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1
00:00:10,975 --> 00:00:13,208
Hey, kid, where you headed?
2
00:00:13,209 --> 00:00:14,179
Home.
3
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:15,461
You want a ride?
4
00:00:15,462 --> 00:00:17,224
I got some comic books.
5
00:00:17,266 --> 00:00:18,847
Um...
6
00:00:19,047 --> 00:00:21,057
- Okay.
- Hop in.
7
00:00:29,148 --> 00:00:30,805
Well, here we are.
8
00:00:30,806 --> 00:00:32,600
Thanks for the ride, mister!
9
00:00:38,974 --> 00:00:42,095
[ Air brake hisses ]
10
00:00:42,502 --> 00:00:44,744
Hey, buddy. Where you headed?
11
00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:45,869
Home.
12
00:00:46,027 --> 00:00:47,262
You want a ride?
13
00:00:47,263 --> 00:00:49,734
I got some pictures of siamese twins.
14
00:00:50,674 --> 00:00:51,750
Okay.
15
00:01:04,287 --> 00:01:06,019
Chris: Eh, boy.
16
00:01:06,417 --> 00:01:08,176
All right, watch your feet... ugh.
17
00:01:08,177 --> 00:01:10,125
- [ Thud ]
- Chris: Ugh!
18
00:01:10,155 --> 00:01:11,685
Brett: Creepy Earl.
19
00:01:11,686 --> 00:01:12,488
Chris: Who's that?
20
00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:15,230
Brett: He was the most
wonderful man I ever knew.
21
00:01:15,719 --> 00:01:19,265
When I was growing up, he would
give us kids rides in his rusty van
22
00:01:19,266 --> 00:01:22,137
and invite us over to pet his rabbits.
23
00:01:22,685 --> 00:01:24,295
Why'd he have to die?
24
00:01:24,528 --> 00:01:28,156
Chris: Well, if I had to guess, I'd say
he got a disease from those rabbits.
25
00:01:28,157 --> 00:01:31,893
In about 24 hours, this town's
gonna be a dust-ridden plague zone.
26
00:01:31,894 --> 00:01:34,091
If we want to die painlessly,
I say we kill ourselves now.
27
00:01:34,092 --> 00:01:35,840
I'll go first. [ Gun cocks ]
28
00:01:35,841 --> 00:01:37,885
Susie: There's a fresh scar
on his abdomen.
29
00:01:38,124 --> 00:01:40,027
Brett: Probably a Chupacabra bite.
30
00:01:40,028 --> 00:01:42,198
Susie: No, I think he was murdered.
31
00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:45,212
- And what is this?
- Chris: Give me that.
32
00:01:47,213 --> 00:01:48,726
"Randal James Barker...
33
00:01:48,727 --> 00:01:50,193
Frank Duggard...
34
00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:52,162
Rudy Jay Jimmerson...
35
00:01:52,163 --> 00:01:53,526
Earl Dandridge...
36
00:01:53,527 --> 00:01:55,851
Neil Phipps."
37
00:02:00,177 --> 00:02:01,401
Susie: Stop.
38
00:02:01,837 --> 00:02:03,802
Chief: These are the town's
biggest creeps...
39
00:02:03,803 --> 00:02:06,426
And the town's stiffest corpses.
40
00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:08,072
Except Neil Phipps.
41
00:02:08,073 --> 00:02:10,198
Susie: Why is someone
murdering creeps?
42
00:02:10,199 --> 00:02:15,745
Chief: A better question is, why is your
hunky-firemen calendar still on April?
43
00:02:15,746 --> 00:02:16,897
Susie: Oh.
44
00:02:19,584 --> 00:02:22,273
Oh, hello, Sam Drake!
45
00:02:22,274 --> 00:02:24,525
He's the hunkiest fireman in town.
46
00:02:24,526 --> 00:02:26,960
Brett: Hunkiest guy in town, period.
47
00:02:26,961 --> 00:02:27,805
Chris: Oh, please.
48
00:02:27,806 --> 00:02:31,712
As Shania Twain so famously said,
"that don't impress a-me much."
49
00:02:31,713 --> 00:02:33,899
Susie: So, you think someone's
gonna try to kill Neil Phipps?
50
00:02:33,900 --> 00:02:34,857
Brett: Is he a creep?
51
00:02:34,858 --> 00:02:38,664
Chief: He's a 46-year-old billionaire
who still lives with his mother.
52
00:02:38,931 --> 00:02:40,228
Chris: All right. [ Sniffs deeply ]
53
00:02:40,229 --> 00:02:41,384
Let's go.
54
00:02:44,453 --> 00:02:46,226
Susie: Hello?!
55
00:02:58,685 --> 00:03:00,029
Chris: [ Clicking tongue ]
56
00:03:00,858 --> 00:03:02,148
All right.
57
00:03:04,407 --> 00:03:06,457
Susie: Namibian red-eyed tarantulas...
58
00:03:06,458 --> 00:03:09,560
The largest and rarest
tarantula in the world.
59
00:03:09,893 --> 00:03:11,594
And the deadliest.
60
00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:14,019
- Chris: Creepy.
- Susie: [ Chuckles ]
61
00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:15,614
They're not creepy.
62
00:03:15,832 --> 00:03:17,748
And neither am I.
63
00:03:19,665 --> 00:03:20,831
What do you want?
64
00:03:21,019 --> 00:03:22,723
Chris: We're U.S. marshals.
65
00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:25,227
And we have reason to believe
that your life may be in danger.
66
00:03:25,228 --> 00:03:26,133
[ Scoffs ]
67
00:03:26,134 --> 00:03:27,282
Well...
68
00:03:27,709 --> 00:03:32,051
When you're the world's most successful
creator of "to-do list" software,
69
00:03:32,052 --> 00:03:34,111
you can expect to make some enemies.
70
00:03:34,112 --> 00:03:36,564
It's a risk I've learned to live with.
71
00:03:36,634 --> 00:03:39,072
Can I offer you some ginger ale?
72
00:03:39,073 --> 00:03:41,956
Chris: I'll take a light beer,
domestic, frosted mug.
73
00:03:41,957 --> 00:03:44,176
Brett: I'll have some lactaid
and sliced banana.
74
00:03:44,177 --> 00:03:45,302
I have ginger ale.
75
00:03:45,303 --> 00:03:46,600
Chris: That'll be fine.
76
00:03:47,848 --> 00:03:49,149
That will be all, mother.
77
00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:54,284
Chris: Well, I got to hand it
to you, Phipps.
78
00:03:54,285 --> 00:03:56,520
You've really got quite a rad pad here.
79
00:03:56,521 --> 00:03:58,173
Yes, I do.
80
00:03:58,175 --> 00:04:02,363
I guess you could say success
was always on my to-do list.
81
00:04:02,364 --> 00:04:04,487
[ Laughs ]
82
00:04:04,488 --> 00:04:06,804
Chris: And it's just you and
the mother who live here?
83
00:04:06,805 --> 00:04:09,884
If you're asking about a
wife, the answer is no.
84
00:04:09,885 --> 00:04:10,930
Chris: Oh.
85
00:04:11,044 --> 00:04:13,048
What about, uh... [Slurps]
86
00:04:13,083 --> 00:04:15,034
- Girlfriends?
- No.
87
00:04:15,554 --> 00:04:18,289
Women never got Neil Phipps.
88
00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:20,412
- Chris: What a shocker.
- [ Cellphone rings ]
89
00:04:20,421 --> 00:04:21,477
Susie: Hello?
90
00:04:22,919 --> 00:04:25,003
Really? Okay.
91
00:04:25,553 --> 00:04:26,461
Goodbye.
92
00:04:26,462 --> 00:04:27,539
[ Beep ]
93
00:04:27,673 --> 00:04:29,117
They found another dead creep.
94
00:04:29,118 --> 00:04:29,960
What's going on?
95
00:04:29,961 --> 00:04:31,734
Chris: Eh, somebody's offing creeps.
96
00:04:31,735 --> 00:04:33,321
We thought you were
gonna be his next target.
97
00:04:33,322 --> 00:04:36,649
Why does everyone think I'm a creep?!
98
00:04:36,650 --> 00:04:39,321
Chris: Well, it's probably because of
the way you are and the things you do.
99
00:04:39,322 --> 00:04:42,101
Finish your ginger ale and get out!
100
00:04:42,276 --> 00:04:43,741
Chris: [ Slurps ]
101
00:04:43,985 --> 00:04:46,756
[ Gargling ]
102
00:04:47,153 --> 00:04:50,336
Well, I guess we should have
a look at that creep's corpse.
103
00:04:50,337 --> 00:04:52,984
What do you say we go hang
around the ladies' changing rooms
104
00:04:52,985 --> 00:04:55,149
at T.J. Maxx for a while
and then go to the morgue?
105
00:04:55,150 --> 00:04:56,150
Brett: Roger that.
106
00:04:56,151 --> 00:04:57,309
Susie: What?
107
00:04:57,799 --> 00:04:58,875
Uh, you guys go ahead.
108
00:04:58,876 --> 00:05:00,841
I'm just gonna check
some things out here.
109
00:05:02,291 --> 00:05:03,779
[ Sighs ]
110
00:05:10,570 --> 00:05:11,722
[ Door closes ]
111
00:05:19,039 --> 00:05:23,338
[ Liquid bubbling ]
112
00:05:27,791 --> 00:05:29,345
[ Gasps ]
113
00:05:29,346 --> 00:05:30,977
Help me!
114
00:05:30,978 --> 00:05:33,014
Susie: Get off of me, you creep!
115
00:05:34,431 --> 00:05:36,759
He was cut open in the
same place as the others.
116
00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:39,087
It turns out they were all
missing their gallbladders.
117
00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:40,166
Chris: Who cares?
118
00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:41,388
Well, it was recently discovered
119
00:05:41,389 --> 00:05:46,227
that the gallbladder secretes a
chemical called Rux-40, or creepatin.
120
00:05:46,228 --> 00:05:48,376
This guy's creepatin levels
should have been off the charts,
121
00:05:48,377 --> 00:05:50,639
but there was none found in his body.
122
00:05:51,669 --> 00:05:53,265
Chris: Let me see that.
123
00:05:53,416 --> 00:05:54,441
[ Inhales deeply ]
124
00:05:54,442 --> 00:05:56,563
Uh. Oh, geez.
125
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,054
[ Grumbles ]
126
00:05:58,384 --> 00:05:59,601
[ Snorts ]
127
00:06:00,169 --> 00:06:01,477
Oh, that's much better.
128
00:06:01,478 --> 00:06:03,180
All right, um...
129
00:06:03,749 --> 00:06:05,402
Let me get a look at his penis.
130
00:06:05,403 --> 00:06:06,836
Excuse me?
131
00:06:06,952 --> 00:06:09,481
Brett: Yeah, I'd like to see
his penis, too, please.
132
00:06:09,855 --> 00:06:11,182
Oh, my God.
133
00:06:12,001 --> 00:06:13,791
You guys are creeps.
134
00:06:13,792 --> 00:06:17,371
[ Clicking throat ]
135
00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:19,587
Susie: Damn it, Chris. Where are you?
136
00:06:20,107 --> 00:06:21,298
[ Scoffs ]
137
00:06:24,545 --> 00:06:25,650
Ohh.
138
00:06:25,748 --> 00:06:27,338
Creepy.
139
00:06:27,924 --> 00:06:29,861
Oh, my...God.
140
00:06:33,846 --> 00:06:37,668
[ Dance music plays ]
141
00:06:37,669 --> 00:06:39,368
Sam Drake?
142
00:06:40,154 --> 00:06:42,528
He's the hunkiest fireman in town.
143
00:06:42,529 --> 00:06:45,338
Brett: Hunkiest guy in town, period.
144
00:06:45,442 --> 00:06:47,110
You can call me Samuel.
145
00:06:47,635 --> 00:06:49,104
Can I call you Samuel?
146
00:06:50,941 --> 00:06:52,199
Susie: [ Groans ]
147
00:06:52,671 --> 00:06:55,118
[ Dance music continues ]
148
00:07:07,769 --> 00:07:09,145
- Chief: Susie.
- Susie: [ Gasps ]
149
00:07:09,146 --> 00:07:11,469
Chief: [ Echoing ] Give us a hug.
150
00:07:11,612 --> 00:07:12,783
Susie: [ Gasps ]
151
00:07:14,395 --> 00:07:16,095
Chief: What, are you too good for me?!
152
00:07:16,988 --> 00:07:18,744
Susie: Can you tell me what this is?
153
00:07:18,917 --> 00:07:21,195
It's a male hormone
that produces creepiness.
154
00:07:21,196 --> 00:07:23,614
Susie: What could someone do
with gallons of this stuff?
155
00:07:23,615 --> 00:07:28,712
They could poison the water supply,
turn every man in this town into a creep.
156
00:07:28,739 --> 00:07:32,472
- Susie: Where did Chris and Brett go?
- Ohh, I kicked those two creeps out.
157
00:07:32,473 --> 00:07:33,861
Susie: They're creeps?
158
00:07:34,691 --> 00:07:37,766
Phipps must have slipped some
creepatin into our drinks.
159
00:07:38,630 --> 00:07:42,053
Chris: Ooh, yeah, that's it, baby.
Dust that shelf.
160
00:07:42,054 --> 00:07:43,932
Ooh, yeah. Ooh!
161
00:07:43,933 --> 00:07:45,727
Move them tchotchkes around.
162
00:07:45,728 --> 00:07:46,913
That's the way I like it.
163
00:07:46,914 --> 00:07:48,974
Hey! Where do you think you're going?
164
00:07:48,975 --> 00:07:52,066
You think you're too good
for me, miss Hoity-Toity?
165
00:07:52,067 --> 00:07:53,160
- Get back here!
- Susie: Chris!
166
00:07:53,161 --> 00:07:54,224
Chris: What?!
167
00:07:54,225 --> 00:07:55,841
Susie: Here. Drink this.
168
00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:56,954
Chris: All right.
169
00:08:02,222 --> 00:08:04,820
Susie: Do you want to go to the
laundromat and steal women's panties?
170
00:08:05,028 --> 00:08:07,275
Chris: No. Of course not.
171
00:08:07,276 --> 00:08:09,066
Whose glasses are these?
172
00:08:09,067 --> 00:08:10,466
Susie: Now, where's Brett?
173
00:08:10,467 --> 00:08:12,478
Chris: He moved in to his
mother's house.
174
00:08:12,507 --> 00:08:13,925
Susie: We better hurry.
175
00:08:13,930 --> 00:08:15,504
[ Doorbell rings ]
176
00:08:15,999 --> 00:08:16,820
Hi!
177
00:08:16,821 --> 00:08:19,291
Brett! Your friends are here.
178
00:08:19,648 --> 00:08:21,351
Brett: Hey, guys. You're just in time.
179
00:08:21,352 --> 00:08:24,428
Ma and I were just about to try
on old Halloween costumes.
180
00:08:24,429 --> 00:08:27,543
Susie: Here. Drink this.
It's the antidote to the creepatin.
181
00:08:27,544 --> 00:08:29,747
Phipps put it in our
ginger ale last night.
182
00:08:29,748 --> 00:08:31,820
He's gonna poison the whole town
with it and turn all the men
183
00:08:31,821 --> 00:08:33,958
into creeps so he can get all the women.
184
00:08:34,163 --> 00:08:37,478
Well, a woman, at least.
185
00:08:37,479 --> 00:08:39,446
Brett: Wow. That guy's smart.
186
00:08:39,447 --> 00:08:41,443
But I didn't drink
any of the ginger ale.
187
00:08:41,444 --> 00:08:42,895
I hate ginger ale.
188
00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:44,850
He never drank ginger ale!
189
00:08:44,851 --> 00:08:46,509
Brett: Lay off me, ma!
190
00:08:46,510 --> 00:08:48,124
Which is why...
191
00:08:48,125 --> 00:08:49,435
[ Women giggling ]
192
00:08:49,436 --> 00:08:52,215
This dragon is fighting this dragon.
193
00:08:52,216 --> 00:08:53,729
[ Women giggling ]
194
00:08:53,730 --> 00:08:54,632
Susie: Neil Phipps!
195
00:08:54,633 --> 00:08:58,072
You're under arrest on four
counts of first-degree creepicide.
196
00:08:58,073 --> 00:08:59,655
Chris: You added your
name to the murder list
197
00:08:59,656 --> 00:09:01,760
so that we'd think you'd
be one of the victims.
198
00:09:01,761 --> 00:09:03,072
Very ingenious.
199
00:09:03,073 --> 00:09:05,028
You got me all wrong, Monsanto.
200
00:09:05,029 --> 00:09:10,070
I was simply autographing what I consider
my most masterful to-do list yet.
201
00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:15,305
Now, if you'll excuse me, these fine
ladies are on my other to-do list.
202
00:09:15,306 --> 00:09:17,526
And by "do," I mean do.
203
00:09:17,527 --> 00:09:18,432
[ Laughs ]
204
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:20,479
Susie: You girls aren't
attracted to him, are you?
205
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:25,132
Hey, compared to the creeps in
this town, this guy's John Stamos.
206
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,767
Susie: Neil Phipps is no John Stamos.
207
00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:31,893
I am so John Stamos!
208
00:09:31,894 --> 00:09:33,232
Attack!
209
00:09:34,856 --> 00:09:37,291
Brett: Whoa. Hey. Hey, no.
210
00:09:41,702 --> 00:09:43,428
- [ Laughs ]
- [ Thud ]
211
00:09:45,476 --> 00:09:46,648
Oh!
212
00:09:46,686 --> 00:09:49,832
Susie: Here's one last thing to
put on your to-do list, Phipps...
213
00:09:49,833 --> 00:09:51,162
"Die."
214
00:09:51,411 --> 00:09:52,692
[ Glass shatters ]
215
00:09:55,778 --> 00:09:57,017
Yes!
216
00:09:57,364 --> 00:09:59,549
Bite me, my children!
217
00:10:00,318 --> 00:10:02,444
Bite me!
218
00:10:03,442 --> 00:10:05,375
I'm coming, Jacko!
219
00:10:05,376 --> 00:10:07,827
[ Laughing ] I'm coming!
220
00:10:07,886 --> 00:10:09,364
- [ Crunch ]
- Ohh!
221
00:10:10,076 --> 00:10:11,447
Susie: Samuel, hi.
222
00:10:11,448 --> 00:10:16,015
I brought the antidote to the creepatin
so you don't have to be a creep anymore.
223
00:10:16,854 --> 00:10:19,400
No, thanks. I think I'm
going to stay a creep.
224
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:24,649
I'm going over to the high school to
watch the girls soccer team practice.
225
00:10:25,339 --> 00:10:26,604
See you around.
226
00:10:36,356 --> 00:10:38,539
- [ Van door closes ]
- Susie: Goodbye, Sam Drake.
227
00:10:38,540 --> 00:10:41,079
[ Engine turns over ]
228
00:10:45,508 --> 00:10:51,504
Synch by Benfo.
www.addic7ed.com
229
00:10:51,554 --> 00:10:56,104
Repair and Synchronization by
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