All language subtitles for La macchina ammazzacattivi (1952).eng

The machine that kills bad people

It's a comedy, my friends.

I come to tell the prologue
and prepare the fest.

Here's what we'll use:
a clear day, a calm sea,

white clouds in the sky
and then a carboard mountain

alone, nude, sad,
which immediately I cover with houses.

And here's the city hall with its fountain

and the beautiful buildings where
live the rich.

And now I've finished the scene,
I hasten to present the characters.

Thieves, schemers, vain people,

scoundrels, sneaks, clever or dumb,

beaten or bullies,
grumblers and grouchers,

at the end, pretty or ugly,
they all resemble us a bit.

The comedy that begins
is an honor to present.

Listen and laugh,
all together with open heart.

The gold mine? Here it is!

Here's the place. This is the precise
spot where I...

O, excuse me, treasure.

This is where I and Joe landed with
thousands of other Americans

to chase away the Germans. Remember
how nervous you were, corporal?

Me? You, sergant! Remember,

if I hadn't pushed you
by the seat of your pants

you'd still be behind those rocks!

So where's the gold mine?
- There.

Are you crazy?
That's just a pile of stones!

Yes, that pile of stones.
Here's my idea.

On this coast landed 50,000 men.

In America another half million say
they did so too.

Double 50,000 with the wives,
double again with the mothers,

multiply with the fathers,
add the fiancées,

and you have 2 million customers
who'll come happily here.

Customers of what?
- Of our hotel.

This is the plan.

We buy that castle, demolish it,
build a hotel,

with swimming pools, terraces, cafes,
game rooms, dancing.

and an enormous tower
with a mile-long view.

You're sure you can get this place?
- I'm sure.

For years I've been dealing,
I lack only the permits.

The mayor's my friend,
we need only the government's OK

from the Fine Arts commission of the
Ministry of the Interior and the archbishop.

Nothing more?
- Done deal!

Why so many permits?
- Because of the cemetery+ù.

What cemetery+ù, Bill?
- See, treasure,

here there're many rocks and little land,
so first the dead are put there

and then the ashes are transferred
to the castle.

What? You're real criminals,
both of you!

You want to get rid of those corpses?
- Don't be silly.

All the corpses will be taken care of,
Joe's already explained it all to me.

The corpses will be transferred.

Transferred where? Into the sea?

Look, I already have another place.

The dead will be fine, nobody will disturb
them. I'll show you now.

''Viva... Sant'Andrea.''

St. Andrea is the patron of the town
and today is his feast day.

Hurry+ù or we'll be late.

The mayor will remember me?
It's been so many years.

But of course. He's ready to close
the deal.

Today he'll be really happy
because of the feast day.

Bands and lights,
merry+ù-go-rounds and processions,

all furnished by him : a gold mine.
You'll see.

Joe, what've you done?
- He was in the middle of the road.

I said you're two criminals.

Look under the car.

Nothing here.

Maybe he fell down the gorge.

See nothing? anything?

He was the ghost of the tower.

Come on, quick, get in. Hurry+ù.

Don't get excited, Joe.
- Who's excited? This is a crazy place.

You're crazy.

Celestino, hurry+ù!
The saint's here.

Bring the camera,
they're carry+ùing out St. Andrea.

I'm coming now.

There, hear the bells?

It's always a big beautiful feast day.

The bishop's come too
to bless the boats.

Donna Amalia,
the American's have arrived.

They're guests of Joe. He's back too.
- Better.

So he'll pay his father's debts.

That's St. Andrea.

The whole town owes me money
and here no one pays.

I'll send them all to jail, all of them,
the mayor too, him too.

The city's money.
- Look at that ugly moneylender,
Donna Amalia. The old hag!

Mind your business.
Watch the procession.

Also that thieving deputy mayor
owes me money.

Papa, look, there're the Americans.

There they are, you see?

Ciao.

When you get home.

How brazen!
- Something's hurting you, papa?

Look at St. Andrea.

Great. Now pray to St. Andrea.

But you'll go the same to hell.
You're all thieves.

Get down.
- What do you want?

I've special permission to make photos.
- What permission?

I'm in command, go away!

What do you want at this hour?
- You're Esposito Celestino?

Yes, why?

I'd like a lodging for this night
because the hotels are all full.

I've no where to put you.

Give me a seat for tonight,
then tomorrow morning I leave.

Okay, come in.
- Thanks.

Here there's no room to move,
the shop's small.

So you permit?
- Make yourself comfortable.

If you've things to do, don't bother with me.
- Excuse me then.

Did you hear the fireworks?

They've consumed 200,000 lire of
fireworks, and the saint doesn't wake up.

Celestino, saints don't sleep.
- Let's hope not.

But St. Andrea has really forgotten us.
About us he doesn't think anymore.

Lemons are rotting
and no one picks them.

Fish no one wants to buy anymore.

The signori can't do anything but
think of their own interests.

We, if we go on this way,
we'll die of hunger, all of us.

Ah Celestino, I'm the first
who'll die of hunger.

If St. Andrea doesn't make a miracle...
- Miracles have to be merited.

Exactly.

See, the more people are bad,
the more saints get stingy doing good.

True, there are bad people,
but there are also good.

But what do the good do? Nothing.
- And what can they do?

So, the bad always stay bad.

The Good has the duty to do something,
if not, it becomes accomplice of The Bad.

And on the day of judgement,
the Lord will punish them.

But what must one do?
- The Good must kill The Bad.

Who's that at this hour?

Ciao, Celestino.
- Buona sera.

What're you doing, are you crazy?

Be quick. You compromise me.
- Don't worry.

Easy to say. Her father might see you.

Quiet, or you'll wake up the whole house.

Smoke? - I don't smoke. Who's that
young man who came in?

Romeo Cuccurullo. His father's one of
the richest men in town.

He's the owner of the fish store,
he deals in lemons,

he owns ten trucks, and an ice factory+ù.

His son's in love with Giulietta Del Bello.

And since the two families are fighting

they try+ù to see each other secretly,

and I have to be an accomplice
so they can meet.

And you take the cigarettes.
- I only do it out of compassion.

Celestino, remember you need to honor
father and mother

to live happy on this earth.
- Yes, you're right.

Interested?
Look, photos of two generations.

Also my father did photography.

Ah, yes? Interesting.

Tell me something.

Why did that guard chase you away
during the procession?

Ah, that skunk Agostino!

Just because he wears a uniform
he thinks he's a dictator.

He hates me because of a woman.

The truth is he's bad in his soul.

He's always bullying, and not just me,
the whole town.

Ah yes. Now we'll put him in his place,
this Agostino.

Have a photo of this guy?
- Sure I do, and in uniform too.

Let me see it.
- I keep it to remember, an ugly memory+ù.

Here. Look what a masterwork!

Agostino is the one with his arm raised?
- Him indeed.

He played a double game.

Now come with me.

What do you want to?
- Pay good attention to what I say.

Now photograph this photograph.

There.
- What're you try+ùing to do?

You obey.
- Okay.

In this town there was really
need of me.

Of St. Andrea there'll be need.
Of St. Andrea.

Celestino, hurry+ù up.

Ready.

Done. There, done.

''Done'' isn't the right word,
you must say the contrary+ù.

And what's the contrary+ù?
- Undo.

To destroy the bad. Go see.

Agostino! What's wrong with you?

He's dead.

Dead!

Morto!

Where's he?

Vanished.

O God!

What's going on?

Where do you want to go?

Love, come with me.
- Wait one moment.

Let's go.

You want to pass through here?
- No one'll ever know anything.

We're leaving for ever.
- No, go home.

Remember you need to honor
father and mother.

Be kind, let us pass.

I ask you in the name of our love.
- You too were in love.

You'll ruin me.
- You too suffered.

It's common.
- Do you want to destroy our love

the way they destroyed your love, so that
poor girl had to marry+ù Agostino?

Okay, go, go.

Come, Giulietta.
- A kiss. Thanks.

May God accompany you.

St. Andrea!

It was him. That was St. Andrea.

Jesus!

I saw St. Andrea!

What a night!

Anchovies, anchovies.

Run to the beach.
We've emptied out the sea.

The boats are packed with fish.
- What happened?

St. Andrea made a miracle,
tons and tons of fish.

So, Del Bello, can one know how much
you want for this fish?

Cuccurullo, you tell me how much
you want to give me.

Me? The fish are yours.

Yes, we know they're mine.
So let's say 300 lire.

300 lire? You're drunk? At most these
anchovies cost 200 lire a kilo.

These are sperone anchovies.
- They're little ones for pizza.

What do you say?
- I told you!

The mayor here? - No, what do you want?
- There's a letter from the Ministry.

A letter? From Rome. What Ministry+ù?
- The Ministry of Public Works.

Where's the mayor? At the office?
- He went to Agostino's funeral.

So let's go to the cemetery+ù.
Come on, boys.

The miracle of the fish,
Agostino dead...

O St. Andrea! It wasn't a dream.

Lean on my shoulder, mayor.
- Thanks, Baldassare.

I'm the same height as poor Agostino.
His uniform would go fine on me.

Agostino took it with him.

No, they only put his shirt on.
- What shirt?

White, signor mayor, white.
- Thank goodness!

That fool died with his arm raised.

And a special coffin was needed.

In Amalfi the new municipal guard is
about two meters tall. - So?

When Agostino directed traffic,
no one could even see him.

What traffic? In town there're only two
small trucks.

The long ones eat a lot.
- Even the small ones don't joke.

Signor mayor!

Signor mayor, wait a moment.

A letter from Rome from the Ministry+ù.

Okay, thanks.

One moment, you must read that letter
right away.

You think I'll eat it. - As deputy mayor
I've the right to know what it says.

We all have a right.
- I was acting from respect for the good soul.

Cut the crap and read.

Don't push.

Signor mayor, following numerous
requests submitted by your city

to the Ministry+ù of Public Works,
we've the pleasure to inform you

that there's been granted a contribution
of eleven million lire.

The city should decide how to dispose of
the sum according to its needs.

Signor mayor, the speech for the
deceased.

Eh, what do you want from me?
What speech at this moment?

But the good soul!

Maybe it was coincidence?

No. I have the power.

The chance!

Should I try+ù it?

Wait.

Walk!

He's dead!

Don Caiella!
- What is it, Celestino?

Little boy, go outside a moment.
I have to speak to you, Reverendo.

I no longer know if I'm alive or dead.
Something extraordinary+ù's happened.

I already know everything,
dear Celestino.

It was a miracle of the Madonna.
- No, of St. Andrea.

Alright, St. Andrea too.

Celestino, this is manna from heaven
descending upon us.

We'll finally be able to demolish
this old church.

I couldn't stand anymore this phony
baroque.

Imagine, we'll bring back to light
the ancient Byzantine basilica!

The new church will have columns
of porphyry+ù and real mosaics.

Excuse me Don Caiella, but what miracle
are you talking about?

Of the eleven million.

I've written the archbishop why the City
must allocate it to this holy work.

How many prayers it's taken
to obtain this grace !

You understand, Celestino? Yes or no!

Sure, I understand very+ù well.

See you again and good luck.

What do you want?
- Where's the mayor?

The mayor's in council.
- It's urgent, I must speak to him now.

Today's a tough day,
he's not receiving.

You think only of your
own interests.

Be patient.
- Keep quiet for once.

Let me speak! You must agree
I've been a great prophet.

I said the millions would come.

Calm, calm. I understand your
enthusiasm

that the moment the government
accepted our solicitations.

But we mustn't forget the work
of our own MP.

''Your MP,'' you mean.

Let's not fight.
It's really untrue.

I'm sure that civic sense, the love we
bear for our city,

will cement the union of the opinions
of the best use of the sum

that the Ministry+ù has been pleased...
- I am pleased to protest!

The word ''pleased'' is adulation of the
government that reveals servile mentality.

A Bourbon mentalty!
- Yes, Bourbon.

Discuss how to use these milions
instead of insulting us.

Well said, right, let's discuss.

Sure, let's discuss.
- You need to be clear.

I'll be clearer than you.

But he doesn't speak.
- Speak then.

Look, I'm a practical man.
I don't know how to make speeches.

Yet I tell you, Friends, signori,
let's welcome these milions.

These milions will permit us finally
to start work

constructing a dike to
protect the boats

of our poor fishermen
from the furies of the sea.

But the boats belong to you.
- Same thing.

To you the fishermen don't matter.
- You exploit them.

Here each one is free to speak his own
opinion with dignity. I think ...

You think too much.

The millions should be used to finish the
tunnel to assist transports from the coast.

But which transports?

We must think of the hospitals
and children's camps.

Did you hear your dignified companion?
- The transports belong to you!

I make the transports honestly.
- Yes, with our millions.

You're scatterbrained.
- Calm, calm.

We need bread for the unemployed.
- And what about the theater?

What theater?

Sorry, I'll be right back. I have to
leave for something urgent.

Then we'll settle accounts.
- What accounts?

Where are they, on the terrace.
- Mayor, it's all settled.

I have the miraculous weapon
that will make justice triumph.

Celestino, don't be silly.
- Mayor, you have to listen.

Buon giorno! How are you?

Remember Sergeant Bill?
- Who, ah yes, Sergeant Bill!

I've brought you a gift.

A gift for me?
- A necktie, like the one I wore

The one with the nude girl?
What a nice thought.

He's my partner in the castle deal.
- Ah, the castle deal.

Come with me, so we can speak freely.

He so ugly when he laughs!
- Thief. - Bigot.

Traitor!
- Bastard! - Big bastard!

Dear friends, permit me to
call you so.

Your project's magnificent,
but we need to go cautiously.

We'll have to combat obscurantism.

I've against me a band of criminals,

depraved people, opportunists,
bigots, bastards.

We'll meet.
- Soon.

We'll conquer!

What's he mean?
- For the castle, we'll conquer!

''Vinceremo''? It was written on all the
walls when we landed.

Yes.
- It wasn't a good omen.

You like it, eh?

It's very chic.
- Pretty, eh?

Let's profit from this moment
of serenity...

But what serenity?
This is disgusting.

Do you want to keep quiet?

Sit down and discuss, with a smile on
your lips, the problem which afflicts us.

I believe I'm second to no one in
knowing our town's problems.

According to me, the most important
thing is the condition the stream is in.

What stream?

To me the stream's no bother,
because I don't have barrels of wine.

You've no civic sense.
- Civic? The dike!

The tunnel!
- The hospital!

The children's camps.
- The theater! - What theater?

I know - because I always know
everything - that 11 million are coming to
the city from Rome.

Don't get any ideas in your heads.

Those 11 million must be used
for my late husband.

To make the monument to him?

To make the monument to the late
cavalier, my husband.

Great poet, the cavalier.

Cavalier and great poet who lent money
to you all and did so much good for the town.

Giving the money to a loanshark
like you!

If you don't do the monument,
I'll call your loans,
whether for 100 lire or a 100 million.

That's all we needed.
- Was he a poet?

He wrote a song in verse
when he was in the military+ù.

You make jokes and meanwhile
she's sending us to prison.

What do you want here?
- Mayor, I must speak to you. It's urgent.

Throw him out!
- Get out! Go!

How dare you enter!

I'd like to know who let him in.
- How dare he!

And now with these millions the church
want to build us new columns,

Cuccurullo wants them for the tunnel,
Del Bello for the dike.

They're grabbing it all,
till nothing's left.

And we poor beggers go on
dying of hunger.

These millions we must decide
where they end up.

We lemon pickers are the slaves
in this town.

The signors we serve pocket the money
and don't give a damn about us.

And our poor husbands break
their backs for nothing.

All egoists.
Each just thinks of himself.

The fishermen are exploited.

They should give the millions
all to us.

Look, guys.

Who's she?
- An American.

How she dresses!
- Beautiful!

Signorina, you're a diamond mind.

Look at that shameful hussy!

Celestino, come to the beach.
They need you.

Hurry+ù.
- You go ahead.

Signora, watch the shop?
- Yes, go on.

What do you want?
- You have to make a photo of this.

A woman so beautiful in this pose,
when will you this chance again?

Shame on you.

The photographer Celestino?
- What do you want? Go away.

What you doing on that chair?
- Why, is it prohibited to sit? - Yes.

Here I stay.
- What cheek!

The chair is only for clients.
- And I'm not a client?

Ah you're a client. What do you want?

Donna Amalia sends me. She says you
have to make a big enlargement of the
poor cavalier from this photo.

She says it's urgent, you must do it well.

I don't need advice.
- She wants it life size.

She'll exhibit it in the piazza?

The sculptor will use it for the
monument.

We need the millions for a sewer,
not for the monument.

For Donna Amalia the monument's
more important than anything.

Yes, because she lives up high. If she
lived down here, she'd smell the stink.

I pay lots of taxes and
demand they do the sewer.

The sewer, the sewer!

You're a real ingrate.

Donna Amalia's desires must
be orders for you.

For 34 months you haven't paid
the rent.

I pay the 600% interest.

And you go round saying it every+ùwhere.

Even in front of people
you say it.

What's going on?

What's going on?
- They've found Giulietta and Romeo.

They've arrested Giulietta and Romeo.

Will you go away, yes or no?

We're not in a theater.

Where'd you find them?
- At the Salerno station.

She's a disgrace.
She saw him in secret.

Keep quite. You understand nothing.
- Why can't I talk?

They're very+ù in love.

You're a disgrace.

Just like your mother.

Let go of me.

Come quicky, here we are.

You climb up first.

I don't think this is the
American's window.

It's the other one I tell you.
- Sure?

Be quiet.
- Here's the trap.

Give me the trap.

Give me a hand.
- Play, keep on playing.

See which window's hers?

Come on.

Walk.

Now what do we do?
- From the tree? - The ladder.

Put it against the wall.

Guys, even if I have to bring all the mice
in town here, they must move to my
house, the Del Bello's.

And why not to my house?

Keep quiet. What house to house?

Don't make noise.

Guys, you see her?
- Let's hope she takes the bathrobe off.

Eh, let's hope.

Beautiful.

Look at that clothing.

Have the mouse? - Yes, inside.
- Don't let it out yet.

Joe, wake up, an animal's in here.

What's going on?

Joe, you said your ancestors have lived
here for 4 generations.

5 generations.
- This is a zoo, not a home.

What're you saying?
- That we're a zoo family.

Go to the zoo,
you and those outrageous women.

Take back your insults.
- Let him talk, he's old-fashioned.

What're you doing? Go away.

You think mice are insects?

That madman is serious.

A monument yet...!

Who's there? Thief, thief!

I've come to take back my stuff,
my blood.

Give me back my notes or else...

She's dead.

What do you want.
The doctor's sleeping.

What are you screaming about?
- Who's dead? - What happened?

I want the doctor, where is he?
- Sleeping.

Don Salvatore, come down.
They're looking for you.

Here I am, what's wrong?
- Donna Amalia is dead.

Who's dead?
- Donna Amalia.

Then you must call the priest.

How is she dead?
- They killed her.

She's dead and still has her eyes open.
- Let's go.

Lisa, my jacket. Caterina, my bag.

And go to bed.
- We'll be quick, Doctor.

They have to disturb me just tonight,
after taking my laxative.

She's dead with her eyes open.
- What's going on in this town?

Total psychomotor paralysis
due to nervous trauma

From fear of being robbed.
- Rich people's fear. Carry+ù her over there.

Take that side, Luigi.

Easy easy, Madonna mia.
Easy, it hurts her.

Poor Donna Amalia.
What a fright.

Look at the state she's in.

Walk, and cry+ù, cretin.

Poor Donna Amalia!
What a shame.

Celestino, please, go to the pharmacist
and get these injections.

It's really a shame
getting us up at night.

I was so hoping...
I thought I'd find her dead, and instead...

Sorry+ù, is it my fault?
- Don't joke.

Think she can survive?

Eh, difficult to say. She can live one day
or 100 years.

You don't have a remedy to ...
- To make her die?

What're you saying, Doctor?

There's no point worry+ùing so,
she's not dead.

What? - She's not dead.
- He says she's not dead.

Really, she's not dead?
- And so...

For the moment, no one inherits.

They told us...
- Total psychomotor paralysis.

And she doesn't speak?

She doesn't speak, hear or move.
Go on, go on.

Please, you first.
- Thank you.

What hypocrites, they make me sick.

Poor Donna Amalia.
- I'm so unhappy.

You say there're other relatives?

She's dying.

Poor aunt, to suffer so.
- It'd be better for the Lord to call her.

You've dirtied your pants with lime.
- Ah, yes. Thanks.

How'd that happen? You, instead, have
your sleeve dirty with lime.

Tell the truth, tonight you were already
here.

Yes, like you.
- Yes, like me.

We have to be men.
- Business is business.

Let me do it.

You're more of a thief than I am.

Yes, this is it:
''To open after my death.''

It's her will.
- Yes.

''I leave my my goods, mobile and
immobile, to the three poorest poor
people in town.''

- ''To the three poorest poor'' !
- It's disgraceful.

I'll punish that cheap loanshark
to repair this injustice.

It's a big problem. And now signor
mayor, you might

assume trusteeship of Donna Amalia's
interests during her illness.

Of course, I've no difficulty.

But we must see if the other relatives and
heirs agree.

Yes, who better than you?

Yes, you do it. What you do
is fine with us. Please.

Sorry+ù, I have to go. The boats are
coming in. Excuse me.

Celestino, those injections.
- Sorry+ù, Doctor.

I'm going crazy.

Don Gaetano, stop.
- Let me alone.

What do you want?
- Turn right around.

Put the will back in its place.

What are you talking about?
What will?

You know very+ù well.
Go back.

I don't understand you. Let me through.

Watch out!
Robbing the poor is dangerous.

What?
You skunk!

I'll show you.

Help !

You don't agree?

No, I want garlic, oil and perperoncino.
- Good.

Some also put on anchovies and oregano.

Who's that?
Ah, it's Celestino. He must be hurt.

He must have slipped. Let's take him
over to the fountain.

Put him here.

Hey, hey, Celestino.
What do you think happened, Doctor?

This guy's always running like a madman,
plus these damn stairs.

I always say this is a damned town.

As soon as you go outside
you have to go up, or go down.

How are you, Celestino?

It's dangerous to rob the poor,
it's dangerous...

Eh, it's more dangerous to rob the rich.

Aren't I right, Officer?
- You're right.

Keep still.

The Americans are here.
They've changed house again.

This way, come on.
- I'll ask him for a cigarette.

I'm going to ask for a cigarette.
- Me, for some chocolate.

A few steps more and we're there.

Almost there.

Going down's easier.
- Never seen so many stairs in my life.

Papa wanted to fix this stair
under the Germans, or under the Americans?
I can't remember.

Which stairs?

Papa wanted to, but thought why fix them
to help them steal more stuff, so he didn't.

Here we are!

Punish the bad.

Come in, please. Go ahead.

Here there are no mice.
- Really?

This is the cleanest house
in the whole town.

There are even two entrances.
- The house is beautiful.

Pay attention to the steps.

Open, open.

Calm down. Did the tarantula
bite you?

You left us outside.
- Please come in.

Look at these walls,
all from the 1600s.

It's something special.

Here we enter the living room.

Look at the paintings and piano.
And this is nothing yet.

We even have a private chapel.
Now I'll show you.

Look how beautiful.
It's special.

This is an artistic thing and then here
we have even ''The Flight into Egypt.''

See, it's 1600s.

Excuse me, have you also
''the bathroom''?

''Bathroom''?
- Yes.

The privy.
The toilet's on the terrace.

What?
- On the terrace, on the terrace.

It's much better here.
They have a bathroom with a terrace.

I show you other marvels.
Look at this.

This is an authetic painting actually by
the painter D'Amato in person.

This radio is absolutely original.
German... or American.

Now I can't remember.

Here there are some more paintings.

Come in so I can show you better.

The ladies can sit down
if they're tired.

Now we enter into the large living room

where there're even more paintings,
because we have lots of paintings but
little money.

Look here. This is my father's mother,
and here are the uncles.

In sum, quite full of ancestors,
whom I don't even know because

they're centuries and centuries
and I was still to be born.

Here too we have other old paintings.

Grandparents, great grandparents,
great grandparents of great grandparents,

in sum, every+ùone's here,
truly a real cemetery+ù.

Eh, papa!

Very+ù pleased.

Come in, Doctor.
- After you, please.

But you arrived first.
- But you're more useful than I.

Thus was the Lord's wish.

What are they waiting for?
- Who knows?

Del Bello's son brought them here,
they talk like the American soldiers.

Reverendo, would you like a coffee?
Doctor, a glass? A cup of coffee?

With pleasure.

Yes, here too something
must have happened.

Please, don't leave me alone.
- No, but you must take courage.

I always find you in front of me.

What's wrong? Why're you cry+ùing?
- Poor man.

Poor signor Del Bello.
- He didn't deserve anything.

Open. - Who is it?
- Carabinieri.

Where are the carabinieri?
- The will, give me it right now.

Immediately.
- What will? I'll live 100 years.

It's not the moment to joke.
You stole Donna Amalia's will.

Either you're crazy or a thief.
The carabinieri, I'll call them.

Stop. Remember, Cuccurullo, you have
until tomorrow at noon.

Papa, the Americans have come.

Great.
Come in.

We two have to talk about business,
lots of business.

Fine, you're a businessman.

In this town there's much to be done.
We two will be partners,

I'll contribute my ability,
and you'll chase out lots of quarters.

Ah, quarter liters?
- No, money quarters.

Papa, one moment.

They must go or else I go.

Are you crazy?
-We did so much to get them here.

You're not friends with Americans
anymore?

Please, more than ever,
but it's your niece.

Maybe you don't like my niece?

Sure I do, but I'm engaged.
- You're crazy? What do you mean?

Remember, you have until tomorrow
at noon.

If you don't put back the will,
I'll make you end up like Don Gaetano.

Tiè!
- What're you doing?

I'm making the horn to fight off
the evil eye. He's a jinx.

There. St. Andrea, justice is done.

My house is a paradise,
don't worry+ù.

No one's there, just some children,
but very+ù well-behaved.

It's the Americans on the stairs again.

You said your house was near?

Yes, yes, we're almost there.
Not much more, just 20 steps.

20 stairs?

O always stairs!

Courage.

Here we are. You can stay 100 years
in this house.

And here no one's planning to die.
A few steps more.

From the first day
I wanted to put you up

but every+ùone would have said
I was abusing authority as mayor.

You can't imagine what people
dare think

and say in this town,
especially about me.

There's no respect for authority anymore.
Once it was different!

It's papa with the Americans.

Please, come in.
They're my children, very+ù well-behaved.

Where's the signora?
- In her room, washing her feet.

Call her, the signori are here.

Quiet. What are they saying?
- In the livingroom's Celestino the
photographer.

Send him away, I can't see him.

He said he must speak to you.
He'll stay even to sleep.

Just like him!

Show the signori to the guest room.

Excuse me, eh? I'll be right back.

I'm every+ùbody's servant!

Give us chocolate?

Signor mayor...

Come to City Hall tomorrow.
Now I don't have time.

But it's very+ù urgent.
Tomorrow will be too late.

What is it?

Signor mayor,
you know what's in here?

I'm not a genie. How should I?

A letter's inside, Donna Amalia's will.

What? Her will?
And how come you have it?

Ah no, please. Don't ask me
how I have this envelope in my hands.

Signor mayor, you can even kill me,
but I won't talk.

But how come this document is
in your hands?

I'll tell you. They wanted to destroy it,
but I stopped them.

Signor mayor, I give it to you. As mayor,
it's you

who must have Donna Amalia's last
wishes respected...

Certainly.

...when...
when the Lord calls her to Him.

Yes naturally, when the Lord calls her...

But Celestino, you've read this letter?

- Sure I did. It's wonderful.
Who'd have expected such generosity?

Certainly not I!

How wonderful. How beautiful.

Think of it!
The three poorest poor in our town,

from one moment to the next will
discover they're rich, rich,

and will stop suffering. How wonderful.

Certainly, wonderful.

Don't get so excited, Celestino.
You're too nervous, calm down.

It was Providence that brought you
to me. Understand? Providence.

Thank God, St. Andrea loves us.

I think so. Did they ever talk to you
about economics?

Economics? Alas, signor mayor, always,
always from the day I was born.

Fine, but I'm not speaking of home
economics. I'm speaking of the science.

Sit down.

I'm speaking about the science,
which is called economics.

This science shows that capital that's
divided disperses and is annuled.

I don't understand.
- I explain.

If Donna Amalia's millions end up
in the hands of the three poor,

who from lack of habit
don't know how to manage it,

tell me what advantage
our little town will get from it?

None, no advantage. It's clear.

Whereas if instead...
understand, if instead,

those millions are administered
by a person who's able,

intelligent, honest, above all honest,

it can represent a fountain
of riches for every+ùbody.

I've explained. Understand, Celestino?

Yes, I understand, I understand,

you're like the others,

like the others.

Where is ''the bathroom''?

Who is Bathroom?

Privy.

In the night table.

Yes, in the small pillar
beside the bed.

Near the ''letto''? Letto is a bed.

It's not possible.

Okay, not possible. Then from off
the balcony.

Celestino, where are you running to?

I kiss your hands, Reverendo.
- May God bless you, son.

Sit a bit with us.
In this heat, where are you going?

Sorry+ù, Doctor, I must do
something urgent.

Urgent? We also have urgent things
to do.

Me I'm waiting for someone
who has to be born,

him, he's waiting for someone
who has to die.

While waiting we're both making money.

Doctor, you always like to joke,
but this really isn't the moment.

What's up with you, son?

Sorry+ù, I can't tell you,
not even you.

But you must believe me,
you who baptized me.

I work for justice, I work for the good of
everyone against the evil of a few bad ones.

I believe you, son.

Lucky you, Celestino.

You think you know good from evil,
whereas I after many years still don't.

They always walk together side by side,
so it's easy to confuse them. Am I right?

What counts are intentions.

God sees into hearts
and He will judge.

Meanwhile the bad triumph and
the good always lose.

But we have to do something, Doctor -
to fight, to exterminate all the bad.

Only that way will we be worthy to enter
the Kingdom of Heaven. Only that way.

I have to go.

Celestino, take a laxative.

You always tease him,
but Celestino is a simple soul.

It'll be easier for him to enter
the Kingdom of Heaven.

Let's go, here it's dangerous.
- Damn stairs.

There's danger you'll arrive
after the baptism

and I'll arrive after the patient's funeral.

Stairs, always stairs
in this damn town.

Here, Donna Amalia.
I've brought back your will.

They wanted to destroy it
but I saved it.

I saved it for the good of every+ùone
and I kiss your hands.

You leave everything to
the poorest in the town

so you can die happy and we'll make the
monument for you. That's a promise.

No! Burn it!

I don't want to give anything to anyone,
I want to take it all with me.

Damn you all!

Miracle! Donna Amalia talks.
- I'll go get the doctor.

Say something. Speak to me.

Fine. Meanwhile I put the will back
in its place.

Damn witch!
Greedy loanshark!

She too is taken care of.

Damn flies!
When will they build the sewers?

Damn. They dirty everything.

Eh, Celestino.

Doctor, please, close the door
or the studio will be filled with flies.

How's your head?

My head's fine, dear Doctor.
It the others' heads that aren't working.

Every+ùone says that, even the insane, if
there's anyone not insane in this world.

It's so hot. And that stench.

Apropos, Donna Amalia's relatives called
for me. It seems she's worse.

Doctor, those who've lived bad always
ends up as they deserve.

This one has thick stick.
- Doctor, she's dead.

Dead? Ah, finally.

I'm sorry+ù for her, but at least
I won't have to climb up there anymore.

I mean they can come get the death
certificate at my house.

Incredible I have to do so many stairs
for the pittance

the City pays me!
How hot it is, Celestino.

Look, I love the poor,
not for vain democracy,

but only because the poor live
down low

whereas the rich are up high.
Too high, dear Celestino.

What do you want?
What're you looking for?

We want a photograph.
- Who pays? - Him.

If you don't stand still,
he won't do your photograph.

Done. Next.

Money, money, money.

So much money!
- Who'd you rob it from?

Don't move.

Donna Amalia's coffin
is coming.

Cuccurullo's too.

Where are you going?
- The cemetery+ù.

Take the dead back.

We have to stop putting our people
in the tower. It's a barbaric custom.

It the fault of the mayor who's sold
the cemetery+ù to the Americans.

Caterina, hear the news?
They've sold the cemetery+ù.

The mayor's sold the cemetery+ù.

The mayor's sold the cemetery
with all the dead.

To whom? The Americans?
What a shame. Everything's being sold.

What's going on? -The mayor's sold the
cemetery+ù to the Americans.

I'll see about that.

In the name of the law
I, notary+ù Girolamo Fulchignoni

of the notary+ù district of Amalfi,
called by the heirs of Amalia Scapece.

read you her will.

One moment, I raise an objection.

The envelope the will was in
was torn and opened.

We already have that on record.

If you wish, you can appeal
to judicial authorities.

Let's go on.
- Go on, read.

''These are my wishes,
I the undersigned Amalia Scapece

in full faculty of mind and body
leave my goods mobile and immobile

to the three poorest poor in the town.''

Wait, let me speak.

This will was written by an insane woman

in a moment of insanity
and we call all prove it.

Do what you want
but this is the will.

Signor mayor, what's wrong?

One wants to know how much
you want for these anchovies?

Must I tell you?
You're the one wants to buy them.

So what? The anchovies are yours.

O sure. So let's say 300 lire.

300 lire?
- Eh.

Those anchovies?
- Eh. Those are sperone anchovies.

They're simple little anchovies.

Ah, the time's over when you and
your father exploited every+ùbody.

Expoiters, us ?!

If it weren't for us, you'd die of hunger.
- Yeah, you were almost benefactors!

Ah, your father was an exploiter!

Watch how you talk.

What's going on?

I don't let you insult my father.
Skunk!

See, Celestino? You said
we have to exterminate the bad people,

but when the Lord calls one of them
to Him, two others spring up.

You laugh a bit too much, dear Doctor.

Stairs, stairs...

Here, not many stairs left.

Hi, welcome back.

I'm tired.
- You can rest.

Straight ahead, Bill.

Poor people!
In 4 days they've changed 4 houses.

In every+ù house they were in,
someone died.

They have the evil eye.

''Evil eye,'' nonsense.
Death is always a strange thing.

I'm always amazed when I see someone
who one moment was living,

speaking, reasoning,
and then suddenly nothing.

A cheer for Donna Amalia
who gave the money to the poor.

You hear? Now Donna Amalia's dead,
every+ùone speaks well of her.

Every+ùone's paying court to those ugly
mugs who inherited her fortune.

Why'd it have to be them?

She did well. The sole good action
of her life.

Think of those poor, who'll finally be
okay, even them,

and have something to eat.
They're the three poorest in town.

But THOSE poor!

You know that faker was stealing
all the money he could.

What?!
- It's true, he was stealing money from
Donna Amalia.

Him too!

No one will be saved.
Now I'll fix them.

The poor inherited.
- We want to see the will.

Move, let me through.

Luigi's rich.

He's dead.

The evil eye's in the town.

What have you done?

Don't believe in miracles, huh?
Believe only in science.

But I, Celestino Esposito, lowest of low,
am more powerful than the atom bomb.

Look, Doctor, see these faces of
hypocrites?

I with one tiny gesture
have the power to exterminate them.

Celestino, stop!
- Let me go.

What're you doing?
You're insane, a criminal.

He's dead.

I'm a criminal.

Damn. I'm a criminal.

I'm a convict.

I'll punish myself with my own hands.

But first I must destroy the one who
gave me this power to destroy.

You've been my ruin.

Did you call me?

Damn you, you've ruined me.
Whoever are you?

Doesn't matter who I am.

You're not St. Andrea, you're the demon.

Could I be a saint
if I were teaching you to kill?

Damn you, I'll destroy you.

You can't destroy anything,
I'm already dead.

The camera will destroy you.
Die!

What're you try+ùing to do?

The devil. Begone, Satan.

Yes, I'm a poor devil,
alone and in disgrace.

Nothing ever goes right for me.

They won't send me to earth again.

They told me:
''You're too old, Farfanicchio.''

And I had such hopes
for my invention.

I hoped to destroy the whole town.

What a great invention!

You know you've made me damn six
people? Who'll not save their souls?

Don't be silly, Celestino.
No one goes to hell anymore.

The One up there is so good, He saves
them -- one good deed's enough.

Even one good thought,
and He forgives them right away.

Really?
- Word of Farfanicchio!

With this invention

I'd hoped to make a career
and get my name known.

Because even in hell
there's the usual wheeling and dealing.

Now I go back down.

Wait.

Listen, can you resuscitate my victims?

I'm a poor devil,
but I have this power.

Sure I can do it, but when I go back
down, I'll be in trouble.

So don't go back.

And do what?

Stay here.

If I stay here,
I lose the right to immortality.

And I'm so old,
I'm 113,000 years old.

You lose a devil's immortality,
but then what?

Come on, make the sign of the cross.

Go on.

No, not like that, wait.

They didn't teach you it.
Do it with me.

In the name of the Father,

of the Son,

of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

This is a miracle.

You tell me
how much you want to give me.

That's Del Bello's voice.
And Cuccurullo.

So they're not dead.

And the doctor, where's he?
Didn't he come with you?

The doctor hadn't come here yet.

And the others?

Think of your health.
- You can't stay here! Go!

Oh, even Agostino?

Just as well.
Granddad, let's have a coffee?

We'll tell every+ùone you're a relative.
- A relative, yes...

...on Cain's side.

We'll pack up the sets, my signori,
the comedy has ended.

And the morale is this:
Cultivate the good without exaggerating.

Shun evil if you want to save yourself.

Don't be too hasty to judge

and think three times before punishing.

And now I leave.

But before leaving,
I bow to every+ùone with respect.