All language subtitles for Better Off Ted (2010) - S02E07 - Change We Cant Believe In_track3_[eng]

(Ted) Sometimes When
You're Working On

An Important Project
With A Hard Deadline,

You Put In
A Lot Of Late Nights.
Now Are You Sure

You Don't Want Me To Have
Lucinda Come Pick You Up, Honey?

I'm Sure She Wouldn't Mind

Eating All My Breakfast Bars
While You Sleep,

And Then Hiding The Wrappers
From Mr. Ted.
I Want To Stay Here
With You.

Good. Good Night.

We Did It, Ted.

We Now Have A Working Prototype
For The Veridian Sleep System.

All The Hard Work,

Late Nights
And No Rest Have Paid Off.

We've Cured Sleeplessness

And Demonstrated Irony.
Well, That's Great,

Because The Relaxation
Convention's Only A Week Away.

I Know. It's So Exciting.

We Heard A Commercial
For It This Morning.

(Imitates Tv Announcer)
"Relaxxxacon!

The World's Largest Gathering
Of Relaxation Technology."

(Imitating Tv Announcer)
"72 Hours Of Nonstop,

In‐Your‐Face,
Cutting‐Edge Relaxation."

"Sammy Hagar! Alice Cooper!

And The Navy's Blue Angels!"

(Normal Voice)
We're A Little Loopy

Due To The Exhaustion.

(Normal Voice) Behold.

Inside This Box
Is A Transmitter

Which Will Induce
The Human Brain

To Emit Alpha Waves,

Gently Lulling It
Into A Restful Sleep.

(Metal Grinding)

(Loudly) That Sounds
Means It's Working.

(Loudly) If You Can Put Up
With It For Three Minutes,

Hello, Dreamland!

Turn It Off!
Just Turn It Off!
(Noise Stops)

I Have A Note.

It's The Sound, Right?
That's What's Bothering You?

It's Too Loud, Correct?
You've Only Got A Few Days
To Crack This, Fellas.

Otherwise, We Are Not
Gonna Make This Year's...

(Imitates Tv Announcer)
Relaxxxacon!

The Extra "X" Is For More Z's.

(Normal Voice)
Well, That Is Fun.

Hey, Linda. One More Week.
How You Holding Up?

I'm A Little Tired,

And Working These Hours
Is Making Everyone Unhappy.

Bob Stole Amy's Danish.

She Got So Mad, She Stapled
His Lip To His Cubicle.

He Tried To Call For Help,
But It Came Out "Helf."

It Was Actually Horrifying.
(Laughs)

They Had To Call
An Ambulance.

Ugh! This Is Bitter.

Oh! God, You Idiot!
Oh, My God.

Jenkins, I'm So Tired,
I Thought You Were A Sink.

I'm So Tired, I Thought
You Were My Mouth.

Morale Does Seem Pretty Low.
It's Like That Time

They Paid Our Holiday Bonuses
In Frozen Food.

Potpie Christmas.

It Did Not Help That They Made
Them With Real Reindeer.

We Have A Morale Problem.

You're Always Coming To Me
With A Problem.

Just Once I Wish You'd Greet Me
With A Sparkler And Cotton Candy

And Tell Me I Have
The Number One Album In America.
You Handed Out

"Veronica In The Key Of Love"
At The Office Party,

And No One Threw It Back At You.
Consider That A Victory.

Listen, This Deadline
Is Coming Up Fast,

And If We Want These People
To Keep Going,

We've Gotta Do Something
To Keep Them Motivated.
Ted, If There's
A Morale Pro
Blem,

The Company Recommends

You Take The Hardest‐Working
Employee And Fire Them.

That'll Scare
The Rest Of The Peasants

Back Into The Fields.
What If
Instead Of Scaring People,

We Single Out The Hardest
Working Employee

And Reward Them
With Something Fun?

Less Stephen King,
More Stephen... The Clown.

I Couldn't Think Of
A Fun Stephen.

Segal. No, That One's
No Good Either.

Fine. The Workers Pushed
The Button And Lit Up The Light.

They Can Have
Their Monkey Chow.

Now You've All Been Working
Really Hard This Week,

But No One Harder Than Jenkins.

He Was Here
When I Left Last Night,

And He Was Already At His Desk
When I Got In This Morning.

If I Had Known Jenkins Was
Gonna Be Such A Hero,

I Wouldn't Have Thrown
My Coffee At Him.
You Should Never Throw
Your Coffee
At Anyone,

Because You Never Know If
They're Going To Become

A Great Man.

I Threw Coffee At A Cardinal
On A Plane. Now He's The Pope.

Back Then He Was Just A Guy
In A Big Hat Blocking The Movie.

All Right, Guys.

(All)
♪ For He's A Jolly Good... ♪

♪ Dead Guy ♪

Okay, I Was Wrong.
It's More Than A Morale Problem.

We Worked A Man To Death.
I Heard About Jenkins' Death.

The Company
Feels Terrible About It.

People Are Working Too Hard,
Veronica. We Need To Slow Down.

Legal's Position Is

We Don't Know If Hard Work
Killed Jenkins.

Legal Thinks He May
Have Had High Cholesterol.

They're Also Floating The Idea
That His Being Dead

May Have Been
A Preexisting Condition,

And That He May Not Have Been
Alive When We Hired Him.

Apparently He Was Pretty Quiet
In His Job Interview.
Veronica, We Need To Get Bac
K
To A Normal Work Schedule,

Even If That Means We Don't Make
The Relaxxxacon Deadline.

We Can Introduce
Our Sleep System

Next Month
At The Snooze‐A‐Palooza

Or In July At The Texas
Pillow And Gun Show.

Look, They're Giving Everyone
An Afternoon Off.

And We're Throwing The Guy
A Big Memorial,

Something Nice He Would Never
Have Treated Himself To.

So That's It? A Half A Day Off?
Sorry, Ted.
The Company Feels

That If We Ease Up
Just Because Someone Died,

It Will Only Encourage
Other People To Die.
Well, If It's One Thing
This Compa
Ny Understands,

It's How Human Beings Work.

You Better Not Let Ted See You
Looting Jenkins' Things.

Ted Asked Me To Clean Out
Jenkins' Desk

So We Can Ship It All
To Florida.

I Think Jenkins
Has Family There.

Either That,
Or Florida Has A Shortage

Of Miniature Mouthwash
And Dilbert Cartoons.

(Chuckles)
This Cartoon Resonates

With My Own Experience
Of Office Life,

But Through A Comical Lens.

God. You're Here One Minute,
And Then‐‐Poof.

You've Exhaled
Your Last Minty Fresh Breath

And Died In Your Office,
Cakeless.

That's Why It's Important

To Always Appreciate
The Moment You're In,

Because The Future Is A Cake
Which May Never Come.

Wow. Look How Profound
This Moment Just Got.

Let It Wash Over You, Linda,
Because Now It's Gone.

Did You Appreciate It?

I Did, Because I Always
Live In The Present.

Wow. This Is
A Good Moment, Too.

Savor It. I Am.

And Now It's Gone.

(Sighs) I Wish I Could Live
Completely In The Present.

That's Something About Me
I've Always Wanted To Work On.

Maybe I'll Attack It
This Summer.

No, I Was Gonna Do Some
Traveling, Maybe Go To Europe.

Also, I Want To Go Up
In A Blimp‐‐
(Smack)

Ow! God! My Eyes.
What The Hell?

I Was Helping You
To Live In This Moment.
It Hurts!

Exactly. You're In Pain,

And So You're Completely
In The Present.

And When You're In The Present,
You're Living Your Life.

You're Not Caught Up
In What Could Have Been

Or What Might Be.
Huh. That Makes Sense.

And So The Student
Becomes The Master.
(Whoosh, Crack)

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Oh, I'm In This Moment.

Excellent. Now Quick,
Look At The Dilbert Cartoon.

Oh. It's Funny Now.

Because You're Giving It
Your Complete Focus.
Ah.

Now Let's Go Listen To My Cd.
It'll Blow Your Mind.

Since The Company Wasn't Gonna
Ease Up On The Schedule,

I Thought I'd Use The Memorial
To Encourage Everyone

To Take Better Care
Of Themselves.

You Know What I Remember
About Jenkins?

He Used To Be Alive.

So Pace Yourself,
Know Your Limits,

And If You
Feel Yourself Dying...

Uh, Well, Tell Your Supervisor.

(Lowered Voice) I Can't Believe
Ted's Making Me

Speak At This Thing.
(Lowered Voice) You Knew
Jenkins Better Than Anybody.

I Didn't Know Him.
Nobody Did.

All I Did
Was Throw Coffee At Him.
I Am Not Saying
Things Were Always Smooth

Between The Two Of You,

But In The End,
You Understood Each Other.
Chest Bump For Good Luck?

(Ted) Now I'd Like To Ask
Lem Hewitt To Say A Few Words.

These Sugar Cookies
Are Great.

I'm Gonna Have 'Em
At My Memorial.

I Love Sugar Cookies.
(Lem Speaking Indistinctly)

When I Was A Kid,
My Mom Used To Make 'Em.

But Instead Of Sugar,
She'd Use Brandy.

And Instead Of Dipping Them
In Milk,

She'd Dip Them In Brandy‐‐
Now What's Going On?

My Mind Was Drifting, And I'm
Trying To Stay In The Moment.
Oh.

Now I Know What A Beard
Of Fingers Would Feel Like.

It's Just As I Had Imagined.

Gordon Jenkins
Was A Good Man.

But He Was Also
A Complex Man.

For Example, He Liked Coffee,

But He Did Not Like
Having Coffee Thrown At Him.

In Fact, Jenkins Hated
Being Burned By Any Hot Liquid.

In That Way,
He Was Like Many Of Us,

Sensitive To Heat.

What A Character.
Good‐Bye, Jenkins.

I Hope You're Throwing Coffee
At God Right Now.

Nice Work, Lem.
Goose Bumps.

Really?
Sure. Why Not?

Carl Jenkins‐‐

Gordon.
Carl Gordon‐‐

Jenkins.
Carl Gordon Jenkins‐‐

Gordon Jenkins.

Carl Gordon Jenkins
Gordon Jenkins.

Are You Sure That's Right?
That's Fine.

Was A Man
Who Loved His Work.

He Lived For It,

And In All But The Legally
Culpable Sense,

He Died For It.

And So We Must Ask Ourselves,
How Do Honor This Great Man?

By Giving Up On The Project
He Held So Dear?

I Said, By Giving Up On
The Project He Held So Dear?

(Employees) No.
By Quitting On Him
And His Dream Of Creating

The Most Advanced Sleep System
In Human History?

(Employees) No.

Or By Finishing The Job

Carl Gordon Jenkins
Gordon Jenkins Started

So That His Death
Will Not Be In Vain?

(Employees) Yes!
By Working Day And Night
To Meet Our Deadline

And Storm The Walls
Of Relaxxxacon.

(Employees) Yes!
My Friends, We Will Complete
This Project On Time,

And We Will Do It For Jenkins!

(Employees) For Jenkins!
I Can't Hear You.

(Louder) For Jenkins!
Avenge Him!

Who Do We Kill?!

Insomnia,
And Who Do We Kill It For?

(Employees) Jenkins!

You're Damn Right.

Now Let's Go Upstairs
And Get Back To Work,

For Tonight, We Dine In Hell!

(Cheering)

Sorry, Ted.

The Company Didn't Think
Sad Was The Way To Go.

Veronica's Speech
At Jenkins' Memorial

Inspired People
To Work Even Harder.

The Company Liked What It Saw,
So The Next Day,

It Shifted The Jenkins Mobile
Into Turbo Drive.
So After Day Car
E,

Do I Get To Sleep
In Your Office Again?
Oh, Look At You,

Saying "Get To"
To Make Me Feel Better.

Honey, I Know
My Being Busy Is Hard,

But It's Just
For A Few More Days.
It's Okay. At Least
Your Couch Is Comfor
Table.

So We're Doing Posters Now?

The Company Got Us These

To Remind Us
What We're Working For.

Plus, They Got Us

These Neat Little Rubber
Wristbands For Free.

It Says, "Work Strong.
For Jenkins." Here.
Sheila, Don't You See
What's H
Appening?

The Company
Is Exploiting Jenkins' Death

To Make People Work Harder.
The Company Said
That Jenkins Said

That Some People
Would Say That.

I Just Can't Believe
It's One Of The Finders.

The Finders?

One Of The Eight People
Who Found His Body.

(Metal Grinding)

Lem! Wake Up!

The Cool Accountants
Are On Their Way Down.
(Noise Stops)

Oh, Damn It.
And The Lab Is Such A Mess.
Wh‐‐Perry And Todd
And Beaver?

What Are Those Guys Doing
Coming Down Here?

Stop Questioning Me
And Help Clean This Place Up.

Hey.

Hey.
Hey.

Clean Lab, Bro.
Yeah, Whatever.

So You Were Friends
With Jenkins, Huh?

Me?

Uh, Yeah, Yeah.
We Were Pretty Tight. Sure.

That's Sick.
What Was He Really Like?

He Had A Huge Heart.

Uh, I Remember Him
Saying Once,

"Lem, You Are My Best Friend,
And If I Should Die,

"At Least I'll Die Knowing
One Really Cool Guy.

You, Lem, The Cool Guy
I'm Referring To."

Nice.

Dude, We're Gonna Step Outside
To Take A Cigarette Break.

Do You Want To Come?
Well, I Don't Smoke,

But I'd Love To Watch
You Guys Smoke.
Me, Too.

Then It's Settled.

We All Get To...
Hang Out With You Guys.

Oh, Sorry, Odd Lab Dude.

The Smoking Area's
Kinda Small.

Well, Isn't It
All Of The Outdoors?

For The Love Of God, Phil,
Please Don't Ruin This For Me.

Oh, Linda, I Need
Your Testing Report

On The Sleep System
Packaging.

Marketing Keeps...
I'm Going To Count To One.

Sorry. It Helps Me
Stay In The Moment.

If Your Moments
Don't Hold Your Attention,

You Need To Look Deeper

Until You Find
What's Interesting In Them.

Like Right Now, I'm Losing
Interest In This Moment.

And So I'm Going To...

Sweep The Leg.
(Thud)

Oh! Oh.

Ahh. That's What
This Moment Needed.

Now The Company's
Exploiting Jenkins

To Get People
To Work Harder.

There's Posters And Bracelets.
There's An Inspirational Video

About Him
Playing In The Elevator.
I Know. I Got Them To Use
One Of The Songs From

"Veronica In The Key Of Love."

(Veronica)
♪ Never Gonna Give You Up ♪

♪ Never Gonna Let You Down... ♪

(Man) The Settlers
Crossing The Prairie...

Jonas Salk Discovering
The Polio Vaccine...

Gordon Jenkins
Writing The Table Of Contents

For The Veridian
Sleep System Manual...

Great Achievements
Take Hard Work.

Shouldn't You Try To Be
More Like Gordon Jenkins?

Yes, You Should.

Don't Get Me Wrong. It Was
The Best Elevator Video

Since The Soft‐Core Porn One
About Recycling.

But If The Company Keeps Using
Jenkins To Rev People Up,

Someone Else Is Gonna
Get Hurt Or Dead.

It's Just For A Few More Days
Until Relaxxxacon,

And Then The Jenkins Thing Will End.
Yeah? Because Knowing How Much
This Company Loves Productivity,

It Wouldn't Surprise Me

If 14‐Hour Days
Became The New Normal.

The Jenkins Thing Will End.
And So Will The 14‐Hour Days.

The Jenkins Th
Ing Will End.
Veronica,
The 14‐Hour Days?

Jenkins, Good‐Bye.
Adios, Jenkins.

Jenkins No Mo'.
You Gotta Be Kidding Me.

So They Really Are
Gonna Make This Permanent?

None Of Us Are Gonna See
Our Families Again.

And I Like Rose.

I Wasn't Entirely Sold
In The First Six Months,

But Now I'm Way Into Her.

I'm Gonna Go Tell Everyone
In This Department, Veronica,

And They Are Not
Gonna Stand For It.
Oh, Ted,
You Adorable Little Flower.

What Are They Gonna Do, Quit?

If They Do, The Company
Will Just Replace Them.

Then I Am Gonna Go Upstairs
And Convince Management

That What They're Doing
Is Immoral.

Wow. I'm Glad I Tried
That One Out On You
Before Going Up There.

Ted, No One Knows
How Many Licks It Takes

To Get To My Moral Center,
But I Can See

How This Is Important To You,
So Here's The Deal‐‐

If You Want To Get The Company
Off This, You Have To Show Them

That This New Pace Is Gonna
Cost Them Money,

Because The Company
Loves Its Money.

If They Could,
They'd Go To Strip Clubs

And Throw Naked Women
At Money.

So Jenkins Hooks
This 6‐Foot Trout,

And It's Freaking Out,
Flopping Around The Boat.

And Jenkins
Hated The Sight Of Blood

Because Of His Time
In The Mossad.

So I Had To Reach Past
Those Razor‐Sharp Teeth

And Pull The Hook Out
For Him.

(Sighs) We Hugged And Wept,

And Jenkins Said To Me,

"Lem, You...
Are My Best Friend."

Lem.

Can I Talk To You
For A Minute?

Oh, Sure.

That Was Our Fishing Story,
Except It Was You Who Was

Flopping Around On The Floor
With A Hook In Your Mouth,

And I Was The One Who Took
It Out, And There Was No Fish

Because The Whole Thing Happened
At A Sporting Goods Store.

And It Is My Wife
Who Was In Mossad.
Phil, The Cool Accountants
Like Me.

They Let Me Go To The Store
And Buy Them Cigarettes.

And I Need More Jenkins Stories
Than That Coffee Spilling One

That Just Lies There
Like A Turd.
I Feel Like Jenkins
Is Replacing Me.

(Inhales Sharply)
That's Ridiculous.

Why Don't We Have Lunch Later,
Just You And Me?

It's Broasted Chicken Day
In The Cafeteria.

It'll Give Us Another Chance
To Figure Out What Broasting Is.

Well, I Do Want To Get
To The Bottom Of That.

Okay, We'll Have Lunch.

I Just Hope "Broasting"
Is Not A Typo,

Like That
Butter Crotch Pudding.

So I've Been Trying
To Live In The Moment,

But It's Really Hard

Because A Lot Of My Moments
Aren't That Interesting.

So I Was Wondering..
. Do You
Want To Have Sex Right Now?
Gee, That Feels
Really Right,

But I'm In The Middle
Of Something.

In Fact, You Can Help Me.

I Need To Sabotage
The Sleep System

And Make Sure It's Not Finished
In Time For Relaxxxacon.
Cool. That's Not Sex,
But It Beats

Getting Knocked To The Floor
So Hard, You Want To Go

Back To Wisconsin And Get Your
Master's In Cheese Sciences.
Yes, It Does.

See, I Need To Show The Company
That Overworking People

Will Make Them So Tired,
They'll Make Mistakes,

And That Will
Cost The Company Money.
Yeah. This Could Be
A Great Moment.

We'll Go To The Basement
And Get A Fire Hose.

Then We Get Ten Pies,
A Ramp And A Motorcycle‐‐
All I Need Is Your Computer.

See, You Have Access
To The Shipping Database.

And I Need To Cancel
An Order Of Parts

For The Sleep System
Prototype.
And You Want To Use
My Computer

So You Don't Get In Trouble.
Nice Try, Crisp.

Sweep The Leg.

Look, You're Not
Gonna Get In Trouble.

It'll Just Look Like
An Anonymous Worker

Making A Sleepy Mistake.
Fine.

Lem, I Talked To The Chef.

It Turns Out That Broasting
Is A Combination Of,

And I'm Quoting,

"Roasting And Get The Hell
Out Of My Kitchen."

He Wouldn't Tell Me
The Proportions.

Who's In The Urn?

It's Him, Isn't It?

Jenkins Doesn't Have
Any Family Out Here,

So The Company Asked Me
To Pick Up His Ashes.

I See. Well, You Two
Enjoy Your Lunch.

Oh. Come On, Phil.

What Was I Supposed To Do,
Leave Him In A Car?

It's A Hot Day.
He's Already Ashes.

Look, I Know
You Don't Like Him,

But He Is My Friend Now.

So Why Don't You
Come Join Us For Lunch?

I'm Sure The Three Of Us
Can Work This Out.

Or... Why Don't I Do This?!

(Grunts)

(Groans)

(Grunts And Inhales Deeply)

(Exhales Deeply)

(Pants)

(Groans)

(Grunts)

You Two Are Jerks.

(Veronica)
♪ Shaba‐Daba‐Dee‐Do‐Da ♪

♪ Shaba‐Daba‐Boo‐Be‐Ba... ♪

It Is 8:00 At Night,
And The Shipment Of Parts

For The Sleep System
Never Got Here.

Now We Are Not Gonna Make
Our Deadline,

And The Company Will Learn

That Pushing People Too Hard
Leads To Mistakes.

How Do I Feel About That?

♪ Never Gonna Let You Down ♪

♪ Never Gonna Run Around
And Desert You ♪

♪ Shaba‐Daba‐Dee‐Do‐Da
Shaba‐Daba‐Boo‐Be‐Ba... ♪

Ted, The Parts Shipment
For The Prototype Didn't Arrive.

We'll Never Be Ready
In Time For Relaxxxacon.

Where's Your Jenkins Now?

The Parts Didn't Come?
Oh, My God. This Is Terrible.

What Are We Gonna Do,
Go Home To Our Families? Okay.

Can I Have
Everyone's Attention, Please?

We Are All Disappointed We're
Not Gonna Make The Deadline.
Now Jenkins' Soul
Is Going To Hell!

(Employees) Aw.
No, It's Not, Sheila.

That's Just Something
The Elevator Said.

Look, When We Push Ourselves
Too Hard, Mistakes Get Made.

And Now There's
No Possible Way‐‐

I've Got The Parts
For The Prototype!
What? That's Impossible.

The Parts Didn't Come
Because Someone Was Tired

So Now The Company
Can't Work Us So Hard.
Actually, Last Night,
I Was So Sleep
Y,

I Accidentally Opened
The Shipping Database,

And I Saw That Someone
Had Canceled The Order.

So I Stole My Ex‐Wife's Minivan,
Drove All Night To Stockton

Got The Order
And Brought It Back.

I've Been Driving
For 20 Straight Hours.

I Took Everything
The Truckers Gave Me.

Watch How Fast I Can Run.
Now We Can Go Back To Work.
For Jenkins!

(Employees) For Jenkins!
No, Wait, Wait, Look.

The Company Is Using Jenkins
To Get You All To Work Harder.

(Employees Groan And Grumble)
But The Thing Is, It's‐‐

It's Not Gonna Be
Just For This Project.

The Company Wants To Make These
Crazy Hours The New Normal.

But We Can't Work
This Way Forever.

No, We Can't. So I'm Going Back
To My Old Schedule.

I Don't Care
What They Do To Me.

I'm Taking My Daughter
And I'm Going Home.

So We Weren't Working
This Hard For Jenkins?

We Were Doing It All
For The Company?

But Jenkins Was Still
A Great Man, Right?

I Mean, You Were With Him
When He Helped That Killer Whale

Find Its Way Home.
I Had Not Heard
That One.

Was That An Embellishment
Of The Time I Helped

That Large Woman With The Hole
In The Top Of Her Head

Find Her Way
Back To Her Apartment?

Actually, I Stole That Story
From "Free Willy."
Oh.

I've Been Using Jenkins
For My Own Gain,

Just Like The Company.

All Those Stories
I Told About Jenkins

Were Really Just Things
I Did With Phil.

Phil Is The Great Man
And Phil Is My Best Friend.

Who's Phil?

(Dramatic Instrumental Music
Playing)

Where Are You Going?

I've Had It.
I'm Going Home.

But It's Still Dark Out.

(Music Continues)

I Have To Pee.
(Music Warbles And Stops)

Uh, Can It Wait, Honey? We're
Kinda Having A Moment Here.

Nope. Sorry.

(Toilet Flushing)

(Water Runs)

(Paper Towel Dispenser Whirs)

(Clears Throat) Hey.

(Dramatic Instrumental Music
Playing)

Hold The Door!

(Music Continues)

I'm Going With You.
You're Supporting Me
On This?

What? Oh, No.
I Just Have A Dinner Date.

(Music Continues)

Well, All My Stuff's
Still Here.

And They Didn't Spring The Trap
Door On Me In The Lobby.

So I Guess
I Haven't Been Fired.
Nope. We Won.

Apparently After We
Stormed Out Last Night,

The Whole Department
Filed Out Behind Us.

So The Company Backed Down
On The New Hours?
Mm‐Hmm.

I/We Did It,

Because I/We Stood Up
For What Was Right.

I/We Am Proud Of Me/Us.

I/Me, Too, Ted.

Together, We're Like Gandhi.

I'm Skinny,
And You're Tan.