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1
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:11,355
- Hello!
- Dan. Hello... again.
2
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:14,517
- Sorry to interrupt.
- Ssh! My sister's on nights.
3
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:17,438
Sorry. Just working through
the old list, as you know.
4
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:19,277
Dan, I have asked you
5
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,198
- not to keep coming round...
- If I may.
6
00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:25,676
When we split up, you cited
several reasons, one of which was
7
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:28,359
- we didn't have much fun any more.
- Well...
8
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:31,836
- we didn't in the end, did we?
- What about the helicopter penis dance?
9
00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:34,189
- What?
- The helicopter penis dance.
10
00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:36,674
I did it one night
when we came back from the pub,
11
00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:40,190
and you said it was,
I think I'm quoting here, "hilarious"!
12
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:44,472
Things like that can't sustain
a relationship, Dan.
13
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:45,430
Was it funny?
14
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,596
Have you been reading
that self-help book again?
15
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:51,349
Was the helicopter penis dance funny,
and, as a result, did we have fun?
16
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:57,516
Well... on that isolated occasion,
17
00:00:57,560 --> 00:00:59,232
there was an element of fun.
18
00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:02,989
Thank you! I will address
other issues as and when.
19
00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:05,508
Slip, slide. Goodbye.
20
00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:06,959
Oh...
21
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,956
Sorry, one more thing.
22
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:11,468
Please try and remember
all the compliments I've given you
23
00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:13,590
and when I took that box of veg
over to your mum
24
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,790
because she had that bad eye thing.
25
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:32,000
Ripped By mstoll
26
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:47,995
Jump, Maurice!
27
00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,996
Jump, Maurice, you pussy!
28
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,600
Jump, Maurice!
29
00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:55,108
- Sir, Maurice won't jump.
- What do you want me to do about it?
30
00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:59,358
Well, let's see... we've spent
45 minutes jumping off a table
31
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,676
whilst you scribble in a pad.
Maybe you should teach!
32
00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:06,508
Oh, maybe you should take
your little girl mask off, Rose West.
33
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:10,109
- Jump, Maurice!
- Dennis, calm down.
34
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,833
Honestly, why are you so angry?
35
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,472
I'm not!
36
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:17,796
- He kills bees in his bedroom, sir.
- No, I don't!
37
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:19,319
Breathe. Breathe.
38
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:21,476
Right, Maurice, jump.
39
00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,476
I can't do it, sir. I'm scared.
40
00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:25,715
Mate, this is a bog-standard
trust exercise.
41
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:29,150
I've been doing this shit for years.
You're safe as houses. Jump.
42
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:30,189
I can't, sir.
43
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:37,116
Maurice, we need to try and get
the space captain's missus back.
44
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:39,355
What if she doesn't want
to come back, sir?
45
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:43,029
- What the fuck are you talking about?
- Perhaps she changed her mind.
46
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:46,436
Perhaps she's realised
the space captain is an idiot.
47
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,199
She hasn't. She loves him.
48
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,515
The space captain's been
really kind to her.
49
00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:54,028
He's given her loads of compliments
and...
50
00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:57,356
he took that box of veg round to her mum
when she had that leaky eye thing, so...
51
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,199
Maurice, jump.
52
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:03,391
But, sir, I don't like heights.
53
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:08,468
I don't imagine the space captain's missus
likes getting banged by an alien, Maurice.
54
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,317
You're safe.
55
00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:12,112
I promise.
56
00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:19,830
He'll be fine.
Just... walk him round for a bit.
57
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:23,077
- Mr Davis.
- Ah, Miss Lipsey.
58
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:26,669
- What's wrong with Maurice?
- Nothing. He's become a man.
59
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:29,188
- I want my mum!
- He's calling for his mum.
60
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:31,151
Good.
61
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:32,519
Man mum.
62
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:35,993
Right.
63
00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:39,430
I came to remind you about the heads
of department meeting tonight.
64
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:41,869
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry, I can't come.
65
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:44,195
- Dan!
- Come on, Emma!
66
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:47,596
My life's in tatters, you know that.
67
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:51,519
I started crying yesterday.
Do you want to know what I was doing?
68
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:52,993
I was watching Time Team.
69
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,476
Yeah! You don't want
this level of sadness in a meeting.
70
00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,994
This is the last one.
71
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:03,759
You're a head of department.
You've got to attend meetings.
72
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:04,994
I will. I promise.
73
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,632
Nice arse.
74
00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:21,429
What?
75
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:24,598
Nothing.
76
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:27,200
What did you say, Dan?
77
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,199
That was embarrassing.
78
00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:40,709
Oi! Jog on, four eyes!
79
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:51,990
Ah, hello, Shakira. I'm fascinated.
What's in the special?
80
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:53,314
Egg.
81
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,396
- Just egg?
- Yeah.
82
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:59,718
Can that be a special,
just the word "egg"?
83
00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:03,673
- I'll get Bob if you're gonna muck about!
- Just a cup of tea, please.
84
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,756
Shakira, what a delight!
85
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:08,951
"Egg Circus"? Yes, please.
86
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:13,478
- All right, super tache?
- Very much so.
87
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:16,951
Brussels, here I come.
88
00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:19,990
"Oh, have a great time, Brian.
89
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,919
"Enjoy the tour you booked
of the EU headquarters."
90
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:27,157
Hey! When did I take us to Laser Quest
that time for Naomi's birthday?
91
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:28,315
Why?
92
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:30,635
I'm making a list of all the good times.
93
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:33,752
Dan, you can't solve a relationship
problem by listing the past.
94
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,995
- Why not?
- I don't know where to start.
95
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,076
I'm not the one to solve this.
You need to talk to a woman.
96
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,076
- What up?
- But not that woman.
97
00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:42,680
- Urgh!
- Whoo! I'm shagged.
98
00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:45,951
This thong is going in the outside bin
99
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,116
- when I get home.
- What is this nonsense?
100
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:51,277
Sweaty salsa. I'm training
to get my instructor's diploma.
101
00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:55,359
Who's that ratified by?
The University of Scambridge?
102
00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,795
Anyway, it's wicked fun.
You should come, Dan, now you're single.
103
00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:02,991
Loads of women, no blokes.
It's only Raoul, the teacher.
104
00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:04,678
I think he might be gay.
105
00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,153
Number one, I'm not single.
106
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:09,158
Number two, I've met Raoul -
of course he's fucking gay!
107
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,873
Number three,
salsa's for middle-aged losers.
108
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:15,037
- You're 40 and live with your parents.
- And you've got a tiny little head
109
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,913
looks like David Seaman's,
all shrunken and vile.
110
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:22,078
Dan, please come. Sign up for one class,
then I get a free massive plastic flower
111
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:23,792
- for my hair!
- No.
112
00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:26,070
I think Dan has more basic needs
to address, Jo.
113
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,997
Yes, like...
114
00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:31,350
what am I going to cook Naomi for
our get-back-together meal tomorrow?
115
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,994
She hasn't even agreed to come yet.
This meal is all in Dan's head.
116
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:37,191
Bollocks! I've done a deal
with Big Dave Bowers for the meat.
117
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:38,309
It's gonna be awesome, mate.
118
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:41,113
That, coupled with my programme
of nostalgia...
119
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,038
Christ! Hasn't it occurred to you
just to try and change?
120
00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:45,752
- Change what?
- You know...
121
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,234
little things. Get your car seat fixed.
122
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:51,192
All right. I'll get it welded up
at Mad Nobby's tomorrow.
123
00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:54,232
There you go, OK. Why is it
your instinct's to have your car fixed
124
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:56,032
by a man called Mad Nobby?
125
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:57,718
- Mad Nobby's awesome.
- Thank you.
126
00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:00,115
- He does live in Torford, though, Dan.
- Which is 15 miles away.
127
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:01,434
Go to a local garage.
128
00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:04,472
No. Nobby's the cheapest!
Besides, I've got a plan.
129
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,876
You follow me to Nobby's tomorrow,
we drop the car off, we go back into town,
130
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:10,388
I pick up some meat,
you drive me back to Nobby's,
131
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:13,159
I drive my car back home,
I cook us a meal,
132
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,236
I put on some soft music,
Naomi comes round,
133
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:18,477
mmm, she likes the mince. Next thing
she knows, she's married to me.
134
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:21,239
We try and have children,
we can't, all my sperm are dead,
135
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:23,589
but it doesn't matter,
too late, she's trapped.
136
00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:27,474
Dan, four o'clock tomorrow, I'm going
to be on the Eurostar with my wife.
137
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,273
I'm not missing out on a mini-break
to go on a meat run.
138
00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:40,318
Hurry up. I need the plate.
139
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,389
- Daniel!
- Don't start.
140
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,271
I've been cleaning out the garage.
141
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:57,312
Well done. I'll nominate you
for a Pride of Britain award.
142
00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,237
Oh, just doing my bit.
143
00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:04,195
Your mum and Mrs Wigmore
are doing a deep clean of the house,
144
00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:06,515
so I tackled the garage
145
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:08,471
and guess what I found.
146
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,275
- Oh, no!
- Remember this?
147
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:14,878
- It's wonderful!
- Mimples!
148
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:18,708
- Come and have a quick knock about.
- No, because unlike you,
149
00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:20,591
I don't have fond memories
of the old days,
150
00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:24,269
and I have no desire to have a swingball
smashed into my nuts on purpose.
151
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,470
Not on purpose.
152
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,272
- Always on purpose.
- Mimples!
153
00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:31,153
- Always on purpose. Goodbye.
- Mimples!
154
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:34,715
Daniel... please?
155
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,711
Look...
156
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,796
what are you up to?
157
00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:43,478
God, you're so suspicious!
158
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,478
See?
159
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,315
Just like the old days.
160
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,394
I told you. I'm not gonna play
if you're gonna be stupid!
161
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,715
- Daniel, your service.
- Mimples! Mimples!
162
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,236
Dad, I can't find Mimples.
163
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:38,918
- Urgh!
- Daniel...
164
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,110
That's not the swingball!
165
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:45,438
- But I...
- Mr Davis, have you seen Mimples?
166
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,357
Oh, no... wait.
167
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:53,510
Argh! He killed Mimples!
168
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:55,278
No! He threw it at me.
169
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,709
- Agh! Mimples!
- Daniel, I was throwing Mr Mimples
170
00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:01,548
for you to catch,
not to smash into a wall and kill.
171
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,033
- What's going on?
- Dad, he killed Mimples!
172
00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:08,992
Oh, no... Mr Stephens.
173
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:11,235
You sick fuck!
174
00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:14,238
- Wait. Because... No!
- That's it, Dad, kill him!
175
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,352
- Kill him like he killed Mr Mimples!
- Ya murderer!
176
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,118
No, please!
177
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,913
Please! No, I didn't mean to!
178
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,996
I didn't mean to!
179
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,520
I'm sorry, I cannae do it!
180
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:32,391
Hang on. What's going on?
181
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:35,512
I'm sorry, Daniel. It was your dad's idea.
182
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:39,155
Oh, Daniel, you sad little girl!
183
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,395
He's wet himself.
184
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:47,033
Daniel, Mimples was already dead!
185
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:52,756
He starved to death.
I forgot to feed him.
186
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:56,236
This is sick. You're all sick!
187
00:10:56,280 --> 00:11:00,671
What's all this noise around here?
188
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,153
Mrs Wigmore.
189
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,875
- What have you done?
- Oh...
190
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,792
Argh!
191
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:13,796
Daniel, you monster.
192
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,274
- Um...
- Phone an ambulance!
193
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,558
Well, the paramedics think
she'll be fine,
194
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,876
but they're keeping her in
for a couple of days.
195
00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,388
What were you thinking,
putting a space hopper on the path?
196
00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:31,671
Right, because none of that was
Dad's fault, was it, you mental old crone?
197
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,234
Your dad never touched
the space hopper!
198
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:38,398
And why are you wearing
those awful jogging bottoms again?
199
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,874
Mainly because my trousers
are covered in my piss.
200
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:45,835
Are they? Well, you'd better go
and get them so I can wash them.
201
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,997
I don't want you visiting Mrs Wigmore
tomorrow in mucky trousers.
202
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,996
I'm not going to visit Mrs Wigmore.
203
00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:54,669
She's your cleaner. She'll want
to see your little walnut face.
204
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:57,996
- I can't. I'm busy.
- I've got a relationship to save!
205
00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:01,669
What are you doing? Nibbling
some shortbread, stroking a plant?
206
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:05,994
Oh!
207
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:10,112
All right,
I'll go and visit the cleaner in hospital.
208
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:13,994
Good boy.
And make sure you take a present too.
209
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:15,473
Christ!
210
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:19,433
Most people would spend
the morning of a holiday packing.
211
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:23,553
Brian, we're on a wicked
little road trip. It's exciting.
212
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:31,953
What the hell is that?
213
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,877
It's Nobby's version of a receipt.
214
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,993
Jesus, I thought Mad Nobby
was just an affectionate nickname.
215
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:41,157
Should you have left your car with him?
He's obviously genuinely unstable.
216
00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:44,237
Nobby's awesome.
He knows Tinker from Lovejoy.
217
00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:46,635
Have you put any thought into
what you're buying Mrs Wigmore?
218
00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:48,955
Have I put any thought into it?!
219
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,309
What should I take her, a cooked lobster?
220
00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:53,191
My uncle was killed by a lobster.
221
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,992
- Oh, yeah? Was he allergic?
- No.
222
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:01,560
Oh, there is something I need to do
before hospital, actually.
223
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,959
It's permanent marker.
I've tried to get it off,
224
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,833
but I think you can see
I've just made it red.
225
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:15,111
I don't want to know why you have
a tick on your head,
226
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:18,470
I just want you to stop coming round
and telling me odd things.
227
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:20,670
I mean, what do you want me to say?
228
00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:22,631
That is up to you.
229
00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:24,875
OK...
230
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,036
I'm pleased you're having
your car seat mended
231
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,389
and that you're visiting
your mum's cleaner in hospital.
232
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,795
Thank you. Would you like
to come for a meal tonight?
233
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,673
- Dan, we've split up.
- I know, we're on a break.
234
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:38,474
We've split up. But I will come
round later to pick up my stuff.
235
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,080
Lovely. I will have a home-cooked meal
waiting for you.
236
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:44,556
No, I'm coming to get my things.
I'll be round at five.
237
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,238
A bit early for a meal.
238
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:49,590
Dan...! Look, I can see you are trying.
239
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:51,471
I'm addressing everything you said.
240
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:54,956
"All you ever do is go down the caff
with your silly friends," you said.
241
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,116
Well, not any more!
I'm really getting out there!
242
00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:58,957
Visiting a cleaner and mending a car seat
243
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,833
- are not "really getting out there".
- That's not all I'm doing!
244
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,474
- What else are you doing, then?
- Activities.
245
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,830
Fascinating activities. I'll tell you
about them at the meal tonight.
246
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:12,032
I'm coming to collect my possessions,
because we've split up!
247
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:14,150
Yes, and while you're there,
we'll have a lovely meal
248
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,918
and I'll tell you about
all the interesting things
249
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:18,997
I'm doing in my spare time. Slip slide!
250
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,271
One more drop-off, mate.
251
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:41,991
- What do you think?
- Oh, my God! You look wicked.
252
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:43,712
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
253
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:46,274
- They feel a bit tight.
- They're supposed to be.
254
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:50,279
Don't worry about that.
Just stick a Pepsi Max bottle down there.
255
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,231
Shit, he's going mental. Let's go.
256
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:55,238
Shall I tell Raoul we're coming back
next week for the salsa class?
257
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:58,636
I'm not actually going to the class,
am I, you twat?
258
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:01,797
I just want this to fool Naomi into
thinking I'm doing stuff. Grab my clothes.
259
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:04,400
I'm gonna go next door
to get Mrs Wigmore a present.
260
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:10,995
Dan! Dan! Get in the bloody car!
261
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,395
Nearly there.
Wigmore, butcher's, Mad Nobby's.
262
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:17,115
We're on schedule, Brian.
I'll have a meal ready by five easy.
263
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:18,957
I've got tickets for the Eurostar at four!
264
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:22,390
So stop keeping me talking, then!
Tick-tock!
265
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:33,478
- Mrs Wigmore.
- Daniel...
266
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:37,308
how lovely of you to visit. There was
no need. I'll be home tomorrow.
267
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:40,432
I've brought you a present.
Sorry about the space hopper.
268
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:43,677
Right, get well. We'd better be off.
269
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:47,076
- Come on, Jo.
- Vegetables?
270
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,429
No-one bring vegetable
as a present, son.
271
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,357
- It's weird!
- What's that tick on your head?
272
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:55,951
It's a welding receipt.
And everyone likes a box of vegetables.
273
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,149
Right?
274
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,758
It's the thought that counts.
275
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:01,633
You look like prostitutes,
one gay and one straight.
276
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:05,275
- What?!
- Oh, thanks. Just salsa.
277
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:08,153
My grandson bought me an audio book.
That's a proper present.
278
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,760
Can you drop it? She likes her vegetables.
279
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:11,994
Let's see some of your salsa.
280
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:15,112
We'd love to, but I'm afraid
we've got things to do.
281
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:18,630
We're in a bit of a rush.
So... enjoy your present.
282
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,989
- Get well, everyone.
- Show us a move!
283
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:23,270
We haven't got time to do
a fucking salsa dance, guys!
284
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:24,833
What's all this fuss?
285
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,110
Young Daniel's brought me
some vegetables and they're trying
286
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:28,912
to bully them
into doing a salsa dance for us.
287
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:33,192
- Oh, that would be lovely!
- Is anyone listening? It's not happening!
288
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:37,836
Aw! Are you in too much of a hurry to
do a little dance for our poorly friend?
289
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,235
- Yes, I've got to go.
- Where? What's so urgent?
290
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,594
I've got to... cook some mince later.
291
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:46,834
I see.
292
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,678
- No, the thing...
- How's the pain today, Joan?
293
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:53,156
- Awful.
- I'm not surprised.
294
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:56,272
We've had to remove
the best part of your bowel.
295
00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,353
Maybe she should've eaten
some fucking vegetables, then!
296
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,108
We haven't got any music.
297
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,430
That's not the fucking salsa.
298
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:15,311
Where the hell have you been?
299
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,954
In the company
of some very selfish old people.
300
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,433
Look at the bloody time!
301
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,789
- Sorry. We'll go straight to Nobby's now.
- Thank you.
302
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,956
After we pop into Big Dave Bowers'
to get some mince.
303
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:25,911
Jesus!
304
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:36,959
Great.
305
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,479
Goodbye!
306
00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:40,351
Let me just check it's ready.
307
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,198
It doesn't matter if it's ready or not,
I'm going to the Eurostar.
308
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,549
Come on, mate. Ten minutes!
309
00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:53,510
Why do we do anything for him?
310
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,154
He's going through a really hard time
at the moment, Brian.
311
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,476
When have you ever known him
not to be going through a hard time?
312
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,717
- Once he gets Naomi back...
- He's not getting her back, is he?
313
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,069
Look at what he's planning on cooking her!
314
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:06,678
Mince is nice.
315
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:08,472
Not on its own!
316
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,875
"Mmm, make yourself comfortable
317
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:14,595
"while I go and make you a massive plate
of unaccompanied cooked mince."
318
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,949
Stop it, you're making me hungry!
319
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:20,151
- Nightmare. I haven't got any money.
- Oh, for God's sake!
320
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,031
You've seen these salsa trousers, Brian!
321
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:24,719
I've barely got room
for a cock and balls let alone a wallet.
322
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,591
I've only got traveller's cheques, so...
323
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,471
Give me one of those!
Come on, tick-tock.
324
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:31,318
Dan, I know this guy's called
Mad Nobby, but he's hardly going
325
00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:33,715
to accept a traveller's cheque
for a minor welding job.
326
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,479
Well, at least let me try!
327
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,829
- How much is it?
- £12.
328
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:42,953
£12?!
Christ, how does he make a living?!
329
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,468
- I told you, he's cheap.
- Well, they're in euros!
330
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:48,273
Please, Brian.
Nobby is already wound up.
331
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:52,074
Right, we'll have to give him
a 15 euro traveller's cheque.
332
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:57,359
Well... you can tell him that
he's making a tidy little profit there.
333
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,954
Brian, you're quite cross now, aren't you?
334
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,479
No.
335
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:07,398
- You look cross.
- I'm not cross, Jo!
336
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:12,355
You've got that vein in your forehead -
it comes out, it's all like wonky.
337
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,749
He won't take a traveller's cheque.
338
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,712
Ask Mad Nobby...
339
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:24,196
if he'd mind dreadfully
you taking the car on trust.
340
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:28,119
You could pop back tomorrow with your £12!
341
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,912
I'll give that a go.
342
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:33,949
Brian...
343
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:34,989
Don't talk!
344
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,079
He went a bit weird,
345
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:49,430
but he says I can have the car
and he'll take the money a different way.
346
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,675
Right. Jo...
347
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,632
would you mind
getting out of the car, please?
348
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:00,833
Dan...
349
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:06,029
...would you mind taking
your two bags of mince?
350
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:13,071
Brian!
351
00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:15,270
Get me one of those massive Toblerones!
352
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:18,118
Do you think Brian's cross?
353
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,911
Well...
354
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,474
Nobby appears to have deducted his costs.
355
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:51,469
I'm sorry I'm late.
I've had a few issues.
356
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,317
Nice outfit.
357
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,478
How much mince do you want?
358
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:02,559
I think I can really get into salsa,
you know. We should go some time.
359
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:06,275
Big Dave Bowers has given me far too much
mince here. I can feed the whole town.
360
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:08,151
Dan.
361
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,391
I don't even like mince.
362
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:23,839
Right.
363
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:27,718
See you.
364
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:30,712
Look after yourself.
365
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:40,597
Wait.
366
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:42,437
Um...
367
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,112
...remember this?
368
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:48,995
Whoa! Helicopter.
369
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,833
Whoa! Helicopter!
370
00:23:18,500 --> 00:23:26,500
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