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1
00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:12,278
This is such a beautiful sunset.
2
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:14,153
Thanks.
3
00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:18,113
Thanks? You're taking credit
for the sunset?
4
00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:20,471
No, not-- Not the sunset per se.
5
00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:22,358
But l did buy a house on the beach. . .
6
00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:24,795
. . .so we can stand here
and watch the sunset. . .
7
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,793
. . .so thanks.
8
00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:30,510
Your house works with
a lot of women, doesn't it?
9
00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:35,392
Honestly, it's like a G-spot
with two mortgages.
10
00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:39,079
Just so you know, l'm not with you
for your house or your money.
11
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:41,238
So it's the car.
12
00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:42,919
Why would l care about your car?
13
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,116
lt's an $80,000 Mercedes.
14
00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:47,550
Yeah, so? What does it do
that other cars don't do?
15
00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:49,233
lt costs $80,000.
16
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:53,638
Hey, l almost forgot.
l have something for you.
17
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,354
Charlie, you don't have
to buy me expensive jewelry.
18
00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:59,677
Okay, nothing but cheap crap
from now on.
19
00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:03,354
lt's beautiful.
20
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,272
Read the inscription.
21
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,792
''One month, two weeks, four days. ''
What does it mean?
22
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:15,758
Well, since we decided to go ahead and
consummate our relationship finally. . .
23
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,317
. . .l thought l should honor the time
we've already spent together.
24
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,516
Exclusively.
ln a committed relationship.
25
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:26,390
Without any sex whatsoever.
26
00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,237
So unless we have sex
before midnight. . .
27
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,960
. . .you're gonna need to buy
a new bracelet?
28
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:33,918
You're pretty sure of yourself.
29
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,954
Well, since you went to all the trouble
to engrave it. . . .
30
00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:41,799
Don't even ask what l used
as a chisel.
31
00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:48,312
-Kandi.
-Hello, Alan.
32
00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,438
ls Charlie available?
Because l wish to speak with him.
33
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:56,357
Okay, why don't you just wait here. . .
34
00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:57,635
. . .and l'll let him know.
35
00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,553
l would be immensely appreciative
if you would.
36
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:02,999
Alrighty.
37
00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,110
What the hell does. . .this mean?
38
00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:47,278
-l was sending you a message.
-What?
39
00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:49,431
That you're a woman trapped
in a man's body?
40
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:53,317
-Kandi's here.
-And you want me to call you Kandi?
41
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,990
No, Kandi, the girl you were seeing
before Mia.
42
00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:00,078
She's been calling here for days.
43
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,674
lt's time you let her know
you're with another woman.
44
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:07,715
Yeah, Charlie, after all it's been
''one month, two weeks, four days. ''
45
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,398
Did you know that Alan's
a woman trapped in a man's body?
46
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,829
So you gonna go talk
to your ex-girlfriend?
47
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,752
Okay, first of all, sweetheart. . .
48
00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:27,797
. . .she's not really an ex-girlfriend.
49
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,871
Her name's Kandi.
50
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:31,994
Thanks, Alan.
51
00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:34,148
With a K.
52
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,320
-Alan.
-And an l.
53
00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:42,114
So if Kandi with a K and an l
isn't your ex-girlfriend, then what is she?
54
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:45,951
Well, l-- l-- l would say
she's more of a person. . .
55
00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:50,398
. . .who would drop by
from time to time and--
56
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:52,596
Yeah, that.
57
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:56,792
Why haven't you told this person
that you're in a relationship?
58
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,797
Her name's Kandi.
59
00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:01,073
Boy, you're on thin ice.
60
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,670
l think we both know
why you didn't tell her.
61
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,559
Well, if that's the case,
then this discussion is moot.
62
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:10,196
We should go upstairs
while Alan goes back. . .
63
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:12,078
. . .and lies about my whereabouts.
64
00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:16,637
Well, l'm not half the liar you are,
but l'll give it a shot.
65
00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:20,034
Shall we go upstairs
and continue this conversation?
66
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:21,992
Are you out of your freaking mind?
67
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,759
Okay, you're mad, l get that.
68
00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:30,796
-So?
-Well, Kandi, it's like this.
69
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,358
Charlie's with another woman.
70
00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,515
Don't lie to me, Alan.
71
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,199
Okay.
72
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:41,998
He's in Africa. . .
73
00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:45,072
. . .working as a scrub nurse
for Doctors Without Borders.
74
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,513
Story of my life.
75
00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:50,553
That's the story of your life?
76
00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:52,638
lt's not always a scrub nurse. . .
77
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:55,030
. . .but it's always Africa.
78
00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,030
Before you say anything,
l want you to know. . .
79
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:03,193
. . .l've anticipated problems like this.
Look on the other side of the bracelet.
80
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,596
''l'm very, very sorry. ''
81
00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:14,919
Problem is, Charlie, that you don't
believe in this relationship.
82
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,634
Not believe in it?
83
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,553
lt's kept me from having sex
for over six weeks.
84
00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:22,593
lt would be like not believing
in a serious groin pull.
85
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,951
-You know what Kandi is?
-l try not to judge.
86
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:29,709
She's a lifeboat. You're keeping
a lifeboat for when this ship sinks.
87
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,150
Hey, hey, hey, lifeboats
don't mean you expect. . .
88
00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:36,359
. . .the ship to sink.
The relationship, if l may.
89
00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:39,513
What they mean is that you have
a healthy respect. . .
90
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,513
. . .for the power of the sea.
91
00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:44,878
Are you listening to yourself?
92
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:49,195
Yeah, l just caught the last part.
Not well thought out. No.
93
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:54,470
All my life guys have looked at me
like l'm just some kind of sex toy.
94
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:56,992
Well, they're wrong.
95
00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,630
Yeah, just because you're good
at something. . .
96
00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:02,234
. . .doesn't mean you
should be pigeonholed.
97
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:11,995
And the only reason
l'm so good at it. . .
98
00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,390
. . .is because l practice.
99
00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:19,551
Of course,
all the practice in the world. . .
100
00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,792
. . .isn't gonna help if you don't
love what you're doing.
101
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:28,359
What do you want me to do, Mia?
102
00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:29,919
Call every woman l've known. . .
103
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:31,991
. . .to announce l'm now
in a relationship?
104
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,191
Hi, Shirley, this is Charlie Harper.
105
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,716
We met at Disneyland
about 22 years ago.
106
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,998
Yeah, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
That was me.
107
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,833
Anyway, l thought you should know
l have a girlfriend now.
108
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:49,196
So l'd appreciate it if you
didn't call me. Okay, bye-bye.
109
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,759
Well, that takes care of Shirley.
Now, what about Kandi?
110
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:55,428
You want me to tell her?
Fine. l'll tell her.
111
00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:57,950
l'll go tell her right now.
112
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,194
But before l cut
her loose completely. . .
113
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,157
. . .let me float a crazy idea by you.
114
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:09,831
Sort of a win, win, win.
115
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,271
Are you out of your freaking mind?
116
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,316
lt was worth a shot.
117
00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,434
Kandi, before you say anything,
l want you to know. . .
118
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:24,559
. . .l'm in a committed relationship now
and l'm really in love with this woman.
119
00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,756
She's the best thing
that's happened to me. . .
120
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,269
. . .and l can't imagine
being with anyone else.
121
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,908
Now, sweetheart.
122
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:36,554
Don't cry.
l'm sure you'll find someone else.
123
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,350
-Bye-bye.
-Bye-bye.
124
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,829
What?
l thought we were going upstairs.
125
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:47,191
Okay, you're still mad. l get that.
126
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:55,068
-l made your bed.
-Thank you.
127
00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:56,872
lt's been real easy lately.
128
00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,552
How nice for you.
129
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,194
You haven't even been flying solo,
have you?
130
00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:04,194
That's a little personal.
131
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,073
Hey, you want privacy,
wash your own sheets.
132
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:10,317
Once l get my mitts on them,
they're in the public domain.
133
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:12,072
-Good morning.
-Morning.
134
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:15,471
-How did it go with Mia last night?
-Based on his laundry, not well.
135
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:19,434
-Why don't you tell the neighbors?
-Where do you think l'm going?
136
00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:23,829
By the way,
thanks for getting rid of Kandi for me.
137
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,752
Hey, l'm your brother.
l got your back.
138
00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,319
Good to know.
139
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,313
Hey, as long as we're on the subject,
l was wondering.
140
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,836
Since you're swimming in
Lake Monogamy, as it were. . .
141
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,997
. . .would you mind if l, you know. . .
142
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:40,310
-. . .asked Kandi out sometime?
-Go for it.
143
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,795
-Just wanted to make sure you're okay.
-l'm fine.
144
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:46,153
-Don't want you to feel weird.
-Thanks for your consideration.
145
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,113
Morning, Huggy Bear.
146
00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:57,118
So, Kandi, wanna go out sometime?
147
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:08,835
Okay, l want you to know
l tracked down Kandi.
148
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:10,678
l told her to move on and she has.
149
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,479
So l got no lifeboats,
no life preservers, no water wings.
150
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,995
lf the ship goes down,
l'm going down with it.
151
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,875
So there's no longer any reason to
put off you and me getting naked.
152
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,640
Charlie, l'd like you
to meet my parents.
153
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,189
Hello.
154
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,111
What if Dad says l could stay up
to watch it?
155
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:38,793
He won't.
156
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,069
How do you know?
157
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,431
Your father and l talk, so don't
try to play us against each other.
158
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:46,108
l gotta try, it's what l do.
159
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,278
Hi.
160
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,955
Hello. ls Alan here?
161
00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:55,596
Father Huggy Bear.
162
00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:58,237
Yes, my child?
163
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,074
-You've got company.
-Alan?
164
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,557
-Stall them, stall them, stall them.
-Okay.
165
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,349
You must be Jake.
166
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,112
And you must be Jake's grandma.
167
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:19,757
Judith, hi.
168
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,074
Go watch some cartoons.
169
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,396
-Okay.
-Cool.
170
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,669
-Are you proud of yourself?
-What do you mean?
171
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,677
Oh, please,
she has to be half your age.
172
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,114
Oh, that.
173
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:36,111
Yeah, l am pretty proud of that.
174
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,752
What could you possibly
have in common?
175
00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:41,718
-What do you talk about?
-Talk?
176
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,198
To tell you the truth, we haven't
really done a lot of talking.
177
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:48,272
l mean, l did hear her confession.
178
00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:52,440
She's been a very bad girl.
179
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,679
l'm supposed to leave Jake here?
180
00:10:57,840 --> 00:10:59,796
What kind of message does
that send him?
181
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,598
l don't know.
Dreams can come true.
182
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,274
Life is beautiful. There is a God.
183
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:07,394
Hey, Judith. Father.
184
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,397
l suppose you're the one that
introduced Alan to that slutty little--
185
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:14,358
Don't say it, Judith.
You'll just be demeaning all women.
186
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,033
And yes.
187
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,875
Figures. Well, l don't want
her around my son.
188
00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:22,398
Oh, really? So do l get to screen
the men that you're dating?
189
00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:25,597
Let's not forget about the guy
who delivered the truckload of sod.
190
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,155
-What about him?
-lt doesn't take two months. . .
191
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:29,912
. . .to put down a new lawn, Judith.
192
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,278
Sounds like she got laid
before the sod did.
193
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,516
l'm not gonna dignify that
with a response.
194
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,674
Watch out for crab grass.
195
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,760
So, what's Kandi, a nun?
196
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:49,313
Catholic school girl.
197
00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,516
Oh, excellent choice.
198
00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:54,510
Oh, hey, how--?
How are things with Mia?
199
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:57,518
Not bad. She forgives me.
lntroduced me to her parents.
200
00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:59,551
Oh, yeah? How did that go?
201
00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,913
Well, you know,
those things are always awkward.
202
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,713
The big news is l'm taking Mia
to the Bel Air Hotel tonight. . .
203
00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,952
. . .where we will express our love
in the way that we were meant to.
204
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,838
-Drunk and in a hurry?
-You got it.
205
00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:18,232
-How's the caviar?
-lt's perfect.
206
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:19,839
Everything's perfect.
207
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,750
-Would you like a fire?
-Don't go to any trouble.
208
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:23,995
lt's no trouble.
209
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:31,034
Luckily l was a Boy Scout
in Beverly Hills.
210
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:32,798
-Champagne?
-No, thanks.
211
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,992
l wanna be completely present
for the first time we make love.
212
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:37,752
Good for you.
213
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:40,671
Don't you want to be present?
214
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:42,837
Well, within reason.
215
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,398
Come on.
216
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,919
What do you say
we save the champagne?
217
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:50,752
But l already opened it.
218
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,712
Do you need alcohol
to make love to me?
219
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,478
No, no.
220
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,471
l don't need it.
221
00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:58,477
Well, then.
222
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,038
ls something wrong?
223
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,599
l don't know.
224
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,558
l mean, we didn't hop into bed
on the first date.
225
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:12,399
We've gotten to know each other.
We're not drinking.
226
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:14,391
lt's all so new to me.
227
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,672
That's what makes it special.
228
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,599
l just don't want either of us
to be disappointed. . .
229
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,832
. . .because one of us might not be. . .
230
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,513
. . .throwing their A-game tonight.
231
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,439
-Are you nervous?
-No, no. Of course not.
232
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:31,832
But, you know, of the two of us,
only one can fake an A-game.
233
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,994
There's nothing that you could do
to disappoint me tonight.
234
00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:38,311
No, no, it's what l can't do
that might disappoint you.
235
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,556
You just relax. l'll be right back.
236
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:43,313
Okay.
237
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,236
Why don't you put some music on?
238
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,438
Okay.
239
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:48,632
-Should l ask?
-l wish you wouldn't.
240
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:56,757
l'm not supposed to play this
because my mom says it's too violent.
241
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,313
lt has to be violent.
242
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,311
You can't negotiate with zombies.
243
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,717
-Don't tell me, tell her.
-l don't think she likes me.
244
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,512
She doesn't really like anybody.
245
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:09,194
Except the guy who keeps
putting grass in our backyard.
246
00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:13,675
Okay, time for bed.
247
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,831
-Just a little longer.
-l'm not sleepy.
248
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,119
No, him.
249
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,996
l get to stay up.
250
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,831
-That's not fair.
-Jake.
251
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,355
Just because she's a girl.
252
00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:29,956
-Wanna play?
-Oh, no, thanks.
253
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:31,917
l-- l thought maybe we could just talk.
254
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:35,637
Hang on. Let me just saw off
this zombie's head.
255
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:38,359
Good Lord.
256
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,112
There we go.
257
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:42,390
Now, let me save my work.
258
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,115
Okay, all done.
259
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:46,231
Wanna have sex?
260
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,875
Actually, l do.
261
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:55,350
But maybe we could spend a little time
getting to know each other first.
262
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,596
All right.
263
00:15:57,760 --> 00:15:58,795
What do you wanna know?
264
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,915
Well, do you have
any brothers or sisters?
265
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:04,913
l do not. How about you?
266
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:10,949
Well, Charlie.
267
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:14,240
Oh, right, Charlie.
268
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,555
-Do you like to read?
-Oh, yeah, l love reading.
269
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,518
Oh, great, great, me too.
Read anything good lately?
270
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,877
You mean like books and magazines. . .
271
00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:29,759
. . .not billboards
and text messages, right?
272
00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:33,874
-Yeah.
-Then, no.
273
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:39,676
Do menus count?
274
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,473
Are you ready for me?
275
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:50,069
Mia, if l were any more ready,
l'd be done.
276
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:00,999
Oh, jeez, l'm sorry. You okay?
277
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:02,513
-l think so.
-Are you sure?
278
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:04,398
Yeah, l'm fine.
279
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:09,909
Are you okay?
280
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:25,870
-Are you okay?
-Yeah.
281
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:27,996
But l think that's enough foreplay.
282
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,637
You see, the thing for me was
that l never should have gotten married.
283
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,518
l was young,
l didn't know who l was.
284
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:39,315
And to be completely honest,
l was just afraid of being alone.
285
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,556
Can l share something with you?
286
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,479
Yes, please. This is communicating,
this is how we connect.
287
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,993
You shouldn't tell people that stuff,
it makes you sound like a loser.
288
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,709
No, it makes me sound like
a real human being.
289
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,155
A person with feelings and flaws.
290
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:05,078
Loser.
291
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:11,195
-Why don't we just go have sex?
-Finally.
292
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,591
Oh, cheer up.
293
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:22,991
lt wasn't that bad.
294
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,678
There were parts of it that l liked.
295
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,398
Can we please not go over
the game film now?
296
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,319
-What's the big deal?
-What's the big deal?
297
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,829
This is supposed to be the part
that l'm good at.
298
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:38,155
You are.
299
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:40,311
lt was fine.
300
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:43,879
l don't wanna hear fine.
301
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,474
l wanna see the top of
your head blow off.
302
00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,599
lt's not a carnival game.
303
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:51,354
The object is not to swing
your mallet and ring my bell.
304
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,516
Well, we disagree.
305
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,158
That's just your ego talking.
306
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:57,548
Charlie, listen to me.
307
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:02,077
l love you, not your money or car
or your house or your skills in bed.
308
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,318
What's left?
309
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,357
-Charlie.
-Oh, come on. Come on.
310
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:09,956
You're saying that if l was some
pencil-weenie guy living in a shack. . .
311
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:13,590
. . .and taking the bus to my job selling
oranges on the freeway off-ramp. . .
312
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,752
-. . .you'd still love me?
-Yes, l would still love you.
313
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:20,153
-Okay, l understand now.
-Good.
314
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:21,639
You're insane.
315
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,112
Why? Because l love the real you?
316
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:27,596
No, no, because you think
there is a real me.
317
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:31,319
Would you believe l love you
if my eyes had rolled back. . .
318
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:32,799
. . .and my head had blown off?
319
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,429
lt would be a start.
320
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:38,951
All right. l guess we're just
gonna have to try again.
321
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:43,633
Hang on. Hang on.
322
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,400
How am l gonna know
you're not faking it?
323
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:50,149
lf l was gonna fake it, don't you think
l would have done it the first time?
324
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:52,952
Fair enough.
325
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,313
-Hey, wanna hear something amusing?
-Always.
326
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,078
According to my girlfriend. . .
327
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,879
. . .underneath all the superficial,
cool stuff in my life. . .
328
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:04,439
. . .there's actually a real me.
329
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,198
-No kidding?
-Apparently, he's quite a guy.
330
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,393
l'd like to meet him sometime.
331
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:11,794
Don't hold your breath.
332
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:17,271
My girlfriend, on the other hand,
has no idea who l really am. . .
333
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,118
. . .damn little desire to find out. . .
334
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:21,840
. . .and is only interested in
riding me like a mustang. . .
335
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,389
. . .and draining me of all bodily fluids.
336
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,911
How do you feel about that?
337
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,158
l think l love her.
338
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:32,434
You know what. . .
339
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:36,388
. . .love isn't blind, it's retarded.
340
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,871
Subtitles by
SDl Media Group
341
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,031
[ENGLlSH]
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