Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,396 --> 00:00:05,960
Why do you have to open
the door with your hanky?
2
00:00:06,060 --> 00:00:07,492
It's cold and flu season.
3
00:00:08,429 --> 00:00:10,164
(Haskell) Gentlemen, would you be so kind
4
00:00:10,264 --> 00:00:12,133
as to join me in the bedroom?
5
00:00:12,233 --> 00:00:14,168
Now, you know if we were in a movie,
6
00:00:14,268 --> 00:00:17,071
the audience would be
screaming, "Don't you do it.
7
00:00:17,171 --> 00:00:19,944
Don't you go in that bedroom."
8
00:00:20,078 --> 00:00:21,813
Don't be so melodramatic.
9
00:00:21,913 --> 00:00:24,282
You go first.
10
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:29,855
Hello, gentlemen.
11
00:00:29,955 --> 00:00:31,957
Haskell, what the hell are you
doing with all this money?
12
00:00:32,057 --> 00:00:33,925
Lying in it.
13
00:00:34,025 --> 00:00:35,560
Swimming in it.
14
00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:36,795
Lovin' it!
15
00:00:36,895 --> 00:00:39,631
Come here, you. The
hundies are the softest.
16
00:00:39,731 --> 00:00:41,166
Oh. [laughs]
17
00:00:41,266 --> 00:00:44,069
It's horrifying, but I can't look away.
18
00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:46,104
So, I went to the bank
19
00:00:46,204 --> 00:00:49,407
and I took out every
dollar I made on that app
20
00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:51,943
and the other dollar that was there before.
21
00:00:52,043 --> 00:00:54,846
I am going to take pictures
and post them online
22
00:00:54,946 --> 00:00:58,884
to throw my success in the face
of everyone who doubted me:
23
00:00:58,984 --> 00:01:01,253
the teachers, the clergy, mother,
24
00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:02,821
all the haters.
25
00:01:02,921 --> 00:01:05,157
Haskell, don't you think
this is all a bit petty?
26
00:01:05,257 --> 00:01:08,026
Petty? It's gauche,
vindictive, and offensive.
27
00:01:08,093 --> 00:01:09,161
Phil, do you mind?
28
00:01:09,261 --> 00:01:10,762
Oh, I don't mind at all.
Get on the bed, baby.
29
00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:13,031
Get on that bed, baby! Yeah!
30
00:01:13,098 --> 00:01:15,100
(Phil) Yeah, flaunt that money!
31
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,636
Yeah, you rich. You're rich!
32
00:01:17,736 --> 00:01:18,904
Oh...
33
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:21,106
now the nudies.
34
00:01:23,575 --> 00:01:24,509
[upbeat music]
35
00:01:28,113 --> 00:01:33,460
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
36
00:01:41,326 --> 00:01:44,566
Whoo! Look who's here
checking out the talent.
37
00:01:44,681 --> 00:01:45,815
Please.
38
00:01:45,915 --> 00:01:47,617
Can't a woman come to a bar for a drink
39
00:01:47,717 --> 00:01:49,486
and a little self-reflection?
40
00:01:49,619 --> 00:01:50,887
Of course she can.
41
00:01:51,295 --> 00:01:53,364
So, hey, Holly, I'm redoing my bedroom
42
00:01:53,464 --> 00:01:56,400
and I could use your
opinion on bedside tables.
43
00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:58,936
Do you like, um...
44
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:01,772
eclectic or matchy-matchy?
45
00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:03,674
Forget it, Stuart, all
she's thinking about is
46
00:02:03,774 --> 00:02:07,144
back that ass up and let Mama smack it.
47
00:02:07,244 --> 00:02:09,680
All right, maybe it's been a little while
48
00:02:09,780 --> 00:02:13,184
since I've been on the receiving
end of male companionship.
49
00:02:13,284 --> 00:02:14,885
Oh, my God, it's been so long,
50
00:02:14,986 --> 00:02:17,154
you don't even know what it's called.
51
00:02:17,254 --> 00:02:19,357
Look, it's just that
everything's going so great
52
00:02:19,457 --> 00:02:21,892
in my life, but the second I like a guy,
53
00:02:21,993 --> 00:02:24,295
it all turns into drama, you know?
54
00:02:24,395 --> 00:02:25,896
It doesn't have to.
55
00:02:25,997 --> 00:02:27,498
You should just down-date.
56
00:02:27,598 --> 00:02:29,200
I have no idea what that is,
57
00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:31,068
and yet I already find it repugnant.
58
00:02:33,337 --> 00:02:36,340
When I got divorced, I was
afraid of getting hurt,
59
00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:39,510
so I hooked up with women who
weren't necessarily my type
60
00:02:39,610 --> 00:02:41,746
and I didn't care if I ever saw again.
61
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:43,447
Well, forget it.
62
00:02:43,547 --> 00:02:45,249
Holly has way too much
class to demean herself...
63
00:02:45,349 --> 00:02:48,519
Can it, Matchy-Matchy.
64
00:02:48,619 --> 00:02:50,921
What you're saying is, I
should sleep with a guy
65
00:02:50,955 --> 00:02:54,058
I'm not interested in so
I don't get attached?
66
00:02:54,158 --> 00:02:55,426
Exactly.
67
00:02:55,526 --> 00:02:57,228
It's like driving a crappy rent-a-car.
68
00:02:57,328 --> 00:02:58,963
You don't want to be seen in it,
69
00:02:59,063 --> 00:03:00,744
but it gets you where you need to go.
70
00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:03,901
Okay, I'm gonna call it.
71
00:03:04,001 --> 00:03:07,138
Romance, time of death: 6:55 pm.
72
00:03:09,707 --> 00:03:10,875
All right, I'm intrigued.
73
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,643
So, how do I down-date, huh?
74
00:03:12,743 --> 00:03:14,078
Look around the bar.
75
00:03:14,178 --> 00:03:15,446
Mm-hmm.
76
00:03:15,546 --> 00:03:17,481
Do you see anything you don't like?
77
00:03:17,581 --> 00:03:19,016
Okay, let's see.
78
00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:20,651
Oh, way too hot, huh?
79
00:03:20,751 --> 00:03:21,652
[chuckles]
80
00:03:21,752 --> 00:03:23,487
Oh, he's a heartbreaker, right?
81
00:03:23,587 --> 00:03:25,170
Oh, this is hopeless.
82
00:03:26,791 --> 00:03:28,259
What about that guy?
83
00:03:31,429 --> 00:03:32,897
The schlub at the bar?
84
00:03:32,930 --> 00:03:34,799
He does nothing for me.
85
00:03:34,899 --> 00:03:37,168
I'm going in.
86
00:03:40,905 --> 00:03:42,907
Hey, buy you a drink?
87
00:03:43,007 --> 00:03:44,075
You want to buy me a drink?
88
00:03:44,175 --> 00:03:46,010
- Uh-huh.
- There's a switcheroo.
89
00:03:46,110 --> 00:03:48,012
Just roll with it. Hey, two beers.
90
00:03:48,112 --> 00:03:49,747
- I'm Holly.
- Fred.
91
00:03:49,914 --> 00:03:51,016
Hmm, perfect.
92
00:03:52,683 --> 00:03:54,251
So, Fred, what you do?
93
00:03:54,352 --> 00:03:56,454
I'm assistant manager at Cell Phone Hut.
94
00:03:56,554 --> 00:03:57,755
Lovin' it.
95
00:03:57,922 --> 00:03:58,756
How about you?
96
00:03:58,923 --> 00:04:00,124
Mm, I'm a divorce attorney.
97
00:04:00,224 --> 00:04:02,326
A lot of school for that, huh?
98
00:04:02,426 --> 00:04:03,894
Yeah, a lot of school.
99
00:04:03,995 --> 00:04:05,563
Hey, so... thanks.
100
00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:07,365
Hey, Fred, so what do you
do in your spare time?
101
00:04:07,465 --> 00:04:08,666
Oh, I don't know. I watch TV.
102
00:04:08,766 --> 00:04:10,601
I eat.
103
00:04:10,701 --> 00:04:11,969
I like sandwiches.
104
00:04:12,069 --> 00:04:13,771
[gasps]
105
00:04:13,871 --> 00:04:14,939
Who doesn't?
106
00:04:15,039 --> 00:04:16,474
[chuckles]
107
00:04:16,574 --> 00:04:17,575
You know what? I'll be right back.
108
00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:18,576
Just one second, okay?
109
00:04:18,676 --> 00:04:20,277
Mm-hmm.
110
00:04:21,912 --> 00:04:23,014
So?
111
00:04:23,114 --> 00:04:24,382
Well, I might have just met
112
00:04:24,482 --> 00:04:28,152
the dullest human being on the planet.
113
00:04:28,252 --> 00:04:31,188
Don't wait up.
114
00:04:36,060 --> 00:04:38,996
[snoring]
115
00:04:41,499 --> 00:04:44,402
I can't listen to that all night.
116
00:04:44,502 --> 00:04:48,706
Shove a wad of twenties in his mouth.
117
00:04:48,806 --> 00:04:51,909
Haskell, wake up. You're
drooling on your cash.
118
00:04:51,976 --> 00:04:53,611
Oh, I must have dozed off for a second.
119
00:04:53,711 --> 00:04:56,013
Oh, I got to get this
money back to the bank.
120
00:04:56,113 --> 00:04:58,182
It's 10:00 at night, man.
The banks are closed.
121
00:04:58,282 --> 00:04:59,684
No! It can't be closed.
122
00:04:59,850 --> 00:05:01,252
Guess it'll have to wait till Monday.
123
00:05:01,352 --> 00:05:02,286
It can't wait.
124
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:03,688
I just told everyone I know on Facebook
125
00:05:03,854 --> 00:05:05,623
that... that I'm sitting on a pile of cash.
126
00:05:05,723 --> 00:05:07,191
So? They're all your friends.
127
00:05:07,291 --> 00:05:09,860
My friends are lowlifes,
con artists, and thieves.
128
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,997
One of them is actually a working pirate.
129
00:05:13,097 --> 00:05:15,032
Well, it's your fault for flaunting it.
130
00:05:15,132 --> 00:05:17,401
This is no time for the blame game!
131
00:05:17,501 --> 00:05:19,203
They're coming for my dough
132
00:05:19,303 --> 00:05:21,527
by land and sea.
133
00:05:30,270 --> 00:05:31,237
All right, Phil... [clears throat]
134
00:05:31,338 --> 00:05:32,305
For my bedroom,
135
00:05:32,405 --> 00:05:34,174
what do you think, man-to-man?
136
00:05:34,274 --> 00:05:35,875
Should I go with a reading chair
137
00:05:35,975 --> 00:05:38,411
or a fainting couch?
138
00:05:38,511 --> 00:05:40,146
[clears throat]
139
00:05:40,246 --> 00:05:41,381
I think you should think about it
140
00:05:41,481 --> 00:05:43,034
while you're sitting down to pee.
141
00:05:47,821 --> 00:05:49,089
Hey, Haskell. What's up?
142
00:05:49,189 --> 00:05:51,624
What? Who's there?
143
00:05:51,725 --> 00:05:53,059
Have you been up all night?
144
00:05:53,159 --> 00:05:55,428
How could I sleep when every
lowlife I've ever met
145
00:05:55,528 --> 00:05:56,830
is on his way to rob me?
146
00:05:56,930 --> 00:05:59,099
I'm not letting this out of my sight
147
00:05:59,199 --> 00:06:01,067
until I can get it back
to the... The place
148
00:06:01,167 --> 00:06:03,003
where you keep the money.
149
00:06:03,103 --> 00:06:04,004
You mean the bank?
150
00:06:04,104 --> 00:06:05,739
Yes, that's the word.
151
00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:09,075
I must be a little punchy.
152
00:06:09,175 --> 00:06:10,459
White roommate.
153
00:06:12,846 --> 00:06:14,381
You start calling me black roommate,
154
00:06:14,481 --> 00:06:16,449
we gonna have a problem, man.
155
00:06:16,549 --> 00:06:18,518
I gotta figure out what to do with it.
156
00:06:18,618 --> 00:06:20,653
If I stay here, I'm a sitting duck.
157
00:06:20,754 --> 00:06:23,823
If I leave, I'm a walking duck.
158
00:06:23,923 --> 00:06:25,658
Haskell, until you figure it out,
159
00:06:25,759 --> 00:06:26,793
just go get some rest, okay?
160
00:06:26,893 --> 00:06:28,294
- We'll watch the money for you.
- Yeah.
161
00:06:28,395 --> 00:06:32,065
Oh, that rolled off your
tongue awfully easy.
162
00:06:34,634 --> 00:06:35,635
You don't trust me?
163
00:06:35,735 --> 00:06:37,804
How dare you.
164
00:06:37,904 --> 00:06:39,389
I'll be waiting for an apology.
165
00:06:40,306 --> 00:06:42,542
And if you're smart, there will be candy.
166
00:06:44,532 --> 00:06:46,012
Are you happy?
167
00:06:46,112 --> 00:06:49,215
You just hurt white roommate's feelings.
168
00:06:54,087 --> 00:06:55,822
Hi, hi.
169
00:06:55,922 --> 00:06:59,059
What is with that giant bag?
170
00:06:59,159 --> 00:07:02,128
Did you have to climb up
a beanstalk to get it?
171
00:07:02,228 --> 00:07:03,930
It's cute, huh?
172
00:07:03,963 --> 00:07:05,965
A friend of mine makes them,
and I'm helping her sell them
173
00:07:06,066 --> 00:07:07,267
to make some extra money.
174
00:07:07,367 --> 00:07:08,768
Not that you don't pay me enough.
175
00:07:08,935 --> 00:07:11,601
It's just so I could go to
a movie or, you know, eat.
176
00:07:13,540 --> 00:07:15,308
So, are you trying to
guilt me into buying one?
177
00:07:15,408 --> 00:07:17,644
- No, two.
- Hmm.
178
00:07:17,744 --> 00:07:18,978
You got it.
179
00:07:19,079 --> 00:07:20,547
Wow. That was easy.
180
00:07:20,647 --> 00:07:22,215
I thought I was gonna
have to grab a step stool
181
00:07:22,315 --> 00:07:23,524
and kiss your butt.
182
00:07:24,784 --> 00:07:27,587
You happened to catch me in a
very good mood this morning.
183
00:07:27,687 --> 00:07:28,888
Wait.
184
00:07:28,955 --> 00:07:32,425
I know that coy, girlish,
I-got-me-some smile.
185
00:07:32,525 --> 00:07:34,294
[chuckles] Guilty.
186
00:07:34,394 --> 00:07:35,428
So tell me, is he cute?
187
00:07:35,528 --> 00:07:36,836
Completely average.
188
00:07:38,264 --> 00:07:40,133
But he's got a great personality, right?
189
00:07:40,233 --> 00:07:42,702
Dull as a doorknob.
190
00:07:42,802 --> 00:07:45,271
But the sex, the sex
must have been awesome.
191
00:07:45,372 --> 00:07:47,375
Perfectly adequate.
192
00:07:48,541 --> 00:07:50,310
I don't get it. Why would you...
193
00:07:50,410 --> 00:07:52,012
Oh, my gosh, you're down-dating!
194
00:07:52,112 --> 00:07:54,080
How does everyone know about this but me?
195
00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:56,483
Because you're a hopeless up-dater.
196
00:07:56,583 --> 00:07:58,184
You're always going for
the handsome prince,
197
00:07:58,284 --> 00:08:00,487
when you could be getting your
freak on with the village idiot.
198
00:08:00,587 --> 00:08:02,956
I know! God, I could kick myself.
199
00:08:03,056 --> 00:08:05,058
You know what? It is so fantastic, Eden.
200
00:08:05,158 --> 00:08:08,128
And the best part is, I don't
care if I ever see Fred again,
201
00:08:08,228 --> 00:08:09,562
so there won't be any drama.
202
00:08:09,662 --> 00:08:11,297
Oh, now that is great.
203
00:08:11,398 --> 00:08:12,465
Yep.
204
00:08:12,565 --> 00:08:13,633
You mean, no, "Eden, why didn't he call?
205
00:08:13,733 --> 00:08:15,702
"What did I do wrong?
Did he lose my number?
206
00:08:15,802 --> 00:08:18,938
Who am I kidding? It's me.
It's always me! Aah!"
207
00:08:19,005 --> 00:08:21,941
Whew.
208
00:08:22,008 --> 00:08:23,610
Yeah. That's funny.
209
00:08:23,710 --> 00:08:27,047
Bet it'll be a hoot in
the unemployment office.
210
00:08:27,147 --> 00:08:28,114
[cell phone chimes]
211
00:08:28,214 --> 00:08:29,749
Oh, that's your phone.
212
00:08:29,883 --> 00:08:31,551
- Oh, I know.
- Maybe it's Fred.
213
00:08:31,651 --> 00:08:33,186
Maybe it is.
214
00:08:33,286 --> 00:08:34,888
Wow.
215
00:08:34,954 --> 00:08:37,090
The old you would have
trampled me to get it.
216
00:08:37,190 --> 00:08:39,893
I know. See, that is the
beauty of down-dating, Eden.
217
00:08:39,926 --> 00:08:41,661
I just don't care.
218
00:08:41,761 --> 00:08:43,663
[cell phone chimes]
219
00:08:43,763 --> 00:08:46,533
Okay, now I'm curious.
220
00:08:46,633 --> 00:08:48,234
- It is Fred.
- Ah.
221
00:08:48,335 --> 00:08:52,072
"What ya doing? Lol."
222
00:08:52,172 --> 00:08:54,507
Why "lol"? What's funny about that?
223
00:08:54,607 --> 00:08:56,643
Nothing. He puts it after everything.
224
00:08:56,743 --> 00:08:58,495
Sometimes he even says it in person.
225
00:09:02,182 --> 00:09:03,450
- Yikes.
- Mm.
226
00:09:03,550 --> 00:09:05,251
"You bus-ay tonight? Lol."
227
00:09:05,352 --> 00:09:06,252
Oh, he's annoying.
228
00:09:06,353 --> 00:09:07,587
Yeah.
229
00:09:07,687 --> 00:09:09,255
He's a total doofus.
230
00:09:09,356 --> 00:09:12,225
Tell him I'll meet him at 7:00.
231
00:09:17,973 --> 00:09:20,033
So, what do you think?
232
00:09:20,133 --> 00:09:21,468
About what?
233
00:09:21,568 --> 00:09:23,813
How could you not notice?
234
00:09:25,505 --> 00:09:26,873
I'm sorry, man. That's a nice haircut.
235
00:09:26,973 --> 00:09:27,874
No.
236
00:09:27,974 --> 00:09:30,176
No, no. No, the couch.
237
00:09:30,276 --> 00:09:31,644
I bought a new couch.
238
00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:32,712
Oh.
239
00:09:32,879 --> 00:09:34,014
I was at the furniture store
240
00:09:34,114 --> 00:09:35,882
checking out accent pieces for my bedroom
241
00:09:35,915 --> 00:09:37,801
when I saw this beauty, and
I couldn't stop staring.
242
00:09:39,953 --> 00:09:42,655
So you were eye-banging a sofa?
243
00:09:44,891 --> 00:09:46,363
I'm not gonna lie to you, yes.
244
00:09:48,128 --> 00:09:49,095
Have a seat. Have a seat.
245
00:09:49,195 --> 00:09:50,163
- Oh, man, why do I...
- Come on.
246
00:09:50,263 --> 00:09:51,898
Why did we have to get a new couch?
247
00:09:51,965 --> 00:09:53,900
The old one was just fine, man.
248
00:09:53,933 --> 00:09:55,268
Oh, that's nice.
249
00:09:55,368 --> 00:09:56,603
Yeah.
250
00:09:56,703 --> 00:09:57,671
[Haskell yawns]
251
00:09:57,771 --> 00:09:59,272
Boy, I needed that.
252
00:09:59,372 --> 00:10:02,976
It's amazing what a 12-hour
catnap will do for you.
253
00:10:03,076 --> 00:10:04,979
Ah. Ah.
254
00:10:06,613 --> 00:10:09,382
What's this?
255
00:10:09,482 --> 00:10:10,717
Where's the couch?
256
00:10:10,817 --> 00:10:12,085
What'd you do with the couch?!
257
00:10:12,185 --> 00:10:14,287
I-I bought a new one. It's nice, right?
258
00:10:14,387 --> 00:10:17,090
You idiot! My money was in that couch!
259
00:10:19,025 --> 00:10:20,393
What?
260
00:10:20,493 --> 00:10:23,063
That's where I hid it. I
stuffed it in the cushions.
261
00:10:23,163 --> 00:10:26,032
Every penny I had in the
world was in that couch!
262
00:10:26,132 --> 00:10:27,434
That ain't good.
263
00:10:27,534 --> 00:10:28,868
What'd you do with it? Where'd you put it?
264
00:10:28,935 --> 00:10:30,437
Where'd you put the couch? Where is it?
265
00:10:30,537 --> 00:10:33,106
Haskell, Haskell. Hands, hands, hands.
266
00:10:33,206 --> 00:10:35,302
I will tell you when we're calm.
267
00:10:37,077 --> 00:10:38,478
All right, we're calm.
268
00:10:38,578 --> 00:10:39,779
- Calm.
- Where's the couch?
269
00:10:39,879 --> 00:10:40,914
I don't know.
270
00:10:41,014 --> 00:10:42,048
- Here come the hands.
- No!
271
00:10:42,148 --> 00:10:44,084
Come on, stop it. Come on, come on.
272
00:10:44,184 --> 00:10:46,653
Look, what I mean is,
Goodwill came to pick it up.
273
00:10:46,753 --> 00:10:48,154
I just don't know which
one they took it to.
274
00:10:48,254 --> 00:10:49,889
All right, here's what we're gonna do.
275
00:10:49,923 --> 00:10:51,424
We're gonna call them and track it down.
276
00:10:51,524 --> 00:10:53,026
How many Goodwills could there be?
277
00:10:53,126 --> 00:10:54,794
- In the metropolitan area?
- Uh-huh.
278
00:10:54,894 --> 00:10:56,134
128.
279
00:10:57,530 --> 00:10:59,432
Haskell, the journey of a thousand miles
280
00:10:59,532 --> 00:11:01,001
begins with the first step.
281
00:11:01,101 --> 00:11:02,669
It'll be home before you know it.
282
00:11:02,769 --> 00:11:04,037
- Okay.
- [chuckles]
283
00:11:04,137 --> 00:11:06,072
They're closed.
284
00:11:13,956 --> 00:11:15,424
- Hi, Eden.
- Hey.
285
00:11:15,524 --> 00:11:16,826
How are you liking the new bag?
286
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:18,227
I love it. [laughs]
287
00:11:18,327 --> 00:11:19,829
Although it did take me 45 minutes
288
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,851
to find my keys this morning.
289
00:11:22,998 --> 00:11:25,638
So how's it going with Fred? Lol.
290
00:11:26,669 --> 00:11:29,238
Fantastic. We have zero chemistry. Hm.
291
00:11:29,338 --> 00:11:31,473
Not only do we not finish
each other's sentences,
292
00:11:31,574 --> 00:11:34,176
he barely finishes his own.
293
00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:37,079
Sounds like you hit the
down-dating jackpot.
294
00:11:37,179 --> 00:11:39,114
I have to be very careful, Eden.
295
00:11:39,215 --> 00:11:42,618
He's dating at a level he never has before.
296
00:11:42,718 --> 00:11:45,387
I just... I don't want him
falling for me, you know?
297
00:11:45,488 --> 00:11:47,490
So that's why we're not
seeing each other tonight.
298
00:11:47,590 --> 00:11:49,725
I think it's best if he
has me in small doses.
299
00:11:49,825 --> 00:11:51,393
I found that works best.
300
00:11:51,494 --> 00:11:52,995
Yeah.
301
00:11:53,095 --> 00:11:54,663
Hey, what do you know? There's Fred.
302
00:11:54,763 --> 00:11:55,664
- Where?
- At the bar.
303
00:11:55,764 --> 00:11:57,221
(Eden) Oh.
304
00:11:58,334 --> 00:11:59,902
Holly, you've got yourself a winner.
305
00:12:00,002 --> 00:12:01,923
That is one unremarkable man.
306
00:12:02,771 --> 00:12:03,806
Yeah, I like to think so.
307
00:12:03,906 --> 00:12:04,974
[chuckles]
308
00:12:05,074 --> 00:12:06,242
(Holly) Huh.
309
00:12:06,375 --> 00:12:08,210
(Eden) Huh, what?
310
00:12:08,377 --> 00:12:09,736
He appears to be with that woman.
311
00:12:10,713 --> 00:12:12,147
But you don't care, right?
312
00:12:12,248 --> 00:12:13,949
Of course not. Ha!
313
00:12:14,049 --> 00:12:16,118
That's the beauty of
down-dating: do not care.
314
00:12:16,218 --> 00:12:17,786
Yep. Good for you.
315
00:12:17,887 --> 00:12:19,321
Mm-hmm-hm.
316
00:12:20,022 --> 00:12:20,990
(Holly) Hmm.
317
00:12:21,090 --> 00:12:23,392
Still, it's a little odd.
318
00:12:23,425 --> 00:12:25,394
I mean, why would he be with another woman
319
00:12:25,427 --> 00:12:27,613
when I'm all he thinks and dreams about?
320
00:12:28,397 --> 00:12:29,665
Oh, well, you know, he...
321
00:12:29,765 --> 00:12:31,667
He's probably just protecting himself
322
00:12:31,767 --> 00:12:34,136
from the inevitable
heartbreak when you dump him.
323
00:12:34,236 --> 00:12:36,005
That's it. That's it right there.
324
00:12:36,105 --> 00:12:37,439
Lol, right?
325
00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:38,941
Lol, baby!
326
00:12:39,041 --> 00:12:39,942
[laughter]
327
00:12:40,042 --> 00:12:41,010
It's killing you, isn't it?
328
00:12:41,110 --> 00:12:44,046
That cheating son of a bitch!
329
00:12:48,818 --> 00:12:50,553
Come on, hurry up.
330
00:12:50,653 --> 00:12:52,021
Dude, we're coming. Calm down.
331
00:12:52,121 --> 00:12:54,089
I'll calm down when I get my couch.
332
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,791
This is it, 7H.
333
00:12:55,891 --> 00:12:57,726
Stay cool, all right?
334
00:12:57,827 --> 00:12:59,094
You don't want to seem too desperate,
335
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,696
or they'll think something's up.
336
00:13:00,796 --> 00:13:02,731
Yeah, just offer them twice what
they paid, and then we're out.
337
00:13:02,832 --> 00:13:05,467
Twice? Do I look like Jay Z?
338
00:13:05,568 --> 00:13:07,503
No, you do not.
339
00:13:10,139 --> 00:13:11,574
Hello, can I help you?
340
00:13:11,674 --> 00:13:13,709
So sorry to intrude. I'm Haskell.
341
00:13:13,809 --> 00:13:16,979
This is my dear friend, Phil,
and the other one is Stuart.
342
00:13:17,079 --> 00:13:19,615
We donated the couch to Goodwill.
343
00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:21,283
Oh, come in. Come in.
344
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:23,085
What if they don't want to sell?
345
00:13:23,185 --> 00:13:24,153
They've only had it for one night.
346
00:13:24,253 --> 00:13:25,988
How attached to it could they be?
347
00:13:29,859 --> 00:13:32,394
Honey, kids, these are the wonderful people
348
00:13:32,461 --> 00:13:33,829
who donated our couch.
349
00:13:33,929 --> 00:13:37,132
You gave us Big Brownie?
350
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:39,279
They love it so much,
they already named it.
351
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:41,629
I can't thank you enough.
352
00:13:42,171 --> 00:13:43,996
This couch has really brought
our family together.
353
00:13:44,540 --> 00:13:46,642
It's made our little house a home.
354
00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:49,057
Well, it does tie the room
together beautifully.
355
00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:52,948
Things have been tough.
Between Jim getting laid off
356
00:13:53,048 --> 00:13:54,950
and my hours being reduced at the hospital,
357
00:13:55,050 --> 00:13:56,819
we could barely make ends meet.
358
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:59,288
Finding this couch was a godsend.
359
00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:00,416
It's even a good luck charm.
360
00:14:01,023 --> 00:14:03,592
I got a job interview
today, first one in weeks.
361
00:14:03,692 --> 00:14:05,528
Oh! How about that?
362
00:14:05,628 --> 00:14:07,129
So, what can we do for you?
363
00:14:07,229 --> 00:14:08,430
I want the couch back.
364
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,599
What?
365
00:14:10,699 --> 00:14:13,969
What he means is, the couch
was donated by mistake,
366
00:14:14,069 --> 00:14:16,572
so unfortunately, we do kind
of need Big Brownie back.
367
00:14:16,672 --> 00:14:18,374
That's why I'm willing to reimburse you
368
00:14:18,474 --> 00:14:21,043
for everything you spent,
plus a sizable bonus.
369
00:14:21,143 --> 00:14:22,144
20 bucks!
370
00:14:22,244 --> 00:14:23,145
$20?
371
00:14:23,245 --> 00:14:24,380
$2,000.
372
00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:26,549
Why would you give us $2,000 for the couch?
373
00:14:26,649 --> 00:14:28,851
Yeah. I don't know what's
going on here, guys,
374
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:31,520
but we bought this couch,
and we're keeping it.
375
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:32,762
All right, all right.
376
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:34,648
I'll tell you what's going on.
377
00:14:36,025 --> 00:14:37,228
I built this couch
378
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:39,621
with my dad.
379
00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:45,196
We cut down a Douglas fir for the frame.
380
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:47,480
Tanned the leather,
381
00:14:47,937 --> 00:14:51,006
even sewed every stitch by hand.
382
00:14:51,106 --> 00:14:53,108
Get off there.
383
00:14:53,209 --> 00:14:55,578
We weren't close when it started.
384
00:14:55,678 --> 00:14:57,069
But when we finished,
385
00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,966
we were father and son.
386
00:15:01,077 --> 00:15:04,848
And now, this is all I have
387
00:15:04,948 --> 00:15:07,384
to remember him by.
388
00:15:07,484 --> 00:15:10,887
Everything I love in life...
389
00:15:10,987 --> 00:15:13,923
Yes... Is stuffed in that couch.
390
00:15:15,725 --> 00:15:17,260
That is so moving.
391
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:19,262
Yes, it is. Phil, grab an end.
392
00:15:19,362 --> 00:15:21,451
Hold it.
393
00:15:23,566 --> 00:15:25,535
I miss my dad, too.
394
00:15:25,635 --> 00:15:28,071
Bring it in!
395
00:15:28,171 --> 00:15:31,174
[mumbling indistinctly]
396
00:15:31,241 --> 00:15:33,610
[breathing heavily]
397
00:15:33,710 --> 00:15:35,278
The couch is yours.
398
00:15:35,378 --> 00:15:37,714
But we'll only accept the $80 we
paid for it, not a penny more.
399
00:15:37,814 --> 00:15:39,215
Done, done, and done.
400
00:15:39,316 --> 00:15:42,018
Here you go. [laughs]
401
00:15:42,185 --> 00:15:43,520
There... there you go. There you go!
402
00:15:43,620 --> 00:15:46,423
All right, let's go, let's go, let's go.
403
00:15:46,523 --> 00:15:49,759
Mom, does Big Brownie really have to go?
404
00:15:49,859 --> 00:15:51,761
It's the right thing to do, sweetie.
405
00:15:51,861 --> 00:15:53,029
Don't worry, son.
406
00:15:53,196 --> 00:15:54,197
If this job works out,
407
00:15:54,297 --> 00:15:56,466
maybe we'll have enough
money for a new couch.
408
00:15:56,566 --> 00:15:58,876
Haskell, give them something.
409
00:16:00,537 --> 00:16:01,938
Okay.
410
00:16:02,038 --> 00:16:03,573
You're right.
411
00:16:03,673 --> 00:16:05,842
Every cloud has a silver lining.
412
00:16:05,942 --> 00:16:07,177
Haskell.
413
00:16:07,277 --> 00:16:08,345
All right!
414
00:16:08,445 --> 00:16:10,155
All right. All right.
415
00:16:12,515 --> 00:16:14,150
What's this?
416
00:16:14,184 --> 00:16:16,152
Your silver lining.
417
00:16:16,252 --> 00:16:17,354
Check inside.
418
00:16:17,454 --> 00:16:19,389
All right, angle it. Angle it.
419
00:16:19,489 --> 00:16:21,191
- I am angling it.
- Watch the door.
420
00:16:21,291 --> 00:16:22,525
Watch it. Watch it. Coming around.
Coming around.
421
00:16:22,626 --> 00:16:24,561
There you go.
422
00:16:26,429 --> 00:16:27,697
- Oh, my God!
- What?
423
00:16:27,797 --> 00:16:29,399
[all yelling]
424
00:16:29,499 --> 00:16:32,035
Haskell, you did a nice thing.
425
00:16:32,168 --> 00:16:34,170
Your father is smiling
down on you from above.
426
00:16:34,270 --> 00:16:35,438
What?
427
00:16:35,538 --> 00:16:38,642
My father is a gigolo in
a rest home in Phoenix.
428
00:16:53,564 --> 00:16:54,766
Hey, Fred.
429
00:16:54,866 --> 00:16:56,267
Holly, what are you doing here?
430
00:16:56,367 --> 00:16:58,269
Well, texted, called you a
few times, never heard back,
431
00:16:58,368 --> 00:17:00,604
so thought I'd do a little drop-by.
432
00:17:00,704 --> 00:17:03,674
Well, I've just been super-duper busy
433
00:17:03,774 --> 00:17:05,409
and hadn't had a chance to call.
434
00:17:05,509 --> 00:17:06,843
Oh.
435
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:09,680
That's odd, considering you're
surrounded by cell phones.
436
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:11,181
[laughs]
437
00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:13,550
Yeah, listen, Holly, I
gotta get back to work.
438
00:17:13,650 --> 00:17:15,519
A new operating system came out,
439
00:17:15,619 --> 00:17:17,621
a lot of people are confused.
440
00:17:17,721 --> 00:17:19,456
Yeah, I'm a little confused myself.
441
00:17:19,556 --> 00:17:21,925
You know, I happened to be at the bar today
442
00:17:22,025 --> 00:17:24,468
and noticed you were with another woman.
443
00:17:24,568 --> 00:17:25,287
[clears throat]
444
00:17:25,387 --> 00:17:27,531
Oh, that was Debbie
445
00:17:27,631 --> 00:17:30,300
from Build-A-Bear.
446
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,302
Look, Holly, you know,
447
00:17:32,402 --> 00:17:34,237
much like our new Take It and Go plan,
448
00:17:34,338 --> 00:17:37,541
it's not like you and I were on
any sort of long-term contract.
449
00:17:37,641 --> 00:17:39,176
Oh.
450
00:17:39,276 --> 00:17:40,944
Of course, that makes perfect sense,
451
00:17:41,044 --> 00:17:43,213
except for the part that makes no sense.
452
00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:45,482
Why would you be with
Debbie from Build-A-Bear
453
00:17:45,582 --> 00:17:46,783
when you have me?
454
00:17:46,883 --> 00:17:49,753
I'm a bright, attractive
partner at a top law firm.
455
00:17:49,853 --> 00:17:51,254
I'm a force to be reckoned with
456
00:17:51,355 --> 00:17:52,622
in the courtroom and, as you well know,
457
00:17:52,723 --> 00:17:54,086
in the bedroom.
458
00:17:55,225 --> 00:17:57,427
So wake up, Fred.
459
00:17:57,527 --> 00:17:58,855
Oh, boy.
460
00:17:59,429 --> 00:18:02,132
Um, Holly, I'm sorry.
461
00:18:02,536 --> 00:18:03,704
Apology accepted.
462
00:18:03,804 --> 00:18:06,106
This is what I get for down-dating.
463
00:18:09,710 --> 00:18:11,648
What the... wha...?
464
00:18:12,279 --> 00:18:13,981
You think you're down-dating me?
Oh, no, no, no.
465
00:18:14,081 --> 00:18:15,249
I'm down-dating you.
466
00:18:15,349 --> 00:18:16,684
If that's what you need to tell yourself.
467
00:18:16,784 --> 00:18:18,719
No, no, no, no, no. I am the catch, okay?
468
00:18:18,819 --> 00:18:20,220
I'm the up-date, okay?
469
00:18:20,321 --> 00:18:22,156
I was just dating you so
I wouldn't get attached.
470
00:18:22,256 --> 00:18:23,557
Which is why you're in here
471
00:18:23,590 --> 00:18:25,259
making this whole whoop-de-doo.
472
00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:26,627
Whoop-de-do?
473
00:18:26,727 --> 00:18:28,595
I'm so not interested in you. [chuckles]
474
00:18:28,696 --> 00:18:32,466
It looks like somebody's got
a bad case of the Freds.
475
00:18:36,770 --> 00:18:38,305
But don't worry.
476
00:18:38,405 --> 00:18:39,773
You'll find another one.
477
00:18:39,873 --> 00:18:41,275
I don't even want this one!
478
00:18:41,375 --> 00:18:43,143
Sure. Lol.
479
00:18:43,243 --> 00:18:46,046
No, no, no. No, lol. No one
says "lol," all right?
480
00:18:46,146 --> 00:18:47,414
If you find something
funny, you just laugh.
481
00:18:47,514 --> 00:18:48,387
Ha-ha-ha.
482
00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:51,385
Holly, you should probably go.
483
00:18:51,518 --> 00:18:52,886
It's over.
484
00:18:52,987 --> 00:18:54,421
[sighs]
485
00:18:54,521 --> 00:18:56,323
See, the down-date does not say it's over.
486
00:18:56,423 --> 00:18:57,858
The up-date says it's over.
487
00:18:57,958 --> 00:18:59,560
And it is over!
488
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:01,061
Okay. Bye, Holly.
489
00:19:01,161 --> 00:19:04,098
I said it's over. Don't beg.
You're embarrassing yourself.
490
00:19:14,074 --> 00:19:16,010
Okay, money's in the bank.
491
00:19:16,110 --> 00:19:17,211
Cushions are restuffed.
492
00:19:17,311 --> 00:19:18,879
There's only one thing left to do.
493
00:19:18,979 --> 00:19:20,180
Break her in.
494
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:21,181
Mm.
495
00:19:21,281 --> 00:19:22,783
Gentlemen,
496
00:19:22,883 --> 00:19:25,019
positions.
497
00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:29,290
[all groaning]
498
00:19:29,390 --> 00:19:30,824
- Ah.
- Yeah!
499
00:19:30,924 --> 00:19:32,359
Oh.
500
00:19:32,459 --> 00:19:35,029
Well, Phil, hope you're happy.
501
00:19:35,129 --> 00:19:36,397
Tried your down-dating thing,
502
00:19:36,563 --> 00:19:38,465
and it was a disaster.
503
00:19:38,565 --> 00:19:41,568
He got obsessed. The calls, the texts.
504
00:19:41,602 --> 00:19:45,139
He even showed up at my
work like a lunatic.
505
00:19:45,239 --> 00:19:46,140
He dumped you, didn't he?
506
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,509
On my ass.
507
00:19:48,609 --> 00:19:49,977
What's wrong with me, you guys?
508
00:19:50,077 --> 00:19:51,512
What'd I do wrong, huh?
509
00:19:51,545 --> 00:19:52,980
I mean, did I sleep with him too soon?
510
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,316
Did... did I give too much?
Did I not give enough?
511
00:19:55,416 --> 00:19:56,984
Oh, come on. It's me. It's me, right?
512
00:19:57,084 --> 00:19:59,019
It's always me.
513
00:19:59,109 --> 00:20:01,109
www.addic7ed.com
514
00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:05,709
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35380
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof