All language subtitles for Winter.House.S03E02.WEB.x264-TORRENTGALAXY_track4_eng

Let's go!

Previously,
on "Winter House"...

Welcome to Steamboat.

This is a classic
social experiment.

Yeah, buddy!

When our forces combine--
boom!

Oh, [BLEEP].

Fireworks.

- Hello!
- Honey, we're home!

- Hey.
- What's up, guys?

I'm Kory.
- Katie.

Kory looks like he'd be
a really good kisser.

Kory looks like he'll be good
at a lot of things.

[laughing]

I met a girl this summer
in the Hamptons,

and we've been
seeing each other, Sam.

So, you're in
a situation-ship.

For sure.

Did you run into
you know who?

Robert? I did.

No hopes of
getting back together?

He kind of, like,
squashed that.

- What's up, man?
- Kyle.

- Alex.
- Alex, nice to meet you.

Okay.

Hello.
- Alex.

It's a pleasure
to meet you.

Pleasure to meet you.

Stuck in a house--
beautiful people.

This is like a perfect
rom-com moment for me.

You're like an ogre.

Did you just call me an
ogre?

No, but, like, "Shrek,"
like "Shrek."

Alex and I went
to the hot tub last night.

Brian, though,
he threw me off.

- Brian?
- They both tried?

Yes.

Oh, no.

I just texted Schwartzy.

He's in an Uber
to the house.

Oh, [BLEEP].

Tom, if you're bringing
the baggage with Sandoval

into this house,
my safe haven

from all the sh--
that I'm dealing with...

[sighs]

Just get out.

♪

Oh, buddy!

- Hi.
- Oh, what's up, bro?

Oh, this is so nice.
I wanna smell you.

[laughing]
I missed you guys' faces.

[laughing]
Oh, my God.

- Hi. I'm Katie.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too. Welcome.

- Malia.
- Hi.

Things back home,
they're not great.

Jordan--
nice to meet you.

Jordan--
I just came from L.A.

For, like, a week,
my entire life

has been consumed because
of someone else's affair.

Thanks for having me,
by the way.

I'm Casey.
Nice to meet you.

How are you?
- Nice to meet you.

- I'm Alex.
- What's going on?
Nice to meet you.

It's had a negative impact
on my businesses,

all of my friendships.

He told me this a month ago.

I told him
what he needed to do.

You knew?

I knew limited information.

- I'm not your friend anymore.
- Dude...

I just want you to know
it's not good.

We went from 4.8 stars
on Yelp to one star

at Schwartz and Sandy's.

So, I've been fantasizing
about this trip.

I have ten days here
before I have to go back.

Three seconds.

Let's dive into the
"Vanderpump Rules" reunion.

I just wanna stay here
and start a new life.

Look it. I'm smiling.

I haven't smiled
in a long time.

Has it been the longest
week of your life?

Pretty much--
very heavy, dark.

I was nervous
that you were, like,

in spontaneous combust mode,

and you were just not even
gonna make it up.

I considered it,
and part of me feels bad

for leaving
my business partners,

you know,
to clean up our mess.

But at the same time,
if-if I go in right now,

it's kind of like
a spectacle.

I have, like,
the scarlet letter.

I feel like a pariah.
I had to extricate.

The vibes are good here.
It's all positive.

The vibes are plentiful.

- It's all positive vibes.
- Yeah.

You're here.
That's all that counts.

We're about to huff and puff
up the mountain.

- Hike up
and snowboard down.
- I'll do that.

If you need some place
to sleep,

I have the double bedroom.
- Can we go check it out?

Yeah, let's do it, dude.
I'll show you around.

Okay.

- Down here?
- Yeah.

I spend a lot of time
in the nude.

So, sorry in advance.
- That's fine.

♪

What's the take on Tom?

Yeah, he's good-looking.

I had no idea
who Tom Schwartz was.

We literally
live in a bubble.

Obviously, he's gone
through a lot recently.

- First left.
- Oh, dude, this is great.

The whole world----ing knew
about this whole situation.

- Yeah.
- So, then you're like,

oh, sh--.
- Oh, sh--.

[laughing]
- [BLEEP].

- Ready for a nap.
- in' yes.

I got ginger.

I don't know
what I'm gonna do with this.

It's super L.A.

I lived in L.A.
for four years.

Where'd you start from?
- Uh, Minnesota.

- Bro, I'm Wisconsin.
- Are you?

- Yeah.
- Sweet.

I'm going in the hot tub,
so I'm gonna change.

I'm just gonna dip
my toe in.

We need, like,
some teatime, girl time.

The boys wanna, like,
hike up that mountain.

I know, that is such
a dumb-ass idea.

[imitating record scratching]

I've been waiting for
this exact moment

with these exact people
for a long time.

- Put this in your pocket.
- Oh, oh, yes.

- Let's scale this
- in' mountain.

Is there a path 'cause
otherwise you have to cut it?

- We're trailblazers.
- Have fun.

If you feel like
you're out of shape,

it's just the elevation.
It's not you.

[sighs]
- That feels nice.

Oh, wait,
I might have to back out.

Dude, no----ing way.

Wait. So, they're really
doing this.

We need snowshoes.
[screaming]

I don't think
they realize

that that's not steep enough
to snowboard or ski down.

So, I'm here for it.

Yeah, buddy!
We're rooting for you!

Oh, God!
[laughing]

Kyle's snowboard
is going down

before he does.
- Oh, no.

We're good.

No, I'm just lazy.
[laughing]

[laughing]

I definitely need
a chiropractor

after dodging these boys.

Oh.

For them, it was,
"Oh, well, let's see."

Like, may the best man win.

You'll be
sitting there seeing...

for a long time.
[laughing]

I've been celibate
for a-a while now.

It's been six months
since the year mark,

and I'm still
basically celibate.

I was open to a vacay bae,

but it didn't need to be
the first day.

Are you gettin'
jazzed up tonight?

- Got my elf shoes on.
- Okay, not the gyrating.

No, stop it.
Okay, yeah.

I don't wanna sh--
where I eat.

Yeah.

Not this early on
at least.

But I kinda wanna get reckless
with at least one person.

- Who?
- I don't know.

I'm trying to see
what's at this bar.

We'll see at the bar.
Me, too.

I'm not hooking up
with anyone in the house.

Could you imagine
if something goes sour,

or you do something embarrassing,

like fart on them,
and you don't mean to,

and, like, you can't,
like, get out of it?

I'm gonna start
getting ready.

I just-- I don't see
that happening.

- Dude, look at this.
- I feel so much better.

On top of the fricking world,
right now.

Besides that situation,
how is life outside that?

Good.

Ironically, we were finally
just hitting our stride

with the bar.
- Yeah.

Revenue was up.
And man, ol' Sandoval.

- I didn't wanna ask but, like--
- It's okay.

Tom came to me
and confided me this sh--

and dropped
a----ing bomb on me.

They had an affair
back in, like, late summer,

early fall,
like a one night stand.

- Oh, my God.
- And sometime in the past,

like, month,
Tom came to me.

He was like, "Dude,
this is not, like, a fling,"

and I don't know.

He's like, "Oh, my God,
I think it's a thing?" Dude.

What if your best friend
came to you and told you this?

Everyone was like,
"You knew."

- Like, you--
- You think I wanted
to know this?

[BLEEP] no!
- Yeah.

Yeah, this is
a lose-lose scenario.

He's one of
the most vilified men

in America, right now.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

And I'm not far behind him, unfortunately.

Is this your first
escape since?

- First escape.
- Oh, my God.

I appreciate you guys.

Are you coming down
the mountain, or no?

Hey, we will shred the gnar

when the gnar
is ready to be shredded!

It's so dark.

Even though
it's dark out,

I'm still wearing
my shades.

All right,
tips up for the boys.

♪

[BLEEP]!

- Oh, okay, okay, okay.
- Ooh!

Yeah, Kor-Kor!

Whoo!
Surf's up, bitches!

- Ahh!
- Oh!

Oh! Oh, sh--!

Yeah!

[laughing]

♪

Whoa!

Oh!

- Are you okay, Kyle?
- Dude, I ate sh--.

All right, girls.
We're putting music on,

and then we're gonna
get changed and go out.

- We're going out.
- Oh, yeah.

What are you doing in
there?

You know when your hair
just listens to you?

It's listening, right now.
- I don't, honestly.

My hair has a mind
of it's mother----ing own.

Wow, I'm feeling it,
right now.

As you should.

Guys, look,
I got you Poo-Pouri.

What is that?
[laughing]

In case you have to take
a sh--, and you don't wanna--

How many did you bring?
Just one?

- I got a bunch.
- Okay.

[groans]

All right,
which shoe?

- Those ones. Yeah.
- The boots, okay.

I'm trusting you.
I don't do that too often.

All right,
let's----ing go!

You are such a vibe.

Let's get this
party started.

I definitely need some music
in the car.

Kind of what I do,
being a DJ.

What's the coolest place
you've DJ'd?

All-Star weekend.

That's pretty dope.

♪

Appreciate you, brother.
Ooh!

I'm gonna be right in
the middle.

Oh, we got that table, too.

We're in Colorado.

I've been dreaming about
this moment.

- Your face is so pretty.
- No, yours is pretty,

yours is glowing.
- I don't wanna--

Can you at least
get a free drink

if you're whipping 'em out.
- Yeah, I know, right?

Can I get somethin'
for this?

I'm not gonna lie.
They look good.

You have tiny nipples.

I can get a piercing
in that.

Can you?

You couldn't even
fit a piercing

if you dreamt of it.

I dream of it
every night.

I know you do.
[laughing]

- Hello.
- Hi.

Can I please get
a ranch water?

- I love ranch water.
- Two ranch waters.

No, no, three.

What's the soup
of the day?

I, like,
I'm a big soup guy.

- I'll do minestrone with you.
- Okay.

Can we
order cheese curds?

What the [BLEEP]
is a cheese curd?

It's fried cheese.
It's decadent and salty.

It sounds like
a heart attack.

Can we also do
four shots of tequila?

Can you make 'em chilled?

- Yes.
- Okay, thank you.

I'm scared that someone
is gonna pinch me,

I'm gonna wake up,
and I'm gonna be in my bed.

This is a good, uh,
dissection from that.

Hey, did you-- did you
sell the house?

Are you
and-and Katie moving?

We sold the house
back in August.

How long were you guys
together for, like, in total?

Twelve years.

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.

I think you need
to take a little break

after you get divorced.

Like, I wanted to be
BFFs still.

Well, that's
how I felt with Robert.

I wanted to be best friends
with him still,

and he was just like,
"We're broken up, right now."

And I was just like,
"Oh, sh--."

When a bad breakup happens,
the confidence takes a hit.

Hell, I thought that I was
gonna marry that man.

I'm not ready to date,

but this trip is for me
to get that mojo back.

So, when was
your last relationship?

Like, boyfriend/girlfriend?

Ten years ago.

- What about you?
- Mine was, like, 7 months ago.

Oh, so, you're kind of
getting out of one.

It was over
well before that.

You, Kory,
let's talk about you.

My last relationship
was right before COVID.

Aren't you
in a relationship?

Well, I-- I'm, like,
we're dating.

We-we haven't made it,
like, exclusive.

Are you going to?

So, I don't know.

I'm in a weird
kind of place with that.

So...
- Do you see other people?

I haven't been, no.

Will she move
to where you are?

Not a chance.

She's like
New York ride or die.

This has been more pressure
than Sam has ever

threw at me to define
our relationship.

Why don't you tell me

what you think
the plan is?

I would like to hang out
with you after this.

I wanna see you, too.

We're both playing
like this.

We don't wanna talk
about our emotions.

We're too cool 'cause
we're afraid if we do,

things will change,
you know.

Am I sweating?

I know.
I'm in the hot seat,

and talking about
my emotions.

I get all hot and sweaty,
when I talk about my emotions.

To relationship statuses.

To-to the kisses
I've snatched.

To the ones we haven't.

To the lips of the future.

Since my breakup
seven months ago,

I have not kissed anyone.
I haven't slept with anyone.

I've been ready
to end the streak.

With Kory, it's like
maybe the door is open.

♪

Coming up...

Katie is a ten
out of ten for me.

I think you guys
would vibe.

If it happens organically,
I'm not gonna fight it.

♪

Oh, my girl.

There's a tall glass
of water over there.

You wanna take a hot lap?
- For sure.

We're gonna take a hot lap.
Let's go.

Who gives a [BLEEP]?

They need to know
what they're in for.

- Thank you so much.
- Bye, guys.

Let's do a half shot.

These are
great big glasses.

You look very happy.

She's in love.

Does that work for you
when you say those things?

Yeah.

Is it working?

No.

[laughing]

When it comes to dating

and who I'm
hooking up with,

you wouldn't be able
to tell the whole time,

but I have always
been particular.

I have a theory.
So, every time guys do

stupid sh--, it's because
it's worked once before.

After my year
of celibacy,

I do like a little bit
more substance.

I like grown-ass men
with colossal dick energy.

- I agree.
- Yeah.

When I find a man
that's, like, "I'm here,"

I'm like, oh, hey, daddy,
what's going on?

[laughing]

Hey, guys,
how is it going?

Thank you.

- Katie.
- Katie?

- Yeah.
- I'm Charlie.

Nice to meet you, Charlie.

- Where are y'all from?
- I'm from New York City.

Who is single
in this group?

Not a lot of us, actually.

- You're single?
- Yeah.

- That's cool.
- Yeah.

I'm not single.

What are you guys
doing tonight?

I don't know.
I think we're here for now,

and we'll see
where the night takes us.

I'm like, oh, my God,
just my game is a little bad.

I'm so direct.
It throws them off.

It's like, "Hey, do you
have a 401k?

"Do you believe in aliens?"

I just don't know
how to flirt.

You have the best goggle tan.
Yours is pretty good.

They have no idea
what to do with me.

Oh, thank you so much.

This is awesome.

The best cheese curd
experience I've ever had.

This is----ing good.

Cheers, again, for coming.

This feels right.

So, how many different
girls did you

fall in love with
last night?

I'm still feeling it out.

- Is Jordan your type?
- Yeah, she's my type,

but I can tell
she's not into me.

But, um, Casey,
she started talking,

like, techy and nerdy
to me.

I'm in tech.
- Yeah, I work in crypto.

I'm pretty nerdy, so...
- Okay, so am I.

Hand hug.

And she's smart as [BLEEP].

Yeah, I missed a lot
in one night.

That is a big--
- Like, how is this
a chicken tender?

Holy sh--.

Out of everyone
you've seen here,

anybody you find
particularly attractive?

Katie is
a ten out of ten for me.

I think you guys
would vibe-vibe.

I don't know if I'm
vibe worthy, right now.

Dude, Tom, don't
take yourself

out of the game completely, bro.
- Okay, okay, okay.

If it happens organically,
I'm not gonna fight it.

I'm open to love.

It's a positive
factory here.

I needed that.

Are you gonna wingman
with Danielle?

- Yo, get in here, bitch.
- Boys table, the bros.

Who are we looking at?

The bachelorette party.
I say we take a lap.

My long term--?
Oh,----ing don't.

We're not at
a job interview.

Let's go!

Well, I'll get you one.

- Okay, that's--
- When we start dating.

That sounds very nice.

You're so pretty.

Are you finishing
that statement?

No, let's go home.

Let's----ing blow
this joint.

Let's go!

We're out.

We're home!

Let's get some comfy clothes
and dance.

We were debating.
Are we gonna keep drinking,

or are we gonna
wind down?

You should drink.

I'm gonna grab a coat,
so I can go outside.

♪

Let's go look at
this sled.

I'm coming with.

Okay, go.

Get it, Katie!

- Oh, sh--.
- Yeah!

[screaming]

- Yeah!
- I'll show you guys.

Yeah, show us how
it's done.

Oh, God!

[laughing]
Goddamn it.

Kyle.

You're doing
really well, sweetie.

Let's go inside
and play some music.

This is baby-making music.

I used to be a big hippie.

You're so pretty.

- Go, go.
- This is fruit ninja, ready?

Fruit ninja!
Fruit ninja!

Ahh!

What the [BLEEP]?

- I think it's my cue, yeah.
- That's dope.

Well, I'll see you guys
in the a.m.

You're scooping it up
with a knife?

[laughing]

Me and Malia are the only ones
that clean and cook around here.

Tom, if you want
to help me clean,

I'll see you at 5:30 a.m.

Oh, I wake up early.

- I do, too.
- You do?

Oh, my God, he's like
a spirit animal.

I wanna go to bed.

All right.
I'll check my Hinge.

This guy is cute.

Look at that booty!

All right.

So, you're attracted
to that photo then.

Buenos noches.

♪

Oh, God, he's toasted.

[snoring]

If I have to come in here
and pee later tonight,

should we have, like,
a system where you have,

like, a little, like,
sock on the door

in case you're in here?
- No, well,

just if the door is open,
it's open.

If it's shut, it's shut.
- Oh, my God, that makes
perfect sense.

♪

Let's go, baby.

[sighs]

ing love this.

[groaning]

It's snowing.

♪

[sighs]

My life back home
is kind of a mess.

But this right here, this is
a mess that I can handle.

Hi.
- That's so nice of you.

First night, and you already,
like, cleaned the whole kitchen

the next morning after
it was disgusting.

No. Oh, my God.

Should we go sit in this
majestic living room?

- Yeah.
- Look at the snow.

Yes.

♪

Aye-aye-aye-aye-aye!

- I feel that, right now.
- Let's see here.

I feel like I'm in a little,
like, Hallmark Christmas globe.

I wanna see an owl.

[gasps]
- Wait, did I tell you?

I have-- I found
a dead owl in my yard,

and I'm gonna taxidermy it.

- Really?
- Yes.

Your first instinct was, like,
I'm gonna taxidermy this.

I like taxidermy. Yeah.

Growing up, going to
the Museum of National History

was, like,
mind-blowing to me.

It is the best display
of taxidermy, probably,

in the entire world.

If I could, my whole house
would literally look like

the Museum
of National History.

But you just gotta
get good pieces.

Like, Google
"crappy taxidermy,"

and you'll see what
I'm talking about,

why you can't do
the bootleg sh--.

Like, you just can't.

- I love a good cemetery.
- Me, too.

I wrote my last, like,
history paper in college

on how the Civil War modernized
the funeral in this day

in America.
- I wanna read that.

I don't know where it is.
Maybe I can save it.

You're like,
"I have it downstairs."

♪

Did anything naughty
happen last night?

- I don't think so.
- I wanna hear stories.

- Alex.
- Hey, speaking of naughty.

- I used your shower.
- Oh, really?

- Yeah.
- Today was wash day?

- We could condition each other.
- Okay.

I'm just
a flirtatious person.

Maybe some people are
finding that endearing.

Maybe some people are
finding that irritating.

I was dreaming
about you guys.

- Oh.
- That's cool.

Time will tell.

How are you,
is the real question?

I'm good.

Good morning.

Coming in hot.

Coming up...

- I'm super single.
- So, you come here often?

That's all I got.
[laughing]

I just feel like I don't know
what the hell I'm doing.

- Oh, [BLEEP], here we go.
- Here we go.

I think today is,
like, a house day.

So, we can kinda
divide and conquer,

and go to the mountain,
fresh pow-pow.

- Ski on the mountain?
- Yeah, I'm down.

Malia and Katie, you guys
are doing a party?

- Yes.
- Sexy pirates.

- Ooh, I love sexy pirates.
- Pirate is my default setting.

Any excuse to wear
eyeliner, I'm in.

Katie can pull parties out
like no one's business.

It's part of my job.

I love it when a vision
comes to life.

[laughing]
- Yeah!

- Whoo!
- They love it.

Not only do we throw parties,
but we clean up afterward.

Yeah.
[laughing]

Do you wanna go on a run
in a little bit?

We'll go get food.
- He has the shopping list.

I sent it to
the entire group chat.

Katie, you can come with,
if you want.

- Adults need to do this.
- Yes.

- Yeah, let's go.
- Okay.

♪

- Thank you, sir.
- Yeah. Winter wonderland.

Uh, there are my gloves,
great place to put 'em.

I gotta be honest. I haven't
driven in the snow

in a long time.
- Oh, no.

Although, I'm from Minnesota.
Don't worry.

I'm okay.
I have experience.

Hey.

- How you doin'?
- I feel awful, right now.

I hate throwing up
so much.

What are the chances that you
think you'll make your flight?

Right now, how I'm feeling,
there's no way.

[sighs]

Amanda is you know whating
out of every orifice.

If Amanda brought norovirus
to this house,

I don't think the septic
system could handle it.

All right
... Well, feel better.

I'll keep trying
to check in on ya.

All right, let's bike!

We're going biking.
We're going biking.

You look so Miami in
the mountains. It's insane.

All he had in his suitcase
was Chelsea boots,

and he's like,
"What else do you need?"

You need traction, is
what you need.

- I know.
- Oh, sh--!

[laughing]

♪

- The budget--
- There's no budget.

Sky is the limit.

Katie seems
instantly likeable.

I mean, I've always been
a sucker for an accent.

I think she's
objectively beautiful.

Did have a problem
with the name.

Can you introduce me to some,
like, yacht life lingo?

When we do provisions
or, like, when we go,

like, shopping--
- Yeah.

We say, "Can we get all hands
on deck to help bring them on?"

I love it.

♪ Outside inside
we don't stop ♪

- Yep, yep.
- How we doin'?

- Let's go.
- All right.

♪ First to the block
we don't stop ♪

Look how sick these are!

I want the biggest one
with the fattest tires.

You guys ready?
- Yep. Whoo-hoo.

I'm literally not pedaling.

Whoo!
Coming in hot, boys!

- Yeah, buddy.
- We got it, guys.

How do you downshift
on this?

- You shift up only, baby.
- Whoo-hoo.

- This is sick.
- Come on, Alex.

Technical difficulties--
what the [BLEEP]?

- Oh, grab my hat!
- Hat down!

Got it! Yee-haw!

[grunting]

Yo, how do you shift
these things?

[laughing]

[panting]

God, that was awesome.

I deserve a drink.
- Oh, you brought a drink?

- Oh.
- Yeah, in my pocket.

- Take a sip and pass it down.
- Can I take a little sip?

- Cheese and rice.
- Oh, sure.

There he is.
- It's hard just breathin'.

[BLEEP] me, right?

Speaking of----ing...
[laughing]

- Who is----ing?
- Actually, I was gonna say,

who is not----ing?
- I haven't----ed.

Wait, you guys are
getting----ed?

Raise your hand, bro.
Raise your hand.

So, what-what girls
are you into now?

Um, Casey-- I haven't
shown her any interest.

Like, I haven't shown her
anything yet.

I think you need to show
her a little bit.

- Yeah.
- But keep it very mild.

Girls love when you
show them no attention.

- Playful.
- Playful fun.

Yeah, and then
make it where she has

to kind of chase you
a little bit.

Yeah.

I love being the wingman
for any of my homies.

Walk by her and say
something kind of, like,

playful and cute
and keep going.

- Yeah.
- And then, like--

- As she's trying to respond.
- No, no, no, not,

like, while she's talking.
- No.

[laughing]

He's gonna crash
and burn, for sure.

Any eyes on the guys
in the house?

Just-just say it.
Just say it.

- Particularly?
- Just say it.

Just say it.
- I'm not saying anything.

At least saying it
out loud.

- Just say it.
- I'm not saying anything.

- Just say it.
- This is a secret--

this is a pact here, you know.
What happens here, stays here.

- Yeah.
- Listen,

he only leads with,
"You'e hot."

Why are you trying to
throw my game down?

- There's zero game.
- Is it not working?

I'm half attracted.

I feel like it is
working a little bit.

What happened to
the "no game" comment?

[laughing]

Any time I'm in
social situations,

I have to make
everybody like me.

If you just, like,
do less, like, way less,

maybe I'd be interested.

All I wanna do,
right now, is more.

I was actually homeschooled
up until high school.

I was a very anxious kid
because of the lack

of social structure
I was involved in.

So, definitely took me a while
to figure out how to be normal,

and I don't think I maybe
ever perfected that.

- Yeah.
- I'm a serial do-too-mucher.

Mix it up a little bit,
less full court press

and more, um...
[laughing]

We're in
the fourth quarter, baby.

That's how we do it.
[laughing]

We're going right.
Then stay on the left.

- Oh, yeah, this is perfect.
- Whoo!

Whoo!----ing ripping
and tearing.

[indistinct].

Whoa! Holy moly!

Rip a little here.
- Happy to.

I started skiing when
I was three years old.

I think I'm probably better
at skiing than walking.

I skied five days out of
the week at a ski academy.

And then senior year, I was
ranked tenth in the country

for half pipe.

I was one of the only females
doing that sport.

There was a chance I could
eventually go pro.

Unfortunately, I had back
to back concussions,

and then I found out this girl
hooked up with my ex-boyfriend,

and I ended up
roundhouse kicking her

in the face.

I got kicked
out of school.

So, uh, yeah, I could
have been a ski bum,

but I still love skiing.
- Yeah, buddy!

- Yes, Casey!
- That was beautiful.

Whoo!

We had so much fun.
All right. Let's skedaddle.

We just adulted
the [BLEEP] out of this.

I'm gonna get
a little sloppy,

I think, today.
- Welcome. I'm here for that.

- You going down with me?
- I'm coming down with you.

[laughing]

So, you come here often?
That's all I got.

That's okay.
You've been out of the game.

[laughing]
- That's all I got.

So, have you dated
anyone since?

No, I-I mean,
I miss the stability

of having a home
and having a wife.

I loved it.
- Aww.

Do you guys
speak often now?

We're fully divorced,
but, like,

our friendship
is on hiatus now.

I don't know.
- We're done. We're done.

We're-- no friendship,
no amicability.

I didn't-- I've never
had hatred for you,

and now I do.
- That sucks for you.

I just want her
to be happy.

Go fall in love.
I don't know.

I'm rooting for her, though.
- I love that.

What about you?

I mean, yeah,
I'm obviously super single.

- Super single.
- Yeah. Like, I'm a big believer

you've gotta be
good with yourself

before you can be, like,
good in a relationship.

Yeah. You're living,
laughing, loving.

- Totally.
- All that good sh--.

- Live, love, laugh, yeah.
- I want all of it.

However I pictured my life,
I never thought

I would be single at 40.

Everything is scary now,
these dating apps,

Hinge, Tinder.

I have no need or desire
to be in a relationship,

or I'm not looking love.
- Yeah.

But, like, you never know
what's gonna--

It always bites you
in the ass.

You know, and it's just like,
oh, [BLEEP], here we go.

Here we go.

Coming up...

- Are you gonna make a move?
- I might.

ing go for it.

♪

I love a theme party.

We gotta get all hands
on deck.

I'm gonna message the peeps.

♪

All hands on deck!

I'm gonna write "copy"
just 'cause I think

that she'll understand that.

We're gonna do the train.
Let's train.

[laughing]

So cute.

Oh, thanks.

These aren't really my type.

- I think that's it.
- Wow.

They went in.

This is how you shop,
ladies and gentlemen.

Well done.

Mmm.

This reminds me of Amanda.
She loves olives.

We got some blue cheese
stuffed ones, too.

- Yeah.
- Kyle, do you miss her?

Yeah. I think
she might be sleeping

'cause she's not responding.

She has the norovirus.

Oh, I had that over Thanksgiving.

It would suck if she, like,
missed a whole 'nother day.

- I know.
- But having that,

being on an airplane
would be the worst.

Yeah, both ends on an airplane
is a nightmare.

[laughing]

Ready for our party tonight?

I started writing
some questions.

What's the first one?

Who is mostly likely
to not get laid?

We should say something
about kissing.

- If you could kiss one person--
- Who would it be?

[squeals]
What would your answer be?

- I don't know who I would say.
- Really?

Maybe Schwartz.

Like, his personality,
yes, but--

Personality creeps up on you.

No, I know,
but I also feel like

you guys would be--
- Tom and I?

Yeah.

First of all,
I hate that name.

[laughing]
- Well, yeah.

Like, guests arrive
in an hour.

How am I supposed to
put all this away?

- We'll help you.
- This is so----ing unfair.

Personality wise,
I'm most attracted to Kory,

which is strange.
- Really?

- Yeah.
- Whoa.

Here we go.

- Hurting, right now.
- Really? Why?

- We did this whole bike ride.
- Here, come talk.

You can sit on my bed.

- Were you sleeping?
- No, I like to--

I love, you know,
what siestas are.

Just unwind.
Do you want a coffee?

No, I'm good.

I just love taking, like,
a siesta.

- To what?
- Like, you know, siestas.

No.

Basically, it's meant for,
like,----ing

and then taking a nap.
- Oh, that's great.

I like the sound of that.
What is this?

It's like a fun little
rom-com fiction.

It's about two chemists
that fall in love.

- Are you a-a hopeless romantic?
- No, I'm not very romantic.

That's all I am.

Oh, I hate hopeless romantics.
It's like a wet noodle.

Like, get outta here.

I sort of sometimes think,
like, hey,

maybe I could be Ryan Gosling.

Maybe this could be
my moment one day.

Who knows?

I try to line up, like,
at least two dates,

maybe three a week.

I mean,
I think I went on, like,

three dates last year total.
They were all pretty bad.

It's like sales 101.

You need to build
a big pipeline,

and then, hopefully,
one falls through

that could be future wifey.

You're really close to
your family like I am.

- Yeah.
- What's your mom like?

She's just, like,
bubbly, girly-girl.

♪

[screaming]

You're all cleaning it,
not me.

Being a mom
is very demanding,

and it takes up
all of your time.

Of course, yeah.

Is that something
you want one day?

Oh, my God, of course.

I can't wait to have kids,
at least three.

How about you?
- That's my number, three.

Three, yeah.
I want all boys.

Maybe we'll see
what happens in a year.

[laughing]

All right, good talk.
Catch up.

♪

Four scores and
17 Loverboys ago...

Alex is about to pull
a power move

and order some Chinese food
for everybody.

He's the best hype man.

I would have loved to be
roommates with Brian,

but then Tom showed up and--
[laughing]

All right,
let's get ready.

♪

People just call me a pirate
all the time

'cause I'm always on boats,
obviously, and then, you know,

with the hair and
sometimes unkempt look.

Ahoy.

And I've always kinda wanted
to be Captain Jack Sparrow.

So, finally, my opportunity.

Oh, sh--, you look
so----ing good, dude.

Argh.

Ooh, hot.

♪

[laughing]

- This works.
- You just stole my breath.

[laughing]

What are--
are we wenches?

For sure.

What's the definition
of a wench?

Like a ho?

I think the whores,
like the local hos.

- Oh, I like this.
- I think.

I haven't been able
to be a ho in a while.

You've gotta break it out.

On the tits front,
what do we think?

I'm sure Alex
would be thrilled

to give you a review.

I'm not interested in Alex,
but he's exactly

what Danielle needs,
at this point.

When you're fresh out of
a long relationship,

you want somebody who is gonna
make you feel cute

and just, like,
giving you all the vibes.

Alex is perfect for that.

Oh, my God, yeah, he, like,
also flirts so hard,

but I like to flirt with him.
I will say that.

Alex is like Oprah
with these compliments.

- What license do you have?
- A hundred ton.

I have my chief mate 3,000.

You're way too hot
to have to carry this.

Thank you for saying I'm hot.

You get a car.
You get a car.

This isn't special anymore.

We're just at
the car dealership.

How are you feeling
about the whole thing?

- Which part?
- Just, like, Alex.

Don't worry about Alex.

Coming up...

[BLEEP], marry, kill.
I can't.

- That's a good one.
- No.

- You have to.
- That's a good one.

♪

Argh, matey.
Show me your booty.

- I need a little cologne.
- Do pirates wear red lipstick?

- I'm making a-a peg leg.
- Are you gonna be like this?

Yeah.

- I can't.
- You look so hot.

- It's so hot.
- Duct tape this to my leg,

and I'll just have to
deal with it.

Do you want me to hold you up?

Oh, my God!
[laughing]

Actually,
if you just duct tape it

tight enough without--
yeah.

- Argh.
- Argh, I lost my leg.

All right.
Are we in?

Is this--
[laughing]

Is anyone else
kinda turned on, right now?

You would say something
like that.

I mean, I could see her
pegging Brian.

[laughing]

- Ahh!
- Oh, sh--.

Dear God.
I think I'm gonna cry.

There you go.

I think she just
unlocked a new fetish.

Let's see it, girl.

Damn, okay.
Walking the plank.

Wench pirate.

Does that mean it's, like,
a good thing,

or did you get, like,
cased off the--

No, that means I'm ho'ing.
[laughing]

All right, your words.

You're not meant for
the guy liner life.

Can we do three orders
of vegetable fried rice?

Could we also do, um,
like, four orders

of chicken chow mein?

Do I look super slutty?

I think I wouldn't say
you don't look slutty.

♪

[laughing]

Argh.

♪

- Captain Malia.
- Yes.

[doorbell ringing]

- Food is here.
- You need help, Alex?

- Yes, Tom.
- I'll help you.

Oh, wow.
- I can't be the superhero.

Yes, food.
This is what we need.

Argh, where is the
orange chicken?

We can crush this. Perfect.

These are pan fried noodles.

Alex, thank you for ordering.

- Thank you, bro.
- Why is this in the sink?

"Cleaning up the past will
always clear up the future."

Oh, my God.
Feels relevant.

We'll clean up.
Don't worry about it.

You just go--
you just go take it.

I just look handsome.

Just me over here
looking handsome.

Is that what
you're trying to say?

You can try. Yeah.

Everyone needs to board
the goddamn----ing ship!

Come on, peg leg.

Do you have knee-high
boots on?

It's kinda like
"Rocky Horror Picture Show"

undertones, kinda sexy.

Kinda sexy,
showing a bit of leg.

Yeah.

♪

Cheers to our pirates.

Argh, matey!

All right, guys.

We're doing message
in a bottle.

It's a question,
and you have to answer it,

and if it has a cold coin
on the bottom,

every single one of us
has to answer.

So...
- Sh--, don't do that.

- What a game, yachties.
- Game on. Let's do it.

[BLEEP], marry, kill.
I can't.

No, I'm not doing it.
- Yes!

- That's a good one.
- No.

- You have to.
- That's a good one.

That's a good one.
- Come on. Let's go.

Opposite sex.

Um, Jordan,
I guess we're gonna...

[BLEEP].
I'm sorry.

- Oh.
- Don't be sorry.

Don't be sorry.
You're okay, man.

You're okay.
- I'm sorry.

Since we-we have history,
we're getting married.

- Okay.
- We vibed. We vibed hard.

- Hey, buddy.
- We bonded so much today.

- Kill me.
- I don't wanna kill you.

Just kill me.

You're gonna
sacrifice yourself?

Yeah, I'm taking
the sacrifice.

Come on.
- I don't wanna kill you.

I feel like I'm back in,
like, high school

but, like, in the best
possible way.

You know, not, like,
chasing my youth

or anything like that.

I don't wanna get
too used to this,

but, you know,
I'm microdosing this, right now.

Oh, sh--.

So, there's a coin
on the bottom.

So, everyone has to
answer this question.

Who would you
like to kiss?

Oh, God.
[laughing]

- So, I start off?
- Yeah, you start.

Katie.

Okay.
So, we drink.

I'm following
the Kory advice.

You know, trying to leave
her with just enough,

wanting more.

Brian,
love to see it.

That's my boy doing work.
Yeah, baby, let's go.

All right,
Malia, your turn.

Um...
[laughing]

Um...

[laughing]

- You can plead the fifth.
- Today.

Shockingly, Kory.

It must be those pants.

- Kyle.
- No. to be honest, like,

if-if-if I drink
enough Loverboy,

I'd totally kiss Tom.

[all] Aww.

Do it, right now.

Okay, get in there.
Go for a peck.

- Yeah, get a peck.
- Come here, buddy.

Come here, buddy.
- Okay.

Oh, wow. Oh, wow,
let's see it.

[cheering and laughing]

That was on the mouth!

It was--
that was kinda sweet.

Okay, Jordan.

Okay, I'm answering
my kiss.

Yes.

You know, Danielle.

[laughing]
We should have a threesome kiss.

[all] Ooh.

I like it. I like it.
I like it.

- With who? With who?
- Go, go, go.

- Us three.
- Go, go, go!

- Yes.
- Dude, Alex.

[cheering]

Alex was
creaming his pants.

[jingling]
- The coin is everybody.

The rest is just single.

Who is most
likely to pull?

- Pull what?
- Pull ass.

Besides myself?

I mean,
you can choose you.

And then you can drink.

Ooh, I like
the self-reflection.

- Um...
- You can choose yourself.

- Who're you trying to pull?
- My daddy over here.

[cheering]

- Awesome.
- Huh-huh-huh!

- Yeah.
- Kory might be MVP.

Sam and I, we're in
this limbo state,

and I don't wanna
cross the line.

It's just that I don't really
know where the line is.

[cheers and laughter]
- What was that?

Coming up...

- Cheers, mate.
- Cheers, guys.

[cheering]

♪

I will.

If you want that,
I will give it.

♪

Ready?

- You're just gonna
- ing splash it.

I already know you.
I already know you.

I like you on
your knees, though.

Oh, daddy.

[laughing]

Go fishing
at the bottom, baby.

We got the parrot!

Bite the head off, Kyle.
Bite the head off.

- Chop his
- ing head off!

[screaming]

Pirates! Let's go!

Downstairs.

- Hello?
- Who is that?

- Jordan.
- Oh, yeah, I'm just pooping,

but you can come in.

You said in the car today,
we're gonna get turnt up.

Oh, I did.

So, the awkward thing
about that is,

I'm gonna
hold you to that.

No, Katie,
don't hold me to it.

- Why?
- I'm scared.

- Come on.
- I'm so scared.

We did so much adulting today.
You deserve to be turnt up.

I talked the biggest game
in the car,

and I just am not
backing it up now.

No. Oh, wow.

I gotta clean.
Their phones are--

Okay, you don't have
to keep cleaning.

I'm done.
This is the last one.

Although, Katie is probably
getting real turned on,

right now.
[laughing]

Obviously.

Let's go
to the hot tub.

Do you want shoes?

No, I'm good.

[laughing]
- I'm a woman of convenience.

I will sh-- where I eat.

Manhandle that hot tub.

Make me wanna go in.

Get down in your swim trunks,
right now.

I have a thong on,

so it's not, like,
really a swim trunk.

Prove it.

- People scattered.
- Something is up here.

- Where is Danielle?
- Hot tub.

- Hot tub.
- Hot tub?

Oh, that sounds
very nice, actually.

So much fun.

- Did that do it for you?
- I think so.

I put every lip
I had into that.

Where did Danielle go?

She's in the
hot tub with Alex.

Really?

- Are you gonna make a move?
- I might.

ing woman
after my own heart.

- What do I have to lose?
- ing go for it.

If you could, please,
just stare.

I am.

[laughing]

Dude, I wanna
make out with you,

but you're not making
it possible.

I was doing that
on purpose, though.

Okay.

Let's go!

Next time
on "Winter House."

[cheering]
- Whoa!

How was the evening?

You're cool. You're a vibe.
I wanna hang out with you.

Like, I love this.

The only type I really have
is going for people

that are emotionally unavailable,

which actually Tom falls into
that bracket, right now.