All language subtitles for Penny.Paradise.1938.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC.H264-LYCANTROPE

[triumphant orchestral music]

[cheerful music]

[gentle string music]

[boat horn bellows]

[captain] Starboard a bit more.

[whistle blows]

[boat horn whistles]

Wake up, Pat. We're ready to shove.

Aye, aye, skip. Come ahead, with her.

Come on. Let her come.

[Pat] Right, Skip.

I tell you when we're there.

Right.

Come along.

Okay.

[loud bang]

You lazy devil. Keep your eyes open.

-[metal clanging]
-I do better when I keep them shut.

[captain] Haven't you seen
the blinking Mersey before?

Look alive, you blinking river rats.

Dry land sailors.
Shut up or we'll run you down.

Don't argue with him, Pat.
Don't talk to him.

You are in the dustbin!
You don't know what a real ship is.

Are you master of that Noah's Ark?

No, I'm not.

Well, I'm master of this lot.
Salute when you talk to me.

Ah!

[boat horn bellows]

We're finished with you. Now push off,
you and your mouldy old mud scow.

It weren't laid up in the war.

Which war? Nelson's?

-Ah, kiss me Hardy.
-[horn whistles]

-[boat horn whistles]
-[grunts] Ah.

-A mud scow he called it.
-Aye.

-A mouldy old mud scow at that.
-[boat horn bellows]

[boat horn whistles]

What's the use of talking back to him
with that toffee whistle?

Hooter! It is no more than a hiccup.

It makes a noise, don't it?

No more than the squeak of a mouse.

If you want a new hooter, ask for it.
I've tried.

Like drawing blood out of a stone
to get anything out of Amos Cook.

You take the wheel. I've got
to finish my report.

[man] Right, sir.

-Liverpool Lassie.
-That's me.

Your orders.
Pick a stringer barge to Birkenhead.

Hey, Bert. Who's Mr. Cook going
to pick for the new tug?

Haven't decided yet. Sarah Jenkins?

[man] That's me.

-Any news of the new tug?
-None to give out.

-Here's the report, Mr. Cook.
-She's a fine boat.

-There'll be nothing better on the river.
-She's a beauty. Like you planned.

Who's the lucky skipper going to be?

It'll be a man who
knows his business and minds it.

If he doesn't,
I'll give him a lesson he won't forget.

-[boat horn whistles]
-Yes, sir.

Bonita's coming in.

You know, somehow or other, skip,
your spelling doesn't seem right to me.

You're lacking in education.
Look after your own job.

[Pat] T… take that word
"freight" that there.

"Freight" That should be "ie"
and you got "ei".

She's coming too fast, isn't she?

[seagulls squealing]

"E" before "I" except after "C".

"Freight". Maybe you're right
just the same,

Look out!

[mumbles]

[metal clangs]

[soft metal banging]

Learn to keep a proper look out!

[metal creaking]

[Joe] Shew.

[gears clinging]

Chuck your bow rope over the bollard.

-[Joe] All right, Alf?
-[Alf] Aye aye, sir!

-I don't think you damaged her.
-Don't think there's a scrape on her.

Anyway, our old tug has taken
worse walloping, what.

Aye, it's the new one I'm
talking about, fathead.

Mersey Queen.

And a right good name for her too.

If fair was fair
it's master of that fine ship you'd be.

And I could handle her proper I could.

I'd be less surprised
if they made me bishop of Liverpool.

Aye, skipper. Don't look now,
but old Amos is looking at us.

With the new tug,
he'll be in a good humour.

Now's the time to ask for a new hooter.

-Pat, I'm not so sure.
-Ah, go on man, go on.

You want the river to
laugh at your hooter?

-No.
-Go on. I'm behind you.

Well, I'll try.

Afternoon Amos. A grand boat you on.

Aye, a grand boat.

Amos, there was something I wanted to ask.
Just a little matter, and I…

-But I've forgotten what it was now.
-Hooter, hooter.

-It were about--
-You clumsy fathead.

I saw you bump my new tug,
and a mess you might have made,

clumsy lout. I've a good mind
to dock a month's wages,

you good for nothing loafer.

Talk to me, Amos. I'm master of my ship.
For what goes wrong I'll take the blame.

Yes, and a fine master you are.
I've good mind to sack you this minute.

I'm sorry my clumsiness
always puts you in the cart, skipper.

Never mind, Pat.

Here's the log book, Bert.

-Say nothing to my daughter about this.
-All right, Captain Higgins.

I'm not the gabbing kind.
Like some I could mention.

I'll take that grin off your gob.

Pat, you've done enough mischief
for one day.

Bad scram the cheeky young devil.

-What have you against the lad?
-I don't know.

He's seen too much of Betty
for her own good.

Must you always be arguing Pat?

Isn't that funny, an argument
always gives me a thirst.

-That's a blessing.
-We'll go to the casino to see Betty.

I remember when she was the height
of two bottles of stout you stand me.

-Bottles?
-Just a figure of fancy.

Aye, it's fancy all right.

-You get half a pint. No more.
-[horn blows]

[Joe] Hello, Harry, Tom.

-Seen Mersey Queen, Joe?
-I saw her.

I did too, on the second look.

-[man] You likely to get her Joe?
-I'm biding my time for something better.

Doing your coupon?

Who'll win? Arsenal or Chelsea?

Chelsea will win or I don't know football.

You never spoke truer.
You know nothing. Arsenal is a cert.

-I said Chelsea.
-Ah, you and your Chelsea.

-[funny voice] Skinky!
-[Pat] Cut that out.

All right, Pat. Sit down. Hulls, Alf.

-Betty knocking about?
-She's about somewhere.

[Pat] Hey, Betty! [whistles]

-[Joe] Betty!
-Hello, Dad.

I see you got your boy scout.
Take one of these, quick.

-Still love me, Bitty?
-Aye, you're selfish.

Give Shirley Temple half of it.

-Be with you in a minute.
-[Joe] Yes, love.

-[taps sounds]
-You win.

-You spoiled the game.
-You spoiled it yourself.

-What's new?
-We're thirsty.

[Betty] That's nothing new, Pat.

-I ordered tripe.
-Fish is better for your figure.

-But I like tripe.
-Get away with you.

-That reminds me. I say, Dad!
-[Joe] Hello.

Aunt Agnes and Uncle
Lancelot are coming to supper tonight.

-Sure?
-Of course I'm sure.

We're in for an awful evening
with them two old crabs.

That's no way to talk of
your uncle and aunt.

Nothing to what I've heard you call them.

You'll come, won't you, Pat?

Sure, I've got to go to the meeting
with the other boy scouts.

Get away.
I'll write out an excuse for you.

Betty. Shop!

[Pat] Look what the tide's washed up.

-Your order first.
-Two half pints, luv.

I'll have the same.

-Hello, Betty, me girl.
-[Betty] Hello, Bert.

Two half pints. Want something, Bert?

-Cigarettes, please, the usual.
-How's the Mersey Queen?

-Hear, Betty.
-What?

-I've got something funny to tell you.
-What?

Between us and the gatepost,
that boat's not what it should be.

Nay. Mark you, I'm not saying
she isn't a pretty craft, she is.

But you can't always tell a
good cigar from the picture.

It's a miracle what some people talk about
and they say nothing at all.

-Huh?
-Sorry, skipper. I didn't mean you.

-[Pat] Aye, shop. Betty!
-[Joe] Shop!

-Betty, a bit of service.
-[man] Shop! Service!

-[man] Give us a song.
-Can't be bothered.

I'm going to serve me Dad. Here you are.

-Thank you.
-Oh.

And that's for you, Pat.

All for me? Looks like
me aunt Katie's thimble.

I'll give you a bigger one
when you grow up.

-[man] Come on, Betty, pipe up.
-[men cheering on]

[man] Go on. Sing! Sing!

All right, I'll have a go.

[lively music playing]

♪ Never let it get you down ♪

♪ Say to yourself I'm quite okay ♪

♪ I'll be on top another day ♪

♪ Stick out your chin and smile ♪

♪ Never let me see you frown ♪

♪ Frowning was never good for you ♪

♪ There's only one thing you must do ♪

♪ You got to stick out your chin
And smile ♪

♪ Oh me, oh my
There's a sun up in the sky ♪

♪ Please tell me why
Is there any reason to sit and sigh ♪

♪ Never let it get you down ♪

♪ Stop up and sing a song with me ♪

♪ And if you jog along with me ♪

♪ You got to stick out your chin
Stick out your chin ♪

♪ Stick out your chin and smile ♪

♪ Never let It get you down ♪

♪ Say to yourself I'm quite okay ♪

♪ I'll be on top another day ♪

♪ And stick out your chin and smile ♪

♪ Don't ever let me see you frown ♪

♪ Frowning was never good for you ♪

♪ There's only one thing you must do ♪

♪ You got to stick out your chin
And smile ♪

♪ Let's laugh, let's sing ♪

♪ Turn the winter into spring ♪

♪ Let's dance, let's shout ♪

♪ For who needn't wait
Till the sun comes out ♪

♪ Never lot it got you down ♪

♪ Step up and sing a song with me ♪

♪ And if you jog along with me ♪

♪ You got to stick out your chin
Stick out your chin ♪

♪ Stick out your chin and smile ♪

-[applause]
-Your crooning sounded like an angel.

Angels don't croon.

-Listen, skip--
-Stop your gabbing, Pat.

-I'm not saying I've heard worse singing.
-Thank you, Dad.

I have. I don't care you doing it
where someone can hear you.

Listen, Dad. Go and ask Alf
Loomis if he'll let me off tonight.

Well, he'll do it for you.
Don't you remember?

-Aunt Agnes and Uncle Lancelot are coming.
-We've got to get home quick.

Anything wrong with you, Pat?

Wrong?
What could be wrong with me when I'm…

There's nothing wrong with me.

I thought you might be worrying

about scratching
the paint off the new tug.

What? Who told you about that?

Bert was just telling me.

Oh, he did, did he?

Good night, Betty. Me girl.

I'd like to knock your block off.

We'll try to arrange
that some time for you.

-Good night, Bert.
-So long.

Oh, Pat, you make me so mad.
Always trying to pick fights with people.

It's all right. Get your things.

-All right, Dad.
-Come on, Pat.

[parrot screeching]

I wonder Pat if you couldn't try
and fix our old hooter again.

Maybe you've nothing
better to do tomorrow.

Nothing better?
I'm sick of the sight and sound.

-I'll try.
-[Joe] Ready lass?

[Pat] Goodbye lads. All the best, Bill.

[Loomis]
Mind half past six in the morning.

Yes, Mr. Loomis.

-All right. I'll be seeing you.
-[Betty] Come on, Pat.

I'll stop on my way home
and get something for supper.

We could've picked up a
few bottles o' stout.

She's talking about something to eat.

There's no harm washing it down.

There'll be no talk of drinking tonight.
Not with Aunt Agnes hanging around.

Oh, me for the boy scouts.

-[Betty] What's the matter, Dad?
-Huh?

I've been thinking. How would
some fish and chips do for supper?

Yeah, sure. We'll call at Pearson's.

Might as well pop in here.

But Pearson's a bit nearer, Dad.

-The fish'd be warmer when we got home.
-Get off with ye.

Listen, better let Betty get the fish.
She knows more about such matters.

I was buying fish
before you two were born.

-Get off with you, I say!
-Getting off, is it?

Come on, Pat.
We were young ourselves once.

No, I'll wait for your dad.
I'll wait for you, Joe.

You better see Betty home.

There are some funny characters round.

Sure, who'd insult her?

And why shouldn't I be insulted?
Aren't I as good-looking as the next girl?

Stop your gabbing both of you.
Get off with you. Go on.

[doorbell chimes]

Evening, Ellen.

Oh I, er, I thought you were alone.

Evening, Joe.
I haven't been much alone today,

it being Friday and everything.

Mother says can she have "News of World"?

[Ellen] Of course, child.

That'll be tuppence, luv.

Come in for a bit of a chat, Joe?

No. I come in for a bit of fish.

I know who you are.

You're Captain Higgins.

Don't be minding her, Joe.

She'll probably grow up to
be a gossip like her mother.

Will she now?
I don't like being gossiped about.

I don't like
having you gossiping about me either.

-I don't mind what people say about me.
-Well, I do.

What kind of fish did you want, Joe?

Well, I'm in no particular hurry, Ellen.

In that case
come in back parlour for a bit.

-Oh, well--
-You're not frightened I'm gonna eat you?

Nay, nay. I was thinking
if someone come in.

If they do I can hear the bell tinkling.
Come on, if you're coming.

What do you think of them, Joe?
I knitted thorn myself.

-Your knees'll be cold won't they?
-Don't be daft.

I knitted them for you, stupid.

For me?

And a scarf to keep the river wind chills
off your chest.

Thank you.
Do you think I'm looking sickly, then?

Not a bit. Would you like a cup of tea?

Since you're so pressing.

I'm pressing no one,
but you're always welcome.

-You're looking well, Joe.
-I'm not to grumble at.

You don't look to be pining neither.

The last thing Reuben said afore he died.

He said, "Ellen, whatever you do,
you mustn't pine."

Ah, never thought o' pining.
It's not in me nature to pine.

Nay, I should be pine if I war thee.

I were him a good
wife while he were alive.

He got all his dues and demands.

And he says to me as he were drawing away,

Ellen, he says, "Whatever you do,
you mustn't wear a long face."

Ad I said to Reuben,
"Tell me, are you going easy?"

He said the back of his leg was itching.

You can't live forever with the dead.

That's true, Joe. Too true.

Why, I should be good for
another twenty yours or more.

I'm just in my prime.

There's many a lonely chap that
would be glad of a woman like you.

Why don't they come forward then?

Happen they're a bit backward
in coming forward if you follow me.

There's no harm in asking, is there?

'Ere. Er, take off your socks, lad.

-[chuckles]
-I won't thinking.

-[doorbell chimes]
-There's the shop.

I'll be back directly.

Nowt to beat.

-[customer] Good night.
-Good night.

Ellen, there's something
I want to ask you.

Yes, Joe, I'm listening.

Well, It ' s, er… will ye…

My football coupon. I must fill it out
in time to catch the last post.

It's a foolish waste of time.

Trying to guess which team's going to win.

Hoping and praying you've
won a prize. It ain't being steady.

-I like a steady man.
-I'm steady enough. I never won yet.

And you never will. Look at Reuben.
He was always steady.

-He is now.
-Joe.

If I don't get off now Agnes Ackerby
will get to the house before me

and I daren't fill up my coupon
when she's there.

Will be the last time I'll do it.

Will be the last time I forgive ye.

Tomorrow night. Be good lass.

Be a good lad.

Thanks for the scarf.

-Good night.
-Good night.

Come on, Pat. Put these round.
Hey, come on, I'll work these out.

-There be four, not counting Aunt Agnes.
-But you've got to count her, Pat.

Be gum I wish I hadn't.
With her dial off to me at table.

Get away. You'll be
sitting right beside her.

-[radio tuning]
-Mind you, no nonsense.

Nonsense? With your aunt Agnes? Betty.

-[Pat chuckles]
-[relaxing music]

-Oh, listen, you've got Dublin.
-Have I?

Do you know what it is, Betty?

There's no music in the
world like the songs of Ireland.

It brings it all back to me.

I can see the green fields
round Carrickroe.

They be driving the cows in
from the pasture now.

They're all be at home and in bed, by now.
Look at the time.

There's no place in the world
where the sky is so blue

and the grass so green.

Where the mountains of Horne
sweep down to the sea.

[soft gentle music]

-I wish I was there.
-Oh, you do, do you?

But let me tell you something Pat O'Leary.

There's nothing wrong with Liverpool.

Ah, I don't know,

It's just like my other city.

Full of dirt and noise.

I like the dirt and the noise.

And the rattling milk cart
in the shouting street.

I'm made here.

It's my home, Pat. All the home
I've over known since I was a kid.

You remember how I pushed
you all around in your pram?

Why do you always
remind me of when I was a child?

-I've grown up.
-Ah, I don't know.

In some ways you have,
and in other ways you haven't.

What ways haven't I, Pat?

I forgot to put glasses on the table.

Oh, sometimes I want to slap
you so hard your ears would fly off.

Why, what have I said now?

[knock on door]

[panicked speaking]

-Put the pineapple on a plate.
-On a big plate?

-And put those dirty overalls away.
-I'll put these under here.

-Oh, oh!
-Oh, Pat, you careless thing.

-Give me a hand.
-Come on!

-I don't… Wait a minute!
-Yes, but…

Hello, Aunt Agnes.

[Agnes] You've been a long
time opening the door.

Where's uncle Lancelot?

-He's taking off his galoshes.
-Why can't he take them off in here?

Because I always make
him take them off outside.

What's that?

Where? Why, that's Pat.

How are you, ma'am? You're
like the breath of a summer's day.

There's a draft in here.

-[knock on door]
-Evening, Betty, me lass.

Hello, Uncle. How are you?

Eh, it's nice and warm in here.

-Hello.
-[Agnes] Too warm if you ask me.

Oh stop fidgeting, Lancelot, and sit down.

-Where's your dad?
-He stopped to get some fish for supper.

-[Agnes] Fish?
-Don't you like fish?

I'm not saying I do
and I'm not saying I don't.

I'm not above fresh salmon.
But none of your tinned stuff.

I lost one husband with tinned
salmon and he was a good one too.

Your father's a long
time getting that fish.

Fish! The widow Clegg.

I mean to put a stop to that.

I wouldn't be
interfering if I were thee, Agnes.

Mind your own business.

Hi, Betty. Must fill up my coupons
before that long-faced old--

Arsenal or Chelsea.

Dad. Hey Dad.

Don't bother me. Sanctimonious Sam
will be here any minute. I'm thinking.

Won't we?

Don't speak to your father like that.
You must think of---

[Joe] Agnes, you've landed.
I'm glad to see you.

[Betty] I'll heat the fish up.

[Joe] I knew you were there.
Just my little game.

-You've been drinking again.
-Not worth talking about.

One half pint smells as much as forty.

The road to perdition

is lined with half pints.
You'll be gambling next.

The wages of sin.

You've told me that before.
You know I don't gamble.

I've a bit of writing to do before supper.

Must catch last post with this report.

Likely, you'll be needing my help, Joe.

[Pat] Home, away, draw.

What does, that mean, young man?

It's a tug we're talking about.

It's the old tug. We must write down
the time she leaves home, and steams away

to draw out one of the big ships like…

That's right. You got to do a bit
of thinking to do to do this job.

Ah.

And threepence on the four away.
Now for my penny points.

[Pat] Put your whole tanner
on the penny points.

[whispering]
Nay. I'll stand or fall by me one line.

-It'll be Chelsea tomorrow!
-[Pat] Arsenal I tell you.

Arsenal. You know nothing about form.

[Pat] You made the same mistake
last week--

Joe Higgins, Yon's a football
coupon. You're gambling.

-It's not gamble.
-It is.

-If Dad gets the correct results--
-I might win £20,000.

-£20,000 for a few coppers--
-Aye.

It's sinful to waste
brass on such foolishness.

-How do you get the right answers?
-I have me system.

I put down the places I've been to win.

-You can't beat form.
-I've tried form. It gets you nowhere.

If I've been to both places
or neither it's a draw.

-You might as well smell them.
-You're sloppy.

Here's what I use.

-Magic stick. You just twiddle it round--
-Lancelot! You!

Drop it on the
coupon and write what it says.

-One, two, X. Home, away, draw.
-[Joe] Oh, take it away.

Only one more. Newport and Stockport.
Stockport. I was there last Michaelmas.

-It was Newport.
-Was Stockport, where cousin Lucy lived.

-I bought a cap there.
-I tell you Newport.

Lucy went there after cousin Henry took
up with that barmaid.

I'll prove it. It was Stock--

By god, you're right. It was Newport.

-Well, that's the lot.
-Keep your copy, skip.

They look a rummy lot this week too, hey.

Pat. Do me a favour will you?
Slip this in the post on your way home.

There's a good lad. Now supper!
Hungry, Agnes? I know I am.

[Joe] Pat, sit here.

-[Pat] Here?
-[Joe] Here, next to aunt Agnes.

-Come on now, Betty.
-[cheerful chatter]

[Joe chuckles]

Dad!

[Agnes] So the Widow Clegg
knits her fish now, does she?

-[triumphant music]
-[cheering]

-[triumphant music continues]
-[cheering continues]

Joe, did you see the bit in paper
about the new tug

and the great do they're having on Monday?

Is there not else in paper?

It's a poor do this week.
There's only ten funerals.

You're like all women.
You've eyes for naught else

but the "Hatch, Match and Dispatch"
column.

Well, I'm fond o' funerals
and you're fond o' football.

It's just two sorts of pleasure.

I'll just take those upstairs, Dad,

-[Ellen sighs]
-[gentle music over radio]

Joe, there was so much you were
going to ask me last night.

Oh.

Oh, ah…

Aye.

Well, Ellen, I was wondering…

Yes, Joe, I'm listening.

Well, I thought maybe…

[announcer] Sport.
Association Football results.

By god. I almost forgot.

-Now what's got into the man.
-Football results.

You and your football coupons.

-I may win somewhat sometime.
-It'd only change you.

Give you a some brass and
you'd want to live fancy like.

I'm not the man
to be changed by a bit of luck.

I never knew a man yet who come
into a packet o' money who didn't change.

-[announcer] Stock City 1 - Brentford 1.
-Quiet!

-One right!
-[Ellen] Now Joe Higgins.

Shush!

-[announcer] Luton Town 4 - Fulham 2.
-Five right.

-All over dad?
-Shut your mouth.

-[announcer] Celtic 1 - Aberdeen 1.
-Six right!

-[announcer] Walsall 3 - Millwall 1.
-Ten!

[announcer] Burnley 3 - West Ham 0.

I see Mary Shufflebotham's
had her twelfth child.

I've got thirteen!

Joe.

[announcer] Bury 3 - Southampton 0.

Fourteen. Now the last one,

[announcer] Newport 2 - Stockport 1.

Did you like them
cockles I went you for your tea?

They've all come up. The whole fifteen.

Dad, are you sure all 15 right?

Dad.

-[screams with joy]
-Aye I've won pool!

Betty, I won yeah! I won it! I won it!

Hey, Ellie! I won! I'm rich!

Ellie! I won pool! Ellie!

[joyful music]

Weird news.
Joey gets one big prize in penny pool.

Aye. He's giving a free party
at the casino.

Everyone's invited.

-[joyful music]
-[excited chatter]

[loud knock on door]

Joey Higgins. Party Casino.

-Maggie.
-Joe Higgins. Party. Casino.

[shouting] Party. Casino.

-[woman 1] Casino!
-Party! Casino!

Party! Casino!

Joe Higgins. £20,000 penny points.

Twenty thousand pounds?

[cheerful laughter and chatter]

It's right lass. Have a cigar.

-[everybody laughs]
-Give her a light.

[Joe laughs]

That's why we're so excited
when he found he'd won the money.

And he went tearing out of the house
like mad!

And when I heard Newport came up,
I said very quietly,

I won a packet.

-How much you reckon it's gonna be, Joe?
-Oh, about £20.000.

Maybe not quite as much as that.
Maybe only £19.000.

But I won't be pining.

Why, with teams winning like that,
it will be £30,000 if it's a penny.

Win and all, have a cigar.

-[Joe chuckles]
-Hear, more cigars, Alf!

Cigars all around!

One for each of the lads!

-Dad. Dad. Why isn't Pat here?
-Pat! I forgot all about the lad.

Maybe he hasn't heard good news yet.

We must send for him.
Where do you think he'll be?

On the tug. Tom, hurry to the wharf
and get Pat. Now hurry up.

[lively brass band music]

Grand is!

Look what cat's dropped on mat!

There he is now.
Now you shut up and leave this to me.

-Good evening, Joe.
-Well, well, Agnes and Lancelot!

I'm glad you come to celebrate.

-Have a cigar, Lancelot.
-He doesn't smoke.

Why didn't you tell us the good news?

I thought you'd hear sooner or later,

same as you hear everything else
around town.

How soon will they send the money, Joe?

I expect I'll get official telegram
Monday morning - money a bit later, see.

But sit down and wet your whistles.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Mary Ellen! Come here. What will you have?

-Lemonade.
-And you Lancelot?

-I'll have--
-Two lemonades.

Two lemonades, hey.

-This place fair reeks of alcohol.
-Aye. Aye. Lovely, ain't it?

[Joe chuckles]

Here Bert! Bert!
Have you seen Pat O'Leary about?

He's probably on the tug. Why?

Joe Higgins won
20,000 quid in the penny points.

He's giving a party at the Casino.

Hear, Pat!

Twenty thousand!

[man] Hey, Pat! Pat! Come on!

[sombre music]

Pat! Pat!

Hear, Pat! Come on!

Who is it?

-[man] It's me!
-Who's me?

Hear! Joe Higgins won 20.000 quid
in the penny points.

You're pulling my leg!

No. He's giving a big do at the Casino.
Come on, I'm in a hurry!

The saints he praised.

[rhythmic orchestral music]

[fast paced orchestral music]

[gentle orchestral music]

[music diminishes]

[whimsical music]

[cheerful laughter from the casino]

[music and laughter continues]

[excited chatter]

Hey, Pat!

Pat!

[whispers] Pat.

Where are you going, hey?

-I was just coming to see you. Captain.
-Well, here I am.

What's the matter with you? Drunk already?

There's something I've got to tell you.

Sure. They've been telling me
the same thing.

I'm the luckiest chap in the world.

No, you're not, Joe.
There's no luck in it at all.

That's what I've been telling them.

Not luck I said.
Just knowing how to pick them, that's all.

Listen, Joe. You've got to listen.
This is serious.

Nobody's going to be serious
at my party tonight. Right, Alf?

-Another barrel, Captain?
-A million barrels!

I'll see to everything.

Joe. You've got to stop this party.

-You haven't any money.
-Course, not. Alf's giving me credit.

-Hey Alf?
-That's right.

-Five pounds now.
-Make it ten, twenty.

What do I care?
Hear, stop! Silence everyone.

Pat's going to give us a song.

-Oh no. I couldn't--
-[Joe] Go on, Biddy Mulligan!

Go on. Get ready to play, boys!
Go on, Biddy Mulligan!

Go on, Pat. Go on!

[saxophone playing]

♪ Bridget Mulligan used to live
In a tenement top back room ♪

♪ In a most respectable neighbourhood
Adjacent to the Coombe ♪

♪ She sold fresh herrings on Friday
And on every Saturday night ♪

♪ She'd harp you with the fish board
Just to show that she could fight ♪

♪ One day a cable came to say
Her wealthy Uncle Joe ♪

♪ Obligingly fell down a cliff
And left her all his dough ♪

♪ Now she powders her face
And wears a gold tiara on her head ♪

♪ They say she's got pyjamas
And has feathers in her bed ♪

♪ She used to be the pride of the Coombe
But be the tearing hound ♪

♪ Bridget Mulligan's
One of the quality now ♪

♪ With her thirty thousand pounds ♪

[lively playful music]

♪ She's got a lovely motor car
All covered inside with plush ♪

♪ With her family crest upon the door
A rampant bucket and brush ♪

♪ And a chap in a peaky cap, she calls
A shuvver to drive her round ♪

♪ He wraps her up in a skunky rug
That cost a hundred pounds ♪

♪ She got a fella to lift her face
That's fifty quid says she ♪

♪ The lad says she you can drop it again
You'll not get that from me ♪

♪ Now she powders her face
And wears a gold tiara on her head ♪

♪ They say she's got pyjamas
And has feathers in her bed ♪

♪ For fifty years she hadn't a quid
But be the turning hound ♪

♪ Bridget Mulligan's
One o' the quality now

♪ With her thirty thousand pounds ♪

[cheering and applause]

[lively band music]

[Pat] Joe.

-Joe.
-Pat, waltz them. Come and join us.

-I feel like dancing.
-You always said dancing was sinful.

I feel sinful. Come on.

[lively music continues]

How about a ride in my car tomorrow?

Well, I don't know, Bert. I'm not sure.

I know his game.
It's her brass he's after.

And he likely get it too,
with his fancy clothes and swanky talk.

-Betty.
-Hello, Pat.

-Can I have a word?
-I can give you a word.

-My manners, my dance.
-No, wait a minute.

-Well, Pat?
-I have something important to tell you.

I'm listening.

I can't tell you in here.
Come outside for a minute.

Yes, Pat. I'll see you later, Bert.

[excited laughter and chatter]

[Joe chuckles]

Hi, Ellen. I was just wondering
what was keeping you.

Joe Higgins,
you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

They told me what was going on.

What's wrong, Ellen?
It's just my friends, having a good time.

Reuben and his friends
never carried on like this.

Reuben never won penny points, did he?

I'm entitled to a bit of a do
on a night like this.

So you think you're entitled to a do
just because you've fallen into money?

Ellen, you don't understand.
I'm having fun in me own way.

-Your own way?
-Come have a little drink.

And you feel better. Alf!

You said you had something special to say.

Well, you needn't bother now.

No bother. Here's Alf now, Alf!

Hello, Ellen!

Oh…

Oh, Pat. I'd love to go on a ship
to Switzerland or Monte Carlo.

And now I can go to all those places

Listen, Betty.

Wouldn't you be safer at home,

in a comfortable house rather than
gallivanting around the world?

But I want to see the world.
See things I've never seen before.

I've never had the chance of seeing.

I want to see Ireland, and Killarney.

And oh, Pat. The mountains of Morn
that go down to the sea.

Oh, give over, Betty.

I want to get away from Liverpool.

Would you listen, Betty.

What's wrong with Liverpool?

You said last night
it was the grandest place.

-Last night was different.
-Liverpool hasn't changed since then.

You might live till a hundred before
you tire of the beauty of that river.

-Listen to me now.
-Pat, I'm so happy.

It all seems a dream. Even if I should
wake up tomorrow and find it wasn't true,

I'd still have tonight to remember.

[relaxing jazz music]

What were you wanting to say, Pat?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

But you brought me out
here to tell me something important, Pat.

Is that what it is? Just nothing at all?

Perhaps you'd be going back
to the party and having a good time.

And I will too.

You with your long face and sickly talk,
making me miserable when I'm happy.

You hate seeing me and Dad
have good luck. That's what it is.

It's not that, Betty, honest.
Ah, never mind.

And I won't mind, Pat O'Leary.

And you needn't come back to the party
to spoil everybody's fun.

[gentle music continues]

[loud bangs]

-[excited chatter]
-[lively music]

From now on I'm independent, see?

I'm making me
own plans, and living me life.

A bit of brass makes all difference.

-[woman] Here's Betty.
-Betty, where have you been?

-The lads want you to give them a song.
-That's right, give us a song.

[everybody] Come on, Betty. Sing.

All right, lads. Play something you know.

Betty, I've been looking all over for you.

-Still want to take me out?
-Of course.

-Okay.
-Fine.

Why shouldn't I have my share?
I told him Newport didn't I?

That's right.
My magic stick, he turned the trick.

Why, that's poetry.

-Magic stick--
-Oh, shut up!

♪ When you're on the sunny side
Just be satisfied ♪

♪ With the little you've got ♪

♪ For it's greedy to want the lot ♪

♪ For you can't have the cake
And the penny too ♪

♪ If you've got a little bit
Give a little bit ♪

♪ Help a feller along ♪

♪ It's a very nice thing to do ♪

♪ For you can't have the cake
And the penny too ♪

♪ It's the little things
In life that count ♪

♪ So start to do your share ♪

♪ Spread a little sunshine around ♪

♪ You'll feel like a millionaire ♪

♪ Time and time again
All the greatest men ♪

♪ Prove my words to be true ♪

♪ Let that be a good tip for you ♪

♪ For you can't have the cake
And the penny too ♪

♪ When you're on the sunny side
Just be satisfied ♪

♪ With the little you've got ♪

♪ For it's greedy to want the lot ♪

♪ For you can't have the cake
And the penny too ♪

♪ If you've got a little bit
Give a little bit ♪

♪ Help a feller along ♪

♪ It's a very nice thing to do ♪

♪ For you can't have the cake
And the penny too ♪

♪ If you'll only realise
That happiness is everything ♪

♪ You'll find that all the world
Is in tune ♪

♪ The moment you start to sing ♪

♪ Time and time again
All the greatest men ♪

♪ Prove my words to be true ♪

♪ Let that be a good tip for you ♪

♪ For you can't have the cake
And the penny too ♪

-[applause]
-[cheering]

[Joe] Quiet! Quiet! Please, please.
Just a minute, now.

You're gathered here tonight to celebrate
my winning the big prize in penny points.

And you've all been asking me all evening
what I'm going to do with 20,000 quid.

-[crowd] Aye.
-Well I'm going to give it to charity.

[disgruntled moaning]

Because they do say
as charity begins at home.

[laughter]

Buy a new tug for your hooter, Joe!

[boisterous laughter]

Hooter. I'm done with hooters,
and I'm done with twopenny tugs,

and I'm telling old Amos Cook
tomorrow morning,

From now on Joe Higgins
takes orders from no-one. No.

Me and my lass Betty, are going to pay
our way for a voyage on a big ship.

And we're going all round
the four corners of the world. Yes.

And when I come sailing homo again,
I'll build me a brand new fleet o' tugs

that'll wipe old Amos Cook
right' off the river.

-[joyful laughter]
-Aye!

And there'll be grand
jobs for the lot of you.

[boisterous cheering]

[boat horn bellows]

I'm rich. Twenty thousand pounds.

[cackling]

[Pat imitates the rooster]

-Oh Pat, leave that hooter alone.
-[Pat cackles]

Leave it alone.

[Pat imitates the rooster]

What a lovely dream.

What a lovely dream.

[Joe screams]

Betty!

Betty!

Good morning, dad.

-Why didn't you wake me up?
-What for?

It's 09:30. Do you think
I want to lose my job?

But dad you said
last night at the party that--

You meant what you said
about chucking your job?

Of course I meant it.

What's the matter with you this morning?

Wait till I get dressed I'll tell
Amos Cook what I think of him.

I will let you know.
Don't you worry about that…

I can't tell what you say.
I can't hear a thing.

I know it's unusual, but--

I'm telling you Joe Higgins,

that Mr. Amos
won't want to be disturbed on Sabbath.

You'll go and tell him what I said.

It's important.

I'll tell him,

but you must take
the consequences yourself.

Morning Amos.

Well, I'll be dammed!

There are six good working days
and a man comes and see me on the Sabbath.

It were about the job
I wanted to talk about, Amos.

If you're going to ask me again
for a new hooter, save your breath.

-Because you won't get it.
-I gave up expecting that ten years ago.

When you found you couldn't get
a new hooter for nothing.

What do you want then?

I wanted to tell you

I lost my appetite for work.

-You can take a fortnight's notice.
-You can finish today.

Suits me.

Tada Amos.

You're an old fool, Joe Higgins,
to give up a good job.

What are you going to live on?

You're the only one
in Liverpool that doesn't know.

[Amos] Know what?

I won a packet on the penny points.

-Packet?
-Aye.

You'd call it a packet if you'd touched
for twenty thousand, wouldn't you?

Twenty thousand pounds?

-That's a bit of good news.
-[Joe] Aye, not so bad.

What about a bottle of beer Joe?

Well, I don't mind.
I noticed you had some.

You were always a noticing man.

It's a way with good sailors.

You're certain of your win?

I've got copy here. Look at them.

It's as good as the bank,

Twenty thousand.

Maybe more.

Come sit down, Joe.

-Ah, thank you.
-What are you going to do with the money?

Oh, when I come back from my big voyage
round the world,

I think I'll buy me some good stout tugs
with proper hooters,

and hoot you and your twopenny line
right off the blooming river.

[both men chuckle]

Well, you will have your little joke.

I weren't joking, Amos, I could teach
you something about river navigation.

Mm. Well.

There's nobody could run a line of tugs
better than you, Joe.

Would be a pity for two old friends
to ruin each other in competition.

Aye, it would, wouldn't it?

But I'm not afraid of competition.

You've been with us twenty year, Joe.

-And three weeks.
-Aye, and three weeks.

It's a lot of brass.

I mean it's a long time.

I'll be sorry to lose my old skipper.

I can quite 'understand how you feel.

I was only saying yesterday
you was marked for promotion,

What I heard the other day
sounded something like the sack to me.

Oh. Little family tiff.

[both men chuckle]

There's another bottle of beer, Joe.

Thanks, I don't mind if I do.

What would you say to taking
command of the Mersey Queen for us?

It's not up to me.

She's the finest tug on the river,

and she needs the finest captain.

[boat horn bellows]

That's her hooter,
they're just trying it out.

The appointment
can be confirmed in the morning

when I get the approval of my directors.

I've got a lot of new captain's caps.

Happen one of them would fit you.

Well,

I'll think it over.

[boat horn bellows]

If the last trumpet's anything like that,

it'll fetch every sailor out of his grave.

I'll take her.

[door squeaks]

It's you, is it? What do you want?

Morning, Betty. Um…

-I came to see your father.
-He's not here.

Oh. Where is he?

He's gone to Amos Cook
to chuck up his job.

I suppose you'd like to stop him?
Well, you can't, it's too late now.

Listen, Betty, I've got to speak
to you before this goes any further.

I don't want to hear anything.

But Betty. Listen,
you've got to listen just the same.

Whatever you've got to say,
say it quick. Bert's coming.

Bert is it?

What is that dressed up dummy want here?

He wants to marry me,
he asked me last night.

You're not gonna marry him. Hear me?
You're not gonna marry him.

And why shouldn't I if I feel like it?
Who's going to stop me?

-I am.
-You? [she chuckles]

At least it didn't take Bert years
to make up his mind.

Do you mean me?

You fool. Did you expect
me to come right out and ask you?

I suppose it's too late to be
asking you now.

[Betty] It is too late.

I longed for you to ask me, and you don't
until you know I'm going to be rich.

Listen, Betty…
You're not going to be rich.

You won't have any money.
Your dad didn't win the pool.

What do you mean?

I've been trying to tell you all along.

I forgot to post the coupon.

Pat! You didn't!

And we won't get anything at all?

Nothing at all.

I feel like throwing myself in the Mersey,
so you'd never see me stupid face again.

Oh, never mind, Pat, You didn't mean it.

Anyway, it was fun
to think about it while it lasted.

Well, that's that. First we must tell Dad.

Wait a minute.
You'd better let me do that.

-I'll tell him.
-[car hoots]

-[Betty] That's Bert.
-[Pat] It's him alright.

Might not want to marry you
when he finds out about the money.

What do you mean by that?

You don't think
he's in love with you, do you?

Why shouldn't he be in love with me?

Don't you understand, if you had
the money you'd be a good catch.

Oh, so that's what you think is it.

No one would ever marry
me unless he wanted my money

or sorry for me like you are.

I wasn't being sorry for you.

I didn't want to see you make
a fool of yourself. That's all.

Well, you don't have to,
I can take good care of myself.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

You never will mean anything
to me, I was just being a fool.

-Hello, Betty.
-Hello, Bert.

Hop in, we'll take a drive
in the country and talk things over.

No, listen, Bert.

Let's go to Amos Cook first.
I've got to see Dad.

I just left there. Your father's gone.

Well, I've got to see him, Bert.

Perhaps he's at the Casino.
Let's go there.

All right. We'll try there.

-Bye Pat.
-[car engine rumbles]

-Morning, Joe.
-Morning, Tom.

Here he is. You know what to say?

-Yes.
-Morning, Joe.

Morning, Sam.
My word, little Maggie is growing.

-I want a wireless, Dad.
-Can't have one.

Can't afford one, pet.
Ain't got any brass for a wireless.

I do want a wireless.

Get child a wireless. Send the bill to me.

Thanks very much, Captain Higgins.
Thanks very much.

Did I say it right, Dad?

[knocking continues]

-[doorbell chimes]
-[Joe] Morning, Ellen.

Shop's closed today.

I don't want any fish.
I've got something important to tell you.

It's a secret.

After last night,
I'm surprised you're coming here.

Ah, Ellen, I'm only human.
It was just a bit of a do.

Here, come in the back room.
Come on. Come on.

-Come on, here.
-[whistles]

Come on, luv.

That's right, luv.
I've got grand news for you.

-Sit down.
-I don't want to.

What' do you think? I've got the--

Shift old Reuben, will you?

After last night it comforts me
to look on a man who was straight living

and careful of his brass. And
who took my advice when I gave it.

Oh, did he?

Well, never mind about that, luv. I want--

Slant him round a bit, luv, hey.

His eyes fair goes through me.

Thank you.

He's still looking at me.

It's your bad
conscience what's troubling you.

All right. I'll make a proper job of it.

That's champion. Champion.

I'll come straight to the point.

Ellen, when are you gonna marry me?

What makes you think
I'm gonna marry you, Joe Higgins?

Why, it was understood.

You never said nothing
about marriage to me.

That's because I was too busy,
thinking of other things.

I know. Drinking and carousing.

You think I want a husband
who doesn't know the value of a penny

and the hard work it takes to earn one?

It was only a party
to celebrate me good luck.

-I'm a right steady man beneath.
-Money changed you. Like I said it would.

You're no more steady than a weather cock.

What? I'm as steady as a rock.

You're stubborn as a rock

since you came into all that money.

Now you think you know
what's proper for you to do.

A man who don't know that, knows nothing.

The next thing I know, you'll be
tailing me after my own business.

[Joe chuckles]

If you wed me, you can give up
this tin pot business.

I can keep you.

Tin pot? I'm me own boss here.

I'm asking no-one to keep me.
Reuben knew his place.

He never made any attempt to keep me.

You can hang on to the shop
if you're set on it.

-I don't need telling that.
-Ellen, don't quarrel. Ellen.

You'll be proud of me
when you hear the news.

What are you up to now?

Tomorrow morning Amos Cook
is going to ask his fellow directors

if they approve of me taking command
of their new tug The Mercy Queen.

If they say yes, the job's mine.

That after he heard
you won the prize money?

Of course it was.

What's that got to do with it?

-Why didn't he offer you the job before?
-It was a surprise.

You don't think my money
gave me the command?

I do. Money talks. You wouldn't have got
the job if you hadn't none.

Of course I would.
He said I was his best skipper.

Because he knew you had £20,000.

-It was because of merit. I can prove it.
-How?

Joe Higgins. When I pick a husband,

I want a man I can lead along
the right path,

not a gambler who has to buy
himself for a good job.

-Goodbye.
-What?

Good bye.

Well, I…

Ellen Clegg, you're wrong,
I'll prove you're wrong.

I don't know how I'll do It, but I will.

Got the money. I'll prove she's wrong.

I'll prove it.

Of course!

Pat. Pat.

You forgot to post my football coupon.

-Skip, I… I… I…
-Go on. Say it.

Say, "Joe, I forgot to post
your football coupon."

But Joe,
I forgot to post your football coupon.

No, that's no good.

There's no conviction when you say it.

She'd know you were lying.
Now go on, try it again.

But it Isn't a lie, Skipper.
As true as I'm standing here,

I forgot to post the letter.

That's a bit better.
Go on, put somewhat more into it.

Oh, skip, how can you ever forgive me
for being such a dunderheaded fool

doing you out of £20,000.

You should be tying a stone around me neck

and throwing me into the Mersey, honest.

That's what it wants, boy.

A bit o' sincerity.

My dad always said a lie was an
abomination in the sight of the Lord,

but an ever present help
in time of trouble.

But skip, it isn't a lie.

By all the saints
I forgot to post the letter.

Look, I'll show you.

-I left it in me other coat.
-Good. I like that last bit!

That's grand.

That's champion.
That'll do trick. Aye, aye aye!

Now listen, Pat.

That's what I want you
to tell the widow Clegg.

Just the way you told me there.

[knock on the door]

You can keep on your galoshes, Lancelot.
We're not stopping long.

Sit down a minute.
I'm sorry. I know how you feel.

I felt the same this morning,
when I got up.

[Joe] It'll pass, Agnes.

Joe Higgins.
I want to have a word with you along.

No, I don't mean him. I mean him.

What, Pat? Hear, Pat. Come here.

Run down to the widow Clegg's
and tell her you know what.

No, no skipper… I don't--

[Pat protests]

Well, Agnes, what 's up?

-Our money.
-Well, It hasn't come yet it's, er…

did you say our money?

What did I tell you? You're planning
to do me out of my rightful share.

-What?
-Aye.

-Now look here, Agnes--
-I told you Newport.

I don't want none of your double crossing…

Will you please
stop worrying about your dad?

He's probably at home. Maybe he'll spend
the money before he gets it.

No, Bert. I'm not afraid of that.

How about giving me the answer
to the question I asked you last night?

I can't now, Bert.
I've got to see Dad first.

No doubt what he'll say.

Bert, you're not just asking me to
marry you because of the money, are you?

What a silly--

-[chuckles]
-Who told you that, Pat?

Well, you see Bert there isn't any money.

-No?
-Oh, well, I can't explain now, but…

it was all a mistake.

Oh, I am sorry, Betty.

That's really too bad.
I mean for your sake.

Now when will you marry me?

Let's talk about it later, Bert.

But it's ridiculous!

Why should I give you a penny,
except out of the goodness of my heart?

-I'll have my rights.
-You've no rights.

Would you have won
if I didn't say Newport?

-I found it in me cap.
-I told you first.

-And I told you Brighton, too.
-You didn't.

-I did!
-You didn't!

[Agnes]
I'll let you off easy for half the prize.

-Half!
-I told you, you should pay more!

I showed him my magic stick.

-It's blackmail.
-I'll go to the law.

-Tell him about magic stick!
-Shut up!

-Couple of dirty spongers!
-I'll sue you for slander!

-Sue! Not even a jury--
-Fifty percent!

-Perhaps more.
-Look here.

I intended to give you
a couple of thousand quid.

Now you'll not get a penny
from me if you sue me till doomsday.

By the time I'm finished with you,
you won't have a penny left.

-[Joe] Won't I?
-No, you won't!

-[Joe] Won't I?
-You'll regret this!

Get out, the pair of you.
Before I set the dog on you.

Get out!
And take Magic Mike with you! Go on!

Excuse me.

Long, lean, herring, goody,
two pin of a nothing!

Hello, aunty. Having a chat with Dad?

Betty, shall I see your dad
and settle this?

Not now, Bert.
I'll see you in the morning.

Okay.

What's the matter with aunt Agnes?
She wouldn't speak to me.

Wouldn't she?
You are luckier than me, lass.

That woman. What do you think?

She's gonna sue me
for half me prize money.

-You needn't worry about that.
-What do you mean, I needn't worry?

She won't go to law.

Because, well…

You haven't any money, Dad.

You see, well.
Pat forgot to post the coupon.

So Pat told you that, did he?

Yes. He told me, Dad.

I didn't want him to tell you, Betty.

Then you knew about it already?

-Aye, I knew about it.
-[chuckles]

Don't fret, lass. Listen, now. Listen.

[knock on the door]

By god. If that's your aunt Agnes
back again, that old battle axe…

[Joe mumbles]

-Oh.
-Oh, Joe. I had to come and see you.

I thought you would.
It's very kind of you. welcome. Sit down.

So Pat told you everything, eh?

Aye, how he forgot to post the coupon.

The drivelling lump head
cost me twenty thousand quid.

I put mind to break you in little
pieces and feed you to the fishes.

Oh, don't say such things, Joe.

Pat didn't forget it on purpose!

You're standing up for worthless scoundrel
against your poor old dad.

Dad. Let's just forget about the money.
We'll get along like we always did.

It was fun to think we were rich
for a little while.

Still, it wasn't meant to be, was it?

Aye, but… twenty thousand quid's
a lot of money to lose.

It is, Betty.

But then, of course,
I never really had it to lose, did I?

No. And I would only have gotten
a headache to be spending it.

-Just like you had this morning, skip?
-Shut up.

Well, Pat. It's not your
fault you were born an idiot.

It's very good of you to forgive me.

Not at all, Pat.

Just my way, Ellen. Forgive and forget.

-You're very brave about it, Joe.
-It's nothing, dear. It's nothing.

And after all, we've got each other,
hey Ellen?

And the broad reaches out Mersey
to sail our craft on.

And anyway, it does prove, Ellen, that it
was my ability that got me the job.

Hm, perhaps it does.

[loud knock]

Perhaps that's the telegram
from pools already.

No, I forgot that Pat forgot.

-[Joe] By god…
-Dad, what is it?

You'll see! You'll see!

-[Joe] Wonderful!
-Those fine caps you've got there.

Where did it come from?
Didn't you give your up job?

I've got the greatest bit of news.
I'm master of the Mersey Queen!

It don't fit.

-[Betty] No. You're not.
-[Joe] I am.

Mark my words. I'll get back on him.

Heard about Joe Higgins?
He'll command the Mersey Queen.

-He never told us anything about it.
-Perhaps it's a surprise.

Perhaps he is gonna keep it
for a surprise.

But he won't do me
out of my share of the money.

Couple of dirty spongers he called us.

First thing in the morning
we'll go to the police,

have him up for slander and fraud.

Aye.

Then we'll see if he commands
the Mersey Queen.

And above all, he said,
"You're the best skipper I've got.

"I beg you
to take command of the Mersey Queen."

So what could I do? I had to give way.

-Poor old Amos. I couldn't let him down?
-That's the best news I've heard in years.

[gentle piano music]

Oh, by the way, Pat.
You were wrong about Bert.

It wasn't the money he wanted.

I just wanted to be sure, Betty.
I wanted you to be happy, that's all.

Don't worry, I will.

[gentle piano music]

♪ I'll learn how to sing a love song ♪

♪ That's one thing I really must do ♪

♪ For if I'd known
How to sing a love song ♪

♪ I'd still have you ♪

♪ I'll learn how to play a love scene ♪

♪ A love scene that's only for two ♪

♪ For if I'd known
How to play a love scene ♪

♪ I'd still have you ♪

♪ I tried to speak but I couldn't speak ♪

♪ For my heart was beating fast ♪

♪ I tried to sing but I couldn't sing ♪

♪ And then the moment had passed ♪

♪ I'll learn how to say "I love you" ♪

♪ Because that's something
That's really true ♪

♪ For if I'd known
How to say "I love you" ♪

♪ I'd still have you ♪

-Oh!
-[loud smack]

-[seagull squealing]
-[boat horn bellowing]

[man] Of course I agree with your
selection of Joe Higgins as master,

but what are his
qualifications for the job?

[Amos] Well, he's a good skipper
and he has twenty thousand pounds.

Very interesting. But where--

He won a packet in penny points
and wanted to go into competition with us.

Never do to let him do that.

-Twenty thousand pounds.
-That's what I thought.

Very wise choice you made Amos, hasn't he?

-Higgins is the man for the job.
-Come and have a look at her.

Twenty thousand pounds.

Morning, Mrs. Clegg. Gonna see
Captain Higgins take over Mersey Queen?

Aye, and he deserves it.
Merit always counts.

Aye. That and a lot of brass.

It wasn't the money got Joe the job.
He ain't got any.

Pat forgot to post coupons.
Didn't you know?

[boat horn bellows]

I told you before, madam,
this is not a matter for the police.

It's a civil case.

-You have no evidence.
-No evidence?

I told him Newport?
And he called me a sponger.

Aye. He called us
a couple of dirty spongers.

Perhaps he was only expressing
his private opinion.

I want to swear out a warrant,
for the arrest of Joe Higgins.

Another one?

-Di you tell him Chelsea?
-He did me out of 15 quid.

A bill for a party at my cafe.

He said he won the pool.
But he hasn't won a penny.

That's a lie.
Just to do me out of my share.

I want to charge Joe Higgins
with false pretences

and I can prove it.

I don't understand this.

-Thomas.
-Yes, sir?

-Pick up Joe Higgins.
-Yes sir.

Come on, Betty.

Haven't seen a telegraph boy around
this morning, have you?

No, Dad. You weren't expecting
a telegram, were you?

Me? Oh no. No. But I thought
one of the neighbours

might have big news from pools
in this morning.

Means nowt to me.

[Joe shouts]

It's Aunt Agnes and Uncle Lancelot.
Don't let them see you.

Get in! You what they are, them two.
We don't want--

-Did they catch you, Dad?
-Who?

-Aunt Agnes and Uncle Lancelot.
-Where are they?

But you just said now.

Oh, no. They didn't stop.

[knocks on the door]

Hi, Bill. What's up?

Inspector wants to see you at the station.

-Inspector wants to see me? What for?
-I don't know.

I can't come, now.

-I'm due aboard a new tug, takin' over.
-I was told to ask you to come right away.

Yeah, but if I'm late,
perhaps old Amos will change his--

I'm sorry, Joe.
But you'd better come along.

I wonder what he wants me for.

You go down to the wharf.
I'll be along presently.

I'm going to the station with you.

-So am I.
-[Ellen] I'm going too.

Ellen, listen. Someone's got to tell Amos
I'll be along as soon as I can.

[anxious chatter]

[man] Where's Joe Higgins?

What are these people doing here?
Who are they anyway?

-[horn bellows]
-Probably friends of Captain Higgins.

It's after eleven o'clock. Where is he?

Does he think we've all day?

-[Ellen] Mr. Cook!
-[man] Amos, where is Joe?

[Ellen] He'll be here in a minute.
Hey, Mr. Cook. Mr. Cook.

-Well, what is it? Speak up.
-Give me a chance to get my wind.

[Ellen] It's about Joe,
he is down at the police station.

-What's he done?
-Nothing.

Inspector wanted to see him.
Joe will be here directly.

What do the police want with him?

I know them down there. Shall find out?

Yes. And bring him back with you.

He's not in a cell for something or other?

How dare you say such a thing, Amos Cook.

-Hello, Alf. What's up?
-It's about my 15 quid.

You'll get it.

-I come first.
-So do I.

-Keep out of this, you of sponges.
-Look here, Joe--

Sponge? You call me that?
I'll have the law on you too.

-[everybody argues]
-[inspector] Silence! Silence!

Captain Higgins. A complaint's been made

that you obtained credit
under false pretences.

-What do you mean?
-He means my 15 quid.

You'll get paid when I get the cheque.
It'll come Tuesday and then you'll get it.

-I can't say fairer.
-Not out of my half, he won't.

Nor my half either.

There ain't gonna be a cheque.

Joe Higgins, and you know it.
You never won it.

You're crazy, I won a package.

You're trying to do me out of my share.
Of course he won it.

[inspector] Did you win or didn't you?

Of course I won.
Here Pat, tell them about it.

I forgot to post the coupon, Joe.

Oh, so you heard Pat tell that story.

You needn't keep up that game any longer,
You can tell them the truth now.

I forgot to post the coupon.

Enough with this fooling, I got to--

[Pat] Joe, I told you…

[Agnes]
I said Newport, I'll have my share.

You did not. You said Stockport.

-Which side won?
-Newport.

Here's the coupon, here.
Now, in black and white--

-There it is. Now do you believe it?
-[Joe] That's the--

It's the coupon.

Of course it is, Joe.

But how did you--

Haven't I been trying
to tell you all along?

I forgot to post It.

Dad, we thought you understood.

Now, what about my fifteen quid?

Ye old miser. I'll pay you back if
it takes me ten years.

Who's going to pay me back?

I'm off to a solicitor.
Someone who knows something.

Not just a stupid policeman.
Come on, Lancelot!

Right, Agnes Ackerby. I'll come with you.

-Fifteen quid. Ten years.
-And I'll give you a lift.

Now then. Anyone committing a disturbance
will be put in a cell to cool off.

The complaining
witnesses to have disappeared.

You can go now.

Twenty thousand pounds.

And it's all gone.

Everything' s gone.

Oh, let the rich bother about the money.

And really. We're better off like we are.

After all. You're the new master
of the Mersey Queen.

Nay, lass. I won't be.

Amos Cook promised you.

When he thought I had
brass to compete with him.

-But you're his best skipper.
-Happen so. But money that got me the job.

Ellen were right.
I was too proud to tell you.

Now the money is gone. Job is gone too.

Ah, well, there's plenty other tugs.

Maybe some day
a new one'll come along I like better..

Mersey Queen

looks a little top heavy if you ask me.

Oh, Bert. Listen.

Dad thinks because he hasn't won the money
Mr. Cook won't give him the new tug.

So I heard. Mind if I use your telephone?

Listen, Bert. It won't make any difference
about the tug, will it?

We'll see what Mr. Cook says.

-Hello.
-Listen. Let Dad tell him first.

-That's my job.
-Why should it make a difference to you?

He'll tell the truth, honestly. I promise.

You and your father
only believe in telling

the truth after you're found out,
don't you?

What do you mean by that? Bert.

Mr. Cook doesn't like being
made a fool of any more than I do.

You don't think I was trying to…

Just leave it at that.

Lucky for me you were
too coy to say yes right away.

I've found out just in time, didn't I?

Yes, Bert.

So did I.

[Bert] I'll keep on ringing
so they hear you down at the wharf.

I've an idea. I've got to get to Amos.
Keep him here.

Can I help you?

-I'm good at getting numbers.
-Get away.

-You're coming down to the wharf.
-Your daughter's right.

-You go and see Mr. Cook.
-Aye, I'll tell him the truth.

It'll be worse to tell Ellen
she was right.

Bert, listen I want you
to go down to the wharf--

What's the matter down there?
You all deaf?

-You wouldn't like to strike me?
-[Bert] Is that you, Harry?

-You big coward.
-What's the matter down there?

Can't you hear me? Go down to the wharf--

You're afraid of the beating I'd give you.

-Keep quiet!
-There's no fight left.

I say I want you to go down to the wharf.

[screams]

He struck me, inspector.

-I saw that.
-[Bert] Tell Mr. Cook that--

Come on.

-[Bert] What?
-You're gonna go to a cell, to cool off.

And tell Mr. Cook Bertie is in cell
for being drunk and disorderly.

[man] Here comes Joe now!

[rambunctious cheering]

Come up here, Joe. It's your ship, now.

Amos, I got something to tell you.

Mr. Cook. Me dad's changed his mind,
He won't accept command of the new ship.

You can't back out now, Joe.
You promised me.

Amos, I haven't got--

My dad heard the reason
you offered him the command

was because he won a lot of money.

-That wasn't the reason.
-Are you sure?

Of course I'm sure.

Tell everybody here why you picked
Captain Higgins to be skipper.

Listen, my friends. There seems to be
a misunderstanding I ought to clear up.

I want to state publicly here and now
that we've made Captain Joe Higgins

master of the Mersey Queen because
he's the finest skipper on the river.

[cheering and applause]

And we'd be happy to learn
he hadn't won a penny on the pools

because now he can give
all his attention to his ship.

[cheering]

Oh, well, it is all right, Mr. Cook,

because Dad didn't even win a penny prize.

It was all a mistake.

[mocking laughter]

[cheering and applause]

[seagulls squealing]

Pat, what do you think?
Newport or Stockport?

-Hey Dad!
-Hello!

As one captain to another,
which do you fancy?

Newport or Stockport?

I favour Stockport.

Joe Higgins, I told you.

Newport.

Oh.

Newport.

[teasing laughter]

[boat horn whistles]

[boat horn bellows]

[energetic brass band music]