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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,068 --> 00:00:04,661 "Hot in Cleveland" is recorded 2 00:00:04,737 --> 00:00:06,763 in front of a live studio audience. 3 00:00:06,839 --> 00:00:09,365 Owen, calm down. 4 00:00:09,441 --> 00:00:11,205 I'm just a little tense 5 00:00:11,276 --> 00:00:14,110 because I've got something big to tell my mom. 6 00:00:14,179 --> 00:00:15,670 I'm getting married. 7 00:00:15,748 --> 00:00:17,979 Congratulations! 8 00:00:18,050 --> 00:00:20,451 Who's the lucky guy? 9 00:00:21,954 --> 00:00:24,788 Guy? Elka, I'm not gay. 10 00:00:24,857 --> 00:00:26,325 Huh. 11 00:00:28,127 --> 00:00:30,096 I have a son... 12 00:00:30,162 --> 00:00:31,391 with a woman. 13 00:00:31,463 --> 00:00:33,796 Whatever. 14 00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:36,425 The thing is, you know how my mom 15 00:00:36,502 --> 00:00:38,164 and her friends do crazy stuff? 16 00:00:38,237 --> 00:00:40,468 I just want to make sure they don't embarrass me 17 00:00:40,539 --> 00:00:43,373 - at the wedding. - Hi, Owen. 18 00:00:47,446 --> 00:00:50,416 Bob and I are going undercover at a swingers' sex club. 19 00:00:50,482 --> 00:00:52,508 Yeah, today we're not Mom and Bob. 20 00:00:52,584 --> 00:00:54,951 We're Julie and Stash. 21 00:00:56,655 --> 00:00:59,489 Owen, are you okay? Is something wrong? 22 00:00:59,558 --> 00:01:01,652 I got engaged to Andrea. 23 00:01:01,727 --> 00:01:03,491 That's fantastic! 24 00:01:03,562 --> 00:01:05,997 - Ow! - Oh, sorry. 25 00:01:06,065 --> 00:01:08,591 What can I do to help? Name it, it's done. 26 00:01:08,667 --> 00:01:11,899 Well, Andie's parents are a little conservative, 27 00:01:11,970 --> 00:01:15,099 so could you and your friends not make a scene at the wedding? 28 00:01:15,174 --> 00:01:17,609 Okay, got it... no scenes. 29 00:01:18,677 --> 00:01:20,839 Oh, hi, Owen. This is Barry. 30 00:01:20,913 --> 00:01:23,576 My ex-husband Clark is on expedition in Africa, 31 00:01:23,649 --> 00:01:25,880 so I have custody of our parrot for a while. 32 00:01:25,951 --> 00:01:27,920 Victoria, wonderful news. 33 00:01:27,986 --> 00:01:29,318 Owen's getting married. 34 00:01:29,388 --> 00:01:31,482 Oh, congratulations. 35 00:01:31,557 --> 00:01:33,583 Oh, congratulations. 36 00:01:33,659 --> 00:01:35,457 He repeats everything he hears. 37 00:01:35,527 --> 00:01:38,759 Joy's too old for leather shorts. 38 00:01:42,401 --> 00:01:44,700 Oh, good. Somebody lend me 20 bucks so I can pay the cab. 39 00:01:44,770 --> 00:01:46,068 I'll explain in a minute. 40 00:01:46,138 --> 00:01:47,401 Thanks. 41 00:01:51,410 --> 00:01:54,812 I have a summons for Elka Ostrovsky. 42 00:01:55,747 --> 00:01:57,978 You were seen speeding down Euclid Avenue 43 00:01:58,050 --> 00:02:01,145 shooting paintballs at women in fur coats. 44 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:03,382 That was not me. 45 00:02:03,455 --> 00:02:06,254 We have your driver, Mamie Sue Johnson's, signed confession. 46 00:02:06,325 --> 00:02:09,762 My wheelman squealed. 47 00:02:12,331 --> 00:02:15,028 Okay, so, I meet this great guy last night, 48 00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:16,159 and I stay at his place. 49 00:02:16,235 --> 00:02:17,278 And then he has to leave early, 50 00:02:17,302 --> 00:02:18,742 so I go outside to get the newspaper, 51 00:02:18,804 --> 00:02:20,864 and then the door locks behind me. 52 00:02:20,939 --> 00:02:22,532 Lucky me, it's trash day, 53 00:02:22,608 --> 00:02:24,219 so I just made a dress out of this trash bag. 54 00:02:24,243 --> 00:02:26,371 But don't look in the back. There's a weird hole. 55 00:02:26,445 --> 00:02:27,913 Weird hole. 56 00:02:30,082 --> 00:02:33,052 Well, Owen, I see now why you might be a little worried 57 00:02:33,118 --> 00:02:36,282 that Joy and her friends will embarrass you at the wedding. 58 00:02:36,355 --> 00:02:37,653 Wedding? You're getting married? 59 00:02:37,723 --> 00:02:40,022 Oh, yay! Yay. Oh. 60 00:02:40,592 --> 00:02:41,958 Is your father coming? 61 00:02:42,027 --> 00:02:43,552 No. I tried to reach him. 62 00:02:43,629 --> 00:02:46,064 But he's embedded in Afghanistan. 63 00:02:46,131 --> 00:02:48,600 Bob, I was wondering if you wanted to give the toast 64 00:02:48,667 --> 00:02:50,226 at the rehearsal dinner. 65 00:02:50,302 --> 00:02:52,430 Give the toast? 66 00:02:53,405 --> 00:02:55,533 Oh, I'd... I'd love to. 67 00:02:57,209 --> 00:02:58,472 Oh, no. 68 00:02:58,544 --> 00:03:00,376 I'm ruining my sex makeup. 69 00:03:05,851 --> 00:03:07,979 # Ba-ba, ba-ba # 70 00:03:08,053 --> 00:03:11,285 # Ba-ba, ba-ba # 71 00:03:11,356 --> 00:03:12,085 # Hey! # 72 00:03:12,157 --> 00:03:14,683 Won't this be a beautiful rehearsal dinner? 73 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,753 Victoria's picking up the ring. Melanie's getting the cake. 74 00:03:17,829 --> 00:03:19,957 Bob's flight arrives in a few hours. 75 00:03:20,032 --> 00:03:22,695 Everything is perfect. 76 00:03:22,768 --> 00:03:24,134 I got the cake. 77 00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:25,933 Oh, how did it turn out? 78 00:03:26,004 --> 00:03:28,803 You know how Owen's fiancée wanted a fairy-tale-themed cake 79 00:03:28,874 --> 00:03:30,365 with a castle and turrets? 80 00:03:30,442 --> 00:03:31,535 I'm sure it's fine. 81 00:03:31,610 --> 00:03:34,409 I'm probably seeing something that's not even there. 82 00:03:42,054 --> 00:03:43,989 Oh, my God. 83 00:03:44,056 --> 00:03:46,116 I was excited to see the cake, 84 00:03:46,191 --> 00:03:49,628 but it looks like the cake is excited to see me. 85 00:03:50,662 --> 00:03:53,222 Hello, everyone. 86 00:03:53,298 --> 00:03:54,732 Oh, wow. 87 00:03:56,301 --> 00:03:57,599 Hung like a horse. 88 00:03:57,669 --> 00:03:59,501 Barry! 89 00:04:00,906 --> 00:04:02,568 Okay, fine. 90 00:04:02,641 --> 00:04:05,611 Last night, I watched a movie called "Hung Like a Horse." 91 00:04:05,677 --> 00:04:07,055 I thought it was gonna be a Western, 92 00:04:07,079 --> 00:04:09,014 but it turned out to be porn. 93 00:04:09,881 --> 00:04:12,282 How long did you watch it before you figured it out? 94 00:04:12,351 --> 00:04:14,547 Two hours. 95 00:04:15,654 --> 00:04:16,747 Mom, are you in there? 96 00:04:16,822 --> 00:04:19,121 Oh, my God. Owen's here. Hide the cake. 97 00:04:19,191 --> 00:04:20,750 What's wrong with the cak... 98 00:04:20,826 --> 00:04:23,057 Holy crap! 99 00:04:24,096 --> 00:04:25,096 Cover that thing up. 100 00:04:25,163 --> 00:04:26,803 Andie and her parents are right behind me. 101 00:04:30,636 --> 00:04:31,865 Uh-oh. 102 00:04:31,937 --> 00:04:34,031 Hello. You must be Andie. 103 00:04:34,106 --> 00:04:35,540 - I'm Joy. - Oh! 104 00:04:35,607 --> 00:04:38,372 Great to meet you, Joy. 105 00:04:38,443 --> 00:04:40,002 Oh, your hands are so soft. 106 00:04:40,078 --> 00:04:41,011 What's your secret? 107 00:04:41,079 --> 00:04:42,980 - Vaseline Intensive Care. - Oh. 108 00:04:43,048 --> 00:04:45,313 Yours are so soft, too. What's your secret? 109 00:04:45,384 --> 00:04:47,615 I'm 28? 110 00:04:48,787 --> 00:04:51,450 Uh, Mom, these are Andie's parents, Gerald and Maureen. 111 00:04:51,523 --> 00:04:52,354 It's a pleasure. 112 00:04:52,424 --> 00:04:53,935 - Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 113 00:04:53,959 --> 00:04:55,484 And these are my mom's friends. 114 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,324 There's Melanie and... 115 00:04:57,396 --> 00:04:59,126 and Elka. 116 00:05:00,599 --> 00:05:03,535 Excuse me. Is that real fur? 117 00:05:03,602 --> 00:05:05,503 Of course. I'd never wear faux. 118 00:05:05,570 --> 00:05:07,266 So tacky, right? 119 00:05:07,339 --> 00:05:09,308 Super-tacky. 120 00:05:13,745 --> 00:05:15,236 See you tonight at the big party. 121 00:05:15,314 --> 00:05:17,613 Tonight at the big party. 122 00:05:22,754 --> 00:05:25,383 Did you see that fur coat? 123 00:05:25,457 --> 00:05:28,655 Why didn't I bring my paintball gun? 124 00:05:29,428 --> 00:05:30,953 Victoria? 125 00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:35,597 Why did you dive under the table? 126 00:05:35,667 --> 00:05:37,932 I don't remember. No reason. 127 00:05:38,003 --> 00:05:39,528 Okay, we have a bigger problem. 128 00:05:39,604 --> 00:05:41,732 I was on the elevator with Andie a little while ago. 129 00:05:41,807 --> 00:05:43,070 I didn't know it was her, 130 00:05:43,141 --> 00:05:44,452 and I overheard her telling her mom 131 00:05:44,476 --> 00:05:45,808 that she's got cold feet. 132 00:05:45,877 --> 00:05:47,288 What if she's calling off the wedding? 133 00:05:47,312 --> 00:05:48,312 What are we gonna do? 134 00:05:48,347 --> 00:05:50,680 Absolutely nothing, that's what. 135 00:05:50,749 --> 00:05:52,445 Plenty of brides get cold feet. 136 00:05:52,517 --> 00:05:53,712 It's perfectly normal. 137 00:05:53,785 --> 00:05:57,119 We are not going to get involved and risk embarrassing Owen. 138 00:05:57,189 --> 00:05:58,384 Agreed. 139 00:05:58,457 --> 00:06:01,450 Do you know where the nearest paint store is? 140 00:06:03,895 --> 00:06:05,693 So, honey, you still want to go shoe shopping 141 00:06:05,764 --> 00:06:06,764 before the ceremony? 142 00:06:06,832 --> 00:06:08,095 No, I'll wear the sandals. 143 00:06:08,166 --> 00:06:09,099 They go with my dress, 144 00:06:09,167 --> 00:06:12,069 and I'm not really worried about having cold feet anymore. 145 00:06:14,239 --> 00:06:16,674 Sweetheart, your flight got in early. 146 00:06:16,742 --> 00:06:18,370 Mm-hmm! 147 00:06:18,443 --> 00:06:19,809 Huh. 148 00:06:19,878 --> 00:06:21,813 How about I come join you? 149 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,008 Mm-hmm. 150 00:06:29,488 --> 00:06:31,980 Simon! 151 00:06:34,626 --> 00:06:36,652 Hello, Joy. 152 00:06:36,728 --> 00:06:38,196 What are you doing here? 153 00:06:38,263 --> 00:06:39,492 Our son's getting married. 154 00:06:39,564 --> 00:06:41,260 But you're supposed to be in Afghanistan. 155 00:06:41,333 --> 00:06:42,096 I know. 156 00:06:42,167 --> 00:06:44,466 I thought about the whole surprising-you-in-bed thing 157 00:06:44,536 --> 00:06:46,835 on the flight over, and it worked. 158 00:06:46,905 --> 00:06:47,905 You seem surprised. 159 00:06:47,939 --> 00:06:49,771 No, Simon. 160 00:06:49,841 --> 00:06:51,707 I'm with someone else now. 161 00:06:51,777 --> 00:06:54,144 It's Mitch, isn't it? That handsome devil. 162 00:06:54,212 --> 00:06:56,010 No, it's not Mitch. It's Bob. 163 00:07:01,319 --> 00:07:02,981 Seriously? 164 00:07:03,054 --> 00:07:05,285 I'm in love with Bob, 165 00:07:05,357 --> 00:07:08,156 and he's more man than you'll ever be. 166 00:07:08,226 --> 00:07:09,717 You sure? 167 00:07:12,164 --> 00:07:13,223 Joy, surprise. 168 00:07:13,298 --> 00:07:15,893 I brought fudge from the airpo... Oh. 169 00:07:15,967 --> 00:07:17,868 Bob, it's not what it looks like. 170 00:07:17,936 --> 00:07:21,065 Bob, it's exactly what it looks like. 171 00:07:21,606 --> 00:07:23,438 Simon, I don't know what you're thinking, 172 00:07:23,508 --> 00:07:25,443 but Joy is my woman now, 173 00:07:25,510 --> 00:07:28,571 and if anyone's gonna be in bed with her, it's gonna be me. 174 00:07:31,082 --> 00:07:33,711 - Now I suggest you leave. - I'm not going anywhere. 175 00:07:33,785 --> 00:07:34,829 - Oh, yes, you are. - Oh, no, I'm not. 176 00:07:34,853 --> 00:07:38,551 - Yes, you are. - Stop it right now! 177 00:07:38,623 --> 00:07:41,525 I can only handle one of you at a time. 178 00:07:41,593 --> 00:07:42,993 Mom? 179 00:07:44,329 --> 00:07:46,321 Owen. 180 00:07:46,398 --> 00:07:48,890 Look, your dad's here. 181 00:07:48,967 --> 00:07:51,061 - Hey. - And Bob. 182 00:07:51,136 --> 00:07:52,069 Hey. 183 00:07:52,137 --> 00:07:53,469 I can see that. 184 00:07:53,538 --> 00:07:57,566 I just came by to introduce you to Reverend Matsuda, 185 00:07:57,642 --> 00:08:00,237 who will be officiating our wedding. 186 00:08:01,213 --> 00:08:03,978 Oh, my! 187 00:08:09,787 --> 00:08:13,246 So typical of Simon to appear without any warning. 188 00:08:13,324 --> 00:08:15,623 Well, the good news is, Simon showing up 189 00:08:15,693 --> 00:08:19,255 makes anything else that might go wrong seem so small. 190 00:08:19,864 --> 00:08:22,390 Why do you say that? 191 00:08:23,134 --> 00:08:26,935 Okay, you know my job was to pick up the wedding ring, 192 00:08:27,004 --> 00:08:30,805 and, well, you know how parrots are attracted to shiny things? 193 00:08:30,875 --> 00:08:32,366 Barry ate the ring? 194 00:08:32,443 --> 00:08:33,877 We're never gonna get it back. 195 00:08:33,945 --> 00:08:35,208 Oh, don't worry. 196 00:08:35,279 --> 00:08:39,239 Found the exact same ring, same size at a pawnshop downtown. 197 00:08:39,317 --> 00:08:40,317 Andie will never know. 198 00:08:40,384 --> 00:08:43,013 Look, there's even a nice inscription. 199 00:08:43,588 --> 00:08:45,887 "United in Satan." Victoria! 200 00:08:45,957 --> 00:08:47,687 Satan? Oh. 201 00:08:47,758 --> 00:08:50,660 I thought it said "Santa." 202 00:08:50,728 --> 00:08:52,560 Melanie, Elka, guess what. 203 00:08:52,630 --> 00:08:53,654 Simon's back. 204 00:08:53,731 --> 00:08:54,755 Really? 205 00:08:54,832 --> 00:08:57,495 Well, that makes whatever else could go wrong now 206 00:08:57,568 --> 00:08:59,503 seem so small. 207 00:08:59,570 --> 00:09:01,698 Why does everybody keep saying that? 208 00:09:01,772 --> 00:09:03,172 Melanie, what did you do? 209 00:09:03,241 --> 00:09:04,470 I didn't do anything. 210 00:09:04,542 --> 00:09:08,536 Elka, on the other hand, snuck into Andie's mom's closet 211 00:09:08,613 --> 00:09:11,583 to ruin her fur coat with spray paint. 212 00:09:11,649 --> 00:09:13,641 But because it was so dark in there, 213 00:09:13,718 --> 00:09:15,084 she accidentally spray-painted 214 00:09:15,153 --> 00:09:18,146 the only other white thing in the closet. 215 00:09:19,757 --> 00:09:22,659 "Murder"? Oh, my God. 216 00:09:22,727 --> 00:09:23,922 Excuse me. 217 00:09:26,531 --> 00:09:28,966 Ladies, have any of you seen Andie? 218 00:09:29,033 --> 00:09:31,093 My wife says she's a bundle of nerves. 219 00:09:31,169 --> 00:09:32,379 Is that my daughter's wedding dress? 220 00:09:32,403 --> 00:09:33,894 - Can I take a little peek? - What? 221 00:09:33,971 --> 00:09:36,964 No, no, this is a wedding dress, 222 00:09:37,041 --> 00:09:39,636 but it's actually my dress for the wedding. 223 00:09:40,645 --> 00:09:43,012 You're wearing a wedding dress to the wedding? 224 00:09:44,015 --> 00:09:46,246 Now that I hear it, it's a terrible idea. 225 00:09:46,317 --> 00:09:48,411 I'll wear something else. 226 00:09:48,486 --> 00:09:50,887 Disaster averted. Thank you. 227 00:09:54,792 --> 00:09:56,624 Victoria, why do you keep hiding 228 00:09:56,694 --> 00:09:58,162 every time you see Andie's father? 229 00:09:58,229 --> 00:10:00,323 Hiding? I'm not hiding. 230 00:10:00,398 --> 00:10:02,878 Women went under the table all the time in "Hung Like a Horse," 231 00:10:02,934 --> 00:10:04,835 and no one said anything. 232 00:10:09,574 --> 00:10:12,169 Whatever head game you're playing, stop it now. 233 00:10:12,243 --> 00:10:14,178 Elka, keep your fur politics to yourself. 234 00:10:14,245 --> 00:10:16,510 And, Melanie, fix that cake. 235 00:10:16,581 --> 00:10:17,925 I'll take this to the hotel cleaners 236 00:10:17,949 --> 00:10:19,474 and see if they can repair it. 237 00:10:19,550 --> 00:10:21,178 Oh, poor Joy. 238 00:10:21,252 --> 00:10:22,696 I wish there was something we could do 239 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:24,086 to make up for our mistake. 240 00:10:24,155 --> 00:10:25,748 Cold feet, cold feet. 241 00:10:25,823 --> 00:10:28,156 Barry's right! Andie's cold feet. 242 00:10:28,226 --> 00:10:30,058 Her dad even said that she's got the jitters. 243 00:10:30,127 --> 00:10:32,239 She's definitely thinking of calling off this wedding. 244 00:10:32,263 --> 00:10:34,755 We could really help Joy by talking to Andie 245 00:10:34,832 --> 00:10:37,392 and calming her down and easing her through it. 246 00:10:37,468 --> 00:10:40,597 But Joy told us not to get involved. 247 00:10:40,671 --> 00:10:42,299 Yes, she did. 248 00:10:42,373 --> 00:10:44,899 I had a lot of pre-wedding jitters, 249 00:10:44,976 --> 00:10:48,242 but I went through with it, and it worked out just fine. 250 00:10:48,312 --> 00:10:50,872 Of course, I did get divorced, you know, 251 00:10:50,948 --> 00:10:54,043 but our marriage had the stress of children. 252 00:10:54,118 --> 00:10:55,950 Owen already has a child. 253 00:10:56,921 --> 00:10:58,514 Right. 254 00:10:59,991 --> 00:11:02,927 Andie, I know a little about pre-wedding nerves. 255 00:11:02,994 --> 00:11:05,020 I've been married six times. 256 00:11:05,096 --> 00:11:09,033 Seven, if you count my marriage to your future mother-in-law. 257 00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:10,762 You were married to Joy? 258 00:11:10,835 --> 00:11:12,963 Never consummated. 259 00:11:13,871 --> 00:11:18,468 I just want you to know... I do believe Owen is straight. 260 00:11:20,311 --> 00:11:21,745 You thought Owen was gay? 261 00:11:21,812 --> 00:11:23,678 Totally. 262 00:11:23,748 --> 00:11:25,979 But that shouldn't even enter your mind. 263 00:11:26,050 --> 00:11:28,610 - It didn't. - Don't let it. 264 00:11:30,154 --> 00:11:31,918 Gerry, no one can know about us, 265 00:11:31,989 --> 00:11:33,480 especially at your daughter's wedding. 266 00:11:33,557 --> 00:11:34,635 But I don't know how long 267 00:11:34,659 --> 00:11:36,594 I can keep this secret from my wife. 268 00:11:36,661 --> 00:11:38,857 No, but if she finds out, then the press will find out, 269 00:11:38,929 --> 00:11:40,830 and then it'll be everywhere. 270 00:11:40,898 --> 00:11:42,890 Okay. 271 00:11:42,967 --> 00:11:45,596 Thank you. You are a dear, sweet man. 272 00:11:45,670 --> 00:11:48,333 I could kiss you right now. 273 00:11:48,406 --> 00:11:51,672 And surely you understand why this has to be a secret. 274 00:11:51,742 --> 00:11:53,987 I mean, if people find out we went to high school together, 275 00:11:54,011 --> 00:11:55,809 they'll figure out my true age. 276 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,644 But your friends must know your true age. 277 00:11:57,715 --> 00:12:02,016 They know a true age, not the true age. 278 00:12:04,322 --> 00:12:06,086 Oh, damn it. You're dressed. 279 00:12:07,458 --> 00:12:10,519 Simon, you can't keep barging into my room. 280 00:12:10,594 --> 00:12:12,495 And why are you wearing a kilt? 281 00:12:12,563 --> 00:12:14,156 It's for the rehearsal dinner. 282 00:12:14,932 --> 00:12:16,710 That's another thing you and I have in common... 283 00:12:16,734 --> 00:12:19,670 We both have the legs to pull off a skirt. 284 00:12:20,538 --> 00:12:22,268 Stop flirting with me. 285 00:12:22,340 --> 00:12:24,070 You can't charm your way back into my life. 286 00:12:24,141 --> 00:12:25,837 I'm with someone else now. 287 00:12:25,910 --> 00:12:27,674 I plan to change that. 288 00:12:27,745 --> 00:12:30,237 Tonight I'm going to make a toast to first love, 289 00:12:30,314 --> 00:12:32,078 like Owen and Andie, like you and me. 290 00:12:32,149 --> 00:12:34,209 - Simon... - Joy, we're a family. 291 00:12:34,285 --> 00:12:35,617 What more could a boy want 292 00:12:35,686 --> 00:12:37,130 than his parents to get back together? 293 00:12:37,154 --> 00:12:40,682 Let's make this a perfect wedding for our son. 294 00:12:41,959 --> 00:12:43,222 Oh, damn it! 295 00:12:43,294 --> 00:12:44,604 The dry cleaner can't get "murder" 296 00:12:44,628 --> 00:12:45,960 out of the wedding dress. 297 00:12:46,030 --> 00:12:47,726 - What? - Never mind. 298 00:12:47,798 --> 00:12:49,699 I've got to go down there. 299 00:12:52,269 --> 00:12:53,931 Simon. 300 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,204 Bob. 301 00:12:59,643 --> 00:13:01,373 Are you coloring your hair? 302 00:13:01,445 --> 00:13:03,812 That's not important. 303 00:13:03,881 --> 00:13:08,148 What is important is, I heard everything you said to Joy, 304 00:13:08,219 --> 00:13:10,211 and I think you're absolutely right. 305 00:13:10,287 --> 00:13:11,755 You do? 306 00:13:11,822 --> 00:13:14,519 Yes, you're her first love. 307 00:13:14,592 --> 00:13:16,060 She's never gonna get over that. 308 00:13:16,127 --> 00:13:19,825 It's time for me to accept that fact and move on. 309 00:13:19,897 --> 00:13:22,992 I'm gonna get dressed and get out of Joy's life. 310 00:13:23,601 --> 00:13:25,331 Oh, one more thing. 311 00:13:25,403 --> 00:13:26,803 Owen's wedding ring 312 00:13:26,871 --> 00:13:28,840 is in the pocket of my suit in that closet. 313 00:13:28,906 --> 00:13:30,204 Why don't you get it? 314 00:13:30,274 --> 00:13:32,869 You should be the one to present it at the wedding. 315 00:13:33,711 --> 00:13:35,771 Sure. 316 00:13:35,846 --> 00:13:36,846 And thank you. 317 00:13:45,289 --> 00:13:47,758 Hey! What's going on? 318 00:13:49,660 --> 00:13:52,186 And I'd like to thank my mom 319 00:13:52,263 --> 00:13:55,791 for a wonderful, uneventful evening. 320 00:13:55,866 --> 00:13:57,129 - Hear, hear. - Hear, hear. 321 00:13:57,201 --> 00:13:58,635 I guess all that's left is the cake. 322 00:13:58,702 --> 00:14:01,672 - The cake is fine, right? - Don't worry. 323 00:14:01,739 --> 00:14:03,401 I was very explicit with the baker. 324 00:14:03,474 --> 00:14:07,411 I told him absolutely no penis on this cake. 325 00:14:11,615 --> 00:14:14,278 Oh, my! 326 00:14:15,486 --> 00:14:19,947 There's "absolutely no penis" on this cake. 327 00:14:20,658 --> 00:14:23,457 I miss them, too. 328 00:14:26,063 --> 00:14:29,431 No. That's what it says on the cake... 329 00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:32,527 "absolutely no penis." 330 00:14:36,607 --> 00:14:37,734 Mom? 331 00:14:37,808 --> 00:14:39,367 No, no, no, no, honey. I can explain. 332 00:14:39,443 --> 00:14:42,208 See, the first cake was a fairy-tale cake 333 00:14:42,279 --> 00:14:46,011 with a castle and turrets that looked like, well, penises. 334 00:14:47,318 --> 00:14:50,345 But I told the baker on this cake, absolutely no penis, 335 00:14:50,421 --> 00:14:52,014 and he, you know, took me literally. 336 00:14:52,089 --> 00:14:53,169 Oh. 337 00:14:54,091 --> 00:14:55,936 Well, Reverend, I suppose there's nothing sinful 338 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,485 about eating a cake like that. 339 00:14:57,561 --> 00:14:59,120 Just the calories. 340 00:15:03,801 --> 00:15:05,793 Everyone, I know Simon was planning 341 00:15:05,870 --> 00:15:06,910 to make the toast tonight, 342 00:15:06,971 --> 00:15:08,615 but he doesn't seem to be here at the moment. 343 00:15:08,639 --> 00:15:11,268 I-I guess he had something better to do. 344 00:15:12,176 --> 00:15:13,353 Not to besmirch the name of the man 345 00:15:13,377 --> 00:15:15,676 who knocked Joy up as a teenager, left her, 346 00:15:15,746 --> 00:15:19,308 and returned several times just to break her heart again. 347 00:15:19,383 --> 00:15:20,646 But I digress. 348 00:15:22,119 --> 00:15:23,143 To love. 349 00:15:25,756 --> 00:15:28,555 First love. Here's to first love! 350 00:15:28,626 --> 00:15:30,993 Simon? Where are you? 351 00:15:31,061 --> 00:15:32,393 I'm up above! 352 00:15:32,463 --> 00:15:34,591 In the air duct! 353 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:37,891 Bob locked me in the closet, 354 00:15:37,968 --> 00:15:40,904 but I burst through the ceiling and crawled my way over here. 355 00:15:42,106 --> 00:15:44,905 What a ridiculous story from a ridiculous man. 356 00:15:45,609 --> 00:15:46,786 You know, on this happy occasion, 357 00:15:46,810 --> 00:15:49,473 it's hard not to think of the great Canadian comedian 358 00:15:49,547 --> 00:15:52,346 Howard "Howie" Mandel. 359 00:15:52,416 --> 00:15:55,215 Or the brilliant Scottish poet Shirley MacLaine, 360 00:15:55,286 --> 00:15:58,484 who said 361 00:16:00,457 --> 00:16:01,925 Scottish? 362 00:16:01,992 --> 00:16:04,188 Sounds like Klingon. 363 00:16:07,598 --> 00:16:10,397 Joy is mine now, Simon. She's never coming back to you. 364 00:16:10,467 --> 00:16:12,459 She'll be mine again, Bob. 365 00:16:12,536 --> 00:16:13,868 You wait and see. 366 00:16:13,938 --> 00:16:14,871 Stop it. 367 00:16:14,939 --> 00:16:16,532 You're ruining the rehearsal dinner. 368 00:16:16,607 --> 00:16:18,576 It doesn't matter. 369 00:16:18,642 --> 00:16:20,543 There's not gonna be a wedding. 370 00:16:21,145 --> 00:16:22,943 Andie, what are you saying? 371 00:16:23,013 --> 00:16:25,847 Melanie and Victoria and Elka came to my room this afternoon 372 00:16:25,916 --> 00:16:27,394 and changed my mind about getting married. 373 00:16:27,418 --> 00:16:29,546 - You what?! - Oh, no, Andie. 374 00:16:29,620 --> 00:16:32,146 We were reassuring you that marriage is good, 375 00:16:32,222 --> 00:16:34,555 because in the elevator, you said you had cold feet. 376 00:16:34,625 --> 00:16:37,094 What? I was talking about whether I should wear sandals 377 00:16:37,161 --> 00:16:39,426 with my wedding dress, 'cause my feet might be cold. 378 00:16:39,997 --> 00:16:43,991 Oh! 379 00:16:44,068 --> 00:16:47,300 Owen, the other reason I can't go through with the wedding is, 380 00:16:47,371 --> 00:16:48,634 how can I believe in marriage 381 00:16:48,706 --> 00:16:51,073 when my own father is having an affair with Victoria? 382 00:16:51,141 --> 00:16:53,235 What?! 383 00:16:53,310 --> 00:16:56,109 Don't deny it. I overheard you two whispering in the hall. 384 00:16:56,180 --> 00:16:57,842 Oh, no, sweetheart. 385 00:16:57,915 --> 00:17:01,079 We're not... We are not having an affair, no. 386 00:17:01,151 --> 00:17:03,677 Victoria and I were whispering 387 00:17:03,754 --> 00:17:05,314 because we went to high school together, 388 00:17:05,356 --> 00:17:06,824 and she was begging me 389 00:17:06,890 --> 00:17:10,850 not to tell everyone that we graduated in 19... 390 00:17:13,764 --> 00:17:15,494 Well, nice scene, Mom. 391 00:17:15,566 --> 00:17:17,364 You promised you wouldn't embarrass me. 392 00:17:17,434 --> 00:17:18,434 I'm sorry, Owen. 393 00:17:18,502 --> 00:17:20,437 But this time, I'm gonna fix it. 394 00:17:20,504 --> 00:17:24,532 Everyone, sit down and be quiet. 395 00:17:25,643 --> 00:17:28,010 Andie, you're getting married tomorrow, 396 00:17:28,078 --> 00:17:29,774 because you love my son. 397 00:17:29,847 --> 00:17:33,841 But no wedding is perfect, because love isn't perfect. 398 00:17:33,917 --> 00:17:37,581 Tomorrow your dress is going to say "murder" on it. 399 00:17:43,894 --> 00:17:47,695 And your wedding band will read, "United in Satan." 400 00:17:50,701 --> 00:17:54,001 But none of that matters because you're in love, 401 00:17:54,071 --> 00:17:57,303 and people who are in love should get married. 402 00:17:57,841 --> 00:18:00,538 Which is why I'm not marrying you, Simon. 403 00:18:00,611 --> 00:18:01,670 I'm marrying Bob. 404 00:18:01,745 --> 00:18:03,577 - You are? - You are? 405 00:18:03,647 --> 00:18:04,647 You are? 406 00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:08,151 Yes, I am. 407 00:18:08,218 --> 00:18:09,914 Is this a proposal? 408 00:18:09,987 --> 00:18:10,920 No! 409 00:18:10,988 --> 00:18:12,752 Yes. 410 00:18:12,823 --> 00:18:14,917 Well, then let's do this right. 411 00:18:14,992 --> 00:18:17,325 Joy... 412 00:18:18,062 --> 00:18:20,531 you're the most amazing woman I've ever met. 413 00:18:20,597 --> 00:18:23,624 I love you, and I always will. 414 00:18:23,701 --> 00:18:26,637 And I wish I had a ring 415 00:18:26,704 --> 00:18:28,434 to put on your beautiful finger right now. 416 00:18:35,779 --> 00:18:39,807 Well, seems the bride's real ring has been... 417 00:18:39,883 --> 00:18:41,749 released. 418 00:18:42,886 --> 00:18:44,821 So I can give you this one. 419 00:18:44,888 --> 00:18:47,448 Joy, will you marry me? 420 00:18:47,524 --> 00:18:49,823 Oh, Bob. Yes! 421 00:18:58,001 --> 00:18:59,731 Congratulations. 422 00:18:59,803 --> 00:19:02,705 Speaking of weddings, can we get back to mine? 423 00:19:03,841 --> 00:19:05,935 Does this mean that there might be one? 424 00:19:06,009 --> 00:19:08,740 - Yes. - Oh, thank God. 425 00:19:08,812 --> 00:19:10,781 Because even though my mom and her friends 426 00:19:10,848 --> 00:19:11,781 will always be around 427 00:19:11,849 --> 00:19:16,412 and no one will be more insane than they are, 428 00:19:16,487 --> 00:19:19,184 no one will ever love you more than I do. 429 00:19:19,256 --> 00:19:21,157 I love you, too, Owen. 430 00:19:27,397 --> 00:19:29,696 Hung like a horse. 431 00:19:35,806 --> 00:19:38,401 Oh, my! 432 00:19:48,185 --> 00:19:49,185 Are you okay? 433 00:19:50,087 --> 00:19:51,749 I will be. 434 00:19:52,289 --> 00:19:55,555 Joy will be happy with Bob. He's a good guy. 435 00:19:55,625 --> 00:19:57,719 He is. 436 00:19:57,794 --> 00:19:59,888 And so are you. 437 00:19:59,963 --> 00:20:01,625 Thank you. 438 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,234 Well, I guess I better get in touch with the front desk 439 00:20:06,303 --> 00:20:08,272 and see about getting a room. 440 00:20:08,338 --> 00:20:11,740 Well, I've got plenty of room here. 441 00:20:15,779 --> 00:20:18,044 Elka, what are you implying? 442 00:20:18,115 --> 00:20:21,882 I think I'm being rather clear. 443 00:20:26,123 --> 00:20:27,318 What the hell? 444 00:20:27,390 --> 00:20:28,950 Let's give them something to talk about. 445 00:20:36,833 --> 00:20:37,833 # Hey! # 446 00:20:41,938 --> 00:20:44,271 # Ba-ba, ba-ba # 447 00:20:44,341 --> 00:20:46,833 # Ba-ba, ba-ba # 448 00:20:46,910 --> 00:20:51,473 # Ah, ah, ah # 449 00:20:51,548 --> 00:20:53,881 # Ba-ba, ba-ba # 450 00:20:53,950 --> 00:20:56,249 # Ba-ba, ba-ba # 451 00:20:56,319 --> 00:21:00,848 # Ah, ah, ah # 452 00:21:04,194 --> 00:21:05,787 # Hey! # 31770