Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:05,800
TEXT MESSAGE ALERT
2
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:11,000
MUSIC: Leeds United by Amanda Palmer
3
00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:41,360
# I'm so excited
4
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:45,200
# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
5
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:49,240
Some day, some day, Leeds United.
6
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:57,880
I'm outside.
7
00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,360
Did you not get my text?
8
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:03,400
No.
9
00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:22,680
Keswick. Time do you call this?
10
00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:24,600
I had to get like two buses.
11
00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:28,640
You really DID want to see me.
12
00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:33,200
So I was thinking maybe it could
be sexy
13
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:37,040
if, er, you came to stay at mine
one time.
14
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:38,320
I love these.
15
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:40,720
It's my friend Laura's
birthday on Saturday.
16
00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,680
I'm doing this brunch thing.
I thought maybe you could come.
17
00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:47,120
Could do. Just cos, you know,
you've not really met my friends
18
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:50,043
and we've been seeing each other
for, like, how long now?
19
00:01:50,123 --> 00:01:50,720
How long what?
20
00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:52,200
Have we been together?
21
00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:53,920
Yeah, we're not together.
22
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,360
Yeah, but you know what I mean.
23
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:58,440
Keswick. Don't go all psycho on me.
Take this off.
24
00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:02,120
I'm not. I've told you,
I'm very low-maintenance.
25
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:05,360
I just thought you might want to
stay at mine one time.
26
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,280
Can you cook? Sort of.
27
00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:09,520
Fine. Make me dinner tomorrow night.
28
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:11,960
It's a date. It's not a date.
29
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,520
Well, whatever it is.
30
00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:14,920
Shh. You'll wake Pete up.
31
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,400
Shut up!
32
00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:17,440
You've woken Pete up.
33
00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:21,480
It wasn't m... Shh. Stop talking.
34
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:29,560
# I wanna Sunday kind of love
35
00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:40,080
A love to last past
Saturday night...
36
00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:43,120
Oh. Hi, Pete.
37
00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:44,720
He's gone to work.
38
00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:47,800
Right. Well, erm,
tell him I'll see him later.
39
00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,560
Who will? I don't keep
track of everyone's names.
40
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:54,600
Meg. Do, do you not know?
41
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,680
OK. Well, I'm going to head.
42
00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:01,720
Bye.
43
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:07,080
Cheers, mate. I owe you one.
44
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:15,200
SHE FARTS
45
00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:17,640
Ah! I thought you'd gone!
I thought YOU'D gone?
46
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:19,120
No, don't come near me! Stay away!
47
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,520
Urgh! What is that?
It smells like a dead animal.
48
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,840
Oh, rank!
49
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:25,720
Oh! Is that you, Keswick?
50
00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:27,280
I think you might be unwell.
51
00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:29,640
I'm going.
Well, thanks for the farting gift.
52
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,560
Pete said you'd gone. Did he? Why
did he say that? Shall we ask him?
53
00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:36,480
Pete? No! Pete! Come in here!
54
00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:39,760
Fuck!
55
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,560
Megan Keswick, you filthy wench.
56
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:46,480
I know! I went to wake you up last night
to tell you about my incredible new job
57
00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:48,160
but you weren't here.
58
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:52,200
I can't help it if I'm irresistible.
He keeps sexting me!
59
00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:53,840
How is the incredible new job?
60
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:55,396
Incredible.
Oh, it's good you've got
61
00:03:55,476 --> 00:03:57,360
your foot through the door
at the theatre, Bun.
62
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,720
Foot? It's more like whole body.
63
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,280
This is my ticket to the top.
64
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,160
So have you met Sir Percy yet?
65
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:04,200
Who?
66
00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:07,520
WHO? Who is Sir Percy Macdonald?
67
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,360
He's a volcano of an actor is what
he is, Laura,
68
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:11,896
and it's my mission
to befriend him.
69
00:04:11,976 --> 00:04:14,280
Right, so when are we meeting
this new bloke of yours, Meg?
70
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,520
Well, he's coming over tonight for
dinner and shagging. Dinner?
71
00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:20,680
Oh, Jesus - it's serious.
Meg's got a boyfriend!
72
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:24,400
Shut up! He's not my boyfriend.
73
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:26,960
We're just keeping it
casual for now.
74
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,360
Well, HE is.
Does he "not want to label it"?
75
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:32,320
Well, he's not into needy girls,
so no.
76
00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:33,560
Is he even fit?
77
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:36,600
Yeah, he's really fit
and he also like treats me mean.
78
00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,136
Like one minute he'll be all,
79
00:04:38,216 --> 00:04:40,640
"Come over, sexy, let's
watch Netflix and chill"
80
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:44,440
and then the next minute, he'll
be like not returning my calls.
81
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,280
Ooh, he's blowing hot and cold.
82
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,400
That's very Don Draper - I love it.
83
00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:52,440
Hot and cold? Hot being Netflix?
Oh, the bar's so low, Meg. Get rid.
84
00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:55,960
I really like the sound of Hot and
Cold and I can't wait to meet him.
85
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,280
I even promise not to
flirt with him. Thanks!
86
00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:01,000
Right, so don't forget me
birthday brunch here tomorrow.
87
00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,880
Gary'll be back from Glasgow.
And is this Hot and Cold coming?
88
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:07,920
Yep, but, er, he'll probably already
have eaten his breakfast,
89
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:11,440
if you know what I mean.
90
00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:14,960
Urgh.
91
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,320
Make sure you're familiar with where
the auditorium is, for when people ask.
92
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,760
I just love the costumes, Diane,
so drab. When do I get mine?
93
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,720
You get your uniform
at the end of this shift.
94
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,520
OK. And sorry, what's my line again?
"Show programmes, ?10."
95
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:30,560
Mmmmm-aahhhhh!
96
00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:33,000
What are you doing?
97
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,560
I'm just warming up my vocal cords.
# Mmmmm-aahhhhh! #
98
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:37,920
Can you not do that?
99
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,240
Oh, sorry, would you prefer
if I used the Green Room?
100
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:41,960
The Green Room's
just for the actors.
101
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:46,000
Oh! You don't know, do you?
I'm actually an actress, Diane.
102
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:49,080
Oh, yeah, because all the top
actors sell choc ices
103
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:50,640
and programmes on the side.
104
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,000
I'm just here to make
contacts for my acting.
105
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:54,160
It's who you know, Diane -
106
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:57,600
and I intend to
know Sir Percy Macdonald.
107
00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,760
Not biblically, cos he's gay
but I can't wait to meet him.
108
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:02,000
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
109
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:06,040
Show programmes! ?10!
110
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,400
Now go and get the ?10.
111
00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,880
Sorry, excuse me.
Sorry. Sorry, madam.
112
00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:14,040
Sorry.
113
00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:17,200
'I've got good news.' Are you having
that disgusting skin tag removed?
114
00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,520
What skin tag?
I've had a pay rise.
115
00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:21,932
Oh, right. You can buy me
a nice present then, can't you?
116
00:06:22,012 --> 00:06:23,320
What time are you coming tomorrow?
117
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:24,702
'Laura, we've been through this.
118
00:06:24,782 --> 00:06:26,920
I'm in Glasgow.
I can't get back for your birthday.'
119
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,760
Oh, well, if it's too much hassle,
then, yeah, don't worry about it.
120
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,120
I thought you liked me being away.
121
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:33,800
You were only saying yesterday
how you were enjoying your own space.
122
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,018
I meant because I don't
have to deal with you
123
00:06:36,098 --> 00:06:37,560
taking a shit while
I'm in the shower.
124
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,120
'I've still got me laptop. We
can do stuff. It'll be sexy.'
125
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:41,078
No, it won't be sexy,
126
00:06:41,158 --> 00:06:44,000
because you'll be miles away from
your girlfriend on her birthday.
127
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,120
You should be here buying me them
flowers I like
128
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:47,488
and buying me little presents
129
00:06:47,568 --> 00:06:50,040
and hiding them round the flat
so I have to find them,
130
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:51,419
treating me like a princess,
131
00:06:51,499 --> 00:06:54,080
like you always do, cos you
love me so much...you knob!
132
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:56,911
I think I nailed that, actually.
133
00:06:56,991 --> 00:06:59,400
Sold nearly all my programmes,
a tonne of choc ices.
134
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,360
I think I'm ready to be promoted.
135
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:02,760
You've only done one shift.
136
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:04,960
Yes, but, Diane,
I'm not your average employee.
137
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,360
No.
138
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,720
Oh, my gosh! The actors are coming!
It's Sir Percy!
139
00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:10,480
Right, what shall I say?
140
00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:11,920
Afternoon, Diane.
141
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:15,000
Afternoon, Sir Percy. Didn't
recognise you without the wig!
142
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:18,120
Hah! I feel naked without it.
Do you know, I'm thinking of...
143
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,600
BOTH: Wearing it out at the weekend?
144
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,360
Oh, Diane, you are a hoot!
145
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:24,840
Twat!
146
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:26,600
Oh, Diane, you're an inspiration.
147
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:29,080
Right, this is going to be easier
than I thought.
148
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:32,600
If he talks to you,
then he'll definitely talk to me.
149
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:35,080
You know what the worst
thing about Gary being away is?
150
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:36,520
You're worried he'll stray?
151
00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:39,760
No, the thought of him
jizzing into his webcam every night.
152
00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:41,520
Calls it cyberspaffing.
153
00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,760
Just hold out for some real sex.
154
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:47,240
Absence makes the vaj grow
wider, as they say. Do they?
155
00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:48,761
I won't miss him, not as a person.
156
00:07:48,841 --> 00:07:50,800
I just think it's selfish
that he chose work.
157
00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:53,280
Well, we can still do the birthday
brunch without him.
158
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:55,000
Is Hot and Cold still invited?
159
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,840
Yeah, he's still invited
but he won't come.
160
00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:01,880
Right, I'd better get back to the
Playhouse. Oh, Meg, how romantic!
161
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,160
Lucky Hot and Cold!
162
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,480
Meg, this is freaking me out
and I'm not even a bloke.
163
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,400
It's all in hand, Laura.
164
00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:11,200
I just want to give Hot and Cold
a taste of what could happen
165
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,320
if we did go steady.
166
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:16,360
Disgusting. I hope you've put just as
much effort into your, you know, chuff.
167
00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:18,200
I had actually forgotten about that.
168
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:20,280
He's not coming anyway,
so doesn't matter.
169
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:23,480
Yes, he is. Now,
off you both piss, please.
170
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:27,120
Unless you want to witness
a whole night of...shagging.
171
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,120
Oh, my God! Vile.
172
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,348
Yes, yes. Well, don't wait up.
173
00:08:30,428 --> 00:08:33,160
Because I'm definitely going to be
kicking about with Sir Percy and co
174
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,440
after the show till silly o'clock in
the morning.
175
00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:38,560
I can't wait to tell them
I actually am one of them!
176
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,280
And then Percy's going to introduce
me to his agent and he'll say,
177
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,800
"Bunny, allow me to introduce you
to my agent," and I'll say,
178
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,640
"Well, thank you, Sir Percy" and
he'll say, "No, please, call me..."
179
00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:50,680
Bye, then. Choc ices, ?4.
Would anybody like a choc ice?
180
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:52,520
Anyone?
181
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,520
What are you doing backstage?
182
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:57,480
Oh, Sir Percy! I didn't recognise
you without your wig on.
183
00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,240
What? I'm wearing my wig!
184
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,160
Oh, well, don't wear
it on the weekend!
185
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:02,480
What?
186
00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:03,720
Choc ice?
187
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,440
No. I'm in the middle of Act I.
188
00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:06,720
I've got a surprise secret.
189
00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,240
Shut up. You're in my way.
190
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:12,000
OK, OK, I'll tell you later, yeah?
191
00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:13,760
God, what a guy!
192
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,560
HE GROANS
193
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,720
HE GROANS LOUDLY
194
00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,160
Ah!
195
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,680
Gary, it's frozen.
Gary, the screen's frozen.
196
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:27,240
Gary! Gary!
197
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:31,280
Oh, for fuck's sake!
198
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,480
'Are you sure you just
prefer to watch?'
199
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,560
Yeah. Turns me on.
200
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:36,960
'Will you show us your tits?'
201
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,160
No, I'm putting you away.
I'm shutting you down.
202
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,160
'Please, I need treats. Plea...'
203
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:45,200
Oh, phew! God, I'm exhausted.
204
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:48,120
Oh, God. What a first half!
205
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:51,320
It's a tricky old crowd, isn't it?
We'll get there in the end, won't we?
206
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:52,480
Who are you?
207
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:56,240
I'm Bunny. And I know who
YOU are, Percy Macdonald.
208
00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:59,000
I loved your Hamlet. It was so raw.
209
00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:00,640
Sorry, why are you in here?
210
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,520
Well, I'm an actress. Like you!
211
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:05,160
I trained at Yada. It's
the Yorkshire Academy of Dramatic...
212
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,360
Yes, yes, yes, yes,
but which production are you in?
213
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,920
Oh, this one, silly!
214
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:11,520
I thought you were just an usher.
215
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:13,680
Yah. It's just a stopgap.
216
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:17,360
So, the aftershow party -
is it open to all the actors?
217
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:20,920
Cos you know, I was just
thinking of stopping by.
218
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,680
HE WHISPERS
219
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:23,840
Leave? Why?
220
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:26,320
There you are!
Do I look like your mother?
221
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,200
Oh, God, no!
My mother's very attractive.
222
00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:32,240
You can't just dump merchandise
in the hallway. They've all melted.
223
00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:33,840
And why aren't you out there?
224
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,640
Diane, it is the interval
and I needed a rest.
225
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:39,200
Please, Diane, let me
give you a hand with these.
226
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:43,240
Oh, no. Please, Percy, let me give
YOU a hand... It's SIR Percy, yes?
227
00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:46,960
Look, Bunny. I think you should just
go home and come back tomorrow
228
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,080
when you've reassessed
your priorities.
229
00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:51,360
I can't work tomorrow.
I have a birthday.
230
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,520
Do you want this job or not?
231
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:57,600
YES! Yes, I do. Please don't fire me.
232
00:10:57,640 --> 00:10:59,840
Please, just give me
a chance to prove myself.
233
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:03,880
Fine. See you tomorrow.
234
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:11,000
To be, or not to be.
235
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:13,640
That is the question.
What are you doing?
236
00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:15,520
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
to suffer
237
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:18,120
the slings and the arrows of
contagious fortune...
238
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,000
OUTRAGEOUS fortune.
239
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:21,320
Or to make arms...
240
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:23,440
TAKE arms. Jesus Christ!
241
00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:27,040
..against a sea of troubles
and by opposing end them.
242
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,240
To die, to sleep no more
243
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:33,120
and by a sleep to say that we
end the heartache.
244
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:36,120
Jesus - end my fucking heartache!
245
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:38,600
Please, just STOP! Just stop!
246
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,880
You are the worst actress
I have ever seen.
247
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:42,880
And I've worked with Tilda Swinton.
248
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:45,360
THEY LAUGH
249
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,120
I think you should just go.
250
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:55,800
What about the party, Diane? Just go.
251
00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:55,840
DIAL TONE
252
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:56,920
BEEP
253
00:11:56,960 --> 00:12:00,320
Oh, hi. It's...it's me...again.
254
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:04,360
So...if you do get this and you have
been in a fire, don't worry.
255
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:10,080
Um...but if you haven't
been in a fire, then...let me know.
256
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:12,320
OK.
257
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:16,360
Peace out.
258
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:20,880
KNOCK AT DOOR
259
00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:29,320
He's not here, is he?
260
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,080
Firstly, I told you so.
261
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:35,120
Secondly, put some clothes on.
262
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,000
He might have been in an accident
or something?
263
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:39,360
Hopefully.
264
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,480
Meg, if I waited round for
every man that told me
265
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:43,920
he'd "been in an accident" or
"Me Gran's died..."
266
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,320
All right, Gary's gran had died
that time but still...
267
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:48,360
Yeah, well, maybe he's just
playing it cool.
268
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,440
Maybe he's just not in any way
interested?
269
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:52,160
PHONE BEEPS
270
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:53,840
Oh, it's him.
271
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,520
Oh, well, he forgot, apparently.
At least he's being honest.
272
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:59,280
Meg, whatever you do, don't... Hi!
..phone him.
273
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,040
No, no, no, no, it's cool.
274
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:05,000
Yeah, yeah...oh, God! Are you OK?
275
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,280
Yeah, of course I'll come round.
276
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,800
Batteries? Yeah, yeah, OK.
OK, bye.
277
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,920
False alarm...
278
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,600
He twisted his ankle
playing football.
279
00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:16,720
I thought he forgot.
280
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:19,360
For a minute there, I thought
he was going to stand me up. He did.
281
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:22,760
Because if he had stood me up,
I would not be going over there.
282
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,160
He has...and you are.
283
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:27,760
But he's hurt his ankle
and lucky for him, I am...
284
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,400
..desperate. ..nice.
285
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:31,600
Anyway...I'll see you tomorrow.
286
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:33,320
I'm not going to
forget your birthday.
287
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,760
Like he forgot your date.
288
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,920
I know some people abandon their
friends when they get a boyfriend...
289
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,040
You won't. No.
290
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,320
Because he's not your boyfriend.
Not officially.
291
00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,640
Not even unofficially. Not yet!
292
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:47,560
But it might be unofficial soon.
293
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:50,480
Ciao.
294
00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:54,320
PHONE BEEPS
295
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:58,360
MUSIC: Ooh La La
by Goldfrapp
296
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,760
Hi, guys.
297
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,520
Hi. Did you go shop?
298
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:10,560
FOOTBALL COMMENTARY ON TV
299
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,800
How's your ankle?
Oh, yeah, yeah, fine now.
300
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:20,840
I brought dinner round anyway...
Come on, you twat!
301
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,480
What time does this finish?
302
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:26,520
It's already over.
Recorded it from earlier.
303
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:29,160
Is he going to bed soon?
304
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:32,520
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
305
00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:34,080
I'll, er...
306
00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:38,120
lay the table. Yeah...
307
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:44,480
HE TURNS VOLUME UP
308
00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,320
Get in...
309
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:47,760
Use him, mate, use him...
310
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,640
Pass it, go on...oh! You idiot!
311
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:51,840
That's it, that's it.
312
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:55,880
Yes...go on...the...team.
313
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:59,120
Go on. Go on. That's it. Oh!
314
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:02,160
What a waste of space.
315
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,800
Is there enough for Pete, Meg?
316
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:07,840
Um...yeah.
317
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:16,960
You can get yourself started
in my room if you want.
318
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:22,040
COMMENTARY: Edge of the box,
goes for goal, he's scored!
319
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:25,280
Oh, yeah! Yes! Get in!
320
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:29,320
Yes! Go on, son!
321
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:32,360
BUNNY CRYING
322
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,520
The sheer abs humiliash!
323
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,200
God, I can never go back there
again! Of course you can.
324
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:40,360
And...they want me
to work on your birthday brunch.
325
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,200
Right, you can't go back there.
326
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:43,680
I know how we'll handle this.
327
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,320
We'll show them acting skills.
328
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:49,360
Go get your phone.
329
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:57,560
He's gone to bed.
330
00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,000
TV HOST IN BACKGROUND
331
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:01,760
Um, hello, yes it's Bun...
332
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:03,400
DEEPER VOICE: Yeah...
333
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,760
It's Dr...Bun-ton here. Yeah, um...
334
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,427
Unfortunately,
I just need to tell you
335
00:16:08,507 --> 00:16:10,760
that Bunny will not be able
to come in to work tomorrow.
336
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:13,840
Um...I'm afraid that she has...
337
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:17,000
In fact, she's died.
338
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,720
What from? Oh...
339
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,080
..choking, choking.
340
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:25,120
Um, on...it was on...it was,
it was it was...a choc ice, yeah.
341
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:29,040
Yeah, yeah, no, that would melt.
Sorry, if you'd just let me finish,
342
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,640
it was, actually it was a...
343
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:34,520
It was a...choc ice
wrapper...wrapper.
344
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,440
Yeah, God knows, God knows.
345
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:38,920
Even as I'm saying it,
I just can't quite believe it but...
346
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,360
Yeah, she wanted me to tell you
that she couldn't actually
347
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,040
come to work tomorrow...
348
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,040
As she was choking, she said that,
yeah.
349
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:46,920
Yeah, so...no work for her.
350
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,560
All right, bye!
351
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,480
LAURA APPLAUDS
352
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:55,520
BUNNY LAUGHS
353
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,800
Where did you go? Shower.
354
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:00,680
Were you dreaming about me? Yeah...
355
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,640
Having nightmares. Touche.
356
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,280
Have you just put some more
lipstick on? Maybe.
357
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:07,960
Have you done that for me, Keswick?
358
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,600
You realise I'm just going to
kiss it all off, don't you?
359
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:14,080
Oh, OK...
360
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:18,120
Oh, it's... You've got it
all over your teeth.
361
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:26,960
Aw, Gaz...
362
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:31,000
PHONE BEEPS
363
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,920
HE GRUNTS
364
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,960
HE GROANS
365
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:45,640
HE SIGHS
366
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,840
HE PANTS FOR BREATH
367
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:52,880
Morning.
368
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:56,320
What do you tell people?
369
00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:58,280
Do you still say you're single
or what?
370
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:01,000
Look, I told you,
labels just complicate things.
371
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:02,160
It is what it is.
372
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:05,800
"It is what it is" is what people
say when something's a bit shit.
373
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:09,160
Do you think it's a bit shit?
374
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,240
No...
375
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:13,400
But...
376
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:14,720
Well...
377
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:18,760
I would like to...know.
378
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:19,960
Know what?
379
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,280
When are we going to get a mortgage?
380
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:24,200
Why do girls always do this?
381
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,440
Do what? Over-think everything.
382
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,720
Look, if you're not happy,
don't come round any more.
383
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:31,000
No-one's forcing you to see me.
384
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,280
Fine.
385
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,920
I won't.
386
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:37,315
I won't come round any more.
387
00:18:37,395 --> 00:18:39,960
If you want to see me,
you have to come to mine. Deal.
388
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,080
So, are you still coming to
Laura's birthday brunch?
389
00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:50,160
When? Now.
390
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,040
I can't. Why?
391
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:56,080
I've got a date.
392
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:57,960
SKYPE DIAL TONE
393
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,360
Right...everybody ready?
394
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:03,080
ALL: Yeah!
395
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:07,120
ALL SING: Happy birthday...
LAURA: ..to me.
396
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:11,280
Laura... Happy Birthday to me.
397
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,120
Happy birthday to me... Laura!
398
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:17,120
Happy birthday to me!
399
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,600
No, Laura, don't!
400
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,080
Gary, you fucktard!
401
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,440
I'm sorry, Laura. I didn't know
I was getting treats.
402
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,800
Yeah, well, you were getting
treats for being so nice,
403
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,880
but you're never getting treats
ever again.
404
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:32,560
HIS FRIENDS LAUGH
Yes, Laura. Sorry. Happy Birthday.
405
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,000
Oh, shut up.
406
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,160
You did look fit, though. Ugh...
407
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,760
MUSIC: Don't Mess Me Around
by Clare Maguire
408
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,680
# You should've known
409
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:44,720
# That I am not that kind of girl
410
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,680
# You can't mess me round
411
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,080
Round, round...
412
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:53,120
GIRL RINGS DOORBELL
413
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:07,280
Terribly sad.
414
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:11,320
She was such a wonderful human,
such a dear, dear friend.
415
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,240
Happy birthday! Thanks, mate.
416
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:23,520
This is not for you.
417
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:26,320
Oh, my God, they love me.
418
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:27,560
What's going on?
419
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:30,560
I am an amazing actor,
is what is going on.
420
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:34,200
OK, I feel a bit bad about it.
I may have pulled a cheeky sicky
421
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,160
but they're being really
nice to me now.
422
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,880
Because they think you're dead.
423
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:41,040
Well, I can't help it
if I'm such a convincing performer.
424
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:44,440
We'll probably all have a really
big giggle about this later on.
425
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,800
Percy's a hoot. Where is he, then?
426
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,360
Who, Hot and Cold?
427
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,040
Not coming. Is dating someone else.
428
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:54,400
Who gives a shit? I definitely don't.
429
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:58,120
I've got my mates. It's my best
mate's birthday. Let's brunch.
430
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:01,800
Let's party. I just want to dance.
431
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:05,840
There's no music playing.
Don't need it.
432
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:08,480
OK, maybe put some music on.
433
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:09,520
Are you OK, Meg?
434
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,080
Yeah, I just want to dance.
435
00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:12,920
I think we should all dance.
436
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,160
Come on!
437
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:15,880
Woo! Yeah!
438
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:19,920
Woo! Yeah. Yeah, yeah, uh...
439
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,160
Are you sure you're OK, Meg?
440
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,320
Yeah, why wouldn't I be?
441
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:27,960
Mmm...you've got tears
rolling down your cheeks.
442
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,971
I think you might
have been right, Laura.
443
00:21:30,051 --> 00:21:31,600
I think he was a bit of a bellend,
444
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:33,040
but who cares?
445
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:35,600
THROUGH TEARS: It's cool. I'm cool.
446
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:37,600
So cool! It's cool, OK?
447
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:40,080
It's cool. Yeah, totally cool.
448
00:21:40,120 --> 00:21:41,200
It's so cool.
449
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:42,720
So, so cool.
450
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:46,760
Exactly... Shots?
451
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:53,080
Happy birthday! Thank you.
452
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:58,040
Let us take a moment
to pay tribute to the sad
453
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,600
death of one of our company.
454
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:05,640
I'm sure we all have fond memories
of Bunny as a great team player.
455
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:11,720
Let us have a moment's prayer.
456
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:15,680
Surprise!
457
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,040
My gosh! Oh...
458
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:22,080
I got you! I'm not really dead!
I was just acting!
459
00:22:22,120 --> 00:22:23,640
I tried to tell you!
460
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:26,160
I'm an actor!
461
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,760
Can I have a part now?
462
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,160
Get her out. What?
463
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:34,040
Oh...oh, no. You don't
understand. I belong here!
464
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,920
I belong with you! I do!
465
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,760
MUSIC: Hot N Cold
by Katy Perry
466
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:41,600
# You're yes then you're no
467
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:43,520
# You're in then you're out
468
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:45,400
# You're up then you're down
469
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,160
# You're wrong when it's right
470
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,960
# It's black and it's white
471
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,000
# We fight, we break up
472
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:53,000
# We kiss, we make up
473
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:56,840
# You don't really wanna stay, no
474
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:59,080
But you don't really wanna go...
475
00:22:59,130 --> 00:23:03,680
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35039
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
