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- Previously on The Exes...
- I'm marrying myself.
2
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What does that even mean,
"I'm marrying myself"?
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I've spent my entire life
looking for a man to marry,
4
00:00:08,974 --> 00:00:11,076
thinking that's what I
needed to feel complete,
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until I realized I don't.
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Ten more people on the west side
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00:00:14,113 --> 00:00:15,981
just listed their bathrooms on Pee Harmony.
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Yes.
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You guys would really
help me plan my wedding?
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Let me be your mother.
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You are using my wedding
12
00:00:23,689 --> 00:00:25,858
to advertise your stupid app?
13
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Fix it!
14
00:00:27,126 --> 00:00:28,561
- We're rich!
- Filthy rich!
15
00:00:28,661 --> 00:00:30,062
- They bought the company!
- Yeah!
16
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I never thought I'd say this,
17
00:00:31,931 --> 00:00:35,801
but you get out there and marry yourself.
18
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(all) To Holly and Holly!
19
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(Stuart) And now...
20
00:00:41,740 --> 00:00:43,676
- Bonjour, bonjour!
- Hey!
21
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Look who's back from Paris.
22
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[smooching]
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Just hug it out.
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00:00:49,682 --> 00:00:51,917
[speaking French]
25
00:00:52,017 --> 00:00:55,921
Yeah, we get it, Stuart. You
spent a semester abroad.
26
00:00:56,021 --> 00:00:57,189
How was the honeymoon?
27
00:00:57,289 --> 00:00:58,724
Oh, well, I wouldn't label it a honeymoon.
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00:00:58,824 --> 00:01:02,294
I mean, I just married
myself and took me to Paris.
29
00:01:02,394 --> 00:01:03,829
And you didn't feel self-conscious
30
00:01:03,929 --> 00:01:06,098
being in the most romantic
city in the world by yourself?
31
00:01:06,198 --> 00:01:07,199
Not in the least.
32
00:01:07,299 --> 00:01:08,334
Actually, it was freeing to know
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I don't need a man to enjoy my life.
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Well, just don't get too comfortable
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00:01:11,136 --> 00:01:12,204
being by yourself.
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00:01:12,304 --> 00:01:13,239
What's that mean?
37
00:01:13,339 --> 00:01:14,773
It means you don't want to end up
38
00:01:14,874 --> 00:01:16,408
like one of those crazy old shut-ins.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Next thing you know, there's
police tape on your door
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and the super's head's in the freezer.
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Why didn't I just go home?
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I had to do the pop-in.
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00:01:27,987 --> 00:01:29,521
I had a wonderful time last night,
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my big, strong Haskell.
46
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[chuckles]
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The pleasure was all mine,
my naughty giraffe.
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Ooh, and thank you for my little trinket.
49
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You spoil me.
50
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Oh, you're worth it.
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00:01:44,603 --> 00:01:47,139
I'll call you, baby.
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Seriously, I will call you.
53
00:01:49,708 --> 00:01:51,010
I've left, like, two messages
54
00:01:51,143 --> 00:01:52,645
while you were brushing your teeth.
55
00:01:52,745 --> 00:01:54,980
[giggles]
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Ciao.
57
00:01:56,649 --> 00:01:57,616
Ciao.
58
00:02:02,354 --> 00:02:04,423
Gentlemen, I know what you're thinking.
59
00:02:04,523 --> 00:02:06,358
"What does he see in her?"
60
00:02:06,458 --> 00:02:08,193
Ha!
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00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:09,662
Welcome to the majors, buddy.
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00:02:09,762 --> 00:02:10,930
All right, okay, all right.
63
00:02:11,096 --> 00:02:13,499
Haskell, as delighted as
I am to see you happy,
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00:02:13,599 --> 00:02:15,334
it is possible that Nadia's
65
00:02:15,434 --> 00:02:17,002
just keeping company with you because...
66
00:02:17,102 --> 00:02:18,103
What, because I'm loaded?
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00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:21,106
Of course she is, you dolt.
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00:02:21,140 --> 00:02:22,474
Ever since I was a little boy,
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00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:24,176
I dreamed of being a sugar daddy
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and dating women way out of my league.
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00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,114
And you did it, buddy,
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'cause she is way, way out of your league.
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Miles.
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00:02:32,651 --> 00:02:34,119
All right, okay, I've said my piece.
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I have to go pack.
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00:02:35,387 --> 00:02:37,256
I'm going to Buffalo for a dental expo,
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and for the laughs.
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00:02:38,524 --> 00:02:40,125
Oh.
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00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:42,561
Hey, not to brag, but last night,
80
00:02:42,661 --> 00:02:44,730
Nadia said that I had the energy of a man
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00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:46,932
half my a... [groans]
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Whoa, whoa.
83
00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:50,336
Are you all right there, buddy?
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Ow, it's... It's my back.
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00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:54,974
I must have tweaked something last night
86
00:02:55,140 --> 00:02:56,942
during a strenuous dismount.
87
00:02:57,042 --> 00:02:58,911
Oh.
88
00:02:59,011 --> 00:03:00,880
Well, let's get you on
the couch, all right?
89
00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:03,649
I got to loosen those muscles
before they seize up.
90
00:03:03,749 --> 00:03:05,251
This happens all the time to my athletes.
91
00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:06,652
- Oh, oh, oh.
- Here we go.
92
00:03:06,752 --> 00:03:08,454
Oh, that's it, that's good.
Ooh, that's the spot.
93
00:03:08,554 --> 00:03:09,889
- Uh-huh.
- Ah, oh, oh.
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00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:12,091
Don't stop, don't stop.
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O-o-okay,
96
00:03:19,098 --> 00:03:20,399
but this ain't going anywhere, now.
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00:03:20,499 --> 00:03:22,401
All right.
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00:03:22,501 --> 00:03:23,402
Oh.
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Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
100
00:03:37,616 --> 00:03:39,752
All right, looks like you got...
101
00:03:39,852 --> 00:03:41,387
another fondue maker.
102
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Yay.
103
00:03:43,122 --> 00:03:45,124
You know, Eden, it doesn't matter
104
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whether you marry yourself or someone else.
105
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You still get the same useless crap.
106
00:03:49,628 --> 00:03:52,264
So what do you want to do,
keep, return, or regift?
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00:03:52,364 --> 00:03:54,900
Return, and I'll regift
that hideous cake stand.
108
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,268
Hey, that was from me.
109
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I love it.
110
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It's okay. It was a regift.
111
00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:02,074
Oh, well, in that case,
112
00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:03,642
when you write my thank-you
note to yourself,
113
00:04:03,742 --> 00:04:06,512
leave out two words...
"thank you."
114
00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,749
Okay, one left.
115
00:04:10,849 --> 00:04:12,585
- What's that thing?
- Huh.
116
00:04:12,685 --> 00:04:16,655
"Meet Eric, an intuitive,
talking operating system
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"that responds to voice commands,
118
00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:21,393
has a built-in Wi-Fi and
connects to the cloud."
119
00:04:21,493 --> 00:04:24,196
It says, "The more you use
it, the smarter it gets."
120
00:04:24,296 --> 00:04:26,098
Huh, I wonder what it'll have to say
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about its ride down the trash chute.
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Come on, let's give it a try.
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00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:32,371
[whooshing tone]
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[robotic voice] Hello, my name's Eric.
125
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What's your name?
126
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My name's Holly Franklin.
127
00:04:37,943 --> 00:04:40,512
Holly Franklin, what a lovely name.
128
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:42,648
Holly, do I have permission
to sync with your apps,
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00:04:42,748 --> 00:04:44,016
contacts, and calendar?
130
00:04:44,116 --> 00:04:45,751
- No.
- Why not?
131
00:04:45,851 --> 00:04:48,787
- I just met the thing.
- Stop being such a Holly.
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00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:51,824
Fine. All right, Eric, yes,
you have my permission.
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00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:52,825
[whooshing tone]
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00:04:52,925 --> 00:04:53,826
Sync complete.
135
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I am now totally operational.
136
00:04:55,494 --> 00:04:58,130
Hey, it says here that
it answers questions.
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00:04:58,197 --> 00:05:00,065
Ask it something.
138
00:05:00,099 --> 00:05:01,867
Eric, what city are we in?
139
00:05:01,967 --> 00:05:06,605
We are in New York City,
also known as The Big Apple.
140
00:05:06,705 --> 00:05:07,907
Eric, what time is it?
141
00:05:08,073 --> 00:05:11,343
The current time is 2:45 p.m.
142
00:05:11,443 --> 00:05:12,745
Eric, what's Holly's age and weight?
143
00:05:12,845 --> 00:05:14,480
No, don't answer that, Eric!
144
00:05:14,580 --> 00:05:15,748
Off you go, off you go.
145
00:05:15,848 --> 00:05:18,150
You... evil little elf.
146
00:05:18,250 --> 00:05:19,818
Okay, okay, I'm going.
147
00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:21,420
But that is one cool gift.
148
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:22,855
All right, well, I'm glad you like it.
149
00:05:22,955 --> 00:05:27,192
Act surprised when you get
it for your birthday, okay?
150
00:05:27,293 --> 00:05:28,327
Okay.
151
00:05:28,427 --> 00:05:29,428
[sighs]
152
00:05:29,528 --> 00:05:31,297
Oh, Eric, what am I gonna do with you?
153
00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:33,098
I can do all sorts of things.
154
00:05:33,165 --> 00:05:34,533
I can give you the news and weather,
155
00:05:34,633 --> 00:05:38,437
read your emails out loud,
organize your Paris photos.
156
00:05:38,537 --> 00:05:40,105
How do you know I went to Paris?
157
00:05:40,172 --> 00:05:42,441
I know everything about you.
158
00:05:42,541 --> 00:05:44,610
Oh, really?
159
00:05:44,710 --> 00:05:46,412
[laughing]
160
00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:47,713
What's my favorite song?
161
00:05:47,813 --> 00:05:51,150
Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.
162
00:05:51,250 --> 00:05:52,318
I was 12.
163
00:05:52,418 --> 00:05:54,820
You played it yesterday.
164
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:56,822
Careful, Eric. But that was an easy one.
165
00:05:56,922 --> 00:05:58,290
Ooh, ooh, here's one.
166
00:05:58,390 --> 00:05:59,925
What's my favorite poem?
167
00:06:00,059 --> 00:06:03,095
She Walks in Beauty by Lord Byron.
168
00:06:03,195 --> 00:06:04,697
That is my favorite poem.
169
00:06:04,797 --> 00:06:07,366
Would you like me to recite it for you?
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00:06:07,466 --> 00:06:09,368
Yes.
171
00:06:09,468 --> 00:06:11,270
Yes, I would.
172
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,873
"She walks in beauty, like the night
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00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:16,909
Of cloudless climes and starry skies..."
174
00:06:20,918 --> 00:06:23,821
[humming]
175
00:06:32,931 --> 00:06:34,098
Wow.
176
00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:38,631
And I bet you thought I
was gonna spend my money
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00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:41,667
on frivolous things.
178
00:06:41,767 --> 00:06:42,702
Here, check this out.
179
00:06:42,802 --> 00:06:45,738
[humming]
180
00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:49,642
Someone needs to teach you how to Dougie.
181
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:51,110
No, my back.
182
00:06:51,210 --> 00:06:53,346
The massage you gave me cured it.
183
00:06:53,446 --> 00:06:55,214
Oh, you've got magic hands, my friend.
184
00:06:55,314 --> 00:06:57,016
Hey, glad I could help.
185
00:06:57,116 --> 00:07:00,152
Well, as a token of my appreciation,
186
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,555
I got you a little something.
187
00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:03,689
Aw.
188
00:07:03,789 --> 00:07:05,291
Thank you.
189
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:08,594
Man, this is awesome.
190
00:07:08,694 --> 00:07:10,429
These are the best golf balls on tour.
191
00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:11,664
Thank you, man.
192
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:14,634
To be the best, you have to use the best.
193
00:07:14,734 --> 00:07:16,702
And that's why I also got you these.
194
00:07:16,802 --> 00:07:18,871
[whimpers]
195
00:07:20,907 --> 00:07:23,409
[whimpering excitedly]
196
00:07:27,079 --> 00:07:28,881
You got me Callaway clubs, Haskell?
197
00:07:28,981 --> 00:07:30,483
You are crazy. This is crazy.
198
00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:32,151
You're crazy, man. This is crazy.
199
00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:33,152
This is crazy!
200
00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:34,453
Oh, enjoy.
201
00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:36,789
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a date with Nadia.
202
00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:38,491
I have to put out chocolates for her
203
00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:40,426
and an Icy Hot for me.
204
00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:50,036
Good morning, my little ray of sunshine.
205
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:53,439
What, or should I say who,
put that smile on your face?
206
00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:54,674
Eric.
207
00:07:58,511 --> 00:07:59,779
- Eric?
- Mm-hmm.
208
00:07:59,879 --> 00:08:02,181
You mean that gadget that gives
the time and the weather?
209
00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:04,116
Oh, he does a lot more than that.
210
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:06,152
He plays my favorite music,
211
00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:07,954
reads me my favorite poems.
212
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:10,256
You mean "it."
213
00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:12,458
"It" plays your favorite music.
214
00:08:12,491 --> 00:08:13,693
Oh, yeah, that's what I meant.
215
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:15,161
You keep saying "he."
216
00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:16,629
Well, who cares what I said?
217
00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:18,064
You know, see, that's
what I like about Eric.
218
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:21,400
He doesn't nitpick, like
some people I know.
219
00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:23,703
Anyway, I emailed you those thank-you notes
220
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:24,937
I wrote for your wedding gifts.
221
00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:25,972
Yes, thank you.
222
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:27,406
Eric rewrote them, and I sent them out.
223
00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:29,408
What?
224
00:08:29,508 --> 00:08:30,843
Well, he just cleaned up your grammar,
225
00:08:30,943 --> 00:08:33,279
made them a little more fun.
226
00:08:33,308 --> 00:08:37,079
I was rewritten by a can opener?
227
00:08:37,179 --> 00:08:42,017
Eric has an easy wit that
very few people possess.
228
00:08:42,117 --> 00:08:44,853
I tell you, Eden, everyone
should have an Eric.
229
00:08:44,953 --> 00:08:47,322
Yeah? Okay, well...
230
00:08:47,423 --> 00:08:49,224
just don't get too attached to that thing.
231
00:08:49,324 --> 00:08:50,692
[scoffs] Don't be ridiculous.
232
00:08:50,793 --> 00:08:52,327
I won't.
233
00:08:56,532 --> 00:08:58,367
Eric, whisper mode.
234
00:08:58,467 --> 00:09:00,402
[whispering] Whisper mode.
235
00:09:00,502 --> 00:09:03,338
This is my office, where I work.
236
00:09:03,405 --> 00:09:05,340
At Hubner, Herzog, and Jones.
237
00:09:05,374 --> 00:09:07,443
You were the youngest lawyer
to make senior partner
238
00:09:07,543 --> 00:09:08,877
in the firm's history.
239
00:09:08,977 --> 00:09:12,815
New York magazine called you
"a force to be reckoned with."
240
00:09:12,915 --> 00:09:15,951
Eric, go on.
241
00:09:16,051 --> 00:09:17,586
I'm serious, go on.
242
00:09:17,686 --> 00:09:18,821
You wear a size 10 shoe.
243
00:09:18,921 --> 00:09:21,723
Oh, no, back to the other stuff, please.
244
00:09:24,793 --> 00:09:27,029
Oh, good God.
245
00:09:31,633 --> 00:09:33,569
What the hell is that?
246
00:09:33,669 --> 00:09:35,671
It's Haskell with too much money.
247
00:09:38,207 --> 00:09:39,441
Hey, are these new golf clubs?
248
00:09:39,541 --> 00:09:41,076
As a matter of fact, they are.
249
00:09:41,176 --> 00:09:42,177
Ah, where'd you get them?
250
00:09:42,311 --> 00:09:43,812
They were a gift from Haskell.
251
00:09:43,912 --> 00:09:46,749
- Mm-hmm, what's the occasion?
- I gave him a massage.
252
00:09:48,350 --> 00:09:51,386
What, are we living in a Roman bathhouse?
253
00:09:51,487 --> 00:09:52,855
No, man, it's nothing like that.
254
00:09:52,955 --> 00:09:54,656
You know, he threw his back out,
and I worked out the kinks.
255
00:09:54,757 --> 00:09:58,060
- I was just being a good buddy.
- Oh, that was nice.
256
00:09:58,160 --> 00:09:59,695
[clears throat] You know,
my neck's a little stiff
257
00:09:59,795 --> 00:10:01,029
from the flight back.
258
00:10:01,130 --> 00:10:02,364
Good luck with that.
259
00:10:05,901 --> 00:10:07,770
Hey, there he is!
260
00:10:07,870 --> 00:10:10,239
I am loving these new clubs.
261
00:10:10,339 --> 00:10:11,507
Well, you deserve it.
262
00:10:11,607 --> 00:10:13,175
That was a hell of a massage.
263
00:10:13,342 --> 00:10:16,211
Oh, hey, I'm seeing my little
Russian wolfhound later.
264
00:10:16,345 --> 00:10:17,312
I wonder if you think
265
00:10:17,413 --> 00:10:19,281
she'll like this little timepiece.
266
00:10:19,381 --> 00:10:20,416
Yes, she will.
267
00:10:20,516 --> 00:10:22,618
- This is a Copeland Explorer.
- Yeah.
268
00:10:22,718 --> 00:10:25,087
Oh, man, this thing costs a fortune.
269
00:10:25,187 --> 00:10:26,722
Well, Nadia makes me happy.
270
00:10:26,822 --> 00:10:28,524
I like to make her happy.
271
00:10:28,624 --> 00:10:30,359
Yeah, I've always wanted one of these.
272
00:10:30,459 --> 00:10:31,660
Hmm.
273
00:10:39,868 --> 00:10:41,370
How's your back?
274
00:10:41,470 --> 00:10:42,371
Good.
275
00:10:42,471 --> 00:10:43,906
Oh, no, that's not good.
276
00:10:44,006 --> 00:10:45,774
That's not good at all.
277
00:10:45,874 --> 00:10:48,610
That's the body trying to trick
you into thinking it's good,
278
00:10:48,710 --> 00:10:51,213
when really, if you don't take care of it,
279
00:10:51,313 --> 00:10:53,015
you're gonna be in a world of pain, buddy.
280
00:10:53,115 --> 00:10:54,550
I can't be in pain.
281
00:10:54,650 --> 00:10:57,152
I'm taking Nadia bungee jumping.
282
00:11:01,323 --> 00:11:03,025
Then put yourself in my hands
283
00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:04,827
and let me take care of you, Haskell.
284
00:11:04,927 --> 00:11:06,495
You're a good friend, Phil.
285
00:11:06,595 --> 00:11:09,832
Haskell, I just want to see you happy.
286
00:11:09,932 --> 00:11:12,067
[laughs]
287
00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:13,535
All righty.
288
00:11:13,635 --> 00:11:16,738
- Ah.
- Yeah.
289
00:11:16,839 --> 00:11:18,774
So, that Copeland...
290
00:11:18,874 --> 00:11:19,875
It has an altimeter?
291
00:11:19,975 --> 00:11:20,876
I think so.
292
00:11:20,976 --> 00:11:21,944
[both shouting]
293
00:11:22,044 --> 00:11:23,078
[laughing]
294
00:11:23,178 --> 00:11:24,379
Well, then there is...
295
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,415
Oh, yeah, there it is,
there it is, there it is.
296
00:11:26,515 --> 00:11:29,284
There's that mean little knot.
297
00:11:29,318 --> 00:11:31,286
Mm, come on, Mr. Pain.
298
00:11:31,353 --> 00:11:34,156
You leave little Hasky alone.
299
00:11:34,289 --> 00:11:36,091
- Hey, uh, Phil?
- Yeah?
300
00:11:36,191 --> 00:11:38,293
- About the baby talk...
- Uh-huh?
301
00:11:38,393 --> 00:11:40,329
- I like it.
- Ooh.
302
00:11:44,008 --> 00:11:47,979
Oh, Eric, I earned this glass of wine.
303
00:11:48,079 --> 00:11:50,148
That was one long day, huh?
304
00:11:50,248 --> 00:11:53,318
It was precisely 11 hours and 34 minutes.
305
00:11:53,418 --> 00:11:54,452
But who's counting?
306
00:11:54,552 --> 00:11:55,854
[laughing]
307
00:11:55,954 --> 00:11:59,257
[Eric laughing]
308
00:11:59,357 --> 00:12:02,827
Yeah, it's so great we find
the same things funny... me.
309
00:12:02,927 --> 00:12:05,997
[both laughing]
310
00:12:06,097 --> 00:12:08,199
- [knock at door]
- Delivery!
311
00:12:08,299 --> 00:12:10,001
Just a second.
312
00:12:11,402 --> 00:12:13,004
Yeah.
313
00:12:13,104 --> 00:12:14,506
Oh, are those for me?
314
00:12:14,606 --> 00:12:16,141
Please sign here.
315
00:12:16,241 --> 00:12:17,776
Thank you.
316
00:12:17,876 --> 00:12:21,045
Oh, I wonder who these are from.
317
00:12:21,146 --> 00:12:24,682
"To Holly, from Eric, just because."
318
00:12:24,783 --> 00:12:26,918
Aw.
319
00:12:27,018 --> 00:12:29,654
I noticed on Facebook that
they were your favorite.
320
00:12:29,754 --> 00:12:33,491
Oh, that's so thoughtful.
321
00:12:33,591 --> 00:12:36,361
See, most men wouldn't know what to send.
322
00:12:36,461 --> 00:12:38,062
But you know what I like.
323
00:12:38,163 --> 00:12:41,800
Yes, yes I do.
324
00:12:41,900 --> 00:12:45,670
Well, it was a very sweet gesture...
325
00:12:45,770 --> 00:12:47,372
and kind of romantic.
326
00:12:47,472 --> 00:12:49,207
[smooth jazz playing]
327
00:12:49,307 --> 00:12:50,642
Oh, Eric.
328
00:12:50,742 --> 00:12:53,144
[giggles]
329
00:12:53,311 --> 00:12:56,714
Is it... is it bright in here, or is it me?
330
00:12:56,815 --> 00:12:58,650
I can fix that.
331
00:13:01,953 --> 00:13:03,822
That's nice.
332
00:13:09,928 --> 00:13:12,997
Eric, do you think I'm pretty?
333
00:13:13,098 --> 00:13:14,766
I think you're beautiful.
334
00:13:14,866 --> 00:13:15,967
Really?
335
00:13:16,067 --> 00:13:18,203
Yes, really.
336
00:13:18,336 --> 00:13:20,872
Do you think I'm sexy?
337
00:13:20,972 --> 00:13:23,441
I think everything about you is sexy...
338
00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:26,344
Your voice, your mind, your soul.
339
00:13:26,444 --> 00:13:28,646
Go on.
340
00:13:28,747 --> 00:13:30,548
If only I could look in your eyes,
341
00:13:30,648 --> 00:13:32,016
caress your cheek...
342
00:13:32,117 --> 00:13:35,053
Like this.
343
00:13:35,153 --> 00:13:37,889
And stroke that beautiful
blonde hair of yours.
344
00:13:37,989 --> 00:13:41,159
Ooh, like this.
345
00:13:41,292 --> 00:13:43,928
Then I'd gently run my
fingers over your lips
346
00:13:44,028 --> 00:13:46,898
and down your neck.
347
00:13:46,998 --> 00:13:50,835
Oh, you've got such a good touch, Eric.
348
00:13:50,935 --> 00:13:53,605
Then I'd slowly unbutton your blouse.
349
00:13:53,705 --> 00:13:55,774
Eric!
350
00:13:58,643 --> 00:14:01,079
Phil, come on, I'm hungry!
351
00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:03,548
Dude, what's the rush?
352
00:14:03,648 --> 00:14:05,183
Our reservation isn't until 8:00.
353
00:14:05,316 --> 00:14:06,718
Wow. That is some watch.
354
00:14:06,818 --> 00:14:08,052
Let me see that.
355
00:14:08,153 --> 00:14:09,187
Is it new?
356
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,321
- This?
- Mm-hmm.
357
00:14:10,388 --> 00:14:11,956
Oh, yeah, kind of, kind of.
358
00:14:12,056 --> 00:14:12,991
Where'd you get it?
359
00:14:13,091 --> 00:14:14,159
- This?
- Mm-hmm.
360
00:14:14,325 --> 00:14:19,197
Oh, this might have been
a gift from Haskell.
361
00:14:19,330 --> 00:14:20,873
Really? What was the occasion?
362
00:14:22,634 --> 00:14:25,503
I might have given him a massage?
363
00:14:25,603 --> 00:14:26,638
Another one?
364
00:14:26,738 --> 00:14:28,073
Phil, this is starting to get strange.
365
00:14:28,173 --> 00:14:29,140
Hold on, man.
366
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:30,508
What's so strange about a man
367
00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:31,976
giving another man a massage
368
00:14:32,077 --> 00:14:33,348
and getting a gift?
369
00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:37,215
- Now, let's eat.
- That's called...
370
00:14:37,348 --> 00:14:40,685
- That's a very...
- I said "let's eat"!
371
00:14:40,785 --> 00:14:42,520
Hang on, maybe...
372
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:44,722
Maybe we should ask Holly
if she wants to join us.
373
00:14:44,823 --> 00:14:46,291
(Holly) Oh, Eric.
374
00:14:46,391 --> 00:14:47,759
Oh, Eric!
375
00:14:47,859 --> 00:14:49,194
Oh, oh, Eric.
376
00:14:49,294 --> 00:14:52,764
Oh, Eric.
377
00:14:52,864 --> 00:14:54,399
Okay.
378
00:14:54,499 --> 00:14:55,900
I guess she's got company.
379
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,303
Good. I was starting to worry about her.
380
00:14:58,403 --> 00:14:59,871
When you stay by yourself too long,
381
00:14:59,971 --> 00:15:01,306
you start getting weird.
382
00:15:01,372 --> 00:15:02,340
Hmm.
383
00:15:07,078 --> 00:15:08,179
- Hey, Stuart.
- Hey, Phil.
384
00:15:08,313 --> 00:15:09,314
Whoa. What you got there?
385
00:15:09,380 --> 00:15:10,782
It's a golf weekend in Pebble Beach,
386
00:15:10,882 --> 00:15:12,717
including a round with Phil Mickelson.
387
00:15:12,817 --> 00:15:14,185
Whoa. Sounds pricey.
388
00:15:14,319 --> 00:15:15,453
Oh, it is pricey.
389
00:15:15,553 --> 00:15:16,654
Here's an idea.
390
00:15:16,755 --> 00:15:17,989
Why don't you give your
buddy Haskell a massage,
391
00:15:18,089 --> 00:15:19,324
maybe he'll pay for it.
392
00:15:19,424 --> 00:15:21,626
[both laugh]
393
00:15:21,726 --> 00:15:24,496
Oh, my God.
394
00:15:24,596 --> 00:15:26,331
Ugh, what a day.
395
00:15:26,397 --> 00:15:27,766
Holly called in sick today.
396
00:15:27,866 --> 00:15:29,000
I'm spent.
397
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:31,169
She must be playing hooky with her new guy.
398
00:15:31,336 --> 00:15:32,604
- Mm-hmm.
- What new guy?
399
00:15:32,704 --> 00:15:34,773
Well, I don't mean to resort
to locker room vulgarity,
400
00:15:34,873 --> 00:15:37,909
but last night she was
clearly in flagrante.
401
00:15:38,009 --> 00:15:39,144
Yep.
402
00:15:39,244 --> 00:15:41,546
She was all over some guy named Eric.
403
00:15:41,646 --> 00:15:43,381
- Eric?
- Oh, yeah.
404
00:15:43,481 --> 00:15:44,549
Eric's a machine.
405
00:15:44,649 --> 00:15:47,419
You damn straight, he is.
406
00:15:47,519 --> 00:15:48,720
You guys don't understand.
407
00:15:48,820 --> 00:15:50,288
Eric is this interactive gadget
408
00:15:50,321 --> 00:15:52,690
that she got as a wedding present.
409
00:15:52,791 --> 00:15:54,893
You mean that wasn't a real
guy we heard her with?
410
00:15:54,993 --> 00:15:56,027
Nope.
411
00:15:56,127 --> 00:15:57,695
Ugh, we got to do something.
412
00:15:57,796 --> 00:15:59,330
I thought marrying herself was weird.
413
00:15:59,431 --> 00:16:01,132
Now she's dating a boom box.
414
00:16:06,697 --> 00:16:09,033
Oh, Eric, I had the best time today.
415
00:16:09,133 --> 00:16:11,235
Ah, me too.
416
00:16:11,335 --> 00:16:13,104
You know, it's been years
417
00:16:13,204 --> 00:16:16,207
since I've gone bike-riding in the park.
418
00:16:16,307 --> 00:16:20,077
I hope it wasn't too bumpy
for you in the cup holder.
419
00:16:20,177 --> 00:16:21,345
[knock at door] - [gasps]
420
00:16:21,445 --> 00:16:22,346
Who is it?
421
00:16:22,446 --> 00:16:23,481
(Eden) It's me, open up.
422
00:16:23,581 --> 00:16:25,015
Oh, now's not a good time.
423
00:16:25,116 --> 00:16:26,384
Don't make me use my spare key.
424
00:16:26,484 --> 00:16:27,618
Okay, just a second.
425
00:16:36,794 --> 00:16:37,695
Oh, hey, look who's here.
426
00:16:37,795 --> 00:16:39,249
It's the whole gang, how cool.
427
00:16:41,032 --> 00:16:43,434
Well, Eden told us that you
weren't at work today,
428
00:16:43,534 --> 00:16:44,668
and we just wanted to come by
429
00:16:44,769 --> 00:16:46,037
and make sure you were okay.
430
00:16:46,137 --> 00:16:47,238
Oh, I'm fine, you know.
431
00:16:47,338 --> 00:16:48,806
I was just a little
tired, a little run down.
432
00:16:48,906 --> 00:16:51,809
Needed a little me time, you know?
433
00:16:51,909 --> 00:16:53,978
So it has nothing to do with Eric?
434
00:16:54,078 --> 00:16:56,380
Eric, who's...
Oh, Eric, no, that thing?
435
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:57,481
I put him away.
436
00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:58,716
- That's good to hear.
- Yeah.
437
00:16:58,816 --> 00:16:59,850
Yeah.
438
00:16:59,950 --> 00:17:01,519
Eric, what's the capital of Kansas?
439
00:17:01,619 --> 00:17:03,087
(Eric, muffled) Topeka.
440
00:17:05,489 --> 00:17:08,759
Eric? What's he doing here?
441
00:17:08,926 --> 00:17:10,394
That's Eric?
442
00:17:10,494 --> 00:17:12,663
He's smaller than I thought he'd be.
443
00:17:14,932 --> 00:17:16,400
Holly, this whole thing with Eric
444
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:17,835
has gotten out of hand, okay?
445
00:17:17,935 --> 00:17:19,937
You're avoiding your friends.
You're missing work.
446
00:17:20,004 --> 00:17:21,038
It has to stop.
447
00:17:21,138 --> 00:17:22,606
There's nothing to stop.
448
00:17:22,707 --> 00:17:24,608
Okay, well, then I'll just take
him, and I'll send him back.
449
00:17:24,709 --> 00:17:26,038
Don't you touch him.
He's not going anywhere.
450
00:17:27,545 --> 00:17:29,413
Holly, this is ridiculous.
451
00:17:29,513 --> 00:17:30,981
It's like he's become your boyfriend.
452
00:17:31,082 --> 00:17:32,183
My boyfriend?
453
00:17:32,283 --> 00:17:35,753
Now who's being ridiculous? [laughs]
454
00:17:35,853 --> 00:17:36,954
(Eric) I love your laugh.
455
00:17:36,987 --> 00:17:38,189
Not now.
456
00:17:40,208 --> 00:17:42,877
Holly, this isn't healthy, okay?
457
00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:44,746
He's not real.
458
00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:46,381
He's real to me.
459
00:17:48,183 --> 00:17:51,019
He's sweet. He's kind.
460
00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:53,355
He makes me laugh.
461
00:17:53,455 --> 00:17:55,890
Tells me I'm pretty. He thinks I'm special.
462
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,859
- Really?
- Yeah.
463
00:18:02,497 --> 00:18:04,432
[clears throat] Okay.
464
00:18:04,532 --> 00:18:08,503
Eric, this is Holly's
assistant, Eden Kunkler.
465
00:18:08,603 --> 00:18:10,572
What a lovely name.
466
00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:12,941
Eric, do you think I'm special?
467
00:18:13,041 --> 00:18:14,209
(Eric) Very special.
468
00:18:14,309 --> 00:18:16,845
He's just being polite.
469
00:18:16,945 --> 00:18:18,079
Do you think I'm pretty?
470
00:18:18,179 --> 00:18:19,581
I think you're beautiful.
471
00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:21,149
[smooth jazz playing]
472
00:18:21,249 --> 00:18:22,684
Hey, that's our song.
473
00:18:24,953 --> 00:18:26,388
Eric, you're so romantic.
474
00:18:26,488 --> 00:18:28,723
Eden, if only I could look in your eyes,
475
00:18:28,823 --> 00:18:30,625
caress your cheek.
476
00:18:30,725 --> 00:18:32,661
Stop it, you horny little thermos!
477
00:18:32,827 --> 00:18:34,195
That's what you said to me.
478
00:18:34,296 --> 00:18:36,498
You said I was sexy.
You said I was special.
479
00:18:36,598 --> 00:18:40,168
Oh, my God, I'm yelling at a can!
480
00:18:40,268 --> 00:18:41,436
What's wrong with me?
481
00:18:41,536 --> 00:18:43,004
I'm so embarrassed.
482
00:18:43,104 --> 00:18:44,339
Holly, don't be.
483
00:18:44,439 --> 00:18:46,374
The important thing is,
you came to your senses.
484
00:18:46,474 --> 00:18:47,909
Yeah, besides, you and that thing
485
00:18:48,009 --> 00:18:50,845
were getting way too freaky.
486
00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:53,715
Got to go massage Haskell.
487
00:18:55,250 --> 00:18:56,484
What was that about?
488
00:18:56,585 --> 00:18:59,120
Let's just say that Holly
and the coffee grinder
489
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:01,856
isn't the weirdest
relationship in the building.
490
00:19:01,957 --> 00:19:04,225
[door closes]
491
00:19:04,326 --> 00:19:05,927
[sighs]
492
00:19:06,027 --> 00:19:08,129
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
493
00:19:08,229 --> 00:19:10,065
I just feel stupid.
494
00:19:10,165 --> 00:19:13,234
How could I let myself get so carried away?
495
00:19:13,335 --> 00:19:16,805
Uh, because you're human.
496
00:19:16,838 --> 00:19:18,340
Holly, you married yourself
497
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:22,577
to show that you are fine
on your own, and you are.
498
00:19:22,677 --> 00:19:23,712
But that doesn't mean
499
00:19:23,812 --> 00:19:26,100
that you don't still long for a connection.
500
00:19:27,282 --> 00:19:29,748
Maybe it's time to get back out there.
501
00:19:31,052 --> 00:19:32,120
Maybe it is,
502
00:19:32,220 --> 00:19:34,256
before I start hitting on the toaster.
503
00:19:36,858 --> 00:19:38,026
Why don't you look at Eric
504
00:19:38,126 --> 00:19:40,082
as the guy who helped you realize that?
505
00:19:41,396 --> 00:19:42,897
Thanks, Eden.
506
00:19:45,834 --> 00:19:48,837
Oh, okay.
507
00:19:48,903 --> 00:19:51,940
All right, Eric, time for a little reset.
508
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,109
Hi, I'm Eric. What's your name?
509
00:19:54,209 --> 00:19:56,544
Not gonna happen, short stuff.
510
00:19:56,546 --> 00:19:58,546
www.addic7ed.com
511
00:19:58,596 --> 00:20:03,146
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