All language subtitles for Detroiters s01e05 Happy Birthday Mr. Duvet.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:03,769 [R&B music playing] 2 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:07,523 You look beautiful tonight. 3 00:00:07,578 --> 00:00:08,644 Both: Thank you. 4 00:00:08,746 --> 00:00:10,412 Who are you talking to? 5 00:00:10,437 --> 00:00:12,571 My beautiful wife, of course. 6 00:00:12,750 --> 00:00:15,084 Not my beautiful best friend. 7 00:00:16,387 --> 00:00:18,954 8 00:00:19,056 --> 00:00:20,155 David, Joy. 9 00:00:20,180 --> 00:00:21,880 [laughing] Hey. Hey. 10 00:00:22,059 --> 00:00:24,760 Can you believe your dad is turning 60? 11 00:00:24,862 --> 00:00:26,142 So old! 12 00:00:26,167 --> 00:00:28,831 You know what he means to do? Start eating soft foods 13 00:00:28,856 --> 00:00:30,198 so he won't have to get dentures in a minute. 14 00:00:30,223 --> 00:00:31,467 That's not how teeth work, David. 15 00:00:31,569 --> 00:00:33,235 - Huh? - Okay. 16 00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,416 We better go work on our speeches for your father. 17 00:00:35,441 --> 00:00:37,253 Y'all better bring your A-game. 18 00:00:37,278 --> 00:00:40,146 I've got a little something special planned for tonight. 19 00:00:40,175 --> 00:00:42,343 You don't have to say that to Sam. 20 00:00:42,503 --> 00:00:43,935 He kills it every year. 21 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,800 - Ah, I guess I do, don't I? - [both laughing] 22 00:00:47,046 --> 00:00:48,224 All right, see you guys. 23 00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:49,449 Later. 24 00:00:49,551 --> 00:00:51,951 [sighs] These speeches make me so nervous 25 00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:53,553 'cause you know Dad's just gonna pick it apart. 26 00:00:53,655 --> 00:00:55,755 [chuckles] Ums and ahs 27 00:00:55,857 --> 00:00:58,291 let the audience know you're not prepared. 28 00:00:58,393 --> 00:00:59,911 You know what you're gonna say? 29 00:00:59,985 --> 00:01:01,785 Please. I spent the last year crafting 30 00:01:01,810 --> 00:01:05,365 two pages of hilarious jokes about Dad's mustache. 31 00:01:05,779 --> 00:01:07,685 Damn. That is good. 32 00:01:07,747 --> 00:01:09,754 Hey, happy birthday, Lawrence! 33 00:01:09,779 --> 00:01:12,138 Oh, hey, Mom. Hi, Daddy. 34 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,340 My darling. [chuckles] 35 00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:15,608 [classy music playing] 36 00:01:15,710 --> 00:01:17,020 Son. 37 00:01:17,712 --> 00:01:18,444 38 00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:21,614 [dramatic music] 39 00:01:21,716 --> 00:01:23,182 40 00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:24,717 [page crashes to the floor] 41 00:01:24,819 --> 00:01:27,409 [in slow motion] Dad, you... 42 00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:29,889 you shaved your mustache. 43 00:01:29,991 --> 00:01:32,825 Yes, son. One should never stop evolving. 44 00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:35,995 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to welcome my guests. 45 00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:37,897 [laughs] 46 00:01:37,999 --> 00:01:39,676 Look at you two all dressed up. [laughs] 47 00:01:39,701 --> 00:01:41,211 - Mommy. - Come here, sweetie. 48 00:01:41,236 --> 00:01:42,402 Hey, Mommy. 49 00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:45,738 And Tim, look at you. 50 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:47,006 Give me a twirl. 51 00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:49,367 [funk music playing] 52 00:01:50,024 --> 00:01:53,079 Come on! I love it! [laughter] 53 00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:56,416 Greetings. Greetings, all of you. 54 00:01:56,518 --> 00:02:00,781 My perfect wife and I would like to welcome you 55 00:02:00,908 --> 00:02:03,709 to the celebration of my 60th birthday. 56 00:02:04,482 --> 00:02:06,482 Now, my family teases me 57 00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:09,520 about being too critical of the speeches 58 00:02:09,692 --> 00:02:11,165 that people make at events like these. 59 00:02:11,266 --> 00:02:12,565 [laughs] 60 00:02:12,667 --> 00:02:15,753 But I think they're exaggerating. 61 00:02:16,438 --> 00:02:18,371 But now, if you're gonna make a speech, 62 00:02:18,473 --> 00:02:21,307 pretend that there's a little, tiny baby 63 00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:25,011 seated way in the back facing the wall. 64 00:02:25,113 --> 00:02:28,247 That baby needs to hear your speech as well. 65 00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:30,550 All right. Enough with the formalities. 66 00:02:31,793 --> 00:02:34,822 I think we all know what time it is. 67 00:02:34,923 --> 00:02:38,191 [crowd murmurs] 68 00:02:38,293 --> 00:02:40,326 Let's hustle! 69 00:02:40,351 --> 00:02:41,200 [funk music playing] 70 00:02:41,225 --> 00:02:44,363 [cheers and applause] 71 00:02:44,466 --> 00:02:46,466 - Are y'all ready? - [crowd cheering] 72 00:02:47,554 --> 00:02:48,654 Let's do it! 73 00:02:48,679 --> 00:02:49,902 74 00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:51,170 Hey! 75 00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:54,173 76 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:55,736 - Whoo! - [all cheering] 77 00:02:55,761 --> 00:02:56,688 - So let's go. - Later! 78 00:02:56,713 --> 00:02:59,212 [all cheering] 79 00:02:59,314 --> 00:03:01,784 Hey! Ho! 80 00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:03,516 Whoo! 81 00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:05,251 Uh-huh! Whoo! 82 00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:06,886 Next time 83 00:03:06,988 --> 00:03:09,689 When they ask you where you're from 84 00:03:09,791 --> 00:03:11,691 You gon' say Detroit city 85 00:03:11,793 --> 00:03:15,495 When we get you back on our feet, yeah 86 00:03:15,597 --> 00:03:17,363 Yeah 87 00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:19,031 I'll never forget the day Mr. Duvet 88 00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:22,869 looked at me and said, "Son, you must have 89 00:03:22,971 --> 00:03:26,572 a great plan to be a great man." 90 00:03:26,994 --> 00:03:29,308 Happy birthday, Mr. Duvet. 91 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:32,745 [applause] 92 00:03:32,847 --> 00:03:34,881 That was very good. Thank you, Thomas. 93 00:03:34,983 --> 00:03:37,950 Remember to enunciate. [chuckles] 94 00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:39,118 [R&B music playing in the background] 95 00:03:40,781 --> 00:03:43,556 Sam, these mustache jokes are great. 96 00:03:43,658 --> 00:03:45,925 Well, solid gold, baby. 97 00:03:46,027 --> 00:03:48,603 But they're useless now. Don't worry about me. 98 00:03:48,705 --> 00:03:50,506 My speech gonna be just fine, okay? 99 00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:53,374 Sam, take it easy on us this year. 100 00:03:53,476 --> 00:03:54,609 Oh, you know I won't. 101 00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:55,865 - [both laughing] - Yeah, this guy. 102 00:03:55,890 --> 00:03:57,645 - All right now. - [laughter] 103 00:04:00,350 --> 00:04:01,616 What the... 104 00:04:04,354 --> 00:04:06,220 There are clowns here? 105 00:04:06,573 --> 00:04:09,141 That's just Mr. Bones. He's good friends with my dad. 106 00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:10,912 I've never met a clown before. 107 00:04:12,387 --> 00:04:14,053 You think you could introduce me? 108 00:04:14,078 --> 00:04:17,031 Tim, does a circus bear shit on a toilet? 109 00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:18,099 I don't know. 110 00:04:18,201 --> 00:04:21,068 [groovy music] 111 00:04:21,170 --> 00:04:22,203 112 00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:23,237 Hey, Mr. Bones. 113 00:04:23,339 --> 00:04:24,906 Oh, hi, Sam. 114 00:04:25,008 --> 00:04:27,608 - He knows your name? - Yeah. 115 00:04:27,710 --> 00:04:29,710 Uh, Mr. Bones, I want you to meet my best friend, Tim. 116 00:04:29,735 --> 00:04:30,688 Hey. 117 00:04:31,748 --> 00:04:35,082 [groans] I'm a little scared. 118 00:04:35,184 --> 00:04:36,117 Is it gonna hurt? 119 00:04:36,219 --> 00:04:37,685 [grumbling] 120 00:04:40,390 --> 00:04:42,290 Uh, where's your joy buzzer? 121 00:04:42,392 --> 00:04:44,158 I'm not working tonight. 122 00:04:44,827 --> 00:04:47,828 Uh, you're in costume. 123 00:04:47,931 --> 00:04:51,299 I just left a job and I have another job right after this. 124 00:04:51,401 --> 00:04:52,644 Well, if you could just do 125 00:04:52,669 --> 00:04:55,375 a little something for me, Mr. Bones. 126 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,838 I'm not Mr. Bones right now. 127 00:04:58,221 --> 00:05:01,447 My name is Julian and I'm at my friend's birthday party. 128 00:05:01,728 --> 00:05:03,354 Please, respect my privacy. 129 00:05:03,379 --> 00:05:04,244 [sighs] 130 00:05:06,716 --> 00:05:08,861 Talking about one gag. 131 00:05:09,519 --> 00:05:12,653 Young man, asking me to perform here 132 00:05:12,755 --> 00:05:17,680 is like asking a mailman to go for a walk on his day off. 133 00:05:17,705 --> 00:05:20,462 [laughs] 134 00:05:20,990 --> 00:05:24,377 Wait. Was that the joke? 135 00:05:24,901 --> 00:05:27,476 I guess it's kind of funny. 136 00:05:28,671 --> 00:05:31,138 I bet you drive a funny little car. 137 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:33,590 I drive a 2013 Malibu. 138 00:05:33,615 --> 00:05:34,953 Oh, what the... [groans] 139 00:05:34,978 --> 00:05:37,278 You know, I'm not gonna get every joke. 140 00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:41,482 And when... when I got down to that hospital, 141 00:05:41,584 --> 00:05:46,821 they told me the bill had already been paid by Mr. Duvet. 142 00:05:46,923 --> 00:05:48,623 - [applause] - [sobs] 143 00:05:48,725 --> 00:05:50,992 - I'm sorry. - That's okay. 144 00:05:51,094 --> 00:05:53,060 Uh, thank you very much, Joy. 145 00:05:53,162 --> 00:05:56,597 You see, this is why microphone placement is so important. 146 00:05:56,699 --> 00:05:58,432 When it's just perfect, 147 00:05:58,534 --> 00:06:01,102 you can hear you even through your tears. 148 00:06:01,204 --> 00:06:04,824 - [chuckles] Thank you, Joy. - [applause] 149 00:06:06,175 --> 00:06:07,875 Molly, what are you doing here? 150 00:06:07,977 --> 00:06:10,911 Well, officially, I'm checking out a B&E on Linwood, 151 00:06:11,014 --> 00:06:13,781 but unofficially, your parents invited me 152 00:06:13,883 --> 00:06:15,750 and they sat us next to each other. 153 00:06:15,852 --> 00:06:17,652 Looks like they wish we were back together. 154 00:06:17,754 --> 00:06:19,153 [chuckles] Well, they definitely wish 155 00:06:19,255 --> 00:06:20,221 we were back together. 156 00:06:20,323 --> 00:06:21,555 [both laughing] 157 00:06:21,658 --> 00:06:23,457 [R&B music playing] 158 00:06:23,559 --> 00:06:25,159 Sam, what's wrong? 159 00:06:25,261 --> 00:06:26,460 Hmm? Nothing. 160 00:06:26,562 --> 00:06:28,663 You're fiddling with your balls. 161 00:06:28,765 --> 00:06:31,499 You do that when you're upset. Now, who did this to you? 162 00:06:31,601 --> 00:06:34,718 You know I can have anyone thrown in jail whenever I feel like it. 163 00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:35,889 I don't even need a reason. 164 00:06:35,890 --> 00:06:37,281 Oh, don't say stuff like that. 165 00:06:37,306 --> 00:06:40,074 There was this one guy, innocent as a newborn baby. 166 00:06:40,176 --> 00:06:41,876 I cuffed and stuffed him in the back of my car 167 00:06:41,978 --> 00:06:44,979 just to see what would happen and I was not disappointed. 168 00:06:45,081 --> 00:06:46,464 - Stop. Stop... stop it. - [laughs] He pissed himself. 169 00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:48,215 Stop talking. 170 00:06:48,646 --> 00:06:51,271 No one did anything to me. It's just... 171 00:06:52,255 --> 00:06:53,921 [whispering] I don't have anything for my dad's speech. 172 00:06:54,023 --> 00:06:55,935 But you crush it every year. 173 00:06:55,988 --> 00:06:58,995 Oh, I know. You don't have to tell me. 174 00:06:59,796 --> 00:07:02,433 Sam, you're fiddling with your balls. What's wrong? 175 00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:03,931 He's nervous about his speech. 176 00:07:04,033 --> 00:07:05,286 Oh, hey, Molly. Oink, oink. 177 00:07:05,311 --> 00:07:07,478 I thought I smelled bacon. I thought this was 178 00:07:07,503 --> 00:07:09,234 a birthday party, not a pig roast. 179 00:07:09,259 --> 00:07:10,930 Ah, it's so good to see you two. 180 00:07:10,955 --> 00:07:12,373 - Yeah, you too. - Where's your box of donuts? 181 00:07:12,475 --> 00:07:15,209 Careful or I'll bust you for that crack in your pocket. 182 00:07:15,311 --> 00:07:16,811 What crack in my pock... 183 00:07:16,913 --> 00:07:19,513 How in the hell did you do that? 184 00:07:19,615 --> 00:07:22,086 - [both laughing] - How did you do that? 185 00:07:22,111 --> 00:07:24,011 Okay, I've got something. 186 00:07:24,036 --> 00:07:25,720 It's a bit of a Hail Mary... 187 00:07:25,822 --> 00:07:27,655 The ace up my sleeve, if you will. 188 00:07:27,757 --> 00:07:29,757 I'm going next. Wish me luck. 189 00:07:29,859 --> 00:07:34,595 You are my sunshine, my only sunshine 190 00:07:34,697 --> 00:07:36,303 You make me happy 191 00:07:36,328 --> 00:07:38,199 When skies are gray 192 00:07:38,301 --> 00:07:41,085 - Shit! - You'll never know, dear 193 00:07:41,110 --> 00:07:42,536 You were gonna sing "You Are My Sunshine"? 194 00:07:42,623 --> 00:07:44,559 Our dad does love that song. 195 00:07:44,584 --> 00:07:47,775 Please don't take my sunshine away 196 00:07:47,877 --> 00:07:49,877 [applause] 197 00:07:49,979 --> 00:07:53,114 That was wonderful. Thank you so much. 198 00:07:53,216 --> 00:07:55,449 Now, some of you may remember that song 199 00:07:55,551 --> 00:07:58,207 from the Coen Brothers' movie, 200 00:07:58,293 --> 00:07:59,723 "O Brother Where Art Thou?" 201 00:07:59,769 --> 00:08:01,956 based on Homer's "Odyssey". 202 00:08:02,058 --> 00:08:05,300 Now, if I may quote the great Homer, 203 00:08:06,158 --> 00:08:07,190 Let's hustle! 204 00:08:07,215 --> 00:08:08,262 [cheers and applause] 205 00:08:08,364 --> 00:08:11,232 [funk music playing] 206 00:08:11,334 --> 00:08:18,205 207 00:08:24,675 --> 00:08:28,277 [groovy music] 208 00:08:29,363 --> 00:08:32,330 Oh, boy, clown at a buffet. 209 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:33,706 [laughing] Here we go. 210 00:08:33,808 --> 00:08:35,041 What? 211 00:08:35,066 --> 00:08:36,985 I mean, that is kind of a lot of rice. 212 00:08:37,890 --> 00:08:39,223 Is that a joke? 213 00:08:39,481 --> 00:08:40,647 I'm just hungry. 214 00:08:40,749 --> 00:08:47,654 215 00:08:50,258 --> 00:08:51,824 You're not gonna get pie? 216 00:08:51,927 --> 00:08:53,365 That's the funniest food here! 217 00:08:53,390 --> 00:08:55,461 There's nothing funny about these pies. 218 00:08:55,564 --> 00:08:56,963 I worked hard on them. 219 00:08:57,065 --> 00:08:58,431 Oh, well, I'm sorry, 220 00:08:58,456 --> 00:08:59,866 because by the end of the night, 221 00:08:59,968 --> 00:09:02,302 these pies are gonna be flying around the room. 222 00:09:02,404 --> 00:09:03,403 [laughs] 223 00:09:03,505 --> 00:09:05,171 You wasted your time, ma'am. 224 00:09:05,196 --> 00:09:07,106 Hey, back off my wife, man. 225 00:09:07,131 --> 00:09:09,350 Hey, back off my husband, man. 226 00:09:09,844 --> 00:09:12,011 I'm just saying, there is a clown in the room. 227 00:09:12,113 --> 00:09:13,179 These pies are toast. 228 00:09:13,281 --> 00:09:14,514 - Shh. - [people murmuring] 229 00:09:14,616 --> 00:09:16,282 You see how big he is and how small you are? 230 00:09:16,384 --> 00:09:17,850 - Come on. - Ho ho ho! 231 00:09:17,953 --> 00:09:19,953 Mr. Bones is gonna [bleep] these up. 232 00:09:20,055 --> 00:09:21,620 Oh. [groans] 233 00:09:21,754 --> 00:09:24,121 [drum roll] 234 00:09:24,387 --> 00:09:25,589 [grunts] 235 00:09:27,126 --> 00:09:28,058 [drum roll] 236 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:29,826 [grunts] Ha! 237 00:09:32,131 --> 00:09:33,196 [drum roll] 238 00:09:33,298 --> 00:09:34,831 [grunts] 239 00:09:34,933 --> 00:09:36,900 - [musical fanfare plays] - Ha ha ha ha ha! 240 00:09:37,669 --> 00:09:39,401 - [applause] - I love you Uncle Lawrence. 241 00:09:39,426 --> 00:09:41,538 [applause] 242 00:09:45,677 --> 00:09:47,859 David, you have a degree in economics. 243 00:09:48,447 --> 00:09:51,014 [both laughing] 244 00:09:51,116 --> 00:09:52,549 Good job, baby. 245 00:09:52,651 --> 00:09:55,160 I know, right? Beat that, Sam. [laughs] 246 00:09:55,185 --> 00:09:57,621 David, you have no external sense of self. 247 00:09:57,723 --> 00:10:00,437 You know what you need to do? Take off your shirt. 248 00:10:00,462 --> 00:10:01,769 Paste some eyes on your nipples 249 00:10:01,794 --> 00:10:03,393 and a mouth on your belly button. 250 00:10:03,495 --> 00:10:04,802 Then take a giant top hat and put it 251 00:10:04,827 --> 00:10:06,912 over your head and shoulders. 252 00:10:06,937 --> 00:10:08,265 People love that. 253 00:10:08,367 --> 00:10:09,599 That's a terrible idea. 254 00:10:09,701 --> 00:10:11,835 [laughs] Never mind. Don't do it. 255 00:10:11,937 --> 00:10:12,999 Why not? 256 00:10:13,023 --> 00:10:14,690 That guy's doing it right now. 257 00:10:14,792 --> 00:10:15,691 [goofy music playing] 258 00:10:15,793 --> 00:10:17,726 [whistling] 259 00:10:17,828 --> 00:10:20,062 [laughter] 260 00:10:20,164 --> 00:10:21,363 He likes that? 261 00:10:21,465 --> 00:10:22,931 [laughs] 262 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:23,822 [laughter] 263 00:10:23,847 --> 00:10:26,268 [whistling] 264 00:10:29,610 --> 00:10:30,576 Hey, bud. 265 00:10:31,513 --> 00:10:33,280 Your song was super cute. 266 00:10:33,305 --> 00:10:36,209 Yeah, I know I was cute. That's what I was going for. 267 00:10:37,952 --> 00:10:39,819 Well, I was just trying to be nice. 268 00:10:39,844 --> 00:10:41,185 - You want to be nice? - Yeah. 269 00:10:41,672 --> 00:10:43,622 Why don't you go get me a few drinks? 270 00:10:43,725 --> 00:10:45,958 That bitch waitress won't get me a beer. 271 00:10:46,060 --> 00:10:47,507 It's probably 'cause you're seven. 272 00:10:47,532 --> 00:10:49,702 Okay, sunburn. We're done here. 273 00:10:49,797 --> 00:10:51,831 - Oh. - [laughs] 274 00:10:53,401 --> 00:10:54,667 You cover your ears. 275 00:10:55,802 --> 00:10:57,058 Cover your ears. 276 00:10:57,739 --> 00:10:58,704 You know what? 277 00:10:59,663 --> 00:11:02,374 Santa Claus isn't real. 278 00:11:02,399 --> 00:11:03,378 Oh yeah? 279 00:11:03,978 --> 00:11:06,078 Then who gave me this huge hog? 280 00:11:09,917 --> 00:11:12,852 [whispering] He asked Santa for a huge hog. 281 00:11:15,117 --> 00:11:16,558 And he gave it to him. 282 00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:20,135 [R&B music] 283 00:11:20,237 --> 00:11:25,240 284 00:11:25,265 --> 00:11:26,285 I don't want nobody 285 00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:27,310 Look at you. 286 00:11:28,379 --> 00:11:30,715 He's more than just a father, 287 00:11:31,606 --> 00:11:32,783 he's a friend. 288 00:11:33,450 --> 00:11:34,816 I love you, Dad. 289 00:11:36,642 --> 00:11:39,415 [speaking loudly] To the best father... 290 00:11:39,557 --> 00:11:42,727 in the whole wide world. 291 00:11:42,752 --> 00:11:46,554 [applause] 292 00:11:46,579 --> 00:11:48,245 Well done. Well done. 293 00:11:48,459 --> 00:11:51,294 [applause] 294 00:11:51,396 --> 00:11:53,805 Uh, uh, do you mind if I say a few words here? 295 00:11:54,532 --> 00:11:57,667 Does everybody remember when Mr. Duvet had a mustache? 296 00:11:57,692 --> 00:11:59,191 Yeah, of course we remember! 297 00:11:59,215 --> 00:12:00,673 It's fresh in our mind. 298 00:12:00,698 --> 00:12:02,138 I can hear It's a couple minutes of that. 299 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,440 Great, because, um, I'm not saying 300 00:12:04,542 --> 00:12:06,843 Mr. Duvet's mustache was big, 301 00:12:06,945 --> 00:12:08,811 but if you turned him upside down, 302 00:12:08,913 --> 00:12:10,313 he could be a push broom. 303 00:12:10,415 --> 00:12:11,814 [laughter] 304 00:12:11,916 --> 00:12:14,150 And it even looked like a push broom too, 305 00:12:14,252 --> 00:12:16,252 'cause it always had food in it. 306 00:12:16,354 --> 00:12:18,020 [laughter] 307 00:12:18,122 --> 00:12:21,424 I mean, I've heard of a salt and pepper mustache, 308 00:12:21,526 --> 00:12:23,292 but Mr. Duvet's mustache 309 00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:26,963 was salt and pepper and pickles and onions. 310 00:12:27,065 --> 00:12:29,332 [laughter] 311 00:12:29,434 --> 00:12:31,934 I-I mean, you would see corn in his mustache, 312 00:12:32,036 --> 00:12:34,737 be like, "Wait a minute, we haven't had corn in weeks". 313 00:12:34,839 --> 00:12:35,805 [laughter] 314 00:12:35,907 --> 00:12:38,007 Look at that picture up there. 315 00:12:38,109 --> 00:12:40,743 Is that Mr. Duvet or did Cousin Itt 316 00:12:40,845 --> 00:12:43,279 shave everything but his mustache? 317 00:12:43,381 --> 00:12:44,580 [laughter] 318 00:12:44,605 --> 00:12:46,496 You are gonna make me throw up. 319 00:12:46,972 --> 00:12:48,684 Mr. Duvet doesn't have 320 00:12:48,786 --> 00:12:50,086 the greatest mustache in the world. 321 00:12:50,188 --> 00:12:53,890 He has the second-greatest only to Aunt Lacey! 322 00:13:03,868 --> 00:13:05,167 [sighs] 323 00:13:11,376 --> 00:13:13,843 [laughs] 324 00:13:13,945 --> 00:13:17,079 [all laughing] 325 00:13:17,181 --> 00:13:19,849 All: Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! 326 00:13:19,951 --> 00:13:22,018 [laughs] 327 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,152 All: Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! 328 00:13:23,254 --> 00:13:24,754 [laughter] 329 00:13:24,856 --> 00:13:27,497 That's my husband! That's my husband! 330 00:13:27,522 --> 00:13:29,592 [laughter] 331 00:13:29,694 --> 00:13:32,561 All: Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! 332 00:13:32,664 --> 00:13:34,964 [laughter and applause] 333 00:13:35,928 --> 00:13:39,436 Oh! Now, ladies and gentlemen, 334 00:13:39,537 --> 00:13:44,663 I would hate to have anybody try to follow that amazing speech. 335 00:13:45,096 --> 00:13:46,462 Therefore... 336 00:13:46,487 --> 00:13:48,020 - Let's hustle! - Whoo! 337 00:13:48,379 --> 00:13:51,347 - [funk music playing] - [all cheering] 338 00:13:51,449 --> 00:13:57,820 339 00:13:57,922 --> 00:13:59,453 I can't believe you used all my jokes. 340 00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:01,390 You threw 'em out. 341 00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:03,125 That's before I knew they were gonna kill. 342 00:14:03,227 --> 00:14:05,649 Hey, you talkin' or you doin' The Hustle? 343 00:14:05,703 --> 00:14:06,896 You can't do both. 344 00:14:06,998 --> 00:14:08,230 Sorry, Grandma. 345 00:14:08,255 --> 00:14:09,487 I honestly have trouble doing both. 346 00:14:14,344 --> 00:14:16,441 You were great up there. 347 00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:17,625 I couldn't take my eyes off you. 348 00:14:17,727 --> 00:14:19,445 Do you act? 349 00:14:19,470 --> 00:14:20,391 No. 350 00:14:20,416 --> 00:14:21,485 You should. 351 00:14:22,212 --> 00:14:23,378 You got the body for it. 352 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:26,748 [giggles] You are a little gentleman. 353 00:14:26,773 --> 00:14:28,066 What are you... 354 00:14:28,652 --> 00:14:30,251 Hey, pal, why don't you take 355 00:14:30,276 --> 00:14:31,481 your little huge hog out of here? 356 00:14:32,324 --> 00:14:34,401 - Jesus. - Tim, he's a kid. 357 00:14:34,425 --> 00:14:35,629 He's got the shit out of me. 358 00:14:36,782 --> 00:14:38,080 Uh, Samuel. 359 00:14:38,862 --> 00:14:41,813 Let me talk to you. What is wrong? 360 00:14:42,599 --> 00:14:44,065 I'm worried about my speech for Dad. 361 00:14:44,167 --> 00:14:45,485 Oh, don't be. 362 00:14:45,501 --> 00:14:49,236 You may not be funny like Tim or thoughtful like your sister, 363 00:14:49,338 --> 00:14:52,516 but you are the cutest 364 00:14:52,541 --> 00:14:55,171 little ladybug there ever was. 365 00:14:55,196 --> 00:14:56,287 Hmm? 366 00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:57,522 Mom, have you been drinking wine? 367 00:14:57,547 --> 00:14:58,913 Oh, please. 368 00:14:59,348 --> 00:15:02,000 Oh, look, there's Molly. 369 00:15:02,025 --> 00:15:04,075 God, I love that girl. 370 00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,654 Mr. Duvet, my favorite piece of advice 371 00:15:06,756 --> 00:15:08,119 you ever gave me was 372 00:15:08,144 --> 00:15:10,869 to alwaysremain excited for the future. 373 00:15:10,924 --> 00:15:13,628 All units, I've been hit! I need backup... 374 00:15:13,653 --> 00:15:14,719 [shuts off intercom] 375 00:15:15,313 --> 00:15:18,465 Tonight, as we celebrate all that you have been, 376 00:15:18,568 --> 00:15:22,236 remember, we also celebrate all that you will be. 377 00:15:23,311 --> 00:15:25,084 Happy birthday, Mr. Duvet. 378 00:15:25,109 --> 00:15:28,677 - [laughs] - [applause] 379 00:15:28,945 --> 00:15:30,377 [laughs] 380 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:34,407 Now, that was a nice speech. [laughs] 381 00:15:34,913 --> 00:15:38,136 Somebody ought to ask her to marry him! 382 00:15:38,788 --> 00:15:41,422 Son, I'm referring to you. 383 00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:44,457 Mom, I know. Oh, my God. 384 00:15:44,994 --> 00:15:46,894 Oh, no. [laughs] 385 00:15:46,996 --> 00:15:48,562 You're gonna do a spit take, right? 386 00:15:48,664 --> 00:15:49,763 [groovy music] 387 00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:50,731 [gulps] 388 00:15:50,833 --> 00:15:52,499 No spit take? 389 00:15:52,602 --> 00:15:54,759 What kind of clown are you, man? 390 00:15:54,784 --> 00:15:56,203 Look around, kid. 391 00:15:56,305 --> 00:15:58,639 The only clown in this room is you. 392 00:15:58,741 --> 00:16:05,613 393 00:16:18,809 --> 00:16:21,455 Sam, am I a clown? 394 00:16:22,298 --> 00:16:24,552 Tim, I'm really freaking out right now. 395 00:16:24,577 --> 00:16:26,210 I mean, I've got nothing. 396 00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:27,401 What am I gonna do? 397 00:16:27,503 --> 00:16:29,136 Why are you stressed out about this? 398 00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:30,437 You're always so good at things like this. 399 00:16:30,539 --> 00:16:32,106 I mean, Tim, I could get up there 400 00:16:32,208 --> 00:16:34,808 and I could tell jokes and sing a song 401 00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:37,203 and get hands clapping and panties dropping. 402 00:16:37,228 --> 00:16:38,238 This is a family event. 403 00:16:38,263 --> 00:16:39,781 That's not what I what I want, 404 00:16:39,806 --> 00:16:41,183 you know? Not tonight. 405 00:16:41,450 --> 00:16:45,286 I just want to let my dad know how I feel about him. 406 00:16:45,388 --> 00:16:48,522 You know, let him know that as I grow older, 407 00:16:48,624 --> 00:16:50,924 I see myself becoming more and more like him, 408 00:16:51,027 --> 00:16:53,927 and it just lets me know that I'm headed on the right path. 409 00:16:55,197 --> 00:16:57,031 [toilet flushing] 410 00:16:57,133 --> 00:16:59,433 Samuel, that was perfect. 411 00:16:59,535 --> 00:17:00,801 You projected wonderfully. 412 00:17:00,903 --> 00:17:03,202 I could hear you all the way in the back of the bathroom. 413 00:17:03,312 --> 00:17:04,954 [laughs] 414 00:17:05,041 --> 00:17:06,740 Thanks, Dad. 415 00:17:06,842 --> 00:17:08,131 Hey, guys. 416 00:17:09,645 --> 00:17:11,979 Oh, man, who stunk it up in here? 417 00:17:12,081 --> 00:17:14,238 Well, I had an opportuni... 418 00:17:14,263 --> 00:17:15,302 I did. 419 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:17,969 I stunk it up in here. 420 00:17:19,377 --> 00:17:20,566 With a poo. 421 00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:24,058 Guys, check this out. It stinks. 422 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:27,661 - Well... - Ooh, whoa! Whoa! 423 00:17:27,763 --> 00:17:30,279 - Uh, yeah, that's my poop. - Hoo! 424 00:17:30,498 --> 00:17:31,900 There's still poop in here. 425 00:17:32,001 --> 00:17:33,167 Why didn't you flush? 426 00:17:33,192 --> 00:17:35,659 He did flush. He flushed five times, 427 00:17:35,838 --> 00:17:38,891 but there was so much poop that it got stuck in the pipe. 428 00:17:38,999 --> 00:17:40,763 It's all according to Sam. 429 00:17:40,788 --> 00:17:42,778 Yeah, that's what happened. 430 00:17:43,752 --> 00:17:47,173 Yeah. And I pooped too. 431 00:17:47,735 --> 00:17:50,109 You're also smelling my crap. 432 00:17:50,134 --> 00:17:52,912 - Yeah. - Hey, guys. 433 00:17:53,282 --> 00:17:56,860 My eyes don't cry no more 434 00:17:56,885 --> 00:18:00,186 My heart don't ache no more 435 00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:03,189 Since you walked through my door 436 00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:06,328 I don't have to no longer be blue 437 00:18:07,615 --> 00:18:09,865 You'll never know dear 438 00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:12,528 How much I love you 439 00:18:12,662 --> 00:18:13,828 And I do, Dad. 440 00:18:13,930 --> 00:18:15,797 Please don't take 441 00:18:15,898 --> 00:18:19,633 I said please don't take... uh 442 00:18:19,735 --> 00:18:21,502 Please don't take 443 00:18:21,604 --> 00:18:22,719 I said please don't 444 00:18:24,473 --> 00:18:25,467 Please don't 445 00:18:25,492 --> 00:18:26,974 Take 446 00:18:27,076 --> 00:18:29,276 Please don't take 447 00:18:29,378 --> 00:18:30,644 My sun... 448 00:18:31,305 --> 00:18:37,094 Shine away... hey-hey 449 00:18:38,546 --> 00:18:41,647 [scattered applause] 450 00:18:42,883 --> 00:18:44,383 It's fine. Hard to go second, 451 00:18:44,408 --> 00:18:46,008 so, had the idea first. 452 00:18:46,033 --> 00:18:47,266 [applause] 453 00:18:49,161 --> 00:18:50,250 Better than the kid. 454 00:18:50,275 --> 00:18:52,380 Okay, now, if there are no more speeches... 455 00:18:53,558 --> 00:18:54,523 Julian. 456 00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:57,159 Did you want to say something? 457 00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:58,661 [laughing] All right. 458 00:18:58,686 --> 00:19:02,101 Oh, boy. Here comes Mr. Bones. 459 00:19:02,125 --> 00:19:03,705 Watch this, folks. 460 00:19:03,730 --> 00:19:05,497 He is not performing tonight. 461 00:19:05,567 --> 00:19:08,848 - Shh. - Andrew Carnegie once said, 462 00:19:10,340 --> 00:19:12,606 "As I grow older, 463 00:19:12,709 --> 00:19:15,573 "I pay less attention to what men say. 464 00:19:16,846 --> 00:19:18,746 I just watch what they do". 465 00:19:18,771 --> 00:19:19,857 [crowd gasps] 466 00:19:19,882 --> 00:19:22,616 [laughs] 467 00:19:22,719 --> 00:19:23,800 Shit. 468 00:19:24,754 --> 00:19:26,205 Classic! 469 00:19:26,489 --> 00:19:28,756 He slow-played me, baby! 470 00:19:28,858 --> 00:19:30,825 No, I don't know, Tim. I think he's really hurt. 471 00:19:30,927 --> 00:19:33,702 Oh, no, no, that was a clown fall. 472 00:19:33,825 --> 00:19:35,691 [laughs] 473 00:19:36,787 --> 00:19:37,865 Oh. 474 00:19:37,967 --> 00:19:41,769 You brilliant master of the comedic arts. 475 00:19:41,871 --> 00:19:44,205 [majestic music] 476 00:19:44,307 --> 00:19:46,007 [groans] 477 00:19:46,109 --> 00:19:53,080 478 00:19:53,182 --> 00:19:55,783 [inaudible] 479 00:19:55,885 --> 00:19:59,120 480 00:19:59,222 --> 00:20:00,421 Yes! 481 00:20:00,523 --> 00:20:03,224 In your face, pie lady! 482 00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:06,160 - Oh! - [crowd gasps] 483 00:20:06,262 --> 00:20:09,262 [screams] 484 00:20:10,020 --> 00:20:13,334 [yelling] 485 00:20:13,436 --> 00:20:14,969 - I should kick your ass. - [yelling] 486 00:20:15,071 --> 00:20:17,115 Come on. Come on. Come on. Just sit. 487 00:20:17,140 --> 00:20:18,979 - Just... come on. - [yelling] 488 00:20:19,004 --> 00:20:22,309 - Just sit. Just sit. Just... - [yelling] 489 00:20:22,412 --> 00:20:24,612 [yelling] 490 00:20:24,714 --> 00:20:28,513 All: Happy birthday to you 491 00:20:28,545 --> 00:20:30,545 Everybody has a birthday. 492 00:20:31,740 --> 00:20:34,107 Men, wome, boys and girls, 493 00:20:34,489 --> 00:20:37,151 It's a time to reflect on your life. 494 00:20:39,292 --> 00:20:42,591 The past and future happenings. 495 00:20:42,615 --> 00:20:45,154 I am very happy 496 00:20:45,654 --> 00:20:49,326 because today is my birthday. 497 00:20:50,115 --> 00:20:51,693 Let's hustle! 498 00:20:52,787 --> 00:20:55,140 Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com 499 00:20:55,190 --> 00:20:59,740 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33591

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