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1
00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:28,319
WOMAN: I'm not driving
you. GIRL: Please.
2
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:29,679
I said no!
3
00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:32,239
Fine. I'm gonna miss
English. Ooh, you better not.
4
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,679
I spend every waking hour paying
for your fucking school fees.
5
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:37,439
And that's my fault, is it?
6
00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,159
Obviously not.
7
00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:41,919
Great. So if you're done
blaming me for your decisions,
8
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:45,079
you can drop me at the station.
Hey! Walk away from the car.
9
00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:47,640
Alice, get your hands
off the Corolla.
10
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:55,880
And pull your skirt down at
the back. It's all hitched...
11
00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:04,440
Hey, Mia. Hi, Sam.
12
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,479
No, no. 110%. Too easy.
13
00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:13,599
Thank you. My pleasure.
14
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:15,119
Bye.
15
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:16,999
Sorry, it was the kid.
16
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,399
I don't wanna bore you with the
details, but that little turd,
17
00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,440
she was on fire this morning.
18
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,439
(SIGHS) So what did he say?
19
00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:27,319
Readership's down,
they're haemorrhaging cash
20
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,199
and someone's definitely
getting the arse.
21
00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:31,720
Oh, it's me, isn't
it? It's you...
22
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:35,000
..or Stuart.
23
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:40,159
Can't you make him sit down?
24
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,799
You need to annihilate him.
25
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,559
Oh, I can do that. Yeah,
but historically, you can't.
26
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,039
Yes, I can. Sam!
27
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,319
You're a better writer,
you're a better human.
28
00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:50,720
Nobody cares.
29
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,519
They want one piece
from each of you.
30
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,159
Different advertorials.
31
00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,079
A new-age float tank.
32
00:01:58,080 --> 00:01:59,839
Sex toy for couples.
33
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:03,200
Oh, don't make me cry. I'm
giving you the first choice.
34
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:05,479
Do the float tank.
35
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,839
You can spin gold out of that
in your sleep, you love a bath.
36
00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,480
I'm not topping Stuart
with a float tank.
37
00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:13,920
Give us the sex toy.
38
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,439
Toys, plural.
39
00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:21,680
Yeah, yeah, whatever. Whatever.
40
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,040
It's for couples.
41
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:26,719
Don't fuck me. Nah.
42
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,520
Yeah. You can count
on me. (KISSES)
43
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,879
Hey, Stuart. Hi. Hey.
44
00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:33,879
Nice to see you.
45
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:35,160
Stuart.
46
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:43,039
George!
47
00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:44,880
Hey. Hey.
48
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,759
Sorry. Sorry, I'm late.
49
00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:49,519
I don't care.
50
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,240
Hang on just a sec. (PANTS)
51
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:55,879
Oh, yeah.
52
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,439
Oh, Leish wants you to bring
the sweet potato salad.
53
00:02:58,440 --> 00:02:59,879
Yeah, no, she told me.
54
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,160
Mate, I need a favour
from you. Can do.
55
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,840
I need you to masturbate
into a machine for me.
56
00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:10,639
Look, if it's any help, I'll
also be wanking with a...
57
00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:12,359
..like a complimentary machine,
58
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:13,759
same time. How
would that help?
59
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,959
And, uh, both devices, they're
sort of connected to each other.
60
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,399
I mean, not physically.
61
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,639
They could be in different
countries, that's a whole idea.
62
00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:22,799
Oh, this is for work. Can't
I just write you a cheque?
63
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,159
Oh, mate, you know I
would take your money,
64
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,839
but this is more than a bailout,
this is actually my future.
65
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,319
Is it? Really? Yes.
66
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,000
Yes. My job is on the line.
67
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:35,559
Look, if I had access to any other
cock at all, I wouldn't be asking.
68
00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:38,079
But I am getting less
skilled by the hour.
69
00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:39,839
I am knee-deep in
middle-age oblivion.
70
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,640
And the truth is, I
don't give a shit.
71
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,919
I want to be invisible,
but I also want to eat.
72
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,199
And I want to educate my kid
and I don't want to be homeless.
73
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:48,479
OK. OK.
74
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,360
O... OK?
75
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:54,799
So... what I've gotta...
76
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:58,119
..put myself into...
Yeah. It's just like a...
77
00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,240
It's like a little
fake vagina. (CHUCKLES)
78
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:04,079
It's in the back of the car.
79
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:05,719
Thanks again, mate.
80
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:07,319
Um...
81
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:09,319
..uh...
82
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:10,559
Oh.
83
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:12,200
I owe you one.
84
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:16,279
That is a bloody big box.
85
00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:17,759
Feel flattered.
86
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:19,479
Also, I'm on a 48-hour deadline.
87
00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:22,239
Oh, mate, it's pretty busy the next
couple of days, it's chock-a-block.
88
00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:24,080
I can't just... What
about right now?
89
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,119
(SIGHS) (PHONE RINGS)
90
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,680
Yep. Uh, I feel like
I've already failed.
91
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,959
It... it looks
like... a thermos.
92
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,279
Um... Or a bit of PVC pipe.
93
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,559
Actually, that makes more
sense. Yeah, I'm just gonna...
94
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:18,079
..read the instructions.
95
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,199
You telling me you don't know
how to turn on a vibrator?
96
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,679
Oh, mate, this is not
your usual vibrator.
97
00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,479
Maybe you should put
that in your article.
98
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,879
Yeah. Why don't you write it?
99
00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:28,320
I will.
100
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:31,879
Oh, here we go.
101
00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:33,799
I've got an instructional video.
102
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:34,920
I'm gonna watch this.
103
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:40,039
VOICEOVER: Welcome to a brave
new world of sexual indulgence
104
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,959
where physical distance
is no longer a barrier
105
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,079
and modern technology meets
old-fashioned romance.
106
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,799
Am I supposed to just put
it straight into that,
107
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,439
without any lube or...?
108
00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:51,199
..adjustable clit arm.
109
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:55,199
Any user anywhere can
control the vagina.
110
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:58,159
OK, well, I don't want to
do that. I mean, who does?
111
00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:00,519
Like, who are they talking
to? Psychologically, I mean?
112
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:01,759
It's pretty reductive.
113
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:04,559
They clearly underestimate the
complexity of male sexuality.
114
00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:07,279
We've got to charge
the fucking things.
115
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:08,720
(CHEWS)
116
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,520
I mean, seriously?
117
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,200
How hard is it to bang one
out the old-fashioned way?
118
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,240
It's not that hard.
119
00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,279
Oh!
120
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:25,959
Well, that... that
feels incredible.
121
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,639
Oh, fuck! Mine's moving!
122
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,080
Is yours moving? (DING!)
123
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:33,919
(VIBRATES) Ooh.
124
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:36,479
Oh, yeah, it's doing something.
125
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,800
OK, well...
126
00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:40,680
..what do we do now?
127
00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:44,399
I'm just gonna go in.
What, no foreplay?
128
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,959
Yeah, well, mate,
you just keep up.
129
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,200
OK, hang on.
130
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:50,440
(GROANS)
131
00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:53,440
(GRUNTS)
132
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:57,640
Oh.
133
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:00,280
Oh.
134
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:03,279
Alright, can you feel anything?
135
00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:05,679
Oh, yep! Oh, I really can.
136
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:09,079
Yeah? OK, I'm just
going to, um...
137
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,879
..have a little poke around.
138
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:13,159
If you feel something,
you just tell me, yeah?
139
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:14,959
Oh, fuck!
140
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,759
Wow. Yeah, yeah!
141
00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:19,039
Yeah.
142
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,399
Oh, my... God!
143
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,799
Are they, uh... are
they happy sounds or...?
144
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,999
Yeah, yep, yeah... (MOANS)
145
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:27,039
Great.
146
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:30,599
OK, so I'm just gonna fire
off a few questions as we go,
147
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:33,879
so I just get a sense of what
the experience is for you.
148
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:36,959
But if it's too distracting,
you just tell me 'cause I can...
149
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,479
I can save them
all up for the end.
150
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:42,199
Oh, Sammy. So... Wait...
Oh, my... (GROANS)
151
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,279
(MOANS) Oh, fu... Oh, can...
152
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:46,639
Oh, fuck. S... sorry.
153
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,559
Sorry. So... (GROANS)
154
00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:50,279
Oh, fuck.
155
00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:51,520
Sorry. (SIGHS)
156
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:54,039
Did you just...?
157
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,199
Yep, I really did... Oh, God!
158
00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:00,079
Oh, you are fucking kidding me.
159
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:04,679
Oh, my God, I have not felt
anything like that in my life.
160
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,199
That thing could
end the human race.
161
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,719
Holy shit! It felt that good.
162
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,159
Oh, fuck. So sorry.
163
00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:13,999
Oh, no. Sorry.
164
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,199
It's fine. I'm happy for you.
165
00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:19,839
Oh, thanks, mate.
(SIGHS) How'd you go?
166
00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:21,199
You didn't even turn me on.
167
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:22,719
Oh.
168
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,319
That's... embarrassing.
169
00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:26,999
Oh, who am I gonna tell?
170
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,159
Um... mate, just give me...
171
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,079
Give me 40 to an hour to reload.
172
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,240
Ah, mate, it's not
your actual dick.
173
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,239
Oh, yeah? How good's that, eh?
174
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,519
Yeah. Yeah, that's really handy.
175
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,599
Oh, so I'm just, um...
176
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:42,959
I'm just hitting buttons, am I?
177
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,000
Yep. That's it.
178
00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:46,799
(BEEPING) What's that?
What's that doing?
179
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,519
Nothing.
180
00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:50,479
Oh. Uh...
181
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,039
How about now?
182
00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:54,919
Um, nup. Nothing.
183
00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,240
Now? Nothing.
184
00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,239
Ow! Good ow?
185
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,559
No, that's painful ow.
Ow! What are you doing?
186
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:03,839
Well, it's a bit confusing.
187
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:05,639
It's like they don't
want you to understand.
188
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,359
Well, I managed to work
it out. (PHONE RINGS)
189
00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:09,599
Oh, fuck. Sorry. That's
my alarm. Hang on.
190
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:12,360
Oh, could you just turn
it off? Yeah, I'm trying.
191
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:19,560
It's Tom.
192
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,799
I've gotta go pick him
up. Yeah. Yeah, of course.
193
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,079
But, hey, at least we know
both machines work, yeah?
194
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,879
So... so job done. I
cannot write that review.
195
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,079
I cannot say, "The fake
vagina works a treat.
196
00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:32,799
"My mate blew in five seconds,
197
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,959
"but then he had to
go and pick up his son
198
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:38,039
"so we will never know
if the fake dick works."
199
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:39,719
Fair enough.
200
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,239
Oh, my God.
201
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:42,800
I'm running out of time.
202
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:47,000
OK. Midday tomorrow.
203
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:50,919
Thank you. Don't thank me yet.
204
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,639
Oh, jeez, it was easy
getting into this thing.
205
00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,119
It's proving a lot more
difficult... I'm, um...
206
00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,079
..to get back out. ..I'm
just going to let you go.
207
00:09:58,080 --> 00:09:59,720
Yeah, OK, I need both hands.
208
00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:03,799
(SIGHS)
209
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,080
Wait, big boy.
210
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:08,359
(WATER RUNS)
211
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:09,360
(TAP TURNS OFF)
212
00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:17,960
(SAM SIGHS)
213
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:27,039
Oh.
214
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,079
She's been in my
room! Oh, fuck off.
215
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:30,639
Ella! She had shoes on.
216
00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,399
Hey, pull your head in.
You are literally insane.
217
00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:34,319
It smells like dog poo. She
didn't go in there, mate.
218
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:36,679
I swear to God. Back and
forth and back and forth!
219
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:38,359
Ella, why do you
provoke him? (GASPS)
220
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:41,079
Tom. Tommy. Hey, Tommy.
221
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,599
Hey, look at me.
Tommy, Look at me.
222
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:45,479
Mate, it was me. I'm sorry.
223
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:48,759
I went in there to drop off some
clean clothes, and I got distracted.
224
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,159
I'm sorry, I forgot. I will...
225
00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,199
I'll disinfect it
straight after tea, OK?
226
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:56,559
OK. Four breaths
in... (BOTH INHALE)
227
00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:58,439
..and out. (BOTH EXHALE)
228
00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,399
And in
229
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:01,879
and out.
230
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:04,999
Let's just have a nice
dinner, OK? Come on.
231
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,119
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
232
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:08,640
(DOOR OPENS)
233
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,879
Do you have to have your
boobs out like that?!
234
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,839
Well, they float, so...
Just put them away.
235
00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,959
I... I genuinely, I can't.
236
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,759
You don't have to look
at them so disgustedly.
237
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:23,839
This is really sad. You're
projecting your body shame onto me.
238
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:25,119
How?
239
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:27,879
I don't have time to
educate you. Where's dinner?
240
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:30,279
It's, uh, in the fridge.
241
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,720
Is it leftovers? Yeah.
You know it is, baby.
242
00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:39,320
(DOOR SLAMS)
243
00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:57,600
(EXHALES)
244
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,840
(PHONE RINGS)
245
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:09,199
Hey.
246
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:13,439
Hey, mate. Sorry. Sorry. It's been
one shitstorm after the other.
247
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:14,999
I've just gotten home.
248
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,479
The boys went to the wrong site,
the bloody concrete came late.
249
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,519
Just give me a couple of secs.
250
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,919
Is it just work
shitstorms or...?
251
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:24,639
Oh, it's pretty even spread.
252
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,919
We've hit another
rough patch with Tom.
253
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,960
Oh, shit. Is it new meds?
254
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:32,040
No.
255
00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:35,799
That's probably on the
cards, though, yeah.
256
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,080
Well, how's Liesh?
257
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:40,000
Yeah, yeah. She's, um...
258
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:42,679
She's feeling it.
259
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:43,799
Yeah.
260
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,799
Well, give him my love.
261
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,599
Yeah.
262
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,880
Yeah, I will.
263
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:57,560
Do you...
264
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,640
..reckon this is something that
we should have run by Leish?
265
00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:06,839
Um, maybe you could have
put that on the table
266
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:09,240
before I came into
a machine, but...
267
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:12,200
N-no.
268
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:16,400
I mean... No, no, it's OK.
Yeah. No, it's... it's fine.
269
00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:19,520
I've already done
it anyway, so...
270
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,119
Yeah, OK. Well, um, great.
271
00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:26,679
Alright, so I've read the
instruction booklet, you know,
272
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,599
cover to cover, so I've
really got a handle on it now.
273
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,919
Was I supposed to read that?
In a perfect world, yeah.
274
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:33,640
But I didn't expect you to, so
I'm gonna walk you through it.
275
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,039
Are you in yet?
276
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:38,479
No, I gotta... I gotta
put the phone down.
277
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,280
Oh, yeah. OK, so go on.
278
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:45,999
And when you're ready, we're just
going to go back into your settings.
279
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,160
Yeah?
280
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:49,400
(EXHALES)
281
00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:51,959
OK, I'm... I'm in.
282
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,399
Alright, great.
Alright, so let's go...
283
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,160
No, hang on. I'll
get my phone. Yeah.
284
00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,359
OK, uh... I'm in settings.
285
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:00,519
Yep.
286
00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:01,800
It's not lit up like before.
287
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:06,959
Why are you FaceTiming me?
288
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:09,040
Just answer it and show
me your phone screen.
289
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:12,999
Are you...
290
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,160
..in bed?
291
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,079
Yeah.
292
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:18,959
So, uh, show us
your phone screen.
293
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:19,960
Uh, y-yep.
294
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,359
OK, um...
295
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,159
Oh, yeah, see where
it says 'Bluetooth'?
296
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:25,160
Yeah.
297
00:14:25,161 --> 00:14:26,759
Yeah, and that little
white dot on the right?
298
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:27,999
That was green before.
299
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,959
Fuck sake. Just...
just push that.
300
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,039
Oh, yeah. (CHIMES)
301
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:32,079
Oh, yeah. Green again.
302
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,119
Yeah, there you go.
303
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:36,519
Yeah. OK, let's get
this party started.
304
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:38,479
Um, let's just, um...
305
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,919
Let me just set the
tone here. Please.
306
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:43,039
Alright, so we're just going
to take baby steps, alright?
307
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:44,959
And we're going
to do it together.
308
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,679
Say no more. Oh,
well, I will say more.
309
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,799
I'll say more about the remote.
No, you probably should.
310
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:49,800
Yeah. About the remote. Yep.
311
00:14:49,801 --> 00:14:52,519
So if you just think
about it like it's...
312
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:55,639
..it's just like a video game or
it's... it's like a TV remote.
313
00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:56,839
Right. Right. You know?
314
00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:58,959
You can. Here you
go. You can go up.
315
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:00,159
OK.
316
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,959
Mm. You can go down.
317
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,399
Oh! Or you can go left.
318
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:07,079
Yep. And you can go right.
319
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,599
Just like driving
a forklift. Yep.
320
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:10,759
Oh.
321
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,279
Phew. Ah.
322
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:13,679
Oh, OK.
323
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,279
So... up.
324
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:16,680
Oh, hello.
325
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,359
OK. OK, that's doing something.
326
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:22,599
Good something?
327
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,919
How about if I do this? Ah...
328
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:28,559
Is that better or...?
Yeah, that's not bad.
329
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:30,839
Alright, how about if I do this?
330
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:33,079
Oh, fuck. Um...
331
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:34,719
I'm just gonna.
332
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,679
I'm just gonna turn
the camera off.
333
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:37,680
Oh, that good?
334
00:15:37,681 --> 00:15:39,559
Yeah, I just don't want
to see your come face.
335
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,119
I actually happen to
look quite handsome.
336
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:42,719
Ha! No, you don't.
337
00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:44,159
How do you know? Leish likes it.
338
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,719
She's lying.
339
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:49,239
Alright, how about some,
uh, some role play?
340
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:53,039
The, um, the... (SCOTTISH ACCENT)
..the tale of the simple-minded gimp.
341
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,599
Is that's supposed to be Irish?
342
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,999
It's clearly Scottish.
Oh. You have a go, then.
343
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,639
Oh...
344
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:00,279
That's not gonna... Oh...
345
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:02,319
OK. Yep. ..happen.
346
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:03,359
Oh.
347
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:04,919
Oh, my God.
348
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:05,999
OK.
349
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,080
Oh, Jesus.
350
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,239
Oh, fuck me!
351
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:13,119
Oh, my God. No wonder
you came so quickly.
352
00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,559
Oh, oh, oh! Thank
you. Oh, fuck.
353
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,440
Oh, if you could just, um...
354
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:19,919
Oh, could you just turn me up?
355
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,359
Just... just... just a little?
356
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,119
Oh! Yep. Yeah. Yeah.
357
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:24,439
Oh! Oh, God.
358
00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:25,560
Oh. Oh.
359
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:27,920
Is it, um...
360
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:30,959
..is it too weird if I, uh...
361
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,520
I want to see your face.
362
00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:43,560
Oh, fuck.
363
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:45,839
Oh. Oh.
364
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:47,279
Oh. Yeah, yeah.
365
00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:49,639
Oh, I just... I am...
366
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:52,559
Oh, fuck. I'm right behind
you. Oh. OK, slow it down.
367
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,759
Right there, right there, right
there. Right there. Right there.
368
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:55,999
Could you just... Oh.
369
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,239
Oh, fuck. Turn me up!
370
00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:58,439
Yeah, yeah.
371
00:16:58,440 --> 00:16:59,679
Oh, God!
372
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:01,559
Oh! Oh!
373
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:03,399
Oh! Oh! Oh, Jesus.
374
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:04,679
Oh! (DOOR OPENS)
375
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:06,479
Oh, no. Wait, wait! Stop! Wait!
376
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,799
No, don't... Fuck! Don't come...
It's not what it looks like.
377
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:10,199
Jesus. What the fuck?!
378
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,200
Oh, God.
379
00:17:11,201 --> 00:17:12,719
Oh, no. Oh, fuck.
380
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:13,880
Oh, God!
381
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,399
Oh!
382
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,160
Oh! Oh!
383
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,079
Oh, God!
384
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:22,160
Oh!
385
00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:24,199
Oh.
386
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,120
(PANTS)
387
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:32,680
Shit.
388
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:35,640
(PHONE RINGS) G'day.
389
00:17:35,641 --> 00:17:37,399
This is George from
Creek Custom Concrete.
390
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,599
Sorry, I can't come to the phone
right now. Just leave a message.
391
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,600
(BEEP!)
392
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:46,999
(GASPS) God!
393
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,159
Why aren't you at school?!
394
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:49,679
Half day.
395
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:50,999
How long have you been here?
396
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,240
Why are you out of breath?
I'm not out of breath.
397
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:56,519
Have you been shopping?
398
00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:57,799
No.
399
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:00,679
I'm sorry. I'm on a deadline, so
just... just order what you want.
400
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,319
I failed my philosophy exam.
401
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:03,719
What?
402
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,279
Oh, not the ethics one. Oh, bub.
403
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,720
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
404
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:12,439
(SNIFFS)
405
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,239
What is that smell?
406
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,639
What smell? You smell
like... (SNIFFS)
407
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,239
..plastic or Play-Doh.
408
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,480
Oh. I'm getting sushi.
409
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,280
(SIGHS)
410
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:00,720
Fuck.
411
00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:13,840
(EXHALES) P-p-p-p-pah.
412
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,720
(CLOSES OVEN DOOR)
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
413
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:37,159
Oh, my God. You're making dinner?
Oh, no, it's just a salad.
414
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:38,160
Oh.
415
00:19:38,161 --> 00:19:41,159
We're supposed to be going to George
and Leisha's tonight for dinner,
416
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,759
but, you know, if you've, um...
417
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:47,199
..if you've got a lot on or if
you're not feeling that well or...
418
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,880
Why would you pull out this
late and risk setting Tommy off?
419
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,359
I'm just thinking about you.
420
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,039
I'm fine.
421
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:56,520
Really?
422
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,880
I mean... I'm OK.
423
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:04,839
Can I drive?
424
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,079
I screamed, yes. I thought
we were gonna crash.
425
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,239
We had heaps of room.
426
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,039
I'll tell you one thing,
you are not driving home.
427
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:11,040
Why?
428
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:17,119
Why are you so
jumpy? I'm not jumpy!
429
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:19,759
You are! Relax!
I'm not! I'm not!
430
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,199
Hello, ladies.
431
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,079
Hello, lady.
432
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,880
How's school? Ask her.
433
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,679
It's the single worst
decision I have ever made.
434
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:34,440
Oh, come on. We both know you've
made much worse calls than that.
435
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:43,839
TOMMY: Alice, do
you want ice-cream?
436
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:45,399
ELLA: Nope, she doesn't.
437
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:48,199
ALICE: Actually, I'd
love some. Thanks, Tommy.
438
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:49,360
No worries.
439
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,519
Why are you being
so nice to him?
440
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,440
I don't know. He's cute.
441
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:56,839
Fuck's sake, don't tell him.
442
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,559
So... how's work?
443
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:02,200
Oh, you know, same
shit, different bucket.
444
00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:07,799
They put me on advertorials.
445
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:08,959
More wine, ladies?
446
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,239
Yeah, it's pretty
painful. Yeah, ta.
447
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:11,400
Yeah, just up to there.
448
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,639
But, you know, the last one,
449
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,999
very well received
by the higher ups.
450
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,759
Only been out 24 hours
451
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:25,359
and already got more traffic than
my last 12 articles combined.
452
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:27,199
So...
453
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,799
..still got a job, which
is, you know, nice.
454
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:32,360
Just going to get the
wine that I left...
455
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,400
Are you going to keep
this shit up all night?
456
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,559
I am so...
457
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,160
What's he done now?
458
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:49,160
Actually, you know
what? Don't tell me.
459
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:53,079
Whatever it is, just go give
him a spray and sort it out.
460
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:54,800
Please, for my sake.
461
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,039
That dinner was shit, mate.
462
00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:59,560
The kids had better banter.
463
00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:19,439
I don't know what to say.
464
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:21,479
Don't say anything.
465
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,080
I'm so sorry. Just
let's not... talk.
466
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:41,799
I'm gonna talk.
I know you are.
467
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,079
I am so sorry that
I made you do that.
468
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:45,599
You didn't make me do anything.
469
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,799
I just pulled out that
homeless old lady card.
470
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,679
I mean, what sort of
arsehole does that?
471
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:51,919
It was just that I was...
472
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,440
..I was desperate, and I
wasn't thinking straight and...
473
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,800
I just need you to tell me...
474
00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:02,760
..have I fucked it?
475
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,520
'Cause I'd rather put Alice
in care than lose you.
476
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,479
No-one would take Alice.
477
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,800
(CHUCKLES)
478
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:26,879
Leish caught me red-handed.
479
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:28,159
Shit.
480
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:30,640
She got... got a
hell of a shock.
481
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:35,919
Don't worry she didn't see you.
No, I wasn't thinking that.
482
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:37,319
You fucking were.
Yeah, I know. I was.
483
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:38,360
Oh, God. Sorry.
484
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:41,519
Anyway, worked out pretty well.
485
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:42,640
How?!
486
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,160
Well, I told her that, um...
487
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:51,400
..I was thinking about her the whole
time and that I missed her and...
488
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,879
I don't know if it was out of
489
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:59,920
lust or pity or just
plain confusion, but...
490
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:03,520
..she hasn't fucked
me like that in years.
491
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:09,479
That's pretty beautiful.
492
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,360
Yeah. Yeah, it was.
493
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:24,800
I love you, mate.
494
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:28,760
Yeah, yeah. I love you too.
495
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:34,560
You do look pretty
handsome when you come.
496
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:36,640
Do I?
497
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:38,959
Nuh.
498
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,599
Not even a little
bit. (CHUCKLES)
499
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,400
(CHUCKLES)
500
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:47,879
I closed my eyes
when you came. Ho!
501
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,999
You didn't even see it.
502
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,839
It would've made your world shake.
There I was going back and...
503
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,839
(CONTINUE CHATTING INDISTINCTLY)
504
00:24:56,840 --> 00:25:00,720
(GENTLE MUSIC)
505
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:09,960
♪ Ooh...
506
00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:24,360
♪ Only you
507
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:40,039
♪ Only you... ♪
508
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:43,440
Captions by Red Bee Media
(c) SBS Australia 2023
34914
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