All language subtitles for 11111111111Two And a Half Men - 02x11 - Last Chance to See Those Tattoos.DVDRip.XviD-SAINTS.English.updated.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:12,278 This is such a beautiful sunset. 2 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:14,153 Thanks. 3 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:18,113 Thanks? You're taking credit for the sunset? 4 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:20,471 No, not-- Not the sunset per se. 5 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:22,358 But l did buy a house on the beach. . . 6 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:24,795 . . .so we can stand here and watch the sunset. . . 7 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,793 . . .so thanks. 8 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:30,510 Your house works with a lot of women, doesn't it? 9 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:35,392 Honestly, it's like a G-spot with two mortgages. 10 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:39,079 Just so you know, l'm not with you for your house or your money. 11 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:41,238 So it's the car. 12 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:42,919 Why would l care about your car? 13 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,116 lt's an $80,000 Mercedes. 14 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:47,550 Yeah, so? What does it do that other cars don't do? 15 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:49,233 lt costs $80,000. 16 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:53,638 Hey, l almost forgot. l have something for you. 17 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,354 Charlie, you don't have to buy me expensive jewelry. 18 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:59,677 Okay, nothing but cheap crap from now on. 19 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:03,354 lt's beautiful. 20 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,272 Read the inscription. 21 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,792 ''One month, two weeks, four days. '' What does it mean? 22 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:15,758 Well, since we decided to go ahead and consummate our relationship finally. . . 23 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,317 . . .l thought l should honor the time we've already spent together. 24 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,516 Exclusively. ln a committed relationship. 25 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:26,390 Without any sex whatsoever. 26 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,237 So unless we have sex before midnight. . . 27 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,960 . . .you're gonna need to buy a new bracelet? 28 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:33,918 You're pretty sure of yourself. 29 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,954 Well, since you went to all the trouble to engrave it. . . . 30 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:41,799 Don't even ask what l used as a chisel. 31 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:48,312 -Kandi. -Hello, Alan. 32 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,438 ls Charlie available? Because l wish to speak with him. 33 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:56,357 Okay, why don't you just wait here. . . 34 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:57,635 . . .and l'll let him know. 35 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,553 l would be immensely appreciative if you would. 36 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:02,999 Alrighty. 37 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,110 What the hell does. . .this mean? 38 00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:47,278 -l was sending you a message. -What? 39 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:49,431 That you're a woman trapped in a man's body? 40 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:53,317 -Kandi's here. -And you want me to call you Kandi? 41 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,990 No, Kandi, the girl you were seeing before Mia. 42 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:00,078 She's been calling here for days. 43 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,674 lt's time you let her know you're with another woman. 44 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:07,715 Yeah, Charlie, after all it's been ''one month, two weeks, four days. '' 45 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,398 Did you know that Alan's a woman trapped in a man's body? 46 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,829 So you gonna go talk to your ex-girlfriend? 47 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,752 Okay, first of all, sweetheart. . . 48 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:27,797 . . .she's not really an ex-girlfriend. 49 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,871 Her name's Kandi. 50 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:31,994 Thanks, Alan. 51 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:34,148 With a K. 52 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,320 -Alan. -And an l. 53 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:42,114 So if Kandi with a K and an l isn't your ex-girlfriend, then what is she? 54 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:45,951 Well, l-- l-- l would say she's more of a person. . . 55 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:50,398 . . .who would drop by from time to time and-- 56 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:52,596 Yeah, that. 57 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:56,792 Why haven't you told this person that you're in a relationship? 58 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,797 Her name's Kandi. 59 00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:01,073 Boy, you're on thin ice. 60 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,670 l think we both know why you didn't tell her. 61 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,559 Well, if that's the case, then this discussion is moot. 62 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:10,196 We should go upstairs while Alan goes back. . . 63 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:12,078 . . .and lies about my whereabouts. 64 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:16,637 Well, l'm not half the liar you are, but l'll give it a shot. 65 00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:20,034 Shall we go upstairs and continue this conversation? 66 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:21,992 Are you out of your freaking mind? 67 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,759 Okay, you're mad, l get that. 68 00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:30,796 -So? -Well, Kandi, it's like this. 69 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,358 Charlie's with another woman. 70 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,515 Don't lie to me, Alan. 71 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,199 Okay. 72 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:41,998 He's in Africa. . . 73 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:45,072 . . .working as a scrub nurse for Doctors Without Borders. 74 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,513 Story of my life. 75 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:50,553 That's the story of your life? 76 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:52,638 lt's not always a scrub nurse. . . 77 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:55,030 . . .but it's always Africa. 78 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,030 Before you say anything, l want you to know. . . 79 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:03,193 . . .l've anticipated problems like this. Look on the other side of the bracelet. 80 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,596 ''l'm very, very sorry. '' 81 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:14,919 Problem is, Charlie, that you don't believe in this relationship. 82 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,634 Not believe in it? 83 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,553 lt's kept me from having sex for over six weeks. 84 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:22,593 lt would be like not believing in a serious groin pull. 85 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,951 -You know what Kandi is? -l try not to judge. 86 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:29,709 She's a lifeboat. You're keeping a lifeboat for when this ship sinks. 87 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,150 Hey, hey, hey, lifeboats don't mean you expect. . . 88 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:36,359 . . .the ship to sink. The relationship, if l may. 89 00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:39,513 What they mean is that you have a healthy respect. . . 90 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,513 . . .for the power of the sea. 91 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:44,878 Are you listening to yourself? 92 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:49,195 Yeah, l just caught the last part. Not well thought out. No. 93 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:54,470 All my life guys have looked at me like l'm just some kind of sex toy. 94 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:56,992 Well, they're wrong. 95 00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,630 Yeah, just because you're good at something. . . 96 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:02,234 . . .doesn't mean you should be pigeonholed. 97 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:11,995 And the only reason l'm so good at it. . . 98 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,390 . . .is because l practice. 99 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:19,551 Of course, all the practice in the world. . . 100 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,792 . . .isn't gonna help if you don't love what you're doing. 101 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:28,359 What do you want me to do, Mia? 102 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:29,919 Call every woman l've known. . . 103 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:31,991 . . .to announce l'm now in a relationship? 104 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,191 Hi, Shirley, this is Charlie Harper. 105 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,716 We met at Disneyland about 22 years ago. 106 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,998 Yeah, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. That was me. 107 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,833 Anyway, l thought you should know l have a girlfriend now. 108 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:49,196 So l'd appreciate it if you didn't call me. Okay, bye-bye. 109 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,759 Well, that takes care of Shirley. Now, what about Kandi? 110 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:55,428 You want me to tell her? Fine. l'll tell her. 111 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:57,950 l'll go tell her right now. 112 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,194 But before l cut her loose completely. . . 113 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,157 . . .let me float a crazy idea by you. 114 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:09,831 Sort of a win, win, win. 115 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,271 Are you out of your freaking mind? 116 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,316 lt was worth a shot. 117 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,434 Kandi, before you say anything, l want you to know. . . 118 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:24,559 . . .l'm in a committed relationship now and l'm really in love with this woman. 119 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,756 She's the best thing that's happened to me. . . 120 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,269 . . .and l can't imagine being with anyone else. 121 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,908 Now, sweetheart. 122 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:36,554 Don't cry. l'm sure you'll find someone else. 123 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,350 -Bye-bye. -Bye-bye. 124 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,829 What? l thought we were going upstairs. 125 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:47,191 Okay, you're still mad. l get that. 126 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:55,068 -l made your bed. -Thank you. 127 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:56,872 lt's been real easy lately. 128 00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,552 How nice for you. 129 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,194 You haven't even been flying solo, have you? 130 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:04,194 That's a little personal. 131 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,073 Hey, you want privacy, wash your own sheets. 132 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:10,317 Once l get my mitts on them, they're in the public domain. 133 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:12,072 -Good morning. -Morning. 134 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:15,471 -How did it go with Mia last night? -Based on his laundry, not well. 135 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:19,434 -Why don't you tell the neighbors? -Where do you think l'm going? 136 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:23,829 By the way, thanks for getting rid of Kandi for me. 137 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,752 Hey, l'm your brother. l got your back. 138 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,319 Good to know. 139 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,313 Hey, as long as we're on the subject, l was wondering. 140 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,836 Since you're swimming in Lake Monogamy, as it were. . . 141 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,997 . . .would you mind if l, you know. . . 142 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:40,310 -. . .asked Kandi out sometime? -Go for it. 143 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,795 -Just wanted to make sure you're okay. -l'm fine. 144 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:46,153 -Don't want you to feel weird. -Thanks for your consideration. 145 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,113 Morning, Huggy Bear. 146 00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:57,118 So, Kandi, wanna go out sometime? 147 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:08,835 Okay, l want you to know l tracked down Kandi. 148 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:10,678 l told her to move on and she has. 149 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,479 So l got no lifeboats, no life preservers, no water wings. 150 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,995 lf the ship goes down, l'm going down with it. 151 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,875 So there's no longer any reason to put off you and me getting naked. 152 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,640 Charlie, l'd like you to meet my parents. 153 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,189 Hello. 154 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,111 What if Dad says l could stay up to watch it? 155 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:38,793 He won't. 156 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,069 How do you know? 157 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,431 Your father and l talk, so don't try to play us against each other. 158 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:46,108 l gotta try, it's what l do. 159 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,278 Hi. 160 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,955 Hello. ls Alan here? 161 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:55,596 Father Huggy Bear. 162 00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:58,237 Yes, my child? 163 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,074 -You've got company. -Alan? 164 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,557 -Stall them, stall them, stall them. -Okay. 165 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,349 You must be Jake. 166 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,112 And you must be Jake's grandma. 167 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:19,757 Judith, hi. 168 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,074 Go watch some cartoons. 169 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,396 -Okay. -Cool. 170 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,669 -Are you proud of yourself? -What do you mean? 171 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,677 Oh, please, she has to be half your age. 172 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,114 Oh, that. 173 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:36,111 Yeah, l am pretty proud of that. 174 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,752 What could you possibly have in common? 175 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:41,718 -What do you talk about? -Talk? 176 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,198 To tell you the truth, we haven't really done a lot of talking. 177 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:48,272 l mean, l did hear her confession. 178 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:52,440 She's been a very bad girl. 179 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,679 l'm supposed to leave Jake here? 180 00:10:57,840 --> 00:10:59,796 What kind of message does that send him? 181 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,598 l don't know. Dreams can come true. 182 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,274 Life is beautiful. There is a God. 183 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:07,394 Hey, Judith. Father. 184 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,397 l suppose you're the one that introduced Alan to that slutty little-- 185 00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:14,358 Don't say it, Judith. You'll just be demeaning all women. 186 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,033 And yes. 187 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,875 Figures. Well, l don't want her around my son. 188 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:22,398 Oh, really? So do l get to screen the men that you're dating? 189 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:25,597 Let's not forget about the guy who delivered the truckload of sod. 190 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,155 -What about him? -lt doesn't take two months. . . 191 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:29,912 . . .to put down a new lawn, Judith. 192 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,278 Sounds like she got laid before the sod did. 193 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,516 l'm not gonna dignify that with a response. 194 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,674 Watch out for crab grass. 195 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,760 So, what's Kandi, a nun? 196 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:49,313 Catholic school girl. 197 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,516 Oh, excellent choice. 198 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:54,510 Oh, hey, how--? How are things with Mia? 199 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:57,518 Not bad. She forgives me. lntroduced me to her parents. 200 00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:59,551 Oh, yeah? How did that go? 201 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,913 Well, you know, those things are always awkward. 202 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,713 The big news is l'm taking Mia to the Bel Air Hotel tonight. . . 203 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,952 . . .where we will express our love in the way that we were meant to. 204 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,838 -Drunk and in a hurry? -You got it. 205 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:18,232 -How's the caviar? -lt's perfect. 206 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:19,839 Everything's perfect. 207 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,750 -Would you like a fire? -Don't go to any trouble. 208 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:23,995 lt's no trouble. 209 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:31,034 Luckily l was a Boy Scout in Beverly Hills. 210 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:32,798 -Champagne? -No, thanks. 211 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,992 l wanna be completely present for the first time we make love. 212 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:37,752 Good for you. 213 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:40,671 Don't you want to be present? 214 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:42,837 Well, within reason. 215 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,398 Come on. 216 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,919 What do you say we save the champagne? 217 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:50,752 But l already opened it. 218 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,712 Do you need alcohol to make love to me? 219 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,478 No, no. 220 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,471 l don't need it. 221 00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:58,477 Well, then. 222 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,038 ls something wrong? 223 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,599 l don't know. 224 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,558 l mean, we didn't hop into bed on the first date. 225 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:12,399 We've gotten to know each other. We're not drinking. 226 00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:14,391 lt's all so new to me. 227 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,672 That's what makes it special. 228 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,599 l just don't want either of us to be disappointed. . . 229 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,832 . . .because one of us might not be. . . 230 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,513 . . .throwing their A-game tonight. 231 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,439 -Are you nervous? -No, no. Of course not. 232 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:31,832 But, you know, of the two of us, only one can fake an A-game. 233 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,994 There's nothing that you could do to disappoint me tonight. 234 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:38,311 No, no, it's what l can't do that might disappoint you. 235 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,556 You just relax. l'll be right back. 236 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:43,313 Okay. 237 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,236 Why don't you put some music on? 238 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,438 Okay. 239 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:48,632 -Should l ask? -l wish you wouldn't. 240 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:56,757 l'm not supposed to play this because my mom says it's too violent. 241 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,313 lt has to be violent. 242 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,311 You can't negotiate with zombies. 243 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,717 -Don't tell me, tell her. -l don't think she likes me. 244 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,512 She doesn't really like anybody. 245 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:09,194 Except the guy who keeps putting grass in our backyard. 246 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:13,675 Okay, time for bed. 247 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,831 -Just a little longer. -l'm not sleepy. 248 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,119 No, him. 249 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,996 l get to stay up. 250 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,831 -That's not fair. -Jake. 251 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,355 Just because she's a girl. 252 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:29,956 -Wanna play? -Oh, no, thanks. 253 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:31,917 l-- l thought maybe we could just talk. 254 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:35,637 Hang on. Let me just saw off this zombie's head. 255 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:38,359 Good Lord. 256 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,112 There we go. 257 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:42,390 Now, let me save my work. 258 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,115 Okay, all done. 259 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:46,231 Wanna have sex? 260 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,875 Actually, l do. 261 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:55,350 But maybe we could spend a little time getting to know each other first. 262 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,596 All right. 263 00:15:57,760 --> 00:15:58,795 What do you wanna know? 264 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,915 Well, do you have any brothers or sisters? 265 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:04,913 l do not. How about you? 266 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:10,949 Well, Charlie. 267 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:14,240 Oh, right, Charlie. 268 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,555 -Do you like to read? -Oh, yeah, l love reading. 269 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,518 Oh, great, great, me too. Read anything good lately? 270 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,877 You mean like books and magazines. . . 271 00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:29,759 . . .not billboards and text messages, right? 272 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:33,874 -Yeah. -Then, no. 273 00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:39,676 Do menus count? 274 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,473 Are you ready for me? 275 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:50,069 Mia, if l were any more ready, l'd be done. 276 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:00,999 Oh, jeez, l'm sorry. You okay? 277 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:02,513 -l think so. -Are you sure? 278 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:04,398 Yeah, l'm fine. 279 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:09,909 Are you okay? 280 00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:25,870 -Are you okay? -Yeah. 281 00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:27,996 But l think that's enough foreplay. 282 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,637 You see, the thing for me was that l never should have gotten married. 283 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,518 l was young, l didn't know who l was. 284 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:39,315 And to be completely honest, l was just afraid of being alone. 285 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,556 Can l share something with you? 286 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,479 Yes, please. This is communicating, this is how we connect. 287 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,993 You shouldn't tell people that stuff, it makes you sound like a loser. 288 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,709 No, it makes me sound like a real human being. 289 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,155 A person with feelings and flaws. 290 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:05,078 Loser. 291 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:11,195 -Why don't we just go have sex? -Finally. 292 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,591 Oh, cheer up. 293 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:22,991 lt wasn't that bad. 294 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,678 There were parts of it that l liked. 295 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,398 Can we please not go over the game film now? 296 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,319 -What's the big deal? -What's the big deal? 297 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,829 This is supposed to be the part that l'm good at. 298 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:38,155 You are. 299 00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:40,311 lt was fine. 300 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:43,879 l don't wanna hear fine. 301 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,474 l wanna see the top of your head blow off. 302 00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,599 lt's not a carnival game. 303 00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:51,354 The object is not to swing your mallet and ring my bell. 304 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,516 Well, we disagree. 305 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,158 That's just your ego talking. 306 00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:57,548 Charlie, listen to me. 307 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:02,077 l love you, not your money or car or your house or your skills in bed. 308 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,318 What's left? 309 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,357 -Charlie. -Oh, come on. Come on. 310 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:09,956 You're saying that if l was some pencil-weenie guy living in a shack. . . 311 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:13,590 . . .and taking the bus to my job selling oranges on the freeway off-ramp. . . 312 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,752 -. . .you'd still love me? -Yes, l would still love you. 313 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:20,153 -Okay, l understand now. -Good. 314 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:21,639 You're insane. 315 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,112 Why? Because l love the real you? 316 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:27,596 No, no, because you think there is a real me. 317 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:31,319 Would you believe l love you if my eyes had rolled back. . . 318 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:32,799 . . .and my head had blown off? 319 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,429 lt would be a start. 320 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:38,951 All right. l guess we're just gonna have to try again. 321 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:43,633 Hang on. Hang on. 322 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,400 How am l gonna know you're not faking it? 323 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:50,149 lf l was gonna fake it, don't you think l would have done it the first time? 324 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:52,952 Fair enough. 325 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,313 -Hey, wanna hear something amusing? -Always. 326 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,078 According to my girlfriend. . . 327 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,879 . . .underneath all the superficial, cool stuff in my life. . . 328 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:04,439 . . .there's actually a real me. 329 00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,198 -No kidding? -Apparently, he's quite a guy. 330 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,393 l'd like to meet him sometime. 331 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:11,794 Don't hold your breath. 332 00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:17,271 My girlfriend, on the other hand, has no idea who l really am. . . 333 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,118 . . .damn little desire to find out. . . 334 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:21,840 . . .and is only interested in riding me like a mustang. . . 335 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,389 . . .and draining me of all bodily fluids. 336 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,911 How do you feel about that? 337 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,158 l think l love her. 338 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:32,434 You know what. . . 339 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:36,388 . . .love isn't blind, it's retarded. 340 00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,871 Subtitles by SDl Media Group 341 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,031 [ENGLlSH] 26220

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