All language subtitles for Detroiters s02e06 Mort Crim.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese Download
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
es-419 Spanish (Latin American) Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,034 --> 00:00:10,172 [Motown music] 2 00:00:10,241 --> 00:00:11,827 - Commercial idea. Ready for this? 3 00:00:11,896 --> 00:00:13,413 Meat: cook that shit 4 00:00:13,482 --> 00:00:14,827 or your ass gonna get sick. 5 00:00:14,896 --> 00:00:16,482 - Ah, that's pretty good, Ned. 6 00:00:16,551 --> 00:00:18,344 - Ah-ah-ah, this one gonna twist your drawers up. 7 00:00:18,413 --> 00:00:20,517 Ready for this? Onion rings: French fries 8 00:00:20,586 --> 00:00:22,793 with pussy holes. 9 00:00:22,862 --> 00:00:24,172 - Whoa. - Hold on, guys. 10 00:00:24,241 --> 00:00:25,551 Need you to sign in, man. 11 00:00:25,620 --> 00:00:28,586 Sir, I need you to sign in. Sir? 12 00:00:28,655 --> 00:00:30,344 Sir. Sir! 13 00:00:30,413 --> 00:00:31,724 - Aren't you going to stop him? 14 00:00:31,793 --> 00:00:33,275 - All I can do is three "sirs." 15 00:00:33,344 --> 00:00:34,551 He looked all right, though. Glasses... 16 00:00:34,620 --> 00:00:35,862 - Yeah, it's fine. - All right, cool. 17 00:00:35,931 --> 00:00:37,000 Christmas, right? 18 00:00:37,068 --> 00:00:38,137 - Actually, Ned, we gotta go. 19 00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:39,413 We're gonna miss "Chump of the Week." 20 00:00:39,482 --> 00:00:41,000 - Oh, love "Chump of the Week," man. 21 00:00:41,068 --> 00:00:42,344 You think he might do the one about my man 22 00:00:42,413 --> 00:00:43,689 who got the kangaroo in his apartment? 23 00:00:43,758 --> 00:00:45,275 - No, that was last week's chump. 24 00:00:45,344 --> 00:00:46,827 They don't repeat. Come on, Tim, we gotta go. 25 00:00:46,896 --> 00:00:48,310 - And now it's time for Mort Crim's 26 00:00:48,379 --> 00:00:49,965 "Chump of the Week." 27 00:00:50,034 --> 00:00:51,103 - Just in time. - Shh. 28 00:00:51,172 --> 00:00:52,724 - You know who pissed me off? 29 00:00:52,793 --> 00:00:55,620 Dale Stern, the principal of Diana Lewis Elementary, 30 00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:58,793 who permanently cancelled pizza Fridays. 31 00:00:58,862 --> 00:01:01,310 Now, if pizza's not healthy, 32 00:01:01,379 --> 00:01:03,379 how come I've never seen a fat Italian? 33 00:01:03,448 --> 00:01:06,344 You, sir, are a pepperoni. 34 00:01:06,413 --> 00:01:08,310 And you are my "Chump of the Week." 35 00:01:08,379 --> 00:01:10,068 - [laughs] Chump. 36 00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:11,931 Good luck getting an omelet in this town 37 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,000 without a pube in it. 38 00:01:13,068 --> 00:01:14,413 - Yeah, yeah, more like, 39 00:01:14,482 --> 00:01:16,000 good luck trying to get a pepperoni in this town 40 00:01:16,068 --> 00:01:17,206 without a pube in it. 41 00:01:17,275 --> 00:01:18,206 - How's that better? 42 00:01:18,275 --> 00:01:19,586 - Good night, Detroit. 43 00:01:19,655 --> 00:01:21,551 I'm Mort Crim, and that's all the news 44 00:01:21,620 --> 00:01:23,137 from the entire world. 45 00:01:23,206 --> 00:01:24,413 - Dude, well, then you date her. 46 00:01:24,482 --> 00:01:26,000 Listen, bro, she made chicken 47 00:01:26,068 --> 00:01:27,482 in front of a chicken. 48 00:01:27,551 --> 00:01:28,896 The chicken was looking at me like I was crazy. 49 00:01:28,965 --> 00:01:30,758 I'm like, fam, I don't know what to tell you. 50 00:01:30,827 --> 00:01:32,241 So, now I got the chicken in my house 51 00:01:32,310 --> 00:01:34,068 and now I can't eat chicken-- oh, yo! 52 00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:35,517 It's the kangaroo man. 53 00:01:35,586 --> 00:01:37,620 Yo, sir, what's in the pouch? Can I fight it? 54 00:01:37,689 --> 00:01:39,310 I'll beat the shit out of this kangaroo. 55 00:01:39,379 --> 00:01:41,896 [dramatic music] 56 00:01:41,965 --> 00:01:43,068 - ♪ Next time ♪ 57 00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:44,379 ♪ When they ask you ♪ 58 00:01:44,448 --> 00:01:46,344 ♪ Where you're from ♪ 59 00:01:46,413 --> 00:01:48,000 ♪ You gon' say Detroit city ♪ 60 00:01:48,068 --> 00:01:52,655 ♪ When we get back on our feet, yeah ♪ 61 00:01:52,724 --> 00:01:54,413 ♪ Yeah ♪ 62 00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:56,103 - Like I said, man, I just keep seeing it. 63 00:01:56,172 --> 00:01:57,482 There was like, five or six of 'em, 64 00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:59,241 all women, all big as hell, 65 00:01:59,310 --> 00:02:01,620 big ass backs, big ass titties, too. 66 00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:04,275 They all had the same scorpion tattoo on their neck. 67 00:02:04,344 --> 00:02:05,965 They was like, "Who do you work for? 68 00:02:06,034 --> 00:02:07,551 Who do you work for?" 69 00:02:07,620 --> 00:02:09,310 I'm looking like, "The goddamn U.S. of A." 70 00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:10,482 And they was like, "Oh!" 71 00:02:10,551 --> 00:02:12,103 And then one of 'em grabbed my-- 72 00:02:12,172 --> 00:02:13,689 - Whoa, what happened, Ned? 73 00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:15,689 - [sighs] I left the door open last night 74 00:02:15,758 --> 00:02:17,655 and somebody snuck in here and robbed us. 75 00:02:17,724 --> 00:02:18,793 I was at home. 76 00:02:18,862 --> 00:02:20,862 - Oh, crap, my leather jacket! 77 00:02:22,586 --> 00:02:24,413 - We were robbed. - My jacket. 78 00:02:24,482 --> 00:02:27,137 - They took the copy machine and all the paper. 79 00:02:27,206 --> 00:02:28,793 - They didn't take my jacket. 80 00:02:28,862 --> 00:02:30,068 - They took my laptop. 81 00:02:30,137 --> 00:02:31,344 - Look, it could have been a lot worse. 82 00:02:31,413 --> 00:02:32,724 All right? It's just a laptop. 83 00:02:32,793 --> 00:02:34,965 - They took her laptop but not my beautiful jacket? 84 00:02:35,034 --> 00:02:36,413 This robber's a dork. 85 00:02:36,482 --> 00:02:38,413 - They stole my work Scotch. 86 00:02:38,482 --> 00:02:40,344 - Sheila, we can get you new Scotch, okay? 87 00:02:40,413 --> 00:02:42,241 The important thing is that nobody was hurt. 88 00:02:42,310 --> 00:02:43,862 - Sam, they stole your top hat. 89 00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:45,137 - With the holly? 90 00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:47,620 What is wrong with this city? 91 00:02:50,241 --> 00:02:51,689 - Maybe they didn't see the jacket. 92 00:02:51,758 --> 00:02:53,241 - Yeah, but they definitely would have smelled it. 93 00:02:53,310 --> 00:02:54,551 It's brand new. It stinks. 94 00:02:54,620 --> 00:02:56,689 - That's true. It stinks bad in here. 95 00:02:56,758 --> 00:02:59,655 - It certainly does. It certainly does. 96 00:02:59,724 --> 00:03:01,689 So, what we were thinking was, we open the showroom 97 00:03:01,758 --> 00:03:03,206 of Garner Weich Furniture, you know, 98 00:03:03,275 --> 00:03:04,965 see chairs, we see sofas. 99 00:03:05,034 --> 00:03:06,482 Then we land on the two of you 100 00:03:06,551 --> 00:03:08,344 sitting in a loveseat, talking directly to camera. 101 00:03:08,413 --> 00:03:10,724 - Oh, no, we don't want to be in the commercial. 102 00:03:10,793 --> 00:03:11,758 - Oh, really? 103 00:03:11,827 --> 00:03:13,482 We think you guys would be great. 104 00:03:13,551 --> 00:03:14,862 - We're afraid people will recognize us 105 00:03:14,931 --> 00:03:18,758 from our user-submitted PornHub video. 106 00:03:18,827 --> 00:03:20,551 - Pardon me real quick, I have to check my email 107 00:03:20,620 --> 00:03:21,413 privately. 108 00:03:21,482 --> 00:03:23,000 - Uh, okay. 109 00:03:23,068 --> 00:03:24,137 Well, in that case, 110 00:03:24,206 --> 00:03:25,482 we hire a spokesperson. 111 00:03:25,551 --> 00:03:26,655 - Oh, what kind of spokesperson? 112 00:03:26,724 --> 00:03:28,034 - Could be a sports figure, 113 00:03:28,103 --> 00:03:29,827 a character actor. 114 00:03:29,896 --> 00:03:31,137 I guess the question is, 115 00:03:31,206 --> 00:03:34,862 who do you want representing your company? 116 00:03:34,931 --> 00:03:36,344 [chuckles] Seriously? 117 00:03:36,413 --> 00:03:38,137 - We would like someone with integrity, 118 00:03:38,206 --> 00:03:39,965 someone that people can trust, 119 00:03:40,034 --> 00:03:41,931 someone with gravitas. 120 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,103 - Could it be an animal? 121 00:03:43,172 --> 00:03:44,655 - Uh, yeah, that'd be great, 122 00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:47,206 but we're not allowed to work with animals anymore. 123 00:03:47,275 --> 00:03:48,896 - What happened? 124 00:03:48,965 --> 00:03:52,172 - We glued two bugs together for an exterminator commercial. 125 00:03:52,241 --> 00:03:53,724 - Why? 126 00:03:53,793 --> 00:03:55,448 - To make it look like they were kissing. 127 00:03:55,517 --> 00:03:57,034 - And Mort Crim doesn't usually comment 128 00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:59,517 on commercials, but he called it a "bummer." 129 00:03:59,586 --> 00:04:01,172 - Hey, what about Mort Crim? 130 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,448 - Oh. - He called it a bummer. 131 00:04:02,517 --> 00:04:03,965 The words just came out of my mouth. 132 00:04:04,034 --> 00:04:06,241 - No, no, what about Mort Crim for the commercial? 133 00:04:06,310 --> 00:04:09,310 [both laugh] 134 00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:11,586 - [laughing] That's... 135 00:04:11,655 --> 00:04:13,620 - [laughing] Eat shit. 136 00:04:13,689 --> 00:04:16,000 - [laughing] Yeah, Mort Crim? 137 00:04:16,068 --> 00:04:17,586 - You don't like him? 138 00:04:17,655 --> 00:04:18,965 - No, we love him. 139 00:04:19,034 --> 00:04:20,206 It's just, you're not gonna get him. 140 00:04:20,275 --> 00:04:21,448 He's freaking Mort Crim. 141 00:04:21,517 --> 00:04:23,586 - Yeah, I mean, if you're Nike, 142 00:04:23,655 --> 00:04:25,206 but it's not gonna happen. 143 00:04:25,275 --> 00:04:26,206 It's impossible. 144 00:04:26,275 --> 00:04:27,620 - Hey. 145 00:04:27,689 --> 00:04:29,103 If you would've told me that someday 146 00:04:29,172 --> 00:04:32,034 I would be married to this incredible woman 147 00:04:32,103 --> 00:04:35,275 and live in the nicest house in Bloomfield Hills 148 00:04:35,344 --> 00:04:37,310 and have these muscles, 149 00:04:37,379 --> 00:04:39,482 I wouldn't have believed you. 150 00:04:39,551 --> 00:04:41,137 In my experience, gentlemen, 151 00:04:41,206 --> 00:04:43,965 anything is possible. 152 00:04:45,862 --> 00:04:47,448 - [mumbles] - You know what? 153 00:04:47,517 --> 00:04:49,620 We'll try. - We believe in you. 154 00:04:49,689 --> 00:04:50,827 - Oh, cool, that should help. - Yeah, sure. 155 00:04:50,896 --> 00:04:52,379 - Yeah, thank you so much. - Great. 156 00:04:52,448 --> 00:04:53,827 - Thanks for coming down. Appreciate it. 157 00:04:53,896 --> 00:04:56,862 - Absolute pleasure. - Drive safe driving home. 158 00:04:56,931 --> 00:04:58,000 [door closes] 159 00:04:58,068 --> 00:04:59,275 - She stomps on his balls. 160 00:04:59,344 --> 00:05:00,482 - [exhales] - He's a naughty boy, 161 00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:02,551 and she stomps on his balls. 162 00:05:02,620 --> 00:05:03,827 - Oh, my God. - I know. 163 00:05:03,896 --> 00:05:06,448 - Let me see it. - Yeah, here you go. 164 00:05:06,517 --> 00:05:09,310 - No! - Ooh! 165 00:05:09,379 --> 00:05:10,758 - Bad boy! - Ooh. 166 00:05:10,827 --> 00:05:12,620 Tim, that jacket stinks like shit. 167 00:05:12,689 --> 00:05:15,275 - Yeah, well, I'm wearing it, so deal with it. 168 00:05:15,344 --> 00:05:17,724 I'm going to meet Mort Crim. 169 00:05:22,517 --> 00:05:25,724 - You can't lock a goddamn door? 170 00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,724 These criminal masterminds didn't break a window. 171 00:05:27,793 --> 00:05:29,620 They didn't scale a wall. 172 00:05:29,689 --> 00:05:32,137 They walked in an unlocked door. 173 00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:34,068 [elevator bell dings] - I am so sorry, ma'am. 174 00:05:34,137 --> 00:05:35,655 - Ma'am? Oh. 175 00:05:35,724 --> 00:05:37,827 Do I look like your momma? 176 00:05:37,896 --> 00:05:40,827 Do I look like the one who held your head 177 00:05:40,896 --> 00:05:44,448 in the bathtub till all the brain cells disappeared? 178 00:05:44,517 --> 00:05:46,034 I ain't your momma. 179 00:05:46,103 --> 00:05:47,241 - Wanda? 180 00:05:47,310 --> 00:05:48,586 It's really not that big of a deal. 181 00:05:48,655 --> 00:05:50,482 We just lost a top hat and a printer. 182 00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:53,034 - Well, not just a top hat, asshole. 183 00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,724 It had a sprig of holly in it. 184 00:05:54,793 --> 00:05:56,413 - Well, I thank you for your input, sirs. 185 00:05:56,482 --> 00:05:58,413 Have a wonderful and safe day. 186 00:05:58,482 --> 00:06:01,689 We at Emperor Security value your input and your things. 187 00:06:01,758 --> 00:06:03,620 - Thank you so much. And take it easy on Ned. 188 00:06:03,689 --> 00:06:05,689 He's the nicest security guard. 189 00:06:05,758 --> 00:06:07,551 - Well, thank you. That's wonderful to hear. 190 00:06:07,620 --> 00:06:08,551 - Yeah, great. 191 00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:12,448 - [chuckles] 192 00:06:12,517 --> 00:06:15,551 They love you, huh? 193 00:06:15,620 --> 00:06:17,310 Aren't you Mr. Popular? 194 00:06:17,379 --> 00:06:19,275 Oh. Oh, you're Joe Cool. 195 00:06:19,344 --> 00:06:21,448 You're Snoopy with the sunglasses. 196 00:06:21,517 --> 00:06:25,103 You screw up one more goddamn time, 197 00:06:25,172 --> 00:06:29,896 and you'll be back-checking hand stamps at Chuck E. Cheese. 198 00:06:29,965 --> 00:06:33,379 - ♪ I got to get myself together baby ♪ 199 00:06:33,448 --> 00:06:35,172 ♪ Yeah ♪ 200 00:06:35,241 --> 00:06:37,310 ♪ Get myself together ♪ 201 00:06:37,379 --> 00:06:42,103 ♪ ♪ 202 00:06:44,448 --> 00:06:46,931 - Uh, two beers, please. 203 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,896 Say, word has it that Mort Crim plays pool here. 204 00:06:49,965 --> 00:06:52,517 Is that true? He wouldn't happen to be here 205 00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:54,000 now, would he? 206 00:06:54,068 --> 00:06:55,275 [billiard balls scatter] 207 00:06:55,344 --> 00:06:58,310 [Bob Seger's "Hollywood Nights"] 208 00:06:58,379 --> 00:07:01,620 ♪ ♪ 209 00:07:06,620 --> 00:07:09,724 ♪ In those Hollywood hills ♪ 210 00:07:09,793 --> 00:07:13,000 ♪ In those Hollywood hills ♪ 211 00:07:13,068 --> 00:07:15,827 ♪ She was looking so right ♪ 212 00:07:15,896 --> 00:07:19,482 ♪ In her diamonds and frills ♪ 213 00:07:19,551 --> 00:07:20,758 ♪ Oh those big city nights ♪ 214 00:07:20,827 --> 00:07:22,655 - Better luck next time, Laredo. 215 00:07:22,724 --> 00:07:25,206 Class dismissed. 216 00:07:25,275 --> 00:07:27,862 Yeah, Rachel, another double ginger ale 217 00:07:27,931 --> 00:07:31,034 with a splash of cranberry juice. 218 00:07:31,103 --> 00:07:33,379 - Hi, Mr. Crim. 219 00:07:33,448 --> 00:07:35,000 I'm Sam Duvet. 220 00:07:35,068 --> 00:07:37,275 - I know who you are. We're friends on Facebook. 221 00:07:37,344 --> 00:07:40,724 - Whoa, you--you memorized all your Facebook friends? 222 00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:42,689 - Well, I wouldn't be a very good friend if I didn't. 223 00:07:42,758 --> 00:07:44,310 - Yeah. - Well--well...ha. 224 00:07:44,379 --> 00:07:46,758 Since we're friends, I don't mind telling you 225 00:07:46,827 --> 00:07:48,310 I never miss a "Chump of the Week." 226 00:07:48,379 --> 00:07:50,344 They ever considered going "Chump of the Day"? 227 00:07:50,413 --> 00:07:52,758 - Well, the suits would like me to do it every hour, 228 00:07:52,827 --> 00:07:54,068 but, you know, what makes it special 229 00:07:54,137 --> 00:07:56,000 is the fact that it's once a week. 230 00:07:56,068 --> 00:07:57,758 It's anticipation. 231 00:07:57,827 --> 00:08:01,103 It's like flirting is sometimes more fun than sex. 232 00:08:01,172 --> 00:08:02,379 - Yeah. 233 00:08:02,448 --> 00:08:03,827 I like the sex, though. 234 00:08:03,896 --> 00:08:05,482 - I like soup, too, son, 235 00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:07,586 but I just enjoy heating it up first. 236 00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:09,241 - Oh. - [laughing] 237 00:08:09,310 --> 00:08:10,827 both: Ho, ho! 238 00:08:10,896 --> 00:08:12,655 - Man. - Yes. 239 00:08:12,724 --> 00:08:13,965 - Mort, can we buy you a drink? 240 00:08:14,034 --> 00:08:15,758 - Yeah, you sure can. And food too. 241 00:08:15,827 --> 00:08:17,965 - Yeah... - Yeah, by all means. 242 00:08:18,034 --> 00:08:19,137 - Yeah, we can also order food. We'll all just... 243 00:08:19,206 --> 00:08:20,551 - Yeah. - Yeah, we'll just have 244 00:08:20,620 --> 00:08:21,827 a big ol' supper, all of us. 245 00:08:24,068 --> 00:08:26,586 [Motown music] 246 00:08:26,655 --> 00:08:27,620 ♪ ♪ 247 00:08:27,689 --> 00:08:30,793 - ♪ Oh yeah ♪ 248 00:08:30,862 --> 00:08:32,137 ♪ Oh yeah ♪ 249 00:08:32,206 --> 00:08:34,000 - So I swear to God, I say to Marvin Gaye, 250 00:08:34,068 --> 00:08:35,379 "What's going on?" 251 00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:37,551 And it's like a lightning bolt hit, 252 00:08:37,620 --> 00:08:39,034 and he says, "Mort, 253 00:08:39,103 --> 00:08:41,413 you know I already did an album with that name." 254 00:08:41,482 --> 00:08:43,068 [both laugh] 255 00:08:43,137 --> 00:08:45,862 - Oh, Mort, I hope it's not crossing a line, 256 00:08:45,931 --> 00:08:48,206 but...we run a small ad firm 257 00:08:48,275 --> 00:08:51,413 and we'd love for you to come and be the spokesperson 258 00:08:51,482 --> 00:08:52,965 for Garner Weich Furniture. 259 00:08:53,034 --> 00:08:55,137 - We know it's just a local commercial, 260 00:08:55,206 --> 00:08:58,620 but when we think of a name that people trust, 261 00:08:58,689 --> 00:09:00,724 only one comes to mind. 262 00:09:00,793 --> 00:09:02,448 - A man who taught us about the world. 263 00:09:02,517 --> 00:09:04,758 The man who picks us up on our worst days 264 00:09:04,827 --> 00:09:06,551 and cheers us on in our best. 265 00:09:06,620 --> 00:09:08,482 The man we rely on. 266 00:09:08,551 --> 00:09:10,413 Mort Crim. 267 00:09:10,482 --> 00:09:12,586 - So, what's the commercial about? 268 00:09:12,655 --> 00:09:14,482 - Oh, it's--it's great. 269 00:09:14,551 --> 00:09:17,275 You point to a pull-out couch and you say, 270 00:09:17,344 --> 00:09:19,275 "Come on down to Garner Weich Furniture, 271 00:09:19,344 --> 00:09:22,034 where we don't sleep on savings." 272 00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:24,241 - No, no, no, no. I mean, what's the big idea? 273 00:09:24,310 --> 00:09:26,517 Why--why do this commercial now? 274 00:09:26,586 --> 00:09:29,655 - Uh...yeah. - Sell--sell furniture. 275 00:09:29,724 --> 00:09:31,448 - No, no, no. I mean, the commercial's got to 276 00:09:31,517 --> 00:09:34,000 speak to what people really care about. 277 00:09:34,068 --> 00:09:35,758 Now, what do you do on a sofa? 278 00:09:35,827 --> 00:09:37,655 You watch TV, you read to the kids, 279 00:09:37,724 --> 00:09:39,172 you pay some bills. 280 00:09:39,241 --> 00:09:41,344 But it's a place where you think about the things 281 00:09:41,413 --> 00:09:45,206 that really matter to you: the economy, health insurance, 282 00:09:45,275 --> 00:09:48,413 ISIS, North Korea. It's not a sofa. 283 00:09:48,482 --> 00:09:51,482 It's Plymouth Rock. 284 00:09:51,551 --> 00:09:54,620 You want to sell furniture, you go get Guy Gordon. 285 00:09:54,689 --> 00:09:57,793 You want Mort Crim, you better be ready to get real. 286 00:09:57,862 --> 00:10:00,034 - Well, sir, we're ready to get real. 287 00:10:00,103 --> 00:10:01,068 - Yes. - All right, now, 288 00:10:01,137 --> 00:10:04,137 let's get down to brass tacks. 289 00:10:04,206 --> 00:10:05,379 Who shit in his pants? 290 00:10:05,448 --> 00:10:07,275 - It's Tim's jacket. - Shut up. 291 00:10:07,344 --> 00:10:09,551 - It stinks. 292 00:10:11,827 --> 00:10:13,965 - Should we say "sturdy" or "dependable"? 293 00:10:14,034 --> 00:10:16,000 Like, which one sounds more like Mort? 294 00:10:16,068 --> 00:10:19,448 - I think he would say "sturdy" and "dependable." 295 00:10:19,517 --> 00:10:21,482 - "Sturdy and dependable." That's perfect. 296 00:10:21,551 --> 00:10:22,517 That sounds just like Mort. 297 00:10:24,827 --> 00:10:26,689 - Father in the picture? 298 00:10:26,758 --> 00:10:29,068 Good, good. - Hey, Mort. 299 00:10:29,137 --> 00:10:30,896 - Hey, guys, this script is fantastic. 300 00:10:30,965 --> 00:10:32,206 - Oh. - Right here, 301 00:10:32,275 --> 00:10:34,896 where it says "sturdy," you mind if I say 302 00:10:34,965 --> 00:10:36,275 "sturdy and dependable"? 303 00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:38,275 - Ha. Go right ahead, Mort. 304 00:10:38,344 --> 00:10:40,413 - I mean, you really captured my voice. 305 00:10:40,482 --> 00:10:42,758 It's like I wrote it myself. 306 00:10:42,827 --> 00:10:45,206 Might want to do a few changes on the fly. 307 00:10:45,275 --> 00:10:47,103 - Oh, no problem, absolutely. - Mm-hmm. 308 00:10:47,172 --> 00:10:49,172 - We are all set. Are you ready, Mr. Crim? 309 00:10:49,241 --> 00:10:51,137 - Well, no, but that's never stopped me. 310 00:10:51,206 --> 00:10:53,724 - [chuckles] - [laughs] 311 00:10:53,793 --> 00:10:55,068 [laughing] Come on. 312 00:10:55,137 --> 00:10:57,413 - Lay off the gas, man. - Shut up, Tim. 313 00:10:57,482 --> 00:10:58,517 - Mort cares. 314 00:10:58,586 --> 00:11:01,068 Here we go. 315 00:11:01,137 --> 00:11:03,068 - And...action. 316 00:11:03,137 --> 00:11:04,793 - Hi, I'm Mort Crim. 317 00:11:04,862 --> 00:11:07,965 I'd like to talk to you about Garner Weich Furniture. 318 00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:09,965 It's sturdy and dependable 319 00:11:10,034 --> 00:11:11,724 and oh, so fluffy. 320 00:11:11,793 --> 00:11:14,517 We here at Garner Weich understand the importance 321 00:11:14,586 --> 00:11:17,068 of comfort in an uncomfortable world. 322 00:11:17,137 --> 00:11:19,206 The economy in shambles. 323 00:11:19,275 --> 00:11:21,724 Unemployment at an all-time high. 324 00:11:21,793 --> 00:11:23,103 And the chilling reality 325 00:11:23,172 --> 00:11:24,482 that we're living every moment 326 00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:27,482 in the bloodthirsty crosshairs of ISIS. 327 00:11:27,551 --> 00:11:29,379 - What? - Folks, I won't sugarcoat it. 328 00:11:29,448 --> 00:11:31,965 ISIS won't stop until every last one of us 329 00:11:32,034 --> 00:11:33,655 is pink mist in the wind. 330 00:11:33,724 --> 00:11:34,689 - Cut. 331 00:11:34,758 --> 00:11:35,965 - That's not in the script. 332 00:11:36,034 --> 00:11:37,586 - Yeah, we'll get him back on track. 333 00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:39,517 - Yeah, no worries. 334 00:11:39,586 --> 00:11:40,793 - That felt good. 335 00:11:40,862 --> 00:11:41,965 - Yeah, it was great. 336 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,000 - Absolutely perfect. 337 00:11:43,068 --> 00:11:44,620 - The one note is, 338 00:11:44,689 --> 00:11:46,965 maybe on this one, don't do the ISIS stuff. 339 00:11:47,034 --> 00:11:48,517 - I'm giving you gold. 340 00:11:48,586 --> 00:11:49,827 Don't make me shovel crap. 341 00:11:49,896 --> 00:11:51,793 - Yep. - Yeah, we--we won't. 342 00:11:51,862 --> 00:11:53,172 - Did you tell him? 343 00:11:53,241 --> 00:11:54,517 - Yeah, we gave him the note. 344 00:11:54,586 --> 00:11:56,068 - So, he's going to stick to the script? 345 00:11:56,137 --> 00:11:58,068 - He's gonna talk about ISIS. And action. 346 00:11:58,137 --> 00:12:00,517 - ISIS, let's settle this thing once and for all. 347 00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:03,275 You choose your best man, send him here to Garner Weich 348 00:12:03,344 --> 00:12:06,344 to fight me, Mort Crim. 349 00:12:06,413 --> 00:12:09,758 Winner take all. You win, America's yours. 350 00:12:09,827 --> 00:12:13,034 I win, you give democracy a good old college try. 351 00:12:13,103 --> 00:12:14,793 Plus, there's a cash prize. 352 00:12:14,862 --> 00:12:16,724 25,000 to the winner. 353 00:12:16,793 --> 00:12:19,206 25K, take home, tax-free, 354 00:12:19,275 --> 00:12:22,551 put up by my good friends at Garner Weich. 355 00:12:22,620 --> 00:12:23,551 - Cut. 356 00:12:23,620 --> 00:12:24,758 - Print that one. 357 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:27,758 [upbeat Motown music] 358 00:12:27,827 --> 00:12:29,172 ♪ ♪ 359 00:12:29,241 --> 00:12:31,137 - Whoa, whoa, sir-- ah, ah, ah. 360 00:12:31,206 --> 00:12:33,827 My man, get your big ass over there and sign in. 361 00:12:33,896 --> 00:12:35,793 Before I get up there and pop your head like a pimple. 362 00:12:35,862 --> 00:12:37,413 Pop. - You can't touch me. 363 00:12:37,482 --> 00:12:39,379 You can only say "sir" three times. 364 00:12:39,448 --> 00:12:40,827 - [laughs] 365 00:12:40,896 --> 00:12:42,103 New day, fat ass. 366 00:12:42,172 --> 00:12:43,586 New Ned, too. 367 00:12:43,655 --> 00:12:46,482 New balls on this new Ned are bigger, stronger. 368 00:12:46,551 --> 00:12:47,793 I'm geared up. 369 00:12:47,862 --> 00:12:50,586 Pepper spray, handcuffs, big-ass flashlight, 370 00:12:50,655 --> 00:12:52,448 rubber gun. 371 00:12:52,517 --> 00:12:54,241 Don't tell nobody my gun rubber, neither. 372 00:12:54,310 --> 00:12:56,655 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Sign in. 373 00:12:56,724 --> 00:12:58,379 - What? - Since when? 374 00:12:58,448 --> 00:13:00,241 - Since I let a robber come in here and make a fool out of me. 375 00:13:00,310 --> 00:13:01,655 - All right, well, why don't you just close the door 376 00:13:01,724 --> 00:13:02,758 properly when you leave? 377 00:13:02,827 --> 00:13:05,620 - It's not about the door, Sam! 378 00:13:05,689 --> 00:13:07,931 - [laughs sarcastically] 379 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,137 - What's up? - [sighs] 380 00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:10,275 Wanda was going crazy on me, 381 00:13:10,344 --> 00:13:11,551 talking about firing me, 382 00:13:11,620 --> 00:13:13,034 sending me back to Chuck E. Cheese. 383 00:13:13,103 --> 00:13:14,275 I'm not going back to Chuck E. Cheese. 384 00:13:14,344 --> 00:13:16,103 The guy wore his real jeans. 385 00:13:16,172 --> 00:13:17,586 - What...? - Like, his real jeans 386 00:13:17,655 --> 00:13:19,379 from home. Like, jeans, a shirt, 387 00:13:19,448 --> 00:13:20,724 big-ass Chuck E. Cheese head. 388 00:13:20,793 --> 00:13:22,586 - Son of a bitch. - I can't take that, man. 389 00:13:22,655 --> 00:13:24,413 - Yeah, yeah, no, I know. I'll tell Sam. 390 00:13:24,482 --> 00:13:27,344 - Yeah, tell Sam. - Yeah, I will, I will. 391 00:13:27,413 --> 00:13:29,241 - Toby, no sunglasses in the building, man. 392 00:13:29,310 --> 00:13:30,724 Take 'em off or I'll whoop your ass. 393 00:13:30,793 --> 00:13:31,896 - Just sunglasses, man. 394 00:13:31,965 --> 00:13:33,103 - Well, then, just take 'em off 395 00:13:33,172 --> 00:13:35,586 your big, Frankenstein-ass head. 396 00:13:35,655 --> 00:13:37,793 - Okay, Ned. I'll take off the sunglasses. 397 00:13:37,862 --> 00:13:39,275 - I know you will. 398 00:13:39,344 --> 00:13:41,758 Because I am not going back to Chuck E. Cheese. 399 00:13:41,827 --> 00:13:43,896 - People always ask how Garner Weich Furniture 400 00:13:43,965 --> 00:13:45,655 keeps its prices so low. 401 00:13:45,724 --> 00:13:47,413 - Oh, I hope Mort's okay with the edits we had to make. 402 00:13:47,482 --> 00:13:49,137 - He'll be fine. He's a pro. 403 00:13:49,206 --> 00:13:50,827 He knows, at the end of the day 404 00:13:50,896 --> 00:13:52,620 it's all about pleasing the client... 405 00:13:52,689 --> 00:13:53,965 - What's our secret? 406 00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:55,758 Detroit newscasting legend Mort Crim. 407 00:13:55,827 --> 00:13:57,896 - Hi, I'm Mort Crim, and I guarantee 408 00:13:57,965 --> 00:13:59,655 I will kill... - Prices. 409 00:13:59,724 --> 00:14:01,689 - I will slash...in half. - Prices. 410 00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,344 - I'm gonna smoke... - Prices. 411 00:14:03,413 --> 00:14:04,827 - Out of their hiding places, and rip... 412 00:14:04,896 --> 00:14:06,620 - Prices. - Apart with my bare hands. 413 00:14:06,689 --> 00:14:08,724 This watermelon is... - Prices. 414 00:14:10,344 --> 00:14:11,827 Prices. - You just bought yourself 415 00:14:11,896 --> 00:14:13,827 a one-way ticket to hell. 416 00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:15,034 - Huh? - Actually not bad. 417 00:14:15,103 --> 00:14:16,482 - Pretty good. - Yeah. 418 00:14:16,551 --> 00:14:17,620 - Garner Weich Furniture. We hate high... 419 00:14:17,689 --> 00:14:18,827 - Prices. - Pretty good. 420 00:14:18,896 --> 00:14:20,310 - Well, son of a butcher. 421 00:14:20,379 --> 00:14:21,931 Normally I don't comment on the commercials, 422 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,448 but that's not what I said. 423 00:14:23,517 --> 00:14:25,379 It just sucks being tricked. 424 00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:27,068 - Oh. 425 00:14:27,137 --> 00:14:31,689 - Moving on, a sinkhole in Clinton Township caused a... 426 00:14:31,758 --> 00:14:33,448 You know what? 427 00:14:33,517 --> 00:14:35,379 I'm gonna do something I usually reserve 428 00:14:35,448 --> 00:14:36,931 for the end of the show. 429 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,482 But I'm doing it now. Queue it, Donnie. 430 00:14:39,551 --> 00:14:42,655 - And now it's time for... 431 00:14:42,724 --> 00:14:45,620 - Oh, no. - Oh, God, please don't do it. 432 00:14:45,689 --> 00:14:48,068 - Sam Duvet and Tim Cramblin, 433 00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:50,344 local businessmen and liars, 434 00:14:50,413 --> 00:14:52,620 are my "Chumps of the Week." 435 00:14:52,689 --> 00:14:53,965 And that's that. 436 00:14:54,034 --> 00:14:56,206 [dramatic music] 437 00:14:58,275 --> 00:15:01,137 [mellow Motown music] 438 00:15:01,206 --> 00:15:02,344 - Morning, chumps. 439 00:15:02,413 --> 00:15:03,586 - You're fired. - Sam... 440 00:15:03,655 --> 00:15:05,275 - Oh, whatever. 441 00:15:05,344 --> 00:15:08,068 I didn't sleep at all last night. 442 00:15:08,137 --> 00:15:09,896 I'm "Chump of the Week." 443 00:15:09,965 --> 00:15:11,689 I wish I was dead. 444 00:15:11,758 --> 00:15:13,551 I wish I was somebody else. Not you, though. 445 00:15:13,620 --> 00:15:14,758 You're "Chump of the Week" also. 446 00:15:14,827 --> 00:15:16,862 - Yeah, man, I know that. - Mm. 447 00:15:16,931 --> 00:15:19,172 - I told Chrissy. She didn't give a crap. 448 00:15:19,241 --> 00:15:22,758 - Oh, she's a Philistine. An uneducated idiot. 449 00:15:22,827 --> 00:15:23,758 - Tommy! 450 00:15:23,827 --> 00:15:25,620 - Uh-uh. Clean that up right now. 451 00:15:25,689 --> 00:15:27,103 - But you guys are "Chumps of the Week." 452 00:15:27,172 --> 00:15:28,379 - Clean it! 453 00:15:28,448 --> 00:15:30,310 - The hell he thought he was doing? 454 00:15:30,379 --> 00:15:31,724 - We just gotta wait the week out. 455 00:15:31,793 --> 00:15:34,482 - No, no, no, no, no. - What? 456 00:15:34,551 --> 00:15:36,586 - Mort Crim unfriended me from Facebook. 457 00:15:36,655 --> 00:15:38,137 Fuck! 458 00:15:38,206 --> 00:15:41,206 - Good morning, chumps. [both groan] 459 00:15:41,275 --> 00:15:43,965 You received many boxes of diarrhea 460 00:15:44,034 --> 00:15:45,241 this morning in the mail. 461 00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:46,793 - Ugh, boxes of diarrhea? 462 00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:48,379 I used to be the one sending diarrhea 463 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,620 to "Chumps of the Week." I'm the one getting them? 464 00:15:50,689 --> 00:15:53,620 - I hate that it's us but I-I respect these people's passion. 465 00:15:53,689 --> 00:15:54,689 - Yeah. 466 00:15:57,275 --> 00:15:58,896 Tommy! 467 00:15:58,965 --> 00:16:00,206 - Let's go, building closed. 468 00:16:00,275 --> 00:16:02,137 Berenstain Bear, Mary J. Blige, let's go. 469 00:16:02,206 --> 00:16:03,965 Whoa, whoa, whoa, cornbread. 470 00:16:04,034 --> 00:16:05,413 What did I tell you about wearing sunglasses 471 00:16:05,482 --> 00:16:06,758 in my building, man? 472 00:16:06,827 --> 00:16:08,620 - Not to wear 'em. - What are you doing? 473 00:16:08,689 --> 00:16:10,724 - I'm leaving. - Not with these. 474 00:16:10,793 --> 00:16:12,517 You don't get your big, Jon Arbuckle-looking ass 475 00:16:12,586 --> 00:16:14,620 out of here, now, move! 476 00:16:14,689 --> 00:16:16,724 Hey, Toby, man, why you always the last one 477 00:16:16,793 --> 00:16:17,793 in my building, man? 478 00:16:17,862 --> 00:16:19,206 - I work late. - "I work late." 479 00:16:19,275 --> 00:16:20,965 Take your fat ass home, man. What's wrong with you? 480 00:16:21,034 --> 00:16:22,758 You got a smart-ass mouth, you know that? 481 00:16:22,827 --> 00:16:24,448 I refuse to go back to Chuck E. Cheese. 482 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:25,965 The mouse wears real jeans! 483 00:16:26,034 --> 00:16:30,103 [rousing music] 484 00:16:30,172 --> 00:16:33,137 - It's even more incredible than I've ever imagined. 485 00:16:33,206 --> 00:16:35,034 - In...credible. 486 00:16:35,103 --> 00:16:37,448 - [laughs] There's Mort. 487 00:16:37,517 --> 00:16:40,379 ♪ ♪ 488 00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:47,655 - That's all right, guys. I know these fellas. 489 00:16:51,379 --> 00:16:52,758 - Hey, Mort. 490 00:16:52,827 --> 00:16:55,724 - Mort, we feel just awful about that ad. 491 00:16:55,793 --> 00:16:57,551 - You should. - We came here to tell you 492 00:16:57,620 --> 00:16:59,344 we are gonna air the version of the commercial 493 00:16:59,413 --> 00:17:00,448 where you threaten ISIS. 494 00:17:00,517 --> 00:17:02,517 - It actually tested very well. 495 00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:04,448 - That's great of you fellas to come down here, 496 00:17:04,517 --> 00:17:06,137 but I can't take back "Chump of the Week." 497 00:17:06,206 --> 00:17:07,448 - [sighs] - I didn't do it 498 00:17:07,517 --> 00:17:08,862 for Rasheed Wallace. 499 00:17:08,931 --> 00:17:11,344 I can't do it for you. I hope you understand. 500 00:17:11,413 --> 00:17:13,172 - [sighs] We understand. 501 00:17:13,241 --> 00:17:16,586 - Did you guys get your boxes filled with crap? 502 00:17:16,655 --> 00:17:17,793 - Yes. - Mm-hmm. 503 00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:19,793 - [chuckles] God, I love this town. 504 00:17:19,862 --> 00:17:22,482 Excuse me, guys, I gotta go do the news. 505 00:17:26,965 --> 00:17:28,379 - Whoa. - We always thought 506 00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:29,655 you were sitting. 507 00:17:29,724 --> 00:17:31,931 - Welcome to the magic of television. 508 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,793 [lively music] 509 00:17:34,862 --> 00:17:37,517 ♪ ♪ 510 00:17:43,586 --> 00:17:45,517 [engine revs] 511 00:17:45,586 --> 00:17:48,034 ♪ ♪ 512 00:17:50,517 --> 00:17:53,551 - Good evening, Detroit. I'm Mort Crim. 513 00:17:53,620 --> 00:17:56,068 A wedding party in Southfield turned ugly today 514 00:17:56,137 --> 00:17:58,482 when a bunch of ugly people showed up. 515 00:17:58,551 --> 00:18:01,310 [both laughing] 516 00:18:01,379 --> 00:18:04,275 [tense synth music] 517 00:18:04,344 --> 00:18:05,931 ♪ ♪ 518 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,448 - Got your ass now. 519 00:18:08,758 --> 00:18:11,068 Time to make the doughnuts. 520 00:18:11,137 --> 00:18:14,103 ♪ ♪ 521 00:18:23,275 --> 00:18:24,862 Got your ass now, punk! 522 00:18:24,931 --> 00:18:27,931 Mm-hmm, I'm about to squeeze a charley horse out your ass. 523 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,758 [gun squeaking] 524 00:18:29,827 --> 00:18:31,172 Okay, wait, the gun is real. 525 00:18:31,241 --> 00:18:32,655 The floor must be rubber. I don't know what's-- 526 00:18:32,724 --> 00:18:34,551 [both screaming, grunting] 527 00:18:34,620 --> 00:18:36,275 - Oh, shit. - Aah! 528 00:18:36,344 --> 00:18:38,448 [both screaming] 529 00:18:39,724 --> 00:18:41,413 - Uh-huh, your ass ain't going nowhere. 530 00:18:41,482 --> 00:18:42,689 [laughs] 531 00:18:42,758 --> 00:18:43,862 Aah! 532 00:18:43,931 --> 00:18:46,517 - [grunting] 533 00:18:46,586 --> 00:18:48,379 - Don't want to tire yourself out. 534 00:18:48,448 --> 00:18:49,896 Aah! 535 00:18:49,965 --> 00:18:50,689 [both grunting] 536 00:18:50,758 --> 00:18:51,896 [distant sirens wailing] 537 00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:53,103 - [chuckles] 538 00:18:53,172 --> 00:18:54,724 You think I didn't call for backup? 539 00:18:54,793 --> 00:18:57,413 Time to see who your ass is once and for all. 540 00:18:57,482 --> 00:19:00,137 Oh, my God. 541 00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:02,724 I've never seen you before in my life. 542 00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:08,344 - And now it's time for... 543 00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:10,379 - You know who pissed me off? 544 00:19:10,448 --> 00:19:12,448 My Facebook friend Mark Saganuti. 545 00:19:12,517 --> 00:19:16,137 When somebody famous dies, don't just post a story 546 00:19:16,206 --> 00:19:18,413 about a time you met them. 547 00:19:18,482 --> 00:19:20,931 So, Mark, you are my "Chump of the Week," 548 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:22,206 - Ha, chump. 549 00:19:22,275 --> 00:19:24,172 I hate it when Mark does that. 550 00:19:24,241 --> 00:19:25,448 I know him, too. 551 00:19:25,517 --> 00:19:27,103 Oh, I'm Facebook friends again with Mort. 552 00:19:27,172 --> 00:19:29,034 - Oh, that's great. - Mm-hmm. 553 00:19:29,103 --> 00:19:31,655 - Hey, I got you something, buddy. 554 00:19:31,724 --> 00:19:32,724 Quintin. 555 00:19:35,620 --> 00:19:37,310 - [gasps] - I know it's not 556 00:19:37,379 --> 00:19:39,896 the same one you were Snowcoming King in, but... 557 00:19:39,965 --> 00:19:43,965 - Oh, I was king of the dance and everyone twirled around me. 558 00:19:44,034 --> 00:19:45,482 Oh, thank you, buddy. 559 00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:46,586 - Yeah. 560 00:19:46,655 --> 00:19:48,241 - And no holly. 561 00:19:48,310 --> 00:19:50,379 I mean, but it's fine. It's the thought that counts. 562 00:19:50,448 --> 00:19:51,517 - Yeah. [chuckles] 563 00:19:51,586 --> 00:19:53,034 - It's not that hard to find holly. 564 00:19:53,103 --> 00:19:54,172 But it's fine. - Yeah. 565 00:19:54,241 --> 00:19:55,551 - Here's your beers, you guys. 566 00:19:58,862 --> 00:19:59,862 - Cheers, buddy. 567 00:19:59,931 --> 00:20:00,931 - Cheers, buddy. - I love ya. 568 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,793 - Love you. 569 00:20:05,068 --> 00:20:07,310 Final appeal, pal, please lose that jacket. 570 00:20:07,379 --> 00:20:08,620 It stinks to high heaven. 571 00:20:08,689 --> 00:20:10,172 - Yeah, you know, I have thought about it, 572 00:20:10,241 --> 00:20:11,793 it does stink, but it's leather. 573 00:20:11,862 --> 00:20:13,931 It's a process. And it looks cool on me, 574 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,655 so it's not going anywhere. 575 00:20:15,724 --> 00:20:17,172 - Hey. [laughs] 576 00:20:17,241 --> 00:20:18,620 Twinsies. Same jacket, I... 577 00:20:18,689 --> 00:20:19,862 - This is not my jacket. 578 00:20:19,931 --> 00:20:21,103 I don't know what you're talking about. 579 00:20:21,172 --> 00:20:23,172 Bye, nerd! Keep walking. 580 00:20:23,241 --> 00:20:25,241 Keep walking, nerd. Bye! 581 00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:26,620 Thank you. Cool. 582 00:20:26,689 --> 00:20:28,137 I won't wear the jacket anymore. 583 00:20:28,206 --> 00:20:29,586 - Good night, Detroit, 584 00:20:29,655 --> 00:20:32,034 for now until the sun comes up. 585 00:20:32,103 --> 00:20:34,172 [Motown music] 586 00:20:39,344 --> 00:20:41,379 [lively music] 587 00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:43,655 - Is what we experience real 588 00:20:43,724 --> 00:20:46,448 or is reality a computer simulation 589 00:20:46,517 --> 00:20:49,241 constructed by an advanced alien race? 590 00:20:49,310 --> 00:20:52,517 For more, our sports reporter, Jim Caputo. 591 00:20:52,567 --> 00:20:57,117 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41852

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.