All language subtitles for 6x01 - Comfort and Joy.1 ENG

Hi. Glad you're back.
Let me catch you up.

Elka won a spot on city council.

- You won!
- I won!

Victoria shared an
Academy Award with Helen Mirren.

And the Oscar
goes to... Helen Mirren.

- And Victoria Chase.
- What?

It's a tie!

And Joy was proposed to

by three guys on the same
night... Simon, Mitch, and Bob.

But before she could answer,

she was knocked out
by Simon, Mitch, and Bob.

Oh, she's not gonna like
that picture.

Better start the show.

Which do you think
is the biggest news...

Who Joy has chosen to marry

or the latest development
in my super-exciting career?

Probably Joy's thing.

But you haven't heard
my thing yet.

I haven't heard
Joy's thing either.

All right,
I'm gonna tell you anyway.

I am flying to New York
this afternoon

to star in a movie
with Brad Pitt.

Brad Pitt!

I might actually see
one of your movies.

I was about to accept
the lead in an HBO drama

when my darling co-Oscar-winning
Helen Mirren called.

Oh, she had to pass
on the Brad Pitt movie,

so she recommended me.

Oh.

It's just so beautiful the way
we A-listers give freely.

- I'm back!
- Oh.

Oh, it's so good to be home.

Oh, and it's so good
to have you home.

But where's Melanie?

I thought she was driving you
from the hospital.

Yes, she was, but the doctor

said I should avoid
stressful situations.

Did she say
who she was gonna marry yet?!

Simon, Mitch, or Bob?
Simon, Mitch, or Bob?

- So I took a cab.
- Ah.

Plus, I wanted to tell
all of you my decision together.

So, who's the lucky guy?

Well, I was up all night
picturing myself

married to each one of them,
and only one of them felt right.

- Mitch.
- No.

- Bob.
- No.

- Simon! I knew it!
- Yes!

Yes, it's Simon.
It's always been Simon.

He was my first love, and when
he came back into my life,

it just felt like destiny.

Oh, that is wonderful, sweetie.
Have you told him yet?

No, I have to break the news
to Bob and Mitch first.

- I owe them that.
- How are you gonna tell Mitch?

Oh, I have it all planned out
so we part as friends.

I go over in my black dress
that makes me look sorry,

but in a hot way.

I reference
his best qualities...

He's handsome, kind...

handsome.

We kiss farewell, and he asks...
No, insists...

That we remain good friends.

It's Mitch.

Hello?

What do you mean,
we'll never be friends?

How did you...

He bugged the living room.

Well, you're a detective.
I suppose that's normal.

Cameras, too?

♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪

♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

Okay, I think
I found the last one.

Hm.
You know, it's funny.

I had no idea
those cameras were there,

but now that they're gone,
I kind of miss them.

I'm going to New York with you.

What?

The heat's on.
I've got to get out of town.

Last night
at the council meeting,

Elka announced
that she has a plan

to bring 1,000 jobs
to Cleveland.

- She has no plan.
- Why would you do that?

The mayor was being all braggy.

You know how I get.

Fine, fine. But I am not
introducing you to Brad Pitt.

We'll see.

Oh, hey.
Did you break the news to Bob?

Not yet.

I tried to call, but I haven't
been able to reach him.

I hate to let him down.
He's so sweet.

He really is, but right now, you
and Simon should be together.

I have to tell Bob first.

Well, let me tell him.

We're friends.
I will let him down gently.

- Really?
- Yes.

So go and plan
your perfect Scottish wedding.

Oh, Melanie, thank you.

Go.
Be with the man you love.

Oh, I can't believe
I'm getting married.

Oh, I can picture it now...

A Scottish castle,
the groomsmen in kilts,

and at the end of the night,

my darling Simon heroically
pumping the bagpipes.

Don't call yourself names, Joy.

I know
this is hard for you, Bob.

I'm so sorry.

Well, I knew proposing
was a long shot.

I mean, I talk a good game, but
I know Joy's out of my league.

I just thought this time
I'd found the one.

Oh.
I've been there.

I-I've gotten close a few times.

It didn't work out,
and it... it hurts.

But you are
a smart, funny, wonderful man.

You're right.

I am handsome.

Yes.

- And handsome.
- Mm.

And there are
so many women out there

who could easily
fall in love with you.

Oh, God.

I hope there are no more
hidden cameras in this house.

Joy.

Have you made your decision?

Yes, Simon.

I will marry you.

Joy. Mm!
You've made me so happy.

- Hello.
- Oh!

- Who's she?
- Oh, her.

Um, this is...

Uh

We are so gonna laugh about this
at our 50th wedding anniversary.

This is... my wife.

- Your wife?
- This is Yesenia.

Hello.

Wha... What the hell is going on?

How could you propose to me

and not tell me
you were already married?

Well, I thought
you would say no.

- I would have said no.
- Exactly.

Yesenia and I are only married
in the legal sense.

We're not married in a spiritual
sense or a sexual sense

or a pretending-to-listen-
to-long-boring-stories sense.

Simon, how did this happen?

Look, I was filming
the civil war in her country.

Yesenia was alone and abandoned.

The rebels
were taking over the city.

The only way I could get her out
of the country was to marry her.

He was so kind.

He took me,
even though in my country

I'm past the age of marriage
and no man would want me.

How old are you?

23.

Yesenia, could we have a moment?

Look, Joy,
nothing has to change.

We can still get married...
eventually...

as soon as Yesenia
can stay here legally.

Until then,
just for immigration,

you have to pretend
to be our maid.

- Your maid?!
- It's just a title.

We'll all pitch in together.

- So, we're good?
- No!

What really infuriates me

is you doing something
so utterly stupid

and humanitarian

that I can't get mad
without feeling like a jerk.

Then let's just
move past the anger

and go straight
to the make-up sex.

Make-up sex?
Sounds wonderful.

Should we ask your sexy,
young wife to join us?

I feel like
that's a trick question.

It was a joke!

Okay, Victoria,
you are the queen

waiting for the republic's
ambassador, played by Brad Pitt,

who has just landed
on your planet.

Uh, about my costume...

No, no. That's just
the motion-capture suit.

Your character will be
digitally rendered in post.

All right?
Let's get started.

But Brad isn't here yet.

Oh, no. Mr. Pitt's
not coming to New York.

See, the beauty
of these special effects is,

you don't even have to be
in the same country.

But I can't film a love scene
without my lover.

Vern.

He's Brad Pitt?

No, no.

That's Brad Pitt.

A tennis ball?

We'll CGI Brad in later.

This tennis ball represents
the future of your race.

Now make love to it.

I feel sorry
for the tennis ball.

You want a cupcake?
They're from Film New York.

What's that?

That's the city film commission.

The city gets
a couple thousand jobs.

We get tax breaks.
It's a win-win.

Oh. A politician
that brings in that many jobs

could sure shut up
a braggy mayor.

Who are you again?

Elka Ostrovsky.

Film Cleveland.

All right.
And action!

Oh, I love you.

Kiss me.

Ah.

Ah.

Vern!

Cut!

Victoria, what's wrong?

What's wrong?

I'm kissing a tennis ball.

Maybe it'll help you get into it

if I can show you the model
of your character.

Oh, that would be great.

I was picturing
a sexy Zoe Saldana type.

You know... like from "Avatar."

This is you.

Pretty cool, huh?

We even gave it some
of your facial features

so people will forever associate
you with the character.

Mirren!

Is that a diary?

Diaries are for girls, Melanie.

This is a journal.

A sex journal.

I've kept track
of every conquest

since I was
a wide-eyed 24-year-old.

You're on page three?

It's not necessarily
my first journal.

It says "volume one"
right there on the cover.

Oh. Well.

I get two thumbs up, huh?

Oh, those are not thumbs.

What does "BPSE" mean?

Best pity sex ever.

Oh, Bob.

You don't have
to call it pity sex.

How else could I describe it?

I felt sorry for you.

Wait.

You think
you had pity sex with me?

No, no, no.
I had pity sex with you,

because I felt sorry for you
because you can never have Joy.

And I plan to change that.

Now, more than ever, I realize
that Joy is the one for me.

Sex with you confirmed that.

Well, my agent confirmed it.

Mirren tricked me
into taking that movie

so she could steal my part
in that HBO series.

My advice, Victoria,
is to let it go.

You're right.

No, I should quit the movie,
destroy Mirren,

and take back
what is rightfully mine.

I need something underhanded
and devious.

Oh, WWLD?

What would Lucci do?

I should call her.

You're gonna call
your oldest enemy?

First of all,
my oldest enemy is time.

And, second,
you know the saying...

"keep your friends close

and your enemy of your friend

as close as the friend
of your enemy even closer."

This will cheer you up.

Everyone in town
loves my Film Cleveland plan.

Why would that cheer me up?

Because you're the spokesperson.

I didn't agree to that.

But it's a win-win.

I bring film jobs to Cleveland
and stick it to the mayor.

And what do I get?

I said it was win-win,
not win-win-win.

Simon's already married.

- Married?!
- Are you kidding?!

The whole time
he was proposing to me,

he was already married
to another woman. I hate him!

- That bastard.
- Son of a bitch.

But... I can't hate him.

The woman is from
a war-ravaged country,

and he married her
to save her life.

- He saved her life.
- Oh, that's so sweet.

It's not sweet!

He should have told me first,
but he just thinks of himself.

- Oh, who does that?
- So self-centered.

Not totally self-centered.

I just told you...
He saved a life.

Okay, I'm confused.

Which opinion should we echo
and pretend is our own?

This morning I was getting
married to the love of my life.

And now the love of my life
is married to a hot 23-year-old,

and he expects me
to wait for him.

I don't know what to do.

Joy.

- Simon.
- I love you.

- I don't want to hear that.
- I want to marry you.

I don't want to hear that
either.

I'm getting a divorce.

I'm listening.

I'll start divorce proceedings
right away.

It'll be just the two of us.
Just you and me.

- Really?
- Yes, really.

To the bedroom, future wife!

Oh, my God!

This is really happening.

Yes, it's really happening.

- To the bedroom!
- Oh, no. Wait.

What about Yesenia?

Oh.
Oh, she'll be okay.

I promise.
We'll figure it out somehow.

- To the bedroom!
- Yes! No, wait.

What do you mean, "somehow"?

Look, Joy,
after years and years apart,

we're finally getting
our happily ever after.

- Can we just enjoy the moment?
- Yes.

Hello.

Yesenia.
What are you doing here?

Uh, maybe put me down now.

I'm so sorry to interrupt,
but I've just heard

that my father's been arrested.

I have to go back home.

In my country, I can't travel
without my husband.

Of course.
Your husband will go with you.

Oh, thank you.

Would you excuse us?

Joy.

If you don't go back to help
her, you'll hate yourself.

And I'll hate myself.

Look, I'll... I'll go,
and I'll come back to you

as soon as I can,
and then we can be together.

Oh, Simon.

I've said that before,
haven't I?

Yes, you have.

Many times.

It's your pattern.

You're impulsive
and unpredictable.

And you love that about me.

I do.

But I don't love it about us.

It's always very exciting,
but it's not a relationship.

So, what are you saying?

I'm saying I can't marry you.

You're great
at the grand gesture.

But relationships
are about what happens

after the grand gesture.

It's the little everyday moments
in between that make up a life,

and that's not you.

I can change.

I've said that before, too,
haven't I?

Yes.

So this is it?

We have a son and a grandson
together.

We'll always be
in each other's lives, and...

I'll always love you.

I'll always love you.

Goodbye, Joy.

Goodbye, Simon.

- Are you all right?
- I think I am.

Or at least I will be.

He'll always be my first love,

but I know I made
the right decision.

Of course you did, sweetie.

You know, if something like
this had happened in my 20s,

I'd be depressed
and in bed for a month.

- But now...
- In your 30s.

Yes.

Surrounded by friends,
I know I'll be okay.

In some ways, I think you guys

are the long-term relationship
I was destined for.

I want to see other people.

Good.
You're all here.

Joy, I have two things
to tell you,

and it's best
that there are witnesses.

First, a confession.

When Melanie told me the news,
she was so sad

that I made love to her...

out of pity.

I pitied you!

Says the single
middle-aged woman

to the successful bachelor.

Why are you telling me this?

Because I never want there
to be anything

but absolute honesty between us,
Joy.

Secondly, now that I'm done
comforting Melanie...

I'll be devoting myself
solely to you,

because some day
Simon will slip up,

and on that day,
I will be there for you.

She just dumped Simon.

Then as first runner-up, I guess
I'll be assuming his duties.

No, you don't get
to automatically marry Joy

just because
she didn't choose Simon.

You know, I find it sad
that most Americans

don't even know their own laws.

You're very sweet, Bob,

but I'm not really looking
for any husband right now.

I get it.
And that's smart.

Throw yourself into your work.

And what will happen to you?

Oh.
I'll see you at work.

I bought back
the detective agency from Mitch.

He really hates you.

You two working together...
Won't that be awkward?

At first.

But then it'll turn
to mild discomfort...

then to amused tolerance...

and naturally, to love.

And, Melanie,
I know you're hurting...

- right now.
- Okay, you need to leave now.

That's right, Melanie...
You be strong.

You hide your pain, Melanie.

- Oh, my God.
- What?

Helen Mirren was
in a freak accident in London.

Someone pushed her
into the Thames.

The incident was captured
on camera by CCTV.

Oh, dear.

Doctors say Mirren is unharmed,
but, shaken by the incident,

has opted out
of her forthcoming HBO series.

Someone pushed her
into the river?!

Who would do
something like that?

I have a major announcement
to make!

Does it have anything to do
with the fact

that you're carrying
a Harrods bag

and Helen Mirren
just fell into the Thames?

It does.

I got my HBO part back.

I would have told you
about the plan,

but Lucci wanted
to keep it a secret.

Oh, look.
They're talking about it on TV.

Oh, turn it up.

Mirren was pulled
from the Thames

by American actress Susan Lucci.

What? What? That...
That wasn't part of the plan.

A grateful Mirren
has promised to cast Lucci

in her next film, to be
directed by Martin Scorsese.

Could an Oscar for Lucci be
the reward for her heroic act?

Mirren!

Lucci!

Mirucci!

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪

♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪

♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Hey! ♪