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(Patriotic music)
2
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So Meigs gives the order
to bury the dead
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on Robert E. Lee's property.
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(Burps)
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Oh, boy.
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We're gonna go kidnap
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Abraham Lincoln's dead-ass body.
8
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Is somebody having sex next to us?
9
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Elmer McCurdy gets shot
in the chest... (blows raspberry)
10
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and becomes the bandit
who wouldn't give up.
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Oh...
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??
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= synced and corrected by Shahrazade =
... www.addic7ed.com ...
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(Gospel music)
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??
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Here we are.
17
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All right.
18
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Berg, we're still alive. Let's do this.
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God, I spilled all over my crotch.
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Christ.
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Bourbon balls now.
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(Slurps)
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Hello, my name is Steve Berg,
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and today we're gonna be
discussing General Meigs...
25
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And the cemetery revenge.
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Okay.
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Let's take this back to 1837
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on the Harbor of St. Louis.
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Montgomery Meigs entered
30
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the United States Engineering Corps,
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and one of the first gigs
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was shadowing this big deal dude
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named Robert E. Lee,
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and Meigs is like, Oh, Robert E. Lee
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is, like, kind of the cool quarterback.
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He's, like, the dude.
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He's handsome, he's a leader of men,
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and he is the ideal of what
a Christian man should be.
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And they worked together
the whole summer,
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and they became tight,
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like a tight-knit crew.
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So in mid-May of 1861,
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- the Civil "Ware"... the Civil War...
- (Laughs)
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Was about to go down.
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When Robert E. Lee says,
fuck you, Union arm...
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Union army, I'm going down to be the guy
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behind the guys of the Confederate army.
48
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I'm gonna go help out
a bunch of rednecks
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00:02:05,383 --> 00:02:06,985
who love slavery
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and help them do... do
a bunch of cool shit
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that he thought was cool.
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I don't think it's cool.
53
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- Okay.
- So...
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Montgomery Meigs gets so pissed off.
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He's like, A guy I looked up to,
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the guy who I modeled myself after,
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turned out to be one
of the biggest traitors
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since Benedict Arnold,
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and now I'm fighting against him?
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(Dramatic music)
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Game on, brother.
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Game on.
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So at this time at the Lee estate,
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Mary Lee, wife of Robert E. Lee,
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was walking around her
beautiful rose garden.
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She was like, This is my joint.
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This is my... this is my thing.
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This is my thing.
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This is my thing I love.
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I love this environment.
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As far as the who, what, and where,
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this is the "where" I want to be.
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The "who" and the "what,"
that's gonna come later.
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(Sniffs)
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And Robert E. Lee is
like, Look, Mary, babe,
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there's gonna be bloodshed,
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brother upon brother type of shit,
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so I'm gonna need you to wrap it all up
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and get the hell out of there.
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00:03:11,349 --> 00:03:14,953
So Montgomery Meigs gets
made quartermaster general.
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He takes his soldiers over the Potomac,
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and they occupy the Lee residence
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and make it kind of the
HQ of the Union army,
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and he's like, Yeah, I'll
fucking nail this job,
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especially now that I'm so pissed off
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at my mentor, fucking Robert.
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(Hiccups)
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So in 1864, General... (hiccups)
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Oh, boy.
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General Robert... (hiccups)
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Oh, my God.
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I love you, Steve.
93
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So go ahead. So General Lee...
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And Ulysses... (hiccups)
95
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Ulysses S. Grant
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begin their 40-day bloodbath massacre.
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82,000 people are killed in one month.
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Montgomery Meigs had to deal with
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all the incoming Union dead soldiers,
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so every soldier he has to bury
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makes him angrier and
angrier at Robert Lee.
102
00:04:10,140 --> 00:04:11,842
And all of a sudden out of nowhere,
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he gets the dead body of his son.
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(Somber music)
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So Meigs has to bury him.
106
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And Meigs is like...
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(Mumbles)
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Should never have to see your...
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child go before you.
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So Meigs, like a quasi-madman,
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says, I want to make
sure that Robert E. Lee
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can never come back,
and that if he does,
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he sleeps among Union ghosts.
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00:04:38,436 --> 00:04:39,436
Capisce?
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Haunting you, Robert E. Lee.
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Meigs gives the order to his soldiers
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to start burying the
dead on Lee's property,
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and Meigs is so excited about this.
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He's like, get those dudes
around the house, man,
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around the porch, and dig a giant pit
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right under Mary Lee's
beloved rose garden.
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Sweet.
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That's what we're doing.
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That is the whole point
of this situation,
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00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:06,498
to fuck their house.
126
00:05:06,530 --> 00:05:08,400
It's a zombie playground.
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00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,302
(Hiccups) It's dark.
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(Burps)
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So the Civil War officially ends,
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and Robert E. Lee and Mary Lee
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00:05:23,214 --> 00:05:25,817
find that their precious
land that they loved so much
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had been turned into a graveyard.
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(Dramatic music)
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And they're like, Are you kidding me?
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This guy.
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Okay, fine.
137
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Cool.
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00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:39,764
(Sighs)
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00:05:39,796 --> 00:05:40,796
Fine.
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00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:44,083
And do you know what that place became?
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It became the Arlington
National Cemetery.
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Really?
143
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And Mary Lee's precious rose garden
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became the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.
145
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??
146
00:05:56,948 --> 00:05:58,183
How about that?
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Wow.
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Arlington National Cemetery,
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00:06:02,753 --> 00:06:04,503
the heartbeat of America.
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00:06:05,322 --> 00:06:06,291
(Sniffs)
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00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:07,524
The heartbeat?
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00:06:08,608 --> 00:06:10,210
That is weird, because there is
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literally no heartbeats there.
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(Both laughing)
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Please let that be it.
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Bergie, great job.
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Thanks, man.
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Arlington National Cemetery.
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It's quite a tale.
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Will you teach me some
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of your language?
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Yeah. Okay.
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00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,369
_
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"Drunk History" with Derek Waters.
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(Incoherent speech)
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Derek Waters. (Laughs)
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You tried.
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00:06:39,841 --> 00:06:42,110
I feel like my voice was offensive.
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00:06:42,142 --> 00:06:43,877
(Chuckles) Just don't say anything.
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Okay.
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I get that note a lot.
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Okay, okay.
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(Speaking Mandarin)
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"Drunk History"
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with Derek Waters.
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(Hip hop music)
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Mm.
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00:06:53,988 --> 00:06:55,457
??
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00:06:55,490 --> 00:06:56,607
That's... (Chuckles)
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What?
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(Exhales)
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Hello. My name is Jimmy O. Yang,
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00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:04,833
and today we're gonna
talk about the kidnapping
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of Lincoln's body.
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Mm.
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00:07:08,003 --> 00:07:08,971
(Chuckles)
187
00:07:09,003 --> 00:07:10,638
That makes you thirsty, huh?
188
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The story began in 19...
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00:07:15,376 --> 00:07:16,544
no, wait.
190
00:07:16,578 --> 00:07:20,035
1875, uh, in Chicago.
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00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:22,668
This dude, Big Jim Kennally,
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had, like, the best counterfeiting ring
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in Chicago.
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But the real man behind the scene
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was this guy named Boyd.
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He was the guy that made the best press,
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and his fake bills were so good
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that people would look
at it and be like,
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00:07:35,380 --> 00:07:38,050
Yeah, it looks like real money to me.
200
00:07:38,082 --> 00:07:39,817
But it's not. (Laughs)
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So...
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So they were making so much money
203
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that the Fed finally
caught up with them,
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and then Boyd took the heat.
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And he went to jail.
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00:07:48,125 --> 00:07:49,594
And now Big Jim is like,
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Shit.
208
00:07:50,995 --> 00:07:52,865
I just lost my guy.
209
00:07:52,897 --> 00:07:55,166
I don't have my cash flow anymore.
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What can I do about this?
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So he went to the saloon
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that he owned called The Hub,
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00:08:01,505 --> 00:08:03,308
and he talked to a couple of his goons
214
00:08:03,341 --> 00:08:06,111
called Mullen and Hughes.
215
00:08:06,144 --> 00:08:07,546
And he's like, Guys,
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00:08:07,579 --> 00:08:09,281
we're gonna go kidnap
217
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Abraham Lincoln's dead-ass body.
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Wow.
219
00:08:13,217 --> 00:08:14,185
And we're gonna...
220
00:08:14,219 --> 00:08:15,620
hold it for ransom
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for Boyd's release from prison.
222
00:08:18,824 --> 00:08:21,827
And 200 grand.
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00:08:22,392 --> 00:08:23,127
Boom.
224
00:08:23,161 --> 00:08:24,997
And then his buddies Mullen and Hughes
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00:08:25,030 --> 00:08:27,599
were like, Big Jim at it again
226
00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:29,301
with the great ideas.
227
00:08:29,334 --> 00:08:32,003
And in the midst of that conversation,
228
00:08:32,036 --> 00:08:34,406
this other guy
named Lewis Swegles
229
00:08:34,439 --> 00:08:35,908
came up to them and was like, Hey, guys.
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00:08:35,940 --> 00:08:37,442
You guys talking about stealing
231
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:38,876
Lincoln's body?
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00:08:38,910 --> 00:08:41,714
'Cause, um, I don't mean to brag, but...
233
00:08:41,747 --> 00:08:43,681
I am the boss
234
00:08:43,714 --> 00:08:45,316
of body-snatching.
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00:08:45,349 --> 00:08:46,752
So then Mullen and Hughes was like,
236
00:08:46,785 --> 00:08:48,320
Whoa.
237
00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:49,722
Swegles,
238
00:08:49,754 --> 00:08:51,889
you seem like a legit guy.
239
00:08:51,922 --> 00:08:54,125
Come on in in our crew.
240
00:08:54,158 --> 00:08:56,661
And now Hughes, Mullen, and Swegles
241
00:08:56,695 --> 00:08:58,530
are now in the kidnapping crew
242
00:08:58,562 --> 00:09:00,298
of Lincoln's dead body.
243
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:02,767
But little did Hughes and Mullen know
244
00:09:02,801 --> 00:09:04,603
that Swegles was actually
245
00:09:04,636 --> 00:09:07,473
an informant for the new agency
246
00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:09,742
called the Secret Service.
247
00:09:09,775 --> 00:09:11,677
So he went back to the head
248
00:09:11,709 --> 00:09:13,478
of the Secret Service Agency,
249
00:09:13,512 --> 00:09:15,613
Patrick Tyrrell,
250
00:09:15,647 --> 00:09:18,382
who was from the Tyrell
family of "Game of Thrones."
251
00:09:18,416 --> 00:09:20,585
(Laughs)
252
00:09:22,253 --> 00:09:24,055
Do you ever go outside?
253
00:09:24,089 --> 00:09:25,123
Not really.
254
00:09:25,156 --> 00:09:27,459
Mostly video games
and "Game of Thrones."
255
00:09:27,492 --> 00:09:29,462
(Both laughing)
256
00:09:30,544 --> 00:09:31,497
Okay.
257
00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:34,266
So Swegles... he's like, Yo, Pat,
258
00:09:34,299 --> 00:09:35,901
I got a scoop for you.
259
00:09:35,934 --> 00:09:37,703
These guys are planning to kill
260
00:09:37,735 --> 00:09:39,170
your dead president.
261
00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:41,406
Well, you can't kill a dea... I'm sorry.
262
00:09:41,439 --> 00:09:43,474
These guys are
plotting... (chuckles)
263
00:09:43,507 --> 00:09:45,676
To kidnap your dead president.
264
00:09:45,709 --> 00:09:46,811
(Burps)
265
00:09:48,180 --> 00:09:50,512
You should go catch
their ass red-handed.
266
00:09:50,542 --> 00:09:52,483
So Patrick Tyrrell,
267
00:09:52,517 --> 00:09:53,786
he was super down with this.
268
00:09:53,819 --> 00:09:54,853
He was like, Yes!
269
00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:56,188
This is it.
270
00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:58,322
If we protect the dead president,
271
00:09:58,355 --> 00:10:00,725
that means we're protecting
the live president.
272
00:10:00,758 --> 00:10:02,594
This the publicity we need
273
00:10:02,627 --> 00:10:04,363
to cement ourselves
274
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:06,365
as the goddamn Secret Service
275
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,767
of the United States of America.
276
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,636
(Dramatic music)
277
00:10:10,669 --> 00:10:12,871
So Hughes, Mullen, and Swegles
278
00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:14,806
went to the grave that night.
279
00:10:14,839 --> 00:10:16,541
And the Secret Service
guys were all camped out
280
00:10:16,575 --> 00:10:17,943
around the graveyard
281
00:10:17,975 --> 00:10:20,378
to try to catch these guys red-handed.
282
00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:23,214
And then when the three
guys got to Lincoln's grave
283
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:24,416
they're like, whoa...
284
00:10:24,449 --> 00:10:26,084
??
285
00:10:26,117 --> 00:10:29,353
I guess this is how, like,
rich people bury themselves.
286
00:10:29,387 --> 00:10:31,022
It's a mausoleum,
287
00:10:31,055 --> 00:10:32,456
a sarcophagus,
288
00:10:32,489 --> 00:10:34,258
and then a coffin.
289
00:10:34,291 --> 00:10:35,893
Oh, shit. What should we do?
290
00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:37,495
So Mullen took out his axe,
291
00:10:37,528 --> 00:10:39,597
and he was like, I'm
just gonna bash this shit
292
00:10:39,631 --> 00:10:41,003
and take Lincoln's body.
293
00:10:41,033 --> 00:10:42,147
And then Swegles, obviously,
294
00:10:42,177 --> 00:10:43,936
he didn't want to damage Lincoln's body.
295
00:10:43,969 --> 00:10:45,304
He was like, whoa, whoa, guys.
296
00:10:45,336 --> 00:10:47,205
You can't... you can't do that, dude.
297
00:10:47,238 --> 00:10:49,575
You know, that's gonna alert...
298
00:10:49,608 --> 00:10:51,510
uh, the graveyard owner,
299
00:10:51,542 --> 00:10:53,445
and we'll have less time to run.
300
00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:54,445
And then Mullen's like,
301
00:10:54,478 --> 00:10:55,446
You know what?
302
00:10:55,479 --> 00:10:56,447
You're right.
303
00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,282
We're gonna do this...
304
00:10:58,315 --> 00:11:00,853
slightly more...
305
00:11:00,886 --> 00:11:01,553
What's the word?
306
00:11:01,585 --> 00:11:02,553
Like, sophisticated?
307
00:11:02,586 --> 00:11:03,688
Slightly more...
308
00:11:03,722 --> 00:11:04,489
So sophis...
309
00:11:04,522 --> 00:11:05,136
Oh, yeah, yeah.
310
00:11:05,166 --> 00:11:06,062
You know what? You're right.
311
00:11:06,092 --> 00:11:08,226
We're gonna do this with
a little more finesse.
312
00:11:08,893 --> 00:11:11,095
So then Mullen
313
00:11:11,128 --> 00:11:12,998
picked the padlock.
314
00:11:13,868 --> 00:11:14,701
Right.
315
00:11:14,731 --> 00:11:15,669
And then they got in the grave.
316
00:11:15,699 --> 00:11:17,602
They're like, Okay. (Burps)
317
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,471
Let's, uh, try to lift it,
318
00:11:19,504 --> 00:11:21,073
and then we just take the whole thing.
319
00:11:21,106 --> 00:11:22,974
??
320
00:11:23,006 --> 00:11:24,409
And then they realized
321
00:11:24,442 --> 00:11:26,912
they're all too weak to
lift the sarcophagus.
322
00:11:26,944 --> 00:11:28,279
So they're like, Shit.
323
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,381
We really...
324
00:11:30,414 --> 00:11:31,719
were unprepared.
325
00:11:32,449 --> 00:11:33,417
So Swegles is like, all right,
326
00:11:33,451 --> 00:11:34,486
you know what, boys?
327
00:11:34,516 --> 00:11:35,957
You know, I'm just gonna go outside,
328
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,556
smoke a cigarette, and think about this.
329
00:11:37,588 --> 00:11:38,593
(Faint shrieking)
330
00:11:38,623 --> 00:11:40,826
Is somebody having sex next to us?
331
00:11:40,859 --> 00:11:42,360
Uh, it's definitely an animal.
332
00:11:42,393 --> 00:11:43,662
I don't think it's sex.
333
00:11:43,695 --> 00:11:44,463
It's an animal?
334
00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:45,530
I think it's a coyote or a dog.
335
00:11:45,563 --> 00:11:46,898
(Faint shrieking)
336
00:11:46,931 --> 00:11:48,933
That's a sexy-ass coyote.
337
00:11:49,136 --> 00:11:51,804
So Swegles used this opportunity
338
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,871
to signal Patrick Tyrrell
339
00:11:53,904 --> 00:11:56,240
and the Secret Service guys.
340
00:11:56,273 --> 00:11:59,010
So they all, like, tippy-toed in there.
341
00:11:59,043 --> 00:12:00,845
But then this guy, George Hay,
342
00:12:00,878 --> 00:12:02,513
was so stoked and nervous,
343
00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:04,582
he fired his firearm on accident.
344
00:12:04,615 --> 00:12:05,750
(Imitates gunshot)
345
00:12:05,783 --> 00:12:06,918
Whoops.
346
00:12:06,951 --> 00:12:08,986
And everybody freaked out.
347
00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:10,688
So Hughes and Mullen say, ah, shit.
348
00:12:10,721 --> 00:12:12,290
We got to get out of here.
349
00:12:12,324 --> 00:12:13,826
And all the Secret Service agents
350
00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:14,993
start, like, firing in the dark.
351
00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:16,361
They're like, boom.
352
00:12:16,393 --> 00:12:18,696
Man, this is fucking bullshit, dawg.
353
00:12:18,729 --> 00:12:20,632
So by the time they
got to the mausoleum,
354
00:12:20,665 --> 00:12:23,468
Mullen and Hughes has gotten away.
355
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:25,102
So it was a huge mess and the...
356
00:12:25,135 --> 00:12:26,103
Secret Service guys are like,
357
00:12:26,137 --> 00:12:27,272
Ah, shit.
358
00:12:27,305 --> 00:12:29,041
We really fucked this one up.
359
00:12:29,074 --> 00:12:30,742
So Hughes and Mullen,
360
00:12:30,774 --> 00:12:32,845
they didn't know it
was the Secret Service.
361
00:12:32,878 --> 00:12:34,278
They just thought it was
362
00:12:34,311 --> 00:12:37,181
some random dudes'
shoot-out at a graveyard.
363
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:39,585
So they just went back to The Hub.
364
00:12:39,618 --> 00:12:41,186
And they're just chilling.
365
00:12:41,219 --> 00:12:42,487
And then the Secret Service
366
00:12:42,519 --> 00:12:43,922
fucking bust into the bar
367
00:12:43,955 --> 00:12:44,956
and catch up with them.
368
00:12:44,989 --> 00:12:46,591
So they're all patting
369
00:12:46,624 --> 00:12:47,658
each other's backs.
370
00:12:47,691 --> 00:12:48,893
They're like, we finally got
371
00:12:48,927 --> 00:12:50,361
these fucking assholes,
372
00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:51,362
you know.
373
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,165
This is the establishment
374
00:12:53,197 --> 00:12:55,032
of the Secret Service.
375
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,667
We're gonna protect presidents,
376
00:12:56,701 --> 00:12:58,003
dead or alive,
377
00:12:58,036 --> 00:12:59,037
for now...
378
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,305
??
379
00:13:00,337 --> 00:13:01,906
To eternity.
380
00:13:01,940 --> 00:13:05,109
??
381
00:13:05,143 --> 00:13:06,345
So in the end,
382
00:13:06,378 --> 00:13:08,446
to quote my grandfather...
383
00:13:10,507 --> 00:13:12,410
_
384
00:13:12,683 --> 00:13:15,453
Up, up, down, down, B,
A, B, A, select, start.
385
00:13:15,486 --> 00:13:16,788
S�, se�or.
386
00:13:17,354 --> 00:13:20,658
(Video game music)
387
00:13:22,793 --> 00:13:24,028
Hello, I'm JD Ryznar.
388
00:13:24,061 --> 00:13:26,130
Today I'm going to tell you the story
389
00:13:26,163 --> 00:13:27,431
of Elmer McCurdy,
390
00:13:27,465 --> 00:13:29,500
the bandit who wouldn't give up.
391
00:13:31,069 --> 00:13:32,771
(Slurps)
392
00:13:36,041 --> 00:13:37,109
Boy...
393
00:13:37,142 --> 00:13:38,793
So where does our story begin?
394
00:13:38,823 --> 00:13:39,646
This is gonna be great.
395
00:13:39,676 --> 00:13:41,545
You guys, you're gonna nail this, okay?
396
00:13:41,578 --> 00:13:42,213
I'm gonna go...
397
00:13:42,247 --> 00:13:43,214
(Imitating whooshing)
398
00:13:43,247 --> 00:13:44,415
And when I pull this back,
399
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:45,469
it's gonna be the past.
400
00:13:45,499 --> 00:13:46,395
It's gonna be 1911.
401
00:13:46,425 --> 00:13:47,425
Ready?
402
00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:49,521
Whoosh.
403
00:13:49,554 --> 00:13:53,357
1911 in Pawhuska, Oklahoma.
404
00:13:53,391 --> 00:13:54,825
Elmer McCurdy
405
00:13:54,858 --> 00:13:56,694
wanted to be a famous outlaw
406
00:13:56,727 --> 00:13:59,530
like Bill Doolin of the Wild Bunch.
407
00:13:59,564 --> 00:14:01,266
He was like, Ah, the Wild Bunch.
408
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:04,236
They did so many cool
robberies in the 1800s,
409
00:14:04,269 --> 00:14:08,373
and they were the sweetest
outlaws you could think of.
410
00:14:08,405 --> 00:14:10,308
That's who I'm gonna be.
411
00:14:10,341 --> 00:14:13,378
Let's find some crimes for me to do.
412
00:14:13,410 --> 00:14:14,945
So he decided
413
00:14:14,978 --> 00:14:16,814
to rob trains.
414
00:14:16,848 --> 00:14:18,817
So he robs everybody in the train
415
00:14:18,849 --> 00:14:20,351
and hides out.
416
00:14:20,385 --> 00:14:22,420
But then the police show up,
417
00:14:22,453 --> 00:14:24,222
and say, Hey, Elmer McCurdy,
418
00:14:24,255 --> 00:14:26,891
we see you, and we're gonna
have a shoot-out with you now.
419
00:14:26,925 --> 00:14:28,526
And he's like, All right.
420
00:14:28,559 --> 00:14:29,994
(Imitates gunshots)
421
00:14:30,027 --> 00:14:31,495
And the cops are like...
422
00:14:31,529 --> 00:14:32,764
(Imitates gunshots)
423
00:14:32,796 --> 00:14:33,764
And he's like...
424
00:14:33,798 --> 00:14:35,567
(Imitates gunshots)
425
00:14:35,599 --> 00:14:37,134
Elmer McCurdy gets shot in the chest.
426
00:14:37,168 --> 00:14:38,503
(Blows raspberry)
427
00:14:38,535 --> 00:14:39,838
And as he's dying, he goes,
428
00:14:39,871 --> 00:14:42,574
Heh, heh, heh, heh, you just watch.
429
00:14:42,607 --> 00:14:46,077
I'm the bandit who will
430
00:14:46,109 --> 00:14:49,180
never give up.
431
00:14:49,213 --> 00:14:50,281
And he dies.
432
00:14:50,314 --> 00:14:51,715
Mm.
433
00:14:51,748 --> 00:14:53,884
And they just take
him to the funeral home.
434
00:14:53,918 --> 00:14:56,221
And Joseph Johnson,
the funeral director,
435
00:14:56,253 --> 00:14:58,956
was like, Got an outlaw here.
436
00:14:58,990 --> 00:15:00,425
It's 1911.
437
00:15:00,458 --> 00:15:02,827
People love outlaws.
438
00:15:02,859 --> 00:15:05,329
So I'm gonna embalm this piece of shit.
439
00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:07,732
Okay, so Joseph Johnson sets him up
440
00:15:07,765 --> 00:15:09,867
in the back of his funeral home.
441
00:15:09,901 --> 00:15:11,368
And he says to people,
442
00:15:11,401 --> 00:15:13,237
Hey, everybody,
443
00:15:13,271 --> 00:15:15,607
who wants to see a dead outlaw?
444
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:17,842
You put a nickel in the
dead outlaw's mouth,
445
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:18,877
you can look at him.
446
00:15:18,910 --> 00:15:20,444
So people just coming back
447
00:15:20,477 --> 00:15:21,813
to the back of his funeral home
448
00:15:21,846 --> 00:15:23,848
and going like, Whoa.
449
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:25,817
It's a dead outlaw.
450
00:15:25,849 --> 00:15:27,752
I'm putting this nickel
right in his mouth.
451
00:15:27,785 --> 00:15:29,286
(Parlor music)
452
00:15:29,319 --> 00:15:30,955
Best nickel I ever spent.
453
00:15:30,988 --> 00:15:32,857
??
454
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,693
The funeral director had Elmer McCurdy
455
00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:36,094
in the back of his funeral parlor
456
00:15:36,127 --> 00:15:37,395
for five years,
457
00:15:37,428 --> 00:15:39,965
just making nickels hand over fist.
458
00:15:39,997 --> 00:15:42,066
I got so many nickels.
459
00:15:42,099 --> 00:15:45,002
(Chuckles) I'm payin' all my bills.
460
00:15:45,035 --> 00:15:46,503
Nickels, nickels,
461
00:15:46,536 --> 00:15:48,239
I'm rich with nickels.
462
00:15:49,674 --> 00:15:51,143
(Both laughing)
463
00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:55,213
A man throwing that
many nickels around...
464
00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:57,682
can't go without drawing
too much attention
465
00:15:57,714 --> 00:15:59,483
from other greedy people.
466
00:15:59,516 --> 00:16:01,953
And so this dude comes by
467
00:16:01,986 --> 00:16:04,990
and is like, oh, what's going on, bro?
468
00:16:05,022 --> 00:16:06,992
I'm Elm... I'm...
469
00:16:07,025 --> 00:16:08,927
Elmer McCurdy's brother.
470
00:16:08,959 --> 00:16:10,894
I kind of want to give
him a proper burial
471
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:11,997
in uh, look,
472
00:16:12,030 --> 00:16:13,665
California or wherever...
473
00:16:13,698 --> 00:16:15,100
(Blows raspberry)
474
00:16:15,132 --> 00:16:17,102
And the funeral director's like, well...
475
00:16:17,135 --> 00:16:18,602
Made a lot of nickels.
That was cool.
476
00:16:18,636 --> 00:16:21,139
I'm not gonna make many
arguments about that.
477
00:16:21,171 --> 00:16:24,375
So turns out the guy who
took Elmer McCurdy's body
478
00:16:24,409 --> 00:16:27,578
was not Elmer McCurdy's
brother as he had claimed.
479
00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:28,847
It was actually
480
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:30,448
one of the Patterson brothers.
481
00:16:30,481 --> 00:16:32,250
And the Patterson brothers
482
00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:34,051
were taking this dead body
483
00:16:34,084 --> 00:16:35,586
across a country
484
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:37,255
and were like, Hey, everybody,
485
00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:38,355
come and check it out.
486
00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:40,491
Hey, we got a cool wax figure
487
00:16:40,525 --> 00:16:41,992
of Jesse James
488
00:16:42,026 --> 00:16:43,995
and Bill Doolin from the Wild Bunch.
489
00:16:44,027 --> 00:16:45,362
That's a cool bunch.
490
00:16:45,396 --> 00:16:47,531
And then we also have a real dead body
491
00:16:47,564 --> 00:16:49,300
of the bandit
492
00:16:49,333 --> 00:16:50,901
who wouldn't give up.
493
00:16:50,934 --> 00:16:52,670
And people were like,
Oh, a real dead body.
494
00:16:52,703 --> 00:16:55,106
I'll pay a nickel, 25�.
495
00:16:55,138 --> 00:16:56,440
And the Patterson brothers were like,
496
00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:58,009
Cha-ching.
497
00:16:58,041 --> 00:17:00,244
Money, money, money,
money, money, money, money.
498
00:17:00,278 --> 00:17:01,445
Quarter, quarter, quarter, quarter,
499
00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:03,515
quarter, quarter, quarter.
500
00:17:03,548 --> 00:17:04,516
But...
501
00:17:04,549 --> 00:17:05,950
after a while,
502
00:17:05,982 --> 00:17:07,618
the Patterson brothers made their money
503
00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:10,288
and then it... it just kind
of wore out its welcome.
504
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:13,590
So Patterson brothers
sell him to somebody else.
505
00:17:13,624 --> 00:17:16,328
This dead body is being passed around.
506
00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:17,395
And people are like, Listen.
507
00:17:17,427 --> 00:17:18,530
We can't do too much
508
00:17:18,562 --> 00:17:19,963
with this dead body anymore.
509
00:17:19,996 --> 00:17:21,899
We're gonna cover
him in a bunch of wax
510
00:17:21,933 --> 00:17:23,501
and we'll just put him in storage
511
00:17:23,533 --> 00:17:25,270
in Hollywood.
512
00:17:25,302 --> 00:17:27,171
(Blows raspberry)
513
00:17:27,204 --> 00:17:29,174
(Dramatic music)
514
00:17:33,411 --> 00:17:34,813
That was a great story.
515
00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:36,146
No, it's...
516
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:38,249
the story's not over yet, Derek Waters.
517
00:17:38,281 --> 00:17:39,250
I'm sorry.
518
00:17:39,282 --> 00:17:40,551
The story gets cra...
519
00:17:40,585 --> 00:17:42,421
The story gets crazy.
520
00:17:45,889 --> 00:17:46,890
I'm gonna put a nickel
521
00:17:46,924 --> 00:17:47,892
in Derek Waters' mouth
522
00:17:47,925 --> 00:17:49,027
'cause that's what people did
523
00:17:49,059 --> 00:17:50,161
to Elmer McCurdy.
524
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:51,695
(Upbeat piano music)
525
00:17:51,729 --> 00:17:52,697
(Both laughing)
526
00:17:52,730 --> 00:17:53,932
It's funny. It's fun.
527
00:17:53,964 --> 00:17:55,300
That was fun to do.
528
00:17:55,332 --> 00:17:56,800
That was worth a nickel.
529
00:17:56,834 --> 00:17:58,069
Let me take that nickel
out of your mouth.
530
00:17:58,101 --> 00:17:59,970
(Groans) That was more uncomfortable
531
00:18:00,003 --> 00:18:01,171
as you taking it out.
532
00:18:01,204 --> 00:18:02,540
I'm gonna put it in your mouth again.
533
00:18:02,572 --> 00:18:03,807
What a delight!
534
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:04,876
This is great.
535
00:18:05,777 --> 00:18:07,245
Where was I?
536
00:18:07,611 --> 00:18:08,879
(Laughs)
537
00:18:08,913 --> 00:18:11,583
Okay, so Elmer
McCurdy's body spent...
538
00:18:11,616 --> 00:18:13,718
20 years in storage.
539
00:18:13,751 --> 00:18:15,686
And then there was this amusement park
540
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,355
in Long Beach, California,
541
00:18:17,387 --> 00:18:19,723
that was like, we need a spooky thing
542
00:18:19,757 --> 00:18:21,612
for our spooky house.
543
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:23,895
So they took this thing,
and they hung it up.
544
00:18:23,927 --> 00:18:25,729
And they painted it bright orange.
545
00:18:25,762 --> 00:18:28,265
(Dramatic music)
546
00:18:28,299 --> 00:18:31,002
So now it's 1976
547
00:18:31,034 --> 00:18:34,271
when a production of "The
Six Million Dollar Man"
548
00:18:34,305 --> 00:18:36,107
came to the funhouse.
549
00:18:36,139 --> 00:18:37,408
And they're like, It'd be cool
550
00:18:37,442 --> 00:18:39,077
if the Six Million Dollar Man
551
00:18:39,109 --> 00:18:42,646
came through the funhouse
and got spooked by a thing.
552
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,204
But that mummy right there in the noose?
553
00:18:45,234 --> 00:18:46,011
That's not spooky.
554
00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:47,385
We need to get something
spookier than this.
555
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:48,631
Let's strike that.
556
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:49,792
That means "move it"
557
00:18:49,822 --> 00:18:50,988
in making movies.
558
00:18:51,789 --> 00:18:54,559
So the moving-the-things guy
559
00:18:54,591 --> 00:18:57,461
goes and moves the thing,
560
00:18:57,494 --> 00:18:59,164
and the arm falls off.
561
00:18:59,196 --> 00:19:00,231
(Blows raspberry)
562
00:19:00,263 --> 00:19:01,433
And the guy looks at the arm
563
00:19:01,465 --> 00:19:02,867
and was like,
564
00:19:02,899 --> 00:19:05,102
It's a... there's a bone!
565
00:19:05,136 --> 00:19:07,004
It's a real human hand.
566
00:19:07,038 --> 00:19:08,640
It's a bone in here.
567
00:19:08,673 --> 00:19:10,842
Ah, this is a real dead body.
568
00:19:10,875 --> 00:19:12,410
I'm scared of this.
569
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:13,711
So...
570
00:19:13,743 --> 00:19:15,746
the ambulance comes, and...
571
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,714
the coroner takes a look at it,
572
00:19:17,748 --> 00:19:19,384
examines it very closely,
573
00:19:19,416 --> 00:19:20,952
and was like,
574
00:19:20,984 --> 00:19:24,388
Wait, there's a bunch of
nickels in this guy's mouth.
575
00:19:24,422 --> 00:19:27,725
He has a bunch of
carnival sideshow stubs
576
00:19:27,758 --> 00:19:29,360
shoved into his coat.
577
00:19:29,393 --> 00:19:31,196
We got a bullet wound in his chest.
578
00:19:31,229 --> 00:19:33,598
We've got some certain
scars on this and that.
579
00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:36,400
Oh, this is shitty Elmer McCurdy,
580
00:19:36,434 --> 00:19:39,671
the outlaw who wanted
to be a cooler outlaw.
581
00:19:39,703 --> 00:19:41,705
Oh, well, that's who it is.
582
00:19:41,739 --> 00:19:45,376
So once they found out
it was a real dude...
583
00:19:45,408 --> 00:19:47,544
they shipped him back to Oklahoma,
584
00:19:47,578 --> 00:19:49,681
and they had a big funeral for him.
585
00:19:49,713 --> 00:19:52,015
300 people showed up.
586
00:19:52,049 --> 00:19:54,285
And they buried him right
next to Bill Doolin,
587
00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:57,387
and he looks at Bill
Doolin's grave and he's like,
588
00:19:57,421 --> 00:19:59,023
I'm a big fan of yours.
589
00:19:59,056 --> 00:20:01,392
And then Bill Doolin's ghost says,
590
00:20:01,425 --> 00:20:04,028
You're just a ghost
talking to a grave, dude.
591
00:20:04,060 --> 00:20:06,129
Uh, you're a shitty outlaw.
592
00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:07,598
Eat a dick.
593
00:20:07,632 --> 00:20:09,300
But Elmer McCurdy was the bandit
594
00:20:09,332 --> 00:20:10,834
who wouldn't give up,
595
00:20:10,867 --> 00:20:13,605
until he had a reputation
as a sweet bandit,
596
00:20:13,834 --> 00:20:15,375
and that's what he got.
597
00:20:16,054 --> 00:20:18,275
Not bad, Elmer McCurdy...
598
00:20:19,944 --> 00:20:21,106
Not bad.
599
00:20:21,945 --> 00:20:25,550
That's... that makes
me have hope for America
600
00:20:25,582 --> 00:20:28,652
that, like, you could
really make it here...
601
00:20:28,685 --> 00:20:30,888
as a dead body for 60 years.
602
00:20:30,922 --> 00:20:32,156
(Chuckles)
603
00:20:34,892 --> 00:20:36,160
Who you winking at?
604
00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:38,463
Amer... I was winking at America.
605
00:20:40,130 --> 00:20:41,130
??
606
00:20:41,652 --> 00:20:48,447
= synced and corrected by Shahrazade =
... www.addic7ed.com ...
607
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:53,047
Repair and Synchronization by
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