All language subtitles for Speechless s03e05 S-T-- STAGE MOM.eng

* Happy birthday, dear Maya

Ooh, it's your birthday. You
won't fight me for the harmony.

* Happy birthday to

* You
* Yo-o-o-o-o-o-o-u

Oh, thank you so much.
That was flat.

So sweet of you.

Here, open this.

[ Giggling ] Ooh!

Oh, a mug that says "Mom."

An apron that says "Mom."

And golf balls
that say "Mom."

I don't golf.

It's to add
to your collection

'cause you collect
a lot of "Mom" stuff.

You give me a lot
of "Mom" stuff.

Yeah, and you're welcome.

This one's from JJ.

Okay.

Slippers that say "Mom."

"Not just any slippers.

The bottoms are mops.

Try them on."

Okay.

Oh, wow. It's just like walking,
but work.

Oh, what is
the matter with you?

[ Whispering ]
What is all this crap?

It's her birthday.

You're supposed to get her
something personal,

something that says
you know her.

Is any of this useable?

Mine!
Does it say "Mom" on it?

Nope, and it's nice.

She said she wanted it.

It's not the exact color
I wanted --

So it's something to wear?
Absolutely.

She'll love it.

Dylan's gift is
from everybody.

Well, they're wonderful.

Look.
Already absolutely filthy.

Hon, don't you get
the joke?

These are all gag gifts.

Guys, she fell for it.

[ Laughter ]
[ Relieved sigh ]

Only mom gifts.
How rich.

Dylan, give her
the real one.

Honey, this is what
you're all about.

Thank you -- Oh.

[ Box lid thuds ]

Bags for picking up
after Pepper.

And they're scented.

Hey, I missed a spot
back there.

[ Exhales ]

Forget nice, expensive.

You can wear it?

[ Bag rustles ]

Okay, it's a little tight.

-- Captions by VITAC --

**

Maya: You know, I love
being your mom.

I love taking care of you.

I just don't understand
why you don't see

the other sides of me --

Darling, Ray likes
the blue plate.

I'm a person.

I have passions...
Ray, let go.

...and interests and dreams.
I'm taking the plates now. I'm not letting go.

Ray, stop!
How can you think -- Separate! --

I exist to serve you
and pick up af--

Oh, Pepper.

It is what I am.
This is me.

You're not dog poop,
Mrs. DiMeo.

I don't mean that
that's what I am.

I mean the action
of cleaning up. Let go!

Ray: Mom, make her stop!

Wimp.

Of course that's how
they see me.

It's all I show them.

Joyce: It happens.
Not too long ago,

I was in a toxic relationship

with someone
I do not want to name.

Kenneth.
And he only saw me

as one thing -- a reliable
4:00 a.m. booty call.

He comes here at 6:00.

And I needed to show him
and myself

that there was more to me.

That's when I found
community theater.

[ Gasps ]
"My arm doesn't go that way."

Hmm? Oh, him.
[ Laughing ] Whoopsie-do.

I love theater.

I did tons of plays in college.
What kind of plays do you do?

Well, our troupe has some
trouble securing rights,

so we do legally deniable
versions of the classics --

"Sinking in the Rain,"
"Gals and Dudes."

Oh, I played a carton of
half and half in "Creamgirls."

Auditions are next week.
Would you like to come?

Does this answer
your question?

* What's that, people?
Is it true? *

* That I am coming home
to the stage *

Random.

Would you like to come?

Yeah.

Hey, found Dylan's phone
in my car.

Catch.

Hey, Tom Brady.

What'd you do with my dad?

That feels surprisingly nice.

Oh, snap.

Huge party at Anthony Lopez's
house tomorrow.

Is that what those
pictures mean?

Yeah, it's a code.

"Come at 9:00.
Bring drinks.

No losers."

I tutor this guy.

Why wouldn't he invite me?

I love parties
with no losers.

They're just so hard
to come by.

Kenneth:
Everyone, announcement!

Oh, great, Kenneth.
I'd love to discuss you

coming into work
a little bit later.

Big news, guys.

JJ?

Hey.

JJ got a vest.
No.

Pretty sure that's a vest,
Kenneth. Not the point.

It's a vest
from my supermarket

because he got a job there!

[ Laughs ]
Bro.

That's wonderful.

We didn't know you were
looking for a job.

He said he's ready,
so he applied to 20 places,

got very nice rejections
from all of them,

then I just got him a job
where I work.

Starts tomorrow.
What will you be doing?

"Kenneth has
something planned."

Uh, yeah.
We'll figure it out.

You haven't thought about it?

"Wait. Is this a real job

or a favor for a kid
with a disability?"

I-It's the one
you want it to be.

I mean, you of all people --

you wouldn't just
give JJ a job

to give him a job, right?

No, that would be weird

considering everything
we've been through.

Look, we're forgetting
what matters here.

JJ got a vest!

That's Em. She's got a bit
of stage fright.

She's kind of always mumbling
when you have to

[Raises voice]
project like this!

Yeah, 'cause those are
your only two choices.

That's Colin. He is so good
at death scenes.

He finds a way to die
several times per play.

Everyone's great.

[ Laughs ]
[ Door opens ]

Ugh, except for him.

He is the most difficult,
undirectable diva

that you will ever meet.

Hello, Richard.
Maya.

What are you doing here?

You don't know her,
jackass!

Oh, save it for the loudness
contest on the stage!

Welcome, everyone,
to this year's production

of "142nd Street."

Gosh, that is very close
to the real thing.

Hey, Dad.
You wanted to talk?

Yeah, you remember Dane.

He's a dad at your school
and a friend.

Yeah, and the seafood king
of Newport,

but sure, dad and friend.

That's my hook.
How could I forget?

The halibut at DiSanti's?

That's Dane's halibut.

You've never taken us
to DiSanti's.

You say it's overpriced.

Liar.

Ray, I'm gonna cut
to the chase.

Do you know my daughter,
Sammy?

Oh, yeah.
She's super popular.

Yeah, well, she looks like
a female me.

It's high-school-boy catnip.

Sammy was going to go to
that secret party

you told your dad about,
but he told me about that party,

and I got it cancelled.

Ray, you've done parents
a great service.

We could use the help

of a smart young man like you
on an ongoing basis.

Would that interest you
at all?

Look, I know my fellow teens

don't appreciate me,
but I am no rat.

Who'd call you a rat?

Boy, you're amazing.

You're smart,
you're interesting.

I'll tell you everything.

[ Piano plays ]

* Famous street

* Where the stars all meet

* And a hundred streets

* Away from that street

* 142nd

[ Quietly ] * Street

Joyce:
* On the subway, 1, 2, 3

* Change at 96th Street

* Would be my suggestion

Maya: * If you'd rather go
above ground *

* Take the M-1 bus downtown

* And walking's not
out of the question *

This is fantastic!

Alright, JJ.

Here is your name tag
and 300-page store manual.

That nobody reads.
Alright. Let's do this.

"What am I doing?"

Well, self-checkout
is always breaking,

error codes up the wazoo.

You can stand in front
and direct folks

to the regular
checkout line.

"And is this a real job?"

Of course. Quincy was doing it
before you.

Let's see you do it.

Oh, excuse me, Miss.

May I recommend
the self-checkout?

Oh, yes. Thank you.

It's broken. Go that way.

Why would you
do that to me?

**

Oh, thanks
for coming with me.

This is a big moment
for Mommy.

Dylan: I'm sorry we got you
such lousy presents,

but it seems like it led
to something good.

Something great.

Now I get to share my talent
with the world and my kids.

You know what?
I'm gonna get you a new mug,

whatever part you get.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

"Play cancelled due to
lack of talent"?

I'm not the best
with gifts,

but you don't want that
on a mug, right?

So do we just
ask him stuff?

Ask him anything you want.
He's here to please.

But how do we know that
he's really plugged in

to what the teens
are doing?

Show 'em, Ray.

[ Electronic dance music
plays ]

**

[ Record scratch ]

Any questions?

Ray, my son, Lyndon,
says he's single,

but I don't believe him.

Do you know?
Lyndon's dating Vanessa Diaz.

I know that because I
accidentally looked at her once,

and he tried to
push me down the stairs.

Ray, did my daughter, Nell,
quit cross country?

Oh, yeah.

She smokes every day
after school.

I warned her about emphysema,

but she tried to push me
down the stairs.

Do you know of any
big parties coming up?

Jocks like to keep
their parties secret,

but a secret ain't nothing
but a piece of cheese,

and a rat's got to eat.

[ Parents murmuring ]

The play's cancelled?

What a shame.

You know, I just bought
this really skanky dress

to wear to the wrap party.

Wait, that's it?
You're just going to give up?

No, h play's cancelled.
Let's do our own play.

Really?
You mean we'll put it on? Yeah.

Stage it and make costumes?
Yes.

And we'll use the coming-of-age
musical I wrote about my life?

Um, maybe.

We'll show that director
and everyone else

that there is more to us
than they think.

Yeah, I'm with Maya.

Come on, everybody
but Richard.

Let's do it.

Whoo-hoo!

**

**

[ Beeping ]

Oh, I see you've...

met Quincy.

"You gave me the job
of a piece of cardboard."

No, I gave you a job
that needs to be done,

and now that you know
about Quincy,

he can get back to work.

Hey, Quincy.

You're back
on cheese samples.

Any problem with that?
No?

Team player.

[ Indistinct talking ]

I think we really need
to assign parts.

Oh, oh, I want
to be the doctor.

You, a doctor?

-I want to be the doctor.
-Two doctors.

There's no doctor
in the play.

Oh.
We really need order.

You know, what we need
is a director.

-I nominate Maya.
-Ooh.

-Maya!
-Yes, Maya!

Actor-director?

We have so much to do.

There's no time
for false modesty.

Bow down
before your hyphenate.

Yo, party tomorrow
at Zayden's.

Send out the text.

The last one got cancelled,
so keep it quiet.

Excuse me for a minute.

I seem to have come down
with a touch of diarrhea.

[ Harry Nilsson's
"Jump into the Fire" plays ]

**

[ Cellphone chimes ]

Are you kidding me?

It's cancelled.

* You can climb a mountain

* You can swim the sea

* You can jump into the fire

* But you'll never be free
Sorry, diarrhea.

* You can shake me up

[ Cellphone chimes ]
Aw, man!

* Or I can break you down

Can't kick this diarrhea.

* Ohhh

* Ohhh
[ School bell rings ]

Dylan: Hey, Ray.

Everyone's talking about
who's leaking party info.

Oh.
They'll smoke out that mole.

I mean, at some point,
he'll get sloppy.

Doubtful.

Lot of talk
about this mole.

Sure seems like he holds
all the cards.

Maybe people shouldn't have
underestimated him.

Let's go, Dad.

Why are you always
eating fish?

Hey, Anthony.
Huge party Friday, huh?

Yeah. Why don't
you come along?

Me?
Really?

Yeah, why not?
You're a good kid.

You think that?

W-Why didn't you
say that before?

Just don't tell anybody
about it.

There's a mole out there.

Unless...
you're the mole.

[ Laughs ]
I'm just kidding.

Oh. Ohh. [ Laughs ]
[ Laughs ]

Alright.
Yeah.

Man: Good afternoon, shoppers.
Hungry for cheese?

Visit Quincy by self-checkout
for a free sample.

"Please use
regular chicken."

Quincy to self-checkout,
please.

Quincy to self-checkout.

Oh, regular checkout.

Thanks, Quincy.

-Thanks, Quincy.
-You the man, Quincy.

**

Maya, Maya.
Uh, quick question.

When I enter, it says I am
supposed to be running.

Now, why am I doing that?

The dog is chasing you.

It's just running
from a dog.

I mean, isn't that sort of
the obvious choice?

You wrote this!

Does not mean
I understand it.

Alright, where's Joyce?
We have to start rehearsal.

[ Quietly ] Um, she was --
Um, she -- she --

I was promised stage fright.

Are you scared
of the living room?

She -- um, well, she --
Oh, she has car trouble?

Okay, this isn't
gonna fall apart.

I'm gonna go
and get Joyce.

You all rehearse
the dog scene.

We're hungry.

Okay, who wants pizza bagels?

Ooh!
Ooh, ooh, me!

Oh, that you can say.

**

[ Alarm sounds ]

**

[ Machinery crunches, sputters ]

[ Alarm beeping ]

Uh, what happened?

JJ, are you okay?

What are you doing
back here?

Oh, my God.

Quincy.

Murderer!
Settle down, Kevin.

JJ, what's up?

"You gave me a job
a cutout could do.

Except he did it better.

I quit."

**

Whatcha got, Ray?

We hear there's
a big party coming up.

You know anything?
You bet.

The seniors are throwing
a huge blowout in spring.

I'm talking a deejay,
dinner, black tie.

You're talking
about prom. Shh!

Ray, help us out.

I'm gonna ask you
one more time.

Where's the party?

I'm really torn.

I'm in too deep.
I'm sorry. I want out.

Oh, marone!
Jimmy, you hearing this?

Honestly, no.
Allergic reaction.

I think a shrimp found
its way into the calamari.

I don't want to complain, but
can I get a fresh basket?

You know, Ray,
we're the good guys.

We're just parents
trying to protect our kids,

trying to protect you.

I mean,
it sure would be a shame

if everyone at school found out
you were the mole.

[ Shell cracks ]

Yeah, I got to go
to the hospital.

Can I get a rush
on the fresh basket?

Maya:
Okay, everyone's here.

We can start, finally.

What?
-I am not acting

until she apologizes
for wasting my time.

Oh, I wouldn't call anything
you do acting.

-[ Gasps ]
-Hey!

Poke, poke, poke, poke,
poke, poke, poke, poke. Stop touching each other.

Separate! Let's go.
Places, everyone.

[ Sighs ] Oh, Pepper.

[ Bag rustles ]

Oh, I'm back.

I'm a mom, except for
a bunch of strangers

I don't even care about.

Hey, when you're done,

I have some questions
about my character.

[ Bag crumples ]

Theater family, family-family,
we need to talk.

I joined this play
to show you

that there's more to me
than serving you,

and now I'm just
serving you.

It's okay. I've identified
who is to blame.

Me.

I pride myself
on being nurturing

and getting things done,
but the thing is,

if I do too much,
others take advantage of me.

Well, that's about
to change.

Please repeat after me.

"Maya is not my servant."

All: Maya is not my servant.

"From this moment forward,

she will do less,
and I will do more."

All: From this moment forward,

she will do less,
I will do more.

You know, my hope is that

my children will
see me differently.

This may or may not happen,

but what matters is that
I see me differently.

"My hope is that
my children..."

No, don't.
"...may see me differently.

Goodbye."

[ All gasp, murmur ]

[ Applause ]

I'm sorry, buddy.
I got you tangled up

in this whole thing,
and for what?

Some crab.

I was being really...

Oh, I really want
to say "shellfish." [selfish]

I just don't know
what to do.

Now the teens love me,
but the parents own me.

I mean, do I go to the party
or tell them to shut it down?

I'm in so deep, and I'm so good
at playing both parts.

This could go on forever.

You're the mole?

I suck at this.

I'm sorry. I know you wanted
a real job,

and I kind of let you down
on the "real" part.

"It's okay.

You were just
trying to help."

Maybe this wasn't
the perfect fit,

but we'll find
something else.

Let me get your name tag
and vest.

You know what?
Keep the vest.

Fresco's gift to you.

Sorry, I should
actually take the vest.

We're always running out
of mediums.

[ Door opens, closes ]

**

Look who's ready
for dress rehearsal.

We made our own costumes,
we learned our lines,

we even buried the hatchet.

We did five trust falls.

I caught him three times.

[ Beeping ]

JJ, how are you doing this?

These things
break constantly,

and there's, like,
500 error codes.

"And I learned them all.

I wanted to be useful,

so I made myself useful."
Okay.

How would you like to be our
self-checkout specialist?

Welcome back, and here is
your first paycheck.

You're damn right
it's for 12 cents.

You broke the crusher,
and you killed Quincy, man.

Get your ass back to work.

**

This play is about
Mr. Powers' life?

With three intermissions?!

Hey.

What's up? Isn't it
almost time to start?

The cast --
they're not coming.

They've all got
food poisoning.

Someone gave them
bad fish.

That's crazy.

How did they have room
for bad fish

after all the good fish
I gav-- Oh.

I mean, I guess
we just go home.

No, you put too much
work into this,

and you want the kids
to see you.

Hang on.
Uh, hi. Excuse me.

Some of the cast
has taken ill,

but who still wants
to see a play?

Everyone?
Yeah, no, we're doing this.

Oh! I'm gonna break a leg.

[ Cheers and applause ]

I'm gonna ask you again, son,
for the last time.

Do you want to live
with your mama

or your daddy?

I don't know.

Where will my doggy,
Max, be?

Tell the boy, Alice.

[ Sobbing ]
You tell him, Richard.

You're the one who did it.
[ Audience gasps ]

Order! Order!

I will not have my courtroom
turned into a circus!

Is it me, or is she seriously
good as the judge?

[ Piano plays ]
Shh!

* I'm just a boy
from Maryland *

* What am I doin' here
in Pennsylvania? *

They're so close.

What do you mean,
you're leaving?

You're my world,
my everything

[ Sniffles ]
[ Whispering ] You don't even like Mr. Powers.

He gave you a "D"
last year.

I didn't know
what he gave up for me.

* How do I know it's Heaven?

**

Max!

[ Audience "aww"s ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

Mom, that was amazing.

Really?

"You transported me,
and not in a van."

[ Laughs ]

[ Dance music plays,
indistinct talking ]

Hey, man. Where you been?
Sorry, I was at my mom's play.

That's awesome, bro.

What a great son.

Now I have to betray
my best friend?

[ Cellphone dings ]

[ Groans ] Stupid parents
always signing texts.

[ Cellphone chimes ]
I got the address.

Let's go keep
our children pure.

Now, who wants to drive?
I'm smashed.

* Hey, she gon' shake it,
she gon' shake it *

* She gon' drop that *
Aha!

* We gon' keep on making paper,
we won't stop that *

Party's over, parents.

What is this?
Where's my hot daughter?

Your father's gonna hear
about this.

Oh, he already knows.

This ends now.

Some bad fish poisoned
the whole cast

of a pretty weird play.

Be a shame if people were to
find out who the purveyor was.

Be a real shame.

How dare you use poor Ray
as your pawn?

If you want to know where
your kids are, ask them.

They want to talk.
They just want you to listen.

[ Sighs ]
Alright, let's go.

Wise words, honey.
Let's go home.

[ Door closes ]

Hey, forgot to ask.
Whose house is this?

Oh, my God.
You and your questions!

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