All language subtitles for 6x13 - Scandalous

Previously on
"Hot In Cleveland"...

The mayor is dead...

in my bed.

So, we sneak the mayor's body
back to his mansion,

put him back in his own bed,

and then everyone thinks
he died peacefully in his sleep.

It really looks like
he died in his sleep,

and that's what
people will think.

Yeah.

Ted, you're never
going to cheat on me again!

Oh, God.
She shot the mayor!

Technically, I'm the mayor.

Dead mayor.
People are gonna want answers.

Let's hope the acting mayor
can handle the pressure.

Chief Barker.

Your Honor.

We would have been here sooner,

but it took us a while
to find the mayor's bedroom,

'cause, you know,
we've never actually been

in the mayor's bedroom,
because why would we?

Okay, let me fill you in.

The mayor died
of natural causes.

But evidence indicates
that the body was moved.

Well, it happens.

Not really.

And even more strange,
the mayor was untouched,

but there are three bullet holes

fired into the pillow
next to him.

Which is probably
a way bigger crime

than moving a body,
which is something

that could happen
almost by accident,

so I'd concentrate
on those bullet holes.

We're concentrating
on all of it.

Well, the mayor would like
outside investigators.

She feels we should handle this
discreetly,

so as not to cause
a major scandal.

And we already have
some people in mind.

They are thorough and smart
and very discreet.

These guys sound good.

They're damn good.

The client is Elka Ostrovsky.

Yesterday Mayor Deacon
died in Elka's bed.

With a smile on his face.

Just saying.

The body was moved back
to the mayor's residence

with the help
of Melanie Moretti.

No, no, no.
You can't use that picture.

It's a publicity still
from your radio show.

- It's fine.
- It is not fine.

Everyone else looks cool.

And I look like they shrunk me
and gave me a 30-year-old phone.

Forget the photo, Melanie.

We have a scandal here
that Elka can't be tied to.

This is a serious matter.

Speaking of serious, last night
Joy Scroggs and Bob Moore

seriously professed
their love for one another.

Oh, Bob.

We were called in
on this case right away

and haven't had time
for our first kiss yet.

We were waiting
for the perfect moment.

Oh, that is just so sweet.

First kisses are so important.

Oh, they set the tone
for the entire relationship.

Hey, hey!

Hey!

My next kiss could be
with a prison guard.

In exchange for cigarettes.

As hot as that sounds,
Elka's right.

And there's one other player we
have to deal with in this saga.

Meet Dane Stevens.

He's a reporter that's been
nosing around the mayor's place,

asking a lot of questions.

Now, one of you is gonna have
to use your feminine wiles

to get him off the scent.

Well...

Joy, really?

I'll do it. I'll call him
and set up a meeting.

Well, it makes sense
that you'd call.

You're the one
with the big phone.

All right,
now, there's something else

that needs
our immediate attention.

This glamorous Oscar-winning
woman is in trouble.

Now, HBO wants to test
my show today in Cleveland.

And if it doesn't test well,

then they may decide
not to air it.

Well, if I weren't
so concerned about Elka,

I'd be down there right now
trying to sway the vote.

But I'm needed here to...

What am I doing?

- Nothing.
- Oh.

Bless you, Elka.

Okay, here's the plan.

Bob and I
will break into the morgue

and clean any evidence
off the mayor.

I'm assuming there's some
of your DNA on his body.

And glitter.

Which leaves us
with one loose end...

Who shot the mayor's pillow?

We've done a little digging,

and we now know
that in addition to Elka,

the mayor was sleeping
with two other women.

This is Miss Shonda,

an astrologist
the mayor was consulting.

We don't know who this is,

but we have
this surveillance photo of her

leaving the mayor's house
at an earlier date.

We need to find out
which of these mistresses

is the shooter and if she
knows anything about Elka.

You know,
as a private detective,

I'm trained to look for patterns
in behavior, but I'm baffled.

If he was sleeping with her, why
would he want to sleep with...

her?

You, I totally get.

Okay, so, we all know
our assignments?

Yes.
I'll call the hot journalist.

We'll take care
of the mayor's body.

I'll deal with the mistresses.

And I'll call
the hot journalist.

You already said that.

I know,
but I really like my assignment.

# Ba-ba, ba-ba #

# Ba-ba, ba-ba #

# Hey! #

There's the mayor.

- Oh, Joy.
- What?

You look beautiful
in this morgue light.

You're so sweet.

Hey, we're finally alone

in a quiet,
romantically lit place.

Maybe we could...

Yeah, maybe
this isn't the best place.

When we look back
on our first kiss,

I don't want to remember doing
it over the corpse of a man

Elka killed during sex.

Besides, we got
a lot of work to do.

You're right.

Well, she wasn't lying
about the glitter.

You were
the mayor's astrologist?

I was.

I heard you kept
his Sagittarius rising.

Fine.
I slept with him.

But he said that he had
never been with any woman

as beautiful as me.

Oh, let's just stick
with the facts here.

Where were you last night?

At church.

Any witnesses?

I sang my testimony
for about 300 people.

Are you any good?

# Amazing #

# Grace #

# How sweet #

# The sound #

Don't quit your day job.

Ah.
How's the testing going?

They just started
discussing your show.

- You want to listen?
- I really enjoyed it.

I especially loved
Victoria Chase.

I thought she was wonderful.

Why have I been ignoring
people from Cleveland?

They're geniuses.

I thought it was terrible.

Bad dialogue
and even worse acting.

I can't believe I was watching
the same show as you people.

What?
What's happening?

Don't worry.
There's always a negative voice.

It'll be okay as long as she
doesn't influence the others.

You know, on second thought,

the dialogue
was pretty terrible.

Yeah, I'd like
to change my vote, too.

We have got to stop that woman.

Thank you again for meeting
with me, Mr. Stevens.

Let's cut to the chase.

The mayor's dead,
there's a bigger story here,

and you're gonna give it to me.

A 72-year-old man
died of a heart attack.

There is no story here.

Are you sure?

Yes.

And you're not
covering anything up?

No.

Darn!

What?

That's all the questions I had.

I'm definitely gonna get fired.

Why?

I used to be a great journalist.

At least my old editor
thought so.

It was compliments,
like, all the time.

Now my new editor's like,
"Check your facts!

Get sources!

Put your shirt on!"

Wild guess...

Your old editor was a woman.
Your new editor is a man.

Wow.
Beautiful and smart.

Oh.

You.

Listen, I would just love
to help you,

but the mayor died
of natural causes.

You know...
No scandal, no mistresses.

Mistresses... I wouldn't
have thought of that.

No, no, no.
No mistresses.

There's the story.
Thanks, Melanie.

W-Wait!
I said "no mistresses"!

Oh, damn it, Melanie!

Now you're just beautiful.

We have a new problem.

Somebody blabbed to the press
about the mistresses.

Who's that?

That's me!
I replaced my picture.

It's from a few years ago,
but it's obviously still me.

Could we write "Melanie" on that
so we'll know who it is?

Anyway...

all the other teams did well.

Bob and I cleaned up
the mayor's body,

and Elka eliminated
the astrologist as a suspect.

Yes, and since
the astrologist wasn't there,

we know that this is
the woman who fired the shots.

We need to find her.

And another thing...

The premise
was totally unbelievable.

Ugh! She's been going on
like this for an hour.

Can't we get her thrown out?

Sorry. That's the way
these things go sometimes.

One bad apple can kill a show.

Murderer.

Okay, we found out
the shooter's name.

It's Ashley Dreyer.

We traced her cell.

She's currently
at 42 Park Drive.

Somebody's got
to go talk to her.

I'll do it.

We'll be two model types
talking about the man we shared.

I want to come, too.

If I can my Fitbit
up to 20,000 steps,

I get an extra glass of wine.

Oh, no.
My Fitbit... It's gone!

What if I lost it
at the mayor's house?

Well, that's okay.
You were there this morning.

Say you lost it then.

No, no, no.
I got the fancy one

that tracks every place you've
been and when you've been there.

It'll show
that I was there last night.

Which will implicate you
in a crime.

Or worse!

I haven't gotten credit
for any of my steps all day!

All right, everyone,
let's take lunch.

We'll watch another episode
in an hour.

Victoria Chase?

Oh, don't you
"Victoria Chase" me.

I know what you did.

You're a murderer.

How do you know about that?

I watched you
through the window.

I saw every shot you took.

Oh, my gosh. I only did it
because I was jealous.

Well, I get that.

But I'll make you a deal.

You convince people to give
my show a good review,

and I'll forget
that I ever saw anything.

- That's it?
- Mm.

What are you doing here?

Well, what are you doing here?

I'm here to see her.

I know what you did.

Does everybody know what I did?

She's the other mistress.
She shot the mayor.

- What?
- What were you talking about?

That.

I can't lie anymore.

Not about the murder, not about
Victoria's show being good.

I'm just gonna go
to the police and confess.

Just take it easy.

Now, there's no need
to get the police involved.

The truth is,
you didn't kill the mayor.

Elka gave him a heart attack.

In bed.

He died doing someone he loved.

So it's agreed.

We won't tell the police
that you were the shooter,

and you will keep
your mouth closed

about Elka and
the mayor's relationship.

Done.

Ah.

You two with the same man.

And yet my show is unbelievable.

Oh, my God.

What?
Did you find my Fitbit?

I just looked at Joy, and
I can't believe I'm with her.

So, no, you did not find it.

Oh, Bob, I'm so lucky.

Let's have that first kiss.

- Not now.
- Why?

Well, we both want
our first kiss to be perfect,

and right now I-I feel fat.

I ate a doughnut.
I wasn't even hungry.

I-I hate myself.
I'm hideous.

You're beating yourself up
over one doughnut?

Did I leave out
the word "dozen"?

Hello, Melanie.

Dane.
How did you get in here?

This is a sealed crime scene.
No press allowed.

I know,
but the policewoman at the door

patted me down a few times
and let me right in.

What are you doing here?

Well, um, I'm here to, um...

prepare the room
for the next acting mayor,

and these are the decorators.

Yes, I'm a decorator...

you handsome guy, you.

You're gay?

I thought I just heard you
talking about kissing her.

Well, I'm straight for Joy.

I'm just gay for design.

We became a couple last night,

but we haven't had
our first kiss yet.

You don't plan your first kiss.

You take it.

That is how you kiss a woman.

Yes.

Yes, it is.

Well, I was hoping
that there was a story here,

but if there was, I guess
you guys would have found it.

If my writing career
were a sentence,

this would be that...

dot thing at the end of it.

Dane, I'm sure
you're a terrific journalist.

Just find something
that interests you

- and then write about that.
- Thanks, Melanie.

It means a lot
that you believe in me.

Yes, well, that was
a really great kiss.

It was, wasn't it?

Hey, what is this?

Well, looks like
somebody's Fitbit.

That's mine!
My Fitbit.

I dropped it
when I was legitimately here.

Wait.
Legitimately here?

Why is everything you say
so darn cute?

Well, we've cleaned
the body of Elka's DNA,

silenced the witnesses,

and there's no incriminating
evidence at the crime scene.

The fixers have fixed it.

- Yes.
- Thank goodness.

One might say that now is
the perfect moment for a kiss.

One might.

Hold on!

I know that you were having
an affair with the mayor

and that you two moved the body.

Oh, come on!

The mayor died
of natural causes.

You said you weren't
chasing this story anymore.

I wasn't.

But Melanie gave me
some good advice.

She told me to find
something I'm interested in.

And unfortunately,
I'm interested in her.

Really?

He said "unfortunately,"
Melanie.

I found out you recently
filed a complaint

with the police
against your neighbor's kid

and his camera drone.

I looked at his pictures,

and while most of them
were of Melanie naked...

Oh, my God.

And?

You have a gorgeous body.

- Agreed.
- Bob!

If you like curves.
Blegh, no!

Straight up and down for me,
thank you.

But there was a shot of the
mayor going into Elka's house.

So?
We were seeing each other.

And there was another shot
of you and Melanie

dragging a rolled-up rug

with the mayor's foot
sticking out of one end.

Would you believe foreplay?

What are you planning on doing
with this information?

Well, if I cared about the law,
I'd call the police.

If I cared about my job,
I'd write the story.

But right now,
I only care about you.

Oh, Dane.

Well, if Dane could find
these photos,

sooner or later, the police
are gonna find them, too.

We need a plan.

Bob's right.

There's only one thing to do.

And that's the whole story.

So the body-dragging,
the shooting,

the cover-up...
That was all you?

No one else here was involved?

No one else here
is smart enough.

I believe that.

But you realize I'm going
to have to arrest you

and take you downtown.

Oh, my God!

My HBO show is gonna air.

I-I'm sorry
for this interruption,

but, you know,
during this terrible tragedy,

isn't it nice that we can
all have some good news?

Are you ready to go, Your Honor?

I'm ready.

Bob, what can we do?

Well, on "Scandal," Olivia Pope

would always make a speech
and save the day.

That's so implausible.

Yeah, but it just might work.

Elka's ready, Chief,
but are you ready?

Are you ready
to give up the sun?

Yes, you could throw
this woman in jail

for a victimless crime.

But the second you book her,
this crime does have a victim...

The city of Cleveland.

Let me paint a picture
of the dark days that lay ahead.

You arrest her,
and the seamy details

become national news
and Cleveland becomes a joke...

again.

Remember what they
used to call us?

"The Mistake by the Lake"?

"Burnt River City"?

"Crap Town."

But Cleveland can't survive
a scandal like this.

One mayor dies
in a secret love nest,

the next mayor
tries to cover it up.

Before you know it,
we're Cincinnati.

And Cleveland's time
in the sun...

well, it's over.

I love this town.

The official word
will be that Ted Deacon

died alone in his bed
in his home of natural causes

as the proud mayor
of this great city.

- Oh, thank you, Chief.
- Oh, that's fantastic.

I could write that story.

And I could kiss this man.

Hey, who's that girl
in the red sweater?

So, where do we go from here?

Well, I did propose to you.

You could accept this time.

Not yet.

If this is the real thing,

I want ours to be
a real courtship.

All right.

Let's talk about our first date.

Mm.
It should be romantic.

Mm-hmm.

But no sex that night.

Maybe no sex for lots of nights.

Because I've slept with
so many men on the first date

just for
the physical gratification.

Uh-huh?

I mean, I'd hop into
the sack instantly,

do anyone and anything,
just because it felt great...

and then wake up feeling
horrible the next day.

But with you, I don't want that.

Do not want that.

And, sure...

the thrill of discovering
a new lover's body,

of finding new ways
to pleasure a man

was always exciting.

But was anybody happy?

I want things
to be perfect with you,

no matter how long it takes.

I want it to be special.

Yes.

Special.

# Hey! #

# Ba-ba, ba-ba #

# Ba-ba, ba-ba #

# Ah, ah, ah #

# Ba-ba, ba-ba #

# Ba-ba, ba-ba #

# Ah, ah, ah #

# Hey! #