All language subtitles for Empty Nest s02e13 Harrys Choice.eng

Breakfast is ready.
Come and get it.

Excuse me.

Damn.

Barbara, I was up half
the night worried about you.

You could have called.

I'm sorry. I was working.

Oh, what, they don't have
phones at a shootout?

Daddy, how many times are we
gonna have this conversation?

Being a cop
is as important to me

as being a pediatrician
is to you.

Come on, Barbara. Listen to me.

I come home, I turn on the TV,

and I hear,
"cop shot at stakeout.

Details at 11:00."

You have no idea
what it's like to wait

for the news to find out
if my daughter is still alive.

Daddy, don't be silly.

I would call you
if I got killed.

Not funny, Barbara.

This is not funny.
I am very worried about you.

Daddy,
at the library the other day,

a book fell on my thumb.

I mean, I just don't know
if all this danger is worth it.

Well, I do get
to meet interesting people.

No, I'm talking
to your sister, dear.

Yes, there is danger, daddy,

but it's worth it.

Today, I'm gonna be in court,

and my testimony is gonna put
Mike "the butcher" Blanchard

away for the next ten years.

Excuse me, this butcher guy,

he's not the kind that holds
a grudge, is he?

Daddy, do you know
that it took six months

of tracing license plates,
staking out his home,

and my partner getting shot
to nail this guy?

Barbara, do me a favor.

When you're on the stand
at the butcher's trial,

try to see how many times
you can work in the phrase,

"they're making me say this."

I hate that job of hers.

I, on the other hand,

have some good news
for you, daddy.

Oh, really?

I was going to wait
until your birthday,

but it's too exciting.

It's taken me a year
of scrimping and saving,

but I have finally come up
with enough money

to get you the perfect gift.

Sweetheart, my birthday's
not for months.

I know, but I couldn't wait.

It's something I know you've
wanted for a long, long time,

something you can keep
and Cherish forever.

Now guess.

It's a portrait, daddy.

An oil portrait. Of me.

What do you think?

Hey, hey, how about that? Hey.

Okay. Come on, Laverne.
Who's next?

It's that neighbor of yourn,
Charley dietz.

Here's his chart.

You have a chart on Charley?

Heck, he even had
a finger paintin'

up on the wall
till I figured out what it was.

Hello, Charley.

How you doing?

Fine, Harry. Good.

How's it with you?

Everything's fine.
So how are you feeling?

Good. Thanks for asking. You?

Charley, please,
I'm a very busy man.

Right. Okay. It's about
this date I had last night.

Remember how you guys used
to call me Mr. love magic?

I remember you asking us to.

Well, I'm kind of having some
problems with the magic act.

So, I mean,
what kind of problems?

Wand problems.

I see. I see.
Well, Charley, it's very common

for men to occasionally have
certain magical problems,

you know, levitating.

Charley, I'm having a very hard
time sustaining this metaphor.

Please, I mean, most men
at some time

in their life are impotent.

There's that word.
There's that word.

All right, Charley, come on now.

I'm sure it's nothing serious.

You're probably just
not attracted to this woman.

No, that's not it.

I mean, I've been out with her
twice before

and done just fine.

She really tried to get me going
last night.

She's a very sexy gal.

Did some wild things
with my necktie.

Actually, that's your necktie.

I'll get that back to you.

Keep it.

Anyway, I'm supposed
to see her again tonight.

I mean, what do I say
if nothing happens?

Charley, all you got to do
is just relax.

I mean,
one time doesn't mean anything.

Okay, but this
is just between us, okay?

Yes, of course. Absolutely.

All right. There you go now.

I see you didn't put down
a diagnosis.

Charley has a little croup.

Wednesday the 3rd,

im-po-tence.

Charley, I didn't... I didn't!

Thanks.

I have terrible news.

I can't get you that portrait
for your birthday.

What can I say?

Darn?

I can't afford it anymore.

I had a car accident on the way
to the portrait studio.

Honey, I'm sorry. Are you okay?

Yes, I'm just mad at myself.

I was practicing different poses
on the way there.

What I learned is,
when going into a turn,

both hands should be
on the wheel,

not here.

I guess up until now
I've just been lucky.

That accident's gonna eat up
all the money I was saving

for your portrait, daddy.

Honey, don't worry about it.

Don't waste your money.

Come on, I have
so many pictures of you.

You don't want a portrait
of me, daddy?

Want?
Need... i would love one, dear.

But now
because of this darn accident,

I will just have
to do without the portrait

and I'll just make do
with the real thing.

Oh, no, daddy.

I will find some way
to get the money.

- They wouldn't let me testify.
- What?

The bailiff calls out my name,

but before I'm halfway
to the witness stand,

the butcher's attorney
pulls some fancy lawyer trick

and tells me I won't be needed.

That's terrible.

What kind of a system
protects a guy like this?

He's a deranged, lowlife,
drug dealing killer.

You know, Barbara,
it's usually polite

to ask other people
about their day too.

And they call this justice.

It is so frustrating.

It really makes me sick.

That's Barbara.

Me, me, me, me, me, me.

You'd think a book fell on her.

Charley, you knocked.

I know, Harry.

Look what I've been reduced to.

I've come to the point
where I have to compensate

for masculinity with politeness.

Harry, I need to talk to you
about my croup problem.

All right.

I went out with that woman
like you said I should,

and she put on another show.

This time,
there was food involved.

Very erotic.

Hot fudge and aerosol cheese.

She sounds really special.

Yeah, but I sent her home
confused, unsatisfied.

And with a cracker stuck to her.

Charley, please.

What am I gonna do
about this woman?

She thinks I'm a poor excuse
for a man.

Oh, come on now.

Nobody would think that.

Those were her exact words.

This is so humiliating.

I mean, when you can't even...

Bench-press
your own body weight,

which, of course, is a problem
I don't have.

Well, gotta go.

Yup, gonna chop down
some redwoods.

What's the matter?

Mike "the butcher" got off.

They dropped all the charges
against him.

- You're kidding?
- Oh, and get this.

They misspelled his name
on the search warrant,

so the judge declares
all the evidence inadmissible.

Daddy, do you believe
this system?

I spend six months
tracking this guy down,

my partner almost gets killed,
and for what?

To watch some creep smirk at me

as he leaves the courtroom
a free man?

That is really rotten.

Barbara, I don't know
how you put up

with that job of yours.

I know I couldn't do it.

Yeah, well, I can't either.

Well, you sort of have to.

No, I don't.

I turned in my badge today,
daddy.

I quit the force.

Good morning, dear.

Good morning.

You're awfully chipper
this morning, daddy.

I've been sleeping these days.

Your sister quit the force.

Now if I only can get her
to quit dating,

I'll be the most relaxed man
in the universe.

Here, daddy. Have some soda.

Soda, Carol? It's 8:00 A.M.

But the sooner
you drink that one,

the sooner you can start
on this one.

Honey, I'm not so sure

this recycling aluminum cans
scheme is the best way

to finance this portrait.

Now let me lend you the money.

Absolutely not, daddy.

I want to do it this way.

I'm helping the environment
and making money.

Besides, you did this
when you were a boy.

Carol, I was nine.
I collected tin cans

because there was a war on.

We all pitched in
to save the world from fascism.

Your face in oils
over the fireplace

doesn't have the same urgency.

Morning, all.

Carol, I'm not thirsty.

So, hey, you got
some more job interviews today?

Yeah, but I don't think
I'm gonna be needing 'em.

I feel really good about
those interviews yesterday.

Barbara, honey,

it's not that simple.

You've only been looking
for one day,

and, well, frankly,
you're not qualified for much.

Here now, I've been circling
the want ads,

and I think I found some very
interesting job offers for you.

Look. Here's one.

Flexible hours
and you get to wear a paper hat.

Thanks, Carol, but I don't
think I really need your help.

Barbara, you really think
the phone is going to ring,

and suddenly someone's going
to offer you a job?

Oh, my god.

Hello?

Yes.

That's great.

Okay, I'll be there tomorrow
at 9:00.

- Well?
- I got the job.

I'm gonna be working
at a real estate office.

That's great. Real estate.

Yeah, they just wanted someone
perky and upbeat

to get the buyers excited and
then turn it over to the agent.

Great,
so the perky, upbeat people

are getting all the good jobs.

What does that leave
for the clinically depressed?

Carol, you have a job.

Anyway, daddy,
it's salary plus commission.

They said I could make
up to $40,000 a year.

Something is very wrong here.

$40,000 a year for perky?

I have a master's degree
in philosophy.

I can prove categorically
why that makes no sense.

That's it. That's it.

I am going to miss bingham
tomorrow,

and I am going to ask
for a raise.

That is how I will pay
for your portrait, daddy.

Honey, don't get upset.

This thing with Barbara
is just a fluke.

Hello?

Yes.

Oh, really?

Well, that's very nice of you,

but I've already accepted
another job.

Daddy, make it stop.

Oh, okay, okay, okay, shh.

How are you, my sweetheart?

Hi.

Oh, miss bingham turned down
your raise.

No, she approved it.

I'm confused.

Daddy, I was a nervous wreck
the whole day

trying to work up the courage
to ask her.

It was so bad
that I finally decided

to forget the whole thing.

But then I walked
into the ladies' room,

and I looked at myself
in the mirror,

and I said, "Carol Weston,
you are a good and loyal"

and hardworking employee,
and you deserve a raise."

Good for you.
And then you marched in

and you told miss bingham?
No, I didn't have to.

As it turned out,
she was in one of the stalls

and said yes.

Well, so far, this sounds good.

Weird but good.

So how much of a raise
did you get?

Well, we went back and forth
on it for a while.

This is what we came up with.

$1.15 an hour.

Well, I mean, that's great,

so what's the problem?

It turns out that, because
we're a state university,

my raise has to be approved
by the Florida legislature.

Your $1.15-an-hour raise

has to be voted on
by the state legislature?

They're attaching it to
a general appropriations bill.

But miss bingham says there's
a good chance that my raise

will get lost
in that whole uproar

over the toxic waste dump.

So I'm afraid, daddy,
that I cannot get you

that portrait for your birthday.

Hi.

Daddy, Carol,
this is my boss cookie.

- Hello.
- Hi. How are you?

We were in the neighborhood,
showing a house,

and I thought we'd stop by
and say hi.

Dr. Weston, you should be
very proud of your daughter.

She has a real knack for sales.

Oh, so my Barbara's doing
very nicely, huh?

Oh, fabulous. If this first week

is any indication,
she'll be doubling her salary

in no time.

If you'll excuse me.

Well, it was very nice
meeting you, Dr. Weston.

And I'll see you tomorrow
at the open house.

Oh, and, Barbara, what's
the best sign you're doing well?

A sold sign.

Good, good, good.

Honey, this job
sounds like a dream.

Oh, daddy, I don't know.

Something doesn't feel right
about it.

Well, come on, I mean,
you know, it's a new job.

There's always that period
of adjustment.

I mean, do you think that, like,
Donald trump liked real estate

right off the bat?

No, it took him
a couple of days too.

There was a tower here,
a Plaza there.

No, I don't think it's that.

When I joined the force,
I loved it...

honey, but, honey, no, see,

you're not thinking
this thing through.

I mean, this real estate job
offers you so much.

And there's gonna be
some real money.

You can pay off your debts.

You can take those skiing trips
you love,

and, I mean, you can buy clothes
anytime you want.

Yeah, that does sound good.

Besides, look how
it's eating up Carol.

Oh, you.

"Oh, you"?
That's what I get is "oh, you"?

As I recall, it's "oh, you" who
signs your checks every week.

Oh, yeah.

That's better.

Oh, Laverne, Laverne, Laverne.

I've got to talk
to you about something

before we get started here
today.

It's about Barbara
and her new job.

I don't think
she's really very happy there,

and when she tried to talk
to me about it,

I kind of cut her off

and steered her
in a different direction.

I see.

I mean, is there anything
wrong with not wanting

to see your daughter shot?

No. I don't think so.

Okay, maybe I did push a little
hard on the real estate job,

but it's only because I have
her best interests at heart,

so the worst I'm guilty of
is wanting the best for her.

Nothing wrong with that.

So I did do the right thing,
right?

I did. I definitely did do
the right thing.

Thanks, Laverne,
I really appreciated

having this little talk.

You know, this reminds me

of the time back home
when old tater Norton

gave up his job at the dairy

to make a living
as a one-man band.

He bought himself
a big bass drum,

a tuba, a washboard,

a couple of cymbals,
and a real fancy synthesizer.

Now what he neglected
to take into account

is he couldn't learn
to play these instruments

simply by eatin' sheet music.

Laverne, what has this got
to do with anything?

Nothing.

But as long as both of us
are running off at the mouth,

I figured at least one of us
ought to be entertainin'.

Charley dietz, room one.

Okay, Charley.

So how'd it go
with your lady last night?

That's pretty clear.

It's my own fault, Harry.

I should never have broke
my rule for this girl.

What rule?

My "never see a woman
more than twice" rule.

Haven't you ever noticed that
about me?

I just always assumed
it was their choice.

Nope.

It's my rule, I broke it,

and somehow I broke myself
in the process.

Wait a minute, Charley.
Let's rewind here for a second.

Now if this is the only woman
you've ever seen

more than twice,
maybe that is somehow related

to your sexual problem.
What do you mean?

I mean that maybe your impotence

comes from your fear
of commitment,

that maybe seeing a woman
more than twice

is somehow frightening to you,

and the form it takes is this.

What?

The pssss.

Oh. Oh. I'm with you.

Oh, sure.

I know exactly what to do.

From now on,
it's just one-night stands.

Thanks, Harry.

No, Charley,
that is not what I'm saying.

Hey, Laverne, I'm cured.

Don't go provin' it to me.

Right, three bedrooms
and a view of the harbor.

Well, think about it
and let me know.

Okay, bye.

Oh, I am... No, I can't...

Um, forget it. Forget it.

It's my father.

Daddy, what are you doing here?

Well, I was having lunch
in the neighborhood.

I thought I'd drop over
and see where it all happens.

Hi, Dr. Weston!

Your daughter just
moved up another notch

on the sales board.

She replaced Andy.

Ooh, I love this.

Barbara Weston, number two.

Another week,
this Kevin's gonna be sulking

like Andy over there.

Daddy, I wish you wouldn't

make such a big deal
out of this.

It's not like selling houses
is that important.

Honey, you're not just
selling houses.

You're selling homes.

Think how important
our home is to us.

Hi, hi, hi!

Brand-new listening
in bal harbor.

Spanish-style, three bedrooms,
lots of amenities.

Alarm system built in.
Alarm system?

Is it armed response?

I don't know. I didn't ask.

Well, that's a much better
selling point

if the alarm is wired
directly to the police

instead of a private
security firm.

I mean, if a perpetrator
were on my property,

I'd want a Miami blue there,

not some weekend rent-a-cop.

There's also berber carpeting

and it's very near a school.

Barbara, dear, I really think
you should call.

Make an appointment.

Okay, I'll...
I'll go down later.

I wouldn't wait too long.

When word of this berber
carpeting gets out,

oh, there's going
to be a free-for-all.

All right, honey, you got
a lot of work to do.

I'll be heading
back to the office.

No, no, daddy, before you go,

I-I want to ask you something.

Sure.

Do you remember when you told me

that it would take a while
for me to adjust to this job

and that I would
grow to like it?

Are you sure?

Honey... Trust me.

Okay, daddy.

I know you'd never
steer me wrong.

Yeah.

Barbara.

Oh, honey, i... something's
been eating away at me all day,

and there's, uh...

I just have to say this to you.

What?

Barbara, I think you, uh...

Should go back
to the police force.

You?

You're saying this?

Daddy, what are you
talking about?

Baby, you cannot stay
in that real estate job.

Why not?

Because it doesn't
matter to you.

Daddy, I had a job
that mattered to me,

and it tore me apart.

That's because you care!

Now, this real estate job
will never hurt you,

but it also will never,
ever fulfill you.

Listen to me.

The reason you left
the police force

is precisely the reason
you have to go back.

You're right.

It is where I belong.

Oh, I told you
you'd never steer me wrong.

That's my girl.
All right, sit down.

Go call your lieutenant,
and before you know it,

you'll be back on the street
in your hooker outfit,

bullets whizzing past your head.

What the hell have I done?

I bet you if we wouldn't
have had this conversation,

I probably would have stayed
at that real estate job forever.

Thanks, daddy.

Well...

That's what I'm here for.

Stupid.

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