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1
00:00:02,620 --> 00:00:03,947
> Live television.
2
00:00:04,043 --> 00:00:05,142
Who cares?
3
00:00:05,618 --> 00:00:07,287
Who cares? Everybody.
4
00:00:07,345 --> 00:00:08,411
We love live TV.
5
00:00:08,479 --> 00:00:09,578
Do we, Lemon?
6
00:00:09,725 --> 00:00:12,080
Do you really love the
overzealous studio audience
7
00:00:12,081 --> 00:00:13,465
who will applaud at anything?
8
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:16,456
Here in the greatest city on earth,
New York City, baby? Whassup?
9
00:00:20,768 --> 00:00:23,009
Wait, what are you saying, Jack?
10
00:00:23,094 --> 00:00:24,419
'Cause "TGS" is live.
11
00:00:24,544 --> 00:00:25,636
Not any more.
12
00:00:25,711 --> 00:00:27,134
It's financially impractical.
13
00:00:27,187 --> 00:00:29,778
From now on, you write and shoot
the whole season in two weeks
14
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:32,300
like "Wheel of fortune" or FOX news.
15
00:00:33,761 --> 00:00:34,366
No.
16
00:00:34,386 --> 00:00:36,482
I mean, I grew up on live TV.
17
00:00:36,568 --> 00:00:38,287
Friday night in my parents basement.
18
00:00:38,387 --> 00:00:40,020
A telethon and cheese steaks.
19
00:00:40,276 --> 00:00:42,346
I can see it like it was yesterday.
20
00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:46,573
Best prom night ever!
21
00:00:50,113 --> 00:00:53,381
I'm going to lose my
virginity in nine years.
22
00:00:55,432 --> 00:00:56,925
"TGS" has to be live
23
00:00:56,947 --> 00:00:59,257
or it will lose all the
excitement and spontaneity.
24
00:00:59,430 --> 00:01:01,366
That's the beauty of live TV.
25
00:01:01,493 --> 00:01:03,413
Anything can happen.
26
00:01:04,297 --> 00:01:05,594
There's a bathroom in here
27
00:01:05,618 --> 00:01:08,986
you can use, sir Paul McCartney.
28
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
29
00:01:21,546 --> 00:01:22,541
See?
30
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:23,423
Awesome.
31
00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:24,723
Yes.
32
00:01:24,857 --> 00:01:26,324
But my way is cheaper,
33
00:01:26,347 --> 00:01:28,981
and you only have to work
two weeks out of the year.
34
00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:30,868
I want to go to there.
35
00:01:32,475 --> 00:01:33,397
So it's settled.
36
00:01:33,436 --> 00:01:35,891
Tonight is PGS's final live show.
37
00:01:35,979 --> 00:01:37,018
What?
38
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:39,839
No, live television is
an American tradition.
39
00:01:39,870 --> 00:01:41,236
You can't just throw it away!
40
00:01:41,276 --> 00:01:42,275
Sorry, Kenneth.
41
00:01:42,329 --> 00:01:43,560
It's a done deal.
42
00:01:43,923 --> 00:01:45,940
Our last live show?
43
00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:48,649
No.
44
00:01:51,796 --> 00:01:55,892
Welcome to the "30
ROCK" live show on NBC
45
00:01:58,944 --> 00:02:00,024
did you know
46
00:02:00,025 --> 00:02:01,731
that the 30 ROCK live show
47
00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:03,879
comes live from NYC
48
00:02:03,950 --> 00:02:06,750
30 ROCK
s06 ep19 - Live from studio, east coast
49
00:02:07,159 --> 00:02:10,659
sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
50
00:02:12,607 --> 00:02:15,669
There's a rumor spreading
around here like wildfire.
51
00:02:15,706 --> 00:02:17,816
But unlike the wildfires
I've started,
52
00:02:17,839 --> 00:02:20,197
this one doesn't sexually arouse me.
53
00:02:20,979 --> 00:02:21,923
It's true, Hazel.
54
00:02:21,924 --> 00:02:24,425
Tonight will be our last
live show but don't worry.
55
00:02:24,455 --> 00:02:25,520
It won't affect you.
56
00:02:25,550 --> 00:02:26,967
Unless my plan all along
57
00:02:26,968 --> 00:02:28,832
was to run on stage during a sketch
58
00:02:28,833 --> 00:02:30,642
and get discovered by Hollywood.
59
00:02:37,043 --> 00:02:38,163
Liz.
60
00:02:38,179 --> 00:02:39,745
An important me-nouncement.
61
00:02:40,109 --> 00:02:42,478
Paul and I have decided
to get married.
62
00:02:42,547 --> 00:02:43,947
Oh. Wow.
63
00:02:44,047 --> 00:02:47,219
And I told Paul that he should
propose to me tonight on tg...
64
00:02:47,245 --> 00:02:49,705
- Absolutely not!
- You didn't let me finish.
65
00:02:49,766 --> 00:02:50,583
S.
66
00:02:51,332 --> 00:02:53,432
Jen, come one, it's our last live show!
67
00:02:53,472 --> 00:02:54,424
Exactly!
68
00:02:54,461 --> 00:02:56,642
And it's Jenna Maroney
is getting engaged,
69
00:02:56,658 --> 00:02:58,341
it's going to be on live TV.
70
00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:01,652
I've been working on my
reaction since I was 3.
71
00:03:01,846 --> 00:03:02,684
Aaah!
72
00:03:09,281 --> 00:03:10,905
It's happening, Liz.
73
00:03:12,427 --> 00:03:13,297
Miss Lemon,
74
00:03:13,298 --> 00:03:16,779
Mr. Donaghy just discovered you
can get pornography on the Internet.
75
00:03:17,136 --> 00:03:17,933
Oh, my gosh.
76
00:03:17,968 --> 00:03:19,273
He's going to die in there.
77
00:03:24,882 --> 00:03:25,714
What's going on?
78
00:03:26,375 --> 00:03:27,634
You called a meeting, Lemon.
79
00:03:27,826 --> 00:03:29,801
Actually, I called it.
80
00:03:29,846 --> 00:03:30,996
Gasp!
81
00:03:33,199 --> 00:03:35,277
Live television is sacred,
82
00:03:35,441 --> 00:03:37,363
and we are not leaving this room
83
00:03:37,371 --> 00:03:40,577
until the 12 of us have
agreed to defend her.
84
00:03:41,342 --> 00:03:43,573
There is a great American play
85
00:03:43,604 --> 00:03:46,941
that was first written and
performed for live television.
86
00:03:47,035 --> 00:03:48,924
It's called "12 angry men."
87
00:03:49,119 --> 00:03:51,613
No, we are not debating
this like a jury.
88
00:03:51,666 --> 00:03:52,643
Shut him down, Jack.
89
00:03:52,698 --> 00:03:54,689
"12 angry men" is
preposterous Kenneth.
90
00:03:54,945 --> 00:03:58,372
11 decent Americans are swayed
by Jane Fonda's father?
91
00:03:58,417 --> 00:03:59,532
Open the door.
92
00:04:04,649 --> 00:04:06,499
How long do you think
you'll get away with this?
93
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,841
Hazel or Jenna will know
that we're missing.
94
00:04:10,659 --> 00:04:12,889
Have an amazing set
tonight, everyone.
95
00:04:12,903 --> 00:04:14,517
I love you all.
96
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:16,175
Tonight, night, Hazel.
97
00:04:16,219 --> 00:04:18,039
I do my surprise cameleo
98
00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,593
it goes viral, I take
medicine for it.
99
00:04:20,612 --> 00:04:22,710
Next stop, Hollywood, Florida
100
00:04:22,734 --> 00:04:24,155
to get the car from my mom.
101
00:04:24,161 --> 00:04:27,048
Next stop, California,
piece of kitchen.
102
00:04:27,106 --> 00:04:29,251
Tell my old boss, suck it.
103
00:04:29,283 --> 00:04:31,067
Next stop, tinseltown,
104
00:04:31,113 --> 00:04:34,251
because Christmas decorations are
really cheap this time of year.
105
00:04:35,327 --> 00:04:39,059
Nothing brings our country
together like live television.
106
00:04:39,150 --> 00:04:41,939
In studio 6h, it's a
part of that tradition.
107
00:04:42,063 --> 00:04:45,747
Why it was right here that NBC
broadcast the final episode
108
00:04:45,802 --> 00:04:47,935
of the 1950s classic
109
00:04:47,967 --> 00:04:49,791
"The Lovebirds."
110
00:04:50,642 --> 00:04:53,585
It's the grandpa replacement comedy hour
111
00:04:53,610 --> 00:04:56,192
sponsored by Kraft Singles.
112
00:04:56,247 --> 00:04:59,481
Make it with milk, is the cheese
that won World War II.
113
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:02,818
And now,
"The Lovebirds."
114
00:05:02,858 --> 00:05:05,661
Starring Cubby Gilmore
and Loretta Fields.
115
00:05:08,643 --> 00:05:10,410
I'm home, baby.
116
00:05:13,948 --> 00:05:15,548
And I could eat a horse.
117
00:05:16,460 --> 00:05:19,466
Don't you dare touch that
bacon till it's done, Larry.
118
00:05:19,794 --> 00:05:22,521
Ooooooh.
119
00:05:23,438 --> 00:05:26,811
Ooooo-boy.
120
00:05:27,469 --> 00:05:30,196
Oh, brother,
now I'm cooking a Turkey, too.
121
00:05:31,504 --> 00:05:32,626
That's rich.
122
00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:35,591
One of these days, I'm
going to take a shot and blam!
123
00:05:35,592 --> 00:05:37,131
And blow your face off.
124
00:05:38,566 --> 00:05:40,687
It would still be
better than our honeymoon.
125
00:05:41,559 --> 00:05:44,177
What was wrong with Niagara Falls?
126
00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:46,872
Your mother found it chilly.
127
00:05:48,228 --> 00:05:49,592
You're a real cut-up.
128
00:05:49,806 --> 00:05:52,583
In fact, one of these days I'm
gonna cut you up in pieces
129
00:05:52,584 --> 00:05:54,355
and feed you to the neighbor's dogs.
130
00:05:54,879 --> 00:05:58,171
It will be the first time you've
taken me out for dinner in years.
131
00:05:58,927 --> 00:06:01,372
Keep it up, Doris and bang, zoom,
132
00:06:01,396 --> 00:06:04,568
I'm going to drown you in the bathtub
and say a mental patient did it.
133
00:06:05,505 --> 00:06:07,552
Like I always say...
134
00:06:07,819 --> 00:06:09,056
Aaaaachh.
135
00:06:11,210 --> 00:06:12,723
That's a funny thing to say.
136
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:14,004
This is real.
137
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:15,863
Real heart attack.
138
00:06:16,936 --> 00:06:19,050
Here, eat the bacon.
139
00:06:19,118 --> 00:06:20,702
It'll lubricate your heart.
140
00:06:20,749 --> 00:06:21,927
Ride it out.
141
00:06:21,966 --> 00:06:24,466
Ride it to hell.
142
00:06:25,091 --> 00:06:27,813
Come on now, Larry.
Don't be a sissy...
143
00:06:29,539 --> 00:06:31,655
I'm having a heart attack, too.
144
00:06:32,119 --> 00:06:33,805
My marriage is a sham.
145
00:06:33,832 --> 00:06:35,838
My makeup lady is my lover.
146
00:06:41,008 --> 00:06:44,770
Hello.
I'm Nazi doctor Heinrich Spaceman.
147
00:06:45,181 --> 00:06:46,529
I mean doctor.
148
00:06:46,963 --> 00:06:48,596
We can edit that out, right?
149
00:06:48,756 --> 00:06:50,156
Oh, it's live!
150
00:06:51,227 --> 00:06:54,151
Are you a modern housewife
who is in the family way?
151
00:06:54,196 --> 00:06:56,476
Smoke Chattertons cigarettes.
152
00:06:56,706 --> 00:07:00,293
Your baby's lungs need refreshing
nicotine for science reasons.
153
00:07:00,331 --> 00:07:03,132
And his growing bones need
tar to hold them together.
154
00:07:03,529 --> 00:07:06,506
Nine out of ten doctors
surveyed said, who is this?
155
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:08,293
Why are you calling so late?
156
00:07:08,747 --> 00:07:10,869
But the tenth guy was into it.
157
00:07:12,567 --> 00:07:15,456
Chattertons tastes so cool and mild
158
00:07:15,509 --> 00:07:18,344
a treat for you and
your unborn child
159
00:07:28,758 --> 00:07:30,695
Jenna, remember that package
160
00:07:30,695 --> 00:07:32,621
you made me take to
Singapore last summer?
161
00:07:32,644 --> 00:07:35,486
I just got out of Changi prison.
162
00:07:36,631 --> 00:07:39,921
Thank you.
Just portion control and exercise.
163
00:07:42,362 --> 00:07:43,999
Paul!
164
00:07:48,025 --> 00:07:49,639
Did you pick up the ring?
165
00:07:49,677 --> 00:07:51,227
Liza minnelli's baby tooth
166
00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:54,915
surrounded by rubies that passed
through a terrified Michael Kors.
167
00:07:56,416 --> 00:07:58,770
It'll look amazing on camera.
168
00:07:59,669 --> 00:08:01,883
Look . I don't want
to propose on TV.
169
00:08:01,903 --> 00:08:03,122
I want it to be private.
170
00:08:03,184 --> 00:08:04,642
What are you saying, Paul?
171
00:08:04,862 --> 00:08:06,331
Rick Santorum is right.
172
00:08:06,644 --> 00:08:09,395
Marriage is a sacred union
between a man and a woman.
173
00:08:09,932 --> 00:08:11,821
Which is why I'm asking you right now
174
00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:13,667
to make me the luckiest schman...
175
00:08:15,876 --> 00:08:19,881
Look, I'm sorry to play the
biological woman card here,
176
00:08:20,069 --> 00:08:22,687
but according to Roe V. Dwyane Wade,
177
00:08:23,942 --> 00:08:25,210
I have a right to choose.
178
00:08:25,249 --> 00:08:27,834
And I choose a televised proposal.
179
00:08:27,895 --> 00:08:29,210
If you can't give me that,
180
00:08:29,211 --> 00:08:30,875
I'm not sure what my answer will be.
181
00:08:31,014 --> 00:08:32,794
Are you giving me an ultimatum?
182
00:08:32,998 --> 00:08:34,886
Look, I am the man here, Jenna.
183
00:08:34,911 --> 00:08:37,625
I may have a dress and a
wig and a gynecologist,
184
00:08:37,664 --> 00:08:39,555
but I am the man.
185
00:08:45,552 --> 00:08:47,222
Without live TV,
186
00:08:47,267 --> 00:08:49,995
think of the amazing moments
we would have missed.
187
00:08:50,044 --> 00:08:51,403
The moon landing.
188
00:08:51,521 --> 00:08:52,719
The Beatles.
189
00:08:52,751 --> 00:08:54,607
"The voice" results show.
190
00:08:54,665 --> 00:08:56,274
That time Mr. Lutz was an extra
191
00:08:56,359 --> 00:08:58,249
and he got so nervous he threw up.
192
00:08:58,310 --> 00:09:00,210
No, don't remind him.
193
00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:02,228
Oh, I had veal.
194
00:09:02,257 --> 00:09:04,233
I had veal with cheese on it.
195
00:09:05,325 --> 00:09:07,471
And what about Joey Montero's
196
00:09:07,518 --> 00:09:09,102
old variety show?
197
00:09:09,180 --> 00:09:11,100
He was just like you, Mr. Jordan,
198
00:09:11,101 --> 00:09:13,082
because he didn't want to rehearse
199
00:09:13,083 --> 00:09:14,510
and he wanted to get out of there
200
00:09:14,533 --> 00:09:16,345
as soon as possible.
201
00:09:21,419 --> 00:09:25,024
Ladies and gentlemen,
Joey Montero.
202
00:09:26,082 --> 00:09:28,850
203
00:09:28,864 --> 00:09:31,473
que facciamo con questo
204
00:09:31,831 --> 00:09:34,791
my love is nowhere in sight
205
00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:37,871
que facciamo con questo
206
00:09:38,007 --> 00:09:41,909
I ask the moon every night
207
00:09:42,336 --> 00:09:45,140
We've got a great
show for you tonight.
208
00:09:45,483 --> 00:09:46,779
We got a great show.
209
00:09:46,796 --> 00:09:49,479
At least that's what the
Jews I pay tell me.
210
00:09:50,367 --> 00:09:53,000
I tell you, I feel great.
I slept like a baby last night.
211
00:09:53,015 --> 00:09:55,732
I woke up crying with
a boob in my mouth.
212
00:10:00,494 --> 00:10:02,694
Okay, that was the joke stuff.
213
00:10:02,724 --> 00:10:05,094
All right, here comes a lady.
214
00:10:05,309 --> 00:10:07,677
Hi, Joey, I'm Dusty Springfield.
215
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,602
Sure, let's go with that.
216
00:10:09,617 --> 00:10:13,780
When I said I needed you
217
00:10:13,798 --> 00:10:15,414
I need you too, baby
218
00:10:15,447 --> 00:10:19,953
you said you would always stay
219
00:10:19,975 --> 00:10:21,794
I can see it inside your mouth.
220
00:10:21,823 --> 00:10:25,412
It wasn't me who changed but you
221
00:10:25,451 --> 00:10:26,551
Oh, we are on a bounch.
222
00:10:26,567 --> 00:10:30,535
And now you've gone away
223
00:10:30,558 --> 00:10:32,842
That's pretty.
224
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:35,676
You don't have to say you love me
225
00:10:35,752 --> 00:10:37,840
just be close at hand
226
00:10:37,890 --> 00:10:39,289
Where's the gang going tonight fellas?
227
00:10:39,734 --> 00:10:41,382
****
228
00:10:42,013 --> 00:10:44,070
you're invited, too, stringbean
229
00:10:44,163 --> 00:10:46,984
but bring the coofee for the morning,
if you know what I'm saying.
230
00:10:48,159 --> 00:10:51,958
I just burped up clams casino
which is weird 'cause I didn't have any.
231
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,341
well, hello there glasess.
232
00:10:55,910 --> 00:10:56,677
Glamour.
233
00:10:56,745 --> 00:10:57,872
Excitement.
234
00:10:57,933 --> 00:11:00,733
What we today would call alcoholism.
235
00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:03,225
Live television had everything.
236
00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:04,561
Well, not everything.
237
00:11:04,588 --> 00:11:05,916
Where were the black people?
238
00:11:05,967 --> 00:11:06,976
Oh.
239
00:11:07,085 --> 00:11:08,889
Actually, Mr. Spurlock,
240
00:11:08,883 --> 00:11:12,143
NBC had the first two
black characters on TV.
241
00:11:12,313 --> 00:11:13,295
Sort of.
242
00:11:13,331 --> 00:11:15,205
For "Alfie and Abner," NBC hired
243
00:11:15,227 --> 00:11:17,970
one African-American
and one Caucasian
244
00:11:17,999 --> 00:11:19,640
because they thought two black
people on the same show
245
00:11:19,660 --> 00:11:21,179
would make the audience nervous.
246
00:11:21,444 --> 00:11:24,170
A rule NBC still uses today.
247
00:11:28,933 --> 00:11:31,152
Abner, I'm home from work.
248
00:11:31,222 --> 00:11:33,313
Where are you, my brother?
249
00:11:33,382 --> 00:11:35,530
Here I is, Alfie.
250
00:11:41,689 --> 00:11:44,102
Oh, hell no. I am not doing this.
251
00:11:46,348 --> 00:11:49,426
NBC received a lot
of complaints...
252
00:11:49,534 --> 00:11:52,452
That the show wasn't on often enough.
253
00:11:52,536 --> 00:11:55,346
So they forced Theodore Freeman
to honor his contract.
254
00:11:57,258 --> 00:12:00,272
I's done stole this catfish.
255
00:12:01,192 --> 00:12:03,660
Sir, I am asking
you as a human being
256
00:12:03,799 --> 00:12:05,811
so please stop talking like that.
257
00:12:05,990 --> 00:12:08,318
I's gonna eat it
till I'm bellyful.
258
00:12:10,004 --> 00:12:12,321
This is debasing to both of us.
259
00:12:12,409 --> 00:12:14,710
I was a tuskegee airman.
260
00:12:14,946 --> 00:12:16,953
Zip-a-Dee-goo-goo.
261
00:12:18,222 --> 00:12:19,448
You may anger me,
262
00:12:19,471 --> 00:12:22,965
but I believe nonviolence
is the path to change.
263
00:12:23,018 --> 00:12:26,491
And I believes you can
catch a rainbow in your hat.
264
00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:29,580
I'll kill you, you ignorant
265
00:12:31,724 --> 00:12:35,169
believe it or not, they
did not stop doing the show,
266
00:12:35,428 --> 00:12:38,794
which made for tense
but thrilling live TV.
267
00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:50,226
Banjo...
268
00:12:57,335 --> 00:12:57,997
Kenneth.
269
00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,173
I've frankly lost track
270
00:12:59,174 --> 00:13:00,975
of what you were trying
to convince us of
271
00:13:00,976 --> 00:13:03,291
with these detailed descriptions
of television shows.
272
00:13:03,557 --> 00:13:05,038
Thank you.
273
00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:06,309
Come on.
274
00:13:06,346 --> 00:13:08,599
Times change.
Television replaced radio.
275
00:13:08,613 --> 00:13:10,300
Cars replaced horses.
276
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:12,030
Not where I'm from.
277
00:13:12,055 --> 00:13:15,175
Are you telling me the mayor
of your hometown is a car?
278
00:13:15,993 --> 00:13:16,964
Pretty weird.
279
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:20,097
Why are you laughing at me?
280
00:13:20,354 --> 00:13:22,625
Okay.
Let's all take a little break.
281
00:13:25,119 --> 00:13:28,023
Hello.
I'm Nazi doctor Leo Speceman.
282
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:31,066
I know it's live, I want people to know.
283
00:13:31,999 --> 00:13:34,842
Did your mother smoke Chatterton
cigarettes while pregnant
284
00:13:34,865 --> 00:13:36,857
during the 1950s or 60s?
285
00:13:36,887 --> 00:13:39,498
If she did, you
probably can't hear me
286
00:13:39,521 --> 00:13:41,931
because of fetal
Chatterton syndrome.
287
00:13:42,031 --> 00:13:44,142
Turn up the volume!
288
00:13:44,734 --> 00:13:46,554
Recent study is it show that
289
00:13:46,553 --> 00:13:48,287
while pregnancy is disgusting,
290
00:13:48,691 --> 00:13:51,482
babies do not need tar or nicotine.
291
00:13:51,659 --> 00:13:54,346
If you are currently suffering
from Chatterton syndrome,
292
00:13:54,384 --> 00:13:58,005
please, use your Bird-like
claws to dial the number below
293
00:13:58,636 --> 00:14:01,099
then use the rectum you have
instead of a mouth
294
00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:03,781
to say something like "wrulgh" or
295
00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:05,217
"thunghth"
296
00:14:05,237 --> 00:14:09,069
to signify that you wish to join a
class action suit against Chattertons.
297
00:14:10,105 --> 00:14:12,658
If you have scales instead of skin
298
00:14:12,885 --> 00:14:15,736
pick up the phone suit the Chattertons.
299
00:14:19,660 --> 00:14:20,740
All right. This is idiotic.
300
00:14:20,770 --> 00:14:22,116
We've got a show to do it and...
301
00:14:22,177 --> 00:14:23,433
Oh, my God, Kenneth.
302
00:14:23,446 --> 00:14:24,601
It's my period.
303
00:14:24,663 --> 00:14:25,696
It's a-gonna blow.
304
00:14:27,543 --> 00:14:30,309
We both know you're not
due for another nine days.
305
00:14:31,072 --> 00:14:33,563
And I'm ashamed of you, Ms. Lemon.
306
00:14:33,608 --> 00:14:36,376
Think of your hero, Rosemary Howard.
307
00:14:36,445 --> 00:14:39,835
She wrote for the edgiest live
variety show of all time,
308
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:42,356
"The Gruber Brother and Nipsey."
309
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:48,068
Hey, Nipsey, what do you get when
you cross a chicken with a hippie?
310
00:14:48,129 --> 00:14:49,271
I don't know, Dickie.
311
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:51,846
What do you get when you cross
a chicken with a hippie?
312
00:14:52,064 --> 00:14:55,075
I don't know, but LBJ
likes them both fried.
313
00:14:55,182 --> 00:14:56,281
Lay it on me.
314
00:14:57,787 --> 00:14:59,058
Lay it on me.
315
00:15:00,302 --> 00:15:01,957
Lay it on me.
316
00:15:03,967 --> 00:15:05,651
Lay it on me.
317
00:15:06,683 --> 00:15:08,320
Now, as you know, Nipsey...
318
00:15:08,333 --> 00:15:10,771
I'm the first streaker.
319
00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:12,834
Streaking's the new thing.
320
00:15:13,026 --> 00:15:14,877
We touched penises.
321
00:15:16,218 --> 00:15:19,779
We interrupt this program to bring
you an NBC news special report.
322
00:15:20,027 --> 00:15:21,319
From Rockefeller center,
323
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,150
Chet Huntley and David Brinkley.
324
00:15:25,541 --> 00:15:26,150
Good evening.
325
00:15:26,163 --> 00:15:28,118
NBC news has learned that
less than an hour ago
326
00:15:28,157 --> 00:15:31,105
there was an explosion aboard
the Apollo 13 spacecraft.
327
00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:32,831
- David?
- Thank you, Chet.
328
00:15:33,415 --> 00:15:34,214
Chet?
329
00:15:34,291 --> 00:15:35,090
Thank you, David.
330
00:15:35,658 --> 00:15:37,588
We are awaiting further information.
David?
331
00:15:37,985 --> 00:15:38,751
Thank you, Chet.
332
00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:41,198
Let's go to the manned
space center in Houston
333
00:15:41,199 --> 00:15:43,379
and our reporter on the scene, Mr.
Jamie Garnett.
334
00:15:43,433 --> 00:15:44,499
Jamie?
335
00:15:44,621 --> 00:15:45,934
Thank you, Chet and David.
336
00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:48,290
I'm sorry, sweetheart, could you
move out of the way of our camera?
337
00:15:48,438 --> 00:15:50,865
We need to talk to our new
reporter Jamie Garnett.
338
00:15:50,957 --> 00:15:52,073
Now, where is he?
339
00:15:52,354 --> 00:15:53,720
I'm Jamie Garnett, gentlemen.
340
00:15:53,789 --> 00:15:56,277
I spoke earlier with NASA
flight director Glynn Lunney...
341
00:15:56,394 --> 00:15:58,568
Listen, doll, you're
not making any sense.
342
00:15:59,855 --> 00:16:01,952
You're probably hysterical
from menstruation.
343
00:16:01,983 --> 00:16:04,136
Go lie down and make sure
you get plenty of iron.
344
00:16:04,168 --> 00:16:05,586
Maybe eat a ham salad...
345
00:16:06,722 --> 00:16:09,023
And I'm being told that
commander James Lovell...
346
00:16:09,047 --> 00:16:10,479
Honey, you have a dynamite shape,
347
00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:11,891
but you're going to have to shut up
348
00:16:11,892 --> 00:16:13,543
and let a man tell
us what's happening.
349
00:16:14,276 --> 00:16:17,334
Now, is your father or
a policeman nearby?
350
00:16:18,246 --> 00:16:20,445
Look, where did you find
that microphone, sugar mouth?
351
00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:21,803
Was it just lying
there on the ground?
352
00:16:21,896 --> 00:16:23,500
Where is Jamie Garnett?
353
00:16:23,536 --> 00:16:27,776
This just in, male NBC news
reporter Jamie Garnett is missing.
354
00:16:28,125 --> 00:16:29,840
I'm right here you mother...
355
00:16:30,212 --> 00:16:33,264
Classic live television.
356
00:16:33,441 --> 00:16:35,335
And while they never
found Jamie Garnett,
357
00:16:35,774 --> 00:16:39,308
that woman who stole his
microphone went on to become
358
00:16:39,529 --> 00:16:40,607
a wife.
359
00:16:42,324 --> 00:16:44,893
Has Paul not come back?
He's not answering his phone.
360
00:16:44,966 --> 00:16:45,871
What have I done?
361
00:16:45,914 --> 00:16:47,467
Calm down.
Paul's gone,
362
00:16:47,468 --> 00:16:49,661
but you're getting proposed
to on the show tonight.
363
00:16:49,732 --> 00:16:50,622
By me.
364
00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:51,693
This is New York state bitch,
365
00:16:51,746 --> 00:16:54,046
anyone can marry anything now.
366
00:16:54,564 --> 00:16:55,089
What?
But...
367
00:16:55,121 --> 00:16:56,500
Come on. Everything you want,
368
00:16:56,531 --> 00:16:58,564
think what great TV this will be.
369
00:16:58,627 --> 00:16:59,453
It's all you want.
370
00:16:59,485 --> 00:17:01,654
No, it's not what I want.
371
00:17:01,842 --> 00:17:03,709
Paul is everything I want.
372
00:17:03,771 --> 00:17:05,357
He's the reason to get married,
373
00:17:05,406 --> 00:17:06,595
not TV.
374
00:17:07,054 --> 00:17:08,744
Rick Santorum was right.
375
00:17:09,126 --> 00:17:10,892
How could I have been so blind?
376
00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:12,872
Because you're a horrible person?
377
00:17:13,504 --> 00:17:16,808
Thank you.
Just portion control and lots of water.
378
00:17:20,380 --> 00:17:23,105
All in favor of
keeping "TGS" live?
379
00:17:24,604 --> 00:17:26,973
It's still not unanimous.
And it never will be.
380
00:17:27,018 --> 00:17:28,169
This is a business, Kenneth, and
381
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:29,768
if live TV went away,
382
00:17:29,807 --> 00:17:32,556
the only thing that would change
would be NBC's profit margin.
383
00:17:32,789 --> 00:17:34,298
That's not true, Jackie d.
384
00:17:35,693 --> 00:17:37,510
Oh, come on, that
wasn't that dramatic.
385
00:17:38,032 --> 00:17:39,658
Live TV changed my life.
386
00:17:39,803 --> 00:17:42,091
In 1986 my church dance crew
387
00:17:42,134 --> 00:17:44,078
performed on a regional telethon.
388
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:45,463
It was my big break.
389
00:17:45,741 --> 00:17:46,582
Flashback.
390
00:17:51,361 --> 00:17:53,151
This is for you, Jesus.
391
00:17:57,167 --> 00:17:58,767
392
00:18:00,274 --> 00:18:02,862
Ow, my coccyx!
393
00:18:03,461 --> 00:18:04,689
It's not funny.
394
00:18:04,781 --> 00:18:07,913
Coccyx is the scientific
term for your butt bone.
395
00:18:09,109 --> 00:18:11,051
Why are you all laughing?
396
00:18:13,345 --> 00:18:14,745
I like it.
397
00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:15,928
Coccyx.
398
00:18:15,999 --> 00:18:17,131
Coccyx.
399
00:18:17,656 --> 00:18:18,591
You know what this is?
400
00:18:18,622 --> 00:18:20,326
This is the garry-o-many core.
401
00:18:23,117 --> 00:18:24,438
Oh, my God.
402
00:18:25,143 --> 00:18:26,428
I remember that.
403
00:18:27,430 --> 00:18:28,597
That was you?
404
00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:31,186
That's when I realized
I was a ridiculous man.
405
00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:32,861
Tracy, I was there.
406
00:18:32,996 --> 00:18:34,705
As a lower-level GE employee,
407
00:18:34,721 --> 00:18:36,861
I was answering phones
at that telethon.
408
00:18:36,892 --> 00:18:38,094
When you took off your clothes,
409
00:18:38,124 --> 00:18:39,927
they cut to the phone banks.
410
00:18:39,989 --> 00:18:40,955
Gasp.
411
00:18:41,016 --> 00:18:43,190
I made a hilarious prank call
412
00:18:43,221 --> 00:18:44,471
to that telethon.
413
00:18:45,048 --> 00:18:46,813
Did the man who answered the phone
414
00:18:46,814 --> 00:18:49,676
sound like he had the piercing
blue eyes of an ice dragon?
415
00:18:50,323 --> 00:18:51,344
Yes.
416
00:18:53,158 --> 00:18:57,604
Hello, I'd like to speak
to General Electric.
417
00:18:58,729 --> 00:19:00,061
Madam,
418
00:19:02,810 --> 00:19:05,170
I'm afraid you're confused.
419
00:19:05,701 --> 00:19:07,421
I was a nurse in the war
420
00:19:07,453 --> 00:19:09,306
and I met him when he
was just a colonel.
421
00:19:09,346 --> 00:19:11,417
He's the father of my child.
422
00:19:11,906 --> 00:19:14,141
General Electric is not a person.
423
00:19:15,046 --> 00:19:17,791
Toby, come talk to your father.
424
00:19:17,918 --> 00:19:20,910
Daddy, it's your
son, Toby electric.
425
00:19:23,158 --> 00:19:24,975
I can tell by your voice that
426
00:19:25,004 --> 00:19:27,587
you are a very ungainly teenage girl from
427
00:19:28,173 --> 00:19:30,067
southeastern Pennsylvania.
428
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:32,322
Ah-ha, ya burnt.
429
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:33,722
How you like me now?
430
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:37,798
Young lady, no one... no one
431
00:19:37,893 --> 00:19:40,069
jokes down General Electric.
432
00:19:40,125 --> 00:19:43,125
And if I ever...
433
00:19:48,839 --> 00:19:50,239
Do you mind?
434
00:19:52,375 --> 00:19:53,495
If I ever
435
00:19:54,063 --> 00:19:56,692
get my thick,
manly hands on you,
436
00:19:56,693 --> 00:19:59,131
I will roast you alive in
an oven I design myself,
437
00:19:59,163 --> 00:20:01,365
using two, no, three kinds of heat.
438
00:20:01,698 --> 00:20:03,915
I'm Jack Donaghy, damn it.
439
00:20:05,509 --> 00:20:07,403
Watching you get
all red-faced on TV,
440
00:20:08,161 --> 00:20:10,054
that was the night I
found my calling...
441
00:20:10,224 --> 00:20:11,480
Sticking it to the man.
442
00:20:11,605 --> 00:20:13,533
You know what?
That night changed my life, too.
443
00:20:13,550 --> 00:20:14,980
Don Geiss saw my
444
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:17,359
loyalty/handsomeness and the next day
445
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:20,701
he promoted me out of poisons
and into microwaves.
446
00:20:20,817 --> 00:20:23,569
Live TV made us all
what we are today.
447
00:20:24,255 --> 00:20:25,714
No need to take another vote.
448
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,374
"TGS" is meant to be live.
449
00:20:27,465 --> 00:20:28,550
To make it more profitable,
450
00:20:28,554 --> 00:20:31,117
we'll just do more sponsor
product placements
451
00:20:31,170 --> 00:20:33,825
you should do it with the
upcoming Warner Brothers movie,
452
00:20:33,856 --> 00:20:35,076
"Rock of Ages," based on
the hit Broadway musical.
453
00:20:35,122 --> 00:20:37,224
Rocking a theater near you June 15th.
454
00:20:37,253 --> 00:20:38,986
Tom Cruise sings.
455
00:20:41,851 --> 00:20:43,626
Or I'll just pay you all less.
456
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:44,977
Kenneth, let us out of here.
457
00:20:53,623 --> 00:20:54,891
Paul didn't come.
458
00:20:54,934 --> 00:20:56,142
I ruined everything.
459
00:20:56,164 --> 00:20:57,470
Yeah, you blew it.
460
00:20:57,536 --> 00:21:00,749
So I'll just jump out at some
point and lez it up with you?
461
00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:02,152
Okay.
462
00:21:03,447 --> 00:21:05,506
We're on in five, four,
463
00:21:05,705 --> 00:21:08,305
three, krang...
464
00:21:09,308 --> 00:21:12,181
And now, "prince William and
time travelling fart detectives".
465
00:21:14,462 --> 00:21:16,282
Ha, take that the man!
466
00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:20,459
Prince, do you smell
something fishy?
467
00:21:20,519 --> 00:21:22,155
Who's that dude?
468
00:21:22,716 --> 00:21:24,792
Zou bisou bisou
469
00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:28,951
zou bisou bisou
470
00:21:30,035 --> 00:21:34,456
zou bisou bisou
471
00:21:38,168 --> 00:21:41,639
Jenna Maroney, you're the
woman I want to grow old with.
472
00:21:41,676 --> 00:21:44,637
"Old" being an acronym
for oxylaprodexatrin,
473
00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:48,357
a hallucinogenic plant extract
that makes sex terrifying.
474
00:21:48,957 --> 00:21:51,619
I want to spend the rest of
my life making you happy.
475
00:21:51,789 --> 00:21:55,671
That's why I'm asking you,
on TV, to marry me.
476
00:21:55,910 --> 00:21:57,248
Oh, Paul.
477
00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:01,288
No, no, a million times no.
478
00:22:01,431 --> 00:22:03,057
Not like this.
479
00:22:03,324 --> 00:22:05,453
I don't want to get
married for publicity.
480
00:22:05,558 --> 00:22:07,568
I want to get married for you.
481
00:22:07,634 --> 00:22:10,694
And so you don't testify
against me in court.
482
00:22:10,911 --> 00:22:12,668
I still don't know
what's going on.
483
00:22:21,770 --> 00:22:23,916
Classic live TV?
484
00:22:25,166 --> 00:22:26,548
I slipped.
485
00:22:26,610 --> 00:22:29,058
I slipped and hit my
head in the bathroom.
486
00:22:29,150 --> 00:22:30,107
Who am I?
487
00:22:30,321 --> 00:22:31,584
You are my boyfriend.
488
00:22:31,658 --> 00:22:34,949
We were just going to call some people
I went to high school with.
489
00:22:39,889 --> 00:22:41,124
Thanks to Loren Michaels,
490
00:22:41,145 --> 00:22:42,837
Paul McCartney,
491
00:22:42,905 --> 00:22:46,275
John Hamm, Jimmy Fallon, Amy Pohler.
492
00:22:50,534 --> 00:22:53,134
Diane Jackson, McCarthy Miller.
493
00:22:53,203 --> 00:22:56,275
SNL crew, I love you,
30 Rock crew, I love you.
494
00:22:56,292 --> 00:22:57,642
This happened again.
495
00:22:57,741 --> 00:22:58,807
How did that happen?
496
00:22:59,534 --> 00:23:01,257
Watch "Parks and Rec" tonight
497
00:23:01,291 --> 00:23:02,591
directed by Amy Pohler.
498
00:23:06,761 --> 00:23:11,799
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
499
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,053
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500
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