All language subtitles for Drunk History s05e04 Sex.eng

So, Margaret Sanger's like,

there must be something,
like, a pill that you can take

that could control...

birth.

Oh, I feel like I'm so useless.

Mr. and Mrs. Kinsey

were experimenting, and they were like,

we're gonna teach
everyone else about it.

F-U-C-K-I-N-G

(Laughs)

We want you to go undercover...

at one of Hugh Hefner's Playboy clubs.

And Gloria Steinem says,
let's fucking do it.

(Laughs)

(Patriotic music)

??

= synced and corrected by Shahrazade =
... www.addic7ed.com ...

Never have I ever...

brought food into sexy time.

Is whip cream food?

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

Never have I ever...

called someone the
wrong name during sex.

Me either.

Cool. Jinx. (Chuckles)

Never have I ever

been involved with more than one person

in a sexual situation.

I wish I could drink right now but no.

We're normal, short people.

(Both laugh)

Hello.

I'm Alison Rich, and today...

we'll be talking about the birth...

of birth control.

Cheers!

So, Margaret Sanger was a woman,

who at 19, her mother died

from complications from pregnancies.

She'd been pregnant

eight...

teen...

times.

No.

Yes. I've been pregnant zero times,

and I'm stressed out just thinking...

about her.

So, Margaret moved to New York,

and was like I'm gonna be a nurse

for low-income women in...

? New York City ?

And one of the patients she observed

was this woman Sadie Sachs.

Sadie Sachs was a woman
who had had three children,

and her doctor was like,

if you have another kid, you're gonna...

you know... die.

And, like, your husband
should sleep on the roof.

And she's like, okay, cool.

So... (Giggles)

What's so funny?

It's really hard...

but I'm committed.

So, a couple of months later
someone comes up to Margaret,

and they're like, hey,
here's the update,

she died from a self-induced abortion.

And Margaret's like, what... the...

fuck?

This is horrible.

There has to be a better way.

There must be...

something like a pill that you can take

that's as easy as an Aspirin,

you know, that your doctor
can prescribe to you

that could control...

birth.

So, Margaret was like, you know what.

It's helpful to be a nurse,
but it's not helpful enough.

So,

in 1916, Margaret Sanger
and her sister, Ethel Byrne,

founded the Brownsville
clinic in Brooklyn,

New York!

And, um...

in the first ten days,
450 ladies showed up.

Margaret's like, hey, here's pamphlets

on what every woman should know...

(Burps)

God, I love to burp.

(Laughs)

I've been drinking vodka...

and cranberry juice like
a real college freshman.

(Groans)

So, it's only a matter of time

before the New York Police
Department's vice squad

shows up and goes, dun-dun-dunn.

We're shutting this down!

Ladies are getting
information about their...

how their own bodies work.

We don't like it.

And Margaret's like,
it doesn't even matter.

My message of birth control
is already out there.

She wasn't going to get stopped.

So, they end up getting arrested.

(Laughs)

Oh, I feel like I'm so useless.

You're not.

Okay.

So she's giving a speech at
this women's suffrage event,

and she's like,

if we do not have
control over our bodies,

then we have nothing.

People think of sex as this, like,

weird thing that we're not
supposed to talk about,

but sex is as basic to
the human experience

as eating and pooping,

and those are two things
that I love so much.

If I get an email from
you, half the time

I am on my toilet.

I love to take my
laptop into the bathroom.

(Chuckles)

So this rich lady, Katherine
McCormick was like...

Hey, Margaret Sanger. What's up?

I would like to...

give you, not only my
time, but my dollar bills.

So, she was like,

I'm gonna drop the accent for a second,

you know, 'cause it's exhausting.

(Laughs)

So, she's like, I want to help you

open up a new clinic.

I'm gonna tell people
I'm going to Europe

for fashion reasons,
but, really, it's for...

(whispers) birth control.

(Gasps)

So, she goes to Europe,

and orchestrated this
insane fashion spy mission.

So all of these diaphragms
get sewn into dresses.

She comes back to the U.S.

with a year's supply
worth of diaphragms.

And they're like,

whoo. We're reopening
our birth control clinic.

We're calling it the "American
Birth Control League."

Which, by 1942, was
called Planned Parenthood.

That's huge.

It's huge!

And Margaret's like, what a victory!

But at the same time,
this isn't good enough.

So, for decades,
Margaret had this vision

of some kind of pill...

And finally, she seeks
out Gregory Pincus,

who was kicked out of Harvard

for doing in vitro
fertilization on rabbits,

and he's like, bloop, bloop, bloop,

I'm in my basement.

And Margaret's like, I need to help you.

(Chuckles) No. You need to help me.

Do the opposite of what you're doing

but for human women
and not animal rabbits.

(Giggles)

And she's like, she's
going to give us 40 grand

for you to figure this out.

And Greg Pincus is like,
you had me at $40,000.

(Both laugh)

It's a "Sound of Music" reference.

"Baby... you had me at..."

I don't know that.

"Hello."

That's a classic line
from "Sound of Music"

where Maria...

goes, "You had me at hello," as in...

No. That's "Jerry Maguire."

(Sings) "Hello...

Ada-adear-adama-Jerry Maguire."

No. Jerry Maguire...

(Laughs) is...

"You complete me."

(Squeals)

And, "You had me at hello."

She says both?

Yeah.

Cool.

Then, in 1952, Greg Pincus is like,

doo-doo-doo, trying to invent this pill,

when he comes across his
old Harvard colleague,

John Rock.

Greg Pincus is like, I'm trying to make

this pill happen.

And John Rock was
like, here's a hot tip,

use this little hormone called...

"progesterone."

It shuts down their ovulation

meaning eggs aren't coming out.

Greg Pincus is like, that's
what I'm talking about.

- Um.
- (Both laughing)

And in 1957, boom!

They create the pill.

So, in the first year, 500,000 women

get the pill.

It was hugely successful.

Then by 1960, it was
officially on the market

as a form of contraception.

The development of the birth control...

pill is the single most
important development

in women's liberation.

- Wow.
- Women were like,

we can go to college.

We can join the work force.

We can experience the sexual revolution.

It's really important!

I don't know. Women just...

You kind of have to think
that you're going to be some

superhero who...

(sighs) accomplishes your
career aspirations

without any bumps along the way

and also pops out a couple of kids

on the way.

Whereas, men can...

you know, sort of...

They have more time,

and it feels...

unfair.

(Sniffles)

It's true.

P.S. Margaret Sanger was a eugenicist,

but...

not everybody is perfect.

Martin Luther King Jr...

had affairs.

(Both laugh)

So impressed you're doing straight vod.

Straight vod!

Do you remember your
first memory of when

you learned about sex, like...

It was a movie on TV,

and all the guys got in the pool.

They were skinny dipping,

and then all the girls, like as a prank,

stole their bathing suits and ran away.

And it was, like, all the
guys were like, "Oh, no."

That gave me, like, a four year boner.

(Chuckles)

Did you ever get to
fulfill that fantasy?

No, but, you know,
now that I live in LA,

there's more pools than ever.

It's going to happen.

Hi, I'm Gabe Liedman,

and today we're going to be
discussing Mr. and Mrs. Kinsey.

The Kinseys!

The Kinseys!

Yes!

This is sex!

Yes!

So,

Alfred Kinsey was a professor
at the University of Indiana.

He's really antisocial.

He's really hard to chill with.

Until one day at a
zoology department picnic,

he was looking for someone to chat with,

and he met Clara,

who was a chemistry student.

And they really hit it off.

He's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

and they're like, we should be partners.

So they fell in love.

They got married a year later.

It's the wedding night.

They're trying to fuck.

She was like, this...

feels like nothing. Could you stop?

Right now?

And I'm kind of wasted.

(Both laugh)

So finally they went to a doctor.

He was like,

there's a problem with Clara's...

puss,

which is an area of the body

that I find very confusing.

- (Both laugh)
- I love you.

I'm an expert.

(Laughs)

She has something called an adherent...

clitoris, which is something
that if you Google it...

no big deal, this is something

that happens to a lot of women.

So, Clara had an operation,

and it made her...

able to enjoy intercourse.

And they were experimenting,

and they were doing all
sorts of different stuff.

Just bouncing on dicks,

and enjoying it the entire time.

And they were, like,
making babies is one thing,

God is another thing,

our genitals are these fucking...

question marks dingly dangling...

off the front of our fucking
mashed potato weirdo bodies,

and we're going to figure it out.

We're going to teach
everyone else about it.

So Kinsey starts teaching
people about sex,

and it was a huge success.

Everyone wanted this information,

and Kinsey's like, I'm
on to something here.

We need to dive deep
on this subject of sex.

Kinsey and his wife would
have these dinner parties

that were kind of like
field studies in biology

but for sex.

"Eyes Wide Shut" meets "Dead
Poets Society" basically.

Like, okay, I think
we've all had our fill

of meatloaf and ice cream.

Now...

you. Why don't you pull your pants down,

and let her start kissing your buns.

And then, maybe it would
be great for science

if you...

came over there and
started eating her butt

while she was sucking his dick.

And then they would, like, take notes,

and they were getting all sorts of data

that was all about...

F-U-C-K-I-N-G.

Fucking?

Yeah!

(Chuckles)

So Mr. and Mrs. Kinsey

have entered a new
phase in their marriage.

They're having sex with other dudes.

This is just...

sexy science.

She's fucking dudes.

He's fucking dudes.

And Kinsey's like, oh, my God.

I just had sex with a guy.

I am so sorry.

And she's like, dude...

that is totally fine with me.

I want to fuck dudes,

and you want to fuck dudes,

and we love each other.

So let's just have, like,
a dude fucking household.

So, they're, like, horny lovebirds,

but they're also scientists.

Kinsey starts conducting
surveys with the students

at the university like,
what are you turned on by?

What have you done before, sexually?

What do you want to do, sexually?

And Kinsey would listen to all

of these experiences and fantasies.

And Kinsey was like, oh, my God,

everyone is a fucking pervert like I am.

This is the largest
survey of sex ever done.

And it suddenly occurred to him...

Oh, my God...

sexuality is not that simple.

There's a whole scale.

There's the Kinsey scale.

He comes up with this idea that

everyone has all of these grey areas

that they're into from zero, straight...

boring,

all the way up to six

meaning, like, extremely homosexual.

Kinsey, people think, fell
somewhere around three or four

himself on that scale,
meaning he's, like,

original bisexual,

if you can imagine such a thing.

I can.

I'm imagining it right now.

(Laughs)

(Sighs)

Kinsey's books and research
were super important

to the sexual revolution of the '60s.

It really just opened the door to a lot

of the modern ideers.

"Iderrs" about sex.

Have you ever tested
yourself on the scale?

No, I've never taken the test.

Wouldn't that be amazing if
I turned out to be straight?

I got strictly homosexual.

I think I'm finally ready

to have my first sexual experience.

Are you serious?

Yeah!

- Cheers.
- (Laughs)

We're gonna make, like, a
not official old fashioned.

Just a little bit.

Just a little bit for you.

Oh, yes.

That's what it's for.

This really has
multiple uses, this tool.

(Laughs)

It's a good ice breaker, stupid.

(Laughs)

Fuck you.

Hello.

I'm Katie Nolan,

and today we're gonna talk

about Gloria...

Steinem.

Our story begins in the year 1963.

Gloria Steinem was a
graduate of Smith College,

very smart, she's 28 years old,

and she's a journalist.

And "Show Magazine" was like,

hey, Gloria, we have a story for you.

We want you to go undercover

at one of Hugh Hefner's Playboy clubs.

And Playboy clubs were
advertising themselves

at the time as, like, being
in a real live version

of "Playboy."

So, you would have, like,
beautiful women everywhere,

and drinks and food and "dude stuff."

- Yeah!
- Boobies and vaginas!

(Laughs)

And Gloria was like,

I don't think this is what I want.

I want people to take me seriously.

And her editor was like,

I think this could be your chance

to call Hugh Hefner out
on his Goddamn bullshit.

And she was like, you're right. I'm in.

Let's fucking do it.

Um.

Uh, what was I talking about?

- Uh.
- So she says yes

to the thing... to the assignment.

And so she goes to the audition

which is at a Playboy club.

So she's this alias
she's created for herself

which is Marie Catherine Ochs.

And the woman that she goes up to says,

take off your coat.
Let me see your body.

Gloria was like, um, okay

and, like, took her coat off.

And the woman was like...

you look a little old for 24,

but your body's great.

Come back on Saturday for a fitting.

And so Gloria comes back
a couple of days later,

and she sees this woman named Sheralee.

And she's like, I'm the bunny mother.

So she goes, and she gets sized.

She puts on this leotard,
and she's like, this fits.

And they're like, no it doesn't.

And they keep going in and in.

And Gloria's like, I
think that's tight enough.

I can hardly breathe.

(Laughs)

- I just had an ice...
- Are you good?

An ice cube just assaulted me.

You got ISIS-ed.

- (Laughs)
- Sorry.

So the bunny mother,
Sheralee, is explaining

to the bunnies...

there's all these things
that they can take

your money away for;

like, if your ears are crooked,

that's a demerit.

If your bunny tail's
dirty, that's demerits.

If you're not smiling enough,
that's a bunch of demerits.

They also give her this "Bunny Manual"

which is a list of all the rules

that you have to follow.

And in the Bunny Manual, it says...

you're not allowed to
date any customers.

But then they were told

unless they hold the special key.

These special key members

were allowed to do whatever they want.

Ew.

That's fucked up.

Anyway.

So, they're like, great, you're all set.

You're going to start work soon.

We just need you to
complete your physical.

And Gloria's like, what do you mean?

I'm going to be a waitress.

And, like, oh, we just need
you to complete a physical

with this doctor,

and then you'll be fine to start.

That's gross.

Yeah.

That's just gross.

So, she goes to the doctor.

She sits on the table, and
she sees there's stirrups.

And the doctor walks in,

and the first thing he says to her is...

so you want to be a bunny.

Which is alarming, as a doctor.

He exams her,

which to a woman means...

you know.

Pap smear?

Did you say "patch" smear?

I've never had one.

It's not a bagel, Derek.

It's a... It's a...

I'm from New York, eh.

TOGETHER: I'ma gettin' a pap "schmear."

(Both laugh)

So, she finishes the exam.

And she goes the next
day to train for this job.

That's a fancy word for

you're going to work and
not get paid any money.

She's training as a table bunny.

And they teach her
that she has to follow

the other bunny servers around,

and so she's going around,
asking these people, like,

hello, I'm bunny Marie.
What can I get for you?

And they would say things like,

yeah, girl, let me see your titties.

Open it up.

Which is bullshit.

How many times are you allowed

to say bullshit on Comedy Central?

I've said it a whole bunch.

Whenever you want.

Okay.

It's some bullshit.

(Laughs)

Do you want me to
teach you how to bunny?

Yes, all right. So, when I walk...

How do I walk?

Well, so, it will be on a tray,

and I need you to be on your tippy toes

all the way up.

- Higher than that.
- This is all I can go.

And then cross your legs when you walk.

Bend over the table to serve the drink.

- Butt out.
- Mm-hmm.

Titties out.

Go away, you slut.

Anyway.

She's working all of these shifts,

and she's like, in her journal,

she's writing all these injustices.

They're, like, working these long hours.

They're not making any money.

On top of that,

it's basically a prostitution ring.

And finally, after working
in the Playboy clubs

for four weeks,

Gloria was like, fuck this shit.

I have enough in my journal.

I'm gonna publish this shit.

I'm out.

It's just all the stupid
sexist dumbass bullshit.

She just wanted to get the fuck out.

And so she quit.

And so

Gloria writes an expose
on these Playboy clubs.

She's like these women were like...

not making as much money

as they were told they
were going to make.

It's insane hours.

They're being grabbed all the time.

They're treated like prostitutes.

They're basically being used as a tool

for the male sexual revolution.

But the women themselves

don't get to own their sexuality,

and that's shitty.

So they publishes...

they publishes...

They publ...

- They publish...
- Mm-mm.

They publish the story in the magazine.

So, the world reads this article,

and to his very tiny credit,

Hugh Hefner says wow...

Yeah, maybe they won't have to go

to these physical exams anymore.

And you know what,

I'm going to stop making them

have to give so much
of their money to us

if they make a mistake.

Which is, like, a really cool thing...

that Hugh Hefner did.

But also, not as cool as just, like,

always treating them that way.

This article made Gloria
Steinem a household name,

and she went on to be this...

huge feminist icon.

It's tough, but I swear to God,

if it weren't for Gloria Steinem

I wouldn't be able to be on TV.

It's very hard to be a woman
that's like, I love sports.

And you have stuck to your guns

ever since you've started.

And that...

is what...

You cried.

I'm sorry.

Can I get somebody else to do...

to do this?

(Laughs)

(Patriotic music)

??

= synced and corrected by Shahrazade =
... www.addic7ed.com ...

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