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1
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♪
2
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:07,641
Life Always Presents Choices
3
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:10,410
Where You Could Take
The High Road Or The Low Road.
4
00:00:10,443 --> 00:00:12,178
(Ted)
This Is Pete Gilroy.
5
00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:13,814
He Runs Veridian's
6
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,348
Other Research
And Development Department.
7
00:00:15,381 --> 00:00:17,117
Pete Is A Low‐Road Guy.
8
00:00:17,150 --> 00:00:20,787
Is This Anyone's Hoagie?
Anyone? No.
9
00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:23,289
I Asked.
10
00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:25,291
(Machine Beeps)
11
00:00:25,325 --> 00:00:27,393
I, On The Other Hand,
Try To Stay On The High Road.
12
00:00:30,263 --> 00:00:33,199
Two?
But I Only Paid For One.
13
00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:36,169
(Grunting) That's It.
14
00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:37,671
Oh, Almost...
15
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,372
There.
16
00:00:39,405 --> 00:00:41,642
Ted On His Back,
Straining With Effort?
17
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:45,979
(Grunts)
There's A Mental Picture
I Can Call Back Later.
18
00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:47,681
That's Gonna Hurt
For A While.
19
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,349
Hey, Ted.
20
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:51,518
Strengthening Your Hand For
That Big Date With Yourself?
21
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:54,555
Nope, Just Practicing For Later
When I Squeeze Your Mom's Boobs.
22
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,724
I'm Not Proud Of That.
23
00:00:57,758 --> 00:00:59,826
I Actually Had A Lovely
Conversation With Pete's Mom
24
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:02,162
At The Christmas Party.
25
00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:04,998
The Mat And The Vest
Are Both Magnetized.
26
00:01:05,031 --> 00:01:07,367
When A Child Puts On The Vest
And Steps On The Mat,
27
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,069
The Magnets Repel Each Other,
28
00:01:09,102 --> 00:01:11,204
Making The Child
Almost Weightless,
29
00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:12,973
Like An Astronaut
Bouncing On The Moon.
30
00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:16,342
Now Every Child Can Have
Hours Of Repulsive Fun.
31
00:01:16,376 --> 00:01:19,012
Pete Gilroy's Team Is Working
On A Similar System,
32
00:01:19,045 --> 00:01:21,247
And The Company's
Only Gonna Go Forward With One.
33
00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:26,286
So We Need To Make Damn Sure
That It Is "The Floater."
34
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:29,623
Yeah, That's Not
Such A Good Name.
35
00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:31,892
What About
"The Astro‐Nut"?
36
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:34,728
You Know,
Because It's Crazy!
37
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:37,564
Has Waving Your Hands
Ever Sold Me On Anything?
38
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:41,434
Remember "Corpse‐Eating
Battlefield Robot"?
39
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,037
No.
40
00:01:44,070 --> 00:01:46,507
What We Have Here Is...
41
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:49,676
"The Dream Glider."
42
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:54,180
That's Fantastic.
That's Fantastic.
43
00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:57,017
This Technology Also Has
Exciting Military Potential.
44
00:01:57,050 --> 00:02:00,621
Imagine Soldiers Hovering
Above A Magnetized Battlefield.
45
00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:03,824
The Chinese Won't Know
What Hit 'Em.
46
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:06,459
Oh, Come On. We All Know
That War Is Coming.
47
00:02:06,492 --> 00:02:08,161
Can't We Develop
One Product
48
00:02:08,194 --> 00:02:10,330
That Doesn't End Up
Being Used To Kill People?
49
00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:13,800
Even Our Fat‐Free Cinnamon Roll
Led To That New Sticky Bomb.
50
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:16,002
You're So Moral
And Perfect All The Time.
51
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:18,338
Do Singing Birds
And Mice Dress You
52
00:02:18,371 --> 00:02:19,873
And Brush Your Hair
In The Morning?
53
00:02:19,906 --> 00:02:23,343
(Scoffs) No.
54
00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:25,378
Although My Dad Does
Call Me "Princess,"
55
00:02:25,411 --> 00:02:27,514
And There Is A Grumpy Dwarf
In My Building.
56
00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:37,123
Ted, We Need Your Help.
We Were Working
Really Hard In The Lab...
57
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:40,961
And We Had This Piñata‐‐
Piñata? That Doesn't Sound
Like Really Hard Work.
58
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,363
It Was Stuffed With Science.
59
00:02:45,031 --> 00:02:47,067
And...
60
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:49,235
Piñata!
61
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,743
And Now
The Thermostat's Broken,
62
00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:58,845
And We Were Wondering
If You Would Tell The Company
63
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:01,381
So They'll Fix It.
We're Worried If We Report It,
64
00:03:01,414 --> 00:03:04,350
The Company Will Retaliate,
Like When I Broke The Flywheel
65
00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:05,552
And They Canceled
My Gym Membership.
66
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:08,889
(Chuckles) I Mean, You Remember
How Ripped I Was Gettin'.
67
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,657
Guys, You Brok
E
The Thermostat.
68
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,158
Just Take The High Road
And Report It.
69
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,160
And, Phil, They Canceled
Your Gym Membership
70
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:18,364
Because No Matter What Class
You Were In, You Did Jazzercise.
71
00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,668
But I Don't Want
To Take The High Road.
72
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,303
It's High.
73
00:03:23,336 --> 00:03:27,040
I Agree.
We Could Fall Off.
74
00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:34,147
I Can't Stand That Veronica
Makes Fun Of Me In Meetings.
75
00:03:34,180 --> 00:03:36,783
If The Boss Doesn't Respect Me,
Other People Won't,
76
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:38,785
Including The Little Linda
In My Head.
77
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,622
And Even On A Good Day,
That Bitch Never Shuts Up.
78
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:43,624
Veronica Just Has Trouble
Relating To You.
79
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:46,492
She Thinks You Always Want
To Do The Right Thing.
80
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:48,461
(Scoffs) I Don't Always
Do The Right Thing.
81
00:03:48,494 --> 00:03:51,164
Hey.
Hey, Daddy. Hi, Linda.
82
00:03:51,197 --> 00:03:54,701
Hey, Sweetie. Want To Go Smoke
A Cigarette In The Bathroom?
83
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,903
See? I Can Be Bad.
84
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,304
Don't Ever Smoke, Rose.
85
00:03:58,338 --> 00:03:59,573
Every Time
You Smoke A Cigarette,
86
00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:02,876
Santa Claus Kills An Elf.
What, Helping Or Hurting?
87
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,177
Because I Can Throw Jesus
Into The Mix.
88
00:04:04,210 --> 00:04:07,247
I Think We're Good. Honey, You
Ready To Go Down To The Hive?
89
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:08,982
The Hive?
90
00:04:09,015 --> 00:04:10,984
I Thought You Didn't Like
Veridian's After‐School Care
91
00:04:11,017 --> 00:04:12,819
Because They Use The Kids
For Free Janitorial Work
92
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,955
Around The Building.
Yeah. Well,
The Hive Has Changed.
93
00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:16,957
A Lot Of The Executives'
Kids Go There Now.
94
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:18,992
So They Teach Music
And Chinese,
95
00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:20,994
The Weaknesses
Of The Chinese‐‐
96
00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:23,997
Chet Just Called.
Oh, Hi, Rose.
97
00:04:24,030 --> 00:04:26,533
You Look Fabulous.
Have You Lost Weight?
98
00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:29,169
I Have Been Playing
A Lot Of Dodgeball.
99
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:31,505
Well,
It's Working For You.
100
00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:34,007
I'm Trying To Teach Rose
That It's Not All About Looks.
101
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,676
She's Also Very Smart.
102
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:38,712
Smart Enough To Stay Skinny.
103
00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:41,615
Anyway, Chet Wants Us To Come Up
And Pitch Him The Dream Glider.
104
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:42,983
Dream Glider?
105
00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:45,185
I Know. It's Fantastic.
106
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:47,988
Of Course, Lady Pope
Over Here Thinks It's Immoral.
107
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:51,692
I'm No Lady Pope. I Once
Slept With My Cousin's Husband.
108
00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:57,564
They Were Breaking Up,
And I Was Really Drunk.
109
00:04:57,598 --> 00:05:00,133
Oh, And Don't Ever Do That
Either, Or The Tooth Fairy
110
00:05:00,166 --> 00:05:03,136
Will Put Other People's Teeth
In Your Mouth.
111
00:05:03,169 --> 00:05:05,672
I'll Meet You In Chet's Office
After I Drop Off Rose.
112
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,708
Come On, Sweetie.
113
00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:12,078
Let's Go Try To Forget
All The Stuff That Linda Said.
114
00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:16,049
Allowing A Child Of 80 Pounds
Or Less To Hover, Roll,
115
00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:20,353
Spin Or Flip Without Ever
Leaving Their Home Planet.
116
00:05:20,386 --> 00:05:24,791
We'll See What Testing Says,
But I'm Flipping For This.
117
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,527
(Veronica And Ted Laugh)
118
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,228
That's Funny,
Because You Just Used
119
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:31,898
One Of The Words
Ted Just Said.
120
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:33,900
No, It's Great, Guys.
It's A Really Good Job.
121
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:36,837
I Do Have One Question.
Um, Are Little Boys Gonna Want
122
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,940
To Look Like They Have
A Set Of Boobies? (Chuckles)
(Laughs)
123
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,878
Hey, Chet,
My Eyes Are Up Here.
(Chuckles)
124
00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:47,147
Wait, Let's See If I Can Get
The‐‐The Tassels Going In‐‐
125
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,550
In Different Directions.
There We Go.
126
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:52,285
(Hums Stripper Music)
No, Anyway,
I Think It's A Home Run.
127
00:05:52,318 --> 00:05:54,855
Pete, Why Don't You Show Chet
What Our Team Has Come Up With?
128
00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:56,857
It May Not Sexualize Children,
129
00:05:56,890 --> 00:06:00,493
But We Think That Every Kid's
Gonna Want To Wear One Of These.
130
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,563
Lower Center Of Gravity.
131
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:05,365
Allows The Kid To Be Even Safer
And Jump Even Higher.
132
00:06:05,398 --> 00:06:06,733
Sure, They're Doing
Whatever They Can
133
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:10,003
To Get Out Of That Diaper.
Zing! Bang.
134
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,372
Pete And I
Have A Long History
135
00:06:12,405 --> 00:06:15,208
Of Trying
To Undermine Each Other.
Solar Paint.
136
00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:17,844
It Absorbs The Sun's Energy,
Cutting Heating Costs‐‐
137
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,813
Fantastic. I Just‐‐
I Have One Question.
138
00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:22,516
Uh, Can You Make The Color
Look Even More Like Barf?
(Laughs)
139
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:26,386
Maybe Add Some Bits Of Chewed‐Up
Hot Dog To Complete The Effect.
140
00:06:26,419 --> 00:06:29,455
(Laughs) Zing, Bang!
141
00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:31,491
(Chuckles)
It's A Purification Straw.
142
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:33,359
Any Water You Drink Through
It, No Matter How Polluted,
143
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,396
Becomes Safe For Consumption.
That's A Great Idea.
144
00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:39,566
"No Dessert, Kids, Until You
Finish Drinking Your Sewage."
145
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,101
Bang, Bang!
146
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:47,240
Occasionally, Veronica Tried
To Get Her Licks In, Too.
147
00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:49,510
Unfortunately,
She Took Big Swings
148
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:52,378
But Rarely Connected.
Hey, Pete, With Your Diaper,
149
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:57,618
Kids Won't Have To Stop Playing
To Go To The Bathroom.
150
00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:59,352
Hey, Pete, Do Those
Come In Disposable,
151
00:06:59,385 --> 00:07:02,723
Or Do You Have To
Wash 'Em Out Each Time?
152
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:08,328
Veronica‐‐
Wait. I Can Do This.
153
00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:11,031
Hey, Pete,
Is It True That In Space,
154
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:13,499
No One Can Hear You Poop?
155
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,972
Oh, Come On.
That Was Hilarious.
156
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:21,174
I Hate Pete.
We Need To Crush That Wanker,
157
00:07:21,207 --> 00:07:22,909
Teach Him Not To Mess
With Us Anymore.
158
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,311
I'm Sick Of This War.
It Just Hurts Both Our Teams.
159
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:26,613
We Need To Change Tactics,
160
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:27,914
Figure Out A Way
To Get Along With Pete‐‐
161
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:31,518
You Know, Take The High Road.
I Don't Take
The High Road, Ted.
162
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:33,954
The High
Road
Leads To Pansy Town.
163
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:36,356
Or Maybe It Leads
To A More Effective Way
164
00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:39,392
Of Handling
An Adversary... Ville.
165
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:41,962
You Take Your Road.
I'll Take Mine.
166
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,129
(Scoffs) Look At That Thing.
167
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:47,200
Somewhere, A Naked Sumo Wrestler
Is Looking For His Pants.
168
00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:50,170
Damn It! That's Fantastic.
169
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,172
Hey, Pete!
170
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:56,342
♪
171
00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:59,212
(Woman) Doing The Right Thing‐‐
It's Important.
172
00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:01,548
What Does It Mean In Business?
173
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,817
We Have No Idea.
174
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:06,052
We Know What Wrong Is.
175
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,321
Actually, No, We Don't,
176
00:08:08,354 --> 00:08:11,558
Because We're
A Successful Company,
177
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:14,728
Not Some Boring
Ethics Professor...
178
00:08:27,273 --> 00:08:29,743
For Guys Who Spend As Much Time
Thinking About Boobs As We Do,
179
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:31,411
You'd Think We Would
Have Caught This One.
180
00:08:31,444 --> 00:08:34,948
(Pop)
Hey, Fellas.
Man, It Is Hot In Here.
181
00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:37,450
Yes, It's Very Unpleasant.
182
00:08:37,483 --> 00:08:40,353
So You've Decided Not To
Report The Thermostat, Huh?
183
00:08:40,386 --> 00:08:43,156
You Guys Have More Brains
Than A Zombie Thanksgiving,
184
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,792
And Your Genius Plan
Is To Do Nothing?
185
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:48,662
We're Not Doing Nothing.
Doing Nothing Is Passive.
186
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:51,732
We're Waiting, From
The Action Verb "To Wait..."
187
00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:54,334
For Someone Who Finds
This Heat So Intolerable,
188
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,002
They Have To Report It.
189
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:59,305
Can I Get You Some Hot Tea
Or Mexican Chiles?
190
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:00,641
For God's Sake, Ted,
Help Us!
191
00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:02,809
Hey, I'm Sorry, Fellas,
But You Made This Bed.
192
00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:04,044
Now You Gotta Sweat In It.
193
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:08,314
So I Need You To Look At Pete's
Version Of The Dream Glider.
194
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:10,784
See If You Can Redesign It
So It Doesn't Look Like
195
00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:12,318
A Bathroom Strapped
To Your Ass.
196
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,454
Why Would We Want
To Help Pete?
197
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:16,790
Or You?
Making Us Suffer Like This.
198
00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:18,559
It's A Goodwill Gesture.
199
00:09:18,592 --> 00:09:20,627
I'm, Uh, Trying To
Make Peace With Pete,
200
00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:23,129
You Know,
Warm Things Up Between Us,
201
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,998
Get Things Cooking.
202
00:09:25,031 --> 00:09:27,167
Light A Fire
Under Our Friendship.
203
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,402
Sweaty, Sweaty,
Sweaty, Sweaty.
204
00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:31,137
Oh, I Get It.
205
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,574
Because Zombies Would Eat
Brains For Thanksgiving.
206
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:35,942
Oh! That's Outrageous.
207
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:40,246
(Clicks Keyboard Keys)
208
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,286
You Make No Sound
When You Walk.
209
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,354
Then I Am Ready
To Leave The Monastery
210
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:50,356
And Avenge My Parents.
211
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:51,892
I'm Kidding.
212
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:56,563
I Just Buy Expensive Shoes
Made From Very Soft Animals.
213
00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:59,199
So I Know You're Too Much
Of A She‐Gandhi
214
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:00,801
To Ever Do Anything Wrong,
215
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,869
But I Need A Person Who Will
216
00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:04,538
And Thought Maybe
You Could Suggest Someone
217
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:06,740
Who's Not As‐‐
Me!
218
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,042
Yes, Exactly.
Not As You.
219
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:11,311
No, I Mean, I Suggest Me.
220
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,179
I‐I'm Not Some Scout Girl.
221
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:16,216
Well, You Are Eager
And Desperate For My Approval.
222
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:17,551
And That's Two
Of The Three Qualities
223
00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:20,120
I Look For In A Partner.
224
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:23,156
I Need Someone Who Knows About
Testing And Is Willing To Cheat
225
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:26,392
To Make Sure
Pete's Magnet Pants Test Badly.
226
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:28,494
Then You Need Me.
227
00:10:28,529 --> 00:10:30,496
As Testing Coordinator
For Our Department,
228
00:10:30,531 --> 00:10:32,533
I Totally Know
How To Manipulate It.
229
00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:35,468
I Mean, The Testing Process
Is So Flawed Anyway.
230
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:38,104
Really, The Whole Thing
Is A Bunch Of Garbage.
231
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:43,710
So, Are You Good?
I Gotta Go.
232
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:44,945
Okay, Bye, Daddy.
233
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,012
Bye, Honey. I'll Be
Upstairs If You Need Me.
234
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,948
Okay.
235
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,617
Hey, Pete.
What Are You Doing Here?
236
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:53,854
Well, I Come Every Afternoon For
The Juice Boxes And Story Time.
237
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:56,189
I Have A Daughter. What Do You
Think I'm Doing Here?
238
00:10:56,222 --> 00:11:00,293
(Speaking Indistinctly)
Oh, So I See Your Daughter's
Into Those Pioneer Girl Dolls
239
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:03,396
That Come With The Books.
Yeah. Your Daughter
Collect Those?
240
00:11:03,429 --> 00:11:07,534
Only, Like, All Of 'Em.
We Just Got Ida Mae.
241
00:11:07,568 --> 00:11:09,636
Oh! Ida Mae Kills Me.
242
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:11,872
I Know. The Girl Has Rickets,
And She Still Wants To Teach
243
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:13,674
Her Blind Brother
To Square‐Dance?
244
00:11:13,707 --> 00:11:15,976
I'm Gonna Die If She Doesn't
Survive The Typhus Epidemic.
245
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,377
Well, She's A Fighter.
246
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:20,781
So, Pete, Actually,
I Was On My Way To See You.
247
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:23,283
I Had My Guys Make Some
Adjustments On Your Magnet Pants
248
00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:25,852
So They Look Less Like
Something You'd Drop A Deuce In.
249
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:28,855
Yes, I Get It.
They're Diapery.
250
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:30,957
Wait,
What's Your Game, Crisp?
251
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:33,393
It's Just, We've Been Attacking
Each Other's Projects For Years.
252
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,195
I Think It's Time
We Stop, You Know?
253
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,297
Let Our Ideas Live Or Die
On Their Own Merits.
254
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:38,965
Yeah, Right. You're Trying
To Glom On To My Project
255
00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:42,202
Because You Heard
It's Testing First.
Wait. You're Testing First?
256
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:45,338
Oh, Ho, Ho, Ho!
Look At The Big, Saucer Eyes.
257
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,808
Like You Didn't Know. You're
Not Testing For Another Week.
258
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:48,975
That Gives Me Huge Momentum.
259
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:51,144
By The Time They Test
Your Boob Vest, It'll Be Dead.
260
00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:54,815
It's Not A Boob Vest.
You'rea Boob Vest.
261
00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:56,149
(Lowered Voice) Look, That's
Not What I'm Doing, Anyway.
262
00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:59,185
I'm Reaching Out
To You, Dipwad.
Screw You, Ted.
263
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,855
(Normal Voice) Okay, Fine.
I Was Trying To Be A Grown‐Up,
264
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,356
Except For The Dipwad Thing.
265
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,892
But I Can See
You're Not Interested.
266
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:07,994
So The Gloves Are Off.
267
00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:11,231
Oh, By The Way,
268
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:14,868
Ida Mae Survives
The Typhus Epidemic...
269
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:17,838
But Then Gets Trampled
To Death By A Buffalo.
270
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:20,741
You Are A Special
Kind Of Monster.
271
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:26,713
So Pete's Project
Is Testing Today.
272
00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:29,382
I Want To Burn His Diaper
And Salt The Earth Beneath It
273
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,552
So No New Product
Will Ever Grow There.
274
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:33,620
Test Groups Are Easy
To Manipulate.
275
00:12:33,654 --> 00:12:36,022
People Always Agree With
The Strongest Voice In The Room.
276
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:38,692
All We Have To Do Is Get
One Charismatic Person
277
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:41,494
And Make Sure That Person
Is Relentlessly Negative,
278
00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:44,565
And Then We'll Be Puttin' On
A Pair Of Brand‐New Happy Hats.
279
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,700
(Chuckles)
280
00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:50,804
What Is It Like In There?
281
00:12:50,837 --> 00:12:54,074
Actually,
Today Is A Pretty Good Day.
282
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:57,944
So Pete's Product Is Gonna
Be Tested By Children.
283
00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:00,514
Then We Have To Find
A Charismatic Child.
284
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:10,724
We'd Like To Check Out Rose,
Please.
285
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:23,203
Okay.
286
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:24,971
It's Ready To Go.
287
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:27,473
Now All We Have To Do Is
Get Patricia To Touch It,
288
00:13:27,508 --> 00:13:30,977
And It Becomes Her Problem.
I Called Her. She's On Her Way.
289
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:33,514
Have You Ever Noticed
How Much Of Men's Lives
290
00:13:33,547 --> 00:13:36,349
Are Spent Trying To Trick Women
Into Touching Something?
291
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:38,985
Ooh. Hey, Guys.
Uh, You Wanted To See Me?
292
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:40,486
Well, If You Think
It's So Damn Hot In Here,
293
00:13:40,521 --> 00:13:41,922
Why Don't You Turn Down
The Thermostat?
294
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:46,627
I Mean, Hi, Patricia.
295
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:48,862
You Know,
It Is Awfully Hot In Here.
296
00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:51,632
We Like It Hot.
Keeps Out The... Penguins.
297
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:53,967
Yes. There's A Bunch
Of 'Em Back There
298
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,236
That Have Been
Trying To Get In.
299
00:13:56,269 --> 00:14:00,373
There's No Air In This Room.
It's Making You Guys Weird.
300
00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:02,242
Oh...
301
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,879
Um...
302
00:14:05,912 --> 00:14:08,549
Ah. Oh!
303
00:14:08,582 --> 00:14:09,783
No!
304
00:14:09,816 --> 00:14:12,152
What Did You Do,
Break The Thermostat? Yes.
305
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:15,155
I Barely Touched It.
Really, Patricia? Is That
How You're Gonna Play It?
306
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,824
But I‐I Didn't Even‐‐
We're Past That Now.
307
00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:19,826
Now We're On To How
You're Gonna Fix It.
308
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,562
I Can't Tell The Company.
309
00:14:21,595 --> 00:14:23,296
They'll Put Something In My Food
To Make Me Infertile.
310
00:14:23,329 --> 00:14:26,900
They Don't Do Things Like That
Or Cancel Gym Memberships.
311
00:14:26,933 --> 00:14:30,003
I Guess I'll Just Have To Pay
To Get It Fixed Myself.
312
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:34,374
Really? You're Going To
Fix It With Your Own Money?
313
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,378
Well, Maybe You'll Learn
A Valuable Lesson
314
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:41,214
And Be More Careful Next Time.
Yeah.
315
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:49,055
And So I Joined Lem And Phil
On The Low Road.
316
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:52,025
And Since Testing First
Is A Huge Advantage,
317
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:56,730
I Need To Make Sure That
My Project Goes Before Pete's.
318
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,331
William.
319
00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:02,468
Look What I Found.
It Is A Signed First Edition.
320
00:15:02,503 --> 00:15:05,205
Harry E. Wilson's
"Ethics In Testing"?
321
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,875
And It's Yours
If You Do Me One Favor.
322
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:11,712
There's Nothing I Wouldn't Do
To Get My Hands On That Book.
323
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:16,617
So You're Going To Be
In A Room Filled With Weak,
324
00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:19,352
Malleable Children, And A Man
Is Going To Bring In A Toy.
325
00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:23,223
When He Does, You're Gonna Say
Very Bad Things About It.
326
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,526
Why?
Because We're Telling You To,
327
00:15:25,559 --> 00:15:27,528
And You Should Always Do
What Adults Tell You To Do,
328
00:15:27,561 --> 00:15:30,564
Especially When
They Give You Candy.
329
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,833
(Linda)
It's Just A Fun Game
We're Playing‐‐
330
00:15:32,866 --> 00:15:35,669
Like Dress‐Up, Only Instead
Of Clothes, We're Dressing Up
331
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:37,838
The Things That Are
Coming Out Of Your Mouth.
332
00:15:37,871 --> 00:15:40,841
I Want You To Start By Calling
The Toy A Creative Misfire,
333
00:15:40,874 --> 00:15:43,009
An Ill‐Conceived
Design Paradigm
334
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:46,046
That's Irrelevant
To Your Demographic.
335
00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:48,515
Is She Talking To Me?
(Linda)
She's Trying To, Sweetie.
336
00:15:48,549 --> 00:15:50,150
Come On. She's A Kid.
337
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:52,218
She Has To Say Things
That A Kid Would Say,
338
00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:55,055
Like, "That's Not Phat.
It's Whack."
339
00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:56,957
Do The Kids Still Talk
Like That?
340
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:58,959
It Was Very Hip When I Was 8.
341
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:01,628
Yeah, Let's Put A Pin
In The Lingo, Flavor Flav.
342
00:16:01,662 --> 00:16:04,865
So If Anyone Says
Something Positive,
343
00:16:04,898 --> 00:16:07,568
You Dismiss It
With A Derisive Laugh.
344
00:16:07,601 --> 00:16:09,135
A What?
345
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:11,371
Ha Ha Ha.
346
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:14,541
No, No. It's More Like...
(Chuckles) Like That.
347
00:16:14,575 --> 00:16:15,942
No, It's Not.
348
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,811
It's More Like A...
(Chuckles)
349
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:20,346
No, It's A‐‐It's An Actual
Laugh. It... (Laughs)
350
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:23,183
It's More Of A Gesture.
Ha Ha Ha.
351
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:27,821
What? No. (Chuckles)
It's A Scoff.
It's A, "Huh."
352
00:16:29,923 --> 00:16:31,958
(Linda) She's So Sweet.
353
00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:34,127
Our Little Killing Machine.
354
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,897
She's Gonna Destroy
Pete's Moon Diaper.
355
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,801
You're Phat, Linda.
356
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:43,003
Why Would You Say
That To Me?
357
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:45,238
I Mean "Phat" With A P‐H.
358
00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:47,874
I'm Reaching Out To You
With Your Own Lingo.
359
00:16:49,475 --> 00:16:52,278
I Couldn't Have Done This
Without You.
360
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:55,115
Well, Ain't No Thang.
361
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:58,384
Hi, Kids.
My Name's William.
362
00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:00,186
I'm Here To Show You
363
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:02,322
An Exciting
New Veridian Product.
364
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,990
(Scoffs And Laughs)
365
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:05,992
She Nailed The Laugh.
366
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:08,094
She's Very Useful.
367
00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:12,365
Oh, God.
That's Our Dream Glider!
368
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:14,067
Mother‐‐
Holy‐‐
369
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:16,970
Good News.
I Switched The Testing.
370
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:19,239
Hey, What's Rose
Doing In There?
371
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:22,709
So Any First Impressions?
Yes.
372
00:17:22,743 --> 00:17:25,378
I'd Never Play With That.
373
00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:28,114
I Think It's Stupid.
It Looks Dangerous,
374
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:31,818
Like It Could Kill
A Jonas Brother.
375
00:17:31,852 --> 00:17:33,987
No, No! Honey!
Rose, Honey, No, No!
376
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:37,257
So Any Other Thoughts?
(Pounding On Window
And Shouting Indistinctly)
377
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:42,829
Oh! I Got An Estimate.
378
00:17:42,863 --> 00:17:45,532
Fixing The Particle‐Based
Environmental Control Thermostat
379
00:17:45,566 --> 00:17:49,402
Costs $2,000.
Wow. That Sounds Like A Lot.
380
00:17:49,435 --> 00:17:51,471
But You Did Really Break It.
381
00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:55,175
I Can't Afford That, So I Called
My Ex‐Boyfriend Rolf.
382
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:56,810
He Works In Air Conditioning.
383
00:17:56,843 --> 00:18:00,881
He'll Fix It For Free
If I Have Sex With Him.
384
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:02,849
Well...
385
00:18:02,883 --> 00:18:04,818
Sex Is Good, Right?
386
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:07,387
(Scoffs) Not The Way
Rolf Does It.
387
00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:13,727
All Right, Patricia,
We're Sorry.
388
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,229
Why? You Guys
Didn't Do Anything.
389
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,231
We Broke The Thermostat
390
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,233
And Made You Think
It Was You.
391
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,636
So In That Sense, We Did.
392
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:25,171
Well, Why Would You Do That?
I Thought We Were Friends.
393
00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:27,674
We Are.
Maybe Not Good Friends.
394
00:18:27,708 --> 00:18:31,011
No. Good Friends
Would Never Do This.
395
00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:33,714
We're Not Even Good People.
We're Really Not.
396
00:18:33,747 --> 00:18:35,782
You Jerks Get Your Own
Thermostat Fixed.
397
00:18:35,816 --> 00:18:38,484
Plus,
Each Of You Give Me $500
398
00:18:38,519 --> 00:18:40,486
Or I'll Tell The Company
You Broke It.
399
00:18:40,521 --> 00:18:42,823
We're Not Giving You
Any Money.
No Way.
400
00:18:42,856 --> 00:18:47,327
Okay, Then...
Fight Each Other.
401
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,329
What?
That's Crazy.
402
00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:51,832
That's The Deal.
Either You Pay Me The Money,
403
00:18:51,865 --> 00:18:53,834
Or I Want To Watch You Fight.
404
00:18:53,867 --> 00:18:55,836
And Now It's $700
From Each Of You.
405
00:18:55,869 --> 00:18:57,671
W‐Whoa. That's Insane, Okay?
We're Friends.
406
00:18:57,704 --> 00:19:00,607
There's No Way Phil And I...
407
00:19:00,641 --> 00:19:02,709
(Thud)
408
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,446
I Can't Believe That You
Involved My Daughter In This,
409
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,014
And You Got Her To Lie.
410
00:19:08,048 --> 00:19:11,217
She Was A Star, Ted.
And You're Not So Pure.
411
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:12,953
You're The One Who
Switched The Testing.
412
00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:16,557
Yeah, What Were You Thinking?
And Pulling Little Rose Into It?
413
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:19,059
Oh, Wait. That Was Us.
414
00:19:19,092 --> 00:19:21,895
Switching The Testing‐‐
How Dare You?
415
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:25,031
Testing Is A Sacred Covenant
Between Our Company
416
00:19:25,065 --> 00:19:26,900
And The American Consumer.
417
00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:29,235
You Defiled That Trust.
Zing, Bang.
418
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:32,138
Stop, Both Of You.
You Must Stop Talking.
419
00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:33,674
(Whispers)
I Think We're Winning.
420
00:19:33,707 --> 00:19:36,042
Look, The Project Is Now Dead
421
00:19:36,076 --> 00:19:37,944
Because We All
Took The Low Road.
422
00:19:37,978 --> 00:19:42,516
So I Was Right. We Should
Always Stay On The High Road.
423
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:44,651
Lesson Learned. The End.
424
00:19:44,685 --> 00:19:46,720
And You Two Are Worse Than Me.
425
00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:48,822
Actually,
I Think The Lesson Here Is,
426
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:50,657
When We're On The Low Road,
427
00:19:50,691 --> 00:19:52,192
We Really
Have To Coordinate Better.
428
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:53,960
Now Hear Me Out.
429
00:19:53,994 --> 00:19:55,461
Ted, I Need You To Set Up
Another Round Of Testing.
430
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:58,031
Linda, You Mentioned
You Have Access To A Dwarf.
431
00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:01,702
We Dress Him As A Kid‐‐
First Of All,
He's 74 Years Old.
432
00:20:01,735 --> 00:20:04,838
Mm.
And At The Risk Of You
Not Respecting Me,
433
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,507
I'm Gonna Have To Say,
I'm Done.
434
00:20:06,540 --> 00:20:08,675
I Mean, I'm Starting To Feel
Like A Bond Villain.
435
00:20:08,709 --> 00:20:10,644
Okay.
Here's What's Gonna Happen.
436
00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:12,478
First Of All,
You Two Are Gonna Go Tell Rose
437
00:20:12,513 --> 00:20:14,948
And Those Other Children
That What You Did Was Wrong.
438
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:17,884
Most Importantly, I Need Your
Word That The Dwarf Is Gonna
439
00:20:17,918 --> 00:20:21,454
Live Out The Rest Of His Life
Without Our Involvement.
440
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:24,224
Veronica?
I Can't Promise That, Ted.
441
00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:27,327
You Never Know When We
Might Need An Elderly Dwarf.
442
00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:36,236
Hey.
443
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:38,304
Listen, Uh, I Just
Looked Over The Specs
444
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:40,140
That You Gave Me
With My Guys,
445
00:20:40,173 --> 00:20:41,975
And There's Some Really
Good Stuff Here, Man.
446
00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:44,645
So Thanks.
Oh. Well, You're Welcome.
447
00:20:44,678 --> 00:20:47,280
So Maybe Next Time
We Can, Uh,
448
00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:49,282
Try Not To Undermine
Each Other So Much.
449
00:20:49,315 --> 00:20:51,051
That's What I'm Thinking.
450
00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:54,154
Really?
Yeah. Maybe We Can
Even Be Friends.
451
00:20:54,187 --> 00:20:56,222
Yeah. I‐I'd Like That.
452
00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:57,958
Great.
Oh, I Just Remembered‐‐
453
00:20:57,991 --> 00:20:59,693
I Found Out That You Tried
To Rig The Testing
454
00:20:59,726 --> 00:21:01,394
With Your Own Daughter.
455
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:03,363
So We Can't Be Friends,
'Cause You're A Douche.
456
00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:05,398
Yeah, Well, Maybe I Don't
Want To Be Your Friend Either.
457
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:08,669
You Hear That? Even A Douche
Doesn't Want To Be Your Friend!
458
00:21:10,771 --> 00:21:12,438
I'm Not Proud Of That.
459
00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:14,440
And Then We Went Back
To His Place.
460
00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:16,543
I Mean,
He Was My Cousin's Husband,
461
00:21:16,577 --> 00:21:19,379
And I Knew It Was Wrong,
But They Were Splitting Up.
462
00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:21,615
And You Know How It Is
When You're Ovulating.
463
00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:24,851
Okay. I Think We've Heard Enough
About Not Doing Bad Things.
464
00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:28,722
See? We're Out Of Here
In Five Minutes.
465
00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:30,724
Told You That Would Work.
36621
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