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[patriotic music]
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Alexander Graham Bell
is like, Oh, [bleep],
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00:00:15,238 --> 00:00:18,006
invent the telephone?
Yes, please.
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Hold on, hold on.
[gags, spits]
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Ah, it's in my mouth!
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She says... I just made this [bleep]
out of some handkerchiefs.
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All the girls go crazy.
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My boobles are free to roam!
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People came to Edison. They're like,
Hey, look what we can do.
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00:00:32,588 --> 00:00:33,888
We can project images on a screen.
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He's like,
Wow. That's amazing.
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I can't believe I invented that.
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[laughs]
That's a great idea.
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[patriotic music]
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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
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00:00:50,370 --> 00:00:52,005
[upbeat music]
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00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:54,843
Let me get to...
today we're gonna learn
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- about inventions.
- Okay.
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All right, ready?
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Wait! Wait! I'll be there.
Just wait one second.
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Wait, you [bleep]ing prick!
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00:01:04,620 --> 00:01:08,088
This week's episode is
about great inventions.
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00:01:08,123 --> 00:01:11,925
- Bidet.
- The bidet was invented in 19... [spits]
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00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:15,730
It doesn't matter when it's invented,
it's to clean bowls. [laughs]
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00:01:15,765 --> 00:01:18,400
[gags, spits]
Ah, it's in my mouth!
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00:01:18,435 --> 00:01:21,169
Welcome to "Drunk History."
I'm J.D. Ryznar.
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00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:26,174
Today we're gonna tell a story
about the invention of the telephone.
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00:01:26,209 --> 00:01:29,077
Our story starts in the 1870s
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00:01:29,076 --> 00:01:32,713
with a telegraph
corporation Western Union.
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00:01:32,748 --> 00:01:34,614
And Western Union was trying to go like,
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00:01:34,615 --> 00:01:38,052
All right, the telegraph is fine,
but, like, what's next?
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00:01:38,087 --> 00:01:40,087
So, they're like,
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00:01:40,088 --> 00:01:41,890
We're looking for somebody
to, like, invent a way
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00:01:41,889 --> 00:01:45,727
to, like, talk your voice
over a wire to some other dude.
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00:01:45,762 --> 00:01:48,061
It's a wonderful thing
where you call people's homes
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00:01:48,096 --> 00:01:49,763
and... it's a telephone!
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00:01:49,798 --> 00:01:53,033
Now, there's a dude
whose name is Elisha...
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00:01:53,034 --> 00:01:57,272
pronounced Elijah.
Elisha Gray sold telegraph parts.
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00:01:57,307 --> 00:02:00,407
He's like, I invent
little telegraph things.
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00:02:00,442 --> 00:02:03,344
Eh, I'm a cute little inventor.
I'm Elisha Gray.
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00:02:03,379 --> 00:02:07,748
So Western Union is like,
Elisha Gray, invent the telephone.
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00:02:07,783 --> 00:02:09,183
Elisha Gray's like, Great.
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00:02:09,218 --> 00:02:11,986
But then Western Union goes
to the public and is like,
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00:02:12,021 --> 00:02:15,522
Hey, everybody... everybody in
the world who invents things,
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00:02:15,557 --> 00:02:18,225
try to invent the telephone
and we'll buy it from you.
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00:02:18,260 --> 00:02:22,396
So this inventor Alexander
Graham Bell is like,
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00:02:22,431 --> 00:02:26,868
Oh, [bleep], invent the telephone?
Yes, please.
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00:02:26,867 --> 00:02:28,469
[laughs]
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00:02:28,504 --> 00:02:29,805
We're doing good.
We're really drunk.
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00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,205
[both laugh]
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00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:35,409
So Alexander Graham Bell gets to work
trying to invent the telephone.
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00:02:35,444 --> 00:02:38,180
He's having a hard time.
He can't figure it out.
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00:02:38,215 --> 00:02:41,581
Like murp, murp.
It's kinda me talking,
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00:02:41,616 --> 00:02:43,483
but I sound like a robot.
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00:02:43,484 --> 00:02:45,719
Alexander Graham
Bell's lawyers are like,
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This is a [bleep] telephone.
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00:02:47,289 --> 00:02:49,657
You're not doing a good job
at all, Alexander Graham Bell.
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00:02:49,692 --> 00:02:53,061
And so his lawyer goes
to the patent clerk
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00:02:53,096 --> 00:02:58,266
at the U.S. Patent Office.
Zenas Fisk Wilber.
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00:02:58,265 --> 00:02:59,933
It's a weird, old name.
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00:02:59,968 --> 00:03:03,037
Zenas rhymes with penis.
That's how I remember it.
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00:03:03,072 --> 00:03:05,939
Zenas. [laughs]
Zenas.
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00:03:05,974 --> 00:03:08,898
The guy had all sorts of problems.
He was a drunker, like,
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00:03:08,911 --> 00:03:12,781
I'm poor and I'm drunk and
I'm depressed, [bleep] it.
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00:03:12,816 --> 00:03:16,249
Graham Bell's lawyer said
Listen, you owe us money...
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00:03:16,284 --> 00:03:17,651
[groans]
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00:03:17,652 --> 00:03:21,589
If anybody submits a
telephone patent, let me know.
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00:03:21,588 --> 00:03:25,627
Meanwhile, Elisha Gray is,
like, having the same problems
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00:03:25,662 --> 00:03:27,594
Alexander Graham Bell was having,
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00:03:27,629 --> 00:03:30,732
he was like Merp, merp, merp.
I'm talking on the phone.
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00:03:30,731 --> 00:03:35,236
How can I make this electric current
be smoother on the other end?
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00:03:35,271 --> 00:03:38,239
What if I put a little
water in the doodad?
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00:03:38,274 --> 00:03:42,510
The water vibrates at
more subtler tones and that
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00:03:42,511 --> 00:03:46,747
goes through the wire and
it's clear as silk. Bonanza!
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He goes to the Patent Office
and he files a patent.
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00:03:49,718 --> 00:03:53,353
I know how to make the telephone,
and this is how I'm gonna do it.
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00:03:53,354 --> 00:03:56,890
So sure enough,
Zenas Fisk Wilber at the Patent Office
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00:03:56,925 --> 00:03:59,759
calls Alexander Graham Bell's lawyers.
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00:03:59,794 --> 00:04:02,162
Not on the telephone,
'cause it's not invented yet,
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00:04:02,163 --> 00:04:04,160
on a telegraph or something.
He's just like
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00:04:04,195 --> 00:04:07,201
Hey. Boop boop boop.
Beep beep.
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00:04:07,236 --> 00:04:10,438
Somebody just submitted the
patent for the telephone.
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00:04:10,473 --> 00:04:12,272
Boop boop boop.
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00:04:12,307 --> 00:04:16,210
Alexander Graham Bell goes to
the Patent Office and goes...
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00:04:16,245 --> 00:04:18,746
What's up, Zenas Fisk Wilber?
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00:04:18,781 --> 00:04:22,116
Um, okay... [clears throat]
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00:04:22,151 --> 00:04:24,452
- Jeez.
- Sorry about that.
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00:04:24,487 --> 00:04:26,955
- And then he swallowed it.
- Of course I swallow.
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00:04:26,990 --> 00:04:28,489
What do you want me to do?
Spit it on the floor?
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00:04:28,524 --> 00:04:31,291
Maybe you can give me, uh...
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00:04:31,326 --> 00:04:33,327
a little something something
about what's going on
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00:04:33,362 --> 00:04:36,031
with this other guy
who filed a patent, huh?
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00:04:36,030 --> 00:04:37,197
He's like,
Well, all right, here it is.
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00:04:37,198 --> 00:04:40,935
Here's the drawing of, uh...
how he's gonna invent the telephone.
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00:04:40,970 --> 00:04:45,640
Alexander Graham Bell copies down
Gray's design and turns it in.
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00:04:45,675 --> 00:04:49,110
Meanwhile, Elisha Gray
all of a sudden he hears,
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00:04:49,109 --> 00:04:51,111
Hey, everybody in America,
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00:04:51,146 --> 00:04:54,448
Alexander Graham Bell just
invented the telephone.
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00:04:54,483 --> 00:04:58,685
He's like What? I...
I filed a patent for the telephone!
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00:04:58,686 --> 00:05:00,688
How could he do that?
This is... I know...
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00:05:00,723 --> 00:05:03,258
I made this telephone.
This is my thing.
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00:05:03,293 --> 00:05:05,025
There's a "disputement."
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00:05:05,060 --> 00:05:09,462
Everybody's like, who did it first?
Who... Who was first?
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00:05:09,497 --> 00:05:11,900
And guess who the Patent
Office put in charge
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00:05:11,935 --> 00:05:16,004
of the investigation?
Zenas Fisk Wilber himself.
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00:05:16,003 --> 00:05:18,405
And so Alexander Graham
Bell's lawyers were like,
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00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:22,260
Listen, let's fricken... just let
Alexander Graham Bell's
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00:05:22,261 --> 00:05:24,945
patent come first.
Like, what's up?
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00:05:24,980 --> 00:05:26,514
So he's like, Guess what?
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00:05:26,513 --> 00:05:29,249
Alexander Graham Bell,
you invented the telephone!
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00:05:29,250 --> 00:05:31,419
- You win!
- Whoo-hoo!
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00:05:31,454 --> 00:05:34,087
Alexander Graham Bell goes off
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00:05:34,122 --> 00:05:38,292
and builds the first telephone
off of Gray's plans.
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00:05:38,327 --> 00:05:42,096
Meanwhile, Elisha Gray is
busy fighting it in court.
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00:05:42,097 --> 00:05:44,731
I invented the telephone.
It was me!
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00:05:44,766 --> 00:05:47,534
This is... This is garbage.
He copied me.
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00:05:47,569 --> 00:05:50,705
And even though he
got Ze... Zenas Wilber
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00:05:50,740 --> 00:05:55,477
to testify in court, like,
Listen, I took a bunch of money
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00:05:55,512 --> 00:05:58,279
from Bell's lawyer so he
could invent the telephone
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00:05:58,314 --> 00:05:59,914
and that's the truth.
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00:05:59,949 --> 00:06:03,084
Still... Alexander Graham Bell
is so well-known at this point
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00:06:03,083 --> 00:06:06,719
that the Supreme Court's like,
Alexander Graham Bell wins
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00:06:06,754 --> 00:06:09,222
and he's the inventor
of the telephone forever.
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00:06:09,257 --> 00:06:12,826
Well, good work.
[blows raspberry]
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00:06:12,827 --> 00:06:16,231
Elisha Gray is like,
Oh, God,
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00:06:16,266 --> 00:06:20,033
I guess I didn't invent telephones.
I did, but, like, I lose.
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00:06:20,034 --> 00:06:23,537
Anyway, what's his name, um...
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00:06:23,572 --> 00:06:27,075
I don't remember his name.
Ugh. What's his name?
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00:06:27,110 --> 00:06:29,110
What's the other guy's na... Wilber!
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00:06:29,109 --> 00:06:32,779
No. Walt Disney?
No. Telephone.
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00:06:32,814 --> 00:06:33,948
[laughs]
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00:06:33,983 --> 00:06:36,116
Meanwhile, Alexander Graham Bell
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00:06:36,151 --> 00:06:39,453
went on to make 1800s
equivalent of billions
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00:06:39,488 --> 00:06:41,222
off the telephone and then was like,
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00:06:41,257 --> 00:06:43,823
[groans]
I made the Bell Company.
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00:06:43,858 --> 00:06:45,626
I don't... I don't care.
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00:06:45,661 --> 00:06:48,528
I don't... I don't gi...
I don't even like telephones.
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00:06:48,529 --> 00:06:51,199
I don't even want one in my office.
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00:06:51,198 --> 00:06:55,569
That's what a [bleep] snob
Alexander Graham Bell was.
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00:06:55,570 --> 00:06:59,174
Meanwhile, who uses the
Alexander Graham Bell
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00:06:59,209 --> 00:07:01,375
telephone anymore?
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00:07:01,410 --> 00:07:06,147
Nobody!
Except old people...
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00:07:06,182 --> 00:07:08,916
and poor people.
[laughs]
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00:07:08,951 --> 00:07:10,635
[both laughing]
147
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,933
All right, let's go.
Let's learn.
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00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:17,969
Shh. Are you ready?
149
00:07:18,004 --> 00:07:19,103
- I'm...
- Don't!
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00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:20,339
- Well, I'm...
- Shh!
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00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:22,974
- Am I allowed to answer if I'm ready?
- No, you just shush it.
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00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:24,675
Hello, everyone.
My name is Paget Brewster.
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00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:26,443
No, not everyone.
[gasps]
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00:07:26,444 --> 00:07:28,613
- Just hello.
- Hello.
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00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:30,682
My name is Paget Brewster
and I'm talking to you...
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00:07:30,717 --> 00:07:33,318
- And today.
- Oh, my God.
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00:07:33,317 --> 00:07:35,752
[laughs]
You guys ready?
158
00:07:35,787 --> 00:07:37,555
[laughs]
Are you all done?
159
00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:39,089
Shut your mouth!
You ready?
160
00:07:39,124 --> 00:07:41,392
I'll [bleep]ing do it, but shush it.
161
00:07:43,060 --> 00:07:44,762
Hello, eve... [laughs]
162
00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,630
[laughs]
163
00:07:46,665 --> 00:07:48,732
Hello. My name is Paget Brewster
164
00:07:48,733 --> 00:07:51,336
and today we're talking
about Mary Phelps Jacob,
165
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,872
the inventor of the bra.
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00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:57,376
In 1910 women were cinched in
[piano plays]
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00:07:57,375 --> 00:08:00,477
to tiny corsets all the time,
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00:08:00,478 --> 00:08:03,615
but then there is
a 19-year-old girl...
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00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,684
Mary Phelps Jacob,
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00:08:05,683 --> 00:08:10,288
setting up to go to a debutante ball,
and she is like,
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00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:13,258
Uh, I got this beautiful silk dress
172
00:08:13,257 --> 00:08:16,794
and I have to put this
dumb piece of [bleep] on.
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00:08:16,795 --> 00:08:21,199
Stupid corset with whale bone inserts.
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00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,334
Ugh, it's so goddamn dumb.
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00:08:23,369 --> 00:08:25,803
All right, I'm... I'm... I'm...
I'm out. I'm out.
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00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:28,508
I can't take this. Marie!
Her maid.
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00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:32,543
Marie! Get me two
handkerchiefs, some silk cording,
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00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:34,678
ribbons, and a sewing kit.
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00:08:34,713 --> 00:08:40,284
She sews together
two handkerchiefs onto herself
180
00:08:40,319 --> 00:08:41,752
and goes to a ball.
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00:08:41,753 --> 00:08:43,687
[epic music]
182
00:08:43,722 --> 00:08:46,658
All the girls are like,
What is going on with you, girl?
183
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:48,393
You look better than
you have ever looked.
184
00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:51,296
And she says,
Yeah, I just made this [bleep]
185
00:08:51,295 --> 00:08:52,897
out of some handkerchiefs.
186
00:08:52,898 --> 00:08:54,632
The girls go crazy!
187
00:08:54,631 --> 00:08:58,435
And she's like
My boobles are free to roam.
188
00:08:58,436 --> 00:09:00,005
- And they all say
- I want one.
189
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,371
- I want one.
- I want one.
190
00:09:01,406 --> 00:09:03,241
All right, whatever,
I'll make you some.
191
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:05,175
I'll make you my new thing, whatever,
192
00:09:05,176 --> 00:09:06,444
with some handkerchiefs.
193
00:09:06,443 --> 00:09:08,880
Then she gets a letter in the mail
194
00:09:08,915 --> 00:09:11,383
from someone she's never met saying,
195
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:15,253
"Hey, I'll give you
a dollar to make me a bra."
196
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:18,657
And then she realizes,
Oh, this could be a business.
197
00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:21,626
So she goes to the Patent Office
198
00:09:21,625 --> 00:09:25,429
and she said,
Hey, I've made this thing.
199
00:09:25,464 --> 00:09:26,798
It's a brassiere.
200
00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:28,332
The Patent Office guy was like,
201
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:32,004
Everyone's had boobs
for goddamn forever.
202
00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:34,706
I understand that you
think you made something,
203
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,308
but you [bleep]ing didn't.
204
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,577
And she said No, I did.
205
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:42,947
The last piece of [bleep]
patent flattens your tits
206
00:09:42,982 --> 00:09:47,286
into nothing but one boob.
Do you want one boob?
207
00:09:47,285 --> 00:09:49,286
And he's like,
I don't... I can't even...
208
00:09:49,287 --> 00:09:50,956
I don't even know if I can answer this.
209
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:54,292
No, you want two [bleep]ing boobs.
210
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:57,495
They separate and lift.
211
00:09:57,530 --> 00:10:01,132
Give me the patent for
the backless brassiere.
212
00:10:01,133 --> 00:10:03,034
And he says, Yeah, okay, all right.
213
00:10:03,069 --> 00:10:05,569
I've never seen that.
I will give you a patent.
214
00:10:05,604 --> 00:10:08,005
Slam. He gives her a patent.
215
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:12,043
Oh, God. I'm...
I'm not gonna throw up, but I am...
216
00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:17,215
I'm pretty...
Gonzo bonzo. [laughs]
217
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:21,619
So she opens the Fashion
Form Brassiere Company.
218
00:10:21,654 --> 00:10:24,156
Meanwhile, she marries
this guy Harry Crosby
219
00:10:24,155 --> 00:10:25,957
and Harry says, Hey, babe,
220
00:10:25,992 --> 00:10:27,926
because you're gonna be my wife Crosby,
221
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:32,362
I feel like you should have a "C" name.
And so it's like C. Crosby.
222
00:10:32,397 --> 00:10:36,433
I would really like it if you change
your name to Clitoris. [laughs]
223
00:10:36,468 --> 00:10:39,069
It's [bleep]ing true.
[laughs]
224
00:10:39,104 --> 00:10:40,971
And she says
Na... What? No.
225
00:10:41,006 --> 00:10:43,140
I'm not gonna change
my name to Clitoris.
226
00:10:43,175 --> 00:10:44,976
And he's like
No, it's with a "Y".
227
00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:48,046
Still, I'm sorry. I love you, man,
228
00:10:48,045 --> 00:10:50,948
honey, but... not even with a "Y"
229
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:52,683
will I name myself Clitoris.
230
00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:56,355
- What about Caresse?
- That's better than Clitoris.
231
00:10:56,390 --> 00:10:57,856
Certainly.
232
00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:59,957
He says to her Hey, Caresse...
233
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:01,492
Car... she's now Caresse.
234
00:11:01,527 --> 00:11:06,264
You're kinda bored with the bra
business and it's not taking off.
235
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:09,366
I'm kinda rich.
Why don't you just let it go?
236
00:11:09,401 --> 00:11:11,535
She says All right, fine.
237
00:11:11,570 --> 00:11:16,573
She sells her patent
to the Warner Brothers Corset Company
238
00:11:16,608 --> 00:11:21,045
for $1,500.
She's like I'm out. I'm good.
239
00:11:21,044 --> 00:11:22,346
Had fun.
240
00:11:22,381 --> 00:11:24,415
So, wait. I have to fast-forward.
241
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:27,418
- I also have to pee.
- Which one you done do first?
242
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:29,687
- No, I have to pee.
- Okay, well, then pee.
243
00:11:29,722 --> 00:11:32,290
I'm gonna.
[snickers]
244
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:37,761
In 1929 the bra took hold.
Everyone bought bras.
245
00:11:37,796 --> 00:11:39,696
The corset was dead.
246
00:11:39,697 --> 00:11:45,036
The Warner Brothers Corset Company
makes $15 million
247
00:11:45,035 --> 00:11:47,537
off of her patent alone.
248
00:11:47,538 --> 00:11:50,909
- That's a lot of titties.
- I... [chuckles]
249
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:52,610
[laughs]
Here's the thing about
250
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:55,447
Mary Phelps Jacob.
She never give a [bleep].
251
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:59,683
She was like Oh, okay.
I sold the patent.
252
00:11:59,718 --> 00:12:02,821
Not gonna dwell on it.
I'm gonna open a publishing company
253
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:06,591
that publishes every
modern writer known to man.
254
00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:08,426
Hemingway, James Joyce,
255
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:12,764
Henry Miller, Edgar Allen Poe,
uh... uh... there's so many more.
256
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:15,634
Someone look it up on an iPhone.
You'll see. [laughs]
257
00:12:15,669 --> 00:12:20,304
Then was writing pornography
for money!
258
00:12:20,339 --> 00:12:22,207
And she was great at it.
259
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:25,208
And at the end of her life,
someone asked her about, like,
260
00:12:25,243 --> 00:12:28,312
Hey, uh, you invented something.
261
00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:31,716
And she said Yeah, yeah.
262
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,885
My invention...
it wouldn't take the place
263
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:38,155
in history of something
like the steamboat,
264
00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:41,726
but, yeah... I invented the bra.
265
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:46,063
The bra is kind of a big [bleep]ing deal.
266
00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:48,666
No one gives a [bleep]
about a steamboat.
267
00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:51,670
Do you know anyone
who doesn't have a bra?
268
00:12:52,970 --> 00:12:55,540
- I do love bras.
- I can see.
269
00:12:55,539 --> 00:12:57,240
- You have lots of...
- More than steamboats.
270
00:12:57,275 --> 00:12:59,510
Sorry, bras. [sneezes]
271
00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:01,044
- I'm allergic.
- You're allergic?
272
00:13:01,079 --> 00:13:03,147
I'm allergic to bras.
I didn't want to tell you.
273
00:13:03,148 --> 00:13:04,382
[epic music]
274
00:13:04,381 --> 00:13:07,184
Both: Stay tuned for more
"Drunk History."
275
00:13:07,219 --> 00:13:09,682
- Bras! [laughs]
- Ow!
276
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,127
Have you ever heard that Edison
277
00:13:14,162 --> 00:13:15,962
- made the movie camera?
- I knew that.
278
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:17,696
- Yeah.
- But it was one of those things
279
00:13:17,731 --> 00:13:19,931
where you got all of these other people
280
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,500
that are never gonna
get any credit for it.
281
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:24,536
I guess you could call
him the first patent troll.
282
00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:25,971
- Yeah. Yeah.
- You know?
283
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:27,673
- That kinda thing.
- Yeah. And I always say,
284
00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:30,910
every invention that comes
out now, is just one more
285
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:34,147
step to making you be all
right if you lost your legs.
286
00:13:34,182 --> 00:13:37,282
[both laugh]
287
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,585
- To great inventors.
- To great inventors.
288
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:41,887
What are we drinking?
289
00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:43,589
- Vodka.
- There's a moth.
290
00:13:43,624 --> 00:13:45,023
- There's so many...
- I wasn't swatting at you.
291
00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:46,621
No, I know, I have
a moth infestation.
292
00:13:46,805 --> 00:13:50,396
- I see that. [laughs]
- It's terrible. I got to get a [bleep]ing...
293
00:13:50,431 --> 00:13:54,133
- [laughing] Classic...
- It's the worst! [smacks]
294
00:13:54,168 --> 00:13:55,667
There's a... I don't
want to kill him, though.
295
00:13:55,702 --> 00:13:57,602
- Why?
- 'Cause they deserve to live.
296
00:13:57,603 --> 00:13:59,572
There happen to be in the cave
297
00:13:59,571 --> 00:14:02,107
of a super-advanced monkey species
298
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:04,410
that wants nothing
more than to kill them
299
00:14:04,445 --> 00:14:08,013
just because they don't fit in.
To inventors.
300
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,916
Thank God for you.
301
00:14:09,951 --> 00:14:12,350
Let's do this, man.
I feel so drunk.
302
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:14,720
[blows]
303
00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:19,892
Good day.
My name is Duncan Trussell...
304
00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:21,727
and today we're gonna talk about Edison.
305
00:14:21,762 --> 00:14:23,663
[laughs]
306
00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:25,096
[cheerful music]
307
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:29,134
This story starts in New Jersey
with Thomas Edison.
308
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,036
One of the great inventors of the time.
309
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:33,038
Known as "The Wizard of Menlo Park."
310
00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:36,742
He would get poor geniuses,
gather them together,
311
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:38,576
and he's like
Just make stuff for me.
312
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:41,046
If it's good I'm gonna
say it's mine. Whatever.
313
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:43,315
You're gonna make money, so just do it.
314
00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:46,152
An inventor by the name of Muybridge
315
00:14:46,187 --> 00:14:49,988
came to New Jersey, shows
this incredible device.
316
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:52,391
He managed to take a bunch of pictures
317
00:14:52,426 --> 00:14:55,895
of a horse running and
spin them on a cylinder
318
00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:57,696
in a way that gave it animation.
319
00:14:57,731 --> 00:15:00,198
And Edison's like
You know, great.
320
00:15:00,199 --> 00:15:02,635
A hor... a horse... running.
321
00:15:02,634 --> 00:15:05,203
[chuckles] Cool invention
or whatever. Bye.
322
00:15:05,204 --> 00:15:08,006
And then he's like We
gotta [bleep]ing figure this
323
00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:10,809
[bleep] out because people are
gonna wanna watch this stuff.
324
00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:12,478
We gotta start working
on this [bleep]...
325
00:15:12,513 --> 00:15:15,481
right [bleep]ing now!
326
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:18,549
And then in 1893 Edison is like
327
00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:20,953
I figured out how to do it, guys!
328
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:23,256
I can... I can photograph
329
00:15:23,291 --> 00:15:25,658
and make a movie.
We can make movies now.
330
00:15:25,657 --> 00:15:28,760
I came up with the very
first camera, the Kinetograph
331
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,830
and I figured out a way
to look at the strings
332
00:15:30,865 --> 00:15:33,232
of moving pictures... a Kinetoscope,
333
00:15:33,267 --> 00:15:36,135
and it's all my idea. My idea!
334
00:15:36,134 --> 00:15:39,505
He has people... [laughing]
I'm too drunk.
335
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,942
Why would I take another drink?
336
00:15:42,941 --> 00:15:46,745
So Edison needed content
for his Kinetoscopes
337
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:49,681
and everything he was
putting out was [bleep].
338
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:52,585
He's like Let's get
[bleep]ing cats boxing, man,
339
00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:55,721
and then vaudeville scenes,
people chasing each other.
340
00:15:55,756 --> 00:15:57,690
Let's film a blacksmith's shop.
341
00:15:57,691 --> 00:15:59,625
Everyone's gonna wanna see that.
342
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:03,805
Right, guys? Right? Right!
And they filmed it.
343
00:16:03,846 --> 00:16:06,599
People were into it, man.
Freaking out.
344
00:16:06,634 --> 00:16:08,666
Everyone's like Have you been
to the Kinetoscope parlor?
345
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:10,936
Oh, you've got to go.
It's incredible!
346
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:12,604
So people came to Edison, they're like
347
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:15,108
Hey, look what we can do.
We can project images on the screen.
348
00:16:15,143 --> 00:16:17,777
He's like Wow. That's amazing.
I can't believe I invented that.
349
00:16:17,812 --> 00:16:20,646
That's incredible.
I am so [bleep]ing smart!
350
00:16:20,681 --> 00:16:22,147
Let's patent this [bleep].
351
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:24,483
Movies take off. People love it.
352
00:16:24,518 --> 00:16:26,685
They went to these places
called nickelodeons.
353
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:29,921
For a nickel you're in a Greek theatre.
Come on in!
354
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:31,224
People would sit in
those theatres and be like
355
00:16:31,259 --> 00:16:32,892
This is awesome.
356
00:16:32,927 --> 00:16:35,795
So then Edison creates an industry town
357
00:16:35,830 --> 00:16:39,332
and everyone comes to Fort Lee
to start making movies
358
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:41,633
and Edison squeezes all of them.
359
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,802
He was like Join me in
what we're gonna call
360
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:46,438
The Edison Trust
and all of you assholes
361
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,908
can join together with me and
we're gonna make it so that
362
00:16:48,907 --> 00:16:52,144
no other mother[bleep]ers
make movies except us.
363
00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:55,513
[whispers] Got it?
Write it down in your notebook.
364
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:57,082
And everyone's like Great, let's do it.
365
00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:58,818
I don't want you to sue
me, so I'll just agree
366
00:16:58,817 --> 00:17:00,686
to whatever you say
because you're super-rich
367
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:05,624
- and I just wanna make art. So, great.
- Sounds good.
368
00:17:05,659 --> 00:17:08,259
They created a monopoly
on all filmmaking.
369
00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:11,064
There was a... a fellow by
the name of Carl Laemmle.
370
00:17:11,099 --> 00:17:13,364
He went to one of
Edison's [bleep] shows.
371
00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:15,733
He's like That is so bad.
372
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:19,071
People are paying a nickel
to watch this [bleep]?
373
00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:21,974
Why don't we try to make our own movies?
374
00:17:21,973 --> 00:17:24,710
And so Carl Laemmle
starts making movies.
375
00:17:24,745 --> 00:17:27,712
He creates his own
theatre and Edison's like
376
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:31,683
No. No.
I'm sorry, you... what are you doing?
377
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:34,920
You're not allowed to... make movies.
378
00:17:34,955 --> 00:17:37,156
And you're definitely
not allowed to show movies
379
00:17:37,155 --> 00:17:39,357
on my [bleep]ing
equipment without paying me
380
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:43,161
a [bleep]ing licensing fee.
How dare you?
381
00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:48,101
He sues Laemmle 284 times.
382
00:17:48,136 --> 00:17:50,636
Laemmle's number one dream,
383
00:17:50,635 --> 00:17:52,704
I just wanna one day make enough money
384
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,873
to take my family on
a vacation in Europe.
385
00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,174
And Edison is like
386
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:58,411
I'm gonna squash you
like a [bleep]ing bug.
387
00:17:58,446 --> 00:18:00,345
I'm The Wizard of Menlo Park!
388
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:03,681
Take your [bleep]ing family
on a vacation up my ass!
389
00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:05,017
[laughs]
390
00:18:05,052 --> 00:18:07,920
[kisses]
Oh, God, he was just...
391
00:18:07,955 --> 00:18:09,787
he was just eating a turd in the yard.
392
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:11,422
[laughs]
393
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:17,204
Elon Musk, he's doing the
opposite of what Edison did.
394
00:18:17,239 --> 00:18:19,238
He's giving away his patents
395
00:18:19,237 --> 00:18:21,506
and it's no accident
that Elon Musk's company
396
00:18:21,541 --> 00:18:23,476
is named after the guy that Edison f...
397
00:18:23,511 --> 00:18:25,477
metaphorically mouth [bleep]ed.
398
00:18:25,512 --> 00:18:31,108
[laughs] Edison was a bastard!
Imagine 284 law sues, man.
399
00:18:31,139 --> 00:18:33,485
But Leammle was like [bleep] you!
400
00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:35,722
I'm gonna keep making these movies.
401
00:18:35,757 --> 00:18:38,691
And Edison, faced with true opposition,
402
00:18:38,690 --> 00:18:41,928
started sending thugs to
Leammle's movie theatres.
403
00:18:41,963 --> 00:18:44,062
People were just sitting
and enjoying movies
404
00:18:44,097 --> 00:18:46,832
and all of a sudden
Edison thugs would come
405
00:18:46,867 --> 00:18:48,368
crashing through the door and be like
406
00:18:48,403 --> 00:18:51,737
[bleep] off! No one's
watching this [bleep]!
407
00:18:51,772 --> 00:18:53,872
This is not an Edison film!
408
00:18:53,907 --> 00:18:57,377
They would go to the productions,
beat up the [bleep]ing actors,
409
00:18:57,412 --> 00:18:59,546
but Laemmle didn't back down.
410
00:18:59,545 --> 00:19:01,813
There's three guys
who kept making movies.
411
00:19:01,848 --> 00:19:05,651
Laemmle, Fox, and Zukor,
and finally they realized,
412
00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:07,819
What the [bleep] are
we doing in New Jersey?
413
00:19:07,820 --> 00:19:10,857
We're shooting films in New Jersey
414
00:19:10,892 --> 00:19:14,594
and on a daily basis
getting sued and beaten up.
415
00:19:14,593 --> 00:19:16,763
Let's get the [bleep] outta New Jersey.
416
00:19:16,798 --> 00:19:18,999
How about we go to
[bleep]ing Los Angeles
417
00:19:18,998 --> 00:19:20,900
where it's sunny all the time
418
00:19:20,935 --> 00:19:23,235
and you don't get your
ass kicked by a dick.
419
00:19:23,270 --> 00:19:27,374
That's... [laughs]
That makes great sense. [laughing]
420
00:19:27,373 --> 00:19:30,275
That's a great idea.
[laughs]
421
00:19:30,310 --> 00:19:31,577
[snorts]
422
00:19:31,578 --> 00:19:34,714
They headed to L.A.
and those three heroes
423
00:19:34,749 --> 00:19:37,249
created Universal Studios,
424
00:19:37,248 --> 00:19:39,819
Fox, and Paramount.
425
00:19:39,820 --> 00:19:42,772
The United States government
recognized that the
426
00:19:42,773 --> 00:19:45,725
Edison Trust was a monopoly
and they broke it up.
427
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:49,094
Uh, sorry, Edison,
you can't have control
428
00:19:49,129 --> 00:19:52,264
over all film being made in the world.
429
00:19:52,299 --> 00:19:54,734
If we let you have your way,
then people would be looking at
430
00:19:54,769 --> 00:19:58,638
cats boxing until the
planet blew up, you [bleep].
431
00:19:58,673 --> 00:20:01,873
You're trying to ruin your species,
and you don't even realize it,
432
00:20:01,908 --> 00:20:04,376
you greedy, reptilian [bleep] bag.
433
00:20:04,377 --> 00:20:06,546
Still people are gonna
think you're great, though.
434
00:20:06,545 --> 00:20:11,083
No one's gonna know, so...
congratulations, demon.
435
00:20:11,118 --> 00:20:13,919
[epic music]
436
00:20:13,954 --> 00:20:16,255
I'm not saying inventors
don't... don't deserve to be
437
00:20:16,290 --> 00:20:19,524
rewarded for their inventions,
but instead of suing people,
438
00:20:19,559 --> 00:20:22,093
you work with them and
then the end result of that
439
00:20:22,128 --> 00:20:23,929
is the entire planet wakes up,
440
00:20:23,964 --> 00:20:26,099
we experience what's
called the singularity,
441
00:20:26,134 --> 00:20:28,434
everybody gets dissolved by nanobots,
442
00:20:28,469 --> 00:20:33,171
and we travel through the universe
as infinite beings of love.
443
00:20:33,406 --> 00:20:34,707
[laughs]
444
00:20:34,742 --> 00:20:37,776
[patriotic music]
445
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:03,095
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446
00:21:03,145 --> 00:21:07,695
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