 --> 01:06:05,827
my dad wanted me
1321
01:06:05,829 --> 01:06:08,229
to do
something more practical,
1322
01:06:08,231 --> 01:06:09,497
I guess.
1323
01:06:09,499 --> 01:06:11,032
Ever since
I tried to explain to him
1324
01:06:11,034 --> 01:06:12,634
that music's my thing,
he pretty much refuses
1325
01:06:12,636 --> 01:06:15,904
to engage
in any discussion about it.
1326
01:06:15,906 --> 01:06:17,706
That's awful.
1327
01:06:19,108 --> 01:06:21,743
How do you deal
with that?
1328
01:06:21,745 --> 01:06:23,712
I don't know.
I didn't for a long time.
1329
01:06:23,714 --> 01:06:24,946
And then one day
I just thought,
1330
01:06:24,948 --> 01:06:27,849
"Screw this," you know?
1331
01:06:27,851 --> 01:06:32,120
I have one life
and I'm allowed to be happy.
1332
01:06:32,122 --> 01:06:34,356
You know?
1333
01:06:34,358 --> 01:06:36,358
He'll come around
if he comes around.
1334
01:06:36,360 --> 01:06:37,792
Yeah.
1335
01:06:40,329 --> 01:06:43,498
My dad has
a whole new family.
1336
01:06:43,500 --> 01:06:48,403
I just hate the feeling
that I've disappointed him.
1337
01:06:48,405 --> 01:06:51,006
Has he disappointed you?
1338
01:06:52,743 --> 01:06:55,310
But that doesn't mean
you don't love him, does it?
1339
01:06:55,312 --> 01:06:57,579
No, no, no,
of course not.
1340
01:06:57,581 --> 01:06:59,781
So, maybe
it's the same for him?
1341
01:06:59,783 --> 01:07:01,549
I mean,
I'm sure he loves you.
1342
01:07:01,551 --> 01:07:04,152
What's not to love?
1343
01:07:10,092 --> 01:07:13,328
So...
1344
01:07:13,330 --> 01:07:14,829
what about you?
1345
01:07:14,831 --> 01:07:18,233
- What do you do?
- Proofreader.
1346
01:07:18,235 --> 01:07:19,601
Professional, though.
1347
01:07:19,603 --> 01:07:21,369
Not one of those amateurs
you hear about.
1348
01:07:21,371 --> 01:07:22,937
I'm sure.
I'm sure.
1349
01:07:22,939 --> 01:07:24,873
I'm not like you.
1350
01:07:24,875 --> 01:07:26,274
I don't have it
figured out yet.
1351
01:07:26,276 --> 01:07:28,176
Well, when you do,
1352
01:07:28,178 --> 01:07:29,411
I've got a feeling
1353
01:07:29,413 --> 01:07:32,113
you're gonna set the world
alight.
1354
01:07:32,115 --> 01:07:33,748
What makes you say that?
1355
01:07:33,750 --> 01:07:35,984
That's just what
my gut says.
1356
01:07:39,155 --> 01:07:42,857
Do you wanna dance?
1357
01:07:42,859 --> 01:07:44,759
No, no.
1358
01:07:44,761 --> 01:07:49,364
I dance like
a rhythmless four-year-old.
1359
01:07:49,366 --> 01:07:50,832
No, no. Seriously.
1360
01:07:50,834 --> 01:07:52,867
You'll have images
you won't ever be able
1361
01:07:52,869 --> 01:07:54,836
to get out of your head,
like when you see
1362
01:07:54,838 --> 01:07:58,106
- a really bad horror movie.
- I love horror movies.
1363
01:07:58,108 --> 01:07:59,507
Seriously, no.
1364
01:07:59,509 --> 01:08:00,975
I won't take no
for an answer.
1365
01:08:00,977 --> 01:08:02,110
Here, come on.
1366
01:08:02,112 --> 01:08:03,545
Come on.
1367
01:08:03,547 --> 01:08:04,913
Okay, okay.
You asked for it.
1368
01:08:04,915 --> 01:08:06,347
All right.
1369
01:08:06,349 --> 01:08:08,083
Here.
Put your arm here.
1370
01:08:08,919 --> 01:08:11,953
Are you ready?
1371
01:08:18,394 --> 01:08:20,161
You're freezing.
1372
01:08:20,163 --> 01:08:21,296
No, it's okay.
1373
01:08:21,298 --> 01:08:23,298
Here.
Take my coat.
1374
01:08:24,967 --> 01:08:26,201
Thanks.
1375
01:08:30,039 --> 01:08:31,406
Looks good.
1376
01:08:36,445 --> 01:08:37,712
Is this yours?
1377
01:08:37,714 --> 01:08:40,982
Yeah, Salinger.
You read it?
1378
01:08:40,984 --> 01:08:45,920
What am I saying?
Of course you have.
1379
01:08:45,922 --> 01:08:51,326
I-- I have to go.
1380
01:08:52,361 --> 01:08:54,028
Go where?
1381
01:08:54,030 --> 01:08:58,032
There's just something
I have to do really quickly.
1382
01:08:58,034 --> 01:09:00,869
Would you mind
if I borrowed this?
1383
01:09:00,871 --> 01:09:02,470
I'll bring it back
tomorrow.
1384
01:09:02,472 --> 01:09:04,439
You're really close by.
1385
01:09:04,441 --> 01:09:05,573
Of course.
1386
01:09:05,575 --> 01:09:07,208
- No problem.
- Thank you.
1387
01:09:07,210 --> 01:09:08,776
It's been really nice.
1388
01:09:08,778 --> 01:09:11,446
You're not nearly as bad
as I thought you were.
1389
01:09:36,539 --> 01:09:39,974
Merry Christmas!
1390
01:09:39,976 --> 01:09:41,409
Hello?
1391
01:09:41,411 --> 01:09:43,444
Is David there?
1392
01:09:43,446 --> 01:09:44,913
Who is this?
1393
01:09:44,915 --> 01:09:46,247
Carrie.
1394
01:09:46,249 --> 01:09:47,615
Who?
1395
01:09:47,617 --> 01:09:49,951
Can I just please speak
to David?
1396
01:09:51,921 --> 01:09:53,121
Carrie?
1397
01:09:53,123 --> 01:09:55,089
I want my book back.
1398
01:09:55,091 --> 01:09:56,591
What book?
1399
01:09:56,593 --> 01:09:58,193
The one I lent you.
1400
01:09:58,195 --> 01:10:01,229
My first edition
of "Franny and Zooey."
1401
01:10:01,231 --> 01:10:02,830
Yeah, I'm right
in the middle of hosting
1402
01:10:02,832 --> 01:10:04,699
a Christmas party.
1403
01:10:04,701 --> 01:10:07,902
Can we discuss this next
month when I get back to my
office?
1404
01:10:07,904 --> 01:10:11,406
Could you please just do
this one thing for me?
1405
01:10:11,408 --> 01:10:13,241
Well,
I'll tell you what.
1406
01:10:13,243 --> 01:10:15,343
If I find it, I'll be sure
to let you know, okay?
1407
01:10:15,345 --> 01:10:17,679
Merry Christmas, Carrie.
1408
01:10:44,640 --> 01:10:46,307
Okay...
1409
01:10:48,444 --> 01:10:51,879
God...
I'm not going to lie.
1410
01:10:51,881 --> 01:10:53,514
I don't really believe
you exist.
1411
01:10:56,218 --> 01:10:57,919
So, I don't really know
what I'm doing,
1412
01:10:57,921 --> 01:11:00,054
or who I'm talking to,
1413
01:11:00,056 --> 01:11:04,392
but anyway,
I just thought I might
1414
01:11:04,394 --> 01:11:07,295
at least let you know
in the unlikely event
1415
01:11:07,297 --> 01:11:08,529
that you did exist,
1416
01:11:08,531 --> 01:11:12,900
what my requests
would be this Christmas.
1417
01:11:12,902 --> 01:11:15,503
It won't take long,
I promise.
1418
01:11:15,505 --> 01:11:19,407
So, firstly,
1419
01:11:19,409 --> 01:11:21,042
I'd like things
to be better
1420
01:11:21,044 --> 01:11:24,879
for the homeless,
the old, the sick,
1421
01:11:24,881 --> 01:11:28,349
and anyone
who's not doing so great.
1422
01:11:30,586 --> 01:11:34,789
I'm sorry
for when I judge people.
1423
01:11:34,791 --> 01:11:37,959
And I'm sorry
for the not-so-good things
1424
01:11:37,961 --> 01:11:39,394
I've done lately.
1425
01:11:39,396 --> 01:11:44,332
It just seems kind of hard
to avoid doing them.
1426
01:11:44,334 --> 01:11:49,003
But I'll try and do better,
I promise.
1427
01:11:49,005 --> 01:11:51,105
And this might
sound really petty,
1428
01:11:51,107 --> 01:11:53,274
but could you please
help everyone learn
1429
01:11:53,276 --> 01:11:57,545
how to pronounce
"In Excelsis Deo" correctly?
1430
01:11:57,547 --> 01:11:59,147
Thanks.
1431
01:12:01,717 --> 01:12:03,851
And...
1432
01:12:06,588 --> 01:12:08,156
I know...
1433
01:12:09,391 --> 01:12:15,563
that my mom probably
isn't up there with you,
1434
01:12:17,766 --> 01:12:20,668
but if she was,
I just want her to know
1435
01:12:20,670 --> 01:12:25,873
that I really,
really, really miss her.
1436
01:12:25,875 --> 01:12:30,378
And I know
that my dad does too.
1437
01:12:32,715 --> 01:12:37,085
As for him,
I'm just tired of fighting.
1438
01:12:39,054 --> 01:12:42,523
I just
really wish everything
1439
01:12:42,525 --> 01:12:44,158
could be like
it was before.
1440
01:12:46,528 --> 01:12:49,731
So, anyway,
that's it I guess.
1441
01:12:49,733 --> 01:12:51,332
Amen.
1442
01:12:51,334 --> 01:12:53,935
And happy birthday.
1443
01:13:19,661 --> 01:13:21,362
I know it's Christmas,
1444
01:13:21,364 --> 01:13:23,131
so you don't have to work,
even though you're Jewish,
1445
01:13:23,133 --> 01:13:24,632
and technically
you don't celebrate,
1446
01:13:24,634 --> 01:13:25,767
but we need to talk.
1447
01:13:25,769 --> 01:13:27,268
Are you okay?
1448
01:13:27,270 --> 01:13:28,536
Not really, no.
1449
01:13:28,538 --> 01:13:30,538
And I'm sorry to interrupt
your non-holiday,
1450
01:13:30,540 --> 01:13:32,407
but I couldn't wait
another week to tell you
1451
01:13:32,409 --> 01:13:33,975
that your list is crap.
1452
01:13:33,977 --> 01:13:36,244
- All right, just hold on--
- No. I will not hold on.
1453
01:13:36,246 --> 01:13:37,712
I need you
to listen to me.
1454
01:13:37,714 --> 01:13:40,314
Because of you,
I am a fish murderer.
1455
01:13:40,316 --> 01:13:42,617
Even worse, I almost slept
with an engaged guy.
1456
01:13:42,619 --> 01:13:44,719
And I am
more confused than ever.
1457
01:13:44,721 --> 01:13:46,120
Like, is it
so wrong for me
1458
01:13:46,122 --> 01:13:48,356
to do what is right
and be happy?
1459
01:13:48,358 --> 01:13:50,024
Because if so,
I am destined to be
1460
01:13:50,026 --> 01:13:51,359
a miserable person,
list or no list.
1461
01:13:51,361 --> 01:13:52,827
Carrie, stop.
Please, come inside--
1462
01:13:52,829 --> 01:13:54,295
I know what
you're going to say.
1463
01:13:54,297 --> 01:13:55,830
You're gonna say
I can't say the list is crap
1464
01:13:55,832 --> 01:13:57,165
because
I haven't finished it yet.
1465
01:13:57,167 --> 01:13:58,466
But the thing is,
I can't finish it
1466
01:13:58,468 --> 01:13:59,901
because I left
my "Franny and Zooey"
1467
01:13:59,903 --> 01:14:01,335
at Professor Harrison's.
1468
01:14:01,337 --> 01:14:04,238
- Okay, so get it back.
- I told you, I can't!
1469
01:14:04,240 --> 01:14:06,407
I don't need to finish
the list to know that,
1470
01:14:06,409 --> 01:14:09,844
shocker--
drinking a cherry soda
1471
01:14:09,846 --> 01:14:12,547
will not make my dad
pay attention to me.
1472
01:14:12,549 --> 01:14:15,550
Having a goldfish
won't bring my mom back.
1473
01:14:15,552 --> 01:14:18,085
It did help me learn,
though, that going on a date
1474
01:14:18,087 --> 01:14:20,354
could make me feel
more lonely than ever.
1475
01:14:20,356 --> 01:14:22,323
You know what I think?
I think you're the one
who needs a list.
1476
01:14:22,325 --> 01:14:23,925
And it should have things
on it like,
1477
01:14:23,927 --> 01:14:25,460
"Don't have affairs
with married women."
1478
01:14:25,462 --> 01:14:27,094
- Now wait a minute.
- And fine, you're an adult,
1479
01:14:27,096 --> 01:14:29,197
so you can do what you like,
but so can I.
1480
01:14:29,199 --> 01:14:30,731
And just because
I don't want to do
1481
01:14:30,733 --> 01:14:33,134
demeaning or immoral things
doesn't make me a prude.
1482
01:14:33,136 --> 01:14:34,335
I mean, a prude
wouldn't sleep with
1483
01:14:34,337 --> 01:14:35,937
her English professor,
would she?
1484
01:14:35,939 --> 01:14:37,438
You slept with
your English professor?
1485
01:14:39,308 --> 01:14:40,308
Dad!
1486
01:14:40,310 --> 01:14:41,609
I tried to tell you.
1487
01:14:41,611 --> 01:14:42,743
What are you doing here?
1488
01:14:42,745 --> 01:14:43,945
What--
what is he doing here?
1489
01:14:43,947 --> 01:14:45,413
I was worried about you.
1490
01:14:45,415 --> 01:14:47,348
Obviously,
I had a very good reason to.
1491
01:14:47,350 --> 01:14:49,150
- Why didn't you call?
- I did call.
1492
01:14:49,152 --> 01:14:50,318
You didn't pick up
your phone.
1493
01:14:50,320 --> 01:14:52,854
Because my phones
are broken!
1494
01:14:52,856 --> 01:14:53,921
Where's your new family?
1495
01:14:53,923 --> 01:14:55,256
Did you ship them off too,
1496
01:14:55,258 --> 01:14:56,624
so you didn't have to deal
with them?
1497
01:14:56,626 --> 01:14:58,025
That's not fair, Carrie.
1498
01:14:58,027 --> 01:15:00,127
What he did to me
isn't fair.
1499
01:15:00,129 --> 01:15:01,629
That didn't stop him.
1500
01:15:01,631 --> 01:15:03,130
Go home, Dad.
1501
01:15:03,132 --> 01:15:05,032
I came so that
you wouldn't have to go
1502
01:15:05,034 --> 01:15:06,501
to London,
1503
01:15:06,503 --> 01:15:07,835
which you seem to hate.
1504
01:15:07,837 --> 01:15:09,971
No, I don't hate London,
I hate you!
1505
01:15:09,973 --> 01:15:12,540
And I hate
this stupid list!
1506
01:15:16,278 --> 01:15:17,912
Well...
1507
01:15:17,914 --> 01:15:18,913
that went well.
1508
01:15:18,915 --> 01:15:21,249
Give her some time.
1509
01:16:14,436 --> 01:16:15,570
Hi.
1510
01:16:17,039 --> 01:16:19,173
Wasn't sure
if you'd remember.
1511
01:16:21,109 --> 01:16:23,978
It's been such long time.
1512
01:16:23,980 --> 01:16:26,681
I'm a prodigy, aren't I?
1513
01:16:26,683 --> 01:16:29,016
I think I can remember
the simple phrase,
1514
01:16:29,018 --> 01:16:30,518
"If you get lost,
1515
01:16:30,520 --> 01:16:32,720
I'll meet you
at Hans Christian Andersen."
1516
01:16:38,527 --> 01:16:40,828
Poor guy.
1517
01:16:40,830 --> 01:16:43,931
Never found love.
1518
01:16:43,933 --> 01:16:45,733
Wrote all those books
for children
1519
01:16:45,735 --> 01:16:47,735
and never had
any of his own.
1520
01:16:49,305 --> 01:16:51,038
Might be a good thing.
1521
01:16:51,040 --> 01:16:52,506
If he had them,
he undoubtedly
1522
01:16:52,508 --> 01:16:54,875
would have
disappointed them.
1523
01:17:01,049 --> 01:17:04,318
I really want you
to like Felicity.
1524
01:17:04,320 --> 01:17:07,021
I should have
told you.
1525
01:17:07,023 --> 01:17:09,323
But I thought that
if you met her first,
1526
01:17:09,325 --> 01:17:13,327
then she and and her kids,
you'd give them
1527
01:17:13,329 --> 01:17:15,463
a bit more of a chance.
1528
01:17:17,733 --> 01:17:20,935
When your mother
got sick,
1529
01:17:20,937 --> 01:17:26,440
I felt that I had
failed her somehow.
1530
01:17:27,909 --> 01:17:30,911
My whole reason for being
1531
01:17:30,913 --> 01:17:35,883
was to take care of her,
and you.
1532
01:17:35,885 --> 01:17:38,552
And then I got
really terrified
1533
01:17:38,554 --> 01:17:44,191
that I was going to fail you
as well.
1534
01:17:44,193 --> 01:17:46,661
So, I thought
that you would be better off
1535
01:17:46,663 --> 01:17:50,598
with people who understood
how to teach you.
1536
01:17:50,600 --> 01:17:53,968
I mean, you were so far ahead
of your classmates.
1537
01:17:53,970 --> 01:17:55,469
You were brilliant.
1538
01:17:55,471 --> 01:17:57,605
And I thought if you went
to college,
1539
01:17:57,607 --> 01:18:02,176
you'd meet people
who were of like mind.
1540
01:18:02,178 --> 01:18:04,545
I was 14.
1541
01:18:04,547 --> 01:18:05,913
I was a freak.
1542
01:18:10,919 --> 01:18:12,286
What about
the English teacher?
1543
01:18:12,288 --> 01:18:14,922
Made me feel like
less of one.
1544
01:18:14,924 --> 01:18:17,992
At the beginning
at least.
1545
01:18:21,930 --> 01:18:26,901
Did he... hurt you?
1546
01:18:26,903 --> 01:18:29,804
No, no,
it wasn't like that.
1547
01:18:31,273 --> 01:18:32,773
You can press charges.
1548
01:18:32,775 --> 01:18:35,009
Dad, I don't think
you can press charges
1549
01:18:35,011 --> 01:18:36,343
for hurting
someone's feelings.
1550
01:18:36,345 --> 01:18:37,845
That's not what
I'm talking about.
1551
01:18:37,847 --> 01:18:39,780
I'm talking about the fact
that you were underage.
1552
01:18:39,782 --> 01:18:41,082
I was 16.
1553
01:18:41,084 --> 01:18:43,284
That's the legal age
of consent.
1554
01:18:43,286 --> 01:18:46,987
And anyway,
he never forced me.
1555
01:18:46,989 --> 01:18:48,389
He manipulated you.
1556
01:18:48,391 --> 01:18:51,592
He used his position.
1557
01:18:53,462 --> 01:18:55,096
I'm gonna have him fired.
1558
01:18:55,098 --> 01:18:57,398
Well, he's teaching
at Columbia now,
1559
01:18:57,400 --> 01:18:59,533
so it looks like
someone beat you to it.
1560
01:19:01,436 --> 01:19:06,340
I just wish the bastard
would give me my book back.
1561
01:19:06,342 --> 01:19:10,144
- What book?
- "Franny and Zooey."
1562
01:19:10,146 --> 01:19:12,079
Don't you remember?
1563
01:19:12,081 --> 01:19:13,781
Mom gave me
a first edition
1564
01:19:13,783 --> 01:19:16,717
for my 12th birthday.
1565
01:19:16,719 --> 01:19:19,320
Yes.
1566
01:19:19,322 --> 01:19:22,289
So she did.
1567
01:19:22,291 --> 01:19:23,958
You lent him that book?
1568
01:19:23,960 --> 01:19:26,961
I thought
he'd appreciate it.
1569
01:19:26,963 --> 01:19:28,896
I thought
he'd appreciate me.
1570
01:19:32,000 --> 01:19:33,968
Right, that's it.
1571
01:19:33,970 --> 01:19:35,536
Come on, let's go.
1572
01:19:36,938 --> 01:19:38,072
Where?
1573
01:19:38,074 --> 01:19:39,540
We're gonna get
your book back.
1574
01:19:39,542 --> 01:19:41,642
- What?
- Where's he live?
1575
01:19:41,644 --> 01:19:42,910
Dad,
I really don't think--
1576
01:19:42,912 --> 01:19:45,079
Carrie,
where does he live?
1577
01:19:53,855 --> 01:19:55,856
Hi.
1578
01:19:55,858 --> 01:19:56,924
Hi.
1579
01:19:56,926 --> 01:19:58,225
Is David here?
1580
01:19:58,227 --> 01:19:59,460
Who is it, Amanda?
1581
01:19:59,462 --> 01:20:02,363
There's a girl
here to see you.
1582
01:20:05,233 --> 01:20:06,367
Carrie.
1583
01:20:06,369 --> 01:20:09,470
What
an unexpected pleasure.
1584
01:20:09,472 --> 01:20:13,007
This is Amanda,
my wife.
1585
01:20:13,009 --> 01:20:14,909
Carrie Pilby, a student.
1586
01:20:14,911 --> 01:20:16,877
Ex-student.
1587
01:20:16,879 --> 01:20:18,612
You got married?
1588
01:20:18,614 --> 01:20:19,880
Yeah.
1589
01:20:19,882 --> 01:20:21,215
Congratulations.
1590
01:20:21,217 --> 01:20:24,451
I'm Daniel Pilby,
Carrie's father.
1591
01:20:24,453 --> 01:20:26,787
Well, it's nice
to meet you.
1592
01:20:26,789 --> 01:20:28,489
We've come to get a book
1593
01:20:28,491 --> 01:20:29,857
that your husband's been
kind enough
1594
01:20:29,859 --> 01:20:31,358
to look after for me.
1595
01:20:31,360 --> 01:20:33,360
Yeah, the book.
1596
01:20:33,362 --> 01:20:35,696
Well, it's somewhere
inside the house.
1597
01:20:35,698 --> 01:20:37,231
As soon as I have a chance,
I'll find it,
1598
01:20:37,233 --> 01:20:38,532
and I'll put it
in the mail.
1599
01:20:38,534 --> 01:20:40,100
Why don't we save you
the trouble
1600
01:20:40,102 --> 01:20:42,736
and have
a quick look ourselves?
1601
01:20:44,005 --> 01:20:46,006
Excuse me.
1602
01:20:46,008 --> 01:20:48,342
I already told you,
I don't know where it is.
1603
01:20:48,344 --> 01:20:50,845
But you said yourself
it must be here somewhere.
1604
01:20:50,847 --> 01:20:52,680
Hello.
1605
01:20:55,083 --> 01:20:56,951
Do you mind?
1606
01:20:56,953 --> 01:20:58,152
No, not at all.
1607
01:20:58,154 --> 01:21:00,454
We won't be a moment.
1608
01:21:01,890 --> 01:21:03,257
Happy Christmas.
1609
01:21:03,259 --> 01:21:04,725
Same to you.
1610
01:21:05,760 --> 01:21:07,294
Library.
1611
01:21:07,296 --> 01:21:09,964
Good tidings to you
1612
01:21:09,966 --> 01:21:11,398
Wherever you are...
1613
01:21:11,400 --> 01:21:13,067
- We've got guests.
- They seem very nice.
1614
01:21:14,270 --> 01:21:16,170
...And a Happy New Year
1615
01:21:20,243 --> 01:21:21,642
Look!
1616
01:21:21,644 --> 01:21:22,710
There!
1617
01:21:22,712 --> 01:21:24,478
That wasn't
so difficult after all.
1618
01:21:24,480 --> 01:21:26,146
Will that be all?
1619
01:21:26,148 --> 01:21:27,248
Well,
there is one small thing.
1620
01:21:27,250 --> 01:21:28,415
Yes?
1621
01:21:32,188 --> 01:21:35,122
Borrowing a book
and not returning it
1622
01:21:35,124 --> 01:21:37,258
is the height
of rudeness.
1623
01:21:37,260 --> 01:21:39,193
- You son of a--
- Yeah.
1624
01:21:39,195 --> 01:21:40,628
Come along, Carrie.
1625
01:21:43,466 --> 01:21:45,099
Who was this guy?
1626
01:21:45,101 --> 01:21:46,433
It looks good on you.
1627
01:21:46,435 --> 01:21:48,535
- What?
- The blood.
1628
01:21:48,537 --> 01:21:50,537
Turns your lips red.
1629
01:21:50,539 --> 01:21:51,872
...New Year.
1630
01:21:59,181 --> 01:22:00,781
Are you okay?
1631
01:22:00,783 --> 01:22:03,017
I think-- I think
I've broken something.
1632
01:22:03,019 --> 01:22:05,953
Bloody worth it,
though?
1633
01:22:05,955 --> 01:22:09,123
Let me see.
Let me see.
1634
01:22:09,125 --> 01:22:13,928
I think
you're gonna be okay.
1635
01:22:13,930 --> 01:22:15,529
I missed you.
1636
01:22:15,531 --> 01:22:17,932
And I missed you too.
1637
01:22:17,934 --> 01:22:20,601
So, so much.
1638
01:22:20,603 --> 01:22:25,339
And I'm so sorry
for everything.
1639
01:22:25,341 --> 01:22:26,674
It's okay.
1640
01:22:26,676 --> 01:22:29,743
But you need to stop
trying to get me sorted.
1641
01:22:29,745 --> 01:22:30,778
I'm 19.
1642
01:22:30,780 --> 01:22:33,113
I'm not supposed
to be sorted yet.
1643
01:22:33,115 --> 01:22:34,448
Okay.
1644
01:22:42,490 --> 01:22:44,191
I come in peace.
1645
01:22:44,193 --> 01:22:46,727
Carrie, hi.
1646
01:22:46,729 --> 01:22:49,596
I wasn't sure
if you'd show up
1647
01:22:49,598 --> 01:22:51,398
for your appointment
today.
1648
01:22:51,400 --> 01:22:53,200
Did your dad leave?
1649
01:22:53,202 --> 01:22:54,635
Yeah, he did.
1650
01:22:54,637 --> 01:22:57,771
I miss him already.
1651
01:22:57,773 --> 01:22:59,540
You can go back to sleep
if you want.
1652
01:22:59,542 --> 01:23:02,476
No, no.
I was just a little tired.
1653
01:23:03,945 --> 01:23:05,813
Long night?
1654
01:23:05,815 --> 01:23:08,649
You do realize
it's not appropriate for me
1655
01:23:08,651 --> 01:23:12,419
to discuss
my personal life with you.
1656
01:23:12,421 --> 01:23:14,521
I think
it would really help me
1657
01:23:14,523 --> 01:23:15,923
if you did.
1658
01:23:22,497 --> 01:23:24,231
All right.
1659
01:23:25,367 --> 01:23:26,533
What do you
want to know?
1660
01:23:26,535 --> 01:23:28,235
Was there ever a time
1661
01:23:28,237 --> 01:23:30,170
when you thought
that cheating was wrong?
1662
01:23:30,172 --> 01:23:32,973
Of course.
I still do.
1663
01:23:32,975 --> 01:23:35,309
Then how do
you justify it?
Don't you feel bad?
1664
01:23:35,311 --> 01:23:37,277
Yes.
1665
01:23:37,279 --> 01:23:39,246
No.
1666
01:23:39,248 --> 01:23:40,781
All of the above.
1667
01:23:40,783 --> 01:23:44,685
I do part-time consulting
for Cheryl's agency.
1668
01:23:44,687 --> 01:23:47,621
She works
with abused children.
1669
01:23:47,623 --> 01:23:51,225
We spent
a lot of time together.
1670
01:23:51,227 --> 01:23:54,161
I invited her
for coffee.
1671
01:23:54,163 --> 01:23:57,865
We talked,
we talked more.
1672
01:23:57,867 --> 01:24:00,267
We wanted to spend
more time together.
1673
01:24:00,269 --> 01:24:01,602
I suppose I am
1674
01:24:01,604 --> 01:24:03,604
what you might call
a hypocrite.
1675
01:24:03,606 --> 01:24:06,073
It must bring you great joy
to hear me say that.
1676
01:24:06,075 --> 01:24:07,908
No, no.
It doesn't.
1677
01:24:07,910 --> 01:24:11,512
Her husband doesn't show her
any affection.
1678
01:24:11,514 --> 01:24:14,448
- That's an excuse.
- He's always gone.
1679
01:24:14,450 --> 01:24:16,150
- Excuse.
- He's been cheating.
1680
01:24:16,152 --> 01:24:17,151
- Excuse.
- And maybe--
1681
01:24:17,153 --> 01:24:19,053
Excuse!
1682
01:24:20,523 --> 01:24:22,723
Maybe she'll leave him?
1683
01:24:25,126 --> 01:24:26,827
Excuse.
1684
01:24:29,864 --> 01:24:31,632
I just came
to let you know
1685
01:24:31,634 --> 01:24:33,133
that my dad and I
made up.
1686
01:24:33,135 --> 01:24:35,569
I'm very glad.
1687
01:24:35,571 --> 01:24:37,571
And, okay.
1688
01:24:37,573 --> 01:24:41,642
He helped me
to get this back.
1689
01:24:46,147 --> 01:24:49,049
"Franny and Zooey."
1690
01:24:49,051 --> 01:24:51,351
And as we often say
in my profession,
1691
01:24:51,353 --> 01:24:53,520
how did that
make you feel?
1692
01:24:53,522 --> 01:24:57,091
Like maybe I should finish
that silly,
1693
01:24:57,093 --> 01:24:59,560
or not so silly,
1694
01:24:59,562 --> 01:25:02,830
list that I threw
in your general direction?
1695
01:25:02,832 --> 01:25:05,365
I was hoping
you'd say that.
1696
01:25:06,401 --> 01:25:07,501
You saved it.
1697
01:25:07,503 --> 01:25:08,836
Just in case.
1698
01:25:08,838 --> 01:25:11,038
I have a photographic memory,
remember?
1699
01:25:13,374 --> 01:25:14,875
Thank you.
1700
01:25:16,878 --> 01:25:19,246
So, what are you going
to do about Mrs. Rubin?
1701
01:25:19,248 --> 01:25:21,949
I don't know.
1702
01:25:21,951 --> 01:25:24,885
Contrary to what the degrees
on the wall may imply,
1703
01:25:24,887 --> 01:25:27,254
I don't have
all the answers.
1704
01:25:27,256 --> 01:25:30,757
I wouldn't trust anyone
who thought that they did.
1705
01:25:30,759 --> 01:25:32,726
Maybe you need
to make her a list.
1706
01:25:32,728 --> 01:25:34,528
"Five ways
to leave her husband."
1707
01:25:39,100 --> 01:25:41,768
You know, sometimes...
1708
01:25:41,770 --> 01:25:45,205
you really remind me
of your mother.
1709
01:25:46,241 --> 01:25:48,242
Thanks.
1710
01:25:48,244 --> 01:25:50,244
I'll take that
as a compliment.
1711
01:25:50,246 --> 01:25:53,013
Compliment intended.
1712
01:25:54,048 --> 01:25:56,250
You are allowed
to be happy, Carrie.
1713
01:25:56,252 --> 01:26:00,020
You know that,
don't you?
1714
01:26:00,022 --> 01:26:02,389
Your mom
would want that for you.
1715
01:26:54,509 --> 01:26:55,876
Shit.
1716
01:26:58,546 --> 01:27:00,047
Carrie!
1717
01:27:00,049 --> 01:27:01,548
Thank God!
1718
01:27:01,550 --> 01:27:03,483
I thought you might
never speak to me again
1719
01:27:03,485 --> 01:27:05,152
after I abandoned you
at Dex's gig.
1720
01:27:05,154 --> 01:27:06,720
How can I ever
make it up to you?
1721
01:27:06,722 --> 01:27:08,088
You already did.
1722
01:27:08,090 --> 01:27:09,856
You helped me
cross something off my list.
1723
01:27:09,858 --> 01:27:11,558
I did?
Which one?
1724
01:27:11,560 --> 01:27:12,726
Make a friend.
1725
01:27:12,728 --> 01:27:14,995
Okay.
1726
01:27:14,997 --> 01:27:17,364
You're hurting me
a little bit.
1727
01:27:17,366 --> 01:27:18,599
Come on.
1728
01:27:18,601 --> 01:27:19,800
I want to introduce you
to Dex.
1729
01:27:19,802 --> 01:27:21,335
- Dex? Dex-Dex?
- Yeah.
1730
01:27:21,337 --> 01:27:23,670
What, "Nationally
registered tongue" Dex?
1731
01:27:23,672 --> 01:27:26,406
- Okay. Okay.
- Sorry!
1732
01:27:28,677 --> 01:27:30,677
Carrie, this is Dex.
1733
01:27:30,679 --> 01:27:31,812
Dex, this is Carrie.
1734
01:27:31,814 --> 01:27:33,280
Hi, nice to meet you!
1735
01:27:33,282 --> 01:27:34,381
Yeah, you too.
1736
01:27:37,419 --> 01:27:39,686
He seems... nice.
1737
01:27:39,688 --> 01:27:41,221
Yeah, he is.
1738
01:27:41,223 --> 01:27:43,590
I'll call you.
We'll go for lunch.
1739
01:27:43,592 --> 01:27:45,492
I would love that.
1740
01:27:45,494 --> 01:27:47,227
Well, see you later!
1741
01:27:47,229 --> 01:27:49,062
Okay.
1742
01:27:54,269 --> 01:27:55,235
Pilby!
1743
01:27:58,573 --> 01:28:00,907
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
1744
01:28:00,909 --> 01:28:04,278
Are you wearing
eye makeup?
1745
01:28:04,280 --> 01:28:05,879
It looks good.
1746
01:28:05,881 --> 01:28:10,217
Hey, what's the square root
of 6,023?
1747
01:28:10,219 --> 01:28:11,752
Seventy-five.
1748
01:28:11,754 --> 01:28:13,620
You're a freaking genius!
1749
01:28:13,622 --> 01:28:16,523
- I made it up.
- Like, what's the equation?
1750
01:28:16,525 --> 01:28:17,824
What special equations
do you use?
1751
01:28:17,826 --> 01:28:19,626
You know what,
I'll tell you on Monday.
1752
01:28:19,628 --> 01:28:21,061
You're leaving?
1753
01:28:21,063 --> 01:28:25,799
I have a party limit,
and I'm all partied out.
1754
01:28:25,801 --> 01:28:27,668
But I'll see you later.
Happy New Year.
1755
01:28:31,139 --> 01:28:33,240
What a scene here
in Times Square!
1756
01:28:33,242 --> 01:28:35,075
Hundreds of thousands
of people crammed in here.
1757
01:28:35,077 --> 01:28:37,077
Very excited,
counting down to midnight.
1758
01:28:37,079 --> 01:28:39,446
- That's a no brainer!
- Absolutely.
1759
01:28:39,448 --> 01:28:41,715
Well, I'd like to get
in the hot tub already.
1760
01:28:41,717 --> 01:28:43,750
- I'm so cold right now!
- You're cold?
1761
01:28:43,752 --> 01:28:46,119
Are you kidding,
it's 40 degrees.
Try living in Minnesota.
1762
01:28:46,121 --> 01:28:47,954
- Should they get
in the hot tub?
They should
1763
01:28:47,956 --> 01:28:49,423
because we're freezing
and we would love
1764
01:28:49,425 --> 01:28:50,657
to get in the hot tub.
1765
01:28:50,659 --> 01:28:52,059
You're from Phoenix!
1766
01:28:52,061 --> 01:28:54,061
Should
they get in the hot tub?
1767
01:28:54,063 --> 01:28:56,263
Yes, you ladies
get in the hot tub quick!
1768
01:28:56,265 --> 01:28:58,298
- Get in the hot tub!
Come on, get in the hot tub.
- Fuck it.
1769
01:29:06,207 --> 01:29:08,308
Hey.
1770
01:29:08,310 --> 01:29:11,311
Hi.
You must be Ted.
1771
01:29:13,081 --> 01:29:15,282
Is Cy in?
1772
01:29:15,284 --> 01:29:16,416
Moved out.
1773
01:29:16,418 --> 01:29:18,151
What?
1774
01:29:18,153 --> 01:29:19,152
When?
1775
01:29:19,154 --> 01:29:20,120
Yesterday.
1776
01:29:21,389 --> 01:29:23,557
Okay.
1777
01:29:24,960 --> 01:29:26,159
- Well--
- Bye-bye, then.
1778
01:29:26,161 --> 01:29:27,294
Okay--
1779
01:29:27,296 --> 01:29:28,829
Well, is there any way
that I could--
1780
01:29:28,831 --> 01:29:30,163
Happy New Year.
1781
01:29:30,165 --> 01:29:32,299
Is it--
1782
01:29:34,470 --> 01:29:35,769
What is the matter
with you?
1783
01:29:35,771 --> 01:29:38,739
Can you not stop lying
for one minute?
1784
01:29:38,741 --> 01:29:40,273
Hey, sorry.
1785
01:29:40,275 --> 01:29:42,042
You see what I mean?
The guy's a compulsive liar.
1786
01:29:42,044 --> 01:29:43,810
You literally can't believe
a word he says.
1787
01:29:43,812 --> 01:29:45,145
Nice tux.
1788
01:29:45,147 --> 01:29:47,481
Yeah.
We had a concert.
1789
01:29:47,483 --> 01:29:49,015
I just got back.
1790
01:29:49,017 --> 01:29:51,985
You didn't wanna go out
after?
1791
01:29:51,987 --> 01:29:53,887
New Year's Eve
isn't really my thing.
1792
01:29:53,889 --> 01:29:56,890
Me neither.
1793
01:29:56,892 --> 01:29:59,793
Do you want
to come in?
1794
01:29:59,795 --> 01:30:01,628
If that's okay.
1795
01:30:01,630 --> 01:30:05,098
Yeah, I think
that could be okay.
1796
01:30:05,100 --> 01:30:08,335
Actually, would you mind
waiting here one second?
1797
01:30:08,337 --> 01:30:09,669
There's just
something I have to do
1798
01:30:09,671 --> 01:30:11,004
really, really quickly.
1799
01:30:11,006 --> 01:30:12,706
I'll be--
I'll be one minute.
1800
01:30:12,708 --> 01:30:13,974
Okay.
1801
01:30:37,832 --> 01:30:39,766
You're always
disappearing.
1802
01:30:39,768 --> 01:30:43,670
Sorry, I thought
I left the stove on.
1803
01:30:43,672 --> 01:30:44,905
That's okay.
1804
01:30:44,907 --> 01:30:46,740
This is a much
better spot anyway.
1805
01:30:46,742 --> 01:30:47,874
Spot?
1806
01:30:47,876 --> 01:30:49,910
To watch the fireworks.
1807
01:30:49,912 --> 01:30:51,344
They're about to start.
1808
01:30:53,114 --> 01:30:55,215
Here, take my hand.
1809
01:31:02,657 --> 01:31:04,825
It's freezing.
1810
01:31:04,827 --> 01:31:06,026
I'd loan you my coat,
1811
01:31:06,028 --> 01:31:07,294
but someone forgot
to return it.
1812
01:31:07,296 --> 01:31:08,528
Right.
1813
01:31:08,530 --> 01:31:10,864
I'm sorry.
Shall I pop in and grab it?
1814
01:31:10,866 --> 01:31:13,533
You just stay right here,
Carrie Pilby.
1815
01:31:17,805 --> 01:31:20,807
So, what's Cy short for?
1816
01:31:20,809 --> 01:31:22,309
Cyrus.
1817
01:31:24,011 --> 01:31:25,745
What about Carrie?
1818
01:31:25,747 --> 01:31:27,380
Nothing.
1819
01:31:28,850 --> 01:31:31,251
It's just Carrie.
1820
01:31:33,955 --> 01:31:36,523
What's your middle name?
1821
01:35:00,194 --> 01:35:03,163
Sun shine down
1822
01:35:04,700 --> 01:35:07,133
Sun shine down
1823
01:35:07,135 --> 01:35:09,035
Yeah
1824
01:35:14,342 --> 01:35:17,010
Sun shine down
1825
01:35:40,435 --> 01:35:44,704
Sun shine down
1826
01:35:44,706 --> 01:35:48,475
Sun shine down
1827
01:35:48,477 --> 01:35:51,377
Sun shine down...
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