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Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
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00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:10,744
It's...
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00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:14,381
Monty Python's Flying Circus.
4
00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:45,979
I know you're down there.
5
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,999
Hey, did you see that?
6
00:01:08,468 --> 00:01:10,637
Did you see somebody
go past the window?
7
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:11,972
What?
8
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,642
Somebody just went
past the window, that way.
9
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:23,417
Another one.
10
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,920
Another one
just went past downwards.
11
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:27,955
What?
12
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,456
Two people have just fallen-
13
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:31,558
out of that window
to their almost certain death.
14
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:35,662
Fine, fine, fine.
15
00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:36,697
Look!
16
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,498
Two people...
17
00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:39,533
Three people-
18
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,501
have just fallen-
19
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:41,502
past that window.
20
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:43,804
Must be a board meeting.
21
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:45,906
Oh, yeah.
22
00:01:48,308 --> 00:01:50,611
Hey, that was Wilkins
of finance.
23
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,012
Oh, no,
that was Robertson.
24
00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:53,013
Wilkins.
25
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,114
Robertson.
26
00:01:54,181 --> 00:01:54,982
Wilkins.
27
00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:55,916
Robertson.
28
00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:58,118
That was Wilkins.
29
00:01:58,151 --> 00:01:59,353
That was Wilkins.
30
00:01:59,419 --> 00:02:01,255
He was a good golfer, Wilkins.
31
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,390
Very good golfer,
very good golfer.
32
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:04,558
Rotten at finance.
33
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,959
It'll be Parkinson next.
34
00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:08,161
Bet you it won't.
35
00:02:08,228 --> 00:02:10,564
How much?
36
00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:11,698
What?
37
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:14,768
How much do you
bet it won't?
38
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:15,802
Fiver?
39
00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:16,837
All right.
40
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:17,838
Done.
41
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:18,839
You're on.
42
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:20,641
Fine.
43
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,242
Come on, Parky.
44
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:23,744
Don't do it, Parky.
45
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,946
Jump, Parky, jump. Come on, now,
be sensible, Parky.
46
00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:27,548
Dear sir,
I am writing to complain-
47
00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:29,983
about that sketch about people
falling out of a high building.
48
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,785
I have worked all my life
in such a building-
49
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:32,786
and have never once...
50
00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:37,558
Parkinson!
51
00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:38,659
Johnson!
52
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:48,635
My god, this is terrible!
53
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,470
Would somebody please stop it?!
54
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:51,538
Lord knows that.
55
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:52,639
Let's try it this way.
56
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:07,855
Alakazam!
57
00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:08,856
Alacadabra! alakazam!
58
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,390
Alacadabra! alakazam!
59
00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:12,125
Alacadabra! alakazam!
60
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,861
Alacadabra...
61
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:27,374
Hello!
62
00:03:41,588 --> 00:03:43,924
Tonight, Spectrum looks
at one of the major problems-
63
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,092
in the world today--
64
00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:47,261
The whole vexed question
of what is going on.
65
00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:48,829
Is there still time
to confront it,
66
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,564
let alone solve it,
or is it too late?
67
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:52,099
What are the figures,
what are the facts?
68
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,867
What do people mean
when they talk about things?
69
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:56,170
Alexander Hardacre
of the Economic Affairs Bureau.
70
00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:57,337
In this graph-
71
00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,439
this column represents
23% of the population.
72
00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:01,508
This column represents
28% of the population-
73
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,344
and this column represents
43% of the population.
74
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,713
Telling figures indeed,
but what do they mean to you?
75
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:07,915
What do they mean to me?
76
00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:09,750
What do they mean to
the average man in the street?
77
00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:12,619
With me now is professor Tiddles
of Leeds university.
78
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:15,322
Professor, you've spent many years
researching into things.
79
00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:16,356
What do you think?
80
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,591
I think it's too early to tell.
81
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:19,326
Too early to tell,
too early to say.
82
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:20,727
It means the same thing.
83
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,329
The word "say" is the same
as the word "tell."
84
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:23,597
They're not spelled the same,
but they mean the same.
85
00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:26,066
It's an identical situation
we have with "ship" and "boat"
86
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,135
But not the same as we have
with "bow" and "bough"--
87
00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:30,437
Different spellings and
meanings, but sound the same.
88
00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:33,841
But the real question remains:
89
00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:35,576
What is the solution, if any,
to this problem?
90
00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:36,810
What can we do?
What am I saying?
91
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:38,078
Why am I sitting in this chair?
92
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:39,513
Why am I here
and what will I say next?
93
00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:41,281
Here to answer this is
a professional cricketer.
94
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:42,950
I can say nothing at this point.
95
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:44,084
You were wrong.
Professor?
96
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:44,852
Hello.
97
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:45,953
Hello.
98
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,087
So, where do we stand?
Where do we sit?
99
00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:47,988
Where do we come?
Where do we go?
100
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:48,889
What do we do?
What do we say?
101
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:49,823
What do we eat?
What do we drink?
102
00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:50,791
What do we think?
What do we do?
103
00:04:58,165 --> 00:05:00,267
Sorry!
104
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:15,148
Hello.
105
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:16,717
Mr. and mrs. Johnson, isn't it?
106
00:05:16,783 --> 00:05:17,784
That's right, yes.
107
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:18,852
Well, come on in.
108
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:20,420
Excuse me not
shaking hands,
109
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:21,955
but I've just been putting-
110
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,891
a bit of lard (flott) on
the cat's boil (b�ld).
111
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:24,892
Very nice.
112
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:26,159
Well, you must be tired.
113
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:27,094
It's a long drive-
114
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,328
from Coventry,
isn't it?
115
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,230
Yes, well, we usually
reckon on 5 1/2 hours-
116
00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:32,065
and it took us six hours
and 53 minutes,
117
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:34,067
with a 25-minute wait
at Frampton Cottrell-
118
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:35,068
to stretch our legs
119
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:36,537
Only we had to wait
half an hour-
120
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:38,172
to get on to the M5
near Droitwich.
121
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:38,839
Really?
122
00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:39,940
There was-
123
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,342
a three-mile queue just
before Bridgwater on the A38.
124
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,144
Only normally we come
round on the B3339,
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00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:45,579
just before Bridgwater,
you see.
126
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:46,280
Really?
127
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:46,947
We risked it
128
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:47,948
Because they say-
129
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:49,883
they're going
to widen it there.
130
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:50,450
Are they?
131
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:51,552
Just there
132
00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:53,187
At the intersection
where the A372 joins up,
133
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:54,988
there's plenty of room
to widen it there.
134
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:56,356
There's only
the grass verges.
135
00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:57,758
They could get
another six feet.
136
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:58,959
Knock down that hospital.
137
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:00,827
Then we took the coast road
through Williton-
138
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,563
and got all the Taunton traffic
on the A358,
139
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:03,797
from Crowcombe and Stogumber.
140
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,465
Well, you must be dying
for a cup of tea.
141
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:08,869
Well, wouldn't say "no,"
not if it's warm and wet.
142
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,370
Well, come on in the lounge.
143
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:12,406
I'm just about to serve
afternoon tea.
144
00:06:12,472 --> 00:06:13,774
Very nice.
145
00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,610
Come on in,
mr. and mrs. Johnson.
146
00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:17,611
Oh, this is-
147
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:19,580
Mr. and mrs. Phillips.
148
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:20,948
Good afternoon.
149
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:23,817
It's their third
year with us.
150
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:26,753
We can't keep
you away, can we?
151
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:27,754
And over here-
152
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,590
is mr. Hilter.
153
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:33,961
Ah, good time,
good afternoon.
154
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:35,195
Planning a little excursion,
155
00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:36,230
are we, mr. Hilter?
156
00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:37,231
Ja, ja!
157
00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:38,232
We make a little...
158
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:39,733
Was ist ruckweise
bewegen?
159
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:40,767
"Hike."
160
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:41,768
Hiking.
161
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,270
We make a little
hike for...
162
00:06:43,337 --> 00:06:44,538
for Bideford.
163
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:47,441
Oh, well, you'll be wanting
the A39 then.
164
00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:49,943
No, no, you've got
the wrong map there.
165
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,345
This is Stalingrad.
166
00:06:51,378 --> 00:06:52,813
You want the Ilfracombe-
167
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,314
and Barnstaple section.
168
00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:55,816
Ah, Hein... Reginald
169
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:57,818
You have the
wrong map here,
170
00:06:57,885 --> 00:07:01,455
you silly old leg-before-wicket
English person.
171
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:02,923
I'm sorry, mein f�hrer.
172
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:03,924
I did not...
173
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:06,226
Mein Dickie, old chum.
174
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:07,361
Lucky mr. Johnson-
175
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,829
pointed that out?
176
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,898
You wouldn't have had
much fun-
177
00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:12,699
in Stalingrad, would you?
178
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:15,202
I said you wouldn't have
had much fun-
179
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:16,837
in Stalingrad, would you?
180
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:19,773
Not much fun in Stalingrad, no.
181
00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:20,774
Oh, I'm sorry,
182
00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:21,775
I didn't introduce you.
183
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:23,210
This is Ron...
Ron Ribbentrop.
184
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:25,512
Oh, not von Ribbentrop?
185
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,114
Nein! nein! nein!
186
00:07:27,181 --> 00:07:30,150
Oh... no, he different
other chap.
187
00:07:30,184 --> 00:07:31,952
No, I in Somerset
am being born.
188
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:34,588
von Ribbentrop is born
in Gotterammerstrasse 46,
189
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:35,956
D�sseldorf,
West eight...
190
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:37,958
So they say!
191
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:40,561
And this is the quiet one,
mr. Bimmler.
192
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:41,528
Heimlich Bimmler.
193
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:42,729
How do you
do there, squire?
194
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:43,931
Also I am not minehead lad,
195
00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:45,899
but I in Peterborough,
Lincolnshire house,
196
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:47,201
was given birth to,
197
00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:48,435
but stay in Peterborough,
Lincolnshire house-
198
00:07:48,502 --> 00:07:50,270
all during war,
owing to nasty running sores-
199
00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:52,372
and was unable
to go in the streets,
200
00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:54,408
play fussball
or go to N�rnberg.
201
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,578
I am retired window cleaner
and pacifist,
202
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,479
without doing war crimes.
203
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:02,449
And am very glad England
win World cup,
204
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,617
Bobby Charlton
and Martin Peters,
205
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:05,118
and eating lots
of chips and fish-
206
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:06,320
and toad in the holes-
207
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:08,355
and Dundee cake
on Piccadilly line,
208
00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:09,489
don't you know, old chap,
209
00:08:09,556 --> 00:08:11,225
and was head of Gestapo
for ten years...
210
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:13,493
Five years!
211
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:15,696
Oh! No, no, nein
212
00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:18,165
I was not head
of Gestapo at all.
213
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:20,667
I make joke.
214
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:23,170
Oh, mr. Bimmler
215
00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:24,171
You do have us on.
216
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:26,173
Oh, excuse me,
217
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:27,674
I must just go
and answer that.
218
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:29,843
How long you down here for,
mr. Hilter?
219
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:30,878
Just the fortnight?
220
00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:31,879
Why do you ask that?
221
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,247
You a spy or something?
222
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,749
Get over there against the wall,
britischer pig.
223
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:36,817
You're going to die.
224
00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:38,619
Take it easy,
Dickie, old chum.
225
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:40,153
I'm sorry, mr. Johnson.
226
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,455
He's a bit on edge.
227
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:43,357
He hasn't slept since 1945.
228
00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:45,859
Shut your cake hole,
you nazi.
229
00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,694
Cool it, f�hrer cat.
230
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,963
The fun we have.
231
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:50,964
Haven't I seen him-
232
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:51,965
on the television?
233
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:54,535
Nicht, nein,
nein... oh, no.
234
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:56,036
Television doctor?
235
00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:57,070
No! no!
236
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,205
Telephone, mr. Hilter.
237
00:08:58,272 --> 00:08:59,740
It's that nice
mr. McGoering,
238
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:01,241
from the Bell and Compasses.
239
00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:02,409
He says he's found a place,
240
00:09:02,476 --> 00:09:04,144
where you can hire bombers
by the hour.
241
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:07,814
If he opens his big mouth again,
it's lampshade time!
242
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,349
Shut up!
243
00:09:09,383 --> 00:09:12,452
Hire bombers by the hour.
244
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:15,088
What a laugh he is,
that Scottish person!
245
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,323
Good old Norman.
246
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,725
He's on the telephone
the whole time nowadays.
247
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:19,726
In business, is he?
248
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,161
Soon, baby.
249
00:09:21,195 --> 00:09:22,696
Course, it's his
big day, thursday.
250
00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:24,598
Oh, they've been planning
it for months.
251
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:25,866
What happens then?
252
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:28,202
Oh, it's the north Minehead
by-election.
253
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:31,638
Mr. Hilter's standing as a
national bocialist candidate.
254
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,941
He's got wonderful plans
for Minehead.
255
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:34,675
Like what?
256
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:35,709
Well, for a start
257
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,044
He wants to annex Poland.
258
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,278
Oh, north Minehead's-
259
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:39,813
conservative, isn't it?
260
00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:41,849
Well, they get a lot of people
at their rallies.
261
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:42,883
Rallies?
262
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:44,885
Well, their bocialist meetings,
263
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,287
down at the axis cafe
in Rosedale road.
264
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,925
Achtung, achtung!
265
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,086
Uber alles!
266
00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:23,090
Die eltern im mittelalter
und die jungen,
267
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:28,428
alles muss mit dem
mittelschmerz gestoppen sein!
268
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:37,938
I... am not a racialist...
269
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:46,113
but-- und this is a big "but"--
270
00:10:46,180 --> 00:10:52,953
we in the national
socialist party believe-
271
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:56,924
das uberleben...
272
00:10:56,957 --> 00:11:01,962
muss gestammen sein mit der
schneaky Armstrong-Jones.
273
00:11:07,301 --> 00:11:14,608
Historische Taunton ist
volkermeinig von Meinhead.
274
00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:20,347
Mr. Hitler...
275
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:23,717
Hilter... he says
that historically,
276
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:25,219
Taunton...
277
00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:27,621
is part of Minehead already.
278
00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:29,389
He's right,
do you know that?
279
00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:36,964
Und Bridgwater ist
die letzte fuhlung,
280
00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:40,534
das wir haben in Somerset!
281
00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:55,048
Sieg heil! Sieg heil!
282
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,791
What do you think
of mr. Hilter's policies?
283
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:06,860
Well, I don't like the sound-
284
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:09,429
of these here
boncentration bamps.
285
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:14,568
Well, I gave him my baby to kiss
and he bit it on the head.
286
00:12:14,635 --> 00:12:17,171
Well, I think he'd do a lot
of good for the stock exchange.
287
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,405
No, no.
288
00:12:18,472 --> 00:12:20,340
Oh, yes, britischer pals,
289
00:12:20,374 --> 00:12:22,609
he is wunderbar... ful, ja.
290
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:26,213
I think he's right
about the coons,
291
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,215
but then I'm a bit mental.
292
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:32,186
I think he's got beautiful legs.
293
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:35,122
Well, speaking
as conservative candidate,
294
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:37,724
I just drone on and on
and on and on,
295
00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:40,627
never letting anyone else
get a word in edgewise,
296
00:12:40,661 --> 00:12:42,629
until I start foaming
at the mouth-
297
00:12:42,696 --> 00:12:45,165
and falling over backwards.
298
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:46,767
Foam at the mouth
and fall over backwards.
299
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,702
Is he foaming at the mouth
to fall over backwards,
300
00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:50,537
or falling over backwards
to foam at the mouth?
301
00:12:50,571 --> 00:12:52,005
Tonight's Spectrum examines
the whole question-
302
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:53,574
of frothing and falling,
coughing and calling,
303
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,175
screaming and bawling,
walling and stalling,
304
00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:56,710
galling and mauling,
palling and hauling,
305
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:57,978
trawling and squalling
and zalling.
306
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,646
Zalling?
Is there a word "zalling?"
307
00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:00,681
If there is, what does it mean?
308
00:13:00,714 --> 00:13:02,149
If there isn't,
what does it mean?
309
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:03,317
Perhaps both, maybe neither.
310
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:04,484
What do I mean
by the word "mean"?
311
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:05,519
What do I mean
by the word "word"?
312
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:06,520
What do I mean
by "what do I mean?"
313
00:13:06,587 --> 00:13:08,055
What do I mean by "do"
and what do I do by "mean"?
314
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:08,822
What do I do by do by do?
315
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,791
And what do I mean by wasting
your time like this? Good night.
316
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:12,726
Good night.
317
00:13:12,759 --> 00:13:15,362
Good evening, I wish
to report a burglary.
318
00:13:15,429 --> 00:13:16,463
Speak up, please, sir.
319
00:13:16,530 --> 00:13:19,166
I wish to report a burglary.
320
00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:21,201
I can't hear you, sir.
321
00:13:22,503 --> 00:13:24,972
I wish to report a burglary!
322
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:26,573
That's a little bit too loud.
323
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:27,608
Could you say it-
324
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,176
just a little
less loud than that?
325
00:13:29,243 --> 00:13:32,212
I wish to report a burglary!
326
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:36,783
No, I'm still
not getting anything.
327
00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:39,086
Could you try it
in a higher register?
328
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:40,921
What do you mean,
in a higher register?
329
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:41,622
What?
330
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,825
I wish to report a burglary.
331
00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:46,226
That's it, wait a moment.
332
00:13:46,260 --> 00:13:47,828
Now, a little bit louder.
333
00:13:47,895 --> 00:13:50,797
I wish to report a burglary!
334
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:51,798
Report a what?
335
00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:53,400
Burglary!!
336
00:13:53,467 --> 00:13:55,969
That's it, now keep it there.
337
00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:57,538
Hello, sarge!
338
00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:58,906
Evening, Charlie.
339
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,874
I was sitting at home-
340
00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:02,776
with a friend of mine
from Camber Sands,
341
00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:05,779
when we heard a noise
in the bedroom!
342
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:09,783
We went to investigate
and found �5,000 stolen!
343
00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:11,885
Well, I'm afraid
I'm off duty now, sir.
344
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,820
Could you tell
sergeant Foster?
345
00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:16,790
I was sitting at home-
346
00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:19,259
with a friend of mine
from Camber Sands!
347
00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:22,129
Excuse me, sir, but,
why the funny voice?
348
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:23,864
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
349
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:26,533
I'd just got used to talking
like that to the other sergeant.
350
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,168
I'm terribly sorry,
I can't hear you, sir.
351
00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:29,903
Could you try speaking
in a lower register?
352
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:31,939
What?
353
00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:38,111
I wish to report the loss
of �5,000.
354
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:39,513
�5,000? that's serious.
355
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,181
You'd better speak
to the detective inspector.
356
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:44,117
What seems to be the trouble,
sergeant?
357
00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:45,719
Well, this gentleman, sir,
has come in-
358
00:14:45,786 --> 00:14:46,887
to report that he was sitting
at home with a friend,
359
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:47,921
when he heard a noise
in the back room,
360
00:14:47,955 --> 00:14:49,256
went round to investigate-
361
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:49,957
and found that �5,000 in savings
had been stolen.
362
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:51,658
I see.
363
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:52,726
Where do you live, sir?
364
00:14:52,793 --> 00:14:57,130
121 Halliwell Road,
Dulwich, SE21.
365
00:14:57,164 --> 00:14:59,933
121 Halliwell Road,
Dulwich, SE21.
366
00:14:59,967 --> 00:15:02,269
Another Halliwell Road job, sergeant?
367
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:03,303
Yes, I can't believe it.
368
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:04,338
I thought the bloke
who'd done that-
369
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:05,506
was put inside last year.
370
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:06,940
Yes, in Parkhurst.
371
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,075
Well, it must have been
somebody else.
372
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:09,810
Thank you, sergeant.
373
00:15:09,877 --> 00:15:10,844
We'll get things
moving right away.
374
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:12,713
You take over here,
sergeant.
375
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:13,814
Alert all squad cars
in the area.
376
00:15:13,881 --> 00:15:15,282
Hello, darling
377
00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:16,683
I'm afraid I shall be late.
378
00:15:16,717 --> 00:15:22,089
Calling all squad cars
in the area.
379
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:26,627
I think that's
in very bad taste.
380
00:15:31,565 --> 00:15:37,171
Some people do talk
in the most extraordinary way.
381
00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:41,575
Good afternoon, and welcome
to Hurlingham Park.
382
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:44,711
You join us just as the
competitors are running out-
383
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:48,081
onto the field on this
lovely winter's afternoon here,
384
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:51,919
with the going firm underfoot
and very little sign of rain.
385
00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:53,787
Well, it certainly looks-
386
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:56,924
as though we're in
for a splendid afternoon's sport-
387
00:15:56,990 --> 00:16:00,427
in this, the 127th "Upper-class
Twit of the Year" show.
388
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,729
Well, the competitors
will be off any moment,
389
00:16:02,763 --> 00:16:04,698
so let me just identify them
for you.
390
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:08,635
Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith
has O-level in chemo-hygiene.
391
00:16:08,669 --> 00:16:10,404
Simon-Zinc-Trumpet-Harris,
392
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,873
married to
a very attractive table lamp.
393
00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:15,309
Nigel Incubator-Jones--
his best friend is a tree,
394
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:17,377
and in his spare time,
he's a stockbroker.
395
00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:19,546
Gervaise Brook-Hampster is
in the guards-
396
00:16:19,613 --> 00:16:22,115
and his father uses him
as a wastepaper basket.
397
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:25,552
And finally, Oliver St. John-
Mollusc, Harrow and the Guards,
398
00:16:25,586 --> 00:16:28,488
thought by many to be
this year's outstanding twit.
399
00:16:28,522 --> 00:16:30,791
Now they're moving out
to the starting line.
400
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:33,193
There's a jolly good crowd
here today.
401
00:16:33,227 --> 00:16:36,830
Now they're under
starter's orders-
402
00:16:36,897 --> 00:16:38,732
and...
403
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:42,369
They're off!
404
00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:44,538
Oh, no, they're not.
405
00:16:44,605 --> 00:16:47,074
No, they didn't realize
they were supposed to start.
406
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:48,876
Never mind,
we'll soon sort that out.
407
00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:50,811
The judge is explaining it
to them now.
408
00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:52,946
I think Nigel and Gervaise
have got the idea.
409
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:54,081
All set to go.
410
00:16:55,349 --> 00:16:56,450
Oh, and they're off.
411
00:16:56,517 --> 00:16:57,851
And it's a fast start this year.
412
00:16:57,885 --> 00:16:59,853
Oliver St. John-Mollusc running
a bit wide there-
413
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:01,989
and now they're coming
into their first test--
414
00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:03,290
The straight line.
415
00:17:03,357 --> 00:17:05,425
They've got to walk
along this straight line,
416
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:06,660
without falling over.
417
00:17:06,727 --> 00:17:08,562
And Oliver's over
at the back there...
418
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:11,131
Simon's coming through
quite fast on the outside.
419
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:12,232
I think Simon and Nigel...
420
00:17:12,299 --> 00:17:13,767
Both of them coming through
very fast.
421
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,636
There's Nigel there,
number three, I'm sorry.
422
00:17:15,669 --> 00:17:17,137
And on the outside,
there's Gervaise-
423
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:18,572
coming through just out of shot.
424
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:20,040
And now, the positions:
425
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:22,409
Simon and Vivian at the front
coming to the matchbox jump--
426
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,545
Three layers
of matchboxes to clear.
427
00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:28,048
And Simon's over and
Vivian's over beautifully.
428
00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:29,149
Oh, the jump of a lifetime--
429
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:30,584
If only his father
could understand.
430
00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:32,586
Here's Nigel...
He's confused.
431
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:34,087
No, Gervaise is over.
432
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:35,956
He's... Nigel is over...
433
00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:37,925
He's only just hit the top.
434
00:17:37,958 --> 00:17:39,026
And now it's Gervaise.
435
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:40,427
Gervaise is going to jump.
436
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,429
Is it... no, he's jumped
the wrong way.
437
00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:43,564
There he goes.
438
00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:44,932
Nigel's over beautifully.
439
00:17:44,965 --> 00:17:47,434
Now it's Only Oliver,
Oliver and Gervaise...
440
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:48,802
Oh, bad luck.
441
00:17:48,836 --> 00:17:50,470
And now it's
"Kicking the beggar."
442
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:52,639
Simon's there,
and he's putting the boot in-
443
00:17:52,706 --> 00:17:53,941
and not terribly hard,
444
00:17:54,041 --> 00:17:56,176
but he's going down,
so Simon can move on.
445
00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:57,611
Now Vivian's there.
446
00:17:57,644 --> 00:17:59,980
Vivian is there and waiting
for a chance.
447
00:18:00,013 --> 00:18:01,515
Here he comes.
448
00:18:01,582 --> 00:18:03,550
Oh, a real pile driver,
a real pile driver.
449
00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:05,686
And now Simon's at number one;
Vivian, two;
450
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:08,889
Nigel, three; Gervaise at four;
and Oliver bringing up the rear.
451
00:18:09,022 --> 00:18:11,058
There's Oliver,
there's Oliver now.
452
00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:12,359
He's at the back.
453
00:18:12,426 --> 00:18:14,228
I think he's having
a little trouble-
454
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:15,596
with his old brain injury.
455
00:18:15,629 --> 00:18:16,930
He's going to have a go...
456
00:18:16,997 --> 00:18:18,298
No, no, bad luck.
457
00:18:18,332 --> 00:18:20,400
He's up, he doesn't know
when he's beaten, this boy.
458
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:22,069
He doesn't know
when he's winning either.
459
00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:24,471
He doesn't have any sort of
sensory apparatus known to man.
460
00:18:24,505 --> 00:18:25,939
He's now standing up...
Oh, bad luck.
461
00:18:26,039 --> 00:18:28,075
Oh, there's Gervaise
putting the boot in there.
462
00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:29,643
There's no need for him
to do this.
463
00:18:29,710 --> 00:18:30,911
He's got the beggar down.
464
00:18:31,011 --> 00:18:33,113
The steward's giving him
a little bit of advice.
465
00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:34,214
Yes, he can move on now.
466
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:35,916
He can move on
to the hunt photograph.
467
00:18:36,016 --> 00:18:38,085
There's Gerv... I think he's...
yes, he's off.
468
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:40,754
Gervaise is there,
and Oliver's still at the back,
469
00:18:40,821 --> 00:18:42,322
having trouble
with the matchboxes.
470
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:44,324
Now, here's
the hunt ball photograph.
471
00:18:44,358 --> 00:18:45,826
And the first here is Simon.
472
00:18:45,893 --> 00:18:48,829
He's going to enjoy a joke
with lady Arabella Plunkett.
473
00:18:48,862 --> 00:18:50,297
She hopes to go into films.
474
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:51,732
And Vivian's through there
475
00:18:51,765 --> 00:18:53,467
And Nigel's there
enjoying a joke-
476
00:18:53,534 --> 00:18:56,236
with lady Sarah Pencil Farthing
Vivian Steamroller-
477
00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:58,805
Adams Pie Biscuit Aftershave
Gore Stringbottom Smith.
478
00:18:58,872 --> 00:19:01,175
And there's... and there's Simon
now in the sports car.
479
00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:02,576
He's reversed
into the old woman.
480
00:19:02,609 --> 00:19:04,211
He's caught her
absolutely beautifully.
481
00:19:04,278 --> 00:19:06,013
Now he's going to accelerate
forward there-
482
00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:07,447
to wake up the neighbor.
483
00:19:07,481 --> 00:19:09,650
There's Vivian, I think...
No, Vivian's lost his keys...
484
00:19:09,716 --> 00:19:10,684
No, there's Vivian!
485
00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:12,686
He's got the old woman,
slowly but surely,
486
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:14,321
right in the midriff,
and here he is.
487
00:19:14,388 --> 00:19:16,123
Here he is to wake up
the neighbor now.
488
00:19:16,190 --> 00:19:18,325
Simon right in the lead,
comfortably in the lead,
489
00:19:18,392 --> 00:19:20,194
but he can't get this neighbor
woken up.
490
00:19:20,227 --> 00:19:21,995
He's slamming away there
as best he can.
491
00:19:22,062 --> 00:19:24,031
He's getting absolutely
no reaction at all.
492
00:19:24,064 --> 00:19:26,934
There! there, he's woken him up
and Simon's through.
493
00:19:26,967 --> 00:19:29,436
Here comes Vivian...
Vivian to slam the door.
494
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:31,138
And there we are
back at the hunt ball.
495
00:19:31,205 --> 00:19:32,406
I think that's Gervaise.
496
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:34,274
Yes, that's Gervaise
going through there.
497
00:19:34,308 --> 00:19:36,276
And here... here comes Oliver,
brave Oliver.
498
00:19:36,310 --> 00:19:37,845
Is he going to make it
to the table?
499
00:19:37,911 --> 00:19:38,912
No, I don't think he is.
500
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,013
Yes, he is.
501
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,749
Oh! What a great twit!
502
00:19:42,816 --> 00:19:44,718
And the crowd are really rising
to him there.
503
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:46,587
And there, I can see...
who is that there?
504
00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:47,721
Yes, that's Nigel.
505
00:19:47,788 --> 00:19:48,922
Nigel has woken the neighbor.
506
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:50,123
My God, this is exciting!
507
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,959
Nigel's very excited,
he's going through.
508
00:19:51,992 --> 00:19:53,160
Here comes Gervaise.
509
00:19:53,227 --> 00:19:54,528
Gervaise...
oh, no, this is...
510
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:55,762
Out in the front there is Simon
511
00:19:55,829 --> 00:19:57,197
Who is supposed
to insult the waiter-
512
00:19:57,231 --> 00:19:58,298
and he's forgotten.
513
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:01,935
And oliver has run himself over.
514
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:03,971
What a great twit!
515
00:20:04,071 --> 00:20:05,639
And there...
now here comes Vivian.
516
00:20:05,706 --> 00:20:08,442
Vivian to insult the waiter,
and he is heaping abuse on him-
517
00:20:08,509 --> 00:20:09,977
and he is humiliating him there.
518
00:20:10,077 --> 00:20:11,411
And he's gone into the lead.
519
00:20:11,445 --> 00:20:12,646
Simon's not with him.
520
00:20:12,713 --> 00:20:14,081
No, Vivian's...
has hit the bar.
521
00:20:14,114 --> 00:20:15,649
Now they've got to get
over this bar.
522
00:20:15,716 --> 00:20:16,850
This is extremely difficult,
523
00:20:16,917 --> 00:20:18,852
as it requires
absolutely expert coordination-
524
00:20:18,886 --> 00:20:19,953
between mind and body.
525
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:21,522
No, they're hitting it there.
526
00:20:21,555 --> 00:20:22,856
Here we go again.
527
00:20:22,890 --> 00:20:24,124
Simon's fallen backwards.
528
00:20:24,191 --> 00:20:25,759
Here's Nigel, and he's tripped.
529
00:20:25,826 --> 00:20:27,427
Nigel has tripped,
and he's under-
530
00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:28,862
and Simon fails again.
531
00:20:28,896 --> 00:20:30,597
Now here is Gervaise,
going to jump through-
532
00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:32,099
and Simon is through
by accident.
533
00:20:32,132 --> 00:20:33,634
Here's Gervaise
to be the last one over.
534
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:34,801
Here we are.
535
00:20:34,868 --> 00:20:36,236
Here's Nigel right at the head
of the field-
536
00:20:36,270 --> 00:20:37,738
and now he's going
to shoot the rabbit.
537
00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:39,439
These rabbits have been tied
to the ground-
538
00:20:39,506 --> 00:20:40,941
and they're going
to be a bit frisky.
539
00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:42,176
And this is only
a one-day event.
540
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:43,577
And they're blazing away there.
541
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,646
They're not getting quite
the results that they might.
542
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:47,014
Gervaise is in there,
543
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:48,916
trying to bash it to death
with the butt of his rifle.
544
00:20:48,949 --> 00:20:50,851
And I think Nigel's in there
with his bare hands,
545
00:20:50,884 --> 00:20:52,686
but they're not getting
the results they might,
546
00:20:52,719 --> 00:20:54,121
but it is a little bit
misty today-
547
00:20:54,154 --> 00:20:56,690
and they must be shooting
from a range of at least a foot.
548
00:20:56,757 --> 00:20:58,825
But there's a couple
of hits there, I think.
549
00:20:58,892 --> 00:21:00,327
Yes, they've had
a couple of hits-
550
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:02,563
and the whole field is up again
and here they are.
551
00:21:02,629 --> 00:21:04,064
They're coming up to the debs--
552
00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:06,066
Gervaise first, Vivian second,
Simon third.
553
00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:08,669
And now they've got to take
the bras off from the front.
554
00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:10,103
This is really difficult.
555
00:21:10,137 --> 00:21:11,839
This is really
the most difficult part-
556
00:21:11,905 --> 00:21:13,240
of the entire competition.
557
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:15,676
And they're having a bit
of trouble in there, I think.
558
00:21:15,709 --> 00:21:18,812
They're really trying now and
the crowd is getting excited-
559
00:21:18,879 --> 00:21:21,882
and I think some of the twits
are getting rather excited, too.
560
00:21:21,949 --> 00:21:24,551
But anyway, Vivian is there,
Vivian is coming through.
561
00:21:24,618 --> 00:21:27,988
Simon's in second place and...
there's Oliver.
562
00:21:28,021 --> 00:21:30,090
He's dead, but he's not
necessarily out of it.
563
00:21:30,157 --> 00:21:31,124
There goes Nigel.
564
00:21:31,191 --> 00:21:32,492
No, he's lost something.
565
00:21:32,526 --> 00:21:34,828
And Gervaise running through
to this final obstacle.
566
00:21:34,862 --> 00:21:36,964
Now, all they have to do here
to win the title is-
567
00:21:37,064 --> 00:21:38,098
to shoot themselves.
568
00:21:38,165 --> 00:21:39,399
Simon has a go--
bad luck, he misses.
569
00:21:39,466 --> 00:21:40,767
Nigel misses.
570
00:21:40,801 --> 00:21:43,103
Now, there's Gervaise,
and Gervaise has shot himself.
571
00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:46,273
Gervaise is upper-class twit
of the year.
572
00:21:46,340 --> 00:21:48,976
There's Nigel--
he's shot Simon by mistake.
573
00:21:49,076 --> 00:21:51,178
Simon is second
and there's Nigel.
574
00:21:51,245 --> 00:21:52,813
Nigel's shot himself.
575
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:54,748
Nigel is third in this fine
576
00:21:54,781 --> 00:21:57,951
And most exciting upper-class
twit of the year I've ever seen.
577
00:21:58,018 --> 00:22:01,455
Wait-- Nigel's clubbed himself
into fourth place.
578
00:22:01,522 --> 00:22:04,958
And so the final result: the
upper-class twit of the year--
579
00:22:05,058 --> 00:22:08,128
Gervaise Brook-Hampster
of Kensington and Weybridge;
580
00:22:08,195 --> 00:22:10,931
Runner-up-- Vivian Smith-
Smythe-Smith of Kensington;
581
00:22:11,031 --> 00:22:13,500
And third-- Nigel Incubator-
Jones of Henley.
582
00:22:13,534 --> 00:22:16,270
Well, there'll certainly be
some car door slamming-
583
00:22:16,336 --> 00:22:18,338
in the streets
of Kensington tonight.
584
00:22:18,405 --> 00:22:20,741
Dear sir, how splendid it is-
585
00:22:20,774 --> 00:22:23,343
to see the flower
of British manhood-
586
00:22:23,410 --> 00:22:26,847
wiping itself out
with such pluck and tenacity.
587
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:29,950
Britain need have no fear
with leaders of this caliber.
588
00:22:30,050 --> 00:22:32,886
If only a few of
the so-called working classes-
589
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,355
would destroy themselves
so sportingly.
590
00:22:35,389 --> 00:22:36,723
Yours, etc.
591
00:22:36,757 --> 00:22:39,326
Brigadier Mainwaring
Smith Smith Smith, etc.
592
00:22:39,393 --> 00:22:41,261
(deceased, etc.)
593
00:22:41,295 --> 00:22:44,765
P.s., etc. come on, other ranks,
show your stuff.
594
00:22:44,831 --> 00:22:48,168
Yes, sir, I'll do me best, sir!
595
00:22:50,671 --> 00:22:52,806
No, not
good enough.
596
00:22:55,509 --> 00:22:57,978
No, still not good enough.
597
00:23:01,682 --> 00:23:03,283
Yes, that's better.
598
00:23:03,350 --> 00:23:07,287
Hallelujah, hallelujah...
599
00:23:15,028 --> 00:23:16,663
Okay, all clear.
600
00:23:48,829 --> 00:23:50,297
Now, I understand-
601
00:23:50,330 --> 00:23:52,299
that you want to
marry my daughter.
602
00:23:52,332 --> 00:23:55,936
That's right, yeah, yeah.
603
00:23:56,003 --> 00:23:57,471
Yes, you realize, of course,
604
00:23:57,504 --> 00:23:59,506
that Rosamund is
still rather young?
605
00:23:59,573 --> 00:24:01,808
Daddy, you make me feel
like a child.
606
00:24:01,875 --> 00:24:03,310
Oh, yeah, you know...
607
00:24:03,343 --> 00:24:05,479
Get them when
they're young.
608
00:24:05,546 --> 00:24:06,780
You know what I mean?!
609
00:24:08,715 --> 00:24:11,185
I'm sure you know
what I mean, mister...
610
00:24:11,218 --> 00:24:14,354
Shabby, Ken Shabby.
611
00:24:14,421 --> 00:24:15,923
Mr. Shabby, I just
want to make sure-
612
00:24:15,989 --> 00:24:17,958
that you'll be able to
look after my daughter.
613
00:24:18,025 --> 00:24:19,426
Oh, yeah, yeah.
614
00:24:19,459 --> 00:24:22,396
I'll be able to look after her,
all right, sport.
615
00:24:22,429 --> 00:24:24,131
You know what I mean?
616
00:24:24,198 --> 00:24:25,232
And...
617
00:24:25,299 --> 00:24:27,734
What job do you do?
618
00:24:27,768 --> 00:24:30,304
I clean out public lavatories.
619
00:24:32,372 --> 00:24:34,041
Is there a promotion involved?
620
00:24:34,107 --> 00:24:35,642
Oh, yeah, yeah.
621
00:24:38,445 --> 00:24:41,348
After five years,
they give me a brush.
622
00:24:44,651 --> 00:24:47,955
I'm sorry, squire,
I've gobbed on your carpet.
623
00:24:47,988 --> 00:24:50,724
And, where are
you going to live?
624
00:24:50,791 --> 00:24:53,393
Well, round at my gran's.
625
00:24:53,460 --> 00:24:54,928
She trains polecats (illrar),
626
00:24:54,995 --> 00:24:56,730
but most of them
have suffocated,
627
00:24:56,797 --> 00:24:59,833
so there should be a bit of
spare room in the attic?
628
00:24:59,900 --> 00:25:01,335
Know what I mean?
629
00:25:01,368 --> 00:25:02,569
I see.
630
00:25:02,636 --> 00:25:04,771
And when do you expect
to get married?
631
00:25:04,838 --> 00:25:07,841
Oh, right away, sport,
right away, you know?
632
00:25:07,908 --> 00:25:09,810
I haven't had it for weeks.
633
00:25:11,078 --> 00:25:14,481
Well, look,
I'll phone the bishop-
634
00:25:14,515 --> 00:25:16,316
and see if we can get the abbey.
635
00:25:16,350 --> 00:25:18,318
Oh, diarrhea.
636
00:25:20,854 --> 00:25:22,256
The story so far...
637
00:25:22,289 --> 00:25:24,191
Rosamund's father
has become ensnared-
638
00:25:24,224 --> 00:25:26,827
by mr. Shabby's extraordinary
personal magnetism.
639
00:25:26,894 --> 00:25:29,530
Bob and Janet have eaten
mr. Farquar's goldfish-
640
00:25:29,596 --> 00:25:31,532
during an Oxfam lunch-
641
00:25:31,565 --> 00:25:33,500
and mrs. Elsmore's marriage
is threatened-
642
00:25:33,534 --> 00:25:34,868
by Doug's insistence
that he is-
643
00:25:34,902 --> 00:25:36,436
on a different level
of consciousness.
644
00:25:36,503 --> 00:25:38,572
Louise's hernia (br�ck)
has been confirmed-
645
00:25:38,639 --> 00:25:41,108
and Jim, Bob's brother, has run
over the editor of The Lancet,
646
00:25:41,175 --> 00:25:45,345
on his way to see Jenny,
a freelance pagoda designer.
647
00:25:45,412 --> 00:25:46,947
On the other side
of the continent,
648
00:25:47,014 --> 00:25:49,216
Napoleon still broods
over the smoldering remains-
649
00:25:49,283 --> 00:25:51,618
of a city he had crossed
half the earth to conquer,
650
00:25:51,652 --> 00:25:54,087
whilst Mary,
Roger's half-sister,
651
00:25:54,121 --> 00:25:56,690
settles down
to watch television.
652
00:25:59,726 --> 00:26:02,763
There now follows
a party political broadcast-
653
00:26:02,829 --> 00:26:04,798
on behalf of the Wood party.
654
00:26:04,831 --> 00:26:06,200
Good evening.
655
00:26:06,233 --> 00:26:08,735
We in the Wood party
feel very strongly-
656
00:26:08,802 --> 00:26:12,706
that the present weak drafting
of the local government bill,
657
00:26:12,739 --> 00:26:15,175
leaves a lot to be desired-
658
00:26:15,209 --> 00:26:17,344
and we intend to fight.
659
00:26:22,749 --> 00:26:24,351
Hello?
660
00:26:24,418 --> 00:26:27,020
Hello?!
661
00:26:27,087 --> 00:26:31,225
I'm afraid the minister's fallen
through the earth's crust.
662
00:26:31,291 --> 00:26:33,227
Excuse me a moment.
663
00:26:33,260 --> 00:26:34,228
Hello?
664
00:26:34,261 --> 00:26:35,596
Hello.
665
00:26:35,629 --> 00:26:37,197
Are you all right, minister?
666
00:26:37,264 --> 00:26:40,367
I appear to have landed
on this kind of ledge thing.
667
00:26:40,434 --> 00:26:42,903
Shall we lower down
one of the BBC ropes?
668
00:26:42,970 --> 00:26:44,471
If you'd be so kind.
669
00:26:44,538 --> 00:26:45,906
What length of BBC rope-
670
00:26:45,939 --> 00:26:47,474
will we be likely to need?
671
00:26:47,541 --> 00:26:49,610
I should use
the longest BBC rope.
672
00:26:49,676 --> 00:26:52,312
That would be a good idea,
I would imagine.
673
00:26:52,379 --> 00:26:54,348
Okey-doke, chief.
674
00:26:54,381 --> 00:26:57,684
Tex, get the longest BBC rope
and bring it here pronto.
675
00:26:57,718 --> 00:26:59,987
In the meantime, since
I am on all channels,
676
00:27:00,020 --> 00:27:02,523
perhaps I'd better carry on
with this broadcast,
677
00:27:02,589 --> 00:27:04,458
by shouting about
our housing plans,
678
00:27:04,491 --> 00:27:06,126
from down here
as best as I can.
679
00:27:06,193 --> 00:27:08,195
Could someone throw me down
a script?
680
00:27:09,897 --> 00:27:11,431
The script would appear-
681
00:27:11,498 --> 00:27:13,467
to have landed
on a different ledge,
682
00:27:13,500 --> 00:27:15,869
somewhat out of my grasp,
don't you know.
683
00:27:15,903 --> 00:27:18,338
Well, perhaps when the rope
reaches you, minister,
684
00:27:18,372 --> 00:27:19,773
you could kind
of swing over-
685
00:27:19,806 --> 00:27:21,008
to the ledge and grab it.
686
00:27:21,074 --> 00:27:22,142
Good idea.
687
00:27:22,209 --> 00:27:23,844
Well, I'm going to carry on-
688
00:27:23,911 --> 00:27:25,479
if I can read the script.
689
00:27:27,848 --> 00:27:28,916
Good evening.
690
00:27:29,016 --> 00:27:30,350
We in the Wood party...
691
00:27:31,518 --> 00:27:32,986
Feel very strongly about...
692
00:27:35,522 --> 00:27:38,825
the present weak drafting
of the local government bill.
693
00:27:38,859 --> 00:27:41,295
And... no, it's no good,
it's not working.
694
00:27:41,328 --> 00:27:44,164
I think I'll have to try
and make a grab for it.
695
00:27:44,198 --> 00:27:46,500
Ah! There we are.
696
00:27:48,035 --> 00:27:49,570
Good evening.
697
00:27:49,636 --> 00:27:52,806
We in the Wood party feel very
strongly about the present...
698
00:27:54,541 --> 00:27:56,977
Oh, dear.
699
00:27:57,044 --> 00:27:57,978
Hello!
700
00:27:58,045 --> 00:27:59,146
Hello!
701
00:27:59,213 --> 00:28:01,215
Look, I must look
a bit of a chump,
702
00:28:01,281 --> 00:28:03,183
hanging upside down like this.
703
00:28:03,217 --> 00:28:04,885
Don't worry,
minister.
704
00:28:04,985 --> 00:28:07,487
I think, love, if we turn
the picture upside down,
705
00:28:07,554 --> 00:28:09,256
we should help
the minister, then.
706
00:28:09,323 --> 00:28:10,624
Oh, good.
707
00:28:10,657 --> 00:28:12,292
Look, I'm sorry about this.
708
00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:14,761
There seems to be
a few gremlins about.
709
00:28:14,795 --> 00:28:17,497
I think I'd better start
from the beginning.
710
00:28:17,564 --> 00:28:19,132
Good evening.
711
00:28:19,199 --> 00:28:22,836
We in the Wood party
feel very strongly about...
712
00:28:22,903 --> 00:28:24,505
Oh, bloody heck!
713
00:28:25,739 --> 00:28:28,208
Oh, dear.
714
00:28:28,242 --> 00:28:31,044
Terribly sorry about this...
715
00:28:31,078 --> 00:28:33,514
About saying "bloody heck"
on all channels, but...
716
00:28:33,547 --> 00:28:35,883
There's another script
on the way down, minister.
717
00:28:35,916 --> 00:28:37,885
Oh, good, good.
718
00:28:37,918 --> 00:28:41,221
Well... good evening.
719
00:28:41,255 --> 00:28:45,459
Well, how are you?
720
00:28:45,526 --> 00:28:48,462
Oh, look, I don't want you
to think of the Wood party-
721
00:28:48,495 --> 00:28:51,465
as a load of old men that
like hanging around on ropes,
722
00:28:51,532 --> 00:28:54,301
only I...
723
00:28:54,368 --> 00:28:55,702
Thank you.
724
00:28:56,703 --> 00:28:57,938
Good evening.
725
00:28:58,005 --> 00:29:00,407
We in the Wood party
feel very strongly-
726
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:02,476
about the present
weak drafting...
727
00:29:03,810 --> 00:29:06,079
Look, I think we'd better
call it a day.
728
00:29:06,146 --> 00:29:07,748
Is this the furthest distance-
729
00:29:07,814 --> 00:29:09,683
that a minister
has fallen? Robert.
730
00:29:09,716 --> 00:29:10,884
Surprisingly not.
731
00:29:11,018 --> 00:29:13,153
The Canadian minister
for external affairs-
732
00:29:13,220 --> 00:29:14,721
fell nearly seven miles,
733
00:29:14,788 --> 00:29:17,758
during a liberal conference
in Ottawa about six years ago.
734
00:29:17,824 --> 00:29:19,092
And then quite recently,
735
00:29:19,159 --> 00:29:20,894
the Kenyan minister
for agric. and fish,
736
00:29:21,028 --> 00:29:22,129
fell nearly 12 miles,
737
00:29:22,196 --> 00:29:23,897
during a Nairobi debate
in parliament;
738
00:29:23,964 --> 00:29:25,799
although this hasn't been
ratified yet.
739
00:29:25,832 --> 00:29:28,502
How far did the Filipino cabinet
fall last march?
740
00:29:28,569 --> 00:29:30,070
Well, they fell nearly 39 miles
741
00:29:30,137 --> 00:29:32,606
But it's not nearly
so remarkable, as that was due-
742
00:29:32,639 --> 00:29:34,808
to their combined weight,
of course, Robert.
743
00:29:34,875 --> 00:29:36,276
Yes, well, thank you, Robert.
744
00:29:36,310 --> 00:29:38,645
Well now, what are your
reactions to all this? Robert.
745
00:29:38,679 --> 00:29:39,913
Well... well, Robert
746
00:29:40,047 --> 00:29:41,515
The main thing is
that it's terribly exciting,
747
00:29:41,548 --> 00:29:42,683
tremendously exciting.
748
00:29:42,749 --> 00:29:44,251
You see, the minister is
quite clearly lodged-
749
00:29:44,318 --> 00:29:46,720
between rocks we know terribly
little of, terribly little.
750
00:29:46,753 --> 00:29:49,089
Of course, the main thing is
we're getting color pictures-
751
00:29:49,122 --> 00:29:50,490
of an extraordinarily
high quality.
752
00:29:50,524 --> 00:29:51,658
Extraordinarily high quality.
753
00:29:51,725 --> 00:29:52,860
But the important thing is...
754
00:29:52,926 --> 00:29:54,428
The really exciting thing is,
755
00:29:54,494 --> 00:29:56,663
the minister will be bringing
back samples of the earth's core,
756
00:29:56,730 --> 00:29:57,931
which will give us a tremendous,
757
00:29:58,065 --> 00:29:59,967
really tremendous, tremendous,
tremendous clue,
758
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,569
as to the origins of the earth
and what God himself is made of.
759
00:30:02,636 --> 00:30:03,737
Oh, oh, I needed that.
760
00:30:03,804 --> 00:30:04,771
Thank you, Robert.
761
00:30:04,805 --> 00:30:05,772
Well, that seems to be-
762
00:30:05,839 --> 00:30:07,307
about all
we have time for tonight,
763
00:30:07,374 --> 00:30:09,109
unless anyone has
anything else to say.
764
00:30:09,176 --> 00:30:10,644
Has anyone anything else to say?
765
00:30:10,711 --> 00:30:11,178
No.
766
00:30:11,245 --> 00:30:12,212
Nope, nope.
767
00:30:12,246 --> 00:30:12,746
No.
768
00:30:13,647 --> 00:30:15,415
No.
769
00:30:15,482 --> 00:30:16,450
No.
770
00:30:16,483 --> 00:30:16,950
No.
771
00:30:17,050 --> 00:30:17,518
No.
772
00:30:17,584 --> 00:30:18,585
No!
773
00:30:18,652 --> 00:30:19,119
No.
774
00:30:19,186 --> 00:30:19,820
No.
775
00:30:19,887 --> 00:30:20,921
Bloody fairy.
776
00:30:20,988 --> 00:30:21,455
No.
777
00:30:21,522 --> 00:30:22,489
No!
778
00:30:22,556 --> 00:30:25,526
No.
779
00:30:25,592 --> 00:30:26,193
No.
780
00:30:26,260 --> 00:30:27,160
No.
781
00:30:27,194 --> 00:30:28,095
Nein... no.
782
00:30:28,128 --> 00:30:29,763
No.
783
00:30:29,830 --> 00:30:32,699
No, no, no, no.
784
00:30:32,733 --> 00:30:33,767
What do we mean by "no"?
785
00:30:33,834 --> 00:30:34,935
What do we mean by "yes"?
786
00:30:35,002 --> 00:30:36,637
What do we mean by "no, no, no"?
787
00:30:36,703 --> 00:30:39,439
Tonight Spectrum looks at the
whole question of "what is no?"
788
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:43,062
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789
00:30:43,112 --> 00:30:47,662
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