All language subtitles for Armageddon (1998).en

This is the Earth at a time when the dinosaurs roamed

a lush and fertile planet.

A piece of rock just six miles wide
changed all that.

It hit with the force
of 10,000 nuclear weapons.

A trillion tons of dirt and rock
hurtled into the atmosphere

creating a suffocating
blanket of dust.

The sun was powerless to penetrate

for a thousand years.

It happened before.

It will happen again.

It's just a question of when.

Engineering director... Engineering...

- Say again, Rudy.
- Houston, affirmative.

I'm gonna try again.

This time
why don't we put in a hold at nine?

Cancel the pending resume.

Almost got it.

- Atlantis, I'm almost there.
- Houston, Pete's looking real strong.

Okay, Pete. We got that coupling
on the board here now.

We'll give you the go-ahead
from down here when it's in alignment.

Sounds good. Give me 10 seconds.

His heart rate's racing.

- Hey, Pete. It's Truman.
- Hey.

- How you doing up there, Hoss?
- Pretty good.

Now, listen, Pete.
We got an eye on your meds here.

I'll give you a buffalo nickel
if you'll calm down just a little bit.

- Can you do that for me?
- Whatever you say.

Okay, now we got plenty of
time, buddy, so don't you worry.

- Atlantis...
- Okay. Looking good here.

- He's got it.
- He'll be all right.

Go ahead, Atlantis.

Roger that, Houston.
Suggest we start reeling Pete in.

- The system's down.
- No.

- What the hell is that?
- My Lord.

We're down.

Houston!

- We've lost all contact.
- What happened?

Stewart, play that tape back!

Houston!

Multiple bogies! Multiple bogies!

Sector five, niner. I have three.
Now five. Unidentified tracts.

My screen's full.

Multiple tracts headed towards
the Atlantic seaboard.

This could be
a surprise missile attack.

Mr. President, the shuttle Atlantis
just exploded in space.

Okay, I want three groups!

One, internal malfunction.

Get the log tape. Start working back.
Maybe it's a glitch.

Two, I want NORAD Space Command
and the 50th Tactical

comparing all the space junk
you track in every orbit.

I want you to check,
recheck and then do it all over again.

Number three, wild cards,
anything and everything.

All right? Now, big Ross, I want
you to get on the telephone.

- Wake up 11,000 people.
- Right.

- Walt, get them going.
- Let's go!

Karl!

Karl! Karl!

Karl! Your Stouffer's pot pie's been
on the table almost 10 hours.

- I want a divorce.
- Dottie, I'm on to something big here.

I don't know what this is,

but it looks like
something's burning up there.

Go get my phone book, will you?
Get my phone book.

Get those names of those guys
from NASA.

Excuse me! Am I wearing a sign
that says, "Karl's slave"?

Go get my goddamn phone book!
Get the book!

Get the book! Get the book!

Space Command is reporting negative.
That is zero global launches.

It might just be pieces of the shuttle
breaking up as it comes in.

Yeah, it might be Santa Claus.

Until we get definitive, reliable
alternative confirmation, General,

we go to DEFCON 3.

I'm getting ready
for the big time

Someday you're gonna say
I'm big time too

Hey, little man! Little Richard!

Me and you, man!
We going to the top, baby! Big time!

Yo, man, I ain't gonna be riding
this bike the rest of my life!

You know what I'm saying?
I'm getting a motorcycle, baby.

We gonna travel in style.

I'm getting ready
for the big time

Someday you're gonna say
I'm big time

Watch where you're going.
I bet you, none of y'all stop for brothers.

Slow down, Little Richard.

You've been riding all morning, man.
You gotta take a dump?

We interrupt our regularly
scheduled program

-to bring you this special report.
- Hey, man, what happened?

The shuttle Atlantis exploded
in space at 3:47 a.m.,

Eastern Standard Time.

This morning
NASA officials are denying...

Hey! Hey, get! Get!

- That's my Godzilla. Come on, now.
- Yo, fool!

Don't be kicking Little Richard.
What the hell your problem?

Now that dog's
eating my Godzilla, man.

And what's a little runt like you
gonna do about it?

Get him, Richard. Sic him.

If I wasn't a Christian,
I'd be throwing your fat,

pineapple-eating ass
through the window.

Why we not going, huh?

Well, you know why?
'Cause this is New York City.

Anything could have happened.
Look at that.

Let's see.
It could have been a terrorist bomb.

It could have been a dead body,
somebody shot, stabbed.

And it's Friday. Payday, too.

Somebody probably jumped,
didn't get their paycheck. Yes.

I want to go shopping.

Me, too, but we ain't going nowhere
'cause this is a traffic jam.

- Little Richard.
- Hurry! Right over there!

- Go!
- Yo, Little Richard!

Hang on, Little Richard! I'm coming!

Don't you worry about it.
I'm gonna get you outta there!

You okay, buddy? Don't worry about it.
Hang in there.

Somebody dial 911!

My screen's full!
They're all over the place!

Bogies are breaching
the atmosphere from Finland

down the North American seaboard.

Whoa!

Look at that!

We at war!

Saddam Hussein is bombing us!

Come on! Let's go! Let's go!

Get out of here!

Oh, my God!

Let's stay focused.
We need to map the trajectory now.

- Well, that could take a week.
- Just find it, okay?

I want to know if the worst is over
or if it's on its way.

We've got General Kimsey on the line.

We've got hits from Finland
to South Carolina.

We know they're not missiles.
Now what the hell is it?

It's a meteor shower.
That's what took out the shuttle.

- He's waiting for you.
- What's the death toll?

I've got the President on Air Force One
demanding answers. Is it over?

General, we've got 11,000 people
at NASA

trying to figure that out right now.

When we know, you'll know.

Okay, Karl, listen.
I want you to take your time.

Yes, sir. You are definitely the first.

Okay, first coordinate.
One-two-three-nine. 1239, right?

- FBI locked his location.
- Saw an explosion in space.

- Okay.
- The last one...

Now, listen, Karl, this is top secret.

Sir, I'm retired Navy.
I know all about classified.

But one more thing.

The person that finds her
gets to name her, right?

Yes, that's right. That's right.

I want to name her Dottie, after my wife.

She's a vicious, life-sucking bitch
from which there's no escape.

That's... That's sweet, Karl.

S.D.I., this is Flight Director.

I want to get that Hubble moving
and I want it now.

Roger that. We're moving the Hubble!

It's enormous.

This is the anomaly at 1643.

Here is the anomaly at 1658.

And here is the anomaly at 1700.

Enough with this "anomaly" horseshit!

- What is this thing?
- It's an asteroid, sir.

How big are we talking?

Sir, our best estimate is 97.6 billion...

- It's the size of Texas, Mr. President.
- Yes, sir.

Dan, we didn't see this thing coming?

Well, our object collision
budget's a million dollars.

That allows us to track
about three percent of the sky.

And begging your pardon, sir,
but it's a big-ass sky.

And the ones this morning?

Those are nothing.
They're the size of basketballs

and, Volkswagens, things like that.

Is this going to hit us?

- We're efforting that as we speak, sir.
- What kind of damage are we...

Damage?

Total, sir.

It's what we call a global killer.

The end of mankind.

Doesn't matter where it hits.

Nothing would survive,
not even bacteria.

My God. What do we do?

We have 18 days before it hits Earth.

- Have mercy.
- Rise and shine!

Stop the drilling! Stop the drilling!
Stop the drilling!

- Fore!
- Stop the drilling!

Stop the drilling! Stop the drilling!

- Hey!
- Hey, that was close!

I gave you 50,000 a year in donations!

What do you think
they're so mad about, Chick?

Well, I think they feel that drilling for oil
is an evil thing.

Do you know how much diesel that
clunker boat pumps out in an hour?

You know, I just found out
something interesting.

Number two chewed 180 feet last night.

Who do we have to thank for this?

Well, I'll give you two guesses,
but you're only gonna need one.

Goddamn it, A.J.!

A.J.!

A.J.! A.J., you in here?

That's just perfect. In bed. Get up!

- Hey, you wanted to see me?
- Yeah, I was looking for you.

You're pissed. Okay, I can see that.

No. You know what, A.J.?
I'm not pissed.

You've seen me pissed. This is way,
way beyond pissed, though.

You know I shut down
number two last night, right?

Yeah, man, I had a hunch on that.

Dude, let me tell you something.

Someday, many years from now,
when you're all growed up

and you got your own oil company

and $8 million of your own money
on the contract,

you can do whatever comes
into that little

A.J.-idioting mind of yours you want,
but as long as it says

"Harry Stamper Oil" on the rig
you will not disobey my rules.

- You got that?
- Yeah, I do got it.

Right now, I need to hear
five words from you.

- I'll never do that again.
- Never do that again.

I'm a fool. That was idiotic.
I mean, that was stupid.

I'm an idiot. I know what name's
on the sign. I'm not... I can't...

- What's going on here?
- What's going on? Well, I mean, I...

- I screwed up. I'm a little edgy.
- How long you worked for me?

Five wonderful years.

In five years, you have never
apologized to me this quickly.

Something's going on here.
I'm gonna find out what it is.

No, no, no. Well...

I'm turning over a new leaf.

I'm trying to learn from the man.
What would Harry do?

I'm at a loss for words.

- Okay, I can explain this.
- You can explain that?

- I can.
- I would really like an explanation.

You just stay right here.

- Grace?
- Hi, Harry.

I have asked you repeatedly
to call me Dad.

- Sorry, Harry.
- Get up and get your clothes on.

You just stay right there.
I'll be right back.

Here's what we're gonna do.

I want every strategy we've got on
near-Earth object collision, okay?

Any ideas, any programs,

anything you sketched on a pizza box
or a cocktail napkin.

For 30 years,
they questioned the need for NASA.

Today we're gonna give them
the answer.

You know about this, Rockhound?
You knew.

No, I had no idea.

Where's Harry?

Harry! All right! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I understand, okay?

You're mad.
Who... Who wouldn't be mad?

- But he's gonna shoot you.
- Nah. No, he's not. Oh, shit.

- Harry!
- What's wrong with you?

Make your peace with God, A.J.

This guy's got a gun, man!
He's shooting at me!

Harry, this is not funny!

Harry, listen to me!
We can talk this over!

So is this a serious thing?

Yeah, pretty serious.

- Bear, man!
- What's up?

He's shooting at me.
You see Harry coming,

crack him with that wrench!

You told A.J.'s dad just before he died
that you would take care of the boy.

Now, I'm not sure that shooting
him is taking care of him.

Why don't you put the gun down,
boss?

You don't want none of this, Bear.
Get out of my way.

Just trying to give my man a head start,
that's all.

Not to mention the fact that I don't think
you wanna kill the best man

on your crew before we strike oil.

Chick, I ain't gonna kill him.

Just gonna take a foot off.
A man can work with one foot.

You remember old Frank Marx

who worked with one hand
all them years?

Yeah, but he wasn't very good.

Harry, put the gun down!
You're acting insane!

Now, honey, go get some clothes on
and get out of the way.

- You can't control my life.
- Fine. Clothes. Now!

All right, stop, all right?

It was funny for a minute,
it's not funny any more.

Harry, this is illegal, man.

I'm temporarily insane, Rock.
It's all right.

- Do I look like I'm crazy to you?
- Well...

Harry, hey, just cool down.

- What are you... Okay, stop.
- All right. All right, Harry.

All right. Now, listen, man to man.

I'm serious. I love her.

Way wrong answer.

- Whoa, whoa, Harry. It's getting real.
- Harry! Come on, Harry!

- Stop him!
- You shot him!

Bullet never got close. Just a ricochet.

You know, it's all funny
till somebody gets shot in the leg.

Hey, pucker up!
We got clients incoming!

Back in 1974,

we first got the idea,

the possibility that a,
that a meteor or an asteroid...

I need somebody who's had a little less
caffeine this morning. Doc, translate.

Our first feasibility plan was to use
a spread-focus laser generator

to heat the object
to the point of fracture.

That's like shooting a B.B. gun
at a freight train, Doc.

Some of us have got this idea.

We want to land a craft,
deploy solar sails.

You'll have a great big canopy.
Solar winds will be caught

by these mylar sails.

- Okay.
- Come on, guys.

We gotta come up with something
realistic here. We got 18 days.

That's 431 hours,
15 minutes and 18 seconds.

Time's a luxury we don't have. What?

Listen, Harry. A.J. is my choice,
my choice and not yours.

He's the only one in your age bracket,
Grace.

It's not a choice, it's a lack of options.

I don't know what in the world
makes you think

that you have the right to tell me
what to do any more, Harry.

I suppose being your father
doesn't count, huh?

- Not really.
- Since when?

Since I reached the age of 10
and became older than you, Harry.

Since Mom split.
Why don't you take your pick?

Look, I understand
that you are handicapped

by a natural immaturity
and I forgive you.

I may be an immature father, okay?
But I'm still your employer.

And as your boss I want you
on that crew boat tonight

and back in the office by Monday.

- You got that?
- Okay. I quit.

Grace, you can't quit now.
I need you to keep on working.

- Hi, Harry!
- What are you smiling about?

I've been seeing A.J. for
more than five months, Harry.

You little hypocrite. I ever held you
back once from doing anything?

What about having a life, Harry?
The first time I got my period

Rockhound had to take me
into Taipei for Tampax

and then he had to show me
how to use them, Harry.

I... No, I told her how to use it.
I didn't show her, Harry.

I was playing with
titanium depth gauges

when I should've been
playing with dolls.

I mean, I learned about
the birds and the bees

from Freddy Noonan's tattoos.

Look, I was raised on roughnecks
by you

and now you get all shocked
and shaken when I fall in love with one.

So who is the hypocrite here,
Harry, huh?

- Who?
- Look at those nice pipes up there.

- Listen to me, Grace. I want you...
- No, you listen to me, Harry. I grew up.

With the proximity of the asteroid

and no prep time,
none of our primary plans can work.

Why don't we just send up
150 nuclear warheads

and blast that rock apart?

- Terrible idea.
- Was I talking to you?

This is Dr. Ronald Quincy
from research,

pretty much the smartest man
on the planet.

You might want to listen to him.

General, if you consider your target,
her composition, her dimensions,

her sheer velocity,

you could fire every nuke
you've got at her

and she'll just smile at you
and keep on coming.

You should know that
the president's scientific advisers

are suggesting that a nuclear blast
could change this asteroid's trajectory.

I know the president's
chief scientific adviser.

We were at MIT together.

And in a situation like this, you...
You really don't want

to take the advice of a man who
got a C-minus in astrophysics.

The president's advisers are wrong.
I'm right.

Hitting the rock from the outside
won't do the job.

Imagine a firecracker
in the palm of your hand.

You set it off. What happens?
Burn your hand, right?

You close your fist around
the same firecracker and set it off...

Your wife's gonna be opening your
ketchup bottles the rest of your life.

Are you suggesting we blow
this thing up from the inside?

- That's exactly what I'm saying.
- How?

We drill.

We bring in the world's
best deep-core driller.

Harry, get up here! We're taking a hit!

- Get A.J. up here! Whoa!
- Come on!

Send another pipe on down!
Right now! Full pipe!

It's a gas pocket.

I told you.
Am I lucky, or am I just a genius?

I shut it down for a reason, you jackass!
The relief valve's fried open.

Shut off the number two valve!
Grace, get the clients outta here now!

Chick, get them outta here!
Get them off the rig now!

Get the hell down!
This thing is gonna blow!

Get out! Chick, get out now!

Get down!

Three dozen research calls

and every time the same man
is recommended.

He's worked on every terrain
this planet can offer.

Whenever they said
it couldn't be drilled, this guy drilled it.

- Everybody all right?
- We struck oil, baby!

Somebody could've got killed
out here today.

You want that on your conscience?

High thumb. You are man, Harry.

Thumbs high.

You're fired.

Who's Harry Stamper?

Yeah, I'm Harry Stamper.
What's all this about?

Mr. Stamper, I'm General Montgomery,
commander of the Pacific Air Forces.

I've been sent here
by the secretary of defense

on direct orders from
the president of the United States.

It's a matter of urgent national security.

I need you to get on that chopper
right now, no questions asked.

- Crazy Willie put you up to this?
- Afraid I don't know Crazy Willie.

Sir, I'm dead serious about this.

- Harry.
- What?

Man, I swear to God,
she never told me her age.

It's all right. Relax. It's about me.

Forget it.

All right, General. I'll go with you.

On one condition,
we have to take my daughter along.

- What did I do?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where you guys taking her?
Wait a minute.

- Sir, stay right here.
- Well...

Chick! Get him paid, get him off the rig!

- Mr. Stamper?
- Yeah, I'm Harry Stamper.

How you doing? Miss Stamper.

I'm Dan Truman,
executive director here.

Now, listen, on behalf of all of us,
I'd really like to apologize...

Apologize. I don't know if we can take
any more apologies, Mr. Truman.

We've been apologized to for
the last 18 and a half hours.

So if you don't mind,
how 'bout if we just get on with it

and you tell us why we're here
at the NASA space center?

We should probably talk alone.

Mr. Truman, I don't keep any secrets
from my daughter, Grace.

So whether you tell her now
or I tell her later she's gonna find out

one way or the other,
so why don't we just get on with it?

So when the rogue comet
hit the asteroid belt,

it sent shrapnel right for us.

For the next 15 days,
the Earth's in a shooting gallery.

Even if the asteroid itself hits the water,
it's still hitting land.

It'll flash-boil millions of
gallons of sea water

and slam into the ocean bedrock.

Now, if it's a Pacific Ocean impact,
which we think it will be,

it'll create a tidal wave three miles high,
travel at 1,000 miles an hour

covering California
and washing up in Denver.

Japan's gone. Australia's wiped out.

Half the world's population'll be
incinerated by the heat blast

and the rest'll freeze to death
from nuclear winter.

That's unbelievable.

Well, actually, this is as real as it gets.

Well, it's coming, right now,

right for us at 22,000 miles an hour.

Not a soul on Earth can hide from it.

I take it you're not alerting
everyone like this.

Nobody knows. That's the way it stays.

For the next 10 days, there are only
nine telescopes in the world

that can spot the asteroid,
and we control eight of them.

The president's classified
this information top secret.

If news like this got out,
there'd be an overnight breakdown

of basic social services worldwide,
rioting, mass religious hysteria.

Total chaos. You can imagine.

Basically the worst parts of the Bible.

Six billion people on the planet,

Why'd you guys call me?

We need you to prep the team
we're sending up.

- Up?
- We'll send them to the asteroid,

they'll land, they'll drill a hole,
they'll drop some nukes,

take off and detonate
if we can fix this equipment problem.

Now, the drilling unit's a prototype

we've been building for
the Mars project.

You... You might recognize the rig.

Yeah, well, I guess I should
recognize it. It's my design.

What'd you do?
Steal a key to the patent office?

- Yeah, basically.
- Let me get this straight.

I got pulled off an oil rig,

flown halfway around the world
because you stole my drill design,

couldn't read the plans right

and did a piss-poor job of
putting it together, is that it?

Well, technically,
patents don't apply to outer space.

Just shut up, Quincy.

It's not going to Mars any more.
It's going to try to save this planet.

And we need to know
what's wrong with it pretty quick.

You said we did a bad job
of putting it together?

No, I said you did a piss-poor job
of putting it together.

First of all,
you got the flow system all reversed.

Let me guess,

you've been tearing up rotors
and you can't figure out why.

Yeah, that's right, actually.

Well, that's because your cams
are all wrong, Mr. Wizard.

- Who's been operating this thing?
- Right there.

We've actually... We've had them
training for eight months solid now.

- Eight whole months?
- Well, pretty much, yeah.

Well, gee whiz.

Well, this is the team
that has to do the job up there.

We need you to train them down here.

Well, Mr. Stamper, what do you think?

You know, drilling's a science.
It's an art.

I'm a third-generation driller,
doing it all my life

and I still haven't got it all figured out.

I assume you sent for me

because somebody told you
I was the best.

Well, I'm only the best
because I work with the best.

You don't trust the men
you're working with,

you're as good as dead.

Now, you want to send
these boys into space, fine.

I'm sure they'll make good astronauts.

But they don't know jack about drilling

- What's your contingency plan?
- Contingency plan?

Your backup plan. You gotta have
some kind of backup plan, right?

No, we don't have a backup plan.
This is it.

And this is the best that you could...

That the government,

the U.S. government
can come up with?

I mean, you're NASA,
for crying out loud.

You put a man on the moon.

You're geniuses!
You're the guys that think this shit up.

I'm sure you got a team of men
sitting around somewhere right now

just thinking shit up
and somebody backing them up.

You telling me you
don't have a backup plan,

that these eight Boy Scouts right here,

that is the world's hope,
that's what you're telling me?

- Yeah.
- Jesus. Damn it.

We're a little short on time here.
Will you help us?

- All they gotta do is drill?
- That's it.

No spacewalking,
no crazy astronaut stuff?

Just drill.

How many men were you planning
on taking up there?

We're sending up two shuttles,
two teams.

If I do this,
I'm gonna wanna take my own men.

You got it.

So you're saying you'll help us?

Yes, sir.

Thanks.

I just don't trust
anybody else to do it, that's all.

No, Mrs. Curlene, it's Harry Stamper.

If you see Bear,
you tell him Harry's looking for him.

Those guys get off this rig, they scatter.
Jayotis Kerleen Bear,

probably the only black man on
a big hog in Kadoka, South Dakota.

Come and get Papa Bear!

- Max.
- You got a weight limit on the shuttle?

- Max.
- Hey, Mama.

That's so sweet, Maxie.

Hey, did you get me one of them
yellow jelly bear claws I like?

Maxie, are you in trouble
with the law again?

- No, Mama.
- Maxie.

I swear, Mama, I'm...

- You know I want Rockhound.
- We call him Hound because...

Well, he's horny.

Well, you might want to start
with every bar in New Orleans.

That is a big, shiny mount, isn't it?

- How long you been married?
- For two weeks.

- See this diamond?
- Yeah?

It's not a diamond.

- Would you like another drink?
- Yeah.

- Sir, FBI.
- She's so cute.

- No, thanks.
- We have a national security matter.

- Good for you.
- Let's go.

- Now.
- How old are you?

Oscar Choi,
spacy but absolutely brilliant geologist.

He owns a horse ranch outside
of El Paso.

What the...

Mr. Chick Chapple, at the craps table,
Caesars Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada.

Yes! About time.

Charles Chapple, game's over.

Who's gonna run the other rig?

How about Benny? He's good.

The only one knows how to run it
as well as I do is A.J.

I thought you said
you couldn't trust him.

I thought you said I could.

Yep, you are on your way, A.J.

Well, you know, being in business
for yourself has its advantages,

make my own hours,
nobody shoots me in the leg.

You don't got a gun on you now,
do you? Good.

'Cause I kind of wanted to get back
to this whole thing

about you asking me for help.

Does that mean
that there's actually a job

that Mr. All-Go-No-Quit-Big-Nuts
Harry Stamper can't handle by himself

and needs my expert advice?

- Something like that, yeah.
- Well, no, no, no.

I mean, is it something like that,
or is it that?

You know,
you and me got a real problem.

You know, Harry, there are only

five words I wanna hear
from you right now.

And those words are,
"You know, A.J., I really look up to you.

"You've been a hero of mine
for a long time,

"and I'm very impressed with your work,
I'm emotionally closed off."

That's like... That's, like,
11 words or something.

You know what? How about just,
"A.J., I'm sorry, and... And I love you."

You know, A.J.,
there's not a job on the planet

that I want you to work with me on.

I mean that.

So what are you doing here?
Harry, what's the job?

- Big Daddy!
- What's up, baby?

Yeah, big Bear.
What's up? What's up?

What's up, Harry?
Did NASA find oil on Uranus, man?

None of you have to go.
We can all just sit here on Earth,

wait for this big rock to crash into it,
kill everything and everybody we know.

The United States government
just asked us to save the world.

- Anybody wanna say no?
- Twenty years,

haven't turned you down once,
not about to start now.

I'm there.

Guess I can't let you go up there alone.

I'm with you.

I mean, this is... This is historic.

Guys, this is like deep blue hero stuff.

- Of course I'm in.
- While I don't share his enthusiasm,

you know me, beam me up, Scotty.

- You all right, Max?
- I don't... I don't...

Whatever you think.

- What about you?
- I'm in.

All right, then.

We go.

I don't mean to be the materialistic
weasel of this group,

but you think we'll get
hazard pay out of this?

If you're trying to make me feel better
about this scenario, give it up.

To tell you the truth,
I'm kind of encouraged.

This guy Chick here was
an Air Force commando for six years.

We got robbery, assault,
arrest, resisting arrest.

We got a collection agent for the mob.

Two of these guys
have done serious time.

- Look, they're the best at what they do.
- So am I.

And I'm not so optimistic.

We spend $250 billion
a year on defense.

And here we are.
The fate of the planet is in the hands

of a bunch of retards
I wouldn't trust with a potato gun.

So what's the verdict?

They'll do it.
They've made a few requests though.

Such as?

Just a few things here.

Nothing really big, just...
Well, as an example...

Oscar here's got some
outstanding parking tickets.

Wants them wiped off his record.

- Fifty-six tickets in seven states.
- I'll tell him, Oscar. I got it.

- Okay.
- Noonan's got two women friends

that he'd like to see made
American citizens, no questions asked.

Max would like you to bring back
eight track tapes.

Not sure if that's gonna work,
but let's see what else.

Chick wants a full week's
Emperor's Package at Caesars Palace.

Hey, you guys
wouldn't be able to tell us

who actually killed Kennedy,
would you?

Bear would like to stay at the

White Horse, the...

White House. White House.

White House. Yeah, he'd like to stay
in the Lincoln Bedroom

of the White House for the summer.

- Stuff like that.
- Sure, I think we can

take care of some of that.

Harry!

Yeah, one more thing.

None of them wanna pay taxes again.

Even

Who's that for? Mr. Ed?

You stick that in me,
I'm gonna stab you in the heart with it.

You ever see Pulp Fiction?

Oh, say can you see

We're losing him,
we're losing him. Clear! Kaboom!

- Freddy, you all right?
- Does this look okay to you?

- Does this look okay?
- It's not all bad. It's kind of tingly.

Mr. Chapple, you're next!

Gee, lady, I just came here to drill.

So did I.

Your triglycerides are way high

and your bad cholesterol
is shockingly bad.

Tell you to lay off those pork rinds,
Pooh Bear.

Yeah, pork rind this.

Pork rinds this! Yeah!

Take it off, baby!

Well, at least they're in good spirits.

Piece of cake.
Look, you wanna compare brain pans?

I won the Westinghouse Prize
when I was 12. Big deal.

Published at 19. So what?

I got a double doctorate
from MIT at 22.

Chemistry and geology. I taught at
Princeton for two and a half years.

You know, I think this might be
the most uncomfortable room

I've ever been in my life.

Why do I do this?

Because the money's good,
the scenery changes

and they let me use explosives, okay?

Okay, you wanna be
all psychological with me, that's fine.

I'll tell you one thing
that really drives me nuts

is people who think that
Jethro Tull is just a person in the band.

Who is Jethro Tull?

My favorite dish is haggis,
heart, lungs, liver.

You shove that all in
a sheep's stomach, then you boil it.

That'll put some hair on your ass.

I am not crazy.

I'm just a little emotional right now,
okay?

You all throwing
all this stuff at me, man.

Look... Get... I mean...

After this is over, could I, like,
get a hug from you or something?

Okay,
Cyclops lady's starting to bug me.

Can you handle it?

I mean, I can handle what I'm,
you know... I'm gonna do.

I can handle that, but I don't know
if I can handle this room.

Woman with large breasts.

Woman with medium breasts.

Here's Harry giving me a hard time.

And this is Harry telling me
it's not good enough.

And this is Harry telling me
I can't marry his daughter.

Thanks a lot. I appreciate it.

Just let it out.

I suffered a major head injury
when I was in high school.

This one looks like you, with breasts.

Yeah, I can handle it.
Yeah, I can handle it.

A home run!
The Cubs win the World Series!

Fail. Fail. Depressively fail.

One toxicology analysis
revealed ketamine.

That is a very powerful sedative.

Sedatives are used all the time, Doctor.

Well, this one's used on horses.

Some of these guys are pretty big.

It would normally take 18 months
to psychologically prepare,

prescreen viable subjects
for space travel.

We have seen evidence of
a wide variety of territorial aggression.

Can they physically survive the trip?
That's all I need to know here, okay?

Personally, I don't know how
they survived the tests.

Talk about the wrong stuff.

Good morning.
I'm Colonel Willie Sharp.

In addition to flying one of
the X-71 teams to that rock,

my job is to train you how to deal

with the mental and physical rigors
of working in space

so you don't freak out on the asteroid.

United States astronauts train for years.

You have 12 days.

Do we have any intelligent questions
before we get started?

What's an X-71?

You're the first civilians to ever see her.

We call them the X-71 s.

It's a top secret joint venture
with the Air Force.

She and her sister ship at Vandenberg

are leaving for launch prep in Florida,
but I thought you ought to take a look.

The two shuttles going up are
the Freedom and the Independence.

Her titanium alloy impenetrable skin
covers the toughest, meanest,

most sophisticated space vehicle
man has ever made.

Okay, Air Force Colonel Davis,
NASA pilot Tucker

will command the shuttle
Independence.

Air Force Colonel Sharp, NASA
pilot Watts, shuttle Freedom.

Munitions specialist Gruber and Halsey
will supervise the nuclear ordnance.

Anyway, I just thought...

Thought you guys should meet.

Gentlemen, welcome to our weightless
environmental training facility.

So we're going swimming
on this asteroid? Is that what this is for?

Here at downtown NASA,
we call this the "Monster Armadillo."

Gonna be retrofitted
with your drilling arm.

She'll turn 800 turbo horses
in near zero gravity.

Mind if we take a look at her now?

All these rubber hoses gotta go, Max.
Count them up.

Make sure it's short-throw shifting.

Quincy! Somebody tell me what this is.

Plastic ice cream scoop?
What'd that cost? About $400?

This is about
the sorriest group of people

I've seen in all my entire military career.

Your space flight's gonna be
a brutal assault on your senses.

I'm here to give you a taste of that.

NASA 's got some of
the finest pilots in the world.

They're gonna be sucking your eyes
into the back of your heads.

Go easy on me, okay? It's my first time.

I just wanna seriously say
I have a small fear of flying.

I'm gonna twist you.

And I'm gonna flip you.

What's the matter with you?

Frap your body till your bones hurt.

When you squeal,
I'm just gonna go faster and harder.

No, take me down!

- How's the rest of the crew?
- Well...

Sorry about the rib chunks
all over your dashboard.

Don't forget, we gotta X-ray all these...

If you had to say, who would you say?

I don't know, Oscar.
Who do you think you are?

- Han Solo.
- No. If anybody's anybody, I'm Han.

And you're... You're Chewbacca.

Chewie?
Have you even seen Star Wars?

All right, men, let's go. Step it up.

Neil Armstrong, 1969,
bouncing on the moon.

He's bouncing because there's less
gravity up there than on Earth.

This will be similar to the asteroid,
so watch it.

Something gets launched off
that asteroid with enough force,

it's gonna keep on going
right into outer space.

What is the deal?
Is it just me, or is Watts really hot?

Yeah.

So we have these new generation suits
with directional accelerant thrusters.

- You won't bounce like Neil Armstrong.
- Yeah, think so?

- Bear!
- Yes?

- Do we have a problem?
- No.

'Cause I'm trying to describe to you
how these D.A.T.s

keep your ass on the ground.

So that if I were to kick you in the balls

and you don't know how to work them,
what happens to you?

- I float away.
- Yeah.

And when do we start training for that?

Gentlemen, I'll give you 30 seconds
to put your helmets on,

then the oxygen will be sucked
out of this vacuum

and you will know
what it's like to be in space.

Go!

Depressed in 30 seconds.

Main valves have been activated.

Vacuum P. S. I.s are open.

Okay, gentlemen,
so here's the flight plan.

Now, let's keep the laughter
to a minimum.

I know this is not to scale.

Both shuttles will take off
Tuesday at 6:30 p.m.

Now, 67 minutes later,

you're gonna dock with
the Russian space station

to meet cosmonaut Andropov

who will refuel the shuttles
with liquid O2.

That's your fuel. Then you'll release

and take a 60-hour trip
toward the moon.

Now, we only have one shot
of landing on this rock

and that's precisely when the asteroid
passes by the moon.

You'll then use lunar gravity
and burn your thrusters,

slingshotting you around the moon

coming up behind the asteroid.

- You'll be upward of 11 G's.
- Yeah, I remember this one.

It's where the coyote sat
his ass down in a slingshot

then he strapped himself
to an Acme rocket.

- Is that what we're doing here?
- Rockhound.

No, no, really,
because it didn't work out

-too well for the coyote, Harry.
- Hey, Rock.

- Remember that one?
- Well, actually,

we have a lot better rockets
than the coyote.

Now, when you've finished
your Road Runner thrust move

you'll be moving
at 22,500 miles per hour.

Coming around behind the asteroid,
where we're hoping

that the tail debris'll be cleared
by the moon's gravity.

And you'll land right here. That's it.

We got separate landing sites
for each team.

Softest parts of the rock
as we can figure.

At NASA, we don't take chances.
We double up on everything.

First team that hits 800 feet wins.

Now this rock is big, it's dense,

it's got some gravity.
You can walk around.

But use your thrusters
so you can work easier.

Okay, Mr. Truman, let's say that
we actually do land on this.

What's it gonna be like up there?

Two hundred degrees in the sunlight.
Minus 200 in the shade.

Canyons of razor-sharp rock.
Unpredictable gravitational conditions.

Unexpected eruptions. Things like that.

Okay, so the scariest
environment imaginable. Thanks.

That's all you gotta say,
scariest environment imaginable.

Okay, so you drill,
you drop the nuke, and you leave.

Now, here's the key,

you're gonna remote detonate
the bomb

before the asteroid passes
this plane, Zero Barrier.

You do that, and the remaining
pieces of rock

should be deflected enough
to pass right by us.

Now, if the bomb explodes
after Zero Barrier,

game's over.

Apollo, this is Houston.
Fire your rockets.

Okay, your rockets are maximum.

- Beautiful boost.
- Oscar!

Hey, Harry. Hey, how's it going?

Have you seen Grace?

Yeah,
she's over in the hangar with A.J.

Harry, wait a second.
Did you say Grace?

Okay, I thought you said Bear.

Will you marry me?

Grace is old enough to vote, Harry.

She's old enough to drink

or get married if she wants,
get a divorce.

Let me tell you something, fellows.

When I get back,
when we get this job done,

I will deal with this in my own way.

Come on, Harry.
It's not like I'm rooting for A.J. here.

I'm just saying,
Grace is not a little girl any more.

Hey, Rock, you know, wait a minute.

Let me get a pencil
and a piece of paper.

I wanna jot down all your pearls
of wisdom here.

Get serious, Harry. Come on.

While we're off trotting the globe,
hunting mud,

Gracie grew up to become
a full-blown hottie, you know?

- Harry, she is fully hot. She is...
- She's a babe.

Max, Max, okay. You're talking
about my little girl, all right?

I think I know who
and what she is, okay?

Okay, but Harry, all we're saying is,

we're talking about a kid
who's coming into her own right now.

And she's getting curious
about her body

and she's exploring her sexuality.
And you know what?

- Oscar.
- That's a natural thing.

You are about five minutes
older than Grace is.

Why should I listen to you?

And I know what it feels like
to have your hormones

pulling you in just, you know,

a thousand different directions
you don't know which end is up.

Yo, Harry, no disrespect, man,
but we all helped to raise her.

So, in part, we all feel
like a bunch of daddies here.

That's true.

I'll be damned if I worked
all these years

so my little girl can marry a roughneck.

She's better than that.

Better than all of us.

Harry, just sit back, relax.

I'm gonna put on a little free
Armadillo driving clinic for you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Two shuttle teams.

A.J.'ll be running the drill team
with Oscar,

Bear and Noonan
on the Independence.

I'll run the drill team on Freedom
with Chick, Rockhound and Max.

Once we land, we'll have eight hours
to get the job done.

In order to split this rock
on the fault line,

we're gonna have to drill to 800 feet.

Let's get our game faces on.
Now it's time for underwater simulation.

Come on, Independence.

Keep it up. Let's go.
We're the younger team here.

We're on the varsity team.
Take it to 11,000.

Okay, gentlemen,
we're gonna trick them up.

My computer will simulate
a gas pocket

at 625 feet
and then hard iron ferrite at 635.

I'm gonna draw up some more O2 in.
We're taking her up.

- I'm giving it more torque right now.
- All right, looking good, Bear.

Clamp it down. Watch your time,
Independence team.

Thanks, Harry. Would you mind
letting me run my own team?

You're gonna blow the tranny, A.J.
Slow it down, baby.

Take it easy, Bear.
Just relax. She can handle it.

A.J., you're at 600 feet.

Your pipe is long.
Let's back the R.P.M.s down to 8,000.

- We don't have time for 8,000!
- A.J., take it back down.

You're gonna snap the pipe.
I don't wanna blow this transmission.

- Damn it, 11,000.
- Slow it down, A.J.

Bear, come on.
Get on our team for a little bit.

Whoa, space cowboy.

- Harry, are you listening to this?
- Yeah, I'm listening, Bear.

Harry? You don't work for Harry
any more, okay?

Out there you gotta listen to me.

When we're on that rock,
you gotta do what I say.

Now send more to the turbine.
I'm throttling up to 11,000.

A.J., back it off.
You're gonna blow the transmission.

Hey, Harry, would you let me
run my team, please?

R.P.M.s are at red line.

Bear, goddamn it,
I know what I'm doing.

Come on. She can handle this.
She'll be fine. Trust me.

A.J., back the R...

- Transmission overload.
- Number one transmission is down.

Son of a... The computer's
wrong, and you know that.

- We did the right thing.
- We're gonna restart the simulation.

If you wanna replace a member
of the crew, now is the time.

I'll take care of this.
Get him out of the tank, Chick.

You wanna go home? Is that it?

- You wanna be fired?
- No, I don't.

My crew was doing the right thing.

- Your crew?
- Yeah.

Your crew just blew the transmission
A.J.!

Listen, that NASA computer
is just playing it safe.

The machine you built,
the rig, could do it.

Shut up. Just shut up!
Shut your mouth!

Those men in that room
have zero tolerance

for showing off, hot dogging,

going by your gut instinct
or you trying to be a hero, you got that?

- Say the words, A.J.!
- I got it!

I want my men to have
tomorrow night off.

- What do you mean "off"?
- I mean, off.

Out of here. For at least 10 hours.
Then we'll go to Kennedy.

Well, there's no possible
way we can do that, Harry.

That's a potentially huge security risk.

What if they talk?
What if they get hurt?

What if they're too burned out
to do the right thing?

What if they get up there, and they
forget what they're fighting for?

You see what's going on up there.
These boys are ready to snap.

They didn't ask to be here.
They got pulled off the street.

For all we know, tomorrow night could
be the last night they ever see Earth.

I don't think it's too much to ask

to let them spend it with their families.

Well, listen, there's no possible

-way we can do that...
- You got family, Colonel?

Two girls.

Wouldn't you like to spend
tomorrow night with your little girls?

I'm not asking you. I'm telling you.

Make this happen.

This is a pretty big loan.
Why don't you count the cash?

Nah, this looks like 100 grand to me.

I'm giving you this at 60 percent.
I hope you know what you're doing

because I'll bust your head
with a sledgehammer.

- You'll get your money back.
- You don't look too healthy.

You're not gonna die on me, are you?

Let's just say, no more than you are.
Thanks, Vic.

Don't wanna close my eyes

I don't wanna fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

- You know what I was thinking?
- What?

I really don't think
that the animal cracker

-qualifies as a cracker.
- Why?

Well, 'cause it's sweet,
which to me suggests cookie.

And, you know,
putting cheese on something

is sort of the defining characteristic
of what makes a cracker a cracker.

I don't know why I thought of that.
I just...

Baby, you have such sweet pillow talk.

I got a little animal cracker,

Discovery Channel thing
happening right here.

Watch the gazelle as he grazes
through the open plains.

Now look as the cheetah approaches.

Watch as he stalks his prey.

Now, the gazelle's a little spooked

and he could head north
to the ample sustenance

provided by the mountainous
peaks above.

He could go south.

The gazelle now faces man's
most perilous question,

north, or

south?

Way down under.

Tune in next week.

Baby,

do you think it's possible
that anyone else in the world

is doing this very same thing
at this very same moment?

I hope so.

Otherwise,
what the hell are we trying to save?

Don't wanna close my eyes

I don't wanna fall asleep
'cause I'd miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

Hey.

- What are you doing here?
- I was just passing by on the...

I came...

- Who's he?
- That man's a salesman.

Would you go inside?

Thank you.

He got big-

You can't come around like this.

The court says you can't.
It confuses him.

No, I know. I just...

I wanted to say that I'm sorry

about everything, and...

I got something coming up.

It's something kind of big.
You just might be proud of me.

Would you do something for me?
Would you just give him this?

You don't have to... You don't have to
tell him who it's from. Just...

Everybody talking about
what it is, what it ain't

Kiss on the devil
and you piss off a saint

But it can't be love
if you don't have to crawl

You say you don't need nothing
but you got to have it all

Come back here!

- Hey, Noonan, you need 10 grand?
- Yeah.

We gotta put these girls
through college.

- I love this astronaut stuff.
- All right!

Good work if you can get it.

Yeah, I'm just in town doing
a little astronaut training.

Si. I'm a mission specialist.

- Yes, and what's that mean?
- I don't know.

Hey! Who the hell
do you think you guys are?

You're hogging all the action.

Hey, pinhead.
Why don't you go find your own party?

Why don't you spread the wealth, pal?

Here.
Why don't you go buy yourself a neck?

Hey, Mr. Clean!

- Man! Call NASA!
- Get over there.

- They'll confirm it! We're astronauts!
- Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, we're astronauts.
- Yeah, we're all astronauts.

You are so messing with
national security right now, man.

- Turn around.
- You are fired tomorrow morning.

I'm telling you.
I'll get the CIA and the FBI.

You'll be working security
at Toys 'R' Us.

- Baby. No, no. No, no!
- Bye-bye, little astronaut.

- It's time to go now.
- Don't leave, baby. No, no.

You see, I'm going into space,

-and I'm not coming back.
- No, no, no.

- It's coming in at 30,000 miles an hour!
- Give me a projected impact.

- East Asia, 11 minutes.
- We're gonna have to warn...

Warn who? The entire South Pacific?

So the whole world knows.

Tell me you've never
let anybody down before.

I never quit yet. How's that?

I guess that'll have to do.

You know something?

I still remember the first,
middle and last name

of every guy that qualified

for the astronaut program
the first year I was here.

Thanks.
I went into the engineering program.

Kind of had to.
But, boy, I wanted to go up there.

I wanted to be one of those guys
with a mission patch on my arm.

I tell you, I'd be on that shuttle with you,
Harry, if I could.

You don't want to be up in that
shuttle any more than I do.

Well, good luck in Florida tomorrow.

The death of 50,000 people

in Shanghai yesterday
has rattled the...

A French satellite has tracked
an object in space...

Sources are estimating

that the tidal wave was five...

This is CNN, live in Florida.

We have just learned that NASA is on
a full-scale military alert.

They're calling this a global killer.

The government has been very
tight-lipped throughout this...

The Pentagon is getting involved
at this point with some kind

of a project involving NA SA
and perhaps a shuttle mission...

Senior Pentagon officials
refused comment

adding fuel to the speculation that
there could be a very serious problem.

We have a special team of astronauts
that arrived in Florida this evening.

NASA 's in emergency
launch preparation

in cooperation with Russian,

Japanese and French
space agencies

on the most massive
joint space venture in history.

Gracie?

Got your note.

- What are you doing out here, honey?
- Just thinking.

- Yeah.
- I want to apologize to you for...

Oh, no, Grace. Stop.
You don't have to apologize at all. I...

I...

I shouldn't have dragged you around
on all those oil rigs. I just...

I don't think that I did
the right thing with you.

- You're wrong.
- You see...

I love my life.

I love everything about my life

and I don't blame you
for my mother leaving.

She left us both.

And... And I love you.

And don't talk
like you're not coming back.

Promise me that you'll come back.

- Okay.
- Say, "I promise."

I promise, Grace.

It's gonna be all right, Grace.

If it's not too much trouble,

can you please bring my fiancé
home with you?

Jesus.

The president will be
addressing the nation

and all of you personally
within the hour.

Astronauts.

I'll see you in a couple days, honey.

All my bags are packed

I'm ready to go

I'm standing here outside your door

I hate to wake you up

To say good-We

So kiss me and smile for me

Let me know you'll wait for me

Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving

On a jet plane

Don't know when I'll be back again

Leaving on a jet plane

I don't know when I'll be back again

- Leaving on a jet plane
- Leaving on a jet plane

I don't know when I'll be back again

Leaving on a jet plane

So, Truman, this is who you found
to save the planet.

Don't know when I'll be back again...

Frost, you good to go?

One... One sec.

That boy don't take anything seriously.

Leaving on a jet plane

Yeah.

Reminds me of a guy I used to know.

Don't know when I'll be back again

Leaving on a jet plane

I don't know when I'll be back again

I'm marrying Y0“-

Bet your ass you are.

Leaving on a jet plane

I don't know
when I'll be back again

I address you tonight

not as the president
of the United States,

not as the leader of a country,

but as a citizen of humanity.

We are faced with the very
gravest of challenges.

The Bible calls this day Armageddon,
the end of all things.

And yet, for the first time

in the history of the planet,

a species has the technology

to prevent its own extinction.

All of you praying with us
need to know

that everything that can be done
to prevent this disaster

is being called into service.

The human thirst for excellence

and knowledge

every step up the ladder of science,

every adventurous reach into space.

all of our combined modern
technologies and imaginations,

even the wars that we've fought,
have provided us the tools

to wage this terrible battle.

Through all the chaos
that is our history,

through all of the wrongs
and the discord,

through all of the pain and suffering,

through all of our times
there is one thing,

-that has nourished our souls...
- Mom, that salesman's on TV.

...and elevated our species
above its origins

and that is our courage.

The dreams of an entire planet
are focused tonight

on those 14 brave souls

traveling into the heavens.

That man's not a salesman.
That's your daddy.

And may we all,
citizens the world over,

see these events through.

Godspeed and good luck to you.

Freedom crew. Independence crew.

- How you feeling?
- Good, you know.

I mean, considering I've never been
this scared in my entire life.

I... You know...

Listen, once you get up there,
you're gonna be on your own.

If anything should happen,
I just wanted...

I know, Harry.
I'll try not to disappoint you.

Take care of yourself, kid.

Freedom's on the bridge.

Attention in the firing room.
The oxidizer loading is complete.

- Independence on the bridge.
- Attention all personnel.

We are T minus two hours
to the program goal.

- Hey, Harry.
- Yeah, Rock?

You know, we're sitting on
four million pounds of fuel,

one nuclear weapon

and a thing that has
270,000 moving parts

built by the lowest bidder.

- Makes you feel good, doesn't it?
- Yeah.

- How you doing, Oscar?
- Great.

- Yeah?
- I got that excited, scared feeling,

like 98% excited, 2% scared.

Maybe it's more.

It could be 2... It could be 98% scared,
2% excited.

But that's what makes it so intense,
is it's so confused.

I can't really figure it out.

Will you make mine really tight,

-'cause I don't want to fall out.
- Yes, sir.

I mean, almost to the point of
cutting off circulation.

It must be a comfort to know

that if the space program
goes under you

can always get a job
at Helga's House of Pain, huh?

All right, flight directors,
I want the go/no-go for launch. Retro.

- Go flight.
- Booster.

- Go flight.
- Ecos.

- Go flight.
- Trajectory.

- Go flight.
- FIDO.

- Go flight.
- EVA.

- Go flight.
- CAPCOM Freedom.

- Go flight.
- CAPCOM Independence.

Go flight.

All right, ladies and gentlemen,
it's pucker time.

Independence and Freedom,
this is Kennedy firing room.

We're T minus one minute.

All crew members,
close and lock your visors.

Independence, this is launch control.
Be advised, we're in a smooth count.

T minus 31.
You're go for auto-sequence start.

P.L.T.s, perform your A.D. U. pre-start.

Okay, gentlemen,
you're our warriors up there.

God be with you.

You're already heroes.
Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

F. T.D., we're clear to launch.

We're T minus 20 seconds.

Ten, nine, eight, seven...

...four, three, two, one.

We have main engine start.

- We have booster ignition.
- We're going.

And liftoff.

Freedom, this is flight deck.

Roger, Freedom. You're looking good.

- We have go for Independence.
- Three, two, one.

Independence,
we have booster ignition.

We have liftoff.

We are cooking, Houston.

Houston, the tower is clear.
They're all yours.

Heads up, everybody.
They're ours now.

All engines are go.

Keep a sharp eye out on both of them.

Start roll maneuver.

- Two good roll programs.
- One down.

Independence, we have a max cue.

Roger, Control. We are a max cue.

S.R.B. sep...

- We are single-engine, press, demi-go.
- Copy, press, demi-go.

Houston, this is a kick-ass ride!

Freedom, this is Houston.
Main engine cut out on schedule. Out.

Freedom, stats are good.

Independence,
telemetry is up and running...

Oh, my God!

This is space! 'Course, we're just
in the beginning part of space.

We... We haven't even gotten
to outer space yet.

Roger, Houston. We have a visual
on the Russian space station.

Initiating retro burn.

Gentlemen,
remember the Russian space station

has been up there for 11 years.

Most of us don't have cars that old.

Now, the cosmonaut on board

has been on that tin can
for 18 months, alone.

So don't be surprised if he's a little off.

Independence, we're gonna put you...

All right, crew.
Let's exit these flight suits.

Hello. This is Russian space station.
Can you hear me?

We copy, Russian space station.
This is Houston.

I'm ready to fire my thrusters any time.

- Stand by.
- Okay. I'm not going anywhere.

We have a go.
Initiate gravitational spin.

You are maxed at 40% spin.

Okay, Houston.

I can feel I'm having gravity.

All right, gentlemen.
We're gonna dock in a minute.

Now, the Russian space station
has fired her rockets

to simulate gravity
and let us work faster.

But it's gonna make you queasy,
so prepare yourself.

Well, it's about time.
I haven't thrown up in about an hour.

Initiating first phase
of docking procedure.

- Switching to manual.
- Manual override.

One foot per second.

Let's take this slow
and do it right, folks. 20 feet.

Ten feet. Looking good on radar.

Five feet.

Locks are engaged.
Fuel teams, let's go.

Freedom, telemetry is looking good.

- We have soft dock.
- Fuel teams, prepare to unload.

All right, gentlemen, watch your heads.
Let's go, Independence.

Colonel.

Where is he? Anybody home?

Welcome, everybody!

I am not gas station.
This is sophisticated laboratory.

I'm in charge.
So do not be touching anything.

- I need one... I need you.
- Go with him.

I need you. Hurry up. Hurry up.
Come on. Come on.

It's very important
you watch the fuel gauge, okay?

Put on cold suit.

- Countdown clock will hold at...
- Copy that, Houston.

Prepping for fuel transfer.

Countdown clock will hold
at T minus 20 minutes and...

- Fuel pod is down there.
- It's down here, huh? Great.

Let's go. Move it on.
Here we go. We go. We go.

Bring it down. Right there.

Okay, let's connect these fuel lines.

Freedom on the left,
Independence on the right.

All right. We're going left here.

To the right is fuel gauge.
You watch the fuel gauge.

One-fifty, okay. 160, okay.
200, bad disaster for space station.

So if you watch 200,
you can call for Lev, on,

and you see here number one, on.
You ask for Lev.

And you pull this down,
all the way down.

What's Lev?

I am Lev Andropov,
colonel of Russian space agency.

In Russia I'm a very big man.

- We're ready to transfer.
- I'm coming. No problem.

You. You. You there!

- Hard locked.
- Ready for transfusion!

Fuel is pumping.

Hey, Lev, the...
The pressure's climbing.

Is there a problem here?

Houston, we're on fuel transference.

Don't touch my uncle. You know?
He's a genius of my family.

Lev! Can anybody hear me?
Guys? Hello, guys.

He used to work for a big bomb factory.

He used to make the tip of the bomb,
the thing that finds

New York or Washington, you know?

Check your hoses.
We got some thermal variation.

Stamper, let's look at the couplings
back on the shuttle.

Okay. Shut down.

- Guys!
- Hold on a second.

What's that noise?

Oh, no! God!

- What is it?
- Leak! Leak! Leak!

Get your men back to the shuttle! Go!

Go on! Hurry up! Get out of there!

You know, this really smarts!

- Pull lever!
- This is the lever!

- Colonel, we must get him out of there!
- A.J., come on out!

Hurry! Hurry!

Emergency! Break away!

We got a fire in the fuel pod!

- Come on!
- Come on! Get in here!

A.J.'s stuck in the fuel pod!

- We're losing it!
- Come on out of there!

Control, this is Independence.
I am seeing vibration...

Malloy, talk to me!

Not good.
We got sparks and fire in the fuel pod.

Independence, blow those locks
and get out of there now!

- Dump the hoses now! We're going!
- What happened?

- Let me shut off the O2 feed!
- Harry, it's burning up!

Damn! Max, Rock, get in here!

Get down there
and crack these pipes over here!

- Harry, no! It's burning up!
- We're going back for the other team!

Switch on the personnel locators.

Tracking A.J. He's climbing.

- No!

It's too late! Get back to the shuttle!
This thing's gonna blow!

No!

Colonel, we gotta move now!
Come on! You wanna die?

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
We got a man in there!

Open that door and we'll all die!

- Fuel leak!
- Get out of there!

Evac now! Let's go! Let's go!

Come on back!
No, wait! The door is broken!

No!

They got the fire sealed in the fuel pod.

- They locked it down.
- Tracking them back to the shuttle.

They've still got two men trapped
in there!

Keep running!
The shuttle's another 75 feet!

Where's the rest of the team?

- Let's get out of here!
- Wait, wait, wait! Where's A.J.?

- A.J.'s gone!
- We're not leaving without A.J.!

He's gone! It's too late!

Come on! This way is our only chance!

So it's minus 100!

Very cold. Hold breath, or lung freezes!

Get back to the shuttle!
And lock that door!

- Come on!
- Hurry, A.J.!

Leave him alone! Leave him alone!

- I tried! I tried. But A.J...
- It's on fire! It's on fire, Harry!

- It's them or all of us!
- It's on fire!

- Full thrust.
- We're gonna get hit.

Lev! Lev, the door's gonna blow!

No!

We're going! It's gonna blow!

- A.J.'s still in there!
- Blow the locks. No, the bolts!

- We've gotta blow...
- I think we're almost there!

Flight Independence
does not have A.J.

They're gonna close the door
without him.

Tracking.
They're 75 feet from the shuttle.

Just tell them to air lock the door
and go!

- Dog the hatch now!
- Close it!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Colonel! That thing's coming right
for us! We got to move!

Go! Go!

Hurry up! There's the shuttle door!

Fire's coming at us!
Close the door now!

Go! Go! Go!

Freedom, the Independence crew
is on board and accounted for.

- We're even heavy one cosmonaut.
- They got 90% of their fuel.

- Pretty intense, huh?
- That's why I told you, "Touch nothing."

But you're bunch of cowboys.

So while the consciousness
of the planet is unified

focused on the NASA mission
taking place right now

in the vast ocean of space.

We're now in the final hours
of the mission

as the Freedom and Independence
prepare to slingshot around the moon.

Morning, guys-

It's time to suit up, I guess.
We got a big day.

- Eighteen seconds to radio interrupt.
- Booster sequence confirmed.

This is Houston.
Roger that, Freedom. We copy.

Shuttles are ready
for the burn around the moon.

Radio contact terminated. We're out.

Nine and a half Gs for 11 minutes.
I'd start praying about right now.

So this is the part where we're
supposed to just hold on real tight

and hope we don't die.

- Stand by for lunar roll.
- High inclination. Lunar orbit.

You boys got those wills
filled out correctly?

All right, men,
this is what we trained for.

Now just suck it up!

On the mark. Five, four, three, two, one.

- Is this supposed to be like this?
- Don't worry. This is normal.

- How would you know?
-14,000 miles an hour.

- Four Gs.
- How long does this last?

Six Gs.

Fifteen thousand.

- Really heavy, man!
- This isn't normal.

What do you mean,
"This isn't normal"?

This is way worse!

- Eight Gs. Hang tight!
- We're not gonna make it!

We're gonna die!

Twelve minutes.
Flight, we still got nothing here.

This is too fast!

Ten Gs!

We're maxed at 22,500!

We have acquisition of signal
from Independence and Freedom.

We're in, guys.
All right. Welcome back, team.

We have visual of the target, Houston.

You see that?

Wow.

Come in, Independence.

Houston, you gotta see this
to believe it.

Okay, team, let's take them in.

Okay, Quincy,
how much tail debris do we have?

Freedom, turn on your FOD radar.

FOD radar on.

Everybody, hang on.
This could get a little rough.

Engaging evasive radar.

Hold on!

Goddamn! We got debris!

We're dumping auxiliary boosters.

- Houston, do you read me...
- We got debris!

- We're going in!
- We're coming in hot!

Independence, try to maintain
your present heading.

You've got a target L.Z.

There's too much debris!
We gotta peel off!

Negative!

We're hit!

Mayday, mayday!

I've lost main thrusters.
Get them back up!

Mayday, Houston, mayday!
We've lost R.C.S. thrusters!

Mayday, Freedom, mayday!

We are out of control!
We are going down!

Do you read me?
Freedom, we are going down!

We're gonna hit!

Everybody, go to your own life support!
Lock yourself in the cargo bay!

We are going down!

Houston! Houston, we are going down!
We have lost control!

I can't get it on!

- Good luck, Freedom.
- Oh, my God, this is it.

No! No!

Pull it! Pull it! Go!

Sharp, what the hell is that?
Is that the Independence?

Houston, Independence
is a dead stick.

They're not gonna make it.

Houston, Independence
has gone down.

When I touch this baby down,
full reverse thrust.

- Fires on your right, Sharp!
- Reversing the thrusters!

Hang tight! Hang tight!

Houston, we overshot our landing field.

- We overshot our landing field.
- Oh, no!

God!

Initiate system light system check.
Make sure we can still get off this rock.

Our electrical system is screwed.
I'm going to back-up.

Fuel seals check. Engine seals check.

- Pressure seals check.
- God.

- Anyone hurt?
- God.

Where's... Where's the other shuttle?
What happened to the other shuttle?

- Independence is off the grid.
-"Off the grid"?

What are you, a freaking cyborg?
What does that mean?

Hey, you saw it yourself, right?
They're gone.

Come in, Freedom.
This is CAPCOM Houston.

Freedom, come in.

This is CAPCOM Houston.
Come in, Freedom.

God!

Let's just ask God
to take care of our friends.

May they rest in peace.

Amen.

We got eight hours.

Let's get this job done and go home.

Nothing. Come on, Watts,
Sharp, somebody.

This is CAPCOM Houston.

Come in, Freedom. Freedom, come in.
This is CAPCOM Houston.

- Maybe you shouldn't be here.
- Come in, Freedom.

I don't have anywhere else to go.

Freedom, come in.
This is CAPCOM Houston.

All right, let's get the tools unpacked
and fire up the Armadillo.

We're not getting a damn thing
on the inertial nav system.

- I know where we are.
- Please step away.

Radio signal's dead.

I'm flipping the backup generator.

Radio signal's gonna be cut in half
till we get main power back.

We're in segment 202, lateral grid 9,
site 15H-32, give or take a few yards.

Captain America here
blew the landing by 26 miles.

- How the hell do you know that?
- Because I'm a genius.

The gauges will not read.

They're all peaked, like we're plugged
into some magnetic field.

Well, who on this spaceship
wants to know why?

- By all means.
- The reason we were shooting for grid 8

was because
thermographics indicated

that grid 9 was compressed iron ferrite.

Which means you landed us
on a goddamn iron plate.

All right. Well, you heard the man.

Let's wheel out the remote satellite link.
We need that radio.

God, please tell me
we still got one of them.

Independence has flat-lined.

Oscar! Oscar!

God!

Hello! Anyone! Is anyone else alive?
Somebody help me!

A.J.!

- Where are you?
- I'm here.

Lev, there's no one else.
There's no one else.

- I know.
- Oh, man.

- Bear, where are you?
- A.J.! A.J.!

- I'm in the shuttle, man.
- Bean

Are you all right?

I'm so glad to see you, man.

I never thought I'd be so happy
to see your ugly face.

Houston, do you read?

- This is Freedom.
- Check your thrusters.

- Houston, do you copy?
-ls everyone good to go?

Wow.

Down here! In the valley!

This place is like
Dr. Seuss' worst nightmare.

Let's get the remote satellite.
We'll get better reception up there.

Bring Max down.

Watch yourself through here, Max.
There's a couple big fissures.

To the left! Bring it to the left!

Rockhound, you come on down here

and take some readings
down in the flat spot.

Iron ferrite.

I have fire.

Watts, I'm coming back. Stand by.

- Mostly iron, Rockhound.
- God, I hate knowing everything.

We couldn't have picked
a worse spot to drill.

Well, I can pretty much guarantee
it's not gonna be thicker than 50 feet.

- How do you figure that?
-'Cause if it is, we're screwed.

- Max, you good?
- Yeah. Just making hole.

- Turn it around.
- Frigging outer space.

It's good.

All right. We're in. Bring another light.
We're cutting through pretty good.

There's some stuff in here
I ain't never seen.

All right, let's punch it down!

- Hey, Harry, did you see that?
- Yeah, Max, I see it. I see it. What is it?

- We lost the bite in the bit.
- All right. Back it off. Back it off.

Goddamn it!

Sounds like we twisted a shank.
Back it out of there, Max.

Good. Good. Hold over there.

Wow, this is
a goddamn Greek tragedy.

We've all seen
broken drill heads before.

Not after 10 feet.

- I never seen one.
- Well, now you've seen one.

- What do you want?
- Unpack the Judge.

Bear, Lev.

We're only three astronauts left now.

We're not astronauts. We're oil drillers.
We're not even supposed to be here.

What? You're not astronaut?

- I'm getting us out of here. Get in.
- Why?

Just get in the Armadillo.
I have an idea.

Houston, this is Freedom.
Do you copy? Houston, do you copy?

Freedom shuttle has...

We're getting some scattered
video feeds here

so we're gonna have to lead over.

Houston, this is Freedom.
Do you copy?

Thank God we have you, Freedom.

- Freedom, this is Houston. Go ahead.
- Don't lose them, Malloy.

Sir, we 're getting something.

Houston, this is Freedom.
We have landed safely.

- We are at site coordinates...
- Where are they?

...approximately 15H-32.

Okay, I want to know everything
we can about that location.

- Got it.
- Get it before we lose them.

We're also having electric
and antenna difficulties.

Walter, get Mechanical on that.

But we have commenced drilling.

Stevens, we're losing him.
Bring it up on four.

- Come on.
- On four.

Shuttle flight capability not yet known.

- Bump the signal.
- Bumping.

Houston. Houston.

We lost them. Get them back.
Gruber, we need that hookup.

I'll show you how we do things
where I come from.

Hold on!

Seat it.

All right, get ready. Max, thread it.

Guys, the clock is ticking.
Let's go, go, go, go, go!

All right! Good! Crank it loose!

Keep it at 25.
Let's kick a little asteroid butt!

All right, Chick. Give me more torque
on the turbine, huh?

Max, I need some more
power down here!

- All right, boss.
- Throw it forward,

then drop the hammer.

Let's drill through this turd.

Come on, boys. We gotta hop.
We're falling behind.

Dig, dig, dig. Chew this iron bitch up.

- Chick, the tranny is stuck.
- Harry!

- What is it?
- Chick, come on! Help!

- Release the clutch!
- Pull it up!

Okay. Well, this thing's not moving.

No, no, no! Shut it down! Shut it...

This is not working out, Harry.

- Are you all right?
- Blew the tranny. Blew the tranny.

Come on, God.

Just a little help. That's all I'm asking.

I think we're close enough.
He might've heard you.

Here's the bad news.
Before the asteroid passed the moon,

her rotation was stable
at 32 degrees on an X axis.

But now look at this.
The lunar gravity's put her in a spin.

She's tumbling on all three axes.
This wasn't expected, sir.

What does this do
for communications?

- Not good.
- We'll have definite contact

with the shuttle
for only seven more minutes.

- After that, it's radio darkness.
- For how long?

And after seven minutes,
we may never hear from them again.

But we're trying to bounce a signal
off a Russian military satellite,

reestablish contact that way.

If we lose the shuttle com,

when do we lose the ability
to remote detonate that nuke?

The weapon remote receives a signal
from a Milstar satellite.

Higher orbit, more powerful transmitter.

If we've got the shuttle
for seven minutes,

we can remote detonate
for an additional five.

What he's trying to say, General,

is that in 12 minutes' time
you may lose the ability

to detonate the nuke permanently.

I've got to inform the President.

Just want to make sure you know
we're stuck on an asteroid.

- Do you know what you're doing now?
- No, no. You know what?

I have no idea what I'm doing.
I have no idea.

This button,
I don't know what that does, okay?

All I know is
that we just crashed back there,

I lost two of my friends,
we're 25 miles from Harry's shuttle.

We don't know if he's alive.
We don't know if he can fly.

All I know is there's a beep
on this thing

and I'm trying to get us there.

Let's get it unpacked.

What's up?

We're drilling through some kind
of metal I've never seen before.

It's fried two of our drill bits,
and now we blew our first transmission.

So how deep are we?

We could use your help
with the transmission, Colonel.

I have an assessment report due now.
We're supposed to be at 200 feet.

So how deep are we?

Not as deep as we'll be when you quit
asking me all these questions

and help us load this transmission on.

What is our current depth?

Our current depth
is not important, Colonel.

I'll decide what's important.
We've got 800 feet to drill.

You've had two and a half hours.
Where are we?

We're at 57 feet.
Now, if you're not too busy,

maybe you can give us a hand
with this transmission.

Colonel Sharp! Get this wrapped up.
I'll be right back. Colonel Sharp!

All right. I'm coming through.
We have contact. Over.

That's as clear as it's gonna get.

Houston, this is Freedom.
Do you copy?

Working at a remote satellite link
at this moment. Transmission change.

- Colonel!
- Twenty minutes.

Puts drilling final at 10 hours.

Please advise.
That's four hours past the zero barrier.

Please advise.

What the hell is this? "Zero depth"?

And where'd this come from?

Who are you talking to?
Is that Truman?

Let me have that phone.
Give me the phone.

Truman! Look, this is what happens
when you drill.

We cannot use your "U.S. Air Force
Personnel Only" drill time card.

Who wrote this thing, by the way?

- We're losing come again.
- Look... Is he getting this?

Does he hear me or...
What's wrong with this?

The com 's down

What do you mean,
"The com's down ”?

What do I mean? I mean we've lost
communication to mission control.

Fine. Let's go back to the cargo bay
and get the transmission repaired.

Hey, Harry, guess what.
You had your shot. You didn't do it.

You understand me? You can't...

Why don't you stay here
and take your little drill card...

Write a report, why don't you?
That'll be a...

My men and I will go
and get this hole dug!

You and your men are the biggest
mistake in the history of NASA.

- We've lost communication.
- God.

We're not looking too good right now.

No shit.
We gotta get that radio back up.

Mr. President,
it's time to make a decision.

We can remote detonate the bomb
for only another five minutes.

Yes? Kimsey here. Yes, Mr. President.

Yes, we saw that, too, sir.

But maybe we should wait until they...

Dan, get them out of there.
Evac right now.

What's going on here?

I've been ordered
to override the system.

Well, what is this?

Secondary protocol.

But they haven't drilled
the damn hole yet!

The President's advisers
feel that the drilling isn't working.

And we've lost radio contact,
maybe for good.

We've only got a few minutes
left of guaranteed ability

to remote detonate that nuke.

If we don't do it now
we could lose control,

and we may never get it back.

Well, you tell the President that
he better fire his so-called advisers.

And if you detonate that nuke
on the surface,

we waste a perfectly good bomb

and we have one chance
to save this planet!

I need that radio.

Gruber, give me everything
you got now!

Roger that.

Yes, Mr. President,
I understand that completely,

but my point is very, very simple.

And I think you need to trust me on this
because I know something about it.

I guarantee you, if you do this,
you kill us all.

Yes, sir.

General, he wants you.

This is Kimsey. Yes, sir.

I understand.

The orders are
to remote detonate in 30 seconds.

You have not told them yet!

That is my father up there!

This is one order you shouldn't follow,
and you fucking know it!

Let her go. Let her go!

Your key, sir.

God be with them.

Slow it down.

Harry, the clock on that nine-foot
nuclear weapon is ticking.

Oh, my God! Sharp!
Get back here now!

Watts, get the shuttle ready
to evac now!

It just came on all by itself.

- What the hell's happening?
- Secondary protocol.

- What's that? What?
- Secondary protocol.

- What does that mean?
- What the hell's secondary protocol?

They're detonating this thing
from Earth.

What do you mean, detonating?
We haven't even drilled the hole yet!

- What are you talking about?
- The hole? Whoa, whoa!

Get your helmets on now.

No, no. How... How you turn it off?

Colonel Sharp,
I got two men out on that rock.

I got a man out there, too.
We gotta evac now!

Max, Rockhound,
get back to the shuttle, double-time!

They could be on their way here.

They're not on their way here.

They would've talked to us by now.
We would've seen them.

- Watts, air lock the cockpit now!
- I copy you.

- Max, Rockhound!
- Hey, wait a minute!

- How do you turn this thing off?
- Max, Rockhound...

- Harry, do you copy?
- Something's wrong.

Yeah, it's all wrong, man.
We shouldn't even be up here.

I know. Let's go back to the ship!

I'm not leaving without my men, Sharp.

We've got two and a half minutes
to drop it and get off this rock.

If they're not back by the time we finish,
we leave without them.

Okay, let's simplify this.
Let's just turn the bomb off right now.

If we don't put this bomb down in a hole
800 feet onto a fault line,

all you're gonna have
is a real expensive fireworks show.

This is turning
into a surrealistic nightmare here.

Watsler, are you listening? It's Truman.

Okay, listen to me carefully.
I want you to kill it. Kill the uplink.

Give us the time, Sharp.
Shut this bomb down now!

- It's not my call.
- Then whose call is it?

An order to detonate can only come
from the President.

- The President's not here!
- Let's just turn it off now.

You've gotta give us more time!

I'm telling you
to shut this bomb down now!

And I'm telling you it's not my call!

Well, guess what?
I just made the call for you.

Harry!

Don't. You could set it off.

Man. What are you doing
with a gun in space?

Come on. Come on.
We gotta stop that bomb right now.

Kill the uplink.

This thing is gonna blow.
We gotta get it off the ship.

- Easy.
- Stand down, Sergeant.

Shut this bomb down
and let us finish our job the right way.

I'm under orders
to protect a surface detonation.

I'm gonna give you three seconds
to shut this bomb down,

and then I'm gonna make you
shoot me.

Hurry, Watsler.
For Christ's sake, hurry.

What happened?

Sir, the override... It's been overridden.

I've bought us a couple of minutes,

so get that radio working, okay?
Hurry, hurry!

Bring me all the way up here
just to blow me and my friends up?

Is that it?

- Listen...
- Shut up!

Shut up, Colonel. I'm talking now.

It could start again.
It might've been a warning.

That's why you are gonna dismantle
this bomb.

All right. What'd we miss?

- Do it again.
- Go.

Keep trying-

Sir, I need you to cease and desist.
I need your terminal now.

- They're reactivating the bomb.
- Coming back online, sir.

Oh, jeez. Here we go again.

What are you doing up here?

And why did you even bother
to make the trip?

To do the right thing,
to see that it's done.

For God's sakes,
think about what you're doing.

Why are you listening to someone
that's 100,000 miles away?

We're here.
Nobody down there can help us.

So if we don't get this job done,
then everybody's gone.

One minute.

I've been drilling holes in the Earth
for 30 years.

And I have never, never missed
a depth that I have aimed for.

And by God, I am not gonna miss
this one. I will make 800 feet.

42 seconds.

But I can't do it alone, Colonel.
I need your help.

You swear on your daughter's life,
on my family's

that you can hit that mark?

I will make 800 feet.
I swear to God, I will.

Then let's turn this bomb off.

Steady. Steady. Take it back.

That's what you'll have to do.
Get them off backwards.

- Rainbow track? Under one? Under...
- All of them. All of them. All of them!

- Okay. Okay. Are we free of static?
- Do a good job. Do a good job.

- Steady. Steady.
- Good job.

- All right. All right. All right.
- Go! Go! Go!

Red wire Ready? And now.

Come on! Come on!
Come on! Come on!

- Negative Ready?
- Do a good job. Do a good job.

- Track flipped. Hots in.
- It better be. Go.

Red or blue?

Wait...

Blue.

- Good job!
- You got it.

God, it sucks up here.

Sir, the clock has stopped
at three seconds.

What?

- Have we lost complete radio contact?
- I got some magic happening.

We're bouncing off Russian
and French satellites.

- It may have a faint signal.
- Houston? Houston, do you copy?

Go ahead, Freedom.

Houston, you have a problem...
Problem.

See, I promised my little girl
that I'd be coming home.

Now, I don't know
what you people are doing down there,

but we got a hole to dig up here.

Go, go, go, go!
Come on. We got work to do.

Okay, guys. All go, no quit.
How you doing down there? Good?

Okay, got the tranny.
We're back in business.

Hey, you guys should take a break
and come up and see this.

Wow. Got a great view
of the Earth from here.

Too bad we'll never set foot
on her again.

- Lev, do you see anything?
- No.

Well, keep going. I'm not giving up.

Hold up here, Bear.

- Oh, boy.
- This is great.

We just happen to run
into the Grand Canyon on the asteroid?

I told you,
you took a wrong way, a wrong road.

What... What road?
Do you see any roads around here?

You know what? I do not have
much pleasure being near God's ear.

But you think this is looking good,
or what?

Lev, why don't you just do humanity
a favor and just shut the hell up?

Have you ever heard of Evel Knievel?

No, I never saw Star Wars.

All right. Doing a good job.

- Give me a depth reading, Max.
- We're 150 feet, Harry.

Ride them, cowboy!

Get off the nuclear warhead.

I was doing that guy
from that movie, you know,

Slim Pickens, where he rides it
all the way in the nuclear warhead.

- Now.
- You didn't see that one, huh?

We got 700 feet of hole
to dig, Rockhound.

All right. Just... Just wanted to feel
the power between my legs, brother.

Hey, Sharp.

No nukes! No nukes! No nukes!

You got any more bullets
in that gun, Sharp?

What did Watts tell you, Bear?

If she kicked you in the balls,
you'd keep floating.

Yeah.

We turn the thrusters off,

we jump this thing,
we float right over it.

Go over it again, Lev.

Throw the jet thrusters off
exactly when we jump.

- And then we're gonna put them on...
- Okay.

...And we gonna go down nice and slow.

- That's it. That's it, baby. That's it.
- Is this gonna work?

- I don't know.
- Lev, you know what, just lie to me.

Let's say 50... No.
More like, like 70-30 or 80-20.

But you know what? If it works,
the two of you gonna be heroes,

just like me.

Screw it.
We're jumping over this canyon.

Just for the record,
this is a very bad idea!

Wait for the edge now.
Wait till we get there. Wait...

- Here we come. Now, not till we do it.
- Three, two, one!

Off!

- Yes!
- It's working!

It's working!

- Oh, my God!
- Yeah!

- I'm a genius! Wait a minute.
- Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- We got some rocks!
- Go left! Go left!

Lev! Lev, I can't do anything!

Turn!

Okay, okay,
we're floating into outer space.

- Check main switch.
- This could be a little bit of a problem.

- Thrusters on. Now!
- All right, turn them on.

- What's wrong?
- I... I don't know.

The... The thrusters not working.
I hate this machine!

I thought you had this planned!

- Be quiet! I must think!
- What're we supposed to do?

- I'm stepping outside.
- You're... You're going outside?

I am the only certified astronaut,
and I'm saving your American ass!

Yes. You'll listen to him. Right.

Hurry up, Lev, because we're
about a mile off the asteroid!

Just a second. The fuel line is iced up.

- I think maybe working now.
- No, Lev, it's not working!

I'm sorry, A.J., I was way off the odds.

We're getting higher, man.

Look out! The rocks! Rocks are coming!

Hold on!

- Pull the thrusters!
- Lev, look out!

- We lost Lev.
- A.J.!

A.J., the thrusters!

Let's get Lev back!

Lev, hold on! We're coming in!

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Lord.

Thank you. Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.

- Lev!
- Now I'm really a Russian hero!

- I told you!
- I know!

- I knew this would work!
- Good odds, you know?

Come on, Lev.
Get in here. We gotta go.

Rockhound, keep an eye
on that transmission.

- Tranny looks good, Harry.
- All right. Take it out of there.

Lock it down, Chick.

Nice.

How come we didn't get any training
on this thing?

Whoa. Very cool. I could take out
this asteroid single-handedly.

Okay, boys, give it a rest.
I'll take it from here.

Whoa!

- What the hell is that?
- It's Rockhound.

Whoa. This is so much fun, it's freaky.

Rockhound!

Whoa, watch your heads.
Sorry, Harry.

- Out of my way, boys!
- Rockhound!

Meet your maker, asteroid!

What the hell's the matter
with you, Rockhound?

- This is insane.
- Goddamn!

- Have you lost your mind?
- He's got space dementia.

Harry, you ought to watch your man.

Max, downshift slowly
and put it in reverse.

We gotta get that pipe out of there.

What's happening?

- The ground's cracking!
- Earthquake!

Quick, shut it off!

- Shut it off! Shut it off now!
- We're gonna have a blowout!

- We hit a gas pocket!
- We got pressure up the ass!

Max, get your helmet on!
Max, it's gonna blow!

- Jesus, I'm cooking!
- Max, get out of there!

This is it!

Harry!

I'm bailing!

Max!

- Good-bye, Max.
- Max!

Take care, buddy.

- Armadillo's off the scope.
- I think we've had a blowout.

- No sign of the Armadillo.
- Somebody punch up the Armadillo.

Get ahold of Truman.

Prepare the world for bad news.

We're getting sketchy information

that the mission
has suffered massive failure.

And what we're trying to do right now
is to confirm that

and find out exactly what that means.

Repeat, we 're getting leaks
from several NASA officials,

some rushing home to be
with their families,

that the drilling was unsuccessful.

This could very well be our final hour.

We're gonna go off the air now.
Good luck and God bless.

- We've got incoming.
- I got tracks.

NORAD's tracking four small incoming
over Europe.

I think one's about to hit near Paris.

Reports are coming in...

Martial law has been implemented
in 42 countries.

Once the asteroid hits zero barrier,

it will take about three hours
and 57 minutes to impact Earth.

Well, I guess we do it
the President's way. I'll order an evac.

You can remote detonate.

You still don't think this'll work,
do you?

Well, what I think is irrelevant.

- We need to do it now.
- Fine.

- Can they still take off?
- We hope so.

You are the one
that pulled them into this!

That is my family up there,
so I don't wanna hear, "We hope so!"

Guess what, guys?
It's time to embrace the horror.

Look. We got front-row tickets
to the end of the Earth.

_Yeah! Way to go,
- Harry!

- Yeah!
- Yo, Harry! What's up, baby?

Hey, get that bomb out of there!
We got a hole to make!

Houston, you're not gonna believe this,
but the other Armadillo has arrived.

All right, people, listen up.
Settle down and focus.

- Mechanical, get online.
- P.P.O., give me a setup.

Your boyfriend's back.

- Yo, Harry!
- You're awesome, baby!

Hey, Harry. You miss me?

A.J., I got just five words for you.

- Damn glad to see you, boy!
- That's six words.

- Chick, walk them down.
- So where's this hole you need dug?

Houston, drilling has recommenced.

Do you think they can drill 250 feet
in an hour?

They better.

Bring that piece on in, Bear.

Tractor pull.

- I'm coming down!
- We got 250 feet to go.

It's our last transmission,
last drill head.

Punch it through.
First gear. We got contact.

Drive it on down, A.J.

- I got this, man. Let's go!
- Lev, the right engine hub.

Houston, I'm getting no response
from the pref light sequence.

Come on now. This is not...
Hey! Hey, come here.

Can you get me out of here,
please, Lev? Thank you.

- Jesus! Hey!
- Wait...

- Lev, the right engine...
- Okay.

Let me out of here, will you?

Just trying to have some fun
before I die!

- How deep are we?
- 770.

- Whoa, they got problems.
- The gauges are spiking.

Methane! Shut it down! Back it down!

I can't pull back now.
The bit will get lodged.

We don't have enough time!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa! It's gonna blow!
- It's how we lost Max!

I know what I'm talking about.
We can punch through this.

We can knock this out of the park.

- This is our last transmission, A.J.
- Goddamn it!

If you're ever gonna trust me, ever,
once in your life, trust me now!

Harry, it's gonna blow!

Harry, I know what I'm doing.
You just gotta trust me.

Make the call.

All right. Hold on.
I'm pushing through her.

I'm pushing through her!

- What's your depth?
-775. 780.

Dig it up, baby! Ram it home!

Drive on down, A.J.!

Seven-eighty-five. Come on. Come on.

- Come on, A.J.!
- Punch it!

Ninety-one. Come on.

Seven-ninety-two. 795!

Drive it down, A.J.!

Seven-ninety-seven! 99!

- Breakthrough!
- Eight hundred! 802, Harry!

- Yeah!
- We did it!

Harry, we did it!

- Yes!
- We did it!

- Yeah! Kid, way to go!
- I knew it, baby!

It's not over
till we get the bomb down that hole.

Watts, they've got 38 minutes.

Harry, you've gotta give me that hole.

I'm gonna need two more minutes.
I got a bent pipe jammed in the hole.

We gotta cut it out before we can send
that bomb down. A.J.!

- She good to go?
- Yeah, I'm all set.

All right.

- All right.
- A.J., come on! Make it fast!

I'm going as fast as I can!
There's a lot of gas pressure!

- You feel that?
- Harry, you gotta give me that hole.

The bomb is almost ready.

- Pull that pipe out!
- Harry, I'm almost through!

Give me 15 more seconds!

Well, this is something new.

I don't think this thing likes us.

That's 'cause it knows we're here
to kill it.

Hey, what's going on up there?

- A.J.!
- What the hell was that?

- A.J.!
- Goddamn it, I'm finished!

- A.J., you all right?
- Lot of gas pressure in here, man!

- Get me out!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hydrogen pocket!

Harry! Pull me in!

A.J., hang on!

Secure the bomb!

Sharp, heads up!

Gruber! Get out of there now!

Oh, no.

God, no!

Look out!

Help! Oh, no!

Do you believe that just happened?

- Sharp, you all right?
- I'm okay.

- Bear?
- Yeah. I'm here, Harry.

- A.J.?
- Yeah, I'm okay.

We lost Gruber.

Gruber's dead.

Let's get that bomb ready
and go home.

Oh, my God.

Is there a problem, Colonel?

The timer, the remote,
the whole thing's dead.

What, the bomb is dead?

No, the trigger's dead.

It must've gotten damaged
during the rock storm.

So how do we detonate it?

We have 18 minutes to zero barrier.
We got some bad news.

The remote detonator on the bomb
has been damaged.

That means that somebody's
gonna have to stay behind.

It takes two people to fly this thing.

Either we all stay and die,
or you guys draw straws.

I say we all stay and die.
But that's me.

I'll draw. Let's draw.

Nobody's gonna draw straws.

- I'll stay and take care of it.
- Well, I can't live with that sort of thing.

Nobody asked you
if you could live with it, all right?

No way I will let you volunteer for this
so I can go back to my home country

like the man who didn't volunteer.

No way!

Hey, man, let's draw,

and let's see who's gonna stay up here
and dance.

Guys, I know you guys think
I'm crazy right now,

but I would really like
this responsibility.

All right. All right.

- I can do it.
- Let's just draw straws

-and get it over with. Come on.
- I ain't drawing against you, Harry.

Well, I'm gonna draw
against you, Chick,

so you better just go ahead and do it.

Just give me this thing.

Is this good or bad?

Oh, man.

Well, we all gotta die, right?

I'm the guy who gets to do it
saving the world.

So, let's go. We...
We got about 10 minutes, right?

You plug this into the port.

Lift, press, hold. That's it.

Lift, press, hold.
Shouldn't be too tough.

Even I can't screw this up.

I'll take him down.

Do me a favor, will you?
Just tell Grace that...

That I'll always be with her, okay?

Can you do that?

Yeah. Okay, kid.

Give this to Truman.

Make sure Truman gets that.
Get in there.

It's my turn now.

Harry! Harry!

You can't do this to me!

L'['S my job!

You go take care of my little girl now.
That's your job.

Always thought of you
as a son. Always.

But I'd be damn proud
to have you marry Grace.

- Harry.
- You take care of yourself.

- Harry, no!
- I love you, pal.

Harry, I love you!
Don't, Harry! Wait a minute!

- My son.
- No, don't do this, Harry!

You don't do this! Harry!

What happened?

That crazy, stubborn son of a...

Well, this was a real good idea.

All right, let's go, Sharp.
Let's get our team out of here.

Come on!
Let's get ready to initiate thrusters!

Strap it in, guys! Let's go!
Strap it in, guys!

Get the O2 masks.

- Are they free? Are they free?
- B.P.U., set.

I cannot believe
this is going down like this.

You all right?

- O2 vents locked, pressure loaded.
- Engine board is green.

T minus three minutes and counting.

Houston, do you copy?
This is Harry Stamper.

It's down there.

- Electrical systems primed.
- B.P. U. is set. Oxidizers are loading.

Houston, we 're out of here
in T minus three minutes.

Daddy?

Hi, Gracie. Hi, honey.

Grace, I know I promised you
I was coming home.

I don't understand.

Looks like I'm gonna have
to break that promise.

I... I lied to you, too,

when I told you
that I didn't want to be like you.

Because I am like you.

And everything good that I have
inside of me, I have from you.

I love you so much, Daddy.

I'm so proud of you.

I'm so scared.

I'm so scared.

I know it, baby,

but there won't be anything
to be scared of soon.

Gracie, I want you to know
that A.J. saved us. He did.

I want you to tell Chick

that I couldn't have done it without him,
none of it.

I want you to take care of A.J.

I wish I could be there
to walk you down the aisle

But I'll...

I'll look in on you from time to time,
okay,honey?

I love you, Grace.

I love you, too.

- I gotta go now, honey.
- Daddy, no.

No, no, Dad, no!

O.M.S. pod pre-start.
O2 vents locked, pressure loaded.

What the hell's going on up there?
Why haven't you guys left yet?

We're going, Harry. Houston.

- We got O.M.S. pod pre-start.
- Pod pre-start confirmed.

- What's the problem?
- I don't know.

- What's wrong?
- Fix it now!

We got no time, no time!

- What?
- What's that?

- Where you going?
- Come on.

We're staying, we're going.
We're staying, we're going.

Make up your minds.

Damn it, Sharp! Get out of here now.
You got less than three minutes.

- Come on, Watts. Come on, come on.
- Blow the bomb, Harry. We're with you.

- It's stuck. Yes?
- Come on!

Back off!
You don't know the components!

Components, American components,
Russian components.

All made in Taiwan!

We're getting tight
for ignition, Freedom.

- Houston, we've got no fire.
- What does that mean?

It means we got a busted ship.

A busted ship?
And I'm strapped in here?

I had a great spot picked out there.

Freedom, you fire that engine.

If there's not a way, you find a way.
The clock's ticking.

Let's go!
Let's fire that engine, Freedom!

You got less than a minute.
Don't think I won't blow this thing.

Sharp, get out of here.
It's getting bad down here.

I know how to fix it. Please, move.

I... I have to take you away
if you don't move.

Watts, you gotta get
that shuttle started.

You gotta fire it up now!

Damn it, Sharp. Get off this rock!

I'm telling you, please, move!

This is how we fix problem
in Russian space station.

Because I don't want
to stay here any more.

Yeah! Finally! We can go home!

She's coming back.
She's coming back.

We're hot!

Watts, let's go, let's go!

Rain all you want, you son of a bitch.

Let's go! We don't have time!
Hurry, hurry. We got no time!

Initiate thrusters on my mark!
Two, one, mark!

Come on. Get some altitude.
Let's go, let's go.

Yes! Come on!

Freedom has max thrust!

Thank you, Harry.

Shuttle's out of range.
Still no detonation.

Something's not right.
Too much time has gone by.

Zero barrier's about to be breached.
One minute.

Harry, come on. Press that button.

- We're going back and do it ourselves.
- Just don't. Wait one minute.

Dan, we're about to cross the threshold.

Come on, Harry. Press the button.

Colonel, I'm asking you.
Just one more minute!

Press the button, Stamper.

Come on.

Harry will do it. I know it.

He doesn't know how to fail.

We win, Gracie!

Press it!

We have detonation.
Confirming detonation.

The two halves are gonna miss us
by 400 miles

and most of the small particles
have been vaporized.

- Houston, we're coming home.
- We copy that, Freedom.

Yo, Harry. You the man.

Kennedy, we see you.
And you never looked so good.

I never told anybody this before,
but I hate flying,

so it'd be an awful shame to die now.

That's easy for you to say.

I owe 100 grand
to a bad-ass loan shark

which I spent on a stripper
named Molly Mounds.

- Boy, that's bad.
- Kennedy, we are 100%.

Flap suspension control on full.

Welcome home, astronauts.

Hey, guys, remember.
We're... We're heroes now.

So that incident with me
and the gun on the asteroid,

let's keep that under wraps, all right?

Miss Stamper?

Colonel Willie Sharp,
United States Air Force, ma'am.

Requesting permission
to shake the hand of the daughter

of the bravest man I've ever met.

Hello, mi astronauta.

- Oh, my God!
- Hi! You're my hero!

Baby,
I wanna have babies with you.

Welcome back, cowboy.

Harry wanted you to have this.

He did, huh?

I could stay awake

Just to hear you breathing

Watch you smile
while you are sleeping

While you're far away and dreaming

I just wanna stay with you

In this moment forever

Forever and ever

I don't wanna close my eyes

I don't wanna fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream would never do

I'd still miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

And I don't wanna miss one smile

And I don't wanna miss one kiss

Well, I just wanna be
with you right here

With you just like this

Well, I just wanna hold you close

Feel your heart so close to mine

And just stay here in this moment

For all the rest of time

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah

Don't wanna close my eyes

I don't wanna fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream would never do

I'd still miss you, baby

And I don't wanna miss a thing

Don't wanna close my eyes

I don't wanna fall asleep

Yeah, I don't wanna miss a thing

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go

I'm standing here outside your door

I hate to wake you up to say good-bye

But the dawn is breaking
It's early morn

The taxi's waiting he's blowing his horn

Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me

Tell me that you'll wait for me

Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane

I don't know when I'll be back again

Oh, babe, I hate to go

I'm leaving on a jet plane

Leaving on a jet plane