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1
00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:07,120
Oh, hello.
2
00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:11,160
Er, my card's not working.
I think it might have been cloned.
3
00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:15,280
OK, Ms Keswick.
It's "Miss" actually.
4
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:17,440
I'll read out your
recent transactions.
5
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:20,320
Booze Busters plc, ?38?
Guilty!
6
00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:23,880
A direct debit for
superamazingpuzzles.com, ?22.
7
00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:27,000
And one recent payment to... Oh!
8
00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:31,040
What? What is it?
?53 to breastenhancercups.co.uk?
9
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:35,320
Pfff. Fraud or what!
10
00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:39,360
Is it?
No.
11
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:44,320
"Lozzerchops! Just wondering,
12
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,720
"how much money have you
got at the moment?" Oh, 50p.
13
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:51,240
"Excited about tonight?" Well, no,
because we can't afford to go out.
14
00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:55,120
But it's Apocalash...
Oh, hang on, Bunny's ringing me.
15
00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:56,560
Oh!
16
00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,680
Megamix! Hang on, I'm a bit busy.
You rang me.
17
00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:02,760
Return, please.
Meg, I was just wondering...
18
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:05,040
I haven't got any money.
Fine. I'll ask Laura.
19
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:09,080
Just asked her. Er, nice try. But
clearly these have all been worn.
20
00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:13,360
Shit!
Shit!
21
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:14,760
Shit!
22
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,760
# Oh-oh-oh oh-oh!
23
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:19,360
# Oh-oh-oh-oh
24
00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,800
# Oh, I'm so excited
25
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,680
# Uh-oh oh-oh oh-oh
26
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:28,600
Someday, someday Leeds United.
27
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:32,640
HE LAUGHS
28
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,760
No, you can't have an "advance".
29
00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:39,160
Right, well, do excuse me I need
to have a word with my colleagues.
30
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:43,200
OK. He's bluffing. Money people
always do this I saw it on the telly.
31
00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:46,120
We just need to call
his bluff, agreed?
32
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:49,640
Oh, yeah! Wait, wait! No, what?
Malcolm, unfortunately,
33
00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:52,920
we are looking for
a higher investment opportunity,
34
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:56,960
so, with that in mind, I'm afraid
we will have to withdraw our assets.
35
00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:01,760
What assets? Your tits?
No, ourselves as employees.
36
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:05,160
I'm afraid, Malcolm, we're out.
37
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,840
Well, see you later then.
I'll need your uniforms back.
38
00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:09,880
All the bobby best, girls.
Thank you.
39
00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:12,560
Is this part of the plan? Because
it feels like we lost our jobs.
40
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:16,600
We did, yeah. Laura, now that I am
no longer your authority figure,
41
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:20,320
would it be out of the question
to take you on that dinner date?
42
00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:24,360
I'd rather you killed me. Go on.
OK. Not to worry.
43
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:29,040
Nobody worry. Do not worry.
I've got a plan B.
44
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:32,760
You need money, don't you?
No! I just thought I'd pop in.
45
00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:36,640
Everything's absolutely fine. Your
brother said you asked him for food.
46
00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:40,160
Grassing little shit. It was a joke.
47
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,920
Why aren't you at work? I could
ask you the same question, Mum.
48
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:46,080
I always pop home at lunchtime
for a pork sandwich.
49
00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:49,000
I really hope that's not a euphemism.
Depends what mood your dad's in.
50
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:52,000
Gross.
Well, we get very tired at bedtime.
51
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:54,880
In many ways, it's actually
the worse time for intercourse.
52
00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:58,920
Why are you telling me this!
Anyway, we've decided you've sponged quite enough.
53
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,080
The bank of Mum and Dad is closed.
54
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,960
Please! I just need
enough to tide me over
55
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,000
while I deal with
this whole bloody saga.
56
00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:10,440
What saga?
Losing my job. Oh, Meg!
57
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:14,480
That was the bit
I was supposed to not tell you.
58
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,680
Soup?
Is this the only food we've got?
59
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:24,720
We are going to starve to death.
Guys.
60
00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:27,240
Good news. I've got an audition
61
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,840
to play a busty redhead
in a sofa commercial!
62
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,800
How is that good news?
Oh, yeah, I've got a job and all.
63
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:36,840
Oh, well, it's a job interview
but it's at Uncle Sam's to be a waitress so it's in the bag.
64
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,880
Well, these are both
long-term selfish solutions
65
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,160
to what is a very immediate
shared problem.
66
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,800
Meg, will you calm down?
Everything's going to be OK.
67
00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:48,480
Don't forget it's Apocalash tonight.
Oh, yeah!
68
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,320
We can sell our Apocalash
tickets to buy food!
69
00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:54,640
Ow! Laura!
Not thinking straight, are you?
70
00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:58,400
No. Sorry, Laura. It's just,
I haven't eaten for a day
71
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:01,280
and I'm really hungry and I'm
scared about not having a job
72
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,480
and I think I might die.
73
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,960
In other words,
you need a good night out.
74
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:09,320
Really? Because what it feels
I need is a good meal in.
75
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,600
Let's all meet in town
and we'll take you for a makeover
76
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:14,360
to take your mind off the fact that
you have no money and no future.
77
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:17,360
OK. And wear something slutty
so the boys will buy us drinks.
78
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,240
Might they buy us food?
OK, test me.
79
00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:22,280
OK.
80
00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:26,320
"A busty redhead in revealing
clothes..." That's me!
81
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:30,440
"..struts in with a glass of wine."
82
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:34,960
This sofa, it's only ?599.
83
00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:38,520
Nah, mate. They always say
five-nine-nine. Sounds cheaper.
84
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:41,560
This sofa, it's only five-nine-nine.
85
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,320
Oh, yes!
86
00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:45,160
And are you gonna do an accent?
87
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:49,200
PIRATE-LIKE ACCENT: Argh!
This sofa it only be five-nine-nine.
88
00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:54,480
What were that? It was
supposed to be a regional accent.
89
00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,600
Why, was it bad?
Where are you supposed to be from?
90
00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:01,160
Anywhere but boarding school.
Right.
91
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:04,360
We have a work-hard, play-hard
philosophy here at Uncle Sam's.
92
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,880
We want you to be happy,
customers pick up on that.
93
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:09,880
We pool all the tips,
we offer free meals and...
94
00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:13,920
Oh, hello, a latecomer. Yeah, come
on in, grab a drink and sit down.
95
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:18,840
Ah, yes. You must be
Laura Wiley, is that right?
96
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:24,240
Yeah.
Right, here you go.
97
00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:28,760
OK, er, you've got a wine.
98
00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:32,800
Right. Yes. Actually,
can you get rid of it?
99
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:46,320
OK. Um, let's make
a start, shall we?
100
00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,440
Let's go around the room
and I want you to tell me
101
00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:52,240
in three words what brings
you here today. I'll start.
102
00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:56,280
Fresh. New. Challenges.
103
00:05:57,280 --> 00:06:01,280
Er, Good. Career. Opportunity
104
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,000
Fantastic.
Fired. For. Attitude.
105
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:08,880
OK. Er, Jonathan.
106
00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:11,800
It's a bit complicated.
Just three words, Jonathan.
107
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:15,280
Sexual. Harassment. Case.
108
00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:19,320
Good. OK. Fantastic.
Yeah. That's... Yeah.
109
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:24,520
Cracking.
110
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:28,560
Hi. I'm Stu, I'm the director.
This is Sam the producer.
111
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:32,640
Hi, I'm Bunny.
Great, yeah, this is great.
112
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:35,400
Are you local, Bunny? LEEDS ACCENT:
Yeah. I live in Headingley.
113
00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:38,040
Sorry?
I live in Headingley.
114
00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:42,080
Oh, great, cool. Well, shall we go
for one? In your own time, Bunny.
115
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:46,440
SHE CLEARS THROAT
116
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:51,600
EXAGGERATED LEEDS ACCENT:
This sofa, it's only five-nine-nine.
117
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:55,640
Yeah.
118
00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:59,680
Er... Shall we...
Let's try a different accent.
119
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,240
How about Liverpool?
LIVERPOOL ACCENT: Eh!
120
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:06,280
Eh! Eh! This sofa,
it's only five-nine-nine, like!
121
00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:09,040
SHE WHISPERS
122
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:12,560
Er, Irish? IRISH ACCENT:
Let me tell you bout dis sofa,
123
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,280
dis sofa, it's only five-nine-nine.
124
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:18,120
THEY TITTER
How about Birmingham?
125
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,960
BIRMINGHAM ACCENT:
Birmingham. Birmingham. This sofa,
126
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:25,000
it's only five-nine-nine.
127
00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:30,360
Oh, we'll be in contact.
Thank you very much.
128
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,120
Don't be ringing...
129
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,040
THEY LAUGH
130
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:44,080
OK. It's the moment of truth.
We're about to find out
131
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:49,880
who has made it through to the next
training round in Harewood tomorrow.
132
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:53,200
I'm going to split you into
two groups. Please step aside when I call your name.
133
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:57,240
Group A. Laura Wiley, Jonathan Howe.
Oh, hang on a minute.
134
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:03,600
Everyone else, group B.
This can't be right, he's a perv.
135
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,800
Sorry, yes, er, we'll create
a group C. Jonathan, you're group C.
136
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,040
Yep. Thought so.
137
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,880
The group
138
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:16,080
going to Harewood is...
139
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,760
group...
140
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:23,200
..B. It's group B. Congratulations,
group B. Well done.
141
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:25,720
Sorry. Um, what about group C?
142
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:29,760
Yes, sorry. Everyone in group C can
reapply when things get cleared up.
143
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:34,160
What about group A?
I'm afraid it's an outright no.
144
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:38,200
So I've lost out to a sex offender?
"Alleged" sex offender. Alleged.
145
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,200
Ugh! Fine!
146
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:43,960
Knobheads!
147
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:48,000
Sorry about this.
148
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:52,360
So, is it for a special occasion?
Yeah, we're all skint.
149
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:55,560
Yet huge purchasers of make-up.
150
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,800
What are you wearing tonight, Meg?
This?
151
00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:01,240
Oh, what are them? You look like
a fucking disciple or something.
152
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:04,640
Right, this is an emergency.
Help her. No, really, I'm fine.
153
00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:07,520
So, is it your pores?
What's wrong with my pores?
154
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:10,000
Well, it's just that
they're visible.
155
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,680
I can cover them up for you, though?
HER STOMACH RUMBLES
156
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,120
That was my stomach,
it wasn't a fart.
157
00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:18,040
Oh! Right. So, my eyes,
personally, are drawn towards
158
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,920
the middle area of your face,
so what I'm going to do is
159
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,240
I'm going to bring down the nose.
Bring down?
160
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:27,280
You know, create the illusion
that it's flatter and less...
161
00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:30,520
..there? I see.
And then we'll see
162
00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:32,520
what we can do about
these eyebrows! OK?
163
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:36,560
Oh, yeah. Definitely the eyebrows.
I think so.
164
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:40,840
# She got a body like an hourglass
but I can give it to you all the time
165
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:46,520
# She got a booty like a Cadillac
but I can send you into overdrive, oh
166
00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:52,480
# Bang-bang into the room
# I know ya want it
167
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:55,880
# Bang-bang all over you
I'll let ya have it
168
00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:58,760
# Wait a minute,
let me take you there, ah
169
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,640
# Wait a minute till ya, I'm talking
170
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,560
# Bang-bang there goes your heart...
171
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:07,320
THEY WOLF WHISTLE
So annoying, yet validating.
172
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:10,280
Good sign. Blokes will be falling
over themselves to buy us drinks.
173
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:13,400
I'm not having this. Excuse me!
You can't do that, you know?
174
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:16,080
It is rude or illegal or something.
175
00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:18,280
Oh, God, no. Sorry,
we weren't whistling at you.
176
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:22,320
Oh, good. No, we was
whistling at those two pretties.
177
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:30,360
You all right, mate?
Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, yeah.
178
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,400
Just think my
blood sugar's a bit low.
179
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:34,520
Come on, let's make
the most of that pout.
180
00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:39,000
Bang-bang into the room
I know ya want it.
181
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:52,680
Three more tap waters, please.
182
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,160
I don't get this.
Why's no-one buying us drinks?
183
00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:57,200
Meg, keep square on.
184
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,760
Maybe they're intimidated by
our threateningly good looks.
185
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:03,280
Right. Shall we play a game?
Oh, yeh! Paper, scissors, stone.
186
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:06,280
One, two, three.
Ha!
187
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,560
Right, Meg, the forfeit is,
you've got to go to the bar
188
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:11,200
and get a bloke to buy you a drink.
Absolutely not.
189
00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,600
PHONE BUZZES
190
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,400
Oh, my gosh! They've called me
for a second audition tomorrow!
191
00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:19,360
Ah, nice one. Er, Meg,
see if you can get champagne.
192
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:22,120
I'm not doing it.
Is this your bag?
193
00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:25,040
Yes.
Right, go fetch!
194
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:28,120
Bunny! Right, I've got to do
another accent. You got any ideas?
195
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:32,160
Er, Ukraine? No, no, no.
It's got to be from a real place.
196
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:39,160
Huh! Hello! Crowded, isn't it?
197
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,080
Yep.
198
00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:45,120
Have you been here before?
No.
199
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:51,040
I like your T-shirt.
200
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:55,080
It's very, very sexy. Phwoar!
201
00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:59,440
Oh, right. Thanks.
202
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,200
Oh!
203
00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:04,440
I'm Meg.
Ed.
204
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:08,120
Ed? Good, good, Ed.
205
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:11,200
Do you give good 'ead, Ed?
206
00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:13,560
What?
I'm sorry.
207
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,320
Are you getting a drink, Ed?
Yes.
208
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:20,360
So we're both getting drinks then?
Yeah.
209
00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:26,560
Well, you go first.
No, um, after you.
210
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:30,080
No, honestly, you were first.
No, I weren't.
211
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:33,840
Look, can I take your order, please?
212
00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:37,880
I'll get these then, shall I?
Pint of Taps, please.
213
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,280
Right, well,
I'll just pay for it then.
214
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:45,320
Right, cheers.
215
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:54,600
Oopsy!
216
00:12:57,560 --> 00:13:01,440
What about Isle of Wight-ish?
Oh, for fuck's sake!
217
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,360
Blokes don't buy girls
drinks in bars any more.
218
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:07,480
That's just something that happens
to Cameron Diaz in romcoms.
219
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:11,520
Oh, I'll do it. Right. Eyes.
Target. Locked. Looking away.
220
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:15,800
Looking back. He's coming over. You
do the talking and I'll ignore him.
221
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:18,840
Bollocks! That did not work.
222
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:21,760
Is this the party table?
Hello. I'm Bunny.
223
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:25,800
Hi, Bunny. I'm Jonathan.
Oh, my God! It's the sex pest!
224
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,880
That was a misunderstanding.
I was never found guilty.
225
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:31,760
Can I get you a drink?
Yeah. You can buy us all a drink.
226
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,920
Can you keep talking? I need to hear
your accent, it's for research.
227
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,560
SCOTTISH ACCENT: How fun for me.
BAD SCOTTISH ACCENT: How fun for me.
228
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:41,600
Well, I'm going to the bar.
Well, I'm going to the bar, so...
229
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:45,200
Bottle of wine, please, Jonathan.
A BOTTLE of wine?
230
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:47,960
Er, yeah.
So, is that everyone for wine?
231
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,960
Actually, can I have a fajita?
232
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:54,000
A What? Er, chicken or halloumi.
I don't mind.
233
00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:57,880
Oh, you're the funny one.
234
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,320
HE LAUGHS
235
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:03,920
What the hell, Meg?
You can't ask a bloke for food.
236
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:07,240
It's like fifth-date stuff.
It's the same price!
237
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:10,360
Oh, God! I'm so hungry.
I honestly think I might faint.
238
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:13,040
Listen. When he comes back,
we grab the wine and go, right?
239
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:16,800
I want to talk to him more.
No, you want him to buy you food.
240
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,800
Meg, we're not drinking
with someone on the register.
241
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,280
Can I just say, I'm not
actually on any register at all?
242
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:26,320
Oh, whatever. We all need toilet.
No, we don't. Yes, we do.
243
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:30,600
Well, I don't agree
with going to the toilet...
244
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:34,840
..in bars.
Oh, just leave her.
245
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,160
I'll get another.
246
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:48,200
# DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
247
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:08,680
# Got my back against the wall,
I was born like this
248
00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,400
# You know, there's no contest
249
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:12,640
I kid you not,
I beat you to it...
250
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,680
My lawyer says I'll get off because
251
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:18,680
there's no evidence
but the accusation's enough.
252
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:22,720
She wanted to destroy me
and, in a way, she has.
253
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:27,600
Zoinks! You poor thing.
254
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:31,640
If it's any consolation, you
don't seem like a sex offender to me.
255
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:35,960
I'd never take advantage of anyone.
No, me neither.
256
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:38,480
Obviously. That goes without saying.
257
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,520
Er, right, Meg, come on.
We're off now.
258
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,800
Oh, no. I think I'm going to stay.
259
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,480
Right. What's he been saying?
260
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:47,840
Is he buying you a kebab or summat?
THEY LAUGH
261
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:51,520
No. He all right, I like him.
Right, fine.
262
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:53,400
What does "no" mean?
263
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:57,360
No means no? Is this a rape test?
264
00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:01,000
Yes. You do realise that won't
actually guarantee my safety?
265
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:05,040
Right, text us when you leave here.
Again, not a guarantee.
266
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:11,400
I'll be honest, now that we've made
the joke, I do feel a bit safer.
267
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:15,440
Huh! One for the road?
268
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:19,840
I steal all your money
and then just give it away.
269
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,960
Tonight was fun.
270
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,240
Can I kiss you?
271
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:30,280
OK.
272
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:33,320
Actually, sorry. I just,
I just need you to say yes.
273
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:37,360
Oh, right. OK. Um, er...
274
00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:41,520
Yes, er, yes, you may kiss me.
275
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:47,720
Shall I get us a...
Kebab. ..cab? What?
276
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:51,760
What? A Cab? Yeah.
277
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:55,200
# She has a gilt complex,
break her neck
278
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,960
# Now she's run, run,
running right over the edge
279
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,640
Got a gilt complex, poison pen,
she's signing her...
280
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,040
BOTTLES RATTLE
281
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,080
Are you looking for something?
282
00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:09,400
No, no, no, no. I was, um...
283
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:13,440
I was just thinking maybe we
could get some food involved?
284
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,120
Oh!
285
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,040
Kinky.
286
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,080
Is that what you want?
287
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:25,120
Yes.
Then, it's OK.
288
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:33,720
Mmm!
289
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:37,760
Mmmmm!
So juicy.
290
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:41,120
Mmm!
291
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:45,160
So... salty.
292
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:54,000
Oh! You squirted.
293
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:58,480
OK! Ha!
294
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:00,680
Oh!
295
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,360
Mmmm! What flavour is that?
296
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:07,400
Er, berry medley.
297
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,840
Oh, yep. Down it goes. OK.
298
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:14,000
Mmmmm!
299
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:18,040
Mmmmmmm!
300
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:23,240
No way!
Do you want me to stop? Yes!
301
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:27,280
What? No, no.
This is fine, everything is OK.
302
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:31,680
Mmmmmm! Mmmmmmmm!
303
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:35,720
Oh, my God!
304
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:40,840
Oh!
305
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:50,320
Ha! Huh!
306
00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:54,360
OK.
307
00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:59,360
Oh, that's a little pancake.
308
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:03,400
Ohhhhhhhh!
Sexy.
309
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,240
Ahhhhh-ohhhhh! Oh, it's cold.
310
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:11,000
Oh!
311
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,040
Oh!
312
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:15,640
Oh, fucking, yes!
313
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:19,680
Is this turning you on?
Yes! Um!
314
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,440
Oh!
315
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:27,480
Soy sauce? Oh!
316
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:28,960
Um...
317
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,040
Oh! Oh, yeah.
318
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,520
OK. No, Meg. No, Meg. Meg!
319
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:35,680
Oh, fucking hell.
Meg. Meg!
320
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:38,280
God, this is so good!
No, Meg, please stop, stop,
321
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:41,600
stop, stop. Meg, stop!
322
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:45,640
This feels wrong.
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
323
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:51,680
You're absolutely right.
I should heat it up.
324
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:58,480
MICROWAVE BEEPS
325
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,920
She's back! Er, your agent tells me
326
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,360
you've been working on
a new regional accent for us?
327
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:15,400
SCOTTISH ACCENT: Aye, and I cannae
wait to tell ye all aboot it.
328
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,840
I have been eating haggis
up in the Highlands
329
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:22,880
and I have been working on
my Scottish all neet, man?
330
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:27,200
THEY LAUGH
331
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:37,440
Oh!
332
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:44,960
Ilkley? Fuck!
333
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:10,040
You off then?
Um, er, yes.
334
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,680
Er, sorry about the, um...
335
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:17,160
Oh, it's... There's
a train station at the end of...
336
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,760
Actually, maybe you should get
a cab. Do you need some cash?
337
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,720
Er, no, honestly it's...
338
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:26,760
No, no, it's fine, I've got
a 20 here you can have.
339
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:37,160
Keep it. Seems like you need it.
340
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,560
Oh, my God! Did he assault you?
341
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,360
No. If anything, I assaulted him.
342
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,560
Yep. Got so hungry,
I used a man as a human plate,
343
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:05,040
then stole money from him
like a genuine hooker.
344
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,120
I'm getting pretty
desperate too because, er,
345
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,800
my commercial,
it won't pay me until it airs.
346
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:13,840
You got the commercial?
That is unbelievable...
347
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:17,480
..ely great.
Anyway,
348
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,280
the good news is, Malcolm's
decided to un-replace us,
349
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:22,920
so we'll be getting
a two-week advance on our wages,
350
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:26,960
so we won't be skint any more.
Really? Why? How?
351
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:31,160
Dunno. It's weird.
352
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:36,560
May I say you are looking lovely...?
We agreed, no talking.
353
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:40,600
Oh, thank you.
354
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,200
All the way to the brim, please.
Oh!
355
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:51,240
If you want a sofa and you want to
save, come on down to Sofa Nation!
356
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:54,360
This recliner sofa
only four-nine-nine.
357
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:58,400
DUBBED YORKSHIRE ACCENT: This modern
leather sofa only five-nine-nine.
358
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:02,560
The Sofa Nation sale ends Sunday!
359
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:07,080
God, I'm good.
360
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:36,000
Subtitles by Ericsson
361
00:23:36,050 --> 00:23:40,600
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