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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:05,036 [Upbeat music] 2 00:00:05,070 --> 00:00:07,305 [Door unlocks] 3 00:00:09,675 --> 00:00:11,842 [Exhales] 4 00:00:11,877 --> 00:00:13,511 Everything okay, Stuart? 5 00:00:13,546 --> 00:00:17,081 [Clears throat] I'm holding. 6 00:00:17,115 --> 00:00:18,983 I'm carrying! 7 00:00:19,017 --> 00:00:22,086 You trying to tell us you're pregnant? 8 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:25,623 - 'Cause if any guy could do it-- - No. No, no. 9 00:00:25,658 --> 00:00:29,994 - I scored some marijuana. - Oh! Ho-ho-ho! 10 00:00:30,028 --> 00:00:31,829 - So who's your connection? - Uh, my patient, 11 00:00:31,863 --> 00:00:34,098 old man Finklestein. He takes it for his glaucoma. 12 00:00:34,132 --> 00:00:36,501 Mm. 13 00:00:36,535 --> 00:00:39,337 Nice! California kush. 14 00:00:40,906 --> 00:00:45,743 That old pothead Finklestein really knows his yum-yum. 15 00:00:45,777 --> 00:00:49,581 You seem to know it too, cheech. 16 00:00:49,615 --> 00:00:55,119 Well, back in the day, I enjoyed the occasional toke. 17 00:00:55,153 --> 00:00:58,756 Pot was a staple on the pro bowler's tour, 18 00:00:58,790 --> 00:01:03,261 along with milky ways and plus-sized women. 19 00:01:03,295 --> 00:01:07,732 Well, listen, I've, uh-- I've never done pot before. 20 00:01:07,766 --> 00:01:12,036 You think it's time for Stu-dog to, uh--[Inhales] 21 00:01:12,070 --> 00:01:16,541 - Puff the dragon? - I think it's way overdue. 22 00:01:16,575 --> 00:01:19,777 So what are we waiting for? 23 00:01:19,811 --> 00:01:23,581 - Let's spark up a fatty! - Eh, hold it--hold it. 24 00:01:23,616 --> 00:01:25,250 The smoke tickles my nose, and the smell will stay 25 00:01:25,284 --> 00:01:27,151 in the throw cushions for months. 26 00:01:27,185 --> 00:01:31,956 It's like getting high with Martha Stewart. 27 00:01:31,990 --> 00:01:34,425 Fine. We'll make pot brownies. 28 00:01:34,460 --> 00:01:38,229 Oh, good idea! We'll ingest it. 29 00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:39,964 Although brownies are a little pedestrian. 30 00:01:39,998 --> 00:01:41,466 Oh! I got it! I got it. 31 00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:43,000 There's a spinach frittata recipe 32 00:01:43,034 --> 00:01:44,034 I've been dying to try. 33 00:01:44,069 --> 00:01:47,138 Mmm. Party on. 34 00:01:47,172 --> 00:01:54,532 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 35 00:01:56,527 --> 00:01:57,815 Good morning! 36 00:01:57,849 --> 00:01:59,517 Ah, Holly, thanks again 37 00:01:59,551 --> 00:02:01,919 for insisting I stay here until I have the baby. 38 00:02:01,953 --> 00:02:05,623 Anything for you, my preggy little roommate. 39 00:02:05,658 --> 00:02:09,494 Eden, if there's anything you want, just ask for it 40 00:02:09,528 --> 00:02:11,228 because I am in a great mood. 41 00:02:11,263 --> 00:02:13,298 My sister Jill is coming for a visit. 42 00:02:17,536 --> 00:02:19,404 - in your face? - Mm-hmm. 43 00:02:19,438 --> 00:02:20,738 That's the one. 44 00:02:20,773 --> 00:02:23,908 She's in town to see the flower show. 45 00:02:23,942 --> 00:02:26,243 Oh, and she always gives me this look that says, 46 00:02:26,278 --> 00:02:29,747 "Poor Holly, your life is so sad and empty." 47 00:02:31,917 --> 00:02:34,652 And it's not, right? 48 00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:37,121 Of course it's not! 49 00:02:37,155 --> 00:02:38,989 I have an awesome new boyfriend. 50 00:02:39,024 --> 00:02:41,659 So for once, she won't be giving me the "Poor Holly" look. 51 00:02:41,694 --> 00:02:43,127 [Laughs] [Phone chimes] 52 00:02:43,161 --> 00:02:46,063 Ooh! My boyfriend Paul just texted. 53 00:02:46,097 --> 00:02:47,532 Oh, I can't-- I don't have my glasses. 54 00:02:47,566 --> 00:02:48,899 - Can you read it for me? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 55 00:02:48,934 --> 00:02:52,570 Thanks. 56 00:02:52,604 --> 00:02:54,238 Read it out loud. 57 00:02:54,272 --> 00:02:57,542 Um, I don't want to. 58 00:02:57,576 --> 00:03:00,010 Eden, what does it say? 59 00:03:00,045 --> 00:03:02,213 Paul had to rush out of town. 60 00:03:02,247 --> 00:03:04,582 What? Why? 61 00:03:04,616 --> 00:03:06,551 His 103-year-old aunt just died. 62 00:03:06,585 --> 00:03:10,020 Please don't hurt me. I'm small and pregnant. 63 00:03:10,055 --> 00:03:12,189 So I can't show off my new boyfriend 64 00:03:12,224 --> 00:03:15,092 just because some selfish bag of bones picks this weekend 65 00:03:15,126 --> 00:03:16,861 to have a dirt nap? 66 00:03:16,895 --> 00:03:19,530 I would love to stay and be supportive, 67 00:03:19,565 --> 00:03:23,167 but the baby wants to get the hell outta here. 68 00:03:23,201 --> 00:03:27,739 [Groans] 69 00:03:27,773 --> 00:03:30,775 [Knock on door] 70 00:03:34,279 --> 00:03:37,248 - [Gasps] - Jill! 71 00:03:37,282 --> 00:03:41,519 - Holly! So great to see you! - Mm-hmm. 72 00:03:41,553 --> 00:03:43,954 Aw, I've interrupted your breakfast. 73 00:03:43,989 --> 00:03:46,624 Your great, big one. [Sighs] 74 00:03:46,658 --> 00:03:48,626 Jill, what are you doing here? We were supposed to meet 75 00:03:48,660 --> 00:03:50,060 at your hotel later. 76 00:03:50,095 --> 00:03:52,162 Well, I got an early start. 77 00:03:52,197 --> 00:03:54,499 Did my power walk, had a protein smoothie, 78 00:03:54,533 --> 00:03:56,133 picked up some Christmas ornaments. 79 00:03:56,167 --> 00:03:57,835 You know, it's never too early. 80 00:03:57,870 --> 00:03:59,537 - Mm. - And [Clears throat] I thought, 81 00:03:59,571 --> 00:04:02,440 well, "Holly must be up by now." 82 00:04:02,474 --> 00:04:05,676 And you kinda are. 83 00:04:05,711 --> 00:04:10,047 So, Holly, tell me, how are you? 84 00:04:10,081 --> 00:04:13,217 I'm great. Fabulous. Never been better. 85 00:04:13,251 --> 00:04:16,220 No, really. 86 00:04:16,254 --> 00:04:17,955 How are you? 87 00:04:17,989 --> 00:04:20,458 Ever since mom told me about your ex-fiance cheating 88 00:04:20,492 --> 00:04:24,929 on you, all I can think about is "Poor Holly." 89 00:04:24,963 --> 00:04:27,298 No, no, no, no. Happy Holly. 90 00:04:27,332 --> 00:04:30,234 I-I told you on the phone I have an awesome new boyfriend. 91 00:04:30,268 --> 00:04:33,103 Right! Can't wait to meet him! 92 00:04:33,138 --> 00:04:34,238 About that... 93 00:04:34,272 --> 00:04:36,674 Um, unfortunately, he had to dash 94 00:04:36,708 --> 00:04:39,243 out of town unexpectedly. 95 00:04:39,277 --> 00:04:43,247 Of course he did. Hug? 96 00:04:43,281 --> 00:04:47,452 No hug. I'm telling you, I have someone in my life. 97 00:04:47,486 --> 00:04:51,456 Holly, we're out of body wash. 98 00:04:51,490 --> 00:04:54,358 - Eden, this is my sister Jill. - Hi, hi. 99 00:04:54,392 --> 00:04:56,527 I have heard a lot about you. 100 00:04:56,562 --> 00:04:57,795 And I have heard nothing 101 00:04:57,830 --> 00:05:00,431 about you, Eden. 102 00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:01,866 You live here? 103 00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:05,336 Yeah, yeah. Holly insisted, me being knocked up and all. 104 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:08,038 Oh, Holly, that reminds me: 105 00:05:08,073 --> 00:05:10,207 I was able to book that Lamaze class on Sunday. 106 00:05:10,241 --> 00:05:12,009 It's in the west village, so I'm sure 107 00:05:12,043 --> 00:05:13,878 we won't be the only girl-girl team. 108 00:05:13,912 --> 00:05:15,713 [Laughs] 109 00:05:15,747 --> 00:05:19,083 Oh, my God. 110 00:05:19,117 --> 00:05:20,751 Holly, you're gay. 111 00:05:20,786 --> 00:05:26,156 - What? - Hello! 112 00:05:26,191 --> 00:05:28,593 It all makes sense now. 113 00:05:28,627 --> 00:05:29,727 When we were kids, 114 00:05:29,761 --> 00:05:33,364 all of the Martina Navratilova posters. 115 00:05:33,398 --> 00:05:37,201 - She was a world-class athlete. - Mm. 116 00:05:37,235 --> 00:05:39,570 - Listen, Jill-- - Holls. 117 00:05:39,605 --> 00:05:45,175 I have never been more proud of you. 118 00:05:45,210 --> 00:05:46,744 Wait--wait, what? 119 00:05:46,778 --> 00:05:49,947 You're living your life openly, on your own terms. 120 00:05:49,982 --> 00:05:55,052 And on top of that, you're having a baby! 121 00:05:55,086 --> 00:05:57,454 Holly, I'm in awe of you. 122 00:05:57,489 --> 00:05:58,856 You're in awe of me? 123 00:05:58,891 --> 00:06:01,592 Uh, Jill, I think 124 00:06:01,627 --> 00:06:06,430 there's something Holls needs to tell you. [Laughs] 125 00:06:06,464 --> 00:06:08,633 She's right, Jill. 126 00:06:08,667 --> 00:06:10,367 Eden and I are... 127 00:06:10,402 --> 00:06:13,170 Crazy stupid in love. 128 00:06:13,204 --> 00:06:15,339 Um... [Giggles] 129 00:06:19,571 --> 00:06:23,840 [Upbeat music] 130 00:06:23,874 --> 00:06:25,775 Yeah. [Snickering] 131 00:06:25,810 --> 00:06:28,912 Yeah, you realize this is the first time 132 00:06:28,946 --> 00:06:32,182 that we're all getting high together. 133 00:06:32,217 --> 00:06:33,850 Maybe someone should say a few words. 134 00:06:33,884 --> 00:06:38,222 Oh, I will! I will! Stop talking. 135 00:06:38,256 --> 00:06:42,226 See you on the other side. 136 00:06:42,260 --> 00:06:44,694 [Knocks on door] 137 00:06:44,729 --> 00:06:47,564 Sweet Christmas! Is that the po-po? 138 00:06:50,968 --> 00:06:53,504 Listen, I'm only going to explain this once. 139 00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:56,206 Eden and I are lovers, and my sister is taking us 140 00:06:56,241 --> 00:06:59,676 out to dinner to celebrate the birth of our love child. 141 00:07:03,348 --> 00:07:06,150 This stuff is awesome. 142 00:07:09,621 --> 00:07:13,290 I got caught in this stupid lie with my sister, 143 00:07:13,324 --> 00:07:14,958 and I-I'm going to tell her the truth tonight, 144 00:07:14,992 --> 00:07:17,361 but I need you guys there for moral support. 145 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:18,928 - You got it. - Yeah, we'll be there! 146 00:07:18,963 --> 00:07:20,597 All right, great. What's that smell? 147 00:07:20,632 --> 00:07:23,667 Not pot! 148 00:07:23,701 --> 00:07:27,471 [Upbeat music] 149 00:07:27,505 --> 00:07:30,106 Wow! Look at all the women here! 150 00:07:30,141 --> 00:07:32,042 It must be ladies' night! 151 00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:34,545 I think every night here is ladies' night. 152 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:39,283 - This is a lesbian bar. - Oh! 153 00:07:39,317 --> 00:07:42,986 That explains the neon vagina out front. 154 00:07:43,020 --> 00:07:45,389 - There's my awesome sister. - Oh! 155 00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:47,291 Your beautiful baby mama. 156 00:07:47,325 --> 00:07:49,393 That's us! [Giggles] 157 00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:51,395 Hope you guys haven't been here before. 158 00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:52,729 Concierge at my hotel said 159 00:07:52,763 --> 00:07:54,665 this is the hippest kitty-cat shack in town. 160 00:07:54,699 --> 00:07:57,267 - Check me out with the jargon. - Yeah. 161 00:07:57,302 --> 00:07:59,803 - Look, I got us a table. - Okay. 162 00:07:59,837 --> 00:08:02,138 - [Clears throat] Uh, dear? - Oh, yes, of course. 163 00:08:02,173 --> 00:08:04,040 This one. 164 00:08:04,075 --> 00:08:05,409 Luckily, what she lacks in etiquette, 165 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:08,111 she makes up in other departments. [Snickers] 166 00:08:08,145 --> 00:08:11,381 [Gasps] 167 00:08:11,416 --> 00:08:16,086 [Laughs] 168 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:17,521 Where are we, man? 169 00:08:17,555 --> 00:08:21,458 Well, considering the fact that it's all women, 170 00:08:21,492 --> 00:08:23,660 and we're the only guys here, 171 00:08:23,695 --> 00:08:28,599 I would say that this is the greatest bar in the world. 172 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:33,036 Yeah, jackpot. 173 00:08:33,070 --> 00:08:35,672 Hey. Hey. 174 00:08:35,707 --> 00:08:38,342 How amazing was that taxi ride? 175 00:08:38,376 --> 00:08:41,445 We started in one place and ended up in another! 176 00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:44,514 We were there, and now we're here! 177 00:08:44,549 --> 00:08:47,351 [Laughs] 178 00:08:47,385 --> 00:08:50,086 Yeah, this pond is stocked. It's gonna be easy. 179 00:08:50,121 --> 00:08:51,588 Check me out. 180 00:08:51,623 --> 00:08:54,224 Hey, girl. 181 00:08:54,259 --> 00:08:57,494 Hey, sweetheart, what's going on? 182 00:08:57,528 --> 00:08:59,329 You're seriously hitting on me? 183 00:08:59,364 --> 00:09:00,330 Mm-hmm. 184 00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:02,332 Trust me, there are no women here 185 00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:05,335 that are interested in you. 186 00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:08,037 What the hell is going on here? 187 00:09:11,108 --> 00:09:14,511 - Hi. - Yes, I am. 188 00:09:14,545 --> 00:09:17,947 [Giggles] I'm glad you're here. 189 00:09:17,982 --> 00:09:19,650 Nothing but lipsticks out tonight. 190 00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:23,420 Yeah, the only woman I see is the one standing 191 00:09:23,454 --> 00:09:25,322 right in front of me. 192 00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:26,956 Right back at ya. 193 00:09:26,991 --> 00:09:31,127 Hmm. 194 00:09:31,162 --> 00:09:34,130 Pfft! [Giggles] 195 00:09:34,165 --> 00:09:37,567 [Laughter] 196 00:09:37,602 --> 00:09:40,537 Wow, how cool is this? 197 00:09:40,571 --> 00:09:43,473 If I were home right now, I'd be in bed playing sudoku 198 00:09:43,508 --> 00:09:45,575 and poking Barry to stop snoring. 199 00:09:45,610 --> 00:09:49,245 So you're saying that my life is more exciting than yours? 200 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,715 Come on, look at you two. 201 00:09:51,749 --> 00:09:54,918 I almost forgot what it looks like to be in love. 202 00:09:54,952 --> 00:09:56,553 I'm so jealous. 203 00:09:56,587 --> 00:09:59,055 You're jealous of me? 204 00:09:59,089 --> 00:10:01,391 Holly, isn't there something you wanted to tell Jill? 205 00:10:01,426 --> 00:10:05,395 No, I'm good. 206 00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:09,433 Hey, uh, cute stuff, you wanna--chik-chika--dance? 207 00:10:09,467 --> 00:10:14,805 Me? Uh, no, I'm with my lady. [Chuckles] 208 00:10:14,839 --> 00:10:16,272 Oh, now, don't be silly. Go, have fun-- 209 00:10:16,307 --> 00:10:18,542 - Oh, I don't know. - You heard her. 210 00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:19,543 - Let's do this. - Oh, my--ow! 211 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:24,614 Come on! 212 00:10:24,649 --> 00:10:27,784 Mmm, I like your burly arms. 213 00:10:27,819 --> 00:10:32,222 I get that from my mother's side. 214 00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:34,624 Whoa! What the hell was that against my hip? 215 00:10:34,659 --> 00:10:36,526 I get that from my father's side. 216 00:10:36,561 --> 00:10:39,763 Oh, my God, you're a guy? 217 00:10:39,797 --> 00:10:42,131 What the hell are you doing at a lesbian club? 218 00:10:42,166 --> 00:10:46,336 Lesbian club? 219 00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:52,909 How's it going? I'm Stacey. 220 00:10:52,943 --> 00:10:56,913 I'm...Hazel. 221 00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:59,683 - Mm. - [Laughs] 222 00:11:05,556 --> 00:11:09,793 Oh, look at her out there. So free! 223 00:11:09,827 --> 00:11:13,997 Playing by her own rules. 224 00:11:14,031 --> 00:11:18,234 Me, I've always lived in a stifling little box. 225 00:11:18,269 --> 00:11:20,303 Lately, it's been more like a prison. 226 00:11:20,337 --> 00:11:22,806 You okay there, Jill? 227 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:28,077 No, I've got to stop kidding myself. 228 00:11:28,112 --> 00:11:29,946 Barry and I aren't a real couple, 229 00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:31,381 not like you and Holly. 230 00:11:31,416 --> 00:11:34,418 I mean, we haven't been a real couple for years. 231 00:11:34,452 --> 00:11:37,120 We're just two people sharing the same house. 232 00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:41,124 Ooh, ah! Gee. 233 00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:43,894 Ah. 234 00:11:46,898 --> 00:11:49,800 Well, that was unsettling. 235 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,168 [Sighs] So how are things over here? 236 00:11:52,202 --> 00:11:55,305 Holly, watching you live your life 237 00:11:55,339 --> 00:11:59,743 has made me realize I've got to start living mine. 238 00:11:59,777 --> 00:12:01,711 When I get home, I'm telling Barry 239 00:12:01,746 --> 00:12:03,480 our marriage is over. 240 00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:05,515 What? 241 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,962 [Upbeat music] 242 00:12:15,465 --> 00:12:18,733 Listen, Jill, now that you've slept on it, 243 00:12:18,767 --> 00:12:21,069 you're not serious about getting a divorce. 244 00:12:21,104 --> 00:12:24,239 Holly, I told you, my marriage is over. 245 00:12:24,273 --> 00:12:26,007 I finally have the courage to end it, 246 00:12:26,041 --> 00:12:27,542 and I owe it to you. 247 00:12:27,577 --> 00:12:30,145 Look, Jill, there's something you need to know. 248 00:12:30,179 --> 00:12:31,946 Eden and I are just-- [Knocks on door] 249 00:12:31,981 --> 00:12:36,851 - Who is it? - It's your mother! 250 00:12:36,885 --> 00:12:38,886 Ugh, what is she doing here? 251 00:12:38,921 --> 00:12:41,389 - Did you call her? - Of course I didn't call her. 252 00:12:41,424 --> 00:12:43,024 Do not tell her I'm getting divorced. 253 00:12:43,058 --> 00:12:45,994 Don't tell her I'm a lesbian. 254 00:12:46,028 --> 00:12:47,429 Hi. 255 00:12:47,463 --> 00:12:49,464 What took you so long to get to the door? 256 00:12:49,499 --> 00:12:51,733 This place isn't exactly Versailles. 257 00:12:51,767 --> 00:12:54,436 [Gasps] There's my Jilly. 258 00:12:54,470 --> 00:12:56,838 [Gasps] I love that color on you. 259 00:12:56,872 --> 00:12:58,440 - Oh, thanks, mom. - Ooh. 260 00:12:58,474 --> 00:13:02,844 And, Holly, that eye shadow makes you look angry. 261 00:13:02,878 --> 00:13:06,481 Thanks, mom. So what you doing here? 262 00:13:06,516 --> 00:13:08,983 Well, how often do my two girls get together? 263 00:13:09,018 --> 00:13:14,022 I cashed in some miles, and now it's a threesome. 264 00:13:14,056 --> 00:13:15,957 I missed you, Jill. 265 00:13:15,991 --> 00:13:17,992 I missed you too, mom. 266 00:13:18,027 --> 00:13:21,863 Seriously? Y-you see her every day. 267 00:13:21,897 --> 00:13:23,331 You haven't seen me in, like, four months. 268 00:13:23,366 --> 00:13:25,800 Don't be so sensitive! 269 00:13:25,834 --> 00:13:27,135 I missed you too. 270 00:13:27,170 --> 00:13:29,103 I'm just used to having Jill around. 271 00:13:29,138 --> 00:13:34,309 Oh, Jill, before I forget, the club newsletter came, and-- 272 00:13:34,343 --> 00:13:36,077 [Sighs] - [Gasps] 273 00:13:36,111 --> 00:13:38,346 She and Barry won the mixed doubles 274 00:13:38,381 --> 00:13:39,581 tennis tournament. 275 00:13:39,615 --> 00:13:42,384 How amazing is that? 276 00:13:42,418 --> 00:13:44,719 You do realize that I'm a partner 277 00:13:44,753 --> 00:13:46,421 in a law firm this year. 278 00:13:46,455 --> 00:13:51,359 Honey, why must everything be a competition? 279 00:13:52,828 --> 00:13:54,896 My point is it's impressive 280 00:13:54,930 --> 00:13:57,765 how Jill juggles the kids, the garden club, 281 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:01,636 her charity work, and a successful marriage. 282 00:14:01,671 --> 00:14:03,271 - Hint, hint. - Mm. 283 00:14:03,306 --> 00:14:06,140 I've found the key is time management. 284 00:14:06,175 --> 00:14:08,176 Holly, I'd be happy to give you some tips. 285 00:14:08,211 --> 00:14:12,414 - Jill's getting a divorce. - What? 286 00:14:12,448 --> 00:14:16,351 Holly's a lesbian, and she's having a baby! 287 00:14:16,385 --> 00:14:19,020 Oh, my God! 288 00:14:19,054 --> 00:14:22,324 You're getting a divorce? 289 00:14:22,358 --> 00:14:23,458 Are you kidding me? 290 00:14:23,492 --> 00:14:24,726 You just found out that I'm gay, 291 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:25,727 and I'm having a baby. 292 00:14:25,761 --> 00:14:27,529 Where's my "Oh, my God"? 293 00:14:27,563 --> 00:14:31,766 Let's deal with the shocking news first. 294 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:33,501 Jill? 295 00:14:33,536 --> 00:14:38,139 Mom, I'm not getting a divorce. 296 00:14:38,173 --> 00:14:40,041 I do not know where she got that idea. 297 00:14:40,075 --> 00:14:41,376 What? 298 00:14:41,410 --> 00:14:44,145 Oh, wow, would you look at that time. 299 00:14:44,179 --> 00:14:46,681 I'm going to be late for the flower show. 300 00:14:46,716 --> 00:14:50,518 Catch you later, bye. 301 00:14:50,553 --> 00:14:52,820 Why in the world would you make up a story 302 00:14:52,855 --> 00:14:54,088 like that about your sister? 303 00:14:54,123 --> 00:14:55,724 I'm not making anything up, mom. 304 00:14:55,758 --> 00:14:57,792 Okay, I'm not a lesbian, I'm not a liar, 305 00:14:57,826 --> 00:14:59,294 and I'm not having a baby. 306 00:14:59,328 --> 00:15:03,765 Holly, the gay bar called. 307 00:15:03,799 --> 00:15:06,534 You left your jacket on the dance floor. 308 00:15:10,818 --> 00:15:14,718 [Upbeat music] 309 00:15:14,838 --> 00:15:15,922 Hi, Jill. 310 00:15:15,956 --> 00:15:19,775 Holly, the flower show was amazing. 311 00:15:19,895 --> 00:15:21,705 I picked up some incredible azaleas 312 00:15:21,740 --> 00:15:23,807 for Barry to plant around the gazebo. 313 00:15:23,842 --> 00:15:25,343 What's with the act? 314 00:15:25,377 --> 00:15:26,710 I mean, who are you trying to kid? 315 00:15:26,745 --> 00:15:29,847 Until mom got here, you were getting a divorce. 316 00:15:29,881 --> 00:15:32,850 You're just afraid to tell her. 317 00:15:32,884 --> 00:15:35,486 And you're afraid to tell her you're gay. 318 00:15:35,521 --> 00:15:38,489 - I'm not gay. - And I'm not getting divorced. 319 00:15:38,524 --> 00:15:39,490 No, no, no, you don't understand. 320 00:15:39,525 --> 00:15:40,991 - I love men. - And I love Barry. 321 00:15:41,026 --> 00:15:42,326 Stop it. 322 00:15:42,361 --> 00:15:44,728 Eden and I are not a couple. 323 00:15:44,763 --> 00:15:47,432 Eden is my assistant, and she's staying at my apartment 324 00:15:47,466 --> 00:15:49,033 until she has her baby. 325 00:15:49,068 --> 00:15:50,901 Why would you lie to me? 326 00:15:50,936 --> 00:15:52,937 Because it was the first time you've ever looked at me 327 00:15:52,971 --> 00:15:55,106 - with admiration. - That's not true. 328 00:15:55,140 --> 00:15:56,107 Yeah, it is. 329 00:15:56,141 --> 00:15:59,210 [Chuckles] When it comes to mom, 330 00:15:59,244 --> 00:16:01,312 you are the princess who could do no wrong, 331 00:16:01,346 --> 00:16:04,215 and I was... Shrek. 332 00:16:04,249 --> 00:16:07,851 Well, you think it's been easy for me trying to live up 333 00:16:07,886 --> 00:16:10,121 to mom's expectations? 334 00:16:10,155 --> 00:16:11,655 The more of a train wreck you are, 335 00:16:11,690 --> 00:16:13,924 the more she dumped her hopes on me. 336 00:16:13,959 --> 00:16:18,296 Can we get some alcohol over here? 337 00:16:18,330 --> 00:16:19,964 Jill, you have to tell her the truth. 338 00:16:19,998 --> 00:16:21,265 I can't. 339 00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:22,333 You're gonna go up there, 340 00:16:22,367 --> 00:16:23,568 and you're gonna tell her the truth, 341 00:16:23,602 --> 00:16:25,169 and I'm gonna be there for you. 342 00:16:25,204 --> 00:16:27,071 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 343 00:16:27,106 --> 00:16:28,406 You're not afraid of mom? 344 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,108 Please. 345 00:16:30,142 --> 00:16:33,177 I'm a grown woman, partner in a law firm. 346 00:16:33,212 --> 00:16:36,046 You think I'm afraid of my mommy? 347 00:16:36,081 --> 00:16:38,949 What's keeping the alcohol? 348 00:16:38,984 --> 00:16:41,952 [Upbeat music] 349 00:16:41,987 --> 00:16:43,154 350 00:16:44,856 --> 00:16:47,592 good afternoon, gents. 351 00:16:55,033 --> 00:16:56,601 I would love to stay and chat, 352 00:16:56,635 --> 00:17:01,005 but I have a date with my new lady friend. 353 00:17:01,039 --> 00:17:03,474 Wait, wait, wait. The one from last night? 354 00:17:03,509 --> 00:17:04,942 She thinks you're a woman. 355 00:17:04,976 --> 00:17:08,412 That she does. 356 00:17:08,447 --> 00:17:09,547 So if you'll excuse me, 357 00:17:09,581 --> 00:17:11,782 Hazel's off to meet her new gal pal 358 00:17:11,816 --> 00:17:14,852 at the batting cages. 359 00:17:14,886 --> 00:17:17,821 [Husky voice] Ta-ta, boys. 360 00:17:17,856 --> 00:17:19,423 [Door shuts] 361 00:17:19,458 --> 00:17:22,826 If that's not an anti-drug message, I don't know what is. 362 00:17:22,861 --> 00:17:25,796 [Knocks on door] I got it. 363 00:17:29,734 --> 00:17:31,802 Hey, Mrs. Franklin. I didn't know you were in town. 364 00:17:31,836 --> 00:17:34,038 Hello, Phil. Thank you. 365 00:17:34,072 --> 00:17:35,773 Have you seen my daughters? 366 00:17:35,807 --> 00:17:39,677 - Uh, no, I haven't. Sorry. - Ugh. 367 00:17:39,711 --> 00:17:42,846 So how have you been? 368 00:17:44,516 --> 00:17:47,385 How have you been? 369 00:17:47,419 --> 00:17:50,621 I've been better. 370 00:17:52,157 --> 00:17:54,091 I don't think you have. 371 00:17:57,862 --> 00:18:00,565 Really? 372 00:18:00,599 --> 00:18:03,901 Oh, yeah. Really. 373 00:18:03,935 --> 00:18:05,203 All right. 374 00:18:05,237 --> 00:18:06,571 - Okay. - All right. 375 00:18:06,605 --> 00:18:08,606 - Okay, then. - Okay. 376 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,709 - Mom, what's going on? - Nothing. 377 00:18:11,743 --> 00:18:14,945 Aw, I wouldn't call it nothing. [Laughs] 378 00:18:14,979 --> 00:18:16,146 I'm back, baby. 379 00:18:16,181 --> 00:18:19,450 [Laughs] Thanks, miss Franklin. 380 00:18:21,220 --> 00:18:22,386 Mom? 381 00:18:22,421 --> 00:18:24,755 Mom, Jill has something she'd like to tell you. 382 00:18:24,789 --> 00:18:26,123 Ugh. 383 00:18:26,157 --> 00:18:28,759 - What is it, Jill? - [Clears throat] 384 00:18:28,793 --> 00:18:31,195 Mom... 385 00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:36,100 I bought a bonsai tree at the flower show 386 00:18:36,134 --> 00:18:39,937 that I am going to sculpt into your likeness. 387 00:18:39,971 --> 00:18:42,005 Oh, for Christ's sake. She's getting a divorce. 388 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,542 No, she's not. Why do you keep saying that? 389 00:18:44,576 --> 00:18:46,577 Why does she keep saying that? 390 00:18:46,612 --> 00:18:49,213 Because it's true. 391 00:18:49,248 --> 00:18:51,616 What? 392 00:18:51,650 --> 00:18:53,884 You and Barry are really getting divorced? 393 00:18:53,918 --> 00:18:56,687 Yes. 394 00:18:56,722 --> 00:18:59,823 - What did you do? - Me? 395 00:18:59,858 --> 00:19:01,191 All I know is my daughter came here 396 00:19:01,226 --> 00:19:03,594 a happily married, mixed doubles champion. 397 00:19:03,629 --> 00:19:05,129 What in the hell happened? 398 00:19:05,163 --> 00:19:06,530 Nothing happened. 399 00:19:06,565 --> 00:19:08,132 She's been miserable for years. 400 00:19:08,166 --> 00:19:09,900 She's just been to afraid to tell you. 401 00:19:09,934 --> 00:19:14,772 Wh--I see you every day. 402 00:19:14,806 --> 00:19:17,475 How could you not tell me you were so unhappy? 403 00:19:17,509 --> 00:19:19,243 Because you think I'm perfect, 404 00:19:19,278 --> 00:19:21,579 and I didn't wanna disappoint you. 405 00:19:21,613 --> 00:19:24,047 Yeah, that's my job. 406 00:19:24,082 --> 00:19:25,480 Oh, I see. 407 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,062 So this is all my fault? 408 00:19:27,182 --> 00:19:28,543 When all's well fails, 409 00:19:28,663 --> 00:19:29,948 blame the mother! 410 00:19:30,068 --> 00:19:31,938 Did you ever see me blaming my mother 411 00:19:32,128 --> 00:19:33,317 for any of my problems? 412 00:19:33,544 --> 00:19:34,911 Well, you didn't go to her funeral. 413 00:19:34,946 --> 00:19:38,481 That was different. It was over money. 414 00:19:38,515 --> 00:19:39,983 I-I don't get it. 415 00:19:40,017 --> 00:19:42,118 The last time I was here, you were too afraid 416 00:19:42,153 --> 00:19:43,719 to tell me your engagement was over, 417 00:19:43,754 --> 00:19:46,456 and now, you're too afraid to tell me your marriage is. 418 00:19:46,490 --> 00:19:48,724 Well, starting to see a pattern here, mom? 419 00:19:48,759 --> 00:19:51,161 Yeah, you two stink at relationships. 420 00:19:53,697 --> 00:19:56,699 And maybe... 421 00:19:56,733 --> 00:20:00,703 I'm not so easy to talk to. 422 00:20:00,737 --> 00:20:02,805 What do you say I take my daughters to dinner 423 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,241 and do a little listening? 424 00:20:05,276 --> 00:20:09,012 Mm, I'd like that. [Sighs] 425 00:20:09,046 --> 00:20:12,082 Me too. 426 00:20:12,116 --> 00:20:14,217 And, mom, you'll be happy to know 427 00:20:14,251 --> 00:20:16,186 I have an incredible new boyfriend. 428 00:20:16,220 --> 00:20:17,620 Good for you, honey. 429 00:20:17,654 --> 00:20:21,057 You deserve to be happy. 430 00:20:21,092 --> 00:20:24,579 If you really wanna keep him, lose the eye shadow. 431 00:20:24,699 --> 00:20:30,656 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 432 00:20:30,706 --> 00:20:35,256 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 30636

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