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All language subtitles for 6x02 - Fear and Loathing in Los Angeles.1 ENG

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,418 --> 00:00:03,977 "Hot in Cleveland" is recorded 2 00:00:04,053 --> 00:00:06,181 in front of a live studio audience. 3 00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:09,749 And our newest cocktail, the Victoria Chase... 4 00:00:09,826 --> 00:00:12,421 A martini with flecks of Oscar gold, 5 00:00:12,495 --> 00:00:14,206 named after one of our most famous customers. 6 00:00:14,230 --> 00:00:15,664 Aw. 7 00:00:15,732 --> 00:00:17,257 What do you mean "one of"? 8 00:00:18,668 --> 00:00:19,829 Well, you're all celebrities. 9 00:00:19,902 --> 00:00:21,530 Melanie has her radio show, 10 00:00:21,604 --> 00:00:23,129 Elka's on city council, 11 00:00:23,206 --> 00:00:24,333 and Joy's our best customer. 12 00:00:26,576 --> 00:00:28,738 Honestly, without your bar tab, 13 00:00:28,811 --> 00:00:30,837 this place would have been a Jo-Ann's Fabrics. 14 00:00:32,415 --> 00:00:34,281 So glad I could help. 15 00:00:34,350 --> 00:00:36,251 Hey, you should name a drink after Joy. 16 00:00:36,319 --> 00:00:37,981 That's not a bad idea. 17 00:00:38,054 --> 00:00:38,987 What would that be? 18 00:00:39,055 --> 00:00:41,149 Something flat... 19 00:00:42,692 --> 00:00:44,854 that goes down easy. 20 00:00:48,531 --> 00:00:50,864 So, Stormi's named a drink after you, Victoria. 21 00:00:50,933 --> 00:00:51,866 How cool is that? 22 00:00:51,934 --> 00:00:54,699 Well, for Cleveland, very cool. 23 00:00:54,771 --> 00:00:57,764 And that is why I can't wait to start my new show in L.A. 24 00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,399 So you got the part? 25 00:00:59,475 --> 00:01:01,535 Well, I mean, I still have to meet with the creator, 26 00:01:01,611 --> 00:01:03,273 but, you know, that's just a formality. 27 00:01:03,346 --> 00:01:05,338 I mean, I'm an Oscar winner. 28 00:01:05,415 --> 00:01:08,385 I can't believe you get to work with Zed Simms. 29 00:01:08,451 --> 00:01:09,578 I know! 30 00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:12,281 I mean, he's created some of the most critically acclaimed 31 00:01:12,355 --> 00:01:15,416 and confusing HBO series of our time. 32 00:01:16,125 --> 00:01:18,594 I can't wait to tell him how to fix my character. 33 00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:20,095 What's wrong with your character? 34 00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:22,689 Well, I don't know. I haven't read the script yet. 35 00:01:23,833 --> 00:01:25,995 Melanie, you should come to L.A. with us. 36 00:01:26,069 --> 00:01:27,731 The production's putting Victoria up 37 00:01:27,804 --> 00:01:30,239 in a fabulous Malibu beach house. 38 00:01:30,306 --> 00:01:31,569 There's plenty of extra room. 39 00:01:31,641 --> 00:01:33,769 Even Councilwoman Ostrovsky's coming. 40 00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:35,869 On the city's dime, I might add. 41 00:01:35,945 --> 00:01:40,110 I'm going to bring film jobs to Cleveland. 42 00:01:41,584 --> 00:01:44,611 Or relax trying. 43 00:01:44,687 --> 00:01:47,054 You know, I'm looking forward to going to L.A. 44 00:01:47,123 --> 00:01:48,352 Oh, me too. I miss it. 45 00:01:48,424 --> 00:01:50,120 You know, you guys always say that 46 00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,094 because you forget how bad it is there 47 00:01:52,161 --> 00:01:54,255 and all the reasons we moved here in the first place. 48 00:01:54,330 --> 00:01:57,266 It's 75 degrees there. 49 00:01:57,333 --> 00:01:58,444 I didn't say I wasn't coming. 50 00:01:58,468 --> 00:01:59,959 Oh, wonderful! 51 00:02:00,036 --> 00:02:01,937 I present... 52 00:02:02,004 --> 00:02:03,802 the Joy Scroggs. 53 00:02:05,775 --> 00:02:08,711 A whole bottle of wine in one glass. 54 00:02:09,746 --> 00:02:12,375 Oh, my God. That is borderline insulting. 55 00:02:12,448 --> 00:02:15,316 - Oh, I'm sorry. - I said "borderline." 56 00:02:20,690 --> 00:02:22,818 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 57 00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:26,124 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 58 00:02:26,195 --> 00:02:27,254 ♪ Hey! ♪ 59 00:02:27,330 --> 00:02:29,595 Victoria, this beach house is amazing. 60 00:02:29,665 --> 00:02:30,826 I know. 61 00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:34,530 It's so good to feel the sun on my sun block. 62 00:02:35,204 --> 00:02:37,298 How do you spell Spielberg? 63 00:02:37,373 --> 00:02:40,832 You actually had a meeting with Steven Spielberg? 64 00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:43,470 Well, we had drinks. 65 00:02:43,546 --> 00:02:46,175 At least that's what my expense report says. 66 00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:50,318 Then he came onto me. 67 00:02:50,386 --> 00:02:53,618 That's what my diary says. 68 00:02:53,689 --> 00:02:55,624 Okay, I hate to admit it, 69 00:02:55,691 --> 00:02:59,184 but I may be falling in love with L.A. again. 70 00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:02,562 Remember those Louboutins that I was trying to find in Cleveland, 71 00:03:02,632 --> 00:03:03,964 but they said they didn't exist? 72 00:03:04,033 --> 00:03:04,966 Well, they do exist. 73 00:03:05,034 --> 00:03:07,196 And now they're on my feet. 74 00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:10,672 And they are killing me. 75 00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:14,438 Wait till you hear about this new L.A. exercise fad. 76 00:03:14,510 --> 00:03:16,502 I went to a class this morning 77 00:03:16,579 --> 00:03:18,912 where you hang upside down like bats. 78 00:03:18,981 --> 00:03:20,279 That makes sense. 79 00:03:20,349 --> 00:03:22,375 Have you ever seen a fat bat? 80 00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:26,719 And Elka got a workout this morning, too. 81 00:03:26,789 --> 00:03:29,782 She ran down the beach after Jeff Bridges. 82 00:03:29,859 --> 00:03:33,057 Actually, it was a homeless man. 83 00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:36,224 But he seemed very interested in filming in Cleveland. 84 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:39,068 Well, if you'll excuse me, 85 00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:41,661 I should go and get ready for my meeting with Zed, 86 00:03:41,737 --> 00:03:44,104 my genius TV show creator. 87 00:03:44,173 --> 00:03:45,573 I'll drive you. 88 00:03:45,641 --> 00:03:48,270 I just need 10 minutes to sell him on Cleveland. 89 00:03:48,344 --> 00:03:50,813 Absolutely not. 90 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:53,645 Oh, look at those beautiful dolphins. 91 00:03:54,450 --> 00:03:57,545 Wait. Why is one of them coming out of the sea? 92 00:03:57,620 --> 00:04:00,146 That's no dolphin. 93 00:04:00,223 --> 00:04:01,418 That's Zed. 94 00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:07,657 The camera rises out of the ocean 95 00:04:07,730 --> 00:04:12,065 and flies the viewers right into the sun-drenched action. 96 00:04:12,134 --> 00:04:14,899 Perfect opening shot. 97 00:04:14,971 --> 00:04:16,371 Bam, I've done it again. 98 00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:19,976 Victoria Chase, Zed Simms. 99 00:04:20,042 --> 00:04:21,842 Zed, I thought we were meeting in your office. 100 00:04:21,911 --> 00:04:23,937 I wanted to catch you by surprise. 101 00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:25,948 That's how I want all my artists... 102 00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:28,575 Out of their comfort zones. 103 00:04:28,651 --> 00:04:30,347 You're gonna have to forget everything 104 00:04:30,419 --> 00:04:33,253 you think you know about acting. 105 00:04:33,322 --> 00:04:35,791 That won't take long. 106 00:04:36,993 --> 00:04:38,461 Zed, these are my friends. 107 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:39,552 Stay. Stay here. 108 00:04:39,629 --> 00:04:41,757 This is about us. 109 00:04:42,465 --> 00:04:44,093 And, boom, we're done. 110 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:47,629 Remember... When you make yourself comfortable, 111 00:04:47,703 --> 00:04:49,262 you make yourself dead. 112 00:04:49,338 --> 00:04:51,204 Enjoy the house. 113 00:04:53,075 --> 00:04:57,240 Oh, he's so dynamic and multitalented. 114 00:04:57,313 --> 00:04:58,542 Oh, look at him... 115 00:04:58,614 --> 00:05:01,641 Swimming with one arm and texting with the other. 116 00:05:02,752 --> 00:05:05,244 That must be him. 117 00:05:05,922 --> 00:05:07,356 Oh. No, it's my agent. 118 00:05:07,423 --> 00:05:10,052 Oh, Zed said he enjoyed meeting me. 119 00:05:10,126 --> 00:05:11,389 Well, of course he did. 120 00:05:12,428 --> 00:05:15,626 But the answer is... no. 121 00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:20,631 No? I-I didn't get the part. 122 00:05:20,703 --> 00:05:23,104 Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. 123 00:05:23,172 --> 00:05:26,802 Well, I must have done something wrong. 124 00:05:26,876 --> 00:05:30,005 Oh, I shouldn't have tried to introduce you guys. 125 00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:34,645 I've got to figure out some way to see him again, 126 00:05:34,717 --> 00:05:36,185 so I can change his mind. 127 00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:39,848 Maybe I just made a bad first impression. 128 00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:42,016 It happened when I met you. 129 00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:45,721 Yes, but then you got to know me. 130 00:05:45,795 --> 00:05:48,924 Don't go down that road, Victoria. 131 00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:59,206 Joy, are you sure Zed is dining here tonight? 132 00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:00,402 I don't see him anywhere. 133 00:06:00,476 --> 00:06:01,569 Relax. 134 00:06:01,644 --> 00:06:03,738 I knew he'd go to the hottest restaurant in town. 135 00:06:03,813 --> 00:06:05,679 I hacked into the reservation system. 136 00:06:05,748 --> 00:06:07,148 He's dining here alone at 8:00. 137 00:06:07,216 --> 00:06:09,981 I am still amazed that you could do that. 138 00:06:10,052 --> 00:06:11,350 You are an incredible detective. 139 00:06:11,420 --> 00:06:13,651 I am, aren't I? 140 00:06:13,723 --> 00:06:17,592 She still hasn't solved the case of the missing boobs. 141 00:06:21,664 --> 00:06:23,530 Welcome to Chemistry, Ms. Chase. 142 00:06:23,599 --> 00:06:26,000 Nitrogen caviar beads on a bed of deconstructed hummus 143 00:06:26,068 --> 00:06:28,299 wrapped in a lemongrass waffle cone. 144 00:06:28,904 --> 00:06:30,805 Thank you. 145 00:06:30,873 --> 00:06:33,809 Oh, I can't eat all of this. 146 00:06:35,845 --> 00:06:38,178 I'm too nervous about Zed. 147 00:06:38,247 --> 00:06:39,715 I'm just gonna have to find him 148 00:06:39,782 --> 00:06:41,774 and convince him that I am right for this part. 149 00:06:41,851 --> 00:06:43,046 Have you read the script yet? 150 00:06:43,119 --> 00:06:46,180 Melanie, this is Hollywood, not Reading Town. 151 00:06:46,722 --> 00:06:49,419 I'm sorry. I almost forgot the crème fraîche vapor. 152 00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,358 - Oh, no, thank you. - Come on, Victoria. 153 00:06:51,427 --> 00:06:52,895 You have to eat something. 154 00:06:58,768 --> 00:07:01,602 Mmm. Mmm. 155 00:07:09,245 --> 00:07:12,875 Look. It's Gregory Pelligrino. 156 00:07:12,948 --> 00:07:15,747 He's the most famous private eye in L.A. 157 00:07:15,818 --> 00:07:18,310 You know, this might be a sign. 158 00:07:18,387 --> 00:07:21,084 Maybe I'm wasting my talents in Cleveland. 159 00:07:21,157 --> 00:07:22,625 I should go talk to him. 160 00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:24,102 Well, wait, no. If you go work for him, 161 00:07:24,126 --> 00:07:26,061 that means you'd have to move back to L.A. 162 00:07:26,128 --> 00:07:27,687 Oh, do it, Joy. 163 00:07:27,763 --> 00:07:29,857 Follow my dream. 164 00:07:32,435 --> 00:07:34,199 It's Mario Lopez. 165 00:07:34,270 --> 00:07:36,466 And he's coming over. 166 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,098 Mario, darling. 167 00:07:38,174 --> 00:07:39,802 Victoria Chase. 168 00:07:39,875 --> 00:07:41,173 So good to see you. 169 00:07:41,243 --> 00:07:42,677 You look gorgeous, as always. 170 00:07:42,745 --> 00:07:45,180 And, by the way, congratulations on your Oscar. 171 00:07:45,247 --> 00:07:46,180 So deserved. 172 00:07:46,248 --> 00:07:47,546 I know. 173 00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:51,384 Do you think that I can get you on my show "Extra" 174 00:07:51,454 --> 00:07:54,891 - while you're in town? - I have a better idea. 175 00:07:54,957 --> 00:07:58,985 Why don't you do your show in Cleveland? 176 00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:00,290 Cleveland? 177 00:08:00,362 --> 00:08:02,456 Walk with me, Dimples. 178 00:08:04,767 --> 00:08:07,965 Where is Zed, and why doesn't he want me? 179 00:08:08,037 --> 00:08:10,165 I'm an Oscar winner. 180 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:13,566 No doors in Hollywood are closed to me. 181 00:08:15,111 --> 00:08:16,204 Wait. 182 00:08:16,278 --> 00:08:18,747 Did I just hear the sound 183 00:08:18,814 --> 00:08:21,443 of a hand touching velvet rope? 184 00:08:23,786 --> 00:08:25,311 Oh, my God. 185 00:08:25,387 --> 00:08:26,685 There's a VIP room. 186 00:08:28,491 --> 00:08:30,289 And Zed must be in it. 187 00:08:30,359 --> 00:08:31,827 Okay. 188 00:08:31,894 --> 00:08:33,795 Victoria, before you do anything foolish... 189 00:08:33,863 --> 00:08:35,388 Okay. 190 00:08:43,372 --> 00:08:45,466 Excuse me. There's been a mistake. 191 00:08:45,541 --> 00:08:49,103 I was accidentally seated with my friends. 192 00:08:50,079 --> 00:08:51,513 Sorry. VIPs only. 193 00:08:51,580 --> 00:08:53,845 Do you know who I am? 194 00:08:53,916 --> 00:08:56,010 Yes, you're Victoria Chase... 195 00:08:56,085 --> 00:08:58,316 winner of just one Oscar. 196 00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:03,949 Look, Zed Simms is up there, and he's expecting me. 197 00:09:04,026 --> 00:09:05,858 But he said he didn't want to be disturbed. 198 00:09:05,928 --> 00:09:08,056 Oh, but did he say he didn't want to be disturbed 199 00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:09,530 by Victoria Chase? 200 00:09:09,598 --> 00:09:11,226 Yes. 201 00:09:12,101 --> 00:09:13,467 Specifically. 202 00:09:22,211 --> 00:09:24,009 Good evening, Mr. Pelligrino. 203 00:09:24,079 --> 00:09:25,012 Joy Scroggs. 204 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:27,345 I'm a detective in Cleveland, 205 00:09:27,416 --> 00:09:29,578 but I think you could use my skills here. 206 00:09:29,651 --> 00:09:31,119 Okay, what do you got? 207 00:09:32,554 --> 00:09:33,214 Oh. 208 00:09:33,288 --> 00:09:35,416 You see that guy at the end of the bar? 209 00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:39,019 The one whose hair color suggests he went gray years ago? 210 00:09:39,094 --> 00:09:41,689 He's about to make a move on the blonde two barstools down, 211 00:09:41,764 --> 00:09:44,495 the tell being the mint strip he just popped in his mouth. 212 00:09:44,566 --> 00:09:46,592 Which isn't a mint strip at all, 213 00:09:46,668 --> 00:09:48,830 but is, in fact, Viagra. 214 00:09:49,738 --> 00:09:52,674 You just described every man in here. 215 00:09:52,741 --> 00:09:53,868 What else do you do? 216 00:09:53,942 --> 00:09:58,073 I can hack into any computer, get past any security system. 217 00:09:58,147 --> 00:09:59,274 That's very impressive, 218 00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:01,647 but the bread and butter of any detective agency 219 00:10:01,717 --> 00:10:02,741 is catching cheaters. 220 00:10:02,818 --> 00:10:05,151 Oh, well. 221 00:10:05,220 --> 00:10:08,122 My specialty is being a honey trap. 222 00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:11,922 These legs have lured a lot of men 223 00:10:11,994 --> 00:10:14,395 out of a lot of alimony. 224 00:10:15,697 --> 00:10:17,165 Aren't you a little, uh... 225 00:10:17,232 --> 00:10:18,757 How can I put this? 226 00:10:18,834 --> 00:10:20,234 Well-traveled? 227 00:10:21,904 --> 00:10:25,306 I am from England, so yes. 228 00:10:29,945 --> 00:10:31,174 I didn't get the part, 229 00:10:31,246 --> 00:10:33,408 and now I can't get into the VIP room. 230 00:10:34,983 --> 00:10:37,817 How do you stand being ordinary, Melanie? 231 00:10:39,188 --> 00:10:41,020 Well, I don't think of myself as ordinary. 232 00:10:41,090 --> 00:10:42,183 Well, of course you don't. 233 00:10:42,257 --> 00:10:44,783 No, I'm talking about how the world perceives you. 234 00:10:47,429 --> 00:10:50,297 Can you believe that guy thinks I'm too old 235 00:10:50,365 --> 00:10:52,596 to seduce married men in L.A.? 236 00:10:58,340 --> 00:10:59,273 I know! 237 00:10:59,341 --> 00:11:01,139 I'm speechless, too. 238 00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:06,524 - I should go prove him wrong. - Yeah, that's it. 239 00:11:06,548 --> 00:11:09,211 That is the thing about L.A., isn't it? 240 00:11:09,284 --> 00:11:11,276 Great weather, shopping, treatments. 241 00:11:11,353 --> 00:11:12,685 But at the end of the day, 242 00:11:12,754 --> 00:11:14,586 only the guys in Cleveland find us hot. 243 00:11:14,656 --> 00:11:16,716 From the gentleman over there. 244 00:11:17,826 --> 00:11:18,826 Scram! 245 00:11:22,131 --> 00:11:25,761 So, that's my pitch for Cleveland. 246 00:11:25,834 --> 00:11:27,145 - Thanks for your time. - Good pitch. 247 00:11:27,169 --> 00:11:28,330 Oh, you're welcome. 248 00:11:28,403 --> 00:11:29,632 Oh, uh, Elka. 249 00:11:29,705 --> 00:11:34,166 You left an envelope of cash here on the bar. 250 00:11:34,243 --> 00:11:36,269 I think that's yours. 251 00:11:42,151 --> 00:11:43,983 You didn't see that. 252 00:11:59,968 --> 00:12:02,494 All right. I'll see you guys up there. 253 00:12:07,776 --> 00:12:10,336 I saw you across the room, and I saw that smile. 254 00:12:10,412 --> 00:12:13,041 And I thought, "Wouldn't it be nice if that smile were for me?" 255 00:12:13,115 --> 00:12:14,981 Well, that's very sweet. 256 00:12:15,050 --> 00:12:17,246 But unless things have changed in L.A., 257 00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:19,164 guys your age don't buy drinks for women like me. 258 00:12:19,188 --> 00:12:21,316 Mm, you doing that thing that beautiful women do 259 00:12:21,390 --> 00:12:23,390 where they claim they don't know they're beautiful? 260 00:12:26,628 --> 00:12:29,223 Yeah, I guess I am. 261 00:12:29,932 --> 00:12:31,400 Oh, can I get you another drink? 262 00:12:31,466 --> 00:12:33,867 I would love one, yeah. 263 00:12:33,936 --> 00:12:36,132 Now I'm gonna do that thing that beautiful women do 264 00:12:36,205 --> 00:12:37,448 when they put on their reading glasses 265 00:12:37,472 --> 00:12:39,668 to look at the drink list. 266 00:12:41,843 --> 00:12:43,971 I understand this is L.A., 267 00:12:44,046 --> 00:12:47,346 and I may not be the young, dumb honey trap you're used to. 268 00:12:47,416 --> 00:12:49,942 But I do know how to grab a man's attention. 269 00:12:50,018 --> 00:12:50,917 Observe. 270 00:12:50,986 --> 00:12:52,978 - Lady, I'm really... - I said "observe"! 271 00:13:01,430 --> 00:13:04,798 Oh, I'm so thirsty. 272 00:13:08,003 --> 00:13:10,905 So thirsty. 273 00:13:12,074 --> 00:13:15,044 What does a girl have to do to get a drink around here? 274 00:13:16,745 --> 00:13:17,985 I don't know. Ask the bartender. 275 00:13:22,684 --> 00:13:24,676 Oh, you. 276 00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:34,796 - I'm so thirsty. - Not interested. 277 00:13:36,298 --> 00:13:37,994 I am so glad you came here tonight. 278 00:13:38,066 --> 00:13:39,830 Me too. 279 00:13:39,901 --> 00:13:41,699 I'd really like to kiss you. 280 00:13:41,770 --> 00:13:44,035 Well, that's very flattering, 281 00:13:44,106 --> 00:13:47,270 but you are so much younger than I am... 282 00:13:47,809 --> 00:13:50,176 though you have restored my faith in L.A. 283 00:13:50,245 --> 00:13:52,339 Come on, just one kiss? Real quick? 284 00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:53,575 Real quick? 285 00:13:53,649 --> 00:13:55,550 I'll give you $20. 286 00:13:56,518 --> 00:13:58,350 What? 287 00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:00,013 All right, look, I'm on a scavenger hunt 288 00:14:00,088 --> 00:14:02,023 for a bachelor party, and I have till 9:00 289 00:14:02,090 --> 00:14:05,686 to get a selfie of me kissing a HOG. 290 00:14:06,261 --> 00:14:07,354 A hog? 291 00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,489 Hot older girl. 292 00:14:09,564 --> 00:14:10,896 - Oh. - That's you. 293 00:14:10,966 --> 00:14:14,664 Oh, so you've just been scamming me this whole time. 294 00:14:14,736 --> 00:14:17,638 Well, thank you for reminding me why I left L.A. 295 00:14:17,706 --> 00:14:19,971 All right, I'll get back to the scavenger hunt. 296 00:14:20,042 --> 00:14:21,042 Mm. 297 00:14:22,077 --> 00:14:24,876 Hey, you don't happen to have a garter belt in your purse? 298 00:14:24,946 --> 00:14:28,144 How about a Louboutin foot in your ass? 299 00:14:51,239 --> 00:14:52,468 Ms. Chase? 300 00:14:52,541 --> 00:14:57,070 Uh, I-I was just looking for my contact lens. 301 00:14:57,145 --> 00:14:58,773 It fell up. 302 00:15:00,048 --> 00:15:02,074 Oh, fine. Just take me back to my table. 303 00:15:13,611 --> 00:15:15,204 How'd it go with Pelligrino? 304 00:15:15,279 --> 00:15:16,770 Mm, terrible. 305 00:15:16,847 --> 00:15:19,908 I was trying to show off my honey trap skills, 306 00:15:19,984 --> 00:15:22,317 but everyone rejected me. 307 00:15:22,386 --> 00:15:26,255 Then he leaves, and out of the blue, 308 00:15:26,324 --> 00:15:30,125 this hot young guy comes over and kisses me. 309 00:15:34,165 --> 00:15:37,829 He was so proud of it, he wanted to take a selfie. 310 00:15:40,104 --> 00:15:41,697 Did he? 311 00:15:48,145 --> 00:15:50,307 Your entrée, sir. 312 00:15:53,284 --> 00:15:54,547 That's not salmon mist. 313 00:15:54,619 --> 00:15:56,918 I know. It's my perfume. 314 00:15:58,122 --> 00:16:00,455 Victoria, what the hell are you doing here? 315 00:16:00,524 --> 00:16:01,702 I had to talk to you. 316 00:16:01,726 --> 00:16:04,286 Now, I am right for this part, and I can prove it to you. 317 00:16:04,362 --> 00:16:05,455 How? 318 00:16:05,529 --> 00:16:07,498 Well, I hadn't thought that far. 319 00:16:07,565 --> 00:16:11,024 I spent all my energy shoving that waitress into the closet. 320 00:16:11,102 --> 00:16:13,298 But I just know I can do it. 321 00:16:13,371 --> 00:16:15,533 No, you're still wrong for it. 322 00:16:15,606 --> 00:16:16,938 Oh, but why? 323 00:16:17,008 --> 00:16:20,376 When I saw you in that bright, unforgiving beach sun, 324 00:16:20,444 --> 00:16:22,413 I realized that you had no chemistry 325 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,746 with your young, vibrant costar... Malibu. 326 00:16:25,816 --> 00:16:27,580 What are you saying? 327 00:16:27,652 --> 00:16:30,918 Don't make me tell my agent to tell your agent 328 00:16:30,988 --> 00:16:32,684 what I'm saying. 329 00:16:33,924 --> 00:16:37,088 Do you mean that I am not hot enough for Malibu? 330 00:16:37,161 --> 00:16:39,630 Your words, my feelings. 331 00:16:45,269 --> 00:16:47,602 She may not be hot enough for L.A., 332 00:16:47,672 --> 00:16:49,971 but she's hot enough for Cleveland. 333 00:16:51,642 --> 00:16:54,077 Elka, how did you get here? 334 00:16:54,145 --> 00:16:56,478 I'm 92. I do what I want. 335 00:16:59,183 --> 00:17:01,618 Cleveland? The show's set in Malibu. 336 00:17:01,686 --> 00:17:04,212 Oh, fine. Stay in your comfort zone. 337 00:17:04,288 --> 00:17:06,018 That's the safe thing to do. 338 00:17:06,090 --> 00:17:08,423 What are you saying, Egg Chair Woman? 339 00:17:10,127 --> 00:17:12,858 Zed Simms has no comfort zone. 340 00:17:12,930 --> 00:17:16,560 Prove it. Shoot your show in a real city. 341 00:17:18,302 --> 00:17:19,565 Cleveland. 342 00:17:20,638 --> 00:17:22,539 Wait. I'm seeing it. 343 00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:24,040 Yes. Ah. 344 00:17:24,108 --> 00:17:28,068 The camera rises out of the great Lake... 345 00:17:28,145 --> 00:17:29,145 Erie? 346 00:17:30,681 --> 00:17:32,047 Sure. 347 00:17:32,116 --> 00:17:33,175 Yes. 348 00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:35,776 In Malibu, you're not glamorous. 349 00:17:35,853 --> 00:17:37,287 Life has slapped you around, 350 00:17:37,355 --> 00:17:39,654 and you have a lot of bad angles. 351 00:17:39,724 --> 00:17:43,991 But in a place that's gritty and dark and damp... 352 00:17:44,061 --> 00:17:45,256 Oh, my God. 353 00:17:46,597 --> 00:17:49,533 In Cleveland, you're beautiful. 354 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,331 So I got the part? 355 00:17:52,403 --> 00:17:54,429 Yes, yes. I have to go. 356 00:17:54,505 --> 00:17:56,303 I have to totally rewrite the role. 357 00:17:56,374 --> 00:17:57,569 Oh, wonderful. 358 00:17:57,641 --> 00:17:58,836 I already have notes. 359 00:17:58,909 --> 00:18:01,401 Which I'm already ignoring. 360 00:18:02,012 --> 00:18:03,344 We did it, Victoria. 361 00:18:03,414 --> 00:18:04,882 We did, didn't we? 362 00:18:06,283 --> 00:18:07,774 Oh, crap. 363 00:18:07,852 --> 00:18:10,287 I'm going back to Cleveland. 364 00:18:10,354 --> 00:18:11,583 Can we get out of here? 365 00:18:11,655 --> 00:18:12,866 What, are you kidding? 366 00:18:12,890 --> 00:18:15,450 I am the star of a new HBO series 367 00:18:15,526 --> 00:18:20,123 in the VIP room of the hottest restaurant in L.A. 368 00:18:20,197 --> 00:18:21,722 Oh, and look. 369 00:18:21,799 --> 00:18:23,791 Oh, they have a little window in the floor 370 00:18:23,868 --> 00:18:26,667 where you can look down on the nobodies. 371 00:18:27,505 --> 00:18:29,804 And there's Joy and Melanie. 372 00:18:29,874 --> 00:18:33,709 Oh, nothing could get me out of this place. 373 00:18:37,581 --> 00:18:38,879 Earthquake! 374 00:18:46,190 --> 00:18:47,522 We need to evacuate the premises. 375 00:18:47,591 --> 00:18:49,958 Hot women and child stars first. 376 00:18:50,027 --> 00:18:52,758 Oh, I hate L.A. 377 00:18:53,531 --> 00:18:55,693 Let's go home. 378 00:19:02,623 --> 00:19:05,149 A round of Elka Ostrovskys for you ladies. 379 00:19:05,225 --> 00:19:07,285 Hey, I thought those were Victoria Chases. 380 00:19:07,361 --> 00:19:10,820 They were, but we renamed them in honor of the councilwoman. 381 00:19:10,898 --> 00:19:13,197 Thanks for bringing jobs to Cleveland. 382 00:19:13,267 --> 00:19:14,267 I had to. 383 00:19:14,334 --> 00:19:16,701 I'd spent so much money. 384 00:19:18,005 --> 00:19:20,565 They're from those guys over there. 385 00:19:20,641 --> 00:19:22,576 Well, now, that is more like it. 386 00:19:22,643 --> 00:19:24,612 Strong drinks from good-looking men. 387 00:19:24,678 --> 00:19:25,789 It's good to be home. 388 00:19:25,813 --> 00:19:27,543 Oh, it is. 389 00:19:27,614 --> 00:19:30,379 It's so comforting to know that, if hired to, 390 00:19:30,450 --> 00:19:33,147 I could ruin any marriage in here. 391 00:19:34,454 --> 00:19:36,150 L.A. makes me shallow. 392 00:19:36,223 --> 00:19:37,316 When I was there, 393 00:19:37,391 --> 00:19:39,087 I was jealous of everyone else's success. 394 00:19:39,159 --> 00:19:41,856 But here, everyone's jealous of me. 395 00:19:41,929 --> 00:19:43,454 You know what L.A. is? 396 00:19:43,530 --> 00:19:45,726 L.A. is the sexy bad boyfriend. 397 00:19:45,799 --> 00:19:47,477 You keep going back to him, thinking he's gonna change, 398 00:19:47,501 --> 00:19:48,799 but he's never going to. 399 00:19:48,869 --> 00:19:51,532 Cleveland... He's our loving husband. 400 00:19:51,605 --> 00:19:53,437 You know, I've already been with Cleveland 401 00:19:53,507 --> 00:19:56,067 longer than any husband I've ever had. 402 00:19:57,144 --> 00:19:58,442 He may not be glamorous, 403 00:19:58,512 --> 00:20:00,947 but he's always there at the end of the day. 404 00:20:01,014 --> 00:20:04,041 And like a good husband, Cleveland always thinks 405 00:20:04,117 --> 00:20:06,313 we're just a little bit better than we are. 406 00:20:06,386 --> 00:20:08,685 Buzz off, ladies. 407 00:20:08,755 --> 00:20:10,724 I was here first. 408 00:20:14,695 --> 00:20:16,527 - Cheers. - Cheers. 409 00:20:16,597 --> 00:20:17,597 ♪ Hey! ♪ 410 00:20:21,368 --> 00:20:23,701 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 411 00:20:23,770 --> 00:20:26,262 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 412 00:20:26,340 --> 00:20:30,903 ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ 413 00:20:30,978 --> 00:20:33,311 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 414 00:20:33,380 --> 00:20:35,679 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪ 415 00:20:35,749 --> 00:20:40,278 ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ 416 00:20:43,624 --> 00:20:45,217 ♪ Hey! ♪ 29329