All language subtitles for Boy%2BMeets%2BGirl

♪

Come on, Ricky!

Let's go swimmin'
before it gets too chilly.

Some of us have
to work for a livin'.

And normal people
get Sundays off.

Well, some of us normal people

have to work seven days
a week to save money.

And besides, you need
to start workin' a little harder

to keep me interested
in hangin' outwith you.

Watchin' you troll for girls,

while barely tolerable
in high school,

has officially lost
its last little bit of luster.

Hey, hey!

I just invited
you to go swimmin'.

Yeah, euphemistic for watchin'
you text at the swimmin' hole,

as opposed to the coffee shop.

And, besides, it's pointless.

You've dated every girl
in the state of Kentucky.

I mighta missed one.

And, please, yo-you spend
as much time trolling for dudes

as I do trolling for girls.

Yeah, but, unlike you,
I'm not just lookin' for sex.

I wanna find love, get married.

I haven't even
found one good guy

who doesn't wanna
just get in my pants.

Maybe I should date girls.

How bad could it be'?

I'm a fan.

Check one out
and see how you like it.

At least she'd be sweet.

And considerate.

And emotional.

Not just a dog, like all y'all.

Hey, I am very fond
of every one I go outwith,

regardless of how long
the relationships last.

Now, you know, sometimes
likin' someone isn't enough

and you gotta break up.

Kinda quickly.

But it doesn't
make me a bad guy.

No, just a guy.

[BELL JANGLES]

Hey, how's it goin'?
What can I get ya'?

You have the prettiest hair.

Oh, well, thank you.

I always wanted to try those
straight-across bangs like that.

Yeah, and you know I've
always wanted to try wearin'

a big ole sparkly
engagement ring like that.

[CHUCKLING]

Yeah, well, you know the grass
is always greener, I guess.

- 80...?
- Oh! Right.

May I please have a double latte
caramel frappuccino, please.

Sweetheart,
Starbucks is on Montague Street.

We sell coffee here.

Oh, right. Um,

- well, may I have...
- Tread lightly now.

- Um, a ca-cappa...
- Cap...?

Chino'?

Yes, you may.

So,

you've never been
married or engaged, even'?

Mm-mm. No.

I'm sure you have
plenty of suitors.

I mean, I do, but most of 'em
I'm not really attracted to

and the ones I have been
always seem to get cold feet.

[SIGHS]

Oh, God, men.

The very thing they want most

is the very thing
they're most afraid of.

Ain't that the truth.

- Commitment.
- Dick.

Oh, well, I mean that, too,
but it's a distant second.

Uh, I'm sorry.

Did you say
what I think you just said'?

Mmm, that commitment's
a distant second'?

No. Before that.

That men want dick
but are afraid of it.

Okay.
Apparently you did.

Two-fifty, please.

Thank you.

Do you-do you have a lot of
guy friends confide this in you'?

I-I mean how do you know that
they're telling you the truth

and not just messin' with you'?

'Cause if I weren't,

I'd have a big ole gorgeous
ring on my finger by now.

I don't follow.

[HORN BEEPING]

[SIGHS]

That's my mom.

We're late for church.

Oh, I understand.

It was real nice
talkin' with you.

And you.

I'm Francesca, by the way.

Ricky.

Ricky and a rich girl
sittin' in a tree,

k-I-s-s-i-n-g.

Oh, fuck off.

Hell, why not'?

She was sexy as hell.

In that kinda way.

What kinda way'?

Oh, come on.

You've lived here
your whole life, too.

You know those kinda girls.

Wait a minute, wait a minute,
let me get this straight now.

You are gonna judge her

because of the kinda family
she may or may not come from'?

Does come from.

Rich, Republican, debutant.

Oh, you are unbe-
You-you-you want peop-no,

you demand people judge you
by the content of your character

and nothin' else,
yet you're gonna dismiss her'?

Because of what, what
kinda family she comes from'?

It's different.

Not at all!

She was sweet and respectful
and friendly and liked you.

And anyway, that girl -

I mean what more could you want

from your first
girlfriend experience'?

She's not a lesbian.

How do you know'?

And even if she were, she would
not go for a girl like me.

Why not?

You know.

No, I really don't, why'?

Oh come on,
now you're just bein' an idiot.

No, really, Ricky,
why couldn't she be into you'?

- Because I'm not...
- Republican'?

You know what I was gonna say.

Look, Ricky,
maybe she won't care.

I mean there's only
one way to find out.

You know,
that really isn't something

I just go surprisin'
people with, out the blue.

Oh, really'?

Hey, what about that, uh,

Halloween incident
when we were little.

See, now that was different.

He had it comin',
fucking pervert.

Hey, Cinderella,
trick or treat'?

[kids screaming]]

Trick.

Police!

Help!

Thank God I was
there to protect you.

Yeah, tough guy.

I've never seen
someone run so fast.

Nah, it's true.

That douche bag
scared the shit outta me. But...

that was the only time I
ever ran from a fight for you.

Leave her alone.

That's a boy, not a girl.

You are a boy.
You are a boy.

Didn't your father just die'?

Yeah, that's true.
You didn't really need me.

Anyone came after you
left in tears.

Well, I always appreciated
your gallant efforts.

Well, when you turned
sixteen somethin' happened.

I don't know, but you really
didn't need me after that.

Why you so into Ricky'?

'Cuz he's gay.

Shut up!

[LAUGHTER]

Fine, whatever you're
into man, I'm just sayin'.

I'm not-I'm not gay.
I just like her. You -

it's nice to have a
conversation about more than

Pamela Anderson's tits
every once in awhile.

Really?

Why'?

[LAUGHTER]

It's cool. It's cool.

If you wanna bring a dude
to the football game

who dresses
like a girl then you -

Hey, guys.

- Hi.
- Hey.

Hey, Ricky.

- You look great.
- Oh, thanks.

Um, so you sure it's okay
I tag along to the game'?

- Yeah, fine.
- Absolutely.

Something happened
when I turned sixteen'?

Yeah, somethin' happened.

And, uh, what was that
somethin' that happened, Robby'?

What?

Why are you rollin' your eyes'?

I'm fascinated by this
somethin' that happened.

Mm.

Is it that I suddenly got hot'?

Is that the
somethin' that happened'?

Ew, come on,
you're like my sister.

Hey, no!

- Hey, come on, just a sip!
- No!

All right, well, fine.

You go ahead and judge a book
by its cover, hypocrite,

but don't look now
because here she comes.

Hi!

Hey.

Oh, my God, what a coincidence.

I know, rig ht'?

- I love that bathing suit.
- Oh.

It's so classic.
Where did you get it'?

Um, well I made it, actually.

Wha-You did not.

Yeah, um, that's my real job.

I'm a designer.

You are'?

Well, why aren't you in, um, uh,

New York or Paris
or somethin' like that'?

Our Fashion Week
is kinda non-existent, obvi.

Well, hopefully
I'll be goin' to fashion school

in New York this fall.

I'm just kinda
waitin' to hear back.

God, that is so exciting.

Thanks.

Wow.

So, um, how do you
know about this place?

Oh, well, my daddy used to
take me here when I was little.

- You grew up here'?
- Mm-hmm.

Well, I thought I knew
everybody in this town.

Surprise.

I went away to boardin' school
when I was five

and then I was just really
around for the holidays.

What about summers'?

Abroad.

Oh. Of course.

He's cute.

Is he your boyfriend'?

No.

Uh, we've been best friends
since, like, first grade.

He works in my dad's garage.

What,
and nothin' ever happened'?

Not even once'?

No, he-he doesn't like tra -

Like...?

Girls like me.

Girls like you.

Okay, what's not
to like about you'?

You're gorgeous, funny, smart.

Well, thank you.
But, he, uh -

Tell her! Tell her.

Drown, you loser!

Hypocrite!

I swear on my mother,
I will swim out there

and drown you myself
if you don't shut it!

I'm just sayin'.

I'm so sorry about him.

Oh, no need to apologize.

But I am tellin' you it is
clear as day that that boy

has a crush on you,
regardless of what he says.

So, uh, what's your fiancé do'?

He's in Afghanistan.

He's a marine.

Just one more tour and he'll
be home for good in the fall

and then we'll
get married in the spring.

Oh.

So, uh, just a few more
months to live it up, huh'?

Yeah, I'm-
I'm not really like that.

Like what'?

Like someone who does
things she's always wanted to

for fear of life
lived with regret

will be far worse than
a life with experimentation

that has some great joys but
some skinned knees as well.

You clearly haven't
thought much about it.

No.

I'm just a normal girl.

Okay, so there is
one main reason why,

even if he did
like me like that,

we still couldn't be
anything more than friends.

Mm-hmm, and what's that'?

- Well...
- Tell me.

Okay.

- What's your number'?
- Why?

Just, please.

Uh, eight-five-nine-

five-five-five
seven-six-two-four.

[PHONE CHIMES]

Oh.

Who the heck is...?

It's me.

Oh!

How excitin'.

[CHUCKLES]

[PHONE CHIMES]

[PHONE CHIMES]

No.

But...

No!

WOW!

May I ask you a question'?

Yeah, sure.

So where did you-
like where did you get it'?

I mean who gave it to you'?

What?

Y-your, um...

Oh!
Well, um, God, I guess'?

When I was born.

Oh, my-okay,
so biologically you were born -

A boy.

Well, um,
so, uh, do you like it'?

My...?

- Yeah.
- Oh! Yeah, I mean,

I do, it's just I wish
I'd been born a genetic girl.

I do plan on gettin'
the full surgery someday.

It's just so expensive.

But, for now, I might as well

just dance with the one
that brung me, right'?

And it's not really
about hatin' my body,

so I've learned to live with it.

[And do you-do you like
keep it a secret that you]?

Oh, no, no, no.

I am completely
comfortable with who I am,

and I like to make sure

everybody else
in my life is, too.

So, you know,
whether it's a boy,

or like you, a new friend,

um, if for any reason
it should or does come up,

I mean, I just get
it right out in the open.

Well, we are new friends,
aren't we'?

I think so.

As long as, you know,

you don't go fallin'
in love with me or anything.

[LAUGHS]

Well, right back at ya!

- You idiot, my hair!
- Oh, God, it's cold!

Ah!

Robby, how do you do'?

Francesca.
Charmed, I'm sure.

So, you new in town'?

- Uh, yes and no.
- She grew up here,

but then went
off to boardin' school.

Now she's back and waitin'
for her handsome marine

to come home
so they can get married.

Oh, cool.
Who's your fiancé'?

David Applebee.

No.

Oh, you know him'?

Oh, yeah, I know him.
We went to high school together.

Wait, so do you know him, too'?

- I don't think so.
- Of course you do.

It's that kid who kept
tryin' to knock you out

in pee-wee football.

- Really?
- He did that'?

Y'all just seem so nice.

I would feel bad if he was
ever mean to you either of you.

Hey, he's fightin'
for our country.

He's cool by me.

Thank you.

You be nice to our new friend.

Come on, now, I'm always nice.

Ah!

Oh, my God!

Stop it.

You're gonna get it, Robby.

Come on, now.

Whoo!

(high-pitched voice) Help us!

(high-pitched voice) Help us!
The sharks are coming!

(deeper voice)
The Fourth Division

of the Fighters of the Republic
will save you.

(high-pitched voice)
Hurry! Hurry!

(high-pitched voice)
You're incredible.

Our hero.

[KISSING NOISES]

(deeper voice) Really,
there's no need for that.

And besides, I'm not
allowed to kiss on duty anyway.

(high-pitched voice) Well,
when do you get off duty'?

(deeper voice) Um, right now!

[KISSING NOISES]

Are you corruptin'
that army man again'?

It didn't come.
I already checked.

You'll get accepted.
I know it!

Thanks, kiddo.

Now don't worry, honey.

Vera Wang's got nothin' on you.

Vera Wang does
wedding gowns, Dad.

I don't wanna do wedding gowns.

All right, well, you know,
Betsy Johnson then.

She went bankrupt.

I mean she's back now,
but I don't wanna go bankrupt.

You wanna give
your old man a break'?

I'm a mechanic
for cryin' out loud.

I'm sorry, Dad.

I am very impressed
with your fashion acumen.

All right,
you tread lightly now.

What's acumen mean'?

Well, it means
that I have a-a wealth

of deep and insightful
knowledge about many things.

In this case,
about the fashion world

that your big sister's
about to reinvent.

I have pie acumen.

[LAUGHS]

Indeed you do, Son.

Indeed you do.

Hello, Baby.

Ah, I miss you, Baby Doll.

So how's everythin'
goin' at home'?

Well, I am
gettin' my dress tomorrow.

Oh, you're gonna
look just like an angel.

You know, that's probably

the one thing civilized
about these Arabs,

saving themselves for marriage.

Just like you, Baby.

My virgin angel.

God, stop!

Oh!

Hey, uh, I made
some new friends today

and they say they know you.

- No way.
- Yeah.

Well, who'?

Uh, Robby Riley'?

Uh, and his friend Ricky'?

The tranny'?

- Don't call her that.
- You hung outwith them'?

Well, she's just like
any other normal girl.

I mean she's just like me.

Okay, seriously,
you're gonna make me puke now

you keep talkin' like that.

Well, she said since you're
fightin' for America and all

that you're
all right in her book.

Yeah, well, I ain't
fightin' for the America

that fucking thing is part of!

I just miss you, Baby.

I can't wait 'til you're home.
Ninety-three more days.

Yeah.

Well, I go-I guess
I should be goin'.

Oh, yeah.

I love you.

Be careful.

I love you too, Baby.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Really, Ricky,
don't worry about it.

I'm not worried,
I'm just annoyed.

They should
be growin' faster by now.

I've been on hormones
for, like, seven years

and they're still just A-cups.

Yeah, but guy-guys
don't care about that shit.

Seriously.

Yeah, well as soon
as I can afford it

I'm gonna get implants.

No, but-but it's, Ricky,
it's not the size, okay'?

It's the-it's the shape,
it's the feel,

it's the-it's the buoyancy.

You don't know
what buoyancy means.

The cute little tits
are just so sexy, okay'?

They feel great,
they're wonderful.

I- those-those big ole
fake balloons fuckin' thing -

I wouldn't get
anything like that.

Just nice,
small elegant C-cups.

I-I wouldn't.

Really.

Don't you peek, now.

Yuck. As if.

Okay, Sam,
you can come back in.

Is that one gonna work'?

I think so.

[PHONE CHIMES]

Who's that from'?

- New girlfriend.
- Who?

Invite her over.

Well, who is she'?

This new girlfriend'?

None of your business.

Shut your mouth.

[PHONE CHIMES]

[KNOCKING]

Hi, may I come in'?

- Of course, hey!
- Hi.

Wow.

You look...

really cute.

Well, thank you.

Hey, Robby.

Hey.

And who is this'?

This is my little brother, Sam.
Sam, this is Francesca.

Hi.

Well, hello, Sam.
Nice to meet you.

Now don't tell me
you made that, too.

Yup.

Wow.

Oh, um, hey, uh, do you think

I can use the ladies
room real quick'?

Uh, yeah, it's down
the stairs to the left.

Okay.

Do you have an extra tampon'?

I swear I thought I brought one.

Please?

Oh, my God.

Silly me!

You have a YouTube channel!

So how many subscribers?

Eleven hundred.

Get out!
You are famous!

Hardly.

Daily Grace has a few million.

Do you know all you need
is one celebrity

to wear one of your designs

and you'll have
a couple million in no time.

Well,
I'll leave you ladies to it.

Oh, I-I'm-I'm sorry.

I-I didn't mean
to chase you off.

Oh, no, he has his
man-whoring to do anyway.

The sun's down.

No, that's not true.

I was actually havin' fun
hangin' outwith you but,

uh, you know, whatever.

Oh, I can leave.
It's no problem.

Robby, I'm gonna kill you.
Tell her you're kiddin'.

All right, I'm-I'm just givin'
you a hard time, Francesca.

I gotta go anyway-

- You sure'?
- Eh

- Yes, he's sure!
- Yes, I'm positive.

You ladies have fun.
I'll talk to you later.

Keep it real, Shortcake.

Later, Riley.

Mm-hmm.

So, what do you do'?

On your channel'?

Well, um, here.
Sam'?

Good to go.

Wha-Oh!

Hey, everybody,
it's Ricky again,

and I have a very special guest.

This is my fabulous
new friend Francesca Duval.

Say hi to all your new fans.

Hi!

So, Francesca's wearin' an
adorable little summer outfit.

It's not too slutty, I mean,
sexy, and not too prim.

Just right.

So, those are
Diesel Skinny jeans'?

Oh, uh, mm-hmm.

And, uh, looks like you're
rockin' your own patriotic look

with a fabulous
graphic tank from,

I wanna say, Free People'?

Right again!

And the hottest wedges.

Sam, the cameraman, can you
please pan down to show those?

What are they'?

I wanna say are they Guess'?

Good guess!

Fabulous!

The whole thing,
very, very put together.

Now for those of my viewers
who can't afford to spend

five hundred dollars
on a casual

Sunday out-with-the-girls,
Sam, cover your ears,

"Not even tryin'
to get laid," outfit.

Uh, how do you know
I'm not tryin' to get laid?

[LAUGHS]

Can I uncover my ears now'?

(in unison) No!

I'm just kiddin'.

I'm, uh,
I'm savin' myself, of course,

for my darlin' fiancé
who is in Afghanistan.

Really?

How virtuous.

See, gents, old-fashioned
girls do still exist

and they can be fun and sexy

and you shouldn't
judge a book by its cover.

I mean, unless you're
just interested in the cover,

which, in my case,
is perfectly all right.

Okay, I'm just kidding.

No hos in the house tonight.

Now?

Yes, baby, it's fine now.

Where was I'?
Oh, right, okay.

So for those of you
more on a budget,

I've thrown together
this little bit of a mutt.

It's a mix of spring and summer

because it's still
a little chilly at night.

I made this
geometric patterned dress

I paired with
a skinny black belt,

lace tights,
and the black flats

and for a little added warmth
I have this black cardigan.

It's a jumble of stuff, but
I feel like it works, right'?

Oh, totally!

Yeah, you don't wanna
go outwith too little

and suddenly
be caught with a chill.

Comfortability before vanity.

I don't think so.

Oh, no.

Look, I would walk
a mile in six-inch stilettos

that turn my feet into bloody
stumps if they were Manolos.

Truth.

All right, tune in next week
for my latest outfit.

Let's give a big round of
applause for my fabulous guest,

Francesca Duval.

[CLAPPING]

Thank you.
I had a blast.

And for my always handsome
and dapper cameraman, Sam.

[CLAPPING]

Stay sexy, freaks.

- Oh, that was so much fun!
- So much fun.

Time for bed, Little Man.

Dad!
It's early!

Bed!

Come on, kiddo.

Go brush your teeth.
I'll tuck you in.

Good night, Sam.

Bye.

God, he's so cute.

I'm gonna
go to the bathroom now.

Yeah, sure.

Okay.

Hey!

Hey.

Everything okay'?

Oh! Yeah.

Just false alarm.

I'm so sorry about the whole,
uh, tampon thing earlier.

You know, you're just,
you're so much like a -

You are so fine. No, really,

I mean it's not even the
first time that it's happened.

My own doctor
gets mixed up about it

and he's had
my junk in his hands.

[CHUCKLES]

I'll go in for my
medication and he'll be like,

"So we're giving you
testosterone, right?"

And I'll be like, "No, estrogen'?
I'm tryin' to be a girl here?"

[CHUCKLES]

What bathroom do you go in'?

Well, now I use
the women's room.

But back when
I was eight and nine

and it was like the boys
against the girls...

Mm-hmm.

The boys would go to one side,
the girls would go to the other

and I'd be stuck in the middle
and end up on the sideline

with the kid on crutches.

Oh.

I changed out in the boys'
locker room though,

until my breasts started growin'
in when I was like fifteen

and then the school
just kinda gave me

an excused
permanent pass from gym.

They just figured it
would be easier that way.

Well, how cool were you'?

A lifetime,
"Get Outta Gym," card.

Stop.

How old's your brother'?

He's eight.

Our mom died
when he was one, so

I've kinda been
the only girl in his life.

More of a mom
than a sister, really.

How'd your mom die'?

Cancer.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

- Is your family supportive'?
- Yeah.

My dad actually
bought me my first Barbies

when he realized when not
havin' an interest in football

wasn't gonna be fixed by just
replacing it with baseball.

[LAUGHS]

So I-l guess that means you've
never been with a girl, right'?

Mm-mm.

Hmm.

Not even once, by accident'?

[LAUGHS]

No, I-l can't say
I've ever accidentally

tripped and fell
while sportin' a boner

and landed in a woman's vagina.

Oh, my God.

I can be clumsy,
but I'm not that bad.

[LAUGHS]

I, um, I did almost
kiss a girl once, though.

On a dare, I seem to remember.

But I chickened out.

Well, I've never
kissed a girl either, so,

I guess we're even.

Look, I don't-I don't
wanna be a bad influence.

I respect
the sanctity of marriage.

Engagement.

That too.

And I don't wanna
have any regrets.

I wanna live out loud,
like you do.

It comes with
a pretty big price tag.

Not as big a price
tag as the alternative.

I'm sorry.

Francesca, wait!

Francesca, wait!

I brushed my teeth.

Are you gonna tuck me in'?

Yeah, pumpkin.
Head upstairs.

I'm glad you have a new friend.

Me, too.

Now get some sleep.

It's okay that I like
to play with toy soldiers

and play football, right'?

What, honey'?

I'm not weird because I'm a boy

and I like to have my marine
guys rescue Barbie dolls

and not the other way around'?

We girls always
have to do the rescuing,

regardless of how it looks,

but that's a lesson
for another day.

Listen...

you are perfect in every way,
sweet boy.

You're normal and there
is nothing wrong with you, okay'?

However and whatever toys
you wanna play with is fine.

You're supposed to do
what makes you happy, okay'?

What would make me happy

is if a certain little man
was asleep right now.

Love you, Dad.

Love you.

What?

You didn't get that from me,
is all.

Yes, I did.

Come on.

It'll come tomorrow.

All right.

Ham and cheese, coffee black.

Just make sure he eats it.

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

So, Francesca
kissed me last night.

What?

She's much deeper than
she appears at first blush.

And she's got a big heart.

I like that.

What do you mean she kissed you'?

Where'? When'?

In my room,
after we made the video.

I don't know,
it just kinda happened.

Wha-and-and what-what
happened after you kissed?

She ran away.

It was adorable.

You know, you really shouldn't
mess around with her.

I mean she has a fiancé.
Marines are nuts.

They kill people for fun.

I ain't scared of him.

And anyway,
I'm not a home wrecker.

It was just one innocent kiss.

I'm sure it won't happen again.

Yeah, I'm sure.

Come on!
It's not my thing.

You know that.

But a little
healthy exploration,

I mean, that's what your
early twenties are for, right'?

But, um, just in case
it should happen again,

maybe if one thing
leads to another...

Yeah'?

What's it like?

I mean, like, okay,
so what would you, um,

what-what would I-Well,
what's one supposed to do'?

Oh! Oh, Jesus.
Oh, here we go.

Robby, come on, I have no one
else to talk to about this.

Okay, uh, what do you-
what do you wanna know'?

Okay, so,
you know the, um, the-

Dick'?

On a genetic girl!

Oh, the va-jay-jay.

Oh, my God, you do not
watch the Kardashians.

I loves it.

Has my coming out to girls
really inspired you, baby'?

Please.

Only gay boys
watch those girl shows.

Oh, yeah,
'cuz what straight guy

would wanna watch
hot sisters and best friends

mess around
with each other half naked

and then makin'
full-on porn tapes'?

That is-that is so gay.

Anyway, I hear it's very,
um, it's very complicated.

You know, the vaj,

with all its various fluids
flowing at different times.

There's-there's the period,
the wetness during sex, so,

okay, so like, I mean,
does it start out wet'?

Or-or do I have to get it wet'?

Well, wait, does she get it-
wait-how does it get wet'?

Are you fuckin'
retarded right now'?

Robby!

It's not easy for me
to talk about these things.

Just tell me.

Okay, well...
I mean you start makin' out,

you know,
like you would with a guy.

And then'?

Okay, well you-you know how-
how you get, like, aroused...

Right.

She will, too.

And that'll make her wet'?

Right.

Okay.

Is it tight like an asshole -

Okay! Okay!
Google time.

Robby!

No, no, no, confused gay chat
rooms or something, seriously!

Don't be a baby about it,
just tell me!

No.

No, it probably won't be
as tight as a... No.

Really?

And how would you know'?

I just know, okay'?

All right, look,
can we-come on,

all right'? I gotta
get back to work.

Where were we'?

Tightness.

Right.

No, it-it-it-it won't-it
won't be as tight as

but it will be

very, um, warm

and, uh, like, gushy.

Ew.

But, like, in the most
amazing possible,

you know, warm, gushy way.

I can't believe
I'm havin' this conversation.

Look, just try it, okay'?

Just-just-just get in there
and-and let nature take over.

I mean, you know,

even though you're
a hot chick and everything,

the other part of you
has millions of years of DNA

slammin' down on you,
instinctively lettin' you know

how and where to stick it

and-and what the fuck
to do with it

and afterwards you'll
make your own assessment.

Okay, okay.

I gotta be done with this
conversation, really,

that's all
I'm gonna say about it.

Okay, thank you.

I'd just like to enjoy the last
part of my break in peace.

Hey, really, Robby,
no, thank you so much.

I really do appreciate
your help. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Does it really smell like fish'?

Goodbye.

'Cuz I don't think
I'd be able to handle that.

You're not a well person.

Look, I'm not sayin'
it does or anythin',

but how am I supposed to know'?

She smells really good!

It was somethin'
I liked about her.

Who smelled really good'?

Hey.

Were you talkin' about me'?

Yeah, but, you know,
he's my best friend.

He won't-
he won't tell a soul. I-

No, it's okay.

I trust you.

You dropped this.

Oh.

I'm, uh,
I'm sorry about last night.

Runnin' away like that
was so childish of me.

I guess I was just
a little bit caught off guard.

It's totally fine.

I was, too.

So... my daddy's havin' another
one of his parties and, um,

I was hopin' that you might
be able to help me find a dress'?

Okay.

Okay.

You smelled really good, too.

Yeah, see,
I have all these dresses.

This is one of the biggest
problems livin' in a small town.

One of the biggest problems'?

It doesn't even
crack my top ten.

I like livin' in a small town.

It makes me feel safe.

It makes me feel claustrophobic.

I can't wait to get outta here.

Really?

Are you kidding'?

New York'?

I was born in the wrong body
and the wrong town.

There really
are no dresses here.

Come on.

Whe-where are we goin'?

Target.

Um, yeah, I-I'm the least snobby
seemingly snobby person I know,

but really, I just-

I don't think I can wear
a dress from Target.

Oh, my God, I would never have
you wear a dress from there.

Thank you.

But I would
have you wear a dress

that I make out
of a tablecloth from there.

Hmm.

I hate that I'm so short.

I wish I was tall like you.

What are you talkin' about'?

You're like the perfect height.

And besides,

boys like girls who
are shorter than them anyway.

You're gonna rock this outfit.

Well, we don't
dress cute for boys.

Who cares
if they like the outfit'?

Yes,
but we do undress for them.

And we care what
they think then, right'?

Are you a virgin, too'?

Yeah.

I mean, with girls.

Look,
I shouldn't be the one to...

It's okay, I want to.

I don't think it's right.

No, it's okay.
Really.

It's not okay by me. Look,

you're a virgin.

You're about to be married.

Your husband
should be the one to...

I lied.

What'? You...

I lied.

On your show.

I mean I've lied
to everyone about it.

There was this one time
when I was fifteen

and drunk
at boardin' school, so

it's not like the specialness
of the first time

on my wedding night will be,
uh, all that special.

I mean not
for that reason, anyway.

But your fiancé thinks...

Yeah.

And I'm okay with that.

Look, every girl
has their secrets.

I don't wanna
be a mood killer or anything

but we should probably
be responsible, have the talk.

Oh!

Yeah, um, well it was just
that-it was just that one time

and-and he used a condom.

You'?

Yeah, just once.

He used a condom.

Okay.

I'm not on the pill.

Nothing comes out anymore.

Really?

I-I mean does it
does it feel good'?

Yeah.

Just nothing, urn,
so you can't get pregnant.

Mm.

Yeah.

So you can't have babies'?

Not from my... no.

Do you wanna have babies'?

Absolutely.

Someday.

You're so sweet.

You're so soft.
Just like... like...

A girl?

Yeah.

And it's so hard,
just like a...

A boy?

Yeah.

[PHONE RINGING]

Do you need to get that'?

Uh, no.

[QUIETLY SINGS]
I kissed a girl and I liked it.

You did a little more
than just kiss me.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hmm.

Everything okay'?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Was it, um...

was it fun'?

As fun as when
you were with a boy'?

It was different.

Very different. But,

but still very nice.

And you'?

It was kind of unbelievable,
to tell you the truth.

Good.

I'm curious,

I mean does this-
does this make me gay'?

I don't think so.

Bi-curious'?

I don't know.

Well, it has
to make me somethin'.

Human'?

[LAUGHS]

It makes her
a lot more than just human.

Oh, really'?

Well, uh,
what are the definitions

since you seem
to be so clear of what

Francesca is and isn't'?

Straight's a penis
going into a vagina.

So I'm straight'?

No.

Well, I put my penis
in a vagina last night.

Which I still
can't believe, but, uh,

yeah, okay, no, by-by
doin' that you were straight.

Even though I have breasts'?

Yeah, whatever,
you can have rhinoceros ears,

but if you have a dick

and you stick it in a vagina

that-that's
straight sex, sister.

A lovely image, all right,
so then what's gay sex'?

Well, gay for a woman is when
she rubs her vagina and breasts

on another woman
with a vagina and breasts.

Do they have
to have rhinoceros ears'?

Oh, whatever they do.

Y-you know, kiss, scissorin'.

- Ooh, look at you!
- Hey!

I am knowledgeable in the
arts of various sexual arenas.

Oh, please.

You thank God
for Glee every day

or you'd still think scissoring

was a mixed martial
arts tap-out hold.

All right, look, now,

I'm a-I'm a-I'm a Gleek
and I'm proud of it.

But I knew about that
before that episode.

Why does it even matter what
you label as your sexuality?

It doesn't.

Look, I could care less, okay'?

Whatever floats your boat.

What do I give a fuck'?

But if you have a penis,
I mean however it got on there,

and you-you stick it in a butt

of a person with-with
another penis on theirself,

that's gay sex, okay?

I mean I-you know,
in that moment

call yourself
whatever you want.

So then you
are a full-on straight dude.

Yeah, you're damn right.

Never bi-curious in the least.

Not even a little.

Just love you some
woo-woo and breastesses.

All day long!

Yeah!

Some good, clean,
normal God-fearing

American boy-meets-girl
heterosexual sex.

Mmm!

Damn right, girl!

And during this good
clean, normal God-fearing

American boy-meets-girl
heterosexual sex,

you ever like when a girl
sticks her finger up your butt'?

Ricky!

What, like that's
never happened to you'?

No!

No, it has not.

Mm-hmm.

I-I mean,
I don't know, maybe once.

With a Jewish girl.

Okay, so, that-that
one time with, "a Jewish girl,"

did you like it'?

- It was okay.
- Uh-huh.

One finger or two'?

- I don't-who can remember'?
- Two.

- Okay, so was that gay sex'?
- No!

Wha-
Well, by your definition

that's somebody else's body
part goin' up your, you know,

so that makes it gay, right'?

Hold on, now.

No. No!

That-first of all,
it-it's-that's

not a man-member goin'
up my butt, it's a finger -

Two fingers.

Whatever!

And it-it's-it's
a girl's fingers.

Pretty thick.

And long.

Two fingers, I don't know,
it's-it's sort of like,

uh, hmm, a penis.

No!

No.

Nothing like a penis.

Interesting.

So, it's the material that
the phallus is made of

that determines whether
it's gay sex or not.

Right.

And the sex of the person
administering the phallus.

Correct.

Okay, I think I'm clear now.

Thank you, sweet baby Jesus.

All right,
I think this is her place.

You can just pull over
right there.

Wow.

- Hi.
- Hey!

Hey, Robby.
- Hey.

Oh.

- Here you go.
- Oh!

I am so excited!

[GASPS]

Oh, my God, I love it,
I love it, I love it, I love it!

- Oh my G -
- Wow.

Ricky, it-it's beautiful.

- Really, you like it'?
- Yeah.

Thank you so much!

Thank you.

Oh, hey!

My mama said that you can
come to the party tonight.

Oh!

Well, I mean that's sweet,
but we-

I kinda have plans with Robby.

Horror movie night,

Bella Lugosi,
the original Dracula.

Oh, well, Robby,
why don't you come, too'?

Well, as her date.

And trust me,

it'll be just as fun
and scary as a vampire movie,

especially when Uncle Wally

tries to help
the little boys pee.

Just kidding.

Kinda.

Please come'?

Please, please,
please, please, please'?

Please?

- Okay.
- Yes! Yes!

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

The basic philosophy that we
have brought to the White House

just doesn't work.

It's gonna bankrupt the country,
you can guarantee it.

I mean what's-think
of the future of our children.

They are not gonna
be able to live creatively.

They aren't gonna
have the funds -

If y'all excuse me, um,
it's very nice talkin' to you.

Well, nice talkin' to you,
Madam.

Hey!

Hi.

You look amazing.

Thanks.
You look great.

Thank you.

- Hi, Robby.
- Hey.

Oh, Mom.

Um, this is Ricky.

This is the one
that made me this dress.

I am so happy
to meet you, Ricky.

I really can't
believe you made this.

It is stunning!

Thank you.

Um, this is Robby.

Pleased to meet you, Ma'am.

Well, pleased to meet you,
too, handsome, young Robby.

The rich just keep
gettin' richer, am I right'?

Talented and
a stud-muffin on your arm.

Well, thank you,
but we're just friends.

Well, you need to change that,
my dear, ASAP.

Anyone can see
he is smitten with you.

Don't have cold feet.

Who are your,
uh, friends, Darlin'?

Uh, this is Ricky.

Pleased to meet you, Sir.

Robby Riley,
honor to meet you, Sir.

Thank you, Son.

Are you old enough to vote'?

And if so, are you votin'
for me in the next election'?

Yes, and yes, Sir.

Come on, now.
Keep the politics outta this.

We are havin' a party.

Yes, we are.

And it is a very
special party indeed.

- Hmm'?
- Uh, folks'?

Folks, can I have your,
uh, attention please'?

- For a moment'?
- What?

Um, as you know, my beautiful
daughter Francesca

is betrothed to a fine young
soldier, David Applebee,

who is fightin' for our great
country in Afghanistan.

- Yes, Sir.
- Yes.

[APPLAUSE]

Yes, Sir.

Upon his return,
they are to be wed

in a most lavish of ceremonies.

[LAUGHTER]

Now, the last year has taken
a toll on her pretty smile,

mopin' around all day,
only able to see David

on the computer with the
Facebook and Tweet and Skype,

whatever it's all called.

[LAUGHTER]

And I simply couldn't
stand to have it anymore.

It was draggin' us all down.

So, I made a coupla calls to
some military friends of mine

in the Pentagon

who agreed that David
had served our country proud

in Afghanistan
the last fifteen months

and deserved to be stationed
a little closer to home

so he could spend
some time with his fiancée

before the wedding.

[GASPS LAUGHTER & CHEERS]

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Aw.

Welcome home, Son.

[APPLAUSE & CHEERS]

So how do you all
know Francesca'?

Were you away
at school together'?

Oh, no, I just met her in town.

I went to school here, actually.

Oh, so you know David,
her fiancé, then'?

Yeah, well, I do.

We, uh,
played football together.

I didn't really know him.

God, high school in this town,
who can survive it'?

[LAUGHS]

Isn't that the truth'?

I was fat.

I had terrible acne.

And I was a boy,
so that sucked.

[LAUGHTER]

Pardon us, ladies.

I know you're old enough
to vote for me.

The question is, are you gonna'?

Oh, Dayton.

Hey, what's the matter, baby'?

Aren't you happy to see me'?

Why would you
even ask me that'?

Of course, I'm happy.

I don't know.

You seem a little strange.

And you missed our
Skype date last night.

That's the first time
in fifteen months I been gone'?

I know. I'm sorry, I just...

Where were ya'?

Your new best friend's house'?

The tranny'?

[LAUGHS]

Okay, David,
please don't call her that.

Her name is Ricky.

Hey, it's a dude, not a she.

Or maybe a she-male,
or whatever,

- but definitely not a, "her."
- Please be nice.

She's an amazing person.
You don't even know her.

So you were at his house.

Makin' another video with him'?

How did y-you know that'?

(on video) I'm savin' myself,
of course, for my darlin' fiancé

who is in Afghanistan.

(on video) Really?

How virtuous...

Maybe it's time
we got outta here.

You think'?

We could spot a pimple
on a terrorist's ass

from three miles
in the sky at night.

Finding my fiancée doin'
a YouTube video with a tranny

is a cakewalk.

And not a very fun one
when you're imbedded

with a hundred forty other
soldiers in Afghanistan.

It was a harmless
video about clothes.

She is an amazing designer-
She-she made me this dress!

Yeah'?

Well, none of that
matters to my guys.

All they see is my girl hangin'
outwith some sick freak.

How could you do that to me'?

I'm the laughin' stock
of the U.S. Marines.

And your father'?

Did you ever think
what this could do to him'?

She is a transgender girl,
David, not-not a-a terrorist.

Yeah'?

How can you be so sure'?

Seriously, Francesca,

you need to stop
hangin' around with that thing.

I mean we have
a certain image to uphold.

Indeed we do.

Who is the evildoer
she has to stay away from'?

Oh, I'm sorry, Ma'am,

I I don't wanna upset
your nice party with this talk.

Please, Son,
we're all family here.

Speak freely.

I'm more liberal than I appear.

Oh, please, Daddy.

You are so deeply in bed
with the tea party

you'd let
Bill O'Reilly teabag you.

Well, I don't know
what that means,

but if it means I would
enjoy a nice glass of iced tea

with Mr. O'Reilly then yes,

I would be more than
happy to teabag with him.

Honey,
don't repeat that term again.

That's not quite what it means.

We'll talk about it later.

What has gotten into you'?

You're not
the same girl lately.

It's hangin' around
with that guy.

What guy?

Tell him, or I will.

He means Ricky.

The girl who
made me this dress.

Well, I thought his name was
Robby, the boy she came with.

Um, no, he's Robby
and she's Ricky,

but that's not
what David means, is it'?

Well, I thought they were
both fine, young people

with good heads
on their shoulders.

And that Ricky is quite
a pretty young girl, to boot.

That's not a girl, Sir.

It's a boy.

I think I'm confused, Honey.
What is he talkin' about'?

It's a transvestite.

Or whatever.

It's a man below,
but a girl up top,

if you get my meaning, Sir.

That black haired girl
that made your dress,

the one I met
just the other minute'?

Yes, Father. Ricky.

He's here'?

- Now'?
- Stop calling her that!

She is a girl, God damn it!

Get that through your
thick skull! She is a girl!

Francesca.

I will not call
that faggot a girl.

Fine.

But she is as much a girl
as I am and for the record,

can make any girl as happy
as she'd ever wanna be,

in more ways than one.

What's that supposed to mean'?

Stand down, Marine,
or I will snap you like a twig!

That is my daughter,

and she will keep company
with any person she sees fit

and you will
treat her with respect

or you will not be
permitted in her presence.

Is that understood'?

Dayton, let go!

Let him go!
Dayton!

[PANTING]

All right, a dollar does it.

Thank you very much,
and you girls have a great day.

Thanks, Ricky.

Hello, Ma'am.

How can I help you'?

I was just thinkin'
about havin' a cookie with nu...

Well, hello, Ricky.
How are you'?

Ooh, strong.

I like that.

And that's why
I like you, Ricky.

You're strong.

A-a strong person, I mean.

Thank you.

My daughter is not so strong.

She never has been.

She's a little fragile.

She never has
had her heart broken.

Her life's been pretty good.

And you think mine hasn't'?

Well, now, I didn't say that.

I know you have a lotta people
who love you very much.

That is plain to see.

But I suspect,

and forgive me
if I am wrong, but I suspect

that you've had your
fair share of hard knocks

that you've had to rise above

to become the luminous young...

lady that you clearly are.

You don't want Francesca.

You have your eye
on someone else.

That is also
plain to see to anyone.

Let her down,
sooner than later, please?

I have no doubt that your
affection for her is genuine,

but we both know
this is not a forever thing

and she has a wedding
to prepare for.

One final word of advice.

Beautiful women

are the only women
who get heard in this world.

You have that goin' for you,

but should it ever come up,

transgender just sounds so...
ugly.

You'd be better off
just tellin' everybody

you have a birth defect.

Thank you, Helen.

Sage words, indeed.

Is that what you
tell people is your excuse?

[DOOR SLAMS]

[PHONE CHIMES]

Did you sleep with her'?

It's none of your business.

Don't you walk
away from me, freak.

Keep your hands off me.
Fuck off, David.

Did you fuck my girlfriend'?

A lady doesn't kiss and tell.
Why should I'?

You are not a lady!

[GRUNTS]

I swear to God,

if you had sex with my fiancée
I will fuckin' kill you.

You like bein'
on top of me, David'?

From what I can recall,

you like bein'
on the bottom much more.

Did you tell her'?

Course not.

I mean she doesn't even think
I know who you are.

Your secret's safe with me.

I'm great with secrets.

Look, you took my virginity

and to this day are the only
man I have ever slept with,

so no matter how much
of an asshole you can be,

you'll always be special to me.

David!

David!

Wha -

Did he hurt you'?

No!

No, he didn't. No.

What is going on'?

You should talk to David.

I'm asking you
what is going on!

You should talk to David.

You haven't been returnin'
my texts or my calls.

I've just had a lot on
my mind the past few days.

I-I'm sorry.

You don't wanna
see me anymore, do you'?

I like you so much.

I know you do.

But...

You do not need to explain.

And you wouldn't
want me anyway.

Please don't tell me
what I want.

I can't give you babies.
I-l can't-

Please don't tell me
what I want.

I wasn't thinkin'
about the future.

For once in my life I was
just thinkin' about right now.

Here.

[SIGHS]

It's amazing.

Here.

So electric.

It's a wonder more
people don't visit, here.

But it hurts more, too.

Here.

I guess it's just easier
to just stay way over there

with the marine,
stay-at-home mom.

[SIGHS/CHUCKLES]

You are gonna do
great things in New York.

I haven't even opened it yet.
I'm too scared.

Oh, don't be scared.
You'll get in.

Thanks.

We can still be friends,
can't we'?

Maybe someday.

Francesca...

Don't feel bad.

You did nothin' wrong.

I'm so much better
for havin' known you.

[ENGINE STARTS]

[KNOCKING]

Who is it'?

It's me.

What are you doin' here'?

What do ya mean'?
It's TV night.

Can I come in'?

Um, yeah.

Yeah, sure, come in.

[SIGHS]

. HEY-
. HEY-

How ya doin'?

I'm great.
How are you'?

I'm fine.

Heard you, uh,
broke it off with Francesca.

How'd ya hear that'?

Well, it's a small town.

You're you.

Yeah, well,
guess that's true, huh'?

You don't seem very upset.

Course I am.

I mean it sucks,
but shit happens.

Two people can like each other

but it's not always
gonna be enough.

So you gotta break up.

Really quickly.

Right?

And that's that'?

Yup. Pretty much.

What else am I supposed to do'?

Mope around for a month'?

Screw that.

And, you know, I'll be damned
if I'm gonna let hormones

get me all emotional
about this, you know'?

You know, you can
be as much of a bitch

as any biological girl
I've ever met.

And by the way, it's not true

that men are the ones
who out and run.

Girls are the ones who flip that
switch and are onto the next.

The real truth is
we get our hearts broken

and we stay crushed but...

not you.

That part of you
is apparently all girl.

You know, Robbie, I'm sure
I would get my heart broken

if I really did care for
someone and they left me.

So you didn't really
care for Francesca'?

What-what-what-
What was that, then'?

Just some, what,
fun toy experiment?

No!

No, she wasn't!

I was very fond of her!

In spite of the fact that
I've never been into girls,

I honestly tried

because I was
so fucking fond of her.

And no, you know what'?
I didn't love her.

When I figured that out,
I out her loose to be kind

and why the fuck
are you giving me

such a hard time
about this anyway'?

Because, you know,
you skate through life

all la-di-da,
not a care in the world,

when you leave
bodies in your wake.

You know, it's like
you think you're exempt

because you're not a rea -

'Cuz I'm not a real what'?

Whatever.

No.

No, not whatever.

Say it.

Say it!

"I think I'm exempt
because I'm not a real what?"

I'll talk to you later.

No!

Finish it!

"I think I'm exempt
because I'm not a real what?"

You're not a real anything,
okay?

You're not a real anything!

You're not a boy
and you're not a girl.

You're right.

I'm not a real anything.

So wha-Ricky,
neither are any of us.

That-that-that-that doesn't
give you the right to be unkind!

You know, you-you-you think
you have the market cornered

on feeling alienated'?

I mean shit, no matter what
we look like or who we are,

we're all just
stumblin' through life

trying to figure this shit out,

just like you!

Yeah, but, you know, unlike me,

you all have an, "us,"
to figure it outwith.

My us it's just me, Robbie.

Try that some time.

Lemme know
how it works for you.

No, no, no!
See, there you go again!

It's all about you, isn't it'?

It's always all about you!

Have you forgotten
that I have been on your side,

only on your side,
without condition,

since we were six years old!

Of course I've never
forgotten that, Robbie.

And that's why
I've always trusted

that you were the
only person in this world

that didn't secretly
feel this way about me.

So now I guess my, "me,"
just got even smaller, huh'?

No big deal, though.

I'm used to it.

Ricky...

No, really,
everything is just fine.

Oh, what the fuck...
Excuse me, Buddy.

- Will you look at somethin'?
- No, I got to go.

Please! Please.

All right.

Sam, what are you doin', man.
That's Ricky's.

You shouldn't be goin'
through people's private things.

I help her when she
makes her fashion videos.

I accidentally found this,
but I was afraid to show Dad.

Okay.

I thought your
mom died of cancer.

So did I.

Wait, it's not over!

♪

Ricky, it's me.
Please call me back, okay'?

Please.

I'm sorry

Mike, Mike, you seen Ricky'?

Not tonight.

[PANTING]

Ricky!

Ricky!

Ricky!

Ricky!

Ricky!

Ricky!

Ricky!

[PANTING]

Ricky!

What's all this shoutin' about'?

Oh, my God!

Oh my G-
Are you okay'?

Yeah, I told you I'm fine.

[PANTING]

I saw the, uh -

You saw what'?

I saw that video you-you
made when you were younger.

About your mother.

You hacked into my computer'?

No.

No, Sam found it by accident.

Don't-don't be mad at him.

He was scared.

I was scared.

Why'?

It seemed like-like
you could hurt yourself.

Well, now you
know all my secrets.

Ricky, why didn't you
tell me any of those things'?

Because you're my only friend,

and if you thought I was crazy
or something, I'd be all alone.

I couldn't risk it.

Oh, I still woulda
been your friend.

You be very careful
right now, Robbie.

And I'm so sorry
for those things

that I-l said to you, Ricky.

I didn't mean any of 'em.

You are not confused at all.

You are the most
unconfused person I know.

And I didn't realize it
at the time,

but I was completely
jealous of Francesca.

I mean, you've had
crushes before, but

nothin' like that.

You see, you look
at someone else like that,

it just it just made me crazy.

You are so beautiful, Ricky.

You still think I'm beautiful'?

Are you scared'?

It's okay
if you're a little scared.

I'm a little scared.

I'm not.

I love you, Ricky.

It's okay
if you wanna ignore...

I don't want to ignore
anything about you,

ever again.

Do you love me'?

I've always loved you, Robbie.

Since the day you ran away
from that pervert I thought,

"Now, that's a keeper."

[LAUGHS]

What do you want me to do'?

Well, let's start with...

How's that sound'?

Yeah, pretty-pretty good.

[LAUGHS]

But, uh, I swear
to you, Robby Riley,

if you smell like fish,
I will vomit on you.

Okay, mood killer.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, I think
you'll recover just fine.

You know, I don't know, I mean

I'm already just a little bit
outta my comfort zone here

and if you're
gonna start crackin'

[SIGHS]

All right.

[LAUGHS]

[ROOSTER GROWING]

So did that, uh...

did that feel good to you'?

Last night'?

Yeah.

You, uh, you're amazingly
good with your hands.

Well,
I've had a lotta practice.

[LAUGHS]

Are you freaked out'?

[SIGHS]

Maybe a little, but it's just
because it's so new, you know'?

I-I just...
just never thought about...

you know, before.

Do you regret it'?

How could I regret
realizing I'm in love

with the hottest girl in town'?

Who just so happens
to be my best friend.

Hmm'?

[SIGHS]

I didn't get into
the Fashion Institute.

I know.

I saw that stupid letter.

I'm so sorry.
You'll go to New York anyway.

Puttin' out a clothing line
takes a lotta money.

I don't even have enough
to go to New York,

let alone put out
a clothing line.

So you'll get a job.

Like millions of other
aspiring artists do every year.

And you'll make your clothes
on the weekends,

just like you do now.
I mean it-

I just don't
have it in me, Robbie.

I know it seems
like it doesn't, but it...

it takes so much for me
to put a smile on my face

and go out
in the world every day.

And that's here, you know,
where people know me.

And like me.

I'll just stay here.

And I got you now.

Life wouldn't be so bad.

It was just a
silly dream anyway.

Most people give up
on their dreams, you know'?

It's not the end of the world.

I'm so sorry I cheated on you.

That was wrong.

Of course, it was wrong.

Can you forgive me'?

Are you in love with her'?

I love so many things about her.

But am I in love with her and

do I see myself
with her forever'?

No, probably not.

Are you still in love with me'?

I am.

Can you still see
a life forever with me'?

I don't know.

I don't like how you can hate.

I mean I understand
it has to be part of your job

and your job protects us
and it keeps us safe,

and for that
I'm forever grateful,

and-and I think you're heroic,

but people like Ricky
are not the enemy.

There's no reason to hate here.

And I don't know if you can ever
change that part of yourself.

I slept with her.

Wha-you slept with who'?

Ricky.

My sophomore year.

Right before you and I
started datin', actually.

What do you mean
you slept with her'?

We did everything
there is to do.

So, no, I don't hate her.

And if you don't
hate me for doin' it,

it might go
a long way towards me

not hatin' myself
for doin' it either.

Of course I don't hate you.

Hmm.

How come you never told me'?

Right.

And even Robbie never knew'?

No one did.

We were very careful.

Did you like it'?

- Do you wanna do it again'?
- I liked some things about it.

But really I just liked her.

A lot.

But I wanted to be
as close with her as possible,

- so one night I... we...
- Mm-hmm.

But, no, I-I've thought
about it a lot,

and I don't
need to do it again.

How 'bout this...

how 'bout we'll
postpone the wedding,

not call it off, just, just
postpone it for a little while.

And get to know
each other again.

Starting now.

The real us, not...

not the, "us,"
everybody told us we were.

And then ask me again and, um,

I'm pretty sure I'll say yes.

[HORN BEEPING]

Hold your horses, I'm comin'.

Well, come on, now,
you're gonna be late for work.

That's gonna make me late

'cause your dad's waitin' on me
at a parts' store in Otter Creek

and he will not be happy.

[HORN BEEPS]

Let's go!

Let Ricky know
she's got some mail.

All right, you got it, Joe.
Thank you.

[HORN BEEPS]

Come on!

Okay.

Let's go.

What?

I thought we were
in such a hurry. Let's go.

I don't even get
a kiss hello anymore'?

That's it,
a-after a week together,

we're just some
old married couple,

all the magic's gone'?

Well, you know,
if you'd gotten here on time,

you might gotten more

than just a little
ole married couple kiss.

Oh, really'?

Yeah, you might have gotten

a little ole married couple
quickie BJ.

But you missed your chance.

Okay, but seriously,
I can't be late, let's go.

Don't you think you
should check your mail'?

For what'? No.

Oh, I-l mean,
you should check your mail.

That was kinda mean, actually.

Well, now, wait a minute,
I'm not being mean.

I just, you know,

I think you should just
check your mail, that's all.

Why?
What's goin' on'?

Nothin', Ricky, I ju-Look,
Joe just came by, he put some...

just check.

Please?

[SIGHS]

- What the -
- What is it'?

Okay,
what the hell's goin' on'?

Oh, somethin' interesting'?

What did you do'?

Why are people
sending me money'?

Ricky, Ricky.

Ricky, look.

(on video) Okay,
that's it for today's video.

Before I go
I wanted to talk to you

about the outfit
that I'm wearin'

because I'm wearing a dress.
What?

Why'?
I know, because I like it.

It was made
by this girl named Ricky

who is a fashion designer
from Kentucky.

She didn't get accepted into

some fancy
New York fashion school

and now she is discouraged
about the fashion line

that she wants to make
eventually in her life

so I am going to send
one dollar bill to Ricky

in helping with her
to create her fashion line

and I encourage
you to do the same

if you feel strongly about this.

I think that she could
be a really great designer

and I wanna support that,
so Ricky, here's to you.

And that's the end
of this video. Bye!

Couldn't fit it
all in the truck.

David and Francesca
were kind enough to help.

I hope you don't mind.

Well, it was Robbie's idea

but I thought if we
maybe sent her the dress.

Not that I didn't love it,
of course.

We wish you the very best
of luck in New York, Ricky.

We really do.

Well, thank you.

All right, there's
the last of it, I think.

Oh, I'm so proud of you.

I know that you always
thought that she didn't, um,

you know, totally approve,

but that's something that
you'd do well to let go of.

You used to cry
somethin' fierce in the night,

and the only thing
that would soothe you

was her whispering
in your ear over and over,

"You are perfect
in every way, sweet boy."

She woulda said
sweet girl if she could of.

- I know that in my head, but-
- Well, know it in your heart.

Because life is short.

There ain't no time
to waste it on things

that are not the truth.

I'll try, Daddy.

Yeah.

Hey, kiddo,

so you're
the man of the house now.

You take good care of him,
okay?

I will.

You should post that video.

Okay.

Post it for me.

I will.

I love you, Sweetheart.

I love you, too.

That's great, man.
Appreciate it.

[SIGHS]

That kid of mine's been throwing
me curveballs my whole life.

But luckily, I play baseball.

Take care of my
little girl up there, okay'?

You know I will, Sir.

All right.

[ENGINE STARTS]

Are you ready'?

What do you think'?

Bye.

- Dad, can I have her -
- Her room'?

No, the car.

Yeah.

Yeah!

In about ten years.

♪