All language subtitles for Downward Dog s01e04 The Full Package.eng

[Birds chirping]

Martin: There's no easy way to say this,

but a lot of dogs are just really,

really like, they're just stupid.

And that's fine, like,

I don't think it's wrong to be stupid,

but sometimes I feel like that stupidity

is almost like, celebrated.

- Good boy.
- Like, sometimes

dog culture feels

almost like a breeding ground
of anti-intellectualism

and I just want to say, like,
it's not a sin to be smart.

[Dog yapping]

Like, there are things I
do that these other dogs

couldn't dream of, like
every morning I wake Nan up

with a series of very
carefully placed face licks.

Oh, Martin! Ugh! Gross. Go away.

Like, I do that every day like,

it's not even challenging for me.

Hunter. Heal.

Hey.

- What up?
- Is that my flat white?

- I forgot yours.
- [Laughs] Okay.

- I'm sorry.
- No kidding.

Honestly, it took all I had
just to remember to get here.

So I could... I could go back.

No, that's okay, I'll just have yours.

Oh, that's, yeah, okay.

So, what did I miss?

Well, tiny-vest lady
bitched out Great Dane guy.

Aw, they just need to mate already.

- I know, right?
- Can I have the ball?

I want to throw the ball to Martin.

- Yes.
- Yeah, gimme, gimme, gimme.

Come on, Martin, you want this?

- Go on, Martin.
- You want this? Come on!

Get some exercise. Good boy.

Of course, the down side of
having such a high, like,

intelligence level is
that when you're so, like,

mentally nimble the physical world

has, like, a hard time
keeping up with you.

Huh!

Go!

Sit. Good boy.

Awesome job.

And it sucks because it's not like

I wouldn't enjoy feeling
athletic, you know,

to, like, be able to just, like,

leap and dance and twist and, like,

snatch those, like, impossible balls

out of the sky. I mean,

sometimes it's hard not to wonder, like,

what it would be like if
I had it all, you know?

Brains and brawn, like,
the full package.

Synced and corrected by Dragoniod for
- www.addic7ed.com -

Hup! Hup!

Sit!

[Dog barks]

[Sighs]

Can you, can you make it,

like, a little less obvious
when you're ogling other men?

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- No, no, it's cool.

I forgot that you have,
you know, a thing for...

for old dudes.

Okay, he's not that old.

And also, I don't have a thing.

You're just mad because
he stole your look.

- My look?
- Yeah.

Okay, my look is grounded and earthy.

He looks like a James Bond super villain

that just got back from a
transcendental meditation retreat.

Oh, crap, he's coming over here.

- Can you be nice?
- Uh-huh.

- Be nice.
- Oh, yeah.

Hey, I saw you guys watching Hunter.

He's, um, so beautiful.
What... What is he?

He's a blue marrow border collie,

the dog of Scottish kings.

- [Chuckles]
- Well, Martin is a mutt,

you know, the dog of democracy.

It's really impressive
what you guys do out there.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

I mean, honestly, you and your dog

could do the same stuff we're doing.

It's just a matter of
training, and I'd be happy

to give you some tips sometime.

Martin is fine the way
he is. Aren't you, Martin?

Aren't you? Aren't you, big guy?

- I'll see you guys around.
- Okay.

- Hunter, come!
- Bye.

I'll call you.

- Oh, hello.
- Hello again.

- [Chuckles]
- Hunter! Hup!

Really going pretty hard

on the whole English
gentleman thing, aren't you?

Yeah, well, you... you got me there.

[Laughs]

Hey, you know, I meant what
I said about helping you

and your boyfriend train your dog.

Oh, I don't have a-a boyfriend.

Okay, then, well, my name is Eric.

Oh, sorry, I'm Nan. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, Nan. Here's my card.

- Call me.
- Oh, wow.

- If you want me to work with the dog.
- Sure.

Yeah, thanks. I will put you

in there as Handsome Eric
Dog Park... that's you.

[Laughs]

That's funny.

Thanks.

The thing is, I've been
so committed to the life

of the mind that I feel
like I've kind of missed out

on the potential of my body.

Today, after seeing Hunter,
like, I was kind of inspired.

So when I got home, I decided to, like,

test out my athletic abilities
around the house and...

- Martin!
- ...it went awesome.

Yeah, I'm not refined, but
I thought I was really,

really impressive on a raw talent level.

But Nan didn't even, like, notice

and I was like, right,
probably the only reason

I don't think of myself as an athlete is

because Nan has never
valued that about me.

All right, that's, that's, I mean,

I don't know what else... to do.

Your days of untrained
fun are over, Mister!

Just enjoy them while you can!

Oh, hey, Eric. Hi.

Um, it's, um, Nan...

Dog park. [Chuckles]

Yeah, I-I, you know, I realized

I do have some free time this week,

so I thought maybe if you're free...

Sometimes I feel like Nan is responsible

for, like, 99.100% of my problems.

Today, I decided to take responsibility

for my own training.

I mean, she's been kind of a
failure in that way anyway.

- Martin, down!
- It's just so rare that

I find a single area of myself

that could possibly be improved.

Like, honestly, I'm kind of excited.

- Oh, this Eric Baxter?
- Yeah, he's cute, right?

Mm-hmm. Older gentleman,

super successful,
borderline materialistic.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, I like how subtle

you're being about taking
Jason's diametric opposite.

No, it's like he's
like the ultimate Jason.

I mean, he's like, like,
Jason in like 15 years

if he got really
ambitious and successful

but he was still, like, cool.

You know, he's like
the best of both worlds.

Uh-huh.

Besides, I mean, is it really a date

if technically he asked out Martin

and then I called him? I don't think so.

No, Nan, babe, how long
did you wait to call?

I waited like four hours.

- [Gasps]
- Is that, I'm sorry, I don't know!

I don't know these things.

I've been off the market
for, like, years and years.

I'm pretty sure there are cave paintings

that say wait three days to call.

Ladies, theoretically,

if someone were to be
going to a fancy club this weekend,

which one of these would read more like

Kanye West meets Neil deGrasse Tyson?

- Oh, boy, I'm tapping out.
- Okay.

All right, Kevin, you'll never
be either one of those men,

and it's not just 'cause
you're white, yeah?

Also, don't wear camo to
the Duquesne Gala, you know?

Try to be subtle.

Wait, how do you know
about the Duquesne Gala?

Because Dan is making me go

because his parents want
us to get married there.

Wait a second, can you get me in?

No, you already said you're going.

I mean, I'm wait listed.
Same thing, right?

Come on.

Help a brother out.

Nope, nope.

- Hi there.
- Hi. Wow, look at you.

Is this your usual training ensemble?

You know, I thought we were
training Martin, not me, so...

It's all right, it's going
to be a light day anyway.

Come on in.

Okay. Come on, bud.

Hello, Martin.

Wow, your house is...

Sorry, I know, it's a total mess.

[Laughs]

I'll show you a mess.

Not really.

Anyway, the training area is out back.

Okay. Come on.

Yeah, this, of course, is Hunter's

favorite part of the compound.

Wow. [Laughs]

You have, like, an
actual training course.

Yeah. Yeah, it started out as a hobby

and has become more of an obsession.

[Chuckles nervously]

Should we begin?

Yeah, I'm ready.

It's just crazy,

the confidence that
dogs like Hunter exude.

They have this swagger

that just comes from being
affirmed their whole life,

because when I saw what
Hunter had in the yard,

I was like, oh, of course, like,

that's why he's so good at these things.

And I thought, now that
I have the same equipment

and training as Hunter, like,
now I'll be an athlete too.

I'm gonna try a few
things and you follow.

Oh. Sure.

- Capisce?
- Yeah, capisce.

You made me an offer I can't refuse.

- [Chuckles]
- Hmm?

That's from "The Godfather."

That's funny.

[Chuckles]

Hunter, come on!

Hup! Hup!

In light of all his societal advantages,

Hunter didn't look all that impressive.

Stay. Go, go, go.

It looked kind of easy.

I was kind of excited to show him up.

Good boy! Awesome! Now you try.

Sure thing.

Hey, hey, hey, stop doing that.

Listen, don't screw
this up for me, okay?

Okay, good boy, come on.

Then I was just shocked.

Right there, Martin, come through,

Through the hoop.

I don't even want to
talk about what happened.

Over! Through the tube.

Martin, come on, Martin. Go through.

Come over, come, that's...

Like, of course, yeah,

I-I failed physically,
like, surprise, surprise.

No, on this side. Come on.

But Nan was saying all these
things that were, like,

meaningless to me...

[Speaking unintelligibly]

I just kept thinking,
oh, I am smart enough.

Like, at some point
it's just going to click

and I'll get it but, like,
that moment never came.

Hunter understood everything.

He made it look so easy.

I don't understand anything.

I just, I just looked
like a stupid idiot.

Come on. Come on, come on, buddy.

I know, you're embarrassed.
Come on. Come on out.

You weren't kidding about
his lack of athleticism.

It's stunning, actually.

Don't say I didn't warn you, right?

Well, maybe it's time for break anyway.

- Oh, good.
- And perhaps a glass of wine?

Yeah, that would be great.

It's just really nice to spend
time with a grown-up, you know?

Like, you have a real job,

and you don't play video games,

and maybe you used to smoke pot

but now you're like,
"I don't even need it"

because accomplishing tasks
can be completely as fun, right?

Well, you certainly
are a delight yourself.

Thanks.

- More wine?
- Yes, please.

[Chuckles]

You know, I read in some cultures

it's considered rude to refuse wine.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Yum.

You know, I never do this,

but would you mind
terribly using a coaster?

Th-There's one...

Yep, yep. Yep.

I think today was the
worst day of my entire life

because as it turns out, like,

I'm not smart or athletic.

Like, I'm not the full package at all.

I'm just, I'm just
like an empty package.

Come on.

It was kind of awesome you know?

Like, so different but cool.

He has this house from
this famous architect,

and we had wine I couldn't pronounce.

- Ooh, did he seem into you?
- Uh, gosh, I don't know,

but he did invite me to the gala, so...

Nan, way to bury the lead!

Yes, thank God, I'm not
going to be there on my own

listening to Dan talk about securities.

I know, and I'm going to
get all fancy, you know?

The nicest place Jason ever
took me was, like, Burger World.

- Oh. God.
- [Laughs]

So listen, can you help me
find everything that's wrong

with this place so I don't
have to get married there?

Yes, done. On it.

Perfect, and if it's
weird I will rescue you,

and if it's not weird,
you just let me know

how much you want to bone this guy.

Right, I don't know.

It's early, you know, and,
like, he's really attractive,

but he's also kind of stiff.

Ooh, naughty.

No, he's, like, super serious,
like, about everything.

I mean, like, he never laughs.

Like, he just says, "That's funny."

- Huh.
- Yeah.

But I don't know.
Like, who cares, right?

- I mean, I'm having fun...
- Yeah.

And at least he's not lecturing me

on the evils of the 1% every
time I reach for a LaCroix.

That's funny.

- What are you giving them?
- Ooh. All the good stuff.

I've got raw salmon,
quinoa, fresh apples,

and a special blend of protein powder.

Okay, I just... You have
to be kind of careful

what you give to Martin because
his stomach is a little iffy, so....

Don't worry about it.

It is literally impossible
that this would harm him.

All right, well, you're the expert.

- [Laughs]
- Yeah.

I guess this is what
being humble looks like.

There, boys.

I mean, now, like, now I
see that I've blamed Nan.

Like, I've blamed
training courses, like,

I blamed culture at large, but
I never once blamed myself.

Hunter? Sit.

Lie down.

Play dead.

And in the past, I've
always judged these dogs

who do the whole sit,
stay, play-dead thing.

Like, just the phrase "play dead"

is actually pretty dark,
if you think about it.

Okay, sit.

Stay.

But maybe Hunter has something
figured out that I don't.

Like, I've always been the teacher,

but maybe I have something to learn.

Jenn: Ugh, too much.
Why do you need all that?

Can you believe how
gaudy that chandelier is?

- Yep.
- Like, you can almost hear

the cries of the steelworkers

who were systemically
oppressed to build it.

Yeah, and like, chill
with the gold leaf, okay?

Everybody understands you're rich.

Yes! Like, we get it, okay?

You had to destroy vast
tracts of virgin land

to build this magical marble palace.

Sheesh.

- You like this place.
- What?

No, this place is offensive. No.

[Chuckling] Yes, you do.

You love it, don't you? A little bit?

Fine. Fine!

It makes me feel like a
princess and I love it.

I never want to leave this place.

Don't tell Dan. I won't tell him.

Because he's going to be so smug.

- Ladies, cr?mant de Bourgogne.
- Ooh, champagne.

Technically it's not
champagne, it's sparkling wine.

Well, still gets you drunk, right?

- I heard that.
- Hey-oh!

That's funny.

The thing is, Hunter is so committed

because I thought, like, once
the lovebirds left, like,

Hunter would stop
pretending to care, like,

what they thought and
we would just, like,

you know, let down a little
bit, like, we would play.

But he just stayed... like,

he takes that word
really, really literally.

And on one hand, like, like,
I respect that commitment.

Like... [Barks]

...all I've ever been
committed to is, like,

binge eating my breakfast,

but then again, like,
this is possibly, like,

the least fun I've ever
had in my entire life.

And like, I'm someone
who has stared at a wall

for four hours straight.

[Mid-tempo music plays]

Nan?

What are you doing here?

Hi, Kevin. I'm actually, I'm on a date.

With a man?

Yeah, with this, this guy, Eric?

He's a member.

Eric Baxter? How is that even possible?

You know, honestly, when you
guys, like, after you do it

or whatever, like, if you're talking

and the topic of my
Duquesne club application

- came up, it would be...
- Eric!

Eric, what's up, man?

Hey. Nan, are you about ready to go?

Hunter really needs
to be kenneled by 9:00.

- Oh, sure, yeah.
- Okay, I get it.

I like your style, man. I get that.

Okay.

Who is that guy?

I don't know.

You're like a sexy old Jesus!

In retrospect, yeah, like,

I guess I knew something was wrong,

but I was trying to,
like, be like Hunter

and I thought, you know, like,
I'm going to tough it out.

Like, pain is just
weakness leaving the body.

But as it turns out, it
wasn't pain leaving the body.

It was something else leaving
the body all together.

Hey, I don't believe I've told you,

but you look absolutely lovely tonight.

Oh, uh, thank you.

Yeah, I don't think you
mentioned it, actually.

[Chuckles]

Oh.

I guess we should...
get back to the dogs.

You're right.

Thank you for kissing with me.

Yep.

- There you go.
- Thank you.

You got it.

[Coughs lightly]

Oh. I know that smell.

Oh, no.

- Martin, baby?
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Eric? I am so sorry.

Hey, buddy, you okay?

You okay?

It's everywhere.

Eric, I am so sorry.

Martin, down.

It's not his fault.

It doesn't matter. This
is a teachable moment, Nan.

Okay. Buddy, hi. Hi, sweetie pie.

- Nan, you are rewarding him.
- I'm just comforting him.

He's never going to respect you.

It's fine!

It's not fine, Nan! You're ruining him.

Eric, Martin is my dog, okay,

and I really don't care if
he's, like, the best trained dog,

and I don't even care if he
craps on the floor now and then.

I just, I just want him to be happy.

Okay, Nan, look,

I'm aware that I can come
across as a little uptight.

- Okay.
- But I really think if you,

if you take some time

to get to know me you'll
realize that's not the case.

I'm sorry, I have to get that.

- Oh, yeah, I get it.
- Yeah.

I think we'd better go.

I'll see you later.

Yeah, absolutely, I'll see
you around, okay, no worries.

Come, on buddy, come on.

Come on. [Smooching, sighs]

The thing is, like, sure, like,

Hunter is this really impressive dog

and like, I'm kind of a
mess, like, like, I get that.

Hunter, cuddle.

But today, honestly, like,

I'm just really impressed with myself,

because I think I finally let go

of that desire to be impressive.

I guess we can't win them all, can we?

Come here, you, come here.

- [Cellphone chimes]
- Who is that?

Come on, come on.

Like, who cares about perfection?

Like, who cares about
being the full package?

I am flawed and awkward and floppy,

and I might never catch a ball, like,

in my entire life and, like,

I might not even be one of the
greatest minds of all time.

Like, I might be just
one of the great minds

of my generation, like top two.

Come on, buddy. Hi.

Oh, hey there.

What's with the dress, Cinderella?

- Oh, work thing.
- Uh-huh.

So, 75-cent hamburger night, huh?

- Yeah, can't beat it.
- Damn straight.

Beautiful evening like this. Yeah.

It's really nice.

Like, I'm okay with that.

I think the important
thing is to love yourself.

Ga ga ga ga! Get your own.

You have four burgers!

There's like 8,000! Ohh! Okay.

But yours are always so tasty.

Go for it.

I'm sure self love is easy

when you're somebody like Hunter.

- Mmm.
- That's good, right?

But when you're as flawed as me...

Where's your dress?

...when you're as flawed as me,

choosing to love yourself

might be the bravest
thing ever attempted

in the history of the world.

- Hey!
- [Laughs]

Rip it out, rip it out.

Baby, don't eat that.

- [Laughing]
- [Laughing]

That's funny.

[Laughs]

Sometimes I like to just,
like, let my thoughts, like,

like, wander because

I'll stumble across these
really deep thoughts

like, what if the entire
universe, everything we know,

is just like some tiny speck
on some other giant food bowl,

and what if that food bowl
is part of another food bowl,

and that's part of another
one and they all just, like,

nest together in this infinite regress

and then, like, I just
feel like if that's true,

if that's true, how could
you ever be really sure

if a food bowl is full or not?

Like, like, I think about that.

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