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1
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Kids, in many of my stories,
2
00:00:02,453 --> 00:00:05,783
I'm a starry-eyed romantic
on a noble search for true love.
3
00:00:06,070 --> 00:00:08,289
In this one, I'm just a jerk.
4
00:00:08,986 --> 00:00:11,186
Well, guys, tonight is the night.
5
00:00:12,047 --> 00:00:16,051
I'm inviting Tiffany up to my place
to see my antique camera collection.
6
00:00:16,492 --> 00:00:18,111
- It's Ted's bait.
- "Bait"?
7
00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:20,414
A true gentleman invents a pretense
8
00:00:20,539 --> 00:00:22,800
to lure an honorable lady
into his apartment.
9
00:00:22,925 --> 00:00:25,224
Some item of interest
or beauty you can both
10
00:00:25,349 --> 00:00:28,319
pretend to admire for five minutes
before she hops on your disco stick.
11
00:00:29,615 --> 00:00:32,850
Like she's coming up to "borrow a book"
or "check out an album on vinyl. "
12
00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:34,898
Or to see your new rap poster.
13
00:00:35,023 --> 00:00:37,202
"Rap poster"?
Who would that work on?
14
00:00:37,722 --> 00:00:41,165
It was the first week of college.
I was really into Wu-Tang Clan.
15
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:43,779
Yeah, bait is tricky.
16
00:00:43,904 --> 00:00:46,600
It has to be something interesting
enough to get the girl upstairs,
17
00:00:46,725 --> 00:00:48,839
but not so interesting
that it overpowers the night.
18
00:00:49,301 --> 00:00:51,342
I found that a slot machine
was too fun.
19
00:00:55,606 --> 00:00:56,764
And a trampoline...
20
00:00:57,809 --> 00:00:59,620
turned out to be too dangerous.
21
00:01:00,979 --> 00:01:03,539
But then I found the perfect bait:
22
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,287
a teacup pig.
23
00:01:07,653 --> 00:01:09,652
"A teacup pig"?
Who's that working on?
24
00:01:09,863 --> 00:01:12,738
- You have a teacup pig?! I
- Didn't know you had a teacup pig!
25
00:01:14,058 --> 00:01:16,829
- Can I borrow your teacup pig?
- Yes, you can.
26
00:01:17,204 --> 00:01:20,056
You have a teacup pig?! My gosh!
I can't believe you have a teacup pig!
27
00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:23,277
You're just so cute!
Yes, you are the cutest piggy ever!
28
00:01:24,244 --> 00:01:25,000
What?
29
00:01:25,672 --> 00:01:28,295
Were you always this pretty?
Or are you going to give me that whole,
30
00:01:28,507 --> 00:01:30,839
"In high school I was
really shy and awkward" line?
31
00:01:31,051 --> 00:01:32,947
I was shy and awkward.
32
00:01:33,072 --> 00:01:35,969
I was, like, a hundred pounds heavier
and I had these crazy buck teeth.
33
00:01:36,223 --> 00:01:39,054
- Seriously?
- No, I've always been hot.
34
00:01:39,412 --> 00:01:41,162
What are you going to do?
35
00:01:44,231 --> 00:01:46,539
Do you know who else
would love this teacup pig?
36
00:01:48,333 --> 00:01:49,274
My boyfriend.
37
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,752
Synchro: ShalimarFox, -Titou-
38
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:04,123
..: www.sous-titres.eu :..
39
00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:06,375
- You have a boyfriend?
- I know.
40
00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:08,544
So annoying, right?
I mean, he's
41
00:02:08,755 --> 00:02:10,337
not really my boyfriend.
42
00:02:11,039 --> 00:02:13,924
- Good.
- I mean, technically, he kind of is.
43
00:02:14,561 --> 00:02:15,759
Is he or isn't he?
44
00:02:16,070 --> 00:02:18,782
Some of both,
but definitely not either.
45
00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:21,522
Are you getting any of this?
46
00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:24,518
Look, I really like you.
47
00:02:24,938 --> 00:02:26,882
I just need you to be patient.
48
00:02:27,408 --> 00:02:30,008
I don't want to lose you,
Big Brown Eyes.
49
00:02:33,713 --> 00:02:36,513
Somebody doesn't want to lose
Big Brown Eyes.
50
00:02:38,799 --> 00:02:40,448
She's got you on the hook.
51
00:02:40,573 --> 00:02:42,494
What? What?
I'm not on the hook.
52
00:02:42,751 --> 00:02:44,747
You are totally on the hook.
53
00:02:44,958 --> 00:02:47,626
She's stringing you along.
She's not committing to you,
54
00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,696
but she's keeping you
around just in case,
55
00:02:49,821 --> 00:02:52,382
like an old can of chili
in the pantry.
56
00:02:53,222 --> 00:02:55,934
Who's buying canned chili
and not eating it immediately?
57
00:02:56,059 --> 00:02:57,259
Amen, sister.
58
00:02:58,972 --> 00:03:01,707
Don't feel bad. We've all been there.
I've been on both sides of it.
59
00:03:01,832 --> 00:03:04,558
I've been a hookey and a hooker.
Move past it, guys.
60
00:03:04,972 --> 00:03:07,811
I've been a little bit loose,
but money never changed hands.
61
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,295
I've been on the hook.
62
00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:11,832
Lisa Walker.
63
00:03:12,203 --> 00:03:15,952
Picture it:
1994, St. Cloud, Minnesota.
64
00:03:17,117 --> 00:03:19,437
So I was, like, thinking, Lisa...
65
00:03:21,210 --> 00:03:24,398
do you maybe want to,
like, go out with me?
66
00:03:25,907 --> 00:03:27,080
That sounds great.
67
00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:30,501
But I'm sort of seeing this guy.
He's got a LeBaron convertible
68
00:03:30,712 --> 00:03:34,004
and an "in" at the roller rink,
so I'd hate to burn that bridge.
69
00:03:36,108 --> 00:03:37,258
I understand.
70
00:03:38,570 --> 00:03:39,927
But how about this?
71
00:03:40,226 --> 00:03:43,013
You can be my secret boyfriend
who does all my homework for me.
72
00:03:46,288 --> 00:03:47,288
A'ight.
73
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,604
You want to see my rap poster?
74
00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:52,589
Poster whore.
75
00:03:53,418 --> 00:03:54,274
Anyway...
76
00:03:54,486 --> 00:03:58,343
Lisa Walker strung me
along for months until one night,
77
00:03:59,069 --> 00:04:01,698
I went to go tell her
how much I loved her.
78
00:04:03,002 --> 00:04:03,951
In song.
79
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,966
She wasn't home yet, so I waited.
80
00:04:10,486 --> 00:04:11,523
And waited.
81
00:04:14,130 --> 00:04:16,867
I woke up four hours later,covered in snow.
82
00:04:17,685 --> 00:04:19,471
And that's when I saw it.
83
00:04:20,962 --> 00:04:22,362
Lisa's footsteps.
84
00:04:22,781 --> 00:04:25,792
She had walked right over me
and into the house.
85
00:04:27,519 --> 00:04:30,435
It was the best thing that could've
happened. It got me off her hook.
86
00:04:30,647 --> 00:04:33,449
Okay, that is definitely not
what's going on with me and Tiffany.
87
00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:34,523
Listen to this.
88
00:04:35,093 --> 00:04:37,629
I'm really into you.
89
00:04:38,363 --> 00:04:41,134
I just can't be with you right now.
90
00:04:44,627 --> 00:04:48,453
Ted, "right no" is the classic
on-the-hook catchphrase.
91
00:04:48,665 --> 00:04:51,308
"Right now" paints a picture of
some sort of magical future time
92
00:04:51,433 --> 00:04:55,252
when everything will work out, but
the truth is, that will never happen.
93
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,136
It's like this.
"I can't be with you. "
94
00:04:59,522 --> 00:05:00,672
"Right now. "
95
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:08,173
I think my high school boyfriend,
is still sort of on the hook for me.
96
00:05:08,298 --> 00:05:10,226
Sort of?
He totally is.
97
00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:13,061
The poor guy showed up at our
wedding hoping to win you back.
98
00:05:14,566 --> 00:05:16,370
It's sometimes weird
when I see him at work.
99
00:05:16,495 --> 00:05:17,545
Wait. What?
100
00:05:18,794 --> 00:05:21,715
Scooter works in the school cafeteria.
We've talked about this.
101
00:05:22,557 --> 00:05:23,614
Lily. Nice dress.
102
00:05:23,992 --> 00:05:25,042
Tater-tots?
103
00:05:29,539 --> 00:05:31,680
We most certainly have
not talked about this!
104
00:05:31,805 --> 00:05:34,622
Yes, we have.
I've mentioned it tons of times.
105
00:05:34,747 --> 00:05:36,347
"Lunch Lady Scooter. "
106
00:05:36,663 --> 00:05:38,353
I thought that you were referring
107
00:05:38,478 --> 00:05:40,836
to some sort of long overdue
device that carries around
108
00:05:40,961 --> 00:05:43,131
those poor,
underappreciated lunch ladies!
109
00:05:44,391 --> 00:05:45,969
This explains a lot.
110
00:05:46,599 --> 00:05:48,802
Lunch Lady Scooter
was there again today.
111
00:05:49,858 --> 00:05:52,479
Did you jump on that thing?
Give it a ride?
112
00:05:53,772 --> 00:05:55,952
Really? If it were me,
I'd be riding that scooter
113
00:05:56,077 --> 00:05:58,732
all day long until I broke
that thang in half.
114
00:06:00,153 --> 00:06:02,319
So those poor women still
have to walk everywhere?
115
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:06,046
Wait. Scooter is working
at your school?!
116
00:06:06,424 --> 00:06:07,724
Are you jealous?
117
00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:10,487
No, I just feel bad for Scooter.
118
00:06:10,612 --> 00:06:13,287
'Cause the reason he took that job
is he thinks he has a shot with you.
119
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,367
You have to make it clear
that he doesn't,
120
00:06:15,492 --> 00:06:17,527
so that he can move on
and a real lunch lady
121
00:06:17,652 --> 00:06:19,480
can get her job back. Damn!
122
00:06:19,605 --> 00:06:20,655
I've tried.
123
00:06:22,968 --> 00:06:25,645
I saw you had seventh period free.
So do I.
124
00:06:26,410 --> 00:06:27,803
You want to run away together?
125
00:06:28,572 --> 00:06:30,322
Let me be clear, Scooter.
126
00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:34,102
There is no way you and I
can ever be together.
127
00:06:43,096 --> 00:06:44,096
Right now.
128
00:06:44,447 --> 00:06:47,280
I'll see you tomorrow, Lily.
It's Tijuana Tuesday.
129
00:06:49,155 --> 00:06:50,255
"Right now"?
130
00:06:51,535 --> 00:06:52,828
You right-now'd Scooter?
131
00:06:53,654 --> 00:06:55,622
You need to let him
off the hook once and for all.
132
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:59,304
You're right. Day after tomorrow,
that's exactly what I'm going to do.
133
00:06:59,429 --> 00:07:00,631
Why not tomorrow?
134
00:07:00,756 --> 00:07:03,643
Baby, I can't ruin Tijuana Tuesday.
135
00:07:05,963 --> 00:07:06,842
Really?
136
00:07:07,121 --> 00:07:09,685
You're really going to sit here
all night watching the door
137
00:07:09,810 --> 00:07:12,472
because Tiffany said
she'll "try to stop by"?
138
00:07:12,684 --> 00:07:14,981
Barney, I'm not going
to just give up on her.
139
00:07:15,106 --> 00:07:17,106
I should have given up on her.
140
00:07:17,799 --> 00:07:19,349
This girl is special.
141
00:07:19,618 --> 00:07:21,068
She was the devil.
142
00:07:22,694 --> 00:07:24,415
Things are going
to work out with her.
143
00:07:24,540 --> 00:07:26,340
No, they're not, dumbass.
144
00:07:27,393 --> 00:07:30,532
Ted, let me be clear:
this girl is a poison
145
00:07:30,657 --> 00:07:33,201
and you need to cut her
out of your life forever.
146
00:07:35,546 --> 00:07:36,663
There she is.
147
00:07:39,711 --> 00:07:41,460
She brought some of her coworkers.
148
00:07:45,656 --> 00:07:46,840
Hang on to this girl.
149
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,509
Hang on to her and never let go!
150
00:07:56,283 --> 00:07:58,393
These are some of the
hottest girls I've ever seen.
151
00:07:58,736 --> 00:08:00,826
And they all work with Tiffany?
152
00:08:01,627 --> 00:08:03,989
There could only be
one explanation for this.
153
00:08:06,179 --> 00:08:07,682
Is Tiffany a ph...
154
00:08:07,807 --> 00:08:10,071
pharmaceutical sales rep?
155
00:08:10,248 --> 00:08:13,409
- Yeah, how did you know that?
- And you never thought to mention that?
156
00:08:14,859 --> 00:08:16,286
What? It's just a job.
157
00:08:17,636 --> 00:08:20,424
Just a j... just a jo...
158
00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:23,657
Ted, throughout time
159
00:08:23,782 --> 00:08:26,220
there has always been one
cutting-edge profession
160
00:08:26,345 --> 00:08:29,086
to which hot girls,
like Tiffany, have flocked.
161
00:08:29,211 --> 00:08:31,885
- Shall I walk you through the history?
- I'm gonna explicitly say no.
162
00:08:32,062 --> 00:08:34,825
It all started
2.5 million years ago.
163
00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:37,181
Man was a hunter.
164
00:08:37,499 --> 00:08:39,927
So, the hottestprofession of the day?
165
00:08:40,278 --> 00:08:41,186
Gatherer.
166
00:08:41,363 --> 00:08:43,438
Homo erectus indeed.
167
00:08:46,916 --> 00:08:48,803
As man mastered technology,
168
00:08:48,928 --> 00:08:50,904
the hottest profession
of the day evolved.
169
00:08:51,029 --> 00:08:54,282
I'm pretty sure it's a hernia.
Can you check again?
170
00:08:57,792 --> 00:09:00,478
And then, man took to the skies.
171
00:09:00,603 --> 00:09:03,959
And so, hot women put on high heels
and became stewardesses
172
00:09:05,915 --> 00:09:08,171
I am in the upright
and locked position.
173
00:09:12,090 --> 00:09:14,886
And then man said, "Life is hard.
174
00:09:15,011 --> 00:09:17,305
I should start taking
lots of prescription drugs. "
175
00:09:17,482 --> 00:09:20,281
And so, hot girls
rolled into doctors' offices,
176
00:09:20,406 --> 00:09:22,701
looking sexy enough to render
the very erection pills
177
00:09:22,826 --> 00:09:24,321
they peddled ironically redundant.
178
00:09:24,954 --> 00:09:28,692
So now, pharma girls are today's
hottest profession.
179
00:09:30,161 --> 00:09:32,487
Big Brown Eyes.
How you doing?
180
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:34,139
I'm good.
181
00:09:35,214 --> 00:09:38,076
By the way, you, you ditch
that loser boyfriend yet?
182
00:09:38,253 --> 00:09:39,253
No, sir.
183
00:09:43,155 --> 00:09:44,374
Touched my nose.
184
00:09:45,124 --> 00:09:48,145
Dude, ditch Tiffany
and join the Barnacle
185
00:09:48,270 --> 00:09:50,105
in a pharma girl free-for-all.
186
00:09:50,230 --> 00:09:52,709
Side effects may include
loss of clothing, rug burn,
187
00:09:52,834 --> 00:09:55,223
shortness of breath and sore
abdominals the next morning.
188
00:09:55,348 --> 00:09:56,928
What in the world is up?!
189
00:10:01,978 --> 00:10:05,270
I know that you've been having trouble
letting Scooter off the hook.
190
00:10:05,566 --> 00:10:07,437
I decided what you need is practice.
191
00:10:07,562 --> 00:10:10,358
Now, you say
the problem is his cute, sad eyes?
192
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:12,378
Well...
193
00:10:19,669 --> 00:10:21,030
All right, shut it, woman.
194
00:10:21,155 --> 00:10:24,463
Now,
I want you to look at this teacup pig
195
00:10:24,588 --> 00:10:28,051
and tell him that there's no way
that you could ever be with him.
196
00:10:31,310 --> 00:10:32,360
Teacup Pig,
197
00:10:33,532 --> 00:10:37,144
there is no way
I can ever be with you.
198
00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:46,570
Right now.
199
00:10:46,773 --> 00:10:48,435
Come on!
Grow a pair!
200
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:49,910
I'm sorry, but...
201
00:10:50,533 --> 00:10:52,483
he's just so freakin' cute.
202
00:10:52,608 --> 00:10:54,872
I just want to cuddle him
all day long.
203
00:10:54,997 --> 00:10:56,946
- Yes, I do.
- You know, that's funny.
204
00:10:57,123 --> 00:10:59,874
I remember when you used to say
things like that about me.
205
00:10:59,999 --> 00:11:01,034
I still do.
206
00:11:02,075 --> 00:11:03,475
Not as much, Lily.
207
00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:05,848
Not as much.
208
00:11:08,247 --> 00:11:10,126
Ain't no party
like a pharma girl party.
209
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,110
'Cause a pharma girl party
don't stop!
210
00:11:12,235 --> 00:11:14,936
Dude, I have already hooked up
with three of them.
211
00:11:15,186 --> 00:11:15,997
Fantasmo.
212
00:11:16,122 --> 00:11:19,344
Plus, my cholesterol is down.
My restless legs syndrome is cured.
213
00:11:19,521 --> 00:11:21,262
I've never felt more alive.
214
00:11:22,675 --> 00:11:25,725
Guys, great news.
Tiffany broke up with her boyfriend.
215
00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:29,185
- Proof that I am not on the hook.
- You're still on the hook.
216
00:11:29,891 --> 00:11:31,740
Listen to how we spent last night.
217
00:11:32,221 --> 00:11:33,951
First, we cuddled.
218
00:11:36,083 --> 00:11:37,197
Then,
219
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,478
we shared chocolate cake.
220
00:11:40,396 --> 00:11:43,952
Then, well, I don't usually
join in on locker room talk,
221
00:11:44,077 --> 00:11:47,965
but I gave her
a pretty sensual foot rub.
222
00:11:49,596 --> 00:11:53,042
And let me guess,
it didn't go any further than that.
223
00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:55,421
No, but...
224
00:11:55,598 --> 00:11:59,050
And tell me, did you by any chance
make that chocolate cake?
225
00:12:00,812 --> 00:12:02,220
- It was a mix.
- Dude.
226
00:12:02,686 --> 00:12:04,713
There's no shame in admitting it,
Ted.
227
00:12:04,838 --> 00:12:08,842
We've all been on people's hooks
and we've all kept someone on the hook.
228
00:12:09,125 --> 00:12:11,167
I most certainly have not.
229
00:12:11,990 --> 00:12:13,500
- What?
- Are you joking?
230
00:12:13,995 --> 00:12:16,747
What about that girl
from the university library?
231
00:12:16,872 --> 00:12:17,870
Henrietta?
232
00:12:18,125 --> 00:12:20,185
Henrietta and I are just friends.
233
00:12:20,310 --> 00:12:22,265
She is so on your hook.
234
00:12:22,390 --> 00:12:24,121
Absolutely not.
235
00:12:24,246 --> 00:12:25,546
She totally was.
236
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:26,587
I mean...
237
00:12:27,802 --> 00:12:28,852
we cuddled.
238
00:12:31,469 --> 00:12:33,219
We shared chocolate cake.
239
00:12:35,814 --> 00:12:38,560
She gave me foot rubs... long ones.
240
00:12:38,685 --> 00:12:40,185
I'm not proud, kids.
241
00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:42,838
You like having Henrietta around
242
00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:45,185
for the reason
that Tiffany likes having you around,
243
00:12:45,310 --> 00:12:46,999
it's a nice little ego boost.
244
00:12:47,124 --> 00:12:50,309
No wonder you're such an expert
about keeping people on the hook.
245
00:12:50,434 --> 00:12:52,810
What about that poor camera guy
you work with?
246
00:12:52,935 --> 00:12:55,436
- Mike and I are just friends.
- Come on.
247
00:12:58,932 --> 00:13:00,282
That's the stuff.
248
00:13:00,407 --> 00:13:04,034
Robin, have you ever thought about
taking us to the next level?
249
00:13:04,313 --> 00:13:06,627
If you're talking about
doing my laundry, I'm on board.
250
00:13:07,333 --> 00:13:09,075
You got yourself a deal.
251
00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:12,937
What?!
I am not keeping Mike on the hook.
252
00:13:13,062 --> 00:13:14,860
You are Captain Hook.
253
00:13:14,985 --> 00:13:16,311
Dude, I'm a girl.
254
00:13:16,436 --> 00:13:18,874
Our girl parts are like a spiderweb.
255
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,798
Sometimes you'll catch
stuff you don't want.
256
00:13:21,961 --> 00:13:23,685
That doesn't make it okay.
257
00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:27,246
And Henrietta is in, in no way
wasting her time with you, right?
258
00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:29,263
Henrietta knows
that we're just friends.
259
00:13:29,388 --> 00:13:32,334
In fact, I'm gonna call her up
and hang out with her tonight,
260
00:13:32,529 --> 00:13:34,062
as friends.
261
00:13:35,783 --> 00:13:38,560
I love you. What?
Do you want a foot massage?
262
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,527
'Cause I've been practicing
on myself.
263
00:13:40,911 --> 00:13:41,911
I'm good.
264
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,762
I didn't know if you were hungry,
so I threw together some...
265
00:13:45,887 --> 00:13:47,387
it's not a big deal.
266
00:13:47,512 --> 00:13:48,702
Kids, looking back,
267
00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:52,247
I don't know how I didn't see
that Henrietta was in love with me.
268
00:13:58,291 --> 00:14:00,763
I'm going out of town this weekend
for my friend's wedding.
269
00:14:00,888 --> 00:14:02,338
Want to be my date?
270
00:14:02,587 --> 00:14:05,102
I would love to.
What are you doing right now?
271
00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:06,583
God, no.
272
00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:09,264
Awesome.
I'll see you in, like, ten minutes?
273
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:10,598
Great.
274
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:13,721
Sorry, Henrietta, something came up.
275
00:14:13,846 --> 00:14:15,270
Take a rain check, pal?
276
00:14:15,668 --> 00:14:16,771
It's no problem.
277
00:14:18,152 --> 00:14:19,352
You're strong.
278
00:14:19,645 --> 00:14:20,745
What a jerk.
279
00:14:22,812 --> 00:14:23,921
Henrietta, I...
280
00:14:24,701 --> 00:14:25,947
Wait. Where did Ted go?
281
00:14:26,138 --> 00:14:27,615
I thought we'll meet him.
282
00:14:27,792 --> 00:14:29,396
Something came up, okay, Mom?
283
00:14:30,659 --> 00:14:32,512
I told you there was no Ted.
284
00:14:32,637 --> 00:14:33,747
I heard that.
285
00:14:37,988 --> 00:14:39,031
So there I was,
286
00:14:39,156 --> 00:14:42,297
at one of the surest signs of taking
a relationship to the next level,
287
00:14:42,672 --> 00:14:44,292
an out-of-town wedding.
288
00:14:44,460 --> 00:14:45,906
It was finally happening.
289
00:14:46,031 --> 00:14:47,044
Champagne?
290
00:14:47,212 --> 00:14:49,964
Ted, my gosh, I forgot to call you.
291
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:52,474
Whatever it's you wanted to talk about,
we can do it now.
292
00:14:54,899 --> 00:14:57,227
This is Jack.
He's the best man at the wedding.
293
00:14:57,352 --> 00:14:59,153
We just got back together.
294
00:14:59,868 --> 00:15:02,692
Now that I think about it,
a phone call would have been nice.
295
00:15:03,325 --> 00:15:04,325
You're Ted?
296
00:15:06,624 --> 00:15:08,323
I hear you make
a mean chocolate cake.
297
00:15:11,463 --> 00:15:12,763
Isn't he great?
298
00:15:12,888 --> 00:15:14,918
And he's in a band.
299
00:15:16,096 --> 00:15:17,096
Thanks.
300
00:15:18,204 --> 00:15:20,290
Come on.
You have to get Scooter off the hook.
301
00:15:20,415 --> 00:15:21,461
Now, try again.
302
00:15:22,548 --> 00:15:23,698
Teacup Pig...
303
00:15:25,789 --> 00:15:27,425
I don't want to be with you.
304
00:15:35,537 --> 00:15:37,708
- Right now.
- Man up!
305
00:15:39,364 --> 00:15:40,510
Teacup Pig...
306
00:15:43,136 --> 00:15:44,567
I don't want to be with you.
307
00:15:50,139 --> 00:15:50,948
Ever.
308
00:15:51,412 --> 00:15:52,325
Finish him!
309
00:15:52,504 --> 00:15:54,388
We will never be together
310
00:15:54,513 --> 00:15:56,979
in any sort of sexual way
ever again.
311
00:15:57,104 --> 00:15:58,008
Nice.
312
00:15:59,661 --> 00:16:02,012
- A weird thing to say to a pig.
- It felt really wrong.
313
00:16:03,710 --> 00:16:06,183
Anyway, I just don't think
you and I are going to work.
314
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:09,008
Right now.
315
00:16:09,540 --> 00:16:11,078
And that's when it hit me.
316
00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:12,607
I was on the hook.
317
00:16:12,732 --> 00:16:14,013
I also realized...
318
00:16:14,586 --> 00:16:16,514
I missed this so much, baby.
319
00:16:16,639 --> 00:16:18,324
... Tiffany was on this guy's hook.
320
00:16:18,449 --> 00:16:19,696
It was a vicious cycle.
321
00:16:19,897 --> 00:16:21,294
Henrietta was on my hook.
322
00:16:21,419 --> 00:16:24,868
And years later, I found out
this bastard was on Henrietta's hook.
323
00:16:28,374 --> 00:16:29,665
You know what?
324
00:16:29,953 --> 00:16:32,073
We're not going to work ever.
325
00:16:33,419 --> 00:16:34,417
I'm done.
326
00:16:38,262 --> 00:16:41,824
And it's better for the circulation
if you knead the arches with thumbs.
327
00:16:41,949 --> 00:16:43,053
Now, I'm done.
328
00:16:46,888 --> 00:16:48,887
Marshall, I can do this by myself.
329
00:16:49,012 --> 00:16:50,174
Then prove it.
330
00:16:53,747 --> 00:16:55,147
Grab me a pudding.
331
00:16:58,278 --> 00:16:59,637
Listen up, Scooter.
332
00:17:00,071 --> 00:17:02,895
There is no way
you and I will ever be together.
333
00:17:10,476 --> 00:17:11,573
Right now!
334
00:17:12,276 --> 00:17:14,573
I'm sorry, but he's adorable.
335
00:17:14,698 --> 00:17:15,575
Listen.
336
00:17:15,762 --> 00:17:17,838
- I don't want to be with you.
- Right now.
337
00:17:18,087 --> 00:17:20,329
Hang in there, Scoots!
I'm not going to live forever.
338
00:17:22,138 --> 00:17:24,497
Last night I was
with this pharma girl who was so hot,
339
00:17:24,622 --> 00:17:26,841
you should call a doctor
if you don't have an erection
340
00:17:26,966 --> 00:17:28,254
for more than four hours.
341
00:17:28,433 --> 00:17:29,883
Am I right, people?
342
00:17:30,727 --> 00:17:33,843
There's no people...
just the girl you most recently dated.
343
00:17:36,888 --> 00:17:38,931
I want you to meet
the newest pharma girl.
344
00:17:40,153 --> 00:17:42,300
Gladys Reynolds.
Nice to make your acquaintance.
345
00:17:42,425 --> 00:17:45,354
I represent statins
and other cholesterol-lowering drugs.
346
00:17:46,409 --> 00:17:48,087
Come on.
Let's go get our drink on.
347
00:17:51,334 --> 00:17:52,445
It's over.
348
00:17:52,702 --> 00:17:53,702
What's over?
349
00:17:54,636 --> 00:17:57,955
Pharma girls are
no longer exclusively hot chicks.
350
00:17:58,259 --> 00:17:59,638
It's the end of an era.
351
00:17:59,763 --> 00:18:01,412
You're being a little dramatic.
352
00:18:01,591 --> 00:18:02,591
Am I?
353
00:18:03,046 --> 00:18:04,946
It starts out with a Gladys.
354
00:18:05,071 --> 00:18:08,377
Next thing, a few not-so-fabulous
gay guys enter the ranks.
355
00:18:08,578 --> 00:18:11,208
And before you know it,
pharma girls look
356
00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:14,898
like the crew on a Southwest flight
from Albuquerque to Little Rock.
357
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:17,062
It's over!
358
00:18:19,386 --> 00:18:21,638
So that night,
I went straight to Henrietta's...
359
00:18:21,763 --> 00:18:23,863
all set to let her off the hook.
360
00:18:32,989 --> 00:18:35,540
This is Jack.
He's the best man at the wedding.
361
00:18:40,262 --> 00:18:41,262
I'm done.
362
00:18:47,545 --> 00:18:49,377
The answer is yes!
363
00:18:53,534 --> 00:18:54,559
It gets worse.
364
00:18:55,011 --> 00:18:56,028
It's perfect!
365
00:18:56,637 --> 00:18:57,698
Mom, Dad!
366
00:18:57,823 --> 00:18:59,074
Ted proposed!
367
00:19:00,481 --> 00:19:01,848
I knew this day would come!
368
00:19:02,868 --> 00:19:03,638
Son!
369
00:19:03,763 --> 00:19:04,861
There's been a...
370
00:19:06,825 --> 00:19:08,073
What did you do?
371
00:19:08,887 --> 00:19:10,692
I seriously considered
372
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:13,203
just marrying her
out of sheer awkwardness.
373
00:19:14,205 --> 00:19:15,599
But I did what I had to do.
374
00:19:15,724 --> 00:19:18,725
I did what anyone
keeping someone on the hook should do.
375
00:19:19,431 --> 00:19:20,627
I broke her heart.
376
00:19:21,511 --> 00:19:24,881
Henrietta, I'm sorry if this is blunt,
but I think I owe you this.
377
00:19:26,698 --> 00:19:28,596
I don't want to be with you.
378
00:19:29,661 --> 00:19:30,661
Right now?
379
00:19:32,227 --> 00:19:33,262
Ever.
380
00:19:35,511 --> 00:19:37,811
But we're still getting married,
right?
381
00:19:38,012 --> 00:19:40,402
It was... brutal.
382
00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:42,683
I'm sorry, buddy.
383
00:19:43,198 --> 00:19:44,976
Honesty is tough, but in the end,
384
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:47,237
it is the far kinder alternative.
385
00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:50,625
Hey, sweetie.
386
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:53,920
Hey, Mike.
387
00:19:54,225 --> 00:19:56,246
I have to tell you something.
388
00:19:57,821 --> 00:19:59,249
Did you finish my delicates?
389
00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:01,408
- Got one more load.
- It can wait.
390
00:20:11,658 --> 00:20:12,877
How's it going?
391
00:20:13,067 --> 00:20:15,254
Still in mourning
over the end of the pharma girl era?
392
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:18,507
I realized
that their reign had to end
393
00:20:18,632 --> 00:20:20,509
for some new hot girl profession.
394
00:20:21,523 --> 00:20:22,873
Maybe it'll be...
395
00:20:23,382 --> 00:20:26,276
intergalactic communications officer
on a rocket ship
396
00:20:26,401 --> 00:20:29,794
to some distant solar system
we can't possibly imagine.
397
00:20:29,919 --> 00:20:31,918
Maybe it'll be... meter maids.
398
00:20:32,166 --> 00:20:33,314
We just don't know.
399
00:20:34,672 --> 00:20:36,409
But one thing is sure.
400
00:20:37,168 --> 00:20:39,208
The future glows
401
00:20:39,333 --> 00:20:41,670
like a giant sun
402
00:20:41,795 --> 00:20:45,789
shooting amber rays of light
into our hearts and minds.
403
00:20:48,857 --> 00:20:50,289
What changed your mind?
404
00:20:50,481 --> 00:20:53,125
The realization
that hope springs eternal, Robin.
405
00:20:54,567 --> 00:20:56,528
That
and this little bottle of purple pills
406
00:20:56,653 --> 00:20:58,345
I found in my couch cushion.
407
00:20:58,470 --> 00:21:01,293
I don't know what they are,
but they are amazing.
30548
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